#idk why I’m telling you all of this except that I have nowhere else to put it
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Like I’m Gonna Lose You Part 3
Summary: The morning after your date with Ransom you have to finally face reality, and everything that comes with it.
Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Soft!Ransom, talks of threesome, poly? Maybe?
Pairings: Andy Barber x Reader, Ransom Drysdale x Reader
A/N: Guys! It’s here! I’m honestly going to need alllll the feedback here…this is how I saw the story shaping up the whole time…but idk if you’re going to like it! Likes, reblogs and pleeeeaasse all the feedback (did I mention feedback?) thank you ❤️❤️
Monday saw you waking to a text from Ransom. Good morning Kitten.
A smile spread across your face as you responded with your own morning greeting. Stretching as you check through all the notifications you received overnight. A few emails from crappy email lists, a couple posts on instagram…and all those texts you ignored from Andy.
Andy: Sweetheart, I’m sorry please can we meet?
Andy: I need to talk to you. It’s important.
And about 10 more all with the same tone. Ugh, was he always like this? Maybe I should just agree to meet with him and tell him it’s over.
Andy, I am going to the coffee shop this morning before work. If you really want to talk you can meet me there, but I will not be late for work.
There that was direct, not flirtatious…why do you feel like you need to text Ransom and tell him. No, it was one date. Besides you’re meeting with Andy to make sure he knows it’s over.
With a weariness that had entirely replaced the easy calm morning, you decide to call Ransom while you get ready.
“Well I knew you missed me Kitten, but I didn’t know you missed me that much.” You can hear his smirk through the phone.
You sigh before you respond, “Hilarious Ran. I uh I actually have something I need to talk to you about.” You place your make up supplies on the counter.
“What’s up?” His tone has changed. More guarded maybe? You can tell he’s already on edge.
“I’m, well, I’m going to meet Andy for coffee this morning.” There you said it, it’s out there. Except there’s silence on the other end of the line, you can’t even hear him breathing anymore. “Ransom? Are you still there?”
“Why?” He’s pissed. You definitely shouldn’t have called.
“He’s been blowing up my phone since the gala. I figure I’ll go, let him say his peace and then make sure he knows it’s over.” You examine your finished makeup in the mirror, then glance down at your phone. Hoping Ransom will understand.
“I’ll take you, then drop you to work. Show up on my arm and he’ll definitely know he’s lost to the better man.” At least he’s saying more words. But his tone it’s still the same, you have a feeling you’re going to pay for this later.
“Ransom, I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” you trail off. The last thing you want is a big scene in the middle of the coffee shop.
“I’ll be there in 10, be downstairs.” And with that the line clicks off.
You sigh as you grab your stuff for work. This is going to be terrible.
As soon as you get downstairs you see Ransoms car pull up. You walk over quickly, and get in when he unlocks the doors.
As you plop into the seat the words start rushing out of you like you can’t control them. “Ransom, I’m sorry…I just I didn’t know what else to do and I didn’t want to keep it from you. That didn’t feel right, like I was betraying you. And I know, I know it’s been like one proper date. But -“
Ransom cuts you off with a kiss. This one full of heat, nowhere near as tame as the kiss he gave you the day before. You feel his tongue press against the seam of your lips and you open up to him. Your hands come up and grip onto his chest, not to push him away…just to hold him.
“You’re far too sweet, you know that?” He’s breathless as he pulls away. “So tell me which coffee shop we’re going to.”
You tell him the name and he pulls up the directions on his phone. You sit the entire ride mulling how you want this interaction with Andy to go. You still love him. You know that. You’re falling for Ransom, almost as fast as you fell for Andy. Are you in love with two different men at the same time?
Before you know it Ransom has pulled into a spot at the coffee shop and is opening your door to help you out. It’s only now you can admire how wonderful he looks. Hair just so, round sunglasses and dark brown jacket over his cream sweater. He looks so put together and so much further ahead in life than you.
He walks with you into the coffee shop with his hand on the small of your back. You spy Andy sitting at the same table that you had your first date with him, glaring daggers at Ransom. “Go speak to him Kitten, I’ll get coffee.”
You smile up at Ransom and lean up to peck him on the cheek before making your way to Andy.
“You brought your boyfriend?” His voice is thin, great now he’s pissed too. At least you’re two for two today.
“Ransom knows everything Andy. He was driving me to work anyways this morning.” It’s a small lie, but you can tell by the look on Andy’s face he isn’t buying it.
“I wanted you to be the second to know, I’m filing today.” What? He can’t mean…
At your perplexed look he continues, “Laurie saw me sneaking out of the ladies room after you at the Gala. Accused me of sleeping with you right in front of her.”
As Andy finishes his speech Ransom joins you both at the table sliding your cafe mocha over to you, while he sips on his tea. You’re sure he heard everything at least the most important parts.
“Sweetheart,” he slides his hand across the table to take yours. “You told me you love me. I couldn’t say it back before because I didn’t know if I could leave Laurie. But now, knowing that it’s over I can tell you the truth. I love you, I think I have for months now, and was just too scared to say it out loud.”
You look down at your hand in Andy’s, you think you may be in shock. Yes you gave him the ultimatum, but you didn’t think he would actually leave his wife for you! Next you look up at Ransom, his face is cold, like he’s expecting you to run back to Andy. What the hell do you do?
You clear your throat, and take a sip of your drink. “Andy, why couldn’t you have said this a month ago?” You feel the tears beginning to well in your eyes. “I love you, I do, but…” you trail off and reach for Ransom with your free hand. You see the shock on both his and Andy’s faces. Ransom takes your offered hand and you squeeze both of their hands at the same time. “I can already feel myself falling for Ransom. I have feelings for you both, and if I’m being totally honest with myself, I don’t want to lose either of you right now.”
You can’t look either man in the eye. You’ve asked for too much, there’s no way they would even consider-
“So wait, you want to date us both at the same time? Like a threesome?” Leave it to Ransom to come out with something so crass. But now that it’s out there, it does sound awfully good to be sandwiched between these two men. The thought sends a thrill up your spine that settles right in your core.
Andy scoffs at Ransom, before looking at you. And he can see it plain as day. “Is that what you want Sweetheart? You want Ransom and I?” His tone is sweet but teasing.
Your face feels so hot you think you could fry and egg on it. “I don’t, that’s not, I mean not that I would be opposed to…” your phone chimes - you’re late for work, and this is not where you saw this conversation going at all. “I ugh, I have to go to work. I will message you both later.”
With that you order an Uber on your phone and leave the two men sitting at the table scowling at each other. What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into.
You’re not entirely sure how you were supposed to make it through a day of spreadsheets and meetings, when all you can think about is Ransom and Andy naked in your bed.
During your last meeting of the day you're so spaced out you don’t even realize that it’s over, and everyone is packing up to leave the boardroom until Levi nudges you. You make an excuse of not sleeping well the night before and quickly scurry back to your desk. This day could not have taken longer, and yet you’re dreading having to go home and figure out this situation you’ve gotten yourself in.
Why did you have to sleep with a married man? Why?! And now look at you, selfishly coveting two of the most beautiful men you had ever met for yourself. You decide you need time away from both of them. You open your messaging app and start a group text, because why not at this point.
Guys, I know we still need to talk, but I need time. This is a lot.
Two typing bubbles appear almost instantly, like they were staring at their phones waiting for you to text. Luckily, Nina at reception has offered to give you a ride home so you don’t have to splurge on yet another Uber today. The two of you complain the entire way home about the managers, the upcoming deadlines and the worst client that came in today. It’s nice, normal. Letting you escape the sordid thoughts that had been following you all day. You thank Nina as you leave the car and walk up to your apartment.
Hanging up your coat and putting your boots on the rack to dry you decide to start on dinner. You know you’re avoiding having to look at the messages from them, but you did ask for space for a reason. You make a baked feta pasta that you love and once it’s in the oven you finally decide to check your phone.
Andy: Of course Sweetheart, take all the time you need. We’ll be here. Love you ❤️
Ransom: Don’t you worry Kitten. I’ve already got our next date all planned out 😉
You sigh, but don’t respond. You finish making your dinner and go get changed into the sweater you never gave back to Ransom. You settle in front of the TV to watch old Friends re-runs and enjoy your pasta.
As you're getting into bed you decide to send them a message, just to let them know you saw theirs.
Thank you both. I’ll reach out soon I promise, just need time. Good night ❤️
Somehow you make it through the rest of the week with only flashes of them both naked running through your mind. Work is busy, and that keeps you going. You don’t end up wallowing, but taking small moments to appreciate each man for who they are and what they offer. You realize you need to talk to them, and putting it off is only making the situation so much worse. You’re just not sure if you could handle any more rejection from either of them. Yeah they said they would be there, but really Andy just left his wife. What about their kid? And Ransom, even though it was so new, you could tell. It was the real deal, for you at least. What if he decided you weren’t worth the trouble? Ugh, you’ve created quite the mess for yourself.
By Friday, Ransom has grown impatient, you can tell by the text that comes through the group chat at 9 AM.
Ransom: I’m picking you up from work today, see you at 5 Kitten.
Maybe you should fake sick and leave early and tell Ransom you got an Uber. Looking at your banking app, you realize that there’s no way you can afford another peak time Uber this week.
Welp, torture it is.
Instead of waiting for you in the car Ransom comes into the office and chats with Nina, while he waits for you.
“Mr. Drysdale, are you sure I can’t get you anything?” Is she batting her eyelashes at him?! As you walk into the reception area, you find yourself glaring at Nina, and you catch yourself before she can notice. But judging by the shit eating grin on Ransom’s face, he saw. Whatever, it’s fine.
“You ready to go, Kitten?” Ransom holds his arm out for you to tuck yourself into his side. Nina now forgotten by him. You almost forgot how good he looks. Almost.
You beam up at Ransom, and snuggle in as close as you can. You bid Nina good night and let him guide you along to his car. The warm safe feeling you get from Ransom is something you’ve never experienced before. You know that your relationship with Andy was mostly sex. But even in the tender moments with him, there was always the underlying current of when is he going back to his wife. You wonder if, now that he’s left Laurie, you’ll be able to find the same safe feeling you have with Ransom.
You’re pulled from your thoughts by a horn in the oncoming lane. “Ransom, this isn’t the way to my house?” It comes out as a question, and you’re not sure why.
“I know, Kitten. You see we didn’t really get to finish our conversation from earlier this week, so I was thinking we should finish it over dinner.” He glances over at you while he speaks and you can see a spark of mischief in his blue eyes.
Your face heats up and you forget how to speak for a moment. All you can do is nod and clench your fists in your lap. Ransom finally takes pity on you and grabs one of your hands in his. Bringing it up to his face and kissing the back of it. Before you know it you’re there at Ransom’s house. Everything almost exactly as it was the last time you were here, except-
“Andy?” You breathe his name as you step out of the car looking over the roof to Ransom.
“C’mon Kitten, let’s unwind and talk.” Ransom has you tucked back under his arm in no time. He leads you into the house with Andy trailing behind you two. After you all shrug off your coats and shoes, you head into the living room. Ransom plops himself on the couch, while Andy grabs the love seat. You look between both men, seeing the expectant look on their faces ‘choose me’ they’re silently saying. Instead you walk over to your favourite spot - the floor to ceiling windows. You stare out for a few moments gathering your thoughts, they are racing. But you need to get words out. They need to know how important to you they are.
It’s Andy who breaks the tense silence that’s taken over the room. “Why don’t we all put our cards on the table. Sweetheart, sit. Ransom and I spoke after you left the coffee shop the other day, and we want to know what you think.”
At Andy’s command you find yourself walking over to the armchair, hah you chose neither, and sitting stiffly. Your hands curl and uncurl with anxiety, and something else.
It’s Ransom who speaks next, “Kitten, do you really think you’re falling for me?” There’s pink high on his cheek bones, but his expression is guarded. He doesn’t want to be hurt.
You sigh before you start speaking, picking at the hem of your blouse. “I know it sounds crazy, it’s been what? One date? And I know we’ve only known each other a week. I just, I feel like there’s something here. Something that is worth exploring and holding on to. The only other person I have felt like this with is, well Andy. And I know you don’t want to hear this Ran, but my feelings for Andy haven’t just gone away. They are still there, just as strong. But I don’t know how to handle any of this. I don’t know what to do. But I do know that I, I really want both of you in my life. It’s selfish, but all week I’ve thought about this. How wonderful it could be, but also how insane I must be to try and keep both of you to myself.” You can’t look at either of them as you finish your spiel. Maybe you said too much?
Andy gives a short laugh, that’s not unkind. More like surprised. “Listen Sweetheart. I know you’re overwhelmed. It’s a lot. And let’s be clear no one here is asking you to choose.” He gives Ransom a pointed look at this, to which Ransom just rolls his eyes. “We want the same thing you do. We talked, at length about what something like this would entail. If we could share you. We decided we need to talk it through, all three of us, to decide what we all are comfortable with.”
This is really happening!!!
“Wait. Andy, your marriage literally just ended. You just filed for divorce. Are you sure you want to get into something like this so quickly?” You ask the question, knowing you may not like the answer. But still you have to know if he’s emotionally ready for something like this.
“I am.” His response is short. But he looks into your eyes the entire time. You search his features seeing no trace of a lie on them. “For you Sweetheart, I think I’ve been ready for a while.”
You open your mouth to respond, but instead hear the doorbell ring. And just like that, whatever spell that was holding the tension in the room dissolves. You feel like you’re seeing both men for exactly who they are, and what they want.
“That’s the food, I’ll be right back.” Ransom leaves to grab the food from the delivery driver, and you and Andy both head to the kitchen to grab plates, utensils and drinks. Without the stress of a choice weighing on you, you can see that Andy and Ransom are trying, for you. Something that entirely shocks you.
You all return to the living room at the same time, Andy with two beers and a glass of wine, Ransom with the take out boxes from some fancy Italian restaurant and you with plates and utensils. You plop down on the couch and motion for both men to sit on either side of you while you start opening boxes.
Silence wraps around the room as the three of you portion out your food. But it’s not awkward or tense. It feels comfortable. After a few bites to satisfy your hunger, it’s like you’re all in sync with each other, because the conversation just flows. The same as your first date with Andy and your first date with Ransom.
When you’re all full and you’ve packed away the leftovers, “you can’t just throw this out Ransom it’s at least two more meals!” The three of you find yourselves back on the couch, but this time Andy is sitting with his back against the arm rest, with your back to his chest and Ransom snuggled into your stomach.
“So uh, how is this going to work?” You ask, there’s nerves and excitement behind your question. To stop your hands from moving too much you start stroking Ransom's hair.
Ransom sighs in delight at your action before speaking, “Well, we’re going to go on dates, you and me, you and Andy and you, me and Andy. Unless of course that’s not something you want?”
“No,” you answer far too quickly causing both men to chuckle. “That sounds great. So we’re going to basically be like a what a throuple?”
Andy’s laughter draws your head to lean into his shoulder as you look up at him. “Please never use that word again. But yes, like a normal relationship except there’s three of us instead of two.”
Your face heats as you prepare yourself to ask your next question, “and uh, what about umm you know in the bedroom.”
Ransom rolls onto his stomach from his side and crawls up you and Andy, “my my Kitten, I thought we were taking this slow.” He gives you a faux pout and then continues. “I’ll put it out there now, the three of us in one bed will be super fucking hot and I already know it.” He bends down to nuzzle his nose against yours before kissing the breath out of you. It's a filthy kiss that has your hips moving without your consent. But it’s what Ransom does next that has you moaning, he pulls away from you only to lean up and capture Andy’s mouth in a kiss as dirty as the one he just shared with you.
With a satisfied smirk Ransom pulls away, knowing he’s left you both wanting more.
This is starting to feel perfect.
#chris evans#like i’m gonna lose you#andy barber#andy barber x reader#ransom drysdale#ransom drysdale x reader
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c!Emerald duo propaganda:
Let me tell you. We've got two guys. They live together. They live miles away from everyone else but they live in a little cabin in the snow together. They would die for each other. One HAS died for the other. One is in a monogamous relationship with the personification of death and the other is one of the most widely headcanoned aroace characters and it in no way ever devalues what is considered as one of the most unshakable relationships in the story
"For you the world" — Technoblade to Philza. They are so loyal to each other, legit the healthiest and strongest relationship in the fandom
"For you, the world, Phil." -Technoblade "Sometimes one friend is all you need." -Technoblade “I’m following Techno to the gates of hell... and if he wants to take over the world, god dammit I’m gonna help this man.” - Philza “I followed him to the ends of the earth, through fire and flames.“ - Philza (about Technoblade)
They live together. They kill together. They're raising a polar bear and a very anxious enderman hybrid. They committed so many war crimes and looked good doing it<3 "For you, the world" quote my beloved. Anarchism swag😎
Silly guys of all time! They took over the entire world together once <3 (pre-dsmp but still canon to dsmp) they blew up a country together <3 gotta love 2 guys who commit Literal Actual warcrimes. Also the way they trust eachother just unconditionally is just soo ouuuugggghghhhh i love them. iirc I remember a part where techno was basically just talking about how he'll basically never trust anyone again. TO Phil. Who was very obviously an unspoken exception to the "never trusting anyone" thing. It's been a while so idk if I remember it right but aaaouuuugggg their relationship was so good. Also "for you the world phil" AAAAAUUUUUUU (although the context of that line is much sillier than people usually remember but they are silly guys <3). Ooouugghhh I have so much I could talk about but it's late so I can't think of it right now but they are sooooooo important they are everything to me. This is kinda bad propaganda bc I don't know if I'm even remembering things right and am vaguely incorrect but AUGH. EMERALDDUO
Consider: the fanon immortals being very old friends thing which is a trope i will never not love, and also taking over the world with your qpp is so pogchamp of them
Two anarchist immortals who have been besties for an indeterminable amount of time, but at least for hundreds of years. Took over the Earth once just to show that they can. Back-To-Back Badasses. Each other's consciences and also enablers. Lived together in the middle of nowhere tundra biome, in connected little cottages with their bazillion pets.
THOSE BITCHES WERE LIVING IN THE ARCTIC TOGETHER IN THEIR GAY LITTLE COTTAGE WITH LIKE 100 ANIMALS!!!! They’d both often talk about how they’d kill and die for one another, they’ve been together for centuries despite Techno being all but confirmed Aroace and Philza being married to someone else!! I think they definitely had a QPR going on because like. The person you’re closest to and have lived alongside for god knows how long u gotta at least have SOMETHING going on there imo.
They are both imortal livelong best friends who have been there for each other through war and and other personal hardships They are partners in crime, both arnarchists who took down a nation together and both live in retirement together They only trust each other wholeheartedly (aka they both belive the other wont betray them) and Phil is the only person Techno feels he can be himself around (aka be soft around).
Apparently their qpr had drama in the past bc of this one fic but tbh i dont really get why These two are literally just. The best. There's absolutely no romance between them, but they're the closest of friends, and they care about each other so so much. And they deserve all the things. They live together in a house in the arctic in a commune for anarchists. Basically everyone in the Syndicate are their adopted children. 'For you, the world, Phil' -Technoblade (Just like to say this too, Techno is not Phil's son in the DSMP universe. It's been canonically confirmed.)
They’re two dudes who spend all their time together, built their houses next to each other (and connected it w a bridge), started a commune together, took over the world together, have FRIENDSHIP EMERALDS, and are genuinely such good friends (these are the characters but the irl guys were really good friends until techno died too)
Just a bird and his pig chilling as kings
"for you phil, the world" is treated like this big dramatic line as they take over smpearth but in context its bc they were arguing over something silly and techno laughed and conceded to him and like... just look at then they're ride or die besties emerald duo ftw (on a sadder note i constantly see philza wearing techno's merch on streams and videos and just... man i miss seeing them together)
immortal warriors who have promised to follow each other to the ends of the earth, through fire and flames. they are each others most trusted person without a doubt. when trying to retire from the wars that plagued the server, they both retired in an arctic tundra where they lived together.
These guys cant be seperate from each other anymore than like three days. Like, on top of also doing the antarctic empire together in earthSMP, they just moved to the arctic together to just enjoy life and retirement together. They understand each other like no other bc they've known each other forever. Also bc if we take the titles of bloodgod and angel of death literally you get something something being willing to spend eternity with the other because you care abt them. These two are fine being isolated from everybody else and chilling on their own bc thats all they need
Their relationship is defined by a connection that has lasted for centuries. Despite everything, they always go back to each other. They live together in a cabin in the arctic. They also like murdering together a little too much.
old men committed terrorism and then they settled down :)
For you Phil, the world Immortal best friends spend thousands of years together, conquer the world, found a empire. Phil has a kid with his goddess wife, Techno wind up joining the kids rebellion against the country he founded. When that goes wrong they start a commune called the Syndicate. They are so ride or die. I love them
please they live together theyre best friends theyre immortal together they love each other and phil is married to a god PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
#propaganda#c!emerald propaganda#they have also done really well in the retirement home poll i know that
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i currently have a half-baked theory about alastor…
ok so in the finale, he said that he wants freedom, meaning he has been restricted in some way. but as far as we’ve seen and can tell, he is basically free to do as he wishes. and of course there’s the theory with lilith being the one owning his soul, which he might have traded away to gain such insane amounts of power. but what has he ever done that didn’t seem to be in his best interest?
charlie.
yea, yea, i hear you and your sassy clips of him saying he’s helping the hotel simply for boredom’s sake and that he enjoys watching people try to do something meaningful but then fail in the process but! that would imply that he’d done so before, but we have never, not once, ever heard that he even dabbled in such a thing. (and don’t you dare try to tell me that he actually cares about charlie, the man is the most manipulative, sadistic little mf i’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something because i’ve seen miraculous ladybug and hate liela rossi as much as anyone else.) the only things we know about his past is that he appeared in hell very suddenly with lots of power, he toppled countless overlords overnight, and his radio podcast killed tons of demons. nothing of this has to do with other beings in hell trying to make it better (as i highly doubt any of those overlords had good intentions since they were, well, overlords). but he doesn’t seem the type to do things meaninglessly, he always has ulterior motives.
but then if his excuses of entertainment are as flimsy as i’m making them out to be then why would he ever help charlie? well, i think that brings us back to lilith. it’s far from a rarely-noticed detail that the length of alastor and her’s disappearances were for the same amount of time and while we know that lilith spent that time in heaven (if that even is lilith, but idk enough about that theory so i’m just gonna assume that it’s her and that she’s been in heaven the whole time), we don’t have a smack-dab CLUE as to what alastor was up to during his vacay. then he just shows up out of nowhere, at the idealistic princess of hell’s doorstep of all places.
well, i’ve had a sneaking suspicion for a while that lilith’s deal (at least part of it), in exchange for his power, was to help charlie in some way. i’m thinking that’s why he seemed so torn-up about how he almost ‘died for his friends’. he doesn’t care for any of them (except maybe nifty but i think that’s just bonding over shared mania (i think rosie (and maybe zestial) is the only one he truly, honestly cares about, but i get the feeling that even that relationship is pretty business-based)).
we have no idea what lilith is like, we have absolutely zero characterization of her except for what charlie explains about her in episode 1, that she’s passionate and hardworking and stubborn and independent—qualities that charlie mostly has in abundance. so i would say that she’s cared about charlie this whole time but due to whatever is keeping her in heaven, she can’t help her, except that lilith seems a little too malevolent to care about charlie’s hotel. why would she? she fell in love with a dreamer who shared her rebellious heart and for this, she was the first human soul cast into hell. she has never had any kind of reason as to why she would ever want to go to heaven, or anyone else for that matter (as she did work to make hell into the semi-civil place it is now). and we have no idea how close she and charlie were before she left (i suspect we’ll learn more about that in season 2), so we can’t assume that she’ll just support charlie, whatever her aspirations may be. so i honestly have no idea as to why lilith would enlist alastor to help charlie, but i am fairly convinced that this is the case of what’s happened.
thoughts?
#kin’s rambles#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel theory#hazbin hotel thoughts#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#hazbin hotel lilith#lilith morningstar#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie morningstar#also the fact that husk never noted his seven-year absence is…suspicous to say the least#he never made a quip like ‘dangit i thought youd finally died’ or anything that implied he’d known#maybe alastor was just keeping a low profile but needed to continue business and thus kept contact with a few of his contracted souls?#then again mimzy never mentioned his absence either… and i dont think rosie did#idk whats up with this man but dangit i hope we get answers
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Healing Touch
Dabi x Fem!Reader fan fiction
Synopsis: You encounter an injured Shigaraki and offer your healing quirk to his aid. Little did you know, healers were hard to come by in the underground and Shigaraki takes a liking to your skills. To further his cause, he kidnaps you and holds you captive under the watch of the LOV. You play the role of the LOV's little healer while you think of a way to escape. Unbeknownst to you, the pyromaniac with a cold heart begins to melt in your presence. Your compassion and wit draw him in, all the while he swears it's only curiosity he feels toward you. But when your touch heals his burns and your personality soothes his anguish, Dabi begins to wonder, what exactly is he feeling for you? And why the hell does he feel so torn up when you slip away?
Author's Note: I have no idea what the full layout of the original LOV bar/base was, but the Bakugo kidnapping episode showed that they keep the Nomu somewhere in the base. The AFO and All Might fight makes the building seem bigger as well. Idk, if I was a villain, I’d keep my monsters and dying mentor (AFO) behind a security door, so that nobody can snoop around. So that’s what I’m going with (also no windows because plot).
Warnings/Tags: Stockholm syndrome, eventual smut, kidnapping, female/afab reader, healing quirk
Abbreviation Guide: Y/N (your name), E/C (eye color), H/L (hair length), F/C (favorite color), S/T (skin tone or color)
Word Count: 2K
Chapter Two: Normalcy
It’s been two weeks since your arrival at the LOV base. You hate to admit that you’re acclimating, as the rebellious and angered side of you sees this as giving up. To quell that rage in you, you remind yourself that you haven’t fully accepted the role thrust upon you. You’re just playing along. Somehow, you know you’ll escape. They can’t watch you forever, one of these days they’ll slip up.
You’ve been taking this time to observe your surroundings and familiarize yourself with everyone’s patterns. If you’re lucky, maybe your watchful eyes will catch a slip in the chain. You’ve observed that some of the members stay at the base full-time, while others trickle in as need be. Toga, Tomura, Twice, and Dabi stay on site, except for missions and personal errands. Kurogiri is practically a piece of furniture in the base, seldom leaving and always attending to either Shigaraki or the bar.
Everyone keeps a close eye on you, particularly Toga and Twice. Toga is much more “hands-on” with her approach, choosing to follow you and pester you, with either affection or questions, wherever you wander. She frequently asks you about crushes, relationships, and blood. You want to think of her as a little sister given her age and her adoration for you, but the danger and bloodlust that lurks in her eyes make you wary of letting your guard down. Toga’s persistence is a significant roadblock in fabricating an escape plan for you.
What you have noticed while under Toga’s gaze is that there’s an entire wing of the building you have not seen. Sometimes, you’ll see Tomura disappear through a set of doors guarded by a passcode. You think you’ve seen glimpses of light coming through a window when Tomura goes through and the doors are briefly open before shutting once more. It’s hard to know for sure, it’s not like you could get through without a code anyways. Something tells you that you don’t want to know what’s through those doors, though. The wing has a strange smell, reminiscent of a hospital.
Trying to break into the unknown wing seems like a bad idea, but there’s nowhere else you can escape from. You haven’t been able to locate a window that isn’t inaccessible or barred, nor have you been able to find an exit that is unlocked. However, even if you did find either of those things, the constant surveillance by the others makes it nearly impossible to escape. You reason your best bet is still to bide your time. Thankfully, it’s not too tortuous to go along with everything. You mostly find yourself bored or annoyed.
You’ve been occupying most of your mind lately by observing everyone. You need to predict the villains if you still hope to escape. Of course, that’s easier said than done for some members. Toga, Twice, Shigaraki, and Kurogiri speak their minds freely, so it’s easier to understand them. Mr.Compress is slightly on the reserved side and seems to be a bit of a strategist, but what makes him easier to analyze is his lack of impulses and instability. Dabi, on the other hand, is a complete wild card to you. He’s somewhat quiet, but when he does decide to speak, his words are ladened with sarcasm or insults. Dabi is by far the most frequently injured out of all of them, yet he barely shows any signs of pain. It surprised you that despite his wounds, he hadn’t approached you yet. He just regarded you with lazy eyes, gazing at you silently. He seemed distant from the other members, often choosing to wander the streets in search of new recruits instead. You guess that he is neither very convincing nor friendly given the state of his body after his outings. He smelled of ash each time. Regardless of his quirk’s effects on him, Dabi continued to use it anyways. You reason that continuously burning yourself takes a considerable amount of dedication and tolerance to pain. He’s driven, for sure, but to what?
It’s an interesting question, but you’re pulled out of your thoughts before you can mull it over. The bar door clicks, the telltale sound of the lock turning. Through the door comes Dabi, and along with him is the smell of ash. He’s quiet, but so is the bar. Wait, how long has it been quiet? You realize that it’s just you and him in the bar. You would silently curse yourself for letting the opportunity escape you, but you’re thankful you were distracted. Nothing good would come to you, had you seized the moment and attempted to bolt. With Dabi being just outside the door, you were saved by your thoughts.
He seems to sense your staring, as his eyes meet yours. You try to suppress the way you feel when his intense gaze bores into you. There’s a glint of surprise in his eyes. “‘M surprised they left you down here alone. Unless… were you cooking up an escape plan?” He interrogates.
“I guess even wardens need breaks. Not like I could go anywhere though, the doors are locked,” you admit. You rest your face in your palm and entertain yourself by tracing your fingers around the rim of a glass left on the bar top. “Besides, you’re here now. Your quirk has range over me.”
Your words take him a bit by surprise. You’re smarter than he initially gave you credit for, not that he thought you were stupid before. It’s just that he only really saw the feistier side of you. With how you barked back at Tomura, he thought you’d be the type to make rash choices. Instead, he’s having a hard time predicting you. The things you say and do surprise him. While Toga and Twice crowd around you, he observes you from a distance. He convinces himself it’s necessary to figure you out.
You feel him staring at you again. He seems lost in thought. His staring makes you uneasy and the silence feels strange. You decide to joke around with him, to see if it lightens up the mood or if it creates more tension. Seeing his reactions could lead you to predict him more accurately in the future. “I know it’s called head-hunting but something tells me you’re taking that expression too literally,” you comment, referencing his habit of coming back with burned hands.
“Oh yeah? What’s got you thinking that?” He banters back.
You shoot him a sly smile, “Just noticed your recruitment process involves a lot of fresh burns, is all.” Usually, Dabi would have killed people for less, joke or not. For some reason, it’s different with you. Perhaps it’s because even with your situation as a captive, you still don’t seem fearful of him. He wants to test that.
“Hazards of the job I guess,” he shrugs. You only hum in acknowledgment. “Mind taking care of them for me?” Your eyebrows shoot up a bit at his question. The tables have turned and now it’s your turn to be surprised.
“Yeah, I can do that,” you comply. You slide off the barstool and approach him. “Do you have any other injuries besides the burns?”
“Might be a staple or two loose,” he mentioned.
“Tomura gave me a first aid kit and medical supplies, I think there are medical staples too. They’re in my room. Do you want me to lug all that down here or…” You say, trailing off at the end in a question.
“There’s no point, it’ll be quick,” he declines. He gestures to you and the stairs. “Lead the way.”
You nod. His thick boots make distinctive footfalls while walking behind you. You try to memorize the way they sound, in case it becomes important later. Your attention is focused on his steps, so the two of you arrive at your door in silence. You open the door and cross the threshold of the doorway. He hovers at the entrance. He realizes this is the first time he’s really been in a girl’s room before, but he’s totally not the slightest bit antsy about it. He didn’t even enter your room when he first questioned you about your quirk. Now that all of your things are unpacked, it just feels so much more… Intimate?
“I don’t have much in the seating department so just sit on the bed or something,” you instruct. Your back is to him as you gather the supplies together. He tentatively enters and sits on the made bed. The mattress creaks, the sound partially muffled under the thick comforter. He’s not sure what to do with his hands, so he makes himself look busy by fiddling with the staples. You must have found everything you needed as he notices you setting down a box of first aid supplies next to him. You stand in front of him and reach for his hands. Your touch is soft and gentle as you observe his injuries. It throws him off, honestly. You’re aware of his disastrous quirk and you have an idea of what he does, yet your touch makes him feel like he’s made of glass. He expected you to be rough with him, taking out your anger at your circumstances onto him. After all, you’d still be getting the job done, just in a spiteful way. What’s stopping you from doing so? Is it fear that’s making you gentle on him?
You start cleaning his burns and his loose staples, carefully gliding a wet cotton ball over the area. For good measure, you wipe down the skin of your hands with an alcohol swab. Your quirk doesn’t do much against infection after all. Finding out how Tomura would react, should something like that happen on your watch, doesn’t sound appealing either. You whisper out a ‘sorry’ after you fix the loose staples. It looks like it should hurt, but Dabi doesn’t react much. You figure he must have a high pain tolerance.
You clasp your hands around one of his. Your skin glows and becomes icy once you activate your quirk. The coolness of your skin should be relieving, but he can’t seem to enjoy it. The question is nagging him. Fuck it, he decides he can just ask you directly. “Are you afraid of me?” You tear your attention away from his hands. Your e/c eyes meet his. There’s a look of confusion in them, as to you, this question comes from nowhere.
“No..?” You answer. Your voice is a bit wobbly with suspicion. “Why? Are you going to give me a reason to be?”
He’s dumbfounded by you. If you weren’t afraid of him, you had to be either stupid or crazy. It has to be the latter, because why else would you be treating him gently? “Did Tomura pick you up at an insane asylum?”
“Did I look like I was wearing a straight jacket when he brought me here? What gives with these questions anyways?”
“You’ve gotta be crazy or stupid to not be afraid of villains like us.”
“So that’s what this is about? You’re upset that I’m not scared of you?”
“I’m not upset. It’s just weird.”
“Okay look, Tomura wants my quirk and my compliance, I want to live. The way I see it, no harm’s gonna come to me so long as I heal you guys. That’s why I’m not wallowing in fear,” you defend. “Is thinking that really so crazy?”
He contemplates your words and you switch off to heal his other hand. “One look is all it takes for normal people to fear me,” he says. You can’t tell if he’s hurt by this, or proud of it.
“Well, your appearance doesn’t scare me,” you admit. There’s a faraway look in his eyes.
“That’s why you aren’t normal.”
#dabi reader#dabi x reader#mha dabi#bnha dabi#dabi#dabi fanfic#dabi x female reader#dabi x you#dabi x y/n#mha healing quirk#healer reader#healer y/n#tw: kidnapping#reader insert
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Short Debts Make Long Friends - another ch 14 snippet to tide you over bc I'm still working on it and IDK if I'll have interwebs access again till next Sunday
You gather up the sabaac cards as he puts away his tools. When he turns around, you’re seated cross-legged at the head of the bed, leaving plenty of room for him to sit beside you.
“This isn’t sharing the bed,” you say firmly, noticing his hesitation. “There’s nowhere else to sit except the floor, and if you try to tell me that your back isn’t killing you, then you’re a lying liar who lies. So – ” You pat the spot next to you. “C’mon. We’re both adults.”
Simultaneously resentful and appreciative for your judicious respect for his boundaries, he does as requested.
“Do you have anything you can take?” you ask as he stiffly sinks down on the blankets.
“Yes,” Din grudgingly admits, barely keeping the wince out of his voice as he surreptitiously tries to find a comfortable position that is not lying down. Why do you have to be so kriffing perceptive?
Seeing the problem, you grab your pillow and stuff it behind his lower back. “Have you taken it?”
Oh, God, that’s better. “No.”
You lift an eyebrow, watching him. “If I get it for you, will you take it?”
“Probably not.” Giving up, he stretches his legs out and dimly remembers his mother scolding him for wearing his shoes in bed.
You lift your other brow. “You know I’m going to harass you until you take it, right?”
Din sighs.
“Great. Where is it?” you ask, already starting to scoot off the bed.
Without moving forward, he swiftly reaches out and catches you by the hand. “The datapad is about to run out of battery. Let’s do this first.”
The datapad is fully charged, but this is the first time all day his spine is not protesting twenty-plus years of abuse, the pain tabs are in the pouch on the back of his belt, and the prospect of getting up to fetch them is simply dreadful.
Short Debts Make Long Friends - An overeducated, underpaid millennial finally gets to go on her first adventure.
Tags under cut, LMK if you want to be added!
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#short debts make long friends#the mandalorian fanfiction#the mandolorian x you#the mandalorian#baby yoda#mando#din djarin x reader#din djarin x female reader#din djarin x oc#din x reader#din djarin#din djarin x original female character#mando x reader#mando x original female character
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can
can i humbly request
some alaska hcs
maybewithasmidgeoffruitylittlemantexas
aLso
lowkey highkey feral for your art i want to eat it (very joyful) i love your style uddksgiehk it's so pretty omg
i hope you have a day as wonderful as your drawings, thank you op for your brain food
This might be long idk
Alaska:
-he has a monotone voice, and his facial expressions are very limited — sometimes his voice would magically switch in tones but he overall doesn’t try to control it cause he doesn’t care
-he has very calloused hands, mostly because he’s more of a hands-on person and that being put in the wilderness a lot caused that, I guess in a way the callousness of his hands are like permafrost? I dunno
-when he decides to actually hibernate for the winter no states wanna bother him— even Florida (like how Florida was concerned when Gov asked him to call Alaska because Alaska likes to be alone)
-like Alaska said himself, he doesn’t actually hate Texas, so I doubt he actually hates any of the states
-Alaska’s actually rather a mother bear towards the other states occasionally, despite his constant stoic personality
-yeah no he gotta be autistic.
-he’s built like MOOSE respectively. And a bear, and imo he has the fierceness of a wolverine if he wants to
-out of all the states, I like to imagine he has the most notable or prominent canine teeth, mostly because in the wilderness of Alaska, most of the food you’d find there are meat, fish, and berries.
-I’m sure he has back problems. If only he had a cowboy that could offer him a massage or something
-I gave him a slit eyebrow and a scar just above it because I saw someone hc him with it somewhere else but I can’t remember where, but I decided why not yknow
-I call his hair The Bush, which essentially is what we call the non urban or suburban areas, or the extra rural rural Alaska, which is like 2/3 of Alaska, that’s why it’s so wild and unkept
-Alaska is known for being a usually prepared person, mostly a habit he’s picked up from living in the wild
-listen…. I don’t think Russian is his second language. He has 20 official languages (excluding English) and they’re his native languages. He’d speak the native languages before Russian any day. Him as an individual does know Russian due to his history, but as a state he speaks indigenous languages rather than Russian.
-again, he’d speak his indigenous people’s languages the most after English
-no, he’s not russian
-yes, i base him more off of his native culture
-he has black hair and dark eyes
-he hates bright lights with a passion, but natural lights are an exception (I like to think this is why his garage is dimly lit)
-some of the states call his garage his ‘den’ cause he’s like a bear in a cave
-he has some of the best eyesight mostly due to being THE hunting state and living in the middle of nowhere sometimes just because he can
-when he’s in a story telling mood, he can go on for hours, but this doesn’t happen often because all the other states tend to be busy or he’s not comfortable talking to them, also he’s been shot down from his rambling before and it hit him hard, his poor soul
-many states like to go to his garage when things get overwhelming or too hot out, I like to imagine that’s why in the scene where Texas entered his room, the door was already unlocked
-Alaska actually does have fire seasons, it’s just that he doesn’t talk about them cause he feels they’re not as important as anyone else’s issues, it’s a problem he’s developed over time
Texas:
-i don’t have as much hcs for him but
-his hair is probably brown, darkish I think
-his boots have spurs and he does bounce his leg without thinking
-probably has keen eyes, I wouldn’t know, but they’d probably not be as good as Alaska’s hunter eyesight (Alaska will make fun of him for that)
-loves cowboy stuff a hell of a lot
-he actually rather likes the bickering he and Alaska do, it’s a nice distraction and a good excuse to talk about his state and learn about the other’s
-he knows how to braid hair n other stuff. Because I said so
-he sometimes actually goes to California for advice, he hates to admit it if he ever will
-he probably has names for his guns, if we’re gonna be honest, but he tries not to talk about it in front of other states
-he has to admit to himself, Alaska is rather a good anchor for him to keep him grounded and not off his heels about himself
-Texas is easier to fluster than it is to shake the pollen off a flower
-he has dry as all hell hands. Get his ass some lotion or something
Both Texas and Alaska:
-as far as I’ve seen, in wttt Alaska and Texas are the only ones that I know have cleaned their things during meetings and such (Texas with his gun and Alaska with his ulu knife)
-so I want to imagine they’d both busy themselves with cleaning their stuff while having conversations with each other
-Texas often calls Alaska ‘Big Guy’ and Alaska often refers to him as ‘Cowboy’
-Texas actually went to Alaska for help when he froze over since Alaska is experienced with the cold — but Alaska decided to spare him and not talk about it during the Alaskan Recap and said he simply went ‘camping’ instead
-they often bicker that it’s basically a way to communicate together now
-Texas actually does listen to Alaska’s stories when he has the time, and Alaska in return would listen to him rant about whatever’s troubling him (even if it’s stupid)
-if you ask Alaska, he’d probably just straight up answer whatever you asked, but Texas depending on the question, wouldn’t directly answer especially if it’s about him and it isn’t about how holy he is
-yeah no the two have definitely camped together before
-Texas sometimes teaches Alaska about different southern terms and sayings
-also they have NO ass, they’re flat as all hell, Alaska probably has a little more ass, but it’s mostly to make sure Texas doesn’t get too ahead of himself yaknow
-Texas taught Alaska how to square dance actually, I would know cause I was there
that’s all the hcs I can think of at the moment, I might edit it a few times
#Wttt#Wttt alaska#alaska wttt#texas wttt#wttt texas#wttt shipping#wttt headcanons#welcome to the table#welcome to the statehouse#ben brainard#oh boy this is alot#Whoops
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What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?
High Enough by K Flay, because it's quite wordy and kinda fast, so when I don't stumble over words or get them wrong, it feels so good. Also, I just really enjoy listening to it.
What is your Enneagram type?
I just did the test because I had no idea. Apparently I'm a 5.
Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?
Yes and no. I love hearing people talking about things they're passionate about, but I have ADHD so it needs to hold my interest for an extended period of time, which isn't always easy. I quite like Jenny Nicholson's, except for the Star Wars ones.
Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.
I don't actually remember anything about them, only my mum telling me as an adult that they were twins, one boy and one girl.
What is your go-to way to fall asleep?
Curled up, listening to Adam being his sadistic, chaos gremlin self.
If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)
Growing up, I read a book with a character named Starr and kind of wanted to change my name to that. These days, I can't say I love my name, but can't think of anything else I'd change it to.
What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?
Maybe Regulus's, especially the newest one (the thought of having somebody in my head and never having any space to myself kinda terrifies me, but I also like the idea, because hell yes, he could absolutely kick those intrusive thoughts to the curb. Also, the parts where he starts revealing his true feelings about stuff via the random "demonic" voice just does something to me).
Although the Adam storyline, especially Sadistic Vampire Kidnaps You (both for the sleep aid factor, and just general I really enjoy listening to it) will probably always be my absolute favourite.
What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)
Sam. I think he's got so much love from Redacted fans that I'm almost burnt out from it. Also Milo, David and Vincent a little bit, for the same reason. I still listen to and enjoy their audios, but they'll never be my first choice to listen to, and it's very unlikely I'd relisten to them.
Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.
Idk, I don't rewatch or reread things enough to learn the words to them. Maybe Buffy, because I was hardcore obsessed with it when I was younger, but nowhere near knowing all the words level.
Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?
My first thought was Hux, although I would totally date him, if we were in a universe where he was, y'know, real, and not dating Damian.
Maybe I should've said Asher. As much as I adore him, I don't really think about him in a romantic context.
Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)
Since I'm pretty much always alone, I have nobody to connect the dots on that. Maybe I should ask my cat, hahaha.
Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.
I don't drive, and don't live within walking distance from one. If I did, it'd probably be something sweet, and a drink, preferably something frozen and/or bright blue
Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.
My going to work musical playlist that I've compiled is all killer, no filler if that's what you meant.
What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?
Boyfriend asmr, and I mean traditional asmr, rather than the audio roleplays. I've been very single for a long time, to the point I don't even know if I could actually date, if (by some miracle) some weirdo did find me attractive.
And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!
I'm literally crying while typing this, and can't think of anything else. Sorry for the trauma dump, if I didn't want to know your answer so badly, I'd just delete and forget about it. 💙
This one took me a second- I was really staring down the Redactedness brackets- but when I saw it, it dawned on me so clearly and so resplendently. Ollie would be so wonderfully perfect for you.
Little things first- I think y’all would have a good time together, because it seems like y’all would like each other and the same things. Like, I can absolutely see Ollie having had a Buffy phase at some point. (He had a crush on either Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Borneanaz, or both. Probably both.) He’d love the same video essays you do and would be more than okay with pausing it or speeding it up if the attention span isn’t spanning.
Big things second- I think Ollie would be so good for you? Your being a Five and what you said about Regulus makes me think the sweet, unempowered type is just what you need. No magic, no tragic backstory, no possibility of having your mind read or wiped- just a darling man who loves you, your cats, and Star Trek.
Song:
You know I wanna be your light/ In darkness, how you find me just in time/ To tell me what I needed to hear/ So if you don't know what you need/ You can leave it all to me/ I don't want you worried 'bout a thing/ I know you'd do the same for me
I love Ollie and the domestic, little ways he shows his love and support- he’s just a wholesome dude, and he’s a sleeper favorite of mine for that reason. This song fits in my head because it reminds me of his sweetness and how far he’s come and matured and how dependable and loving he’d be as a boyfriend and life partner for you.
Runner-Ups:
Aaron was a pretty close runner-up, because I loved the idea of pairing you with someone unempowered and stable. (Ollie, I liked more because of his energy and lighthearted nature; also Aaron also strikes me as a Five, and I don’t typically do same Type pairs.) Huxley, I also love because of his steady, sweet but jovial nature, but I really got stuck on someone unempowered for you by this point.
Note: I’m so sorry I made you cry and you like literally didn’t trauma dump at all you are so fine and good honey
Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌
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I just read your TGA fic on ao3, It was such a cool and interesting read and i know in the summary/notes you said you specifically experienced this! I’m glad you’re okay!! (And the one shot was really good i loved it and the way john treats the situation!!)
Thank you so much!
I wasn't too worried about my episode at the time, actually. I'd assumed it was due to my injuries. (The cliff is 70 ft high and I ended up so bruised and sore from hitting the water that I didn't get out of bed for two days and then I didn't even know I cracked a rib until weeks later when everything else had healed lol.) Apparently transient global amnesia actually quite traumatic for a lot of people but I was lucky and had a reason that I thought it had happened, instead of just having amnesia for no obvious reason. I didn't even know what TGA was until like a month ago, six years after my episode. I read an article and was like oh. Oops. The water I hit was 30-odd degrees... that checks.
The line Patience opens with, "I don't mean to freak you out but I don't know anything" is what I opened with. I knew my friends' names and that we worked together with animals but I didn't know what kind (chimpanzees. I'm a primatologist lol idk why I didn't assume primates...). I knew I was out west, but didn't know what state (Tamolitch Blue Pool is in Oregon). I wanted to call my mom because I was upset and confused but the Blue Pool is the middle of nowhere, so I had no service. I wanted to know why I jumped off a cliff (I was afraid it was a suicide attempt lmao depression). And I was apparently very preoccupied about where my new yellow converse were. It's all very fascinating and googling and reading people's first hand accounts of TGA is fascinating as hell...
You can't recall recent memories from days to weeks before it happens and you can't form any new memories at all. Then after a few hours you start remembering that it happened and think you're fine but still can't form new memories. So a lot of people, me included apparently, tell the story to anyone who will listen and be like wow isn't that crazy! Good thing I'm better now! Except that you tell that story and say that repeatedly for hours. But then it usually stops after a few hours and ALWAYS stops within 24 hours. And then you're fine and have no more issues or any lasting complications. A TGA episode has no ties to future strokes, dementia, disease, anything. It's wild.
Sorry for rambling... I just think it's so fascinating. Especially that I just rolled with it for years without a second thought lmao. (Sorry for rambling. It's cleaning day so I'm high...)
Anyway tl;dr TGA is interesting af and John Seed is very sexy and manipulative :) Thank you for reading my fic!
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Hope your doing well. I’m still in awe of your moodboards and fics! Just wanted to say a huge thank you for your incredible contributions to the Jonerys fandom. I w as just curious your thoughts on the Jon Snow sequel show? Personally I love Emilia and I love Kit but I’m quite shocked he would agree to a sequel show after what they put him through? I’m secretly hoping it’s because Emilia is involved in a resurrection storyline and that’s why but idk. I don’t wanna see it unless there’s Jonerys.
Hi anon! Thank you so much for this sweet message, it was a great way to start my day 🧡
My thoughts…first, nothing is completely confirmed yet, but mainly I'm just confused, haha. I love Kit and Jon is one of my favorite fictional characters of all time (book and show), but I completely disregard season 8. They assassinated about every character and made one of the most-loved shows of all time completely unwatchable for many people.
That said, what story is there left to tell? If anyone asked me the odds of any of the cast wanting to return, I would have said there's a zero chance for Kit (and honestly, most of the cast except for maybe a couple). However, I don't actually know the man and his reasoning if it is true, and I'm just going by his post-show interviews with how difficult things were for him and how hard it was to remove himself from it, etc.
Now if they retconned all of season 8, I would be very interested, but there's probably a 0.0000001% chance of that ever happening.
I can't really see Emilia getting involved since, from what we've deduced, she wasn't happy with how Dany's story evolved and ultimately ended. Coming back would mean further solidifying the show-canon, and even if was a resurrection plot I'm still not sure where they could take that either. I would think it would be too painful and exhausting for her, but again, I don't really know her. It also still is a a bit too fresh since it was only, what, 3 years ago? So I'm surprised with the backlash that HBO is actually considering touching anything remotely related to that flaming hot garbage. I'm sure there is an audience for it because there are people who enjoyed GoT to the very end, but when I say that can't be me...
Idk, maybe it will go nowhere just like the Stark prequel did, but even if it gets greenlit it's not going to personally push me out of the fandom or make me stop writing/creating/reading. I'm too stubborn and love these idiots way too much. They'd have to rip Jonerys out of my cold dead hands.
I'm also a bit sad because one of my first thoughts when I read the news was actually: imagine if Jonerys had gotten their happy ending and this was going to be a sequel to that? Obviously probably too cheesy to actually get picked up but we could have had some Jonerys family adventures, maybe see how they were getting on with Dany as Queen and Jon as King Consort, their children, etc. Or maybe they decided to leave the continent and the assholes in it for good and go somewhere else to start a life 😆But I think the what-we-could-have-had is more upsetting, for me, than anything else. But that's what fanfiction is for. (Since GRRM is, well, you know...) I just wish so hard that we had gotten a lot more (happy) Jonerys screen time.
Anyway, sorry for the slight rant, anon; I'm not even sure if this is a very well put-together opinion piece but that's all I've got for the moment. Thank you for checking in!! It's greatly appreciated.
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Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?
askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like
(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)
i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads
which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter
it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272
it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all
and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to
i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet
rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare
(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)
(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)
probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them
like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy
(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)
(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)
even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to
i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident
and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection
‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!
another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing
other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could
this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor
something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins
and...
first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more
(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)
more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left
(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)
(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)
which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them
there’s just so little of him left but the weapon
he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins
not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once
and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps
... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here
just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either
no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?
the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -
it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat
they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope
but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one
yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction
the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...
that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice
like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds
... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger
what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?
don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear
some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all
and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain
(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)
(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)
i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond
he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him
but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’
(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)
(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)
more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror
in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them
that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands
as for maglor...
i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad
but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge
it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons
horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!
it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve
and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me
so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them
an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects
maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin
seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me
the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them
there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay
they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain
he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can
(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)
(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)
however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this
but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created
and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable
look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat
but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?
that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian
we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence
(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)
like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them
(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)
elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home
... right?
it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice
then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them
the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him
instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through
... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most
i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives
they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t
speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations
because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke
that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain
(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)
(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)
(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)
(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)
not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past
i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy
no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer
compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea
and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic
honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way
but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me
which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage
it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently
i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist
in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing
they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification
they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world
and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood
nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams
there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer
as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor
(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)
but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves
they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage
he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less
and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be
... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out
the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of
and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -
i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can
they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light
and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality
it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved
even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor
not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands
it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one
that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other
and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness
but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out
well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell
it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial
still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away
#ask#my terrible headcanons#elros#elrond#maglor#elwing#earendil#feanorians#niphredilien#yellow feathered faerie#putting your old url in the tags for archival purposes#post nyanyannya askbox clearout#ironically it turned out almost as long as the songfic that clogged up my askbox in the first place#and it is DONE#fuck this took forever to write#stayed up late just to get it out the door so i don't have to think about it any more#this is a long ramble and i'm pretty sure the end is just me repeating myself ad nausem sorry#i'll admit to a certain pro-feanorian bias in my interpretation#but i also don't want elros and elrond to just. live in a neverending horrorshow for decades#the silm's cruel enough we don't need that#narratively i feel like elrond being All Of The Elves is a good mirror for elros being All Of The Humans#but it didn't really fit the angle i was going for#bleck#let's see how many followers i lose for this
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so long
katsuki bakugou x fem! reader (oneshot)
summary: getting back together with an ex is tempting in ways that it shouldn't be
contains: smut
word count: 2.3k
author's note: i might make a series out of this, idk yet. lemme know in the comments though if you'd be interested <3
edit: i made a series!! find it here
masterlist
You stepped out into the darkness of the night as you headed over to the pool area where the rest of your class said they were hanging out. After the long day of training, it made sense that most people wanted to spend the night relaxing in the hot tub. Dressed in a swimsuit, with a towel and your room key in hand, you walked over to where the light of the pool illuminated the faces of some of your classmates.
But what you’d failed to realize was that none of the girls had come.
Five pairs of eyes stopped on your form as you stepped into their view, and you felt as each of them practically raked their eyes over you before turning away quickly. You immediately felt self conscious, moving the towel that was hanging on the side of your arm in front of your body, as if it was a shield that could protect you from their stares.
“Hey Y/N!” Kirishima called out quickly.
You waved back, giving him a small smile as you placed your stuff on one of the pool chairs. It was as you did this that you began to feel Bakugou’s piercing stare on your form.
What’s his stupid problem?
You decided to ignore him and his issues as you made your way to the edge of the tile.
“Hey guys, where’s everyone else? I thought some of the girls were coming too.”
“They said that they were too tired to come out in the groupchat,” Ojirou answered. “It makes sense, since the training today was really hard.”
“Oh,” was all you could really say in response.
Why hadn’t they told you earlier? That would’ve saved you the embarrassment of having to come here and get ogled by your male classmates. Yeah, you’d known them for pretty much three years now, but you could still feel the way their gaze was directed towards you, or any of your female counterparts whenever entering a room. It was definitely a lot better than when you had first started, but it was still there.
Well, you couldn’t just back out now. You were already here, and the water looked so warm and… inviting.
“Come in,” Kirishima smiled as he scooched himself over to make room for you.
But of course, it was right next to Bakugou.
You internally rolled your eyes and groaned as you slipped both your legs into the warm water, watching as some of the steam escaped, before making your way in.
You easily slid between the two boys, and leaned back against the tile. The jets weren’t on, but the water was warm enough that your body still instantly relaxed. It had been an extremely long, tiring day.
It was mostly quiet, with only the sounds of the water shifting and the light chatter that Ojirou and Satou were making on the other side of the hot tub.
Your hands were resting on either side of your legs, keeping you in place as you leaned against the pool wall. But you almost jumped at the feeling of someone’s fingers touching one of yours.
You quickly swivelled your gaze over to Bakugou, who seemed to be staring off into the distance with his usual grumpy look on his face.
You knew it was him, but whether or not it was on purpose was still up for debate. So you decided to ignore him, and promptly forgot about it when Kirishima spoke up again.
“You did really good in your training today Y/N.”
“Thank you,” you smiled as you turned back to him quickly. “You did really good today too. Your unbreakable move was super cool.”
“Ah,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “It was nothing really.”
You noticed how his face was beginning to tinge the slightest bit red, and you couldn’t really tell if it was from the temperature of the water or if he was just blushing.
And then out of nowhere, you felt another touch from Bakugou, except his fingers lingered this time, resting on the outer edge of your thigh. You continued to ignore him, knowing that he wasn’t even looking in your direction while his fingers began rubbing your skin softly.
You knew you could easily pluck his hand off of you and move away. And that’s what you should’ve done. That’s what you were supposed to do.
But you didn’t.
And in some sort of twisted way, you liked the familiar feeling, despite the way it slightly burned in your chest with the way he was acting.
He was an asshole, so why did you continue to let him mess with you?
“No, don’t undersell yourself,” you stated, bringing your attention back to Kirishima. “It was very cool, or, manly as you would put it.”
He gave you a wide toothy grin before opening his mouth to say something else, but he was interrupted by Ojirou, Satou, and Tokoyami as they began getting up and making their way out of the jacuzzi.
And again, you felt Bakugou’s fingers rub your thigh again, after a while of just sitting there. Except, you could feel as he began inching his hand higher up your thigh, trying to get a reaction out of you.
But you ignored him again, and turned to stare at the blank space in front of you. He still hadn’t said anything to you, so why would you say something to him first?
“Bye guys!” Kirishima waved after the three boys who left.
He was blissfully unaware of the tension coming from right beside him and the way that Bakugou’s fingers were continuously rubbing over your thigh. You wanted to keep it that way, but the uneasy, yet fluttering feeling in your stomach from his touch became worse once his hand had made its way towards your inner thigh.
You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to ignore it and not say anything out loud. It was embarrassing, letting everyone know you were letting your ex feel you up under the water.
But you knew exactly what Bakugou was doing, with the way that his hand was now kneading the skin on your inner thigh, groping and squeezing it continuously. It was almost painful at this point, and you knew when you came out the skin would be all red. But you let him do it.
“Well, uh, I think I’m gonna go back to my room now,” Kirishima stated lightly, as he stretched his arms over the top of his head. “It’s been a long day, so Imma head to bed now.”
No, don’t leave me alone with him.
“Ok, goodnight Kirishima,” you waved.
“Bye guys,” he smiled before he left.
And again, it was silent, with only the sound of the water flowing slowly as you shifted uncomfortably. You gave a sidelong glance to Bakugou, trying to see if he was now going to say what this was all about. But he ignored you, still staring to the other side.
His hand still hadn’t moved from its spot on your thigh, but you didn’t want to say anything about it. And with Bakugou keeping silent too, you clamped your mouth shut and decided to pretend he wasn’t there with you.
“I know what you’re doing,” you heard Bakugou mumble from the side. His grip on your thigh suddenly became more harsh, and you could feel how his blunt nails were digging into your skin.
“What exactly am I doing?” you asked, without even turning to look at him.
“Wearing this stupid swimsuit in front of all the others, trying to get a rise out of me,” he seethed.
His hand had let go of its death grip on your thigh, and you almost felt it give a sigh of relief, but his fingers were slowly rolling over the edge of the swimsuit, where the seam met your skin.
“What do you want?” you huffed, turning to finally face him. You already knew the answer to his question, obvious by what was happening below the surface of the water.
“What do you think?” he deflected, his eyes meeting yours. His fingers were now running over the little bit of fabric that was covering your heat. He was trying to tease you.
You paused before replying, “You know we can’t.”
“Then why didn’t you stop me earlier?”, he asked with a raised eyebrow as he scooted closer. You could feel as his finger began pushing itself against your folds, but the pressure was still lessened by the swimsuit fabric blocking him.
Your breath hitched slightly, and you caught his smirk as he finally got you to react to what he was doing.
“Because the others were here, and it was embarrassing,” you replied, turning away.
“So? There’s no one here now.”
Your eyes narrowed into a glare as you tried to stare him down, yet making no move to try and move his fingers from where he was now rubbing. It felt too good to do that, too safe, too familiar.
“Face it, you're still a slut for me. Even if we’re not together it doesn’t matter,” he smirked as he brought his face closer to yours. “You’re still mine.”
“I’m no-”
It was then that his fingers finally went under the swimsuit, and you revelled in the feeling of them as he began to pump two of his fingers in and out at a steady, slow pace. Your breath was immediately stopped, as you quickly bit your lip to try and prevent any sounds from coming out.
With that, Bakugou began pumping his fingers in and out faster, his other hand finally joining the action as he brought it up to your chest to knead your breasts. He stood in front of you, encasing you with your back against the tiled wall as he continued to pump his fingers into your pussy. And as much as you tried to, you could no longer hold in your whimpers or your moans as he began curling his fingers inside of you, leaving you to hold onto his broad shoulders for support.
“Take it,” he growled as he continued. But then, his other hand stopped kneading your breast, leaving it to rub his thumb against your clit as he continued pumping you.
You could no longer control the way your legs are shaking, or the way your heart rate sped up instantly as he relentlessly continued. The knot in your stomach became tighter from the overstimulation, and you could no longer control your next words.
“Baku- Ah, I’m gonna cum!”
And almost immediately, he stopped.
You instantly opened your eyes to see why he had stopped, only for him to wordlessly pick you up by your thighs and sit you down at the edge of the pool while he remained in the water.
“Bakugou please!” you pleaded desperately. His fingers were so warm, so familiar to you. You needed him to help you finish.
“And here I thought you weren’t mine anymore,” he asked with an eyebrow raised. His hands were now resting on your thighs, running up and down slowly as you became more desperate to get off from your high. Every second he spent teasing you lessened the knot in your stomach.
“Baku-”
“Katsuki,” he interrupted quickly. “I fuckin’ hate when you call me that.”
And without saying anything else, he was yanking off your sticky bathing suit and spreading your legs open wide.
“Katsuki,” you started quickly, glancing around. “What if someone comes?”
He made a noise that sounded like it was between a laugh and a scoff, “Now you care? Not when you were moaning like a whore two minutes ago?”
But before you could say anything else, he pushed his mouth right up to your soaking entrance (which wasn’t just because you were in the pool), and began peppering it with light kisses before shoving his tongue in.
Your hands were instantly running their way through his hair as you panted loudly and moaned. With his tongue swirling around quickly, it didn’t take long for the knot to make its way back into your stomach, leaving you a mess as you edged your way towards your orgasm.
“That's a good girl,” you heard Katsuki grumble against you, sending the vibrations straight to your clit. “Be a good little slut and cum on my tongue.”
And that was exactly the encouragement you needed as you arched your back and instantly began creaming, feeling him lap it up quickly as he helped you ride out the orgasm.
You were left a panting, sticky mess as you laid back on the floor, uncaring from how violently your legs were shaking and the way your chest rose up and down quickly.
Katsuki quickly stripped off his swimsuit, tossing it off to the side uncaringly, as he brought himself over your form. You could see the way his eyes were practically fucking you themselves as he laid himself over you and lined his cock up to your entrance.
He began rubbing himself over your folds, coating them with your slick before finally pushing it in quickly, not really giving you enough time to adjust to his length.
You sharply inhaled, while he groaned at the feeling of you clenching around him. Even if it had only been a couple months since you’d broken up, it felt like it did the first time you’d slept together.
Even though he’d paused for a second, it wasn’t really for you to adjust more than it was for him to get used to the feeling of being back inside you again.
How he’d craved to feel you writhing beneath him for so long. He’d missed the little noises you’d make whenever he teased you, trying to see the different reactions he’d get out of you.
As soon as he began pounding himself into you, your moans came out louder and higher, your fingers desperately grasping onto his shoulders and chest for support while you were smushed between his body and the floor.
It was sheer ecstasy, for both of you, after not being with each other for so long.
#bakugou katsuki#mha x reader#mha x y/n#mha smut#mha fic#bnha x reader#bnha fic#bakugo x reader#bakugou smut#bakugou x you#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha katsuki x reader#mha fanfiction#oneshot#so long#keke.writes#keke.spice
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Hey idk if I’ve asked for this before but can you do nsfw Bakugo x fem reader fic, where you do work studies with him. He’s obviously going to be a little older 3-6 years, and you two have know each other since you were kids and he’s always just been a little nicer to you and cared about you more than others, and when you are working with him you get hurt and he flips out. You’re really confused and your like “wtf why do you care this isn’t affecting your job” and he gets mad your not getting the hint that he cares about you in a “not friendly” way, he ends up tch’ing and just says frick it and confesses that he has feelings for you and you’re just like cool I reciprocate and he’s like “with”... it just gets frisky from there... Idk if this is like a thing you might be interested in writing about, but like it just an idea😃... Anyways I love your work please keep it up🥺(sorry for any grammatical errors I’m writing this at 2:30am)
What Took So Long? - Bakugou Katsuki
Bakugo x f!reader
Warnings: NSFW, f!receiving, mutual pining, angst, injury, fluff, cursing, all the good stuff
BAKUGOU”S MASTERLIST
Summary: you and Katsuki have been close friends for forever, how long is it gonna take to realize both your love is mutual?
Growing up, you and Katsuki got along really well. You knew him before he got his quirk so you got to see his non-egotistical self. You saw the him that was kind and caring and he always looked out for you, always took care of you, always was there for you. In your eyes, you thought he thought it was in a big brother kinda way. Oh how that changed once you both became teenagers.
You both made it into UA, of course at different times, but you still kept in touch. You guys hung out like, everyday! It was always wake up, FaceTime, go to school, text throughout the day, and meet and go to either your house or his. It was like there was nobody else in the world except you two.
Throughout the years, you developed a small crush on the blonde boy. What went from a small crush turned into love. To you, it was unreciprocated love. He was 3 years older than you! He had to have seen you as a little sister. It only made sense! When you came to that terribly incorrect realization, you pushed back your feelings. What you had with Katsuki was special! You’re friendship meant the world to you. It didn’t matter if you wanted more, what you had was already perfect, there was no way it could’ve gotten better than this.
—
This. These moments. These memories being made with Katsuki kept you sane. As you both cuddled up and watched a trashy reality tv show in your room on your computer, you both threw popcorn at the screen at the cringe scenes.
“BoooooOOOOO!!” You both said as you threw a handful of the buttery snack. You both laughed at the moment as you settled down again. With you both laying on each other, your head on his, while his own rested on your shoulder, you were sure both of you would get neck pains the next day.
“So,” Katsuki started up a conversation, “how’s your third year at UA?”
“Ugh, don’t get me started. Classes got crazy hard outta nowhere. BUT, lucky for me, I have a UA graduate to help me out!” You said while nudging his arm.
“No way teddy bear, you’re finishing that on your own. As a graduate, that means I don’t gotta deal with that bullshit anymore.” He said as he popped some pieces of the snack into his mouth. With that, you pouted. Something he noticed and thought was insanely adorable. He poked your plump lips and told you, “hey, I’m helping you by letting you do your work study at my agency. You’re very welcome for that.”
“Helping? Suuukkiiii, you barely let me go out and fight. How am I supposed to get experience and actually do my work study if I don’t...you know..WORK?” You whined out. Katsuki had always been avoiding this topic. Yeah, he let you get your credits by going to his agency, but he never let you do any real hero work other than paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, you loved hanging out with him as much as you could, but it was beginning to get boring not doing anything at the agency.
“Y/N, no. You’re getting enough experience. Paper work is a big part in the life of a Pro,” he argued.
“Yeah, well saving people and actually getting out there in the field is a bigger part in the life of a pro.” You rebuttled as you flopped down next to him. You looked at him with puppy eyes and he knew what was coming.
“No.”
“Pleaseee Suki!”
“No.”
“Pleaseee!!”
“Nope.”
“Sukiiiiiii!!” You whined while tugging at his arm. He sighed before answering.
“One job, WITH ME, and that’s all you get.” He said while staring at you with a stern look. You smiled and jumped in the air.
“YESSSS!!”
—
So now here you are, on job number whatever. You weren’t sure how many you’ve actually been on because ever since your first job with Katsuki was a huge success, he let you join him more and more. You were almost like a partner to him now, fighting crime together. Except this time...things went a little south.
As the villain struck you down mid air with his quirk, you fell to the ground with a now burned arm. Katsuki saw red. No fucking way. No way in HELL is he going to let some shit faced freak bring harm to his teddy bear, his world, his best friend, and the love of his life. Yup. Katsuki Bakugou fell for his best friend. But could you blame him? You knew him better than anyone else, you guys got along so well, you were absolutely gorgeous and he was sure he’d give his life for you. 100%. So when this scum bag thought he could try and ruin you, he saw red. Blasting him a thousand times over and once he was sure he was out cold, battered, bloodied, and bruised he ran to check on you.
You were sitting on the ground holding your left arm where the burn mark was. Your costume was tattered and your head felt like it was gonna blow. Katsuki came along and didn’t really help with that all too much.
“YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!” He screamed. Oh, the throbbing your head had only increased with his booming voice.
“You see?! This is exactly why I hate bringing you along! You’re always gonna get hurt!” He said as he picked you up off the ground to help you stand.
“Of course I’m gonna get hurt Dynamight, my job as a hero includes a little beating every now and then for the sake and safety of others!” You replied, raising your voice as well.
“You’re NOT a hero Y/N!” He said as he reached out for your arm.
“Yet! Not yet at least! But I will be!” You replied while pulling away from him. His eyes were shaken and it was clear he was mad. You pushing his buttons didn’t help soothe his anger either.
“NO YOU WONT. Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! YOU ALREADY GOT HURT ON SUCH A SIMPLE JOB, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?!?!?” Bakugou heard the words he said and he thought he was doing the right thing. Granted, he knew the delivery was bad, but his message was in there. He didn’t want Y/N to be hurt. If she died on the battle field, Katsuki wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Y/N can’t be a hero, for her safety and his sanity. He loved her too much to have to watch her take beating after beating. However, Y/N took it in a completely different way.
“Are you trying to say I can’t be a good hero?!” You asked filled with anger and hurt.
“Y/N,”
“It’s H/N, Dynamight. That’s the name you’ll address me as for when we’re on the job. That’s the name you’ll have to get used to because I will be a hero!” You exclaimed.
“You can’t be a hero Y/N! You’re gonna get hurt! You always get hurt! You’d be more of a burden on a mission instead of an advantage! So just stop trying ‘Cuz you’re never gonna make it!” He screamed at you. Is this what he really thought of you. That you were weak and wouldn’t be able to do jack shit? As your eyes began to water, you walked away from him in silence.
“Y/N...where are you going?” He asked you as he followed.
“Recovery girl. She’ll heal me up and I’ll be perfectly fine.” You simply stated.
“At least let me help you,” Bakugou said as he tried to reach out to you, but you only stepped away from him again, which made his heart hurt a little.
“Don’t touch me, Bakugou. I’ll be fine on my own.” You said.
“Bakugou? Who the fuck are you talking to teddy bear?” He said as he got all up in your face. You only rolled your eyes and stepped to the side. You used your quirk to get into the air and travel faster. In the dust, you left behind a confused and hurt Katsuki.
“Uhh....Okay! See you later for movie night!” He yelled out as he watched you fly off. You’d still show up, right? Yeah, you’d show. You always spent everyday together after school and work so it only made sense...right?
—
Well he was wrong. Really wrong. It’s been a week since you last spoke to him, the longest it’s ever been, and he was starting to get into a depressing cycle. Wake up, call Y/N. No reply. Get ready, spam her. No reply. Go to work, text Y/N throughout the day. No reply. Get out of work, go home, shower, eat dinner, do whatever while stalking your social media, go to bed, spam a little more, call twice more, and still. No reply. He misses his teddy bear.
Y/N doesn’t even go to her work study anymore. She’s been doing everything she could to avoid Bakugou, and he’s noticed it all too well. He still gave her the credits, he wanted her to pass of course, but he was also tempted to stop doing that just so she could show up and see him. Thankfully he didn’t.
Now here lies Bakugou Katsuki, watching a movie by himself again, hoping his crush and best friend would show up. But again, like every other night for the past week, she hasn’t shown. The end credits roll in and Bakugou sighs as he looks down, thinking back to all he said.
‘Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! ... DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?! ... you’re never gonna make it!’
Bakugou flopped down onto his bed.
“Great idea Katsuki, tell your dream girl she won’t ever reach her goals. That’ll win her heart,” he sarcastically said aloud as he cringed at his own thoughts. Bakugou just let a few tears fall, before rolling over and going to bed. He had patrol in the morning, maybe it’ll get his mind off of Y/N.
—
Orrrr maybe not. Because here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight, following around his 18 year old crush as she walked home after getting some coffee from their favorite cafe. Should he have been on patrol keeping the city safe? Yes. But was he going to take this chance to talk to Y/N to fix this shit? Yes.
Once Y/N made it to her doorstep she heard a voice behind her.
“Glad you made it home safe..Maybe we could pick up on that trashy reality show now that we’re both here,” Katsuki said while trying to joke around. Y/N only rolled her eyes at the hero and attempted to put her key into the lock. Katsuki was quick to react though. He snatched her keys out of her hand before speaking again.
“Y/N please! I can’t live like this! I can’t live without you in my life. You’ve been absent for a week and it’s been driving me insane!” He said while holding onto your wrist.
“Katsuki, give me back my keys.” You calmly said.
“Y/N, just hear me out.” He also calmly said.
“And listen to you say what Katsuki?! That I’ll never be a hero? That even if I was I’d be a terrible one? That I should just give up and stop trying?! Don’t worry, I already have. So now, let me go-“ Bakugou shut you up with a kiss. You were shocked and froze up. He kissed you with such passion and you melted into it, closing your eyes and letting him hold you as he pleased. He speperated from you before speaking again.
“You are not a terrible hero. Y/N you’re one of the strongest people I know. If anything, you’d be a better hero than me...but if you got hurt, I don’t know what I would do.” He said looking down. You turned your head in confusion at his small confession.
“Katsuki?..”
“When you got hurt that day, I was livid. I almost killed that guy, just for scorching your arm. There are so many worse things that could happen to you when you do become a pro and the fact that I freaked out so bad over a little burn is insane! I just want you to be safe. I can’t let you risk your life when I need you hear with me the most...... I can’t let the girl of my dreams get hurt.” He said while placing his forehead on yours.
“When I become a hero, I’d be taking on an oath to put others before my own. And that’s what I choose to do. I’m gonna get banged up from time to time and I understand you’re worried about me, but you have to trust me when I saw I’ll always come back to you. I love you Katsuki.” With that, Bakugou slowly moved in to give you another kiss. This time, you kissed him back, letting your hands travel to his soft, golden hair as he pressed you up against the door.
You heard him unlock your door during the kiss, and as he separated he spoke.
“Let me show you just how much I love you Y/N.” He pushed open the door and continued to make out with you. Kicking the door to close it, he pushed you up against the wall. There he picked you up, and groped your ass, earning a moan from you. With your mouth open, he slipped his tongue in, tasting all of you. He walked to your bedroom, kicking open the door this time, and shutting it the same way as before. He dropped you onto the bed as you both giggled in excitement. You noticed something though. He was still in hero gear.
“Shouldnt you be on patrol, Dynamight?” You asked as he came up to kiss your neck and you pulled him in closer.
“Dynamight has something better to do right now, Teddy Bear. And you know what?” He asked while putting his face right infront of yours.
“Tell me what, hero.”
“That’s the exact name I want you screaming.” He smirked. He tore off his top and mask before taking off your own. He then attacked your breast. He pulled off your bra before taking a second to admire your perfect curves. He squeezed a mound in one hand before taking in the other one with his mouth, biting at your nipple. Leaving hickies all over your chest, he was proud to see the purple marks that now adorn your upper body. He pulled down your pants and kissed your inner thighs. Right at the center was his treat. He pulled at your panties and stuffed them in his pocket.
“Hey!” You said after you noticed what he did.
“My little souvenir. Don’t worry about it princess, I’ll buy you more.” He kissed up on your legs and saw your arousal glistening. He licked his lips as his ruby eyes dialated. He was excited. He took an experimental lick as you moaned at the feeling and he savored the sweet taste. He could help himself, he dove right in for more. As his tongue lapped up against your clit, you moaned out in pleasure.
“Mm...yess Suki! Oh fuck right there..” you said as you pulled on his hair. He smacked your thigh, receiving a yelp from you.
“That’s not my name, princess~” he smirked against your pussy. He stuck his tongue in you and you cried out even more.
“F-Fuck! Dynamight, pleasee...more!” He squeezed your ass in approval as your legs began to shake. He knew what was coming and used his fingers to rub against your bud.
“Fuck..cum for me princess, cum in my mouth and let your hero taste you.” He said as your squirted in his face and Bakugou suck your clit, collecting all your sweet nectar.
“What a good girl,” he said as he came up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
“You ready for the main event?” He asked while giving you this cocky grin.
“Please..” you whined out.
“Please what, princess? You’re gonna need to be specific.” He knew what he was doing. He wanted you to beg. And you were going to do it.
“Mm..Please Dynamight! Please fuck me with your cock! Please fuck my pussy!” You begged. He smiled and smacked your ass.
“Good girl.” He said as he pulled down his hero slacks and stepped out of the material. Here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight and your now ex best friend completely stripped infront of you. His member hanging out with a hard erection and your eyes went wide at the length. He noticed this and tilted your chin up so your E/C diamonds could meet his eyes. “Don’t worry, it’ll fit,” he kindly said.
“Doubt it,” you sarcastically replied.
“Then we’ll make it fit, Princess.” You bit your lip in excitement. He pumped his cock a few times before placing the tip at your entrance. He rubbed his tip up and down you slit as he spoke.
“I’ve wanted this for so long princess, and now I’m finally gonna make you mine.” He said before he slammed in as you both cried out in ecstasy.
“Oh-oh my god..” you whimpered. He peppered your face in kisses to distract you from the pain. Once you adjusted to his size, you begged him to move.
“Please..more.”
With your permission, he began to thrust in and out of your heat, with hard, slow strokes. Both of you moaning as the sensation. The way he filled you up completely was euphoric. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, moaning into it as he picked up his pace a little more. You could hear his grunts and soft moans as he sped up, enjoying the way your pussy held him tight.
“Mm...Harder, Dynamight...F-Faster..please!” You whined. Katsuki listened, and he listened well. His strokes went deeper, his speed increased, and he fucked you harder than ever as he went up to your ear.
“Yeah...you want it harder?...deeper?....Mm fuck, faster princess? You like it rough? You like how Dynamight fucks your tight little cunt?” He asked while you cried out in pure pleasure.
“Y-yesss. Oh my god yes Dynamight. Fuck me just like this...ahhh!” Bakugou grabbed onto your ass with both his hands as he pummeled into you. You gripped his hair and he moaned at the feeling. He sucked on one of your tits as he looked at you. God, you were gorgeous. The blush that covered your face, you mouth hanging open with a slight smile as moans fall from it, and your eyes looking up like you’ve been fucked stupid.
“Oh..I’m gonna cum! Please, I’m gonna cum!” You moaned out.
“Not yet Teddy bear. Hold it,” he said as he gave your ass a hard smack and pulled out of you. You whined at the loss of his cock and looked at him with begging eyes.
“Turn around princess. I want you on all fours.” He simply said as he continued to pump his cock.” You moaned at the sight of it and smirked to yourself. He watched as you dragged your hand to your center and began playing with yourself.
“And if I don’t listen?” You smiled as you moaned at the way your fingers rubbed at your pussy. Bakugou grabbed your hand and got in your face before you could go any further.
“Then the brat who wants to cum so bad will cum for me 100 times over as her punishment.” He said as a threat but you only took it the best way possible.
“Sounds fun..Katsuki.” With that, he yanked your hand away from yourself and flipped you over before slamming back into you from behind and smacking your ass again and again.
“Ohh fuck...Ah...you think you’re funny, huh y-you brat? Let’s see how funny you are when I fuck you so dumb the only thing you’ll know is my name.” He said as he pounded into you. Your cried were muffled as you screamed into the mattress.
“Don’t do that, princess, I wanna hear your pretty cries,” he said as he yanked your hair, lifting your head up. He grabbed onto your neck and kissed you as you both loudly moaned into it. He squeezed your neck ever so lightly but tightly as he placed his forehead on yours to look down at where you both meet and become one. He sped up at the sight.
“I bet you love this. I bet you love having Dynamight’s cock deep inside you. Can you feel me? Huh? Feel me in your guts? Feel my big dick deep inside you?” He asked as he looked back at you.
“Y-Yesss! Oh f-fuck...ohhh so big!” Bakugou smiled at your comments and felt you squeeze around him.
“S-shit...you gonna cum? Gonna come on this big dick?” He asked as his hand traveled to you pussy, rubbing at your clit.
“Do it! Do it now, cum on my cock!” You squirted around his cock and Bakugou continued to fuck you through your orgasm and you cried out, and your upper body fell to the mattress. His hands grabbed at your waist as he pounded your pussy. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and bit his bottom lip as he threw his head back moaning out.
“Fuck! Ohh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum. You want my cum princess? Can I fill your pussy with my cum?” He asked while looking down at you. You had little tears poking at the ends of your eyes due to the mass amount of pleasure and Bakugou came at the sight. His thrust stopped as his hips met your ass in a final push, while his cum went deeper into your pussy, filling you to the brim. You both cried out as he finished and he kept himself in there for a little until you both caught your breath. He kissed up your spine to your cheek as he pulled out and layed down next to you.
As he pulled you closer to him he could hear your soft voice.
“A-amazing...Suki.” You said as you nuzzled into his neck. He only smiled as he realized you forgot.
“I hope so, cuz we’re not done teddy bear.” He said while smirking. Your eyes went wide as you looked at him in shock.
“Your punishment. Remember? I want you cumming on my cock a 100 times over. I don’t even want you to be able to walk for the next week.” He said while looking you right in his eyes. You took on his little challenge and straddled his waist before pumping his cock a few times and hovering over it. He watched the whole thing and licked his lips at you.
“Fine then Dynamight,” you said as his hands traveled to your hips. “Show me what you got,” you said as you slammed back down on him releasing cries from both you and him. This was gonna be a fun, long night.
—
After rounds 2, 3, 4, and 5, you both lie on your bed completely fucked out as you held onto each other. Bakugou was contempt as he held you under his chin and thought you were asleep. You were only resting your eyes with a soft smile on your face. Bakugou kissed the top of your head before softly speaking.
“I’m so sorry for everything I said teddy bear. You are the most amazing person in the world. I just don’t want you to be hurt. I wanna protect you for the rest of my life. I love you with my everything and I really want you to officially be mine. When you wake up, I’m gonna tell you all of this.” Bakugou sighed. Now it was your turn to speak.
“You don’t have to wait Suki,” you softly spoke as Bakugou looked down at you in shock. “I already heard it all, and I want to officially be yours too.” You said while looking right at him.
“Heh..I thought you passed out,” he teased.
“Well then I guess you’re not as good as you thought, Dynamight.” You teased back.
“You tryna say I didn’t fuck you good enough princess?! Cuz I still got enough for one more round that’ll be sure to shut your mouth real quick!” You only laughed at his little outburst.
“I’m good Suki. Trust me, you did more than enough.” You said.
“You’re damn right. And by the way you were screaming my name, I’m sure of it.” He proudly stated.
“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes and softly spoke. You both gently laughed at the teasing and embraced each other once more, but this time a little tighter.
After a few peaceful moments of silence, you heard him speak up.
“So..you’re being serious about really wanting to be mine..right?” Bakugou asked with worry laced in his voice.
“Of course I’m serious Suki. I don’t wanna be anybody else’s but yours.” You said in the cutest voice. Bakugou blushed at the confession.
“Ok then teddy bear. You’re mine now, and I’m never gonna let you go again.” He whispered. “I love you Y/N.”
“I love you too Suki.”
—
“WHERE WERE YOU?!?? A BANK WAS ROBBED, MULTIPLE PEOPLE WERE MUGGED, AND 2 VILLAIN BRAWLS BROKE OUT ON YOUR PATROL MAN!! ARE YOU GOOD?!?” Red riot screamed into the phone.
“Yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m great actually, a lot of good stuff happened on my patrol.” Bakugou said as he drank from his glass of water.
“Dude. Seriously?” The red head said in disbelief. What could possibly make up for all the crimes committed on his best friend’s watch?!
“Seriously. Gotta go, talk to you later shitty hair.” Katsuki said as he hung up the phone. As he finished cooking, he brought two plates of food to the couch for Y/N and himself. He had to carry Y/N there.
“What was all that about?” Y/N asked as she took a sip from her cup and turning away from the trashy reality show you both were watching.
“Just another reason why you’d make a better hero than me, teddy bear.” You awed at the compliment and cuddled into him. If only you knew how serious he was being.
Kirishima would know. For he was the one running around like a mad man trying to stop all the crimes committed due to his best friend being absent thanks to his horny desires.
A/N: YAYYY MY FIRST REQUEST! I really enjoyed writing this one and I’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. I’m hope you enjoyed it tho! Feel free to drop more request for me to do!💗🧸
P.S. New series coming on the way!
#bakugou scenarios#bakugou oneshot#bakugou angst#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugo x reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x reader#katsuki x reader#bakugo angst#bakugou smut#katsuki smut#mha bakugo katsuki#mha bakugou#mha angst#mha#my hero academia#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha bakugou#bnha#bakugou imagine#bakugou blurb#bakugou x you#bakugou thirst
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bro i been thinking abt that (the one up there that one great post big fan) post theorizing that dennis is meant to be a twist on the “jim halpert” kind of a leading man thats standard on sitcoms. and how all the characters are like that yanno? historically successful, funny, and loved tv tropes put into an unforgiving and realistic world? like it’s even funnier when you think about how it’s almost as if the gang (ESP Den) /knows/ that they should be getting rewarded for all their antics and scheming. that’s what happens on tv. on tv jim knew from day one that he was the man for pam, he /knew/ he’d get her and (so) he /did/! he didn’t even have to try!! but in philly dennis “knows” that he’s the man for (caylee, mac, literally anyone) but it comes off as creepy not charming thus hes often rejected and humiliated.
dee is the female voice of reason (yeah ik the origin of kaitlins dee shut up let me talk), and yet her schemes and beliefs are just as titled as the boys. now look at this: lisa simpsons job wasnt to actually convince her dad or brother that their idea was dangerous. lisa’s job was to call attention to just how fucking stupid the male leads r. plus she’s a chick and implicit lesbo so she doubles as a punching bag. just like dee. cept dee isn’t super smart or musically inclined, the only thing she really has going for her is the gang. and the fact that she’s probably the best off in terms of not destroying her own life. which lets her have this unearned sense of superiority similar to dennis’ because she ~knows~ that she’s the voice of reason. what she doesn’t know is why even after she’s proven that that’s not who she WANTS to be anymore the guys still refuse to treat her like a real member of the gang even though she so obviously is. even tho the guys know she’s just as good (bad) as they are. lisa simpson, the chick from seinfeld, and lois griffin are all fine and good and are funny because deep down lois CHOSE to marry peter, lisa explicitly LOVES her family DESPITE their flaws. but dee is UNLOVED. there’s no point in her being there other than to contradict, not cos she necessarily wants to but the gang actively avoids giving her attention for anything else. so now you’ve got the voice of reason trope desperately trying to prove their own unreasonableness in an attempt to be liked. the boys resist. she acts up. they give her enough of a nod for her to stay for another drink. meanwhile the gang is getting into increasingly stupid and dangerous schemes because the voice of reason prefers not being shit on. almost like how a real person would react to being forced into that position. huh.
charlie and mac r sort of make up one; they’re the gang (ik ik) they’re dennis’ gang. the chandler and the other one. the “leading mans” sidekicks who are happy to go along with whatever plan, happy to let him get the girl, happy to remind him of how perfect he is when he’s down. (which obviously mac and charlie are NOT happy about ANY of that and HATE that dennis treats them like they are.) It’s also maybe important to note that usually the “leader” of the group is the one who brought the three friends together. dennis just crashed mac and charlie’s twosome one day and never left. mac and charlie support dennis but only out of annoyance or in macs case sometimes something deeper. either way, it’s out of trope. really they shouldn’t be able to function without dennis telling them how to. but at this point it seems like they’re better off without him around.
but charlie is also his own trope. Cause the thing is…charlie works as a lovable goofball, the slob with a heart of gold, socially awkward sure but deep down he wouldn’t hurt a fly. except. he would hurt a fly. he is a self-proclaimed “rat-basher”, hes the only character to explicitly say the n word, he stalks and assaults the waitress (her trope is p obvious. perfect girl that the loser drools over, she rejects him.) to the point of her actually breaking and agreeing to HAVE HIS KID (need a whole new post abt those beans jfc)
NOW. i ask you…what usually happens in tv shows with the charlie/waitress dynamic? typically i’d say that throughout the course of the show the audience realizes that the supposed “perfect girl” is actually a bitch and that it’s actually the unassuming, more natural looking, lead girl who should get together with the charlie character. depending on the show, maybe she’s the girl who’s been helping him chase his supposed dream girl. or she’s the girl who is, up until the big reveal, his lesbian-coded best friend who is SICK of hearing about this girl. or maybe shes just always been there, but he’s never considered her because they’ve been friends for so long, they’ve known each other since they were kids, maybe she isnt even on the table and she’s dating his friend, or she was dating his friend, or maybe…because she’s the sister of his friend. his friends TWIN sister. see where i’m going with this? it’s dee. dee and charlie are the b couple. the dwight and angela. they’re the obvious couple.maybe you didn’t see it at first but once it’s suggested you can’t unsee it. and when they DO get together. it’s like they always were. they’re the caring, devoted, consistent couple that the audience can lean on when things get messy in the other characters relationships. and yet. dee and charlie already DID get together. and apparently they hated it. hated it so much that charlie (the poor guy trope) wanted to stop and dee (girl next door trope) FORCES him to finish. not to mention neither of them seem all that interested in a caring consistent relationship. at least not with each other. why would they be?
and what would a B couple be without an A couple? but how do you even go about satirizing an A couple? they’re meant to stay in a “will they won’t they” for at least five seasons, and when they inevitably do get together it’s full of cheating and lying and breaks. cause thats what makes an A couple interesting to watch. they’re “meant to be” and yet still have to work through the issues that all relationships face. and if it’s a sitcom this is usually funny because all the audience and characters have ever wanted was for the A couple to be official, but now that they are there’s somehow even MORE conflict within the show. sound like anyone? macdennis. but dennis (leading man) wasn’t prepared for a SECOND leading MAN. no one ever told him he was going to be expected to share the limelight. he assumed he’d meet his girl and he would know and so would she and then she’d happily stand behind him forever. not next to him. she certainly wouldn’t ever try and step IN FRONT OF DENNIS. like mac does. now remember that none of the characters, except possibly dee, know that they are filling out a trope. but dennis is the golden god. of course he knows. and that is why he is or was or whatever actively ensuring that he and mac would never be together in a way that could potentially over shadow denniss “guaranteed” leading lady, and more importantly dennis. and even more important. leading men. are not. and have never. been gay. (debatable but i digress)
so a couple b couple who cares? i cares. cause taylor swift doesn’t rape the guy at the end of “You Belong With Me”. b couples exist as a more palatable A couple. meant to be without the drama. so this is extremely out of trope for chardee. yk what ELSE is out of trope? macs coming out. yeah we’ve all touched on how fucked that must’ve felt from dens pov but here’s the thing. by coming out, mac was able to confirm that the A couple, in fact, WILL. and most likely already HAVE. but he did this alone. he and dennis didn’t come out together, mac doesn’t think about dennis at all in find his pride, mac being gay is his. and that leaves dennis with…the knowledge that he and mac ARE the A couple. not only that, but apparently mac can satisfy that trope all by himself. macs outness is obnoxious. it’s like he’s bragging about it. showing it off. it’s how everything was, but. worse. he doesn’t even need anyone to do the annoying A couple stuff, the parade around, the delusion that no one could have possibly known. he doesn’t need dennis. but it’s pretty clear that at least some part of mac still WANTS dennis. and was expecting dennis to too. but that’s not real life. imagine you’re in a “will they won’t they” for DECADES and then, out of nowhere, ur partner says “yeah no we will.” and everyone believes them. they don’t even need to spare a glance at you because they’ve always kinda known and now thanks to “your other half” they always will know for sure. no matter what you do. now there’s an expectation.
and (full circle u guys) dennis’ trope doesn’t usually call for meeting expectations. he’s attractive and charming, he’s supposed to be able to coast until he looks up and realizes he gs everything he ever wanted. but now he’s 44. and he has everything he never wanted. his abusive (not)father is best friends and the father of? HIS highschool best friend, his other best friend is an asshole who is somehow an asshole abt: being gay, dennis being gay, being gay for dennis, dennis not validating that when he expected him to. and his sister, who has been firmly planted against him since they were kids. hes starving and he’s a legit alcoholic, the gross kind, and all he’s ever done is get a diagnosis that makes his friends treat him weird and abandon his son who is named after a stranger to everyone. and i’ll prolly make a king post abt it but dennis has been showing subtle signs of edging towards (another) extreme breaking point and idk what it’s abt (fingers crossed mac uwu ihatemyself )but i’m just saying that dennis’ mentality has kind of always directed the group in a direct way (whether dynamics, psyche, finances, lives, time, etc) so that’s innerestin
and so now i say the most cracked out part of the post. this theory is giving me untapped amounts of hope that the only way the show can end is with the gang finally settling and finding happiness or they all commit group suicide. and idk abt u but those are the only two endings i’m interested in seeing.
#this is illegible#mostly chardee macdennis brain rot#i anyone wants i can repost this in like a coherent way#i don’t want u to know me like that but script analysis is kinda my forte and despite what it looks like i’m really good at explaining#this just isn’t explaining so much as#me thinking out loud#also ik i didn’t give mac his own trope i haven’t thought about it a lot but i’m sure i could find one for him#frank too#i excluded frank#cause i’m going off of like season one?? if that makes sense? like day one stuff but maybe i’ll think abt frank later#skornk#dennis reynolds#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#dee#macden#chardee#charlie kelly#dee reynolds#mac mcdonald#someone tell me how to make it so it doesn’t show up so long like so it’s underneath and i’ll do that#sorry
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the hues of an empty sky
Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there's one thing Jay's leant over the last few weeks, it's that literally nothing makes sense anymore.
Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a 'they tell everyone about the erased timeline' fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don't actually tell the other what exactly they're alluding to the whole time' fic that I wrote at like one am-
Also yeah, I realized too late that they split up to look for Wu after s7, we’re just gonna pretend that they waited a few days or something, idk anymore tbh, lol.
(I also didn't have time to edit - so please tell me where the typos are? 😂💛)
Word count: 4539
Prompt: crying, from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.
Trigger warnings: the main character has a panic attack, and squeezes their fingernails into their hands once or twice but I think that's it.
*facepalms* also, guys, i’m so stupid - i literally just realized that this freaking CHANGES TENSE HALFWAY OHMYGOSH I-
i don’t think it’s super noticeable, but ugh, apologies to anyone who actually thought my writing was good lol-
---
It's cold.
Bitterly, freezing cold.
The biting chill of the air is a bit strange for this time of year, but, heck, that's nowhere near the craziest thing that's ever happened to him - not by a long shot.
He sighs, squinting at the stars dotted liberally against the black canvas of the sky.
Cole had once joked that one of them might be the remains of their golden weapons, after they'd hurled the burning mass into the sky - in another alternate timeline; one that only existed in the memories of a certain few.
Gosh - that seemed like such a long time ago.
Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time, when he'd still thought that their powers were the coolest thing ever - instead of despising them for all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with them? When one of his biggest worries was whether the girl he had a crush on liked him back - not wondering if his friends would survive the night?
"I did not expect to find you awake at this hour, Jay."
Reflexivity, he jumps back, his mind twisting his friend's gentle voice into the- the djin's triumphant, accented one.
You're supposed to be a ninja. What good are you if your friends can still sneak up on you?
"Geez, warn a guy before you sneak up on him! I almost fell off the Bounty!"
"My apologies. I was... surprised to find you awake at this hour," Zane answers. "What are you doing?"
"Couldn't sleep. It's too cold," he confesses, not entirely a lie. Ninjago wasn't 'that' far from the Sea of Sand, but he'd grown up in a much warmer area - unfortunately resulting in his practically nonexistent tolerance to the cold. That never failed to stop Kai from teasing him about it, though. He doesn't mention the pressing weight on his chest, almost tangible - or how it constantly makes him feel. Like he's being dragged through the darkness of an empty sky, spikes of fear making everything so freaking terrifying- "You?"
"I have been analyzing my memories of Pixal, in the hope that it may lead me to her whereabouts. However, all my efforts have proved... unsuccessful," Zane answers wearily, shifting his gaze to the sky.
Oh- oh. They'd all be so caught up in the chaos of the last few weeks - hey, it's not like any of them had asked the universe to permanently be out to get them! - that they'd forgotten Pixal was still offline.
"Hey, I'm sure that she's still there somewhere," he says, earnestly. "After all - she wouldn't be your girlfriend if she didn't pull a vanishing act every now and again, eh?"
The question is punctuated with a laugh, but he doesn't say that he's a little worried about her too. They hadn't talked much, but-
I can't see one of my best friends find out that his girlfriend is dead, a quiet voice at the back of his mind points out. Well - been there, done that, wouldn't recommend, he thinks bitterly. Emotional breakdowns and frequent nightmares apply. Anxiety attacks are half off, too!
It's quiet for a few minutes, neither of them seeing a need to break the silence. The wind blows softly through the sails above them; gray wisps of cloud revealing a pale sliver of moonlight that paints the sky in its glow.
It should be a peaceful night: beautiful, calm, no one trying to kill them or destroy their city - for a change.
His hands won't stop shaking.
It should be a peaceful night, but, as usual, the world is too freaking unfair for that-
He hasn't even slept for a full night in weeks! Well, not since- since-
Don't think about it! That's only going to make it worse, duh-
"Are you alright, Jay?"
"Yeah- I- I'm good, thanks," he says quickly, ignoring the way his breathing keeps speeding up. FSM, not this-
Not for the first time, the world suddenly becomes too loud - too much. Every little thing, from trying to breathe properly or even walk- feels insurmountable, because, gosh, oh gosh, it's going to come crashing down if he even moves-
The memory starts off the same as it always does.
Rubble strewn over the temple grounds, his friends literally reduced to nothing more than statues. A shot that hit the mark perfectly, but perfectly shattered his world in the process.
A poison-splattered dress, a terrifying realization.
Her well-aimed joke, but one that never fails to sting every time. Gosh, why hadn't they just allowed her to join their team in the first place? Maybe they could've prevented this- this- whole situation, if they hadn't been so freaking egotistical-
And, again, he's overwhelmed by the sheer sense of helplessness, all his power and training and skills completely useless to one of the people he cared most about. FSM, if only I hadn't used my first w-request so carelessly! If only I'd been able to escape- or, or if only I'd been able to assemble the team faster! If only-
Despite being in what must've been unimaginable pain, she offers a strained smile - a sweet gesture that, ironically, feels like she's poisoning him, because- because FSM, this is all so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this-
He watches with horror as her eyes dull and she stills in his arms.
She's gone, FSM, she's gone and it's all my fault-
"Jay?" a voice asks, concern evident in their tone. Distantly, he registers that he's having a breakdown in front of one of his best friends - one of the things he'd been trying really hard to avoid.
Dang it.
"I-" he tries to say, but, great, he's breathing too fast to even get the stupid words out.
"Breathe in for four seconds," Zane says, softly.
Four seconds? Time has no meaning right now, narrowed down to, like - falling down a chasm, terrified of what's at the bottom, except the fear's all around, this- this... foreboding thing of his mind that keeps yelling that he needs to run, or fight, but he can't, can't-
Right. Four seconds.
You're okay, you're fine, no one's trying to hurt you or your friends. She's not dead.
But what if- what if they're being dragged out of this ship right now? What if it was all a dream, and she's dead anyway, because all of us were too stupid to come up with another plan, and none of us could even do anything when she-
After a little while, when he could breathe a little easier, and the fear didn't feel like it was slamming into him from every possible direction, he slowly opened his eyes. Shakily, he wiped a tear from his face - as if that would wipe away all the weeks that had, theoretically, never even freaking happened.
The sky comes back into focus - pinpricks of light against pitch black.
How was he going to come up with some sorta explanation without... well, explaining everything?
Great.
My nerves are frayed, and I have to lie to a walking lie detector - what could possibly go wrong?
"Are you alright?" Zane asks, his brows creased in concern.
"Heh heh, yeah. Probably just too many video games," he replies quickly, laughter a bit strained.
"You were muttering to yourself," his friend replies quietly. Ugh, trust the way-too-observant-nindroid to call him out on the remains of his facade. "If you do not mind me asking, what was 'all your fault'? I am sure that it was probably a misunderstanding."
You're the one who misunderstands everything, he thinks wearily, ignoring the part of him that yearns to tell someone else about... well, everything that's happened because of that stupid teapot. He's not one to keep secrets by nature, and it's been taking a bigger toll of him than he'd thought it would. Is this how Nya felt when she was still the Samurai? "It's- it's nothing, probably just nonsense."
"Are you sure? You seem... quite worried about something."
Dang it, were his hands still shaking? He presses his fingernails into his palms, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.
He's talking to one of his best friends, FSM. Weren't friends able to tell each other anything?
"Do you think it's easier to forget? Better?"
He didn't even realize he'd asked a question until Zane's eyes widened in surprise.
A forest coated in snow, ice crystals dangling from the tree branches above their heads. Plenty of screaming - way too much, he reflects, couldn't they have been a bit nicer? It must've been pretty jarring to learn that you weren't human, or that your father had erased years of your life from your mind - in that weird underground treehouse. Those crazy tree monsters - and the realization that they all had much more power than they'd thought.
"N- nevermind," he stutters, fleetingly thinking of kicking the deck. "That's way too personal, you don't have to answer it-"
"I do not mind," Zane says, a bit sadly.
Oh.
Heck, his friend was way too nice.
They gaze up at the stars for a few minutes, not really seeing them - one drowning under the weight of too many secrets, the other, too many memories.
It's quiet - too quiet.
Ugh, he thinks, sighing, that sounds like something a low-budget horror movie would start with, cringey sound effects to match.
But the silence is a painful reminder of the days he'd spent tossing and turning in a cramped cell - nothing but his worries and the bruises on his leg from that stupid ball and chain keeping him awake.
He's been trying hard - maybe too hard - to avoid being alone, avoid being in a situation where they've gotta be quiet ever since then, because, dang it, his memories always seem to fill the silence, and they're always far more terrifying than they should be-
It's easier, in a way, to be mocked for his stupid jokes than it is to relive a single moment from those nightmarish few weeks.
Almost reflexively, he grasps for something to fill the quiet.
"Heh, this is a bit awkward. It's okay if you wanna leave-"
"I do not mind," Zane echoes, walking a bit closer. "It is not as if I need to sleep. But... I do not quite know what to think of your question."
There comes the answer - or a semblance of one at least, and it's the last thing he'd been expecting.
"You don't know?" he blurts out before he can even think of trying to filter the thought. Way to treat your friend who's been nothing but kind to you, Jay. "But you're- you're a nindroid! You know everything-"
"Pixal," his friend mutters softly, sighing, and the hurt, the fear, laced through the word makes something in his heart practically twist. He knows all too well what it feels like to be in that situation - even if, technically, it had never happened.
Then- "I wish that were true. But I suppose that my emotions make certain situations much more complicated than... than they need to be. Thus I cannot give my perspective on this - or, at least, without sounding quite conflicted."
"You know that you're allowed to be conflicted, right? Even the coolest Nindroids don't know everything."
"...Yes, I suppose so."
Jay frowns at the almost subconscious hesitation, eyebrows creasing in concern.
"Seriously," he starts earnestly. They're both leaning on one of the railings just above the deck now. "Just 'cause you're a nindroid doesn't mean that you've gotta chase some kind of perfection that doesn't even exist."
He doesn't miss how Zane's eyes widen in shock, their bright blue hue glowing a little brighter - and heck, if that doesn't hurt even more than the earlier realization.
"Besides - it's not like none of us haven't made mistakes before. Hate to go all Wu on ya, but they help us learn or some stupid thing like that. Even if the mistake is trying not to make 'em, you know?"
"Thank you," Zane replies, a tired smile on his face. "Even the most advanced tech is susceptible to error, I suppose."
They've all made lots of mistakes, heaven forbid if one of them is still agonizing over messing up over the crazy situations the universe constantly put them in. It's not like they were told they'd have to face more ancient evil armies than they could count, were they?
Maybe it's time to stop focusing on events that never even happened, and pay more attention to your friends. What's the point of being part of this team if you're always scared or selfish?
"Shut up," he mumbles, rubbing his temples. What's the point of fighting if your own brain is gonna fight you whenever it gets a chance? A few seconds later, he schools his face back into his default anxious grin. "Great, cause I- I- could use your advice on something."
"Alright," comes the quiet reply, his friend seemingly lost in thought.
"What if you wanted to tell someone something, but you couldn't?"
His breathing starts to speed up again, but he grips the deck until his fingers are practically bruised, stark white against his tanned skin. Not this time-
"Is this what you were referring to earlier? An event that you blamed yourself for?" Zane asks, eyes flitting between the floor and the sky.
Dang it, way too observant as usual. He masks his surprise with a laugh, but the conversation definitely isn't going as planned and, oh gosh oh gosh, what if-
No, there's no way that any of them would even believe that. Besides - no one can remember stuff that they've forgotten, especially if magic's at play.
"Yeah, kinda," and he's surprised by how steady his voice sounds. It's not easy to even think about that- event, talking about it is a whole different thing. A much more difficult thing, but also - a bit, a little bit, easier. "I-"
"Apologies for interrupting," his friend interjects. "I suppose that I have not been entirely honest with you."
What?
"A few days ago, I discovered a number of deleted memory files buried deep within my code."
Just like that, his whole world tilts out from underneath him.
It takes every ounce of his strength to keep himself from falling into the abyss again.
Wait, what?
Has he really known for all this time? It's been weeks! Surely he would've said something? It can't be, it never even-
The rational part of his mind points out that he can remember every day of those few weeks. Well, he was the one to make the wish - magical logic is kinda stupid, but maybe that's why he had to remember it or something?
Well then, a small voice interjects, why was Nya cursed to remember everything too?
Of course, even the stupid magical logic doesn't even make sense to the one who caused this whole mess in the first place.
"They were almost entirely corrupted - scrambled in a way that I am not familiar with. However, I did realize that certain files bore dates that have not even occurred yet. I dismissed it as a problem with my code, however..."
Breathe, calm down, it's not like he was able to process them or anything-
We agreed that no one was supposed to know! What if they end up blaming us for keeping it a secret this long, or, or-
"I mean, they could've been-" he starts, but the way in which he's nervously twisting his fingers is a pretty clear indication that he's lying, dang it.
"So when you mentioned that you were unable to tell someone something - did you mean that it was because they had quite literally forgotten about it?"
Great. Fantastic. Of course the literal robot has pieced it together by now-
He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, hoping that if he ignores the problem, maybe it'll go away.
Okay, fine, maybe he's trying to figure out a way to fix this whole mess. Doesn't mean that he's any closer to coming up with a solution, though.
"Er, yeah," he whispers, shoulders slumped, eyes still firmly shut. Because gosh, he doesn't want to - can't, can't - see the realization dawn that, yeah, he's lied to people he's known for years and years, even though they've all seen way too many times that secrets bring nothing but trouble-
"Well, then - I would say that you don't have to tell them," Zane replies, surprisingly... earnestly? That, or he's either too freaked out to understand the tone properly. Could be either.
He opens his eyes, hesitantly.
And it comes as a bit of a shock to find nothing but concern reflected in his friend's.
The almost persistent weight on his chest feels a little lighter now, like the sky isn't as quite so empty.
Well, it still kinda is. But that doesn't hold as much weight as he'd thought it did - not if one of his friends is willing to look past that; past the heaviness of holding up all those memories with nothing his single star, flickering in and out of the darkness, to try and light the unforgiving darkness of the sky.
"Why?" Jay asks, so quietly he can barely hear it himself. "Don't I owe it to them? Do you?"
"No. Definitely not," comes the reply, so full of conviction that he almost stumbles back. Why-
"My father..."
Oh- oh.
"thought it was better to spare me the pain of mourning him than for me to know who I was," Zane confesses, hesitantly. "Not that I disagree, necessarily. I just..."
He trails off, clutching the railing so hard that the wood almost snaps beneath his titanium fingers.
It takes Jay a little while to realize why - why exactly his friend, who has access to a wealth of knowledge and information, is grasping for an answer. Because- because, well, even if someone does something in your best interests - sometimes the choice isn't always up to them. Or maybe it is, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to let go of the fact that his parents had never told him the truth sooner. Not that he blames them, necessarily - it's not like they knew that his father would pass on before he'd even get the chance to meet him - but... it's confusing, and difficult, not to know why you were left at a junkyard as soon as you were born. Maybe if he'd known that sooner, he could've asked the one person who might've had answers - although it's not like hoping for the past to change will actually change it.
They don't even know that you know, a small voice at the back of his mind points out, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense-
"You wanted a choice," he breathes, eyes widening. A choice - like one that he'd never been given, one that he stills struggles not to hold against two people who've always had his best interests at heart. Even if they did have the right to withhold that one thing, after all they've done for him - the 'what if's' still echo in his mind far more often than he'd like. "There's nothing wrong with that, even if it feels that way. I kinda get where you're coming from, dude, and it's... super confusing, but I'd be pretty mad if my memories were tampered with like that."
So would anyone, he realizes, heart sinking. Oh, great. Not helping-
"I- I suppose so?" Zane answers, but it sounds more like a question than a reply. "However, in the same vein, it would be unwise for you to give away your choice whilst you still have one."
"But don't I owe it to everyone? You just said it, it's horrible to alter people's memories and I- I-"
"Did we forget... whatever it was for a good reason?
"I- I mean, I guess, but..."
"Then you do not owe it to us to relive something that we do not even remember."
The words should be a relief - and they kinda are. But some part of him really does want to explain the crazy alternate timeline, and everything that happened in it. It's just... really, really freaking difficult.
"What if- what if I wanted to, though?" Jay asks hysterically, running his hands through his hair in a frenzied sort of way. "And I still couldn't? I just, I-"
He cuts himself off with a bout of forced laughter.
Zane takes a moment to reply, the bright blue light in his eyes flickering - a small tell that he was thinking so deeply, his processors were literally sparking up a bit.
"You queried earlier if it was easier, or better, to forget. And while all situations are different, I suppose it is... well, subjective. What do you think?" Zane asks, softly.
Derailing the conversation a bit, but his friend's obviously smart enough to be leading up to something.
Sure, he'll go along with it.
"I mean, there are some things I'd rather forget, you know? I guess we all know what that feels like," Jay replies, the statement with oddly sad air to it. They're still kids, after all, and it gets a bit exhausting pretending that their superhero lives were all fun and games - when they'd just given him enough grey hair to last then lifetimes, and enough nightmares to keep him from ever getting the normal amount of sleep his mum always prattled on about.
Sleep, heh heh. Practically a foreign concept, now.
"And I know that stuff that happens, like shapes us or something - and Master Wu would probably go off on a whole ramble about why we learn from our mistakes or whatever," he laughs nervously, resisting the urge to just fall headfirst onto the deck of the stupid ship instead of continuing the conversation," and how 'our scars only make us stronger', crap like that, but I just-"
"I'm just really... tired of this," he confesses warily, shoulders slumped. "W- I remember so many horrible things, and I-" he breaks off, laughing bitterly. His voice takes on a sort of brittle quality, way too high pitched, "and I can't even talk about them, dude. If that's not the most pathetic thing ever, I dunno what is."
"It does not-"
"Don't say it," Jay mutters, rubbing his temples. "I know, I know, my feelings aren't pathetic, they're always valid, whatever, spare me the lecture-"
"That is not what I was going to say," Zane replies gently. "It just seems that you have answered your own question."
"Gee, which one?"
"I do not know how much helpful assistance I can provide in this situation, but it is understandable to wish certain events had never occurred. However, seeing as we cannot change the past, it seems unwise to dwell on said events if you can avoid it."
Jay stiffens, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. Something seems to press down even harder on his chest, a heavy sort of weight that causes his breathing to speed up again. Don't say it don't say it there's no reason to warn them this time-
"If you would like to tell any of us about something, of course you are welcome to. It does not to be the whole story, after all. Just make sure that it is the decision you choose, not one you choose because of what you think how it will affect others," Zane finishes quietly, ducking his head as if he's embarrassed.
The stars are still white-hot, burning away some million miles above them.
"Thanks," he says, and puts his hand softly on Zane's shoulder. "I mean, I know - that all makes sense, I guess. It's just- I-"
"You want to?"
"Yeah," Jay starts, sighing, "I do. It's just- it's not just my choice. And I'm pretty much dying already right now, so, as fantastic as making it all worse sounds, hard pass."
Oops, maybe he shouldn't have said that last bit. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about it - even this conversation was cutting it way too close. It wasn't impossible for them to put everything together - they were a pretty smart group, after all, even without their resident inventor and engineer - and Jay didn't really know what he'd think if they did. Fearful? Relieved? Angry?
"That does... not sound great? Dying certainly does not seem-"
"It's called sarcasm, Zane."
"Oh- yes. My memory now accesses the fact that people often speak in that manner. It does seem a bit counterproductive, though. Why not just say what you mean?"
"Shut it, you have no clue how integral to my life it is," Jay replies with a halfhearted grin.
A few seconds later, he remembers something his friend had mentioned earlier, and the grin disappears.
"You know that you can talk to us if you're not happy, right?" he asks, earnestly. Sure, it's not like he could always do that, considering, well, a stupid djin and even stupider magic, but it's not like he needs to. It's- well- he'll be okay, probably. Maybe. Kinda.
Zane's eyes blink on and off again, blue fading in and out. "I... I suppose that I was not quite aware of that."
Okay, they've screwed up way too many times, but this... this is pretty bad. Dang it, how long does it take for them to throw self-preservation instincts at their friend before he freaking- picks them up or something?
"However, will it not hurt those who have experienced the same unfortunate events?"
Dude, not the best question to ask someone wondering the exact same thing-
"It's been... uh, nice, kind of, talking to you. So- I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure someone would say so if it did. Besides, don't we talk about our adventures all the time? It'd probably be better if we... uh, well- heh heh, nothing."
"If we talked about the less than positive elements of them? Perhaps, but I still-"
Maybe it's the fact Zane has always tried to be there for him, or maybe he's too sleep deprived to care anymore, but this is a way too familiar situation and-
Well, not ignoring the issue would be a start.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we're family, Zane. We care about each other. And, gosh, that means that we care about you too. Memories are stupid and annoying sometimes, but we have to make good ones too, right? To block out the bad ones a bit, I guess? Kinda, at least."
They both look away from the stars now, grappling for something else to say.
In the end, they leave it be with a hug and a fondly exasperated warning about sleeping, if you happen to need it.
After all, they're family. They don't have to be perfect, or tell each other everything - even if it does take them a long time to realize that, and an even longer time remembering it.
---
The next time Jay startles awake from a nightmare, the sky is still empty - painfully so, like an ache that simmers beneath the surface even when it's not able to be seen.
The hue, though, is a little lighter.
Just a little - the all-encompassing darkness of it is now a navy sort of blue, his star shining a little bit brighter.
It's still not sunrise, not even close - but he'll take it.
AN: the ‘sky’ mentioned at the start and end is a stupid metaphor that i somehow ended up liking too much to trash, it’s ‘empty’ because he hasn’t told anyone about the timeline, and Nya’s not included because they never had a chance to tell each other everything significant or even talked about it or processed it on screen. so yeah! if you read this,,, not great thing, can i send you a hug or good vibes or smth? tyy🥺
#ninjago#jay walker#zane julien#skybound#ninjago fic#not the best thing i've written#actually it's not great-#but i spent too long on it to not post it so if you actually read to here i simunltaneously wanna send you good vibes & apologize profusely-#the ending is super rushed but im too tired to try and write a better one yay:/#also dang it- sorry this fits the prompt so badly i-#i didn't realize till after oops#ninbingo#ninjago jay#ninjago zane#ninjago masters of spinjitzu
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