#if you cant tell i literally only open my game to fuck around
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im destroying everything. i didnt know kids could carry and walk around with the teddy bear. who was going to tell me this.
i was thinking i could make babycutio do the "talk through to" thing on babybalt (the one time i actually want my sims to do that) but instead i got this 🥺🥺🐺 I ⛓️ CANT 👹 CONTROL 🔥 MYSELF 🕳️
#sims 2#ts2#if you cant tell i literally only open my game to fuck around#tybalt capp#mercutio monty#gameplay
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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*•♡never be like you ♡¸.•*'
nika muhl x cheerleader!reader
"I wanna hold the hand inside you. I wanna take the breath that's true"
word count - 3.4k
themes :
-fluff
-comfort
-toxic rls
warnings :
-arguing
-mentions to abuse
-explicit language
-iowa winning
A/N - did I get you guys. y'all really thought I would wait any longer to post this....
"can we please not do this ash."
i practically pleaded for my boyfriend to not argue with me before a big performance.
it was the day I had been waiting for since I was ever even notified that there would be a uconn game against iowa. I couldn't be dealing with relationship issues right before.
i attempted slipping on my skirt in the bathroom while my boyfriends voice was ringing in my ear no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hate arguments. especially when they are stupid and have no point in even happening.
"no we are doing this now I don't care! you need to tell me the truth before you leave." Asher growled from outside the bathroom door. part of me wanted to swing the door open and break his nose but I knew that I didn't have time for that. so I gently but swiftly opened the door and forced my eyes into his with probably the most 'i'm not fucking around right now' look I'd ever given him. which is shocking with all of the arguments we've gotten into.
"Asher just fucking stop! I wasn't anywhere, I was literally sitting on the bench waiting for katie to pick me up! why is that so hard for you to comprehend." I pull my face away from his and before I could close the door and continue getting ready I whisper under my breath "its like you want me to cheat on you." the door was about to latch onto the door frame when his pale and veiny hand gripped onto the wooden edge. "what the fuck did you just say?" shit.
he then swung the door open with a force I've never seen before and a wave of fear flushed through my head. there were already tears welling up in my eyes from the yelling and now this just made them fall down my face. inside I was screaming incoherently at his face, slamming the door on his fingers and bashing his head around the room.
this has happened too many times. where we argue and I end up bruised or crying and I have to walk to Natalie's place and cry even more but into her arms instead. there's been too many times where Asher gets away with shit that no other man could get away with. and too many fucking times have I stayed.
his hand was peeled away from the edge of the door and I swear there was hot lava falling out from his eyes instead of guilt tripping tears. "why do you do this to me y/n? it hurts." he dramatically let his hand fall into his palms as more tears fell from his clearly angered eyes. most times I would let myself feel guilty and sorry for him as if I was the one that did the hurting. but this time I was done. nothing was officially over but the moment definitely was. he's going to have to find a way to win my attention back this time.
i tightened my pony tail and grabbed my cheer bag before walking out of our apartment, slamming the door behind me. it was so early in the morning that the sun was only rising as I walked out the door. I'm almost positive that everyone else on the team was asleep so I had to walk to practice. I was only a couple steps into my long walk when a car pulled up in front of me. well not in front but beside me. I continued walking until a window was rolled down and I heard a familiar voice call out.
"yo are you good?"
i was not. I had tears streaming down my face and I probably looked like I was just thrown in a pit of piranhas, but I cant say that.
"huh?" I turn my head to the side to see a white BMW pulled over. the voice I had heard earlier had a very memorable accent in it. Nika Muhl. 5'10 point guard. pretty hair. pretty eyes. just pretty.
"are you okay?" another voice reached out from the drivers seat of the car. Paige Bueckers of course. I finally looked down from my own height and saw a the brunette looking up at me with kinda eyes. her head was slightly tilted to the side while she waited for me to answer her question. "oh. uh." I waited a moment.
just before this I was telling myself that I wasn't going to put up with asher's bullshit anymore. that included hiding what was going on. Asher put me through shit. I mean he curb stomped my head on a pile of shit and dragged my face through it with his bare hands and never felt any regret.
"n-no not really." yeah I did that. fuck you Asher. the feeling of just admitting that I wasn't made the rest of my tears started to drain back into my eye sockets. I could see it in Nika's eyes that she felt bad even if she was smiling and laughing. she popped open the car door and tapped her lap. "well c'mon." she swayed her head, gesturing for me to literally crawl over her lap and get into the backseat, as there isn't a back door. I didn't want to be rude so I sighed and crawling over Nika's lap and into the backseat. I was hovering over her long enough to smell the beachy sunscreen smelling perfume she had on. her hands grazed my thigh that was exposed after my skirt had started to hang down from my position. thank God the cheer uniforms had shorts under the skirts because when I was almost in the back seat next to Ice Brady and KK Arnold, my skirt lifted up right in Nika's face. I almost fell face first into the backseat before I felt Nika's hands grip onto my waist to support me until I was sitting down. I let out a sharp and quick sigh while fixing my hair and and un-ruffling my skirt, I looked into the driver seat to see Paige holding back tears of laughter. I could practically see how red Nika was from the back of the head rest she had her hair pressed against.
i didn't expect the car ride to be as comforting as it was. the entire drive was basically just the girls either singing or asking me questions about cheer. it was all fine before Nika decided to speak up about why I was sobbing on the sidewalk.
"so what was going on with you earlier? before we very obviously saved your ass." I couldn't help but laugh at her remark but quickly got more serious when Paige turned down the music so everyone could hear me. I felt like I was put on a stage with a microphone in a pretty pink dress waiting to win Miss America with everyone's eyes on me while they waited for me to answer.
"oh it was nothing just stuff about my boyfriend...." I tried to shake off the question even though a part of me wanted to scream how much I hated him. I trailed off and glanced to the side to find an unconvinced KK staring at me. KK is funny, I always see her jumping around after a win and shes always filled with energy.
I shrugged and threw my head back before actually giving in. "fine. he's like, really shitty honestly. I want to break up but I can't." the car was silent for a couple seconds while I patiently waited for someone to speak. "what way of shitty? like wants to break up constantly but wont or like- another way of shitty" Paige asked without making any eye contact.
another way for sure. every other way that you could think of Paige.
"guilt tripping manipulative way I guess?" I said, my voice slightly cracking. Nika clicked her tongue as she reached around her seat and looked back at you. "you know you don't have to stay. I know its hard to not stay but you aren't obligated to stay." thank you. that the only thing I was needing to hear in the past year I had been with Asher. I know I'm not obligated to stay with him but Jesus it feels like it. "thanks." the car ride was silent for a couple more minutes before Paige pulled into the driveway of my cheer practice building.
I was just about to get out of the car before realizing that ice was in front of the door I should've been getting out of. I had to crawl over Nika's lap again. I tossed my duffel bag into her lap and its like she could read my brain when she opened her door and gently set the bag out side. but this time she put down her car seat so that there was a (mainly) flat surface for me to crawl over. instead of crawling, I lifted my feet over Nika's body first and then slid myself over her. my ass gently bumps against her lap, almost sending a loud gasp from my lips. there her hands were again. I thought everything was going by quickly but she still had enough time to wrap her fingers around my waist and lifted me from the back seat out the door.
it was honestly hard for me to speak after having to be that close to a practical stranger in the span of 20 minutes but I tried my best.
"thank you guys for the ride. good luck on your game!" as I was waving goodbye while walking down the sidewalk towards the door of the building, Nika yelled out.
"y/n? I'll see you there right?"
oh my fuck she wants to see me at the game. she actually WANTS me to be there.
all I could manage to do without folding over and passing out of the concrete was throw a thumbs up from behind me and continue walking. the moment I stepped or slid out of that car, all the thoughts came back, rushing through my head. how the fuck was I supposed to focus on cheer when my relationship was on the brink of ending. I felt tears well up in my eyes just thinking about it. obviously I wanted things to end but its been a year and a couple months. I don't know how I was going to just break up and be fine. when I swung open the doors to my cheer studio I saw coach and couple other girls sitting down, tying their shoes and fixing each other's hair. coach waved at me once I got through the door. I made my way over to the other girls and gave them each a hug with a very fake warm smile plastered on my face.
"hiii, are you okay you look like you've been crying?" Taylor spoke in a soft, caring mom kind of tone. why is everybody so worried about if I was crying or not. its not that big of a deal just let me cry. I nodded aggressively "mhm. yeah I'm good." the two girls, Taylor and Caydence, looked at each other and they obviously could see through me. I held back even more tears when they shrugged their shoulder continued talking, I knew they didn't believe me but they didn't push an answer out of me like Nika and Paige.
a part of me has always been interested in basketball but the other part kept telling me that I was talented enough or masculine enough. Nika was always an inspiration to me even before I started cheering for UConn. sometimes after practice, as long as there is no performances and I'm not being held back by my coach, I like to go to the public gym and practice basketball by myself. every time I do, I always wish that there was someone there to practice with me. that is part of the reason I went on to cheer for UConn basketball.
i was still stretching when some more girls off the team walked through the door. makeup done, lashes curled ready to go. I still sat in the corner with a couple mascara streaks running down my face. sadly, there weren't any wipes anywhere in the studio so I had to sit with dried cracky mascara on my face instead of my lashes. I stood up after stretching and actually set my bag and water bottle down at some benches before going up to my best friend, Farah, and squeezing her tightly. she had just walked through the door holding a bag with her cheer supplies and another that had a bow tied around it. it wasn't too big but definitely noticeable. my eyes were immediately drawn to it but I waited for her to bring it up after we finished hugging.
"don't act like you aren't wondering what's in here." she shook the yellow back in front of me, letting me take it out of her hands. I scrimmaged through it and found a piece of paper in the bottom. it looked blank until I flipped it over.
mother fucking Farah.
"YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO OLIVIA RODRIGO? WHAT THE FUCK?" I squealed loud enough for the entire team and coach to hear. all eyes were on me but I didn't care. there was literally no reason for Farah to do this at all. shes just a really fucking nice person. she bent over, holding her stomach with laughter pouring out of her mouth. I felt all sorts of feelings rushing through me. confusion, happiness, more confusion, a little bit of sadness because there was only one ticket at the bottom of the bag.
that when everything died down. I realized that she only got one? no way.
"wait did you-" I began to question but Farah stopped me by shoving her finger over my lips.
"nope." she pulled out her hand from her bag and there were two other tickets. why two? why two. two. fuck.
"for Asher!" she held onto my wrists more excited than she was walking inside of the studio. that giddy smile on her face fell quickly. there is no way I'm bringing Asher with to a concert that he wouldn't even give a shit about. all he'd care about is getting in my pants afterwards because my feet will hurt too much to walk away and say no. I pulled myself towards Farah's ear and whispered softly "Asher cannot come with. I'm planning on breaking up with him."
Farah's eyes widened once I pulled my mouth away from her ear. all she did was nod and dropped my hands back to my side. we walked over to the bench and continued waiting for the rest of the team to show up.
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practice went smooth. now its about to start. UConn and Iowa. fuck I'm nervous. I've been a UConn fan for years and this game is one of the things I've always wanted to see in person. they start introducing players while the cheer squad was doing our main routine to the rhythm of a random Taylor swift song. I think it's I knew you were trouble. ironic. the one thing I was not allowed myself to think of was Asher. if I wanted to think about him I would just trick myself into thinking about Nika. wait that came out wrong. anyways. I was just let down on the floor after doing a thigh stand and the team continued dancing until it was finally tip off. I scurried off the court with the rest of my team and sat to the side while a couple girls above me kept moving around with pom poms. we got the ball first and stayed in the lead for a while.
as much as I was pretending to focus on the shots all the players were making, I couldn't peel my eyes away from Nika. she was on Caitlin Clark's ass. not even letting her shoot a three pointer. shes doing so good. she had her hands surrounding the ball, barely letting Clark shoot at all. I admire her for her defensive skills. I believe her aggression really helps with that. shes passionate. she obviously wants to win but on court it looks like shes playing with her life on the line. but she does it with ease. the one thing I kept forgetting was that this could be her last college game. ever. no one knows where shell go after UConn. lots of people are saying overseas and I think that would be the death of me. I watched every move she made. not in a stalker way but in an invested in her game way. the way her hair swayed back and forth while she shuffled around Caitlin. the way she already had a couple balls of sweat falling off of her forehead. I would be lying to myself if I didn't think she looked really hot right now.
and I'm up again. Caydence was holding onto my hips before she tossed me in the air, I landed on her and angels palms before flipping off and landing feet flat on the floor. still holding a pretty fake smile on my lips. once it was someone else's turn to do a crazy flip, I took the chance and looked back at the bench, watching as Nika took multiple sips out of a Gatorade water bottle. her hand rested on Paige shoulder while she shot something that probably motivational and worded beautiful to Paige's ear.
the game was going smooth until the 4th quarter. I could feel my blood boiling while watching the timer tick lower and lower without our score going higher. this cant be happening. 3.9 seconds on the clock. I could practically feel the vibrations of every UConn fan tapping their feet waiting for someone to shoot a three pointer and give us the win. but no. a foul was called on Aaliyah. I don't think it was a foul but what do I know.
as much as I was desperate for us to win, I knew we wouldn't be taking home the win this time. 4.6 seconds. now Paige. what is it with these bullshit calls.
i never liked Iowa. in my opinion, Clark is good at basketball but can be conceited and over hyped. of course I didn't want anyone to come at me with that when Iowa "wins the natty" so i'll have to keep that in my head for now.
i started calming down, trying to accept the fact that there wasn't a point going on but they from the far side of the court I saw Caitlin Clark. the basketball player dubbed as the goat and a women's basketball savior, bounce a basketball off of her so called friend? fuck that shit. I almost stood up and sprinted across the court. me and Paige may not be close but I cant take shit like that. Farah rested her hand on my thigh, telling me to not do anything. because its "out of my control"
it could be in mine. just saying.
and just like that, number 20 gets the ball, throws it in the air, and declares the win for Iowa. I could physically feel my face getting hotter with each tear I saw fall from Nika's eyes. Iowa doesn't deserve this. they have everything. and UConn gave up everything. I couldn't stop myself from crying too. I shoved my face in my hands trying to dry the tears that were slowly ruining my eye makeup/ I feel fucking terrible. how could UConn give so much for this and barely get anything back. just the noise of all the Iowa fans cheering and laughing and the sight of them smiling made me sick. I wont even hide it. I was jealous. jealous that they had such dick riding refs.
who said that.
i wanted, so badly, to stand up and wrap my arms around Nika and Paige and Aaliyah and all the others to just give them some sort of recognition but we had to go. coach led us through the tunnel and that was it. I sat on a bench in our locker room, debating what to do.
and I figured out what to do. right then and there.
even with my hands on my forehead, crying and stressing, the inside of me was happy because I knew that someone wouldn't be feeling so bad on April 22nd.
#nika muhl#basketball#lesbian#uconn wbb#uconhuskies#paige bueckers#never be like you#Nika muhl x reader#Iowa wbb#nika x reader#cambrinkisbae
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“Is that seriously why you were upset?”
Sebastian x reader
angst
summary:
Sebastian didn't acknowledge the fact he hit you with an unforgivable 💀💀💀
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
I feel like in the ideal world of my brain Sebastian would never, but this game makes him really douchey towards the end and I think that this is (sadly) feasible
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
It had been a week since salazar syltherin’s scriptorium incident and you have been avoiding Sebastian. He fucking blasted you and could care less. Even Ominis was shocked. After charms you practically sprint out the door trying to make it back to your room before Sebastian can try and talk to you. Thankfully you get ahead of the crowd giving you time to jump into your bed and hide under the covers when you hear someone knock at the door.
“Y/N, please.. Open the door we need to talk.” its sebastian…
“GO FUCK YOUR SELF!” You peek your mouth out of the covers to scream and hide again.
“Y/N Im coming in,” he starts fiddling with the door.
“I dont want to talk right now… go away before I tell Imelda to beat your ass…” your voice is muffled as he makes his way in.
“No, you’ve been avoiding me all week and you haven’t responded to my owls and I’d like to know what the hell your problem is. You literally ran away after dinner last night.”He’s looking at a lump on your bed💀💀
You sit up staring at him in shock. He was fucking with you there was no way. “Sebastian are you on something? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I really didn’t think anything could have hurt more than crucio but of course, you of all people would be the one to find a way to do it. Please get out before I get up and crush your skull in you fucking imbecile.” you turn away pointing at the door.
“Is that seriously why you were upset?” he chuckles a bit, “I thought we were trying to find a cure for Anne. I'm sorry I didn't apologize for the spell that saved not only your life, let me remind you, but Ominis’ too. Stop being such a bitch, I thought you were chill about it. I guess I was wrong about you.. “ Right as he turns around to leave you walk up to him and look him in the eyes.
“I don’t know what the hell I saw in you.. “ and with a swift kick to the balls, the boy falls to the floor and lets out high pitch scream. “Stop being such a bitch"
you slammed the door and 5 minutes later he was still on the floor.
"Sebastian why the hell are you on the floor? I need to get inside get out of the way." Imelda says pushing him to the side with her leg, "Why is he infront of the door?" she says walking into the room.
"I think he has brain damage."
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
a/n: dude... this was all the popped into my head my brain is not it tday this is so shit i cant 😭😭😭
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Dearest Alex,
I just got around to reading Soulswap and... i have thoughts. mostly i have feelings, but they are also accompanied by thoughts.
Girl... Fristly I need you to know that i had to open my laptop and sit my ass on my desk to write this. Like... there's no messing around.
The tears I just cried... omg
And the thing is I know I played myself because just as I was reading I was hit by this sudden feeling that I thought I'd read somewhere in the tags a "hurt/no comfort" adjacent thingy. But I paid it no mind. I just kept going and now here we are. And you did this to me on the day i decided to experiment with eyeliner!
Okay but on a more serious note, if i did end up crying like a child it's because you managed to hit all the emotional bits one by one. you just didnt miss. Disclaimer, I havent watched a single episode of mha nor am i familiar with any of the characters. Still, you managed to write them in such a way that to me they were clearly developed not only throughout this story but like also from the very first paragraphs when they were introduced. Such a good job! Usually in fandom we are all familiar to some extent with the characters but for me as a complete blank canvas you did great!
The thing that brought me to your askbox though was the cyberpunk part of the fic. Now i may be a bit sensitive to the topic because for the past semester i havent done jack shit except for reading psothumanist theory but god fucking damn it i will never Not be a whore for this type of literature.
Because girl what do you mean that you both managed to describe the suffocating and loud and isolating and fast paced and restrictive atmosphere of the city (btw the only thing i know about cyberpunk is the video essays about the launching of the game from way back) only to then hit us in the head with the softest most human scenes ive read in a while?
let me tell you about my favourite lines.
#1 Nature rules!
The city on the other side of you is bright, flickering and flashing despite the downpour of rain. You didn’t notice it when you were in the garage but Bakugou had modified his bike to light up, the inner trim of the wheels is set alight with bright neon orange lights.
because - and please call me insane for it but i cant help myself when i see good writing it just makes my heart fuzzy- this line makes me chew glass.
I think it's because of the way humanity and what it means to be human is depicted here, and the cyberpunk frame is a perfect sandbox for that.
So this is a very restrictive city, it's raining and one can suppose it is rather cloudy, and we know that the majority of the lighting is artificial and neon and comes from the stores or the buildings or whatnot. So as the city is this enormous entity, all encompasing, the light provided by it although bright is "flickering" and "flashing".
While the artificial is overpowering the natural (see how the "bright" light of the city is still dominating "despite the downpour of rain") i find it fascinating how the human still manages to prevail.
Not only that but in a way that makes it look like it's the human element that reinstates the natural. To me it looks like the description of the lights on his wheels is like a parallel to a vibrant sunset ("set alight" and "bright [neon] orange lights"). And the fact that it is the human that seeps into the constructed and artificial isin a way stated somewhat literally ("Bakugou had modified his bike to light up").
#2 The reciprocal (?) relationship between the natural and the human. See:
The city eventually bleeds out into green, grass and trees that tower high into the sky. You’ve never been here before.
and also:
The city is obscured by the number of trees and large shrubs [...]
[...]
“Yeah, been comin’ here since I first moved here. It’s the only place with some real grass.”
I just love how even though the city has been built up to be this unavoidable sort of prison cell there is still a place where despite all the might of it, the city is unable to reach them. There is still a pure space, a free space, unaffected and unpolluted. The trees are taller than the high rises, the shrubs more compacted than the packed appartments and shops. This is a place where the city has no influence, it "bleeds out" and all there is is green and freedom. A place where the only thing to reach the sky is something that has roots deep in the soil.
A place where this image, of something tall enough to connect the earth and the sky is not meant to show the enclosure of humanity but instead to underline the hope and the freedom and the ability to reach for the sky, I am feral i dont think you understand. While the buildings remind the people of how they are stuck on the grownd the trees and a helpful guide leading their eyes towards the endless expanse of the sky Alex i love this!
Lastl but not least
#3 What it means to be human - the little things
Now i will admit, i am being a bit lazy and cowardly in not daring to talk about the ending but in my defence 1- i am only human (hehe) and 2- this part although much more subtle kicked my teeth in, punched me in the gut and called me a bitch.
I will preface this by saying that, if you ask me, the kickass thing about any cyberpunk setting (or related setting) is that by taking your subject -in this case human beings- and putting them in a completely extreme and unknown environment -aka a world in which cyborgs and AI and enhanced humans exist- you can more easily examine what the actual core of "human" is. By creating a "post-" world you can expose and study the "human" for the most basic, essential parts of it.
for me those were some of them:
He tosses you from his grip onto the plushness of his bed, the sheets still rumpled from the morning when he didn’t bother to make it.
Your fingers skate along the sharp edges of his muscles, pressing into the places where the fat resides.
You’re just as scarred as he is, but yours are so different from his. He can see the almost invisible lines where someone has taken a scalpel to you and modified your body.
i love those lines so much i dont even have any words to say. if i were less feral about them i might be able to analyze and talk about them more. Alas.
I will say this though, it's the little reminders of inefficiency and sloppiness and messiness and whatnot that i love so much. the unmade bed is such a beautiful touch in a world in which humans are made into literal machines to work harder to survive. to become efficient and productive. to always be on the grind. and my mad... he didnt make his bed. why? because he was bored, because he forgot, because he is not tidy, because he didnt see the point if he was going to sleep again- it doesnt matter why! all that matters is that he didnt make the bed and i love him for it!
also "the places where the fat resides" is such a beautiful and soft and loving reminder of his humanity -not in the philosophical sense- but in the sense of his embodied existence, his physical presense. There is no enhancement, no metal or anything artificial. no toned muscles here, no hardness in this specific part of his body. no modifications. just plain old, soft and heartbreakingly human fat. i-.... i blue screened it's such a sweet and beautiful line i- i cannot think any more stuff to say although trust! i am feeling quite a lot of thoughts.
even the modifications though are not enough to subtract from the sheer, brilliant human-ness, from the beauty of those two people expressing their care and softness and lust and need for one another. just two people, on a messy unmade bed, showing their affection to one another in the most physical way possible. wah! shuddup shuddup shuddup!!!
long story short - and i am SO SORRY for this huge ass ask but i needed you to know! you deserve and have earned to know what your creation and art does to people!- i loved this fic even if it was not upon first glance written for me.
i had promised you waaay back that i would do sth similar for cor unum but.... that would be an antire fucking thesis and im not ready yet!
i just needed you to know that your writing not only does not go unappreciated but on the contrary, this particular fic reminded me exactly why im studying what i study, rekindled my love for posthumanist theory and also really fucking moved me.
thank you so much for taking all that time to think about and write and post this story, and your writing in general, Alex <3
P.S.
Since we're talking about cyberpunk and posthumanism and post-apocalyptic stuff, allow me to recommend you and anyone else reading this long ass ask to read "We" by Yevgeny Zamyatin. I think you'd enjoy the angst of the whole thing.
take care <3
I'm gonna put a read more since this is going to be long with me replying to it all LMAO
When I tell you I nearly cried reading this like, idk, it's just something else to have someone analyse your work so deeply and find these emotional connections; I always forget what it's like to connect with people through fanfiction. I assume people just read and move on, but to read this--it's just, idk, it makes me emotional (in a very good way!!)
First and foremost, thank you so much for reading despite not being in the MHA fandom - I know a lot of people don't like reading outside of their fandoms and this is a BIGGGG fic to dive into when you don't know the characters. I'm very glad I was able to still immerse you though into the world because I really do love Cyberpunk/post-world stuff like this.
You're also not the first, and probably not the last person to overlook the hurt/no comfort tag. I really do to town when I say it's a bad ending LOL. I'm sorry for the eyeliner!!!
This is genuinely so interesting though, to have my work read through the eyes of someone who is essentially studying what I'm writing & to have it validated, it's just such a great feeling. As you know with Cor Unum, I do a lot of research into whatever I'm writing. I've been a big fan of Cyberpunk for some time, and I think a lot of the time people focus hard on the whole superhuman, futuristic human you can be in that type of world - which is cool too! But I think at the end of the day, they are still very much human. Unless they're straight-up cyborgs/A.I. lol
I liked flipping between human moments and these 'cyberpunk moments', I wanted it to be very obvious that these people are "infected" with this need to have chrome & augmentations that could lead to their demise but as well as showing beneath all that metal, there's a human too.
Admittedly though, I wasn't thinking that deeply when writing the passages you mentioned BUT it could just be a subconscious thing for me I guess, like I said I've had this image in my head that it's a very fine line they walk along to balance between being consumed by the need to be something non-human and these human traits that just never go away, no matter how far into the future we are.
Never say sorry for sending me these asks, please!! I literally will think about this for the foreseeable future, it's going to power me through being able to get started on this JJK Cyberpunk AU fic I was making notes for the other night. You are such a lovely person, you didn't need to do this and yet you did, you made my entire night, week, month, year LMAO. You're, yeah, you're just amazing.
Thank you so so much for reading it again, I'm glad I was able to connect to you on a much deeper level than just 'blorbos in an alternate universe' LMAO, it's such an insightful thing to speak with people with their interests especially when it's something they're studying like, idk - the fact you said it moved you and rekindled your love for the thing you're studying? That'll stay with me forever.
I know that futuristic AUs aren't for everyone, especially when I like to latch on the harsh reality of things (e.g. the world would be extremely unforgiving to anyone living, and no one ever really finds happiness anymore) - so yeah again, thank you for sticking with it, reading through it despite not being in the fandom and then leaving such an amazing mindblowing ask.
I feel like I didn't do you justice with replying properly but I get really overwhelmed with praise, and I'm definitely more of just a listener when I'm listening/reading people analyse work so yeah, SORRY if this was a bit of a lacking response but that's because I'm genuinely just grinning so hard my face hurts LMFAO. Thank you so much, I love you a lot for this and I hope the rest of the year treats you so nicely <3
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Psychology and Literature are literally my 1st and 2nd option, but i went with my 3rd option which is comeng (shocker, i wanted to be a game developer but all i ended up with are dead braincells)
But yeah when i finished writing my brainrot i was like "fuck this doesn't sound like kavetham anymore" since at the time i couldn't think of a way how kaveh could enter here (since i legit do not know anything about his character other than being broke and acting like an old married couple with alhaitham) (also i didnt know we had similar brainrots so oops)
Anyways adding to the brainrot, i just checked the wiki and "Stark defender of the arts" caught my attention. Like the possibilities this just opened, like what if while the reader was being ridiculed by the sages for the nth time, and the reader being fed up with it is on the brink of tears but at the same time fuming with rage.
Then kaveh who just happened to be passing by heard everything from miles away, defends the reader from the sages, and before the sages could rebute kaveh takes their hand and run leaving behind the sages who could only do was shout threats at them for being disrespectful.
Once the cost is clear he asks the reader if theyre ok and helps them calm down, he could ask more about their topic as a way to help them get the incident out of their mind. The reader seems hesitant but gives in cause he really seemed to be interested, so they give in and reader ends up rambling to kaveh the whole day and they get into a flow where they talk about the arts, and at the end kaveh can also be the one that says to not let the akademiya to crush their dreams and to follow what their heart wants.
They part ways after that and after receiving kind words and advice from someone, who they didnt know but was genuinely interested in their topic, the reader thinks for a long time before they ultimately decide to leave the akademiya.
After you dropout, Kaveh who was busy with his thesis tries to look for you, out of worry and out of fondness, he wants to ask you if you were doing better now and seeing how you were passionate for art like he is he wanted to befirend you, as it probably isnt everyday you get to see another student so passionate about a topic the akademiya deems as "foolish"
Only to realize he didnt ask for your name, so he goes around the akademiya to ask if anyone knows you and where he can find you, he then talks to one of the readers classmates who goes "Ah them they havent attended class for weeks now, betting they dropped out or smth after all seeing from their thesis paper they didnt have what it takes to be in the akademiya"
Kaveh literally has to keep himself from punching the living daylights out of them, cuz excuse me wtf, but he leaves right away after not wanting to get into a fight, leaving with a pang of regret for not meeting you earlier but also he's happy that it seems that you have atleast followed what makes you happy.
Bonus: Alhaitham heard everything, thought it was a shame you left the akademiya but it was your own free will, but what got his attention was fhe snide remark your classmate said, normally he wouldnt care about this things, but this time its different and he makes a mental note to sure to make it a hard time for the said classmate during their stay in the akademiya (he's a menace you cant tell me otherwise)
- Lady in the lake anon
(P.S I feel like my brain rots are getting sidetracked from kavetham and just start thinking about individual fics 💀 Hope this brainrot if you can still call it that since it feels like a fic atp made sense 😭)
(P.P.S I also have a brainrot about the reader writing a book that ends up in the house of daena, It's angst and would have included it here if this long enough already)
(P.P.P.S Also congrats on 4k followers! You really deserve it since your writing is literally the best)
(small but major spoiler for 3.2 in this post)
You went with *wheezes* You took your father's (Cactus) route hahaha he's computer sciences
Oh yeah I guess that makes sense, I forgot Kaveh is technically barely even a character yet so it he's still quite hard to write for others *looks at Pervases* but you just reminded me that I actually also haven't read much into Kaveh
Now I see where the artistic reader came from (and where all those Kaveh x Nilou shippers popped up from) and huh it really does make sense, but now after several inputs I think I got a good grasp on the reader for the poly Kavetham now - but the thought of Alhaitham messing with the others, man if this was on the canon timeline, imagine the shit he can do as the temporary sage
You should get into writing too, it seems you have a sense for something like that yourself aha (thank you for the kind words!)
#lady in the lake#exile.goblet#exile.reader#kaveh#Alhaitham#spoiler tag#poly kavetham#sorry i barely got sleep so i may not have addressed everything here
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Ok so I just had a mini dose of closure so I'll just give the quick outline to what I thought in my imagination
tws: guilt, self blaming, literally just the story of OMORI, perfectionism, PTSD implied, mental issues, moving away, long-distance friendship, kinda unstable friendship
He looks around, still unsure of how he's gonna get out.
Progress
Hero opens up his eyes.. He's still in the Dark Part of His Mind.
Something catches his eye, he turns to it.
It looks like his younger self.
He's surrounded by,.. well.. all the difficult stuff he had in his life.
He's on his knees, looking down, and clutching the sides of his head. His jaw is clenched.
"Oh.." Hero thinks to himself. He sometimes forgot that he dealt with that much back then.
*cut to 15yoHero venting about literally everything*
Younger Hero had his forehead on the ground now, he was breathing as if he hadn't in an hour, he was shaking.
"......And I just... didn’t do anything." He said, his voice wet with tears. "I didnt fix it." "and... and I hurt everyone."
Hero was silent. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't think of the perfect advice to give to his younger self. He knew it existed, but he just somehow couldn't find it.
He thought, hard. It took him a while but eventually, it hit him. It didn’t exist. There was no fix-everything-at-once solution for this.
Just like everything in life.
No amount of inspiration could get Sunny to make the perfect drawing in one moment,
No amount of motivation could get Aubrey to do a ballet dance perfectlyin one try,
No amount of skill could get Kel to make every shot in one game,
No amount of knowledge could ensure Basil wouldnt run into any issues while growing a flower,
No amount of determination could let Mari perfect a peice and hit every note perfectly
And no one peice of advice could fix everything at once.
It takes a bunch of imperfect pieces to fix something.
Maybe it takes multiple flawed people to make each other happy
And not just one perfect one
This wasn't gonna be perfect, but perfect was impossible anyway, so this is all he could do.
He knelt down to his younger self.
His Younger self looked up at him.
Still, from this angle, he looked so small.
"...Hero, you were a child then."
Younger Hero's eyes widened.
"You cant send yourself to the guillotine for being a child and not responding to a horrible situation perfectly."
Younger Hero said nothing. He just stared into his older self's eyes, with a look of slight bewilderment.
"..........I need to talk to someone." Older Hero said.
-cut to next scene-
Sunny walked through the door to his room and closed it behind him. He tossed his bag off to the side. He took off his jacket and put it on the hanger.
Just then, his phone started ringing.
This scared him.
He didn't know why he did it, but he looked at who it was from.
It was Hero.
Oh no.
Why was Hero of all people calling? What would he say if he picked up?... Sunny quickly blocked out that thought.
What does Sunny have to lose if Hero screams at him and tells him to kill himself? He didn't know how Hero felt about The Truth, but it, of course, wouldn't be good.
Anways, what does he have to lose?
Well ever since he moved, he made a new group of friends.
Well he wouldn't really say him and them were close friends, and he only joined a week ago, but.. he knew that if something happened, they would be there to support him.
Okay
He was gonna do it
He picked up the receiver.
"Hello? Is this Sunny?" Hero asked.
"...Yes." Sunny awnsered.
...How was Hero supposed to start this
"This is Hero!" (What the fuck was that)
"I know..." Sunny responded
"How have you been?" Hero asked
Despite the awkwardness, Sunny tried to focus on the good- Oh my gosh-
The way Hero's talking? Right now? That means he doesn't hate Sunny, he doesn't hate him
..And the status quo of Hero being the one Sunny could be near when he was going through troubles came back to him.
"...I mean not good, but, it's way better." Sunny awnsered.
"Oh, well that's-" Hero almost said "good" "...better." Hero finished with a sort of chuckle.
"..."
"..."
"I,,- If you don't want to talk about it, I completely understand.. I wanted to talk about,, the last time we saw each other."
"..."
"N-No,, I don't want to." Sunny said, his hands holding the receiver sort of shaking.
"It's okay, I understand."
"..."
"So, uh,, just checking in.."
"Yeah.."
"Thank you.. for that"
Hero was suprised
"Of course."
"..."
"..."
"Do you want to talk another time?"
"Yes." He said it with 100% certainty
"Tomorrow?"
"...Next week."
"Alright!"
"..."
"Bye."
"Bye"
Hero plopped down on the side of his bed, sort of dazed by what just happened.
That was good
That was Progress.
#tw guilt#tw self blame#tw omori#tw perfectionism#tw ptsd#tw mental health#tw mental instability#tw childhood trauma#tw loneliness#tw unstable friendship#tw unstable relationship#idk idk#hero omori#sunny omori#omori
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Today is the day🙂( well in like an hour and 45 mins) i see they posted his birthday art and he’s so precious🥹 like he’s funny af too “ i don’t really care about birthdays but if you’re gunna bother me all day🙄 you can stay” bitch do you want the present or not😒 making up at sunrise to tell him he looks very nice in blue, like im making his outfit rn and i forgot he had his shoulders out!! Like its a body suit w the ARMS CUT OFF. He really said if imma have a rebrand im gunna be the sluttiest character here😭 clearly took insp. from kaeya to have his chest out like that🙄like i want to kiss the lil electro mark on the back of his neck. About to shower this little bastard is so much love and affection😈 going to suck his dick bc side by side his blue outfit does look nicer; i saw a thing saying he probably doesn’t need to breathe so he just makes moaning noise for fun😭😭 the thought of him being a slut bc “this is fun” is HILARIOUS since he’s just along for the ride so we can go to the most secluded spot in mondstat-bc i would celebrate my birthday there first for sure- and and ride him until he’s crying😊 just whispering how proud i am of him and how pretty he is. Now then for ANNOYING SCARAMOUCHE i would sleep in too much effort bc he’s gunna wake me up ANYWAY like as soon as his eyes crack open he is planning how to be annoying for a full 24 hours bc tomorrow is a wrap. DEFINITELY they type to me like “it’s my birthday you’re not gunna let me do what i want🥺(😈)” when he keeps getting handsy all day. You’re out on a romantic date? His hand is stuffed in your pants and he literally could care less, its you who’s trying to make sure nobody notices. Strolls into inazuma like he owns the place🙄 just to fuck you in the shrine; me and him will be petty to that fox until we both die😤 def takes you to some hidden cave in sumuru w pretty plants and is like look at what i found; fails to mention they’re like sex pollen plants tho😒 so hes checking his watch as everything gets fuzzy and only then do you realize this place is very isolated🤨 nobody would hear you let alone be in this area. Fucks you like his life depends on it, he is using the day to be as sadistic as possible; probably tell you to ding happy birthday like you can talk😭 he has blankets and everything set up like i thought this was a picnic🤨the only thing he eating is you😔the type to get overstimulated easily but holds longer bc hes holding on by sheer willpower and to also make a huge mess. Like to him if he not light headed he’s not done. Fucking like 3 loads back i to you bc hes obsessed w watching you gush around him like he never does anything halfassed hes gunna make you scream every-time, biting you bc why thats how cats show affection and degrading you like hes doing any better “look at you making a mess and cant even help it”! And he only pulled out to not cum
scaramouche is so annoying T T like just say you want to spend time w us you loser! but he's so cute,,, so cute... I had a little party for him in my teapot keke
((two second side note... speaking of kaeya... did you see his new skin? when i heard about it i literally exploded like nothing from this game has made me happier than my meow meow getting the pampering he deserves! and the braid- the braid in his new skin im going to cry))
something in my brain shifted at the thought of kissing scaramouches electro mark... youre making me a scaramouche appreciator,, stop! smh his mark that probs hasnt been washed since it got put there LOL
O.M.G.... i never thought about him not making noises bc he doesnt breathe- yeah he's a slut through and through and i love it.. i love it T T my favorite puppet (raiden look the other way this is NOT about you.... not yet </333)
sharing a birthday with scaramouche is so cute bc i know he would do everything that you want to do and would prioritize your feelings over his because he's such a softie... what an angel. okay that's enough sweet scara im going back to crazy!scaramouche bc if you dont share a birthday w him then he would so take advantage of it like (aside from insecure scara who would hate his bday) he would so make you do everything that he desires since it is his day (and i wont fight him on it!!!!)
YOUUUU ARE FUCKING CRAZYYY IF YOURE GOING TO THE NARUKAMI SHRINE AND NOT FUCKING MISS YAE MIKOOOO- like howww could you pick scaras short ass over her?! hell no! (but fine since it is his birthday smh)
awww scaramouche fucking you everywhere (unlocked lol) in teyvat for your birthdays is so sweet ,, who knew he had a kind side? (i did)
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so far in bg3 ive beaten the goblin camp and am holding off on doing the tiefling party until i get more affection. (im TOO indecisive and aroallo and polyam for this what do you MEAN i cant just sleep w any of the characters i want without having to get into their full on romance routes. dont tell me every single one of these characters wants that deep emotional connection or w/e like come on 😭) and i have id say. more than half the companions now? so recording my thoughts. normally i make little posts while i game but bg3 is so addicting i couldnt even open tumblr to talk abt it. i played it for almost 12 hours i think today (with breaks in between but STILL). which is why this is so long im rambling abt everything since i started the game
i feel like me and shadowheart have a good thing going rn if she were more physically my type i think id be certain on romancing her. im attached to her we’ve been together since the start of the game (i didnt find any of the other companions until after i went to the druid grove and had made it to the goblin camp LMAO i didnt realize they were all just right there). shes very pragmatic but i also notice she approves occasionally when im nice. i like her <3 we’re besties we’re a Team
i found astarion second and. yeah i get why hes tumblr’s favorite. hes an evil flirty fruity vampire. he has white hair and pronouns. that bloodsucking scene might as well have just been a sex scene. i enjoy him in my party (actually hes my fav character to play as, i love dashing around and stabbing and vampire biting people. i originally thought id have him as kind of a spellcaster but i even paid to respec him to have more mobility spells/traits. also hes my go-to for picking locks and disarming traps, w items and keeping him fed ive gotten him up to +7 sleight of hand, it was 9 before but i think i might have accidentally removed a bonus when respeccing him lmao. hes like the most useful of my party outside of combat. anyway) and im a lesbian but im literally torn on whether or not i should accept his proposition at the tiefling party bc hes just so entertaining. i might full on romance him in another save. but the thing w him is that im a monsterfucker sure (karlach 💞) but i dont like his moral compass it makes conversations w him so difficult to navigate it stresses me out. like im playing a self-insert and kind of just choosing the options i choose right. but he probably thinks all my dialogue options are too soft and weak and wishy-washy💔 like sorry i dont think idolizing absolute power is a good thing bro. even if i get why hed be obsessed w power after 200 years of utterly lacking any. doesnt mean i have to agree w his cynicism
on that topic thats why im utterly enamored w karlach💗💗 i love her. like of all the romancable characters i genuinely would enjoy dating her. if it werent for my emotional attachment to shadowheart after being w her so long itd be a no brainer. like at the beginning i just wanted her in my party bc shes a hot buff demon lady. but shes such a joy??? her zest for even the little things in life like her dialogue w shadowheart abt nature. her just cheerfully dancing in camp. shes boisterous and passionate and enthusiastic. also shes the only one of the characters i like who approves when i go out of my way to help people and when i brainwashed this monster into cannibalizing its pack (fucked up but i didnt wanna fight the whole horde And it) shadowheart and astarion approved but she Disapproved, and idk it just feels like a breath of fresh air to see someone who’s more openly just held on to goodness after everything shes gone through, after shadowheart’s and astarion’s disregard for other people. i need to find her a mechanic to fix her engine but i dont think i can go to the tiefling camp without triggering the party scene so. 💔
i dont really like gale tbh. i mean i dont Not like him he was fine to have in my party but as soon as karlach came along it was an easy choice to kick him out. his storyline is interesting from what ive seen but i feel like. im just not charmed by him lol. i failed a roll while he was trying to teach me magic in this probably romantic scene but he just cut it off there and i didnt bother savescumming to reroll. i also have met wyll but yeah hes fine. kind of the goody type from what ive seen and hes nice enough im also just not charmed. truly i think its just that im a lesbian but i find these two boring in comparison to the three above. ive also found halsin and hes abt to join my party but i made my character a druid already so hes kinda redundant😭 i googled it and hes the only one whos down w polyamory which is so sad bc i can see why people who like men find him hot but i dont, why couldnt any of the three companions i actually like let me date multiple people 😭😭 sadness. i wish it was like sdv where you can date everyone w no consequences as long you exclude one person. i dont like any of the guys except astarion please bg3😭😭😭
#june speaks#june games#holy shit that was a lot#see im so obsessed w this game i cant wait to dive into the fanfiction these characters are so great but i have to actually finish the game
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finally got around to watching rt's video on needy streamer overload, and it looks like a pretty cool game. watched some of the endings too. oddly relatable, which probably isnt a great thing. the whole ame/p-chan thing was... like, is this that bad? should i not be doing this? i dont really know how to...
it kinda brings up the question of why im writing any of this. its certainly not for any average user of this app, because i dont tag stuff so its basically impossible to find. its not really to communicate with my friends, because i have two of you on here and the stuff that i write isnt really meant for you to read. like, if you do thats great and feel free to engage and stuff but im fairly confident that neither of you have read anything past the first couple posts i made and thats totally fine but also hasnt stopped me from posting stuff. so the only person who is currently reading any of this on a day to day is me. which probably isnt healthy.
but maybe reading isnt the point? maybe i just enjoy writing this stuff? i find contentment in speaking into the void? does writing stuff as lily help me? or is it hurting? what does that even mean, writing as lily? did i write differently before?
am i trans, or am i delusional? does it matter? yes. yes i think it must. because there must be a difference between being literally trans and wanting to be someone youve made up because you hate yourself. you cant just be an evil prick and then decide to try again as a girl. is that what im doing? i think it is.
ive thought about this for a while, but its the first time im writing it down. im scared to post it, because it means that other people could potentially know in the future that ive had these thoughts, and they might be thoughts that youre not supposed to think. and this entire blog is proof that ive acted on them, at least a little. plus those assignments that i signed as lily. ive known that ive been thinking about this, but even that isnt permanent, because my memory is terrible. this is permanent. well, not actually, the internet forgets things too, but itll last a lot longer.
and again, i ask, to whose benefit is this? will the fact that i have written this on the internet bring me peace? ... ... ... it might.
what is my obsession with openness? i know it hurts people. i have hurt more people by telling them the truth than i ever have by lying. honesty is not a virtue, it simply a characteristic, same as all the others. will this post hurt people? possibly. i dont want it to. i dont see how it could hurt anyone other than myself at the moment, but im also pretty tired and not thinking 100% clearly.
i am probably going to regret this tomorrow.
but fuck it. this is a space where i am shouting my secrets into the void and if you didnt want to hear them you shouldnt have come here. this is my space, and im allowed to say whatever i want.
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ok, i'm gonna try this stupid sand seal plushie minigame again. now that the game has been out awhile there are video guides! one mad lad used recall which is SUCH a brilliant idea
I DID IT......wow recall really was the hack
wah whenever i catch sight of the light dragon....my heart..............
how tf u supposed to get in this lil monster tower...
YOOO this shrine where you have to melt ice blocks to get in...thats neat dude
also this lil construct guy who waited 10k years to tell me 😭
this well is DARK which is how i found out the mirror of twilight fabric actually glows! that's so cool!!!
shrine IN the well. absolutely sick
oooh, i stumbled on a yiga hideout...my third one!
one left in the gerudo area now
noooo my bike despawned...rip
i finally broke the bike. it fell down mount drena lol i think that's very fair
DINRAAL!!! girl i need your claw...ugh but she's too far away >:(
you know what, fuck it. i got some charges. i'm gonna go for it with the bike
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'M LITERALLY RIDING DINRAAL!
i got my HEAT ARMOR............i got my BIKE
wow. i'm gonna stay up here forever. this is great
like i knew you could ride them unlike in botw. that got spoiled for me. but to actually do it...
heh heh heh i almost fell off taking a selfie. nvm about my totk reservations this is WAY better than botw this rules
SNAGGED myself a claw! HELL yes! (i don't want to go back to the spring of power)
oh sick i think she's going down into the chasms..........girl bye
ugh this reminds me i am sooo behind on pics & vids i need to post...
okay. my fire armor still sucks but i'm gonna try that fucking gleeok fight again. i wanna kill one so so so bad and there was just a blood moon so it'll be awhile before it comes back if i get it...i can explore lake hylia...
so the good news is. i have 200 arrows. the bad news is. even with a full set it's STILL. DAMAGING ME. WITH HEAT!!!
NOOOOOOOO i got it down to a SLIVER of health and i think it's about to do the attack that killed me before!!!!!!!!!!! IM SCARED
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god you can fly up on the fireballs and i GOT IT WITH ONE FINAL SHOT...........oh my god finally FINALLY 110 hours into the game i have killed the hylia bridge gleeok
cut down a tree i needed to climb for a korok seed. BUT, i used a stake to put the tree back in the ground. i love this game!!!
lol i found blood moon guy again. dude........
i've worked my way around to the original zonai ruins! i remember looking at them from a nearby mountain or maybe sheikah tower in botw and thinking how cool they seemed...i had to fly over a bunch of guardians to make it, lol
i bet this goddess statue will ask after the mother statue too. which is a huge bummer bc i need to trade in my shrines for hearts lol
FAROSH CANONICAL SHE/HER PRONOUNS HELL YEAH GIRL
man look ok this is what i mean about totk. there used to be like a ton of enemies here and now theres Nothing. i cant believe theyre not doing Anything with theeee original zonai ruins. i see chests here i can't get so maybe there's at least a quest later? :/
killed this black hinox so fast the music didnt even have time to start >:) i've only done that with red ones prior to this
SUPER cool "open ceiling" cave between cora lake and lake hylia. looks like something out of ffxi (honorific) lol. i bet it's so pretty at night
338 korok seeds! i found almost 100 seeds today lol. im turning them in and going to bed
AGH I WAS SO CLOSE....two seeds away from what i think was my last upgrade!! or maybe there's one more row of shields.
and of course 562 seeds to go. at least i'm almost halfway...
#personal#loz blogging#totk lb#totk spoilers#i don't actually know if i should be getting ALL these seeds before the end of the game#but i just can't stomach the idea of being somehwere and leaving them behind. and having to come back and get them again later. EUGH#i knew it would turn out this way...i tried to do it in small doses...it's too late. im doomed
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had my first run-in with the janissaries
basically i went through every area i could access to get all the treasure chests i had been avoiding bc they were guarded n stuff. and all of them were easy, like four were in a huge restricted area that literally had two guards lmao, but there’s this one. it’s in a camp, the only camp ive come across in this game, and there’s like 50 guards around it
most of them are janissaries, who are... the most annoying enemy ive come across in this series. like i knew they’d be hard based on their description and what i’ve read about them but holy fuck i did not expect to be this bad at fighting them. they can block or counter or dodge every attack you have, they can either combo-hit you or shoot you, and they take a million years to die bc it’s so hard to find an opening. oh and in this case there’s no way to just fight them one by one.
they’re also quite resistant to the crossbow and the hidden gun, like a few enemies in this game, and they take like 3 shots form either to die. the only way to one-shot them is via poison or arrow storm. idk how well bombs work since i suck at using them and you can’t snipe them from the roof bc this is a pretty big open camp.
in my panic i ended up calling a few assassins and thankfully none of them died but it was close. taunt doesn’t exist in this game so you can’t disarm them like the papal guards, and apparently the best ways to kill them are via counter steal??? which is pretty complicated and im too slow to use it, or via air assassination which im also too slow for. i dont think they show up in other places but i think there’s a mission involving them and this camp which is. scary. i mean i guess i could go there and just practice them or smth but i feel underleveled for it. id like to get more stuff and more experience with the bombs before i do that
i feel like there isn’t too much to do in this game yet, ive just been running around getting money renovating buildings lowering my awareness rinse and repeat, and also recruiting any troubled citizens i came across. i’ve managed to recruit pretty much everyone that showed up on my map apart from one particular guy because its a race
and races are still fucking impossible jesus fucking christ its not even hard but EZIO JUST JUMPS ALL OVER THE PLACE EVEN WHEN MY FINGERS ARE WORKING CORRECTLY AND ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYING JEHSUGDJUSJDUG
i am glad i checked it out tho bc there’s a small cutscene before the race starts and holy shit have i mentioned i love ezio. ohhhhhh my god i love ezio in this game. HE’S SO GREAT WHAT THE HECK. like hes always been great but hes so. hes so mature now. hes so calm. i keep saying that but its true g o d. AND HIS VOICE I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS VOICE AND HOW IT CHANGES THROUG HTHE GAMES.
the combat and movement does feel pretty wonky at times like the secondary weapon just doesnt work sometimes for some reason i cant figure out and it takes a million years to stand up if i happen to fall, which i dont rmr if it was the same in brotherhood bc i never fell, and 99% of the time i just can’t break out of grabs even if i do what the prompt is telling me. its worked twice before and i was doing the exact same thing i always try to do so most of the time i just stand there and get stabbed.
which is why im still not making the most of the combat system and i prefer using coward strats and killing everything from the rooftops or with the arrow storm. i also still don’t understand how purchasing bombs works, like i had three types of bombs then i bought like 4 from the guy but i ended up only having two?? i think the stuff you buy from him can only take up one slot, so if you buy four types of bombs you’ll end up with the last one you purchased. but it’s not clear which slot they each go into and you also aren’t told what they do unless you go into the database and check it out???
roughly half of them seem useless since they can affect civilians or im just never in a situation where they’d be useful, and i feel like using them takes too much thinking and time because half the time i just can’t deploy them when i need to. switching weapons is also so fucking annoying since now have two weapon wheels and i gotta hit a button to switch to the second wheel and /then/ i gotta use the mouse to actually move the arrow to the weapon i want bc rebinding the controls makes the selection skip items. wasnt an issue before whne there was only one wheel but now its annoying bc bombs. also the crossbow is a primary weapon now and i hate.
still having a great time with the game i just hate the moments when all the issues with the controls make it harder than its supposed to be. im kind of itching for another hidden tomb now eh
#my posts#gameblogging#liveblogging ac#read more#my rambles#my rants#animanga#liveblogging#animeblogging
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while i appreciate the fact that episode 12 part 1 gave us a bunch of new art (grace and mercury for example) and featured a lot of cool kitties i dont think that can save the episode for me tbh. more details under the cut
the fact that with bringing back grace and (technically) jonah vard's actions have basically no consequences now and sebastian going from "im going to KILL vard" to forgiving them is just proving to me that the plot and characters can and will bend around them to justify their actions however it can
like you can not tell me sebastian being the insidious little bastard he is would forgive vard so easily when they still killed his friend and his sister. i didnt buy it when it happened with rachel and hephaestus and i especially cant believe that Sebastian Motherfucking Zeppeli of all people would be open to the idea of forgiveness. it's so unlike his previously established self that it becomes jarring to watch and frankly it made the rest of the episode hard to sit through
and to me that signals a larger issue with strings that i havent seen any people bring up (or at least not that i know of) - the increasing dissonance between the crew's characters and their actual preferences for the game's course as players. going off my experience in the break time server and watching strings it's become clear to me that the crew genuinely enjoys the whole vard thing and wants to follow that plot point, but there hasn't been enough explanation given for why their characters, who have a Lot of reasons to dislike (or at least distrust) vard would go along with the same plan.
like im sure they're having a good time going on with the whole "vard not bad?" thing and learning about severed stands or whatever and im glad! at the end of the day they are still a friend group who play ttrpgs and happen to record their games and upload them online and they dont technically owe anyone an explanation for why things happen in their games - it is assumed that something happens because it would be fun - and that's why i can't fully denounce strings' plot twist as being genuinely Bad because the crew is having fun, and that's what matters + im not in the crew so i cant dictate what happens in game. but I can't help but find this turn of events very dissatisfying as a viewer, because it goes against what i, the viewer, have seen of these characters and the previous stories and that's why it's becoming increasingly frustrating to watch new episodes knowing that the vard plot point will be front and center and every single character that's not meant to be viewed as a True Bad Guy will bend around it and possibly act ooc.
and like, i am trying so hard to enjoy strings' plot because literally everyone else around me (cept for my friend) fucking loves it!!!! and im trying to see the good in it post-episode 11 but it's so difficult when it warps the characters from previous parts, devalues their achievements that were done via stands, and in some cases breaks an entire part's narrative (the quiet decay) because the "stands.... secretly sentient?" reveal has retroactively removed any emotional connection between the users and their stands that had been there before.
im running on copium fumes right now and the only thing i could hope for that might make the vard thing better for me is if it turns out to be some long con being played on everyone and that vard is actually Wrong about the nature of stands and that they're severely misguided at best and outright evil at worst... but i dont think that is the direction strings will take, because the crew and westley seem to be a-okay with the current turn of events as of strings 12 pt 1, and with the introduction of, you guessed it, even More Sentient Stands i do not have high hopes for the rest of strings plotwise. at this point im mostly staying for cool/funny character moments, for hephi and yogurt, and to catch up with everyone else in break time
overall im not satisfied with strings' plot as of ep 12 pt 1 and i cant say im excited to watch pt 2 when it'll definitely go on about justifying vard even further when there is no reason to
tl;dr im feeling like this right now
#severed strings#text post#boulevard of broken dreams#sebastian zeppeli#grace zeppeli#mercury f. ready#rachel krod#jonah joestar#hephaestus brando#long post
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*•♡never be like you ♡¸.•*'
sneak peek!
nika Muhl x cheerleader!reader
word count - 811
themes :
-toxic relationship (for this part at least)
warnings :
-arguing
-mentions of abuse
A/N - bad news. I still have to finish that essay so I'll give you this while I work on that.... ENJOYYYY
"can we please not do this ash."
i practically pleaded for my boyfriend to not argue with me before a big performance.
it was the day I had been waiting for since I was ever even notified that there would be a uconn game against iowa. I couldn't be dealing with relationship issues right before.
i attempted slipping on my skirt in the bathroom while my boyfriends voice was ringing in my ear no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hate arguments. especially when they are stupid and have no point in even happening.
"no we are doing this now I don't care! you need to tell me the truth before you leave." Asher growled from outside the bathroom door. part of me wanted to swing the door open and break his nose but I knew that I didn't have time for that. so I gently but swiftly opened the door and forced my eyes into his with probably the most 'i'm not fucking around right now' look I'd ever given him. which is shocking with all of the arguments we've gotten into.
"Asher just fucking stop! I wasn't anywhere, I was literally sitting on the bench waiting for katie to pick me up! why is that so hard for you to comprehend." I pull my face away from his and before I could close the door and continue getting ready I whisper under my breath "its like you want me to cheat on you." the door was about to latch onto the door frame when his pale and veiny hand gripped onto the wooden edge. "what the fuck did you just say?" shit.
he then swung the door open with a force I've never seen before and a wave of fear flushed through my head. there were already tears welling up in my eyes from the yelling and now this just made them fall down my face. inside I was screaming incoherently at his face, slamming the door on his fingers and bashing his head around the room.
this has happened too many times. where we argue and I end up bruised or crying and I have to walk to Natalie's place and cry even more but into her arms instead. there's been too many times where Asher gets away with shit that no other man could get away with. and too many fucking times have I stayed.
his hand was peeled away from the edge of the door and I swear there was hot lava falling out from his eyes instead of guilt tripping tears. "why do you do this to me y/n? it hurts." he dramatically let his hand fall into his palms as more tears fell from his clearly angered eyes. most times I would let myself feel guilty and sorry for him as if I was the one that did the hurting. but this time I was done. nothing was officially over but the moment definitely was. he's going to have to find a way to win my attention back this time.
i tightened my pony tail and grabbed my cheer bag before walking out of our apartment, slamming the door behind me. it was so early in the morning that the sun was only rising as I walked out the door. I'm almost positive that everyone else on the team was asleep so I had to walk to practice. I was only a couple steps into my long walk when a car pulled up in front of me. well not in front but beside me. I continued walking until a window was rolled down and I heard a familiar voice call out.
"yo are you good?"
i was not. I had tears streaming down my face and I probably looked like I was just thrown in a pit of piranhas, but I cant say that.
"huh?" I turn my head to the side to see a white BMW pulled over. the voice I had heard earlier had a very memorable accent in it. Nika Muhl. 5'10 point guard. pretty hair. pretty eyes. just pretty.
"are you okay?" another voice reached out from the back of the car. Paige Bueckers of course. I finally looked down from my own height and saw a the brunette looking up at me with kinda eyes. her head was slightly tilted to the side while she waited for me to answer her question. "oh. uh." I waited a moment.
just before this I was telling myself that I wasn't going to put up with asher's bullshit anymore. that included hiding what was going on. Asher put me through shit. I mean he curb stomped my head on a pile of shit and dragged my face through it with his bare hands and never felt any regret.
"n-no not really." yeah I did that. fuck you ashe
#nika muhl#basketball#lesbian#uconn wbb#uconhuskies#paige bueckers#nika muhl x reader#never be like you
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Love again?
Fuck me, talk about how time as flown from my last post huh. Who knew I would end up doing all 3 instead LOL talk about “living life”.
Working now, halfway through professional papers (ofc including 2 failed ones that were an eye opener and probably gave me a different view of life) and a professional gamer playing for Malaysia. I guess you could say I have come somewhere at least? But the main question is, at what cost honestly?
While I am extremely grateful of the journey called life has been so far, I have also gained some and lost some. And sometimes, this loss seems to linger on my mind a bit more than it should. I am happy, I have come up career wise, I have seen the outside world more and I have improved myself financially. I guess I am starting to get a grasp of adulting? Of course I still have the privilege of living in the same house as my parents and still live well, Alhamdulillah.
But.... there’s always a but no? Honestly, I just miss the younger days when I actually had a lot more emotion in me. As it is, I was always considered emotionless by a lot of friends and I would agree to that, but honestly nowadays I feel literally dead inside. I guess I’m not the same emotionally and physically (of with the weight gain and ACL and whatever) but man, I just feel like I don’t have what it takes to have strong feelings anymore.
I would self admit that I was a simp, and probably someone who always put in 200% in relationships/situationships or whatever and tried to be as romantic as I can. Honestly, I genuinely question myself sometimes, not trying to over react but do I have what it takes to actually fall in love again? Sometimes I feel whats inside me is just a dark empty hole or absolutely nothing.
I guess adulting has come at a cost of my youth huh (obviously)? I was much more full of energy and ideas and lots of fun ideas with friends and special ones but now I feel like all I focus on is just my work and gaming career. Maybe its for the best but I did not think it would take this long for me to recover emotionally after well... how bad of a love life I had. Will I be able to fall in love again? I ask myself sometimes. Is this all a sacrifice for the greater good and greater love in the future? My empty heart whispers too sometimes. I guess its true what they say you cant have it all right? But the inner dawg in me still wants to try and do something to balance my adult self and youth self. The question is how do i do it? I feel like I have let go of a lot in my past but sometimes I guess God says certain things you need to bring with you always as a reminder or maybe even a form of reward in the future? Honestly I don’t know. All I know is that I want to feel again, and I want to love someone with all my heart again.
Nonetheless, while my inner conflicts remain, I should not ever use this as an excuse to be a dick to other people. Always be nice to other people despite your struggles. Despite how my inner problems sometimes distract me, I try to be the best version I can for all family and friends around me, and I do hope my best version is good enough. Well I guess, I could one day have a good career work-wise and in FIFA, and also be in a happy relationship right? In Sha Allah. Or is that too much to ask for? Only time will tell I guess.
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this is personal and venty about like trans stuff
so I feel like people discuss the complications and difficulty of transitioning a lot when it comes to friends and family, but I feel like I've never seen anyone really talk about how, unless you're in a position to look for new employment, you're basically never able to transition
coming out to your friends and family is the hardest thing you can do, but they are people who should love you, and even if they don't, it is possible to cut ties, painful as that may be, at least when you're an adult and have the ability to remove yourself from family
not intending to gloss over any of that emotional trauma that comes from that, of course not, it's just not exactly what is eating at me right now. I could survive everyone I know hating me, I know plenty of people who wouldnt, my sisters would never, I have friends who would still like me, I'd be okay
but like, your job isn't really like that. They don't care about you personally, your coworkers are not your friends, you cannot come out to those people without consequences that could devastate you financially, which in america is literally end all bullshit. Esp somewhere like ohio where employers arent too kind on all that. So you're kinda forced to have to transition and take a new job at the same time, so the new job always knows you as you are and not what you were born as
but not everyone even has that option? I for example am at a job that I do not want to leave, I love my job, it's a union job, it's the kind of job you retire from after working there for 30 years. Nuclear isnt the easiest job to hop around at either, so I can't just go to a new plant, not without finding a rare opening in a chemistry department, and without moving hundreds of miles, maybe even thousands to other states, there aren't that many plants in the country, and like I said, people retire from these jobs, so openings are scarce, in a very niche industry. I cant take my experience and go somewhere else, nuclear is a special little snowflake, you either work at a plant or work in the military and that is literally it
so at that point, I'm stuck, right? Like, I'll never really get the opportunity to be who I want to be, because what, I figured it out too late and I'm already in a career I love and can't easily leave? Because I was raised catholic in a small town in a conservative state and never left, so I never considered what it really meant that I hated being a girl and only ever identified with men, and never to this day could play a game with a character creator if I wasnt able to be a boy, until I was in my mid twenties?
I usually cope with this by saying it's my 'work persona' and all that but. That was easier 5 years ago when I just considered myself to be nonbinary and wasn't having all these thoughts about wanting to just be a guy and actually transition. And maybe that's why I don't want to even tell anyone I want that, because just saying I'm not interested in gender as a whole is so much easier. And maybe I dont even have the right to, because it's true, I'm not interested in gender, but for god I would rather be called a boy and look like a man than the horrible way i feel when people see me as a woman, so i dont know what that makes me, or if it even matters. And don't even get me started on how it's impossible if you want to be a boy and dress like a girl because no one will ever take me seriously, they just take my performance of feminism as performing my assigned role, not that I just like femme shit sometimes. I want to be a BOY who paints HIS nails like FUCK I basically only ever get to dress masc anymore because I can't even risk the concept of doing feminine things
but like, am I just full of it because I don't want to lose my job, does that mean I'm being fake or whatever, and 'oh a real trans person wouldn't be able to stay as their assigned gender just because of a job' blehhh I don't know maybe I am !
idk, I'm glad being trans is talked about more now, so people can discover themselves when they're younger, and maybe not end up in the kind of situation that I feel I'm in. Let alone the fact that this stupid country is about to remove any right a trans person has, so we're all in for it now
I don't know what the point of this is either I'm just upset and writing stuff out is very cathartic or whatever, soul searching shit fucking 🤙
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