#idk i wanted to fuck with this one more but i think its late to be perfectionist about it haha
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artfight attack from last year for @cavern-of-remembrance 🖤
#creatures in city 17 what will they do.......#artfight 2022#furry art#half life 2#green's art#cavern-of-remembrance#roxy#hoodiedeer#idk i wanted to fuck with this one more but i think its late to be perfectionist about it haha#i really want to do more source/hl2 map drawover stuff like this though
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i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.
#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the#one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream.#because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best#friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up.#they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly#and it would still end the same way.#but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes.#now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend.#he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale!#its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone.#and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box.#little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again.#and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued.#s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse.#and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better.#because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a#monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality.#the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that.#BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped.#doctor who#amy pond#rory williams#<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name.#and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember#the doctor there. it would work. it would.#amelia pond au
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uhhhhbbhhhhh shitty art dump cuz i kinda hate posting art individually 👍
#and by that i mean i just feel worse abt not tagging things when its just one drawing#and also i feel like the rambling is more proportional to the amount of art#<- what the fuck am i even saying#scribbles#ocposting#gif#outfits in the gif r from some outfit memes ive had saved in my photos since like 2020 btw#i think the creators username was like hometownrockstar or some shit i dont really remmeber#the images are super crusty idk why theyre like that but its funny to me so idrc#some of these r ocs some are existing characters But Furries#and also suitcase is there lol#outfit in the fourth image is based on fleetway amy…..#idk what to say abt these sorry#again ive been like weirdly embarrassed abt the shit i draw as of late it sucksssss#especially cuz i know no one actually gives a shit either way. but my brain still wants to give me shit over it -_-#is that smthn ppl say idfk anymore#bright colors#eyestrain#ALMOST FORGOT TO TAG#kinda just in the second to last one i think but yea
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Man idk I'm gonna make a hot chocolate (sugar good for the weird not eating I did todaybc stomach) and maybe start baru 3? Yeah it's a miserable series but not so completely irredemably grimdark, and it's focus grabbing and, lbr, it's a 'well I feel awful but look life isn't /that/ bad' and also I miss tau-indi and iraji a lot
#the duality of fran#i have a few other books on the go as well#but Baru had such a long line at the library i wont be able to renew this one#so i have to prioritize it#don't feel like watching tv#too late at night to embroider and watch cr#(though that would help. i miss orym. i think I need liam o brien charactera regularly in my life. to cope#he just. gets it. various stages and forms of grief and depression. man i get it.(also oryms tats and his little guy status))#blegh blegh blegh#if it wasnt so late id maybe reread piranesi#but i dont want to be up TOO late and fuck myself over more tmrw#also my brain has decided that its gonna be obsessed with me being pretty#which is???#ive never been pretty I'll never be pretty. i dont want to be pretty according to societal standards. its just. idk man#i think it's a brain way of trying to express the desire to be (redacted) but wont admit it!!!
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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that
if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it
#snap chats#no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game#oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k#OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think#my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious#rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final#HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE#i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that#i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki#someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it#like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but#i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital#the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe#cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3#its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think#it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little#and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly#idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me#THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED#i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell#is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form#i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments#BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow#im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE
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#delete later#i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks#one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so#anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many#im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also#more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but#the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless#so fun#im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna#relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment#so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did#with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager#hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back?#fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream#also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what#is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy#one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t#for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ#i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda#think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun#we'll see!
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I love horror because it's such a great exploration on things. What better way to highlight what's there is to fear then to show then in their most extreme degree?
#wordstag#also its scary that's pretty fun#diddidmnt wsnt to make another post ablrut hospitaals but thinking about those bitches lately .#Like I made a post going oh whatevrwhayever horror in the mundane but you gotta highlight that horror somehow. Make it known that there's#horror to be found by showing the horror. How else is one to know?#[average person] probably doesn't look at a hospital and go wow that's the scariest shit i've ever seen so you gotta fucking make them#anyway completely fucking wild tangent science in fiction is so silly i read that book like a week ago ya#it sucked don't read it. Unless u want to idk duuuude#but like . There's a spectrum [laying out conspiracy board]#like. Either it's cold and heartless or it's . Warm and heartful#Then there's the in-between. Kinda sorta. More of an absence of emotional sway.#not to discount the guys that are just scared as fuck the whole time I think they should get a mention too#then there's the religion spectrum it's either religious as fuck completely divorced from religion or anti religion#then... there's like the different sects but that's less of a spectrum by nature. It's like their cutie marks#obligatory realism scale.... i think that's about it#WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY ON ABKUT WITH THIS ONE !?#I ddont know what book that is. I'll need 2 go though books I've read
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i love kirby super star fanfic or comic adaptations where marx and kirby are actually best friends during the course of the entire game and marx blindsides kirby, to the point where i want to do something soooort of similar with my kirbyverse, but i also just kinda love how in canon marx was just like “im gonna very specifically ruin this guys week”
#i think marx is less outright evil and murdery and more ''i just want to fuck around with no one to stop me''#saw itsquakey say that marx seemed to be an antagonist more out of petty antagonism where he just wanted to play tricks with no backlash#and i gotta replay milky way wishes again to verify that bc ill admit i never paid that much attention to his dialogue but thats interesting#or at least it differentiates him from magolor a bit more#who more or less just outright wants to rule the universe#im torn on whether or not i want him and kirby to be besties tho#for one im like. so unsure if i want him to be the same age as kirby#bc ngl ive always seen marx as rather young so i saw him and kirby as being the same age at one point#and magolor was also the same as them. but now i firmly see magolor as like in his early 20s or so mentally#mayyybe a late teen at best? and i feel like if he and marx are gonna be a duo itd be cool to keep em the same age?#but then i want marx and kirby to be like. direct parallels in some way like idk. theyre the same age yet had totally different circumstance#that shaped who they became (still sort of want to play into my ''marx is a mirror of kirby'' hc from when i was little)#ig i could just also age up kirby but like youll have to pry child kirby from my dead hands#none of this matters ik its not like i ship marxolor or marxby or anything (anymore) but like idk#maybe im overthinking it LOL#idk tho basically idea is that marx and kirby are actually childhood best friends who've known each other since they were newborns#but like. besides that i have no ideas sdklfjsdlkfjsdlkfsd i used to have an edgy ass backstory for marx where his parents were murdered#and thats valid if you have something like that for his backstory but idk if i want to go that route anymore#bc marx is less villainous here and more ''i have no real moral compass and i want to fuck with people''#idk im throwing spaghetti at the wall btw nothing here is verified at all#echoed voice
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gahhhh. im sure it doesn't sound like it most of the time, but wow my degree is so cool and fun 🥰🥰
#yes it is painful sometimes and yes it is lots of hard work and frustration#but like....... isnt it so cool to find out why the world became the way it is#how people in the past were like us and also so totally different#through the right lens human history is both the ultimate tragedy of a self-obsessed power hungry cannibalistic species#and also the greatest funniest soap opera of all time#stories upon stories#i will be very honest with u i was kind of scared when i started that i had chosen the wrong degree#what if its not as fun at uni as it was at school - what if its actually way too difficult and i end up hating it#but ykw?? im so glad i chose this#(for those who may not know i am a history student)#idk man i just wish more people knew how cool and funny history is sometimes#plus the sorts of ways this degree encourages u to think are VERY useful (esp nowadays)#'always question everything' is the motto and wow it is very enlightening to live like this#where has this info come from - can i trust them? why are they telling me this? what do they want? is it even true? how do they know this?#does this info fit with what i already know? why? what do other people say abt this? does this imply something about the wider context here#look me in the eye and tell me thats not the most important ingredient for being online nowadays#(except for block and move on. that one is supreme we all know that)#if u are not so into history i would encourage u to have a little look at some of the cool stories that are there i think u will like them#one of the funny (and very gory) ones that i would recommend is the life and especially death of maximilian robespierre#he was alive during the french revolution in the late 1700s and the way he dies is fucking hilarious when u know whats going on#i have actually talked abt this a lot on discord bc i think its funny - much to the annoyance of everyone else in the server lol#another one from that time is napoleon's coup and the removal to saint-cloud#the power struggles of the GMD and CCP in china in the early-mid 20th century are also v interesting if u like that sort of thing#this has all come about bc i was reading an account today of the marriage of alfonso vi of leon and castile and princess zaida of seville#and wow i have a lot of thoughts about it#theres no way to tell if they were really in love or not and if so how much#but idk something about it is very sweet and very sad to me#she the daughter in law of the muslim king of seville and supposedly falls in love with the christian king alfonso - she converts#to christianity so she can marry him but they are only together for a short time - she dies a few years later in 1093 giving birth to their#son sancho alfonsez (who is killed in 1108 at age 15) and she's buried at alfonso's favourite church (technically an abbey but ykwim)
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i usually dont comment on these kinds of things because they shouldnt be treated with the level of weird parasocial interest they tend to be on social media generally but. claire (lil tay) was so fucking young. it doesnt take knowing her personally to feel just how jarring and genuinely tragic her sudden death is. like shit. she was only 14. she didnt even get to live her own life. sorry if this is pointless and theres no call to action or anything here but. jesus.
#kibumblabs#cw death#havent looked too deep into it because im still conflicted over it feeling voyeuristic and disrespectful to do so or not but#from what i have heard it seems sketchy re: her brother and idk i dont want to accuse anyone of anything without proper basis especially#when that someone also passed away but. considering his history of controlling behavior over her image and how it put her in some#serious danger at worst - situations a child should not be in at best... if he did have any part in this i. well i dont know.#cant exactly say he needs to see justice considering its a bit late for that but. i dont know#depending on the circumstances one of her parents may need to answer to some neglect charges. but anyway it all feels so trivial when its#already too late.#you know what. what i think i can say for sure is that i hope she's properly remembered and honored for who she actually was and not as#'lil tay the worlds youngest flexer'. a persona her brother made up that put her in dangerous situation for the sake of clout. by no means#is the public entitled to anything but if anything more is put out there in memorium i hope its something#letting the world know who she was as a real teenage girl with her own interests and personality and favorite songs and teenage obsessions#she looked like such a sweet girl. i hope her friends and family who actually knew her are haunted as little as possible by her#bastardized image on the internet. i hope they– as well as anyone else really– can separate that character from the innocent young girl#who actually existed and who's life was cut so. so fucking short.#i know i said i didnt want to comment too much about this but idk man. it really got to me. maybe because its such a novel situation thats#never exactly happened before- the way her image was on in the internet and how this case will inevitably be treated on the internet#how young she was and how little say she had in how she'd be portrayed on line– much less now how she'd be REMEMBERED.#its disturbing. and deeply deeply tragic.#2009. she was born in 2009. fuck. thats just. wrong
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im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great
#i mean it doesnt mean i have a clear vision of what i want to be as an adult and if im even gonna go to college#but. idk im living through it#gosh im just. im just so so glad i cant put it into words#its funny too cus just a couple of days ago i was in absolute misery because of the big test i had to do dfshgh#but actually doing it made something click for me i think. i came out of the building feeling so#so light i guess#it was raining a bit and i just wanted to walk#so i told my mom it was too crouded and for her to pick me up someplace else#and i walked to a bus stop while eating one of the worst cereal bars i have ever eaten and my shoes were all muddy and i had a headache#but idk. i felt. really good#you see i am a certified teenager im six months away from being 17 im living that late teen blues#where my face is becoming a little less greasy and my frontal lobe a little more developed#and that means its almost time for college and for drinking and for partying and for moving out#and like. man#its dawned on me that the plans i had the ones about offing myself when i graduated highschool#they just odnt hold up anymore#i WANT to graduate i WANT to move out to my own apartment#i WANT to get a job; to come out properly; to study art; to put these years behind me and live#and im not saying i want to embrace everything that comes with adulthood no#what the fuck even is a tax. what do you mean i have to pay for my own internet. what the hell water bill#but just the fact that i actually want to go through all the shit parts so i can live the good parts means a lot to me#idk at this point im just rambling#dont want to kill myself anymore yippie hooray#schools definetelly gonna be Hell next year but i want to get through it so i can live the good part of life#im also ok about not going to college. like fuck man if i dont go then i didnt go thats that#i do have one (1) cringe unrealistic expectation which is omg what if me and my current bf stayed together forever [autism stare]#at this point im just incoherently rambling sorry there was alot i wanted to say and i ended up losing whatever sense of writing i had.#if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy#sg.txt
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i feel so miserable
#the emptiness after the break up is hitting me#why are all my friends in relationships now and im the only single one like literally#do i really dont have the energy for relationships now or am i just running away from it?#should i get that fucking app again? go on dates? i dont want that i wish i could meet someone naturally#does it have to do with relationships to begin with?? my emptiness. my sadness. or is it something else#god the older i get the more pathetic i feel#but isnt growing up lonely anyway? for many people its a lonely experience#maybe im not THAT out of place#even so. its fucking depressing#i cant wait to make more friends with rollerskating#maybe i'll join a derby team i think this could cheer me up#like. having a new group you know. hey these are the girls from my derby team. plus it seems fun#idk. i know im getting somewhere but time seems to have stopped for me lately. everything is too slow and i just#want things to change faster. for the better. for me
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what if. i gave pt!sachiko a palace.
#sera rambles#sachiko asahi#her sin would be denial. i know thats not a deadly sin idc its what works for her character#the distortion would be heaven. and the shadows would be angels that when confronted with events of her past#(which are hinted at throughout the palace)#become violent and deny that any of it is true#insisting that everything is Fine and sachiko's life is Good and there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever theyre in paradise#its a small palace. so only one person really needs to infiltrate it.#...wait. what if. what IF akira is infiltrating her palace on his own. when he runs into. you guessed it.#goro fucking akechi.#no idk how this would work either. but its too good of an idea so its happening now idec#i just made all of this up so its subject to change. but if anyone wants to know more about sachiko ftr i have been thinking abt her more#lately so i have some new stuff abt her now. i should just make posts abt her lmao but i never think about it. (and i dont wanna rn#so sorry but this is all youre getting atm.)
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#ok while i think the resurgence of kungpowpenis is usually pretty damn funny + i love it in theory#its also been popularizing/spreading a lot of fucked shit that i dont WANT to see the main post for.#like i was already having a bad brain moment so. seeing transphobic bullshit ((especially in this case targeting nonbinary people like me))#was. Really Fucking Not what i needed!#idk. it just. im so fucking tired. ive blocked tags ive blocked blogs ive unfollowed and done shit to ~curate my experience~ etcetcetc#but i still wanna explore and poke around and find new interesting things and learn new povs and like! add enrichment to my enclosure! yk?#idk. ig this is just me complaining again#people are shitty and i get that! ive known that! im just. really fucking tired of the reminder ig#theres been. so many of those lately#''lately'' i say. as though its still semi-new... idk. hhhh.#i miss my people. not just bc they Arent Shitty but bc they help me put into perspective that people in general arent all shitty and are#often!! good!! and kind and loving and fun and and and#and i need that reminder... much more often than i like letting on#id like a bubble to hide in for a little while#one big enough to fit all of us in#and one that would keep us all safe#bc. fuck.#for now ill settle for just. keeping the brainrot at bay#holding onto the whole ''these feelings arent peer-reviewed'' ''its long after 9pm'' thing and its helping some! but sleep would probably#be more helpful but uh. also dont trust thAt at the moment lmao so. i think imma switch from doomscrolling + brainrot-posting to#playing stardew valley + listening to different music until im so tired i at least Probably wont have dreams lmao#bee speaks
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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer#must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend#im not letting me do that to us#but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about??#the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant)#but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling#this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me#idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be#but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent#and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change#the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here#fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day#and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why#why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop#thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back#hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp#and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok#and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real#and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in#and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems#personal#i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head.#i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad#idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things#i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once#i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows
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tbd and if you read this kill yourself immediately after
#bloodletting#need reassurance cant ask for it or its fake. like ik our arts shit why ask and feel worse after. but the mood wont improve w/o outside#help so i think ill just work up the motivation to cut and then wallow after work. maybe before if i wanna suffer abt it#i should eat and dont want to. whatever. i hope i die in my fucking sleep#really debating just not going into work but ill take the extra fucking idk 20#fucking useless ass dollars#ill try and go extra slow or something idfk too late to go#get food and eat it there#and just. whatever i cant say this right.#i want someone to try for me but i also dont want that at all. i hate pity i hate it#idek what try means. whatever. im so close to the headspace of being in canon its dangerous#in more than one way
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