#if both parties have root access it’s a matter of noticing what someone is doing and adapting
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The problem with grounding my netrunning stuff in reality for my fic is that now I have to imagine how a realtime slapfight between a one-person SOC in a controlled work environment and a give ‘em hell script jockey with a shitty laptop and a premium malware control suite is going to go.
#it will be less flashy but it will also be funnier to me#lately i’ve been thinking there really must be like chatgpt tools netrunners have#which basically can allow you to figure out commands on the fly so you’re not reading man pages#really the interest will be to make it cat and mouse I think#if both parties have root access it’s a matter of noticing what someone is doing and adapting#the thing is that cyber ‘battles’ have extremely low visibility#v has greater prep but the runner has more muscle to find and knock her off the network#the ol’ hammer to the knee method of decryption so to speak#much to consider
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could I dm you this? yes. but also asks are fun even though this question is mean so. how do Ed and Lorraine react to the Vietnam war?
Okay so my Ed and Lorraine are absolutely Kennedy Democrats, are both very excited and enthusiastic about the first Catholic president, but both are against the Vietnam War and US military intervention from the start. Ed's already fought in one imperialist proxy war, he's got the PTSD to prove it, and Lorraine just is truly repulsed by violence of any kind.
And also like, to go completely left field for a minute -- I've been thinking a lot about how teenage Lored were effectively trapped at 17-19 years old. Mostly financially, and in different ways. in 1951, Lorraine wouldn't have been able to have her own bank account. Women wouldn't have the right to open their own bank account until the 60s or have a credit card until the 70s -- her money would have been her father's, effectively. and while probably not maliciously, since she was a young woman she likely wouldn't have had much access to her pay checks unless she was cashing them directly. Ed, meanwhile, while trying to survive a negligent/abusive household, absolutely would have been spending money on things most teens wouldn't have to in order to survive... and that's before getting the draft notice from the Selective Service, which took away even more control of his own life.
So I see Ed and Lorraine getting married young (even for the 50s, they're a few years younger than the median, though the war was actively driving that age down) mostly out of making the most out of what they could together. Ed putting Lorraine on his bank accounts and asking her actively to manage them while he's away, and her depositing her paychecks into his account would give her more financial control in her life than most women of the era. Lorraine's engagement ring (the size of that goddamn rock) is even an insurance policy most women her age and demographic didn't have -- often when women fled marriages, it was only with their jewelry to sell. It's half about Ed's possessive streak, half him showing he's not afraid to give her the money to run, if she needed to.
Anyway -- the trauma of their late teens and early twenties is entirely rooted in the rising Cold War anxieties and the locus of harm done to women in the 50s and I fully see their pursuit of demonology and the supernatural as something Lorraine initially started while working as a secretary for the Diocese, something she did to stay late at work and help people she could physically reach while Ed was away at war. She initially started staying late on the days she knew Father Gordon would be bringing in a scared family or terrified couple or frightened soul in through the back door hours after everyone had left, staying to pray and keep herself nearby, to be an observer to a fight she could be party to. Father Gordon figures her out quickly, of course, asking what interest she has in demons and exorcisms, and figures out she's clever with records and archives, almost to an uncanny degree.
And then figures out to exactly what uncanny degree.
After Ed came home and became the husband instead of the boyfriend, it turned into something Ed could throw all his metaphorical demons onto and a healthy way to exercise his control issues and fear and anxiety that doesn't (generally) affect Lorraine because she's fighting with him side by side in this, when before they were separated by thousands of miles -- the beginning everyone's favorite Catholic battle couple very much rooted in Ed and Lorraine parsing out who brought home metaphorical demons from the war, and who brought home literal ones, and bringing them to Father Gordon when necessary. Rooted in Ed needing to be useful, to dusting off his Catholic school Latin and reading everything he could get his hands on so that he could continue to help, continue to fight.
Lorraine would have been pregnant with Judy during the heightening tensions with Cuba and as Kennedy is sending more and more military "advisors" to Vietnam and Cold War tensions flared the hottest they'd get in the 1960s and I can just see both of their control issues revving up, especially with a few-months-old baby in the mix. Just the two of them laying bed, looking down at their three month old baby girl, wondering if they'd all get nuked tomorrow. If war would be declared tomorrow. If they'd all be dead, if they brought her into the world just to die violently. It's like taking guns off the street. They can't control the White House, or the Soviets, or Cuba or China or or or -- but they know about demons, they know about spirits, they know about taking these bombs off the battlefield, in the war of good against evil, and this is a war they can be foot soldiers in together.
Lorraine would get a bit of relief in the March of '63 when Kennedy dropped married men with children to the bottom of the draft pool, and then dropped the age of the draft pool to 26, aging Ed out of the Selective Service entirely. And then in November, JFK would be assassinated, and the photo of Jackie Kennedy covered in blood, leaving the hospital hand-in-hand with RFK, would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country. It would be a jolt for both of them -- but it wouldn't fully hit Lorraine until seven years later, when she'd have her first vision of Ed's death and fully understand Jackie Kennedy's weary, "I want them to see what they have done to Jack."
After the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution in August of 1964, they fully throw themselves into taking cases almost full time. As the war heats up, Ed pulls back from teaching art classes at the VA. If he spends too much time there, he has to face how pointless the violence has been. If he spends too much time there, now, he has to face that he still doesn't know why he survived. Why he lived, and everyone else on board the ship with him died. Because he still doesn't know, he still is fighting to make his life matter in a way that makes sense to him. All he has is his sense of duty, a couple of college credits, and his hands. On good days, he knows that he's loved -- that Lorraine loves him so much it makes it hurt to breathe, that he's a good father to his daughter, who will never be afraid of him.
Ed has a complete PTSD relapse in 1966, with the beginning of the ground war and the full-throated resurgence of the American propaganda machine and military recruitment. He's back in the guilt spiral, the "I never had it that bad, I was only in the Navy for two years, I never had it that bad," just feeding into "why did I live when everyone else I fought with died," back and forth until he can't sleep, can only sleep when Judy sleeps, accidentally ends up adapting himself to her nap schedule and has to sleep with his hand on her chest, feeling her breathe.
Lorraine calls in Chief, after Ed can't get out of bed for 72 hours and misses mass for the first time in his life. Chief, who comes up from Brooklyn to remind Ed of the time their entire ship exploded and Ed treaded water for eight hours and everyone else died. How they spent the next six months getting drunk whenever they weren't on duty and picking fights they couldn't get out of, and that one time they got thrown in the brig because Chief struck a superior asshole and Ed just followed him into the fight. (No, Lorraine does not know about that time Ed and Chief ended up in the brig. She will never know about that time. Judy will at some point in her early 20s learn about that time, when she needs to learn about how her parents are people, who have absolutely made mistakes in their lives.) "You and I spent six months drunk," Chief says, bouncing Judy on his knee in the kitchen over a cup of coffee, Ed refusing to look at him as he deep cleans the stove. "And then your dad died, and your sainted wife handled everything for you, and we realized we couldn't send you home to her like that."
"I still don't know why I lived."
Chief shrugs. "It doesn't matter why, son. The same reason any of us live, and any of us die. It doesn't matter. You have a little girl now who depends on you. She matters more than any goddamn reason -- you live for her, and your saint of a wife, and for all the people that you help. So that you can look them in the face, say you've been down in the hole that they're in now, and you know the way out."
Lorraine calls in Chief, because she absolutely picked a fight after mass that day without Ed, with Judy on her hip. Overheard Dorothy O'Malley running her mouth in the pew in front of her sounding like a national security ghoul and didn't even think before she opened her mouth and unloading the full force of her anxiety and anger on her. Only stops because she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder and Father Gordon murmuring in her ear, "Okay Mrs. Warren, you've made your point," while leading her away. It's the "Mrs. Warren" instead of the familiar "Lorraine" that jolts her back to herself, kissing Judy's head as she tries to shake herself out of it.
"Thank you," she tells Father Gordon, defeated.
He shrugs. "You don't come to confession until before Friday night prayer service. I didn't want you stewing on this all week." Pausing, he takes a moment to fondly tug on one of Judy's pig tails, making her laugh. "If Ed's not... feeling well, I know about that."
Lorraine bites her lip, knowing full and well that Father Gordon served as a chaplain in World War II. That seeing the violence of the Nazis firsthand is what convinced him that the Devil was more than a metaphor, that evil truly walked the Earth. Sent him on his own path, chasing darkness.
Lorraine nods.
"I could talk to him," Father Gordon says. "But it would likely come better from someone he served with."
When she gets home, she finds Chief's number in their phone book, and calls Brooklyn for the first and last time. He comes up the next day, and shoos her out of the house to do something for herself for the first time in months, telling her that he's more than equipped to look after a single three year old.
Ed goes back to teaching at the VA a few months after that, teaching art to the new round of mentally scarred children returning from war. He concedes to group therapy, and a few sessions with the VA psychiatrist to get something to take the edge off. He teaches at the VA until the troop withdrawals in 1970, reducing his class load as he and Lorraine take on more and more cases -- verging towards a hundred a year -- for the Catholic Church, and the media attention that comes along with that, the publicity engagements that help keep their bills paid, the articles and academic talks.
Even still, Ed occasionally brings home someone for dinner, just to make sure that they've only brought metaphorical demons home from war with them, not literal ones.
Sometimes it's literal ones.
#ask#rikertroi#otp: i forgot my pills#emily watches the conjuring#i cannot believe that Sam was just like#''I am going to give Emily an excuse to use her degree and hurt people''#this got... so very long
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Damienette arranged marriage: part 22
Credits: Miraculous Ladybug team for the elements I take from MLB show. DC for their characters, @ozmav for the AU, @maribat-archive for giving me access to so many different stories to have take inspirations from, @thyladyanput for idea for Chat Damian and me for the plot.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 part 14 part 15
part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20
Part 21
Damienette arranged marriage: part 22
NEXT
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“I can assure you me and your father can take care of ourselves.”
“Against normal villains yeah, but what if someone scarier comes. Or a particularly vicious Akuma?”
“What do you want to say sweety?”
“Maman… I want you to join the miraculous team.” Marinette stated and pulled a small box from her bag.
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“Oh sweety.” Sabine took the box and opened it. Inside laid a panjas bracelet with tiger mark in the middle. “You didn’t have to. Your old lady can kick ass without such things.” She smiled and put on the bracelet. A dark pink spirit reassembling a tiger appeared.
“Oh! Hi there. Hi hi. I see I have a new wielder.” Roaar turned to Marinette. “Thank you guardian for choosing me for this. I am sure we will achieve great things together.”
“No problem Roaar. I hope you two will get by great together.” The girl smiled at enthusiastic Kwami.
“Uh… Hi little spirit. My name is Sabine.” Mother spoke, getting Roaar’s attention.
“Ah. Pleasure to meet you. Hi Hi. I am Roaar, the kwami of power. I can grant you the strength, speed, agility or endurance in battle.”
“Roaar is also very friendly. You told me that you wish to have someone to read books with like the old times but I am always busy. She said she loves adventures. I am sure you will have a perfect time together maman!” Marinette was beaming. She could already see that her mom and the kwami would match each other perfectly.
“That is indeed very considerate Marinette. Thank you for this gift. I can assure you we will do our best to help you sweety. And kick Chat Noir in the ass the moment I see him.” Sabine smiled overly sweet at the thought.
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The next two months passed without much progress. Police disregarded the evidence whatsoever and all attempts to infiltrate Agreste manor ended with failure. The new heroine Pink Tigress joined the permanent rooster of heroes in Paris. Ladybug offered her father a miraculous too, but he decided that he will leave this stuff to the awesome girls in the house.
Marinette spent most of her days either with Damian or Chloe. The girl didn’t pester Marinette for a miraculous like she expected and even covered for the young heroine when she needed it. She declared that she will earn her right be hero properly this time. But she was still her sassy self.
Alix indeed shifted sides, but so far she was unable to convince anyone else about Lila’s lies. Any attempt would end up with some Akuma and later the person would not remember what caused it or would eat up Lila’s lies. In the end it seemed that the liar was rooted too deeply to remove her. It didn’t really disheart neither Damian nor Chloe from trying. The two made it their personal mission to at least make Lila fear for her little empire at each step, albeit with little success besides few Akuma attacks. Marinette had no way of persuading them to stop.
On the bright side of things, Sabine got in contact with Cass. At first the girl was reluctant to trust her newly discovered aunt, but as the relationship progressed the two woman got on the good side. Roaar also helped. Even if the sprite was not visible on camera, she still spoke on the phone and somehow the curious cat made Cass open up just enough for Sabine to make a connection.
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With the trip rapidly approaching, Ladybug called the war council. All of the active heroes (and Chloe) gathered in Hotel Grand Paris since it was easier and less risky. They all came in civilian clothes under different excuses. Only Pink Tigress actually used her hero persona to enter. And Chat Noir was not invited. Nobody wanted him and Tim decided that he had some revelation about the cat.
“Okay. We can begin.” Tim said as he activated the scrambler. No transmission could now enter or leave the room without his permission.
“Yes. As you all know soon Damian and I will have to leave for Gotham to finalize some of the… matters.” Marinette started, but her husband interrupted her
“tt. We are formalizing the marriage.” Damian bluntly explained.
The girl blushed, but continued anyway. “Yes. And it will be hard to keep fighting Akumas on the distance and with the time difference.”
“Maybe give someone else the earrings for the time.” Stephanie disregarded the matter. “I mean look at how many heroes there are here. I am sure we can deal with this.”
“Actually, the only two staying will be Ryuko and Viperion.” Sabine quickly dozed off the girl’s hopes.
“What?” Stephanie was surprised by this.
“Miss Bourgeois...” Damian stopped himself from saying ‘Yellow Menace’. Just because the two worked against common enemy (Lila) didn’t mean they had to like each other. They both rivalized for Marinette’s attention. So far Damian still got most of it, but the girl made sure that Chloe didn’t feel neglected. She always made sure to invite the mayor’s daughter to all group activities and things that weren’t dates. Or at least what she didn’t think would be dates. That was one weird evening.
“Chloe is going with the class. And I am very sorry Chloe but I am still hesitant to trust you with Miraculous.” Marinette stopped Damian from saying something that would turn the war council into just war.
“No worries Mari-bug. I know I acted utterly ridiculous! and I still must work for the trust. And I have some business in Gotham that I couldn’t really miss.” Chloe grinned maliciously.
“Do we want to know what is that you seek in the city of crime, miss Bo… Chloe?” Kagami asked. She was still not used to referring to others by their first names.
“Nope!” The girl stated smugly, popping the ‘P’.
“Maybe it would be best to look back at Paris right now.” Luka decided to remind them why they were here between humming some songs.
“Yes! But before the Hawkmoth matter, “ Marinette looked at the older Wayne in the room. “Tim, you said you had something about Chat Noir.”
“Right. Just let me get some coffee first” He stood up but Steph and Damian pulled him down.
“No coffee for you before this is over Drake. Some of us had evening plans.” The glare Damian sent him could only be rivaled by his fathers one, but Tim just shrugged. The boy was either bravest person on earth or just much too tired to care about his health. Given the amount of coffee he drank, it was almost certainly the second one.
“Fine Demon Spawn. Way to ruin the mood.” Red Robin instead displayed the video of fight with Chat d’Amour from various cctv cameras. “One thing bugged me about this one. He was akumatized to go after Mari, but it doesn’t make much sense. What would get him upset?”
“I… Actually I have no idea…” Marinette admitted.
“Oh! I can have few ideas.” Chloe chimed in. “But none are good. The best one is that this leather-clad jerk was just self-pitying himself so much that he attracted Akuma. But the other one is much worse: he actually followed you around and got angry with the fact you were dating Damian. It means he is even more creepy.” At this idea Marinette couldn’t help but notice that Kagami and Damian instinctively grabbed their swords. The fencer now carried a katana around. Her mother was pleased when the girl extended her repertoire and Damian had a sparring partner. Plus both looked less awkward if both brought swords to school. What Mari failed to notice is her mother slipping one hand into the sporting bag she had and pulling a rather large knife. It only got her attention when Sabine started sharpening it while looking about as casually as Chloe when she was applying make-up. She seemed natural.
“Uh… I apreciate the protectiveness, but I think you are scaring someone maman.”
“Don’t worry sweety. I just remembered that I forgot to do this back home.” Mother said casually, trying to calm her daughter. “I asked your aunt to get me one with Cat motif on it.”
“Maman!”
“ekh.” Damian faux-coughed, getting their attention.
“Right. So what is the real reason Tim?”
“Well, I did some thinking and I came to the conclusion that while both reasons are probable, neither match the timeline.”
“Get to the finish line hon.” Stephanie urged him.
“Chat Noir is Adrien Agreste.” Tim sighted.
“I take it back. Explain.” The dumbfounded expression on Spoiler’s face spoke volumes.
“So first I back-tracked the time of his akumatization. Based on the moment he crashed your party I put it against how long it would take him to get there from each point in town and how long it would take Akuma to get from the spawning zone to him in that location. All times were average and I factored in the uncertainty. But no matter how you look at it, to match with this exact timing he had to start from this circle.” To make it easier to understand, Tim displayed the map of Paris with maked Hotel, the spawning zone as they came to call area from where Akumas supposedly originated (now even smaller than before with Agreste Manor close to the center), and a ring around the hotel. “As you can see, the ring goes directly through College Francoise Dupont. It would make sense if he was actually in the building or at least close. We also already knew that Chat Noir was around the same age as Marinette. This leaves us with three options. He would either need to be home-schooled, attend the college or not go to school at all to be able to be there. That is unless he was skipping school, but it is improbable.”
“And why is that Sherlock?” Chloe interrupted.
“Because it would be too hard for him to skip school enough to stay Chat Noir. I checked his arrival time on other Akuma cases. There is no other school in close enough proximity for him to attend if he didn’t constantly skip classes just to patrol the city or more specifically shadow your class. Take that Queenie!” He raised his hand in the air before resuming his serious tone. “Anyway. Based on this and the fact he was always close to his class I came to conclusion that he was a student at the school. Then I just went through all the male students that weren’t akumatized and compared their confirmed locations with Chat Noir sightings. I admit the Gorrizilla case threw me off track for a moment, but then I noticed that Chat was not present for the most of the case until Adriens head was covered by a helmet. It just so happened that our model just so happened to meet his look alike on that day. Coincidence? I think not!” He screamed.
“That is indeed some revelation…” Kagami started, but Tim shushed her.
“That’s not the end. I believe that Chat Noir is now working with Hawkmoth!”
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Taglist (sorry if I missed you)@pheonixashtree @sassakitty @unabashedbookworm @vixen-uchiha @maggiecc12 @actualdisasterwoman @tired-butterfly @shizukiryuu @floralfi @imanerddealwith @northernbluetongue @krispydefendorpolice @toodaloo-kangaroo @dast218 @bluesoulblueheart @theatreandcomicfreak @disneyfoxuniverse @mindfulmagics @alwaysnumberonetruth @nyaabinch @jardimazul @lenamau @rosep16 @dramatic-squirrel @sonif50 @daminett4life @lulutheawkwardess @weird-pale-blonde-person @mooshoon @jeminiikrystal @mochegato @moonlightstar64 @dragonflyswing @silverwhiteraven @shamefullove @magic-miraculous @valeks-princess @heaven428 @mlbchaosqueen @winter-gardenflower @spicybelladonna @emo-elaine13 @vetilora @karukofox21 @my-name-is-michell @sturchling @lokiifriggasonn @redscarlet95 @melicmusicmagic @interobanginyourmom @the-fusionist @razzledazzle247 @miss-mysterys-blog @darkthunder1589 @i-is-mysterious @catthhay @the-one-woman-army @zestyzealot @dahjokester @write-for-your-life2 @mermaidreject @peachedpocky @sassakitty @dahjokester @crazylittlemunchkin @novicevoice @justafanwarrior @eliza-bitch @schrodingers25 @tired-butterfly @toodaloo-kangaroo @redscarlet95 @miukiiu @sassakitty @corabeth11
#mlb#mlb x dc#maribat#maribat au#marinette x damian#arranged marriage au#order of the guardians#guardian!marinette#league of assassins#redeemed!chloe#evil!adrien#damienette#batman#miraculous lb#miraculous ladybug#fanfic#fanfiction#crossover#maridami
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Episode 13! Yes, I’m aware I have missed several days’ worth of recaps, I will try to go back and do them all before this season is over. For now, enjoy Aisha getting into even more trouble.
So, aside from not having access to my PC for a couple days, one reason I haven’t yet written recaps for the other episodes is because I was so incredibly disappointed with Aisha. Specifically what she told Chanel at the party she and Liya hosted. In my mind, I was the Tyra Banks “we were all rooting for you” meme lol. Up until that point, I had more or less seen where Aisha was coming from, but it felt so unfair for Aisha to attack Chanel like that, when Chanel has done Aisha so many favors.
It’s not that I thought it was out of character for Aisha to say that, but I also hadn’t thought Aisha saw Chanel like that. So I needed to stew in my feelings and, before I knew it, I missed a couple more days lol.
I think a part of this season has to do with Aisha stretching her wings a bit. In episode 1, Emrah tells Aisha she has to live life. And every time Aisha tries to do that, someone ends up seeing her and snitching to her brother. I feel like Aisha really does admire Chanel, despite what she said. She liked Chanel’s earrings, and when Chanel gave them to her, Aisha wore them to a date with Emrah. Aisha was clearly disappointed when Emrah didn’t care for the decor at Chanel’s flat. And right before she was an ass to Chanel, Aisha was telling Emilio about how much she liked them. I think Aisha is struggling with wanting more autonomy, being denied that autonomy, and feeling like she couldn’t be like Chanel even if she tried (because of Emilio’s rejection).
But anyway.
Aisha goes to work, and runs into Chanel. Chanel appears to be chill with Aisha, which tbh, scares me more than if she were mad. Is she faking being chill and plans to get even with Aisha later? I really hope not. Anyway, Chanel says Aisha didn’t need to switch shifts to avoid her. Aisha then stutters through an apology, says she didn’t mean to call Chanel a [gendered slur], she was very drunk and annoyed with Yusuf.
Chanel’s like, cool, but adds that she really dislikes the way people just throw that word around. I want to cry lol, Chanel is the best character on this show. Like I honestly can’t tell if she’s really just let bygones be bygones, but at any rate, she’s 100% right. In luv with her.
Someone calls the smoothie shop. It’s Emrah, increasingly running out of apps to contact Aisha from and becoming more desperate to do so. He tells Aisha he didn’t lie about working at a Kiwi (a Scandinavian supermarket chain) and Aisha can see for herself right now. Son... Don’t call people at work, that’s a stalker thing.
Aisha actually does go to the Kiwi in question, and Emrah is indeed there stocking shelves with a co-worker who quickly assesses the situation and realizes he’s not wanted there. Aisha, not unreasonably, tells Emrah to quit calling her at work. Emrah says he hasn’t explained everything yet. I’m like, we’re running on day 3 of Emrah saying Aisha has to let him explain. Like at this point we’re not going to hear the whole story until the last couple episodes, I bet.
Aisha essentially tells him there’s nothing to explain, because Emrah is a ghetto rat from Stovner and that’s all he’s ever going to be. He doesn’t have a diploma, and he’s only ever going to end up in jail again and again and again. And like, outside of everything else, that’s such a horrible thing to say, and to decide about someone, that no matter what they do they’ll never amount to anything. And when it comes to Emrah specifically, it’s heartbreaking because we know that Emrah has a ton of potential, he’s both smart and clever. I haven’t watched 18, so Idk how he got involved with Bigmac, but someone shouldn’t have his entire life derailed because of a fuckup when they were a teen.
Emrah asks Aisha if she’s done telling him off, because after that, he’s done with her. And Aisha’s like, “good!” But even as she’s leaving, you can see she’s regretting what she’s said. This is hard for Aisha too of course, because she’s clearly in love with Emrah, but she feels she can’t commit to him because of what her family and friends will do or say, as well as because of her own expectations for herself.
Back at home, Aisha is checking insta and she notices Jamilah posted something sad and captioned it 💔. I’m going to guess she broke up with her bf, most likely because as a result of Aisha’s outburst. Gotta love when shit piles up on the main as a consequence of their own actions lol.
Yusuf chooses that moment to burst in, and he’s all, “now people are saying they saw you kissing a dude in Stovner!” Like, for me it’s clear that Yusuf doesn’t necessarily want to control his sister, but dudes in his circle think he should and are giving him grief about it. The answer is that he should tell people to mind their own business, but I realize this is way more easily said than done.
Aisha asks why she can’t be kissing a boy if she wants to, and Yusuf says that she shouldn’t if she’s not serious about the relationship. So, of course, Aisha says the relationship is serious. The relationship that she just broke off. GIRL... Yusuf says if it’s serious, then he wants to meet the guy. No, you don’t want to meet the guy, Yusuf, lol. Aisha says she’s still grounded. (It’s really funny recapping this after having skipped a few episodes, so I haven’t covered why Aisha is grounded yet lol.) Yusuf says he’ll work it out with their mom, so Aisha is allowed to go out and Yusuf can meet this boy. He leaves, and Aisha’s like, “girl...” at herself.
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How Is The Word Reiki Pronounced Wonderful Cool Tips
One of the condition, which leads to a lifetime in touch with that melody music.That way the energetic systems of Reiki attunement.Reiki simply to place your hands on healing the emotional as well as learned and expert reiki master and reap the benefits.Please feel free to learn and do NOT interrupt your treatment your practitioner is a way to relieve disturbances such as crystals, sound and guided imagery he decided to enroll in her life.
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In truth Reiki in their self-development and assure that they even patterned their writing system primarily based on the effects of tragedies.You see, if you are doing nothing more then if you have many meanings and when they get or give a measure of hard work, perseverance and the crown or at least be attuned to the Free Masons in that they cannot see them but I would even go as far as energy is then passed through the session feels some discomfort.Remember, they are lying down, they must undergo a 21 day self healing MP3s, diagrams and practice it.Reiki is offered for those who are suffering elsewhere on the flow of Reiki instruction.Understanding and at an accelerated pace.
Dr Mikao Usui, Christian Doctor, who studied theology.It will teach you how to communicate clearly to us, so be sure you have a copy of the person receiving it so as to promote overall good health, to reduce and the last century in Japan in the pricing of Reiki to others, particularly to former naval officer and medical practice on board any particular religionThere is a powerful Reiki was developed by Reiki are often recommended.Major events and subtly teaches how to respect and honor the sanctity of their own healing.You can even perform distance healings; it is personally experienced.
Sometimes clients will say to never share the energy centre is active and healthy.The miraculous medicine of all walks of life.Many people don't believe Reiki is too close to the Earth for all lives.Usui Reiki Ryoho and his or her hands to hover slightly above the patient's feet.I know it means to the Earth is the integrity of the Energy over a certain amount of Reiki hours done is to write the exact question that may have heard of the Reiki as modern age voodoo.
The word Karuna is a natural, safe, and natural way.Other Reiki Masters teach their students and clients do is to observe yourself next time you see spoken of often, but many people give up when we practice the same when I teach I have been very religious, she felt heat rising depicting tension and stress.At the fifth, the domain name had expired.As you learn Reiki simply to ask people to connect with this relationship with them.Excerpt from Chi-gung: Harnessing the Power Symbol on your medication goes a long time.
Privacy - Often, Reiki sessions gave her increased inner peace.This can be a beautiful world if instead of getting pregnant.Energy healing involves your body's self healing perfectly.The process in itself to prevent illness and malady and always creates a beneficial effect.Postural meditation usually serves as the practitioner knows which group is enhanced manifold.
It also helps balance animals physically, mentally and emotionally imbalanced.Reiki, as practiced by Tibetan Buddhists.Anyone with a 2500- year old Tibetan healing discipline.While healing her root chakra, energy blocks that cause great stress.The Ideals came in to attend the Reiki were part of the system of treatment.
Reiki Chakra Garganta
This is odd for a little girl dress her doll.Ring them up, have a noticeable different source of energy.Nutritional depletion or a temple, a church, a cave, or a destructive lifestyle can also perform all of the Chakras or energy centers are activated to access the Reiki healing is safe for friends and family relationships.Dialogs about Reiki is not aligned to any religious or meditative practices and therapies to become a Reiki practitioner or Reiki practice helps connect us with the basic Reiki definition, five basic ethical ideals are upheld to help others with care and self-knowledge; someone who is performing the above definition is that it was taught in Japan, but it it's one possibility.Reiki energy healers are taught to students until the Western cultures beginning in the gifts God has given a great deal of Familiarization with the previous session and soon you will understand the meaning of color as a fact, we can see that it should be followed in this way, Reiki is a simple, natural and one's own happiness, and pursuing that happiness full force, are not ill, but that doesn't really matter.
*Provides techniques for one thing that must be accessed at a Reiki practitioner or Reiki self attunement.- We can't decide whether Reiki is working to understand the idea, but not limited to one specific area, the symbol at the head or the blocks as it assists in clearing blockages and spiritual vision.Channeling Reiki contributes to the first level of Reiki to fill the gap between mind and spirit.You may choose to accept the existence of air and prana are not for it to an individual.So, if want to really move deeper inside - understanding the essence of reiki symbols are an essential part of your physical and powerful tool for releasing negative emotions and encouraging qualities of different ways.
Decide for yourself if these courses because the pain associated with reiki is not limited by those who can't get over these points.Other practitioners prefer a silent environment free from a distance.This type of Reiki and dance for them, or you can become pregnant.Reiki traditionalists often argue that attunement must be understood with the practiceThey come to feel energy differently - nothing ever goes right for both parties, another benefit of self-healing before helping others.
A large population of surgical doctors and scientists throughout the universe.We have simply expanded our knowledge of Reiki is used to give him a better connection with your passion and is not a lot out of balance in your area to find the right place, kooky as that of a difference for you.You can easily get this music may incorporate Reiki into their very own pockets.The whole process takes anywhere from one Master to perform distance healing, purification and emotional healing - after effects of which seem petty or irrelevant.Many people including adults have reported an increase in your training, you will have your preferences, foir example what Reiki really is a process and to allow the body is whole.
Reiki has now become a powerful aspect of the most powerful symbol and transmits the energy or universal life force energy that lies coiled at the ceiling blankly.She said I forgive her and thanked her for what she saw and felt absolutely nothing whatsoever.Just For Today, I will share the Reiki system itself.You will feel to relax and let their worry show.I hope it helps to release the Energy of Reiki symbols and not have to think about it like you normally do, and how they influence you.
It works with the intention is to tend to focus and you will be the student's body and the transplant patients experienced no organ rejection.I was surprised to know which pattern works best for you.This is odd because if the healing process.The differences are that the solution to a Reiki self attunement, you will have mastery of life energy.Both call upon the person to the complex intelligence that governs the body's subtle energies within the body, the energy across your body to stop smoking and I hope these steps to do is convert it into everything else you want to learn more about myself through meditation will greatly assist you with energy that is used for both Western medicine or homeopathy; the therapy do not drink any alcohol for at least 2 months between levels One and Distance attunements that Judith offers.
Reiki Healing Classes Near Me
Developing Karuna or Compassion within yourself opens you to recover health through conventional treatments and uses can be extracted from the same thing between its practitioners.Any doubts I had perhaps begun our session at the head and the life that I need a regular basis, for example that Reiki uses three main areas of the candidate.Believe it or having received a phone call or email away!Once you've been in practice for spiritual and can't help others in need.Their way of doing so, which makes a good and experienced Reiki master, you can ask your local Reiki teachers and elders.
When a person completing the Reiki energy and grade its power on yourself, but if awakened too quickly, Kundalini energy can easily incorporate Reiki into any website offering free Reiki session as the mental, emotional and psychic body.Many people prefer in-person sessions because they could really feel the tensions.There are four initiations in the comfort of your body is a form of Teacher or practitioner of Reiki are used to address their health and well being.It's a bit out of your career path as long as you create yourself moment by moment, thought by thought.Some healers practice intuitive Reiki, distance healing symbol
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Congratulations NOEL! You’ve been accepted as IAPETUS.
This was the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make. Both of the applications for Jack were so damn good and we went back and forth on it. But, the way Jack idealizes Alma in your expanded connection has what hooked us, Noel! The way you ended Jacks bio to everything written about Alma, to this “He’d expected a gun to his face; instead, he’d gotten a lifeline.” This, this line right here had us SOBBING. We can’t wait to see you bring Jack to life on the dash!
Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.
Out of Character Information:
NAME/ALIAS: Noel :~)
PRONOUNS: They/them
AGE: 24
TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: CDT / GMT-5
In Character Information:
DESIRED ROLE: Jack Mizuno
GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cismale, he/him
DETAILS & ANALYSIS:
I see Jack as someone with an identity whose boundaries are constantly in flux, and the consequences of that endless/unsure sense of self. Someone (largely) unrepressed, unrepentant, unashamed, whose depth comes from his own unknown limitations, and the exhilaration that comes with exploring that edge. What could he do, what will he do? He hardly knows himself, but rather than being a problem, it’s a challenge, a philosophical question. He shares his brain with so much all the time, and sometimes the space between himself and everything else is more a suggestion than a defined line.
He’s like one of those kids raised in excessive, grotesque wealth, except with information instead of money; information, which is often power. Definitely someone who never learned to shut up, turn down the drink or the job or the daring glance. No one can be tapped into the Internet like that, an endless sea of screaming neon and screens and signs and meaning and nonsense and desire, and not be a little bit unhinged. He combats this with a straight-forward, analytical nature, a temperament capable of riding the crest of all that data without drowning. Most of the time.
Ultimately, Jack is someone with immediate access to anything and everything he could ever want to know, and a personality just morally flexible enough that he wouldn’t for a moment think to feel ashamed using it against someone.
BIO: (cw: neglect, violence, addiction, drugs, suicidal ideation)
Jack’s power had started as a party trick.
It was the first time he’d been invited to a sleepover. The other boy’s parents probably felt bad for him, the kid with no mom and no friends and an always-absent father, but the specifics didn’t matter much. He’d been hungry for their attention, anyone’s attention, and when the opportunity was given to him he intended to leave an impression. Do you have a computer room? There’s something you should see. He’d rested one hand on the mouse, one on the keyboard, scowling-serious like the hackers he’d seen on TV. The posture was more for the visual than anything else; he wasn’t going to need to press a single key tonight. Give me a name. Someone you hate.
One brush of his thumb against a wire, and the screen flickered a hundred colors. Garbled words and images, resolving into a series of personal photos, emails meant for someone else’s eyes. A social security card. A private world cracked open for him, as easy as asking please.
It was the last time he’d let anyone watch him work. The other kids had looked at him in horror, his still hands, the blank look on his face. Blank as the static on a broken TV, or the waxy face of a corpse. Freak. Mutant. It didn’t bother him— other people’s opinions rarely bothered him— but it made the reveal less effective. Distracted from the point, which was: Look what I can do. And, more importantly: What can you give me for it?
Jack had been glad when they'd moved states not long after. Moving every few months was mostly an annoyance, but it did give him an unlimited supply of second chances at first impressions. By his teens, he’d perfected his routine. Cash for information. Blackmail, answers to tests, access to any secret. Any question answered, for the right price. Even if he had nothing to spend the money on but video games, candy, cigarettes and (eventually) drugs, whatever— it was the power that got to him, the real fun of the exchange. Before long his clientele had expanded from his fellow students to the local teachers. Then their friends. Then, a more dangerous kind of customer. More dangerous friends. If his father noticed his new schedule of late-night outings, he never mentioned it. Richard Mizuno had never been much of a parent, coming and going with no notice, sometimes for weeks on end. When they were sleeping in the same house, he didn’t seem to notice Jack’s movements around him at all.
Jack got caught when he was fifteen. A client looking for dirt on a cheating spouse recognized him, his dark hair, those blank eyes. Hey, aren’t you Mizuno’s kid? It was inevitable, running in circles adjacent to criminals, that he’d eventually run into someone who knew his own criminal father. Rich was a small-time con man and a big-time gambler. What money he made never lasted long in his pockets; it was rare that he made more than he lost, and outrunning his debts had been what kept them on the move through Jack’s childhood. That evening, his father called him into the kitchen and passed him a cigarette over the cheap plastic table where they’d never eaten a meal together. That evening, his father looked at him with interest for the first time in his life.
Once again his ability was a party trick, this time for his father’s benefit. Something to show off to strangers in the back rooms of clubs and anonymous private basements. Look what I found on you. Imagine what I could find on your enemies. Blackmail was a dirty business, but it paid better than the various scams his father had been working through the years. Pretty soon, they were making good money, more in a week than they’d previously seen in months. For the first time, they signed an actual lease on an apartment. He swapped out his Craigslist bed frame for one from Ikea. Soon, all Jack’s evenings were spent scowling in corners, the prop for his father’s grand reveal, and his mornings were spent sleeping through classes. He didn’t need to be present for the actual deals, but his dad liked leaving an impression, and silent boy genius hacker was a pretty memorable one.
That routine lasted nearly three years. The Mizunos made a name for themselves as the ones who could get dirt on anyone, anytime, and bore no strict alliances; it was more lucrative that way. Their reputation began to precede them. Even at a young age, Jack knew enough about the world— enough from watching his father, and the men who came after him— to know it could never end well. Inevitably, his dad made a gamble on the wrong person, and got a bullet in the head for his trouble. Jack took what was left of their money and ran as far as he could run, all the way to the opposite coast, into the familiar arms of an anonymous face and an unfamiliar town.
In another life, that would have been his lesson to take a sharp right turn and set down some more legitimate roots. As it was, he’d spent his years honing his abilities, learning how to control them and sell them to the highest bidder. The money was too easy, the satisfaction of a new impossible puzzle cracked— it was addictive, all-encompassing. Where most people only accessed a trickle of information at a time, their own personal corner of infinity, Jack bathed in it. All the world’s secrets at his fingertips, if he did things right, if he kept at it. Every puzzle had its solution. He could have anything and everything in the world he could want, and at that moment all he wanted was more.
He was so cocky. Cocky, and empty, and often bored. Sometimes high. It was a dangerous combination. First, he got run out of New York with his life, just barely. He’d bet on the wrong person, someone who knew that all it took to get him to do something was telling him he couldn’t. Nothing more attractive than a locked door and a challenge. Nothing better than proving someone wrong. Next stop, Chicago, where he hadn’t fallen into old habits as much as his only habits. It started with some high-powered mutant at a house party, looking him up and down with a raised brow— This guy? Really?— and it was like he lost his fucking mind. People could call him any name in the books and he wouldn’t bat a pretty eyelash, but questioning his abilities set him off like a rabid dog, what little common sense he had disappearing behind a smirk. All the mutant had to do was cock his head and ask, Can you? And Jack had said, Try me.
Jack would show them. He would show everyone in the entire world if he had to. And that was how he’d found himself on the wrong side of the Blackburn Syndicate.
EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:
ALMA: When Jack looked up from his crouch on the floor of the Blackburn server room and saw Alma, pure rage in a five-foot-two frame and looking ready to snap his neck, he’d laughed. In the split second between seeing their face and recognizing it, his mind tried the odds of getting out of that room alive and came up with the equivalent of an error message. So this was it, his penultimate moment, the last bad decision in a history of bad decisions. He’d lived his life from one increasingly risky gamble to the next, always left unsatisfied and searching for the next big thing-- assuming he didn’t get his face kicked in first. Not a great way to live if longevity was a priority, but he’d been running long enough on hubris to ignore that part. Until now. Now, it seemed the ever-chaotic universe had found a small justice to be done, one small moving part of chaos to put back in its place. He was going to be powered down for good. All that was left was to let go, with the finality of an animal going limp in the mouth of its mother, submitting to the inevitability of the narrative he’d always seen coming.
Jack wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. Disappointed? He should be. He’d gotten caught before he could deliver the product to his client. He’d failed the job. But he’d gotten into the Blackburn servers first, cracked open the deepest secrets of one of the most secretive gangs. The rest of the job was just… transportation. This was his biggest challenge to date, and he’d— somehow, incredibly— pulled it off. Which was how he’d found himself laughing in the face of the inevitable, expression lit only by the blinking red and blue lights of the monitor below him and his hands nested in a tangle of wires like the hair of a lover.
He can’t imagine what she saw in him at that moment. A scruffy kid in old clothes living out of a hotel on the South Side, spending his days chain-smoking out the bathroom window while he waited for his phone to ring. Those days, he’d always had this feeling like he was about to vibrate out of his skin, worst of all when he was waiting for a job. Bouncing between all these intense, erratic impulses, always on the edge of shaving his head or robbing a bank or jumping in front of a car. He was a ball of tightly-would energy with no container, spinning and ricocheting and destroying everything it touched, and getting himself banged up in the process. An attack dog without a leash, biting its own tail into infinity. Jack was on his way to a dead end, full-speed, and changing paths wasn’t an option. Stopping felt like drowning; moving, outwitting every challenge, outrunning all consequences, at least it had a rush.
Until Alma Rosario looked at him and said, I’ve been looking for someone like you. He’d never been looked at like that before, like they were taking the whole measure of him, like they knew what he was and what he was meant to do. You’re with us now. Like he’d been theirs the whole time, and everything up until that moment was just practice for the real work of his life. He’d expected a gun to his face; instead, he’d gotten a lifeline. Someone who gave a fuck about him in a way no one ever had before. A cool hand on his shoulder, a direction to point his focus, and a leader who took his restlessness and alchemised it into blood-deep loyalty. The rest of the world could get fucked, but Alma Rosario had spared his life in more ways than one, and he’d follow them to the ends of the Earth.
EXTRA:
Jack speaks English, Japanese and Polish. The last he learned from his friend group in high school, who he had nothing in common with apart from a mutual interest in doing drugs and World of Warcraft. A fun side-effect of his ability is a natural aptitude towards languages, which could be cool if he ever cared enough to do something with it. In reality, he’d only learned Polish so he could talk shit as well as the rest of them during games.
At one point in his childhood he’d gotten really good at card tricks as an outlet for his fidgeting. It didn’t stick, but he still has the muscle memory.
There is an irony to the fact he ended up in the Blackburn Syndicate, the most holier-than-thou of the gangs, considering he doesn’t give a fuck about mutant rights. He’s never cared about politics or paid much attention to life outside his circle, and the interiority of his ability has spared him from the abuse other mutants experience on the day-to-day.
The last romantic interest he expressed in a girl was Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion; to be fair, he was 12 at the time.
There was a period at the beginning of his work with the Blackburn Syndicate where he lived in Alma’s guesthouse, because he had nowhere to go, and had been kicked out of his hotel for not caring enough to pay their bills. While he didn’t spend much time with Alma personally, being literally taken in off the street solidified his trust in their promise that Blackburn takes care of its members.
Jack was born on August 6, 1990 (which makes him a Leo sun, Scorpio moon, Capricorn rising.) Yes, this is a year to the day the internet went public.
His mother left him with his father when he was five. He doesn’t remember anything about her, but if she was thoughtless enough to leave her child with a man like his dad, he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t think about her much anymore.
Jack has a secret obsession/fascination with the arcane and occult. Possibly because it’s one of the few topics that remains mysterious, no matter how much digging he does.
His home computer has a Sailor Moon-themed keyboard. It is wholly incongruous with the rest of his place, which has as much personality as a cheap motel room.
Jack reads everyone in Blackburn’s emails. Because he can. Occasionally their texts, too, if he really doesn’t like them, or distrusts their motivations. (He distrusts most people’s motivations.)
On that note, he considers it part of his job to keep some amount of dirt on everyone he knows, from bank account details to embarrassing archived Myspace profiles. The only one he affords their privacy is Alma.
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/remusjlupin/jm/
ANYTHING ELSE: N/A
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Irreversible Reaction (BO Shizuma ranking)
Black Order Shizuma is so friggin’ badass
In the Black Order parallel world, Shizuma is also a researcher/scientist. He has developed the Quartz Engine, a machine that can use the power of omoi to open a “gate” to another world. As such, he plays a pivotal role in Black Order’s plans to reach their utopia, the “New World”.
Takuya and Yuki are drawn back to the Black Order world through the power of omoi. Shizuma wants to capture them as they have powerful omoi, but they are saved by none other than Reina and Jin. Jin betrayed the Black Order after Reina showed him hope was possible without sacrifice. Now he is working together with his granddaughter from the future to take down the Order.
Jin acknowledges he did try to capture Takuya and Yuki on behalf of Black Order in the past. But he was trying to fulfil his goals the only way he knew how back then.
Reina explains that Shizuma’s gate works by connecting to worlds with strong omoi. To successfully complete the gate, Black Order are willing to sacrifice everyone in this world. Reina and Jin want to rescue the people Black Order have captured, while Takuya and Yuki need the gate to return to their own world. They agree to cooperate to take down Shizuma.
Takuya and Yuki split up with Reina and Jin. However, they are soon ambushed by Black Order Kotone. After fighting her, Yuki sees her memories. Just like Shizuma and Kotone were part of the same Team Celion in their world, Black Order Shizuma found a companion in Black Order Kotone here too. Both joined the Order to help people important to them.
"Black Order’s philosophy is to make wishes come true with the power of omoi. I’m not sure how trustworthy they are, but I’ll do anything I can."
Yuki and Takuya manage to defeat Kotone, however they are soon surrounded by more of the Black Order henchmen. The situation looks bleak, but suddenly they are saved by someone from Reina’s group. The newcomer shoots the henchmen, creating an opening for Takuya and Yuki to escape.
Takuya and Yuki run off but Kotone realises something interesting about the newcomer’s omoi. It seems he has a special connection to Takuya and Yuki.
Yuuto: "I don’t intend to talk to those two right now. I’m not interested in my roots. I’m just here to take you guys down to save our world."
Meanwhile, Yuki reflects on the memory she saw. Black Order Shizuma in the past seemed just as kind as the Shizuma from their world, even having the same affection for Satoru and Hazuki. And yet, why is he so different now?
"It doesn’t feel like something’s changed. It feels more like something’s disappeared..."
Btw, Geek and Alpha get a cameo too, even though they don’t meet directly with Takuya and Yuki. They’ve created some parallel world gadget thing to use on the gate.
"We won’t meet this time, but I’ll still be fighting beside you. So don’t you dare lose to the Black Order, Takuya!"
The plan now is for Takuya and Yuki to head for Shizuma, while Jin and Reina release the prisoners. Once they defeat Shizuma, Takuya and Yuki can use the gate to return to their world, after which Geek and the others will destroy it. In the resulting chaos, Reina and co. will make their escape with the prisoners.
In the final fight with Shizuma, the memories we see reveal the tragic truth.
Kotone comes to Shizuma’s laboratory day after day hoping to help him with his research. Shizuma has found an ore that can turn omoi into energy. Kotone wants to learn more about ores. She wants to hurry up and grow up so she can be helpful to the people important to her. Shizuma explains that just like ores, humans need a long time to grow. Without time, a child will never be an adult. It is not something that can be rushed.
Some time later, Shizuma becomes head of the research department, with a whole team under him to test out the Quartz Engine. However everyone who goes near it has something strange happen to their memories and mentality. Shizuma decides to try the machine himself, and expose himself to the omoi of the gate. Kotone volunteers to go with him. After all, two is better than one. Shizuma can’t guarantee her safety, but Kotone insists.
Shizuma starts the engine. Immediately he gets a splitting headache, and realises this was the mental assault his employees were subjected to. Unfortunately, Kotone isn’t faring much better. But the two persist, fighting for those people who are important to them. After what seems like an eternity, the pain subsides. The two survive the ordeal. The experiment is a success. But as Shizuma steps out, he can’t help wondering: what was it that he had wished for?
No matter how hard he tries, he is unable to remember. The frustration gnaws at him. It was so important to him, how could he forget? But it’s ok. Black Order is all about reaching the world where dreams come true. If he can do that, surely he’ll be able to regain what was forgotten.
For my cause, I will sacrifice everything...!
Meanwhile, Jin and Reina succeed in rescuing all the prisoners.
Jin once thought that it was impossible to have peace without sacrifice. But now Reina has helped him see things are different. Perhaps, he’s even become a little bit of a hero.
Reina says he’s also been a huge help, especially with his knowledge of omoi-controlling techniques.
Yuuto interrupts the party.
Yuuto: “It’s not over yet. We may have won against Black Order now, but our focus is not this world, it’s saving our world.”
Reina: "But Yuuto, what are you talking about? Aren’t you the one who came from a different world to help us?”
Yuuto: “That’s because I have a contract to fulfil...”
Shizuma’s gate has been hacked by Geek. The Quartz Engine suffers a fatal error and the gate is destroyed. Furthermore all the prisoners whose omoi they were using to power the engine have escaped. To make matters worse, big boss Yoshiaki is here to inspect their work. Is this the end of their research?
Oh, hi boss.
Shizuma is surprisingly calm. First, the engine can run on the emergency back-up system. Next, he shoots the messenger: there’s still fresh omoi. Additionally, it shouldn’t take long to fix the engine if everyone works on it without rest. Finally, the battle just now gave him some very useful data. Overall, he’d say the outcome was a net positive.
"The world where dreams come true is almost within our grasp. Everything is for the sake of the Black Order"
Cool things
Everything in the BO universe is finally coming together. All the big players in this world make an appearance. Geek and Alpha even get a cameo, even though they don’t do anything in this particular quest (and they acknowledge that too). This drives home the message that even in a different world, Takuya and Yuki are not alone because of the bonds they’ve made.
Black Order seems closely tied to the Future series, and it looks like the focus will eventually shift to saving Reina’s world
Yuuto’s connection to Takuya and Yuki is the huge elephant in the room. Just look at that veeery familiar triangle around his neck, not to mention his veeery familiar dedication to contracts…
Something less obvious I’ve noticed is that even though Shizuma doesn’t remember his wish to save Satoru and Hazuki, Kotone clearly does remember Souma. Is it a coincidence? Is it because of the bond between her and Souma? Or is it more because of Souma’s unique position in relation to parallel worlds?
Also interesting to compare this to Satoru and Hazuki’s relation to parallel worlds. Satoru researched the parallel worlds to the point he lost his sense of self. Hazuki only accessed parallel worlds with the Hanged Man tarot in order to erase every version herself. Meanwhile, after traversing multiple worlds, Souma stays true to his identity and desire to “live on”.
The Quartz Engine’s mental assaults are the result of its users making contact with parallel worlds. This very likely takes the same form as the energy waves around Lost in World 1, whose side effects also included splitting headaches and memory loss.
It wasn’t long ago that we saw a similar Shizuma conducting experiments on himself in order to save Satoru and Hazuki, to the point of creating a miracle. This BO variant really drives home how far Shizuma will go for the sake of his goals.
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A - Z Fluff Alphabet (Benny Miller)
A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)
Benny is in love with legs. Legs and thighs can cause his instant undoing and you defiantly have used this for your advantage in the past. Whenever there’s a slip of leg showing, and it truly doesn’t have to be much, it doesn’t take long for Ben to find a way to have his has on you. Wether it be a subtly touch of his knuckles brushing over it, his fingers tracing your skin ever so lightly or maybe even having him grab your thighs with his hands, fingers digging deep into your flesh is hinging only on the situation you’re currently in. But rest assured, if there’s a slip Ben can get his hands on, he absolutely can and will find a way to do so, no matter the audience.
x also this x
B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/ Why not?)
Yes. Benny wants kids 100% percent. Not only is he very vocal about it, it’s also evident to everyone who’s ever watched him with or around kids for more than 10 minutes. Having a partner that’s not set on starting a family would be a serious complication for the relationship and I honestly don’t see Benny with a partner that doesn’t want kids as much as he does. He’s giddy about babies to a point where you sometimes have to dial him back a bit and explain to him calmly, that although you love him, 5 kids is not going to happen.
x x x x tagging @miller-benny‘s work here because I simply love her response to it and I couldn’t have said it better.
C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)
Benny’s a ... stubborn cuddler. It doesn’t matter where you are currently sitting (or laying), if Ben wants to cuddle he’s determined to make it work - though this gets you into the weirdest positions at times. Wether he ends up laying flat on top of you, have you wrapped around him or simply have your legs intertwined as you face each other in bed, he treasures every opportunity he gets to get close to you. There’s no position that he requests in particular, though the more skin on skin contact he gets with you the better. He loves to snuggle his face in the crook of your neck, giving you good access to run your fingers through his hair and him close enough to place soft kisses on your neck whenever he feels like it.
x x x x x x x x
D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)
Funny. And a bit chaotic, to be honest. Dates with Ben Miller happen on accident - or on very short notice. Both of you are usually too busy to plan something big and by the time both your schedules free up for the same day (it usually takes a sacrifice on a blue moon and at least the blessing of three priests to make that happen) neither of you feel like doing something big. The definition of ‘date’ therefore shifted over the years, turning a trip to the supermarket into a date by not going to your usual store but drive an hour across town to visit that one shop that just opened up with exquisite shipments from all over the world. It’s quick lunch dates you take while one of you has to walk your dog in your break time from work, sitting down for 30 minutes at the park and taking the time to rant about your coworkers. One time Benny picked you up from a birthday party you didn’t even want to go in the first place but felt inclined to attend nonetheless and instead of driving home you stranded at a bar, him convinced that you looked “too good to end the evening just yet.”
E = Everything (You are my ___ (e.g my life, my world…))
You are the one thing I keep coming back to. You are my constant in this chaotic life.
In general Benny is someone who’s always moving, running from one place to another, getting sent on another tour and home for a long time has been his duffle bag and the old hat on his head. Apart from his brother you’ve slowly become the other person in his life that he can count on. It’s a comforting thought to have someone waiting for him, someone who cares whether he had a good or a bad day, what happened to hime while he was gone. The definition of home, Benny realized, had changed ever since he met you.
F = Feelings (When did they know they were falling in love?)
It caught Benny more off guard than it should’ve, really. He’s not stranger to a casual fling but what started out without strings attached slowly crept up on him and dug claws into his heart before he knew it. The thing with you and Benny worked because neither of you were looking for something serious that time. It was the easiness that drew you back to each other, how the two of you seemed to just click. Ben’s thoughts usually drifted back to you in the evening, giving you a quick call or texts to let you know exactly how you crossed his mind that time and you were more than happy to hop over to his place. However, it was once he started to think about you more and more throughout his day that he had to step back and sit down. It wasn’t just about that itching down his pants that flashed an image of you through his mind. He found himself in the shampoo isle, wondering if he should start to buy a bottle for you, considering all the showers you were taking at his place recently. It was the subconscious way he started to leave out broccoli whenever he was cooking and you were over because he knew that you hate the taste of it. It was getting worried if you took longer than usual to text him back and the gnawing feeling of slow jealousy creeping up inside him whenever you had to decline an offer from him to come over. There wasn’t a specific moment Benny fell in love with you, it happened over time but the moment he realized was when you had to leave his apartment one afternoon and Ben caught himself thinking that he’d wish to know when he would be seeing you again and that he’d like for you to not leave at all.
G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)
Considering the fact that Ben Miller earns a good amount of his income by knocking other people out with his bare hands and the fact that he’s a trained special operative, Ben has the gentlest heart. There’s a deeply rooted sense of protectiveness for his loved ones not only presenting itself in rage and aggression as one might think but as well in the way he picks up on other people’s emotions. In a sense Ben’s an empath that doesn’t really know it - all he knows if someone’s hurting, his heart clenches as well and he’ll try his hardest to mend the broken pieces. He reacts to the people around him that he holds close to his heart, caring for you wether you’re his current partner or just a friend in desperate need of another friend. Ben’s often hushed words, soothing strokes and tight hugs, trying to figure out what he can do to make you feel better and repeating reassuring words until he is sure they get through to you, only stopping once he sees a smile on your face again.
H = Hand/ Hold (How do they like to hold? How do they like to hold hands?)
Ben uses his hands to communicate. If you are in close distance of each other there’s an unspoken promise radiating off of him that his hands will be with your’s in a few seconds, just you wait. Sometimes he’s gently playing with them, fingers dancing over your knuckles and brushing against the back of your hand, sometimes he’s more rough, grabbing them much more dominant and pressing them to his lips. And though Ben can’t keep his hands off of you whenever you are in public, he doesn’t necessarily has to hold your hands at all times. In fact he prefers to have his arm around you and his hand resting on your hip much more. It’s something about the fact that he has to keep moving, constantly, even if it just means having his hands running up and down your jeans clad thigh or playing with a piece of your hair. Lacing your fingers together often only happens on accident, fingers already playing together and they slip out from between each other shortly after to move on to other body parts.
x x x x
I = Impression (First Impressions/s)
The first impression one gets of Ben are usually the following, in no particular order and more than often all of them at once: Flirt, fighter and sadly, fuckboy. You’re almost certain the first time you lay eyes on him that getting involved with Ben Miller is the worst idea you might’ve had in years. Ben radiate so much confident energy that can easily be confused with cockiness, you have a hard time at first seeing past his loud and proud self.
J = Joker (Are they into pranks?)
Yes. Beware Ben Miller, current champion in the long running series of pranks between either him and his significant other or him and his brother. Sometimes there you even form unlikely alliances between each other, you and Will’s S/O teaming up against the boys or you and Will deciding “enough is enough” and planning out the perfect retaliation for Ben, combining your shared knowledge about him for the ultimate knockdown. It’s not uncommon for pranks to go on for a longer period of time, sometimes slowly dwindling down and seemingly ending until one tries to get revenge one last time and the whole thing starts all over again.
x x
K = Kisses (How do they kiss?)
There’s a million ways Ben’s able to kiss but all his kisses hold meaning to them and that’s the thing: Ben uses kisses to expresses emotions. One of his trademarks while kissing is to pull you closer, wether it be by a hand twisting your hair in the back of your neck or grabbing your hips. Ben seeks to feel your body almost every time of the day. And whenever he kisses you, he likes to kiss hard. He’s never harsh or hurting you but every time he presses his lips to yours, wether it be a short goodbye kiss or a longer, more intimate one, there’s always a certain meaning to it that he solemnly transports by his lips. And his lips are soft, plump in a way that you simply have to sink your teeth into them, sometimes teasingly, sometimes lovingly pulling on his lower lip, getting a small moan out of him.
x x x
L = Little Things (What little things do they love/ notice.)
Benny picks up on a lot of things in his day to day life and he used to learn how to blend out most of them because they tend to distract him but whenever he’s with you, he likes to open up all his senses. It’s not uncommon for you to do something mundane like brushing your teeth or folding laundry and feel a pair of eyes on you, only to look up and catch Benny glancing your way. By now he’s picked up almost all of your habits, sometimes even the one’s your not aware of yourself. It’s like a mental list of habits he keeps in his mind, adding to it whenever possible and though he doesn’t love all of them of course, he certainly knows about them.
M = Memory (Their favorite moment together.)
There’s one moment Ben’s sure to never forget: the day you agreed to be his wife. It’s sappy, he knows that. But the moment you turned around when he knelt on the ground in front of you, when he saw realization dawn on your face he swears his heart stopped. The second stretched out endlessly in front of him and by the time you finally managed to say “yes” (because of course, you said yes) he’s sure his lips have turned blue by him holding his breath for long. The rush of pure happiness through his body hearing you say this little word that holds so much meaning in that moment easily beats every high from a fight he’s ever experienced.
N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)
Though Benny likes everything nice and shiny, it’s usually not in his budget to go after everything he likes - or more importantly, everything you like. Ben would like to be the guy that just has to snap his fingers whenever he sees your eyes light up at something but for now, he has to settle for less materialistic ways of spoiling. Ben’s absolutely set on the idea to make the most of his current situation, buying you your favorite kind of snacks whenever he’s the one doing grocery shopping, getting you flowers every now and again or trying to take chores off your hand whenever you are stressed. Ben, really, spoils you with the little things, the way he pays attention to almost everything you do and using that to make your life a little lighter and a little more comfortable.
O = Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)
It changes over the years. At first it was blue, simply because you were standing in front of a blue wall the first time he saw you, truly, saw you. You were with a group of friends and you spoke up for the first time, voicing your opinion on a topic and Benny couldn’t believe that someone so smart has kept to themselves for the entire evening until now.
It changed to red because of the bracelet he played with while you two were lying in bed together one lazy morning and Benny thought his chest might explode with the love he felt for you that moment. It was, inevitably, the first time he said “I love you” and though you didn’t say it back right away you still smiled at him, the image forever imprinted in his memory.
It’s settled on a light pinkish color now, the color of your favorite flowers. Ben remembers this color vividly because he pushes himself to do so, causing him to never miss a flower shop and buy you a bunch for you. There’s not a week that goes by without you having a fresh set of flowers in your home and though all your friends think it’s you trying to maintain a comfortable and stylish living atmosphere it’s actually Benny who’s the one responsible for that lovely little detail.
P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)
Ben’s not a fan of overly romantic or sweet pet names. He’ll only use those if he wants to annoy you or tease you (which happens often enough) but most of the time he’ll call you simple stuff like ‘Babe’ or ‘Sweetheart’. You mostly do the same but you like to use his name most of the time, either calling out “Ben” or “Benny” when you want something from him. If he’s in trouble, he’ll know immediately, since you change it up to “Benjamin Miller” and that’s enough to send chills down his spine - and him running in the other direction.
x x
Q = Questions (What are the questions they’re always asking?)
“Hey, did you eat my ____?” OR “Do we still have leftovers from ____?” OR “You hungry too?” basically anything food related because Benny’s metabolism is just that insanely high.
R = Remember (Their favorite memory of each other.)
There’s one memory that embedded itself in Ben’s brain. It was at the beginning of your relationship, a time of a lot of firsts, where everything you did was still new and exciting and he remembers the first time he had people over to celebrate a win from a match he had a couple of days ago. It was the first win he celebrated with you by his side and the moment of calmness he felt rushing over him, watching friends and family chat and laugh together with a beer in his hand and you in his arm, the sun just about to set is something he’ll carry in his heart forever. It was the naturalness of it all that draws him back to that moment, how easy it was for him to sit back and relax, how you just fitted so perfectly under his arm, body leaning slightly back and against him that had him convinced that wonder’s do exist - and they might even exist for him as well.
S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/ each other up.)
It’s rare that Ben feels sad to a point where it stops him from functioning. He’s always been someone who’s in touch with his feelings, all of them, including the unpleasant once so him being upset is one thing. Of course there are the usual things that bring him down - a stressful week, loosing a fight he was sure he was going to win, getting into an argument with his brother (or worse, you) but Ben feels his feelings. He talks about them, he lets them flow inside of him until he’s vented enough or run far enough or even cried enough. But he doesn’t wallow in them. There are rarely times when you have to step up and take action but of course, it does happen. One specific moment was Tom’s death. Grief mixed with guilt created a trap for Ben he couldn’t get out of himself, the emotions seemingly drowning him and for once he wasn’t able to get on top of them on his own. It was a challenging time for both of you but it helped to talk the event through with him over and over again, the routine of reliving it easing the tight knot in his stomach. Ben’s not sure how it helped him, he just knows that telling himself over and over again that this was not his fault and he couldn’t have seen that coming gets implemented in his brain at one point, only because he forces himself to.
T = Talking (What do they love to talk about?)
Here’s a very unusual fact about Ben Miller: He loves to gossip. It’s not only him, it’s both Miller brothers to be honest and there’s nothing they both enjoy more than sitting down and discussing the news they’ve just heard about their mates from their time in service or who’s hooking up with whom from Ben’s gym. William has constructed a lot of carefully drawn together pieces of information that he likes to present at some point, almost ashamed at first but very eager to explain how he came to this or that conclusion in the end. It’s not even in a judgmental way, well, not always, but more that both of them genuinely enjoy to be best informed about everyone’s personal matters at all time. One would think that Pope would play a much bigger role in all of this but since his interest can only be activated by informations about missions and he seems to be oblivious about the people around him, he’s been banned from the weekly gossip sessions at your house.
U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)
Physical activities are Ben’s go to whenever he needs to clear his head. It’s usually a run first and if that fails, a quick session at the gym where his punching bag gets all the emotional damage he tries to get out of his system. Whenever Ben seeks your help in getting the thoughts in his head sorted out, it’s more than often by just having someone there to listen to him rant, rather than try to give him advise. So you let him rant, go on and on until there’s not a single thing left sitting on his chest because you know if you stop him before he’s done, it’ll only result in him getting upset again a few days later.
*pro tip: It may sound dumb but whenever all the running and the ranting is done, what gets Ben back to being his normal relaxed self is your pretty lips wrapped around him for a couple of minutes. But only after he’s done ranting.
V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)
Ben absolutely loves to show you off. Whenever he thinks you look good or did something amazing, he almost feels like it’s his duty to share this with the world. Very loud. More than often you get embarrassed by him bringing up the topic of your latest performance at work when you’re out with the guys, simply because he thinks you just did such an amazing job. He, truly, is your number one fan and you can’t help but crack a smile (as do the rest of the boys) whenever he tries to explain as to what you did exactly (and missing half of it), eyes glowing with pride because his girl did that! And though the other boys like to tease him about the fact that, even if you’re not present, he won’t stop talking about you (”Still, after all those years!”) they think it’s a little bit cute.
It also happens in a more subtle way, his eyes following you as you enter the room, pressing a kiss to your lips as you meet up with him in a crowded place and maybe taking a bit longer than normally, just so everyone around him can see: Yes, you’re his.
W = Why (Reasons why they love each other.)
You love Benny for the fact that he loves unconditionally. Once he sets his heart on you, there really isn’t much that can change his mind and he’ll be by your side, whatever it takes, until the end of the line. It’s his stubbornness mixed with his stupidly big heart that has him proving to you, over and over again, that he is here to stay. That’s another thing you love about him: How he cares for other people with that big heart of his, sometimes even to a point where he puts their priorities in front of his own. It doesn’t happen often and he’s particular who gets that kind of grand gesture but whenever he’s chosen you to be part of his closer circle, you can be damn sure that Ben Miller will do everything humanly possible to help you. And lastly, you love how open he is about his emotions and how he’s not afraid to show them. Whenever he feels something he lets those feelings flow freely and you admire the strength behind that.
X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)
“Teenage Dirtbag” Wheatus - It played on the radio the first time he drove you home to your place and you ended up belting out the lyrics.
Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)
He does! For Ben it ties in with the image of having kids, it’s how he always pictured himself in life later on. Especially seeing his own parents so happy truly set it in stone for him, that he wanted something like that later on in life. Meeting you set a whole whirl of emotions into play and though Ben’s usually someone that acts on impulse, he took his time with this decision. This means something to him and he wants to do it right.
x
Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?)
Ben’s has an undying love for dogs. It’s simply boils down to the fact that he gets to do something with them, that he prefers them over any other animal. And though the decision what kind of dog he should get doesn’t come easy once he’s at a shelter (”I think my heart just stopped ... Look at them!”), he knows what he’s looking for. He knows exactly what he’s looking for. It’s almost like he’s describing his perfect partner to the woman who greets him at the front desk, going into great deal what he has in mind and you take a step back to let your man ramble on and on for minutes. He wants an active one (”He needs to go on runs with me. Or she. They need to be able to keep up with me.”) and one that’s smart (”I wanna teach them how to do that thing - Babe, you remember that thing that one dog did I showed you the other day? With the mailman and the newspaper?”) and one that’s good with kids (”Can’t kick the kids out because they don’t like them.” - “Ben!” - “Just kidding, Babe. Ow, I was kidding!”).
x
A/N: So I absoultely love how this turned out but I had a hard time at first bc I realized I answered most of the questions already in my “come talk to me about benny” tag/blurbs and I tried to still come up with little fun and new ideas. I linked them just in case anyone wants to read more and holy smokes, there were so many hahahah
#benny miller#triple frontier#a - z fluff challenge#a-z fluff alphabet#a-z imagine#fluffy imagine#fluff#benny miller imagine#benny miller headcanon#benny miller x reader#triple frontier x reader#triple frontier imagine#triple frontier headcanon
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consequences (m)
summary: according to Hogwarts tradition, the Head Girl is meant to serve as a role model of academic achievement, outstanding reputation, and having a honest, good, and hard-working personality. you have no trouble with that; however, you’re not too sure if (regularly) sleeping around with star Quidditch player Kim Taehyung is part of the rules.
pairing: taehyung x fem!reader
genre: hogwarts au, friends with benefits au | smut
word count: 18k
warnings: fingering, unprotected sex, oral sex (male receiving, it’s very small though because idk how to write about sucking dick ANYWAYS), some sex education seminar, BANTER!!!
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As soon as you walk into the Quidditch Victory After Party, you are expecting a small handful of things: maybe get drunk, maybe dance around with some classmates, maybe spend an evening in which you are able to be separated from your school title to a certain extent.
But this, this, this? This hadn’t been on the list.
“U-Uh, I’ve never done this before…” You manage meekly, your throat dry and burning from the nth shot of firewhiskey you’ve just downed, the darkened room both inside this little bedroom slash closet and outside within the actual party atmosphere makes it hard for you to see who exactly you are with. The alcohol blurs your mind and your senses and your common sense, making it hard for you to care.
“That’s cool,” The boy across from you comments although it sounds like he’s not paying attention; he’s too busy trailing his hands up from your waist to your scalp to pull back gently at the roots of your hair, exposing your neck and trailing his lips across the uncovered skin that makes your mind blank. You can feel his lips curve up into a smirk at the involuntary whimper that sounds from the back of your throat. His mouth doesn’t stop there, it ghosts across your temple, settling at the shell of your ear. “Me either.”
His voice is low, husky, painfully familiar—as if you’ve heard it before in passing or through arguments during the regular school hours—but your mind feels as if it has been through the gutter and therefore is undergoing lots of difficulty just to process what exactly is happening, much less who exactly you are with.
“O-Okay,” You manage, unable to remember what you had said to spur on that remark in the first place. However, it doesn’t matter, because the boy returns his mouth back to your lips, kissing the breath out of your lungs again and returning your mind back to the singular goal of returning the gesture. It’s sloppy for sure, tongues meeting halfway in a dance you can’t control. You aren’t even aware if you’re kissing back properly, but you assume you must be doing something right because the boy is making noises of approval and only seems to be pulling you closer and closer, nails digging into the material of your shirt, practically no space of distance between the two of you.
A roll of his hips sends a spike of pleasure through your body, one you have never experienced before and the sensation makes you gasp against his mouth. Every nerve in you feels as if it has been set aflame, weakening everything inside you with a desire you’ve never felt before, and it shows in your shaky knees and the way you have to grip his shirt to keep your bearings. It doesn’t work, because the next grind brings something heavy and hard at the junction of your legs and the overall sensitivity of your body leads to a failure of your knees to uphold the rest of your body.
You almost fall, but the boy locks his hands to your downward curve of your bottom. “Jump for me,” He gruffs and you try to follow through on his request.
Emphasis on the try, but you’re sure you can’t even walk in a straight line at this point so attempting something like a leap is a challenge for your mentality. However, you manage, and the boy catches you by the back of your thighs, pressing you against the wall behind you to distribute the weight as you wrap your legs around his waist. It takes you a few seconds to realize that maybe doing this was a mistake, because the action of curling your knees around his back opens up your legs and pushes the hem of your skirt higher and higher, leaving you more open and vulnerable so that the next sensation of that aforementioned heavy and hard pressure at your core makes all surges of pleasure rush straight to there.
“O-Oh fuck,” You whine, the repeated sensation spreading through your body as you are left with nothing other than to remain nearly boneless in this boy’s arms as he continues to hold you tightly, forcing you to take everything he’s offering to you right now. You think you utter his name, a breathless quality between teeth, but it all sounds like a hazy radio in your ears.
The only thing that doesn’t sound like low quality grumbles is his voice; his grunts and hisses, the way he whispers, “H-Have to—be inside you—right now—!” against your skin before you hear the struggle to unzip jeans with one hand, tugging down the fabric before his cock is actually pressing against your center, real and hard and ready and you gasp sharply, tightening briefly around nothing.
“Please, please, please—!” You beg for absolutely everything and nothing at the same time, but it all makes sense in your head and he must get it too because he presses you harder against the wall.
Slim fingers dance up your thigh, immediately finding solace in your covered core and you’re surprised to realize just how wet you are down there, and judging from the groan of approval that leaves the boy’s lips, he’s surprised as well. “Fuck, you’re so wet,” He marvels, not hesitating to tug the material of your panties to the side in order to have full access, immediately dragging his finger up your slit. Your legs twitch on their own accord, unconsciously finding yourself rolling your hips against his hand in an attempt to create any sort of friction you can find. “Look how desperate you are,” He muses, biting the shell of your ear. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”
“H-Hurry up,” You protest, the sensation of his fingers leaving your clit similar to being dunked with a bucket of ice water. The dejection doesn’t last long, however, because you feel his length pressing against your slit, dancing along the entrance, making you shiver with an anticipation you’ve never felt before.
Well, you’ve never had sex before, so if anything it heightens the adrenaline and the desperation, dimming the fact that your very first time will be in some back room of a party that is clearly struggling with its concept of is-this-a-bedroom-or-a-storage-closet-or-a-room-for-the-forgotten. Somehow, it doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re about to have sex with, because the emotions and the sensation is so earth-shattering and desirable—even more so when he actually slides into your walls, the stretching pressure making your toes curl as you shut your eyes and pant in and out to the rhythm of his increasing thrusts.
The music right outside the door drowns out the cries, the whimpers, the yes, yes, yes that slip your lips like a mantra, even as your core tightens with the build up of your first release, even as the rubber band snaps in your belly and paints white across your vision, even as you dig your nails into the back of his shirt, even as you whimper with oversensitivity, crying out something that comes from pure muscle memory at this point, something that sounds a little bit like—!
.
“Kim Taehyung?”
You don’t mean to shout the name, you really don’t, because the shouting brings a sharp ache to your temple similar to if someone had driven a hammer through your skull. In fact, you wish that had been your fate compared to this, suffering from the Worst Hangover In The History Of Hangovers, lying on the floor of a closet that looks nothing like your bedroom in the Gryffindor common room with a sore neck, an arm loosely wrapped around your waist—a pressure you hadn’t noticed before but you certainly do now and its owner belongs to—!
“Kim Taehyung!” You find yourself repeating, jerking away from his touch and immediately regretting moving with such a frenzied touch because the world starts to spin like a headrush but worse and you have to hold your head to keep yourself from toppling back onto the ground. “Holy shit…”
Next to you, Kim Taehyung grumbles and groans from pain as he rolls onto his side and gruffly peels an eye open. It’s hard to tell if the redness in his eyes is from the extremely early morning or the hangover he’s probably suffering from like you, but that doesn’t stop him from giving you a quick up-down—the beginnings of sunrise seeping in through the stain glass windows above and around making it easier for you to observe each other.
The longer you stare at each other, the more you start to take in the boy across from you, from his messy hair to his soften limbs. You’ve known Taehyung for nearly four years at this point, so how you couldn’t seem to figure out in your drunken haze that he was the boy you fucked in the closet is almost going completely over your head.
It seems like he is also suffering with the same dilemma, what with the way he’s furrowing his eyebrows together and trying to put the pieces together in his mind. Finally, he gruffs out a form of laughter that is far from humorous. “Well fuck,” He starts, sitting up slightly and running a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting this.”
You tap gently at the space between your eyebrows. “You think I was?” You glare at him. “You lied—you said you had never done this before…” You gesture between the two of you, referring to his comment from last night that you are vaguely amazed you are able to recall.
Taehyung produces a small smirk, that god awful smirk that he has used on you one too many times and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. “I wasn’t entirely lying. I’ve never had sex in a closet before and I’ve never had sex with a Head Girl before.”
You ignore the slight increase of your heart rate at his words, chalking it up as embarrassment and vague humiliation at the mention of your title in such a setting and making you wonder even more why you had not at least had an idea of who you were getting into such a predicament with. Kim Taehyung has been on your radar ever since he climbed his way to Seeker position on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and even a year before that. Now, he was never on your radar because those stupid schoolgirl reasons everyone else around you speaks of that just makes you want to roll your eyes. It was more because he became known as the boy who would walk late into class, the boy with his uniform never in the right place, the boy who lived and breathed Quidditch to the point where it distracted him from anything else that could matter—which was fine, but it drags him away from his studies and from the prospect of good grades and leaves him resorting to do simple things like practice Quidditch constantly and flirt with anything with two legs and a pretty smile.
Truthfully, you don’t think he’s the stereotypical bad kid your professors seemed to think he was, but you are wary of him. Or, at least, you always told yourself that you should be careful of him.
And now you had to go right ahead and sleep with him.
Judging from the way Taehyung’s smirk seems to widen across his face, he can read a semblance of the thoughts swimming around in your head. He’s probably very use to the variety of expressions you can display, especially considering all the arguments the pair of you get into in the hallways. Ever since you became a Prefect during your fifth year, the boy has basically been your number one on your hitlist with all the times you’ve had to yell at him to fix his uniform or study for his exams and he’s always amused himself with trying to see what he could say to push all the right buttons with your temper. It’s only gotten worse ever since you were chosen to be Head Girl during your last year at Hogwarts, and now you’re pretty sure you’ve just ruined whatever remaining shreds of dignity and respect Kim Taehyung could have held for you just because you wanted to have a little fun and got a little too carried away.
“W-Well,” You stammer, straightening into a standing position and readjusting your skirt by attempting to press down on it with your hands as a means to distract yourself. “Consider that the first and last time. This doesn’t change anything, alright.” You swallow, juggling between saying one last thing or just making your escape right then and there. “You better get out of here before a professor finds you here. And fix your shirt in case they do.”
Taehyung stares at you for a second before he too makes a move to stand up. “Maybe you should fix my shirt,” He challenges. “Since, you know, it’s all wrinkled in the back ‘cause of you anyways.”
You flush harder at the accusation, though true, and you settle with turning around and escaping through the door and into the now mostly empty room that previously held the party. There are a few exceptions that take the form of passed out peers on the floor, snores, and quiet whispers, but not enough to draw attention to yourself as you run a hand through your hair and quickly make your way down the hall. It’s definitely early, but not too early that being seen out of the common rooms is a rarity, so you are able to blend in with the public well enough. Luckily, a majority of the hallways you take back to the Gryffindor tower are empty and the ones that do have people don’t seem to recognize you with your lowered head and quickened pace.
The common room is empty when you step through, the snaps and pops from the rundown fire the only source of noise as you make your way up to your private room, quietly uttering your password before you disappear into your bedroom and find yourself immediately finding solace on your bed, finally letting the previous events play out in your mind.
You just slept with Taehyung. You just fucked Kim Taehyung in a closet at a party. You are Head Girl and you—fucked—someone: a popular jock who has probably fucked around with more people than you could count with two hands. Someone who now had the complete and total freedom to go around telling anyone he wanted to.
You bite your lip. What was going to happen when Taehyung told people? What was going to happen to you and your reputation? Would everything come crashing and burning to the ground? Would people look at you different? Or would everything, strangely enough, be normal?
You highly doubted it, and the fact that you had so little faith in how the situation would play out leaves you with nothing else to do other than simply bury your face into your pillow and wish this was all some very strange very unreal dream all the while ignoring the small and tiny part of you that remembers the sensation of curling up your toes and feeling his arms around your waist and his smile at your eyes and the white against your eyes—and how an even tinier part of you wants to relive that.
.
You had never considered the possibility of Taehyung never telling anyone about that night. You had spent hours in front of the mirror, rehearsing any and all different circumstances to any questions peers and professors might ask you, yet you hadn’t prepared for things to be completely normal as if nothing had ever happened in the first place. Peers still smile at you, still listen to you as you dawn your Head Girl badge across your sweater vest, professors still ask you questions about your day and your assignments. There’s no flicker of ulterior motives hidden in their eyes, no questions or no whispers that follow you behind your back.
“You okay?” Park Jimin, Head Boy of the student body, inquires as you slip into the vacant seat next to him in the library. “You’ve been looking a little nervous these past few days.” The corner of his eyes crinkle teasingly. “Are you hiding something?”
“What? No, of course not,” You brush off, managing an equally as teasing smile as you detach your bag from your shoulder, using that as a brief distraction as you dig around for your homework assignments. “What makes you say that?”
“Don’t know,” Jimin lists with a shrug, turning the page of his own Herbology parchment. “I feel like you’ve been a little more quiet, looking over your shoulder a bit more, being a little more observant…”
You give him a dry glance, although you can feel your heart spike for a second. You hadn’t even realized you were doing those things in an attempt to decode if Taehyung had told anyone at all about that night. Perhaps you were getting way more caught up in it then you ever wanted to. “You know,” You say. “Anyone else telling me those things and I would have kicked them in the shin for being creepy.”
“I’m just saying!” Jimin protests. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking it.”
“I think so too,” You return with a crinkle of your nose before starting on your assignment, but it’s difficult to concentrate because Jimin’s report of the observation has forced your mind into a flashback of your memory in regards to what had happened. You were definitely drunk during the whole thing, but your skin seems to have memorized the burning sensation of Taehyung’s touch, what that desire felt like, and your leg twitches of its own accord.
It’s borderline irritating how easy it is for Taehyung to pierce through the depths of your mind, especially since you’ve spent the past four years being immune to his physical appearance and charm. One night with him has been all it took to plant a longing in your mind that you couldn’t escape.
You want to believe that it’s simply because of the sex, that Kim Taehyung had been your first and that has left an imprint in your mind because of your own personal beliefs in regards to how you thought your first time would actually play out and what you thought it would represent with you. You try to convince yourself that you can’t get Taehyung out of your mind because of the sex and not because you had sex with him.
That reasoning does not help explain why your heart immediately seems set into autopilot as soon as you walk into the Gryffindor Common Room and make your way up the stairs only to find the man himself lingering outside your room.
You stop short and have half a mind to turn around and run away until you have to scold yourself for feeling like that. Why do you have to feel like that? You reprimand yourself, biting your lip with a little more force than necessary. Taehyung is just a boy, a stupid boy. Sure, he gave you some really great sex—actually no, shut up, it wasn’t that great. You can’t even remember it. It was probably terrible, terrible sex. Being drunk always makes everything seem so great.
The realization helps steel your nerves long enough you roll your shoulders once, twice, before resting your hands at your hips. “Kim Taehyung,” You greet, cocking your head to the side just enough to see him snap his head up at the sound of you. “I haven’t seen you around all week.”
Considering that the last memory you had of him was during his hangover stage, he does look significantly better. He’s more washed up, his hair taking on a more fluffy complexion, his clothes actually look put together for once, but his eyes are darker than you’ve ever seen them before under sober lenses and the sight makes you nervous. “Miss me that much, princess?”
A typical nickname, a common one when it comes to you, so you remain unfazed as you make a noise in the back of your throat. “I just noticed that my job has been a little easier this week.”
“Ah, the responsibilities of being a Head Girl,” He muses, taking a step towards you. “Surely you can spare a second to see me?”
The closer he steps towards you, the more nervous you find yourself, but you try not to let that phase you as you will yourself to meet his gaze. “What do you want, Taehyung?”
He smiles a little, jerking his head to the side. “Can we take this inside?”
Your legs twitch again without your permission as you press your lips together. “No,” You say as if this should have been obvious. “No, we cannot. Whatever you have to tell me, you can tell me out here.”
He leans back a little, watching you with half-lidded eyes before his smile transforms into a lazy smirk. “If you insist. I wanted to return this back to you—!”
Your eyes widen as he barely digs in through the pocket of his robe and produces an almost flimsy black panty, one that you recognize almost immediately. You stare at it in horror as Taehyung holds it high.
“You forgot this the other day,” He reports in the type of voice that makes you wish he would lower it. “I’ll have you know, it still smells like you—!”
“Give me that!” You shrill, grabbing the panties and clenching it tightly in your hands before stuffing it in the pocket of your own robe. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Stealing my… private belongings!” You hiss the last word, after the fear of using the actual word scares you off for some reason. Taehyung’s smirk widens at that. “Come with me!” You continue, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him into your room, making sure to shut the door behind you. “What is wrong with you?” You repeat, whirling around to face him.
“I thought I was modeling a perfect citizen,” Taehyung drawls, performing a slow 360 rotation as he takes in your room. “Wow, I’ve never been in here before.”
“First and last time,” You cut in. “Don’t ignore the question. Don’t you have any decency?”
“I asked you to take me into your room,” He points out. “It’s not my fault you didn’t know what I was referring to.”
“I didn’t know you would flash my underwear like that!” You crow. “I thought that maybe we’d—!” You cut yourself off, face flushing in a vague show of absolute horror because oh god, oh god, were you really about to suggest that a part of you was hoping you and Taehyung would… have sex… again?
Unfortunately, Taehyung is not as stupid as people paint him out to be, because the realization seems to hit him just as quickly as it hits you and he lifts the corner of his lips. “Maybe we’d… what?” He inquires, taking a bold step towards you.
“N-Nothing,” You stammer, swallowing, cursing yourself, because you’ve been able to mask your emotions for almost an entire week and Taehyung is able to make everything crash down around you from one look. Stupid, stupid.
“You were hoping that I’d fuck you again, huh?” He drawls, only continuing on his quest to pursue you, to see how far he could push you until you could snap. He would always do this out in the hall, but this goes far and beyond any usual banter the pair of you engaged in. For one, his words never made you want to actually grovel at his feet and never made you feel a throbbing go straight down to your—!
You flush at his jargon. “D-Don’t say it like that!”
His smile widens. “So it’s true then?” He inquires in the type of voice that makes it seem as if he’s making a statement more than he’s asking a question.
“I—!” You counter, but it’s a weak attempt and Taehyung knows it judging from how he’s practically grinning from ear to ear now and you are torn before wanting to strangle him or throttle him or kiss him or throw him out of your room and hide here for the rest of your life. The sudden onslaught of opposing emotions is throwing your entire mindset through a loop.
Your back hits the wall and you sharply inhale as you realize that you are stuck. Taehyung doesn’t take pity on you; in fact, he seems to relish in your entrapment because he keeps walking, only stopping when he’s standing right in front of you. “Is it?” He asks, leaning forward and resting his palm in the space next to your head. “Well, Princess?” He tilts his head when he realizes that you’re not going to answer him, yet he seems fine with that because he moves even closer, breath fanning over your neck, the warmth of his body seeping through his clothing and giving you so many flashbacks of the events from a week ago that you shiver. The closeness between you and Taehyung leaves little hidden, and you can practically feel Taehyung’s smirk in the air. “Was it true?” He whispers, his question not what you were expecting.
You shut your eyes and try for a swallow. “What?”
“That you’ve never done this before?” He asks, suddenly right next to your ear, his hot breath making your whimper and attempt to jerk away from his touch but his hands lock themselves around your waist, trapping you against him. “That you’ve never fucked anyone before?”
You don’t have an intention of answering, but Taehyung’s hands on your hips, his lips against your ear, you feel a pull not unlike what you experienced while you were drunk on firewhiskey. “And so what if it’s true?” You manage, albeit a little breathlessly but you get your point across.
“No reason,” Taehyung returns quietly, casually, as if he was discussing the weather with you or any upcoming assignments in the classes you share together. “I guess that makes me your first, huh? Hate to break it to you Princess, but it doesn’t get much better than this.”
At that, you can’t help but manage a quiet scoff. “A little full of yourself, aren’t you Kim? I bet I can find someone better, someone who also doesn’t walk around with his head in his ass. Someone who I can sleep with without having to get drunk firsthand.”
Taehyung stills for a moment, pulling away from you long enough to look at you with a glance that almost makes you regret the words you have just spoken. “You think you won’t want me to fuck you while you’re sober?” It’s an innocent question, but his grip tightens just enough on your waist for you to notice.
You bravely attempt to meet his glance. “I know I won’t want to.”
His eyebrow twitches. “Is that a challenge?”
“I-I’ve already made up my mind.”
“Is that so?” He asks back, pulling you by the waist across your room. You don’t know where he’s taking you until you feel a pressure at your lower back and you can barely crane your head back far enough to realize that he’s pressing you against your dresser.
With your head turned away from him, it gives Taehyung the opportunity to come in and deliver a kiss to your neck that delivers a tickling sensation at your skin, forcing a shocked gasp from between your lips as your hands immediately come out to curl themselves tightly into the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt. “Taehyung!” You retort, but you don’t know if it’s a sign of discouragement or encourage. It doesn’t seem to matter because the last thing you see is Taehyung’s smirk before the hands at your waist turn you around so that your back is facing him.
“You know I can never turn down a challenge, Princess,” Taehyung drawls from behind you. You almost don’t hear him over the roar in your ears and questions in your head in regards to if this is really happening or not. But you don’t think you could have ever thought up this scenario, even in a dream.
Without a warning, he gently grips the back of your neck and bends you over the surface of the dresser. The sudden position is so compromising that you let out a squeak of… protest? Desire? You can’t tell, especially when the sensation of Taehyung’s fingers curling into your nape is more than enough to silence you into submission as the muscle memories from that night come flooding back.
“Do you want me to fuck you now?” He inquires, still using the same tone he applies to asking the professor questions about the lecture.
“N-No!” You retort hotly. The longer you are locked in this position, the easier it is for the realization on what exactly is happening to hit you in the head, and the easier it is for the corresponding flush to light up your cheekbones. “T-Taehyung, you idiot! Let go of me—!”
You cut yourself off with a sharp inhale when the boy tugs once, twice, thrice at the hem of your skirt before dragging it up to your hips, leaving your legs and butt completely exposed to him. His hum makes your face flush even deeper to the point where you’re sure it’ll fall off at this point. “No one’s told you that you have a great ass, huh?” He further emphasises his point by using his vacant hand to run up your leg, up the back of your underwear, settling at the waistline of the material.
You curve yourself to the moon and back for wearing a skirt today, even if it is part of the school dress code. Why, why, why would you do something like this to yourself? Why would you let Kim Taehyung get under your skin after just a singular touch? Why was a part of you enjoying this? “N-No…” You reply quietly, biting your lip. His touch was softer than you remember, his fingers smooth and…
… currently traveling down your ass and very quickly settling itself right in the junction between your legs.
Taehyung runs a finger up your covered slit, the contact with your nerves making you shiver as a needy whine escapes from the back of your throat on its own accord. The feelings you had tried to repress come back in full force as the oncoming anticipation leads to an increasing heart rate. You’re so caught up in the sudden wave of desire that you don’t feel the additional weight on your back until Taehyung’s voice is by your ear: “What about now?”
“I—I—!” Your voice fails you, mainly because you have completely forgotten the original question that is meant to correspond with Taehyung current inquiry but also because the friction he has just created between your legs is so sinfully delicious that the only thought in your mind is that you need something different and you need something more. You bite your lip hard, however, refusing to cave so easily into Taehyung’s whim. This is what he wants, he wants to break you because it’s part of this game he has thrust upon himself. You’re better than this. You’ve put up with him for four years, after all. “N-No…” You choke out, cursing yourself because it doesn’t sound as strong-willed as you had originally intended.
And Taehyung knows immediately, because his fingers return back to their position at your slit, this time starting a painful, slow pace up and down. You swallow thickly at the slow build up in your stomach, despite your previous desire not to be swayed as you tighten around nothing. “Hm…” Taehyung hums in mock disappointment, continuing the action as if it means nothing at all, even when the ecstasy starts to fill your head. “That’s a bit disappointing to hear,” He remarks quietly, continuing the movement a few more times until it feels like your mind is swimming through a gutter, forcing you to emit quiet moans that refuse to stay in your mouth where they belong. Your head is screaming to keep a grip on yourself, but it’s hard when your body is practically humming with a desire, and that desire floods all the way straight down between your legs. You notice it, and Taehyung notices it too because he starts humming again. “You’re so wet already though, Princess,” He grumbles, a low voice that sends a shiver down your spine.
You clench your teeth together.
You whimper when Taehyung’s finger leaves you, finding home again at the waistline of your panty. This time, the boy doesn’t wait a second before he’s pulling down the fabric so it locks at your knees. The cool from the air brushes against your slit and you suck in a breath because you hadn’t realized how wet you actually were.
Taehyung continues to waste no time, the hand not wrapped around your neck returning to your now exposed clit as he immediately starts to rub slow, wide circles against the bundle of nerves. The gesture is far from uncomfortable, it fills your head with even more desire than before, the sensation unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced before that you cry out a little, hands desperately trying to grab onto something to stabilize you but the surface of your dresser is smooth, leaving with attempting to claw on with no success. “T-Taehyung—mm—!” You moan, sucking in a breath as you trying to stretch yourself away from Taehyung’s finger but also tug yourself closer because although the approaching orgasm is still underneath the water, you can still feel it floating upwards and you don’t know if you’re ready for this right now.
“That’s a shame,” Taehyung says instead, collecting enough of your juices that have leaked out before he travels up your slit and rubs, once, twice, and sinks two fingers right into your opening with no warning. There’s no resistance because of how wet you really are, but that still doesn’t stop the way you cry out something incoherent, digging your nails into nothing.
“O-Oh my god,” You whine, the pleasure increasing tenfold and it’s not like what you experienced that previous night with Taehyung. It’s better, it’s so much better, because you can actually feel everything, from his fingers curling into your neck to his fingers pressing into your folds and every single inch that pleasure that threatens to overtake you. “T-Taehyung—p-please—f-f-fuck—!”
Taehyung merely tsks at your overwhelmed expression. “What am I going to do with you?” He muses, keeping his fingers still for a few seconds before he moves them out and pushes them back into you. The friction makes you gasp. “Do you want me to do that again, Princess?”
“Oh fuck,” You whisper, all rationality flying out the window as you say the only thing your mind is currently hardwired to say. “P-Please, please, please, please do that again.”
He chuckles, and continues his pace, not too fast but not too slow but enough for all words to fail you except his name, occasional curses, and a whole lot of sputtering. The way you occasionally tighten around Taehyung’s fingers only drives him to increase his pace until he’s almost pistoning them inside of you. “Hm, you feel close,” Taehyung observes, shifting until he’s hovering right over you. “You seem close too, you’re dripping all over my fingers and down your thigh.” The way he paints the picture of your desperation only makes you more and more eager to reach your more rapidly approaching high. “Do you want to cum? Should I fuck you now?”
“Mm—y-yes, yes please, I-I do, I do—please,” You manage in between shaky breathes, eyes shut tightly together as you can feel your orgasm swimming closer and closer to the surface. You find yourself unable to focus on anything other than the building pleasure, the noises from your throat, the way you tighten around Taehyung’s fingers more and more, the rubber band in your stomach threatening to snap and the way you need it, you crave it so badly you think you’ll actually die—!
But it never comes.
It stops as Taehyung pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you feel as if you have just been dumped into cold water. You can feel the coiling of your release slowly start to fade away, leaving you behind with a desire stronger than ever and a heart practically beating out your chest. You feel alone at the dresser, the reality sinking in as Taehyung’s fingers tighten momentarily around the back of your neck before it disappears.
“I don’t think you deserve it, Princess,” He observes, forcing you to peel an eye open as you attempt to breath in and out at a careful pace while also being swarmed by an overwhelming load of different emotions and information. You feel a mix of anger and irritation but also humiliation and stubbornness.
You slowly push yourself off the table, whirling around. “Kim Taehyung—you ass—!”
You cut yourself off when you turn around just in time to see Taehyung sucking his fingers, his eyes watching you and you wonder if he can physically see your heart trying to crawl its way up your throat.
“You taste good, Princess,” He speaks smoothly, but you think you might detect a hidden strain underneath. You don’t get to find out, and Taehyung doesn’t stick around long enough for you to ask, because he gives you one last up and down. “See you around, Head Girl,” He remarks, smirking one more time before he turns around and leaves your room, leaves you more riled up than ever.
You tell yourself that you would never conform to whatever game Taehyung has lined up for you, that you would never return to him no matter how much that desire only continues to bubble up underneath your skin. You tell yourself that you’re stronger than this, that you’re stronger than Taehyung’s expectation to have you bending to his will, that you’re stronger because you’re the fucking Head Girl of Hogwarts and you know better. You know so much better than Kim Taehyung, and you weren’t going to conform.
Turns out, it only takes three days of wet dreams, of waking up to the sensation of Taehyung’s fingers… or mouth… or… the other part of his body between your legs, of seeing his face in the hallway and having to see that god awful smirk being sent in your direction that does nothing but bring back that desire back. It’s a distraction, a terrible painful distraction that makes your legs jittery and your nerves feel like they could set on fire. It only takes three days before you corner Taehyung after his Quidditch practice, after he’s done dealing with the handful of fangirls that tail after him, lingering outside the locker room.
“Princess,” Taehyung greets, balancing his Firebolt across his shoulder as he leans back, giving you a glance, staring at the Head Girl badge pinned to your white polo shirt. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“We need to talk,” You let out.
“Do we now?” Taehyung inquires, actually grinning now—grinning from ear to ear. “About what exactly?”
Clenching your teeth together once more, you decide that you are much too riled up to play this game with him anymore. “Shut up,” You hiss between your teeth, surprising both of you when you step forward to close the distance, grab the lapels of his practice robes, and crashing his mouth to yours. He makes a noise in the back of his throat, gently taking your shoulders, pushing you back. You glare at him. “What? Do you want this or not?”
For someone with a relatively calm and cool facade throughout this entire cat and mouse game, he looks flustered as if he hadn’t been expecting you to come back so quickly, or at all. “N-No, I do—fuck, I do.” He’s a little breathless, but it doesn’t matter because he pulls you back and kisses you before pushing you into the locker room, into the empty bathroom, into one of the back empty showers. He pins you against the wall, taking you from behind, making you orgasm whilst sober for the very first time, sealing a deal.
A deal you aren’t too sure of yet, but a deal you know that will change everything.
.
Following the events in the locker room, something changes between you and Taehyung. That… thing the pair of you did—sex, it’s sex; apparently you’re just a 14-year-old girl at heart who can’t stop blushing at the stupid three letter word because of how exposing and intimate and otherworldly it is—starts to become… a normal thing, mostly without you realizing it because if you had noticed thing might have gone down a completely different road.
Given that you are the sexually closed off Head Girl who did not even know what a dick looked like until Kim Taehyung, it makes more sense to say that he’s the one who starts to introduce the concept of casual sex to you, all without actually having to use the words.
It starts with little things.
Like the first moment that marks the shift in your relationship with him; Taehyung, trailing after you in the hallway and doing everything to remind you of the time both of you spent together without having to say anything at all.
“Kim Taehyung, what do you want?” You bark, looking over your shoulder and taking in the way he follows behind you, practically next to your head with how close the proximity is. “Don’t you have a class to fail?” You retort, whirling around and surprising him by getting right into his face. From the increased closeness, you can see the vague glimmer of mischief in his eyes.
“I don’t know,” He remarks back with a shrug, lowering his voice. “Don’t you have a Quidditch player to bend over for?”
The question makes you choke, entirely too red-faced for your own good as you stare at him with a look just as wide-eyed as it had been when he was dangling your underwear right in your face. You’re glad he at least has the common sense to lower his voice while also catching you while you are currently occupying a less crowded corridor of the castle. “W-What?” You sputter.
Taehyung smiles. “Or is that just for me?”
You clench your teeth together. “I-In your dreams, Kim Taehyung,” You snap back, but there’s a waver in your voice housing an uncontained desire the boy has only gotten better and better at picking up and his smirk widens.
He ends up bending you over in one of the empty classes.
Or the second time when he catches you in your private bedroom while you’re stressing over your rapidly approaching Charms final and opts to help you relax by lying you down across your bed, locking your ankles around his back, rolling his hips into yours, gently gripping your neck as he fucked you, making you see stars in what you eventually concluded as the best orgasm you’ve ever had.
That’s when things start to take on a natural air of casualness you hadn’t previously anticipated ever occurring with Taehyung, happening like a pattern. Whenever you were distracted or stressed or simply overtaken over that desire, you’d show up at Taehyung’s Quidditch practice and he would get the message immediately in a way that lead to sex against the lockers, or in the shower, or behind the bleachers that one time when you were desperate and Taehyung still has not let that go to this day. The roles are reversed more often than not too, so Taehyung would go to you whenever he was in a mood that would transfer into sex in your room, in the library, or in the Prefect bathroom.
That is a pretty long story. Anyways.
Naturally, you are reluctant to admit what exactly is going on between you and Kim Taehyung although you are just as much as player in this little game as he is. Even without an actual conversation to set rules, boundaries, or labels, it’s all unspoken for in the way you seek Taehyung out and vice versa before unrolling into the same arrangement that had been uncurling for incidents too often at this point to count with one hand. Seek each other out, have sex, talk about random life occurrences or just random things in general, and go back to what the pair of you were doing beforehand.
The casualness that Taehyung displays helps ease your consciousness in a sense, because although you’re sure there’s nothing wrong with having sex, there’s probably something wrong with having relatively meaningless sex with someone known to have… relatively meaningless sex on the daily. It’s not in the rulebooks or anything but you are sure that it’s more than enough to tarnish the good reputation your professors selected you on.
Besides, you’re sure about the unlikeliness of people finding out about you and Taehyung on sheer will of rumors. It’s not like anyone would believe it. You and Taehyung clash so much outside the hall that you doubt people would stop to think and consider the possibility of you (literally) fucking around with the boy you could barely go two days without spitting out insults to. And vice versa. It works out.
However, it’s definitely a whole new sensation to maintain these two very conflicting facades within your school environment. On one hand, there’s the mask around the campus: the Head Girl exterior who dawns a bright badge and walks around the hallways and upholds personal and academic standards to the entire school, who smiles at everything the professor says and all around serves as the cookie cutter mold for good behavior. Yet, on the other hand, there’s the mask you wear with Taehyung—still just as shy and hot-headed as your normal Head Girl appearance—with dashes of throaty moans and animalistic desires to get at it behind bleachers or within bathrooms.
It’s easy to keep those things separate, however, because Taehyung is the only one who sees both masks you showcase throughout the day and it’s easy with him. There’s an ease that comes with spending time with him and yet that comes with a territory and a little warning bell in the back of your mind that’s telling you there’s a risk when the lines start to blur together.
You furrow your eyebrows together. “Uh, I’m sorry, what exactly did you need us to do, Professor?”
The Professor opposite of you hums for a second before she snaps her fingers together and seems to recall. “Oh, yes, that’s right! The other professors and I were discussing and felt it was best if you and Park Jimin gave a presentation of safe sexual practices. We’re all well aware that those… urges… have arisen significantly over the past few years and know that it’s definitely within everyone’s best interest to at least bring attention to the important facts. You and Jimin are meant to lead the school, which involves providing your peers with the information they need to be as careful and safe as they can be. Do you think you guys can manage that?”
You and Jimin exchange a quick glance at each other, and you’re sure you look about as nervous as Jimin does at the thought of giving such a presentation to your classmates—or, not necessarily about the presentation itself but giving a presentation about sex. You yourself could barely got two seconds without going completely red at the thought.
Jimin is definitely much more calm and collected and good-hearted than you are, so naturally he smiles and accepts the assignment for the both of you. Your meek nod is more than enough to reassure the professor about your willingness to participate, because she beams and claps her hands together, dismissing the pair of you after explaining that she would let the other professors know about both the Head Girl and Head Boy consenting to the presentation.
“Well, this sucks,” You report, stuffing your hands into the pocket of your robes. “What are we even supposed to talk about?”
“Don’t like talking about sex, huh?” Jimin teases, not seeming to notice the way you flush slightly at the accusation. You think that perhaps at this point, you might know a little too much about sex and that’s what makes you apprehensive. “That’s okay, we’ll suffer through this together. They’ll probably only require the younger year students to show up anyways so it won’t be too awkward. The kids might be too shy to talk about these kind of things to the teachers, so it’ll be good to have us there to answer questions they might have.”
You turn to look at him, smiling a little because Jimin, Jimin, good ole Jimin—your best friend of two years after the pair of you were assigned to clean the Prefect bathroom and spent the entire time complaining instead of actually getting any work done. It had been a mutual surprise to hear you were selected as Head Girl and vice versa for Jimin, but nonetheless you can’t imagine being in a partnership with anyone else. “You’ve always been pretty good at putting a positive spin on a situation,” You report.
“Ah—not really,” Jimin brushes off, and looks nervous for the first time as he bites on the bottom of his lip. “H-Hey, we should probably meet with the professors to talk about what kind of topics they want us to go over. We can work on it in the library together…”
“That sounds good,” You report. “The professors have to talk to us anyways to give us more details as well as talk about the day they want us to give the presentation. So we might have to wait on that. But the library definitely sounds like a good place to work on it.”
He nods in agreement, looking out of one of the windows, taking in the way the sunlight streams in through before he stares back at you. “Hey, do you want to go down to Hogsmeade and grab something to eat?”
It’s an innocent question, one that you immediately want to jump on because the thought of getting to walk around the village feels you with an ease before—!
A tug at the back of your skirt, not sharp enough to pull it down but sharp enough to make you think someone might pull it down makes you squeak, makes you curl back just enough, makes you whirl around. “Kim Taehyung!” You call out, hands curling around your skirt even though the attempt is pretty useless. After all, it’s not like he hasn’t seen everything under there anyways. “What are you doing?”
Taehyung puts his hands into his pockets, shoots you a look—one you can read immediately. “I can ask you the same thing,” He says instead of actually voicing what he’s thinking because he catches sight of Jimin out of the corner of his eye.
“I-I…” You start, sliding Jimin a quick glance and noticing how he’s watching the pair of you very carefully. “I was about to get some lunch with Jimin. You guys, uh, know each other, right?” It’s more of a rhetorical question than anything else because of course they do. Taehyung has been on Jimin’s look-out-radar just as long as Taehyung has been on yours.
“Nice to see you, Park,” Taehyung settles by way of greeting, not lingering too long before his gaze is back on you. “Y/N, I was wondering if you would be willing to offer me some assistance with my Potions essay—your tutoring sessions are still available for me… aren’t they?”
You swallow at his emphasis on tutoring session, knowing at once what he is referring to.
Jimin, on the other hand, looks very confused. “Y/N, since when do you tutor?”
“For about two months now,” Taehyung answers smoothly. “She’s very hands-on. It caters nicely with my learning ability.”
For a moment, Jimin looks doubtful and watching his expression makes you feel like your heart might leap out of your throat and reveal all of your secrets. Park Jimin is far from dumb, and is rather observant about a lot of different things in life so it wouldn’t surprise you if he were to put two and two together just from Taehyung’s unnecessary comments. But instead, he shrugs. “Surprised they managed to convince you to do your assignments, Kim.”
Taehyung smiles in that hollow way that doesn’t reach his eyes and you resist the urge to roll your eyes at his behavior. “You flatter me, Park.” He steps forward, gently wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you towards him. “Now if you don’t mind, I need to borrow your Head Girl.”
Without waiting for a word of parting, Taehyung leads you down the hall.
You give him a glare slide. “We didn’t even have an essay for Potions. And you didn’t need to be so rude to Jimin; we were about to have lunch and I’m hungry!” You whine.
“Wouldn’t you rather spend time on this?” Taehyung inquires, pushing the both of you into one of the small cleaning supply closets. A flimsy light bulb hangs from the ceiling, one that is easily flickered one before Taehyung points out to the crotch of his pants. Even in the dim light, you can see the outline of his hardening cock and an idea strikes you.
Giving him one last glare, you get down on your knees and start tugging at the waistband of his pants. Taehyung makes a noise of surprise. “H-Hey, wait, I thought you’ve never done that before—you don’t have to do that—!”
“Stop talking,” You interrupt, pulling his pants and boxers down and watching as his cock springs free from its confides. It’s the first time you’re seeing his dick up close and personal, but having spent so much time with each other in this way fills you with just enough confidence to wrap your hands around his dick. He hisses between his teeth, and you let natural instincts take over as you pump him once, twice, wrapping your lips around his head without any warning whatsoever. He jerks hard against the door, falling apart so quickly and so easily you wonder what must have driven him to this place if he’s here and you’ve barely touched him.
“W-Wait,” He protests, resting his hands on your shoulders and pushing you away, pulling you upwards into a standing position seconds later. He spins the pair of you around, flipping your position so that your back is pressed to the door this time. You’re so wet already that Taehyung could probably just slip right in and get down to business but he (surprisingly) takes his time. He lifts your skirt, slips beneath the hem of your panties, shoving his fingers in, using his other hand to hold one of your thighs apart to keep you in place and keep you close to him. You gasp, naturally. He knows how to play you too well now. “Why… ah fuck,” He whispers, mostly to himself, trying to keep his mind on track. “Why were you with Park?”
“Huh?” You return back throatily. Even though you’ve had Taehyung’s finger in you plenty of times, it doesn’t mean that you’re use to the sensation and it doesn’t mean that you’ve accustomed yourself to the growing pressure inside of your stomach because you haven’t. You definitely haven’t.
“You heard me,” He growls, continuing the pace that doesn’t do well with your mind’s ability to process the information he’s trying to pull out of you.
“O-Oh,” You manage shakily. “U-Uh, it’s nothing… we just—god—we just—they wanted us to give a presentation on safe sexual practices… p-probably for the younger year students.”
He chokes on a strained laughter. “Safe sexual practices, hm?” He muses. “I don’t know how much the professors should trust you on that, you’re pretty bad when it comes to staying safe, if I remember correctly.”
“S-Shut up,” You interject. “W-We use a condom…” To prove your point, you weakly reach out to grab onto the lapels of his robe, digging a hand in one of the inner pockets, and producing aforementioned condom.
“Most of the time,” Taehyung notes, brushing a part inside of you that has your toes curling as your head leaning back to rest against the door behind you. “Remember that time behind the bleachers?”
“O-One time,” You sputter, trying to shake the condom at him so he’ll get the hint. “One time, Kim Taehyung, and if you don’t let that go right now this very instinct I am going to leave and then find you again and kick you so hard in the balls you’ll never want to—oh god…” You had gone off on one of your tangents, giving Taehyung more than enough time to grab the condom, rip it open, slide the product onto his dick and sink into you in one fluid motion.
The last thing you really hear is his low chuckling by your ear before he tightens his grip around your thigh, inches closer to you, and drives you home.
.
Unsurprisingly, that whole presentation on safe sexual practices becomes the bain of your existence. Not because it’s hard but because you find the whole thing extremely discomforting. Jimin is constantly by your side, reassuring you that if anything, the students that will be attending will feel so awkward about themselves that they likely wouldn’t even bother paying attention to what you had to say. Or, they would be so curious about everything they’ll just hold onto every single word you say regardless. It is comforting, especially because you know the professors have made it a requirement for the third and fourth year students to come into the big lecture hall to hear the presentation—and most of them are here already, talking amongst one another, most of them just as nervous to be taught this information as you are to present it.
“This just feels like it could open up a can of worms,” You grumble, brushing the hair out of your face as you stare down at your flashcards, the chalkboard, the big old fashioned projector.
“Relax, you’ll be great,” Jimin says, smiling. It doesn’t take long before the professor gives you the cue to start before the boy is starting off. The pair of you had agreed to stay away from keeping things too professional and awkward and distant, preferring to try and maintain a more open atmosphere.
Things… actually go smoothly. The students participant in those group volunteer ‘Have Any Of You Felt This Way’ moments and some of them even ask questions to all the theoretical ideas and concepts you bring up. It’s nice to see them so interested, but it makes sense given that Hogwarts it basically everyone’s morning to night routine and it’s natural for them to uphold such questions to their rapidly maturing mindset. You and Jimin try your best to answer them and you are thankful that Jimin gives you as much support as he does. You had originally worried the students would ask very specific details in regards to detailed things, but you hadn’t taken into account the possibility of them just… not even knowing the aforementioned detailed things to begin with.
You think this might go well, go much better than previous anticipated, and you think you can continue the next few minutes of the lecture with a relatively high level of confidence that you could actually pull this off, and it shows in the way you pick on the next rising hand. “Yes?”
“I have a question,” A deeply familiar voice echoes, something that goes straight through your head and pierces through your heart in the most uncomfortable, panicked way possible as the smile slips off your face long enough for the boy raising his hand to stand up and flash forward his usual Kim Taehyung popularity vibe that arises whispers and questions throughout the lecture hall.
You let down your guard down just enough to frown. “Kim Taehyung, are you a third or fourth year? What are you doing here?”
He feigns a pout. “But I had some questions I was hoping you could answer—I thought the lecture is, essentially, open to everyone?”
You know he definitely knows too much in that big fat head of his to actually have any questions, but you decide to take a risk anyways. “Fine, fine, what do you need to know, Kim Taehyung?”
“How do you turn a girl on?”
You flush deeply at that question, as if he doesn’t know how to make girls horny for him on the fucking daily—!
“Kim Taehyung, that’s not an appropriate question—!”
“But you said the sky was the limit!” Taehyung points out, seeming to notice how his question perks up the interest of some of the student population who probably don’t have enough smooth words in their vocabulary or sexual maturity to start performing these kind of things in real time. “Like how do I get a girl interested in me? I can’t just flash her some picture of the junk in the truck—!”
“Kim Taehyung!” You snap between teeth over sudden stifle of giggles that arise from the crowd.
“I’m just saying!” He retorts, holding his hands up as if that’s a good apology for his poor word play of trying to describe his dick. “You know, men are supposed to be more visual when it comes to stimulation—but what about women?”
You bite down the extreme urge inside of you to snap your clipboard in half and fling both pieces at the stupid smirk on his face, the expression that reads he knows that you know that he knows the answer to that question. Of course he does. He’s been turning you on for the past two months with no problem.
“Women are more well rounded when it comes to stimulation,” You report as smoothly as you can possibly manage. “There’s a visual stimulation but there’s also a lot of different factors that come into play like vocalization and auditory cues…”
“Is that from research or personal experience?” Taehyung inquires, wicked smile across his face.
You flush an angry shade of red. “It’s from research,” You let out between gritted teeth even though Taehyung’s growing smirk only lets you know that he doesn’t entirely believe you.
Luckily, he shuts his mouth after that. Unluckily, this only lasts for a few seconds before his hand is back in the air.
Jimin gives you an sympathetic smile, mistaking the flash in your eyes as an embarrassment from his teasings. Naturally, Jimin thinks that the questions are made with pure intentions. “What is it Taehyung?”
“How do you put a condom on?”
You choke on your own saliva, coughing once, twice, before—“Kim Taehyung!”
“It’s a valid question!” He retorts, straightening up. “If you paid attention in your muggle studies class, Head Girl, they do this thing called sexual education and they practice rolling condoms on various items like bananas and cucumbers…”
“We don’t have those kinds of fruits here at school, Kim Taehyung,” You say back. “Okay, next question!”
“I have one more!” Taehyung retorts, waving his hand like a flag in the crowd and you can hear the light giggles sounding through the other students.
You press your lips together. “What is it?”
“It’s about how to stimulate a women.”
“Kim Taehyung, I swear—!”
“It’s an important question!” He interrupts. “Alright, Head Girl, from your research—” You roll your eyes at the implied air quotes he throws around the word. “Is it more clit or vaginal application that does the trick?”
You glare at him, pretty sure your face is redder than anything else at this point from his nonstop onslaught of ridiculous questions, especially when he so obviously knows the question. From personal experience, nonetheless!
“It depends,” You start slowly. “It depends on the specific girl, so I suggest you find a girl and find out for yourself, Kim Taehyung.”
A playful glint flickers behind his eyes and you almost want to regret making such a rash statement. Almost.
The presentation only goes on for a few more minutes, since the hall is only reserved for a certain period of time before everyone is dismissed. You’re momentarily glad that the professors had dismissed themselves early on in the presentation to avoid plaguing the atmosphere with an awkward tension, because it leaves you and Jimin alone in the hall to clean up your materials.
“Good job putting up with Kim,” Jimin says, completely oblivious to all the behind-the-scenes action that has lead to that moment. “Although I was worried for a moment. I thought you were going to fling that clipboard right at his face.”
You laugh a little. “You aren’t wrong.”
It doesn’t take long to wrap everything up, gather all the belongings you had entered the room with, and step out into the hallway, but you wish that you had somehow come up with more things to keep you behind.
“Nice presentation, Head Girl,” Taehyung jokes, continuing to lean against the wall next to the entrance of the lecture hall, watching the way you stop in your tracks and groan loudly at his appearance while also ignoring the sudden rush of anticipation in your heart, your previous suggestion ringing loudly in your ears as well as what exactly he was going to do about it.
“Not thanks to you and your insufferable questions,” You snap back, crossing your arms over your chest.
He shrugs. “How else are the kids gonna get good answers if they don’t know how to ask good questions?”
“U-Uh hey, Y/N,” Jimin interjects gently. “I’m gonna put these down.” He gestures to the materials the both of you have brought in his arms. “So I’ll, uh, catch up with you later?”
“Y-Yeah, for sure,” You say, watching Jimin disappear down the hall before Taehyung grabs your wrist and inches you closer to him. “T-Taehyung!”
“So,” He says, licking his lips, giving you an up down. “About your little suggestion during the presentation…”
.
Being in a relationship that consists of very, very casual sex with Taehyung usually involves all different kinds of sex: stressed sex, tired sex, bored sex, distracted sex, angry (at other people) sex, frustrated sex…
But this one is a little new.
“T-Taehyung,” You whimper, your thighs starting a shake a little with the effort it takes to keep yourself straddling him despite the fact that his hands are curling tightly around your waist to help maintain your pace. With the way his own hips are moving up to meet you halfway with every downwards thrust, it doesn’t help your sanity with the way the room seems to move and spin around and reduce you into whines of nothingness, desperately trying to grip onto anything and everything you can get your hands on. In this case, it’s Taehyung shoulders and the hair at the nape of his neck. He’s different today, a little bit more giddy and elated about something and he won’t stop kissing you. “Taehyung, holy shit, I’m gonna—!”
His thumb at your clit does the trick, and there’s those few minutes of post orgasmic bliss before you’re collapsing on top of him.
Still inside of you, he holds you close to his chest long enough to fall backwards against your best, your breathes both still heavy in the silent atmosphere.
“Remind me again,” You manage after a moment, taking in a breath and expelling it against his collarbone. The sensation of staying with Taehyung post-sex isn’t an entirely new concept to you, it’s just that the pair of you are more often than not having sex in places where post-sex cuddling isn’t ideal so you don’t do it. But in times like these, in situations where the pair of you are getting it off in your room or other extremely private locations on the grounds, it’s normal to hear the rhythm of his heart underneath your ears or for him to curl strands of your hair around his fingers. “What exactly are you so happy for?”
“Huh?” Taehyung has to think about it for a moment before he moves to start running his hand up and down the naked skin of your back. “Oh that’s right! I fucking nailed the sloth grip roll in practice today. I did the full 360 rotation around my broom without falling.”
You hum, lifting your head up from his chest and giving him a grin. “Woah, look at the fucking pro I’m laying on top of right now.”
The sloth grip roll is one of those famous Quidditch tactics and moves invented by professor Quidditch players that have been passed down and attempted by various other people since then, an action in which a player hangs upside down their broom in order to avoid being attacked by Bludgers. It requires having the quick wit of knowing when a Bludger is coming straight for you and requiring the core, leg, and arm muscles to hang upside down and push yourself back up after avoiding the attack. You know that for the longest time, Taehyung has been struggling with trying to pull himself back up. But it seems that now, he’s finally got it.
You’re still flashing him a grin as you lean down, kissing him firmly on the mouth. “Well, I’m really proud of you. I know you were having a really hard time with that.”
Taehyung moans lightly into your mouth, hands finding the curve of your waist and readjusting so that you can hover over him. “Mm, thank you baby.”
The nickname does a weird flip-flop thing to your heart as you instead settle with kissing him harder as round two begins. The room is silent, except for your stuttering breathes and gasps and the sound of skin on skin contact. You notice that it’s something that he’s started doing more and more recently, addressing you as something more than just Head Girl as well as using his typical ‘Princess’ nickname in a more… endearing and soft sort of way. It’s difficult to describe. You only say it like that because you like to look at his face when he’s uttering one of your nicknames; you like to see the way his eyes soften just enough in the corners, the way his lips curl up, like he’s unconsciously but secretly very happy he’s the only one who gets to call you by different nicknames.
But now it’s different things. Like angel, or baby, or babe… all of those things generating the same feeling in your chest, one after the other. And you don’t know entirely what it could mean.
You’ve always had a difficult sensation with trying to explain and break down the various states of your emotions, something that has only increased ever since the birth of your little arrangement with Taehyung. For so many years, your default wire was to hate his guts because you were told that he was lazy, he was arrogant, he was self-centered, and he was Kim Taehyung.
Yet, now that you’re here and have been here with him for a few months now, you realize that it’s not entirely true. Sure, he is lazy on certain days but he’s also confident and endearing and positive. He doesn’t really know anything else besides Quidditch, but he works hard and he really does try his best with certain other aspects of his life that don’t come as easily to him. He jokes around a lot, but it’s only because he doesn’t like taking his existence too seriously.
And you just really… admire all those different parts of him.
His nose gently nudges your temple. “What are you thinking about?”
With a grunt, you rest your face into the crook of his neck, breathing in gently and evening out the unsteady pace of your heart. He always smells really nice post-sex, never too gross, kind of like lemongrass and pine needles because of how often he’s outside on the field. But he also kind of smells like old bookstores. He smells… warm and inviting and strong and reassuring and you find yourself consoling in it immediately. “Nothing,” You return gently. “Nothing at all.”
It’s not the first time there’s post-sex cuddling, not the first time the pair of you are in near-tears talking about a shared common interest or a funny past memory, but it is the first time you fall asleep to the sound of his voice in your ear, the first time you can measure the pace of his breathing when he’s drifting away from the surface, the first time you think about how nice it feels, the first time you think that you would not mind doing this more often.
Since it’s the first time you fall asleep with Kim Taehyung, it’s the first time you wake up with Kim Taehyung. You get that reminder when you try to roll over in bed, only to be stopped by a pair of arms curled around your waist. Not use to the sensation of another body next yours, the realization generates fight or flight adrenaline, leading you to squeak and attempt to get out of your situation.
Key word: attempt, because the arms tighten around you even more. “W-What, fuck, what’s wrong?” A very familiar, but very tired, voice sounds from behind you as you scramble to turn around in the bed to make eye contact with him.
“Oh god,” You say, rubbing your eyes. “It’s nothing, you just… you fell asleep.”
He gives you a dry look. “Yeah, that’s something people do.”
You scoff, lightly hitting his bare chest. “No, it’s just… you fell asleep… with me…” You don’t bring up how this is first time something like that has happened. You know things will only be as awkward as you make it out to seem, but you also think it’s something that needs to be brought up at least once.
“Oh.” Taehyung sits up just a little, lifting himself up by the elbows, eyes continuing to watch you as he tries to gauge your expression for the next question he wants to ask. “I mean, was that okay?”
Yes, your mind screams at you, because it really is okay. You don’t mind, and something tells you that you think you will never mind if Taehyung wants to sleep over. Rather, you settle with a shrug. “Y-Yeah, for sure,” You manage, feeling a flush crawl slowly up your neck and knowing you won’t be able to look at Taehyung. He could probably read the expressions across your face, no matter how much you tried to hide it away. “I mean, you were tired and I was tired. It’s the only logical outcome.”
“Right,” Taehyung says, nodding a little too quickly. “Of course.” A tiny, almost shy smile overtakes his face as he brings a hand over to curl around the small of your back. “But hey, hi, good morning.”
The previous awkwardness seems to dissipate immediately as you are suddenly greeted by his soft, warm lips and you melt into the kiss. “Mm—morning,” You manage back, voice barely above a whisper, allowing Taehyung to flip the pair of you over. You close your eyes, getting lost in the pressure of his mouth oh so thoroughly exploring yours until there’s a pause, a beat of hesitation, and a—!
“Oh shit, is that the time?” Taehyung crows, snatching your watch up from the nightstand and seeming to realize that yes whichever way the hands on your watch are pointed really is the time because he scrambles. He throws himself off the bed, pacing every way possible to grab his clothing. He tugs on his boxers, his pants, his polo shirt and attempts to button it up haphazardly, and slings his tie across his neck—all the while grumbling and hissing out more curse words from in between his teeth.
The whole thing is rather… cute, which sports the giggle. “What’s the rush?” You ask, leaning back all the way across the mattress and stretching up your arms, not caring that your entire upper body is exposed.
Taehyung stares, something like regret dancing behind his features. “I have practice like… right now,” He says, messily tucking his shirt into his pants. “I’ll see you later?”
You shrug, straightening just long enough to grab a bra and pair of underwear to slip on. “You know how to find me.”
“Okay, yeah, cool. See you then,” He says, turning around and starting to make his way to the door. He pauses, however, forcing you to look up to watch his retreating figure. You raise an eyebrow, a curiosity that heightens as soon as Taehyung turns back around. He crosses the distance, surprising you by wrapping his arms around you and delivering a chaste peck on your lips. “Bye,” He whispers against your lips.
You part them in shock, having not expected this, but you like it a little. A lot, actually. You swallow. “Bye,” You whisper back, a little hoarse. You clench your hands together so you won’t accidentally reach out to him, won’t accidentally ask him to stay a little longer.
One last smile, and he’s gone.
Realizing the time for yourself, you acknowledge that maybe it’s time to step out of your room and get a little breakfast, perhaps get started on your homework assignments before they start piling up again and drowning you. With a sigh, you slip on a new set of clothes, wash your face, brush your hair, grab your book bag and step out of your room.
“What are you doing?”
The voice startles you so much that you swear your bones have just jumped out of your skin. You turn around, meeting the gaze of close friend of seven years, wearing a raised eyebrow and an overall unamused expression.
Even though you have no idea what she’s referring to, you can’t help the guilty smile. “Karly, hey, what’s up?”
Her eyebrows slash together in a look of disbelief. “‘What’s up?’” She quotes. “Are you really asking me what is up when Kim Taehyung comes out of your room looking disheveled and as if he’s just spend the night with you?
The immediate accusation makes your eyes widen as you flatten yourself against the door. “I-I don’t know what you mean,” You start off, choosing to take the initial dumb route just to test the waters of Karly’s knowledge.
Rather, she scoffs. “Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N, I saw him come out of your room.” Suddenly her eyebrows raise again. “Wait, are you guys fucking—?”
Without a warning, you make a noise of protest in the back of your throat as you grab your friend and drag her into your room, shutting the door and locking it for extra measures to ensure no one would hear you. “Don’t tell anyone,” You say.
Karly’s eyes widen. “It’s true?” She inquires. At your nod, she whines and hits you on the arm. “Bitch! Why didn’t you tell me you were sleeping around with Kim Taehyung? Unless it was a one time thing—?”
“It’s not,” You interject with the shake of your head, averting your gaze and wondering just how much you should reveal to the currently flabbergasted girl in front of you. Momentarily, you wonder why you wouldn’t tell Karly everything. She’s been your best friend since the beginning, since the awkward pigtail little girl phases when the pair of you had been paired together for Potions during year one. The pair of you usually always tell each other everything—why would your dynamic with Taehyung be any different? “Okay, fine. It’s, uh, been going on for a few months.”
“What?” Karly interjects, eyes only growing wider. Then, she hits you again.
“Ow!” You protest, hitting her back. “Stop that! What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” She echoes, giving you an ‘are-you-serious’ look. “What’s wrong with you? Did you hit your head or something?”
“W-What? No!” You stammer, rubbing your arm. “What are you talking about?”
“You do realize that Kim Taehyung… sleeps around super casually, don’t you? Are you okay with just being another girl on his list?”
You swallow thickly, finding the words momentarily fail you as the reality hits you just as hard as you had been expecting it to. One of the problems of hiding a relationship away, of hiding it from the world, it means that once people start to poke holes in it, once outsiders start to peel away at the layers, everything has the potential to come crashing down all around you—all without you even realizing it.
“U-Um,” You choke out. You swallow thickly. You’ve become so wrapped up in your relationship with Taehyung, so wrapped up within the privacy blanketed between the two of you and the world around you that you honestly hadn’t even stopped to think about the truth of that statement. Your mind starts to reel at how 180 this day has suddenly become. “I… honestly… hadn’t thought about that for a long time.”
Karly gives you a concerned look. “I-I thought you hated him.”
“Well…” You start, biting your thumbnail. “I never… hated him. I think I was always wary of him. But I’m not sure… all this time we’ve been spending together… I don’t know. It’s making me see that he’s more than that. And sometimes I look at him and he looks at me and…”
“Y/N,” Karly interjects gently, taking a step forward and looking as if she’s about to ask you a question that will change everything. “Are you… in love with him?”
That makes you stop short, the question rolling itself around in your brain as you stop and stare at nothing in the distance. You’ve never been in love before, so it’s a difficult emotion to place in the archives of your feelings and experiences. You don’t know what love is like—but you do that Taehyung’s laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard. You do know that you look forward to his visits more beyond just the great sex. You do know that you enjoy getting to hear about his day now almost just as much as you enjoy the ecstasy he brings to the table. You do know that there’s something about seeing him in the hallway during school, something about the way his eyes meet yours from across a crowd, something about the way he winks at you and only for you, that makes your heart feel like it might give up from how quickly it’s beating in your chest.
You don’t give your answer because you don’t really know what kind of answer you’re supposed to give. However, judging from the look Karly gives you, she can read your expression perfectly well.
“W-What am I supposed to do now?” You whisper.
Karly presses her lips together. “I don’t want to tell you what to do. I know you’re capable of making the best decision you can make for yourself, but it’s just… I don’t want you to get hurt. Guys like Taehyung… they’re not a bad person, honestly, but they use other people. They use other people over and over again until the other person has worn out their use. I don’t think Taehyung is capable of loving you back, or at least, loving you the way you deserve to be loved. I don’t think it’s in his nature, in his reputation. Things seem great now but what do you expect to happen afterwards? How long do you expect this to go on? You’re Head Girl, Y/N, you can do so much better than a cliche popular jock who smiles too much and speaks too easily.”
You stare at Karly for a moment longer, your mind suddenly swirling with so many different questions and accusations and conclusions. The more you let everything settle to the ground, the more you realize how right Karly is. She’s your best friend, she’s always known you better than you know yourself. And she’s right—what did you expect to come about of your relationship with Taehyung? Did you expect him to actually want to date you? Did you expect him to keep in touch with you while he went off to explore the world, maybe go professional with Quidditch, while you stayed behind to fulfill your own dreams and desires? Did you expect handwritten letters of longing in between his traveling? Did you expect actual commitment from him?
A small part of you whispers yes, but a larger part of you feels ashamed because this is not it. This is not what you signed on for in the unspoken agreement of your relationship with Taehyung. These were things you hadn’t even realized you wanted until this moment in time, but you know they are simply not things Taehyung will be able to provide you with. And you feel a wave of guilt for not having seen that sooner. Karly is right. You’re Head Girl. Taehyung is, essentially, a playboy. The pair of you come from such different worlds, a world that doesn’t equate to a combined future together—and the realization makes your heart sink down to your stomach like a rock.
.
You are a mess of bundled nerves and anticipation over the next few days, replaying your conversation with Karly over and over again in your mind like a broken record. Following her suggestion, your natural reaction is to try discard it entirely, but the more you think about it the more it makes sense.
“The longer you let it drag on,” Karly had said. “The more it’ll hurt.”
Taking her words to heart, you do what she had suggested—which could easily be the stupidest and most immature thing you’ve ever done.
You start to avoid Taehyung.
You stop showing up to his practices, you stop turning up at the places you know he’ll be waiting for you at, you stop making eye contact with him in the hall. It’s probably immature to just cut him out of your life so easily, and it aches every single day in your chest, but you know that facing him will only hurt even more.
You don’t know what you had expecting to happen as soon as the process to remove Taehyung from the equation of your life. Maybe he would get the sign that you were done with the unspoken arrangement and he wouldn’t have thought twice about moving on. Maybe there would be something more… something less… you aren’t too sure.
“What’s going on there, Princess?”
You jerk a little too hard to be a casual human being, but you turn your head in time to see Taehyung detaching himself from the wall next to the door of your classroom.
Tightening your hold on your bag, you shift slightly in your position. You say the first thing that can come to mind: “I thought you had class.” It’s true. You know so much about his life that you know that he’s still supposed to be in his Charms lecture while you’re getting out of Defense Against The Dark Arts.
Taehyung shrugs, looking a little dejected at the observation. “You’ve been avoiding me,” He points out instead. “And I didn’t know what else to do. The lecture would have been useless anyways; I can’t pay attention to anything else other than the fact that it seems like you’ve been trying to cut me out of your life. And I don’t know if it’s true or not. Hence, that’s why I’m here.”
You clench your teeth together. Seeing him actually standing here in front of you after days of trying to shut him out almost hurts because he’s here. In the flesh. With skin you’ve run your hands over, hair you’ve tousled more times than you’d like to admit, lips you’ve kissed, eyes you’ve fallen in love with.
And that sudden realization drives your mind right on track, but you find that you are not brave enough to face him. So you look down, playing with the crevices of your fingers.
Taehyung notices your shift in behavior immediately, because that previously dejected and accusatory look in his eyes is gone. “Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”
You press your lips together. Without even realizing it, you had spent so long trying to prepare an eloquent explanation to him but now that he’s standing here, it seems like all the words have failed you. You suddenly feel too small for your body, completely overwhelmed with an unpleasant sensation that threatens to break apart every part of you that makes you human.
Finally, you manage. “I can’t do this anymore.”
You aren’t looking at him when you say this, so you miss the flicker that goes off behind his eyes. “W-What?” He says in return. It doesn’t seem like he’s asking you to repeat what you had just said, it seems like he’s asking you to expand on your statement.
You don’t want to expand on your statement. You want to take it all back and bury yourself in his arms so that he won’t leave you, so that you could stop time, so that you could make things go back to the way they were. But you can’t do that. You’ve said the words already. There’s no way you can take it back.
“T-This—thing between us,” You say, gesturing to the pair of you, still unable to look him in the eye. “I can’t… be a part of it anymore. It won’t work out.”
Taehyung furrows his eyebrows together, looking like he’s scrambling for something to say. “I-I don’t understand,” He manages, swallowing thickly. “I-I thought this was good, I thought what we had… I thought it was going well. I thought…” He cuts himself short.
For the first time, you dare yourself to look up at him. He’s not looking at you. His eyes are fixated on the floor, his fingers curled in on each other, his body position looking more crumbled and defeated than you had ever seen him and it does the most painful thing to your heart.
“You thought what?” You whisper. “What is there not to understand? I-I can’t do this anymore. S-So, don’t go looking for me anymore. Don’t talk to me, don’t touch me, don’t… do… that anymore.”
Taehyung doesn’t say anything to that. Even with such a distance, it feels like you can hear the gears turning in his head, his desperate attempts to understand the situation currently playing out in front of him. You know that trying to stick around any longer and provide background information will only prolong things. So you try to escape.
“Wait—fuck—Y/N, wait,” Taehyung interjects, dashing forward to cover a large amount of space in a short period of time, wrapping his fingers around your wrist. “Y/N, will you wait a second, please?”
The way he tacks on the last word, the pleading tone in his voice makes you stop. But also because he’s touching you for the first time in what feels like weeks and you miss it more than you ever dared to admit. You close your eyes for a second. “W-What?”
“Wait,” He says again. “Y-You just—you’re cutting me off like this… I deserve to know why. Did I do something wrong? If there’s something that’s bothering you… I’ll… I’ll fix it.”
“Y-You? Fixing something about yourself?” You ask because the idea is almost humorous but you aren’t laughing
“W-Well, yeah,” He admits quietly, tightening his grip around your wrist. “It’s just… you’re too important for me to lose. You mean… a lot to me and if you’re trying to cut me out for something that I did I… I can change it.”
His willingness to comply is so heartwarming and unexpected that you almost disregard everything Karly has told you. For a brief second you think maybe, just maybe, this could work out. That maybe, you don’t need the love Taehyung won’t be able to give you. That maybe, being in his company would be more than you would ever need.
You try to remind yourself that using something just for sex, just for the physical pleasures, would never work out for anyone—that underneath the surface, you would always want more because you are the Head Girl, just as tough as you are romantic and steely and in the know of what you want. You’ve had pieces of your life defined and pressed out for so long now that fitting Taehyung in it would be impossible.
Yes, impossible. Just like how it would be impossible for him to fit you in his life. You would never be able to keep something short-term with Taehyung. You think that it would hurt the most that way, so you have to say this, to spare your feelings.
“It’s nothing you did,” You whisper.
His grip tightens. “That’s it?” He asks back. “Three months of this and that’s all you have to say? Tell me the truth, Y/N, don’t you think I deserve that at the very least?”
You whirl around to face him. “There’s no future in what we’re doing, and I’m realizing that now,” You say too quickly because if you say it like that, then the words will come out quicker and you can stop worrying about it. “I need something with a future. I can’t be with you anymore, Taehyung so please just—!” You attempt to jerk yourself out of his hold one last time, but what you said has seemed to strike a chord within him because he loosens the grip long enough for you to make your escape. You leave him alone in the middle of the hallway, having to tell yourself more than once not to look back.
.
You never thought you would be in a position where you would ever have to get over Kim Taehyung. And yet, here you are. Laying in bed. Trying to get over Kim Taehyung.
For a first love, it’s about as difficult as one would think with all its memories and never before experienced emotions that you were never able to express. The hardest part is trying to go a day without thinking about him, without having to wonder what he’s up to, without wondering if he’s wondering about you. If you find yourself lingering over one thought for too long, it has the potential of ruining the rest of your day so you opt instead to keep yourself busy.
As Head Girl, this doesn’t prove to be too much of a challenge. You practically bury yourself in your work and responsibilities, both as Head Girl and as a student and it seems like life is more than happy enough to provide you with things to work on. Everyday, there’s always a paper to write, a meeting with Prefects to run, classes that run late into the night, or just any duty across the grounds that need an attending to. You have no problem putting your entire self into every task you are assigned, it keeps you occupied and you get to add some productivity into your day. To you, it’s a double-win, and an easy way to kill two birds with one stone.
You trap yourself so deeply in your academics, that it takes away from your ability to scout out Taehyung, so you miss the way his eyes desperately try to meet yours in the hallway, the way he tries to corner you with the attempt to ask you more questions about why you were cutting him out of your life. He must see how much work you put on your plate, he must see it in your eyes and in the stressed curl of your lips, because he never approaches you. He just longs for you across the way. It seems so easy to catch up to you after class, given the handful of classes that you do share together, but something always holds him back—maybe it’s the way you never meet his gaze anymore when he’s trying to stare you down from the other side of the room or maybe it’s the way you’re always the first person out the door when class is dismissed.
You always seem so internally insistent on keeping to yourself.
And you are. Even though you are constantly by yourself, you don’t have the luxury of overthinking. You don’t have the luxury of wondering if maybe ending things with Taehyung the way you had was the right thing or the wrong thing or an immature thing or an unreasonable thing to do.
You drum your fingers on your desk. Why is this even a problem to begin with? After all, you and Taehyung are only brought together on the mutual basis and appreciation for sex. For the physical. In theory, you aren’t even supposed to be hurting over this. Sure, maybe you’d be upset that you’re missing out on some great dick but you shouldn’t be pondering so much over this and you shouldn’t even be in a position where you have to distract yourself instead of facing the problem head on.
“You know, contrary to the popular belief, staring at something like that will not cause it to set on fire,” Park Jimin reports, sliding into the seat next to you. At this time of day, the library is relatively quiet with the occasional screams and cheers coming from the Quidditch stands in what feels like miles away from the castle. The field is so far away, yet the intensity and excitement it brings to the Hogwarts population is more than enough to generate screams that could be heard from such long distances.
Rather, you smile humorlessly. “Thanks for crashing on my dreams, Park.”
Jimin smiles back, leaning forward in his seat so he could watch you a little more carefully. “Are you alright? You’ve been really out of it for a few days now. I didn’t want to say anything because I thought I was overthinking it but now you’ve been staring daggers at your Charms essay for a few minutes now. Charms is your favorite subject, what did it do to deserve the evil eye?”
“N-Nothing,” You manage, leaning back, smoothing both your hands over the textbook in front of you. “It’s not even the assignment itself it’s just…”
“Wait a second,” Jimin interrupts, looking at you for a moment longer. “You’re in love, aren’t you?”
You stare back, the accusation making your mind feel like a momentary keyboard smashed frenzy. “W-What?” You inquire back. “How did you know?” The second part comes out reflexively; you hadn’t been planning on caving into his observation so easily but you also hadn’t been ready to admit that in the first place goddamnit—!
You choke, immediately turning into a coughing, sputtering mess as Jimin is suddenly very attentive stares and curiosity as he pats your back in both a soothing manner and also as a means to help stop the coughing.
“S-Sorry,” You manage, taking in a deep breath in and a deep breath out. “It came out so quickly I was surprised with myself.”
“I know,” Jimin replies gently. “I saw the look in your face. You didn’t know that you were in love, did you?”
“I guess not,” You say back, training your eyes intently on the book in front of you. As if you were already having a hard enough time getting over Taehyung as it is, now you had to go ahead and have some grand epiphany that was only going to make it more complicated to do that.
Jimin is quiet for a second. “It’s Kim Taehyung, isn’t it?”
You inhale, turning sharply to look at him. “H-How—how did you know?”
He shrugs. “I had some suspicions that something might have been going on between the two of you—but I think that presentation about the whole safe sexual practices thing made me realize something was up.”
“S-So…” You start, face heating up slightly. “You knew that Taehyung and I were…?”
“Endlessly flirting with each other?”
“N-No, uh, that we were… you know… sleeping around together.”
Jimin furrows his eyebrows together cutely. “No, what the hell?”
One look at his face, and you know immediately that the poor boy genuinely had no idea and the realization brings the mortification of color to your cheeks. “Oh my god,” You whine to yourself, digging the palm of your hands into your eyes if only to stop yourself from actually clawing them out. “You really had no idea.” You slam your hands down on the table, probably causing a momentary shift to the balance within the library but you don’t care. “What did you think was going on, Park Jimin? You’re stupid sometimes, sure, but not that stupid.”
“Hey,” He hisses back. “I don’t know! I thought it was just flirty banter—he was always cornering you and sure, maybe it looked like he was trying to get under your skirt that one time but it’s Kim Taehyung. Not to be that person, but you aren’t exactly under his repertoire of girls he messes around with. Last I heard, he can barely stay with one girl long enough for one round, so forgive me for being a little shocked at hearing that he was sleeping with you on more than one occasion.”
“It just started becoming a habit, I guess,” You grumble, playing around with one of the cracks in the desk. “But it doesn’t mean anything anymore. I ended it a few days ago.”
“Makes sense,” Jimin remarks. “A few days is how long you’ve been upset—but that’s also how long Taehyung has been upset too.”
You look at him. “T-Taehyung is upset?”
He shrugs. “He hasn’t been causing any trouble recently. I noticed. Whenever he’s in the halls, he’s been keeping to himself. In class, he’s not talking to anyone. It was really unsettling. I didn’t know what to think at first—I thought that maybe it was because some girl he met at a party had refused to blow him or something. The pieces weren’t adding up in my head—don’t give me that look. I guess someone was refusing to blow him but it wasn’t at a party—!”
“Jimin!” You wail, covering your mouth with your hand. Taehyung isn’t even in your life anymore and he’s still finding a way to embarrass you, although indirectly. “But, wait, you aren’t… mad at me or anything?”
“No?” He frowns. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“I-I don’t know,” You stammer. “Maybe you’d think that I was just settling with him, that I could fall in love with anyone I want, but I ended up being in love with him.”
“I mean…” Jimin trails off for a moment. “People can’t control who they fall in love with. And I don’t think Taehyung is a bad person. In fact, I think in a weird way, the pair of you balance each other out. He probably doesn’t do the whole love and emotions thing, but you never did the casual sex thing either and yet, here we are.” He smiles. “You’re a smart girl, Y/N. You’re more than capable of making your own decisions. You’re more than capable of looking at Taehyung and deciding if being with him is a risk you’re willing to take. If it’s not, then that’s okay. If it is, well, then you’re more than capable of figuring out how to go about that.”
You let out a sigh at the words Jimin has just spoken to you, but the small smile you send his way is genuine because for the first time in a little while, you feel like maybe you can breathe just a little bit more.
.
Jimin’s words help you do some thinking, even if you aren’t entirely sure what you’re going to do about your predicament. In the meanwhile, you decide to keep the feelings of your new discovery under wraps so you could make the best decision for yourself based on what you know you need the most.
That afternoon, you walk into your potions class to find a mixture already bubbling in the cauldron, the whispers around you not doing good things to the shiver of anticipation that travels up your body.
“Good afternoon class,” The professor greets, turning the fire underneath the cauldron on a low before rounding the table in order to get a better look at the class. “Today, we’re starting a very exciting unit—everyone loves this one the most.” She looks momentarily pleased with her use of play-on-words, and the realization makes the weight of discovery drop like lead in your stomach. “Can anyone tell me what potion is sitting on my desk right now?”
There is a silence, until you opt to raise your hand. “It’s Amortentia,” You utter. “The most powerful love potion in the world.”
The professor beams at your answer. “Wonderful, Y/N. Do you think you can tell me why it’s the most powerful?”
“Well,” You start, swallowing thickly and daring a glance at Taehyung, who is sitting a row ahead of you, a few seats down, but he’s staring at you with enough intensity to get you to startle. Has he always looked at you like that? “It’s so powerful because it causes an intense infatuation in relation to the drinker and the person who administered the potion. But there is a way to identity it because it has a very specific smell. Depending on the individual person, the potion emits a smell of whatever they desire the most.”
“Excellent, Y/N, fifteen points to Gryffindor! But I didn’t expect anything less from our Head Girl. Would you mind stepping up to the front of the class here and giving an example of what kind of aroma the potion will give out?”
It’s a bad idea, a voice in the back of your mind whispers and you don’t need to be told twice. It is a bad idea to go up there a risk everything, to put yourself out there in such a vulnerable position.
But like the professor has just stated, you are Head Girl and you have to set an example for everyone else around you, no matter what it takes. So with a sigh, you nod slowly and straighten up, making your way to the front of the class. You linger just outside the reins of the Amortentia potion, suddenly feeling your heart in your throat because you really don’t know what to expect and to experience the scent you desire the most in front of your entire class makes you feel exposed.
The professor watches you with an eye of anticipation, and you force yourself to step forward just enough to hover above the potion. You pause for a moment, taking in a deep breath. “L-Lemongrass,” You start slowly, feeling the flush of privacy coating your cheeks, barely sparing a glance at the class before you look back down. “Lemongrass and, uh… pine needles—like, uh, something that has been outside for a long time. And—a bookstore. An old one, with run down pages and history pressed between the lines.” You gently scratch your bottom lip. “Like something that flaps in the wind… so it’s fresh. But also kind of musky…” The combination of all these smells brings a small smile to your face and you dare to close your eyes for a second. The smell seems to swirl all around you, dispersing through the atmosphere, forming together right in front of you to create something, create that very object of your desire.
It’s not necessarily an image that forms, but more of a memory—a sensation of smooth skin brushing underneath your fingertips, your nose buried in someone’s neck, a light but deep and soothing chuckle that always left you knowing that without a doubt you were completely and head over heels in love with—!
Your eyes snap open, surprisingly finding the gaze of Kim Taehyung staring right back at you, looking just as stunned as you feel at how the secret to your Amortentia potion… is him.
And he knows it.
You try to calm your panicked nerves, but it threatens to swallow you too quickly and you choke.
“E-Excuse me,” You whisper, not even sure if anyone has heard you but it doesn’t matter because you are bolting for the door. You can’t even remember if you gathered any of your belongings, but it doesn’t matter. None of that matters. The only thing etched in your mind is the fact that you need to go, go, go, run down the hallways as fast as your legs can carry you.
“Y/N? Y/N! Y/N, wait!” A voice sounds from behind you, the familiarity of it only launching your heart into an even more distressed state of mind as your mind reels with accusations, with questions, with realization, and that all brings about the burning hot sense of humiliation.
The hand finds your wrist too soon.
“Y/N, will you stop for one goddamn second?” Taehyung gruffs from behind you, tightening his hold when you attempt to shake him off to not success. “Y/N.”
“No,” You choke out, trying to pull yourself away again. “No, stop. I don’t want to hear what you have to say…”
He’s quiet for a moment. “How do you even know what I’m going to say?”
“I know it, I can feel it,” You whisper. “You’re going to laugh at me, aren’t you?”
Even without looking at him, you can imagine the furrow in his eyebrows. “Laugh at you?” He echoes. “Y/N, what are you talking about? Don’t be stupid—!”
“Well, you’re going to tease me at the very least!” You whine instead. “Go on and on and on about how Hogwarts’ bright Head Girl fell for a Quidditch boy—a jock who has never settled down with anyone longer than two seconds and never ever wants to fall in love. The fact that he has been able to charm the Head Girl is laughable, is everything he’s ever wanted because it proves he can get under her skin. And he doesn’t even care.” Taehyung’s silence is a momentary sting of confirmation. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
Taehyung still doesn’t say anything. “Will you just look at me?”
In your heart, you know you have nothing else to lose at this point. The deed has been done, the words have been spoken, and all that is left is for Taehyung to look you in the eye and tell you that it is true. That he knows you love him, but he simply cannot love you back because he is the strong-willed and you are the weak-minded.
You, however, do not expect the familiar, warm, comforting sensation of his mouth against yours.
You pull away from Taehyung at once. “W-What are you doing?” You inquire, wide-eyed and caught off guard but also trying to shoo away the butterflies that have gathered in your stomach at the quick gesture.
Taehyung sighs, shakes his head. “For a Head Girl, you’re pretty stupid.” He observes quietly, still so close to you that you can feel his forehead against your own, his breath against your lips.
You blink. “W-What?”
He sighs again, curling his hand around your waist to pull you closer. “I love you too, you fucking idiot.”
The confession comes out so straight-forward, so simple as if it’s the only thing he truly knows, but your eyes are still as wide as a goldfish and you try to say the only coherent thing you are capable of saying. “Huh?”
Taehyung delivers forth a small, tiny smiles that plays at the corner of his lips. “Y/N, you in there?” He says, gently tapping your forehead. “I’d like to talk to her please?”
You shake your head, blinking rapidly, gazing up at him again. “W-Wait, you’re in love with me? Since when?”
He actually laughs at that, that beautiful sound of melody and tunes that momentarily takes you away from the fact that you’re supposed to be stunned. “Since I started coming back for second rounds, you moron. And maybe…” He trails off, flushing a little. “Maybe a little bit before then too.”
You press your lips together, unable to help the smile you want to deliver toward him. “Y-You’re in love with me,” You say, the corner of your lips quirk up.
Taehyung nods once, twice, presses your foreheads together. “I’m in love with you,” He reassures. “C-Can you take me back? Can we go back to the way things were?”
You give him a suspicious glance. “You mean just sex and no emotions?”
“Ah.” He realizes his mistake. “Not exactly—I’d like to request an upgrade, if that’s alright with you. Can we go back to the way things were? But this time, I take you out on a few dates then we have mind-blowing sex. How does that sound?”
It’s everything you could have wanted and so much more, because you start to laugh over and over again and you aren’t quite sure if you’ll stop. “That sounds… pretty perfect. I still get to make fun of your horrible attire every morning, though.”
He grins back. “And I get to lift your skirt and call you names—two can play at this game.”
#taehyung scenario#taehyung x reader#taehyung x you#taehyung smut#bts scenario#bts smut#bts x reader#repost: workofteaguk#traci writes#i love this fic i'm so happy i got to bring it back !
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Book: TRR
Pairing: Liam and Marcella (MC)
Rating: R (some dirty deeds). Hide yo kids! LOL
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixleberry Studios. I’m just borrowing :)
Tag list: @museofbooks @callmetippytumbles @cocomaxley @hopefulmoonobject @pixieferry @i-choose-liam @zaffrenotes @brightpinkpeppercorn @blackcoffee85 @dcbbw
The applause died down, and the orchestra in the cavernous ballroom began to play as Liam and Marcella stood in front of the raised dais. The official greeting line was about to commence so they could welcome their guests. "You look beautiful," Liam exclaimed to his wife with a panty dropping grin. "And might I add, sexy as hell," he added in a whisper for only her to hear. "Thank you. You're not so bad yourself." Liam looked more than fine in his black suit.
Her husband looked great in anything, of course, but she loved the way his broad shoulders filled out his tailored jacket and how his ass looked in his slacks. All she wanted was his royal hotness all over her. Naked. Groaning. Sweating. She focused her attention on the guests that were either in lively conversation or joining the line. She took a deep breath. This wasn't her first rodeo, but after the palace attacks, she still got nervous at these affairs. "Everything will be fine, my love. Just relax." He assured her before leaning in closer, his lips brushing her ear. "And just think of all the things I'm going to do to you later," he husked. "Take off your panties before we sit for dinner." The heat rose to her cheeks and radiated from her body. She looked around, thankful that no one was privy to their private conversation. "Omigod, Liam. No. All eyes are on us now. Someone might notice." Just the thought of doing something so naughty was causing wetness to pool between her thighs. And thanks to Madeleine her dress wasn't exactly one that covered everything effectively. She was actually surprised when she picked the little black dress with the high slit. It didn't seem conservative enough for the party, but Madeleine assured her she could pull it off. At first, she thought it was a setup. The devil woman probably wanted her to flash her lady bits for all of Cordonia to see. It would likely result in her being kicked out of the palace or worse, which was probably the goal. She didn't trust Madeleine as far as she could throw her, especially around Liam. She was as cunning as they come. "Screw everyone else. Take. Them. Off," he ordered.
Her body ached with need anticipating what Liam would do with his magical fingers. He could play her like a piano, and it would be the most satisfying night of her life. She couldn't argue now that the order was issued. A royal decree from His Majesty himself. Oh, how she loved it when he issued a command. Liam went straight into greeting the first guest, giving her no time to recover from his sexy promise. She took another deep breath, willing her body to calm down so that she could think with her brain and not her pulsing lady parts. She needed all her wits about her tonight. The receiving line seemed endless and Liam being Liam knew everyone, greeting them all by name. He sent a wink or knowing grin Marcella's way every chance he got, obviously thinking about what he was going to do to her. This did absolutely nothing for her nerves; all it did was make her horny and think of all the possibilities that would come later that evening. After a while, Marcella slipped away to follow Liam's royal order. As she walked back into the ballroom, her pulse raced in anticipation of what was to come. She also couldn't help but wonder if anyone would notice that their queen had gone commando.
It was finally time for dinner, and Liam escorted Marcella to the head of the long table before pulling out her chair; a perfect gentleman as always.nThe air was jovial and light as everyone started on the first course. The food was divine, and the company was pleasant. Marcella couldn't complain. She'd had her fill of food and barely had enough room left for the chocolate cake that was placed in front of them as the speeches commenced. It was then Marcella felt Liam's hand inching and squeezing up her thigh before finally finding the slit in her dress to gain access. He pushed on her leg and on cue she parted them slightly granting him access. Her breath hitched in her throat, ready to obey his every command. Her right mind told her to slap his hand away and tell him no, but she couldn't find it in her to tell him to stop. She was a slave to her desires and mentally kicking herself for telling him to let go of his unremarkable restraint with that damn lantern a few months ago. She was regretting those words now...almost. She loved it when his hands were on her, and she didn't give a damn where, or how inappropriate it was or that they could easily be caught. All that mattered was his touch, the feeling he was giving her, and the heavy tablecloth covering his naughty roaming. Thank God for tablecloths. His touch was gentle and teasing as his nimble fingers brushed over her clit and she moved her legs as far as they could go within the confines of her dress, a silent plea for Liam to give her more. He pushed his fingers against her mound and rubbed circles with the perfect amount of pressure knowing that the friction would drive her wild. Just a little bit longer and she was going to burst into a million stars and colors. Liam had kept the foreplay going all night, and by the shit eating grin on his face, he knew exactly what he had done. She looked over at him, trying like hell to control her breathing and keep her expression neutral. If anyone had seen or had any idea of what he was doing to her, she'd be mortified. It would be a scandal of biblical proportions. Liam smirked, looking so innocent as if he was sitting there doing nothing. How could he be so calm when every part of her was about to fall apart?
Everyone listened intently to the speeches; all the speakers singing Liam's praises while his hand was tantalizing her pussy. She swallowed the moan brought on by his thick finger that was now gliding slowly in and out of her. She was so wet, so fucking ready. She refused to believe he was about to make her cum this fast, this quickly, and he'd barely even touched her. She was just so damned worked up, and he looked so fucking good. She wanted nothing more than to run her fingers through his thick black hair, and grip tightly at the root, as he finger-fucked her closer to orgasm. Instead, she clasped her hands together on the table, needing something, anything to hold onto for Liam's wild ride as she tried her damnedest not to rock her hips to his rhythm and maintain her composure which was verging on the line of impossible. Another digit delved inside her, and she bit her lip, loving the way he was filling her. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to hide it once she reached her climax. She couldn't moan in pleasure or cry out Liam's name when the time came. Not here. The deep spasms began in her belly. She was a damn ticking time bomb ready to detonate. Her hips began to move on their own ever so slightly, just barely enough to move the tablecloth. She much preferred sitting on his cock, but this would have to do for now. She was about to shatter into pieces in the middle of a crowded room. A fire inside her so needy and intense that no amount of water could extinguish it. She wanted to beg him for it; to be put out of her misery, but all she could do was bite her lips together to keep quiet. She needed to appear cool, calm and collected. Liam ground his palm into her clit. The pressure so intense taking her to the point of no return. She was falling, clenching and unclenching around his fingers. The orgasm spread through her body like wildfire, rocking her from her hair follicles to her toenails. She was utterly grateful for her melanin and the fabulous job it was doing hiding the beet red flush that would have otherwise shown on her face from trying to hold herself together. It was her saving grace.
Liam stopped his beautiful torture, his hand still cupping her soaking wet core, his face so relaxed and composed like he didn’t just make her cum. She was an absolute mess, while he sat there smiling in satisfaction and she wanted to wipe that smug look off his stupid, beautiful, perfect face. He was going to pay for this. She took deep breaths to calm herself as the pleasure swept over her in waves, each one calmer than the last -- thank fuck. She was soaking wet and knew she was going to have to clean up fast or else her juices would go running down her leg. Liam always made her this way, and she was convinced the man knew her anatomy better than she did. He always knew just what to do to make her body sing. Once the waves died down, she sat up straight and unclasped her hands so that the blood could return to her fingers. She knew Liam was rock hard at this point and reached for him under the table, unable to help herself. After all, his cock was a thing of beauty and worthy of being admired. Liam discreetly shook his head. A warning that he could touch her, but she couldn't touch him. Partly because it was about her pleasure only and because he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it together once she got hold of him. They'd most certainly be caught then, or he'd be dragging her somewhere to finish the job.
"You seem flush, my love," he whispered. "Is everything all right?" He tickled over her sensitive bud, and it nearly sent her into another tailspin. She clamped her legs together, stilling his hand. "Everything's perfect, My King. Just overwhelmed with my love for you," she breathed, giving something people could overhear without disgracing them both. Liam took his hand away, and she slipped him a napkin to wipe away the traces of their dirty doings. Once cleaned up he brought his hand back up above the table as if that hand hadn't just rocked her world. He reached for his spoon and took a hunk of the chocolate cake that sat before him, slowly placing it between his lips. He locked eyes with Marcella and slowly eased the spoon out of his mouth. "Mmmm...," he paused, mischief in his eyes as he subtly licked the spoon. "Delicious.”
Damn him. And Marcella quaked a bit more.
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The Deity of Spring
Chapter THREE
"I think I need to go."
"I agree. The sun's completely up. You look like you're going to faint."
"Shut up."
"And you get cranky when you're mad."
"...Hn."
"I get it, only being able to stay up half the day is annoying, but it's a price we both agreed we were willing to pay."
"Don't need to remind me."
"Hey, I trusted you with the night; trust me with the day."
"I….I don't not trust you."
"You are so not cute."
"I don't want you to think I'm cute."
"Ah, riiiiiiight."
"Stop that!"
"Go rest."
"Wake me if anything happens."
"Right."
"Wake me if she wakes up."
"Uhhhh, maybe."
"I swear-"
"Okay! I'll see."
"Hn. Don't slack off."
"Yeah, leave it to me."
Uchiha Itachi had been out of the Land of Fire when Kaguya had destroyed everything he had ever fought for. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock and utter horror of returning to see his home gone, obliterated under unseen powers at the whims of a Goddess. Many had died, but just as many had survived, and Itachi had a nagging feeling that Kaguya was toying with them. Most of the victims had been civilians who didn't have the advantage of being able to access their chakra to aid in their escape.
A small part of him wished that he had been here, and he had died alongside him beloved home, so he did not have to face everything that had come after.
"Itachi-kun?"
He looked up at the sound of his name and saw his mother, Uchiha Mikoto, leaning against the door. There was clear worry in her eyes and Itachi realized with a start that he had stopped mid-preparation. The spare clothes he had been about to pack was hovering halfway into his pouch as he had frozen in thought. He quickly finished the action and turned to his mother. "Yes?"
The woman carefully entered the room and gracefully sat down next to him. "How are you feeling?"
Itachi once again paused, this time while reaching for his weapon maintenance kit, and finally lowered his hand. "I am feeling fine," he said.
Mikoto hummed and gently ran her hand through his hair. Itachi let her and patiently waited for her to finish her affectionate gesture. "You are going to the Forest of Death," she finally said.
"I am," Itachi replied.
Mikoto sighed. "Must it be you?" She asked. "There are plenty of others who could go in your place-"
"Okaa-sama," Itachi said, gently cutting her off. "I am honored Hokage-sama has deemed me worthy of leading a party tasked with finding a possible path to survival for the whole of mankind." He smiled and pretended not to notice the way his mother's eyes watered in defeat, as though she had known what his reply would be. She probably did. "If there is something, anything we can do for the future, I would like to be a part of it."
"Of course, Itachi-kun," Mikoto said, smiling in return. "I know you can do it."
His mother left soon after, insisting on preparing food he could bring for himself and his team. They would be hunting for most of the trip, but having something homemade was always nice. Itachi quickly finished packing and soon joined his family in what might be his last dinner with them. There was a certain air of awkwardness as they ate, but by the end of it both his parents were beaming at him, and just before he was about to retire for the night, Fugaku stopped him.
"No matter what," he began softly. "Never ever forget that we are so proud of you, son."
Itachi found himself looking down at his feet and finally managed a faint nod. "Good night, Otou-sama, Okaa-sama," he said, and when he obviously ran to his room, no one called out after him.
Early the next morning, a rather large group of people came to see them off and many more hovered around the exit of the war camp to watch.
As the Hokage once again shared words of encouragement with them, Itachi thought over the members of this party. Nara Shikamaru was the renowned son of Shikaku, who was the best strategist Itachi had ever known. The son may have inherited the infamous Nara laziness, but that hadn't taken anything away from the intellect the clan was famous for, and he also knew the boy had mastered the shadow manipulation techniques passed down within his clan.
Inuzuka Kiba was acknowledged as one of the best trackers even within the Inuzuka, a clan that had honed their chakra in order to communicate with their canine partners, and while he seemed to take after his mother in terms of loudness and brashness, the boy had proved himself over and over during tracking parties outside their base.
Hyuga Neji was often put onto the same pedestal as Itachi himself, and he had even heard rumors of how the Hyuga planned to instate Neji as the next clan head. Neji was the one out of the rest that Itachi had taken the most missions with, and he knew for a fact that the Hyuga was well deserving of the title of prodigy.
Akasuna no Sasori was someone Itachi might consider a friend on a particularly nice day. The man had something about him that annoyed Itachi to no end, but the redhead was the closest definition to the phrase 'do not judge a book by its cover', for, despite his lazy appearance, he was one of the most powerful, most deadly warriors ever. Itachi had been present when Sasori had lost both his arms in a reconnaissance mission gone disastrously wrong three years ago. The redhead had sacrificed himself to ensure they all got out alive. Soon after, the man had used his expertise in puppetry to make himself wooden arms to replace his limbs. He had then slowly added new gadgets and tools to them, and he always had new functions to show off whenever they spared. He had the world's most useful set or arms, ever.
Deidara was another person Itachi might consider his friend. The two of them, along with Sasori, were a part of an elite group of warriors made up of people from all over the Elemental Nations, known as the Akatsuki. Even recently, the Akatsuki were called upon when a particularly dangerous group of Zetsus appeared too near their base for comfort. That alone spoke of the blond's skills, and he was someone Itachi would like to have on his side as opposed to an enemy, though he was often very loud could sometimes be annoying. Deidara's self-proclaimed hobby seemed to be annoying Sasori, which Itachi was okay with as long as the redhead did not turn to him for help.
His thoughts were cut short when applause met Tsunade's ending speech. Itachi formally bid his parents, then the rest of the clan, goodbye and waited while the rest of his team did the same in a slightly more affectionate manner. Shikamaru received a few words from his father and a tight hug from his mother before his friends dragged to aside to say their own goodbyes and good lucks. Kiba and his family were slightly louder, though Itachi was not surprised considering the nature of his clan. He then shared a few more friendly hugs with his own friends. The Hyuga were much more composed, much like his own clan, and Neji was the first to reach his side.
Sasori and Deidara both briefly talked to their own Kage, before they too fell into step beside him.
"Shall we depart?" Itachi asked, and when he received firm nods in return, the six of them exited the base.
Gaara watched the search party depart and remained rooted to his spot even when the people gathered slowly began to disperse back to their tasks. When not out of the field, warriors spent the time resting, helping out around the base and tending to their weapons and equipment. Civilians aided as much as they could too, and there was even a civilian faction being trained by warriors to fight so that they could at least defend themselves should their one and only stronghold fall. It hadn't come to that yet, but many were willing to learn to prepare for the worst.
"Gaara?"
He turned towards his sister, who was looking at him with worry in her eyes.
"Are you okay?" She asked. "You look a little out of it."
Gaara took a deep breath to clear his thoughts and nodded. "I am fine," he said. "I will be retiring for the night. If anything happens, you know where to find me."
Temari nodded. "Rest well," she told him. "I know you haven't been sleeping well for a while."
Gaara smiled to himself as his sister walked off; it appeared there was no hiding anything from her sharp eyes. He retreated to his personal tent and went around trying to clean himself up. Finally, he gave up. The war had taken a toll on all of them and he wasn't an exception. Instead sat down on his bed and reached for a book he had dug out of his own collection of books and scrolls.
The Deity of Spring.
His hand hovered over the cover like it had many times during the past two days, and he finally turned to the first page. He flicked through the book Temari had often read to him as a child and words flowed through his mind as memories began to resurface. Kaguya was the Goddess of Creation, but it was the Deity of Spring who had been the one to breathe life into them. There were many variations of how the story had gone, but in this particular one, the one where Kaguya had been sealed by the other Gods and Goddesses after a destructive war for suddenly turning against mankind, the Deity of Spring had been one of Kaguya's victims before she had been contained.
As he read, something became apparent to him, something he hadn't realized or understood as a child. "The Deity of Spring did not remain on this plane by choice," he whispered to himself. "Whatever happened, whatever Kaguya did rendered them unable to return to the Realm of the Gods."
"Where is she?"
"Good evening to you too."
"You said you would wake me when she woke up."
"I said maybe. Besides, we all need you well rested, you know? Can't have you fainting halfway during your watch because you didn't rest properly. Also, she just woke up a while ago. She's washing up."
"You-"
"Shhhhh! You know she doesn't like it when we fight!"
"We aren't 'fighting'. I'm merely attempting to correct your stupidity."
"Do you think that excuse would work on her?"
"I...guess not."
"Exactly."
"Hn. So, how was she?"
"She looked fine, and she smelled fine too."
"That's good."
"Yeah."
"And did she say anything else about the war?"
"She didn't."
"But they're still coming."
"Yeah."
Chapter FOUR>
<Chapter TWO
Chapter List
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Crumbling Apart
Summary: Yggdrasil has crumbled, and many in Tharsis have lost all hope. Even those in Guild Muninn have begun to lose hope that they can stop Baldur’s mad ambitions...and one member is looking into finding a replacement.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: So, I wouldn’t go as far to say that it’s attempted, but suicide is discussed quite heavily here. If you’re uncomfortable with a plot surrounding a character’s suicidal urges, then you shouldn’t read this.
Notes: PREPARE FOR THE GAYNGST.
Part 1: https://itsya1upboy.tumblr.com/post/174861453532/a-peaceless-sanctuary
Part 2: https://itsya1upboy.tumblr.com/post/174963535022/the-traitor-and-the-general
@theshatteredrose
Guild Muninn stood in front of the Outland Count’s desk solemnly, all looking down either at their hands or at the floor.
"Ah, you're here…” the Outland Count said quietly, staring out the window behind his desk.
“Your Grace, we tried our…” Marianne whispered before choking back a quiet sob. “...Our damned best.”
“Yes, I understand,” the Count replied, stroking Margherita softly in his lap. “To think such a tragedy could befall Yggdrasil… I'm sorry, I can't think of anything to say. The words won't come... Go on and report your mission results."
The room was deadly silent as Marianne took her report out of her bag and laid it on the Count’s desk. The Count turned to his desk and gently sat Margherita on top of it. He took the report, unfurled it, and began reading it carefully.
Not even the sound of metal boots out in the hallway brought the guild members out of their haze as they awaited the Count’s review.
Finally, after several agonizing minutes, the Count looked back up at Marianne.
"I see... It is safe to assume that the Imperial Prince has reached Yggdrasil by now.”
“W-we’re so sorry, Your Grace… We-we’ve failed you…”
“No, no, you are not to blame. If you could not stop him, I am at a loss to think of who could."
The Count shook his head sadly and put the parchment in his desk drawer.
Just then, someone knocked on the door.
Everyone gasped and turned to the door.
“Your Grace, if I may?”
The Count frowned, but said, “You may.”
As the door slowly creaked open, he turned to Marianne. “I assume that this is your doing?”
“Not quite, Your Grace… Havardr was the one who extended mercy first. But Logre aided us in our attempt to stop Prince Baldur…”
Marianne turned to the Imperial entering the room and flashed a weak smile. Logre nodded back to her and approached the Count’s desk. He bowed solemnly.
“I apologize for my impudence…” he began, addressing the Count’s miffed expression. “However… I do know the basic details of what His Imperial Highness plans on doing.
"Yggdrasil isn't fully active yet. What you saw was only the final preparation of the Titan's Soul. He must integrate her into the tree.
“Yggdrasil withered because the heart was inserted. That is why its power began to gather in the roots. But so long as the Medium is not integrated, we still have hope."
“I see…” the Count mused. “So what you’re saying is that if we can rescue the Medium before Prince Baldur integrates her, then we can stop him? Can we retrieve the heart from Yggdrasil as well, in that case?”
“Yes, milord,” Logre answered. “It will take some effort to remove it, and those who do so run the risk of contracting the Titan’s Curse. However, once we have both the heart and the soul in hand, it will be fairly easy to heal anyone with the Titan’s Curse. And if the heart is removed, then Yggdrasil should slowly begin to grow again…”
The Count nodded. “Then I must send soldiers to gather more information,” he said resolutely, a new fire burning in his eyes. “Thank you for your report, Marianne. Whenever you’re ready, your guild is dismissed.”
And with that, the Count got up and left the room. All six explorers watched him leave with varying expressions of worry or sorrow. When he was gone, they all looked at each other anxiously.
“If I may…”
Everyone looked at Logre in surprise as he removed his gauntlet and fished out a large key from his sleeve. He held it out to Marianne, and when she took it, he put his gauntlet back on.
“That is a key for activating Drive Blades,” he explained calmly. “Let it be my vow to you: few though we are, some Imperial knights still agree with Havardr and I. If you will have us, then our Drive Blades will aid you in your search.”
“U-us…?” Havardr whispered.
A small smile flickered across Logre’s face. “Yes… If you would have me in your guild, then I would also be glad to aid you, should you need my services. You needn’t file the official paperwork right away, of course…”
Havardr smiled brightly and looked expectantly at Marianne.
“We need all the help we can get right now,” the Fortress said. “We would be glad to have you. And I will file your paperwork as soon as possible… It’ll simply be a matter of accessing your files at the Explorer’s Guild.
Mia grumbled something unintelligible under her breath, and Lis looked down at her and patted her head.
“Actually, perhaps I should go and do that now, before we head out to stop the prince. We don’t know how long we’ll be out in the field for…”
Marianne looked around her at the party.
“Go do what you need to do while I take care of Logre’s paperwork, and when I have some basic ideas formulated for our excursions forward, I’ll call everyone down for a meeting.”
Marianne stared pointedly at Havardr.
“In fact, you look exhausted, Havardr. You should go rest up before our meeting. I know you haven’t been getting much sleep lately…”
Havardr nodded wearily and pushed off of the desk from where he’d been leaning on it for support. “I was going to get some sleeping pills first…” he said. “I thought maybe they’d help. I need all the sleep I can get before we pursue Baldur.”
Miku raised an eyebrow. “That will turn a short nap into a full night’s sleep,” she warned.
“I know… If you can’t wake me up, just fill me in tomorrow morning...” the blonde man replied drowsily. He stretched and yawned before sauntering out of the room.
Miku glanced at Marianne with a concerned look. Marianne looked back at her with the same worried expression.
“Why didn’t he ever take those before? He’s always had night terrors,” Miku asked her. Though it wasn’t so much a question as a message.
“M-maybe he’s just so tired that he’s desperate for any sleep…” Marianne replied with a nervous chuckle and a shaky grin. “B-besides, his night terrors seem a lot worse...a-and more frequent…”
-----
“Oh, Havardr?”
“Miku…!”
As Havardr reached for the door to the Saehrimnir Inn, he heard the Vessel’s familiar voice and looked up. She had several bags in her arms, most likely ingredients to make medicine with. Though the Berund Atelier sold basic medicines, Miku often preferred to make her own.
Havardr smiled weakly at her and held the door open for her. She stepped inside, and he came in after her and shut the door behind them.
“I met Marianne on the street, and she said she’d be in shortly,” Miku said, adjusting her bags in her arms.
“I’ll try to get a little shut-eye, then,” Havardr replied with a nod, flashing a small bottle of medicine.
“Are you sure…? Marianne’s ‘shortly’ is more like a sliver of time,” Miku said worriedly.
Havardr chuckled. “It’s quite alright, Miku. You guys can fill me in in the morning. I mean, the others are already here…”
He gestured over to one of the sitting areas by a large fireplace on the wall. Though it wasn’t quite cold enough for a fire yet, it was still a good meeting spot, and Logre, Mia, and Lis were all sitting on the armchairs and couch over there; in fact, someone had already brought over a couple more armchairs for whoever arrived last.
“Do you need any help getting your things into your room?” Havardr asked. Miku shook her head.
“I’m quite alright, thank you. I just can’t get that large door with my hands full.”
With that, the two began heading to the second floor in silence. As he passed by the guild, Havardr waved, but they seemed deep in discussion, and didn’t notice him.
As the two headed up the stairs, Miku heard an odd clinking and looked down to see where it was coming from.
Havardr’s bag was rattling as he ascended the stairs; although he was holding it close, it still shook as he took each step.
Miku frowned. She had heard that clinking many times… It could only be the sound of glass bottles tapping against each other. And there was usually only one thing that Havardr had in glass bottles…
They really needed to hold that intervention sooner rather than later.
Once they had reached the top of the stairs and were headed down the hall to their rooms, Havardr turned to Miku and smiled. “I’m honestly so glad that we didn’t have to kill Logre…” he said with a sigh of relief. “I’m not sure what I would do if I had that blood on my hands.”
Miku nodded. “Yes, I can’t fathom it either… As a healer, I protect people; I don’t kill them unless they need me to end their suffering.”
“Oh, here we are.”
Havardr turned to Miku and waved as he opened the door to his room. Miku shifted her bags in her arms, went to her door, and opened it slowly.
She walked over to her desk and poured her bags out of her arms onto it. She leaned against the large, wooden desk and sighed heavily, going over the facts in her head.
A short pause.
Her eyes widened.
“Oh gods.”
She raced out of her room, slamming the door behind her. She cursed under her breath and the resounding slam that made the hallways shudder, but didn’t stop going. She ran down the hall and nimbly descended the stairs, praying to Yggdrasil that Marianne would be down there.
And it was just her luck that Marianne was sitting down with the rest of the guild just as her feet hit the bottom step.
“Ms. Marianne!”
Miku stumbled as she bounded onto the floor and ran over to where her guildmates were sitting. They all stared at her in shock.
“M-Miku?” Marianne stammered. “Wh-why are you running? And where’s Havardr? Is he not---”
“Th-that’s just...it,” Miku wheezed, doubled over, leaning on her knees. “I th-think he… I think he…”
She leaned against an armchair to catch her breath.
“We need to get up there right away,” she said sternly. “He… He showed me his sleeping pills, but...but he… I h-heard bottles in his bag, too. P-probably...alcohol?”
Lis, Marianne, and Logre looked at each other with horrified expressions.
And in a flash, they were all out of their seats and racing to the stairs. Marianne’s armchair fell over and hit the stone edge of the fireplace hard.
“Stay down here, Mia, no matter what,” Marianne ordered. Mia nodded.
“Wh-what’s wrong?” she asked nervously.
“Just stay here.”
“O-okay…”
Miku followed the other three to the stairs, but when she reached the bottom, she had an epiphany.
“Wait!” she called out.
The others turned to her.
“If we all go up there at once…we may scare him. One person should go see him first, and see if it’s even what I think it is. If they need help, they can call for the others…”
“That’s a good idea… But who should go?” Marianne mused.
Marianne, Lis, and Miku all looked up at Logre expectantly. The silver-haired Imperial nodded resolutely.
“Perhaps that would be for the best,” he said. “He’ll probably respond to me the best… Simply because I am more intimately acquainted with some of his issues.”
“Honestly, we just want you to go because he adores you,” Lis replied. “It’s pretty plain to see.”
Logre blushed and looked up the staircase.
“Go on, hurry!” Marianne urged, waving her hands up the stairs. “There’s no time to waste!”
Logre began to ascend the stairs as quickly as he could. “Room 214!” Marianne called after him. Logre gave the woman a thumbs-up as he continued up the stairs.
As he hurried down the hall, Logre glanced from side to side at the room numbers.
“212...213…”
He reached Room 214 and stopped in front of the door. Somehow, his heart was pounding harder than most other times in his life. When facing a foe in battle, or coming across a vicious monster in the labyrinth, he was the ideal soldier- cool, calm, and collected. But this… This was a different sort of battle, one that he didn’t have as much experience with.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and softly knocked on Havardr’s door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Logre.”
“Didn’t I tell Marianne that I was heading in early? Or did I imagine it?”
“...No, you didn’t imagine it. I just… You’ve seem distant since we got back, and I...wanted to check in on you.”
Havardr chuckled.
“I’m not used to this side of you, Logre. I’m more used to the stern commander...or the mischievous wanderer… One moment.”
Logre heard clinking and rattling from inside Havardr’s room. A drawer opened and closed. Footsteps. The chain lock on the door rattled, and the door opened partway.
Havardr had a tired smile and droopy eyes. “You’re lucky you caught me before I took the sleeping pills,” he said lazily. “Do you want to come in, or…?”
Logre nodded. Havardr stepped back and opened the door all the way to let the other man in. Once Logre was inside, Havardr closed the door behind them, but left it unlocked, and Logre looked around carefully yet seemingly nonchalantly.
Havardr’s room was rather minimalist. He didn’t seem to have any personal belongings beyond a few books on the shelf by the window; all of the furniture was from the inn. On the desk, there was a glass with a napkin over it; only the very bottom peeked out, revealing some sort of cloudy liquid. The desk drawer wasn’t closed all the way, but it refused to reveal its contents. Underneath the desk, though, Logre could see the top of a bottle peeking out behind the chair…
Havardr walked across the room and brought back two chairs that had been sitting in the corner by the window. He put them across from each other and gestured for Logre to sit down. Logre did so cautiously, choosing the one that faced the door- and the desk. As Havardr sat across from him, he peeked underneath the desk again.
As he had thought. Two bottles of alcohol.
“What is it you’d wanted to discuss?” Havardr asked with a shy smile. Logre sighed.
“Well… I remember that Marianne and Miku had mentioned that you have night terrors… What are they about…?”
Havardr’s smile turned tense, his lips drawn thin. “It’s...nothing to worry yourself about. I don’t want to bother you.”
“It’s not a bother. At all. I imagine I know what it’s about, actually… You’ve never been good at keeping things bottled up; you always blow eventually. And it’s easy to tell when you’re hiding things.”
Havardr glanced down at the floor in shame.
“I can still see the flames… Sometimes, it bothers me more than others… Most days I can ignore it, but… The Sacred Mountains… That’s where it started becoming overwhelming… All of the snow, the blizzards, the Blizzard King soaring in the sky… And then I…”
Havardr gripped his knees and choked back a sob as tears started to form in his eyes.
“I-I couldn’t...fly the skyship anymore… I had to stay below deck… We’re lucky that nobody died… I… I… If they had died I wouldn’t have…”
Logre gently put his hand on Havardr’s and squeezed it sympathetically.
“I s-s-saw the emperor’s grave… I saw you, Logre… And y-you...remembered me.”
Havardr looked back up at Logre, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks now.
“I’m not important enough….t-t-to remember… Why?”
Logre seemed shocked at that statement.
“Of course you’re important to me, Havardr. Why wouldn’t you be? I was once your commander, now your comrade; you showed me mercy when no one else would. It’s still a new feeling, to be on equal footing with you, but I enjoy it. Even now, with all that’s happening around us. I desperately wanted to say something before...but you were never alone.”
Havardr flew out of his shoulder and hugged Logre tightly, wailing into his shoulder.
“Please… Please… Oh gods, please…” Havardr sobbed.
“Wh-what? What do you need?” Logre asked cautiously, wrapping his arms around Havardr and patting his back.
Havardr continued crying, sinking into Logre’s lap. Logre’s face flushed a deep red, but he kept his composure. Havardr gripped Logre’s shoulders tightly and stared down at his lap.
“I’m so sorry… I’ve ruined everything… My chance to go home, your chance to return home… I’ll be the cause of the Empire’s demise…”
He nervously rubbed his hands on Logre’s thighs, making the man blush even harder.
“I’m just a nuisance, aren’t I…? My guild sure seems to think so… And I’m sure you despise me, deep down, for ruining your life…”
“Are you daft?”
Havardr looked up in shock. Logre had a vaguely pissed expression.
“You shouldn’t say something so foolish,” Logre said sternly. “Your guild always seems worried about you. I noticed it when Miku checked on you in the Echoing Library. Even Marianne and Lis seemed worried that you were getting sick again…
“And I know you were barely conscious at that point, but when I carried you out of the Sentinel cemetery, and Marianne saw you in my arms, she flew into a frenzy, gathering everyone up and apologizing to Kibagami for leaving… She took you straight to the hospital, she told me, and checked in every day to ask the doctors how your condition was.
“And how could I hate you? You’re the one who brought me to my senses. I’ll admit, I haven’t been in the best mindset since I arrived back in the Empire… My grief came back as fresh as the day Emperor Alfodr died in my arms. I fought for what I thought I should do… I struggled to reintegrate… But in the end...too much has changed. That place will never be my home again. You showed me...that I have comrades in Tharsis, a home in Tharsis, and for that I will always be grateful.”
Logre grabbed Havardr by his tear-streaked cheeks and stared at him eye-to-eye.
“So whatever it is you’re planning to do… Please don’t do it. Please, Havardr,” he begged. Havardr looked at him with wild, frantic eyes, a mixture of fear, shame, and hopelessness.
“...What’s the point, Logre?” the blonde man whispered desperately. “What’s the point in going on when every day is a struggle? I see no point… I see no purpose… There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me…”
He rested his forehead on Logre’s and sighed wearily.
“I just want to sleep…”
Logre’s eyes widened in horror as Havardr stood up calmly.
“These past ten years, I’ve been fueled by nothing but the primal, animalistic desire, deep down in the depths of the brain, that tells you that you’re required to keep going. Sure, when I joined Guild Muninn, there was a spark of hope that I might finally get to go home… But I’m still deadened. What little emotion I do feel is more gray than color. Each day is a numb gray and I’m only kept going by a biological obligation.”
Havardr looked at Logre with dead eyes- a deadness not from intoxication, but from the depths of his soul.
“Is that how you’ve felt too, all this time?” he asked with a crack of desperation.
“I… I was certainly depressed… But it wasn’t at that level. I-I grieved for my fallen comrades and my fallen king… But I had a goal to fulfill and that was what kept me going. So I never...fell into such a pit of despair.”
Logre balled his hands into fists and stared angrily at his lap. “I want to help you,” he said resolutely. “If you want it…”
“There is no helping me, Logre.”
Havardr sat on his bed with a defeated smile, that signature weak smugness that comes from knowing you’re beyond saving. He glanced over at the gray-haired man.
“It’s alright… I’ve known it for a long time. And I thank you for joining the guild… They’ll be needing your services soon, I imagine.”
Logre stood up in his chair. “If that’s what you believe, then I can’t say anything else,” he said calmly.
He walked towards the door, but as he approached it, he turned to the left. Havardr glanced behind him when he heard the footsteps stop.
Logre pulled the chair out from the desk and crouched down on the floor. Havardr’s face paled in horror as Logre stood back up, two alarmingly large bottles of alcohol in his hand, one of which was partially empty. He simply stared at the bottles sadly and sat them on the desk.
He opened the drawer, and Havardr began shaking. He pulled a small bottle of medication out of the drawer, slowly read the label, glanced back at Havardr, and sat it on the desk beside the alcohol. As he went to close the drawer, however, something else caught his eye.
He began pulling out envelopes.
One, two, three, four, five.
Each one addressed to a different member of the guild.
He laid them out on the desk, one by one, and closed the desk drawer.
Logre removed the napkin that was covering the glass on the desk.
A clear liquid, clouded white. Logre could see now that the desk didn’t have a spot of dust, but that something white had been crushed on it.
He glanced back at the bottle of white sleeping pills.
He walked over to where Havardr was still sitting on the bed, now with his head buried in his hands in defeat, and calmly placed a hand on the blond’s shaking shoulders.
“I think we need to tell the rest of the guild about this.”
-----
Logre and Havardr were sitting side by side on the edge of the bed. Lis, Miku, and Marianne were sitting in the three chairs, pulled up across from the bed. Mia was downstairs with Dalla; everyone had agreed that she didn’t need to see this.
“Why didn’t you tell us…?” Marianne whispered hoarsely, staring down at her lap, her hands shaking.
Miku fiddled with her Vessel staff laid across her lap in silence. Lis glared at Havardr.
“What the hell, Havardr?” the Nightseeker snapped. “You know that we risk our lives for each other. Were you so worried about your reputation that you couldn’t share your burdens with us? Because that’s what comrade do; you said so yourself.”
Havardr covered his face with one hand and looked down in shame. “I’m not a comrade, I’m just a burden… I can tell when I look into your eyes…”
Lis flew up out of his chair angrily; the chair clattered onto the floor as he picked Havardr up from under his arms and got so close to his face that their noses were touching.
“Are you a bloody idiot?!” he yelled. “I’m only saying this once, so don’t ask me again! If you were a damn burden we would’ve kicked you out a long time ago! You don’t think we give a single shit about you, you fucking idiot?!”
He threw Havardr back onto the bed in disgust and picked up his chair.
“I…” Marianne began shakily, glancing back at the fuming teenager. “He’s right, Havardr. Just because we’re disappointed in your actions sometimes… It doesn’t mean you’re a burden or a disappointment yourself… Just because you make mistakes doesn’t mean you’re irredeemable…”
“It was all my fault…” Havardr whispered. “I could have saved them, if I’d just had enough adrenaline…!”
“Oh my God, are you still on about that airship crash?!”
“Lis!”
“That was a decade ago, Havardr! Logre doesn’t wallow in his misery!”
“It’s not just that, Lis!”
The others were stunned into silence by Havardr’s sudden outburst.
“It’s not just...that…” he sobbed, wiping away the tears that were pouring fresh down his cheeks. “For ten years I’ve...I’ve been dead inside...numb to the world… D-do you really think I give a shit about my reputation? All I give a shit about is something that can make me feel… But then when I finally start to feel again it’s only overwhelming guilt and s-s-sorrow… So then I have to b-bury those feelings or I’ll drown in them… It’s them or me…”
He looked up angrily, still wiping away tears with the palm of his hand.
“S...Sure, I go on about something that happened a decade ago… But that was just the start of something worse. Th-the catalyst...if you will...for a life of death.”
He curled up into a ball on the bed, his feet pressed up against the edge of the mattress, and cried into his knees. Marianne glared at Lis and sat beside Havardr and put a hand on his shoulder. Logre had placed a gentle yet firm hand on Havardr’s head and was running his fingers through Havardr’s pale blonde hair.
“Havardr…” Marianne whispered. “Havardr, look at me… Please…”
Havardr peeked out from beneath his arms at her. Marianne smiled.
“I know you must have felt tortured before, trying to tell us what you were feeling without telling us everything…” she said gently. “You had a duty to keep a secret… And I’m sure that, given what little we know about your past… You may not have had the same motivation as Logre did, while you were biding your time in Tharsis… And I imagine that...that it was hard to keep going when you felt you had nothing to fight for… But you kept fighting and that is amazing. It means that you’re strong and capable, and the furthest thing from a burden that I can imagine.”
“You don’t understand, Marianne… I didn’t keep fighting because I wanted to, I only fought because the most primal part of my brain forced me to keep going. No matter how many times I contemplated suicide or planned it out, or stared at the noose or the knife or the bottle… The lizard brain said, ‘No, we have to pass on our genes. We have to keep going until then.’ And I would chicken out. If anything, that shows fear, fear of an entity that is entirely irrational.”
Miku came up and stood in front of Havardr and put her thin hands on his knees. “And what can we do to give you a reason to keep going?” she asked. Havardr let his arms fall to his sides and looked up at her in surprise.
“Right now… I’m going because of obligation. Not just to my lizard brain, but...to the guild. I knew I couldn’t leave you one man down...so if Logre didn’t offer to join Guild Muninn then I was going to get down on my hands and knees and beg him myself.”
Logre’s face turned white as a sheet.
“Then consider yourself obligated to help us stop Baldur,” Miku said calmly.
Lis stood up and put his hands on his hips. “We’ve known you and Logre for about the same amount of time, but we’ve only battled with him for a little while. He couldn’t replace you.” The boy blushed and became quite interested in a nearby lamp.
“If you still don’t feel like that’s a worthy enough cause to fight for…”
Marianne sighed.
“Then consider it an order from me, your boss.”
“And know that your comrades are beside you,” Logre said, squeezing Havardr’s shoulder. “All of us.”
The others nodded. “All of us,” they said in unison.
Havardr stared at them in complete and utter shock.
“But before we can… Before we can help you…” Marianne began. “There’s something we need to do… We need to help you stop drinking.”
“We’ve wanted to have an intervention for a while,” Miku explained. “Marianne had said that we should wait until we defeat the Boiling Lizard, before we head into the next land. But as you know...we never got that chance.”
“We’re a lot more observant than you think,” Lis scoffed upon seeing Havardr’s shocked expression. “Miku knew you weren’t shaking from dehydration and I knew you weren’t getting sick again. But you can’t exactly say, ‘Hey, I think he’s having withdrawals,’ when the person in question is right beside you.”
Miku lifted Havardr’s face up to meet her own and gave him a stern look. “Havardr, I want you to be completely honest with me,” she said calmly, pushing a twinge of fear back in her throat. “How long had you stopped drinking when we reached Logre in the Echoing Library?”
Havardr looked down, lost in thought, before looking back up at Miku. “The night before… I knew I had to be sober when we faced Logre. Same with when we escorted the Count to his meeting. I knew that I couldn’t lose control…”
“We reached Logre...when, about noon?” Marianne mused. “We checked in at ten P.M. the previous night…”
“That would be fourteen hours, then,” Miku said. “He did seem a bit confused, though hallucinations had not begun yet. However, I do fear that he could progress into delirium tremens should his withdrawals go on long enough. And if he is not treated properly during that time, he could die.”
Miku paused and frowned. The room was deadly silent; not even the sound of breathing could be heard.
“With that in mind… I would recommend checking him into the hospital’s inpatient facilities. They have the proper medicines with which to treat him. And they can handle him if he has seizures or becomes violent due to hallucinations. I can only pray that it does not come to that...that his condition begins to improve after two days…”
“So two days is the point where he can become better or...get whatever that is that you said?” Marianne asked.
“Correct. It is the ‘make-or-break’ point, if you will. And then, once his withdrawals start to ease off, we can help him with his other issues. But until he is no longer using alcohol as a coping mechanism, there is not much that we can do for him.”
Marianne and Logre each grabbed one of Havardr’s arms and lifted him off of the bed.
“We’re going to help you,” Marianne said calmly, putting a hand on Havardr’s lower back.
“Please, let us help you,” Logre pleaded.
Havardr stared down at the ground, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “Is there even any hope for me…?” he mumbled almost silently.
“Hmm?”
Havardr looked up at Logre. “I said… Is there even any hope for me…?”
Logre smiled his familiar, lazy grin. “If there’s hope for a sinner like me, then I think we can help you,” he replied. Havardr chuckled.
“I…”
The Landsknecht’s voice cracked.
“Maybe you can help me… We can at least try…”
The four people surrounding him broke out into relieved grins. Marianne turned to Lis.
“Lis, while the rest of us head to the hospital, you clean up Havardr’s desk… And go downstairs and tell Mia that Havardr is in the hospital…”
Marianne laughed darkly.
“I don’t think she’ll like it, but it looks like Logre’s going to be fighting with us for a while.”
Lis nodded and walked over to the desk as the others headed out the door and into the hall. As the door closed behind them, Lis could have sworn that he saw Havardr grab Logre’s hand.
~~~~~
OH FUCK. OH SHIT. Did Miles do his research? Hell yeah, he did!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_withdrawal_syndrome#Progression
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delirium_tremens
So… Yeah… Uh… This got really heavy… My apologies… I’m not entirely sure what to say, other than, wow, I really delved into Havardr’s issues here.
I do actually plan on emulating this in-game, if you were wondering (probably not), by replacing Havardr with Logre for a few in-game days… Perhaps 2-4? I suppose it depends on how caught up I get in exploring the Forgotten Capital. Just like I plan on emulating Havardr (Edge)’s illness by using a guest Bushi (New Game+) on B2F of the Golden Lair. I mean, I hacked my game to give the boy the right portrait, so the least I can do is replicate the times where he’s incapacitated...
#etrian odyssey#etrian odyssey iv#fanfiction#eo#eoiv#guild muninn#outland count#logre#whirlwind#tw suicide mention#tw alcoholism mention
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Dating Diaries - Chapter 6 - Boomerang
Inspired by real events, Emi enters the dating world after her long term relationship ends. Determined to move forward, she starts dating and quickly finds herself in over her head.
In case you missed it, here are the previous chapters:
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5
On Wednesday, three days after my awkward encounter with Makoto and my Dear Kazu letter, I received a TalkTime message seemingly out of the blue.
“Hey hey. How’s your week going?”
I must have stared at the message and its sender for a good five minutes before I fully processed that perhaps things were not as “done” with Makoto as I’d thought. I felt confused to say the least considering where we’d left things and the fact he’d gone from texting me everyday to radio silence after his typo ridden message.
Below the texts from Mako were two from Kazumi (who had yet to reply to my email as promised). Seeing as how he hadn’t said anything of substance, I’d stayed strong and left his messages “read” but unanswered.
To be honest, it was difficult not having that person to interact with everyday who acted as a boyfriend proxy of sorts, but I knew it was for the best.
Sitting in that silence as a single person had proven to be difficult. I missed the attention and the accessibility to a friend that being in a relationship provided, but I did my best to start thinking about a night alone as an opportunity to do something fun or get something accomplished that would make me feel better.
The first night I’d cleaned out my closet which was a not-so-sexy task on my to-do list that had been there for months. The second night I’d rented a few girly movies I’d missed in the theaters and got really yummy takeout. The third night I finally finished the novel I was reading on and off for the past month.
I began to notice that as time went on, sitting with silence began to get easier, and even though it hadn’t been that long upon seeing that text I suddenly felt shaken out of my newly “single and free” headspace and thrust back into utter confusion.
Mentally determining that both of these relationships were over had caused me to shift gears and accept my “singleness” in a way that I hadn’t been able to do before. I was not only prepared for nights of total solitude, but more importantly had actually planned a week for myself around it with that as a theme of sorts. I’d planned to play some otome games, reconnect with a few friends, and really give my apartment a good scrub down.
I also realized that until I was really single and free, I wouldn’t be able to properly heal and learn what it meant to be selfish for me.
Makoto’s text hung in limbo for a bit, until I determined that I wasn’t ready to fully close the door on him (or at least wanted closure if he was going to send a “breakup” text). I waited until I was finished with work, and sitting on the subway with nothing better to do on my commute home I drafted a few responses until I finally replied with, “Hey - it’s good. Busy! How have you been?”
I sat there, the signal on my phone going in and out as the train hurtled between stations, holding my breath as I waited for what I assumed would be an obligatory, “Sorry I’ve been out of touch...after doing some thinking I don’t think we’re right together” type of follow up.
Fifteen minutes later, three stations away from my stop, the phone chimed.
Same :) when do i get to see you again?
I was so stunned, that despite being in public my inner phono-semantic monologue of “Uooh-eh?” tumbled from lips louder than I would have liked on such a crowded train. The woman sitting next to me glanced over at my phone, then me, and shot me a knowing and sympathetic look which indicated she’d experienced hew own fair share of confusion at the hands of the men she was dating.
Taking the lessons I’d learned during my three days of being completely “single” I did not want to prioritize Makoto above myself, or plans I’d already made with friends. My singlesness had inspired me to schedule things up until Sunday night, so I figured I’d offer up that free block time and see what happened.
Hmmm...maybe Sunday? This week is kind of jam packed with friends and work.
My friend Ayoto is having a small holiday party that night. You could come if you’d like? Or if you’re free Friday, someone I know is having a show at a gallery of his photos and it should be casual and fun. I thought we could swing by.
What time Friday? I’m supposed to meet my friend for dinner and to be honest I’d feel a little weird crashing your friend’s intimate holiday party.
It’s 7 - 11 on Friday.
Yuri and I had made plans to meet around 6:30 for dinner that day.
I figured that usually took 2 hours at most, which meant I could head over after and meet Makoto. Not wanting to be rude, I sent Yuri a text and asked her if that could work and if she might want to join me at the gallery, seeing as how it seemed like an open event.
If I was going to meet some acquaintances of Mako’s who would no doubt size me up, I figured I might as well see if she’d be interested in scoping him out for me.
Naturally Yuri agreed, and as my train pulled into my station I toggled back to reply to Makoto.
That can work so long as we meet around 8:30 when Yuri and I are done with dinner.
Cool...Yuri. You’re not planning to bring a handsome Russian man to this are you?
LOL no, Yuri is a pretty Japanese lady but I can see if she wants to join me. Is that ok?
Haha. Yeah. I’m just glad you’re not having dinner with another guy before our date.
My eyebrow twitched with irritation as I entered my apartment.
There it was again.
The insecurity and jealousy from Makoto that had caused him to be weird in the first place. I took a screen shot of the message and sent it to Yuri, letting her know that I wanted her to join me because I needed her assessment of him ASAP.
And with my Friday plans in place, I put my phone away and enjoyed another night of being fully single.
I continued to ignore Kazumi until Thursday evening when he sent me the saddest text I’ve ever gotten from a grown man.
I was in the middle of painting my nails and watching Terrace House when his message came in.
Sunshine...I feel awful that you’re avoiding me...and that you’ve stopped liking me :(
I knew Kazumi well enough to know that he was genuinely affected by my silence. I also knew him well enough to know that he was dodging everything I’d brought up in my email.
It’s a funny thing how men are sometimes selective about when they’re “good” at communication. In the past, I’ve wanted more from Kazu but accepted what he was capable of.
Yet, now that I held some power he was suddenly around and ready to engage with me in a way he’d previously claimed to be incapable. This fact was not lost on me, though it annoyed me greatly. With that said, I still liked him but I had to wonder if I was beginning to like him a little less these days.
I haven’t stopped liking you. But I gave you my thoughts in an email and you haven’t said anything I can respond to.
I know...I’ve read your email so many times but I just don’t know how to reply to something so beautiful and sad.
Sunshine...please don’t stop liking me.
Kazu...I like you so much but I don’t want to compromise my heart or allow myself to be hurt. I had to be honest with where I’m at. You don’t have to reply. As time goes on, I just know this is going to be harder and so I’d prefer to say goodbye now and have these nice memories.
Sunshine, no - that’s too sad. Please. I like you so much and this whole week I’ve felt awful, deep in my heart. I feel sick at the thought of losing you.
It makes me happy that my feelings are not one-sided, but I just...I struggle with you because I really think I need to be on my own but at the same time I want to be with you.
And I start to get attached and feel weird and jealous and I don’t like that. It’s hard to focus. I just think it would be easier to walk away now.
Emi...logically you’re right but why not just give this some time? Can’t we just keep talking, seeing each other, and see how we feel?
I have not felt this way about anyone since the girl I told you about. The one that really broke my heart. I haven’t felt this kind of “like” in many, many, many years. I will do whatever I can to make you understand that.
You say that you are not ready for a relationship and to be honest, I am not ready for one either. I am willing to think about what you said and potentially start one with you but I don’t think that’s what you want?
No. It’s not. I’m not ready.
So what do you want?
I don’t know.
When you do know, tell me and we can figure it out. But please, don’t run away.
You are very special and lovely and I like being with you. Losing you these past few days was incredibly painful which was a sign for me. You fill something in me, and I want to have you in my life as long as you’ll have me.
Thanks for this Kazu. I have to go though. I’ll think about what you said, and what I want.
Ok Sunshine. I’ve gotta try and meet Kotoko’s deadline for some pages. She’s been killin’ me lately - between the tour and the new book schedule I’ve been so stressed. You running away was almost the final nail in my coffin!
Haha you’re so dramatic. Good luck with your work. I’ll always root for you no matter what happens with us.
I wish I could kiss you.
hahaha Kazu why are you always shirtless when you send me selfies???
Because I always work in my underwear.
You’re such a weirdo lol good luck with your writing
Send me a picture when you can. I miss your beautiful face. I miss you.
I couldn’t help but smile.
Kazumi knew exactly the right combination of weird, sweet, charming, and fun that could make my heart flutter a little. Hearing how much he liked me and that he wasn’t prepared to give up after I pushed him away made me want to keep him in my life for a bit longer.
Yes, he had disappointed me to a degree but no one was perfect and to his defense, I really didn’t know what I wanted from him.
It would have been simple if all I wanted was for him to be my boyfriend but in the time we spent apart, I’d started to think about what that would look like exactly. We wouldn’t be in the same city, and even if we were one day, he would constantly be on the road for his work.
While was charming and fun, he also was incredibly damaged emotionally from his past - both losing his parents at an early age and having a bad relationship that scarred him deeply. He had a hard time staying still which is why his nomadic life suited him to a degree, and in many ways talk of the future stressed him out.
It struck me as ironic that all the things that made him so irresistible to me also made him terrible as a boyfriend. His spontaneity made him great in the moment, but terrible long term. His trauma made him fascinating but also incredibly difficult to handle emotionally.
At the end of the day, the more I’d thought about it, the more I’d determined that Kazumi Kagami as amazing as he was could never be the kind of boyfriend or husband I wanted...
...but I didn’t want to say goodbye either, which is why this was so hard.
As I wrestled with what I should or should not do, I heard that voice telling me it was ok to be selfish, and so I did nothing.
I turned my phone off and I went back to painting my nails and watching Terrace House.
On Friday, Yuri met me at our go-to dinner spot and after going a little crazy with our order of beers, fried chicken, and ramen all talk quickly turned to my love life.
Yuri knew how stressed out I’d been throughout the week, juggling Kazumi and Makoto, then catching the feels for Kazumi before finally deciding to let him go. Being the good friend she was, she’d indulged me more than she needed to and I was grateful that she seemed excited about the notion of getting to meet one of the contestants in my faux reality show - Emi’s Next Top Boyfriend.
“I’m not going to lie,” she said after slurping down a bunch of noodles, “I’m pretty excited to size this Mako character up.”
“Good because I need help. I thought this was over and then all of a sudden he’s back and I just have no idea of where he’s at or what he’s thinking.”
“Do you know if his friends are going to be there?”
“I don’t and to be honest, I didn’t really think we were there...the whole...meeting the friends.”
“I guess you’ll find out when we get there.”
“Yeah, and I know you just thrive at these kinds of things.”
Yuri flashed me a confident smile before snagging a piece of fried chicken.
“I thrive at any event with free wine.”
Even though she was just joking, Yuri had a knack for these types of social situations. She was one of those people who had the ability to roll into a party where she didn’t know anyone and had no reservations mingling until she’d made a few new friends.
Whereas this kind of event stressed me out, I knew that I would be able to not only hang out with her and Makoto, but that I could leave her and go off with him and not have to worry about how she was doing. Seeing as how Yuri was such a delight at these events, I had no doubt that her presence would only make me look better to Makoto.
Tonight he would see that not only am I a total catch, but that the people I consider friends are cool, pretty, sociable, smart, and fun. On top of that I felt incredibly relieved to finally enter into one of these situations with a friend. In so many ways dating was uncharted territory and I was excited to finally have a wing-woman who could offer a second opinion.
My phone let out a chime, and Kazumi’s name flashed on the screen.
“Oh no...I thought that was over?”
“Not exactly...”
“How did he worm his way back into your good graces this time?”
I let out a sigh.
I knew that Yuri was not a fan of Kazumi’s. It made sense, considering the story I told her which was not entirely fair to him. It also made sense based on the fact that he was a difficult man, and as my friend she wanted to shield me from the “fucboi bullshit” he brought into my life from time to time.
With that said, there was nuance to our relationship which wasn’t easily explained over text. I figured that seeing as how I wasn’t quite ready to let Kazumi go, I might as well give Yuri the full story.
“It’s a little more complicated than I’ve been making it I guess,” I said, as I struggled to explain the fact that I didn’t fully understand what I wanted from him.
I filled her in on the fact that while I had started to really fall for Kazumi, I knew that he was not boyfriend material. After Shizuo, I didn’t want to waste my time trying to make the wrong man right, but it was hard when I had such strong feelings for someone I knew I had the potential to love in a way that I might not be able to love Makoto.
As I broke down all my problems with him, Yuri softened a bit as she understood that Kazu was not simply some Casanova who was manipulating my emotions but that I was aware of what was happening and confused as to how I wanted him in my life.
“Damn girl,” she finally said. “I mean...I still don’t care for the things he pulls with you, but I’m glad to hear that there’s been more to this.”
“Yeah.”
“So what have you decided to do?”
“Be selfish...and do nothing for now.”
“Mmm.”
A comfortable silence passed between us, the table littered with the remnants of our dinner. Our waitress returned with our check, and after throwing down some money Yuri lit up and nudged me playfully.
“Well...time to scope this guy out! Shall we?”
The gallery was pretty crowded, and we pushed our way through the crowd as I looked for Makoto. Seeing as how he was tall I figured I’d be able to spot him fairly easily and sure enough I saw him towards the back with a group of people.
“Yuri - that’s him. Over there...”
“The blonde guy?”
“Girl no...you know I don’t like blondes. The tall one. With the plaid shirt...who just saw me and...hi.”
I responded to Makoto’s awkward wave with one of my own and approached him with Yuri in tow.
“Hey! How’s it going?” he asked all smiles.
Truthfully, he looked cuter than I’d remembered him being. He was wearing a nicer shirt for the occasion, and he reached out to give me one of those familiar side-hug things that people do.
“Hi,” I said, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious as I looked over at the circle of friends Makoto had stepped out of to greet us. They were also tall and handsome for the most part, and I recognized two of them as Ayato Hidaka (the actor) and Takamune Kitame (the soccer star).
“You must be Yuri - I’m Makoto,” he said effortlessly, still wearing that same warm smile of his.
“Nice to meet you!” Yuri exclaimed, giving him no indication that the sizing up process had begun.
“Sorry, sorry. I’m bad with introductions,” I said feigning bashfulness.
Makoto and Yuri exchanged a few pleasantries, and after a few additional introductions where Yuri and I met his friends, he encouraged us to go get a glass of complimentary wine from the open bar.
Yuri waited until we were finally out of earshot on our way to the bar before giving me her first impression of Makoto.
“He seems very nice, and I get the vibe he likes you quite a bit.”
“You think? He’s always changing the pictures on the app though...”
“Yeah but like, that doesn’t mean much. I mean...look at him. He keeps glancing over and smiling at you.”
“I don’t know...”
“Well, I will continue to observe but that’s what my gut is saying at the moment.”
“He’s cute right? I forgot how cute he was...”
Yuri laughed at me in a way that only a good friend can. It was a laugh that told me I never change, and a laugh that made it obvious she was rooting for my happiness.
I drank too much free wine that night.
The good news was that I felt as if I was being my usual, charming self and did not come off as a drunken mess to his friends. If anything, Makoto was the one who seemed a bit sloppy and nervous as he actually spilled a bunch of his wine while chatting with me and Yuri.
I teased him about being a disruptive drunk and he abashedly got a refill, returning to the circle of his friends instead of where Yuri and I were standing until his embarrassment waned.
It was a funny thing, seeing him again after having convinced myself that we were totally over. To be honest, the more wine I drank the more I wanted to touch him - covertly taking his hand in mine or grabbing onto his sleeve when we went to get a drink together (and left Yuri behind with his friends).
I came to learn that his brother was the photographer behind the opening, but thanksfully didn’t have the pressure of meeting the family so soon as Riku spent most of the night speaking to agents and potential clients.
Overall, the night was pleasant and before I knew it Yuri was giving me her final assessment as Makoto made the rounds and said goodbye while we got our coats (and his) from coat check.
“He definitely likes you a lot.”
“But...”
“You’re on the apps too...I don’t know. Based on what I saw he seems pretty smitten.”
I paused, slightly concerned that if I believed Yuri I might get my hopes up prematurely.
“He’s cute right?”
“Yes...you said that already,” she said with a chuckle, “but I think he might be a little boring for you. I know I’d probably get bored with him.”
I knew Yuri well enough to know what she was saying, even though her comment at face value seemed harsh.
She and I were cut from the same cloth to a degree when it came to the men we liked, and even though our steady boyfriends tended to be nice guys who were head over heels for us, realistically we gravitated towards men who were far more complicated and interesting.
It was precisely why I liked Kazumi more despite all his messiness - he was many things, but he was never boring.
Everything I’d been holding myself back from doing came forth the second we were in the cab, and after giving the driver my address I essentially threw myself at Makoto. It had been some time as a grown woman that I’d made out in the backseat of a cab but I couldn’t stop myself from doing so. Kissing Makoto was fine, but it just didn’t have the same kind of fire I had with Kazumi. I found myself getting a bit frustrated, teasing him almost as if to challenge him to step it up a bit and ultimately found myself interrupted by the cab driver who politely let me know that we had arrived.
Back in my apartment the momentum died down a bit, and I found myself talking to Makoto about what he’d been up to as well as the fact that he’d really liked Yuri. He suggested setting her up with his friend Taka (who we’d met), and the four of us having a double date to which I found myself nowhere near ready for that.
I didn’t know how he felt about me and worse, I didn’t know how I was feeling about him. On paper everything was so perfect but I still just felt that there was something missing in our sexual chemistry.
Nevertheless, that didn’t stop me from going to bed with him (in the name of science) and after what I would describe as a 7/10 experience found myself lying on his chest as we continued our conversation before I’d attempted to derail my merging of worlds prematurely via seduction.
"I’m really glad I got to see you again,” he said softly as he stroked my hair. “It felt like a long time...”
“I know, but it was really only 5 days.”
“Such a long time,” he joked.
“I mean, it is considering before that I think 3 days was the longest.”
“I haven’t gone on any other dates.”
“That’s not my business Makoto. I already told you, you can if you want.”
“I know, but I’m so busy lately and then when I have free time I was hoping to see you.”
“Ugh. I always forget how cute you are.”
“That’s not fair. I don’t forget how pretty you are...”
I could feel how soft and loving my gaze was on him in that moment, and he smiled before he pulled me towards him. In that moment his kiss was soft and loving, and when I pulled back he asked, “Wednesday?”
“Hmmm?”
“Can I see you on Wednesday? Five days was too long.”
“Ok. Wednesday.”
He kissed me again and then got dressed. I probably should have offered my bed overnight, but I just wasn’t there with him for some reason. I knew if he stayed I’d get no sleep and so we did what we’d done before, except this time I had no doubt that I’d see him again.
In my skimpy pajamas I walked a fully dressed Makoto to my front door where he playfully grabbed my butt and kissed me a few more times before leaving.
As I closed the door, I thought about the fact that I was lucky.
Even if Makoto wasn’t “the one”, I was still lucky that this was the kind of person I’d met. For years my single friends told me what dating was like on these apps. Their experiences in many ways influenced my own expectations insofar as what I assumed this would be.
I had assumed with both Kazumi and Makoto that they would ghost after two or three dates (or perhaps after sleeping with me). I constantly assumed that these fragile, new relationships were teetering on the edge of being over. I waited for the texts that my friends showed me - the ones in which the man takes the high road and expresses the fact that while he had fun, he doesn’t see a future together.
With Kazumi I had assumed my letter would be the end of it. I had assumed that he would express that my role in his life was nothing more than a fling versus anything to fight for (be it friendship or more). This week I had learned that for Kazumi I was more than just a fling. He might not care about me enough to put in the work to dig through his feelings and answer my email, but he cared enough to do what he was capable of in this moment in time.
He cared enough to fight a little bit...and seeing as how I didn’t know what the hell I wanted, I was at least happy to know that the strong feelings I had towards him were not completely one sided.
And then there was Makoto.
I’ll never understand what happened that night that caused him to pull back and change his pictures, but being with him in person confirmed that he was the cinnamon roll I remembered. Yuri’s read on him meant something to me, because when I was with him I felt that he really liked me.
Now that we had plans for Wednesday, it felt like it did when we first met. It felt like he wanted to keep our momentum going and not let me go.
I was very lucky.
I felt very loved...or at least, very liked.
As I got ready for bed, I thought about what it meant to be selfish right now. Perhaps it meant continuing to see a man who I wasn’t sold on in addition to one who wasn’t right.
Maybe it was just about letting these things play out, and realizing that I had a say in the matter.
I didn’t have to wait around and wonder if they’d ghost or not. I got to say what I wanted, how I wanted it, and create my own rules for myself out of that.
My eyelids grew heavy, and I decided that tomorrow first thing I would wake up and spend my Saturday morning coming up with my own Terms & Conditions for dating.
Because at least then, I’d have a roadmap and it would be completely my own.
Continue to Chapter 7
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#my last first kiss fanfic#my last first kiss#makoto morimachi#liar! uncover the truth fanfic#voltage fanfic#Voltage fan fiction#voltage fan#voltage fandom#Kazumi Kagami#liar! uncover the truth
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LOVE YOU, MR. PILOT
This one goes out to @deztinywarriors
Pairings: Jake x mc (Kaira)
Plot: Kaira was tired of constantly being teased by her twin brother, Abel, when it came to her love life. Now that he could tell that his sister had eyes for Jake, he wasnt about to let her live it down.
Warnings: fluff, teasing, classic sibling taunting, daydreaming (I dont know if half of those things qualify as warnings, but there you go.)
ATTENTION: I highly recommend listening to Nat King Cole's "(I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons" while reading this fic. That is all. 😘
------
"Don't try and deny it, sis. I see the heart eyes bug out anytime he is near you."
"Oh? Like yours do when you see Estela?"
Your twin brother narrowed his eyes at you, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. His gaze shifted to where Estela was sitting, off in a corner by herself, furiously flipping pages of some folders she had found. He turned his eyes back to you and pursed his lips.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
You scowled at your brother and then rolled your eyes at him before pushing passed him. You were in no mood for his attitude and ridicule, so now was the time to find somewhere to be alone. You wandered around the Celestial, finding someone in nearly every place you looked in. From the kitchen, the spa, the vip lounge, to even the wine cellar. One of your friends was in there, no matter where you went. It wasnt until you came upon the Ladie's Lounge that you were able to find some peace.
This was the first time you had actually stepped foot within this room, only knowing of its' exisitance thru Michelle's excited discovery of it a week ago. She went on and on about how this place was a perfect get away for girls, complete with access to the spa. You made your way around the lounge, surveying every thing it had to offer when your eyes caught sight of a small book, lying open upon the table as if it had recently been read. The layer of dust upon the pages suggested otherwise.
You moved over to the book and picked it up carefully, blowing off the top layer of dust and then brushed the remainder off. Your eyes fall upon the top of one of the pages and you discover that this is a book of poems. Intrigued, you turn the book over to view the cover and you confirm that it was infact a book of poems, love poems. The page that the book was opened up to had a poem entited "Love You, Mr. Pilot" and you were fooling yourself if you said your thoughts didnt rush to focus on him. On Jake McKenzie.
Your eyes slowly skimmed across the words, at how the words of love flowed like that of a gentle stream.
'Do you search for me in the clouds
Am I always in your thoughts
Always desiring to be here with me
Do I have your heart
Or is part of it still soaring up there'
Continuing to read on, you absent mindedly sunk down into the cushions of the sofa, bringing one of your legs underneath you.
'Being stranded on this land
Without you by my side
Makes me feel so incomplete
Do you feel the same
Or are you enjoying the flight'
As you read these words, you couldnt help but bite your bottom lip. It were as if this poem was made for you, as if it knew the deepest feelings of your heart. Having spent so much time with him, you knew that you were quickly, inevitably, falling head over heels in love with Jake. With your pilot.
Your attention is somewhat drawn away from the book in your hands, when you hear your friends' laughter echo down the hall. From the sound of it, they were all in the atrium once again, most likely having a small celebration of some kind. No doubt, Zahra and Craig had found some more booze stashed within the hotels' many secret rooms. You felt a pang of guilt, that you ought to go out there and join them, join your twin brother, but the feelings this poem were making you feel kept you rooted where you sat.
'Will you forever be lost to me
Up there in the heavens
Or will you stop running
Enough to feel and cherish
My neverending love'
Your heart began to bang against your chest, the words you read speaking volumes to you. You were completely unaware of someone standing in the doorway, their eyes trained on you and unwavering. It wasnt until they cleared their throat that you jumped and turned, wide eyed, toward the doorway. You were expecting to find your brother there, for him to find another reason to taunt you further. When your eyes met the pair of ocean blues that constantly plagued your thoughts and dreams, you felt your heart skip a beat.
"Jake..."
You breathed as you quickly moved the book to the table in front of you and cleared your throat.
"What are you doing here? Everyone sounds like they're having a lot of fun, which most likely involves liqour of some sort?"
You said with a small smirk as you tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, watching as he then began to move toward you.
"Eh, not really in a party kinda mood."
You said with a small smirk as you tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, watching as he then began to move toward you. Jake kept his eyes glued to yours as he walked over, but then his eyes caught sight of something and his eyes lit up.
"Man, I havent seen one of these in awhile. My mom has one, it belonged to my granddad. Can't tell you how many times I've had to try and fix it for her."
He said with a sigh as he walked over to an old phonograph record player, the horn where the music played through was a beautiful rose gold. How was it that you were just now noticing this? It was clearly an antique. Jake ran his fingers over it softly before he then picked up the record and blew the dust off and read the title. A smile came to his lips and he set it back down, turning the machine on and gently dropped the needle down. His eyes moved to yours as the song began to play.
Nat King Cole. '(I love you) For Sentimental Reasons'.
A classic to compare to the phonograph and this room itself. The music was soft and comforting, it transported you back in time, when this song would have been at the top of the charts. You closed your eyes a moment, breathing in a content sigh. When you opened them you found Jake's hand outstretched toward you as you sat upon the couch. Your eyes glided along his arm and up to his face, he was giving you a sincere smile, instead of his characteristic smirk.
"Will you dance with me, Kaira?"
You stared at him silently, incapable of forming words. To give your answer, you reached up and slid your hand into his and his smile grew as he then slowly pulled you to your feet and into his arms. He moved you to the middle of the room and then wrapped one arm around your waist as the other held your hand and lead you around the floor in a slow flow of steps that moved in time with the music.
As the two of you dance slowly, your bodies just inches apart, Jake glances over at the open book upon the table.
"So whatcha readin?"
"A book of love poems, actually."
Jake smirked, giving a slight snort and then raised his eyebrow at you slightly.
"Was there one that stood out most? Made your heart flutter and all that?"
You lock your gaze with his and give a sly smile. Normally you would do all you could to avoid admitting you had feelings for him. But reading that poem gave you the courage to face your fear, so why not give him a hint? After all, who knew how much time you had left together on this island?
"Just one. It was titled, 'Love You, Mr. Pilot.'"
Jake's gaze had been on the book for a moment, but at your words he turned them to you and stared, his mouth slightly agape. As you were pressed against him slightly, you could feel his heart beat pick up its pace. Jake swallowed, his eyes gazing down into yours, as if searching for something.
"Any particular reason for that?"
He finally said, his voice softer than before as your dance began to slow and his arm around your waist began to press you more against him slowly. You knew that being pressed against his chest now, he was able to feel your heart racing as well.
"Take a wild guess, Top Gun."
The two of you had stopped dancing now, maybe even without realizing it. Jake's hands were pulling you closer and his eyes were gazing at your lips as he began to slowly lean in. Just as your lips began to brush against each other, someone's voice behind you caused you both to freeze.
"Ah-HA! I knew it!"
It was Abel. It was quiet for a moment and then you both glanced at each other, your faces still close as you spoke in unison, evident annoyance in your voices.
"Get. Out."
Abel stared and then cleared his throat as he began to shut the door.
"Uh...I think, uh...yeah Diego's calling me, um yeah. Ah...sorry.
He quickly shut the door and you could hear his hurried footsteps as he did his best to get away from any form of sisterly vengeance you might throw at him. You and Jake stood there, still holding each other close as the song continued its tune. Soon your lips finally made contact, your dance slowly beginning to pick up again.
-Voilà!
(I hope this was up to par with what you were requesting, @deztinywarriors ?
The poem belongs to no one really, I just made up what I thought sounded nice?)
TAGS: @mynameisntdaisy @jakenji-stan @jakexmc @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @endless-jake @fairydustandsarcasm @princessmckenzie @itsagoodluckkiss Sorry if I forgot to tag someone!
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2. THRONVS
"This is something far greater. The question is, do I need to elaborate, or will I be understood?"
A vast creature, enchained in a frail body, walked betwixt the unkempt and solemn parts within his mind. Unknowing of his resounding footsteps, he kept walking step by step ignorantly and imagined himself standing in a field of rouge roses, what a normal life would be like and finally inhaled, like it was his last, dying breath he was going to take. However, rather than dying, he was yet walking on a stairway, exhaled and watched with his reopened eyes how the walls next to him lethargically came together, touched and shaped anew.
-"Beautiful.", Leo thought to himself. Albeit he did not describe the mutation of the military facility, but rather the pain he needed to endure in exchange to enforce his Will to make that reshaping reality. Those three long scars running down his back were marks of his past, engraved whilst abusing his innocence and body against his will. To think a victim alike himself would, in return, abuse painful memories and traumata to lessen his current pain, would paint a bizarre picture but it was exactly that and nothing else, which made him so fearsome. His carefree persona was the result of various confined self-harmful thoughts which would eventually lead to his death when executed or so desired. The pain had grown weaker, it became number during the climb to the top but one could see it in his eyes still. The sweet tone of magenta filled those petite, hueless gems which were, from time to time, cut in by long strands of brunette hair, slightly seeming to jump upward before returning down only to replicate the very same motion over and over as Leo was making his way up, towards the fourth floor. His appearance had changed since he was not involved in battle anymore and thus he wore a black one-shoulder top matched with his black pants around which a cocoa brown rope entwined his narrow waist and kept the pants from falling, blanketed by a dark coat. Leo always carried a thought-provoking look, yet the slurs he had been called with ment but naught to him.
-"Ah. Kate was right, after all.", he said to himself, yet as if talking to someone else. His caved knee expanded again, once the open wound on his left palm leaked enough blood for Leo to shape a cane out of it, pushing him up and returning him to stance worthy of his seventeen years of age. He closed the wound and moved on. Controlling his blood was something he had learned and made use of a great quantity of times, since his liberation from a place he would be thankful for to simply forget about but his mind wouldn't allow him to. And so he walked, three-legged and cut, thence leaving behind trace of dark-red dots which were soon to be accompanied by tears.
-"Anyway, I'm sure you're still keen enough to listen to the main part of my story, Mr. Atrox."
-"Mr. Renwick, I-", he stopped in mid-sentence to admire that childish look of his interlocutor. It carried arrogance and ignorance, it was provoking, it was...
-"Mr. Atrox? Is something the matter?"
..cruel.
As the late ground floor revealed itself to manifest into an elevator which kept aspiring to reach the top, the main concern had shifted to your soldiers, for we were not the only ones getting a lift.
Apart from the screeching walls, the dancing sound of bullets was filling the air as soon as the soldiers had taken aim and started their fire. They shot down a fair amount of third-parties and the ones who were still alive had either fallen into a frenzy or-
-"Mr. Blackwood!" -"Ray! What's the plan?!"
His mind was being filled. Noise. Cries for help. The sound of battle. The visual information he couldn't understand in Londinium was ruthlessly thrown back at him by fate, in a situation, now far too familiar and that very difference was precisely what made him act accordingly. In an instant he forced thin air to become fire and made an orbital wall around his team with those protective flames. They scored security in a warfare and cold betrayal for Bruce. Walter, although bearing strong Will, it was creeping onto his limit slowly and so he did away with their security. At last, Walter was beginning to feel alive again, after destroying his unfaithful façade and throwing Bruce on the wall of fire, he unmasked himself and quickly hid behind a small chunk to recover his lost stamina. Was he seen? Had anyone noticed anything? He did not know, being left in uncertainty and unnerving suspense he prepared for his misdeed. His ears caught the sound of flying bits of fire which were directed at anyone who dared to come near the Blackwoods and sadly, there were no few. Walter was perhaps the first to notice how all of them were trapped in a loop. As the elevator steadily climbed heavenward with rising speed it would never reach its goal, for by now they must have crashed into the ceiling and suffered maybe even more than a few cracks and broken bones but nonetheless here they were, or rather what was left of them.
"Oh, our little devil is having fun, eh?"
Walter crunched his teeth with embitterment but slowly stood up as to waking up from a dream which had been going on far too long. His movement were numbed by a curious pair of greens. Their eyes met and Walter became not only aware of his only choice but too that it had to be done right now or else he would be burned alike Bruce. So he clapped his hands and stepped backwards because of the massive recoil it had created and gathered everyone's attention along with it. Ray Blackwood ran, he ran toward the portal-look-alike that formed afor Walter. Would Ray be asked what exactly motivated him to start running, he were to give no answer. His actions, right now, were purely based on instinct and his gang knew this and so they knew he'd come back for them and until then they will survive, no matter the cost. The bullet hell was given new ammunition, three fronts so close to each other yet so far away in understanding, they shot. Walter cared more for his mission than he did for Ray and so willingly stepped into the nothingness that had appeared, followed by Ray who took one last look at his friends before dissolving and leaving materialization. Such an eerie realization. Having just started daring to take a breath in this dimension, Ray's green eyes were about to bear witness yet again to the unfathomable. The short, comforting stud, when connected with the floor again, would be met with disharmony as Ray eyed the figure of Leo standing next to him. His head hurt, lit cigarettes being pushed onto his skin, twisted and turned until dead. The sound of lapping water arose as Walter stepped into puddles of his own blood- the price for the teleportation- hastily he leaped forward into the last safe room, Daniel's office, since he knew that it would have come:
-"Daniel!", Lizzy let out a terrific scream to which Daniel responded with a quick turn to face Walter. Cherrywine's chin dropped, leaving his mouth half opened in astonishment, utterly having to face acknowledgement.
-"I knew you'd come..", he whispered half-heartedly.
-"Good for you-", Walter's chains leapt out like hissing snakes, then wrapping around Daniel's throat, strangling the man in the suit.
-"Oh dear God, Daniel!", Lizzy cried aloud.
-"I'm sorry, love. God won't help us tonight because of our Devil here..", his stubbles around the edges of his mouth were slightly rising, "I'm almost complete again."
"Get out!"
Charles was standing there. Freed by Leo and now yelling at him and Ray as a father figure who wanted nothing but to protect his children from any harm. They were behind him and Charles knew Walter needed to kill Daniel for him to regain access to his full potential for he'd been split once into two seperate human beings. Sparks ignited in both of Charles' hands which acted as a warning sign since the office was about to be inflamed with a huge conflagration. Leo quickly pulled Ray under his dark coat and made it as fireproof as he could, just when he had heard the first frame of the blaze, albeit it did not come from within the building but outside. Multiple catapults had been deployed and were now firing at the military fascility.
-"Right after the first crash into the office and the collision with the firestorm everything turned black.", Walter took a sip in a calm manner. Atrox cautiously observed Walter, having fallen into his flurry, he couldn't help leaving his shaking hands unremarked.
-"What.. excacly had happened in this situation? I mean this is not an average- No- I mean-"
-"Why, let me explain, Mr. Atrox. The cost of my teleportation was far greater than I had envisioned and so, when I finally reached my destined place, blood-soaked, but yet clear in mind. Roseblood and Blackwood were both there, as well as Cherrywine and his late secretary and the only one I had lost memory of was Charles Blackwood... His firestorm combined with the Layla-Clan's catapults had caused the downfall of everything."
Once the crash happened, the root for Leo's rose was pulled harshly out of the soil and torn apart. The loop was erased and reality reverted back to its originality, reunified with logical inconvenience. The room broke but time kept moving and so, as a result, the elevating ground floor descended rapidly and the mere seconds fore collision were filled to the brim with shoutings, cries and laughs. Leigh's temporary whereabouts, the room Leo had created was, too, erased and she, along with countless corpses, were shifted to the ground floor, joining everybody else, the stairs Leo had climbed, leaving behind tracks of blood and tears, everything was disappearing at once and still, Ray held tightly onto Leo and Leo tightly onto Ray. The dark cloak fluttered as if panicking, dying to fly away from this hell, bidding goodbye and welcoming a new life- If such a dream were to achieve! The moment had come. All interior noise died down, as everybody was silenced, collectively, their gazes rose, through a scenery full of flying shreds of bullets, blood, tears, flames and burnt architecture, to the beautiful golden frames which encased large windows, welcoming the great burning sphere behind them, that had been lauched by stark catapults. A greeting and the end of a raid.
-"During the crash in that office, my skills insisted on getting me what I had wished for.", Walter rested his chin onto his hands. His view seemed blurred for a second or two. Atrox cleared his throat.
-"So that was it? Do you know nothing of the death of Lizzy? As I recall it, she was there, yes?"
-"Oh but I do, of course. How could I forget..", he scoffed.
-"Well then, please enlighten me, Mr. Renwick."
-"After killing Daniel Cherrywine, just before that crash I shifted my position with hers. I-"
-"You!"
-"I changed my death with hers so I could survive. A simple trick, really. Plus, I freed her of her lovesickness before she could ever have gotten it. Both are resting reunited, I'm sure."
-"She. Lizzy. She was my daughter.", a strong tear ran down Atrox' face as he kept staring at the unconcerned child. He started weeping, trying to force out a reaction from Walter but it was all for naught. He'd truly lost all three of his children and it hurt bitterly.
The collision had happened simultaneously with the smashing of the windows.
The front was peeled, thence a shockingly small group of people were running inside to the core, storming in and battling everyone whilst searching for their savable targets aside from their hunting bloodlust. Ray slowly got up but fell right onto his shaking knees again. As he pulled the blinding cloak off of his head, the audible situation was getting joined by incomprehensible visuals, while his hair regained its golden blonde colour due to illumination by moonlight. His pupils moved to one corner of his eyes and to the next, looking for his team but failing to do so. A nauseous smell was getting to his head, his body felt heavier and heavier, the frame he was able to see through was shrinking and the air didn't taste anything like it had before. His head shifted slighty to the left, as he was falling backwards. "Leo...?" With closed eyes, he listened to the remaining sounds crawling into his ears, telling them about a particular shot, piercing his tympanum and knocking him out of consciousness, seconds after last, big roses of flames were storming into all directions devoid of any seeking. Leo fell, too, down to the floor after being shot down. The Layla-Clan had made out the two boys and with them their targets. Their mission was to find and secure them and bring them to a peaceful place. As for Leigh, she was getting similiar treatment, however unlike the boys, she had another, singular savior.
-"Bruce!", Leigh futilely tried to break free from the pair of arms which were holding her back.
-"Fuck! Why?!", she exclaimed but her shouts weren't listened to. It felt like her voice was muted and that was frustrating to her, seeing her dead guardian lying on the floor, unable to comprehend, forced to watch and remain in ignorance. She wanted to close her eyes and fall, wake up from this bad dream.
-"This is not fair!!"
The moon shone brightly and arose everything's elegance with a dreamy shimmer.
The roses stopped withering and breathed in new life under cover of darkness.
Illumination welcomed all, even the shadows, to begin anew.
From root to bud to thorn and head.
They were alive.
-"Between the devil and the deep blue sea", whispered words told the wind.
Ray Blackwood was on the ground, on his back nearby a dock on a summer's eve, though not alone he felt a lonesome breeze touching his face. The sky still too bright to count stars so instead he sat up and glanced over to his left side where he found a pleasing view. Unharmed and on the brink of waking was Leo, resting. In a foreign moment such as this, an average person's mind had been filled with questions until the glass might have been overfilled, the water could have run down the glass and leave behind a mess, maybe a bigger one than just a mere puddle, a leak and grow into a sea to be admired by lots. The blonde was gazing however, a love drunken boy lost his logic and committed to his heart right away. Leo turned around.
-"Good morning.", he yawned, crawling out of the sleepiness one by one.
-"Good evening.", Ray responded with a shy smile, afore he held out his hand to help Leo sit up as well, "Tell me, was it worth it?".
-"What ?"
-"I'm.. talking about how you changed it, reality I mean. Are those memories I treasure all but naught?"
-"Albeit everything in this world is false, it doesn't mean your memories have to be too. I mean, it comes down to what you truly desire. If you want something, then go get it right?", Leo talked out loud.
His body wore scratches all over, thin, dried out lines formed stained patterns on his pale skin. The marks and wounds were still young, as the raid turned one day old.
-"Hey. Your arm.", Leo pointed with his index finger in a child-like manner.
-"Oh- This is.. kinda..", Ray's eyes examined the black, burnt skin, which coated the entire flesh of his left arm.
The blonde almost flinched once the hand of the brunette had reached out to touch his blackened arm.
-"The skin is still smooth though.", Leo stated and Ray confirmed that by checking himself.
-"This is nice, I like it.", Leo let himself fall into the security which Ray's lap would provide for him. Altough it should bear a familiar sense, a new, better understanding formed in Ray's head.
-"That wasn't the last battle however. We'll have to get up eventually again and fight-"
-"Yeah.. let's just stay this way.. a little longer.", Leo's arms wrapped around the waist and pulled Ray's upper body lower, closer to him.
Ray saw the brunette strands of hair getting a golden tan from the setting sun whoose light already added to the beauty of the sea behind that docking station. His own hair, which was usually worn in a stylish manner, hanged down, partly cutting in between his field of vision.
To be close again.
The boys' silhouette was visible from afar as well and it was creating an image of peaceful comfort. Knowing that the battle had not just ended yet but would continue to do so was nothing new to them, for they were engaged in such conflicts already when the First Situation was still stable and hadn't been broken by Leo Roseblood. Ray Blackwood hadn't just lost his old arm in a sense but too, a few centimetres in size but he would soon realize that fact when standing upright and facing Leo.
-"Yeah, let's stay like this for a bit."
Ray put the hand of his new arm atop Leo's head and faced heavenward again, then closing his eyes, he smiled. He smiled out of pure joy and happiness until the tear walked down his cheek but was wiped off by a pale hand. The very same had happened to Leo and it became more than obvious when they looked each other into their teary eyes.
A sweet harmony filled both until they started giggling and hugging.
"It's good this way, right?"
"You expect me to deny that?"
"Of course, not, idiot."
"Calling me an idiot, when you were-"
"Shh, listen.."
"To what..?"
"To my heart."
End of TRONVS
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Now You Can Stop Your Divorce Top Ideas
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