#if y'all want stories
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To be completely serious for a minute, I just love that spnland keeps telling stories about queer adults finding and embracing queer identity and love later in middle age. Personally, I feel fucking seen by that.
#spn#just a thought#but what if it was a queer story#made by open-hearted people all along#it just wasn't the queer story some of y'all wanted it to be#destiel#werepire wedding#anyway bring on season 16#🤡
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begging y'all to be mature if Nora doesn't make jerejean canon
#all for the game#i feel like realistically theres a very small likelihood of her making it canon#y'all can't bully her for the choices she decides to make for *her book*#they can be together all you want in fanon#that doesnt give you an excuse to think you can tell the author what she has to put into her own story#aftg#the sunshine court#jean moreau#jeremy knox#jerejean
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Literally where do people get the idea that Jason was full of himself and that he thought he was better than Percy? This is legit brought up in so many 'why-i-hate-jason-grace" arguments it just screams lack of reading comprehension and obvious Percy bias saltiness. Like just say you are bitter that Jason is written as percy's equal and that you want Percy to have nobody rival him 💀
Never once in his povs did he ever think about how much better he was, on the contrary it's just him not feeling good enough about himself. He and Percy NEVER said anything bad about eachother.
His and Percy's rival is just a joke between two powerful demigods who have rival dads, that's literally it. Even if Jason did indeed think he's better, so what about it? What's the big deal?
he has worked hard and accomplished great things, so he has like, every right to be confident in his power, stop acting like hes all weak and inferior when he canonically killed a titan with like his bare fucking hands till the point Krios swore vengeance on him. No he's not "weak" or morally inferior to Percy as a person. You are merely trying to cope. Not to mention the way people judge a character's worth SOLEY based on their abilities is a huge red flag in itself, but that's a discussion for another time.
he shouldve canonically had more achievments and power than he originally got in the books as a son of jupiter. but rick made Percy too OP and fumbled jason for the sake of keeping percy's spotlight intact. Has it ever dawned on people that Percy is shown to have cool abilities like bending tears but Jason is never shown to have abilities like controlling lungs? Yeah, that's authors privilege for ya.
Y'all put Percy in an obnoxiously high pedestal and that's not a good thing. It diminishes his flaws and makes him appear so saint like and Gary Stu even though he's not. the fact that ppl get so sensitive over their rivalry and try to belittle jason by making up scenarios (like claiming jason thinks he's superior and shit) and go around saying that to ppl to reduce his value DESPITE being well aware that he has like enough hate already, is so insanely petty. BOTH Jason and Percy deserve equal amounts of respect.
God forbid a teenage boy say he's better than the other as a joke, he's such a terrible, stuck up, and shitty person who deserved death for that, isn't he?
#Attack me all you want idc I said what I said.#Yall just dig up reasons at this point. It's giving an 8 year old roblox kid behaviour.#Fandom to a boy with a tragic story who literally did nothing but exist and be a good person: he's a villian who deserved death! 😡😠#I swear if Jason slander still exists a few years later then I have no hope in this fandom anymore.#I thought this fandom was peaceful 😔#“I hate Jason with passion bc he's boring and nobody should rival Percy because he's the best.How dare Jason be the son of the king of gods#“how dare someone be percy's equal. Nobody should be written as Percy's competitor 😤😡😠” like womp womp ig#Y'all are so salty lmfao. The fandom makes Percy into such a gary stu even when he's not.#pjo#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo fandom#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo hoo#hoo
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Regina cuts her off, her stomach roiling. “You talk about me with Henry?”
Emma shrugs. “You come up sometimes. He really does care about you. And I think you care about him.”
“You think?” Regina demands, and her fists tighten. “You think?”
Emma turns away from her, focuses on Henry on his swing. Regina follows suit, letting the sight of him calm her. He’s going higher and higher, and he kicks off his shoes when he’s at the top of the swing, sending them flying across the playground. It’s so normal, so much like a scene from a year ago, before everything had fallen apart. “I wasn’t sure,” she says. “I didn’t know if you…if you saw him as something to have. Or if you really loved him.”
Regina seethes. Something in her chest withers and dies. She’s furious. She isn’t hurt, because she will never give Emma Swan the power to hurt her again. “This town still stands only because Henry is inside of it. And you think that I don’t love him?”
Emma doesn’t respond to the threat, which had been stupid and will set Regina’s time with Henry back again, she’s sure. “You didn’t kiss him. When he was…after he ate that turnover. You didn’t even try to kiss him awake.”
Regina had sat in the hospital room and wept, had felt the world falling apart around her, and no, she had not kissed Henry as Emma had. How arrogant it is, to believe that a kiss can work magic. How privileged it is for the laws of the world to break only for you. “I am no Charming,” she spits. “I don’t get beautiful fairytales, and I don’t expect them. Forgive me for being a realist.”
Emma is silent. When Regina turns, Emma is watching her again, and there is a lingering something in her eyes. Not quite pity, not quite sorrow. But understanding, and Regina hates seeing it more than anything else. Hates the way that her heart leaps, and the next few breaths hitch and don’t emerge right.
#i Cannot post fic before i finish the whole thing bc i don’t have regular fic writing time rn!!!#but i finished the first chapter of this and i just wanted to share a lil 🥺#how do we feel about hanahaki with a devastating twist 🤔#ANYWAY got a new assignment that’s gonna take over my life but this story won’t let go of me so i’ll be back!!!#swan queen#vintage s2 for y'all <3
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TW: Blood/Injury, Implied Death
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With you
Lil one-shot I guess...??
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After the dust cleared, it was dead silent. The air was thick with moisture from the dark clouds looming above them all. Someone, probably Raphael, yelled out something Two didn't quite process, his ears still ringing as his vision slowly cleared.
A faint blue glow flickered in the near distance, not too far from where Two was slumped on the ground. More muffled shouts rang out as Two attempted to collect himself, staggering to his feet and trudging over to the source of-
No.
Just the image alone was enough to bring Two collapsing back to his knees. Stupid, he thought.
"H-hey..." One's weak voice just barely got through to Two, snapping him right out of his thoughts.
He stared down at the dimming blue glow, watching it flicker and fade in and out. How the hell are you still here, breathing?
His thoughts became flooded in his head, even more so as he felt his arms cradle his brother's near-lifeless body.
"Did we win?"
Two felt his jaw clench at One's question, feeling frighteningly close to grinding his teeth until they were flat.
Did we win?
The question echoed in Two’s head, as if that would better help him process this moment. In any other instance, he would have deflected and scoffed at such an empty, meaningless question. Did it matter? he thought as he titled his head up, looking around briefly at the wasteland that surrounded them. It was over, that much was apparent.
"Yes,” he huffed, looking down at his brother in his arms as he continued, “Now, shut it and save your strength. Your heart-"
"I know," One croaked out in between a few sputtering breaths, interrupting Two in more ways than one. Two tried to ignore the cast-off of blood coming from his brother's mouth, despising the sickening feeling settling in his stomach as it hit his chin. One smiled weakly up at his brother, his eyes dull and unfocused.
How dare you, Two thought to himself.
His eyes flickered from One's exposed heart, bleeding out and hardly beating, and back to his brother’s face. His brother looked beaten, bloody...broken. It wasn't a look he saw from him often, if at all. It was that damn smile that he watched waver as One's heart beat softer and softer. What cruel irony, Two couldn't help but think, a metaphorical expression brought to life by his stupid, thoughtless, idiotic brother.
Two could still fix this. Even as he held his brother tighter against his own plastron and felt his shirt get soaked by the horrid mix of blood and empyrean; he thought to himself how he'd be the one to fix this.
There was no other choice left.
“Good…” One let out the softest of chuckles, “…we…we can s-start over.”
Something in Two’s own chest faltered, even just briefly. It was enough to shut out the feeling of One’s pathetic coughs and wheezes against him. He watched how One's eyes dulled further, his gaze wandering away from Two's face.
Starting over? That wasn’t ever an option, not one that Two had ever weighed in his mind. He wasn’t sure if that was even an option now. After everything he had done, everything he sacrificed, worked for…his brother still wanted to burn it, bury everything down and out of Two’s reach. One wanted this win, he wanted the impossible.
“Impossible…” Two muttered under his breath.
He heard yet another faint chuckle. And then the dense silence that followed.
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~bonus doodles~
(':
#emd fanart#acey doodles#i was in a mood#still in that mood#i'm just a goon with my angsty ideas..#letting that angst just simmer for now#oof#also i am not a writer so i'm cringing right along with y'all 🫣#i just wanted to draw and write something for this amazing au that inspires me endlessly ♥️#i'm at a loss for words at just how greatly this au inspires me seriously the story and the lore and the art just move me so much#i am a sad sap but i am free 🥲#also#i'm sorry for hurting your boy somni 😳 even if it's just a one-shot *bu-dum tsk*#*skitters away*#Spotify#:)
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George did not write Arya naming babies in Winterfell and taking care of a child in the middle of a WARZONE just for y'all to say she's not going to end up with kids/family because she's "not that type of character" 😒
#arya stark#asoiaf#a character centered around family and /pack/ who spent the entire story wanting to return home to/with her family isn't#going to end up with a family of her own (outside of siblings) because she doesn't want to be a trad-wife...okay#she was 9 years old on the run and worrying about how to fix Weasel's hair can we bffr for two seconds#Weasel latching onto Arya's leg...Arya using her name as an alias in Harrenhal...that's literally mother and daughter#impact so great she has her future love interest taking care of kids in her memory when he initially wanted to leave weasel#which is funny because people always want to project onto Gendry as the /family man/ type who has to convince Arya when it's the opposite#Arya is going to have a romance and family as a non-conforming woman on her own terms and I think that's beautiful#the unfeeling detached persona y'all try to project onto her is never going to stick she literally thrives off of community#it's very obvious when you speak on a character without having read their chapters btw
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"they should do D20 live again, the spread out filming schedule will make them less stressed" yeah? You think doing it live and then going home for a week and reading online all the things ppl think you're doing wrong with your character and the story wouldn't cause any stress? Okay then.
Like imagine if the finale had been live. Half the fans would pat themselves on the back that "they" convinced the ih to resurrect the ratgrinders and the other half would be mad at them for "caving" to audience pressure. And others would still be mad just like they are now that they didn't bring Kipperlily back too. No. Let's not do a live season actually.
#dimension 20#i want them to tell the stories they want to tell#and after this season? yeah y'all can't be trusted with a live season#i still remember how clearly affected Emily was in those crown of candy adventuring parties by how ppl talked about Saccharina#we don't need a live season for them to have a slightly more relaxed shooting schedule#they can just do that#especially now they're not rushing to get things done before a strike#fhjy spoilers
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Hey... BD-1. I'm Cal.
#star wars jedi fallen order#jedi fallen order#fallen order#jfo#bd-1#bd 1#cal kestis#star wars#im so nervous about this edit y'all i really want to do our best boy justice and tell his story well#please send me your favorite bd moments
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#Jack trying to convince Jesse and Petra not to visit the temple (it's not working)#mcsm#minecraft story mode#mcsm jack#jack mcsm#I want y'all to know that I got that ss from one of those tiktok reddit voice over things#And when I scrolled I was immediately greeted by a face full of sonic x shadow mpreg birth comic#LEAVE ME ALONE#Tiktok has been devious this week
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it's so damn funny how people in this fandom claim that guts only wants to cut griffith's head off and celebrate alongside his group, because this is not quite what is actually happening in the story. guts is pretty much blaming himself for what happened to griffith, because he knows that he's the main reason that made everything collapse. he hates griffith for what he did, but guts is also still very much attached to him, which makes the whole situation even more tragic.
#despite everything... sometimes guts is still thinking about griffith in a non violent way because deep down he misses him#this story isn't about vengeance y'all#also i could include a lot more stuff in this post but i don't want to make it long#berserk#griffguts
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spotify | john marston's revenge quest, set to music from 1960s spaghetti westerns.
Fun detail: the opening cutscene for Red Dead Revolver (2004) features an instrumental version of "His Name Is King". The lyrical version is oddly fitting for John, given that it's a song about seeking vengeance for a dead brother.
#red dead#rdr2#john marston#arthur morgan#pardner playlists#pardner posts#tagging arthur in this bc even tho its a john-centric playlist.. its about the way john grieves arthur#y'all know me !!! im always a sucker for a revenge story!!!#so i cant help but dwell on johns attitude of ~i will throw away my chance at a future because i'm stuck in the past grieving you~#like thats a banger. thats a good revenge story. the ultimate act of devotion is also an ultimate act of betrayal.#this is admittedly a kind of pulpy playlist and im embracing that. im a fan of 'horse opera' westerns and im attaching that to epilogue joh#anyways. all the songs on this playlist were released btwn 1966 - 1971 so its definitely a vintage vibe.#i tried to match that vintage energy with the graphic design. the cover art is screenshots of rdr2 that i've /heavily/ edited in photoshop#i wanted the images to look like those oil and/or acrylic paintings done for old movie posters#it took a lot of filter adjustments and paint-overs to get to this stage. i spent a lot of time on it. (please clap)#i initially wanted john to be wearing arthur's hat for this but . hdkhjdf ran into some difficulties sourcing usable screenshots.#i refuse to accept unmodded epilogue john as canon. i dont know what you think that thing is but that is not my son etc etc.#its jmrp or bust for me#most of the jmrp screengrabs i could turn into a workable composition featured the john hat so i just went with that. unfortunate but mehh#sidenote. plz click for quality bc a lot of the paint texturing in these covers gets lost in the compression#alight yall. have fun with the playlist !! lmk if u end up giving it a listen.#rdr2 spoilers#🤠#art
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black sails + tumblr text posts I have on my phone
#well hello there#im really sorry for all of this (im not)#i need to be silly otherwise there's the horrors#this kind of meme is like my brand at this point#i really really like something? chances are i'll take screencaps and slap funny shit on them#i want y'all know that i have a story of insanity with the first picture#changed the chemistry of my brain and gave me the crazies#i see john with his hands on his hips and i have to fight the urge to eat him#its a disease#also#if i had a nickel for every time i used that joke on a pirate named israel hands i would have two nickels#ill stop rambling and ill go to work now#black sails#tumblr text meme#black sails meme#long john silver#james flint#anne bonny#jack rackham#charles vane#i need to make more just bc its a travesty i didnt make something with max and madi#user purrvaire
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It honestly feels like the discourse around these two is less about Disney not being "bold" or "creative" and more about people being salty they didn't get their goth GF and glowing twink
#like i get why y'all wanted these two in the final product#it's just that i think that u only like these two because of their designs#we barely know what their characters and roles are gonna be and y'all make them up#which is not a bad thing#i do encourage to write stories with what its like if they were kept#i just don't condone the behavior of “it would've been better if it had my blorbo in it”#though after putting them together#i do be seeing a “black cat and golden retriever” dynamic rn#disney wish#wish 2023#wish movie#wish#disney#wish star#star#starboy#wish starboy#pixar#pixar inside out#inside out#inside out 2#inside out shame#shame#inside out 2 shame
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Y’ALL THE MARKETING TEAM DID PIXAR’S ELEMENTAL SO DIRTY
#knox rambles#Elemental#ITS SO GOOD???????#ITS GOT SOME FIRE (pun intended) LINES#AND THE TRAILER IS LITERALLY NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIE Y'ALL DONT' UNDERSTAND#I'M FLIPPING TABLES#I SWEAR DISNEY IS JUST TRYING TO OFF PIXAR RN WITH HOW BAD THEIR MARKETING HAS BEEN LATELY#actually i notice marketing in general has just dropped in quality lately but what'eve's#my bro wanted to take me to see it so badly and i couldn't understand why until i watched it like#trust me dudes it's GORGEOUS#AND its got amazing story#like#UGH I'M FISTFIGHTING THE TRAILER#IT LEADS YOU TO BELIEVE THE MOVIE IS ABOUT SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT#LIKE ITS SO BAD#THE MOVIE ITSELF IS TOP TIER QUALITY#I would say i'm overhyping but then i remember some of the lines and the way the characters and relationship are written and just#no i'm really not overhyping it's actually really good#there's so much mroe going on in that movie than just romance my dude
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Obsession
I'm not a complicated woman, I swear.
I'm so boring.
I'm quiet. I live alone. I drink decaf. I file my taxes in January. I majored in art history.
I crochet, goddammit! I crochet cardigans, the most boring kind of sweater! And then I wear them! Like Mister Rogers, aka the plainest person to ever exist.
No one could possibly suspect how deeply weird I am.
I've been perfect. I've never left a browser history. I've never worn blue and red together. I've kept myself as trim as my mom's genes let me. No one's ever caught me watching the movie.
You know... the movie?
You know the movie.
Well, I mean, I guess it's "movies" now, but... I know which one left a violet stain on my soul.
You can't blame me.
Well... you certainly can't, anyway.
If you were me, maxed out on good karma, toeing every line you've ever met, perfectly alone in all the universe... what would you have done differently? What other choice was there?
Never mind how I got the chance. As soon as I found out about it, there was nothing else I could do. Everything I thought I knew about myself fell away. All the safe choices and good behavior just gone, poof, like they never existed. This is my fate, it was made for me.
I was always going to be the one chewing this stick of gum.
In the end, it was like they wanted me to find it.
Dodging through an unlocked door, stealing through low-lit corridors, drawn to it like the heartbeat of the universe.
It's so silly. I know it is. Some stray neutrino passed through my brain as a child, and I watched the wrong movie, and I twisted into whatever it is that I am. All I've wanted is to become something else, and that something is big, and round, and draped in the shreds of the last clothes she'll ever wear.
That last part is really important for reasons I just can't explain. All that matters is that I literally get too big for my britches. I just need to hear that little "pop". That's it.
I can never seem to imagine past that. Regardless, I'm putting the gum to my lips, completely, defiantly unaware of how this will end. It's on my tongue, and the flavor is unreal. I guess they didn't bother with the roast beef or anything. It's just violently fruity. Juicy, and warm, and way too sweet.
A door creaks open. I was so sure I wouldn't be found, but joke's on them. It's too late.
It's a mousy woman woman with huge glasses, wearing a lab coat. She peeks around the door before she enters, like she doesn't want to offend me.
"Oh-" she says.
"Um," I say around a mouthful of juice. "I-"
And then I think, hey, wait, I've made my choice. It doesn't matter how this ends! What's she going to do, save me? I'm in control here! Kind of!
"... um." I say again. Actually, it's hard to talk. I'm swallowing a lot of juice.
She steps all the way into the room.
"Uh, hi," she says, fiddling with her glasses. She looks at me, and then down at her clipboard, and then back to me. "Are you-"
"I'm not spitting it out," I say, before gulping down another burst of juice. I'm starting to feel kinda bloated.
"No, I mean. Um," she says, "sorry, I'm new here, um."
I'm tired of my mouth working so hard, so I make a show of swallowing the gum.
"Oh!" she says, "that was fast," and she makes some sort of mark on her clipboard.
What.
"Um, could you follow me this way, please?" she asks, gesturing toward another door I hadn't noticed. One of those big ones like they have on loading docks that roll upward.
"What?" I ask, reflexively.
She walks over and pushes a big red button on the wall. The door starts lifting.
"Oh, sorry, we can wait if you want," she says, "you'll fit, don't worry."
I start to have a thought, but then my stomach gurgles and I feel like I'm on an elevator going down. I clutch my sides and double over, but... it's getting hard to bend.
"Don't worry," she says again, "it just feels weird, but you'll be okay."
The thought comes back. Someone was expecting this. They're prepared for this.
I look back at the pedestal the gum was resting on. It's already been replaced with another piece.
The worst feeling in the world is thinking you're making a defiant last stand, only to find out that the hill you chose to die on was ready-made for your dramatic exit, and that you'll be asked to leave through the gift shop and pay way too much for the photos they take of you. You know, figuratively.
I have to do something they won't see coming.
I turn around and lunge for the new piece of gum. Or, at least, I try to lunge, but my thighs are filling up and it's getting difficult to move dramatically. Still, I grab it and cram it in my mouth. Might as well be a brat.
"Oh!" she chirps again, and makes another mark on her clipboard. "Wow! So-"
God, I'm feeling so full. I can feel every inch of my clothes pulling taut against my skin. I gave in to temptation and wore a blue top, blue jeans, and a red belt. I couldn't help myself. Now, that belt is starting to dig in, trying to squeeze me in half.
I swallow the new gum, too, and look down at myself. I'm getting pretty big, bulging out around the belt. My shirt is riding up, exposing my swelling blue belly to the cool air. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her make another mark.
I try to touch my growing midsection, but it's getting hard to move my arms. They're filling up too. I feel warm all over now.
"You're blowing up so fast!" she says.
She opens her mouth to say something else, and that's when my belt snaps apart. My equator surges outward, jiggling and sloshing from the violent release.
It feels so, so strange, becoming something completely alien to what you use to be.
That said, it also feels amazing. Swelling bigger and bigger with gushing blueberry juice, bursting out of- wait.
I'm still growing, but besides the belt, everything's still on.
I try to look down again, but all I can see is the blue horizon of my belly. I flap my hands in frustration.
The lady speaks up again. "Since you're likely unable to move by yourself now, may I have your permission to roll you?"
"Um," I say, trying to think. I'm freaking out a little right now. "Uh."
I need this. It's all I've ever really needed. I just need need need to blow up and burst out of my clothes, that's it, and who cares what happens to the blueberry that used to be me.
All I need is to burst one little button and I'm done. I'll have won. Good day, miss.
The problems is, I'm perfectly round now, and my jeans are so, so tight but haven't so much as snapped a stray thread.
"Miss?" she says, "may I roll you away?"
I try to think of something to say, just to stall for a little more time. I'm so close, so so close.
Instead, I break down.
"Please," I beg her, "I'm going to lose my mind if I can't pop this button."
"Hey-" she starts, but I'm in a full-on panic right now.
"I have to, I have to, I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to be a blueberry, and like what if you roll me away and I never get juiced and I'm just stuck like this forever which would be hot but still or like what if this is as big as I can get and it's just impossible like what the fuck who even makes clothes that fit spherical women I knew I should have worn the red ones-"
"-but-"
"And I know what you're thinking! She broke the rules, it doesn't matter what she wants, she's just a blueberry now, blueberries don't want things, they're not even people! She had her chance and she blew it except she couldn't even blow it-"
"Miss! Please," she snaps, and she walks over, reaches up, and pinches my lips closed.
We lock eyes, because where else can I look, and for a moment, I just cry silent blue tears down my puffy cheeks, pouting all the while.
Then she smiles, and says, "I'm a trained professional, Miss. I can help you with that." She lets go, brushes her frizzy hair out of her eyes, and disappears behind me.
I feel her warm little hands on either side of me, like she's trying to give me a weird hug. Then I feel her squeeze into me. It feels startling, she must be way stronger than she looks. The pressure builds more and more, and I can hear her making an adorable little straining noise.
Then, there's a pop, and immediately a sense of relief. I hear a little zipping noise as the fly on my jeans explodes open. I gasp at the sensation.
Finally.
I give a little shudder, releasing the tension I hadn't realized was building the whole time. How Freudian of me, I guess. The oral stage ain't got nothing on this.
"Now then," she says, appearing in front of me again, smiling wider, making yet another mark. "May I please roll you away, Miss?"
#blueberry inflation#my words#blueberry expansion#copping to some deep autism here but don't mind me#maybe if i write enough i'll understand myself lol doubt it though#anyway good riddance and hope y'all enjoy#also please ignore any typos or plot holes or whatever#just had to get this one out#body inflation#body expansion#i guess this is as close as i want to get to a factory tour story
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as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!
Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut
Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!
I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.
Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.
So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.
Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.
I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.
In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).
SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.
I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).
I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).
The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.
But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.
also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.
Good luck out there!
#you are always welcome to come talk if you need to#asks or chats or whatever#I will not always have answers or advice but I can listen#asexuality#asks#stories about ked's life#I'm leaving this rebloggable because I KNOW there are older aces following me#and y'all have got stories to tell too if you want to speak up
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