#idk i feel like im being such a teenager about this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-yap · 1 day

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Hi! You mentioned in a prev oneshot that you were Indian, as a fellow south asian it is so nice to have someone into the fandom as well !!! May I have a request if batboys with an south asian so who does Indian classical dance like bharatnatyam or odissi please?

Heyyy I have never professionally learned classical Indian dances but I love watching them so ill try my best. Im sorry if its offensive, Im doing fem reader cuz gn wasn't requested..hope that okay too

Batboys x Dancer!Y/N

Dick grayson

He loved the story the dances depicted. He learned all the meanings and history behind all the hand movements and music.

Dick had probably been to India for a mission so he does know a little about indian history but now he has a much stronger motivation to learn everything and anything about that culture .

Also we all know dick has a thing for strong powerful women. And Bharatnatyam or Odssi or any indian classical dance for that matter REQUIRES SO MUCH STRENGTH . The facial expressions, the precise movement and the beauty of it all..he is whipped.

'He also loves when you get in touch with your culture. Dick is like a culture connoisseur and having a beautiful south asian girlfriend who is proud and expressive of her heritage makes him so proud.

He for sure has videos on videos which he show or boast about to anyone- even at galas , his favorite thing to talk about you and he is just so proud.

Jason Todd

I dont think todd will take the time to look into the difference meanings or stories these dances depict.

I have mentioned how much he stares and now he has a new found excuse to stress. Its like those movie montages of the wife through the husbands eyes where there is like a light glow behind her and he is just laughing (and then she dies or something)- idk if you know what I'm talking about but that exact thing happens with him.

you are like his salvation , so beautiful, golden poised and graceful. Its like a beggar seeing a goddess , a murderer on the steps of church or a ray of sunshine in the cold cold dark city - it becomes his way to spirituality.

He doesn't talk that much about it. the whole experience feels too surreal for him and he loves to see that side of you. when your practicing and don't have the routine perfected, he loves seeing the side of you no one else would get to see.

Tim drake-

This boy probably went to the ballet as a kid and I mean western rich parents-gotham city- I don't think he knows anything about indian classical dance so when he sees it for the first time he is shocked

He Is so intrigued , It just makes you so much cooler. He will love dropping in the middle of his patrols to watch you train and bring you snacks

He also loves doing your makeup for you , and the whole outfit....it looks super complicated and he is good with assembling stuff so he'll be really into it.

He would tbh encourage you to use your skill to start and internet channel and use that to promote movements. Also if you are into the idea of teaching immigrant kids on how to dance, he'll help find the means because being connected to your roots are just so important.

Rather than boring ass ballet in galas , he will promote other styles of dance especially indian classical.

Will cheer like a madman after your performances , even if they are at rich gotham galas. "WOHOO THATS MY GIRL THATS REAL ART YOU SEE THAT YOU RICH PRICKS"

Yea just because you have this super serious super cool skill doesn't mean you both wont be sitting in a dinner eating greasy food in the whole costume+makeup after performances. Youre still teenage dirtbags after all

Damian wayne-

he will draw you . loves sitting and sketching you dance .

He too is really into strong women and appreciates the beauty and precise art of indian dance.

Itll remind him of his home, like up in the mountains. Maybe dance is taught as a way of developing balance and precision. So to him you look like a strong fighter.

It just brings nostalgia and you look so ethereal while you dance. I think out of all batboys he would be most appreciative of the art

these are comparatively shorter but i didnt have too many thoughts. hope its okay tho

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stiffyck · 2 days

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first of all, i wanna go ahead anf praise your art for the millionth time because holy shit it is so amazing. idk what kinda crack you put in your colouring or artstyle but im eating it UP!!! i especially love all the detail you put into your designs, its amazing SECONDLYY!!!! I see the daau starting to form a bit more and i was wondering if i would be allowed to make a story/fanfic based off of your art so far?

AAAAA THANK YOU SM AND ALSO YES! ABSOLUTELY.

Daau is actually an older au I've already talked about a lot last year on my blog but I'm sorta reviving it and kinda redoing it?

But if you want more about the au I have plenty of thoughts.

Scars planet is gone. It literally fell apart. Everyone was being evacuated but scar got left behind because he was trying to find jellie. Jellie looks mostly like a cat but has 6 legs.

Scar gets to where everyone was supposed to be only to find everyone gone already. They were already evacuated and he got left behind. This happens when he's around his teenage years so he's still a kid basically.

There is an emergency button if I remember correctly and he uses it to let someone know he's still there. He doesn't expect anyone to come find him but he tries anyway.

Xisuma, one of the people helping Scars species evacuate the planet does see the signal and decides to go back himself to get whoever got left behind.

Scar gets saved by X and later joins hermitcraft when X gives him the offer. (Dadsuma to the rescue)

Scars planet was very hot and it was mostly just a desert planet. Lots of sand, not much plants or water.

Scar is covered by hard scales to protect him from the sun and even the rough sand.

His hands are rough as is most of his fur except the short fur covering his stomach

His species are omnivores- theres not much food to find in the desert anyway so he can't really be picky. He does love bugs and since he's been on hermitcraft he loves fruit and candy.

In the original au there was some hermitshipping which I'm kinda avoiding in this version (still love the original au tho ofc) because aroace scar rjgkkge

While he loves hermitcraft and considers it his home and the hermits his family he still misses his actual home where he grew up. Hermitcraft is always cold for him. Even when he sees the other hermits sweating and complaining how hot it is he's reminded that he's not supposed to live here at all. The sun feels nice on his scales and his skin but it's not the same heat as on his planet.

He does like the nether. It's warm. He also likes deserts even if they're not as warm as his desert was.

His 4 ears. The bottom set of ears is not out most times. Usually the ears show only when he's cuddling with someone and feels really safe and relaxed.

Also he's cold blooded.

That's all my thoughts for now but I can come back with more I think

#asks #daau

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mariemariemaria · 5 months

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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

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fishyartist · 2 years

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some quick doodles, basic idea so far's that johnny+kitty were in a bike accident, 13 survived but kitty didnt. theyre seperated bcause of this for years and theyre bitter+edgy about it but after the portal open and events occur theyre able to reconnect because love wins! <3

#danny phantom #also i like the idea of johnny being in a wheelchair being already part of his character rather then just some oooo look a BAD timeline....#idk i just have Issues w that part of TUE but ANYWAYS ill talk about that later if i feel like it #not sure if its a spinal injury from the crash or if he already had that disability beforehand #latter seems more interesting 2 me atm but i need to think mor eon it #also im ignoring the dating teenagers shit from both of them. because yeah uh. that shit fucking sucks.#i have some ideas for tying this in w/ other stuff ive got floating around and also what to do w shadow #but those ideas r all loose+need more thought #theyre both like late 30s/early 40s or so here (deciding if i want kitty to visibly age #leaning towards yes on that but thats not reflected in the doodle)

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sugarcarnation · 25 days

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skk plus kouyou trio has taken over my brain

#thought about how if the sskk plus kyoka trio is a thing that totally implies the existence of a skk plus kouyou trio #they’d be so funny #kouyou just awkwardly hanging out with these two teenage boys #who unfortunately happen to be the only people who are in a somewhat similar age range than hers #i feel like they’d truly be such disasters together #chuuya knows nothing about formal life. i imagine kouyou has never interacted with anyone outside of the mafia circles #dazai is dazai. he’s just a menace in general and im not trusting him to be normal in any kind of social interaction #also. yeah chuuya being angsty after dazai leaves is neat but what about kouyou being left behind by someone she’s grown close to once agai #how could dazai escape and not her #this all has reminded me that dazai also calls her ane-san #which makes me very emo but is also very funny to me #i just know he adopted that from chuuya in an attempt to annoy kouyou #but idk maybe he had to eventually realize oh no maybe it’s not a joke anymore #anyways. i’m having thoughts lmao

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eosofspades · 2 months

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also ruby gillman was absolutely so much better than everyone says it was. idc this movie is so much fun

#im like objectively yeah THEMATICALLY it falls a little flat/shallow but its still fun #its vivid its interesting the soundtrack is a bop the characters are compelling its super rewatchable #i like you ruby gillman teenage kraken 👍#i kept expecting it to play into tropes/conventions that i find suuuper grating but it kept subverting my expectations!! dleightfully!!!!!#100% thought they were gonna do a 'connor falls for chelsea until he realizes ruby saved him' but no that boy was FAITHFUL to his crush #and chelsea didnt pursue him i was sooo worried that was gonna be an arc i would hate #and chelsea chelsea my darling horrible queen SHE WAS SO FUN she managed to play perfectly into her archetype WITHOUT #being annoying!!! AND still feeling new and fresh!!!#and oh my goddddd RUBY shes the quirky adorkable female lead who is actually GOOD idk #what it is about her but oh my god i didnt even realize that was her archetype until i saw the movie again bc she was so #Not Annoying #like . truly the only complaints i have are that it sets up thematic threads and doesnt follow through on a lot of them and #i personally find the art style a *little* unappealing but other than that its?? its a good movie????#mine #ruby gillman #rory rambles about movies

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evignonita · 2 months

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uhghhg buzz grunt..... 😢..

#just headcanons #i have a grandma's heart #sorry if this bothers anyone #i feel like buzz is trying to be a good dad to buck when he becomes a teenager #he was too disconnected from fatherhood when tank and ripp depended on him #buck is more mentally stable than his older brothers. and that helped buzz get closer to his son #idk i know many cases like this irl and i think that their dynamics would also be like this #im not saying he's a perfect father for buck. but he is more present in his life in a healthier way compared to his other children 😞#In general #i don't think buzz is abusive to his children beyond being strict. he is more of a present but absent dad #and has his standards for his children too high #IDKKK #now i doubt what i think. i honestly should think more about hcs from other families #my hcs #ts2 #the grunt family

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healingheartdogs · 2 months

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How does one go about getting tested for MCAS...

#still trying to see a geneticist about EDS #and now because of long covid conversations talking about MCAS im realizing that may be a relevant problem to me as well #from BEFORE I got COVID #ive had idiopathic anaphylaxis episodes in the past but its been a few years since i had one #so idk if that rules that out #but i do have seemingly ever-changing food allergies/reactions too #like i went a whole year without eating red meat because everytime i ate it i had food poisoning symptoms after for a day or so #and have had constant gastro problems with seemingly random triggers since i was a teenager #also year round allergies #to what? idk #but i live my life sniffling with my ears and throat and skin itching all the time #and heat intolerance #and being seemingly allergic to my own sweat #idk it feels like im looking for reasons for it to be that because imposter syndrome but also with the pots dx #and then my rheum sending me for genetic testing for EDS cuz my labs show i have an autoimmune disease but no positive for anything specific #has me side eyeing in the direction of MCAS because i know how those issues all love to show up in a three for one bundle #ig ill wait and see how the genetic testing goes #cuz idk where to even begin for possible MCAS #and now having long covid too i feel like anything possibly related to that will get shrugged off #because doctors HATE long covid and things that are possibly related to long covid

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pettyprocrastination · 1 year

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thinking about how when ellie finds love and family for the first time in her life and has it ripped away she responds with violence and rage, she’s screaming and shouting and breaking shit until she’s too tired to keep going and then how when Joel tries to give Tommy the job of taking her to the fireflies she gets quiet, passive-aggressive and closed off

#teenage girl things be like: I am full of violence and rage and will seethe quietly for the next ten minutes #shes so real for that #idk if this is even anything but yeah im my feelings about ellie being sort of jealous/worried about others taking joel away from her-#because of his own bonds to them #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #this was not a good episode for me to watch after having my own little spiral out fo fear of being abaonded and shouldered out by my friends #WOOF ammi right friends #anywhoo im thinking about them and also joels wife <3

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ukulelegodparent · 1 year

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It's so weird growing up how fast you get disinterested in eating sweet food. Like I've gone from 'I can eat a bag of Gummi Bears and drink a liter of coke and have a big bar of chocolate in one evening' to 'i'll have sweet things sometimes but I get so sick of like eg Gummi Bears so quickly. A handful is really on the verge of too much sometimes' in so little time.

#like idk it's so wild to me #and i mean im not even 25 yet #i am not old by any standard #i feel like it should be talked about more too #like i remember being 15 and feeling bad for my sugar cravings #i guess partly bc i was watching diet culture shit but also just like i was looking at diet recs made by people in their mid-twenties #at least #and like looking back I'm just like you're fine. you're just like 15 you need more sugar and that's not a bad thing #like just trust yourself and eat whatever you want. eventually you won't like this anymore bc youll be older #i mean i look at my brother and he's 14 and he eats so much and especially so much sweet stuff #and like my parents tell him to stop but honestly i feel like when you're that age like you're going through so much #and like your brain changes etc so like of course you want a lot of sugar what the fuck #and eventually you will get older and realise that having idk some veg with a dip or something #feels better in those moments or you know. sometimes you'll still want sweets but you'll also crave something more substantial #but that's just not how teenagers work

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paigemathews · 1 year

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i am so confused as to whether or not bianca/chris was planned from the jump or if the idea came later and the writers just cobbled chris crossed together 'cause if chris is engaged to bianca why is he also hooking up with the charge that leo assigns him? like wtf? either this pairing wasn't planned or bianca and chris are poly except given when this season aired no way in hell would they go for something quite this progressive so again wtf??

Oh, they definitely didn't plan on Bianca lmao. I love season six, and it's one of my favorites, but the continuity is a mess. (I mean, Witchstock my beloathed.) They absolutely had no intention of Chris having a fiancé before then, especially between his thing with the Valkyrie and his charge Natalie. I love them anyways, but there's a reason that I say that the writers put next to no thought into their story.

For a Watsonian explanation though, I explain both encounters as manipulation and lack of memory. In regards to Mist, I always viewed it as him manipulating her to stay on the Valkyrie's good side. I mean, despite the show's (weird) approach to them, they're intended to be good beings. Keeping an Elder, who also has close ties to the Charmed Ones, has to be sketchy for them, so Chris has to keep an eye on that situation so. Kissing Mist it is.

As for Natalie, I see it as he only slept with her when the Cleaners erased Wyatt's memory from everyone. Without Wyatt, the future never would have happened and he never met Bianca, or at least started a relationship with her. Frankly, I've always been curious about what exactly Chris remembered because of how integral Wyatt was to his life. I mean, he literally doesn't remember why he's in the past, y'know? A pretty significant amount of his brain must have been wiped.

Honestly, it's kinda interesting to consider how Chris/Bianca classify their relationship boundaries, because he canonically uses sex(?) appeal to manipulate people when he needs to like with the Stillman sisters and while we don't actually see Bianca do that, this was a early 2000's show and she was a spy character so. The idea of using sex as a tactic vs. the authentic emotional intimacy between them... There's something there.

I will say that while I'm not necessarily opposed to Chris/Bianca being poly, I don't think that they are or at least have other romantic partners. Both of them have a pretty substantial amount of issues, don't trust easily, and don't open up to others very well. Personally, I think that they had a v slowburn relationship and even when they first started dating, I think that they had a lot of issues with the trust aspect of it, especially with the unchanged future. I feel like it'd be very difficult for either of them to find someone like that again and to go through that entire journey again. Plus, as far as I know, the number one key to that kind of relationship is communication and. Well, Bianca's a spy and Chris will say anything except the truth, so I'm not sure that either would be able to do that effectively. That said, you could definitely spin that, depending on the third character, but I don't know who they'd be.

#charmed #chris halliwell #bianca #asks #chris x bianca #abi speaks #for context im not poly and dont know a ton about it so pls tell me if i fucked up somewhere #but i feel like chris and bianca are just too... closed off? aloof? i guess? to really be able to do that with someone else #like neither of them were looking for actual love when they met and it was a slowburn that kinda culminated in #a love that neither of them were really prepared for or knew a lot about so there was a lot of emotional anguish about falling in love #in a world where that was probably the stupidest thing you could do especially when it was HIM/HER #and idk if they'd be able to get close enough to anyone else to do that again #i'd probably be more interested in spinning a poly chrisbianca if i had an idea for a third character for either but #the only canonical characters around their ages are related to chris (so absolutely not)#or. well dj morris and sebastian (half manticore) also are but busy being in love with different people #that make it weird to be with either of them in the present day #altho i have thrown around the idea of bi disasters chris and sebastian doing a fwb thing as teenagers but still probably a no

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orcelito · 2 months

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I've been following that AITA blog for a bit now and it has me thinking about my own life situations with conflict and drama. A passive "do I have anything I could submit to that blog?" But upon thinking about it, it's like... I really find no value in asking strangers whether I'm "the asshole" in situations. There are situations where I'm clearly not at fault, situations where I was a little shit but it was justified, and at least one situation where I have a definite "Oh yeah, I was definitely the asshole there". All in the past, so it's not like I'd even need advice or anything. I already know, so what's the point?

Maybe it stems from me being a generally self-aware and self-confident kind of person. I know what's going on with myself, know when I've wronged people, & I have a mentality of "well, I'll try to not do that in the future." Even if I feel a little guilty thinking back, what's the point of asking after something when I know I'm at fault? Or situations where things were complicated and both people had fault in things, but I know I wasn't being shitty on purpose & that's what matters to me. Ultimately, it results in a bunch of strangers drawing conclusions about things I really don't care about outside input on.

Still love reading the blog tho. There's something about reading up on random people's life drama that satisfies that gossipmonger soul in me So well.

#speculation nation #i think the most blatantly YTA thing id get is when i ghosted that guy i was seeing back when i was 20 or so #wasnt ever actually dating but i made it sound like i would. very much led him on.#then realized i just wasnt into cishet guys At All and dropped him out of nowhere bc i was 20 and didnt know how to deal with feelings #objectively it was a pretty awful thing for me to do. and i feel bad that i did it.#have i ever tried to reach out and apologize tho? no lmao #it happened so long ago now i feel like itd bring more animosity than relief anyways.#id like to think ive learned from it tho. Dont Date People Just For The Hell Of It.#god it rly is my romantic history where im the biggest asshole. my prior girlfriend too #i do feel bad about that. i never meant to hurt her but that sure is what i did.#it was better to break it off when i did. wouldve been better had i did it earlier but oh well.#then as a teenager and my whole fucked up romance life then...#but NO LONGER!!!!!!!! hopefully lol. im rly into my current girlfriend and after my last one ive been dedicated to. not do that again.#cant date people just because im bored. that's never ended well for me.#i learned my lesson this time for SURE!!!!!#anyways yea id say more constently id be The Asshole in these situations. but im only human man it happens.#other situations it's usually just fucked up situations with me being a toxic little shit in response bc it's all i knew.#idk. community voting doesnt matter to me. learning from my prior mistakes and shortcomings is what matters to me.#it's interesting to see the blog tho. people are insecure about some of the most trivial things sometimes...

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sonknuxadow · 2 months

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I believe that IF Silver IS a descendent of Sonic/Shadow/Amy/anyone else, he's a descendent via adoption because the only Sonic character that I accept having kids is Vanilla.

honestly part of the reason im not a fan of the ideas of silver being a descendant of other characters we already know is because i just dont see why its necessary for them to be related ..? idk i just dont think anything that could be gained from him being shadows kid or sonics descendant or whatever is worth losing part of whats already compelling about silver and also making things super confusing. plus none of the pairings of already existing characters people have suggested as silvers bio parents make any sense, usually because its impossible from a timeline perspective but also because theyre always picking characters who would NOT have kids either in general or with the specific people theyre being paired with

#i also just kinda have a hard time imagining most sonic characters who arent already parents (so. most of them) wanting to be parents #it just does not feel right to me #i guess part of it could be an age thing . being a parent is an Adult thing and most sonic characters are not adults #so imagining them doings things that only adults do by in universe standards just feels strange and foreign to me #even though these scenarios would obviously take place a couple decades into the future #but also even when specifically thinking about it through the lens of ''would this character want to be a parent when theyre older''#the answer is usually no or idk #because there are a lot of characters where it just doesnt feel like it fits them?#sonic and rouge are a couple characters i can name off the top of my head who i know for sure would not have kids.#shadow im not so sure about either. yet he is the most common choice for silvers bio parent. pain #thing about shadow and silver is i think a timeline where shadow is actually around to meet little silver and is like #a mentor/older brother/guardian figure of sorts does kinda have potential to be interesting but i dont really want that to be made canon #but shadow straight up being his dad? idk man. not really into that. shadow being his biological dad? ABSOLUTELY not into that .#people having the present version of shadow whos a teenager barely older than silver being a dad to him?? weird as hell. no #asks #also part of what bugs me about the shadow as silvers dad stuff is people pretending its anything more than a baseless headcanon #like im not saying all headcanons have to have proof behind them but people act like the shadow as silvers dad thing #is an actual plausible theory that could be true and has tons of evidence? when it really doesnt ??#i feel the need to specify that im not trying to police what people do or aynthing just sharing my opinions

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shadowmoses · 4 months

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finding myself carefully buffing a little scuff out of my lolita shoes and realizing I can almost hear my mom's ghost hovering over me telling me "I TOLD YOU SO" because I used to tell her caring for shoes was stupid because they'd just get dirty again....

#I love u mom. I get it now. I get it.#side note ive been finding myself thinking a lot about how like.#a little hit shit it is that she died right before I started becoming... idk. Me.#she only got to know teenage shithead me... and I feel like I'm missing out on actually getting to enjoy being around her #instead of us just being miserable and butting heads all the time #but even then I don't even know if we WOULD have gotten along because a lot of my personal growth #as callous as it sounds. has come from her not being around anymore #it's a lot of very complicated feelings to deal with im ngl #it's all very strange to think about and I'm really not equipped to deal with it... but we stay silly!

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babsaros · 5 months

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How did you know you were gay?

ah, couple reasons i guess. some that only became obvious with like 15 years of hindsight, and only after pulling myself out of the deep dark pit of compulsory heterosexuality.

like. classic symptoms of lesbianism include shamefully staring at the floor when you pass the women's underwear racks in the department store, even though you're not quite sure why you're uncomfortable. that sort of thing.

i have memories from early elementary school of accidentally glimpsing down a girl's shirt at recess and then bottling up that feeling and refusing to think about it. any time i had a crush on a boy, it was from an extremely idealized and safely non-actionable distance. the one time i did have a boyfriend, it was just my guy best friend from middle school, we dated for barely a school year before i ended it and the most physical intimacy i was ever comfortable with was holding his hand when we walked to class. i went to a different school's prom because a guy i was kind-of friends with asked me, and spent the whole night uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.

basically i started questioning my sexuality towards the end of high school, when i noticed myself getting like. jealous about my guy best friend's girlfriends?? like. i wanted to date them. i wanted to steal them from him lmao. i thought girls were pretty and soft and nice and cute and i was too afraid of being a predatory creep to do anything about it besides have far-fetched daydreams, but there was no heterosexual explanation. like, i hugged a girl i thought was pretty one time and it did things to my brain. that memory got locked in for life.

i identified as ace/pan early on, but again- compulsory heterosexuality. the idea of being with a guy romantically or sexually was never actually appealing. i had just been told that was what i was supposed to want my entire life, and the movies do a great job of selling that fantasy. but really i was just a lonely depressed helpless romantic teenager that wanted to be loved lol.

a large part of why i identified as asexual was because i was so sex-repulsed by the idea of penetration, honestly? (which i have since gotten over, but specifically Only with girls. the idea of having sex with a man still icks me out, and my preference is definitely femme-presenting ppl) a bit of it was probably also because i hadn't unpacked gender yet either. it made it very difficult to actually imagine myself having sex with anyone ever lol. this is gonna sound so cringe to say, but reading gay smut did awaken things in me.

in conclusion, tldr, i just like to think about tits and kissing women sometimes, idk. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

#my paranoia is making me think anon is my mom or smth lmao #say something my mom would never fucking say. *gun.png* prove ur not my mom!!!! prove it motherfucker!!!!#if ur questioning ur sexuality my advice is just to explore #look at lots of different porn. try to figure out what attracts you and why #a lot of my kinks are actually divorced from gender tbh #at the height of my teenage repression i was actually reading gay voltron smut nightly #and in total denial like 'this doesn't mean anything about me. im so cis. i would know if i was trans.'#as if i didn't think the exact same shit about being gay. 'i would totally know if i was gay. i don't think about having sex with women'#because i didn't *let* myself think about having sex with women lmao #because i didn't *let* myself think about being trans- because it wasn't *safe* to be trans at the time #and figuring out the difference between 'do i want to look like this person or am i attracted to the way they look' is very tricky #and figuring out that you don't actually genuinely feel any of these implanted emotions about the opposite sex is hard too #sometimes it takes a while its okay #like looking back on my childhood fictional character crushes- it was always the women! i liked the way women looked!!#but i had been TOLD that i was a girl and so thought i HAD to be that and fall in love with a man #idk does any of this make sense lol #im a little sleep-deprived atm #i've been up a solid 24 hours #anonymous #ask #god the way i broke up with that boyfriend was so bad too oughhhhh #i've wondered a few times if i should shoot him a facebook message like 'hey sorry i dumped u like that and then we never talked again.'#'it turned out that i was neither a girl nor heterosexual. so. hope ur doin good!'

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xamaxenta · 1 year

Text

It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way

This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow

but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month

None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion

#like i should be doing more #im very sorry for complaining so much online #i just dont really have any other way to express myself #i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear #but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter #matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal #but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time #i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to #but i also want to if that makes any sense at all #i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally #i want to stop being toxic towards myself #i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way #but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up #I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it #doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling #it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard #this is so woe is me #im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create #and i have none like thats so unfair #this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it #i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again #please im done i just dont want to

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