#if i was a robot that would mean my makers decided to give me periods
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Worship me- Chapter.1
Worship me- Chapter 1.
word count- 3.3k
Summary: Harry is the typical bad boy in town, and Y/n is an innocent Catholic school girl, with a few skeletons in her closet
Warnings: mentions of abusive family, arranged marriage, some major angst and triggering themes
(this in no way is meant to be offensive, I grew up catholic and in a very bad household it was very toxic and detrimental to my health mentally and physically and I endured a lot of harm from the hands of the catholic church. But please remember that is only my experience and I support anyone with whatever religion they chose to practice, and please keep in mind this is fiction and meant to be taken as such. Xoxo H)
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The sun was just reaching it’s full peak as Y/n finished putting on her school uniform, she always hated how early she had to get up for school and it didn’t help her parents forced her to get up at 4:30 each morning to pray and read the page of the bible her father had picked out for the day. So, by 6:30 she was already knuckling at her eyes while buckling her black Mary Janes and rushing out the door with an empty stomach since her mother always said ‘fasting in the morning showed devotion to god’ which she truly didn’t understand. She didn’t understand a lot of the things her parents pushed on her and her siblings, some of it even scared her but she knew better than to open her mouth about it, she knew all she’d get in return is a tongue lashing and her faced shoved into a bible while she got spanked by her father. She found herself growing more and more scared as she grew older, her home seemed to get more hostile as the days went by but to her it was normal, it’s all she ever knew so she never questioned the things her parents groomed her for.
She tried not to drag her feet on the sidewalk while she made her way towards her school, she knew it would scoff her school shoes and her mother got very angry the last time she came home with scarred leather on the toes. Y/n truly felt exhausted today, she felt sad, tired, a bit overwhelmed and very hungry since she wasn’t allowed any food after 6 in the evening and then she had to withhold breakfast from herself in honor of god. She was really starting to feel the negative affects of some of these practices, her body getting thinner, her energy dropping quickly and the shivers and headaches were constant. Yet she kept her mouth shut, because ‘That’s what nice girls do’, and y/n didn’t want to be bad she wanted to be praised, she wanted to be adored and loved. But no matter how submissive she is to her parents; she never seems to get any of what she needs. She even kept track in her diary of how many days it had been since someone told her they loved her, today marks day 128.
She could barely hear the chatter of her peers as she made her way through the corridor, her head was already beginning to pound in her temples and her exhaustion was like a weighted blanket draped over her. She didn’t realize she was walking straight into the wall until she felt a palm press against her forehead stopping her from smacking her head into it, her knees still knocked into the navy blue tiles that decorated the bottom half of the walls causing a small ‘umph’ to escape her lips as she shifted her sleepy eyes to the person attached to the hand. There she saw Harry, his left eyebrow was raised slightly in a questioned manner while he looked down at her.
Y/n knew Harry, they were friendly with each other and she really liked him. He was the only person who really payed her any mind, and while she knew he was a bit of a trouble maker he was always kind to her. They shared a science and English class together, their desks lined up next to each other in the cramped classrooms of her private school always making their knees knock together and elbows to push each other’s work off the desks by accident, something rather annoying but the pair got along well enough it never caused his notorious attitude to flare up.
“You okay? Walkin’ like a zombie today kid.” He popped his gum between his teeth loudly, making her eyes blink on reflex before she brought her palms up to rub them slightly. “I’m really tired…sorry I didn’t mean to bother you”. Harry had no idea why she was apologizing, but he noticed it’s something she did a lot. Even when there was nothing to be sorry for and it always made him feel a bit sad, it was odd to him since the usually group of friends he hung with was very much the rough and tumble, unapologetic type.
“What are ya’ talkin’ about? Didn’t bother me, was making sure you didn’t hurt yourself, love.” While Harry was not a soft or sweet kid typically, he was always gentle with the girl. He called her pet names a lot and tried to keep his usual rough tone out of his mouth while he spoke to her. She was a sweetheart and he truly appreciated how pure her aura and personality is and he never wanted to do anything to jeopardize that. It was rare for him to ever be around a positive person if he’s being honest.
She simply shrugged and nodded, a yawn escaping her mouth before she looked up at him with hooded eyes, his own narrowing a bit just having a gut feeling something was off. She looked frail almost, he’s never seen her look dull and he didn’t like it. He was used to her being warm and bubbly, so seeing her look so down made his jaw clench. “Hey, look at me Y/n. What’s wrong? Can tell somethings up, want to talk to m’ about it?” her eyes seemed to glaze over a bit at his proposition, she wanted to talk about it but she knew she couldn’t. Her parents had forced into her mind that if she opened her mouth and told people about her feelings or things that went on at home, that god would hate her and she was scared of that. She was too deep in their game to see her parents would be the ones under gods harsh gaze, not her.
So she fought against the thoughts begging to be verbalized and gently shook her head, “No no, it’s okay…we have mass in a few minutes. Wouldn’t have time to talk anyway…it’s alright.” She shot his idea down, which concerned him further but he let it be, listening intently as she spoke again. “C-could I have a hug?” she was shy, she knew her parents would be very angry if they found out she had been alone with a boy, let alone having any physical contact even as simple as a hug or a high five. She hated that rule, and right now she knew the chances of her getting in trouble so she took the chance. She could feel her nerves prick her palms as he waited for his response, yet she felt a bit relieved as he opened his arms and let her press herself into him. She noticed a sense of security warm her while his broad arms hugged her small figure, he stroked her back slightly frowning to himself when he could feel her spine against his thumbs. Only then did he notice how thin she seemed to become since he first met her when she was a freshman and he was a sophomore last year, the girl one year his junior seemed to be shrinking instead of growing which made him a bit alarmed but he knew it wasn’t a good time to pry. Even as calloused as he is emotionally, he still has the ability to read people and what they need so he decided to just give her the comfort she requested, keeping a protective palm resting on her back as he walked into the school’s chapel with her.
Harry loathed the Catholic school his mother forced him to attend, he wasn’t exactly a bible thumper like the nuns and teachers that were breathing down his neck 6 hours out of his day. He didn’t like how the priest looked at his female classmates, or how they used the idea of God to scare people into submission rather then painting him as a warm, forgiving figure that he really should be made out to be. The only reason Harry was still attending the hellish school was because it made his mother happy and feel like her son was safe, and staying out of trouble for at least a good chunk of the day. Harry loved his mother; he knew she wasn’t fond of the trouble maker reputation he seemed to make for himself as he grew into young adulthood. And so, he did her the solid of attending and giving her some peace of mind.
Harry made sure to go into the same pew as Y/n letting out a grunt as he leaned down to his knees on the small padded strip meant to help their knees not hurt as bad yet it did very little to create a barrio between his knee caps and the hard floor beneath.
He mumbled a snarky ‘I’m not the one usually on my knees’ to himself, getting a glare from one of the nuns walking down the aisle doing a head count for student attendance but he only flipped the bird to her when her back was turned. Y/n was struggling to keep her head from resting on the pew in front of her, she was truly struggling to stay awake at this point finding herself jolting a bit every few seconds as she started drifting off, only able to fully get her composure when the head priests voice boomed through the speakers in the chapel, making her flinch and assume her earlier position while he read out a few verses, instructing them to bow their heads and pray along with him. Harry of course mocked the priest while Y/n robotically followed along as much as she didn’t want to, she was too sad to think about the weight of the words from the sacred book and her knees were aching yet she was too afraid to not say it, the fear crawling up her spine when she thought about what her parents would do if they found out she didn’t recite the prayer with her peers.
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Somehow Y/n managed to make it through her four class periods, she admittedly had retained nothing she was taught that day and by this point it was 2 in the afternoon and her head was pounding so bad she thought her skull might crack and her brain would eject itself in protest to her lack of hydration and nutrients coming in. she was in agony, and Harry hadn’t left her alone all day because he could read her like a book. To be honest he was scared she might keel over and die from how unwell she looked, and so he caught up to her while she was walking out of the school snagging her elbow, eyes watching as she barely responded to his sudden grasp and shifting so he was facing her. “Hey, hey love let me drive you home. I’m not taking no for an answer you look like you’re going to pass out.”
Y/n was too tired to fight, so she allowed herself to be guided to his car and put into his passenger seat. She smiled slightly with droopy eyes when he buckled her seatbelt for her, softly closing her door walking around the car to get into his place behind the wheel.
A soft grumble emited from her stomach, catching both of their attention and causing her cheeks to blush slightly, “ ‘m sorry, I’m a bit hungry..” Harry nodded while fumbling with his keys, “when’s the last time you ate?” she hesitated for a beat before deciding to be honest, “Lunch yesterday…didn’t have dinner and my parents make me fast every morning so I haven’t eaten.” The boy snapped his heads towards her, eyes widening and heart starting to beat faster in worry “Wait, really? So you haven’t eaten in-“ he paused to do the math in his head, they eat lunch at 11am while at school so now at half past two it had been a really long fucking time. “- 26 hours? Oh god, Y/n that’s not good, that’s not healthy. Here I have some water and a few protein bars left over from practice yesterday.” He popped the glove box open to pull out his snacks, handing two bars to her and grabbing his water bottle from the cup holder to hand to her, cracking it open for her and holding it for her, tipping it against her sleepy lips, seeing as her hands were shaking just holding the cereal bars he didn’t want her to accidently slosh the water all over herself. “thank you” her voice was quiet, but he heard it letting her drink a few more sips before she started to slowly eat the bar, her eyes closed and head resting against the window as she chewed with all the energy she had left. “You not sleeping either?” Y/n shook her head “Not really, have to get up at 4 every morning…went to sleep at 1, so I only got 3 hours…I feel like I’m gonna pass out. I really don’t feel good Harry”
Before he even turned the car on, he was making a mad dash to hold a rouge plastic bag under her chin while she spewed up the food she’d just eaten. He guesses since she hasn’t eaten in so long, the snacks upset her sensitive stomach. Y/n whimpered when the stomach bile forced it’s way out of her mouth into the bag the burning waking her up a bit and causing her to choke on it a bit. Harry didn’t make fun of her like she thought, she fully expected him to kick her out of his car and she wouldn’t blame him. She felt horrible, and very embarrassed yet he kept one hand holding the bag and the other used to tip her forwards do he can rub and pat her back keeping her from aspirating the vomit giving her gentle comforting words while he fished a napkin out of the console to wipe her mouth for her. “It’s alright kid, get it out. Stomach is upset huh? You feel warm too, jeez Y/n I’m sorry you’re not feeling good. How about I stop and get you a ginger ale and take ya’ home so you can get some rest?” she nodded slowly letting a few tears spill over her waterline only to be dried by another tissue held in Harry’s hand. “It’s alright, don’t gotta cry you’ll be okay I promise.”
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Harry kept true to his word, getting her a soda and taking her home giving her his number so she could text him if she needed him. Y/n tucked the slip of paper in her sock before exiting the car, she didn’t want her parents to take it from her so she made sure to hide it. “Thank you, I’m sorry your car smells like puke now..” Harry chuckled a bit “It’s alright, it’s smelled worse before. Not exactly the cleanest car in town hon”
The banter was soon finished as he dropped her off, driving off leaving Y/n to go back in her home. Greeting her parents before telling them she wasn’t feeling well and heading upstairs to take a nap finishing the remainder of her soft drink as she tucked herself under her blankets letting herself drift off.
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When she woke up, it was nearly 10pm and she still felt like she needed a year long slumber to recover, but she knew she didn’t have a chance since her mother had woken her up to do her nightly hour of praying. She was beginning to hate the night routine; it was painful and tiring and she felt vulnerable and small.
When her father noticed her sluggishness he took it as disrespect, not having a care as he yanked his daughter by her underarm to stand bringing her downstairs harshly tossing her onto the couch. He gave no regard to her tears as he screamed at the girl, telling her horrible things and forcing her to hold her knuckles out for him to crack a ruler down on. She had bitten into her cheeks so harshly trying to stop the sobs that she could taste the blood in her mouth, but she didn’t dare speak as she took her punishment. She didn’t understand why he was giving her such a harsh treatment when she hadn’t done anything wrong but none the less she internalized it and made herself believe she deserved it.
“How many times do I have to tell you to sit up straight?! How many times do I have to beat it into you?! You think any man is going to want you when you’re such a sloppy disrespectful girl? You bring shame onto this family Y/n!”
Y/n didn’t miss the bile rising in her throat as her father used an arranged marriage- one she didn’t even want- to guilt her into submission. Her father believed in marrying his daughters off young, usually for a hefty payment. He’d done it to her two older sisters, Alexis when she was 15, and Cassidy when she was merely 13 years old. It wasn’t legal marriage by any means, but the girls didn’t know that. The men her dad basically sold his children to were predators but of course Y/n was made to believe it was normal for her dad to marrying her off to a man 20 years older than her. ‘Gods plan’ he called it, but it was scary to her. she didn’t want it, it made her feel violently ill thinking about having to marry a older man who always made her very uncomfortable when her dad would bring her to meet them. The way they looked at her gave her chills, the requests they made regarding her purity, the services she’d provide them with, it made her feel so objectified she sometimes wished to not wake up some mornings so she didn’t have to feel like she’s one day closer to her fate of being a predators indentured servant, used as a pawn and play thing.
The one time she had hinted she didn’t want to be married off, her mother denied her food for 3 days and made her take cold baths to ‘cleanse her’ of her ‘greedy wants’. Y/n truly felt terrified, she was shaking in front of her father while her brain was going into fight of flight. Her feet raced up the steps when her father dismissed her, and as she locked her bedroom door she remembered the slip of paper in her sock.
She knew the risks of reaching out to Harry, her parents knew of the boy. Everyone in town did, hard to forget a street brawling, angsty teenage boy who has been caught more than once by neighbors shit faced drunk or smoking weed with his friends and of course it caused floods of gossip through the rather conservative community yet she decided the risk was worth it if it gave her a sliver of hope to escape the nightmare she felt she was in.
Her fingers gripped her phone tightly as she typed in his number, writing him a text
‘Harry, it’s Y/n are you awake?”
His response was quick, maybe 30 seconds after she’d sent hers
‘yea, what’s up? You alright? Feeling better?’
A fresh wave of tears were building in her eyes, shaky fingers typing out her next message
‘no, Harry please help me. I’m scared please.’
#harry styles angst#harry styles imagine#harry styles series#harry styles comfort#harry styles fanfic#harry styles concept#harry styles au#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles blurb#harry styles oneshot#harry styles writing#harry styles x reader#badboy!harry
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Summary: Seokjin is the crush of your entire school. He won the Prom King award six times, and he wasn't even in high school the first two times. Everyone loves him. But you're his neighbor, and you've seen his worst. You don't like him.
Warnings: Mild Cursing
For the @bangtanscenery collab, April Showers
Thank you to my betas, @moccahobi and @thebiasrekkers
"Good morning to my amazing friend," Yoon Jeonghan greets you at the bus stop, and you grin at the designated pretty boy of the school, and your best friend.
"Alright, you barely suck up to me. What do you want?" You tease him, and Jeonghan elbows you.
"Can't I appreciate my best friend?" You raise an eyebrow at Jeonghan, and he stares you down. He loses the staring match. "Alright, fine. There's this deal at the local café, that if you bring a friend, you can get two dozen donuts for the price of one."
"You don't need to suck up to me for a chance for me to get donuts." Jeonghan snorts and slaps your arm playfully.
"I should've known your stomach would win you over."
"You don't know me well enough, I guess," you joke. Jeonghan ignores your jibe but still elbows you again. As you two wait in complete silence for the bus, the sound of footsteps alert you to another person coming. Kim Seokjin, the resident hunk of Kaidol High School, takes the same bus as you two. Unfortunately. While it isn't as bad for Jeonghan, as he's the pretty boy, you're just known as "Jeonghan's friend." That isn't great when everyone at school who likes Seokjin (and Jeonghan, quite often), knows you live in the same neighborhood as him.
The jocks tease you, but it isn't too bad, so you don't mind. And when Jeonghan is with you, which is often, people don't tease you. Seokjin doesn't hang out with you at school, so most people with a brain don't dislike you. Once in a while, when there's a particularly nasty rumor going around about Seokjin, you get a couple glares and sneers, but Jeonghan is usually around to protect you. He's protective.
You hate using that word to describe your relationship with Jeonghan. It makes your relationship sound one-sided like you only use him. But Jeonghan has been your best friend since kindergarten. He had just moved into the neighborhood, and the kids at school used to make fun of him for his long hair. You didn’t. So you became his friend. Way before the hierarchies of school began, you were Jeonghan's friend.
"Are you two just going to ignore me, then?" Seokjin interrupts your internal monologue. You and Jeonghan sigh at the same time.
"Hello, Seokjin," the two of you chime out at the same time.
"You two sound like robots," Seokjin sighs out dramatically. "Can't a guy get some warm greetings?" Jeonghan puts a hand on your shoulder, likely to get you to stop looking like you want to murder someone.
The bus arrives, and you and Jeonghan hop on as quickly as you can before Seokjin follows. You two manage to get your usual seats at the back of the bus, but this time, Seokjin follows. "Can I sit with you guys? My friends are being driven to school this time, so they aren't picking me up."
"What did they do now?" Seokjin isn't even fazed by your comments about his friend group.
"I think they tried keying someone's car?" You honestly don't know how Seokjin ended up with that friend group. You think that if he didn't stick around with those people, you would've gotten along with him. Well, Sandeul isn't that bad. You've talked to him a little before, and he seems like a nice guy, but you don't know much about Ken, Jooheon, and Wonkeun. You don't want to assume things about them, but you don't want to risk your perfect GPA just yet.
"Sounds like them." Seokjin is still not bothered by your comments, and you turn to Jeonghan awkwardly.
The rest of the bus ride is silent, save for Jeonghan cracking a joke, and you giggling like there's no tomorrow. When you reach school, Seokjin heads out first, likely to find his friends. You and Jeonghan get out a little later and immediately spot your group of friends.
Yugyeom is the cute airhead of your group, but he also has an "in" with the jocks. He's the best friend of Jungkook, the jock-est of all jocks and Seokjin's cousin. Jaehyung is the oldest of your little group and the mood maker. You've dubbed him the master of deadpan, and he enjoys the title. He's on the badminton team, and friends with another guy, Younghyun, who has somehow subconsciously made his way into your friend group. His name's Younghyun, but you call him Brian. He's a little younger than Jae, but his mood varies to be either super mature or six-years-old. Jae calls him annoying, but you think they're closer than they let on. Finally, there's Jennie, the outlier of your group. She's extremely popular, beautiful, and can easily influence half the student body with her pinky. You don't know why or how she decided you guys would be her friends, but you appreciate another girl around you.
"What's up, amigos?" Jae cheers, and you roll your eyes at him affectionately.
"Jae, you thought ocho was cinco, not just yesterday," you tease him. "I don't think you should be throwing out some Spanish."
Jae raises an eyebrow at you. "You may be fluent in French and English, (Y/N), but that doesn't mean you don't make mistakes as well."
"I don't think five is eight, or that cinq and huit are the same either, Mr. I-Lived-In-Argentina." Jae narrows his eyes, and you glare playfully right back.
"Low blow, (Y/N), low blow."
"It's true, though," Younghyun butts in, and you reach up to give him a high-five.
"See, even Brian agrees with me." Younghyun retracts his hand just as fast as he had butted into the conversation.
"Nope, I revoke my high-five. I'm not Brian."
"Brian’s your name."
"But Younghyun’s also my name," Younghyun counters, and you roll your eyes.
"I don't even know what you guys are arguing about, but let's skedaddle," Jennie jumps in. "We're going to be late."
You groan. "I don't want to go to class, though."
Yugyeom gapes at you. "You love your GPA too much to not go to class."
"Shut up, Yugyeom. I don't want to go to class because a certain someone always distracts me. It's annoying." You narrow your eyes at him playfully, and he pokes you in the forehead.
"If you keep making a face like that, your face will be stuck like that. Look at that wrinkle." You slap his hand away, and Yugyeom laughs.
"My face is priceless." With that sentence, you enter your class and find your seats.
Unfortunately, this class you weren't allowed to sit next to whoever, the teacher had assigned seats. And you were next to Seokjin. He does nothing but pass notes and crack snarky jokes in class. While you were trying to maintain your GPA by listening to the teacher, Seokjin made it extremely difficult. You're sure he doesn't MEAN to annoy you, but sometimes, when he's being particularly loud, he sneaks a peek at you, and you are in doubt.
For some reason, though, today, Seokjin is quiet. It's now your turn to sneak a glance toward him. You're not used to this. Where are all sniggers and whispered jokes? The strangest thing is when the teacher called on him, Seokjin just answered the question quietly and didn't say anything snarky and funny.
You try to look around the classroom discreetly. None of the other students seem to notice what's wrong, but you've been Seokjin's neighbor since late primary school. You know something's wrong. You may not like Seokjin, but you know how he is.
As you glance around the classroom, you notice something strange. Seokjin's friends aren't here. He said their parents would be driving them. You know Sandeul and Jooheon don't have this class at the same time as you and Seokjin, but Ken and Wonkeun do. Where are they? Did Seokjin lie? "Miss (L/N), since you seem bored, would you like to answer this question?"
You jump up from your seat, startled, and glance at the question on the board. Are people inherently good or evil? "No."
"No, you won't answer the question, or no, humans aren't inherently good or evil?"
You stand up and answer the question as quickly as possible. "I think human beings are inherently neither good nor evil. Their influences in life can help them make decisions that deem them either 'good' or 'bad,' but they are not born evil or good." You sit down with a thump, and there is no fanfare for your answer. The class just continues on.
But not for long, as the teacher dismisses you all. Before Seokjin can stand up and leave, as he is usually the first to get out, you grab his sleeve. "Wait for a second, Seokjin."
"What is it?" Now, this is very different. Seokjin always makes a snarky comment or teases you, but this time, he's just straight-up asking what you want?
"Where are Ken and Wonkeun? Don't they have this class?"
"They, um, they're not in school for the time being." Seokjin seems annoyed, but you press on more.
"Why? Are they okay?" If you were asked this morning if you think you'd be asking if Ken and Wonkeun were okay, you'd laugh in the questioner's face. But here you are.
"Their parents decided it's best if they go to a private school. Same for Jooheon." Oh. No wonder. Seokjin may be popular, but he didn't have that many actual friends who hung out with him every day.
"Ah." You sigh. "Do you, do you and Sandeul want to sit with us during lunch?"
"I'd appreciate it," Seokjin says slowly, sounding like he's contemplating whether or not it's a good idea. "We do have the same lunch period, right?"
"Yeah." You say after a quick thought. "Well, I have to skedaddle, so see you?" Your tone is confused like you're unsure of yourself, so you do skedaddle out of that classroom as fast as you can.
Yugyeom and Younghyun are waiting for you in the hall, as the others don't have the next class you're heading to. "Why'd you invite him to sit with us?" Younghyun asks. "I thought you didn't like him?"
"I don't dislike him, Brian. I just didn't want him to have to sit alone for the first time in his entire eighteen years of life." You shrug. You feel a presence behind you, and you turn around to see Seokjin glowering at you.
"I don't need your...pity." He spits out that last word, and you flinch.
"I wasn't trying to pity you, Seokjin. I was making an effort to be friends." You try to explain, but Seokjin isn't hearing any of that.
"You don't need to act like a mother to me. I can do just fine by myself," he seethes and storms away, and you stare after him in shock.
"Ignore him," Younghyun tries to comfort you, putting an arm around your shoulders and drawing you away from Seokjin. "Let's just head to class." You walk with him, Yugyeom hanging slightly behind, unsure of whether to speak up. He decides not to, and the rest of you make it to class without any further disturbances.
The next class is math, so you're focusing on taking notes, but your friends aren't. They're glancing at you, and you must say it's slightly uncomfortable. What are they doing? You shake it off, and when the teacher starts to drone off-topic, you take a break from writing. Your mind wanders. Are you really annoyingly like a mother? Why would Seokjin say something like that? As you dwell on the subject, you don't even notice the teacher is back on topic, and class passes without a second thought from you. When the bell rings, you jump in your seat.
As the three of you head out of class, Jaehyung and Jeonghan catch up with you. "Hey, nerds," Jae says, and Younghyun rolls his eyes. Jae socks him in the arm.
"You're literally going into political science, Jae. Don't be a stupid hypocrite." Younghyun rolls his eyes at Jae.
"I'm not. That's why I'm going into poli-sci." Jae pinches Younghyun's cheek after that sentence, and Younghyun pouts.
"Jae, stop bullying Brian," you mumble absentmindedly. Then your eyes widen. You're doing it again, aren't you? Being a mother.
"Hey, (Y/N), you all right?" You smile at Jeonghan tightly.
"Yeah, just thinking," you reply quietly, and Jeonghan cocks his head.
"About what? You never think." You snort, and Jeonghan dodges your hand.
"Graduating early. I'm thinking about doing it," you lie. Jeonghan quiets, and everyone else's attention is on you. "The principal said I can."
"Why the sudden decision?" Younghyun asks. You sigh.
"I don't know. I feel like it'll give me some time to think about college. And wouldn't it look good on my resume?" Even if you did lie about what you were thinking about, you were planning on graduating early. You just weren't expecting to tell your friends.
Jae hums in contemplation. "Yes, but you will have a lot less time to decide on a college if you want to start college during spring. If you don't, then you need to work full-time."
"I think I will. I haven't told anyone but Jeonghan yet, but I got accepted on a full ride to NYU." Yugyeom chokes, and everyone else beams at you.
"That's great!" You jump at Jennie's voice. When did she arrive? "I'm planning on going to NYU as well! I'll be a year behind you since I have to finish four years of school first, unlike you, but I will be seeing you at college then! I also think Yugyeom's going to NYU on a full ride as well."
You turn to Yugyeom, who's bashfully scratching his head as well. "Really? That's great, Gyeomie! Why didn't you tell us?" Jeonghan smiles at the much taller boy.
"I didn't want to go to a college where I knew no one, so I was waiting to see where you guys would go." This isn't unusual. Yugyeom does love his friends and is a bit shy, even if he's a grade above you all. He is the youngest, but he's in the same classes as Jae.
"Well, then we'd be graduating at the same time." You elbow the much taller boy, and he gives you a grin.
"Yeah, I guess we will."
"Now, let's go get food! I'm starving," Jennie proclaims, and your growling stomach agrees. Your group of friends all head off, and your thoughts about being overprotective are pushed away. That is, until lunch.
Contrary to his words, Seokjin and Sandeul do sit at your table. You can only assume Sandeul convinced him to still go since Seokjin is still grumpily sitting slightly to the side while Sandeul is chatting with your friends. Younghyun and Yugyeom let you sit in between them, as they are the only ones who know what happened, but you're still staying quiet.
You think Jeonghan suspects what happened. Guests have always made an appearance at your table, and you've never stayed quiet like you are now. Even when Jongin, the prom king runner up, sat at your usual lunch table, and you still made conversation. "So, (Y/N), what college are you planning on going to?" Sandeul is the first of the two visitors to talk to you.
"I'm going to NYU. How about you?" You answer hesitantly. Sandeul grins.
"That's great! Both me and Seokjin don't know where we're going." You offer a half-smile at that.
"I'm sure you guys will figure it out." Sandeul laughs.
"Well, I sure hope so. Do you know what you're going to study?" You shake your head.
"Not really? I'm stuck in between two majors, either business or law." Sandeul is actually really friendly. You wish you talked to him more.
"Those are good occupations. Hopefully, you can achieve what you want and enjoy it as well." You nod at Sandeul, in quiet thanks.
"The same goes for you." The quick conversation is enough to remind you to act like a normal human being and converse with people. You get back into your groove, and Jeonghan's worries are put on pause. "So, what do you think of Ms. Sunmi's substitute for today?"
The conversations at your tables resume, and the world is at peace for now. When Jaehyung eats a crabcake that Jennie let him try, his throat closes. He jolts up from his seat to rummage through his bag and pulls an EpiPen out of his backpack. With a steady hand, he uses it on his thigh. "I'm allergic to crab, and I forgot to take my medication beforehand." You tsk at him.
"How do you forget that? Come on, I'll take you to the nurse." Jae stands, and you accompany him through the halls. Seokjin follows quietly, and you shake off the uncomfortable feeling, focusing on your friend first.
The nurse's office wasn't far, and when you explained what happened, she took over. She also gave you and Seokjin a pass for the next class, and you guys had an unexpected free period. You headed straight towards the library, hoping Seokjin wouldn't follow you, but he did.
"Hey, um, (Y/N)?" he calls your name, and you try your best to ignore him. He grabs your wrist and spins you to turn to face him. "I'm sorry."
You roll your eyes, turning away from him. "It's fine. Sandeul must be wondering where you are. Why don't you go find him?" Seokjin gapes after you as you hurry down the hall again. He doesn't follow you.
You spend the rest of your free period in the library, and you go through the rest of the classes alone. With your final period being a free period, you head to the principal's office. When you enter the office, the secretary takes a quick glance at you before returning to her computer. "Mr. Lee is in a meeting, but he will be available in five minutes. Is it okay if you wait?" You nod, before realizing she's looking at her computer and voice your agreement.
"Are you playing minesweeper again, Ms. Hyuna?" Hyuna glances up, popping the gum in her mouth once before smiling and nodding.
"Yeah. This level sucks."
"Can I help?" you ask, and Hyuna nods, scootching over to make room for you. As you two discuss the strategies (apparently there are strategies according to Hyuna), the door to the principal's office opens and out walks Sandeul.
"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?" You glance up at him.
"Oh, I'm just here to see Mr. Lee." And see Mr. Lee, you did. He said you were able to graduate early at the end of the year, or you could graduate in the middle of the year with no fanfare. You decided to do it. With a quick goodbye, you left the office. You also passed by Hyuna to tell her not to click on the square with the mine.
Jeonghan had already gone home without you, as you texted him to let you know where you were, but someone else was waiting for you. "What are you doing?" you ask when you see Seokjin standing near the door to the principal's office.
"I'm walking you home since you stayed late." You roll your eyes.
"I'm not a child. I can walk home by myself."
Seokjin rolls his eyes as well. "Don't be stupid. I know you're not a child, but you did kind of run away from me when I was talking to you."
"I don't need your apologies," you say and walk past Seokjin. His legs are long, though, so he catches up to you. "What do you want?"
"I want to know why you don't like me. We've been neighbors for however long, but I don't know why you don't like me." You decide not to answer this question. It's not that you don't know why you don't like him.
He's loud. He throws parties on weekdays when you're trying to sleep. Sure, the first few times you let it slide since he didn't know you had a test, but it kept happening. Even after you asked him to keep it down. Your sleep schedule was fucked because of him. And that's not the only thing. When the police came to question him about his friend's actions once, he denied everything.
You're sure at least something must have been right, which means he must have lied at least once. Now, it's not good to judge someone, but you must say, you don't want to risk anything. "Are you going to answer my question?" Seokjin sighs impatiently.
"Ah, I don't hate you." You answered too fast. Seokjin raises a disbelieving eyebrow. "I just don't think you and I would get along."
"Why?" This man is stubborn.
"We don't see eye to eye on some things." That's your best excuse, and you can tell Seokjin doesn't believe it.
"Is this because of my friends' reputation and your love for yours?" You scoff. That was rude. "Don't give me that look. I know that look well. If you're so scared for your own reputation, then don't hang out with us. And don't invite us to lunch. It's an easy solution."
You glare at him. "It's not because of that." It is a little, but you're not telling him that. "And I wasn't trying to pity you, Seokjin. It's not entirely my fault that we don't hang out."
It's Seokjin's turn to roll his eyes. "How so? I don't seem to recall avoiding you every time you try to talk to me."
"But I do recall when you embarrassed me at the middle school assembly." Seokjin chokes.
"That was in middle school. This is high school now, so it shouldn't affect you." You feel your temper rising.
"People still call me stupid, sometimes," you hiss at him. "I still get notes asking whether my mom really was a criminal mastermind. But it's high school. It shouldn't affect me. So why does it still affect me?" Seokjin gapes at you.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize again. Anyways, if you're so annoyed by my indifference towards you, you don't need to worry anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm graduating a year and a half early. I'll be out of your hair. That'll make you happy." Seokjin just stands there, and you turn to walk away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go home. I need to talk to my aunt."
"Which one? The shoplifter?" You clench your fists. Seokjin was only worrying about you, he didn't mean to jab at your family, but you didn't know that.
"No. Unlike you, Seokjin, some of my family actually cares about me. Maybe you should take a look at yours and see if you can say the same."
Seokjin's really mad now. "Oh, last I checked, your mother and father leaving you really seems like they care about you."
You stop, turn around and stare at him with glassy eyes. "Fuck you, Kim Seokjin." Before you can apologize, you run. He figures it'll be best not to go after you.
———
"I can't believe you're leaving already," Jennie whines as she gives you a hug. "I thought you'd be graduating at the end of the year, along with Jae and Yugyeom."
You smile at her. "Don't worry. You'll be joining me in just a year." Jennie sighs again.
"You said Younghyun. You never say Younghyun. You're sad too. You know it won't be the same. You'll be an entire year above us, and then you won't hang out with us as much. You might as well become best friends with Jae and Yugyeom instead of Jeonghan."
"What's this about replacing me as your best friend?" When did Jeonghan get here? He scared you and Jennie, as the two of your jump.
"Yeah, I might do it if you keep on scaring me," you threaten.
"Sure, you will. Come on, all the other guys are waiting." Jeonghan says with a short laugh. "I think Yugyeom might cry. Also, Jae bought a pizza and some fried chicken, so if you don't hurry, Younghyun may eat it all."
You glare at nothing in particular, racing outside. "Brian, if you touch that chicken, I'll kill you." Younghyun gently places down the chicken before going for the pizza.
"I wasn't touching the chicken, what are you talking about?" You laugh at his feigned innocence. Before you know it, you're crying while you laugh. Yugyeom starts crying too as soon as he hears the first sob, and everyone else rushes to try and calm you two down. Jeonghan is quick to envelop you into a hug, with Jae following quickly. Jennie and Younhyun pat Yugyeom's back. He was hard to calm down, and if you had the chance to, you would've hiccupped out a sorry.
"I don't even know why I'm crying," you sob into Jeonghan's hug. "Why's Yugyeom crying too?"
"He's crying because you're crying." This just makes you cry harder.
"I'm going to miss you guys." You choke out.
"What? Yugyeomie's going with you." Jae says, confused, and you laugh at him tearily.
"Yeah, but it'll take a while before we can all be united again. Aren't you going to the Cali State University with Younghyun? Jeonghan is going abroad to the University of Paris, and Yugyeom won't join me until next year. Jennie has two years to go too." Jae sighs, and offers you a tissue. He always carries a pack of them around because of his allergies.
"Don't worry. You'll have Yugyeom. And you'll make more friends! When you go to NYU, go find someone called Oh Sehun. You didn't hear it from me, but he's a good guy. He'll be a good friend."
You sniffle a little. Your tears are almost gone now. "Thanks, Jae."
As you dry your tears and help Jennie and Younghyun calm Yugyeom down, you can hear someone approach. You pay no mind, thinking it must be your aunt. "(Y/N) can we talk?" You look up and see Seokjin standing in front of you.
"I...sure. Just make it quick. Yugyeom and I have to hit the road soon." It's your last day here. You don't want to be mean.
"I just wanted to say sorry. What I said was rude." You sigh and nod.
"I can't accept your apology. And I don't think I'll ever forgive you," you say coldly. Seokjin nods miserably.
"I figured as much. Thank you. I wish you the best" You nod stiffly at him. Honestly, you don't want to talk to him. At all.
"Yeah." Seokjin leaves after getting the hint, and you sigh. "I really do have to go now." Yugyeom sobs harder. After more tears and goodbyes, you finally get in your car. It's time to go. You shoot a quick glance across the street to Seokjin's house, and you see him arguing with his mother. You quickly turn away and start your car engine. You're not going to worry about such stuff. Now's a new chapter.
#bangtanscenerycollab#seokjin fanfiction#seokjin fanfic#seokjin angst#seokjin#fanfiction#fanfic#bts fic#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#bts angst#BTS au
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status update:
So, I got a few friendly, good-natured asks on how I was doing, and what’s up with my life (work, Chandler, etc.), so I suppose this is as good a time to tell everyone: I quit my job earlier this week.
Early followers of the blog may be aware that this blog started as an attempt to find some kinda peace during some very trying times in my life. Since then, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends (I guess, in some kinda misguided attempt to move on with life) and... it’s finally caught up with me. I’m fucking exhausted and at a breaking point. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. ('Spiritually. Ecumenically. Grammatically.' Name that movie!) And so, I'm giving myself a break and am going to be taking some time off to focus on my mental health.
However, this hasn’t been an easy decision to make, as it means bye-bye financial independence and my ~~riproaring Sex And The City life (snort, NOT) and that I will now have to pack up my entire life and leave the country I (and Chandler!) call home. So the next few days will be even rougher; full of transition and second-guessing myself. But in the long run, I think I need to do this now before things get much worse.
Poor Chandler has no idea what’s coming up; that he’s about to be unceremoniously stuffed into a box and flown many thousand miles to a whole new country, with strange new smells and creatures (including my relatives who will want to come around every now and then and friendly-ly harass our socially anxious butts.) I just hope we both survive this move!
As for what it means for the blog, it’ll mostly be business as usual, I suppose. I will have more free time, but it’s going to be invested in moving, and settling in, and recovery (first I have to recover from the moving and settling in, and only then can I focus on *actual* recovery) so... I’ll do as much as I can. Yes, there's lots of new shows, most of them better than IB, and I might wanna watch them too, but.... idk, I don't seem to have it in me right now to get invested in a whole... new.... thing. We'll see once I'm properly settled into a restful routine where I don't feel so battered in the brain. On the plus side, moving to India means proper access to Hotstar and Sony Liv and alllllllll the platforms; I won’t have to jump through hoops and diddle around with VPNs to access what I wanna watch! Yaaaaaaay!
There are a few things blog-wise that I just have to address though, because they’re srsly stressing me out a lot lately:
Messages asking me to explain WHY stakeholders in the industry (actors, makers, the channel) make the decisions they do. Bhai main kahan un sab ke ghar ya boardroom mein ghussi baithi hoon, ki mujhe pakka pata hoga???? All I can do is speculate like the rest of you. Which is what I do. I look at the facts that I do have (social media posts, TRP reports, etc.) and put out MY theory. But it’s all it is. A theory. I do not have any kind of information that you also do not have access to. Asking me to explain the inner workings of complete strangers' minds is just nonsensical. I do not have the complete information based on which I can give you an accurate answer. So please just stop asking me these. At this point, idek why *I* do half the things I do, let alone have any surety of anyone else’s decisions.
Complaints. Look, all of us have complaints about the shitshow that is IB, and the Tellywood industry at large, and its affairs both off-screen and on-screen. But just think of my plight when news breaks/an episode airs and I get like 10 anons in an hour, most of which are filled with cribbing. OVER SOMETHING I DON’T HAVE ANY CONTROL. You have all the right to complain, sure, but not IN MY INBOX. I only publish about 30 - 40% of the asks that I actually do receive, and because of that you may think that you’re the only person sending in this to me; but trust that more often that not, you’re not. I most probably have already received least 5 messages about it, in varying degrees of negative, and it’s exhaaaaaausting for me to wade through it all.
"Asks” that are just STATEMENTS, with no real question to them. I get these and whether I agree with your statement or not, my only reaction is “.... haan, toh???” What really is the point of these? I have nothing to contribute to them. It’s just YOU deciding that your opinion is sooooooo important that you must come tell ME it. In my inbox. On anon. Which is not just stupid, but also RUDE af. What you're doing is the equivalent of going and ringing the doorbell of a stranger's house and monologuing in their face about a random topic when they open the door. Like, I literally did not ask?????? Especially since you’re on anon and I have absolutely no personal equation with you. By having an open inbox, I didn't consent to being the receptacle of every opinion wrt Tellywood under the sun. Like, the whole point of this blog is so I can shout MY dumbass opinions into the void that is the internet without bothering anyone else about things they might not care about/agree with. Anyone who follows/engages with me is here by THEIR choice. Why don’t you do the same? Go make your own blog, instead of using mine. There’s only place for one person here on this blog, and that’s me. Please read your messages before sending them and ask yourselves: Does my tone/content leave anything open for discussion? (FYI: Just putting a question mark at the end of a sentence does not make an engaging question that opens up a discussion.) What contribution am I inviting from the recipient with this message? If the answer is “no”/"nothing", then please don't send it.
The rise of combative and contrary asks; ones that don't come out of a genuine curiosity, but with the intent to mindlessly argue, talk in circles without a point and overall, and just belittle the opinions I’ve expressed by engaging in whataboutery. There's a point at which "healthy discussion" ends, and "debating" starts, and I’m not here to engage in Debate Hour. The open askbox (or replies function) is NOT an invitation to pick at ONE sentence of some post (often missing the context; those other sentences are there for a reason y'know) and demand explanations from me, for which I have to then bend over backwards to clarify to some random faceless person on the internet. Not only does it take tremendous amounts of time and energy (for what is largely a pointless endevour: these people aren't really here to have an exchange of ideas or even try to see my point of view, they're just trying to force THEIR contrary opinion ON me), it really sucks the joy out of the blog for me. Look, I am not an idiot. I can correlate writing patterns and associate them with previously seen comments/opinions and make educated guesses on who these may be coming from. I've been holding off on blocking anyone yet, but these comments and asks have me seriously considering it. (And FYI: blocking an anon blocks you via IP address. So don't think ki 'oh ho ho, I can just hide under the anon function, coz that has no consequences.' All you'd be doing is proving my guesses right, as to who is whom.) I don't WANT TO go to such extents, and want this still to be a place where people can approach me, but this gross disrespect of my time and boundaries is beginning to wear on me now. Before coming at me, please think to yourself if what you're saying is actually necessary. If it's just a passive-aggressive counter-argument to my opinion that's all conjecture/opinion (i. e. things without factual basis and based on feelings) then please; you're very welcome to whatever you believe, but I don't care. If I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it. If I care for your opinion, I will engage with your posts (by liking or commenting or reblogging or sending you my love in your inbox.) I just really really don’t care what anyone's opinion ON MY OPINION is. Please stop being contrary just the sake of it and ruining my day and mood. Go chronicle your opinions on your blog/twitter/whatever, instead of using MY blog as a platform and arm-twisting me into participating in this unpleasant exchange. I just don't have have the energy or interest to engage in this fuckery anymore.
Look you guys, I love getting stuff in the askbox. I do. If I didn’t, I’d just have closed the askbox and called it a day. I’m just asking that you be a little THOUGHTFUL about the recipient, me, AS AN ACTUAL LIVING PERSON WITH FEELINGS AND A LIMITED AMOUNT OF ENERGY AND TIME, instead of some kinda faceless robot who just processes your messages in binary and spits out an answer. Before engaging, please re-read your message to consider your tone and content and the impact on the person on the other end. Despite this request, if you just decide to engage in the above mentioned ways, I’m sorry in advance if you end up getting blocked; but things have reached a point where I have to look out for myself, and my comfort, and what I want from this space. I would like this blog to be source of joy in my (and others’!) life, not something that I feel resentful about, or as a source of draining what little energy I have left.
Sooooooo, that’s how it is! Things should be the same around here barring some periods of inactivity occasionally due to moving/spotty internet (but the queue should be running anyway.) A lot less negativity and gloom, hopefully! Wish me (and Chandler!!!!!) luck and please send us all your good, restful, soft and fluffy vibes!
(The restful slumber of a poor fluffy bastard who has NOOOOOOOOO idea of what the next few weeks have in store for him.)
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Netflix Challenger Doc: How The Filmmakers Found Redemption and Optimism From Tragedy
https://ift.tt/eA8V8J
The Challenger space shuttle explosion in 1986 was one of America’s most visceral tragedies. In real time, millions of Americans, including school children across the country, witnessed the shuttle disintegrate from a solid rocket booster failure, claiming the lives of all seven astronauts on board. The mission was of particular national interest because a high school teacher named Christa McAulife was selected to become the first private citizen in space, leading to increased media attention and fanfare.
Countless shows, documentaries, and books have covered all angles of the NASA mission gone horribly awry. Netflix’s new documentary series, Challenger: The Final Flight, stands out by telling the human stories behind the accident, including first-hand accounts from the decision makers at NASA and the astronauts’ families whose lives were changed irrevocably on the morning of January 28, 1986.
The project hails from J.J. Abrams’ Bad Robot Productions and executive Glen Zipper, and was co-directed by Steven Leckart and Daniel Junge (who won an Oscar in 2012 for Saving Face). Over a recent zoom call, Zipper, Leckart, and Junge told Den of Geek about their personal memories of the Challenger explosion. Zipper and Junge recall being pulled out of class and shown the shocking footage by their teachers. Leckart says he was young enough that nobody quite knew how to talk to him about the disaster.
“This project for me personally was a way to try to understand something which actually was very deeply unsettling to me at a young age and actually shattered my own dreams about space and astronauts,” Leckart says. “That was my first experience of death, and it was a very strange way to come to terms with, “What does that mean, that they’re not coming home and they’re not coming back?” It’s an unsettling thing for a child to watch.”
Across its four episodes, Challenger: The Final Flight memorializes one of NASA’s most diverse flight crews and contextualizes the scientific and bureaucratic failures that led to the disaster. In the Q&A below, Zipper, Leckart, and Junge reflect on the emotional interview process and ultimately how they found a story of redemption and optimism borne out of national tragedy.
Den of Geek: How did you decide on tackling the Challenger disaster as your next project?
Steven Leckart: In 2015, we had finished our second project together. Glenn just said, “Well, I think our next project together should be something really personal to both of us, instantly personal.” The second he said “Challenger,” I said, “I’m in. That sounds fantastic.” Because I’m just old enough that I witnessed that moment in time in elementary school, but I’m also just young enough that I really never fully understood what had happened, and it was just a great opportunity to dive in.
Separately, Daniel and I had met around the same period of time when we started talking about Challenger. We were introduced through someone else in the doc community to try to work together. That didn’t wind up happening. By the time this project came back around and Daniel was suggested as my co-director on the project, we’d already knew each other and had wanted to work together. It was serendipitous.
Daniel, did they drag you in kicking and screaming?
Daniel Junge: No, none whatsoever. It’s a no-brainer when you have a meeting and the first thing they say is Challenger and you go, “I’m in.” Our first pitch was to Netflix and we felt pretty confident there and then that they were going to do it.
I’ve done a lot of co-directions, but I think this one benefited from a lot of intense, vigorous discussions because it’s such a complicated thing to do a series like this. I think we both agree that had either one of us done it solo, it wouldn’t be as good as it is because of those spirited discussions and the fact that there’s a lot of moving parts here. There’s history, there’s science, there’s personal backstories, there’s politics, and there’s controversy. Balancing all those came from not just the two of us, but a whole team. It got heated at times, but I think for the better. It never did come to blows.
Glen Zipper: Neither of them has ever got hit by the other, but that’s because I got between them and I got punched in the face a few times separating them.
Steven Leckart: In all seriousness, joking aside, one of the things that was such a benefit to having a co-director… the interviews are so emotional, some of them, and we shot some of these interviews two on the same day. To have two directors able to jump in the chair was, I felt, really useful in some respects. You just sit with somebody’s pain and emotion and you’re just wiped. To have someone else there to step in and help break up the load was incredibly useful.
What did you guys look to achieve with Challenger that would set it apart? There are so many rich, interesting threads to pull on thematically. And how did you want to approach it from a visual standpoint?
Once we were starting to figure out the structure, we started to talk about how we were going to capture the interviews. We knew it was going to be an archival heavy documentary, but we knew that it needed to feel big and cinematic, as far as the cameras.
Glen Zipper: Steven should really speak to the granular specifics of it, but I can set the table by saying it’s interesting, observing us talk about the series and the various interviews that we did. We keep slipping and calling it a film. It is a series, but to us, it really feels like a film that’s split into four parts.
When we looked at all the other Challenger stories that have been told before, the other documentaries, there’s a storytelling reason that explains why this project is so different. But also, none of us had encountered a telling of the story that felt like a rich cinematic experience. That’s something we all agreed that we wanted to bring to the table, and I think something that Daniel and Steven did a wonderful job of executing on.
cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });
Steven Leckart: The first thing out of the gate, we started talking structure and story before we talked about execution, and we arrived at the four episodes. We knew where the set pieces were going to be. We knew we wanted to start on the day of the launch. We knew we wanted to end up episode three with the actual explosion and hold off on showing it.
I remember Daniel and I were talking and I said, “I think we should shoot three cameras because I think we should go to camera, but use it very sparingly and only when we’re mostly talking post-explosion.” The idea was that you would live in one episode, two episodes, and then suddenly you would ratchet direct to camera and be super tight. Filmmakers would know what we were doing, but the average viewer would just feel like something changed, but they wouldn’t be able to put their finger on it.
Daniel agreed with that because it was an interesting premise, but then he said, “I think we should shoot a fourth camera and we should have this moving shot, this slider.”
We wound up with this setup with four cameras, which I’ve never shot a doc with four cameras. It’s not full Wormwood where you’re really shooting the heck out of it, but I think it allowed us to play visually in a way that was really satisfying and interesting in the edit. Some of the sliders cut moments and monologues that, just by sheer chance, were phenomenal. I think that’s the direct result of two directors coming with very complimentary but different visions, and then looking at together how they all played out.
Netflix was great to trust us and give us the budget to do it. But to the earlier point, this had to be bigger and it had to be ambitious, and that also led us down the path of recreations and really trying to do that in a way that felt tasteful and interesting and cinematic. We shot a lot of stuff we didn’t quite work in the edit, and we had to be painstakingly honest with each other about, does this work? Does this not work? Why is this falling apart for us? But the stuff that made the cut, watching and rewatching it, I think it feels great. I think it looks great. I think it doesn’t pull you out of the moment.
What aspect of Challenger were you guys most interested in exploring going in? And did the research and interviews take you to any unexpected places?
Glen Zipper: The one thing that jumps out at me is in our early discussions around the project, we talked to people of our generation and the generation before us about their memories of the Challenger, and everyone has an indelible memory because it was such a traumatic event in our history. Everyone thinks they have a full understanding and knowledge of it. It’s very personal to them. Then we say, “Do you remember who the astronauts were?” Their answer would be, “Yes, of course we remembered all the astronauts are.”
Then we’d politely say, “Can you name them?” They’d say, “Yes, there’s Christa McAuliffe, and then there’s…” And they trail off. They were embarrassed to realize that they didn’t know who these other astronauts were, and sometimes even shocked.
That gave us the creative impetus to want to tell a story through the perspective of these astronauts and their families. These were human beings with lives, passions, ambitions, talents, and people who cared about them. We’ve lived with that image of Challenger exploding for so many years that we become desensitized to it.
What Steven and Daniel have done so well is they’ve reacquainted you, and in some cases acquainted you, with these characters. By the time we get to the accident in the third episode, that image takes on a whole new meaning to you. You’re invested with those seven souls who are on the Challenger, and when the inevitable happens, when that tragedy happens, it’s gut-wrenching in a whole other way.
Steven Leckart: I remember the conversation we had in which it was,”Okay, who are these other astronauts? Let’s look at them. Let’s start to unpack their histories. When did they come into the program? Who were they beforehand?”
When we first struck upon this idea of [NASA Group 8 in 1978] and what they represented in terms of opening up space to women, people of color, multiple religions, and doctors and scientists, not just white fighter pilots. When we realized that we could thread the needle and tie the shuttle to that dream of opening space up for everybody, and then we made the connection of who wound up on the Challenger, and then of course the Challenger even opened the door further for Christa, it really felt like there was a very clear arc in continuation between that big idea.
I realized that whether you were alive or not, that is as relevant today as it was 35 years ago. I think people who are younger will hopefully identify and see how just amazing and inspirational that moment was. We’re now standing on the cusp of more space exploration. The idea that it’s not owned by one country, or one gender, and all of that is super important. I’m hopeful that the series, aside from the tragedy, reminds people of that.
The biggest surprise for me watching the doc is how cooperative the NASA officials were, including ones in positions of leadership at the time. Could you tell me a little bit about what that process was like, requesting those interviews and ultimately asking some really, really hard questions?
Steven Leckart: We explained our vision for the series from the beginning, and it always came from a place of sincere curiosity as well as love for the space program in general. Our goal wasn’t to crucify NASA or the agency. We didn’t see this as a story of good guys and bad guys and were hunting for a villain. We already understood that the Challenger is very much a story about systemic dysfunction and bureaucratic organizations, and those people are put in very tough positions, oftentimes not by their own making and their own doing.
We were very clear with people from NASA. This is what we’re out to accomplish and we want to hear directly from you. We made it clear that we were not going to be interviewing people who had studied it and written books, but didn’t live it. We just wanted them to be able to share their experience in an open and safe forum, and we created a space for them to tell us whatever they felt comfortable telling us. Ultimately, that’s what you see on the screen, is a very honest and sobering, as you put it, revelatory experience.
There isn’t necessarily any new information. The commission pretty much covered most of it, but it’s in the candor of the interviews you really start to feel that this story, although it was put to bed so many years ago, hasn’t necessarily resolved for some of these people.
What was it like on the flip side of that? For the astronauts’ families it’s obviously such an emotional thing to talk about. Can you tell me a little bit about what that experience was like shooting those interviews, and being so close to people whose lives were so deeply affected by this?
Glen Zipper: I have done plenty of films on dark subject matter and tragic stuff. None of it has been this far in the past, so I think it was surprising to me how ever-present those emotions are for these subjects. These interviews were at least three hours. Some of them took all day. Question number three was, “Tell me about that day.” Often we wouldn’t get to that until hour two, hour three. I think at that point they were really ready for a watershed and really, I think, prepared to share.
Daniel Junge: I think that’s right. For the people who have done press before, they told us afterwards that it just felt different. Not different just because there’s four cameras, but different in terms of the tone and the tenor with which we conducted those interviews.
Then for people who have done very little media, I think they confessed and have confessed since then that doing the interview actually helped reconcile some feelings for them. I think at best, documentaries can be almost like a form of therapy in a way, and it’s free. You don’t have to pay for it.
Steven Leckart: But we have talked to some of the family members, or actually all of them who we interviewed, and the response we’ve received from them on the series has been overwhelmingly positive. Very few people at this point in time have seen the series. We don’t know what the public at large will feel, but I know for me, the sense of relief that I personally have, that they feel that we did the story justice and did right by them and their family members, that means the world to me. Whatever happens [when the doc releases on Netflix] and moving forward, at least we know that we did right by them.
Were there interviews you guys sought but didn’t get access?
Steven Leckart: There is one astronaut family that we were hopeful to include. They declined to be interviewed. We’re not exactly sure what was happening there, but we made every effort to basically bring that character to life through his NASA colleagues and friends. I don’t think if you watch the series you would feel like we’re missing anything.
The final episode is so powerful. The most emotional part for me was actually seeing the hopefulness come through towards the end, for what this meant for the space program, and what this meant to the families to see NASA return to space after the tragedy. Can you tell me a little bit about post-production and how you nailed down the message of the final episode?
Daniel Junge: We always intended to end redemptively, not only because it’s just a bummer, but because it is ultimately a redemptive story. I think that you have to remember over hundreds of safe flights of the shuttle, most of them after Challenger, means they got some things right and they did some amazing stuff. We want you to get a sense of that both before Challenger and after that. But also when we were constructing it, sometimes you have to muscle things in post to make them feel a certain way, it just spoke. It was redemptive just watching it dry without music. It’s so clear.
The post Netflix Challenger Doc: How The Filmmakers Found Redemption and Optimism From Tragedy appeared first on Den of Geek.
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106: The Crawling Hand
A movie in which a guy is brutally attacked while Surfin' Bird plays on the soundtrack. We can all strike that off our list of Shit We Never Thought We'd See.
As the film opens, astronaut Mel Lockhart (no relation to Gilderoy, but perhaps an ancestor of Brant) hasn't quite made it back to Earth. He gets blown up before he can complete the trip, but his severed arm somehow survives re-entry and washes up on a beach where it comes to the attention of a kid named Paul Lawrence. The arm is carrying some kind of alien organism that infects anything it touches with the desire to kill, and soon Paul Isn't Paul Anymore as the space bugs take over his mind. The arm, meanwhile, goes on a rather more limited rampage of its own, strangling Paul's landlady and knocking over her preserves. Cops and scientists argue over who's in charge of the investigation, and horror and comedy argue over who's in charge of the script.
I had forgotten, but Allison Hayes is in this, too. She plays Captain Lockhart’s girlfriend in a subplot that goes absolutely nowhere and she’s still more into it than she was in The Unearthly. I’m gonna assume that her boyfriend blowing up in space was what caused the nervous breakdown that landed her at John Carradine’s little home hospital. I told you guys the movies were coming together!
The bit about infectious alien bacteria in the summary isn't quite accurate. The two scientists, Dr. Curan and Dr. Weitzberg (whose name the movie has to take the trouble to spell for us), spend significant time expositing poetically to us about what's been happening to living tissue sent into space. Something about an Earth cell romancing a cosmic ray and giving birth to some vital force that evolves intelligence within minutes or hours, turning men into killers and rats into brooding supervillains. I don't know why they went with this labored explanation when 'angry space germs' is literally three words. Generally in movie exposition less is more, unless the 'more' is somehow vitally important to the plot – which here, it is not.
The Crawling Hand is a dumb movie, and it's not my favourite film or my favourite episode, but I've kind of been looking forward to writing about it because this is my chance to share my theory about Hand Movies. There are a surprising number of animate severed hands in movies. Attack of the The Eye Creatures had one, for instance, as did The Evil Dead 2, and everybody remembers the Addams family's pet hand, Thing. But hands also have movies of their own: in addition to The Crawling Hand there's The Beast with Five Fingers and The Hand, Severed Ties and that one short in Dr. Terror's House of Horrors. What can we take from this, besides the fact that I watch way too many movies? Well, I think that the Hand Movie is actually a sort of necessary partner of the Brain Movie.
We – or at least, those of us with an unhealthy love of awful old horror movies – have all seen a Brain Movie. Stuff like The Brain from Planet Arous or Donovan's Brain, and several movies simply called The Brain. Even things like It Conquered the World can be thought of as variations on the Brain Movie, because what the brain represents in movies like these is intellect unfettered by morality. Either because they have no emotions or simply no interest in the lesser beings still trapped in the flesh, these brains apply their intelligence to doing things normal humans could but know that we shouldn't.
There's a problem with being a disembodied brain, though. Humans are very proud of our brains, claiming they're the main thing that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom etc etc etc, but our brains wouldn't do us much good if we didn't also have hands. The thing humans do, to a degree no other creature does, is build shit. Our brains are vitally important in figuring out how to build shit, but it's our hands that do the actual work. We talk about finding 'intelligent life' in space but intelligence alone is not what we're looking for – dolphins are smart, but an alien SETI program would never find them. That's why dolphins need that alliance with the electricians, so there'll be somebody to build their warships for them. Our search for life in space is a search for fellow builders.
The lack of hands plagues the villains of brain movies. Gor from The Brain from Planet Arous needs a body in order to take over the world, so the poor thing is forced to possess John Agar's. Donovan's Brain uses its telepathic link with Dr. Cory to carry on shady business dealings. In It Conquered the World Beulah uses human slaves, either willing or unwilling, to do its bidding. A brain without hands is mere purpose without action – which brings us to the Hand Movie. If an isolated brain is purpose without action, then an isolated hand is action without purpose.
Sometimes evil hands in movies do have a purpose – The Beast with Five Fingers seems to be taking revenge on the people who wronged its owner in life, for instance, and Ash' possessed hand in The Evil Dead is being controlled by the movie's nameless evil force. Even in these cases, however, the hand itself is just a tool. It cannot be reasoned with, and killing it does not mean killing the controlling influence, which can find another tool and try again. The Crawling Hand isn't one of these, though. It is in fact a particularly pure example of the Hand Movie, because the titular crawling hand is animated by the alien bacteria and there is no purpose to its actions at all. It's not trying to rule the world, or to make money, or anything like that. It just kills people because it can, and there's no way to stop it from doing so except to either lock it up or destroy it.
If Brain Movies are about intellect without emotion, it's also possible to read Hand Movies as emotion without intellect. The emotion involved is usually anger, whether the vengeful rage of The Beast with Five Fingers or the undirected murderous instinct of The Crawling Hand. Whether the dichotomy is thought/action or reason/emotion, Hand Movies represent the partner of the Brain Movie, and the end result is the same whether it's the hand or the brain that has been isolated. Either is an incomplete, perverse entity that cannot contribute anything to the world. True creativity, true invention, and true humanity can only come from brain and hands working harmoniously together in one being.
This line of thought, that wholeness is essential to human-ness, is probably why we get things like bad guys with partially or even mostly-robotic bodies, like Darth Vader or that guy in Lois and Clark who wanted to transplant his head onto Superman's body – which I would much rather watch than bullshit like Me Before You, in which a man who has lost the use of his limbs cannot be convinced that life is still worth living even with Emilia Clarke. For the record, if I ever lose a major body part, I am definitely going the supervillain route. If I get to hang out with the cast of Game of Thrones while I do it, bonus!
But let's get back to The Crawling Hand. The movie presents this unreasoning incompleteness as something infectious, that can spread to humans and deprive us of our intellects, leaving only the purposeless rage of the hand. In the opening scene we briefly see the doomed astronaut begging for help. He is well on his way to hand-zombie-hood, periodically breaking off his sentences to chant, “kill, kill!”, but when he describes his situation he refers specifically to his problem being in his hand. It started there, 'making him do things', before moving on to the rest of his body. The fact that it started in his hand is in large part responsible for the mess he's now in, since with that appendage out of his control, he can't activate the spacecraft's self-destruct mechanism.
Maybe it's because of the alien influence that the hand survives to land on Earth and be picked up by Paul Lawrence (man there were a lot of Pauls on MST3K), who it infects in turn. Under the influence of the angry space germs, Paul too becomes little more than what the hand is: an undirected, purposeless killing machine. In this form he attacks people he knows, but there's no hint that this is because Paul himself is in any way resentful of them. The soda shop owner was a weirdo but Paul had no reason to want him dead, and Marta is explicitly somebody Paul loves. Zombie-Paul attacks them not because he is letting out anything he has suppressed, but simply because they are available. When he has a choice, he tries to make Marta leave his house, or decides to run away from home, in order to avoid harming her or anybody else.
Sadly, most of what's interesting about The Crawling Hand is the opportunity to examine the sub-genre it lies in and how it relates to other types of body-part movies. The movie itself spends way too much of its time on Paul and the scientists, and not nearly enough on what drew the audience in to see it, which is the unavoidably humourous image of a disembodied hand strangling people. Instead the film-makers use Zombie-Paul as the main villain, probably because they knew damn well the hand thing would make people laugh rather than scream. This was probably a mistake. The surf movie soundtrack, the crusty soda shop owner, and the scientists' clumsy improvised investigation are all clearly meant to be funny, and the movie as a whole would probably have worked better as an explicit horror-comedy about a murderous hand than it does trying to divide itself into discreet 'horror' and 'comedy' sections.
And yes, you can expect to see both The Brain from Planet Arous and The Beast with Five Fingers in the Episodes that Never Were section. I wouldn't miss them for the world!
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Boku no hero academia crossover please
Admin Notes: BUT DID YOU KNOW I’VE BEEN THINKINGABOUT THIS AU FOR SUCH A LONG FREAKING TIME?! I am so on board with this AU Ialready have Quirks and Hero Names for them and everything! Stay tuned while Iindulge myself just as much as you! –Admin Hirahara
In the events after the sports festival, Matsumoto foundhimself in the unlikely position of being moved from general studies up to theHero’s Course, in which he both felt satisfaction, as well as nervousness. Itwasn’t like he won, or anything. Really, he had to back out of the fightsbecause he knew his quirk “Quick Fix” wasn’t going to be handy at all incombat. But the teachers seemed to encourage him that, with his ability to healinjuries with just one touch, he should think about becoming a pro hero,helping people in emergency situations.
So that’s why he was standing in front of class 1-B’s door,debating just turning around and walking away. The homeroom teacher was inside,giving some introduction that there would be a new student. The Illusion Hero,Saitou, was in charge of class 1-B, but despite his reputation of being able tomanipulate anything anyone sees, he was a actually very kind man. “And so,here’s the new student who will be joining us. His name is Matsumoto.” Withthat, Matsumoto took a deep breath, forgot all his fears, and opened the door.He looked at the class, still feeling his stomach in knots, but introducedhimself and took a seat near the center row.
“Now then, since you’re all well rested, it’s time to dosomething very important in your hero career.” Already?! Matsumotothought nervously. Hero training? Saving someone? Team building exercise?He had no idea what was coming. “Today, I want all of you to pick your heronames.”
“E-eh?” Matsumoto squeaked, really not expecting that. Hefigured the Hero Course would be more… difficult. More physical. More, well,things he was bad at. However, this, at least, he thought he could do. Saitouexplained that Hero Names would be very important, because it was what a personwould be remembered by and how it should represent their quirk, too. He alsomentioned that creativity was a good thing, but it was also okay to usesomething simple.
“Psst, psst, hey,” Matsumoto heard someone next to himwhisper. “Nice to meet you.” When he looked over, a light haired boy was wavinghello, a gentle smile on his face. “I’m Saeki.”
“Ah, hi,” Matsumoto greeted, a nervous smile on his face.
“Don’t be so stiff, okay?” Saeki smiled. “Everyone saw youin the sports festival and thinks you did great!” The words were reassuring,but that really wasn’t what Matsumoto was worried about. He was about to askSaeki something when someone else began talking to the icy eyed boy.
“Saeki, did you think of a hero name yet?” A boy withemerald eyes whispered. “It’s actually tough to think of one on the fly likethis.”
“Actually, yeah,” Saeki smiled, showing the other boy hisboard. “I’ve been thinking about this since starting at U.A.” The emerald boynodded, then smiled when he noticed Matsumoto also looking over. He poked Saekiin the back, and the boy noticed Matsumoto as well. “Want to see?” Saeki asked,offering him the board. It read Weather Hero, Rain Maker. “I want to gowith my Quirk, because I think it’s the best description.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Matsumoto said, opening his notebookfrom the sports festival. “You were… the ‘Rain Maker’, the one that could formwater out of air moisture and control it, right?” Saeki blinked, then nodded.“I remember because you used it to break those robots during the race.” Theemerald eyed boy, who’d been listening in as well, perked his interested.
“You’re pretty observant, aren’t you?” He smiled. Matsumotonodded, smiling a little. He liked heroes since he was younger, so he did hisbest to note interesting quirks. “I’m Kinoshita, by the way.” He looked back athis own board, then back at Matsumoto. “Maybe you can help me come up with ahero name. My quirk is ‘Blooming’.”
“Blooming…?” Matsumoto asked, not really sure what that was.
“I can grow moss wherever I touch,” Kinoshita explained,demonstrating by touching the corner of his desk. Indeed, the wood easily beganto rot away and moss grew in its place. “Only for a little bit, though,” whenhe released the corner, it went back to normal.
Matsumoto thought that the quirk was really cool. It coulddefinitely be useful for stopping enemies and setting up traps. However, onlyone word came to mind. “Marimo…” He accidentally said, then covered his mouthright away. “I-I mean…”
Saeki burst out laughing then, unable to hold it in. “Hah!Marimo, the Mossy Hero!” He chuckled, trying to scoff it. “No no, that’sperfect, Kinoshita use that!” Kinoshita frowned, but after thinking about it,shrugged.
“Better than anything I can come up with,” he sighed,writing it down. “Thanks.” He then noticed Matsumoto’s empty board. “Havingtrouble coming up with one for yourself?”
“Sort of,” Matsumoto sighed. I’m not really showy oranything, he thought to himself. Saeki and Kinoshita both looked at eachother and smiled.
“Your eyes remind me of matcha tea,” Saeki mused. “It’spretty calming, right? And it goes with your quirk pretty well.”
“Something like The Calming Hero, Matcha, right?”Kinoshita laughed, turning back to look at the front. “It has a nice ring toit.” Matsumoto thought about it, liked it, and ended up writing it down. They’repretty nice here, he smiled, deciding that he would keep this name. Ithink I’ll be okay here.
—
“Matsumoto, let’s eat lunch together,” Saeki offered, bothhim and Kinoshita holding their bentos. “We’re going to meet some friends in1-A at the cafeteria.”
“Oh, a large group?” Matsumoto asked nervously, wonderinghow he could turn the opportunity down. He wasn’t exactly a huge fan to tons ofpeople. Kinoshita must have sensed that, so he gave Matsumoto a pat on theback.
“Networking’s going to be pretty important, when you becomea pro hero. Plus, they’ll all love your quirk,” he smiled. “So what do yousay?” Matsumoto almost couldn’t say no to that.
The lunchroom was pretty full of students from every course,but there was one in the corner with four people already sitting down. Saekiwaved over to them, then introduced Matsumoto to them. “This is the new kid inour class,” he said. “Remember? He was the one was healing injuries during thecavalry battle.”
“You got transferred to 1-B?” A violet eyed boy looked over.“I heard they were moving people up into the hero course, but 1-A didn’t getany new students.” The three sat down to join the other four, and they wentaround introducing themselves. The one Matsumoto sat next to was Tanizaki, andhis quirk “Super Strength” had earned him the nickname “Power Hero, Crusher”.The one Saeki was close to was Kirishima, who’s quirk “Blades” won him thesports festival. If Matsumoto was remembering right, he could grow blades fromany part of his body.
“I went with the one you recommended,” Kirishima was tellingSaeki. “In terms of Hero Names.”
“Oh, you liked it, then!” Saeki smiled. “’Cutting Hero,Sword’ has a cool ring, doesn’t it?”
“Better than what Hirahara kept calling me,” Kirishimaglared at the golden eyed boy, who was currently sitting next to a sleepingboy. He was quietly stealing lunch from the other. “Rokkaku-sensei said ‘KillerCutter’ wasn’t good for a Hero Name because it made me sound too villainous.”
“R-Rokkaku is your homeroom teacher?” Matsumoto quicklyexclaimed. “The number one pro hero, who can vaporize anything, The ‘Mist’Hero?” He didn’t even realize that such professionals taught at U.A., havingonly lesser known heroes teaching the General Studies.
“Yup,” Hirahara chimed, “Rokkaku-sensei is the best!” Withall the noise, Matsumoto was kind of surprised that the boy next to Hiraharawas still asleep. When he asked about it, though, Hirahara just shrugged itoff. “That’s his quirk, ‘Naptime’.” He explained, “he can put others to sleep,but it makes him pretty tired himself.”
“That’s why you kept calling him ‘The Sleeping Hero,Bedhead,” Tanizaki added, rolling his eyes. “I can’t believe he agreed tothat.”
“Meanwhile, you gave yourself a pretty flashy name,”Kirishima pointed out. “’Fast Hero, Speed Star’.” Hirahara nodded, lookingreally proud of himself. If Matsumoto could remember, Hirahara was the one whoplaced first in the race part of the sports festival. His quirk ‘Boost’ gavehim the power to run right past the competition, only Matsumoto also had amemory of him being the one to immediately pass out after the race.
They chatted a little more during the remainder of theirlunch, about how 1-A would be going on a class training trip soon, and that 1-Bwould eventually go as well after the others returned. Eventually, the periodended, and the group eventually split up and returned to their own classrooms.The next few periods were strangely similar to General Studies, having math,science, English, and history.
When it was time to go home, Saeki and Kinoshita offered towalk with Matsumoto until they had to go their separate ways. All and all,Matsumoto had to say, his first day in 1-B was actually really great. Hecouldn’t wait to start real hero training. “I’m going to be…” Matsumoto said tohimself, smiling, “a really good pro hero!”
#Underworld Capital Incident#gokuto jihen#獄都事変#boku no hero academia#CrossOver#anonymous#matsumoto (underworld capital incident)#saeki (underworld capital incident)#kirishima (underworld capital incident)#kinoshita (underworld capital incident)#tanizaki (Underworld Capital Incident)#hirahara (Underworld Capital Incident)#tagami (Underworld Capital Incident)#UCI fanfic requests#requests#Admin Hirahara
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