one thing about me is i WILL design fankids for my favs so here's camilo's family in my next gen au, some more info under the cut

camilo's husband is marco osma (but ofc he takes the madrigal name when they get married), for those who don't know that's this guy (he has no canon name or backstory as of yet but the marco nation is still devoted i prommy. in my hc he's sra. pezmuerto and jose's son and alejandra is his little sister!)

their eldest is amelia or ami, she's the one in the red dress. her gift is self-duplication and she was born when camilo and marco were about 20

the one in the yellow is imelda or ima, her situation is kinda unique because she's actually one of ami's clones - she appeared the day of ami's gift ceremony and gained a mind of her own and hasn't left since. she's basically ami's identical twin sister but she deliberately has a very different style and personality from ami to avoid being mistaken for her (also she picked her name to be the literal inverse of her sister's name on purpose too bc shes funny like that)

the boy in green is named after bruno but usually goes by brunito, his gift is invisibility at will and he's five years younger than the twins

the youngest three are triplets - the boy in red is the oldest, the boy in blue is the middle triplet, and the girl in orange is the youngest. their names are ignacio, felipe, and sofia and their gifts are pyromancy, water manipulation, and super enhanced vision respectively. there's a pretty big gap between them and their other siblings, they're about ten years younger than brunito

basically tldr marco and camilo are very very tired! but they are great dads

gahh . im still thinking about stuff.

AJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJ HAPPY DAYS AJJAJAJAJA :D YEY TRIGUN BOOKCLUB :D

THOUGHTS :D

chap 1:

-happy days and everything is going to shit...yeap thats trigun

-i just noticed they have separated rooms and that makes me sad for some reason

-i love to see that rem was nice to everyone but was also getting annoyed by that guy, shes not perfect and I LOVE HER

-ngl, im not sure if the other guys did something

-its so cool to see the scientists joking around for a bit but then getting to see them in silence cuz IT IS a weird situation to be in. you are alone in space and something happened "on its own"..... It makes the situation more serious

-LMAO HER FACE I LOVE HER SM

-it hasnt even been that expanded in 98 (im sorry for the spoiler ig) or stampede (YET), but rem is so funny. shes more than a living saint and im glad we get to see more of her here. shes the only mom ever

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT

-also i thought knives *fixed* the thing, i forgot he caused it lmao

-arent they adorable? :3 pls dont touch them :3

-"it could end in disaster" you dont say....you dont say....

-NOT THEM SAYING YES IMMEDIATELY I WILL CRY

-BABY KNIVES WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU (ik what happened to him)

-"if you can love someone with all your heart then its alright".........im gonna take so time to think about that cuz....yeah, i guess thats true isnt it?

-oh that doesnt age wel...not even story wise but life wise....if we could only talk with each other

-ok so...is that a fucking ghost? and if it is, did she really appear when knives's faith in humanity was at its peak? really :c?

-OH ITS MY TIME TO GET SICK :D

-OK NO THATS SO INTERESTING CUZ HERE IS VASH WHO IS CURIOUS ABOUT TESLA AND WANTS TO READ THE REPORT BUT IN STAMPEDE (spoilers coming im sorry) IS KNIVES WHO WANTS TO READ IT. DID HE LOSE THIS FAITH *WAY EARLIER* THAN TRIMAX KNIVES??? HOW TF IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?????

-great....scientific....discovery.....you say......... so the scientists were ready for another tesla situation....

-pls no pls no pls no. you teach her how to speak and then you do that shit. stop

-by looking at the pictures and descriptions we can say that the scans began on her 13th day of life (multiple scans as the chapter mentions), and 87 DAYS LATER they started to ask themselves if that was correct to do from a moral standpoint...87 days. and just after they started to question themselves she started dying. just 10 days later...fuck

-"we have no desire to rest" WHAT ABOUT YOUR "SUBJECT" THO ASSHOLES

-its never not gonna make me sick how they killed a child in 100 days. thats all it took.

-ajjjj :c im fucking sick

chap 2:

-same vash same

-ily rem but no, thats too fucked up to forgive

-knives, my poor baby :c

-"i wish i could cut myself from everything too" oh mood, i mean what

-ok but rem trying to pick vash up and he refusing has to be so fucking heartbreaking for rem cuz thats her fucking child no matter what

-imagine your child who loved you so much rejecting you like that. i would literally shatter

-"you can continue the experiments with us" vash stfu i swear. catch me actually crying over that line btw im not ok

-INTERESTING how rem says she felt powerless (and i get why) but during the whole thing the crew had so much power over her life

-it fucks me up this is a one year old trying to die of starvation. yeah he looks older and etc etc but hes still less than 2 years old. life is pain. why nightow.

-also idk if im interpreting the panel right but i think he *was* going to eat but saw rem in his room so he stopped

-or are those different days? idk

-alright, today you are eating you sick son of a bitch :]

-NO STOP THAT YOU FUCKING CHILD

-the panel being blurry on purpose, 10/10

-hes sitting the same way rem did- oh im ending it all

-i feel kinda weird saying this but i just fucking love that story: the metaphor, how she tells it. it really feels like a parent trying to teach a kid something. its sad but feels comfy. i could literally read/listen to her telling that story of the train in her dreams over and over

-[pause for crying]

-its "separated ways" cuz that talk with rem lowkey divided rem i think. knives would be way different if he had heard what rem said. damn it why did he had to faint

chap 3

-"king of loneliness" pls i want to stop crying

-i know he didnt block the memory, i feel it

-yey creepy knives is here....yeyyy....

-amazing transition btw, gives me the yibbies every time

-HES RIGHT THO MF, YOU ARE AFRAID

-why he looks so cool while being creepy stop it knives stop it

-idk if im understanding it right, but i think knives did the thing he did in the first chapter but for all ships. it comes full circle

-god i hate when hes right

-im sad to say he looks beautiful and epic. also for the life of me i could not say if that plant agreed with him or not

-yknow what i think she didnt agree to that

-age of chaos wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :D

[i took a one day break cuz the volume made me too sad BUT IM BACK BABY]

chap 4

-yeah ig my baby has been to so many funerals if you think about it

-YEAH TO THE RESCUEEEEE

-wolfwood: you dont wanna mess with this guy he will break you

the guy in question: :c

-aw his cute little and stupid face :3

-i love to see vash having a good time :') god he needed that

-oh man we're getting sad again

-also yes they take those people who did whatever they did but the bartender is also taking vash in, even the demons get to drink there huh, nice

-why tf is this guy so wise, why is he saying what vash (kinda) needs to hear? amazing, im devastated

-wait so the feathers or whatever hurt??? because of the face he made. SO DOES IT HURT???? NO :C

-knives can you not-

-ITS HIM IN ALL OF HIS FUCKED UP GLORY :D

-SHUT UP VASH, GEESUS

-the final panel its so cute and then there's the fucking speech bubble that says "dumbass" its true tho xd

chap 5

-NOT THE FUCKING FEATHER i dont want to go there

-he looks so tired :c

-oh shit i forgot about that panel of his face wth

-OH SHIT WOLFWOOD NO

-OH THATS CREEPY AS HELL YO WHAT

-"the last thing i want to do is be a burden to him" STFU WOLFWOOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-SHES HERE OH SHIT OH SHIT

-"youre the one who needs to be careful" I WILL CHEW GLASS

-FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

-OH GOD OH NO ITS HIM GET OUTTTT

-elendira ily sm

-thank you wolfwood for saying trans rights lmao

-HES ASLEEP. KILL HIM VASH KILL HIM

-oh no his glasses :c

-ah fuck hes awake noooooooooooo

chap 6

-LEGATO IN THE METAL HANDBAG :D WHAT WILL HE DO

-dont you bring tesla into this >:[

-idk whats happening but KILL HIM

-*sigh* i hate when knives is right

-DONT YOU DARE SAY THAT AFTER STAMPEDE MF :C "if they come for us lets just run as fast as we can" YOU ARE MAKING IT SO HARD TO READ THIS MAN

-also yey he regained his eye :3

-:cccccccccccccccccccccc im so happy that talk was in stampede

-also yeah vash hates knives with a burning passion but EVEN THEN he still was willing to give him a chance and live together with him, i cant do this anymore really

-im picturing legato kind of jumping in his metal handbag to move around as if he was in a sleeping bag cuz i think thats way funnier lmao

-:cccccccccc vash pls

-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :c his armmmm

-oh geesus oh god no OH HELL NO

-ohhhhh i see. look at legato being useful lmao /J

-THE ARK IS HERE WOOP WOOP

well that was certainly a volume

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

Just For One Night | 2-4

✨Foreword: Baekhyun has always been carefully platonic in his interactions with his best friend’s little sister. He resolved to keep her at arm’s length despite his attraction towards her. But one night, one kiss changes everything.

✨Genre: romance, fluff!

✨A/N:  Hiii, since a few anons told me that they can’t access my google doc so here you go :) I didn’t edit this like what I did to the first chapter so uh you know what im gonna say I keep repeating myself haha! BTW, the FINAL part is out too! 

Last night felt too good to be true; like a dream I wished I would never wake up from. But I did. I woke up the next morning feeling in dismay knowing that I had to face reality. Our time together was over and everything between us would return to where it used to be. Baekhyun would see me as nothing but his best friend’s sister.   Tears burned in my eyes because more than I’d realized, I’d been waiting for someone like him. Sadly, he wasn’t mine. I stared down at his strong arms winding around my waist, enjoying the feeling of having him close for one last time. Last night, he’d woken me up for another round of sex. When we’re done, he’d kissed me goodnight and hold me to sleep. He hadn’t let go ever since, not even once. The feeling was kind of beautiful, and I wished we could stay like this longer. I made a stealth move to twist my body around in his arms and tilted my chin up to look at him. His eyes were closed, his chest rose and fell with every breath that he took. I’d never seen anything quite so peaceful before. Watching him sleep, being in his arms, my heart squeezed with a longing so deep I can’t help the tears from falling. He was someone I wished I could wake up to every morning. I lifted my hand up to cradle his face and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. Baekhyun made a low humming sound in the back of his throat as his arms tightened around me. I froze against him, my heart rate picking up. But a few seconds later, his hold around me loosened. Relief moved through me and I let go of the breath I was holding. I debated if I should wake him up before leaving. Part of me wanted to stay, but a bigger part of me didn’t want to have to deal with the awkwardness. So I figured it would be better if I leave. We could pretend last night hadn’t happened, move on with our lives and keep our relationship as platonic as it was before. Maybe that was what Baekhyun wanted as well. After all, he’d only proposed one night. I peeled his arms away from my waist, shifting to the side of the bed then sat up and swung my legs off the mattress. I looked over my shoulder to check on him before rising to my feet. My muscle was aching all over. I glanced slipped on my clothes before quietly made my way out of his bedroom and his apartment. I checked my phone in the cab, and was hit by a reminder that today is Kyungsoo’s wedding.

Baekhyun will be there too.

Oh Crap.

When I stepped foot into the sitting area of my shared home, I found my best friend lazing on the couch with a cup of Greek yogurt in her hand, her attention fixed on the TV in front of her. She hadn’t noticed my arrival. “Babe,” I called. Since she didn’t answer, I moved closer so I was standing in front of her, blocking her view. She glanced up, her eyes rest on my face for a fleeting moment before drifting down and back up again. Her brows raised curiously at me, “Where were you last night?” “...” My best friend knew me so well she could tell from my silence that something was bothering me. “Come sit.” She scoot over and pat on the empty space next to her. I flopped back against the couch, turning slightly to look at her. She cast me a worried look, “Tell me what happened.”   “Baekhyun and I...we,” “Baekhyun and you what?” She probed. “We might’ve…slept together.” “Oh God.” She gasped, disbelief written all over her face. “How?” She gripped my arms, shaking me. “How did it happen?" “We were talking on the couch…and then somehow, we were all over each other. I tried to stop it but––“ “But what? What happened next?” She urged,  looking so engrossed. “––He told me it’s only for a night so I said yes, then we went at it.” I blushed. “Like animals” “I’m not surprised.” Her lips twitched as if suppressing a laughter. “Those hickeys say it all.” My cheek felt so hot it could cook. I had noticed those bite marks in the cab on my way home. I just didn’t care to cover it because there’s no need to. Soyeon and I were as comfortable around each other as two married couple should be. We were like sisters and I trusted her with my secrets, just as she trusted me with hers. “Do you think Baekhyun would be mad that I left without telling him?” I asked. “You did what?” Her lips parted in shock. Her reaction didn’t make me feel good at all. “I just...I wasn’t sure If I should wake him up.” “You should have!” she raised her voice, shocking me. “He's not just a guy you pick up at the bar to hook up with for God sake, what were you thinking?” My guilt tripled in an instant. I hadn't meant to treat Baekhyun like a one-night stand. He meant so much more than that. “I don’t want any awkwardness between us. What if he wakes up and regret sleeping with me?” She shook her head. “I doubt that. This is Baekhyun we are talking about. He cares about you too much to hurt you.” “How could you be so sure?” My best friend looked at me like I was stupid. “How could you be so blind? Anyone with a pair of eyes could easily tell that Baekhyun loves you. Have you seen the way he looks at you?” “He looks at me the same way since I was little.” Soyeon gave me a long stare, then she sighed as if giving up. “Whether you believe me or not, Baekhyun is going to be so disappointed when he wakes up and finds that you’re gone.” I slumped back against the couch, groaning in frustration. “What do I do?” “Call him,” she says. “Apologize.”

I decided to take a shower first before calling Baekhyun as I needed time to think of what to say. All I knew was, I should apologize. And then what? Do I tell him how I feel about him? What if he didn't feel the same way? Worst, What if I scared him away? OR What if Soyeon was right? That Baekhyun indeed harbored some feelings for me? I sat in the bathtub, hugging my knees to my chest while my mind drifted to last night. And the words Baekhyun had said to me ran through my head. Any man would be lucky to have you... That probably meant nothing....he must have said that to all the girls he had dated before... I think about you for every damn second of the day. Did he mean that in a romantic way or was it purely sexual? Maybe its the latter...or maybe not....God, I'm so confused For the next one hour, I sat there thinking about all those maybes and what ifs. I was getting drowsy. Without me knowing, my eyes fluttered close and I drifted off to sleep. I hadn't realized my head was sinking underwater. Sleep left my brain spontaneously, and my eyes shot up in shock when I felt a pair of hands gripping my arms, pulling me out into the air. "What the hell are you doing?" a male's voice boomed across the small space of the bathroom. I saw Baekhyun through my blurry vision as I rubbed away the water that got into my eyes. He was squatting next to the bathtub, looking all horrified and worried. He reached for a clean towel on the cabinet below the sink, "What were you trying to do??" he fumed, dabbing the towel over my face. I was too dumbstruck to even form a word. Not to mention I wasn't wearing anything......I was naked........naked......wait? naked! Awareness crashed into me and my hands moved up instinctively to cover my chest, "Why are you here?" I snapped. His face twisted into a frown, "Were you trying to kill yourself?" "Kill myself?" I mimic the frown on his face, but mine was of confusion, "What are you talking about?" "Answer me!" "You answer me! What are you doing here?" Baekhyun answered with a loud grunt and then he bent forward and dipped his arms into the water to spoon me out of the bathtub. "Baekhyun!" I squealed, folding my arm over my chest as if it would help to cover my nakedness. Why did I even bother? he had seen me naked anyway. He carried me all the way out into my walk-in closet and placed me down on the marble countertop, water dripping down from my drenched hair and skin. "Explain." he demanded as he leaned forward to rest his palms on the space next to my hips. My forehead creased, still not understanding what he was fussing all about, "What do you want me to explain?" "Why were you drowning yourself in the bathtub?" I shot him an incredulous stare. Did he really think I was trying to kill myself? "I did not, Baekhyun. I fell asleep." "You fell asleep?" he asked as if he couldn't believe what I said. "Yes, I fell asleep," I confirmed. "It happens sometimes when I'm tired."   "Oh........" he muttered, embarrassment was evident in his expression, "Okay......" "Guys, what's wrong, why is it so loud in-." At the sound of Soyeon's voice, I brought my head around. Our eyes met and she was standing frozen in the doorway of my walk-in closet, "Oh dear," she turned around, "I'm so sorry....I didn't mean to disturb.....you guys can...you know....continue do your thing....whatever it is........" she babbled. "It's not what you think it is," I corrected her immediately. "Have fun!" she shouted teasingly before fleeing the scene. "Great, now she's going to think that we-" I trailed off as I turned around and caught him grinning at me, making my heart rate sped up. His gaze made its way down my bare skin and in a nanosecond, the air around us was charged with tension. I cleared my throat and he brought his gaze back to my face with a low hum. "What brings you here?" I asked softly. “We need to talk.” "About what?" I asked, feigning ignorant. “You might want to wear your clothes first…I'm loving the view, but its pretty distracting, baby." He suggested with a grin. Heat pervaded my cheek. "Can you wait outside?" I asked, trying to buy myself some time to think. He nodded, and in a heartbeat, his lips were on mine for a quick kiss. "Don't take too long," he said against my lips. And then he walked away, leaving me hopelessly confused by the kiss.

When I stepped out into my bedroom, Baekhyun was on my bed. I caught a glimpse of my journal lying on a pillow next to him. He was staring at it, and as his hand started to move to reach for it, my legs acted on instinct. I strode forward, stopping before him and snatched it away. Baekhyun's head snapped up at my sudden presence. It was a relief he hadn't gotten a chance to open it. This diary held too many secrets I'd been keeping to myself all these years. It was an outlet for my feelings for him since I was little. "What is that?" he asked. “My journal.” I slipped the diary under my pillow and lowered myself on the bed. I turned to him and asked, “What do you want to talk about?" The air changes again. "You weren't there when I woke up this morning," he muttered with a tone laced with disappointment. "You were still sleeping. I didn't want to disturb.” which was true. I wasn't lying. "And you think it's okay to leave without a word?" he said with a slightly raised voice this time. "I'm sorry. I was..." I paused for a bit of a second and then I admitted, "I was confused." A muscle in his jaw tightened, "So you're confused, and that gives you the right to treat me like a hookup you use for a night and get rid of the next day? Do I mean so little to you?” I flinched at the tone of his voice. Growing up, Baekhyun had barely gotten upset at me. But If he did, means I had really done a huge mistake. And this time, I knew I did.   "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." “Am I just a rebound?” He asks sharply.

“No. Of course not,” I deny.

For a moment I was uncertain how he was going to respond to that. But slowly, the tension in his face eased and I saw understanding in his eyes, "Next time you’re confused, we talk. You don't have to run away." Next time? Will there ever be a next time? There was a deep silence before my soft voice filled the room, "I guess I left because I was scared.” "What is there to be scared of?" "I was afraid that you'd wake up and realized that being with me last night was a mistake." tears pricking my eyes as I spoke. "I don't want you to regret anything because last night meant something to me." He held my gaze with his gentle one and his hand reached out to cradle the side of my face, "Last night meant something to me too." he confessed, "Being with you wasn't a mistake. It will never be." My heart throbbed at his confession, I almost felt like crying.

"I never regret any second of it.” he continued, "I'd do anything I can to make you mine again.” And with that, tears rolled down my cheek. Happy tears. Baekhyun scooted closer, tugged me into his arms and I rested my head on his chest. My heart throbbing harder in my chest.  "Are you still confused?" he asked as his hand brushed at the back of my head. "I'm not sure if last night changes anything." Baekhyun answered with a chuckle, "Of course it does, sweetheart." I leaned back and stared up at him with a question in my eyes, "What changes?" "This." he said before his lips crashed down into mine. A startled gasp slipped from my lips. My hands moved up to hold onto his arms as our lips moved against each other in a long ardent kiss. When he pulled back, he whispered, "Now I get to kiss you whenever I want to." A blush spread across my cheek, "So," I said, chewing on my bottom lip, "Does it mean we are a couple now?" The side of his lips curled up, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" If he could read my mind, he'd hear me screaming a loud yes. But feeling playful, I shrugged instead. "I'll think about it." A warning flashed in his eyes. Two seconds later I was pushed back against the pillows with him hovering over me. "Think faster."

We spent the remaining of the afternoon in my bed. My back leaning against his front and his arms hugging me from behind. We were sometimes talking and sometimes just quietly enjoying each other’s company. Unlike the relationships I had before, being with Baekhyun felt real to me. He gave me butterflies, he made my heart flutters, he gave me tingles and many other beautiful feelings no man could ever give me. Most of all, he showed me love even before he said it to me. It might be a wishful thinking but I'd like to believe that perhaps Baekhyun felt the same for me too. “Should we tell your brother now?” Baekhyun asked. I looked up and cast him a troubled look, “Now?” “What's wrong?” “Hypothetically speaking,” I said. “If my brother disapproved of our relationship, what would you do?” I wondered anxiously while waiting for his answer. “Hypothetically speaking,” he imitated, “If your brother disapproved of our relationship, would you run away with me?” That was surprising. Knowing how much he treasured his friendship with my brother, I’d assumed he was gonna say let’s end this…“Where are you taking me to?” “Anywhere you want,” he answered. “Just you and me.” Loving the idea, I showed him my expectant smile, “Let's go to your grandmama’s home.” His brows rose up and he gave a quiet chuckle, “I’m starting to think you are obsessed with my grandmama’s home.” “I am,” I admitted simply. “Would you take me there, please?” “Anything for you, sweetheart.” he lowered his head so that his nose brushed along mine. Baekhyun’s grandmother lived in a vacation home at a beach called The Dolphin Island. I’d never gotten a chance to visit as I was on my internship when Baekhyun and the rest planned a trip there last summer. I'd heard from my brother of how beautiful the place is. He told me that the sky would turn pink during sunset and that dolphins would appear swimming across the ocean too. I could only imagine how surreal it felt to witness such a breathtaking view…. Feeling elated at the thoughts, my face beamed with blissfulness. “I can’t wait to be there!” “You make it sounds like we are really running away.” “Aren't you the one who suggested the idea?” “It was a hypothetical question, my dear.” My brows drew together, “So you weren’t serious about it?” Sensing my disappointment, Baekhyun let out a sigh, “I wasn’t kidding when I said we’ll run away if your brother doesn’t approve of our relationship. But first, I’d like to try my best to convince him to let me date you. ” he explained. “I will fight for us no matter what." The die-hard romantic in me was melting into mush. I turned myself around so that I was straddling him, and then I kissed him. Earnestly. “I will fight for us too." I whispered as I pulled back. His lips quirked in amusement, “Really? What are you gonna tell your brother then?" I pondered for a brief period of time before answering honestly, “I'll tell him that I had a huge crush on you since I was ten and that I'd rather die than not be with you." Two brows rose at me in question and surprise, "You've been crushing on me for so long and I didn't know about it?" “Because back then, I was only Chanyeol’s little sister in your eyes,” I muttered. Regret veiled his expression. "I'm sorry." I assured him with a smile as I shook my head lightly, “I don’t want you to feel sorry. I’m telling you this because I want you to know that.......it has always been you.”   That made him smile. While keeping his loving gaze on me, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. My cheek felt warm and my heart palpitated. I knew if I didn’t break the silence, we’d end up kissing again and I had a feeling it might even lead to something else. As appealing as it sounded, I wasn't going to do it in my shared apartment especially not when the room wasn't soundproofed. If Soyeon heard us, I swore she'd never let me live a day without her teasing. "You know," I broke our gaze and leaned over to slid my hand under a pillow next to him. His eyes followed my hand as I pulled a diary hidden under it. "I've been writing about you ever since the day I met you," "You were only seven when I first met you." Stunned that he remembered, my face lit up, "And you were fourteen." I said as I handed the diary to him. "These are all about me?" he asked while taking the book in his hand. "You might want to skip the first few entries. I wrote them when I was five. It's mostly about Disney princesses and my Barbie dolls." Chuckling, he flipped to the very the first entry. "I want to read everything." July 20, 2000. Dear Diary, Today, everyone is not happy. Mommy and Daddy are very angry at Chanyeol because he bring baby mouse back home from school. Mommy say we cannot keep baby mouse at home because it is dirty. But baby mouse is very cute and my brother say baby mouse is hurt so he want to take care of it. Mommy and Daddy want to throw away baby mouse. Chanyeol is very sad because baby mouse is gone, and I am sad too because I don’t like to see my brother being sad. November 3, 2001. Dear Diary, Today is a good day because I made a new friend! He's my brother's best friend and his name is Baekhyun. He is very kind just like my brother and he makes me laugh a lot. I hope to see him again soon. August 14, 2002. Dear Diary, Today, Baekhyun teaches me how to ride the bicycle. I am still not good at it yet. I kept falling and cried because it's so hard. But Baekhyun told me it’s okay because he used to fall many times too. He said I shouldn't give up and If I keep trying, I will be able to ride the bicycle soon. May 1, 2003. Dear Diary, Today, As I got home from school, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were hanging out in my room. They were talking about a boy in their class. I don’t think they like him very much but I'm not sure. They repeated the word asshole a few times. I didn’t know the meaning of those words and they wouldn't tell me because they said I am too young to understand. I was so curious that I went to Mommy's room to ask her. Mommy got so angry at me. She told me that is a bad word and warned me to never say it again. Then, she went to my room to reprimand Baekhyun and Chanyeol. I felt guilty because it was my fault they got into trouble. When Mommy left the room, I thought they were going to be upset but they laughed at me instead. I am really confused. And I still don't know what asshole means. For the next half an hour, I sat next to Baekhyun as he read each page and laughed at the most of them. It was until he turned to the entry I wrote when I was seventeen that he stopped and turned to me with a frown. June 24, 2012 Dear Diary, I think I might have my first sexual awakening today. I nibbled my bottom lips with a bashful smile. It was a relief I didn't include the details of my "sexual awakening" in my diary. It would be more embarrassing if I did. "Did I.....?" he guessed

"Yes, you did, my friend." His brows puckered, "I don't know how to feel about it. It sounds a bit.....pedophile like." I giggled at his discomfort, "Come on. It's not like you were attracted to my boobless and buttless teenager body. Plus, you were still dating Jaesi at the time." I was referring to his ex-girlfriend whom he dated for seven years. The two had an on and off relationship before they finally decided to end it a month ago. "Good point. But, what did I do to spark your....uh....sexual awakening?" he queried. "Promise me you won't make fun of me if I tell you?" "I promise." ".....You didn't do anything actually," I said. "I'm not sure if you remember, but I did walk in on you shirtless." His lips curled into a slow and smug grin, "I've always thought you were innocent." "I was seventeen.....you know.....hormone and all." "Didn't know you're such a pervert." he mocked. Embarrassed, I snatched the diary away from his grasp, "Shouldn't have let you read it." "Hey, I was just joking." he coaxed as he nudged my arm with his elbow. "Let me read the rest of it, please." his face was now nuzzling in the crook of my neck, making me titter at the ticklish sensation. "Fine fine...But....Only if you tell me when did you start seeing me differently." I bargained. I've always been curious and now was the best chance to ask him about it. "What do you mean differently?" "When did you start seeing me as a woman?" I clarified my question. He threw me an are-you-serious look, like it was such a wrong thing to ask. "I'm not telling you that. It's a guy thing that will probably creep you out." "I won't. I promise.” I pleaded in a sweet way that managed to waver his resolve. He let out a defeated sigh, "Okay.." "This is fun!” I chirped. He shook his head at my excitement before he started speaking, "You were nineteen. It was during one of the weekend gatherings at Kyungsoo's villa." "Oh my god, I remember!" I interjected, "No wonder you were being such an overbearing ass that night." He clucked his tongue in annoyance, "Do you want to listen or what?" "Sorry." I gave him an apologetic smile, "Go on." "You brought a date with you. I couldn't remember the asshole's name. I think it was something Sook.." "Seok-jin." I supplied while trying my best to suppress my grin. He was clearly jealous.   "Whatever," he rolled his eyes, "You know I wasn't in the best mood that night. I needed some fresh air so I went outside to the park nearby. And then, I found you and the asshole kissing under the tree and-" As the memory of that night returned vividly to my mind, my eyes widened, "Oh my god! So it was you who threw rocks at us while we were kissing." I deduced with a loud voice as if I just solved one of Sherlock Holmes mystery. Baekhyun treated me with another stern look for interrupting his speech. "Last warning." "Sorry." "I was suddenly feeling so jealous and turned on at the same time," he confessed somewhat gruffly as his eyes lingered on my mouth. "My mind started to imagine how your lips would feel against mine, how you'd taste like when I......." his voice trailed away as our eyes locked in another heated stare. My breathing became heavy as the air around us thickened. His lips were moving closer to mine and half a second before we closed the distance between us, Baekhyun's phone rang, interrupting our moment. He made a low scowling sound under his breath. I sighed inwardly as he pulled back and shoved his hand into his jeans pocket, I peered over to look at the caller id and my forehead creased as I saw Aera's name written on the screen. Aera was Kyungsoo's twenty-year-old cousin who had a crush on Baekhyun. "Why is she calling you?" As if he something struck him in the head, he cursed again. I became more curious, "What is it?" "I've promised Kyungsoo that I'll be Aera's date for his wedding tonight."

I was smiling on the outside, pretending that I wasn't at the very least affected by the news that my boyfriend was going on a date with another girl. But on the inside, I was livid with jealousy. I knew there was nothing to worry about since Baekhyun had zero feelings for Aera. He was just doing a favor to his best friend. Still, it was a little difficult to accept the notion that I had to share my boyfriend with someone else. Especially since we had just made our relationship official less than an hour ago. Baekhyun had repeatedly asked me if I’d liked him to bail out. But, how could I possibly say Yes when I knew the girl had been looking forward to this day. Plus, Aera was a nice girl and I actually liked her. I’d be an evil witch if I ever ruined her dream date with Baekhyun. “Are you sure you are okay?” "Yes I'm okay," I told him for the umpteenth time, "I know you are just doing a favour to Kyungsoo. I completely understand." "You really sure?" he tried again. Forcing a wider smile, I spoke through my gritted teeth, "Yes Baekhyun, I am 100% sure.“ "See that fake smile?" he pointed at my lips, "You are so jealous." “I told you I'm not." I denied. "Yes you are." he insisted. My smile faltered and my forehead creased, "Why can't you just drop it?" I groaned. "Fine," he rolled his eyes, "It's actually good that you are not jealous because you know....a date involves holding hands and-" "No." I shot him a death glare, “No holding hands.” He gave me a smug smile, "Are you finally admitting that you are jealous?" Too tired to argue, I reluctantly admitted, "I am jealous..." my voice sounded almost muted. "I know that." "No holding hands!" I reminded. “I won't. But what if she holds mine first?” he said with a smirk I wasn't sure what for. "Do I push her away?" Part of me was tempted to say yes but I knew how much it hurts to be pushed away by a guy you like. “Don't push her away.” I said as I scooted closer to him, “You can link arms with her like this,” I slid my hand around his arms as a demonstration, “or this,” I reached down to hold his hand with a loose flimsy grip, “Just, not like this.” I clasped his hand tightly with interlaced fingers, “This is how you hold my hand.” A low chuckle left his lips, “Are you always this possessive, sweetheart?” “Would you let another guy hold my hand like this?” I quipped. Baekhyun’s grip tightened around my fingers in reflex, “No other man touches you but me.” he said hoarsely. "Understand?" "Are you always this bossy, Mr. Byun?" "Do you understand?" he repeated, warning in his tone. "Okay okay...." Men are such a caveman sometimes. "But you are not allowed to touch another girl as well. No hug, No kiss, just holding hands. Deal?" "There's no woman I'd rather touch than you." Liking his answer, a pleased grin formed on my lips. “We're good then." I said, "Oh...And....please don't flirt or tease her like you always do to me." I added, "You know your mouth can be quite uh....powerful." Baekhyun was flirty by nature and we all knew just how good he was with words. Those who didn't know him well might mistake that he was genuinely interested. False hope sucks big time.   “My mouth? Powerful?" he asked. "Like how?" I shrugged, too embarrassed to explain, “I don't know.” “You mean like the time I made you come so hard with my mouth?” he muttered casually. God, how could someone be so blunt? "You really need a filter for your dirty words.” I said, shaking my head. An evil smirk spread across his lips. He leaned down so that his mouth was sitting next to my ear. “From what I recall," his voice lowered to a whisper, "your wet pussy enjoyed my dirty words just fine.” “Oh my god! You filthy bastard!” I pushed him away, feeling a flush of heat spreading across my cheek. At my flustered reaction, he burst into deep laughter, “You are such a prude.” he joked. I stared at him with an unamused expression. And as his laughter fell away, he stared back at me silently. "What?" Slowly, a feral grin formed across his face, hinting me that I was about to be attacked by his filthy words again. Oh no….no more.... "I....I have to get ready for the wedding." I muttered before crawling to the front edge of the bed to get away from him. But I could only go so far when Baekhyun hooked his fingers around my ankles from behind. I looked over my shoulder with a frown, "What are you doing?" Without a word, he pulled my legs back, causing a surprised squeal to escape through my mouth. My bent knees were being straightened at the tug of his hands that I dropped on all four. Next, his body fell on my back, pressing me down against the soft mattress with his weight. “Get off me! You are so heavy.” I let out a feebled cry as I struggled to move under him. And all he did was laugh, gloating over my helpless state. I moved my free hands behind and attacked his waist with soft tickles. It's his weak spot, I knew. When his body wriggled above mine, I took the opportunity to shift under him, but, he was so quick to pull me back into a tight hug. “Got you!” his arms and legs circled around me as he pressed my back against his chest. Having no strength to move any longer, I relaxed into his hold, "I can't believe you are twenty-nine." I panted. Baekhyun dropped his head on my shoulder, "I can't believe you're mine." It took me seconds to register his words and then the rhyme behind it. And as I did, I fell into uncontrollable laughters. As he laughed along with me, he planted soft kisses along the bare skin of my shoulder up to the side of my neck. The rumbling sound of his voice did happy things to my heart. His lips made its way up to my ear and when his teeth pulled at my earlobe, I hissed at the sudden sharp pain. “Does it hurt?” he asked, sounding a little sorry. “A little." I murmured, "But I like it." Baekhyun chuckled, the rumbling sound of his voice did happy things to my heart. "You're funny." he nibbled my ear again, gentler this time. Time melted away quickly when we were together. When I glanced up at the clock, I realized we'd been laying here for nearly four hours. "Baekhyun," I called out softly and he hummed in response. "You need to leave now else you'll be late for the wedding. We're supposed to arrive earlier remember?" “I know,” he breathed gently into my ear, “Let’s stay like this just a little longer."

Baekhyun had finally left my apartment to get himself ready for the wedding and well….his date. And I was left alone in my room as I changed into the dress Jisoo had specially designed for the bridesmaids. The dress was strapless with a sweetheart neckline, and the upper half of the bodice was embellished with a few sparks of glitter, not too shiny, but just enough to make it glow. There’s a thin sash fitting around the waist, and then, the tulle fabric fell like a waterfall from the waist down to the floor. Oh and the color. Sky blue. Just like the color of Cinderella’s dress. I stood before the dressing table and stared down at the display box where I stored my pieces of jewelry. I was looking for a necklace to match my dress but my eyes caught a glimpse of something and I picked it out. It was the Dior pearl earrings Baekhyun had gifted to me for my birthday. Smiling, I looked up at the mirror and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. While I was struggling trying to fit the sharp end of the stud into my pierced earlobe, someone knocked on my door. “Yeah?“ I responded. “It’s me. May I come in?” a male's voice met with my ears. “Sure. Come in.” Through the reflection in the mirror, I watched as the door eased open slowly. Soon, my brother entered the room and I turned around. He was wearing a single-breasted jacket in black and a grey silk tie knotted around the collar of his white dress shirt. His face beamed up as he saw me in my blue dress, “Look at you,” he admired, “You look stunning.” Have I mentioned that I loved my brother? “Thank you.” I gave him a self-deprecated smile. "You don't look so bad yourself." He walked over to my side and gave me a hug. As he pulled back, he looked down at the earring in my hand. "Need help with that?" I nodded, passing him the tiny piece of jewelry that looked a lot tinier in his big hand. I couldn’t help but grin at the delicate way he handled the earrings. When he was done with one ear, he proceeded with the other. He did it so effortlessly that it amazed me. “How could you be so good at this?” I wondered.   “I practiced a lot,” he grinned, “on the girl next door.” He was talking about Soyeon, and I wondered where she was. “Have you seen her?” I asked. He shook his head. “She’s still in her room. She wouldn’t let me come in.” “I think she’s probably freaking out right now,” I said as I giggled, “She seems to have a phobia of dresses.” “How the hell do you wear this stupid dress?” See.... My brother and I turned around to find the owner of the voice. And there she was, standing near the doorway, holding the blue sash she couldn’t figure out how to tie. My eyes sparkled at the sight of her in her bridesmaid’s dress. It was almost as similar to mine, but hers was designed with a Sabrina neckline, making her collarbone looks more prominent. I’ve always thought Soyeon looked naturally beautiful without makeup. Even wearing just her usual t-shirt and jeans—the casual girl-next-door style she preferred—she looked gorgeous. But this….this is just perfect. She’s perfect. And as I moved my gaze to Chanyeol who was standing next to me, I was struck speechless by the way he looked at Soyeon. His eyes were gleaming with so much affection as though she was the most precious thing in the world. I swore no man could possibly be more in love than my brother. “You must be the luckiest guy on earth,” I said in a soft whisper. “Don’t ever lose her.” “I know…” he smiled. And while keeping his loving gaze locked on his confused girlfriend, he whispered back to me, “I’m going to marry her someday.” My my…he had got to be the most romantic man in the universe. “You better do.” I murmured, “Because I’m not letting you marry anyone else besides her.” And I meant what I said. Growing up as siblings, Chanyeol and I had always been protective of each other. I’ve seen a few women come and go in his life. Some betrayed him and some just wanted him for what he had. At the end, he was left broken-hearted. As a sister, all I ever wanted was the best for my brother. And I knew he wanted the same for me too. I loved him so much that it broke me to see him hurt. Someone like him deserved much better than a woman who could never see him beyond his good-looks and his wealth. There's more to him than that. This man had the biggest heart that was made to love and he deserved to be loved as much too. With Soyeon, I knew I wouldn't have to worry. She loved my brother truly. She made him happy. In fact, I’ve never seen my brother happier than he is now. They had to stay together. Forever. “What are you guys whispering about?” Soyeon voice brought our attention back to her, “Can someone help me with my dress?”

I arrived at the venue two hours before the ceremony started. Soyeon and Chanyeol had to use the washroom and I was asked to go ahead without them. The moment I entered the hall, my eyes wandered over the vast space that could possibly hold a capacity of five hundred seated guests. Standing at the entrance, I spotted the other bridesmaids and groomsmen crowding around the front seats. They were in the middle of a conversation, incognizant of my arrival. I walked right down the aisle, underneath me was a red velvet’s carpet that led from the entrance towards the altar. Suho, the eldest one of the group and also the best man, was the first to notice me as I approached. At the sound of his voice calling my name, the other shifted their attention to me and I greeted each one of them with a friendly hug. These people were my closest friends, meaning, each one of them knew about my recent break-up with my ex and they were very very concerned. It was honestly a little tiring for me to convince them that I was alright. But, still, I was grateful to be surrounded by kind people like them who cared about me. A couple of minutes later, Chanyeol and Soyeon arrived at the hall and we were left with Baekhyun and Aera. While waiting for them, the guys started discussing a work-related topic, while the girls raved about the lovely wedding decorations. I, on the other hand, was more interested in the music ensemble that was currently having a soundcheck. The string quartet was playing the instrumental version of Elton John’s Can You Feel The Love Tonight. I made my way up the altar and took a seat on the vacant grand piano bench. While I sat and listened attentively to the music, I noticed something was missing. The melody. The strings were only playing the accompaniment without the melody. I wondered if Kyungsoo had hired a pianist or if the grand piano was here just for display. While I was immersed in my own thoughts, I felt a gentle brush of a hand across my cheek and a familiar low voice saying ‘You look beautiful’ to me. My heart skipped a beat and I looked up. Standing there was my boyfriend, Baekhyun, in his black suit. He was staring down at me with those warm eyes that had never failed to mesmerize me. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Will I ever stop feeling this way? That feeling of giddiness and excitement whenever he was around. God...I hoped not. “Thank you.” I smiled up at him. “You look fine too.” More than fine actually, you look perfect…. "Scoot over," he instructed, and I shifted to the side to make some room for him to sit. We were sitting side by side on the bench with our arms and our thighs touching against each other. Such simple contact caused my heart raced. All of a sudden, his fingers gripped my chin, turning my head so I was facing him. He made quick glances from left to right, looking almost suspicious. I was wondering what he was going to do until he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine for a quick kiss. Gasping, I leaned back, “What if someone sees us?” I said in a loud whisper while shifting my gaze to the group of people down the stage. I felt a surge of relief when I saw that they were still occupied with a conversation among themselves. And I’d also noted the absence of his date, “Where is Aera?” I asked, looking back at him. “She's in the toilet,” he answered. “Why are you sitting here all alone?" My bottom lips jutted forward in a pout, "Because I'm sad that my boyfriend left me alone for another girl." "Sweetheart," his face hardened, suddenly turning serious, "You just have to say the word and I'll ditch my date for you." Shaking my head, I reached up to brush my knuckles across his cheek, "I was just kidding, my love." In a matter of seconds, the tension on his face dissipated, "Say that again?" he said, as though he couldn't believe what he just heard. "Say what? I was just kidding?" "No. The last two words." "My love?" His face lightened up and he hummed in satisfaction, "I like it." I chuckled, "I can see that." "Say it again." "My love." He looked so happy that it amazed me. Did he realize how endearing he is? I'd say the word over and over again just so I could see that smile on his face. "You fascinate me, Baekhyun." I told him sincerely as I ran my thumb across his cheek in a soft caress. He lifted his hand and placed it over mine, "You do the same to me too." 

Final Part is here. 

OPM S2e11 Live Blog

“The Varieties of Pride”

I left work an hour early just to watch the episode sooner and of COURSE I GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC FOR AN HOUR because the universe BE LIKE THAT. But guys holy shit this is the second to last episode of the season. So much shit is about to go down. I’m eerily calm and concerning myself soooo uh without further ado I’mma WATCH

As always I’m watching from the perspective of someone up to date on the manga and web comic!

Ok so we’re picking up exactly where we left off, but I mean how could we not, really? And Garou still looks beautiful and I still cri evr tim KEK Glasses looks SO out of place like his fists arent even raised when everyone else is pointing a weapon ar Garou like dude?? Every time Garou laughs I gain a year of life btw, also god damn he’s really drawn SO WELL here, pls pls pls treat Genos with the same respect my bby boy pls 

“Where are the S class heroes” oh dear be careful what you wish for…………………. asdfghjkl “any kid who heard you would be so let down” IDK GAROU ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT. ARE YOU. ohohohOH OH OH THE STAIRCASE!!! THE CRUEL STAIRCASE!! AH ok opening theme who it gon b this week 

ASDFGHJKL  A CHIBI GAROU IN THE OPENING IM IN LOVE 

Oh no these flashbacks are going to be heartbreaking, but at the same time I cant not see a bunch of Geryuganshoops asdfghjkl ohhh oh no Garou no Garou is literally me I was that child this is personal and it hurts stopppp I just wanted Wile E Coyote to catch road runner once JUST ONCE I was SO that kid  im- also what the hell kind of show is ‘Justice man’ why does the monster sound so sympathetic like, IM JUST TRYING TO STOP OCEAN POLLUTION TOO yall fuck just Justice Fire Kick me to the face too i guess 

AAAAAAAAA IM SCREAMING GO MY BOY KICK ASS THIS IS LIKE THE EXACT MOMENT WHERE GAROU OFFICIALLY EARNED MY COMPLETE RESPECT IN THE FIRST PLACE THEY THINK THEY GOT HIM AND HES JUST LIKE WELL ACTUALLY FUCK YOU IMMA POWER UP BITCH AND I AM LIVING SEEING IT IN MOTION MY BOY asdfghjkl”like im not allowed to have one? talk about discrimination” son I love you THIS IS AMAZING THIS WHOLE THING IS AMAZING 

BEHOLD the exact moment u shit ur metal pants, fool

IM JUST SCREAMING THIS WHOLE TIME I DONT HAVE WORDS THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ANIMATION IVE SEEN ALL SEASON JC STAFF DOESNT SUCK THEY JUST POURED 100% OF THEIR TIME INTO THIS FIGHT 

WHOAH calm the fuck down there smiley face man?? I’m SO GLAD they made him look crazy a bit cause I honestly didn’t even notice him just nonchalantly suggest to kill him the first read through, holy shit fuck ????? 

THIS IS JUST SO GOOD IM SCREAMING HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO SCREENSHOT EVERY SINGLE FRAME ITS ALL SO GOOD 

WHAT IS THIS

WHAT IS THIS

A GLASSES FLASHBACK 

I THOUGHT IT WAS AN OMAKE OR???

WHAT IS THIS 

WHAT

OH MY GOD HIS VOICE?? IM,,, BABY NO AND SAITAMA??????????? WHAT THE FUCK AM I WITNESSING RIGHT NOW  

AND THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT LIMITS ST O P 

SADFHGJKLKJMHNGBFVCXCVBRGHNTYMJ<KUMJYNTBRVECWRVTBYUMIKMYNTBRVECVBTNYUMIYNTBRVECVRBTNYUM

I CANT BELIEVE THEY PUT THAT IN THERE WHAT THE SHIT FUCK 

OH GOD

I THINK IM GONNA LITERALLY CRY THIS SCENE GETS ME EVERY TIME I READ IT LIKE I JUST REREAD IT THIS MORNING BUT-----

oh no its happening. im crying ok oh dear lord 

I just…. love him so much … holy shit… ah the laugh, +1 more year life, and again oh no im becomming immortal ahhhh

ASDFGHJKL FUCK “YOU GOT ISSUES BROTHER” GODDAMNIT U READ MY MIND GAROU PLS

Oh my god. The voice sound effect here. just everything about this. Oh my god. I’m so shook holy shit shit ----- ‘Oh your still alive’ WELL ILL TELL U WHAT I AM LIVING RN SO YEAH oh no and Garous little slightly heartbroken hand gesture as Tareo screams and runs and then he just starts limping away gasping for water and then 

ASDFGHUJIKL GENOS 

WAIT CAN SOMEONE GIVE GAROU WATER FIRST THO 

I DONT KNOW IF IM EXCITED OR HEARTBROKEN RIGHT NOW HELP the MUSIC is so INTENSE and GENOS LOOKS SO COOL IM SO FULL OF EMOTIONS AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS CONFLICTING OH NO 

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THIS ANIMATION HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD EVEN THE STILLS OF THE SMEAR FRAMES LOOK FUKKIN AMAZING GOD DAMNIT

wow ok saitama and king right ok gonna pause and give my heartrate a second to come down holy shit. I’m gonna watch and rewatch this episode 2000000 times I know it oh my god. phew. ok. ok. moving on 

Saitama just keeling over and SCREAMING is me 24/7 HOLY- omg I’m dying thank you opm for being a glorious mix of BADASS and PEAK COMEDY ASDFGHJKL WHAT IS THAT FACE SAITAMA this is so good. How long have they been there playing games anyway?? Aww King being concerned for Genos’s safety thats so sweet?? Also Saitama worrying very subtly I love them so much I cri 

AH THERE GOES MY HEART RATE AGAIN OK asdfghjkl THE watchdog Man movements!!! LOOK!! SO !! COOL!! Ouch ok I love seeing Garou smile but not while pinned to a tree like that no nope I dont like it not one bit oh no 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THERE IT IS THERE IT IS THERE IT IS THERE IT IS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ohhey its flowey undertale 

ASDFGHJKL OK Genos looks so cool I just IM so GLAD im just so happy I cant Also IM LOVING ANIME GAROU WITH THE RED its just SO GOOD  phew phew asdfghjk just EVERY SINGLE SHOT OF GAROU IS SO PERFECT EVERY. SINGLE. ONE 

BANG ASDFGHJKL BANG OH MY GOD I WAS SO CAUGHT UP I FORGOT wtf this music is so funky i love it??? Holy crap??? 

This looks soo good I am alive I am living is this the thrill of life ?? ? Oh my god. This music is killing me this is so intense, I don’t want it to end here. Bang is also drawn SO BEAUTIFULLY here everyone in the whole episode is WAIT

WAIT

I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS FLASH BACK 

THIS IS NEW 

OH NO 

ASDFGHJKL GODDAMNIT SOURFACE 

One, Murata, JC, why did you do that. that was cruel. It hurts. i wasn't prepared. I mean im never prepared but like ESPECIALLY not for that just tear my heart out just tear it out i dont even need it please just JUST 

oh no, you cant end the episode like that 

please come back 

wh-what about my favorite dopey bird man

please 

wha

what am I looking at what is this end card “The wiping of the disciple’s butt” is that really how thats translated?? What a fukkin roller coaster 

So this was by far my favorite episode of the season to date. I know a lot of people were worried about the animation quality and just overall quality JC staff has been putting out thus far, but I think it’s clear why the rest of the season has been average majority of the time. They spent. All the time. And budget. on. This. Episode. Every Character looked beautiful. The animation was fluid, not too blurry, not too flashy, well paced, and with high quality art. I just. Oh my god. I’m in denial right now that the season only has One episode left. Just 24 minutes more. Until WHO KNOWS when. Whos gonna cry with me next week? pls im gonna need like 100 shoulders my weak heart. ahh shitttttt

Side Note: DID YALL HEAR ABOUT THE OPM GAME COMING OUT??? I swear I JUST had a conversation with @joyandeggs last week about how they could make a game and what it should/could/would entail, AND LO, I HAVE BEEN BLESSED 

June 2019 is a BLESSED month for me regarding OPM the past few weeks have been an OVERLOAD

my brain is filled with ouma and i cant stop it

i totally forgot the time man, its almost been 2 months since i played the game and it totally didnt feel like that at all

i still can recall a ton of things fluidly and as for now i dont see a particular reason to replay the game (other than wanting to get to know ouma better) 

but oumas character is just.. so tragic. i cant even begin to explain the depth of his character, it would be pages long and im way too lazy for that. ill always just write mental drafts and let myself feel when it comes to ouma

ill a cut here since its already a bit long rn lmao

and i think ouma is a character who is deeply troubled by his insecurities/possible mental illnesses (such as bpd or servere depression) in a way that these insecurities are his most memorable characteristics. that is absolutely sad and tragic

furthermore since the moment i started to play this game i always thought it was suspicious that ouma claimed he hated liars even tho he was one himself. sure that couldve been one of his lies, but my intention rlly didnt like this idea so i thought he was actually speaking the truth. i realized today that ouma was hinting at shuichi that he hated this persona that he had to create for the sake of this game

but i do agree that i sometimes tend to overthink ouma lmao while is incredibly intelligent, he couldnt have figured everything out, plus his trust issues and paranoia were in the way of looking into every possible situation. yet i somehow believed that he did a lot of stuff while being completely aware of their consequences - but thats not possible. ouma is not a superhuman who can figure out what happens to the world in [insert year]. hes a character with deep flaws which balances his cunning behavior 

to his actual personality, i might seem like the most biased person in the world but i truly believe that ouma didnt want to harm anyone. its just that the killing game... happened lol

as far as i can self-insert, i do believe if i happen to be in a killing game i would be quite similar about it. minus the creating a fake persona thing for me its absolutely impossible to trust 15 people whom i just met that they wouldnt kill me under stress. you know, if you activate the right buttons on someone, they can work how you want them to. and this is what feared ouma (rightly so)

anyways i take the anthologies as canon material since theyre approved and licensed by spike chunsoft, and we obviously see that ouma is nowhere near as antagonistic as he was in the game. although, i only have read the first anthology (also while we are at it, i cant wait to buy the thjree v3 anthologies even without knowing japanese, lulz)

but we also see his character actually getting darker and darker with each chapter, with chapter 4 probably taking the point. esp on when it ended. at first i was kind of conflicted about his oversentimal reaction towards gonta being executed, because that felt just as fake as his overly evil presentation afterwards. altho after some time thinking abt this, i came to the conclusion that he just leaked a little bit of his juicy true self(tm), realized that what he meant was actually genuine and then proceed to vent his emotions in making him seem like the most villainous person u ever met. because i think one of the reasons ouma acted out like is because he believed he was at fault for gontas death. so instead of trying to sweet talk yourself, he just took the oppurtunity to make him the least likeable person. cuz who would ever want to like someone who jokes about genuinely being concered about someone dying? yeah no one dude

also i think ouma is ironically a bit well-mannered (yeah guis im not joking here). ..  .if we ignore all his stupid pranks.. so you see, whenever i got rejected after dates with ouma in salmon mode.. it went like this for example “eeh, wow you are going to the libary with me and now you want to leave? that hella rude man, why am i wasting my time like this” or “wow you really must think highly of yourself if you think you are worth changing for, how arrogant”  which looks like he knows what is appropriate and what not

i remember what he said that and i suddenly went like “shit i cant believe im hearing this from you man” which was kinda funny as a side note btw

anyways, to his motive video. oh shit, his motive video . . . even without having known how messed up the translation was, that damaged me.-.. i mean i always thought that ouma exaggerated the size of his organization, at some poiint i just thought that his entire organization was a lie and his tru talent was the ultimate liar. which obsly wasnt the case lmao 

but his motive video.. just wanting to prank ppl for laughs and entertainment. its so light hearted compared to what he claimed it to be that it hurts another thing that i think is worth noting is that DICE was his motive video, not his family. DICE, who is like family. but not his actual family. what does that mean? does that mean that his actual family wasnt like family to ouma? i sure as hell thought so and i still do 

a different thing is that ouma said that nobody would care about him dying and that his organization would be better off without him, plus that it seems that monokuma said that ouma knows what happened to DICE in the motive video which leads me to.. uhh.. what if ouma did something he absolutely regretted doing (since it caused DICE trouble?) - but im not entire set on that theory

its also sad that he constantly had to hint about hiimself instead of just talking abt it to shuichi. like, he wanted shuichi to help him or actually even hinder him at carrying out his plan, he low key hoped for it because shuichi is a detective which showed to be shrewd enough to be able to make proper deductoins in class trials, furthermore he isnt a dick towards ouma and actually respects him in a way. something that ouma most likely didnt calculate

which mades the statement that shuichi said in the end of chapter 4 even more painful. shuichi was the only person that ouma kind of trusted and relied on. and prob the only one he wanted to show his true self to, that very person told him hes 5 ever alone with no friends at all. that hes a pathetic little brat who should start to view the world differently (def not what shuichi said 1:1 but.. yeah idk my own interpretation) 

im pretty sure that hurt ouma a lot 

hnnng, i truly wished for ouma to be one of the survivors. altho i figured that hes gonna plot something absolutely mind blowing in chapter 5, i seriously couldnt believe that he was actually dead... well, not until the closing argument. as soon as there were the words “closing argument” all over my screen i began to cry like an idiot. i couldnt even read properly man, thats just how blurry my vision was from all the tears

in other hand: i was (and still am lol) extremely attached to ouma and his death was very unsatisfying, since he died quite heroic but nobody considered him so. also he never made up with these ppl. also fuck kodaka

hey wanna share that list of all the bullshit the fandom did in those early days?

oh boy i’ve been saving this for a while, i didn’t think i’d be posting it this soon

but yknow, hey, whatever sells

(i stopped adding to the list when s2 came out btw)

early voltron fandom aesthetic:-dirty laundry-space dad(dy) jokes-lance-suggestion and keith-suggestion-shay-shipping allura with practically every female character that appeared on screen-galra keith “theory”-kevin kogun/who the fuck is kevin-klanced (hi katie, sorry if you’re reading this. you’re just. really popular okay, you practically run the fandom)-shitpilot-shitpilot discourse-gays in space w that drag queen meme-that one pic of lance wheres hes blurry but keith looks alright-lanass-texan keith theory-the fandom unanimously agreeing that keith was gay and lance was bi-form voltron (stacking things) meme-calling thace “good guy galra” (3G)-thace being keith’s dad theory-“i love my gay human son”-fuck the garrison-dabbing-fandom wide obsession with crop tops-socks with sandles/flip flops/crocs discourse-coran/3G-making allura, hunk, and lance all the same shade of lightly toasted ™-pidge either hardcore ships klance or hates it with a passion-using google translate in fics-forgetting hunk, allura, and coran exist-conspiracy theory keith and pidge-keith x mothman-human disaster keith-keith is greasy-keith’s secret lover, the arusian that hugged him-making hunk the token straight character-ppl calling allura space mom -shiro loves you, baby-everyone losing their shit over the season two promo-#PrayForShiro-Theory On the Future Fate of the Blue Lion post-ppl being so upset by the post that they blocked it-team let shiro live vs i’ll kill shiro myself so lance will live (bc the future fate of blue lion post made everyone think lance was gonna die and that there was like a choice between having him or shiro die or w/e)-tbh i only rlly saw ppl taking lance’s side in this but idk if that was fandomwide-keith kogane is the zodiac killer-matt holt is unproblematic-“i know you love those peas dad”-the dance au that i never read that like fetishized keith for being asian and also highly sexualized him (quote the line from it “he danced like he was riding a dick.” tbh i dont get how thats sexy. i’ve tried dancing like that. its not sexy. it doesnt even look like you’re twerking)-that short period of like. hunk discussions. like not discourse exactly even tho there was some. it started with discourse. but like a short two day period where popular blogs decided to discuss hunk as a character.-it started bc that one official “what character are you” quiz was pretty fatphobic-the fatphobic official quiz-the fandom coming to appreciate hunk more ??? seriously it was like a revolution or something-keith is obsessed with his knife-air vent gremlin pidge-shakey picture of keith in red’s cockpit meme-the podcast newsdrop that made veryone panic abt kallura even tho kallura is like…not the end of the world-altean aus for like every character-#ReDrawLance (which was inspired by #ReDrawReigen btw)-nycc hype for the sneak peak of season 2-everyone freaking out how that one nycc comic cover has everyone wearing hunk’s headband-keith/lance/hunk age discourse and the “child soldiers” thing-the leaked episodes from nycc-sexy zarkon-sexy zarkon discourse-the Ultimate Pining Keith Playlist-pining keith-On Thin Ice-Call Me, Beep Me-What A Healing Pod Can’t Fix-everyone has a favorite paladin, but keith isnt anybody’s-“make this a copypasta”-the el/entori comic-dirty laundry finishing-the podcast twitter saying p much “its open to interpretation and its just fiction” about the age discourse despite it being an unofficial source with no real ties to canon-people taking this as canon-tim hendricks confirming the ages were confirmed (aka all the paladins except shiro being teens) twice-the second time was during fucking she/ith week ahfjffdghdf-zarkon x iverson-fake live action predictions-space ranger partners-kermullet-that one person that called a pedophile defending law firm to ask if she/ith was legal-the kla/nce “wont say im in love” amv-THE BOBS BURGERS VIDEO-the Lotor Discourse