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#idk its a birthday present to myself

freuleinanna · 8 months

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Mama loves you.

Marisa - harder than most mothers, it's safe to say - often heard the words spoken with unbearable softness. Not in her family, but the words danced in the streets, touching her ears like a melody. Mama loves you. Everything's alright, child. Mama loves you.

She remembers wanting to say the magic words more than anything in the world. The golden daemon never blinked, never moved, just sat beside her. Mesmerized, he never, not even for a moment, looked away from little Lyra and her soul companion as though if he did, they might have disappeared. As though his eyes were the only thing keeping them in existance. He knew then, Marisa thinks. He knew she wouldn't say it. She wouldn't dare.

She remembers words dissolving quicker than a thin layer of ice on a tongue. She remembers being hopelessly, cruelly mute.

Some things should live in minds only, is appears. In beautiful what-ifs, and never on the lips. They give the vow of silence, and Marisa's soul never utters another words as if none would be good enough. Fine, she decides. Silence it is.

Until.

Twelve years pass before Marisa sees her child. She is armed to the teeth, oozing danger with a metal-scented touch, stunning in a way nobody dares to confront, fully prepared - and the girl, the girl wears raggedy clothes and hardly knows what soap is. She bites nails. She stuffs food in her mouth. She's got a scar on her forehead and exactly three random, unevenly placed moles on her left cheek. That little monster attacks Marisa's heart like a bloodthirsty Tartar. She's got hugs instead of rifles. Marisa would have preferred the rifles. Blades. Anything. Lyra is running about with a string tied around her mother's throat. She's a wind-borne kite. Every time the girl throughtlessly gets too far, Marisa feels her lungs being yanked out of the chest.

Words return. Words seize her, rattle through her to the point where she cannot bear silence any longer, and the only thing stopping Marisa from saying them is not having enough breath. That, and the impossible task of saying words you never learned to say.

So she finds other words.

Blue is quite your color.

Mama loves you.

I think you can be extraordinary.

Mama loves you.

I'm only trying to protect you.

It starts spilling in every conversation. It's everything she's able to say after twelve years of silence. My place is with her. I want her with everything I have. If you find her, please keep her safe.

Mama loves you, loves you.

Lyra grows up having never, ever heard those words.

Her mother is hopelessly, cruelly late for saying them. It doesn't stop her from living them till the last breath.

#hey remember when i posted something #good times huh #idk its a birthday present to myself #the things i want to write about lyra and marisa ughhh!#i can hardly find time to do anything at all #but maybe i can still return from time to time with little pieces #dozens of unwritten masriel thoughts i love you too #but the trauma of being a mother / the trauma of being a daughter got to me first #hdm #his dark materials #marisa coulter #lyra silvertongue #lyra x marisa #marisa x lyra #hdm fic #< that's for me to track it's not really a fic :D oh well

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httpiastri · 8 months

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author's note: just a short & 110% self-indulgent birthday present to myself because i've never had a lover (let alone an oscar) wake me up on the morning of my birthday. if i don't get an f1/f2/f3 driver as a present tomorrow morning, then idk what to do... hope everyone has a lovely day!!<3

the sun sneaking in past your blinds brings a gentle warmth to your cheeks, but it's as though you're trapped in a dream's soft embrace, refusing to let you go. your bedroom bathes in a golden hue, but your eyelids remain heavy as if dreamland holds you firmly in its grasp.

the only thing bringing you out of your deep slumber is the way your bed dips when a someone sits down in it, along with the feeling of a soft hand on your cheek. however, you keep your eyes shut, turning to your side and nuzzling your face deeper into the pillow underneath you. a low chuckle reaches your ears and your heart flutters, a comforting warmth enveloping you at the familiar sound. a little smile reaches your lips.

"love..."

oscar's voice is barely above a whisper, and he leans down to let his lips press against your forehead for just a moment. you slowly open one eye to look at him, and the fuzzy sensation in your chest grows. his round cheeks are slightly blushed and his pretty smile stretches from ear to ear. looking at his soft features feels like coming home, knowing every single dip and curve and freckle because you’ve spent countless hours unintentionally memorizing them.

you shake your head before closing your eye again. “this isn’t real. i’m still sleeping.”

a laugh bubbles from his chest. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“there’s an angel in my bed,” you mumble, not able to stop yourself from grinning. “it can’t be real.”

“it’s a birthday miracle.” oscar pushes a few strands of hair out of your face. “open your eyes, sweetheart. i brought you something.”

your eyes meet his, and they’re full of something. warmth, adoration, love.

a light meets the corners of your eyes, and you unwillingly remove your eyes from oscar, taking in the tray he’s prepared.

"happy birthday, dear."

a tiny, white cake is placed on a plate right next to you, a bunch of candles messily pressed into it. your nose is met by the scent of the two cups of coffee standing next to it, still steaming hot.

“oscar…” you say, pulling yourself up to sit properly. “this is so sweet. you are so sweet.” you look over at him, your loving gaze being far more than enough to thank him.

“you need to make a wish,” he gestures toward the cake. “blow out the candles.”

you move the cake to sit between him and you, closing your eyes and making your wish; to always have him by your side.

the morning is spent much like many of your other mornings together, neither of you making a big deal of the day being special – because every day together is special.

mornings like these with him are unmatched. they’re spent chattering off about anything and everything, your plans for the day and the cute puppy you saw on tiktok the other day, while not forgetting to cut each other off with quick pecks to the other’s lips every once in a while. they’re spent nestled against his side, skin pressed to skin, heartbeats in perfect harmony. and this particular morning is also spent feeding each other cake, drawing smileys onto each other's cheeks with whipped cream and giggling at your masterpieces.

there’s no pressure, no stress, no worries. just a birthday girl and her lover; their fingers, bodies and hearts intertwined.

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shmaptainwrites · 2 months

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x ex-wife!Reader

SUMMARY — James and Reader have not been on great terms since their divorce, but an emerging situation with their son forces them to put aside their differences and work together and hope that past feelings don't resurface

WARNINGS — hospitalization, chronic illness, swearing, complicated feelings (idk y'all they're divorced what more can I say)

NOTE — Okay so I have so many things to say about this fic, but if I say them all this post will be way too long it already is like this came up as 33 pages in my docs but this is a day late birthday present for @shots-of-wilson-and-whiskey who also provided the James pic I hope you had such a fun day and a great year of simping ahead!

Pronounciation — Mahlet = Ma-h-let | Hennock = Hey-knock

Ever since you had become a mother, birthday parties were the bane of your existence. The sugar overload, the loud noises, the cleanup afterwards, all amounted to your own personal hell. Yet, you would move hell or high water for your son to have the most enjoyable party every single year.

Today was no different, eight years later you were still breaking your back to ensure every small detail was perfect, from the pin the spikes on the stegosaurus to the cake you’d spent at least a month painstakingly training to make.

A friend of yours, another parent from the school your son Julian went to, came over in the kitchen to give you a hand with some of the snacks.

“How are you managing here?” she asked and you took a deep breath.

“Managing is the operative word,” you chuckled. “Kids having fun out there?”

“Yeah, loads, you’ve outdone yourself again,” she assured you. “Will James be making an appearance?”

“I stopped asking myself that question after we got divorced,” you said while fixing the plate of vegetables and dip. “He’s supposed to, he promised Julian, but we all know how that ends.”

There seemed to be a bit of commotion out in the backyard and you tried to assess what was happening from the window, but your suspicions that something was off was confirmed when Julian’s best friend, Hennock, came rushing inside.

“Mrs. Wilson, something’s going on with Julian,” he said and you frowned while your friend followed you outside to see the kids circling around Julian who seemed to be gripping onto his chest.

“Jay, what’s going on? Are you okay?” you bent down to be closer to his eye-level, trying to understand what was happening to your son.

“Can’t…” he pointed to his mouth. “Can’t…breathe,” he wheezed.

Your eyes went wide, but before you could grab him and run for the car he began to cough and you hoped and prayed there was just something caught in his throat that would make its way out, but with the coughing came spatters of red all over your white shirt.

“Mahi,” you looked over at your friend quickly while picking Julian up. You didn’t have to say a word, she already knew what she needed to do.

Living close to the hospital, it was worth it to drive yourself, that way you didn’t have to wait for an ambulance to get to you. You had made the mental calculations many times before, just in case there was an emergency and now it was finally coming in handy.

When you got Julian in the car, you checked in on his breathing, it was still laboured, but at least at this point he was getting in the air, even if he was coughing up blood.

You turned on the car and began driving while calling your ex-husband with one hand. The line rang until you reached voicemail so you called again, expecting at least this time for him to pick up, only to hear the tone once more.

“Dammit James!” you threw your phone down on the seat next to you knowing you’d deal with him later, now you needed to focus on getting to the hospital without killing either of you.

Barely paying attention to how your car was parked, you grabbed Julian out of the back seat and ran into the ER with him.

“Ma’am, what’s going on?” a nurse came and asked you as you put Julian down.

“My son, he-he’s having trouble breathing and he’s coughing up blood I-I-I don’t know what’s happening.”

Before you could say a word they had whisked Julian away and another nurse came to ask you some questions about his medical history and any information that may be important to the doctors treating him.

“Where’s my son?” you asked, “I want to see my son.”

“Ma’am I’m sorry, but the doctors are working on getting his airway cleared, you can’t be with him right now.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and bit back your tongue. There were a million and one things you wanted to say to the nurse, but none of them would help your situation. On the other hand, finding your ex might.

So instead of finding the waiting room you went over to the elevator and made your way up to the oncology department, briskly walking through the halls until you reached his office. At this point, you didn’t bother knocking, opening the door to see him sitting down over a file and talking with House.

“Hey Greg,” you said in a fake cheery voice. “Mind giving us the room?”

“Oh, this is the wife with the kid, did you forget to pay child support?” House asked James.

“Get out, Greg,” you said warningly and he listened, instead opting to steal the rest of James’ sandwich and slipping past you, while wishing James good luck and letting you slam the door shut behind you.

“What’s going on?” James asked, clearly confused by your demeanour and appearance. “If this is about the party I didn’t forget I was-wait is that blood,” he stood up from his chair and came over to you.

“What’s going on is you didn’t pick up your fucking phone,” you said angrily.

“Hey,” James looked at you sternly. “What is going on?” he repeated his question, this time more pointedly.

You could feel your lips begin to tremble and your vision became blurred while you shook your head.

“Who’s blood is on your shirt?”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, “It’s Julian’s.”

“Julian-I-what happened?” his demeanour changed from frustrated with your attitude towards him to worrying for his son.

“I-I don’t know he said he couldn’t breathe and then he started coughing up blood and I just picked him up and drove him here a-and now they won’t let me see him.”

“You drove him?” he asked incredulously. “You didn’t think to maybe call an ambulance?”

“That’s what you’re hung up on? That I decided to drive because it was faster than getting him an ambulance?”

“That’s not what I-,”

“Yes it is,” you stepped back. “I wouldn’t have needed an ambulance if you were there.”

James sighed and chose to ignore your comment,

“Where is he?” he asked.

“Emergency room,” you muttered. “They won’t let me see him, you need to talk to them, say something, anything.”

James nodded his head, at least you could agree on that. He walked with you out of the office and to the elevator so you could go to the ER together and figure out what the hell was happening to your son.

When you got down there and James began speaking to the nurses, they informed him that Julian had been moved to the ICU and his respiration was being closely monitored while they ran a few tests to see what had caused the arrest.

You had to fight to hold yourself upright when they pulled back the curtain and you could see Julian hooked up to all the machines and with a ventilator tube stuck down his throat. You covered your mouth with your hand and shook your head again. This couldn’t be happening, now you were supposed to be cutting into cake and opening presents, not sitting in the ICU.

You stepped inside with James and he closed the curtain to give you a bit of privacy and decided to look over his chart and see if they had given any relevant information there. Seeing none, he turned his attention over to you, seeing your eyes filled with tears, unable to tear your gaze away from your son.

James walked over to you and cautiously put a hand on your shoulder, eventually encouraging you to turn around so he could pull you into his arms. You allowed your tears to soak his white coat, gripping onto him so tightly because there was nowhere else to hold.

You could hear his breathing change, accompanied by the small sniffles and you knew he was doing just as bad as you were right now, wiping the tears from his own eyes as he finally allowed himself to see his son as he was, sick, helpless, vulnerable, and only moments ago, without his dad’s help when he needed him most.

Your moment was interrupted when you heard the curtain being pulled back and you saw two doctors standing there. You pulled away from James and wiped whatever remaining tears were in your eyes so you could properly address them.

It seemed as though one of the doctors recognized James and when he looked down at the file and saw the name he made the connection internally.

“Can we talk to you guys out in the waiting room for a moment?” he asked.

“I don’t want to leave my son,” you shook your head.

“Ma’am, this is the ICU and the visiting hours are very strictly adhered to, I think your husband maybe got lucky and pulled a few strings so you could see your son, but we need to leave now.”

“He’s not my husband,” you muttered and reluctantly followed them out of the makeshift room and towards the waiting area.

“Did you find out what was wrong?” James asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I looked at his chart. You took him for an emergency CT and bloodwork.”

“We also ran a few other tests,” the doctor began explaining. “From the medical history your, um, ex wife gave I had a suspicion of something so we ran a sweat test to check for elevated chloride levels and it just came back positive.”

“Chloride levels?” you looked up at James. “What does that mean?”

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “It means Julian has cystic fibrosis.”

“I-I’ve heard of that, is it curable?” you asked.

“I’ll leave you guys with Dr. Liu, he deals with the pediatric cystic fibrosis cases and will be able to answer your questions better than I can,” he wished you a good day and left you alone with the other doctor.

“Cystic fibrosis is manageable-,”

“So you can’t cure it,” you reiterated.

The doctor shook his head, “Unfortunately there is no cure for CF yet, but many people have been able to live longer and happy lives with the medical technology now available.”

James was silent, taking in all the information that was being presented.

“How did he get it? Is it contagious or-or was it just always there?” you asked.

“It’s a genetic condition, so he’s always had it, the symptoms have just gotten to the point where they’re now visible,” the doctor explained.

“I-It’s genetic so one of us is a carrier?” you pointed to you and James.

“We both are,” James said. “Both parents have to be carriers to pass it down to their child, right?”

Dr. Liu nodded and you pressed your lips together.

“C-Can you just tell us what this means for right now?” you asked. “I just think-I think I need a minute.”

Dr. Liu nodded his head and explained they were giving Julian medication to help with the infection and airway damage that caused him to cough up blood, then they would get him on some bronchodilators to help with his breathing for the time being while they assessed what other issues the cystic fibrosis had potentially caused in his body. He’d have to stay at the hospital for a while, but hopefully could be moved to the pediatric ward within the next day or so.

“We can talk more about what Julian’s medical journey will look like later, I’ll give you guys some time together and if you have any questions, Wilson’s got my pager and knows where my office is.”

You nodded your head and thanked him quietly as he left the waiting area. You finally sat down on one of the chairs.

James took the seat next to you and you covered your face with your hands.

“We couldn’t give him a functional family and a happy home and now we’ve given him a chronic medical condition to top it off.”

“Blaming ourselves isn’t going to do anything for Julian,” James said.

“And sitting around here is?” you asked and James sighed.

“No, no it’s not.”

You sat there in silence for a little while longer before you noticed James stand up and motion for you to follow him. As much as you didn’t want to listen to him and just sit and wait until they would let you be with Julian again, you got up and followed him to one of the OR supply closets. He used a key to unlock the door and sifted through some materials until he found what he was looking for, pulling out a scrub shirt in your size and handing it over to you.

You looked down at your own shirt, seeing the red specks of Julian’s blood and closed the door behind your both, pulling your shirt off over your head and handing it to James. You were about to put the other shirt on when you noticed the flecks of dried blood against your chest.

While you eyes were transfixed on that, James had grabbed an alcohol wipe package from the shelves and tore it open with his teeth, removing the wipe and reaching over to help you clean the blood off yourself.

“James, I can do it myself,” you reached for the wipe, but he pulled it away.

“You’ve got some on your neck too, just let me take care of it,” he insisted.

You knew better than to cause a fight over something trivial like this right now so you put your hands down, watching as James tossed your shirt over his shoulder and carefully began wiping away the specks of your son’s blood off your chest, collarbone, and neck.

“Have you eaten today?” he asked you while holding your face to tilt it to the side so he could get a spot he’d missed earlier.

“No, why?”

“Because it’s his birthday, you’d always forget to eat until dinner and even then it would be scraps from the party until I forced you to eat something better,” he recounted. “Let’s just go grab something from the cafeteria before we go back to the ICU, okay?”

“Will it make a difference if I say I’m not hungry?” you asked.

“You can’t take care of Julian if you’re not taking care of yourself.”

You scoffed and pulled the shirt over your head, “And you’ve suddenly become an expert on taking care of your family?”

“Believe it or not, we were once happy and there was a reason we got married and decided to have a child together.”

“And there’s a reason we got divorced too,” you added and opened the door behind you.

You didn’t go to the cafeteria, instead heading back to the ICU waiting room knowing either visiting hours would have to start eventually or they’d move Julian to his own room and you could finally sit with him.

James clearly hadn’t followed you so you ended up alone again, wringing your hands and waiting for some sort of news.

Eventually, you felt a bag drop on your lap and you looked up and saw James standing overtop of you. You looked inside and saw a package of a sandwich, a small bag of chips, and a water bottle.

You knew he was right, that if you didn’t take care of yourself you wouldn’t be able to take care of Julian, so you forced yourself to eat, even if you didn’t want to.

A little while later, Dr. Liu had returned and informed you that they were moving Julian to the pediatric ward and you could stay with him there in his room. When you joined him there, James had taken off his white coat and tossed it on one of the chairs, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and sitting down next to Julian’ taking one of his hands in his own.

“Don’t you have patients you need to see?” you asked, sitting on the opposite side of the hospital bed.

“I told Cuddy I needed the day, someone else is taking care of it for me,” he said, not removing his gaze from Julian.

With the two of them sitting next to each other like that, you could clearly see the similarities Julian had with his father. They shared the same eyes and nose, and when they smiled they had the same little creases around their eyes.

You wished that’s what you could have been looking at, them smiling together, instead of the frown etched onto James’ face and Julian still fast asleep while an oxygen mask now delivered the air he needed to help him breathe.

“Do you know much about cystic fibrosis?” you asked James, brushing your thumb against Julian’s other hand.

“Only that it mainly affects the digestive system and the respiratory tract,” he explained. “I’m not too familiar with how it's managed, just that there’s regular doctor’s visits and probably some medication and therapies involved.”

You could feel a small stirring and you looked down and saw Julian’s hand begin to move underneath yours.

You smiled when you saw his eyes blink open and James was quick to stand up and come closer to him so he had a familiar face to look at while he took in his surroundings.

“Hey buddy,” James smiled and you could see Julian light up at the sight of his dad. He lifted his hand to try to remove the oxygen mask, but James gently encouraged him not to. “This is giving your lungs an extra hand right now, let’s just keep it on until the doctor tells us it's okay to take it off.”

“But you’re a doctor,” Julian countered and James chuckled.

“I am, but I'm not your doctor. I am, however, your dad so you have to listen to me anyways,” he teased and bent down to kiss his son’s cheek and tickle him a little bit in the process.

“Hey, go easy on him,” you placed a gentle hand on James' arm and he laid off.

“You know,” James said. “It’s still your birthday.”

“It is?” Julian asked and you both nodded and James reached down to grab something he’d brought with him.

“All the presents your friends got you are at home waiting for you to get better so you can open them, but this is what I got for you,” he said. “I was gonna come and bring it to the party, but I think you brought the party to me.”

Julian laughed a little at that and you rolled your eyes, of course James could make himself look good by not showing up.

He sat up with the help of his dad and pulled out the tissue paper from the bag to see the present that was hiding underneath. With a big grin on his face, he took out a dinosaur stuffed animal along with a book all about the different species of the Cretaceous period.

“This is awesome,” Julian grinned. “Thanks dad, I love it.”

James gave Julian another kiss and you joined them, taking a seat on the bed and glancing over at the book on Julian’s lap.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?” you asked, fixing the twisted band of the oxygen mask on his face.

“My throat hurts a little bit,” he admitted. “And I’m kinda hungry.”

“Let me call a nurse and we’ll see what you can eat,” you said and pressed the button to send someone over from the nurses’ station.

Meanwhile, James poured Julian a glass of water and helped him take a few sips of it. His throat was probably irritated from being on the ventilator, but his lungs had become stabilized from the use of the bronchodilators.

The nurse came and you spoke to her about getting Julian something to eat and she said she’d double check with Dr. Liu and then grab him some food.

“Hey, Jay,” you walked over to the bed and took your son’s hand in yours. “Are you okay to hang out here with dad while I go grab some stuff from home? The doctors said we might hang around here for a few days so I think I need to pack a bag.”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Julian nodded. “Are you okay mom?” he reached up and touched your cheek and you realized you'd let a few more tears slip.

“Yeah, I’m just really happy you’re okay,” you wiped the tears away and pressed a big kiss to his cheek. “Right, Jamie? We’re both happy he’s okay.”

James looked over at you with softness reflecting in his eyes at the sound of the nickname he hadn’t heard in a long time and nodded his head.

“Bring some cake back with you,” Julian whispered. “Even if dad and the doctor say no we can sneak some.”

You laughed at his plan and gave him another kiss, assuring him you’d pack some in a container to bring for him when you came back.

When you arrived at your home, you thought you might cry at the sight in front of you. The kitchen and living room were completely clean, presents piled neatly on the coffee table along with a new card you didn’t recognize. Coming closer, you noticed the bright marker, signature of eight-year-olds across the country, with the message Get Well Soon Julian! written on it and signed by all his friends who had attended the party.

You packed the card in your bag along with a few other things and made a mental note to grab a nice thank you gift for Mahlet to thank her for what she had done.

As promised, you cut a big chunk of cake, enough for the three of you to share, and packed it in a tupperware to bring back to the hospital.

You grabbed a few changes of clothes for both you and Julian and changed out of the temporary shirt you had on and into something more comfortable for the rest of the evening, making sure everything you needed was in place before heading out and going back to the hospital.

When you got back to Julian’s room you saw James squished in next to him on the bed, the book he had bought him opened on his lap as he read its contents to Julian. Julian was resting his head against James’ arm and James was doing those big exaggerations he always would whenever he’d read bedtime stories to Julian, emphasizing all the insane details and changing the inflections of his voice in just the right way to make him laugh.

“I brought cake,” you grinned, holding up the container as you entered the room, holding three plastic forks. “If Dr. Dad says it's okay, we can eat it.”

“Dr. Dad desperately needs some sugar,” James nodded his head and closed the book for the time being while you took a seat by Julian’s legs and opened the container, handing each of the boys a fork.

You helped Julian take off his oxygen mask for the time being and placed it off to the side, acutely aware of how his breathing sounded more laboured without it.

James only snuck in a couple bites of the cake before taking the mask from your side and holding it ready in case Julian needed a bit of an extra hand.

Just as he had predicted, after a few bites of cake Julian was noticing a bit of a difficulty to get air into his lungs and James held up the mask to his face, allowing him to take a couple deep breaths.

“What do you think of the cake, Jay?” you asked.

“Really good, just like everytime you make it,” he grinned.

“I’m sorry you didn’t have a great birthday, buddy,” James apologized. “I mean with all your friends and classmates.”

“What do you mean?” Julian asked. “I think I had a good birthday.”

“You do?” you frowned curiously, wondering what kind of light he’d seen in the day that you and James as worried parents had somehow missed. “What made it good?”

“We’re sitting eating cake. Together. Just like when I was little,” he said simply and you chewed on the inside of your cheek, looking over at James whose gaze hadn’t left Julian. He almost looked disappointed, at what, you couldn’t place, but at least for the moment Julian was happy and that was all either of you really wanted.

—

You grabbed your purse from the ground and thanked Dr. Liu for all of the information he had given you and assured you’d be there with Julian at the allocated follow-up time you had arranged. You were just about to leave when James came rushing into the room, apologies spewing out of his mouth for being late.

“Late? You missed the whole appointment.”

“I-I did?” he said, looking down at his watch and cursing when he saw the time.

“Jay, sweetheart, why don’t you sit down here,” you moved out of Dr. Liu’s office and set him up on a chair in one of the general waiting areas and handed him his dinosaur book from your purse. “I just need to go have a chat with your dad real quick.”

Julian nodded and opened up the book, flipping through the pages while you grabbed James’ arm and pulled him into a dead-end hallway so you could speak in private.

“What the hell took you so long?” you asked firmly. “We waited for twenty minutes before even starting the appointment!”

“I’m sorry,” James apologized, “I was in the OR with a patient and something went haywire and it took longer than expected to fix it.”

“Still, you couldn’t have told someone to at least pass on a message?”

“I was in the middle of saving a patient’s life! What did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to be there for your son,” you whispered harshly. “You make promises you can’t keep and I have to watch him get disappointed over and over again. He does not deserve that, especially now.”

James placed his hands on his hips and said,

“I am trying to be there, it’s not for lack of effort-,”

“Well try harder!” you threw your hands up in the air. “You’re an ex-husband James, not an ex-father. You don’t have to show up for me anymore, but you damn well better show up for him.”

When he said nothing you continued.

“Believe it or not, you don’t have to work as much as you do James. You chose to do that and right now that’s coming at your son’s expense and he is scared and vulnerable and neither of us know half of what Dr. Liu is talking to us about. Do you know what he said to me when I was confused about the management plan? He said Dad would know what this means. Dad can help us. And he’s right, you would have known and you can help so stop acting like your fucking schedule controls you and get your schedule under control.”

James was quiet for a moment before he nodded his head,

“Okay,” he said simply.

You knew better than to get your hopes up with him and you didn’t have any more energy to argue, so you told him you could talk more later, but right now you were going to take Julian home so he could rest in his own bed and finally open his birthday presents.

“Is dad coming with us?” Julian asked when you picked him up and began walking away to leave the hospital.

“No, not this time,” you shook your head.

“Did you fight with him again?” Julian asked and you pressed your lips together.

“We just had a disagreement,” you settled on. “You can call him later when he’s done work if you want to talk to him, sounds good?”

Julian was content with your answer and left it at that.

Over the next few days, aside from Julian’s call, you didn’t hear much for James and you assumed things were right on track to going back to the way they had always been. You loved your son to pieces, but this was one time you wished his dad would be here to support, working and caring for Julian on top of trying to figure out how to be his at home doctor was already taking its toll and you didn’t know how you’d be able to keep it up.

One night, you were sitting in the living room reading a book Dr. Liu had recommended. It was detailing strategies for parents with children who had cystic fibrosis. In the middle of your chapter you were interrupted by a knock to your door and you put in your bookmark, wondering who was stopping by this far into the evening.

Unlocking the door and opening it, you found it hard to hide the surprise in your face when you saw James on the other end.

“James?” you tilted your head. “I haven’t heard from you at all this week, what’s going on?”

“I reduced my patient load,” he said, “and I talked to Cuddy about reducing my clinic hours. I still have to do some administrative stuff for the department, but it can be done from home for the most part.”

“Oh,” you were surprised to say the least. You didn’t realize your outburst the other day had worked.

“You were right,” he said. “I need to be here for Julian and I can’t do that if my work always comes first.”

You nodded your head, following along with what he was saying.

“C-Can I come in and see him?” James asked. “I know our custody agreement has always been all over the place-,”

You didn’t say anything, simply opening the door wider for him to come inside.

“He’s asleep in his room,” you said. “When you’re done we can talk some more.”

James nodded and stepped inside, slipping off his shoes and taking off his jacket, making his way to Julian’s room to sit with him for a moment before joining you in the kitchen.

“Want something to drink?” you asked and he said some water would be nice. You poured him a glass while waiting for the water to boil for your tea.

“I saw the book you were reading over there,” he pointed to the couch. “Dr. Liu recommended it to me too, I just finished it the other night.”

“Show off,” you rolled your eyes and handed him the glass.

“What I was trying to say is I think something that stood out to me is having consistency and a routine is good, especially when things are new,” James explained. “I don’t think it makes sense for him to be moving back and forth from here to my place.”

“So you think we should have a home base here?” you confirmed and he nodded.

“I can come by more often, if there’s days where you need to be at work I can be doing the administrative stuff here after school and take care of Julian until you get back.”

You pursed your lips and as you heard the kettle click, moved to pour your hot water into the mug you were holding.

“These are all good ideas,” you started.

“I’m assuming there’s a but coming?”

“But I don’t want to give Julian the wrong impression is all.”

James shook his head.

“You really need to pick whatever it is you want,” James crossed his arms over his chest. “First I’m not here enough, I don’t put my family first. Now I’m putting my family first and you’re worried Julian’s going to think this means we’re getting back together.”

“He doesn’t need to get his hopes up for something that’s never going to happen,” you said flatly.

“Have you ever considered having a conversation with him instead of shielding him from every little thing that might hurt him?” James asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Clearly every little thing can hurt him!” you pointed over to his room. “He can’t even breathe without help, James. Maybe he needs to be protected.”

“Stop, just stop,” James ran a hand over his face. “I can’t get into a fight with you every single time we see each other. Julian is just as much my son as he is yours, if this is going to work we need to be able to have a conversation with each other.”

You took a sip of your tea and said,

“Okay, I’m worried Julian might take the fact that you’re around more the wrong way.”

James nodded his head, “I hear you, so maybe we should talk to him about it and say I’m coming around more to lend a hand around the house and help take care of him.”

“Dad? What are you doing here?” as if on cue, Julian had walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes awake and adjusting to the light.

“Julian, where’s your oxygen mask?”

“I don’t wanna wear it mom,” he whined. “I don’t like the way it feels on my face.”

You sighed, having had this conversation at least five times before, you didn’t know what else you could say to convince him.

“Hey buddy, maybe we should listen to mom on this one,” James suggested. “You know that feeling you’ve got right here,” he pointed to his chest. “That’s only gonna get worse if you don’t wear it and we don’t want to have to go to the hospital again, right?”

Julian shook his head and sighed, stomping back over to his room to grab the portable machine and place the tube under his nose and around his ears, allowing him to get the right amount of oxygen.

You looked over at James gratefully and he reached his hand out to yours and gave it a squeeze. It was nice being on the same team even if you had just been arguing.

When Julian came back he repeated his question to his dad who explained that he was here to talk to you about a few things that would be changing soon and that he’d be around more to help look after him.

“If you’re going to be here to help look after me can you stay tonight?” Julian asked. “Mom still has some of your clothes in those boxes in her closet.”

“She does, does she,” James looked over at you.

“It was the stuff you wanted to give away and I never got around to it,” you said. “There’s probably a hoodie and some pyjama pants in there if you want to stay.”

James pressed his lips together and sighed,

“You know buddy as much as I would love to have a sleepover with you I don’t think it’s a good idea if I spend the night here,” James said. “But I can tuck you in again and wait until you fall asleep to go back home.”

“Mom, can you come too?” Julian asked and you nodded your head.

James stood up and helped Julian carry his portable oxygen machine back to his bedroom and you trailed behind them, watching as James carefully tucked Julian back under the covers while peppering his face with small kisses, like he would do when Julian was younger and just learning to sleep in his own room.

“Dad that tickles,” Julian giggled and James simply smiled and continued littering his face with kisses.

“Too bad. I love you too much; I just can’t get enough of you.”

“Alright, move it,” you nudged James from the opposite side of the bed and took your turn. “It must tickle having two parents who love you so damn much.”

“It does,” Julian’s laughter died out as you both finally left him alone, sitting on either side of his mattress.

You both wished him a good night and waited as he slowly fell back asleep. When his breathing was steady and his grip loosened on yours and James’ hands you took it as your cue to leave the room.

James placed a hand on your shoulder as you stepped out of the room, prompting you to turn around and face him.

“I’ll come by tomorrow and we can work out a schedule or something, does that sound good?”

You nodded your head,

“Yeah, I have a work thing tomorrow in the evening, I was gonna ask Mahlet, Hennock’s mom, if she could come look after Julian, but if you’re around…”

“I’ll come for dinner and then do the bedtime routine,” he said and you smiled.

“James I’m begging you-,”

“I won’t be late,” he assured. “No surgeries planned and I’m ending my shift with clinic duty.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and nodded your head.

“I’ll see you then,” you patted his arm and he showed himself out.

You walked back to the kitchen grabbing your now lukewarm cup of tea and sitting back on the couch picking up your book and opening it, reading until you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer, falling asleep right there on the couch.

—

Over the next few months, you, James, and Julian had developed some sort of routine around school, work, and doctor’s appointments. A part of you thought you were spending more time together as a family than when you were married.

Today you had to go in for work, also having reduced your hours, but in a way that you were working in tandem with James. When you arrived back home the house smelled like warm spices and big plates of home-cooked food.

You dropped your keys on the entryway table, next to James’ keys and wallet and took off your jacket, hanging it up before coming to the kitchen and seeing Julian and Hennock doing their homework at the island.

“Mr. Wilson, what is the difference between these two words?” Hennock asked, holding up his paper so James could see while cutting some vegetables for a salad.

“I think the first one is the kind of principal in your school that looks after all the students and the other one is… man, that’s hard to describe. Hey, how do you describe what principle is to an eight-year-old?” James asked you.

“I think that kind of principle is something that guides the way people behave or act,” you sat next to Julian and Hennock. “Like a principle is the foundation for something that people believe in.”

Hennock and Julian still looked a little confused by your explanation so you tried to give an example.

“So a principle could be to be kind to everyone we meet and so people who believe in that principle will try to follow it.”

That put it in better terms for them to understand and there was a chorus of oh’s before they looked back down at their papers and scribbled down a few things to answer the questions they were asked.

“They learning about homonyms?” you asked James and he nodded.

“I talked to Mahlet,” James said, changing the topic. “Hennock’s gonna stay for dinner and she’ll come pick him up around seven.”

“Sounds good, it’s always nice to have you, Henny,” you smiled and ruffled your hand through his coarse curly hair in an endearing way.

“Thanks, Mrs. Wilson,” Hennock smiled.

James was now over the stove, stirring what looked like a soup before giving it a taste and figuring something might be missing.

“Can you taste this?” James asked. “I don’t know why, but every time I make it there’s something off.”

You took a spoon and tried a little bit of the broth, looking down to see that he was making matzah ball soup and immediately when you tasted it you knew what was missing.

“I know what it is,” you said. “But you can’t tell your mom I told you. She swore me to secrecy.”

“My mother told you this?” James asked and you nodded.

“When we were getting married she wanted me to know how to make it the way she would for you when you were sick.”

“And she didn’t think to tell her own son how to do this?” he seemed thoroughly offended, but all you could do was laugh.

“It’s tarragon. I don’t think it’s something everyone adds, it was just something special she’d put in hers to make it a little different. Here,” you reached into the spice cupboard and took out a jar of dried tarragon and took a bit of the herb out of the container and crushed it in your hands before sprinkling it into the soup. James mixed it in and gave the broth a minute to soak in the flavour before trying it again and shaking his head.

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!”

“I’ll let you finish having your little meltdown,” you patted his back. “I’m gonna hop in the shower quickly and we can eat when I get out.”

“Did Dad forget the tarragon?” Julian asked and you nodded your head.

“Wow, so everyone knew, but me?” James asked and you nodded your head with a shrug.

“Sorry, I guess your mom has favourites, or something.”

“Figures,” James teasingly rolled his eyes and you chuckled, waving him off and going to take a shower and change into something a little more comfortable.

When you came back outside they had migrated to the dining room table, each with a bowl of soup in front of them and a plate of salad. You sat on the same side as James since Julian and Hennock were already sitting next to each other and the boys happily recounted the details of their school day and playdate with you while everyone ate their soup and salad.

“What did you do at work, Dad?” James asked.

“Oh, nothing interesting,” he shook his head. “I think your mom was doing bigger things than me.”

“Bigger than treating people with cancer? You flatter me,” you drank some of your soup’s broth. “I had a meeting with a big company about a building they’re making.”

“Did you go do a site visit?” James asked and you nodded.

“Engineers are being a pain in the butt, keep making me adjust the design, but we’ll see who gets the last laugh.”

“Mom always does,” Julian told Hennock and they chuckled along with James.

After dinner James helped you clear up some of the dishes before heading out and leaving you with the boys. When Mahlet came by to pick Hennock up you invited her in for tea and a little visit.

“Thanks for coming to stay with Julian the other night,” you said after handing her a mug. “For once, I was the late one and James had an emergency come up so it was a huge help.”

“And how are things now, with the co-parenting?”

You took a sip of your tea, “Weirdly good,” you admitted. “We don’t argue as much which is nice and Julian gets to see his dad more.”

“Do you think maybe you’re not fighting because he’s changing?” she asked.

“I don’t wanna go down that path,” you shook your head. “If Jay hadn’t been diagnosed things would still be the same as they always were.”

“But they’re not. More often than not people show their true colours during times of difficulty.”

You took a deep breath and sighed, “If that was the case I would have seen something worth keeping when my marriage was falling apart.”

Mahlet nodded, seeing as you had a point and your conversation was halted as they boys came out of Julian’s room.

Mahlet and Hennock left shortly afterwards and you quickly got Julian ready for bed, tucking him in and then going to get settled yourself. You looked through a few client papers for work before calling it a night and turning off your bedside lamp, curling into bed and falling asleep.

Your sleep was interrupted in the middle of the night by a tapping on your shoulder and when you blinked your eyes open you saw Julian standing next to your bed.

“Jay, sweetheart, is something wrong?” you asked.

“My stomach really hurts,” he told you and you sat up, motioning for him to come sit with you on the bed.

“Where?” you asked, turning on the light and he pointed to the upper right corner of his abdomen. If you remembered correctly that wasn’t exactly where his stomach was and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw the yellowing whites of his eyes. “Oh, sweetheart, I think we have to go to the hospital.”

“The hospital? What happened?” Julian looked worried and you assured him everything would be alright.

“We’re just being safe,” you told him. “I’m gonna call your dad, maybe he can tell us a little bit more of what’s going on. Do you feel good enough to get your jacket and shoes and your hospital bag?”

Julian nodded his head and you gave him a kiss and he went off to grab his things while you did the same, but also taking your cell phone and calling James.

It took a few rings, but he eventually picked up.

“Hey, did something happen?” he asked and you could still hear the sleep thick in his voice.

“I think something’s wrong with Julian. I’m gonna take him to the hospital, can you meet us there?”

“Yeah, of course, I’m on my way.”

“James…the whites of his eyes were yellow. Does he have jaundice?” you asked.

“It’s possible, was there anything else?”

“Yeah, he mentioned stomach pain, but he pointed to like his upper right abdomen, I think,” you explained while grabbing your bag and putting on some socks.

“Makes sense as a liver issue,” you could hear his car starting in the background. “If he’s presenting symptoms now I would call an ambulance.”

“James-,”

“Just trust me,” he said. “Call 911.”

“Okay,” you nodded your head and hung up, calling the emergency services and explaining the situation to them and then to Julian while you waited for them to arrive.

James made the right call, seeing as while you were in the ambulance Julian began to throw up and the paramedics obviously handled it better than you could have if you had driven him.

When you arrived at the ER they wheeled Julian away and you began getting flashbacks to when you first brought him in.

“Where are you taking him?” you called after them, but no one answered you. “What the hell kind of hospital is this?! Where are you taking my son?!”

“Ma’am they're taking your son to do a liver biopsy,” one of the nurses came back and informed you. “We need you to sign this consent form.”

You nodded your head and took the pen from her hand, signing it, but just as you were about to ask her a question she ran off to give them the okay.

You could feel your anger and worry bubbling inside your throat and you wanted to let it out in a scream and you were about to go running after her, but before you could you felt someone grab your wrist and pull you back.

“James let me go,” you said warningly, looking back at your ex-husband.

“No,” he stated just as firmly.

“James-,”

“I am not going to let you do something you’re going to regret,” he said and pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, even when you pushed to get away.

“James, let me go.”

“No,” he repeated and simply held onto you tighter.

“Let me-,” your voice broke and you stopped pushing away. “Please, Jamie, please I just want to see him,” you cried into his shirt and he squeezed you so tight you thought you might get bruises in your arm from the way he was holding you.

“I know, I know,” he whispered. “You brought him here and he’s going to be fine.”

“I can’t do this anymore, James. I can't be his mom and his doctor and they can’t expect me to wait out here while they drag him away and ask me to consent to God knows what.”

James didn’t know what to tell you, instead he just continued to hold you close, rubbing his hands up and down your back, and pressed a soft kiss against your temple.

You wrapped your arms around him and finally let yourself fully sink into his embrace, hating yourself for how much you liked it and how good it made you feel while your son was in some back corner of the ER getting a piece of his liver biopsied.

Eventually James pulled away from you, helping you dry your tears on the sleeve of his sweater and walking with his arm wrapped around you to the waiting area. You didn’t know how long you were sitting there, but it was possible that you had dozed off once or twice against James’ arm, waiting to hear some sort of news from the ER doctor.

“Mr. and Mrs. Wilson?”

Your eyes blinked open when James gently shook you awake.

“That’s us,” he said. “Is Julian okay?”

“Your son has a mild case of cirrhosis,” the doctor explained. “Due to his cystic fibrosis diagnosis we believe this is due to clogging and inflammation in his bile ducts.”

“What does that mean for him? Does he need surgery to fix it?” you asked, fighting back a tired yawn.

“Unfortunately, yes,” the doctor nodded. “It’s good you caught it early, there’s minimal damage to his liver so far and he’s still growing which means his liver is too. We can get him into an OR tomorrow if you consent to the surgery.”

You looked over at James and he nodded his head. You trusted him and told the doctor you would sign the papers as soon as you could see Julian.

“He’s been moved to the pediatric ward for now and Dr. Liu has been informed of the development. He should be in touch with you tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” James said and when the doctor left, he helped you up and you began the walk up to the pediatric ward.

When you arrived a nurse pointed you in the direction of his room and after each pressing a kiss to Julain’s forehead you sat on the seat bench together.

“We should sleep,” James said, but you had a hard time imagining how that would be possible.

“I’m having a hard time working out the logistics,” you admitted.

“Come on, it’ll be just like on the way back from our honeymoon,” he insisted, recalling your extremely delayed flight on the way back from France, causing you to sleep with your head on James’ lap, stretched out along the airport chairs.

You were too tired to argue or try and find another way, so you leaned down and rested your head against his legs, closing your eyes and sighing when you felt his hand rub up and down in long motions along the side of your body. Sleep could not have come quicker.

—

“Mom…Mom, Dad?”

Julian rolled his eyes when he received no answer and grabbed the stuffed animal you had placed next to him when he’d come into the room and threw it at his sleeping parents, nailing his dad in the face.

“Oh, God, mhm, wake up,” James shook you while he raised his hands to rub his face.

“Huh?” you opened your eyes and pushed yourself off of James’ lap. “Oh crap, my back. Remind me not to listen to you when you talk about doing something I did ten years ago.”

“Julian, did you throw Steggy at my face?” James asked, picking up the stuffed animal from where it had fallen on you.

“You weren’t getting up,” Julian shrugged his shoulders.

“Julian,” you chastised and took the dinosaur from James’ hand. “You could have hurt your dad’s important doctor-face,” you joked and rubbed your hand all over James’ face making Julian laugh.

“Okay, okay,” James moved your hand away and gave you a look.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” you yawned and moved from the bench to the side of his bed.

“A little better,” he said. “Did the doctors fix what was wrong?”

“Not yet,” James shook his head and came to sit next to you and placed a hand on Julian’s. “You’re gonna have to go in for surgery today.”

“A surgery?” Julian looked a little nervous. “Like cut me open?”

“It’ll be just a line right here,” James drew it with his finger along Julian’s abdomen. “They’re going to fix a part of you called your bile duct and then sew you right back up and you’ll be good as new.”

“Is it dangerous?” he asked.

You looked over at James, a small note telling him to lie to make him feel better. He didn’t need to know all the details.

“No,” James shook his head. “You’re gonna be fine and your mom and I will be here the whole time.”

“Promise?” Julian whispered.

“Swear on it,” James leaned in towards his son and snuck a kiss to his cheek. “We love you, buddy.”

“I love you guys too.”

Dr. Liu came by a little while later to inform you what time the surgery was scheduled for and he helped make Julian feel a lot better about the procedure. When it was finally time for him to go, you were a nervous wreck, but tried not to let it show for Julian’s sake, instead just pressing a big kiss to his forehead and telling him you’d be waiting for him once he got out.

It only took about fifteen minutes of your pacing to get James to grab onto your arm and make you stop.

“You’re gonna burn a hole in the ground,” he said.

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” you admitted. “If I sit I’m gonna fidget, if I stand I’m going to pace.”

“Then come on, let’s go to my office for a second, grab a coffee and a snack and then we can come back out and wait,” he suggested.

You agreed to his idea so he stood up and you walked side by side to his office, passing House who had some comment about your dishevelled appearance together.

“You’re an interesting man, Greg,” you shook your head at him. “You can’t think of any other reason we might be here?”

House was silent so James explained,

“Julian’s in surgery right now. He’s got cirrhosis.”

“Ah so not a late night ex-wife rendez-vous. Can’t get ‘em right all the time,” he shrugged and you chuckled. “I hope the kid’s alright.”

“Thanks, that means a lot coming from you,” you admitted.

He raised his brows and lifted his cane to say goodbye, letting you and James continue your walk to his office.

“House mind that you’re not spending as much time here?” you asked.

“No, he just bothers me more when I am around,” James said while opening the door and letting you inside.

He went towards his desk and pulled out a few packages of snacks tossing you one and you shook your head when you saw the label.

“You still eat these? I thought the FDA recalled them?” you asked sarcastically.

“I’m sorry I have better taste in food than you do,” he said right back.

“Right, this is food,” you chuckled. “And if you have such good taste why didn’t your mom tell you about her secret ingredient?”

“That’s cold,” he pointed to you with a bag of chips in his hand.

“No, it’s true. Just like your dad telling me I was his favourite wife of yours,” you opened the bag James had tossed you.

“Just shut up and eat your snack,” James chuckled and you listened to him, beginning to eat a little something, not realizing how hungry you were until the food made its way to your stomach.

“You got another one of these?” you asked and he nodded, passing it to you when you were finished with the first one.

“Feeling a little better?” James asked and you nodded your head.

“Hey James?” you said, unsure of how you’d gotten to this point, but you were too exhausted to stop yourself from saying it. “I want you to move back in.”

“You want me to do what?” he raised his brows and looked at you stunned.

“I want you to move back in with me and Julian,” you said. “It’s becoming pretty clear to me that it’s safer to have two people around when possible than not and you’re already around all the time now.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked. “I mean you didn’t want to give Julian the wrong idea about us.”

“Our lives changed the second we got that diagnosis. I think we need to change along with everything else.”

You couldn’t believe that just barely twelve hours ago you were telling your friend there was no chance James had changed, but here you were saying things that had proved you had changed. Things you wouldn’t have dreamt of saying a year ago.

“Okay,” James nodded. “I’ll move back in.”

You just silently hoped you wouldn’t regret asking.

Waiting for Julian to get out of surgery was a little easier now that you had some food in your stomach and you decided to wait on coffee until you got the note from the surgeon that everything had gone well.

As James had continued to assure you almost a hundred times, the surgery went fine and before you knew it you were back in Julian’s room watching him sleep off the anaesthetic.

“You know he looks like you when he sleeps,” James said from the bench while you sat on the bed next to Julian.

“He does?”

“Yeah, his nose does that same scrunchy thing when he sniffles and when he snores-,”

“Hey, I only snore when I’m congested,” you said defensively.

“I never minded,” James smiled. “I thought it was cute when you sounded like an old man.”

“Yeah, but you’re not fond of all my old man characteristics,” you turned around to face him, still holding Julian’s hand in yours.

“All your old man characteristics?” James furrowed his brows in confusion.

“You told me I argued like an old man. Stubborn and could only see my own way. And I fought dirty.”

“You sure did,” James nodded. “If you brandishing my mother’s clear favouritism shows anything, it’s definitely that you fight dirty, but I never said I disliked that about you.”

“Really? Near the end I thought there was a lot you disliked about me.”

James shook his head, “No, I was just upset and you were passionate. It wasn’t like my other marriages where things just…fizzled.”

“We did go out with a bang,” you inhaled deeply.

“If it weren’t for Julian… do you think we’d…”

You shook your head.

“No, we probably never would have seen each other again. Another old man trait, I hold a pretty mean grudge.”

James pressed his lips together and looked over at his sleeping son.

“I’m happy we had him,” he said quietly. “Even if we didn’t work out.”

“Me too,” you agreed, looking over at Julian quietly snoring, just like his dad had said. “Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Julian’s nose watching him scrunch it up, making you smile. It was a miracle that two such flawed individuals could make a child so perfect.

—

“Alright, he is asleep, but I do warn you it took some bribery so you’ll have to buy him another dinosaur book to read to him at night,” you walked out of Julian’s room, dusting your hands off like you’d just finished a heavy labour job.

“I’ll run to the bookstore tomorrow,” James nodded and you fell onto the couch next to him and sighing as you sunk into the plush fabric before noticing what he was doing.

“Where did you pull these out of?” you asked with a soft chuckle.

“I was just clearing up the closet in the guest bedroom and I found a box of these,” he picked up the albums. “Look at this one.”

He placed the book of photos on your lap and you smiled seeing as it was Julian’s baby album, filled with small mementos and little notes you and James had made in the margins.

“Oh my God, Mom’s first day home, she looks like an angel,” you read from the side. “And my response: I look like I just got hit by a bus, cut it out.”

“You can still read my chicken scratch writing?” James asked.

“My most useless talent as I like to call it,” you nodded. “You wrote a lot in here.”

“I used to bring it with me to work cause I missed you guys so much,” he admitted. “Made me feel closer to you.”

You read through some of the notes in the book, chuckling a little at some of the written back and forth you had. Eventually you got to the family portraits you’d had taken a few months after Julian was born, smiling softly to yourself.

You remembered the day well, you felt like you hadn’t slept in weeks, James was just getting off of a twelve-hour shift and you were almost late to your appointment with the photographer. You were worried everything was going to look terrible and you’d barely had enough time to do your hair or makeup, but James had silenced your worries with a kiss and assured you the pictures would be fine.

In the end most of them were terrible, but the photographer managed to get two shots, one of you and James smiling down at Julian in your arms and another immediately after where you were looking up and smiling at each other.

“That session was a shitshow,” you recalled and James agreed. “We did get a few nice things out of it though.”

You looked back down at the pile of albums in front of you and noticed a large white one, tucked under a few things and even though nothing good could come of it, you pulled it out from the bottom of the pile, carefully blowing off the dust and turning the first page.

Centerfold, just like you remembered it, was a picture of you and James on your wedding day. You leaned further back into the couch and James scooched in closer to get a look.

You both looked younger in the picture, with that spark of je ne sais quoi in your eyes.

“I told you there was a reason we got married,” he said quietly, his hand brushing the corner of the photo.

“Yeah, we loved each other,” you said. “That was the reason.”

“Same reason we decided to have Julian,” he added.

You could feel your breathing become a little more shallow and a tightness in your chest as James spoke about Julian. You remembered the conversations so clearly, like you’d had them yesterday, caught between happy and passionate kisses while James made some dirty jokes about getting you pregnant.

That was back when he still couldn’t get enough of you. Before things changed and he slowly distanced himself until it felt like it was just you and Julian against the rest of the world, and not the three of you like he had promised all those nights throughout your pregnancy.

You wondered quietly to yourself what had changed? What had become so unbearable that there was distance in the first place? There was never a lack of love on your end which is why this was dangerous.

At least when there was distance you could be angry with him, you could go to bed at night and not remember all the little things that made you love him in the first place. He wasn’t there as a constant reminder that you loved his cooking, or even just your banter together. More importantly, it was giving you new reasons to feel that fluttering feeling in your stomach.

You’d always loved how he’d interact with Julian, but now that you got to see it day in and day out, it made it harder to weigh that against the cons of everything. Most notably, this was the beginning of the end. If you let yourself fall you would both crash and Julian would be caught in the middle once again.

You tried to distract yourself by flipping through the album photos to find some funny old picture of a relative or maybe even an embarrassing moment to tone down whatever it was that looking at that picture was making you feel.

All you could focus on was how in every picture, almost without fail, James was looking over at you. Rarely into the camera along with everyone else. He was enamoured, that was the only word to describe it, and oh how much you missed that look.

You made the mistake of tearing away your gaze from the pictures, looking up at James instead, and for a moment you thought just maybe you saw that same look in his eyes. But no. It couldn’t have been. The dim light of the lamp must have been playing tricks on you.

Finally you closed the album and put it back down, unsure of what feelings might resurface if you opened another one. Your honeymoon, family dinners and pictures were all just reminders of the happy times, not what came after.

James did what you didn’t want to, grabbing another album and sifting through the pages until he found what he was looking for, taking a picture out of its protective sleeve and showing it to you.

“Can I keep this one?” he asked.

You took it from his hands, examining it while your fingers precariously held the edges of the photograph.

It was a silly picture, something you had taken while you were travelling. James got someone to take the camera, but along with snapping a few shots while you were posed with smiles they caught a few candids, most notably, James kissing your cheek while you laughed and tried to squirm out of his grasp.

Your finger gently brushed over the spot on the photo where James’ lips were against your cheek before nodding your head.

“Sure, you can have it,” you handed him back the picture and patted your hands against your legs, preparing to stand up. “I should get to bed.”

“I’ll be out here for a while longer if you need anything.”

You gave him a tight lipped smile and stood up, walking towards your bedroom. When you closed the door behind you, you let out a breath you had been holding and ran a hand across your face.

Maybe Julian was never the one at risk of getting the wrong idea.

—

Waking up in the middle of the night always made you feel uneasy. Especially if Julian was the one waking you up. The chance that you’d have to drive to the hospital or call an ambulance was high and you hated the fear and worry that came along with any possible complications.

Tonight, you woke up on your own accord. Your heart was beating inside your throat and your stomach felt like it was housing a group of persistent butterflies.

You glanced over at the clock and saw the time, flashing in red.

3:07

You took a deep breath trying to steady your heart rate and breathing before peeling away your blanket and kicking your feet over the side of the bed. You grabbed a different pair of pyjamas from your dresser and walked into the washroom, tossing them on the far end of the floor while you stripped down and turned on the water for the shower.

When you stepped inside you hissed initially at the cold, but forced yourself to become fully submerged under the water, closing the curtain behind you. Your muscles clenched as your body adjusted to the temperature, and when the time finally came you let your thoughts and dreams become washed away by the water coming out of the shower head.

You were simply standing there, letting the water fall on your face when you heard the click of the door opening.

“Julian, sweetie,” you sighed, turning around so you could speak. “Maybe you should go to your dad if something’s wrong, I’ll come out in a sec.”

“No need,” you heard a voice that did not belong to your son.

“James? I’m in the shower. What are you doing?” you asked incredulously, feeling the need to cover yourself up even though there was a curtain blocking his view. You felt exposed nonetheless.

“It’s three in the morning, I thought something was wrong, I came to check on you,” he explained.

“And what were you doing up?” you asked.

“Got in late. There was an emergency at the hospital after you guys went to sleep, I dealt with it and just came back.”

You stepped under the running water again, washing the water over your face with your hands.

“So, is everything okay?”

“Peachy,” you said sarcastically, leaning against the wall of the shower.

“Nobody ever says peachy when things are okay,” James pushed further and you sighed, moving to sit down on the floor of the shower, still positioned under the water.

“I just had a dream, that’s all,” you said, watching as the water hit your toes and the ground around you.

“A bad dream?” he asked.

“No, it was more like… déjà vu.”

James sighed, and rubbed his hands on his legs.

“Was it about us?”

He took your silence as a yes.

James didn’t really know what to say, his hands were clasped together as he leaned forward sitting on the bathroom counter.

“You’re not gonna ask what it’s about?” you hugged your knees close to your chest.

“Would you tell me?”

“Maybe…I don’t know,” you mumbled.

There was another moment of silence before James spoke up again,

“What was it about?”

You turned to face the water with your eyes closed again, gathering the courage to speak.

“It started when I told you I was pregnant,” you said softly. “Like the memory replayed in my head, exactly how it happened.”

“I remember that day,” you heard the soft smile in his voice as he spoke. “You took the test at work and when it came back positive you came straight to the hospital to tell me.”

“I was barely two steps inside your office when I blurted it out, you were eating lunch and had that stupid look on your face with a mouth full of sandwich,” you chuckled to yourself.

“I almost choked on that,” James shook his head. “And I just remember running up to you and freaking out.”

“And then when you were done freaking out and everything sunk in you kissed me, and you told me you loved me, and we cried because we made a child. Our love did that.”

You reached forward and turned the shower off, pushing yourself up on your feet and taking a deep breath before pulling back the curtain. You had told him what you were thinking. You couldn’t get any more exposed than that.

James looked stunned for a moment and it didn’t go unnoticed how his eyes raked up and down your figure.

“Get me the robe, would you?” you motioned to the back of the door and he jumped down grabbing the robe and holding it out for you so you could place your arms into the sleeves and wrap the towelled fabric around you, trying it off with the belt.

When you turned your head to look back at James, you could tell at least you’d succeeded in raising his heart rate, much like he was doing for you recently.

You moved to go sit on the closed toilet while James retook his spot on the counter.

“Do you remember when Julian was born?” he whispered.

“I like it was yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been eight years,” you nodded your head.

He was having trouble holding your gaze and you wondered what he was about to say.

“I-I screwed up,” his voice was soft, almost hurt, like it pained him to think about what he had done. “When you were resting afterwards the nurse asked me if we were going to do a newborn screening. We hadn’t talked about it, but you were so tired and it was such a hard labour…” he swallowed thickly, his voice wavering slightly, remembering the birth. It wasn’t easy by any means and James had often thought that the hardest thing he’d ever had to watch was you in that much pain. “I told her we weren’t going to do it. I just didn’t want Julian to leave and h-he looked so perfect I never thought anything could have been wrong with him.”

James took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, “I am a doctor and I didn’t get a newborn screening for my son, what the hell kind of father does that make me?”

“Oddly enough, I think it makes you a good one,” you admitted.

“Even though we could have known about this years before? We could have gotten him treatment, medication, therapies, all sooner?” he looked back at you confused.

“You said it yourself, Jamie. He was perfect for us. Still is.”

James nodded his head and looked forward at the opposite wall. You stood up and walked over towards him, reaching out a hand to gently hold his face, your thumb brushing against his cheek while he looked at you.

“I don’t blame you for this,” you whispered. “I don’t blame you and I don’t think you’re a bad father.”

“I know,” he murmured, “but I do.”

You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, not knowing what other comfort you could offer.

James leaned in a little to your touch, sitting up straighter when it was gone, trying to play it off like he hadn’t been missing it and craving it as much as you.

You were about to say something when you heard a knock on the washroom door, and this time it had to be Julian.

“Mom? Dad, are you in here too?” you could hear his small sounding voice, a little strained and worried so you quickly assured him you were both inside and opened the door.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” you asked, noticing his tear-stained face.

“I just had a bad dream,” he sniffed and wiped his eyes.

You kissed away his tears first before assuring him everything would be fine, you and James were there to take care of him.

“Why don’t you go and lay down on my bed with your Dad?” you suggested. “I’ll get dressed and come join you.”

Julian nodded and made his way over to your bed while you went to quickly speak to James.

“It’ll be good for you. Both of you,” you told him.

“You don’t mind?”

“Just this once.”

James thanked you with a kiss to your cheek and left the adjoining washroom, closing the door behind him and giving you a minute to get changed and deal with anything you needed to before going back to bed.

When you opened the door and came back into your room, you saw James under the covers with Julian pressed close to him, their foreheads resting together while James told him everything was going to be alright and he could go back to sleep.

You slipped in under the covers, sandwiching Julian between you both, letting his back rest against your chest while you pressed a kiss to his hair.

One hand was tucked under your pillow and another was draped over Julian, and your fingers carefully placed over top of James’.

“Will you be here when I wake up?” Julian asked his dad.

“Right next to you,” he kissed his nose. “Now try to get some sleep, okay?”

Julian nodded his head and yawned and you whispered a quiet goodnight to bed him and his dad before letting your eyes close, silently smiling when you could feel James’ hand finally hold your own.

—

“You guys, relax, he’s going to be fine,” Mahlet placed a hand on both yours and James’ shoulders while you spewed out your worries. “It’s one night, I have the whole list of things he needs and I’ve taken care of him before, right? It’s just at my house this time so the boys can have a sleepover and you two can have a bit of a break.”

“She’s right,” James sighed. “I’m still worried out of my mind, but she’s right.”

“Mahi, are you sure you don’t want us to come even for a little bit?” you asked.

“Absolutely, if something happens I’ll call an ambulance and then you, but Julian’s been good for months now, he can survive one night away from home,” she assured you.

“Thank you, Mahlet. I’m sure Julian and Hennock will have a great time tonight. Just call us when he’s ready to be picked up tomorrow morning,” James said.

James wrapped his arm around you, giving you a squeeze knowing you were still uneasy about this, but deep down you knew Mahlet was right. The chances of something going wrong at this point were small and you’d had enough time since your last hospital visit to even consider doing something like this.

“You boys ready?” James called and Julian came rushing out of the room with his bag in hand, Hennock following close behind him.

“You have fun tonight, okay?” you bent down and gave Julian a kiss. “And if anything happens or you feel sick, or are having trouble breathing, tell Mahlet, okay?”

“I know, Mom. Dad already told me this like fifteen times,” Julian chuckled.

You looked up at James and he shrugged.

“Alright, well you guys better go before I change my mind,” you crossed your arms over your chest and that was all the permission the boys needed to run off, leaving Mahlet to say goodbye before stepping out and closing the door behind her.

You sighed and turned around, looking at James who had his hands shoved into his pockets.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“I could eat,” you nodded your head.

“Why don’t we make something for dinner together?” he suggested.

You looked at the clock and smiled, “I think we’ve got enough time for pizza, what do you think?”

“I think that’s a great plan,” James agreed. “I can start on the dough and you get the sauce and toppings?”

You gave him a thumbs up before putting your hand out to high-five him, noticing how your fingers so easily intertwined before you walked apart and let go.

James rolled up his sleeves and took off his watch, placing it on the small jewelry tray you kept by the sink for when you were washing dishes, while you went to the fridge and began pulling out all the things that could make good pizza toppings.

Moving to the sink to wash some vegetables, you noticed James’ watch resting there. You didn’t pay much attention when he was wearing it, but now you realized why it looked extra familiar. It was one you had gotten him as an anniversary present after your first year married.

“You still wear that?” you pointed with your eyes to the watch.

“It’s my favourite watch, of course I wear it,” he nodded while portioning the flour into a large bowl.

“Even with that engraving?” you raised a questioning brow.

“Dearest Jamie, Here’s to the first of many happy anniversaries. Love forever, Your Wife,” he recited the engraving back to you.

“I don’t know why you do that to yourself,” you chuckled a little, looking down into the sink.

“Yeah, well why do you still go by Mrs. Wilson?”

“Easier to keep the name than change it again,” you partially lied, it wasn’t the full truth, but it was what you had been telling yourself ever since the divorce was finalized.

James could sense you were lying, but he knew the only way to get you to open up would be to let himself be open with you.

“The watch is my favourite because you gave it to me. Functionally it sucks and it's uncomfortable, but you went out of your way to get me something that looked nice and that’s why I love it.”

You smiled a little to yourself, but kept your head facing the sink and continued to wash the vegetables.

“You’re not going to say anything?” he inquired.

“Do I have to?” you asked.

“That’s normally how a conversation works,” he remarked and you chuckled.

“What do you want me to say?” you asked.

“Honestly, the real reason why you kept your married name,” he said plainly.

You sighed, “It wasn’t a full lie. If I went back to my maiden name Julian and I wouldn’t have the same last name it just makes things complicated and confusing and I didn’t want to deal with it, but,” you added, “I always kind of liked the sound of Mrs. Wilson and even though I was pissed at you all the time I still liked that there was one thing aside from Julian connecting us. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t want to end up like Sam or Bonnie just…detached, like there was barely a trace that you were even there.”

“It’s a fingerprint,” James said. “Mine.”

“Yeah, even though it's small for who we were to each other, it's the fingerprint you left on my life.”

James pressed his lips together and opened his mouth to say something before shutting it and evaluated how he was going to speak,

“Can I ask you something?” he settled on.

“Sure,” you nodded, moving over to the cutting board and placing yourself on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

“Did…Did you ever stop loving me?”

Your smile faltered and James noticed the change in your demeanor, quickly retracting his question.

“You know what, forget I asked,” he shook his head and continued to knead the dough.

There was a moment of silence before you spoke again.

“I didn’t, but I got tired of not being loved back.”

James stopped what he was doing and looked up at you with concern.

“You thought I stopped loving you?” he asked.

“James, I was wife number three. Didn’t take much to connect the dots and see you got tired of me,” you said bluntly. “I wanted to know if I could count on you, and it was starting to feel like maybe I couldn’t. Then the divorce happened and everything after that just made me feel like I was right.”

James chewed on the inside of his cheek and remained silent.

“You didn’t fight for me,” you said quietly. “You fought for joint custody, but you didn’t fight for me. You just…accepted it.”

“I…I didn’t know you wanted me to fight for you.”

“Are you saying you would have?” you asked, unsure of whether or not you wanted to hear his answer.

“I’m saying I thought I didn’t even have a chance,” he admitted.

“So you wouldn’t have,” you clarified for him, beginning to chop the toppings into pieces and separate them into bowls.

He chuckled humourlessly, “I have dated one person since the divorce. I hated it.”

“Why do you have to talk in puzzles, James? Why can’t you just come out and say what you really mean?”

“And then what?” he asked. “We go back to living in the same house. Sleep in separate rooms. Move on now that we know the truth?”

“Say it,” you put the knife down and looked him right in the eyes.

“What are you going to do about it?” he asked, cleaning the dough off his hand. “I’m going to say it and you’re just going to stand there and I have to live with that?”

You walked around the counter and came right up in front of him.

“If you were listening to anything I was saying, you would stop making excuses and say it.”

“Fine!” he threw his hands up in the air. “I still love you. I never stopped loving you. These past few months, even though stressful, have been the happiest I’ve been in so long because I feel like myself again when I’m with you and Julian. Because I feel like your husband, and I feel like a father and I keep kicking myself wondering how I could have been so stupid to lose that.”

“Say it one more time,” you whispered, lifting your hands to hold onto his face. “Please.”

“I love you,” his voice was softer, relieved like after being underwater he could finally breathe again.

You finally pulled him into you, your lips hesitantly resting on his at first, before you found your rhythm again after so long. It was muscle memory, his hands finding the spot they always rested against on your hips, his lips moving in synch with yours, eventually trailing off and finding their favourite spot against your jaw and behind your ear.

“James,” you breathed.

“Jamie,” he mumbled against your skin. “Call me Jamie.”

“Jamie, Jamie, Jamie,” you repeated the nickname until he silenced you with another kiss, muffling your voice.

“God, I missed you,” he whispered when you pulled apart, breathing heavily due to your fast beating heart.

You closed your eyes while your forehead rested against his, feeling his nose touch yours, his hands still firmly planted on your hips when your thumbs brushed against his cheeks.

“Jamie?”

James snuck another small kiss at the sound of the nickname.

“Yes, my love.”

“Can I count on you?”

You could feel him nod his head and confirm with a verbal ‘yes’. And even if it turned out to be a lie, at that moment you didn’t care. He had proved to you that it was possible, you could work with that.

“I love you,” you said and kissed his nose and then you said it and kissed him again for good measure. “You told me twice; I tell you twice.”

James moved his hands up from your hips and brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek, a warm smile coming to his face.

And there was that look, the one you thought had vanished over time. His eyes fully transfixed on you with nothing but love and admiration. It didn’t take much to convince yourself you could get used to seeing that look for a long, long time.

TAGLIST —

@cuntyvicodin @paola-carter

#james wilson #james wilson x reader #james wilson x you #dr wilson #dr wilson x reader #dr wilson x you #house md #house md fanfiction #house md x reader #hate crimes md #james wilson fanfiction #james wilson fanfic #james wilson fic

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dracoflaco · 2 months

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Waiting for you // Chris Sturniolo

Chris Sturniolo x fem!reader

contains: fluff, stressed out reader, use of y/n, flashbacks (in italics), 1.2k words

a/n: its been so long since I write so if it looks cranky, don’t blame me. Idk honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️ (no summary cuz I'm lazy lol)

I reach for the box under my bed, it has been covered in dust meaning it has been down there since forever. Bumping my head in the process of taking the box, I let out a wince, “ouch, this damn bed. I’m throwing you away one day I swear,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. I wipe the dust away to see the hidden words under those dust. ‘Love’ was written on the lid of the box, “I don’t remember having this before” furrowing my eyebrows, trying to remember anything.

The song from my playlist continues to play, starting a sad tune. I turn to where I place my phone, confused as to why there’s some kind of sad song and to be precise Taylor Swift? I shrug it away and stares at the box in front of me, I’ve been cleaning my room since this afternoon and without noticing the time, the sun has started to set. Plopping on my bed, I take the lid off. My smiles starts disappearing just how he did…

I laugh at him when he starts cracking some jokes out of nowhere. We’ve been walking for 30 minutes after our date night. Both us close to each other, my purse in his hand. “Also Nick face was literally covered in it, we had to make a TikTok,” Chris laughed, swinging my hand with his softly.

“Happy Birthday my pretty girl. I’m sorry I had to! It was the plan, baby,” he winked, handing me the flower lego to me “my love will last just how this flower last” I laughed at his cheesy pickup lines, rolling my eyes playfully “I really thought you forgot about it, Chris. You better don’t do this again” I squint my eyes at him. “We’ll see princess, we’ll see.” He said, shrugging his shoulder making the ‘who knows’ face. I slap his arm playfully, he eventually starts laughing and bringing me closer into his arms, “I love you, y/n. Even the world can’t describe it”

“This is so good, baby. Cook more often please please please” he begged, chewing the food I made for him. Chris stands up from his seat and walks towards me “Thank you, baby” He hugs me from behind and lift me off from the floor to twirl me. I laugh lightly “Chrisss, put me down” I whine playfully and he set me back on the floor, giving my face all the kiss it needed.

A solemn tear fell down my cheek, snapping me out of it. I blink my eyes a few times to stop it but the tears keep flowing down my face like a river escaping a dam. I try wiping it away as the door of my room creaks open, someone just came into my room. Luckily my back was facing the door, giving me times to prepare myself and turns around once I think I’m presentable enough. Nick stood there at my door frame, concerns could be seen on his face, “Nick? Hey, what are you doing here? Should’ve tell me before barging into my room,” I chuckled, eyes avoiding his

“You’ve been crying.” Nick stated, heading towards where I’m seated. One look of the things in my hands, he knew it straightaway. “Missing him? Everyday I passed his room, I could hear him sobbing his heart out. He still loves you, you know? Let him in again?” He suggests, rubbing my shoulder softly. Bringing me closer to his side, laying my head on his shoulder. I stare at the necklace which happened to be in the box, being on the top of the other.

“How? How, Nick? He was the one who ended it, I got no time to stop him from doing so!” I cry out, burying my face in his shoulder. My whole body is shaking from the amount of tears and sobs coming out of me. “Yet you still cry about it, y/n. It’s been what? Almost a year and you two still mourn for each other. I never believe you when you said you moved on from him. It was and still is in your eyes.” Nick whispered into my ears, his hand never stops rubbing my shoulder.

“It hurts Nick, I still want him but God knows how my brain despise him when he said those words to me but my heart says the opposite” I sobbed, pouring my heart out. Nick only nods and comfort me softly, whispering sweetness to me till I slowly calm down from all the loud sob, non stopping flows of tears. My fingers taking the necklace from the box and turn it around. An engrave of ‘I love you - c.s’. I let my thumb stays on the engraving.

Minutes of staring it, I unclasp the hook and place it around my neck. Nick only observe my movement, saying absolutely nothing. I sigh lowly, resting the necklace on my collarbone. Sounds of a phone ringing starts to play, Nick take his phone out of the pocket of his trousers. The caller ID shows that it was Chris. I nod towards the phone, telling Nick to answer the phone call.

His thumb lingers on the decline button but finally pressing the green button, “Chris? Why’d you call?” He ask, talking to the phone. I shift away from Nick to give them both some privacy. I search for my phone only to be met with the battery logo. Grabbing the charger on the bedside table and plugging it in. “I’ll give you two some times but don’t ask again after this. You better not missed anything or even mess this up again, or I’m killing you myself.” The call comes to an end.

I walk back to my bed and peers at his phone, “what happened?” I asked, picking up the box from the bed and move it into my closet. “Nothing, Chris just asked about the juice from yesterday.” Oh. I nodded out of disappointment and settle down beside him. “Whatever happen, just let it flow naturally. Do not push it away. You better hear me out this time, y/n.” He said, looking into my eyes with seriousness.

My brow furrows softly, confusion starts to spread on my face, “okay? Anyway why did you come here all of a sudden?”

“You weren’t answering the text I gave you and all my calls went straight to the voicemail. You expect me not to panic knowing you” He said, crossing his arms. “Anyway I’m gonna go buy some takeout with Matt, you want the usual?”

“The usual I guess?” I shrugged, “up to you though, I don’t mind”

Nick wave at me and left me alone in my room with my clouded thoughts. Sighing, I rose to my feet and drag myself to the bathroom to wash my face. My eyes are a bit red and puffy after the crying session and all. The sound of my door bell rings all over my house, I dry my face quickly. Rushing down the stairs to open the door. Time seeming to slow down, feeling as if I can hear my own heartbeat. There he stood, My Chris or what used to be. The tears in my eyes threatening to fall, “Chris…” I whispered-

-to be continued-

#the sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo oneshot #chris sturniolo fic #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo angst #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo oneshot

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strstab · 1 year

Text

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 - 𝐣.𝐦

summary ; it’s your birthday so jj + the pogues have a surprise for you. you even get an extra present from your boyfriend 🍰

pairing ; jj maybank x birthday!reader

notes ; surprise, kissing, sexual leads, slight drinking, gift giving jj, fluff, light smut? not really�� idk

a/n ; finally 19!! had a shitty day so had to make it up to myself by writing this. good day to my pisces 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

even on your special day, you couldn’t run from your hours at work. you clocked in around 5 hours ago at 8:00 and all you wanted to do was go home and enjoy your birthday with your family.

you were running around cleaning tables as there were only 20 minutes left to your shift. you pulled out your phone as it buzzed and swiped to unlock it.

j 💘: omw in 10 bby

you smiled and hearted the message before sliding your phone into your back pocket. jj always picked you up from work but you were even more excited to see what he got you as a present. last year he came into your house at 7 am with the biggest teddy bear you had ever seen.

fun fact; that same teddy bear you begged him for at the fair a couples months prior. how’d he get it? no idea. but all that mattered was that he remembered and cared enough to get it for you.

“okay, she’s out in 20 and i have to be there in 10. kie, you got the cake?” jj scrambled around the room making sure everything was perfect for you.

pink and white balloons covered the ceilings of the chateau, a big heart shaped cake was placed on the kitchen counter by kie, pope and sarah were finishing the food while cleo and jb finished setting the presents on the coffee table.

“yeah. cakes decorated,“ kie said with a salute.

“same with the food,” pope pushed the home made pizza towards the table.

jj nodded and smiled widely. you were so going to love this. did you have any idea that it was happening? nope!

originally you guys planned for a pogue day at the beach. casual surfing and drinking alcohol infected slushees like you usually did. why ‘surf’ the marsh when there were perfect blue waves to surf with your family?

jj saluted back and picked his keys out of his pocket. he glanced at the small box of jewelry that cleo held.

he walked out the door and made way to his motorcycle, starting the ignition and driving off to your job.

you stretched and waved goodbye to your co-workers, finally you got to enjoy your day. you clocked out and walked out of the main entrance, glancing around for a certain blond on a motorcycle that’s almost killed him about 4 times and counting.

right when you were about to turn around you heard a loud roar.

“there you are pretty girl!” you spun around and saw a motorcycle approach you slowly. on the bike was your beautiful boyfriend waving at you with a smile on his face.

he parked his bike and kicked the stand, he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up looking into your eyes with pure joy.

“happy birthday, princess,” he kissed your lips softly. you mumbled a ‘thanks’ and cupped his cheeks while he rubbed his thumb on the side of your thigh that he held you from.

he placed you down when he finished with your kisses and stared at you with heart eyes. you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. you really needed one.

he quickly kissed your cheek and pulled away, “you ready to go? the beach is waiting for its favorite surfer,”

you tied your hair back and sat on the back of his motorcycle as he started it up. “i thought you were it’s favorite surfer?”

“i am. but i had to let my baby have the spotlight for the day,”

you rolled your eyes and wrapped your arms around his waist. “how nice of you,”

as you pulled up to the beach, you realized it was quite empty and your friends were no where to be found. you hopped off the red painted bike and started looking for familiar faces, yet there seemed to be none.

you turned back to your boyfriend and his lips were pressed in a thin line. “j, where is everyone..?”

he shrugged and pulled out his phone, fighting back a sly grin.

you felt your heart drop and frowned slightly. did they forget? no, they couldn’t have.. you’ve been talking about your birthday since last month!

you gave yourself hope by looking around again and seeing a curly haired girl with a surf board in her hands with a blonde next to her but it seemed to be some random kooks.

you trudged back to jj and peeked over at his phone. he was texting but you couldn’t make out what he was typing. he glanced at you and slid his phone into his pocket. “damn. ‘m sorry baby, do you just wanna head back to the cheteau?”

you nodded and walked slowly to the motorcycle. jj felt bad for giving you false hope but he truly believed he’d be able to make it up to you with what was set up back at your second home.

as you pulled up to the wooden house, you spotted the twinkie and a confused look crossed your face. john b must’ve walked to where he was if the iconic van was still here.

jj took your hand and dragged you to the front door. he tripped on the steps of the porch and yelled a loud curse word. “shit, are you okay, j?!”

you bent down and took his hand to pull him up. he rubbed his elbow and nodded. you kissed your finger and placed it on his elbow, a thing you guys did between each other.

he opened the door for you and you walked in. right before your eyes were your friends with party blowers and confetti poppers.

“SURPRISE!!” they yelled in union. you gasped, truly in surprise. tears of joy sprang to the corners of your eyes as you placed your hand on your mouth. jj wrapped his arm around your shoulder and grinned proudly.

pope walked up to you with a bouquet in his hands. you grabbed them and brought them to your nose, inhaling the beautiful scent of the fresh flowers. you noticed note that was on top of one of the roses and plucked it out.

‘happy birthday to my study buddy and forever + 1 ’

- pope

you smiled and hugged him tightly. after receiving your gifts from everyone else, (minus jj) you munched on the food that was prepared before hand and drank pink martinis from the pretty wine glasses that sarah brought over.

you laid on jj’s lap as you finished your last slice of pizza. he laced his fingers in your hair, combing through it gently. the tender laughs that surrounded you felt so… home like. the snort that sarah let out every now and then or the loud sound of clapping cleo made when she found someone absolutely hilarious. all of it seemed like it was just part of you.

“love,” jj whispered from above you.

you turned your head to face him and saw him looking down at you. you hummed and waited for him to continue.

“you remember that ring i got you in 4th grade, the one from those little machines that you had to put a quarter in to get a prize out of?” he asked, stroking his thumb on your cheek and glancing at something behind you.

you nodded. the ring he got you was a royal blue heart shaped ring. you wore it everyday until it accidentally fell down a drain while you guys walked home from school.

john b threw jj a box and he placed it in your hands. you felt eyes on you, phones out recording and kie’s disposable camera flashing.

you opened the tiny box and inside glistened a gorgeous ring. rose gold plated and sparkling stones reflected in your eyes. you awed and picked up the ring. on the inside you saw ‘j + y/i (your initial)’ engraved into the ring band.

god, the hours jj picked up so he’d be able to afford it was actually absurd. the weeks you spent bothering him to spend time with you.. it was always ‘jj’ this and ‘jj’ that when he was coming home at 1 am from work or leaving at 7, but soon it’d be ‘jj i love you’.

your eyes began to water as you slipped the gold onto your ring finger. you sat up and hugged the soul out of your boyfriend. “thank you,”

“anything for you baby,” he smiled and hugged you back, placing a kiss on your neck. “it’s a promise ring, so now you have to promise you won’t drop it down the storm drain,”

you giggled and slapped his shoulder. “i promise,”

the pogues screamed and clapped behind you. yelling lines like ‘that’s my boy!’ and ‘when’s the honeymoon?!’

he brought you close and placed his lips on yours. moving them slowly against yours. you shuffled on his lap and whined a little, rubbing your sweaty hands on his chest. he gripped your waist and let out a quiet chuckle against your lips. “don’t worry baby, you’ll get that part of your present later.”

your face heated up and you covered your face in embarrassment, remembering your friends were literally right there.

“awh. don’t go shy on me all of a sudden, princess,” he stroked your hair and laughed.

cleo chucked a pillow at you guys and gagged. “get a room.” kie laughed from besides her as john b stopped covering his eyes.

jj picked you up bridal style and waved off the pogues. “privacy my girl wants, privacy my girl gets.“

he brought you to his room and placed you on his bed. he crawled on top of you and left wet kisses down your neck. you giggled at the ticklish feeling, tugging on his hair. his hands played with the hem of your shirt. his eyes met yours for consent and you gave him a quick nod.

he lifted your shirt and pulled it over your head, he stared at the majestic body that laid in front of him. aphrodite really blessed you well. his finger trailed down your stomach, sending you into a cold shudder.

“mm, you’re so pretty, baby,” he whispered as his thumb circled your clothed inner thigh.

you squirmed trying to get him to touch you in the right place. “jj, touch me..” you whined

he smirked and slipped off your pants, shortly followed along by your panties. he groaned quietly at the sight of your wet pussy in front of him. his thumb circled that spot as you whimpered uncontrollably. he removed his thumb from your drenched folds and placed a loving kiss on your lower abdomen.

you clenched your thighs together and covered your face with your hands. he was quick to take notice and pulled your wrists away, the rose gold ring still on your fingers, shining proudly. “keep your eyes on me, pretty girl, gotta watch how my mouths gonna make you cum,”

he held your wrists together with one hand and spread your thighs apart with the other. he sucked on the skin of your thigh, leaving a reddish mark that was soon to be dark.

you moaned and gripped onto the sheets as jj dipped his head in between your legs and started making a wet mess of you.

this was going to be a long night.

check out my other works !!

bonita 💋

ocean eyes 🌅

water drops 🧴

IM SO SORRY I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS SO BAD 😭😭

i’m honestly just sleep derived rn but wanted to get this out before i went to sleep. ummm ik the smutty part was terrible.. i’m more of an imaginer so.. yeah.

i’ll try better in the future ofc, but hopefully this is ok for right now.

but yeah!! pisces season baby 🌬

#jj maybank fluff #fluff #jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #obx jj #kissing #obx imagine #promisering #bday girl #outer banks moodboard #outer banks #john booker routledge #rudy pankow #rafe cameron #jj maybank x reader #strstab

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c0la-queen · 2 months

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Hi um..can i please request some matt from eddsworld x reader whenever you feel like it

Im just heavily love that silly man and i rarely see matt x reader anywhere and it makes me sorta upsetti spaghetti lol-

You dont have to do this you can delete this if you want ^^' i just thought i could at least ask this for like. Idk a early birthday present thingy for myself

Better Than Cake | Matt x Reader

I am absolutely ECSTATIC to write this for you, love! Consider it MY early birthday present to you! I definitely agree that Matt is under represented in the Eddsworld x Reader realm, so please don't hesitate to request him from me anytime that you'd like! I don't bite, promise! I'm a little inexperienced with writing gender neutral readers, but I've read plenty, so hopefully I can do justice in this one! Enjoy, and Happy Birthday, Anon!

Warnings: Matt is a bimbo, love him to death, he is THE girl's girl (and also non-binary's girl ofc <3) this is just pure fluff, angst if you squint, body dysphoria if you squint, but its a very short moment and the drabble is overall happy and sweet

Words: Nearly 1.5k

---

"Matt, what is all this about?"

You bit your tongue gently, trying to swallow back the giddy giggles as you looked over your bed. Sitting on the mattress were three boxes wrapped in Matt's favorite lavender wrapping paper. One was thin but long, one was average sized, and the third was smaller.

Matt leaned against the door frame of your room, trying his best - and failing - to hide the excited grin on his face.

"What does it look like, lovie?"

You turned and pouted at Matt. By now, you were well accustomed to his habit of gift-giving. That didn't stop you from feeling a tad guilty about it every time. And this just felt excessive.

"Matt, really, you didn't have to get me anything at all, let alone three things-"

He snorted, rolling his eyes playfully.

"Nonsense. Of course I'm going to get you birthday presents. Besides, those are only part of your presents."

You felt your face burn.

"What? What do you mean? There's more?"

Matt let himself laugh now, standing up straight.

"You'll see. Now I'll leave you to open them. Let me know if you have any trouble getting those on."

He was out of the room before you could question him, shutting the door behind him. You blinked in the silence of your room. 'Have trouble getting those on'? What could he possibly mean by that?

Your eyes drifted back to the boxes on your bed.

No…

He didn't…

…did he?

Trembling slightly from anticipation, you slowly opened the first box, the long one. Inside, amongst the gift tissue, was a silky fabric of your favorite color. Internally, a part of you grimaced. You didn't mean to be ungrateful, really. You loved Matt to death. But… part of you couldn't help but be disappointed that he had gotten you another dress. Still, you'd wear it to make him happy.

You paused when you lifted up the fabric out of the box. It wasn't a dress. It was… pants. Dress pants. Really nice dress pants. Huh?

You looked in the box again. There was more. You took it all out, and your breath caught in your throat. The dress pants came with a matching sweater vest and crème colored button down shirt. There was a lump in your chest that you fought to keep down.

There were still two more boxes, anyway. You couldn't imagine what else Matt could have gotten you.

Next, you opened the average sized box. A bottle of cologne. The glass was round, and you could see a purple tint in the glass. When you tested it out, you were met with a citrus-y scent. You couldn't stop the soft laugh that left you. It was the same cologne that Matt used. You had mentioned to him several times before that you loved how he smelled. He remembered.

The last box, the little one, completely took your breath away. Inside was a gold chain with a little round gold pendant engraved with an image of iris flowers, as well as a pair of matching gold earrings, the dangling chains ended with small purple butterflies.

It was all… beautiful. Your chest ached as you realized just how happy you were.

Part of you was tempted to run out the door, hunt down Matt, and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. But then his words echoed in your head. He wanted you to try the outfit on. And, well, you couldn't refuse, could you?

You must have been staring at yourself in the mirror for about 10 minutes, taking in how you looked in the outfit. Emotions sat heavy in your lungs, and you felt tears brimming in your eyes. For the first time in a long time, you felt… like yourself. You looked at your reflection and it was you. Really you.

A knock on your door broke you out of your trance.

"You alright in there, lovie? If you're having any trouble getting it on, I can-"

You didn't let Matt finish the thought.

You threw open the door, throwing your arms around his torso tightly. Matt gave a little 'oof' in surprise, but quickly wrapped his arms around you tightly.

"I'm guessing you like it, then?"

Matt must not have expected you to be crying, because when you pulled away and he saw your misty eyes, a panicked expression crossed his face. You gave him a bright, reassuring smile.

"I love it. All of it. So much. Thank you."

Content that your tears were of happiness, Matt's eyes swept down your body, inspecting the outfit he had gifted you. When his eyes met yours again, you saw nothing but pure affection in those baby blues. You fidgeted under that look, shyly looking down at the shoes that you had paired with the outfit.

Matt's finger hooked gently under your chin, tilting your head up until you were once again looking into his eyes. He smiled so sweetly.

"You look positively radiant, lovie."

You couldn't stop the giggle from escaping you now. Your entire body buzzed from how giddy you felt. Matt, still smiling, tapped your nose lightly.

"Are you ready to go?"

Go?

You focused more closely on Matt now. He was wearing black dress pants and a lilac button down shirt. You felt your eye twitch when you noticed that the top two buttons were undone, revealing a peek of the pale, freckled skin underneath. He was also holding a bouquet of blue-purple iris flowers.

Matt snickered at your confused look.

"I'm taking you out on a birthday dinner."

That explained the outfit, and his. But…

"What's with the iris flowers?"

Not only had he gotten you a bouquet of them, but the necklace he gifted you was also engraved with them.

"Iris flowers are a symbol of admiration. ..among other things, all good!! Sure, there are other flowers with romantic meanings, but I thought it would be cute to grab these, since they're purple, and purple is like… my thing…"

His confidence faltered slightly as he rambled, seemingly unsure. You waved your hands in the air between you.

"They're perfect, Matt. I think they're wonderful."

His chest puffed out in pride as you took the bouquet from them. He followed you down to the kitchen, waiting patiently as you somehow found a vase to put the flowers in. Minorly, you wondered if the vase was from Edd's ex girlfriend that you had heard about.

"What the hell are you two all dressed up for?"

Tom leaned against the kitchen doorway. He was poorly hiding a pack of cigarettes behind his back.

"We're going out tonight. Tell Edd that we'll be back after dinner. Also, don't let him catch you with those. You know how pissed he'll be."

Tom huffed at Matt's words, but didn't dispute it.

"I'll let him know where you are."

He glanced at you.

"You look great in that. Have fun, mate."

A warm feeling spread in your chest at the compliment.

Matt turned to you and extended an arm with a grin.

With a grin of your own, you took his arm.

The restaurant that Matt had brought you to was nicer than you had expected. It wasn't anything that you could see celebrities or the upper class citizens dining at, but it was definitely very formal. You were given a table at the window, with a lovely view of the city skyline, watching the setting sun as you ate. Matt insisted on ordering a bottle of champagne, not listening to any of your half-hearted protests. It was sweet and bubbly, and every sip made your body feel warm. Matt made sure you didn't drink too much, though.

You were so busy enjoying the last bit of your food, looking out at the moon, to notice what Matt was doing. When he gave a quiet, displeased hum, you looked back over at him.

"What's wrong?"

Matt was focused on the little dessert menu that had been left on the table. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly.

"Of all the fancy sweets they've got, there's not a single cake option."

For possibly the hundredth time that night, you laughed softly. Your hand found his across the table, hands intertwining gently. He looked back up at you, love dancing in his eyes.

"That's alright, pretty boy. Tonight has been more than lovely enough to make up for that. You've made this the most perfect birthday I've ever had."

Matt set aside the dessert menu, taking your hand in both of his. He brought it up and pressed his lips to your knuckles in a tender kiss.

"Just you wait, lovie. I plan to make every birthday better than the last. Nothing but the best for my significant other."

If it was possible, you felt yourself falling even deeper in love with him.

"Let's go home, Matt."

#eddsworld #eddsworld matt #eddsworld matt x reader #eddsworld x reader #requested

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thedisablednaturalist · 6 months

Text

My parents found out about the present I bought myself for my birthday. I worked my max hours to afford it. I had it shipped to my bfs house so they wouldn't see it. Apparently I missed a receipt that was hidden in the box. Idk how they got it anyway cause I put the box out with the trash/recycling. My mom was being so cruel about it and how I keep buying myself "lavish" gifts (most stuff I buy for fun is like $10-$50 max). I always plan my purchases and have never missed a credit card payment. Most of my money goes towards doctors visits, medication, car maintenance and gas, accessibility items/ergonomic stuff, cat food and litter, and hygiene. Recently I stopped most of my subscriptions save for a cheap minecraft server. The bulk of my pay goes into savings which have really grown since I got my raise. I also give my parents $400 in rent each month. I'm trying to save up for a recliner to replace my bed but I don't want to use the money I've already put away.

Like ok, maybe I'm not mr.frugal. maybe i sometimes buy more expensive things because they're more convenient (like already cut vegetables/fruit or preprepared meals) but like my hands fucking hurt and sometimes I don't have the spoons to feed myself. Maybe I fall prey to impulse purchases once in a while. Im learning and I'm trying to learn how to budget bc now I have to also pay for insurance until I can get on medicaid.

My mom acts like I don't care. She sees amazon packages come for me and think theyre all toys or expensive skincare or junk when its actually body wipes for when I cant shower/so i dont come back from the field to the office all stinky. Its a trash can I can keep on my bedshelf so I dont throw trash onto the floor instead. Its knee braces because my knees fucking suck. Once in a while Ill see something on sale that ive been wanting for a while and will grab it. And the most expensive skincare I use is $20 for a jar that lasts me 3 months. I have to keep my skin clear or ill pick and have scabs and blood all over my face again. I spend money on drag because it MAKES me money. Last time I got paid $100 from the venue and $50 in tips. One time I got paid $300 from the venue (i dont remember how much in tips).

Im trying my best. Im working with 3 government agencies rn to get a job and get health coverage. Im working my ass off at my job when i probably shouldnt be working (my mom laughed when I mentioned this). I'm constantly doing things to earn me money or to make life a bit less painful. Even streaming is a desperate attempt to make a career/side gig out of something I enjoy and doesn't make me flare up. I only watch shows when im with my bf or when im doing chores or working. I rarely play video games. When I flare I lay in bed and scroll Tumblr or play a mindless dress up game where I only have to move my thumb. I cry almost everyday. I cry on the way to work. I cry holding my cat in so much pain i cant move.

The only big frivilous purchases I've made is the present and a new graphics card (I haven't replaced my old one in a decade). The present cost $230 and the graphics card cost $800. Both of these I saved for. I might buy a nice skirt once in a while but thats pretty much it. I also spread out big purchases over time when I can.

Am I spoiled? Maybe. Maybe my parents are right and I'm a lazy spoiled kid who just makes excuses. But my pain is real, constant, and severe.

I have friends who's birthday presents consist of trips to fucking italy or the bahamas. Who complain when their parents drag them on yet another international vacation. Some are amazing people who are grateful and work their asses off. And some of them are a bit entitled. My mom said most 26 year olds are living on their own with jobs and I fucking laughed. The only 26 year olds with their own apartments especially in my area either have 5 roommates in a 2 bedroom shithole, got lucky and have a high paying tech job, their parents pulled strings to get them hired, or their parents are paying partly or fully for their apartment.

And when i tried to find an apartment? She discouraged me and told me id never be able to afford one (correct) but now im suddenly able to when it suits her argument? Ive been heavily job hunting for over a year and got ONE interview who ghosted me after two interviews. I make $2k MAX. Rent in my area is $1700-2500 for a freaking studio. The $1700 one doesn't let you see the apartment and gets snapped up immediately. And these are all apartments within a 2 hour radius. All the "affordable housing" is for people 55 and older.

Like I literally have no options. I can't move until I get a job in that area. I can't leave the country cause Im disabled and also thats fucking expensive. My bf makes less than me and even combined we couldn't afford a place.

Literally, I've never been suicidal before. Ive never struggled with that due to my fear of death. But all of this? Ive recently had suicidal thoughts and its fucking scary. Thoughts that killing myself would make it easier for everyone else. That it would be easier to just end it, that life will always be a living hell and i should just give up. And thats fucking scary! I shouldn't have those thoughts! But that's how bad it is.

I try to do what my therapist told me. I try to set boundaries. But setting a boundary means not eating dinner bc I leave when my parents yell at me. I try to think positively and ignore the pain. I probably walk an average of 1-2 miles a day. I try and try and try and it hurts so much. They can't be proud of me? For even big victories? Guilting me about graduation cause I took too long. Keeping a job for more than a year (its not a REAL job cause its hourly and doesnt have benefits).

Like what's the point? I've been fighting and fighting and most of the world wants to see me dead and gone anyway. I'm trying to work in a field that doesn't even consider people like me. If I cant work Ill just bring my boyfriend and my family down. Every step forward I manage to take I get dragged back 10.

Im so tired and ashamed and stressed and my fucking body hurts worse now because of the stress and i just dont want to wake up tomorrow.

#wrenfea.vent

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raccoon-eyed-rebel · 1 year

Text

A Hard Day's Night - Part Six (Fin)

Summary: Your weekend plans with August threaten to fall apart when it turns out he's been under quite a lot of stress...

Series warnings: SMUT - NSFW, 18+ - Minors DNI! ,

througout - D/s, Male!Dom, Fem!sub, praise kink, use of pet names

part specific - Masturbation (f), fingering, oral (m+f receiving), deepthroating, p in v sex, unprotected sex (be smarter, y'all), slight voyeurism, size kink? if you squint when the planets are aligned..., some angst, use of safeword (Part 4: see A/N for info)

Pairing: August Walker x Fem!Reader (no y/n)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

Word count: 800

Part Five warnings: It's just aftercare

A/N: Now this... Final part. It's aftercare, it's important, it's probably the worst thing I've written. It doesn't feel all the way right, I might be going too hard on myself, idk. @keanureevesisbae There we go, the fic originally posted in honor of your birthday (almost two months ago...), finally finished lmfao.

@peaches1958 @summersong69 @dedicated-to-mr-cavill

When he let go of you, you made yourself small in the corner of the couch, hiding your face in your arms as you tried to figure out what had just happened.

“Sweetheart?” August’s hands gently attempted to pry your arms away from your face, but you resisted him hard. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

You wanted to respond, but you were tired, sore and unable to articulate either of those feelings. It was all too much; the sound of the rain outside, the chilly air of the living room, the dark and musky scent of August’s cologne mixed with the smell of sex and sweat, the feeling of your heartbeat in your chest, rapid and uncontrolled and loud, so incredibly loud. Breathing was difficult; as if you’d suddenly forgotten how, and keeping your eyes open was a chore as everything you saw was a new assault on your senses and altogether just too much to take in, yet there was no way to shut it out. The cold pulled at your skin, raising goosebumps and the accompanying uncomfortable feeling of tightness. A voice - his voice, it had to be his voice, there was no one else with you - snaked its way into your consciousness; battled the other sensations for a place at the forefront of your mind but was ultimately drowned out by the fiercer invaders of your other senses. Until warmth overtook all of it. You didn’t open your eyes, you didn’t speak, you didn’t hear. All you did was allow yourself to be enveloped with this warmth, to let it wash over you and seep into every cell of your body, until it was the only sensation present in the entire universe. You moved. It was all you registered; the fact that your muscles contorted your body into different positions, and that you did it yourself, but you had no clue whatsoever as to where you moved or what pose you ended up in. Slowly, you became aware of the pressure around you; like arms squeezing - or perhaps that’s exactly what this feeling was, perhaps it was August, slowly, carefully but sternly wrapped his arms around you and crushed your soul back into your body. Whatever this pressure was, it worked. Your breathing slowed, your heart once again found itself content with its residence inside your chest and stopped pounding your ribcage in an attempt to relocate itself, you returned to yourself.

After touch, it was smell - this time only the cologne of your August and the now faint smell of liquor on his breath. Then sound: gentle breathing near your ear, the rain outside, unrelenting yet, unlike before, reminiscent of coziness, proximity and safety rather than the cold, damp desperation of an unwelcome and unforeseen storm. When sight came back, you saw yourself curled up in August’s lap, wrapped tightly in a blanket and his strong arms - you’d been right before, it had been him. A surge of guilt tore through you when you realized that once again he was taking care of you, when you wanted to be the one to do that for him.

“Let me…” you whispered weakly against his neck, but he cut you off.

“You are taking care of me, darling,” he said softly. One hand slowly traced up your arm, shoulder, neck and finally your jaw to cup your face. You leaned into the touch; it was heavenly. “More than you can ever imagine.” Those words were mostly lost in your hair.

The sense of taste had begun to wriggle its way back to you when you had opened your mouth to speak, and when it came, you noticed how dry your mouth was. You attempted to remedy the situation by licking your lips almost feverishly, which didn’t go unnoticed; August reached for something on the end table by the couch - a glass of water, no doubt.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart?” August asked with the gentlest tone to his voice after you’d finished your drink.

It took a while for you to find your words, and when you finally did recover your voice, you spoke softly: “I’m sorry, August, it just slipped out. I didn’t mean to…” Your voice trailed off again. The blanket fell to the side when you raised your arms to touch August’s cheek, absentmindedly running your fingers along his stubbled jaw.

“Didn’t mean to do what, kitten?” He said as he softly stroked your hair. You leaned into his touch, allowed yourself to be shrouded in the sense of safety he provided.

“Call you ‘daddy’,” you sighed as you tried to raise your arms in front of your face again. This time, he really wouldn’t let you hide yourself away. Instead, he took your face in between his hands and locked his piercing blue eyes on yours. The softness in them was remarkable, not a trace of anything but love and affection could be found anywhere in that steely gaze.

“Actually, darling, I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.” The way he said it warmed your heart; so tenderly and kind, with so much warmth to the dark timbre of his voice.

“Oh,” was all you could manage.

#august walker x female reader #august walker x reader #august walker fanfiction #august walker smut #august walker #henrycavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill characters #henry cavill #henry cavill filth #henry cavill smut

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stormblessed95 · 2 years

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Stormaaaaaaaaaaa

the thing about that video is that its a weverse story, his first in 3 years, and every time you see his stories that's what you'll see. a full thirst trap for Jimin, his very very good bro.

😭😭😭😭😭

3 YEARS AND HE SHOWED UP JUST TO FLIRT WITH JIMIN ON HIS BIRTHDAY ON JIMINS FAVORITE APP 😂😂😂

I didn't even expect a birthday greeting from JK at all this year honestly. Like I expected a story to come out later or them to share something later or whatever. A whole thirst trap posted for Jimin though? Didn't expect that AT ALL!!!

It was the teasing, the lack of honorifics, the tone used when he finally did speak after all that flirty staring and sighing and posing into the camera? A WHOLE THIRST TRAP followed by that whispered happy birthday, the absolutely lack of honorifics anywhere. The English. The silly bro thrown in at the end where he even made that sound flirty. The fact that he did this at 5 am and Jimin is either still up and not going back to bed after that OR will be waking up to THAT?! That was SO MUCH TO TAKE IN. LOL IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. Thoughts and prayers whenever you wake up Jimin, my love. ARMY LOSING THEIR SHIT and the video isn't even for us 😭😭🤣🤣 Hope you enjoy collecting your birthday present I guess 😭😭😅😅🤣🤣

Plus JK greeted Jimin using the same nickname tag that Jimin had put up as his Happy Birthday Jimin sign on his WLive. Meaning it's very likely that this is a frequent nickname Jimin is called by the members or JK was Watching his WLive 😍

And not to mention numbers because that always is something that's iffy to me but JKs video was 1:03 long. And he posted it on Jimins birthday, the 13th. It's BTS's number and Jimins number and Jikooks number (their favorite number) and it just keeps popping up for them!

Funny tweets because I can't help myself

THIS WAS SO FLIRTY JUNGKOOK AND FOR WHAT SIR. I cannot 🤣🤣🤣🤣 just call him and say you want his attention next time 😭🤣

#jikook #kookmin #221013 jikook #jikook in 2022 #jikookery on social media #jikook on weverse #jikook birthday messages #jikook innuendos

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scoops404 · 2 months

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i feel horrible. I feel betrayed and I’m depressed but strangely not surprised?

Its not even, not even about who is worse or whatever, i just- I heard connor eats pants talk, he said how george and the dream team, (even if they don’t acknowledge it,) have a large young girl audience. That’s the part of the audience that helped them grow.(And id say the audience who was the most emotionally, young girls or queer people who a lot of the time grew up presenting female or queer people in general, who are also at higher risk of getting used or assaulted ) and how its disgusting and disappointing to see them drop these weird points about consent and i (as a part of that demographic myself) - that really hit me in some way. That really hit me and something about it rings in my chest with hurt an realisation. It makes me incredibly sad, and yet it makes me realise stuff.

That point to me seems incredibly important.

That fact makes their statements seem ignorant..

Im slowly coming to terms with how I personally want to move forward with acknowledging their content, the content that was genuinely helping my depression and was part of my routine. So I didn’t formulate this to be some sort of statement, but more of a “oh” moment that i wanted to share

These men don’t feel like they care about the large audience they hurt.. young girls, and how their respective statements about consent could affect idk their world view? :/

Something i got reminded of when reading tumblr after watching that connor tiktok clip of his stream.

I see where you're coming from and what you're feeling is valid and it's entirely up to you if you want to stay or not

I just think that we've seen a lot of examples of them being good to women, in a professional sense as well as personally (as recent as Sapnap's birthday stream we saw George direct the camera away from Sylvee's skirt while she was climbing the wall). This is not a defense of George's behavior regarding the Caiti situation in any way, shape, or form, but we also can't erase the good behavior that we have witnessed, you know?

Like, I've left fandoms for petty reasons and big reasons (i used to love shane dawson, I used to love david dobrik, i went on a weird hate watch spree for a couple depressing months in like 2018 for the paul brothers--i'm not proud) and when a cc's behavior becomes clear, I drop their ass. Even through the drituation, I've never seen behavior from the dreamteam that I thought was hateful against anyone and I believe they've always shown that they want to do what's right when they do mess up.

Do I think they have room to grow? Yeah, absolutely. But I don't think they secretly hate women or are exploiting us. ((no matter what Hannah is saying now, they have had many close female friends for quite a while--Puffy, Sylvee, Gia--and I feel like those people wouldn't have stuck around if they were shitty to women constantly when off camera))

I don't think this incident with Caiti is just another in a long line of dubious consent situations (not that I can know). If I thought they were doing this behind the scenes all the time, I'd nope out. I'm hoping that they can take this as a learning moment and find greater nuance in consent. We are always learning and Dream, the most, has always shown he's willing to take criticism and realize why something was wrong and not do it again. We've seen this from George too when he apologized for old screen shots with slurs. They aren't perfect, none of us are, but I have hope that they'll move forward with a clearer idea.

To be quite honest, I have seen the conversations around consent morph in my lifetime. It's a wonderful thing to see women speaking up and being believed and consequences coming down on men when, historically, that has almost never been the case. We need to keep having these conversations and reinforcing the line, no matter how uncomfortable it can be.

As far as dream team not caring about their audience, I can't really disagree with that right now lol. I certainly don't really feel cared for, but I'm here more for my friends now at this point.

Keep thinking through what this means for you and how you want to move forward for yourself. there's nothing wrong with putting them down for a while. I see a trend of former fans burning the ground as they leave, but like, you can just leave or take a little hiatus from dreamteam, and that's absolutely fine! You can always change your mind and come back, or you can find something else and get super invested in that. No one is going to track what you're doing and judge you, I promise.

As far as content to help you through depression, I can't recommend Brittany Broski and Trixie and Katya enough. I've been listening to Trixie and Katya's Podcast, the Bald and the Beautiful, for my long commutes and they keep me laughing. I'd start with their "Unhhh" youtube series though because it's..... Hilarious

Sorry this got so long. Classic Scoops

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dearmrsawyer · 2 months

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floor time!!!!

i'm trying to find things to post about, even if they're not actually that interesting to share LOL, bc i have more time since I'm not hosting someone 24/7 but i still feel very overwhelmed by ~~life~~ so i am trying to use it to idk be present. retain some small level of connection, because my instinct when i feel like this is to disappear and be as invisible as possible, and i always find it hard for myself to walk back from when i give into that. i have so many msgs from the last few months i still haven't answered 😫 i still have birthday messages i never replied to, also a couple of friends that i should be catching up with but i don't want to lol, so i'm uhh just not messaging them back

our current 'theme' for afternoon tea at work is personality quizzes, this week's person chose a love language quiz, i've always thought love languages were about how you /show/ love, apparently it is about how you prefer to receive it!? even tho its not inherently romantic and these activities are supposed to be shared in a super low stakes and fun/silly way a big part of me was like uh i don't really want to do this in a work environment?? also the particular quiz that we did had like 30 questions that i genuinely think were the same 5 questions over and over and over, for some reason about five questions in it started to make me feel extremely uncomfortable, almost upset?? i don't really know why, it could have been bc it felt like i was being asked the same thing over and over, as if i was answering questions and not being heard. also i felt like 25 of the questions were 'do you prefer a gentle touch or an unexpected small gift', 'would you like to be hugged in public or overhear someone compliment you' will this quiz please STOP asking me if i want to be touched after i just said i don't!! i have a reputation amongst my family and friends for preferring not to be touched, its something that people have always commented on especially when i was a teenager. i was just never very tactile! the only time when i feel like i participated in a lot of social/casual touch was at church camps growing up, i think bc its one of those very short but heightened experiences that almost have a sense of fantasy? like you're not in the real world. and i did like being close with those people a lot, we shared important and intimate moments of growth in my life and they were people i loved but only got to see once a year so yeah it felt right to put more into it in the few chances we all got to spend together in this very formative environment, but it never felt as natural for me to be that way in regular life, i always preferred not to be touched once normal life resumed again and i feel like people always thought i was strange for not wanting it. maybe i still have a complex about that lol. anyway my main love language turned out to be quality time, which i didn't even know was an option. also i think. i don't like the term 'love language' it feels yuck maybe. my work friend and i both scored highest for quality time but were confused because we both love to be alone, we decided it was how we showed love to ourselves 😂

#me 🤝 the one monk in the room scoring 0 for physical touch SDGFSDJK #yeah #maybe it also made me feel uncomfortable bc i am currently feeling more 'don't look at me' than usual #and don't want a quiz about ~~ love languages~~ ew trying to identify me and then have to share my identity publicly lol #if anyone has any interesting ideas for personality quizzes i could use when its my turn ;__;#i've never really liked personality quizzes so i don't have any ideas #maybe god has orchestrated this afternoon tea theme to force me out of just hiding myself away 😂 rude!#tp

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star-girl69 · 4 months

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Please just tell me 'The Last Time' will have a happy ending. I love angst cause i love to make myself miserable ig , but i need happy endings😭😭. I can be one sad bitch and someone will walk in my room to see me hysterically crying .. again... 😭

Also, I love your page. I followed you a while ago last year for your avatar fanfics and then hotd and then my yellowjackets obsession over the summer, and now here we are. Back at it again but now it for my WIFE clarrise la rue and you are just throwing out masterpiece after masterpiece. Honestly, DaVinci could never.

Anyways, I love you and your page and thank you for being amazing 🫶

(Feel free to ignore this. I honestly just felt the need to yap and ask one question and got a little carried away 😭)

not saying anything about The Last Time unfortunately!!! i love you all though!!!!

AHHHHH A TRUE FAN THANK YOU THANK YOU

star-girl69anators rise UP

I LOVE WHEN SOMEONE HAS BEEN IN ALL THE SAME FANDOMS AS ME ITS LIKE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT IDK ITS SO FUN

“masterpiece” TYSMMMMM IM GON CRY 🙂😭🫶

no i would never ignore this these are the exact asks i live for YOU are amazing and thank YOU I LOVE YOU

ALSO REPLYING TO THIS WAS MY 500 POST INSANE

#addie answers stuff!!!

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ventideadfriend · 2 years

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Scaramouche x reader - I'm your present

AHHH so I just had an idea for a mini scara fic idk what its call but like Imma just go with mini scara fanfic. ANYWAYS onto the fic

TW: scara has you as his 'pet' or 'doll'

You've always watched the balladeer from afar being secretly in love with him for a reason that was unknown to even you.

No you aren't a part of the fatui but you knew about everything you could about scara but you never thought the day that he would find you would come...

and there you were on your knees in front of the man you were oh so in love with.

how did that happen exactly? Well you were cought, as you were just spying on him as usual one day he found you.

He just walked up to where you were and stared at you questioning if he should kill you or not.

After finding your no so hidden love he thought he would play with you make you his pet and see just how in love you really are with him.

So thats why your here now not long after a certain ginger fatui member had told you it was scara's birthday and you should give him a present.

"... Tell me why your in front of me wrapped in ribbon" Scaramouche said as he looked you up and down.

You hesitated a bit before saying anything because you were also a bit nervous after all you were wearing a revealing tight dress with ribbon wrapped around your body.

"Well... child told me it was your birthday and that I should give you myself as a... present so in other words I guess" You paused for a moment before continuing "I'm your present"

Scaramouche Just looks down at you before grabbing one of the pieces of ribbon that was tightly wrapped around your body and pulled you up onto him.

"Are you not already fully mine?" He questioned

"Well I am but-... I guess this is just me in a different way" If you were being honest it took a lot to hold back the blush that almost rushed over your face at the action.

"Well if you so wish for me to have you in this way I will but I dont want to hear any complaints from you"

"What does that mean exactly...?"

"... you'll see soon enough" He said before making you properly sit on his lap and starting to roughly kiss you..

#scaramouche #scara genshin #fanfiction #genshin x reader #genshin impact #scaramouche x reader #x reader #scara

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