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yowyowyaoi · 8 months

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Konan’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Zetsu

If I keep the bodies OUTSIDE is it a problem then??

Rather angelic-looking with the paper wings.

A 72-hour gengetsu just because he thought I was going to eat it?! Cat isn’t even my favorite meat!

Ah but you’re much more diplomatic in handling their complaints.

I’ve tried but you absolutely cannot reason with him when it comes to money.

It may be time to change hideouts soon, the two young ones have attracted too much negative attention here.

From Itachi

It was so good, thank you!

I appreciate the touch of color.

Kisame’s not here Kakuzu said he’d charge me and Deidara laughed. You are my last hope. PLEASE come and KILL THIS SPIDER 😓

Please come with I know you’d enjoy yourself.

The last time I rode on one he made it do a flip mid-air and I almost fell into the ocean. And he laughed so hard he threw up 😒

Define “too much” cake 🤔

He helped suppress the coughing but fever’s still pretty high.

I can take them in small doses.

From Sasori

Don’t worry, an issue like that is almost child’s play to correct surgically.

You’re one of the few that I DO trust, my dear.

I’ll give it back when I decide he’s not as annoying anymore.

If I could eat I’m sure that would be delicious.

I love him more than anything but that arrogant brat can never actually KNOW how much I do.

Put a few drops in your tea, you’ll sleep like a baby.

You and Nagato should really raise the standards for whom you decide to recruit into this organization.

Please accompany me; I’m sure you’d love the wildflowers.

You either move his room down the hall or he’s becoming my next puppet.

From Kakuzu

I understand but we can’t afford it at the moment. Those three will just have to bunk together for the time being.

Thank you, my dear.

Harsh BUT it saved us hundreds.

Never anyone who didn’t fully deserve it.

Trust me, in the long run it’s a good investment.

Sasori may be better suited to treat that than myself.

I’ll speak to him about it but it’s like talking to a wall.

Purely an accident. A needed one, but still.

If they do it again I’m decapitating them both.

From Deidara

I mean I never have, but if I did, she couldn’t be anyone but YOU 💛

Omg Omg OMG I HAVE DIRT ON HIDAN YOU NEED TO HEAR!!

We were sword fighting! Shit I didn’t know that was Leader’s cane 😣

We can both make birds. Paper and clay.

Idk I mean I kinda think that he likes me or something but I’m with Sasori so 🤷🏼‍♂️

My eyes feel fucked. I tried on Uchiha’s glasses, that bastard is BLIND af! I didn’t even think they could make lenses that strong!

Come with us fishing I swear you’ll have fun! I’ll bait your hook so you don’t gotta touch the worms 😁

I’m not sure but I bet a C3 would solve the problem.

He stuffed half a roll of toilet paper in there and flushed. He thought it’d be funny.

From Kisame

There’s no way you’re going alone. I’ll come with you.

My thanks. Samehada appreciates such treats.

Woman or not you’re quite strong aren’t you?

No need to cook mine at all. I prefer raw.

I could teach you if you wish. It’s a good skill to have.

Please join us for tea?

It’s outside your door. Thank you again.

Zetsu got to him first 😤

Itachi isn’t feeling up to it. Would you care to accompany me? The moon makes it very bright.

From Tobi

He bit me first!

Kisame ate them because he said he wanted a snack 😔

He DOES love me he just doesn’t know it yet!

Wanna see the spider I found in the garden?

I borrowed your lotion and i accidentally used it all 😓

Game night game night GAME NIGHT!!!

Blue. Like Senpai’s eyes 😌

Can I lick the spoon when it’s done?

No I saw Kakuzu kill him three days ago

From Hidan

Yeah but my intentions were good for once!

Pls come show me how to do this I keep burning it 😓

Oh yeah I forgot … haha don’t freak out I’ll replace it

You wanna come with? I bet you’d be great at it!

Tell him he can suck my dick, I ain’t doing that 🤷‍♂️

We’re gonna loot it, I’ll bring you back something cool!

Ngl you’d look HOT with my scythe 😍

I’ll beat that skinny twink’s ass 😤

Yeah but like he’s skin and bones that’s just kinda creepy

I guarantee if you just listen to ONE sermon you’ll convert!

From Nagato

The prettiest thing you could ever wear is that gorgeous smile of yours ❤️

Well it’s far too late to replace them so I suppose we just have to deal.

Are you joking? Yahiko would have killed me!

Should have been a dating service and not a criminal organization, eh? 😂

Sasori said it would help ease the pain for when I’m standing.

Woke up today thinking of Chibi. I miss him 😞

No but if you come sit on my lap I bet I could make it better 😉

What about the others? Do they seem happy with it?

If I never see another drop of rain for as long as I live I’ll die a happy man.

My God how do you manage them?! I had to talk to Deidara and Hidan by myself and I thought I would kill them after the first two minutes!

I don’t care. You’re beautiful no matter what.

Well we could always say we’ve disbanded the group, turn them loose, then hunt them for sport 😊

#konan #text message #texting #the akatsuki #nagakona #nagato x konan #Akatsuki Daily Texts Series #nagato uzumaki #deidara #sasori #kakuzu #hidan #zetsu #tobi #kisame hoshigaki #itachi uchiha

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odinsblog · 4 years

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Talk about a weird couple of days

So the other night as I was heading out getting off the elevator, I saw my one of my neighbors. She’s a little older than me, and kinda strange? She must work nights or something. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her out during daytime hours. She uses antiquated words, and dresses kinda odd (always black or dark colors, like goth, I guess?), but she’s REALLY attractive, and there’s just something .... extra special about her

Anyway, for some reason she really seemed to be into me that evening. I mean, she dialed the flirting all the way up to 11. And there was something about her eyes. Something enthralling

I thought she was married, so I tried hard to ignore her obvious flirting. But I couldn’t? It was kinda weird ... almost as if I had to obey her every word?

She walked me back to the elevator and then (I think?) somehow we ended up making out?

My memory gets a little fuzzy here

The next thing I recall was waking up in my bed. I have no memory of how I got there. And when I finally did get up, a whole day had passed?? It was the next night

And my bedroom window was open? Like, I never leave it open. Idk. Maybe that’s where I got this weird bump on my neck? From a bug or something that probably flew in the open window, I guess

And that’s not where the weirdness ends

I forgot that I had promised one of my elderly neighbors that I would go to the grocery store and pick up some items for her. To be honest, my neighbor’s daughter is visiting and she’s around my age and really attractive, so I really didn’t mind going to the grocery store because I was hoping that I would get to meet my neighbor’s daughter

Maybe this pandemic is getting to me. Even shopping felt different? I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink for nearly 24 hours, but I wasn’t the least bit hungry. I passed up a lot of my favorite comfort foods and drinks that I normally like to get for myself, and even though I’m not a big meat eater, all of the raw meat looked and smelled unusually good. The meat was all the way in the back of the store, but it was the only thing I could smell from the front entrance. I’m not sure why the deli department went through all the trouble of making raw meat look and smell so delicious

Weird

Anyway, I finally made it back home and stopped on my neighbor’s floor with a few bags of their groceries. Now here’s the weird part. I knocked on her door, and she opened it, but when I went to go inside her apartment, I kinda bounced off of ... something? I didn’t see what it was but it knocked me to the floor

Groceries went flying everywhere

(And I promise, I wasn’t drinking or doing any drugs or anything. I was stone cold sober)

As weird as that was, I thought that when the daughter rushed out into the hallway to help me pick up the groceries, maybe I could work this ... Idk ... this clumsy accident to my favor

Her daughter was gorgeous. We had chatted a few times before, and she seemed really smart and sweet and interesting and intelligent. Literally just everything a guy could want

But as she was helping me pick everything up, that’s when I noticed the crucifix she wore around her neck. Suddenly I found it repelling. I grew up in the church, why hadn’t I noticed it before?? And ... I think I might have hissed at her?

I’m not a rude person, but suddenly all I wanted was to get the hell from around her. I just flew to the elevator and left. I could clearly hear my neighbor saying something in Spanish about the devil, and I heard the daughter defending me, saying that I was probably just embarrassed for tripping and spilling everything everywhere. Is it weird that I could hear their conversation even though I was on the elevator, as it was moving several floors away from them?

Anyway, my sleep schedule seems a bit off. I really feel like I just wanna close all the blinds, stay inside and sleep all day. Maybe after the sun sets I’ll go for a walk to clear my mind. It’s probably just this whole COVID-19 thing that’s got me feeling so weird

You guys please remember to follow the CDC’s social distancing rules and stay safe out there

#this happen to anyone else?#just me?#weird

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