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thedragonagelesbian · 6 months

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Once upon a time, Cyrus Hawke had taken great comfort in pain. Hurt was a kind of testimony-- on the battlefield, in the bedroom, evidence of his physical existence that he could bear witness to and thus discover, again and again and again, his place in the world, both literal and metaphorical.

But there was no solace in this, the fever drawn between his eyes down to the pit of his stomach, throbbing like an open wound, raw and festering and pulsing out to the blurry edges of his being. The tadpole writhed against his skull, its small wriggling form quaking with anticipation. Perhaps it danced in time with its six kin, a coordinated celebration of their metamorphosis, life exalting in the correctness of its evolution.

Their revelry had run afoul of the tea Cyrus usually brewed to help himself trance, spoiling it in his stomach before he could set his mind at ease. The memory of Lae'zel's dagger pressed to his throat wasn't helping anything either. Nothing would at this point, he supposed, slumped against the floor of the cavern and sweating out his last hours like a sick dog.

I could have stopped this, once.

He didn't know if that was true or not, but he had never missed the crackle of divine magic at his fingertips as much as he did then. Like sunshine after a storm burning away the fog, he had once been filled with such warmth. His very blood had run hot with miracles, and he could open himself up to the bodies of others, soothing their ailments.

What was he now?

A voice he had spent decades trying not to dwell on snaked through the aching delirium: You will never be anything more than my champion.

"That is not true," Cyrus hissed, loud enough to hear himself over the blood pounding in his ears, and when that wasn't enough to banish the doubt gnawing at his rib cage, he reached for the knife instead. Nestled by his side, small as it was, its hilt felt heavier than anything he could manage to lift now, but he took comfort in his white-knuckled grip through the leather of his glove.

Whatever certainty he had left, it was this: he would not wait for Lae'zel to end him in the morning. He would not leave his death in someone else's hands.

...Although if he were to leave it to anyone's, he trusted Lae'zel's the most. He knew singularity of purpose and duty and devotion more intimately than he knew anything else about himself. He also knew what that singularity had cost him. He wondered if Lae'zel would live long enough to realize it too.

He watched her sleeping restlessly at the far edge of the camp before, one by one, he took the rest of them in. The cleric of Shar, so convinced of the virtue of her suffering (which wide-eyed fool did that remind him of?). The vampire spawn whose body had not been his own in two hundred years, who could not remember what he looked like beforehand (should he have mentioned it? that he had also forgotten what he had looked like before magic had scarred his body?). The Hells-touched barbarian who had not known comfort or intimacy in a decade (an all-too familiar story). The wizard who had tried to show him the wonders and beauty of touching the Weave (maybe it hadn't been a ploy; maybe it had been a gesture toward mutual understanding. Toward friendship. What miserable irony to finally have friends again only to lose them now...)

And Wyll...

Wyll...

He had a harder time keeping up the facade in his sleep, tail lashing, tossing and turning and knocking his horns against the ground. As his vision began to swim, Cyrus watched him, wishing desperately to be able to take that pain away. For himself, for all of them, for Wyll especially, a man too good for a world that didn't deserve him as its hero.

I'll find you. The thought came to him slowly, pouring like hot molasses over sluggish and slowing synapses. My soul will travel to Avernus and find yours. I won't let you live out eternity there.

It would've been a good thought to end on... but the darkness that claimed Cyrus lasted only a moment. A heartbeat suspended in nothingness, and then light flooded his vision. Blinding and cold, like steel glinting in sunlight, it cut through the fever. He tried to blink the whiteness from his eyes, but all he saw were strands of color mingling with the brightness. Purple and gold and pink and silver shimmering in the void.

And a voice, distorted and distant but closer and clearer with every word: "I came just in time. You are transforming."

A gauntlet, a shimmer, a memory that was not his imposing itself on his mind, and as Cyrus sat up, he saw her: a tall and imperious woman dressed for battle, severe and familiar down to the frightening blue of her eyes.

"Meredith..."

Perhaps he should have known right away that the figure wasn't her. For all the care and detail in its facade, it didn't smile like her, and it had shifted back to give him room to breathe-- room, indeed, to throw up his hand. A gnarl of withered flesh across his palm stood between them in some meager defense.

The next morning, Cyrus would loathe that that was his first instinct. That he had cowered like some caught prey animal instead of bearing his talons and forcing this thing--memory, ghost, guardian--away from him.

"How...? What are you...?"

"Be at peace, Cyrus." A command uttered with softness and gentleness was still a command. "I saved you before." He reeled again as his mind flashed unbidden to the crash of the nautiloid, to the fall that should have left him little more than a smear of viscera against the beach. But something had caught him. She had caught him. How had she...? "And I'm here to save you again."

"No." His voice--a voice he owed to her--cracked. "I do not want to be saved by you."

#cyrus bg3 #cyrusXwyll #did not proofread did not edit sat down after dinner full of feelings and banged out in one go...#the austringer

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waddingham · 3 months

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thinking about at his side as if you've always been there and always will..... if I hadn't tried the cost would've been my soul.......parted from me and never parted never and always touching and touched...

#do you understand why i went back for you......a friendship that will define you both in ways you cannot yet realize.....

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youngpettyqueen · 4 months

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"if I hadn't tried... the cost would've been my soul." excuse me I just need to- [screams]

#star trek: tos #jim kirk #spock #otp: not in front of the klingons #screams and screams so goddamn loud

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polarsnowfox · 1 year

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If anyone wants a super cool zine, the terms of service zine is having a super cool thanksgiving sale! Any order between the 23rd and the 25th will have a $5 discount!

@sttermsofservice

#terms of service zine #star trek terms of service

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astoricreads · 2 years

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So excited to dive into the stories in the @sttermsofservice zine!

#tossummergiveaway

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frogayyyy · 3 years

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thoughts about Jim Kirk saying he knows he'll die alone

as long as he has his ship, his crew, Bones, Spock, he knows he won't die. he won't die, he refuses to give up and he has so much faith and trust in them.

he'd sacrifice himself a hundred times over, because he can't be without them

how terrified he must have been in The Tholian Web "I had a whole universe to myself....there was absolutely no one else in it. I must say, I prefer a crowded universe much better." When you see the image of him shouting out for Spock, any hope that he's not alone.

the five year mission ends, Spock leaves him. and then we see him in TMP, "Spock, I wish you were here" "I need you" he says to both Bones and Spock. (don't let me be alone) Then he nearly loses Spock, risks his life to make sure Spock is okay. "I need Spock on the bridge"

in WOK, he's an Admiral now, he's lonely and feels old.

(also Spock basically saying "why did you accept position of Admiral? you belong at my side" and Jim's like "yeah ur right lol" then saying "I have been and always shall be yours" like I'll never leave you)

the Kobayashi Maru, he changes the programming. he never gives up "I don't believe in the no win scenario" "you've never faced death" there's always a way out as long as he's not alone.

his face when he realises Spock isn't at his station, and then runs down to the engine room. he considers flooding the whole room with radiation just to get to Spock. "he's dead already" the devastation in his voice. losing the one who was there without fail, realising he won't be there anymore. "you never have faced death." "no, not like this" Spock's death means his own.

the beginning of SFS, losing Spock makes the whole ship feel so empty. he's back to feeling alone again after having got Spock back then losing him. even worse that he loses the Enterprise and he's starting to lose Bones too. he risks everything he has just for a chance to get them back. "you'll lose everything, you'll destroy yourself" David gets killed. he blows up the supposed love of his life (his ship) to have Spock. he can't even watch during the ritual which might lose him everything. "if I hadn't tried, the cost would've been my soul" "the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many" yes he was talking about the needs of Spock but also himself. he needs Spock, can't live without him.

let's be honest TVH is just a big ridiculous film so there aren't too many dramatic moments where they seriously think they'll die. but you can see the change in him from the first 3 movies. him and Spock are practically married in this.

"I've always known, I'll die alone." you can see Spock thinking he's never going to leave his side again even if it kills him, he spends the whole film trying to prove it to Kirk. he doesn't want to believe Spock betrayed him. "you're either with me or you're not" "I am here, Captain" he's saying you're not alone Jim, I'm right here with you. but Jim doesn't hear what he's saying. "I belong here". sacrifices himself for Spock and Bones, again. and this time he really thinks this is it, he thinks he's alone "what are you waiting for?". then the disbelief and pure adoration when he sees Spock. the moment he finally understands "you were never alone". he won't abandon him. then goes to kiss him THEY'RE FAMILY

Spock putting the tracker on him in TUC (idk if they planned it or not) just another reassurance that they're a team and they have each others backs. "come on, I need you"

don't remind me that he does actually die alone because I will ignore you

#some incoherent ramblings about jimothy #I guess mcspirk and mckirk too #I haven't seen generations yet #jim kirk #tos #star trek #analysis #ep: tholian web #mov: st:tmp #mov: st:twok #mov: st:tsfs #mov: st:tff #mov: st:tuc #.txt

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hot-wiings · 3 years

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The One Where Katsuki Bakugo Gives You A Priceless Gift For Christmas. Alternatively, The One Where [Y/N] [L/N] Buys Her Boyfriend A Joke Gift.

Edited: 12-1-2020

The fire crackled as you walked into the entertainment room of the rented cabin you were staying in. It was nice, it had a fairly well fireplace that kept the entire cabin warm and it had relatively spacious rooms. It was supposed to be a nice romantic getaway from the city, Christmas in a rustic cabin. An escape from your busy lives as heroes, an escape from work, villains, and responsibility. You were sure Katsuki would have been enjoying his time with you had he not been so annoyed.

Last-minute Mina and Denki found out about your plans, she and he wormed their way into getting invited. It wasn't like you had a real reason not to let them tag along, it was a three-bedroom cabin, and you weren't going to tell them they couldn't come because you planned on getting railed on the holiest holiday of the year. You end up inviting them and Eijirou, much to Katsuki's displeasure.

You made a quick way around the presents on the floor as you reached the love seat next to the fireplace. Katsuki had woken you up and gave you specific instructions to get two cups of coffee and preserve the good couch for the both of you before 'those damn extras' get another chance to ruin his holiday.

You were glad you got the desired couch before Mina or Denki could. It was right by the fire giving you a toasty feeling, but you knew halfway through opening presents you would be curled up against your boyfriend, receiving his heat instead.

"You get the good seat?"

"Yup!"

Katsuki plopped himself down next to you into the two-person loveseat and took his coffee mug from your outstretched hand. He let out a soft grunt as he took some of the substance down his throat.

"I woke them up, should be out here once they dry off."

"I thought you were joking. I specifically told you not to throw snow on them."

"Since when do I listen."

"Santa's gonna give you coal for Christmas."

Your voice came out in a singsong voice, teasing him. He had no clue that you, in fact, did get him coal for Christmas. It was a joke gift that Mina convinced you to get him. The idea of your boyfriend opening coal was too enticing to turn down. To be fair, it wasn't like you didn't get him something else. The minute you're done opening gifts, Katsuki was going to get his real present in the bedroom.

"Speaking of gifts, you're never gonna beat the gift I bought you."

"Oh?"

"Fuck, you're gonna love your gift."

Katsuki placed a quick kiss on the side of your head before rummaging through all the gifts on the floor, looking for the small box he packaged up and wrapped months ago. He knew he wanted to give you this, he wanted to pop the question. He had been trying to pop it for months now but he couldn't find the right way, it had to be perfect. It was Eijirou who convinced him to just wrap it up for Christmas, but he hadn't counted on the two dumber individuals of his friend group to try and tag along on the trip, he also hadn't counted on you letting them tag along. Luckily he had Eijirou, shitty hair was supposed to keep dumb and dumber out of the room while he gave you this gift.

"Open it."

You caught the small box that your boyfriend tossed at you and smiled at him. You shook it slightly before taking a drink from your coffee and placing it on the table next to you.

"Katsuki, we've gotta wait for the others."

"Just open it, trust me. Before they come in."

"Fine..."

You bit your lip as you made work on the tape and peeled off the paper. You pulled a small black velvet box out of the wrapping and flipped it open. You pulled your hand up to your mouth in shock as you looked at the ring. It was gorgeous, and the diamond was huge. It must have cost a fortune. You looked over at Katsuki who had knelt to one knee and you couldn't help but smile. He was doing it, he was really doing it.

"[Y/N]. Every day with you is like waking up on Christmas. It's joyful, happy, and fuckin' fun. It's worth living. Do me the pleasure of marrying me."

"Oh my god, Katsuki... Yes, yes!"

You quickly slid the ring on your finger and examined it as Katsuki sat down on the couch next to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you against his body.

"Told you I got the best gift... So what'd ya get me?"

Your throat went dry as you remembered your gift to Katsuki. He was going to kill you, as a matter of fact, you were going to kill Mina for having the idea in the first place. How could you give your boyfriend--fiance cole for Christmas, you couldn't, not when he just proposed with the biggest rock ever. You would look like such an ass.

"About that... I left your gift at home."

You scratched the back of your neck nervous as you tried to find the gift among the pile of gifts all your friends brought and placed under the tree making a mess of wrapped boxes.

"Don't be shy just cause' I got you something awesome. I know you grabbed it before we left the apartment, I saw you."

As Katsuki stood up to rummage through the gifts to find the one with his name scrawled out in your handwriting you panicked. He couldn't open that gift. At the same time, Mina walked in and spotted your ring. She could sniff these things out like a dog.

"Oh my God! Your hand! That rock! It's huge!"

"I know! It's Katsuki's Christmas gift to me, he proposed."

"I didn't know Katsuki could be so romantic! That's like the best gift ever. Oh! oh..."

You and Mina made eye contact with the same thought in mind. He could not open that gift or he was going to skin you both alive.

"Katsuki, just sit down. Wait your turn."

"No, I wanna see what you got me."

Without thinking you threw yourself onto Katsuki's back, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and chest region you made it hard for Katsuki to move. Mina was quick to jump into action and grabbed the gift but she froze as Katsuki tried shaking you off of him. He didn't know why you didn't want him to open the gift, but with Mina involved he desperately wanted to see what it was.

"Mina, do something!"

"I- I-"

Mina wasn't sure what to do. She couldn't just dispose of the gift, not especially after he saw it. Oh, but she could! Without a second thought, Mina threw the box on the floor and shot her acid on it.

You let go of Katsuki, thinking you were out of the woods but you thought wrong. You supposed you and Mina should have paid more attention to chemistry class in school, maybe then you'd know acid does not get rid of coal. It creates a chemical reaction, a chemical reaction that makes fire. Rapid, quick fire. It wasn't long before the fire spread over the house due to the carpeted floor. You and Mina felt embarrassed, red cheeks spread from your necks to your foreheads as Denki and Eijirou came rushing in and trying to put it out. It just kept spreading like lighter fluid. The damage was far too severe to put out so Katsuki just blew a hole in the wall creating an exit for you all.

"What the fuck was in that box."

You and Mina looked at your feet before she spoke up. Her voice came out quick, quick, and fast before she took off to her car.

"It was coal. Merry Christmas."

You never saw a car pull out of a driveway so fast, and you would've been amazed had you not been enraged over the utter betrayal.

"You got me fucking coal for Christmas?"

"Eijirou and I are just gonna leave... Uhm... We grabbed your keys, congrats on the engagement, and merry Christmas."

Eijirou and Denki were quick to get to their car and left. Cowardly traitors. They were all leaving you to deal with a ticking time bomb, couldn't they at least stay until the fire department arrived.

"My God Katsuki! Look at this ring, it's so pretty! Aren't you glad I'm your fiance? If you think about it, burning a house down is nothing when you think about how I said yes."

Despite the fact you got him coal, despite the fact you started a fire and he was mostly going to have to pay for all the damage, despite the fact you were both barefoot in the snow, Katsuki laughed. Maybe it was because it's Christmas, maybe it was because he was happy you said yes--he knew he'd never find another soul like you, someone who put up with him and all his shit.

"You're lucky you're my fiance... We can call the fire department from the car. Let's go, if I speed we can make it home on time to have dinner with my mom, we can tell her the news."

Katsuki laced your hand with his and brought it up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. He dropped your hand, turned around, and bent down slightly at the knees.

"C'mon, I'll carry you to the car."

You were quick to climb into your fiance's back for the second time that morning. With your face resting in Katsuki's neck and your arms tightly wrapped around his neck, you smiled.

"Hey, Katsuki?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you proposed. I don't wanna burn a house down on Christmas with anybody else but you."

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apocalypseornaw · 3 years

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Always be yours (Pt 2/2)

Warnings? Demon! Dean, mentions of cheating, sex, killing and lots of cursing

You sat just outside of the armory flat on the cool tile floor with your eyes closed. You couldn't bare to walk through that door. It had been weeks since that night you spent wrapped in Dean's arms. You told Sam you'd seen Dean, that he had sought you out. You didn't tell him everything that had happened or that Dean knew what had happened between the two of you.

You weren't praying for the simple fact that you knew with the exception of Cas no one was listening that would care. Sam had left to get the blessed blood after carting Dean inside the bunker. You'd stayed out of sight the entire time. Now you had to face Dean and watch him go through what you knew would be an excruciating process to flush the demon out of him.

"Are you ok?" Sam's voice drew you out of your thoughts. You opened your eyes to see him standing about a foot away from you "Just trying to get my head on right Sam" he nodded with a sympathetic smile "You know you don't have to go in there yet. This is gonna take a while" "I can't do that Sam. I can't turn away, he wouldn't do it to me if positions were reversed nor would he do it to you"

He held his good hand out but you shook your head and climbed to your feet "Let's do this"

--------

You took a deep breath as you watched Sam splash holy water and repeat the Latin that would concentrate the ground for the process to work. Dean hadn't looked your way yet and you weren't sure if you were relieved or hurt.

You watched Sam draw up the blood in a syringe. Dean eyed it as well finally meeting your eyes before saying "Sammy you know I hate shots" Sam shrugged "I hate demons" you flinched when Dean snarled at Sam before Sam splashed holy water on him and injected the blood into his arm right below the mark.

Dean's eyes never left yours, a groan of pain leaving him before he shook it off. "Look Dean there's a lot more doses to go. You could make it a lot easier on yourself" Sam told him then turned to walk off. He stopped where you were glued to the floor staring at Dean. "Are you ok?"

Dean spoke up "Oh Y/N's fine alone with me black eyes and all. Isn't that right sweetheart?" A flicker of a smile flashed across his face and your stomach flipped. Sam looked between the two of you visibly confused before Dean smirked "Oh she didn't get around to that Sammy? Yeah me and her had a damn good time in Colorado"

"Y/N?" Sam's voice wasn't accusatory just simply asking. You stared past him at Dean "Yeah I fucked him that night Sam" "A few times" Dean added and you felt your face warm from embarrassment. "Come on" Sam grabbed your arm to pull you from the room and you heard a slight growl from Dean before the two of you made it out into the hallway.

-------

"You didn't tell me you had sex with him" Sam's voice was barely a whisper. You followed him down the hall to the kitchen "Didn't exactly know how to throw that into casual conversation"

You sat down at the table holding your head in your hands. Sam walked to the fridge then sat a bottle of water down in front of you "It's understandable Y/N. You love him" you slowly raised your eyes and he nearly choked on the water in his mouth "How did he find out?" You shrugged "Crowley somehow? I guess"

You normally didn't hear Sam curse a whole lot but the string of words that fell from his mouth would've made a sailor blush. "Shit you shouldn't be here then" you shook your head "I'm not fucking leaving you alone with him Sam. He won't hurt me, there's still something inside of him stopping that whether it's the Cain and Collette thing. You on the other hand, our real Dean he'd never forgive himself if he did something to you. The least I owe you both is staying through whatever happens next"

He reached across the table and gently grabbed your hand and gave it a light squeeze "You're still my best friend, you know that. We'll get him back and deal with the fall out of everything that happened" you swallowed hard then said "If we get him back Sam, I'm leaving. I know Dean...seeing me and you in close quarters he won't handle it well and I won't be what tears you two apart" "and if he doesn't want you to leave?" He asked in almost a whisper and you laughed sadly "Then miracles really do happen"

-------

The second dose you didn't go in for and there were no words exchanged between Sam and Dean. You stood in the hallway listening to Dean in pain and fought everything inside of you that screamed to run to his side.

------

The third dose you walked in behind Sam. Dean met your eyes "For all you know he's killing me sweetheart" "Or you're screwing with him and me" you replied trying to not let your heart get in the way of your brain.

"Besides the lore didn't say anything about an exception to the cure" Sam added and Dean scoffed "The lore..hunters...men of letters. What a load of crap it all is" when you nor Sam said anything in return he tilted his head at Sam "Oh you got nothing?"

You shook your head at Sam trying to remind him that this was the demon part talking not Dean. You were relieved when he said "What do you want me to debate you? This isn't even the real you I'm talking to" Dean turned towards you "Y/N did I feel real enough to you? Hell come here and give me a kiss baby" you turned and walked out without a word and heard him laugh before turning back to Sam.

--------

You tried to call Cas but he didn't answer so after a moment you walked back into the room. You heard Dean say "Crowley told me all about it. So let me ask which one of us is really a monster?"

You walked further into the room and cut your eyes at Sam "What's he mean? What did you do?" You knew both you and Sam had went to different extremes to find Dean but there were a few weeks you barely saw each other. "Oh she doesn't know..man that's rich"

"You two were trying to get a twenty on me and Crowley from any direction you could but Crowley didn't want to be found and no one showed when Sammy summoned so he found a way" you looked from one brother to the other "Sam?" He was looking at Dean who half smirked "Oh he would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but he didn't really care about poor ol Lester..did ya Sammy?"

It didn't take a lot to put together what you'd missed. "Oh Sam" Dean chuckled darkly "Yeah I killed Lester myself and his wife married that tattooed guy" "I never meant" Sam started but Dean cut him off "Who cares what you meant? That line between us and what we hunt ain't so clear is it? Wow you might actually be worse than me. I mean you found a guy at his lowest, used him and then it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work and Y/N here fucked us both so what does that say about her?"

You felt like you'd been slapped in the face when Dean threw those words at you. Sam injected another syringe of blood into Dean's neck and you tried with everything you had to not let yourself break before walking out the room. You could hear Dean asking Sam if he or you had the stomach to do what would be needed should the cure not work and felt your knees weaken at the mere thought.

-----

Sam found you in the map room staring blankly at the screen. "Hey, that's not really him" you raised your face and knew he saw the streaks of tears when you said "Isn't it?" You pushed away from the table when he took a step towards you and shook your head "I just need a minute"

You walked past him to the room you'd been sleeping in. You sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over to the photo of you, Dean and Sam at Bobby's place that was leaned against the lamp next to the letter Dean had left that night.

You knew all that was happening had been a possibility and the truth was any amount of heartbreak was worth getting Dean's eyes back permanently green. If that night was the last you got in his arms you'd be grateful for it if he just survived this cure.

-------

You wiped your tears and headed back to the armory. The moment you got to the doorway your heart dropped "SAM" you screamed running in to Dean's side. You stepped closer than you should've but his head was dropped down and you couldn't tell if he was breathing. "Baby, please wake up Dean. Come back to us please" you slapped his cheeks lightly and heard Sam come running in behind you "Is he ok?"

"Yeah if drowning in your own sweat while your blood boils is ok" Dean answered slowly opening his eyes and you hadn't realized just how close you were to him until that moment. "He could stop this darling. You know I'd never hurt you. Just make him stop" you quickly stepped away from him and shook your head "No. We want the real Dean back"

You knew Sam was drawing up another dose but Dean leveled you with his gaze "You think the real Dean is gonna be so forgiving? I mean at least I screwed strangers you on the other hand, my baby brother? That's low Y/N. I would've preferred you fucking Cas"

"Well if you hate me at least you'll be human to do so" you replied then walked out hoping he didn't see the way your hands shook.

------

One minute you were walking back to the armory after making sure the outer door was unlocked for Cas then the next Sam was pulling you into a side hallway holding his hand over your mouth. "He's out" he mouthed and your eyes widened.

"What's the plan?" You whispered once he moved his hand. "C'MON SAMMY. DON'T YOU WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOUR BIG BROTHER" rang through the quiet air and you flinched. "We need to lock it down. Keys are in the map room" you nodded then pointed "I'll go left and make some noise for him to follow. You go right"

"Y/N..be careful" you half smiled "You too"

--------

You ran down the hall towards the bedrooms making sure to let your feet fall heavy. "Dean?" You called out hoping he'd come after you and not Sam. Sure enough you felt the air shift a half second before your back was shoved against a wall "Hey there beautiful. Where's Sammy?" He had one arm across your chest holding you in place while the other held a hammer.

Your eyes flicked towards it and he smiled "It's not for you. If I wanted to nail you there's better ways" you groaned at the fact that even murderous Demonic Dean had to make bad jokes. "I don't know" he nodded and moved forward catching your lips in a bruising kiss "I believe you but I don't need you getting in the way"

You weren't sure what he meant until he shoved you roughly into a storage room and shut the door. "DEAN GOD DAMMIT DON'T DO THIS!" you pounded against the door and heard the key turn in the handle "Just calm down baby" was the last thing you heard before his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

-------

Painfully long minutes passed before the door slowly opened. You half expected it to be Dean covered in Sam's blood but let out a breath of relief when you saw it was Cas and flung yourself into his arms hugging him "Thank god" you muttered squeezing the angel who returned the hug fully. "Dean didn't hurt you, did he?" You shook your head "Just locked me in here so I wouldn't get in the way"

He grabbed your arm "Come on. Sam's fine but there's only two more doses to give Dean" you let Cas pull you to the armory trying to ignore the growing knot in your stomach.

--------

You stood between Sam and Cas while Dean slowly woke up. He looked between the three of you "You look worried" you nodded to Sam who splashed the Holy water onto Dean. He didn't even flinch "Welcome home Dean" Sam said with a relieved smile.

-------

You were sitting on the counter in the kitchen nursing a beer. You'd seen Sam when he got back with Dean's food and had told Cas goodbye before he left but you still couldn't face Dean. What he said had stuck with you. He may have cheated as well but it was with strangers and as a demon. You had slept with his brother of all people. You wouldn't want to be with you either.

-------

Hours passed. You saw Sam head to bed and slowly headed towards your own room. You stopped in front of Dean's door and almost knocked but thought better of it. The moment you went to step away though the door opened and you heard his voice "Y/N?" You turned around with a small smile "I just wanted to check on you" he nodded then glanced back into his room "You haven't been sleeping in here have you?"

You shook your head "I couldn't" you didn't know what else to say. Every time you'd tried to sleep in the bed you shared with him you'd ended up crying yourself to sleep. "Do you want to? I mean fuck I don't have a right to ask but will you just lay down with me? Let me hold you." You couldn't believe your ears but your mouth moved faster than your brain it seemed "Are you sure?"

He gave you a smirk that was a ghost of his usual one "I started the day as a demon and tried to kill my brother but you're asking me if I'm sure" you held your hand out and when he took it walked into the room pulling him behind you.

------

He shut the door then pulled you behind him to the bed. He sat down on the side of it and pulled you between his legs. You stood there with your hands on his shoulders just enjoying knowing you had your Dean back even if he decided he no longer wanted to be yours. "Are you scared of me Y/N?" He asked and that shocked you more than anything "What? No" he glanced down at his lap then raised his eyes to you playfully "You could be closer"

You kicked your boots off then climbed onto his lap effectively straddling him. "I've missed you and not just the sex, this" he whispered burying his face in your neck. "Do you still love me?" You asked and he drew back to look you in the face "Yeah Sweetheart I still love you. Can you ever forgive me for everything I did?" "Are you still mine?" You asked and he kissed your neck lightly "I'll always be yours even if you don't want me"

You smiled and felt tears trying to sting your eyes "I've only ever wanted you Dean" he noticed the tears glistening in your eyes and gently wiped them away "Those women didn't mean anything. The mark and being a demon..it fucked me up and i didn't want to risk hurting you. I stayed away as long as I could but when Crowley told me that you and Sam.." he trailed off but his hands tightened around your waist. "It didn't mean anything to us but helping to keep each other sane and alive. I was hurt and lost and so was he…" Dean cut you off with a kiss and you melted into his touch.

When he pulled away he pushed your hair back out of your face "Can we call this a new start?" His hands had slid under your shirt and you felt his fingertips trailing across your bare skin. "Please" you all but whispered pulling him into another kiss.

Tags: @akshi8278

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