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aperrywilliams · 17 days

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It Was Horrible Until It Wasn't (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

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Author Masterlist

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Part 1: If Anything I Find It Educative

Part 2: It Was Horrible Until It Wasn’t

Part 3: Douchebag Falls Short in This Case

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Reader comes up to her apartment after Spencer walks her home from the diner, where they spend the last couple of hours. She is still processing the night and wonders if they will meet again. Another fortuitous event makes that happen. In which terms they will part ways again?

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: Mention of guns (tests to carry a gun). Mention to Reader's ex. Some strong words? IDK what else. If I forgot something, let me know.

A/N: I got very excited after your reactions and comments to "If Anything, I Find it Educative." So this is kind of part two, from Reader's perspective. I'm not convinced about a series yet, even if I have some ideas. What would you like to see if it happens?

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Reader's POV

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As I open the door, a bunch of cardboard boxes scattered on the floor greets me. That reminds me that I haven't unpacked all my things yet.

I've only been living here for two weeks, and I'm still getting used to the idea that this is my new home.

It doesn't feel like it yet.

But the boxes will be a problem for tomorrow. Now, I only want to take off these high heels and this fancy dress and call it a night - a pretty eventful night.

Not only did I have to confront my ex with his new girlfriend, but I also had to pretend I was okay with it. But how did I expect to do that? Did I genuinely think two months would be enough to be outside again to prove I got myself up?

How naive of me.

I make a beeline to my bedroom, not even bothering to look at the rest of the apartment.

Again, it's tomorrow's problem.

Retreating my phone from my purse, I plug it to charge over my bedside table as I strip from my clothes and go to the bathroom to do my nightly routine.

The entire time, my mind doesn't stop wandering. At some point, it settles on the girl I helped from choking. It was a total coincidence for me to be there. I only approached the bar for another drink when I heard that man rambling. I don't know why my ear perked up, but it did. When I look to find the voice's source, my eyes land on the man and the girl by his side.

He was talking as if the world would end if he didn't, and the girl only eyed him from head to toe, clearly not giving a damn what he was saying. I kept subtly listening to them while sipping my drink. The guy's voice had something enchanting. I would have heard him talk for hours if it were from me. It was a bad thing his interlocutor wasn't so receptive, and when she occasionally said something, it was a flirting remark that only made him uncomfortable.

What a shame.

When I noticed her fighting to breathe, swatting her hands in desperation, and the poor guy froze on the spot, I knew I needed to do something.

I didn't think much of it and wrapped my arms around her torso to help her. It worked. The oyster she choked with flew into the air, and she could breathe again.

But the next thing I knew, her palm connected to the man's cheek.

The poor guy seemed so confused, and the people talking around didn't help either. What a shitty situation. And as the good citizen I am, I tried to do something about it, only to get lashed out by the same woman I just saved from choking.

Fuck it.

Seeing the people's attention returned to them, I walked away. That wasn't my fight in the first place.

Returning from the bathroom, I hear my phone ding. It's a text from my friend Andie.

Andie: How did the gala turn out? Did you see him? He was with her, right?

Andie had insisted on me not going to the gala, although I repeated to her several times that it was okay, that nothing would happen, and that I couldn't hide forever.

Me: You were right. I wasn't ready.

It's a defeat I must recognize. I wasn't prepared to see them.

Andie: My girl, I'm so sorry. It must have been awful for you.

It was, but it doesn't mean the night was a disaster.

Me: It was horrible until it wasn't. I can tell you more tomorrow. Now, I only want to go to bed.

Andie: You have me a bit confused here, but okay. I'll call you tomorrow. Sleep tight; I love you.

I return my phone to the charger and slip under the covers.

It was horrible until it wasn't.

I keep thinking about that. And a smile tugs the corner of my lips. Since Spencer - the guy who got slapped by the oyster-choked girl - approached me at the terrace, the night wasn't that awful anymore.

Who would have thought I would end my night in a diner, dressed to the nines and spouting details of my messy life to a stranger?

Monday morning comes faster than I wanted.

I spent my Sunday mostly unpacking boxes and tidying my apartment, and now, with a coffee in hand, I cross the hall to my office on the third floor of the FBI building in Quantico.

Some colleagues greet me as I pass by. I return them with a polite smile. I saw a couple of them at the gala on Saturday. I only hope they didn't notice the wreck I was that night.

On my desk, a pile of hundreds of manila folders are waiting for me.

This Monday will be a blast.

Dutifully, I reach for the first folder to start my work, as my ear perks up to two colleagues' conversation about the gala.

"Did you see them? Those hot chicks from Counterterrorism?" a male colleague says to another.

"Yeah. I heard one of them was hitting on Reid from the BAU. What a waste!" The other adds.

"And the lucky bastard wasn't able to take her home. His nerdy charm didn't even help him with that."

The mention of the BAU brings Spencer to my mind again. And I realize I don't even know his last name.

I don't think I need to know, but I can't stop my fingers from typing 'Spencer FBI BAU' on my computer.

My findings make the conversation between my colleagues intriguing. They were precisely talking about Spencer, Spencer Reid, and the girl with him at the gala. Clearly, the incident did not go unnoticed.

I don't like the tone they refer to him, either. I do not know the guy well, but I'm sure he's way better than any of the men at the venue that night.

Are you hearing yourself (Y/N)? That kind of blind trust put you in this situation with your ex in the first place.

I shouldn't grant credibility so fast, but honestly? Spencer seems to be everything but a threat. The things he said, the way he spoke. Anyway, I should stop thinking about that if I want to finish some work. Yeah, that's what I need to do.

Drowning out the noise, I return to the opened folder and continue working.

Some would ask how a task as monotonous as the one I'm doing now could be appealing to someone. The appeal for me comes from how everything fits in the right places and serves a purpose. That's enough for me, even if some people don't understand it.

My ex didn't. And as him, many others.

I'm still fighting to ease the effects their judgments had on me.

Around lunchtime, stopping the papers review, I pick up my phone to check my messages. Yesterday, I promised Andie I would have lunch with her today, so I'm checking for her confirmation and a place to meet.

Just in time, a text comes. She is free right now and suggests a restaurant just outside the building.

"Hey, girl! I'm glad you made it," she greets me as I spot her on one of the tables.

"Of course. I promised I would."

Lunchtime is only one hour, so we order quickly and go straight to the matter.

"I can't believe the son of the bitch decided to go and show off his new conquest," Andie huffs.

"Not that new, considering she has been sleeping with him in what used to be my bed at least a month before I discovered it," I correct with an annoyed look.

It's good to say these things without crying my eyes out anymore.

I tell Andie more details about how it went to share a space packed with mutuals around us and try to stay composed.

"But at some point, I just couldn't. So I retracted to the bar. I only wanted to grab a drink and be alone."

Andie nods in understanding.

"I don't blame you. So you were at the bar when you crossed to the girl to whom you did Heimlich?"

Yesterday, by phone, I told Andie the main facts regarding that, and after laughing for a solid five minutes about the whole ordeal, she made me promise to reveal more details in our lunch meeting.

That's why I'm describing what happened piece by piece.

"She slapped the guy? And she yelled at you? What a bitch! But I don't understand why he apologized on her behalf."

"Honestly? I didn't understand it, but it made sense after talking with him. The guy felt responsible, even if it wasn't related to him. It was the fact that someone had to do the right thing," I explain, with my eyes fixed on my water glass, recalling Spencer's words from that night.

I can't help but feel some fondness for his genuine worry. Andie raises an eyebrow and hums.

"The guy made a good impression on you, I see."

Andie's tone is teasing, and I know exactly where she is heading.

"Come on, don't start with that," I warn her. I'm not thoroughly annoyed, but I'm not in the mood for teasing. Andie scoffs.

"I'm just saying it's good to know there are men out there that give hopes up. That's all!"

"Sure," I mumble, not very convinced by her explanation.

The rest of our lunch follows a similar tone. When I finish telling Andie about Spencer walking me home, I know she is biting her tongue to say something to taunt me, but she holds back and opts for a question.

"Do you think you'll see him again?"

I ponder my answer. I don't know, although I remember Spencer asking, 'See you around?'

That doesn't mean we agreed to see each other again, even if I said, 'Sure, why not?'

Did Spencer mean that? Did he want to see me again?

"I don't know. Maybe. We both work in this building, so there are chances, I guess," I shrug. Andie narrows her eyes.

"But do you want to?"

That's a question I don't know how to answer, so I take some seconds to think about it.

"Let's say I'm not opposed to the idea."

A reply that could be an understatement. But not I'm telling Andie that.

She doesn't press on the matter, though. And I'm grateful she doesn't.

Now it's time to go back to work. We walk out of the restaurant to our building and separate ways at the elevator. Andie continues to the eighth floor when I hop off on the third.

Returning to my desk, I continue checking the folders piled on my desk, and my mind only focuses on that, knowing if I don't, there is no chance of getting this stack finished.

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A good thing about the week progressing is nobody talking anymore about the damn gala. It's been a nightmare since Monday when everyone had to mention something about it. That included comments about me facing my ex there.

Of course, it was public knowledge I was dating an agent of the Criminal Investigative Division. Also, it became public knowledge he cheated on me with his current girlfriend from Counterterrorism.

But finally, it is Thursday, and everything seems to have returned to normal, so much so that the amount of work has increased exponentially. That's why I'm still at the office at seven pm.

I only assume it's time to go home when my boss pokes out of his office and calls for Andrew, one of our coworkers who distributes files and memos to the other departments.

I turn around, and it's only me at this hour. My boss notices the vacant office and is now talking to me.

"I guess I have to ask you to do this. Can you go to the sixth and drop this to Aaron Hotchner's office? I would have waited until tomorrow for Andrew, but this must be at his desk today."

I don't think I have a choice, so I pick the folder, promising to drop it before going home.

With my coat and purse, I grab the folder and stroll to the elevator.

I have been working here for four years and know every financial detail of each Quantico department, but I still need to recognize all department locations in this facility. So, floors are just floors, except the eight where Andie works.

Arriving at my destination, I walk into a bullpen, where I can see a lot of desks and offices. And just like my floor, it is almost empty. Anyway, I see one of the offices with lights on. My instinct tells me that's the place I'm looking for, and the plaque at the door confirms my suspicions: SSA Aaron Hotchner.

"Come in," a voice comes from the office when I knock.

Peeking inside, a stern-looking man is glancing in my direction. "Can I help you?" he asks with a slight frown.

"Yes, sir. I'm with the Finance Division, and my boss asked me to bring this to you," I explain as I reach out to hand him the folder. When he grabs it, realization washes over the man.

"Of course. Thank you very much-" Agent Hotchner trails off.

"(Y/L/N)," I supply, knowing he wants my last name.

"Thank you very much, Agent (Y/L/N)."

Weird.

Everyone in the finance and administrative department refers to each other only by last name. We use the 'agent' thing mainly with those who do the fieldwork, and we are used to that.

"You're welcome, Agent Hotchner," I smile politely, ready to leave the man's office. He nods approvingly.

"Hotch, sorry for interrupting you, but I'm ready with my report. I thought you wanted it-"

A man talks, entering abruptly at the office. He stops in his tracks when he sees Agent Hotchner isn't alone.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were with someone. I can come back later," he apologizes.

Wait. I know that voice.

I turn, and I see Spencer standing there. His eyes meet mine, and I feel my cheeks burn. He doesn't say anything but doesn't tear his eyes from mine.

I don't know how many seconds pass, but it's enough for Agent Hotchner to intervene.

"Reid?" he calls Spencer's attention.

"Uh?"

"The report. It's okay; you can give it to me," he tells Spencer, not without subtly bouncing his gaze between us.

"Oh. Okay." Spencer approaches Hotchner's desk, but he still directs glances at me. I want to say hi to him properly, but it doesn't feel okay knowing the man in front of us is undoubtedly his boss. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. So, I take that as my cue to leave.

"If you excuse me," I tell Agent Hotchner, signaling my departure. Spencer looks at me, and I give him a subtle smile.

"Of course. Thank you again, Agent (Y/L/N)."

"To you, sir. Have a good evening."

I walk down the stairs to the open bullpen and toward the elevator.

Before I can push the go-down button, a voice calls my name. It's Spencer's.

"(Y/N), wait!"

I turn and see him trotting towards me.

"Hi!" he says once we are face to face.

Now I feel bad. Spencer comes here to say hi, and I didn't greet him properly just two minutes ago.

"Spencer, hi. I'm sorry, I should have said something there, but I didn't know if you wanted him to know- I mean, I supposed he was your boss, and I-"

What's wrong with me?

Why can't I explain myself without stumbling with my words?

"No. No. Don't apologize. It's okay. I should have told you something, too. But I didn't expect to see you here."

"Me neither. My boss sent me here instead of one of my coworkers, who left early. I didn't know this was the BAU floor. What a coincidence, uh?" I play cool, shifting my weight from one foot to another. Spencer nods in agreement.

"Totally. It's good to see you, though. I hoped we could cross paths again."

Isn't it weird that his words have produced a funny tingle in my stomach right now?

"Is that so?" I half-breath, noticing his cheeks turn a shade of pink.

"Yes. I mean, I truly enjoyed talking to you that night," he sheepishly admits.

I more than enjoyed it, Spencer.

"Yeah, me too."

Silence sets between us. And it's time to make a decision. I could say I go home and leave him with a lukewarm 'See you around,' or say I'm leaving, but before doing so, give Spencer my number so we can talk soon. Or...

"Are you busy right now? I'm heading home now, but if you can and want, we can go for a coffee."

Wow (Y/N). Very smooth. I like you smooth.

Spencer's eyes widened, and I wondered for a second if my offer was too straightforward.

"If you have plans, it's okay. We don't have to," I relent.

"Oh, no. I don't. And I would love to go for a coffee with you," Spencer hastens to say. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Yeah?"

"Sure! If you wait for me just a second, I'll pick my things from my desk, and we can go."

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This time, it's my turn to pick the place.

It's a small coffee shop in the middle of Virginia, just mid-way between Quantico and my apartment.

As we get on the train, I ask Spencer about Agent Hotchner.

"Hotch? Well, he has been at the unit for twelve years now. Gideon, a former agent, told me once he didn't expect Hotch to last long in the BAU. But he proved him wrong. Indeed, Gideon left, and Hotch stayed. Honestly, I can't picture the BAU with another unit chief."

There is a fondness when Spencer talks about Hotchner. I can tell he sees him more than as a superior.

"What about yours?"

Now is my turn to talk about my boss.

"Agent Williams? He is a bureaucrat from head to toe. He had just transferred from another administrative department when I joined the financial division four years ago. At that time, he had ten years working with the FBI. The guy is a genius but lacks social skills. I'm not judging him; I'm a bit like him. But in his position, he needs to make politics, which involves talking and convincing people."

The conversation with Spencer flows so well and easily that I'm as impressed as I was the night of the gala.

When we reach the coffee shop, we sit facing each other. After ordering our coffee, we start talking about our coworkers.

"So Garcia is our technical analyst. I have to say she is like the team's heart. Besides her outstanding skills, her compassion and care are something out of this world," Spencer admits, and again, I feel the fondness in his voice.

"She seems very special," I add. Spencer nods.

"Very. I don't know what it's like to have a sister, but if I had one, I would have liked someone like her.

So he doesn't have a sister. Does he have brothers, though? We have yet to talk about our families, so this is the first piece of information I get about it.

"What about the guy who came to check what was happening with your girl at the gala?" I ask, and Spencer scoff.

"First of all, Ashley isn't my girl. I think she made it pretty clear that night. And secondly, the guy in question is Morgan, the culprit of why I was with Ashley in the first place."

That's interesting. I want to know more about that.

"How is that?" I ask, sipping my coffee.

Spencer tells me how Morgan insisted they talk to the girls - Ashley and her friends - and how he reluctantly followed him.

I'm about to make a not-so-kind remark when Spencer gets ahead of me.

"I know it may seem like he is a thoughtless person, but he truly means well. I can't entirely agree with his tactics most of the time, but he's right when he tells me I should enjoy more and work less."

"It's safe to say you weren't 'enjoying' that much there," I quip, air-quoting the word 'enjoying.' Spencer chuckles.

"Yeah. Honestly? I have more fun when Morgan kicks doors down in our field chases than when he tries to play wingman for me."

What? Kick doors down?

"Wait a minute. Are you telling me that the FBI had to spend thousands of dollars in repairs for third parties last year because of him?"

I know I'm being dramatic. It's impossible that just one agent destroyed that amount of dollars by kicking doors. But still.

Spencer's eyes widen.

"What? No! I mean, yes. He does that, but thousands of dollars? Last time I checked, doors are not that expensive."

I roll my eyes. That's not the point.

"Okay. I know it's not only Agent Morgan's doing, but did you know the buro's budget had increased by 4% last year due to refunds for field operations? And did you know 70% of that increase refers to agents shattering private property?"

Now, I sound like my boss. Great. I became what I swore to destroy.

Spencer looks at me with amusement. I narrow my eyes to him. "What?"

He clears his throat. "Oh. No, nothing. It's just - well, it's fascinating to hear you talking about - uh - numbers."

I can't help but snort. "Come on, how fascinating that can be?"

Spencer grins. "If anything, I find it educative," he parrots my words from that night, and we fall into a fit of laughs.

"Yeah?" I muse after the laughter subsides. Spencer nods, still a smile gracing his face.

Gosh, that smile.

"Well, I can talk about numbers all day. But I'm sure you don't want me to 'fascinate' you that much."

Spencer hums, faking be pondering his options.

"Don't tempt me. I like to know and talk about everything. But before returning to numbers, I want to ask about your coworkers. I already talked much about mine."

Even if there is not much to say, indulging him with an answer is only fair.

"What can I say? In my area, there are three: Anthony, Leah, and me. We were four then, but Andie was promoted to the eighth floor a year ago. Anthony is a good guy, a little inexperienced, but very eager to learn. We don't have a very close relationship, but he's my protegee at work. Leah is very clever and has enough experience, but sometimes she is not present, making things a little tense between us. Andie is rightfully my friend. We got to the bureau simultaneously, and although she doesn't work with us anymore, we are very close."

Spencer is looking at me with full attention. It's odd to talk about this kind of thing with someone. I don't like to talk about my bonds in general. It makes me feel vulnerable. But for a reason that I still don't get, with Spencer, it feels right.

It's night already, and we are in our third coffee.

"Do you usually drink this amount of coffee daily at this hour? I try to cut off my dosis after lunch, but sometimes I just can't," I point as I stir the spoon on my coffee. Spencer hums.

"I drink a lot of it at any time of the day, every day. It's worse when we are on cases because that shitty coffee at the precincts should not even be called coffee," he scoffs, pouring half of the sugar pot into his cup.

I have already noticed the amount of sugar Spencer has used in his two previous coffees; this third is not the exception.

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask," I say as my eyes dart to his sweet liquid. He follows my line of sight and chuckles.

"I love coffee, but I don't like its bitterness. I know it doesn't make sense, but for me it does."

"Fair enough."

After that, our conversation stumbles to lousy sleep habits.

"Ray hated it. Even once, he told me I purposely got up in the middle of the night to annoy him."

Spencer's brow furrows.

"Ray is your ex?"

Shit. I don't realize I'm talking about him.

Why do I have to mention him? I hate how ingrained he is still in my life.

"Yeah, Raymond. No wonder why things didn't work out between us," I try to joke because I don't want to cry about it anymore.

"An example of a man," Spencer follows my lead, and I'm grateful he doesn't look at me like people usually do when I talk about it. There is no pity. There is no that look saying, 'Oh, poor girl who got cheated on.' It's like a whole understanding. It doesn't make me feel like a failure. And that's a change—a good one.

I chuckle. "Hell, he is."

It's getting late, and it's time to part ways, even if I don't want it. Hours pass quickly with such good company.

"We should get going. It's late," I point as I glance at my phone. Spencer nods in acknowledgment, signaling the waitress to get the check. He is about to fish his wallet when I stop him.

"No. Don't do that. I invited you."

Spencer scoffs, opening his wallet nonetheless.

"No way. You invited me the other night. You can do it next time."

Next time, uh? I want to say something teasing, but the waitress returns with our check.

We are outside the coffee shop now. I adjust my coat as Spencer does the same with his suit jacket. The night is chilly, and the contrast with the warmth of the coffee shop is evident.

"Can I walk you home?" He offers. I have my doubts about that. It's not that I don't like the idea; I just don't want to use more of his time.

"You don't have to. Really," I shake my head.

"Please? You already said it. It's pretty late," he insists, looking at me with dog puppy eyes.

Why is he doing that? He is testing my resolve.

"You know I can take care of myself, right? I'm a certificated FBI agent. I can't carry a gun, but sure I could manage," I argue in a teasing tone. Spencer chuckles.

"I know you are. And I'm sure you could. Even though, why no to prolong our evening for fifteen minutes long?" I raise an eyebrow.

"So you really like my company, uh?"

I'm sure I see a blush creeping his cheeks, and it's endearing.

"I like your company. I thought I made it pretty clear the other night?" he probes. And I don't know how to respond to that.

The truth is quite curious. Teasing Spencer seems so natural sometimes, but now I don't know what to say.

I decide not to say anything and nod, motioning for us to start walking.

Spencer follows me, and we walk in silence for the first block. Then, I feel the need to continue our conversation. I want these fifteen minutes to be as good as the previous two hours.

"Did you know that I used to carry a gun? Although it took me three failed tests to do so."

Spencer looks at me, surprised. I take that as my cue to tell that story.

Once I tell him how I finally managed to pass my shooting test, he starts telling me how he also failed his test a couple of times.

"So you saved your boss life shooting an unsub?" Spencer nods.

"But I really aimed to his leg, not his head," he adds, and we burst into a fit of laughter.

Without realizing it, we are already in front of my building. The laughter subsides when we notice where we are.

I clear my throat. "Well. Uh-thank you. Again," I say, referring to him walking me home.

"No need," Spencer says. "I had a good time today," he adds, smiling.

I can't help but feel my cheeks burn. Spencer casts his eyes to the ground.

"Me too," I admit, biting my bottom lip. "I - uh."

Why am I so nervous right now? Just say what you want to say!

"I - uh. I'd really like to do this again. I mean, you know, maybe next time could be something planned?"

Spencer's eyes flick to mine. I would say he didn't expect me to say that.

"I would love that," he says, keeping eye contact. And for a moment, I think the breath leaves my lungs. Those eyes are something I didn't see in my life before. I can't describe it, but it's enough to make me speechless.

"I guess it's here when I ask for your number?" Spencer's voice is the one that brings me out of the trance.

I chuckle, mid-embarrassed by my absorption moment. I gesture for him to give me the phone. Spencer does it, and I advert his piercing gaze to focus on typing my number. Once done, I return the device with a playful smile. Jeez, I feel like a damn teenager.

A snort leaves Spencer's lips when he sees the name I used for my contact.

"Really?" He asks. I nod, chuckling.

"It's safe to say you won't forget who I am," I confirm.

"Bet I won't."

"Good. Now I'm going to come up," I gesture to the building. "Good night, Spencer."

"Good night, (Y/N)."

I turn to enter the building, and although I can't see him, I feel him standing there in the cold night until I disappear into the elevator.

Once I cross the threshold of my apartment, a ding comes from my phone. Frowning, I pick it up.

Unknown number: Are you free on Saturday at midday? We could go to lunch. Let me know. Good night. SR.

I bit my lower lip. And after typing a reply, I start my night routine before bed.

Oh, boy. What are you getting into (Y/N)?

Whatever it is, it feels so good.

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Next -> Part 3: Douchebag Falls Short in This Case

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A/N 2: As always, I'm excited to know your thoughts about this one!

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #aperrywilliams #amanda perry williams

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thenewrises · 4 months

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have more sleep deprived rambles about a vn (MDNI 18+)

so, with exploring dark romance vns i have been going through itch.io and discovered The Kid at The Back! i have so far enjoyed the plot and am excited to see where things will go, i adore the art style and of course… i am an emo lover. so! the author of the vn does not plan on spoiling anything as to keep us guessing on the lore but i thought i can at least compile everything we know so far in one place where i can update!

the author has also said they are not confirming theories or anything, so this is all food for thought rather than searching for confirmation. i just enjoy compiling info and sharing it so others who may enjoy lore can have something to read off from :)

tw: mentions of abuse, bullying, and violence

day 1 info

1. sol does not like hands on his neck. most likely something to do with his past or something, possibly an altercation with family since it seems he does not like “talking about his past” or his family

2. some sort of event in the past where sol met the mc. i think it was from childhood but i could not say the exact timing. but whatever it was, it made sol so dedicated to the mc that he literally thinks they are soulmates. some guesses: maybe we saved him from a bully in the past? maybe we stood up for him when no one else did? we shall find out!

3. sol always wears a necklace with a key on it, i’ve been wracking my brain to figure out where the key could go to. some guesses: our apartment, a box of something (maybe we gave him something he keeps locked up), a secret room where he keeps our things or something dedicated to us (since we know he does take stuff from us as momentos… like ok sol)

4. sol seems to come from a very well-off family to the point of bullying. he also probably get bullied for his style, but i think it also has to maybe do with family reputation. maybe the family is well-known in some area of the upper class/1%, or maybe the family is infamous for not great things/investments. we’ll learn as we go, but i can at least say with confidence that man has money

5. he does not like bruising on his face, becomes extremely insecure about it and even possibly humiliated. sad to say, i believe he may have experienced possible intense abuse from his family along with bullying. he has low self confidence or low sense of self, i think he thrives on being reassured. he is easily jealous and possessive (which is also a yandere trend) but i think it has to do with years of being overlooked, hurt, and ridiculed

conclusion and other sillies:

i think as days get released, i’ll add onto this or confirm anything we learn. i do believe crowe is the second love interest, which makes the most sense. i think crowe may have some unfinished conflict with sol or his family, but that’s more just a possibility i think about. crowe seems normal but idk… i also have some suspicions but what do i know!

i look forward to day 2/3 release, but remember to be patient! the author i’m sure is working hard, so let’s all patiently wait together and enjoy any side content we receive as we wait.

also fun side note, sol and i have some of the same piercings which was so funny to me (one of his ears has a double helix and three ear lobe piercings… like me…. goofy)

#sol:#me: so u got inspired by jungkook’s double helix too?#anyways fun game!!! ready for more lore drops later on #katb_vn #tkatb_vn #solivan brugmansia #sol brugmansia #the kid at the back #the kid at the back vn

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ask-the-rag-dolly · 7 months

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♪ ~ a little rag dolly , wishing your worries away ~ ♪

please read the faq ! ( updated as of 4/9/2024 )

a part ask-blog , part comic where ragatha is infected with a sentient virus that can talk to her - and somehow that's the least concerning part in all of this ?

there's no right or wrong choices here but these all definitely look like wrong ones

[ while this is mostly not intended to be a horror comic , please be warned that this will contain content that can be seen as disturbing such as depictions of mental illness and breakdowns , vomiting , self-harm , suicidal and intrusive thoughts , scopophobia , medical trauma - and possibly more i haven't listed ! if these things get too distressing it's okay to click away , your mental wellbeing matters more ^^

also disclaimer that a lot of the things here were written Before episode 2 so if there's some inconsistencies then you know ! ]

READ IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER , COOL !!

somehow doesn't work in mobile , please don't ask me i don't know how to fix it , blame tumblr idk lol

phase 1

phase 2

TAGS

[ asks ] / [ ask2 ] - main posts

[ ooc ] - misc. posts

[ INTERMISSION ] - surprise !

[ non-canon ] - non-canon asks

[ ESSAY WARNING ] - mod rambles

[ doodles ] - art from yours truly !

[ THE INFLUENCER ] - old t.i tag ! design was by @/raggedabstraction

tadc influence au - green ?????????

[ you just opened : pandora's box ! ] - an achievement i give to a select amount of asks that completely ran the plot into a tree and exploded it <3

[ animations ] - ... animations !

[ office lore ] - backstory that i don't think is pretty important to this story but people are somehow invested in it so here you go

[ more will be added ! ... if i figure it out ... ]

GUIDELINES AND BOUNDARIES

nooo inappropriate asks, please ! i will not hesitate to block you if you send one

my art is free to use ! use it for your icon , an edit , or even repost it ! my only condition really is to credit me (:

the only ship i'll lean towards is jesterdoll (pomni x ragatha) ! even then , it's not the main focus ( i prefer exploring more platonic dynamics honestly ! )

please be patient and do not take it personally if your ask doesn't get in , i am just one artist running this blog , not planning to get another mod , and i get a shitton of asks whenever i open the inbox . there is no 100% guarantee that your ask will get in

please do not dm me . i am not open for small talk . just take any questions or inquiries to the ask box if it's open . sorry but i will be ignoring any messages from this point on . it's nothing personal i am just severely mentally ill

magic anons are fine ! though note i will be very picky towards them and most likely won't accept any that exceeds 10 asks .

you can call me mod bee . for the sake of this blog , i go by she/her ^^ ( please don't bring up my main if you recognize my art style shfgsf )

[ guidelines are subject to change ~ ]

#[ ooc ]

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solomons-finest-rum · 1 year

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Hello to one of my favourite Alfie fic writers! Since you're taking requests, I'd like to make one as well.

I don't know how it works but how about a scenario/imagine where Tommy gets in some kind of trouble (as always) and Alfie suggests that his lovely gangster wife could help and goes to introduce them but as it turns out it's none other than the Shelby's sister/cousin/relative/friend/or maybe even an ex? (Your call one this one) who they thought was dead or something?

Idk if it's even worth your time and effort but I just wanted to make a request ;) No pressure, of course!

Love you and your writing a lot!

“As The Crow Flies” (Alfie Solomons x fem!Reader) — PART 1

SUMMARY — By all accounts Anna Gray died in Australia and had no business standing in Alfie’s living room, nor calling the man “darling” for that matter. But there you were, identical to the picture they took when they shipped you off to the colonies.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Thank you to @zablife for being the most gracious beta!💗💗💗💗💗 and thank you Anon for this request, because actually it inspired a full-blown multi-chapter idea! So this is set around... Season 5 I suppose? But I'm going to ignore everything in it and Season 6 too. Let's pretend none of it happened and just focus on the fun part! That is driving Tommy insane and making Alfie say outrageous lines.

WORD COUNT — 2,286

Masterlist

In retrospect, Tommy Shelby felt he should have known better. He should have fucking known that the moment, the moment, he came to Margate to sort the bloody situation out, exactly two things would happen.

One, he would have to sit and listen with a straight face to Alfie’s inspired monologue, the subject of which had swerved from elephants to bank robbery in about two and a half minutes, and then managed to touch upon just about everything else under the sun.

Tommy remained quite sure that the sense of Alfie’s rambling had been long lost to history and the point of it all was just to talk him to death, really. Put him out of his misery with nonsense alone.

“Now then, Tommy, as I said, right, I ain’t the vindictive type, I really ain’t, so I am gonna help ya out just this once, right, outta the goodness of my own heart.”

Tommy managed not to roll his eyes. Barely.

“‘Cause I am a changed man these days, Tommy, an’ it can be that the old man that I am, I’m goin’ soft on ya, right, an’ so tradition dictates, mate, to ask for more than ten thousand for my troubles.”

Tommy raised a brow.

“But as things currently stand with the medical bills, on the account of bein’ shot in the face by some cunt, right… Fifteen would sound proper fair, mate.”

Thank fuck for small mercies, Tommy thought, then lit another cigarette and promptly got up to leave. Alfie apparently managed to settle both sides of the conversation, negotiations included, and their American problem could very well sort itself out all on his own—thus proving to Tommy once more that the only thing he could really count on in this world had always been lunatics.

“Right, the fuck you’re doin’ now, sit down!”

Tommy frowned and remained standing, cigarette in the corner of his mouth and sheer outrage emanating from his entire person. The question of “what in fuck’s name do you want now, you crazy bastard?” overtook his face.

“Right, I need to make a bloody phone call,” Alfie said then, which explained exactly nothing.

Yes, that was the second thing Tommy had been so sure would happen. Alfie would first go on a tangent, then formulate a plan that involved three separate layers of deception, a bribe, and a crate of dynamite (probably).

Then Tommy would get caught in the middle as bloody always and Polly would have his head for going along with Alfie’s plan in the first place.

What he didn’t expect was for Alfie to change his tone of voice completely as soon as the person picked up on the other end:

“Yeah, darlin’, it’s me. Come to the house, alright? Right, ‘cause I need ya here for somethin’. No, not like the— Bloody hell, woman, just don’t fuckin’ argue with me for once, alright?”

Sometimes a rare occasion would present itself for Tommy Shelby to become fucking speechless. Truth be told, he remained rather surprised that two such occasions had also involved Alfie Solomons, undoubtedly purely for the Devil’s bloody amusement.

“Who was that then, Alfie?”

“None of ya fuckin’ business.”

Tommy had a sneaky feeling there wasn’t a clever enough question in existence that could have pushed Alfie to say anything more. He looked smug as hell for having pulled that stunt off so Tommy was willing to see it through.

For old time’s sake.

The sun was setting and they had another drink, then Tommy let Alfie go on another tangent about… Tea import. Perhaps. Who knew, he wasn’t really listening.

On drink three Tommy was alerted by a car pulling up to the house, followed by a door slam and a rhythmic clacking of high heels on the porch. Tommy looked to Alfie, but the man remained infuriatingly calm.

Just as Tommy was about to reach for his gun, the door to Alfie’s study opened unceremoniously and a scent of expensive perfume wafted across the room. Tommy turned around and tried his best to keep up the indifferent facade, but failed miserably. Nothing could have prepared him for you walking through that door, with a giant bodyguard no less, following you like a second shadow.

“Alright there, Billy?” Alfie greeted the bodyguard casually and the man grunted in response. “Right then, might ya wait in the car for us, mate? This whole bloody business will take a minute.”

Tommy then watched as Alfie approached you and planted an affectionate kiss to your cheek, at which point Tommy stood up abruptly.

For a moment he just stood there and stared; a state he didn’t find himself in too often these days.

“Darling, are we having guests?” you asked Alfie in a tone so familiar to Tommy; so like your mother. Pleasant, on the verge of sarcastic.

By God, either that Camden bastard was a magician or you had a twin sister that Polly never mentioned. Because it wasn’t possible… It couldn’t be you. Not according to the file he stole from the parish. By all accounts Anna Gray died in Australia and had no business standing in Alfie’s living room, nor calling the man “darling” for that matter. But there you were, identical to the picture they took when they shipped you off to the colonies.

“Right then, Tommy, might I present my lovely wife,” Alfie said. “Sweetie, this here is Tommy Shelby, right, all the way from the ungodly place they call Birmingham—”

“Tommy Shelby?” you interrupted and looked at Tommy with a smile so like Polly’s that Tommy nearly lost his composure again. “My, my… And there you went and promised you were done with the life, Alfie.”

“Right, an’ how could that—”

“Anna,” Tommy interrupted what he was sure was a budding monologue from Alfie.

“Yes?” you asked. “You know my name?”

“I… Know your mother.”

“Know?” There it was again. That curious smirk of yours that could really mean anything. Tommy found it harder and harder to keep up the charade.

“But that’s not possible, Mr. Shelby.”

“What’s not possible?”

Your tone remained polite, but your dark eyes said it all. The expression of quiet resolve Tommy thought only one person capable of delivering with such resentment.

“I’m an orphan, Mr. Shelby.”

Tommy said nothing to that, because what in hell could he even say? All of a sudden the American issue faded into nothingness, replaced solely by the phantom standing before him.

“So you did not lie, I see,” you turned to your husband with a quizzical expression, seeing as Tommy went quiet again. “He really is as strange as the papers make him. No matter, though, Mr. Shelby, I hope you like chicken? My husband insists I’m a terrible cook, but you must stay for dinner.”

Tommy nodded mechanically and put out his cigarette just to busy his hands with something. When he looked at Alfie, though, Tommy noticed how the man’s mouth twitched, clearly indicating the scheme was playing exactly how he wanted it to. Mad bastard, Tommy thought. There was no saying if he was being played or tricked or helped. Probably all at once, but solely for Alfie’s benefit of course.

“Right, curious as I am, luv, what delectable fuckin’ option you maimed and butchered for dinner, Tommy isn’t stayin’—” Alfie then stopped himself when two sets of identical Shelby scowls got directed his way.

Tommy did stay for dinner and made sure to clean his plate, too. He didn’t mind the food at all; it reminded him of Polly’s simple cooking back in the day when she would take care of Tommy and his siblings in Small Heath.

The more he listened to you talk and bicker with Alfie, the more of your mother he saw in you and the angrier he got at seeing you here of all places, as Alfie’s wife, unable to speak to you in plain terms. Tommy wasn’t exactly sure which made him angrier, though—the fact that you were Alfie’s wife or the fact that the sly bastard had kept you from your true family for who knows how many years. How did he even find you?

All the questions he had were still swirling around in Tommy’s head and he wasn’t particularly paying attention to anything else, besides staring daggers at Alfie. He was hoping there would be a moment to talk to you alone, but of course your husband would never allow it. He watched Tommy like a hawk the entire evening, sometimes with just a hint of a smile to suggest he was still three steps ahead of everyone else.

“See you never got accustomed to that fancy cookin’ they’re offerin’ ya at the mansion these days, Tommy,” Alfie said, undoubtedly truly enjoying the charade. “Tommy’s an MP, darlin’, right about two steps from gettin’ a knighthood I reckon. Yeah, a real prince he is.”

The way Alfie said the word was so clearly a jab at Tommy’s ancestry that he didn’t even flinch. What he was curious about was your reaction, but you remained perfectly pleasant:

“Don’t tease, love, we haven’t had guests in ages and I’m not letting you drive this one away.”

When the maid took away the plates, you lit a cigarette in a swift overdone gesture and Tommy was once more taken aback with your resemblance to Polly.

“Well, I’ll leave ya both to it,” you announced as you got up. “It was a pleasure, Mr. Shelby.” You extended your hand and Tommy shook it. “I know you tried your best with the chicken and I appreciate it,” you paused and tilted your head to the side as if sizing Tommy up.

“I rarely trust your husband’s judgement,” he replied.

The way you smiled reminded Tommy of a cat that got into the pantry. He decided not to think about it too much.

“I see. Goodnight then, Mr. Shelby.”

As soon as Tommy heard you got upstairs, he turned to Alfie who, unsurprisingly, already had a gun pointed at him. It was a casual way of it that was the most infuriating—Alfie’s hand was more so resting on the table and the gun just happened to be there, pointing at Tommy.

“Now then, Tommy, let’s be reasonable about this, mate.”

Tommy clenched his jaw and remained silent, but his murderous glare said it all.

“There are four people at the house, right, includin’ you, me, my wife, then the maid… Then there’s Billy outside, right, who’s gonna be rightly worried once he doesn’t get my dismissal for the night. So I want ya to be real cold an’ calculated about it, Tommy, just like I know ya can be, ‘cause if ya decide to off me for no reason now…”

“No reason.”

“Right.”

“You’re old enough to be her father.”

“Yeah an’ fortunately I’m not, ‘cause that’d be right fuckin’ awkward at the temple, mate.”

“Temple?”

“What’d ya think, Tommy, that I smacked her over the head and dragged her into my cave?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

“Right, we’ll have to show ya the pictures then, she looked stunnin’.” Alfie leaned back in his chair. “Tell ya what, mate, why don’t ya come by for tea one day?”

“Tea.”

“Yeah. We have it, Tommy, we’re not animals.”

Tommy said nothing to that. He was still reviewing his options, but as he wasn’t a fan of spontaneous action, the patient approach seemed appropriate. The offer, though, just like everything else about the situation, was fucking infuriating.

“Cat got your tongue?”

“Fuck you, Alfie.”

That finally made Alfie smile and for some reason he lowered the gun.

“Right, so seein’ as we’re family, Tommy, and what a happy coincidence this is, I must say, I feel like we should talk fuckin’ proper. None of that shit.” Alfie then gestured between them as if he hadn’t been responsible for “that shit” in the first place.

“We’ve been talking, Alfie,” Tommy deadpanned.

“Yeah, but then there’s still somethin’ ya haven’t told me about your American troubles, isn’t there, mate, so I’m expectin’ you’ll be more honest with me in the future. Now that I’ve brought the right arguments to the table…”

The hint of a threat in that statement almost made Tommy wish he still had his razor cap around.

“She’s Polly’s only daughter, Alfie.”

“Right, I’m aware of that.”

Tommy nodded, feigning understanding between them. As always, handling Alfie very much resembled handling a live grenade without a pin.

“This can’t be the way to end things.”

“Who’s endin’ things, Tommy?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Yeah, an’ I’m going to let this one slide, Tommy, ‘cause you just got a lot to process, mate, so I’m prepared to be understandin’.”

Tommy shook his head and reached into his jacket pocket, at which Alfie uncocked the gun. Tommy slowly pulled out his cigarette box, but Alfie never even flinched. It was gruesomely reassuring to still have been right, even in the position that Tommy currently found himself in.

Alfie Solomons would always remain Alfie Solomons, even with the whole song and a dance about getting old and senile. He was still the same mad bastard Tommy came to know all those years ago, and as things stood, Tommy found himself wondering if this time he shouldn’t try poison instead of a bullet.

“Tommy,” Alfie sighed, “with three good eyes workin’ between us, mate, I really would greatly mind if I somehow acquired a fuckin’ tumour in my lungs, too.”

Tommy said nothing and he knew Alfie hated it.

“Which means put that shit out, mate, and listen to what I’m about to say, ‘cause I got a feeling you’ll really wanna hear it.”

#peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #alfie solomons fanfic #alfie solomons x reader #alfie solomons imagine #tom hardy fanfic #tom hardy imagine #tom hardy x reader

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synthwayve · 4 months

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Hi have this absolute crackpot of an AU my delirious 4:00 AM brain came up with where Micolash fulfills the role of the Plain Doll. Doodles+rambling below the cut \o/

Imagining him saying “Ah, good hunter” has been killing me for the past 30 minutes

In all honesty I have no idea where any of this came from, I think I just wondered what it would’ve been like if Insight was the loose stat that does not progress the story, and Beasthood/Blood became the story-dependent stat. That brought up the possibility of Laurence and Gehrman communicating with Kos rather than MP, and THAT made me think “what if Laurence got whisked away like he was supposed to, instead of Gehrman taking the fall for him?”

Since the doll looks like Maria and not Laurence, I figured if Laurence were in Gehrman’s place, his doll wouldn’t resemble Gehrman. So I started wondering who else would fit the role AND. YEAH. Then I just went insane from there. In this AU, moon presence would be dead(maybe “washed up” in the field of asphodels rather than the beach?) and Yahar’gul would fulfill Yharnam’s role (since it’s the more insight-heavy area, so there’s be Old Yahar’gul and New Yahar’gul lmao). I think Kos would take an arm rather than a leg thanks to the placement of the Kos Parasite, but I still drew Laurence in a wheelchair because I imagine after a certain point he’d lose the energy/mobility to walk due to an unclean cut and eldritch shenanigans.

I like to think that while Gehrman has the know-how to create the doll and MP gave it life pygmalion style, if Laurence were in his position, he would 1. Not know how to do that and 2. Not create Micolash anyway. So I thought it’d be funny if Kos just dumps him in the dream like “hey I heard you were upset, here’s something that’ll make you more upset” because Great Ones don’t understand human feelings. Kos thinks having a curious doll that can’t be killed is a gift, but obviously Laurence would Have Issues with seeing his old academic rival who died horribly just be “Brought Back But Wrong” like that. Perhaps Lady Maria and her research patients would be a really big deal and Micolash+The School of Mensis would have been the first “faction” to die in this AU. I haven’t exactly marked out who “”swaps”” with who since there are quite a few characters who dabble in both Blood AND Insight, so their biases are hard to figure out(maybe Rom would fulfill Carylls role and you’d get to fight an ascended/beastified Caryll, The Byrgenwerth Runesmith?) idk!

This is all just silly half-asleep “hey what if”s and “oh this would be goofy to draw”s so obviously I’m just tossing ideas around. And doodles! I’m tossing doodles around too :,) okay goodnight

#my art #Bloodborne #bloodborne au #micolash host of the nightmare #laurence the first vicar #plain doll #I am Going Insane #if I had to see this mf every time I needed to level up I think I would also start seeing things on the walls #headcanons #soulsborne

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woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh · 8 months

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Christine Canigula was socially ostracized & developed a complex to protect herself: an essay

(suddenly i NEED to infodump about Christine actually so here)

Something I only noticed on rewatch: the way Christine will say something silly and then just kind of gingerly wait to see if Jeremy reacts well to it before continuing, almost like she's asking permission?? (e.g. the gap after the first stanza of "Play Rehearsal"). And it's only after he riffs off her bowling alley bit that she feels comfortable talking about her personal feelings with him (right before "Guy that I'd Kinda be Into"). The same happens with their "weird noise" exchange immediately before "It's pretty killer to sit and chat with you." I know theater relies on being succinct, and that 'bonding over shared quirks' and 'feelings talk' are both just crucial parts of relationship development... but I don't think it's a coincidence that it always goes in that order!

It's like Jeremy has to pass these *trials of weirdness* before she feels safe opening up to him and it drives me BONKERS so I wrote a whole 1000 word thing about it under the cut and this got too massive and I'm sorry. Also some autistic Jeremy meta at the end if that sweetens the pot hehehe

Table of contents:

Why she was ostracized

How she was ostracized

How that might inform her pattern of relationship development with Jeremy and Jake

How gender caused Jeremy's experiences to differ from hers, and how that affects their current relationships with "popularity" and peer acceptance.

1. Why she was ostracized

I am just so certain that Christine has been bullied or at least majorly outcast for a lot of her life. She's very obviously neurodivergent and because of that she can have these obnoxiously deep and repetitive interests, she can't judge if a piece of information will be genuinely interesting to someone, and she doesn't take social cues very well.

She frequently interrupts people when they're talking (an ADHD symptom btw), even when they're literally talking to her about the thing she wants to hear!

(C: "Do you find that? Because I totally find that!" J: "Uh, yeah, I-" C: "-And no matter how hard I try....")

(J: "I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but-" C:"Jeremy, just... say what's on your mind.") (girl I'm sorry but that's what he was doing..... I have a whole other thoughtpiece on how this particularly fucks with Jeremy while they're dating but thats another thing...)

She doesn't seem confident in her interpretations of people's emotions and she'll ask/talk about them point blank (both theirs and her own) in a way a lot of people would find rude

("Uh, you seem really nervous...") ("Popular people are fucked up! *mutual laughter* …I mean, you're one of them!") ("I am flattered, this is new / still I'm not sure what I should do" <- as a response to getting asked out, that's pretty bold! Plus the entire part where she laughs at Jake's "rich boy routine") (also compare and contrast to Jeremy's "I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now." idk. are your allistic stage dorks in the room with us right now motherfuckers)

I'd go on about her hyperfixations/special interests too but I think Play Rehearsal pretty much sums it up lol

2. How she was ostracized

All this to say that I am CERTAIN she spent a lot of her schooling having "nice girls" patiently let her sit with them at lunch for weeks at a time until they finally get sick of her rambling and faux pas. Only when they leave does Christine realize that they didn't actually care about anything she said... And this happens over and over and over. (I know this seems hella specific but I swear it's an actual phenomenon... at least I'm pretty sure? sdjflksjf)

But anyway, it's clear that by the time they're juniors, Christine has kind of (and I do only mean kind of) figured out what behaviour other people respond poorly to. And from evidence I stated in the intro, I think she's become really careful about which people she lets herself get attached to. She doesn't want this to ever happen again - which means if she's going to hang out with someone, she has to know that they actually care about her, that they know she will sometimes be obnoxious or blunt, and they'll still be okay with that forever.

3. Applying this to her canon relationships

You can extend this to Jake, someone who sees her in her element in drama rehearsal (the thing everyone finds annoying about her because she won't shut up about it) and STILL likes her. I think it's a totally valid reading that her bluntness with him later ("Upgrade") is just because she misreads him / doesn't quite get the social standard that she should be white lying instead. But I think you could also read her as testing the waters. If she's really going to commit to dating this guy, she's gotta know he's okay with her being herself. And the fact that this guy (and I think it's significant that he is a boy, for reasons I'll explain in the end note) genuinely seems to like her is a whole new level of peer validation ("I am flattered, this is new") -- so of course she's gonna fall at least a little! It doesn't hurt that he's "tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am..." just like her!

Her history with being pity-liked makes Chloe's "advice," that Jake's just toying with her and is going to move on soon, even scarier, because that's genuinely happened to her (on a platonic level) so many times before.

Jeremy is also a good candidate from the beginning because he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in and he doesn't wanna fit in you ever see him without this stupid cardigan on? that's weird! And she keeps warming up to him not only because they're getting to know each other but because he gets progressively more willing to not only tolerate (as Jake does) but *participate* in her weirdness!

First, she does something weird and he tolerates it ("Play Rehearsal"); the next time she's weird, he participates! (bowling ball before GTIKBI). Then finally finally finally he initiates the weirdness and lets her join in! ("weird noises" exchange before GTIKBI reprise).

And notably, it is THIS moment that canonically signifies that they've hit the apex of their canon relationship development. If there was an achievement called "Befriend Christine," it would have popped up right then and there!!!

IN CONCLUSION: YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM T_T

4: Christine vs. Jeremy: Gender differences & how that ultimately impacts their social goals

I also think all of this would have happened to Jeremy too if he'd been a girl. But because, generally, young boys feel less social obligation than girls to take pity on the autistic kid (and because boys tend to be more quickly recognized as autistic) he just ends up completely alone for most of his school life (Michael nonwithstanding - and yeah there's an important distinction between your childhood friend putting up with you and knowing that, woah, I guess literally nobody else ever will).

Meanwhile, Christine has had people "put up" with her, and she's SICK OF IT!

That's part of why their complexes are so different, because Christine is trying to check everyone she meets to make sure they'll be okay with her weirdness before she gets attached, Jeremy is trying to eliminate his weirdness altogether because he's never even experienced his peers listening out of *pity* so how the hell can he expect someone to ever listen to him out of *interest?*

Jeremy has never had someone pretend to like him before, so he completely lacks Christine's fear of befriending someone who secretly hates you. He doesn't realize how bad it'll hurt him if he destroys his real self for popularity, if he befriends people who would have bullied his real self. He doesn't know what disingenuous friendship feels like, so like a very young Christine he's still actively trying to get there because he thinks it's the only kind of validation he'll ever get.

Do you see what im saying? Do you see it???? AUAUGUGUUGGH

THANK YOU FOR READING!!! If you have thoughts or even rebuttals please share i am so desperate to discuss the blorbos

#theres gender theres autism theres stagedorks what more could you want #bmc #be more chill #christine bmc #christine canigula #jeremy heere #stagedorks #bmc meta #my posts #meta #essay #my meta #jeremy #christine #character analysis #guys academia ruined me actually #this literally genuinely hits the full word count requirement for a midterm paper i was supposed to start writing today #but instead i did this

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muirmarie · 1 month

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mcspirk month mYEAR planning post

idk if anyone likes these (these being planning posts), but here, it feels weird to have it tucked away in my notes when my BTHB and mcspirk bingo planning posts are on here, so. anywho. you know the drill: this is just me rambling, feel free to ignore!!

the bolded are those i still don't have a plan for <3 - as per my usual these are all tos unless otherwise noted

Day 1: Forced Proximity (“this isn’t a blessing,” mccoy hisses. “one day,” the king says, “you’ll see that is it.” - the one where spock and kirk cannot get more than an arm's length away from mccoy for 30 days w/o causing him debilitating pain)

Day 2: Touch-starved (spock and kirk cuddle mccoy out of touch starvation - this is like 75% done, I just need to finish it)

Day 3: Only One Bed (established mckirk to mcspirk. um. very nsfw. by far the most nsfw i’ve ever even considered writing lmao. currently sitting at almost 12k, probably will be around 15-17k all told. i don't even know how to describe this. kirk aggressively helping spock play gay chicken with mccoy until mccoy finally believes spock wants both of them, idk.)

Day 4: Hand Holding (maybe the one where spock & kirk slowly gaslight mccoy into holding hands with them - yes the tags are spones but i am very certain kirk would be very happy to gaslight mccoy into hand-holding as well)

Day 5: [hurt comfort or against a wall (no story planned)]

Day 6: Protective McCoy (no story planned)

Day 7: Hand Kink (the one where spock is cucked w/ hand sex lmao)

Day 8: Public Display of Affection (would you still love and/or employ me if i was a worm?)

Day 9: Spock is a Hopeless Romantic (the flirty spock one probably?)

Day 10: [Hands or a bonus (no story planned)]

Day 11: Fuck or Die (vulcan sex magic hanahaki, this is, like. I have elements of it, but it’s not nailed down yet quite how it works. it's a vulcan disease but naturally mccoy's the one who gets it.)

Day 12: Aliens Made them Do It (the plato’s stepchildren one - i've been poking at this one since. like. january lmao. it's maybe 30% done, but it's not gonna be super long, i'm just slow with it. it is. hm. not a fluffy story. the platonians decide that mccoy simply needs to learn to say yes to them. how helpful they have spock and kirk around to help underscore the point.)

Day 13: [time loop or sex in a three way body swap or a bonus (no story planned, BUT do I really wanna write another time loop fic and/or can I really handle writing another smut fic lmao. If I did do time loop tho it would be the one where Kirk refuses to leave the time loop until he can solve the no-win scenario, i just don’t know how that goes yet. The sex in a three way body swap would be the AOS mcspirkura one, probably. Or the tos spones to mcspirk one. idk idk.)]

Day 14: Tarsus IV (kirk: i always knew i’d die alone. this is....jim character study, i think? I do need to come up w/ a happy (or at least: not sad) ending for it tho. So I’m still Thinking about this one.)

Day 15: Fake Dating (the one where the royal is trying to marry mccoy in order to keep him, and spock and kirk independently decide to fake date him to save him. also sarek loves trashy romance books. background uhura/scotty.)

Day 16: Lost the Ability to Speak (bones and uhura signing in federation common sign language - yes that's vague but all i need is something to center around tbh)

Day 17: McCoy Hurt w/ Spock & Kirk Comfort (this is like 95% of what i write lmao but i don’t have a specific plot yet)

Day 18: [Jealous Bones OR Oral Fixation (no story planned but it it’s jealousy it’s not gonna be traditional jealousy, bc I’m generally not a fan of jealousy storylines (unless all parties are unaware that they’re jealous - those I find VERY funny)]

Day 19: [Kirk is Missing, Presumed Dead or a bonus - probably a bonus (no story planned)]

Day 20: Accidental Voyeurism (okay the one where mccoy wakes up and his arm is trapped underneath kirk’s head and spock’s holding that hand as he’s laying on top of kirk and making out with him. I will have to find a plot tho. a reason. a Reason. It’s not established spirk either)

Day 21: Bondage (heh established spirk discovering mccoy’s penchant for getting tied up and/or tying others up and then literally not able to shut up about their platonic friends private habits for like a solid three months. they only care platonically of course. you don’t need those other ppl to tie you up bones you’ve got us. this one’s about 10% started.)

Day 22: Mirrorverse (mirrorverse katra sharing, it’s a whole thing, this is out of my wheelhouse but i have some Ideas, but this one isn’t going to be anytime soon)

Day 23: [reunion or teasing or a bonus (no story planned) - *eta actually for teasing i could maybe do the one where spock conducts an "experiment" in a private lab where he has mccoy & kirk work on a project for him while he gets extremely handsy w/ them - he's doing a study ("study" - they're all aware this is just spock's ideal version of foreplay) about human arousal in a working environment, and they're supposed to not let him distract them*]

Day 24: Temporary Blindness (this is going to be such a long messy mccoy whump story tbh. orpheus and eurydice part two. before i can even really start it tho i have to decide on pov, because that….really affects things for this one. but i mostly know how the story goes. also not anytime soon tho, maybe not even this year)

Day 25: Praise Kink (i COULD go temporary awkward ability if i don’t want to write anything too sexy, but the planned version is, like, kirk blossoms like a bashful babe and spock is genuinely moved when it comes to praise, but mccoy turns bright red and wants them to stop? BUT they like so much the way he flushes and struggles to accept the praise that they ask him to be good for them because THEY like it, and so he’s absolutely mortified but still? allows it for them? and they of course like it because they want to make him accept it.)

Day 26: Expectations vs Reality (counseling fic! The one where spock and kirk are dating but still somehow drag mccoy to their relationship counseling.)

Day 27: Vacation Gone Awry (no story planned)

Day 28: Awkward Spock (checking for pulse over the liver instead of the wrist because he forgets where human hearts are when jim or leonard is hurt)

Day 29: Getting Interrupted (mcspirk sexy 3d chess - that’s right they’re interrupting mccoy’s WORK lmao)

Day 30: Desperate Measures (the enemy within one that’s 80% finished where kirk’s wolf and sheep sides both have to have sex w/ mccoy while spock melds with them both, all for very important science reasons - don’t worry about it.)

Day 31: Insecurity (*eta - mccoy gets out of a LDR and is bummed, and kirk tries to cheer him up by putting his name up for the underground "sexiest starfleet officer" bracket that scotty & uhura are running, to prove to mccoy that ppl find him attractive. unfortunately it turns out the crew finds him VERY attractive, kirk is having some jealously-related revelations, spock is gonna kill jim if he has to watch mccoy get asked out one more time, and mcco is yay close to having a nervous breakdown from being turned into a sex symbol*)

Bonus 1: nightmares (look this is fucked, just trust me this is a very messy thing and it is very fucked and i have to make all my maths fit together before i write it or it will feel too flimsy and fall apart, but. kirk's trapped in a nightmare by a parasite that bleeds into the waking world (there are reasons for it) that cause physical damage to mccoy. spock melds w/ kirk to try to change the dream. this has unexpected side effects. - this one WILL be written for mcspirk month i just don't know what day i'm replacing yet.)

Bonus 2: pet names (i think i might be able to fit the kiss me/fuck me fic into this prompt but i’m not 100% sure yet - aka the one where mccoy & kirk use “kiss me” as a SFW swear for “fuck me” and “don’t make me kiss you” as a SFW swear for “fuck you” and annoy everyone around them w/ this silly in joke until one time mccoy says “kiss me” w/o thinking to spock, and spock’s just. hmm. don’t mind if i do. and kirk thinks it’s so funny he starts kissing mccoy all the time as WELL. very pre-them even realizing they want a relationship (except for spock, spock has Plans, thank you). this will be written at SOME point, it depends if i need another bonus/if it fits the prompt enough.)

Other bonuses i’d consider if i need them, but no stories planned: blindfolds, misuse of the bond, uhura helps them out.

Other vague stories i have that i could rotate until they might fit a prompt: pacific rim au, space forgetties, [number]+1 of mccoy getting kissed awake/the +1 getting kissed to shut him up, spock going through the wringer re: mccoy getting hurt (that was written spones but could easily by mcspirk), empath era katra au, post-empath spock won't stop touching mccoy, katra transfer requires a kiss, this isn’t even all of them, it genuinely is absurd how many tag spirals i’ve written like this lmaoooo /sigh

#mine

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avatarrecom · 3 months

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What they give you for Valentine's day

Pairing: Poly!recoms x Recom!reader

Word count: 1.1k

A/N: Omg I completely forgot to post this! Thank you all for the happy birthday wishes! Ignore my rambling through the headcanons lol.

Any thoughts?

🌍 Recom Miles Quaritch

He knows that it’s valentine's day, but it never occurred to him to get you a gift. Not until Walker and Z-dog give him an earful telling him to get you a gift asap. So Miles ditches his duties and frantically searches the entire base for a gift (because 1: Walker and Z-dog are hella protective of you and want their baby to be happy (and they're both scary as fuck when they want to, not that he will ever admit that) and 2: he doesn’t know if you’re expecting something and he doesn’t want to disappoint you). Eventually all he can find is a box of chocolates. Walker and Z-dog make him swear to go all out for your birthday to make up for the ‘pathetic’ gift. Even though you absolutely love it, I mean, chocolate is everyone's guilty pleasure right? (I will (try and fail to) fight you if you say no)

😈 Recom Lyle Wainfleet

Himself. That’s it, that’s the gift. You walk into your room to find him blue butt naked on your bed. Maybe the others have managed to convince him that just glorious nakedness isn’t enough, so maybe, he’ll tie a pretty bow around his cock, maybe not. I mean it’s Lyle, who knows what’s going through that bald head of his (probably not much but who am I to judge).

🍬 Recom Z-dog & 🥽 Recom Walker

THEY GO ALL OUT!!!! Like h-o-l-y shit. They force Miles to give the three of you the day off from work and you have a girls day (they may be though marines, but they still love them some self care). This girls day may or may not include certain spicy gifts and many, many, like I cannot empathize enough that there were many orgasms.

😎 Recom Mansk My boy may not be overly present, but he is there, he is always watching, always listening. He is always waiting… waiting for the perfect moment to… give you everything you could ever want. If you mentioned wanting to read a specific book, he’s buying it the second he can. He buys literally everything you ever mentioned you wanted. He’s the type of guy to do that thing (I saw it on tiktok) where he goes to your amazon account (or whatever webshop you use) and buys everything you have in your cart and/or wishing list. There are four moments in a year when he goes all out spoiling you. The first is your birthday (obviously), second is your anniversary, third is Christmas and last is Valentine’s day.

(My grandpa used to do this for everyone in the family to the point it became annoying. There was this movie (or series? Idk)(in the Netherlands) about a knight named Floris and I remember watching it when I was with my grandparents and that at some point there were these people with plague masks and I was completely and utterly terrified. I literally couldn’t sleep that night and in the morning (I slept at their place) my grandpa gave me a copy of the movie and when I was packing my stuff I accidentally, on purpose ‘forgot’ it. I had nightmares for weeks lol. I never had the heart to tell him, and he never brought it up, bless his soul.)

🧯 Recom Prager I see him as the type to give you one of those jars with hundreds of sweet messages. He probably goes all out and gives you multiple jars with notes depending on how you feel. Do you feel sad? Just take a note out of the sad jar and it says how much he loves and appreciates you. Do you feel insecure? There are a hundred notes telling you how beautiful you are. And the way he describes it?! Like omg, he’ll write a note (because yes, of course they’re all hand written) that says “You are beautiful like the morning dew in the fields” or “You are the most beautiful star in the entire galaxy”.

(Omg I need a Prager to write me sweet notes 😩. I mean I’m extremely lonely. It’s a recent development by the way, my bf broke up with me through text (on my birthday, I swear, it is the most interesting birthday gift I've ever gotten, and also the only one I've gotten on my b-day👍🏻) and then I found out through a mutual friend that he’s been cheating on me with my bff for 6 months… Who wants help to egg his house? So my self esteem is extremely low right now. Not that it’s normally particularly high, matter of fact, it's shit and has been shit since got bullied first year of high school, but anywayy)

⚕️ Recom Ja He gives you a promise ring. I don’t think that the RDA would allow the Recoms to marry, especially within the squad, so a promise ring is the next best option. Getting the ring wasn’t much of an issue, but getting it in Recom size was. There were a lot of favors called in and when that didn’t work he resorted to threats or blackmail. If he wasn’t allowed to marry you, they could at least allow him this.

🧢 Recom Brown He gives you one of those cringy hoodies. Yours says “His Queen” and his says “Her King”. If he walks in the room and sees you wear your hoodie, he drops everything and changes into his own. The other Recoms make fun of you two for wearing them (mostly him, they would never make fun of you), but they’re secretly really jealous. Also, I’m like 99,99% sure that Z-dog, Walker and Prager had to persuade him to not give you something similar but with a sex joke on it.

📿 Recom Lopez You know that meme: A: “Love is a weakness and an evolutionary mistake.” B: “You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for them right now.” A: *pointing their hot glue gun threateningly* You’re on thin fucking ice.”

Lopez is person A. That’s it. (He’s definitely scrubbing glitter from his hair for days after, it’s definitely not because Lyle dumps Lopez’ entire glitter supply on his head, Lopez does the same to Lyle, but with obviously little effect)

⛓️ Recom Fike Baby boy’s love cannot be measured in gifts. He just showers you in hugs and kisses all day long. If people are giving him (and you) strange/disgusting looks, don’t worry, Brown is right behind Fike glaring at everyone who dares looking at you two. Fike ends up giving you something you’ve been wanting later on, cuz he’s unsure if you’re disappointed, you’re not and you end up making that very clear to him.

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tittysuckersworld · 4 months

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my fem soukoku headcannons because i am the only one who is right!!(lies- but i do want to argue some headcannons i have so lets goo)

dazai having short hair durring pm and then growing it out once shes free. 1 to represent her distance from her past but also to show as a disconnect from the mafia(like has it at more inch below sholders than usual chin). pluss because i have my i want healthy realtionships with things headcannons it could also be a thing she can take care of sometimes to self care a lil. forced self care. you will be ok. gun to your head you have no choise. last 2 arguments for this point are 1 the pm design i really like for dazai has short hair-(ty ty kokoasci) but lastly the growth could represent her growth as a person. being good takes time ans lot effort and having that as physical metaphore could be neat. mabey only so long because she has cut it again when struggling but keeps trying. idk! think the metaphors with long hair could be more funky~

yee mabey karaoke at some point a lil, but i head cannon they would still be arcade mostly girls. i dont exactly understand why karaoke or shoping over arcades- like why change? its a good show of character with them being directly competative. unless they shoplifting videogames i dont exactly wanna hear- idk idk girls can just. like games. thats normal

another dazai point because im normal. she use binder at least in pm and sometimes in ada times because i gave her big badonkadonks(to torture chuuya and be a menace) and those can get in the way of combat. not also gender fuckary things for em nope no what are you talking about- also last dazai thing quick. for me i think she prefers to wear skirts and probably dosent wear a white skirt. cause. yknow- i dont wanna explain pls just understand-

last last dazai thing then will go more chuuya. i do not think fem dazai is a 'seductress'. i dont even think dazai can really flirt. to not get too much into thick of it, you know how for movies theres a scall where a movie can be enjoyed if its really good or really bad its then good? thats my theory for rizz. dazai has negitive rizz you cant change my mind

chuuya!!! i dont have designs for 16-18 for her yet but i still have design notess. so fem chuuya to me has a side shave. i would have gone full masc with the cut but it felt like she would have mid length hair to play around with to me? chuuya like fashion and its the same character so why not have same passion with fem design. also did it and shirted side most hair gose on for fem chuuya to better distinguish one from the other.

also! to me fem chuuya wears pants- its most useful, dont have to have any hassle when fighting or riding her bike. just all in all pants make more sence with how she would live. she also wears minimal make up, just enough so she herself can have fun with it. dazai also wears make up but only a lipstick given to her by oda. its a sorta pale rose color and transfers onto everything. kunikida is this close to killing her for that.

oh glob ive stayed up too late writing this- uhh um um i have so much more so if wants more rambles(not actually i will ramble more you have no choise) then ask pls pls wanna talk about these gals so so much and have others opinions(just pls- begging treat women as people with em-)

#bsd #dumb rambles ignore me-#bungo stray dogs #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #fem chuuya #fem dazai #fem soukoku #ssk #soukoku #there bare minimun tags if wasnt caught by filters than im sorry-

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lee-hakhyun · 10 months

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do you think that the side story is trying to tell us: we, fragments of kdj, are also ourselves like despite being a small percentage of kim dokja, we also have our own identity and thats okay, that doesnt make us less important to the story? like we are still part of them and we are also important and we, too, should dream about ourselves too...... like it's trying to tell us eventho you are not special, you are still important idk

ok, i was going to answer this expanding on my thoughts i put in tags on one of your posts, but i overestimated my energy for longer posts. i will (probably) make a clearer post rewording this to not be.. all this, but here's a whole rant i went on in discord relating to your ask

text: i mentioned this before but i'm like pretty sure the the side story is meant to reach out to us (not for the sake of saving another, but to save you, personally) i'm planning on cleaning this up in a tumblr post but here's just a VERY disorganized early ramble

everything kinda clicked for me yesterday. the ask ru sent me about the open-endedness of orv got me thinking about the purpose of the side story because yeah, orv has the perfect ending. so why would there still be more? from what i'm seeing. orv will get a clear 'good' end. no more open-ends. and for a good reason. 'omnisicent reader's viewpoint' is over, this is reiterated so many times throughout the side story. but it goes on, which means the story still has a reason to continue. as singshong said, this isn't a story for just that one kim dokja anymore, but it's still a story about kim dokja. and the 'kim dokja' in the side story, it's the orv readers. the kim dokja fragments. as in,, us. if orv had to continue, THIS would be the perfect way to truly complete the story. as much as orv is a story about tragedy it's also about love. orv has saved people even, with an uncertain ending, because the story is about surviving, to have someone live on. and it's supposed to be meant for YOU, you are supposed to dream of a happy ending because you deserve a happy end. but that's not enough for some people, even when everything pointed to kdj waking up, there were still two portals in the end. there were still some people who thought kim dokja, and subsequently themselves, couldn't be saved. so the story continues on, because it hasn't truly reached everyone yet. (1/2 i hope you see where i'm going with this)

so what i think is going to happen, the side story is going to absolutely burn in the message that YOU deserve to live, and leave on an ending that cannot be misconstrued for anything else. because if kim dokja lives on, then so will we. because we are kim dokja. so he NEEDS to live in the end. we're not even close to the end of the side story and this message is already being pushed so much through lhh. he refuses to ignore anyone, 'extra' or otherwise. he wants everyone to survive. just. see his talk with ye hyunwoo. telling him to survive no matter what, that this was his response as an author to his readers, that if he needs to use 'i am kim dokja' then do so

(there's so much about lhh i could theorize on but i can't word it right now)

i'm gonna cut this off here because i will start repeating myself but if an open end was enough to change some. it wouldn't be for others. orv needs a clear happy end to reach anyone that didn't get it the first time around.

it's this ask that changed everything for me. orv's end may have been clear to me, but not everyone thinks the same way

just. urgh. something about this story going so far to reach out and say you deserve to live

#ask #orv side story #orv spoilers #orv #someone PLEASE back me up on this i cannot be the only one seeing this #the side story is speaking to US #you deserve to survive. no matter who you are.

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quotidianish · 1 year

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uh uhhhh a the uhh

the tf2s are terrorized by a big scary monster living in the base,, and when they find it it turns out to be like, a possum or something . That might be silly uhhhh

oh oh uh everybody shows their appreciation for miss pauling,, because she’s pretty epic and she deserves some I think

medic and heavy try to have a nice date and everybody keeps on interrupting them and eventually they just give up

engineer and medic invent some stupid shit together honestly just more engineer and medic friendship would be epic

sniper scout and demo all apart are smart in their own rights,, but when together 1 braincell,,,

hmmm uhh. ,, , heavy helps spy learn Russian? Or maybe heavy doesn’t know spy can speak Russian so he insults him one day and spy insults him back

scout and spy do a father-son activity ,, but not because they wanted to do father-son bonding ,it was by accident. Like scout was rambling about baseball and spy said it was stupid so he was like, oh yeah? Bet you’re just jealous, and spy retorts by saying he can throw and scout bets him and they end up playing catch lmao

more trans soldier,,, for the funsies

sniper and demo argue about cryptids and which ones are real or not,, and which animals are real or not because a lot of Australian animals totally sound like cryptids

tired medic,, I know he’s probably on cocaine like twenty four seven or however you say it, but he’s gotta run out at some point

engineer gaming losing his mind !!!! ho boy that’d be scary I think,

pyro’s parents are coming to earth to visit them and they’re like some sort of cosmic-lovecraftian-horrors ,, peeping the horror am I right or am I r anyway scout can handle these man-made horrors just fine maybe you have a skill issue or something

demo listens to breakcore,, I know it’s not like invented for like another million years but idk I think I’d be silly and I think he’d like it

scout learns how to read yayyyyy he reads his first book or something maybe like the ones with the silly golden retriever you know the ones,, like uhh hmm let me search it up OH THE DOG’S NAME IS BISCUIT !!! Yeah the biscuit books,, the I Can Read! ones

movie night !! Its spy’s turn to pick the movie but nobody except heavy and soldier like it and scout starts to argue and eventually they end up with pyro picking the movie like always. (They just put on golden girls episodes’ or something)

Demo is secretly a painter,, more specifically an impasto painter. Pyro finds out and is amazed and asks him to help them learn how to paint. Demo lets them touch the paintings. (impasto paintings are meant to be touched ,,I mean how could you look at all the epic texture and just not. come on now)

I wish I had more but that’s all the thoughts my brain will let me think tonight, hope these help and stuff!! Also I love your art and your memes are so fucking funny,, your headcannons are very epic too,,,, hhhh goodnight I have to sleep now it is 4 am oh nooooo

Ohhh all of these headcanons are so good…. Especially love the scout + spy father son bonding activity. Aggressively chucks ball at his da’s crotch. Swings bat and accidentally managed to bash his son in the face. At the end they have achieved a new level of understanding with one another. Btw medic’s proposing to heavy on that one where the offense class is stalking out of a bush. And thank you so much man <333 these headcanons are fire too 💥💥🫡

#tf2 #art #quotidianish

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prismatic-starstuff · 8 months

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So because I talked earlier about my thoughts on Astarion and the polyamory options the game offers with him, I'm just gonna post the post I had in my drafts idk akxmalxnakxn

Disclaimers: I'm all for polyamory in general and I love the fact there are poly options in the game; and if you disagree with my assessments about the tone and/or intention of the dialogue, that's totally fine! I'm not trying to throw shade at anyone who reads things differently or prefers things a different way than me; I'm just having a little ramble about things as I experienced them. I'm not here to fight, so please don't fight with me.

So, there's... a lot of evidence in the game that Astarion doesn't like being with more than one person, and doesn't like his partner being with more than one person. And my potentially hot take on the matter is... I don't think the poly options with him are a good choice; actually, I think they're really cruel.

If you try for polyamory with Astarion and Shadowheart or Minthara, both of them - in very different ways - point out the fact that, basically, he doesn't feel comfortable or safe with the idea of his partner being with multiple people.

Shadowheart says: 'I think you may be overestimating his willingness to share; he might seem like the carefree hedonist, but there's something fragile beneath the facade. If you can give him the solace that I'm convinced he desperately needs, then it would be cruel for me to try and elbow in - liable to end in tears, or blood, or both.'

And Minthara, being Minthara, isn't so nice about it but effectively says the same thing; she says: 'I suspect that would puncture his fragile ego far more savagely than his fangs puncture your neck. Astarion likes to put on a show of nonchalant decadence, but he is as delicate as a flake of snow. Besides, that arrangement would not suit me either. I am not delicate, but I do not share what I desire.'

During the scenes with Halsin - whether it's at the brothel with the drow twins or it's MC asking Astarion about general polyamory with Halsin - it seems painfully like he's going along with it for MC's sake; both conversations are initiated by MC, his immediate reaction in both scenarios is to ask if they're pursuing this because he's not giving them sex, and only after that discussion does he agree to it. He doesn't express any personal interest in it, so it seems to once again be expressly because MC wants it; in fact, he's acting very much like he did in Act 1 back when he was pretending.

I also saw a clip once of someone who slept with Mizora while in a relationship with ascended Astarion, and he's dripping bitterness all the way through the conversation about it. I don't have the exact dialogue on hand right now, but he speaks as though he's jealous because he wanted to be with Mizora too, but— honestly? That whole part felt like a cover. Because with the way he tells MC to at least bring him along if they decide to have other affairs in future, and the way he sounds so mocking and delighted if MC says that the affair was bad in any way, it just feels like he vehemently dislikes the fact it happened at all; it feels like it's not about Mizora at all, it's about the fact he doesn't like them being with somebody else, especially without him.

Still on the subject of ascended Astarion, there's also a line of dialogue where Minthara asks about sharing immortality with her and he pointedly shoots that down, stating that it is 'for me and my darling to share.' In response, Minthara says: 'If they have prevented your eyes and fangs from wandering to other necks, it must be a special bond indeed.' All of this points to Astarion only having eyes (and, uh, fangs) for his darling, and no-one else.

Again, I'm all for polyamory; I wholeheartedly support it, I know polyamorous people and have polyamorous friends. I really love how it's just a normal and accepted thing in BG3 that no-one bats an eyelid at, and I think more games should be taking that approach.

But when it comes to Astarion in specific... he doesn't come across as polyamorous at all, because there's simply too much evidence pointing to the fact that he's not; and so, the polyamory options with him in specific honestly... hurt. Because at no point does he ever seem enthusiastic about it, as if it's genuinely what he wants to do; instead, it all just feels like another extension of him having to go along with what others want in order to satisfy them. There's a piece of dialogue where Astarion mentions how he sometimes does not know how to say no as a result of the trauma and abuse he's gone through, and I think that's exactly what's happening.

And considering that's been his whole life for two centuries, and it's being perpetuated by the person he's developed feelings for suddenly springing these situations on him, it just... doesn't feel good to me, personally.

#again: this is my personal opinion and i'm not throwing shade at anyone who disagrees or reads things differently #this is just how i feel about this specific situation!#but yes: the subject came up #so i wanted to discuss some thoughts and observations #baldur's gate iii #astarion

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just-a-dinosaur-i-guess · 4 months

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tell about ur aus,,, go on

HELLO TY FOR THIS ASK

i have so fucking many aus so i'll ramble about a few

my latest one takes inspiration from this post and it's basically, dazai takes in atsushi and the akutagawa siblings, but realizing he can't really find a job to support all of them at once, he decides to go and (try to) reopen odasaku's favorite curry place. there are a few issues.

he is Not a great cook

atsushi can only make chazuke

aku and gin don't know how to cook

the place is kind of a mess

so eventually he goes and calls up chuuya and he's like "hey, you know how to cook, can you help me" problem is, chuuya's pissed at him bc THIS is when he calls him again and it's not an explanation of why he left, not a "sorry for blowing up ur car", not any of that, it's just another favor. so his immediate response is "fuck you, no" and dazai has to nag him into coming and helping, this being via taking some random pm member for hostage and specifically requesting that chuuya come pick him up

chuuya does indeed arrive, but he also breaks dazai's nose, so dazai ends up vaguely explaining with an ice pack on his face lmfao. this bit is what i have planned most vividly and is hopefully? gonna be a fic i publish. but also, later, ranpo ends up at the curry place and is like "damn you live like this" and dazai replies just kinda, "either order or get out" but ranpo offers him a better job (that being working at the ada), and while he hesitantly agrees, it's only a part time thing for the first bit. also although i haven't decided yet i think he might also end up finding kyouka before the pm gets to her and tachihara before the hunting dogs find him bc i am weak to 1. found family 2. BIG found families.

chuuya is absolutely fucking baffled when he runs into dazai during an ada job, btw.

"i thought you ran a fucking curry shop" "i do that too" "?? what the fuck" "it's called being a PART TIMER chibi" "i'm gonna break your nose again"

anyway next au!!

cowboy au (btw, they still have abilities) where nathaniel is a travellng priest looking for a doctor to cure margaret who's deathly sick, and he hasn't really been having any luck (he's been searching for months to no avail), and eventually at this one town it's like.. it's late at night, nathaniel's thirsty, he heads to the bar to get some water. nikolai promptly swaps their drinks, nathaniel drinks something really strong and passes the fuck out, wakes up to being in an inn room (with noteably less money) and storms the hell out of the building just to find nikolai petting his horse and acting all innocent about doing anything. nathaniel just tries to leave, nikolai follows, and they travel like that for a bit (occasionally trying to kill each other) before they get the third member of their dysfunctional little party

do you remember that one kid fyodor killed?

this little guy (karma), is a pickpocket who steals nathaniel's bible in the hopes of selling it to get food. the two find him, both kinda realize his situation and while nathaniel is about to point him in the direction of the town's local church nikolai goes "fuck that" and just straight up kidnaps him, and they keep traveling. nathaniel and nikolai are mutually, regrettably, falling for one another, but this just manifests as more murder attempts, to the point that one night, nathaniel tries to strangle nikolai, nikolai wakes up and strangles him back, and when nathaniel passes out he fucking dreams about nikolai and is HORRIFIED. things only get worse and gayer from there and i also think they go on a train at some point.

karma's enjoying the horse rides at least, and there's some other characters that show up though tbh idk who besides this one dazai scene and gin at one point

okay this other au is shorter, but basically: ada kajii. this is built off of SO many headcanons, but essentially kajii's backstory is just the lemon short story. except that kajii never found lemons, bc instead kunikida (his old friend/school friend that fell out of contact with him) reaches out, they become friends again, and so when kunikida joins the ada, so does kajii. kajii works as a clerk bc, like, he doesn't. know he has an ability. Oh Boy Does He Get A Surprise during dead apple

okay i was gonna talk about my eternal winter au but that would be an essay /lh

SO instead!! shiburan au, an au i never. properly named beyond that it's a shibusawa x ranpo focused au. also co owned with my bestie @feralshadowdemon <33

basically, yokohama is a smaller, calmer seaside town, no abilities or anything. shibusawa moves in, working at the pet shop across the street from this coffee shop that's connected to a bookstore. the coffee shop is run by (most of) the ada, and the bookstore is run by yokomizo; mushitaro and poe work there. the members of the ada who work at the coffee shop are fukuzawa (he owns it), ranpo, kunikida, and yosano. dazai is fukuzawa's newest adopted kid, and ran away from home. (he was living with mori (and elise) before) yosano Understands his situation, having done the same years before.

ranpo starts going over to the pet shop a lot, both bc he's running errands (fukuzawa owns three cats) and bc he likes talking to shibusawa. they eventually exchange phone numbers and start texting. in the background of this, btw, is soukoku: they had a messy breakup years ago, they act like they don't like each other, etc etc normal skk things. the flags are a biker gang who are alive and well here, and chuuya hangs out with them a lot. dazai is a bit jealous of them, ranpo knows this, and so when chuuya starts volunteering at the pet shop, ranpo brings dazai along on an errand run so the two run into each other again. they start talking again, slowly bonding again by virtue of wingmaning shiburan

also misc details

dazai and aku are just. they are just friends here :)

aku and tachi are friends!! also higugin is real

the akutagawa siblings live with hirotsu

fukuchi is the hunting dogs' dad; except for tetchou, who's jouno's boyfriend. he has stricter parents.

fukuchi here is a retired military veteran AND ex movie star. his movies are awful /aff

shibusawa has a pet cornsnake named draconia

odango is engaged here but oda travels a lot so they haven't got married yet

ango works in an office in the big city, but he visits dazai sometimes. they are friends

bramcraft is married, they adopted aya

kyouka and kenji also live with fukuzawa!! twincoded tbh

kyouka has narcolepsy

there is so much more but i have been writing this post for an hour SO just shoot me (another) ask if you're curious :D

and yeah that's some of my aus!! i have a masterpost of all of them slowly being built in my drafts hehe

#my bsd aus #my aus #bsd aus #bsd au #i have so many. ty for sending this ask i LOVE rambling ab my aus #i think i can tag this with ships. i do mention them idk #skk #soukoku #i hope i didnt make any typos #dino answers #bsd #gonna be honest a lot of the shiburan au was less throwing concepts around and more an r.p thread so it's hard to summarize sorry lol #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #nikonathan #shiburan #operationtimeguard

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