#if there's another word for the latter experience someone do tell me because queerplatonic is the best i have to describe it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eldritchsurveys · 6 years

Text

o94.

What is your name? >> Mordred.

How old are you? >> 31.

And lastly, where are you located? >> Grand Rapids / Xibalba.

What is the most unique compliment you have received? >> I’m not sure. I don’t really remember stuff like that for very long.

What's the most unique insult you have received? >> ^

How do you feel about tomato sauce with chunks of tomato? >> I prefer it.

Do people think you look like either of your parents? Does that offend you? >> Most people don’t know my parents in the first place. And no, I wouldn’t be offended if someone said I looked like my dad. I mean, I’m sure I do at least a little bit. That’s how shit works.

What is your nationality/heritage? Does it fit you? >> My nationality is USian and my heritage is Black American, Native American, and Haitian. It’s not a matter of whether it “fits” me or not; it has at least a fraction to do with who I am regardless.

Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? >> I don’t really like bacon (overexposure killed my taste for it -- which is why people should stop putting it in goddamn everything), but I guess either will do.

Are you more of a talker or a listener? >> I am both, but I find listening to be a lot easier a lot of the time.

Do you interrupt when people talk? >> I’m less likely to do this than most people, but it still happens sometimes, especially if it’s a subject I’m really excited about.

Do you think its weird when people talk to their pets like people? >> Not at all. How else are people supposed to communicate with them, anyway?

Where do most of your relatives live? >> New Jersey and North Carolina, as far as I know.

Is your weight proportionate to your height? >> Yep.

What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? >> An Airbnb in Chicago.

Do you prefer leather or lace? >> I think a combination of both is most ideal.

What was the manufacturer of the last vehicle you were in? >> Saturn.

Would you ever buy a motorcycle? >> I mean, I can’t drive one, so there’s really no reason for me to buy one.

What is the most unusual thing in your reach right now? >> There’s nothing unusual within my reach. I mean, there’s this weird little vinyl figure that I got from Reddit for participating in their SyFy Secret Santa thing a long while ago, but I don’t know how unusual that is, per se. It’s just funky.

Are you sitting by a window right now? >> I’m sitting by a sliding glass door, which is similar.

Does your door have to be closed in order for you to sleep? >> No, I prefer it open. Even though it means I have to do weird shit to keep the damn cat out of my room (I’d be less anal about it if he wasn’t prone to spraying all over my shit).

Do you have anything other than posters or pictures on your walls? >> No, just posters and a print from deviantART.

What is the furthest you have traveled alone? >> A thousand miles or so.

Have you ever ridden a train? How about a subway? >> I’ve ridden both many times.

What is the last thing you measured? >> Where to hang this Cradle of Filth poster I found at the record store.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you'd never do? >> I mean, probably.

What did you do on the busiest day of your life? >> ---

Have you ever traveled to another country? >> No.

Have you traveled to another continent? >> No.

What is something someone can say that always cheers you up? >> I don’t think there’s anything like that.

Do you think everyone is born innocent? Or do you think "evil" is predetermined? >> I don’t believe in either of these concepts. People are just people.

Are you tattooed? Or does it freak you out? >> I am tattooed.

Are you pierced? If so, where? >> Septum and earlobes.

Are attracted to or put off by people who are heavily pierced or tattooed? >> I’m much more likely to be interested in or attracted to people who are modified than I am to be repelled by them.

Do you have any predjudices? >> Of course. Judgement is a pretty common and useful function of the human brain.

Have you ever been called a derogatory name? ..What? >> Sure, your general “bitch” and “cunt” and that sort of thing.

What was the meanest thing you've been called? >> I don’t know.

Have you done anything productive today, anyway? >> Yeah, I took a shower.

Eaten anything delicious today? >> I haven’t even eaten yet. I should probably do that before I leave.

Do you have any pets? If so, what species/breed? How did you acquire said pets? >> No.

Have you ever gotten a pet at a shelter? You should. There's nothing wrong with shelter pets. [: >> If I were to get a pet, that’s where I’d get them from.

Have you ever taken in a stray animal? >> No.

Do you have or want children? >> I don’t have them and I definitely wouldn’t mind raising one.

How do you feel about marriage? Ever been close? >> I am pretty apathetic about it, all told. But I’m not gonna lie... the plans for our wedding really do sound lit. I didn’t know it could be this fucking cool, but once we started discussing the merits of a cemetery wedding I was like “ohhhh now I see the hype”.

Are you confident in your appearance? >> I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think my appearance requires confidence, per se.

Do you enjoy looking at yourself? Do people think you are conceited or vain? >> I do enjoy looking at myself. I don’t know if people think I’m vain, and I don’t particularly care either way.

Are you optimistic, pessimistic or "realistic" ? >> Optimistically realistic.

Do you enjoying taking pictures? >> Sometimes.

Do you take pictures of THINGS, or are you just a camera whore? xD >> Most of the photos I take are of myself, so I guess the latter.

Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favorite thing about this person? >> Well, I have Sparrow and I have Can Calah. I don’t know what my “favourite thing” about either of them is.

How long have you been involved with them? >> Can Calah’s been around for seven or so years and Sparrow’s been around for 6 by her reckoning.

Do you think they are "the one"? Do you believe in "the one" or "soulmates"? >> I mean, Sparrow and I just fit together well, there’s not a whole lot of effort involved in maintaining our relationship... and that’s 100% ideal for me, because I am not actually good at romantic relationships. I have little interest in the trappings of them (I mean, they’re fun, but I’m not... like, invested), I don’t experience the whole emotional component the way other people do, and I’m easily alienated by a lot of random expected shit like having to say “I love you” and whatnot (yay, fucked-up socio-emotional development). Sometimes my relationship with Sparrow seems more like that “queerplatonic” thing that the kids have been talking about, which would line up perfectly with the suspicion I have that I’m just aromantic. Regarding Can Calah... yeah, he’s definitely Something. But our relationship is, of course, different from the kind I’d have with any human. That’s just how that works.

Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? >> Nah.

What about dating someone simply because you felt too bad to say no? >> I’ve never felt that bad about saying no.

How do you feel about casual sex? >> It’s fine for those it’s fine for. It’s not fine for me.

Are you eating anything right now? >> No, but I will definitely have to eat when I finish this survey.

Does it drive you INSANE when people chew with their mouth open? >> Yes, but I’m also very sensitive to eating sounds. As in, like, I put my earphones in when Sparrow eats.

What about when they talk with their mouth full?? I hate that. >> I mean, whatever.

Does any food always make you sick but you love it too much to not eat it? >> No.

How do you feel about alcohol? >> As a dionysian creation, I’m definitely into alcohol. So as a dionysian creature, I try to pay it some respect.

Have you ever been drunk? >> Sure.

Do you like orange juice with pulp? Or... do you prefer not chewing your juice? xD That's how I feel. >> Yeah, I’m on your side. Either I’m eating an orange or I’m drinking juice; pulpy orange juice wigs me out.

Do you scream for ice cream? >> No.

Which orange came first; the color or the fruit? >> I don’t remember, but I did read about it once.

Chicken or the egg, really? >> It’s a circle, really.

Are you addicted to anything? >> No.

Do you tell white lies? >> Sure.

What is your favorite pair of shoes? >> The boots.

Are you more creative or logical? >> I am both.

Do you know what people mean when they say "type A personality"? >> I have a vague idea, yeah.

Are you in school? If so, for what? >> No.

What is your dream job? >> To not have a job.

Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? >> Sure. Hurricane Sandy was interesting.

Do you feel bad when bad things happen to other people? Or, do you not care? >> I don’t feel much of anything when things happen to other people, unless it’s in a tv show that I’m invested in, lmao.

If you don't, do you feel guilty about that? >> I’ve done nothing wrong, so why should I feel guilty? Not feeling badly for someone else doesn’t mean I want bad things to happen to them, or that I’m evil or some nonsense. That’s a false equivalence.

Do you laugh at things that aren't supposed to be funny? >> All the time.

Is it only funny til someone gets hurt? Then is it hilarous? >> Heh.

Does your favorite shirt have words on it? If so, what does it say? >> ---

Aren't you a little nervous about posting photos online? >> No.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? >> Misdiagnosed.

Have you ever stolen something? >> I’ve stolen many things.

What was the reason you washed your hands last? >> I’d just used the loo.

How do you feel about getting blood drawn? >> I love it, it’s fun to watch.

What are you afraid of? >> Death, apparently.

Is there something you should be doing? >> Yeah, eating, and then getting ready to go see Thirst Trap Equalizer 2.

#surveys #random survey #survey

3 notes · View notes

greengargouille · 6 years

Text

I spent a good hour of the night thinking about the ace disc//ourse, and I feel my thoughts are still clustered.

The thing, is, I don’t feel like my opinion matter much on the subject, which is why I prefer to reblog informative posts. I identify as an ace lesbian, so technically I belong in both communities concerned, but... I’m a lurker that would rather stay at the limits of those, looking from afar rather than participate. I understand the importance of a community, both for individuals and for protests, but I personally don’t feel the need to be part of it.

This is because I’m in a really privileged position. I know my family and close friends would accept and support me if they learn I like women (with the exception of my father, maybe. He certainly won’t mind if it’s a child of another family, but his own daughter, I wonder). In fact, I did casually came out to my mom and a good friend of mine, and their reaction was nothing but positive. Inversely, I was more wary back when I told everyone I was asexual, because I was worried they would dismiss this or blame it on depression or something like that. This is incredibly lucky, compared to all the LGBT people who put their life in danger for coming out. And I feel my asexuality had played a much bigger role in my life. I’ve only figured out I’m lesbian since... well it will be a year around the middle of this month. I’m not even sure I was one before, or if it’s a case of fluidity. Probably the latter, though.

But. Cases of, as a young child, thinking that since this or that boy did something nice and I admired them then surely I was in love - and that said ‘crushes’ didn’t last long, without me really feeling bad about them ending. Cases of not feeling too bothered about not having ever dated, and being baffled by what was considered attractive in most popular guys. Cases of endless frustration at all those forced het romances shoved in so many stories, or of all those “it will change when you will have a boyfriend :)”. All of those experiences -Compulsive heterosexuality? heteronormativity?- could exist whether or not I had romantic affections to girls I was unaware of.

I think this might be a point of the whole discourse. Whether the goal of the LGBT community is defined as “wanting heteronormativity to end” or “to end oppression” ; those things have a lot of common grounds, but also a lot of difference. And in a case, it makes sense to unit the two community, while not so much in the other.

‘Oh, but heteroromantic aces or heterosexual aros don’t suffer from heteronormativity’, say a tiny gremlin in my head, but don’t they? The expectation of romancing someone of a different sex would hurt all aro anyways, no? And, vice versa, expectation one must be attracted to someone of a different sex will hurt aces, whether they can form a romantic bond or not.

Then, there’s the issue of oppression. I think this is a strong word, and might not be suited for the struggles of the ace community. Prejudice, discrimination, yes. Cases of corrective rape (and the community that coined the term said it was fine to use, so can people stop misinformation on that), increased abuse in relationships, doctors restricting medicine because not feeling attraction must be a side-effect (and more important than overall health), that or therapists sincerely considering a person ‘broken’ for not feeling those and that it have to be corrected. Those are all serious issues, but this is not “your existence is considered illegal in many countries”, this is not “you have a high chance in some places of being kicked out of the house/killed specifically because of your orientation” (rather than because someone assumed the person was gay) [and the point here is ‘high chance’, I’m not saying such a case never happened or will never happen, but proportionally, to the point of it being a concern for the community? I don’t think so].

And a lot of posts I saw (which is to say not that many, tbh, I tried not to get too involved) seemed to be on a binary of “yes ace are oppressed” vs “no ace aren’t oppressed and don’t have any problems”. The conflict would be much clearer if that was the case, but it’s because it falls outside of those two extremes that it’s quite hard to determinate whether or not the ace&aro communities belong. Plus, the ace community does seems to have a bad reputation (dunno about aros, though). I mean, it’s only normal when there is a minority of it (serious or trolling) declaring that acephobia is worse than homophobia or stupid things like that (I do think some of those are just trolls, that might not even be ace), and on the opposite there seems to be some that declare aces to be pedophiles preying on the young questioning people of the community (dang, I still feel uncomfortable remembering that post I once saw at the top of the search on tumblr app). Both sides probably both are a case of ‘they’re a small part of their communities but they’re quite loud so noticeable’? I don’t know, it’s hard to tell from my dash alone.

Added to that is, I think, that there are some misunderstanding that make it hard to take the aces and aros seriously. Words like... queerplatonic, which is different from a strong friendship, at least in the way a lot of aros define it, from what I’ve seen (wanting to marry/live your whole life with/raise children with someone, but still not having romantic feelings for them, is a stade above ‘strong friendship’ for a lot of people). Or demisexual. Actually, I’m still not sure what my stand is on that? Like, some people says ‘demisexual don’t exist it’s just how it works for everyone’, but there are also plenty of people that talk about ‘love at first sight’, which isn’t love so much as infatuation but still romantic/sexual attraction that happens just like that. And, well, if the number of people you’ve been attracted to in your whole life can be counted on the fingers of one hand, then to me your experiences align way more with aces than allo. Ah, another term allo people seems to hate, that. ‘Allo’. The same people that will talk about ‘cishet’, mind you, like, how can one understand that ‘cis’ just mean ‘not trans’ and isn’t an insult, but refuse to wrap their head around ‘allo’ merely meaning ‘not-ace’ or ‘not-aro’ and isn’t some big rude word? Anyways, sorry for this post getting so long. I have a lot of different thoughts that I can’t organise in my head alone, and for all my opinion is worth I still felt like sharing it with my friends?

#personal #long post #in some case I speak of the ace community rather than both the ace and aros but that's because I don't know as much on the subject #I don't know much how they differs and I don't think my opinion matter on that

3 notes · View notes

polyrolemodels · 7 years

Text

Chrissy Raymond Holman

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

I’ve been polyamorous my entire dating life. That’s about 20 years, give or take a failed attempt at experimentation with monogamy in college. I identify as polyamorous but in practice, I’m a relationship anarchist. My relationships are free, fluid and always evolving.

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

I’d love to tell you my polycule is a neat and well organized constellation with flowery names and well- defined lines directing relationships, but it isn’t. It’s a chaotic and often nonsensical clusterfuck of characters and I’d be remiss to attempt to define it as anything but messy. That being said, I’m demisexual and a relationship anarchist in practice, so anyone in my chosen circles of friends is considered intentional family and I therefore include them all in my dynamic diagram. My larger polycule is aptly named Team Clusterfuck and that’s an international group. My anchor group is called The Butt Kingdom. They aren’t mutually exclusive groups and the latter is the group I see the most. I have five regular partners, two queerplatonic partners and a hodgepodge of people who weave in and out of my life. I also have two toddlers and a west coast daughter.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

Transparency. I have little to no shame and I’m an extremely blunt New Yorker, so I say what’s on my mind and I encourage my partners to do the same. I’m always upfront about my feelings, my practices, my expectations and my boundaries. That’s not good for everyone, but I’m most ethically sound with similarly inclined people. I’m also awesome at time management, but transparency is something for which I’m notorious.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

There are a few struggles. I struggle with dating people new to polyamory. I struggle with dating or even being around people who aren’t aware of intersectionality. I struggle with folx who are codependent. I also struggle with the intersection of polyamory and mental illness. I’m vehemently independent and I’m always busy, so I greatly value emotional labor. Since my energy stores are limited, I tend to roll with the people with whom I grow the most. Those tend to be the most difficult, yet fulfilling relationships.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

Originally, I would spend large quantities of time trying to educate new poly partners on polyamory 101, social justice and autonomy. That took a great deal of my energy and I wound up resenting people I was dating for making me do their emotional labor. I’ve since stopped dating people brand new to polyamory and as far as mental illness and social justice go, I have a big list of links and resources I send to new partners and if they read and parse that info and still have questions, we move forward and I answer questions.

On a bigger scale, my discussion groups center around intersectionality and ethics, so for those I’m not dating, I invest time and energy in helping folx new to polyamory find resources and adjust.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

When I first have a sex conversation with a new partner, we discuss our barrier habits, personal health and the associated risks.

A hard-line boundary for me is that I don’t tell other partners what to do with their bodies. It’s up to them if they use barriers with other people. It’s up to them to update me with any info relevant to my sexual health. It’s up to them to maintain their partners’ private details when relaying that information to me. It’s up to me if I want to use barriers with them or not after there is an update to our shared sexual health. It’s up to me to use the information provided by other partners to maintain my own sexual health. It’s up to me to ensure all my partners are kept safer and risk aware based on my experiences. I must protect their privacy when relaying info to others.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

My worst mistake was getting involved with people before checking in with their other partners. I’ve been in a slew of situations where partners were cheating, unbeknownst to me, and I somehow became an accessory without consent. I now immediately say no to don’t ask, don’t tell dynamics, and ask new people I’m dating who aren’t linked to my larger group for permission to say hello to their other partners. That can be a one-off email. I’m aware that there are many folx for whom metamours are a triggering subject, so as much as I try to accommodate that, I also need the confirmation that I’m engaging with someone who is also in an open, consensual relationship.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

I am a queer, white, cisgender, demisexual, demiromantic, polyamorous person who happens to be borderline.

Being white and cis forces me to address my privilege from every angle, if I am to treat my partners with dignity and equity. I attempt to use these privileges to lift and center those I hold privilege over. That means in my capacity as a community leader, I make events as accessible as possible and I don’t often engage with the media, but instead, pass the chance along to other folx who aren’t represented. I also seek out others who understand intersectionality because of this constant examination.

I was raised in the queer community by my two moms, so it’s been an inherent part of my life since I was a child. I’ve identified as not straight since I was 8 and have been reclaiming the word queer since I was a teenager. Being queer and polyamorous has made me more attuned to gender diversity across the spectrum, and I have no preference when it comes to my partners’ genders. I won’t tell you that the queer community here in NYC is particularly keen on polyamory. Many still live in a mono-centric mindset. My approach is to validate monogamy along with polyamory as two different but viable lives.

I am borderline. When I begin dating someone new, I have a big list of links I send them about BPD. I am upfront about what it entails, how I will receive information, what to do if I’m having an episode, and what accommodations I need. I’ve been diagnosed for 20 years, and I have had most mental health professionals allude to my polyamory as a symptom of my BPD. I’ve learned to navigate mental illness with a lot of self-awareness and armed with links. I can’t say this enough- do not read about BPD on the internet. It’s incredibly stigmatized. If you have a partner with mental illness, ask them for resources first.

Being demisexual and demiromantic in a word filled with compulsory sexuality is hard enough with one partner, but add more and it gets exponentially more complicated. I must be wary of folx who try to assess my level of connection with them based on my physical interaction with them. Some people erase me and tell me I just haven’t’ found the right connections yet. Others don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t prioritize sex or romance. Learning how to communicate what these identities mean to me is something I’m still tweaking. It makes my dating pool smaller, but that’s ok.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

I’ve been an admin of this Polyamory Facebook group for a few years. We center marginalized folx and teach social justice 101 and discuss polyamory within a framework of intersectionality.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2372502430/

I also run Open Love NY, our educational and social group that advocates for ethical non-monogamy in NYC. We have over 5,000 members. Check us out at: www.openloveny.com

I am one of the hosts of Poly Cocktails, which is an international polyamory/ethical non-monogamy monthly gathering.

I also belong to the Poly Leadership Network. First rule of PLN is… kidding!

Submissions will be posted once a week in the order of which they are received. Poly Role Models reserves the right to alter the frequency of these postings.

Thank you!

—

Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

#polyamory #queer #demisexual #borderline personality disorder #demiromantic #newyork #intersectionality

25 notes · View notes