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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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i never really realized how much of the sam and colby fan base is just made out of judgmental pieces of shit 😭

no offense, but i was just scrolling through your account and i always see so much negativity and judgement from people in your asks all the time. i left the fandom for a while and now i really regret returning cause it’s just non stop negativity everywhere like damn.

like why do so many of people complain about every single fucking thing. like too many things that i see people complain about are really not as big of deal as you think it is.

i get what you mean. however let me put this into a different perspective, especially as someone who's been running this account and has allowed ppl to voice their opinion since 2019ish.

i think sometimes we view opinions that aren't the "norm" or aren't like ours as negative, especially if it's something we disagree with fully. i think we're quick to think that someone who is complaining about something is being negative when the opinion itself might be neutral, or not really all that negative in the first place compared to someone else's opinion. and personally i think that just bc an opinion is negative, doesn't mean that the person is bad.

for example: i complain all the time about snc's merch and how i think it's lazy or not as creative as it should be. and while i say that often enough on here, irl i don't really mention it. that thought doesn't plague my mind constantly. i only get reminded i don't like the merch when they come out with new ones. and even then, i'm not really upset the merch doesn't meet whatever standard i have for it. honestly, i think their merch is fine, but it could be better. but sometimes it's fun to just vent that the merch doesn't look as good or it's just an x on a black shirt lol

yes, it's a nitpicky opinion to have, but…. who cares. that opinion doesn't make me look down on snc or their brand. it annoys me in the moment, but that's it. and i think that can be said about a lot of opinions that get voiced on here. and side note, i think it's hard most times to gage how upset some ppl actually are. some, i think, come on here and aren't all that upset but bc tone is hard to read thru words, things can get misconstrued.

that's not the say that ppl don't go hateful real fast sometimes. i agree, sometimes ppl just complain waaaaaaayyyy too much about things that aren't important or that really shouldn't effect them that deeply. some ppl hate someone so deeply that they will literally scrape the bottom of the barrel just to find something ELSE to hate on them. usually with those ppl, i try to realize that most likely, they have something bad going on in their life that they can't complain about or don't know how to express, so they take their frustrations out on something not important like (fill in the blank fandom thing here).

that's why when someone comes on here, guns blazing about something that really isn't that big of a deal, i usually tell them that if X person is pissing them off this much, pull back. unfollow, mute, or block them. at the end of the day, snc are supposed to entertain you. and if they aren't doing that, let them go. go find something that does instead of complaining and constantly getting pissed off. however, some ppl will never do that, bc some just like being angry. so, i end up constantly just repeating myself in this category.

i think it's also good for me or us, the ppl viewing these opinions constantly, to just take a step back and not let their opinions effect our mood. while that's easier said than done, believe me, it's still a good thing to remember that you don't have to let ppl's "negative" opinions upset you. that's their opinion to have, but not yours to keep.

i think as a whole, this fandom is very loving when it wants to be. i just think there is a lot of moving parts and A LOT of miscommunication that causes arguments and fights to happen that make ppl angry. i also think there is A LOT of frustration in the fandom strictly bc there's a lot of doors that lead to no where when you start asking questions or want to know more about something, if that makes sense. if the fandom at large upsets you, ignore it. or only take it in little chunks.

#ask #personal #sam and colby

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zealsoughtsequesterustanxiedemon · 6 months

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On last RB

reminds me of the cis male version of that. Brain used to get so weird about trans fans of those characters that would claim that they were trans.

Was very stuck in the mindset of like "Okay they aren't definitionally transgender" (whatever that means). Most people saying it probably mean they're more, like, thematically transgender or just very relatable to trans people. Or they're just unaware of how cis people could relate to it. I've actually seen my fair share of comments from trans women on GB/CD manga going, "I don't know understand what cis people get out of this". They make me laugh.

Regardless I'm not very bothered by it nowadays unless it's accompanied by complaints about people gendering the character as male. Or just shitting on the author for "not understanding that trans people exist." The latter def still annoys me, like this character couldn't be an honest exploration of gender or that the author actually wanted to make a trans character and got told no by publishers. But my brains better now about just muting/blocking and moving on.

Cause I do understand the frustration. There's not a lot of trans characters out there in anime/manga, at least not in the mainstream. These are characters they really relate to and see themselves in. I at least feel being disappointed when a character you thought was trans has the story opt out of making them trans. I've definitely had those with gender bending stories before, even had one that did the opt-out right at the end and left me crying and angry and feeling like shit. I get wanting to see your gender identity reflected there. And for them talking about it they basically get harassed. Even if they can still be an asshole about it sometimes, it's such a minor issue to me now. Again, if it really bothers me, I can always mute/block and move on.

Really we should have plenty of trans and cis gnc characters to pick from. Personally speaking, I definitely need the latter and want more of the former that I don't just see as the latter. Cis people, at least a decent portion of us are always gonna need cis characters that fly in the face of gender norms. It's always weird when people call that kind of behavior "not very cis", when like, to some of us it's kinda intrinsic to being cis. Struggling with gender was actually always a cis experience thing to me; like, not a struggle about which gender you are but like how good at gender you are. Feeling like less or like more of a man. I saw that type of insecurity everywhere growing up, not all equivalent, but definitely there in some amount. Seeing this kind of exaggeratedly "feminine" traits being carried by a man who's often very secure in his masculinity feels so freeing. Even when those characters are insecure, I can see someone who feels a lot like me. It validates my "feminine" interests, lets me feel okay to want to be cuter, wear different clothes, etc.

Its nice seeing that trans people, especially my friends, love these characters too. I love that there's people like me out there, connecting to the same characters, even if we're just a little different (or a lot different). I think part of my original insecurity with these characters being called trans was, like, I figured these were people who'd understand exactly how I'd feel about these characters, but instead, from my understanding at the time, they were denying me. Saying that I shouldn't relate to that character or that if I did I'm probably not what I think I am. The cis side of the conversation is often v surface level ("He's just a guy who likes cute things" or pointing at snapshot-able gender confirmations). So glad I've got plenty of trans friends now who make me feel cool about this stuff and can talk more substantively on characters like this. I love em and wouldn't trade em for any amount of transphobic assholes that'd call these characters men purely because of their AGAB. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

#Anx-I-E-Demons #also looong post #don't know why my brain needs to write so many words tonight

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iwillbreakyourfuckingskull · 7 months

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We have a big problem with this one online friend group where we feel super unwelcome

We don't know how to bring it up, but honestly I just want to leave and move on. They ignore my messages in our small server more than they reply and if we're in a vc, they always leave if im the only other person in there, but the stay talking with other people. I dont get it because they actively invited me into it and got me to make a twt to talk with us there bc they said we were funny. One sent us a new mouse and headphones so they'd hear me better in vc. I dont get it. They seem to find me annoying. Might just be our rsd and them being nd themselves, but man I get so fucking triggered and want to leave them behind. Im a protector alter, but my go to protective strategy is unfollow/mute/unfriend/leave gc/server or even block them, which is avoidance and not productive

Which is why I am trying not to do this. I think I need to bring it up with them. I've had the server muted for months now. But im so scared to confront them because of our extreme feelings from rejection and confrontation. Im scared they'd say we are oversharing and confirm over suspicions that they don't really like us and just kinda tolerate us. Im scared that they'd think we are manipulating and overreacting. Like we are an unstable, explosive friend and they are tired of us venting or ranting

We dont know how to bring this up. We are very unstable rn and I dont want to trigger a breakdown, flashback sh and/or sui attempt

Dissociating now, so gonna cut it here. But man, we are so shit at relationships and they always make us want to die

#tw sui ideation #tw sh mention #tw sui mention #levi.speaking #my.posts #i want to die ngl

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asking-jude · 2 years

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I have a great friend group, whom I love very much. Mostly.

One friend, I'll call Mr. Banks, is mostly just someone who runs in the same circles as I do. He's very strong in his opinions and will start arguments but if you get upset, suddenly you're too emotional and he wasn't aggressive or an instigator. His opinions includes things that literally don't affect him. He tries to present as this carefree friendly type, but also the guy who knows all the facts of life.

In person, I feel like I can talk him through his weird aggression about topics and get him to be a little more empathetic. He sees me as someone who is intelligent and rational. On the other hand, I also feel like he doesn't respect me. He'll second guess my decisions and try to "correct" them and later when he finds out he's wrong he states that I need to speak up more.

He's gotten in major arguments with three different people over text recently. One of our friends "Mickie" was feeling under the weather and "Scoobie" suggested he wear a mask, even if he tested negative for Covid. Cause ya know, sick is gross. Mr. Banks just had to type out paragraphs condescending on how masks didn't do anything. Scoobie is a highly anxious person and she worries about her friends (and everything else) a lot, so of course she was trying to be cautious in light of a pandemic. She backed down and talked to him in the DMs, mature of her, but the vibe I got from it irl was that they thought the conflict was on her.

Just like last week, "Shaggy" texted that she wanted to be deleted from the gc out of the blue. I said sorry if we were bothering her and followed her wishes. She explained that she wasn't upset with us at large, she just blocked someone and didn't want anything to do with them. No names or pronouns even mentioned, so we moved on.

Except for Mr. Banks. He texts that he doesn't know what Shaggy said about him (he blocked her) but he wants to clear his name. We're all like no, we don't know or want to know anything and it takes a few minutes for him to finally drop it.

Shaggy is relatively new to our friend group as a whole and now she's not in our hyper social group chat. Mr. Banks is also more established in the physical venue we know eachother through, so I worry she'll stop showing up there too. He talked about how their fight shouldn't impact our relationship with him, but in action their argument is affecting our relationship with her.

Most recently he sent some passive aggressive paragraphs about how there should be a straight pride month and when "Raine" got annoyed and told him to stop, he said sorry (sarcastically) for shoving heterosexuality down our throats. This was literally completely unprompted. Before this he (and other straight guys in the gc) were joking about being straight men attracted to straight men. Raine is literally one of the chillest person in the group and they just kinda stopped messaging. They're the type to use tone indicators to make sure everyone's understanding and having a good time. They're probably (read as definitely) upset, especially considering none of the other queers in the gc said anything. But I don't know how to help them.

Most of us are pretty non confrontational and his other friend group is made up of yes men. I feel like this is making him into a more abrasive person, and he keeps feeling like he's "winning" these arguments, when he's just creating conflict. He's gaining an inflated ego. But to be honest, I don't care. His character development is not my responsibility. What I do care about is that he keeps upsetting me and my friends. No one else in the group us like that.

I don't want to have my social outlet be a possible 24 hour broadcast of whatever drama he feels like that day. But I do know that he is a friend. He's been in a lot of our lives for a while and he can be funny. I don't really want to be friends with him, but I know he means a lot to some people.

I want to make a separate gc and mute the one with Mr.Banks, or block him entirely. I don't want a hostile relationship with him, I just want no relationship with him. But I also know how I interact with him affects the rest of the group. Usually the gc is just memes and little glimpses into eachother's daily lives. It's mass share of information and scheduling for hangouts. We do genuinely love eachother, this is just one bad apple.

How do I approach this? I will be seeing a few friends (not involved in the arguments) irl soon, so I might ask them about it.

Ask A Question Here

Hello there,

I’m sorry to hear that things within your friend group are so challenging right now. Mr. Banks seems to have a very domineering personality, which isn’t always a negative thing, but in this case, can be pretty upsetting to some people. You said that a lot of people in your friend group are non-confrontational, which is also not a negative thing depending on the situation. When it comes to standing up for something or someone, being non-confrontational can be a bit negative. In life, there are times to be confrontational, even if it isn’t in your personality. Confronting someone like this can be challenging, especially if Mr. Banks responds by calling you emotional. This is his way of damaging your credibility. To upset someone, then call them emotional is a form of manipulation. Here are some signs that you are being manipulated by a friend (notice numbers one and three): https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-signs-youre-manipulated-friendship/.

You’re right: His character development is not your responsibility. It might be a good idea to ask your friends how they feel about the state of the group-chat. I would start by stating your intentions and how you’ve been feeling. For example, “I’ve been feeling upset by what Mr. Banks has been saying, and this is what I’d like to do about it.” They can make the decision to join the new group-chat or not. A lot of people may not want to participate in a group-chat without Mr. Banks, and that is okay. Let the decision be theirs. Mr. Banks may find out out about this and be upset, but you are not responsible for how he feels.

It sounds like you no longer want to be friends with Mr. Banks but are worried about the fallout. Based on what you’ve told me about Mr. Banks, it will be difficult to not have some reaction from him. Here are some tips on dealing with friend drama that may help: https://www.dosomething.org/us/articles/the-dos-and-donts-of-friend-drama. He is going to try to get a reaction out of you if you approach him with this, so keep that in mind. It is important that you remain calm and keep a level head.

I know all of this sounds easier said than done. Don’t expect to be a pro at it after a couple of tries. This is something that a lot of people struggle with, including myself. Unfortunately, if you want out of this friendship with him, there is going to be some confrontation. He is either going to confront you online or in person. Sometimes, it is easier to communicate in person. That way, text can’t be misconstrued.

It is important that you focus on the situation at hand rather than talk about all of his past actions. If he does something passive-aggressive in person, call it out. Here are some tips on confronting a manipulative person that may help you: http://qara.org/dealing-with-manipulation-how-to-handle-confrontation-with-a-manipulator-part-2-of-2/. He may try to talk to others about you and be passive-aggressive the way he has been to other friends. If he does these things in your presence, it is up to you how to respond. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting him at a particular time, that is okay. You have the power to block, to walk away, and to stand up for yourself and your friends.

Good luck!

Andrea

Do you want free, remote mental health support? Reach out to us at askingjude.org today.

#ask #advice #mental health #help #support #counseling #therapy #free therapy #free counseling #asking jude

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