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#idk I believe misogyny is well and alive
valengory1234 · 1 year
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I think “becoming” a woman can be inherently traumatizing to some people.
This is a Trans Inclusive post. Terfs Fuck Off.
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the7thcrow · 1 year
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Not all that Glitters is Gold -> 10
series pairing: (fem) princess!reader x seonghwa x san x wooyoung. eventual polyamory.
series masterlist | previous chapter
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Part Ten: a relic from the past, confession, and dark magic.
series rating: 16+
series genre: action and adventure. romance. angst. fluff. suggestive. fantasy au.
series warnings: character death, blood and violence, weaponry, injury, suggestive content, mxm content, elements of misogyny, language, monsters. (will only be using chapter specific warnings for things not included on this list.)
summary: as a princess fleeing a royal assassination attempt, you have no choice but to put your trust in a band of three thieves in order to reach the kingdom of kuroku alive. however, amongst magic, deceit, and the bounty hunters that are hot on your trail, you realize that you might have stumbled upon a relationship far more complicated than what meets the eye.
chapter details beneath the cut ->
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wc: 15.3k
extra chapter warnings: panic attack, a non-consensual kiss, non-consensual drug use (but magical? idk?).
chapter summary:
“It is you!” The stranger exclaims, their voice light and feminine.
Feminine and familiar. You narrow your eyes.
“Do I…” You start, swallowing down the bile that has arisen in your throat, as well as the tremble of fear in your voice. “Do I know you?”
a/n: guess who’s back :3 sorry this took me a million years to write, hopefully i can be a bit more consistent in the next coming months. hope you enjoy, and don’t be shy to let me know what you think! love y’all, thanks to everyone who has not abandoned this story after this massive hiatus LMAO <3
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Seonghwa has never believed anger to suit him.
While Woo wears his anger like a loaded cannon, and San - like most other things - buries it until it inevitably rises to the surface, Seonghwa has tried to avoid fury when he can.
After all, anger is often the replacement of a different emotion. It comes easier than understanding, quicker than resolution. It’s the nasty, winding short-cut off the high road, and Seonghwa has learned that the high road is almost always the safer path in the long term.
Anger is ugly. It’s nonsensical and he doesn’t like how it looks on him. It’s why he prefers the cold shoulder to blind rage, sorting out his feelings on his own rather than lashing out on others. It’s the kind thing to do. The empathetic thing to do.
It’s never been overly difficult for him to settle this rage until now.
It festers in his mind every morning, as well as in the night before he falls asleep. Everytime he accidentally catches your eye over breakfast, letting his gaze drift away in hopes that you will think that his eyes were trailing by rather than staring.
He is so unbelievably angry with you, and he hates it.
From the moment the truth was revealed in the forest, it’s as if someone wrapped a hand around his lungs and began to squeeze, then never let go. A hot, burning fire in his chest that’s smoke rises up his throat, choking him with rage. It stings his eyes, fogs his senses. It feels unbeatable, indestructible. Blinding.
He knows that anger is just an emotion. A bad one, one that he’s had to expel from others countless times before. From San, after The Desert Lotus. It’s just another entity, another plague on the body. Settle down, feel it, think better of it, then let it be gone.
And yet now that feels an impossible task. Seonghwa doesn’t know the last time he was so angry. Perhaps it was the night in the kitchen with his mother, learning of the heights of human greed, the one he relives every time he uses his gift to expel the anger from someone else.
He supposes this memory may replace that one.
When he found out the truth about you it was like the last few weeks came crashing down around him. The closeness, the trust and understanding, the mutual respect and admiration.
All lies. All of it. And he feels like such a fucking idiot.
There was no trust, and by the gods, there was certainly no respect. He was a mere pawn in your game, a part of the plan, and all he can do is beat himself up about being too naive to not see it earlier. Woo has always harped on him for being too nice to people, or as the elemental would put it, “not behaving like an actual person, but more like a rock on a walkway that people like to kick around”. Seonghwa thought that Woo was just being grouchy, the pessimist he always is. But hell, maybe he was right.
After all, Seonghwa should have seen it coming. There was so much he could have done. If he had questioned why a beautiful stranger would have so much immediate interest in him in the first place, or why you constantly asked him questions while dismissing any deeper ones about yourself. If he wasn’t so passive about the parasitic emotions practically radiating off of you. If he looked past the ideal he so desperately wanted and dared to dig up the reality of what was underneath.
He’s not an idiot. The reality is that for you, it was never about him. It was about getting to Kuroku. For him it was about the journey, but for you it was always in the name of the destination.
And well, he certainly did his part in getting you there. He shared his gift with you as a token of trust, he took your pain away and made it his own, he vouched for you against Woo’s constant doubt.
All for a girl who’s name he didn’t even know.
The thought makes more anger - ugly, volatile, and oh-so-unflattering - surge within his chest, and he throws a rock into the lake before him. It doesn’t skip as he intended, and instead sinks with a loud plunk.
Seonghwa frowns. He grabs another rock to throw.
After being met with an even louder plunk, he groans, before creeping further up onto the shoreline to grab a flatter rock. His toes dip in the water, which feels colder than yesterday now that he’s no longer fueled by sheer terror and adrenaline.
The coolness brings him back to Maralya, when he and Yunho would sit on the fishing dock. Feet in the water, even though Seonghwa was older, Yunho was the one who had taught him to skip rocks. His half-brother always had a knack for things like that, or well, for everything it seemed. From medical skills, to scaling buildings, to setting a fishing line; Yunho could master whatever he picked up. He must have inherited it from his father, a man Seonghwa doesn’t really remember, as he died when they were young.
Seonghwa doesn’t remember his own father either, as he disappeared on an escapade to The Mainland directly after he was born. His mother told him that his ship was lost at sea, but Seonghwa is pretty sure he just left and never came back.
It doesn’t really matter, he’s never had much of a desire to know the man. After all, the only thing Seonghwa inherited from him was his foolishness. And maybe his nose.
Seonghwa sighs. Picking up another rock, this one flat and polished, he recalls the steps in his mind. Yunho's voice runs through his head as he goes through the form, before bringing his hand back and letting it fly.
Plunk.
He stares at the ripples surrounding the sinking stone for a moment, before sitting down. He must have forgotten a step. It was a long time ago.
He lays back so that his head presses into the sand, the little grains cold and damp against his scalp. It’s familiar. It’s a little like the shore at home, although the sand isn’t as white, and the water’s colder, nor as blue. There’s no sound of hustle and bustle from back in the village, or his mother yelling at him to take a dip in the ocean before coming back inside because he’s covered in sand and he can’t track that into the house.
So maybe it’s not so similar, but he will pretend.
Seonghwa sighs, grabbing a handful of sand, letting it fall between his fingers. It’s times like these, ones where he’s dejected, broken-down, and lonely, that he wants nothing more than to go home. Only then does he remember that there’s no home for him to return to.
He sighs, his anger drifting to sadness, and yet he doesn’t mind. He believes that at the very least, it suits him better.
Footsteps approach from far off behind him, and he knows that it’s you. Woo walks faster, heavier footed, and he likely wouldn’t have heard San until he was closer. Besides, you’ve been walking with a slight limp since the fall, and he can hear it in the thump of every second step.
A part of him wants to ask what happened, what hurts. If you’re okay.
The angry part of him won’t let the other speak.
He hears your steps stutter, coming to a sudden halt from what he assumes is about a dozen feet off. Silence follows, and he wonders what you’re thinking. If you’re nervous to approach him, taking the time to contemplate your words before you say them.
Eventually, you do come closer. “San and Woo want to head towards Bebbanburg,” you call out from behind him. “I said that I’d come get you.”
“Thanks,” Seonghwa says flatly, making no motion to move. He will, of course, but not until you head back to camp. He’d like to avoid the awkwardness of walking in a strained silence, pretending not to notice as you try to meet his eye.
Although when he doesn’t hear you leave, it seems as if he doesn’t have much of a choice.
Sighing, he pushes himself up into a seated position. Glancing back at you, he has to place a hand over his forehead to block out the rising sun blinding his vision.
You stand with your arms wrapped around yourself, watching him with a dampened expression. Your tunic billows in the wind, torn around the waist and covered in dirt and dust. Chewing on your bottom lip as your fingers tap along your arm, you appear on edge. As if you wish to say something.
Seonghwa hates the way he wishes to know what it is. He hates how he wants to smooth your hair that is violently blown by the wind and wipe away the smudge of mud that has hardened against your cheek.
He hates how even now, after everything, he yearns for you.
Perhaps this is how it always would have ended, anyway. Having grown more attached then he ever should, not ready to lose what he knew was never his.
“Seonghwa,” you say finally, although it’s a little strained. Rigid. “About yesterday, by the fire.”
Ah yes, that. You and San hadn’t noticed him at the time, but when neither he or Woo came back to the fire, the two of you went out looking for them. It only took a moment, finding them sitting against the caves outer wall. Quiet and avoidant. Woo had fallen asleep, but Seonghwa had met your gaze. He held it for only a moment, watching your own eyes widen as you realized he’d seen the whole thing. He looked away when your lips parted to speak.
“With San. I hadn’t expected it to happen,” you say, calling loudly over the wind, and yet somehow your voice still seems quiet. Trapped and tight. “I… I don’t regret it. But after everything, it feels unfair to you-”
“I don’t care about you and San,” Seonghwa butts in. Not aggressively, or overly angry, merely factual. After all, that’s not what he’s angry about. He doesn’t care about you and San. That’s your business.
He wants San to be happy. Whatever it takes, the swordsman deserves a bit of peace.
Besides, now that he will not, perhaps San will wipe the mud from your cheek.
“Oh,” you say, followed by a pause. “You just seem upset.”
“I’m not angry about that,” Seonghwa replies, lips pursing together. He swallows hard. “Just about everything you did before it.”
Your expression falls. Mouth dropping open into a small part, your eyes fill with a sudden sense of shame and hurt. Your hands grip your elbows, hugging yourself tighter, even if only slightly.
Your expression settles like stone in his gut, and he knows that what he said has made you hurt. He has made you feel that same pain that tightens in his chest and floods up his throat.
Seonghwa wishes he hadn’t said that.
No matter his anger, no matter the pain, Seonghwa has never wished to pass an entity on to another.
“I’ll meet you back at the cave in a moment,” he says, because he doesn’t want to say anything else that he’ll regret. He doesn’t want to force his gaze from yours while at the same time feeling a pull towards you like a beacon, begging him to take it away. Take it all away. All the horrible entities that radiate from you like a plague, a blackened sickness.
Turning back towards the lake, he waits. When he hears the sound of your footsteps - fading away, not growing louder - he lets out a sigh of relief.
He doesn’t like what this has made him into. The anger that has filled him, strangles him, stops him from drifting towards you like a moth to a flame. Sure to be burned, but the glow will be glorious.
No, anger doesn’t suit him. And yet he wears it, draping over him, akin to a stranger’s jacket.
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If there is any luck to be found following your fall from the cliff, it’s in that at least you’ve found yourselves closer to Bebbanburg.
The journey to the small kingdom only took a few hours, the fact that you had nothing to carry but the clothes on your back having sped up the trek. It was spent in silence.
You know there’s certain to be some of the black-clad men poking around in such a populous city, so upon reaching the kingdom, the first order of business was to purchase you a cloak, as Mingi’s own had remained within a satchel on the horse’s back.
It weighs down on your shoulders, knowing that it’s gone, the final piece of him you had left. You’ve tried to view it as for the better, as the cloak of a Libaiyan Royal Guard could have attracted the attention of the wrong pair of eyes.
Even so, it hurts.
The cloak you wear now isn’t nearly as nice, a tattered brown fabric that’s itchy in the spots where it touches your bare skin, but it only cost a few bronze pieces. Considering that all the group of you have to your name is the pouch of coins attached to San’s waste, you have to know where to ration your spendings.
This is only on the necessities. San is trying to locate a cheap blacksmith to fashion him a new sword. Meanwhile, Woo and Seonghwa are searching if there’s anywhere for your group to stay that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. Bebbanburg is an expensive kingdom, and so long as you find a place with a roof and walls that doesn’t blow through all of your savings, you’ll consider yourselves lucky.
With all the men on their own errands and a new cloak purchased, you’ve had about an hour to kill before now, as you currently make your way to meet them back at the city center. You’ve spent it wandering, peering into shop windows but never making your way inside. You don’t have the money to spend, nor do you want the undivided attention of a shop-keeper when you’re trying to lay low.
You’ve passed a few of your wanted posters strown up about the town, plastered to bulletin boards, poles, and shop windows alike. On top of being newly adorned with a far more accurate portrait of yourself, they’ve also added the detail of your recent scars. Printed along the bottom is the following: “Last spotted travelling with three young men. Potentially dangerous. Approach with caution.”
As an incentive due to what you assume is the elevated danger risk, they’ve increased the reward for your capture or demise to 300,000 gold pieces.
Apparently, someone at the tavern ratted the group of you out. Likely Yeosang and his band of not-so-merry men, or perhaps the poor shop-keeper desperate for a bribe.
Either way, someone is on your tail. Considering the new addition to the posters, that someone is in this city.
You haven’t seen them yet, but you know that it’s the black-clad men. They have to be lurking around here somewhere, they’re just being quiet about it.
You swallow hard, pulling the hood of your cloak further down.
Fortunately, the street’s are bustling with people. Bebbanburg, while not quite as big as the four major kingdoms, is still a hub for tourism. With money to spend, the streets are clean, the buildings well-kept. Despite being a narrow path in the merchant’s district in town, the air smells fresh.
It doesn’t feel quite right, in your opinion. Between the few towns you’ve visited these past few weeks, there was a certain scent to the air that felt more…natural. A strange concoction of smells as different taverns and homes didn’t agree on a pre-set menu for the night, dirt and pebbles aligning the trails as hunters dragged home their latest catch, or the muddy hoof-prints left by horses that stick to the bottoms of your shoes.
Bebbanburg feels too polished. The sort of polished that takes an effort, that works extra hard to rid itself of anything it deems unclean.
Trying not to obsess too much over the fact, you do your best to retrace your steps in order to return to the city center, taking a turn down another street. A slight limp to your step, ankle still not having fully recovered from your fall off the cliff, you count the shop doors that you pass along the alley’s stone wall. You kept count on your way here in order to know which alley to take back.
Counting down the doors, you pass by a butcher’s shop, cafe, and Zarian boutique for rare gems, all of which you’d passed along the way here. Gaze fluttering passively over the alley next to the boutique, you nearly miss the pair of eyes that lock on your own. Cat-like gaze fixated on yours, the bottom half of the figure's face is covered by a black cloth, their head shrouded in a dark cloak.
You pause. Hesitant, you retrace your last few steps, peering back down the alley.
The figure’s cloak follows behind them as they disappear behind a winding turn.
Swallowing down the bile that arises in your throat as an unsettled chill creeps down your spine, you keep moving along your original route. It was just a stranger. You’re paranoid, on edge, searching to find shadows and enemies in places in which they are not there.
Nevermind how something about the stranger's gaze felt oddly…familiar. Although you cannot place from where.
You continue along your original path, turning down the alley that will take you back to the city center. Glancing over your shoulder, you see nobody behind you, just the bustle of people continuing their way down the mainstreet. You mentally scold yourself. You’re being ridiculous, and casting lingering glances as you loiter in one place for too long is only going to attract attention.
When you turn forward, you catch a glimpse of movement, as something disappears behind a wall up ahead of you. “Shit,” you think to yourself, rushing forward as you place your back against the stone wall, peeking an eye out to see if you can spot them.
All you can manage is the tail end of the dark cloak disappearing down another alleyway. You wait a moment, as if contemplating how daring - or foolish - you’re willing to be, before heading after them.
“This is a bad idea,” you whisper to yourself, hand drifting to the hilt of the sword at your waist as you follow after the mysterious figure. However, even if unwise, you’d rather know your enemy and have them right in front of you compared to being stalked like prey. You’ll get slain in a fair fight any day before getting your throat slit from behind.
It’s a morbid thought, something San would likely say during combat practice, and you wonder if you’ve been spending too much time with these men.
Following the stranger, you keep quiet on your feet. Pulling the sword out from its sheath, you tread carefully, slowing your pace as you near the corner that the cloak had disappeared behind. Holding the sword firm in your grasp, you take a deep and shaky breath, before jumping to face your attacker.
Only to find there is nobody there, just another barren alleyway. Another alleyway that leads to nothing but a dead end, a stone wall looming tall before you.
You frown, confused at how this is possible. Your gaze darts around the narrow alleyway, searching for a cloaked figure, but it remains entirely empty.
Letting out a troubled sigh, you resheath your sword and turn back around.
Only to be met face first with the masked stranger.
Your breath dies in your throat, and you instinctively pull an arm back, aiming to strike them. However, as you swing forward, they narrowly dodge your strike, managing to grab your wrist instead. They twist it, not so hard as to dislodge anything, but enough that it disarms you. Then, using their free hand to push you backwards, they press you up against the stone wall. Elbow against your chest and hand gripping your upper arm, their spare hand grips tightly around your other wrist, rending you immobile.
Your chest heaves, not from tiredness but scheer panic. They’ve got you. Your gaze flickers up, to scan the face of your assailant. The person that will turn you in to the black-clad men, or is perhaps one themself.
The strangers' dark eyes meet yours from beneath their thick cloak, black orbs dancing as they move to scan over your face. Cat-like in their shape, with thick eye-lashes and brows.
Then the stranger laughs.
It’s not a menacing laugh, nor one you would expect from someone who is about to kill you. Instead it’s joyous, almost disbelieving.
“It is you!” The stranger exclaims, their voice light and feminine.
Feminine and familiar. You narrow your eyes.
“Do I…” You start, swallowing down the bile that has arisen in your throat, as well as the tremble of fear in your voice. “Do I know you?”
The stranger’s eyebrows furrow together into a look of confusion, before lighting up in realization. “Oh!” They say, before doing the last thing you would have ever expected of removing their hands from you entirely. “Of course!”
The stranger pulls off the hood of their cloak, revealing a head of long, thick red hair. They follow the removal of their hood by doing the same with their mask, and with it, you are hit with a wave of not only relief, but scheer and unadulterated joy.
“Yeji!” You nearly shout, pulling your back from the wall and wrapping your arms around your old laundress.
She chuckles, and then you are both laughing. In happiness, in relief, in sheer and utter disbelief. You pull away, placing both of your hands along her jaw to cup her face. You scan every detail, to ensure that she is real and actually standing before you, not some sort of trick or illusion.
But is her, just as you had seen her last at the castle. Maybe not exactly the same, wearing far different clothes than the modest beige dress she had adorned as your laundress, hair worn loosely, and eyes holding more of an edge than they ever had before.
Still, it is Yeji.
Yeji with the shimmering grin and freckle on her nose. Yeji who you know, and knows you in return. Yeji from your castle. Your home.
Yeji, a relic from the past that has not been destroyed.
“You nearly gave me a heart attack, following me around like that,” you laugh, taking one of your hands and giving her a slap on the shoulder, playful and not hard enough to actually hurt.
“Sorry,” she grins. “I didn’t want to attract any attention on the street. Figured it would be safer to lure you somewhere quiet, and you know, I also wanted to make sure it was actually you first.”
She then scoffs, returning the slap onto your own shoulder. “I didn’t expect you to pull out a sword on me! Where did you even get one of those?”
You consider answering, but a heavy cloud of unanswered questions hangs over the two of you, its presence loud and rattling like thunder. The jovial nature to your reunion cannot last long, not when there’s so much at stake, not when your world has crumbled to ash since you last spoke.
“What are you doing in Bebbanburg?” You ask, before realizing there’s a far more pressing question at hand. “How did you get out of the castle?”
Yeji smiles, placing her hand over one of your own along her cheek. “After what happened with the king in the ball-room, it was chaos,” she explains. “The Dark Army were rounding up and capturing all those who worked in the castle and may have been close to you.”
Your heart seizes at the statement, and your voice is quiet as you speak again. “Did they hurt them?”
“I don’t know,” Yeji replies, tone equally as somber. “A group of us laundresses escaped together using the underground tunnel system. I didn’t see what happened to those they had rounded up, but…”
She swallows hard, eyes pitiful as they meet your own. “But with how The Dark Army were talking, and the screams that followed behind us…I don’t think it would have ended well for them, Princess.”
Your throat swells at her admission, and it becomes more difficult to breathe as your eyes fill with the remnants of tears. Your mind is flooded with the unwelcome image of all of your old servants - your friends, as they had far surpassed their job description - tortured to try and probe them for information regarding you.
You wipe at your eyes with your hands, stuffing down the rising guilt and pain, placing a lid on these horrible thoughts. You will mourn later, when you have the time to properly grieve and honour all that they have lost because of you. For now, you must keep moving, deal with what is right in front of you.
“You keep calling them The Dark Army,” you begin, changing the subject. “Is that a made up title, or something they’ve defined themselves as? Do we know who they are?”
Yeji shakes her head. “Nobody knows who they are, it’s just what we’ve been calling them because of their armour. Not to mention the fact that they are about the sourest men I’ve ever met.”
“You’ve spoken to them?” You ask, scolding yourself for the fear that seizes in your chest at the thought of it. Of them being anywhere near her, or anyone you care about, for that matter.
She nods. “They’re poking around the city. Trying to keep a low profile, because Bebbanburg doesn’t like any semblance of war or conflict contaminating their streets, but they’re here. We try to keep to ourselves by not causing any trouble or disturbances and they mostly leave us alone.”
Your head buzzes at the confirmation that they are here, within the walls and perhaps a mere alley-way over, which is far, far too close.
“You keep saying we,” you note. “There’s more of you?”
Yeji nods, a soft smile grazing her lips. “Lot’s of us. We’ve set up a refugee camp on the outskirts of the city. Bebbanburg doesn’t want us here, because of course they don’t, but at least it’s safe. Not much crime or Anti-Libaiyan extremists in the city, so even if it’s not much, it’s all that we can really ask for.”
If she had told you this a couple weeks ago, you’d have been startled to know that there were Anti-Libaiyan extremists at all. However, having been given insight into the monstrosities your father was capable of, this no longer comes as a surprise, but rather expected.
“Can you take me to them?” You ask, and Yeji nods.
“Of course,” she says, grabbing your hand as she begins to walk back up the alley-way. “Although, I’d recommend keeping a low-profile, seeing that you're alive might cause a little too much excitement. Draw attention.”
You nod in agreement, following behind her through the winding alley-ways. It’s not until you’re almost back on the main city street that you remember why exactly you were trekking through the alleyways in the first place.
“Wait,” you say, stopping. Yeji turns to face you, raising a quizzical eyebrow. “There’s some people I need you to meet first.”
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“Where have you been?” Woo asks as you approach. The three men have gathered around the fountain within the center of the city square, water spouting from the tall and golden statue into a small pond embedded with various coloured jewels along its rim. The falling water casts a veil of mist around them, as well as the various other groups gathered beside it. Many of them are tourists from different kingdoms, which you can recognize by the various types of clothing they wear, such as the vibrant coloured patchwork of the group next to you that is distinctly Zarian. It seems a prime spot to talk, the definition of hiding in plain sight.
“You were supposed to meet us here a half-hour ago,” Woo says with a scowl, before he notices Yeji beside you. His gaze flickers up and down, as if assessing her potential danger. “Who is this?”
You take a deep breath, preparing yourself, before motioning to her. “You guys, this is Yeji.”
She gives them a smile to which none of the men return, and for a moment you stand in silence.
“We’ve heard that one before,” Woo says.
Your face warms with embarrassment, and you clear your throat before beginning to explain. “This is the real Yeji, the girl whose name I used. She was one of my laundresses back at the castle, as well as a close friend.”
Another moment of silence follows, as none of the men appear to know what to say, or how to approach the appearance of a stranger.
Eventually, Seonghwa speaks, tone polite. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says, to which Yeji returns the sentiment. Although he isn’t looking at you to see it, you cast Seonghwa a grateful smile all the same.
“This is Seonghwa, San, and Woo,” you say, pointing to each of them in turn. “They have been helping me get to Kuroku.”
“Thank you for aiding Her Highness,” Yeji says, placing a hand on her chest while delivering a curtsy. A sign of respect. Although…exceedingly formal respect.
San’s lips pull together into a stifled smile, and Woo raises an eyebrow.
“You, um, don’t have to do that,” you say, placing a hand on Yeji’s shoulder and gently tugging her upwards. “It’s not really like that.”
“Oh,” she says, straightening herself as her eyebrows raise in surprise. There’s a silence that follows, as well as a sense of discomfort that hangs in the air, as Yeji chews nervously on her lower lip.
And for all the love that you have for her, you know exactly what she’s thinking, as it’s been drilled into her since the moment she began to work at the castle: The demands of Libaiyan proprietary.
She ponders that if the relationship with this group of men escorting you is not formal, then what is it, and how far have you stretched the rules of etiquette that bind you?
You wouldn’t even know how to answer that question even if she asked.
Instead of dwelling on the subject and the lingering discomfort, you turn to Woo and Seonghwa. “Did the two of you find a place for us to stay the night?”
Woo scoffs in annoyance while Seonghwa shakes his head, defeated.
“Not anywhere reasonable,” Seonghwa says. “There’s a few places we can go if nightfall comes, but we honestly might be better off sleeping in the woods. It should be a clear night, and at least it won’t cost us an arm and a leg.”
You frown, not fond of the idea of spending yet another night on the ground, especially without a tarp or blanket to shield you from the elements.
Fortunately, Yeji pipes up from beside you. “If you’re looking for a place to stay, we’ve formed a refuge on the outskirts of the city. I believe we have an extra tent to spare.”
Now this finally causes the men’s expression to shift, the discomfort and wariness on each of their faces replaced with a glimpse of relief.
“Alright,” San says, gaze shifting over to you even as he speaks to Yeji, and his expression is difficult to read. He appears almost bemused. “Lead the way.”
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The refuge, while about as bleak as you expected it to be, fills you with an undeniable sense of glee. Mostly due to how big it is, meaning that even if the mass size of the refuge indicates that there have been hundreds driven from the Libaiyan kingdom, there are also far more people who survived and escaped the castle than you’d originally thought.
Gathered just outside of Bebbanburg’s walls, dozens of the beige and tattered fabric tents are clumped together, creating a sort of maze as people make their way between the narrow passages. Head shrouded beneath your hood, the five of you pass through the different camps, ducking beneath laundry lines hanging between tent poles and maneuvering through the small groups gathered around make-shift fire pits as they roast small rodents and birds for dinner.
You watch their faces, searching amidst them for anger, for loss and resentment. While some are quiet, dark circles of tiredness hanging beneath their eyes, others are not so beaten down. There is the sound of laughter in the air, and a group of children nearly bump into you as they recklessly chase each other through the labyrinth of tents.
You smile. All is not lost.
You’d been so focused on your own survival, of getting to Kuroku alive and fighting to give your kingdom a chance, that you hadn’t realized the fear you had of there being no kingdom to fight for. Of not only the castle being besieged, but the entire kingdom being left in ashes.
Yet, even if this is so, there are still Libaiyans left. There is still a nation, full of life, that will not let themselves be stripped of their pride so easily.
“This way,” Yeji says softly, trying not to draw too much attention to your party. A group of girls wave to her as you pass by, and you recognize some of them as your kitchen maids, although you were never close enough to have learned their names.
The women are seated around a small fire. With the setting sun, they gather closed together, a blanket stretched over them. Or, upon closer look, a Libaiyan flag, its golden sun bright against its stark white background.
There is a man playing the lute sitting beside them. He has light eyes and a soft voice, fingers dancing as he strums the small wooden instrument in tune with his voice.
The man sings a Libaiyan folk song, one about a man arriving home to a small Libaiyan village after fighting many long years at war. The song doesn’t make clear which war exactly, centuries old and deriving from a time of high conflict, but it doesn’t really matter.
After all, the song is less about the war, and more about coming home. The ghosts of his fallen comrades following him, cane in hand to support his leg that will never heal, and his love having left the village to marry another man from the kingdom city.
The song is normally sung in a minor chord. It’s sad and melancholic, painting a tale of loss and grief.
However, the man currently singing has changed its tune to a major chord.
A message of triumph. Of defiance. Of the man’s survival, even after all else is lost and destroyed.
A song of hope.
You want to join them. To listen to this man sing your nation's song, to let his tune of triumph fill not only the air, but your entire body. Your heart, even your soul. Reignite the reason you started this journey, why you couldn’t give up.
These people need you. Your people need you.
Yeji wraps her arm around your wrist, giving you a gentle tug forward as you linger near the fire for a little too long.
“Don’t worry,” she whispers. “You’ll be able to hear his voice late into the night, even from your tent.”
You aren’t sure how to respond, how to depict your gratitude for all of this. For her taking you in and letting you hear these songs that you weren’t so sure you’d ever hear again, for being alive and granting you hope.
All you can do is reach to give her hand a soft squeeze, and hope she understands.
Yeji stops before a small tent, one that doesn’t seem big enough for two men, let alone three. “I know it isn’t much, but I hope it will do.”
“It’ll do,” Seonghwa answers with a smile.
“Especially considering we have no luggage,” Woo grumbles.
If Yeji hears the dissatisfaction in his voice, she doesn’t show it. “My own tent is just over there,” she says, pointing to what is only a few tents over. It’s a bit larger than the one before you, although not by much. She turns to you. “You can stay with me.”
You’re grateful for the sentiment, considering none of the men - except maybe San - would enjoy being forced to share such close quarters with you.
“There’s a table inside, if you’d all like to sit and regroup. I can catch you up on all that has happened since the siege,” Yeji says.
Her gaze flickers over to the three men, and it is hesitant. Curious, as it returns to you. “And you can do the same.”
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“Scorpion beasts, a mimic, and a dragon-basilisk hybrid all in just a few weeks?” Yeji gapes, hands clutching tight around her mug of hot tea, as if she needs something to hold onto. “And you’re alive?”
“I take it your journey here wasn’t so exciting?” San asks, sipping his own mug. He seems in good spirits today, as he willingly engages in conversation with Yeji. Especially compared to Seonghwa - who is more hesitant, likely less willing to jump the gun on trusting a new stranger - and Woo, who sits with his eyes bearing down into the table, not touching his mug even as the tea inside grows cold.
“No, we took the main path down the Arila River, so far less rural,” Yeji explains. “Although it was a good thing you didn’t do the same. There were Dark Army ports all along its bank. We were stopped and searched at every one of them.”
If there’s one thing you’ve learnt from Yeji’s recollection of the besiegement and the time that followed, it’s that the black-clad men are relentless in their pursuit. They want you, at any cost. You only wish you knew who they were, so at least then you’d know why.
“I really am glad you’re alive, Princess,” Yeji says suddenly, hand drifting to rest on your own atop the table. “Libaiya has a chance to be strong again, so long as your blood sits on the throne. You’ll make the perfect Queen.”
You open your mouth to thank her, albeit bashfully, but are cut off as Woo pushes himself from the table. It rattles in protest, although the elemental does not seem to care, as he stomps towards the tent-flap. He does not meet any of your eyes as he disappears beneath it.
“I’m sorry,” Yeji says, tone worried. “Did I say something to-”
“It’s not you,” San reassures her. “He’s just been dealing with a lot lately.”
“I’ll go talk to him,” you say, because you have a feeling about what may be bothering him. Your blood, as Yeji had said. Although to him, it’s more like poison.
“No,” Seonghwa cuts you off, already rising to his feet. “You shouldn’t, I don’t think he’d take it well. I’ll go.”
You want to protest, as Seonghwa does not know about Woo’s past, about the orphanage. The Libaiyan orphanage, and all the horrors that happened there. But the empath is already heading towards the tent flap, and the words die on your lips.
Even so, maybe he is right. Woo is upset, upset about you and your nation, perhaps you are not the one who should attempt to console him. Besides, Seonghwa has always been far better at that.
Yet, as you watch Seonghwa disappear after Woo, you have the sinking feeling it may not go as the empath plans.
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Wooyoung cannot breathe.
Making his way blindly through the darkness of the refuge, the sun having set over the horizon, he pushes past Libaiyan’s as he heads for the exit. They turn and look at him as he shoves past, and he wonders if they know. If they can smell it on him.
“You were his,” they whisper as he walks by, or is that just in his head? “One of his dogs. Our dogs. A machine for use. Worthless.”
The last word is in Warden’s voice, and Wooyoung places a hand over his ears to try and tune it out. The other clutching his chest.
He can’t breathe. By the god’s, he really can’t breathe.
Each short pant is as unsatisfying as the next. He feels dizzy, wanting to summon a ball of flame to guide him, but he can’t seem to move his hands in front of him. He pushes forward, searching for an exit through the mazes of tents.
Then he’s covered in something. It’s thin, engulfing him, and panic rises hot in his chest. They’ve gotten him. Again. It’s happening again. He opens his mouth to scream, but no sound comes out.
It’s only after nobody attempts to drag him away and he gets a whiff of soap that he realizes that what covers him is not a bag, but someone's laundry. With shaky hands, he untangles himself from the fabric, before glancing down at his captor.
It’s a Libaiyan flag.
The bright, golden, and horrible sun stares back at him. The same one hung in the cafeteria, the one he pledged allegiance to three times a day. The one plastered atop the ceiling of his bedroom, watching him every night. The one deckled on Warden’s shoulder, as he tortured them relentlessly, as he murdered Yeonjun.
Wooyoung throws it to the ground, hands still shaking as he walks over it, the dirt on the bottom of his shoe stark against the flag’s white background.
“Woo!” A voice calls from behind him, but it sounds far away. Maybe it’s also just in his head. He keeps walking.
He can hear the sound of the same man singing as when you’d all entered the camp. He has a nice voice as he sings Libaiyan songs. Songs he’s never heard. Songs that were reserved for Libaiyan citizens, not slaves.
Wooyoung’s throat burns with the taste of Libaiyan tea. Only one sip, and it will not leave his tongue.
It tasted like the infirmary tent after Assessment Day in the orphanage. Before Warden got there, but not before Wooyoung got beaten within the sparring ring. They’d given him the tea to calm him down, try and make him forget the burns lacing up and down his arms.
With the taste on his tongue it’s as if he can feel them again, the searing pain starting in his mind and seeping into his skin.
“Woo, hold on!” The voice calls again, closer than the last. This time Wooyoung knows it’s not in his head, as he recognizes it to be Seonghwa. The sound of foot-steps follows behind him, as the empath chases after him.
He does not turn around. He needs to get out of this place.
Wooyoung begins to run.
Tearing through the refuge, he sees Bebbenburg’s outer walls appear ahead of him, the light emitted from the lanterns hung on the outside fortress drawing him in like a beacon.
When he reaches the wall, he makes sure to take a few steps inside and past the gates, to ensure that he is no longer within Libaiyan territory. Here, he is within the Kuroken realm. Safe.
He pauses to catch his breath, less from the running and more from the panic that has seized him. Hands placed on his knees, Wooyoung lets the foggy haze fade from his mind, although it does not relinquish control so easily. His heart continues to race, ears ringing with a constant buzz.
Wooyoung doesn’t know why this is affecting him so horribly. He’s been to the Libaiyan castle since entering the orphanage, having stolen plenty of Libaiyan treasures and heirlooms on their heists within the castle.
Then again, that was in the dark of the night, when there were no songs to be sung or tea to be drunk. When the flags were shrouded in pure shadow, not wrapped around him like bonds of rope.
That was when he was in control. That was when he was taking from them. That was revenge.
That was before he entangled himself with their princess.
“Woo, what the hell?” Seonghwa asks as he approaches, slightly out of breath from chasing down the elemental. “Where are you going?”
“Away,” Wooyoung says, because it is all he can manage. He doesn’t look up at Seonghwa, instead staring at the cobblestone beneath his shoes, blinking blearily as he tries to direct his focus to its stone patch-work.
“Why did you just storm out of there?” Seonghwa asks. He’s not mad. Not yet. He genuinely wishes to know.
“Because of what that woman said,'' Wooyoung answers in his mind. “Because it’s true, she is the Libaiyan throne. Because it is her blood that’s done all of this. That did this to me.”
Wooyoung, of course, does not actually say any of this out loud. Seonghwa won’t understand. He doesn’t know, not only about Wooyoung’s past, but the orphanages in general. He’s from a small town within Zaria’s realm, far away from any news about Libaiyan political treachery.
He won’t get it, and Wooyoung isn’t going to even bother to try and explain it to him, especially when his tongue feels three sizes too large and his heart beats at a million times per minute.
“Leave me alone, Hwa,” he mutters, turning away from Seonghwa and heading deeper into Bebbanburg, hoping the empath will take the hint and piss off.
But he doesn’t, because after all, it’s Seonghwa. The blonde follows after him. “Where are you going to go, Woo? You saw the poster, it’s better to stay together, keep a low profile.”
“Leave me alone, Hwa,” Wooyoung repeats, beginning to walk faster, tone a little more pointed.
“Is this about her?” Seonghwa asks, and now his own tone is rising, annoyed as has to jog to catch up to the elemental. “Look I know you’re mad, I am too. But can’t you just push that aside? We’re almost to Kuroku, then we’ll be past it. We can move on.”
“Right. We’ll get to Kuroku. She’ll leave. San will leave. And then inevitably, you will too.”
After being met with silence, Seonghwa lets out a groan of annoyance, continuing to chase after him.
“Woo, stop!” He calls, reaching out to grab Wooyoung’s arm. Wooyoung slaps his hand away, perhaps a little harder than he should have. “Can’t we just talk about this? Can’t we have an actual conversation for once instead of you shoving me away?”
Wooyoung keeps moving, because no, they can’t. Not right now. Not like this. Not when he can’t think straight.
“I don’t get what you have to be so mad about anyway!”
Wooyoung stops at this, finally turning around to face Seonghwa. “What?”
Seonghwa stares at him for a moment, eyes wide and mouth parted with surprise that Wooyoung actually stopped. Then he frowns, eyebrows furrowing together, as if remembering his annoyance.
“Yes, she lied to you,” Seonghwa starts. “And I know it sucks. But it’s San’s money on the line, and clearly he’s been able to forgive her.”
Seonghwa swallows hard. “And even if I haven’t been able to do the same, even after all she’s done to me I’m willing to swallow my own feelings to get this journey done. For them.”
Them. By that Seonghwa means San and you. You, after all that you have done - to Seonghwa, to San, to Wooyoung himself - he’s still choosing you.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t, Hwa!” Wooyoung says, and now he’s shouting. It’s good. The anger provides him comfort, something familiar to latch onto. “She used you! She used all of us! I know you have this deep-seeded issue of thinking everyone and everything has good in them, but open your eyes! Not all that glitters is fucking gold! A pair of pretty eyes doesn’t repair what she’s done, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t rotten inside!”
“Just as you are too,” a voice reminds him within his mind, but he ignores it.
Seonghwa opens his mouth to cut back, but Wooyoung is not finished. “She lied through her teeth, and you’re really just going to let it slide?  Keep quiet because it’ll make things easier for her? For the sake of the gods, grow a spine!”
“Why do you care so much about what I do?” Seonghwa yells back, taking a step towards Wooyoung. Seonghwa’s fist is clenched at his side, and for a moment Wooyoung thinks that Seonghwa might actually hit him. He almost wishes he would.
“Why do you care if I forgive her? Why do you care so much about whether I let people walk all over me? Why do you care?”
Wooyoung doesn’t know why he does it.
Maybe it’s the way his mind still buzzes from moments prior, hazy and foggy and unable to think of anything beyond his anger. Anything beyond the way his heart pounds rapidly and vision blurs with an anxious haze.
Maybe it’s the way Seonghwa’s words sting, more than Wooyoung wants to admit, and he wishes to prove the man wrong. Show him that it’s not so simple. Win, in a strange and possibly fucked up way, but win nonetheless.
Or maybe, more than anything, it’s the way Seonghwa is looking at him. Big brown eyes scanning his face, full of anger, but also passion. Desperately searching for an answer, as if there will be a solution to the enigma that is Wooyoung hidden somewhere on the elemental’s face.
Wooyoung knows what the answer is that Seonghwa seeks.
It’s the part of himself that Wooyoung has never admitted exists. The part that he has shoved down, smothered, pretended wasn’t there. The part that flutters at the sound of Seonghwa whining at his teasing. The part that stalls when Seonghwa lets his hand fall onto Wooyoung’s shoulder, thinking nothing of it, simply trying to get the elemental's attention or leaning in to point out something in the distance.  
The part that broke the first night you and Seonghwa spent together. Defeated, angry, and beaten down, crawling into his bed that night in a drunken stooper, aching at the thought of the elemental being intimate with someone. Well, someone else.
The part that he once again shoved away the next morning, and had every day before and has every day since.
It’s that part of himself that he’s dejected and ignored that now comes crawling to the surface, invited by Seonghwa’s searching eyes, that unleashes its presence in a way that will make itself known. That will ensure it will no longer be forgotten, that it cannot be ignored or subdued again.
That part of Wooyoung unleashes itself in the form of a kiss.
It’s a horrible one, teeth smashing into teeth as Wooyoung grabs onto the collar of Seonghwa’s tunic and roughly pulls the man into him. In fact, it’s less of a kiss compared to two faces smashing together, Seonghwa clearly not prepared for it, but the message is sent all the same.
Wooyoung holds him there for three seconds, which feel far more like an eternity as they pass by.
Then Wooyoung pushes Seonghwa off of him, letting go of the man’s collar as the blonde stumbles back.
For a moment they stand in silence, and it’s a deafening one. Seonghwa’s hand drifts up to his lips, grazing them, eyes wide as he stares at Wooyoung. He’s clearly in a state of shock, as he says nothing, just stares with his mouth parted open in disbelief.
“There,” Wooyoung breathes. “Do you get it?”
Seonghwa continues to stare at him. Then his eyebrows furrow together, and when he begins to speak, Seonghwa’s tone is incredulous. “Woo, what are you-”
“Forget it,” Wooyoung cuts him off, because he doesn’t want to know what Seonghwa is going to say. He doesn’t want to hear the empath call him crazy, ask him what the hell he’s thinking.
Because Wooyoung doesn’t know the answer to that either. The mind-numbing fog has returned to his head, his heart racing even faster than it had before.
He needs to get out of here.
“Just go back to the tent, Hwa,” Wooyoung says, and then his feet are set in motion. He heads deeper into Bebbanburg, away from the Libaiyan tent. Away from you and San. Away from what he’s done, the irreversible mistake he just made.
He runs away, and this time Seonghwa doesn’t follow him.
“What were you thinking, what were you thinking, what were you thinking?” Wooyoung repeats the question to himself over and over again in his head, trying to make sense of what he’s done.
The look of bewilderment on Seonghwa’s face, followed by incredulity. Shock, then disbelief. Almost angry, and why shouldn’t he be? How could Wooyoung do something like this? Something so blatantly stupid and thoughtless?
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
Wooyoung still cannot come up with an answer, because frankly, he wasn’t thinking. And he still can’t.
He turns down one of the many alley’s surrounding him, head buzzing, not a clue of where he’s going. All he knows is that it’s away, and for now, that is enough for him.
Wooyoung closes his eyes, hand trailing along the wall beside him as he runs. He feels silly, running with his eyes closed, but he cannot bring himself to keep them open. This way, the world around him fades. He can simply be moving, feel the air rush past him, and pretend that nothing happened.
There are no Libaiyan refugees a few alleyways over. He does not care for the Liabiyan princess, nor did he lose San a mere night ago. He did not reveal his feelings to a man he loves and ruin their entire friendship in one fell swoop.
He is merely running in the darkness, chest heaving for air, fingers scraping along the cobblestone wall.
Maybe, if he keeps running like this, he’ll actually have escaped it all.
Or maybe, running like this is not such an acceptable option, as it stops him from noticing the figure that has been following after him.
Wooyoung does not notice he is being followed until it is too late. Until he’s already been shoved sideways, face smacking into the stone wall beside him.
At the very least, the blows knock him from his stupor, and his eyes fly open as he stumbles. Whirling to face his attacker, fire ignites immediately within his hand, dancing in between his fingers.
However, the second he turns, he’s met with a swift punch to the jaw that catches him off guard. Mostly because it does not come from where he can feel the man beside him - who now pins Wooyoung’s wrist to the alley-wall - but from the other side.
It’s not one attacker, but many.
“Shit,” Wooyoung thinks to himself, spitting out the blood that fills his mouth, the metallic taste thick on his tongue and gritty between his teeth. Eyes searching the darkness around him, his attackers are nothing more than blurs within the night, and he gives the one in front of him a swift kick to the groin. The man lets out a long string of curses, and Wooyoung uses the opportunity to try and rush forward.
It’s of no use, as another man (or two, maybe even three?) pins his wrists to the wall.
It’s not the most efficient way to capture a person, as it leaves their legs functional to kick and mouth free to spit, bite, or scream for help.
Unless, of course, you’re capturing an elemental.
Wooyoung tries to summon fire into his hands, and while it manages to dance around his fingers, the inability to move his arms stops him from managing anything greater. He tries to summon the flame with only his mind, staring at his hand with sheer determination. He knows it’s possible, he’s done it before. Once. The night Yeonjun died.
Of course, he didn’t exactly mean to, and apparently it isn’t the sort of thing he can do by will, as his hands remain barren of flame.
Instead, he’s left helpless, pulling against the grips of the men that bind him. His eyes dart amongst the shadows that surround them, and he tally’s roughly ten of them, although he’s certain that there’s more as he hears shouts from down the alley-way.
One of the men’s hands digs into Wooyoung’s hair, pulling his head forward before slamming it back into the stone-wall. Hard.
Stars dance before Wooyoung, and a darkness creeps into the corners of his vision. He continues to kick out in front of him, although each swing is far weaker than the last, as the pain leaves him sluggish.
The man yanks on his hair again, before slamming his head back into the wall once more, and suddenly Wooyoung is on the ground.
He doesn’t remember crumpling, but the stone pathway is cold against his back, so he must have passed out for a moment. He opens his eyes, vision swaying as he tries to make out the men surrounding him.
He can vaguely spot the face of the man above him. Middle-aged, with a dark beard and intense eyes. He speaks to someone beside him, although Wooyoung’s mind is too muddled to make out the actual words.
Likely not thugs then, as they aren’t even bothering to hide their identities. Besides, there’s too many of them to be a regular mugging. Too conspicuous, so it must be targeted.
But if it’s targeted, then who are they?
“W-who?” He asks, because the full sentence is far too much effort. His words are slurred and he sounds drunk. Which to be fair is an awful lot like how he feels.
The man above him doesn’t answer, but instead places a hand on Wooyoung’s throat, silencing him. With his other two hands, the man pins Wooyoung’s wrists to the ground.
No, no, that doesn’t make any sense. He can't have three hands. Which means it must be somebody else pinning his wrists to the ground, as well as another that slips the cloth bag over his head. How many were there again?
By the god’s Wooyoung really can’t think right now.
“Knock him out,” one of the men speaks from above him. Now that Wooyoung can make out.
Then the world goes black.
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“And he seriously didn’t tell you where he was going?” San asks, arms crossed as he leans against the training post outside of the men’s tent. It’s covered in grooves, clearly crafted by a sword, and one in the hands of someone not too pleased. A testament to San’s opinion on Woo not returning to the refuge last night.
“I already told you,” Seonghwa replies. His tone is also frustrated as he sits at an outside table, fingers tapping anxiously in rhythm with his jittering leg. “No. He didn’t.”
“He just took off?” San repeats, and you can understand why Seonghwa is becoming a bit annoyed. It’s also the third time you’ve heard San ask, although you have a feeling the swordsman isn’t actually expecting the answer to change. He simply wants to hear it again, to let him fuel the flame of his annoyance. “Without a word? Without a reason? Out into a city we’re currently being hunted in?”
Seonghwa’s eyes shift to the ground. “Yes.”
“And you let him?”
Seonghwa scowls at this. “What did you want me to do? You know Woo, he’s going to do what he wants no matter what anyone says or thinks.”
Seonghwa has been in a sour mood all morning, and something tells you there may be a little more to Woo leaving than he may be letting on. However, now is not the time to ponder what it might be, nor is it the time to start a fight. You simply need to find him.
“Let’s not start bickering with one another just because Woo’s not around to start it,” you say, attempting to remedy the argument before it can start. Fortunately, neither of the men are overly confrontational, at least not with each other.
“You’re right,” San sighs, turning to Seonghwa. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed, I know it’s not your fault.”
Seonghwa gives San a sort of half-smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes before staring back down at his shoes. He appears to immediately lose himself in thought, knee bouncing anxiously.
Yeah, something definitely happened last night.
“This isn’t like him,” San says, pulling his sword out from his sheath and spinning it around in his hand. A nervous habit. “Staying out for the night, sure. But he’s always back by the next day. Always.”
With morning long past, the sun high in the sky with the arrival of late noon, San’s statement of “always” is replaced with “until today”, and a sense of uneasiness passes through you.
Something is wrong. You can feel it.
And with both San’s sword spinning in his hand and the sound of Seonghwa’s fingers tapping the table, you know that they can feel it too.
“I think we should go looking for him,” you say, expecting immediate approval. Instead both men look at you, and San shoots Seonghwa a side glance, to which the empath returns.
“What?” You ask, uncomfortable at the fact that it appears they’re both in on something you’re not.
San sighs. “You shouldn’t come.”
“What?” You say, this time with far more anger than confusion. “If Woo’s in danger then of course I’m going to come-”
“If Woo’s in danger then it’s likely because of the men who are looking for you,” San cuts you off, and while his tone is not accusatory, it is pointed.
You prepare a rebuttal, but it dies on your lips. San is right.
If the black-clad men have done something to Woo, then you going looking for him is likely exactly what they would want for you to do. While the stubborn part of you wants to go anyway, put Woo’s safety before your own. Be daring, bold, and perhaps a little stupid, just as Woo is in the face of danger, you know that this is not an option.
You need to get to Kuroku, and if you aren’t yet certain of the danger Woo may be in, you cannot afford to take such blatant risks.
“Alright,” you say, tone defeated as Seonghwa rises to his feet, San making his way towards the path leading outside of the refuge.
You don’t manage the next words until they’ve already left. Leaving you alone, face shrouded by your hood, suddenly aware of the wind’s chill nipping at your skin. The seasons are turning.
“Good luck.”
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They are back sooner than you expected.
You sit at a table with Yeji, playing a game of Skirmish. A traditional Libaiyan game meant for children, due to the fact it has few rules and never really ends, so it can keep them occupied for hours. You didn’t particularly want to play, but Yeji said it might help to keep your mind distracted. You figured it was worth a shot.
It didn’t work.
However, it doesn’t matter, as when both San and Seonghwa approach from down the refuge’s path, the cards are forgotten. Tossing your deck to the side, you give San a look, one that asks: “Any luck?”. Although, you’re fairly certain of the answer, as there is no Woo in tow behind them.
San does not give you a look of his own. In fact, he does nothing. He simply stares back at you, a dead look to his eye.
It’s that look, the emptiness of it, that tells you something has gone wrong.
“What happened?” You ask as he approaches, although San does not reply. Instead he gives Seonghwa a fleeting glance, and the blonde meets it. His own expression is not as empty as San’s. In fact, it is the opposite. Brimming with emotion, Seonghwa’s eyes hold worry, mouth drawn tight, jaw clenched. A look of nothing less than pure fear.
“Seonghwa?” You ask, your own worry settling deep in your chest. Something has gone wrong, but what, and how badly?
The blonde doesn’t answer you with words, instead he moves towards the table. You hadn’t noticed before, but he holds something in his hands. The paper is a light tan colour, the size also familiar, and you recognize it to be one of your wanted posters. Immediately you're confused, as why would Seonghwa show you one of these? You’ve already seen dozens of them plastered all over Bebbanburg.
However, as he lays it down onto the table, the answer is blatantly obvious.
The paper is smeared with blood. The red stark against its light colouring, it doesn’t coat the poster fully, but is rather smothered haphazardly, the semblance of fingerprints notable. It’s testament to a job done quickly, as whoever did this did so with one purpose: to get a message across.
The message is made even more clear by the thick, dark lock of hair tied to the corner of the page.
Woo’s.
Beneath the lock of hair is writing, scrawled in black ink.
The Concursos Mountain Pass.
Three Days.
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Wooyoung awakens to the back of his head pounding in a violent, aching fashion. The world sways in front of him, and it takes him a moment to remember where he is exactly.
However, at the sight of tarps on all sides of him, the tent coated in darkness as only the light of the setting evening sun is able to get through, he remembers.
Right, the Libaiyan refuge.
Wooyoung groans, blinking as he tries to get his eyes to focus, his pounding head making his thoughts difficult to string together.
He moves his hand, attempting to wipe the sweat beading along his forehead, only to realize that he can’t.
His hands are tied.
Eyebrows furrowing together, he looks over his shoulder. The chains that tie his wrists to the chair that he sits in are thick and made of iron. If he tried to melt his bonds with the fire between his fingers, rather than catching fire like rope, they’d heat up and burn his wrists.
“What the…” He croaks out, throat raspy. Who would have tied him to a chair? Surely not Seonghwa or San. Not very likely you, as he couldn't see what good that would do you. Maybe your friend, the Libaiyan patriot? But why?
Wait.
Wooyoung’s brain pauses, mind doing a double-take as he stares at his bonds, noting bruising along his wrist. The massive purple marks are dark against his bronzed skin, and are almost line-shaped, as if someone had been holding him.
No, he’s not in the Libaiyan refuge, he’s somewhere else.
The memories of last night come rushing back to him. Running from the tent. The fight with Seonghwa. The subsequent kiss with Seonghwa.
His capture.
The shock of it is enough to cause Wooyoung to jolt awake, mind finally clearing even if the pain at the back of his head does not subside.
As if sensing Wooyoung’s realization, a man appears from under the tent-flap. He’s older, his face like a worn-glove, leathery and wrinkled in its places most used. His dark hair is cropped short, although his beard remains long, as well as scruffy.
Most notably, he’s dressed entirely in black armour. One of your predators.
“Ah, good. You’re awake,” the man says, and his voice is not as deep as Wooyoung expected.
“Who are you and-”
“Don’t speak. Not everyone has arrived yet,” the man cuts him off dismissively. “Besides, we’ll be the ones asking the questions.”
“Oh, my mistake, I thought-”
Wooyoung doesn’t know why he is surprised by the slap, but he is. Maybe because he hadn’t even had the chance to say the insult he was planning yet. Usually the hit would at least come afterwards.
These men, they aren’t playing around, that is clear.
His cheek stings, and he can imagine the bright red mark appearing along his skin as more men in dark armour appear from under the tent-flap. Wooyoung is surprised by the amount of them that manage to crowd into the space, almost a dozen.Then again, it is a big tent. Mostly empty, other than a small table in the corner, scattered with a variety of knick-knacks and spices that seem non-sensensical. Lunadore pollen, silver beads, Alagor Root, and a bunch of other rare ingredients the Wooyoung does not have time to make sense of, although set him on edge nonetheless.
If they plan to torture him, the table should be full of knives. Hammers. Maybe a few pliers to pull off his fingernails. Not plants.
The man who slapped him - their leader, it seems - clears his throat, and the group of men fall silent. Each of them turn to face Wooyoung, eyes glinting with something dark, something that says that they know more than he does.
Wooyoung makes sure to give each of them in turn a glare.
“I’m sure you know who we are by now,” the man says.
Wooyoung considers playing dumb, maybe earning himself a matching slap on the other cheek. However, he needs information, which means at least for now he must play along.
“You attacked the Libaiyan castle. Killed their king,” Wooyoung answers, meeting the man’s gaze. His eyes are sharp, intimidating, and Wooyoung makes sure not to look away. Not to show any fragility. Even if he has been made into the weakest in the room, he need not show it.
“People have been calling you The Dark Army,” Wooyoung says, and then because he can’t help himself, adds: “Cute name. Very scary. Did you come up with it yourselves?”
The man doesn’t answer his question, but instead smirks. “If you know who we are, I’m sure you also know what we’re looking for.”
You. That’s the answer the man wants. But Wooyoung won’t give that to him. “Power?” He ventures instead. “Glory? Access to the king’s many bejeweled robes?”
The man steps forward, grabbing Wooyoung's face in his hand. His fingers squeeze Wooyoung’s jaw, so much so that it not only hurts, but prevents him from speaking.
“Enough playing coy,” the man says. He still does not seem angry, face blank and tone almost bored as he grips Wooyoung’s face between his fingers. “Tell me where she is.”
He eases his grip just enough to let Wooyoung speak. “Where who is?”
The man’s grip tightens once again, fingernails digging into the elemental’s skin, and Wooyoung forces himself not to wince. “The girl you’ve been running all over Burovia with. The princess turned convict. Ring any bells?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Wooyoung manages. At this the man lets go of his jaw, but it’s only to deliver another slap that burns along his cheek. The man grips his jaw again, and Wooyoung struggles to focus on the man’s face, blinking away the stars that dance across his vision.
“Yes, you do,” the man says, and this time his tone is almost soft, gentle as he attempts to coax out an answer. Somehow it’s far more unsettling than the blankness. “Is she with the refugees? At one of the hostels, or even a tavern?”
“I told you, I don’t know,” Wooyoung says through gritted teeth. This time the man does not slap him, but instead grips his hair as he brings Wooyoung face down into his knee. Pain radiates from his nose through the rest of his face, and when the man lifts him back up, it takes Wooyoung a moment to register the man’s face before him through the blurriness.
It’s not until now that Wooyoung realizes the severity of the danger that he is in.
They want him to hand you over to them, and Wooyoung can’t do that.
But why can’t he do that? It would be the easiest thing to do. Nobody would blame him, after everything that you’ve done, especially if it came down to choosing between his own life or yours. San and Seonghwa would understand.
You are the Libaiyan Princess. Your family sent him to the orphanage. Turning you in would rid himself of the volatile confusion that has plagued him, it would fulfill the dream that his younger self wished for every night and morning. So why can’t he do it?
He knows the answer. How he feels towards you has grown beyond hatred. It’s grown beyond mere toleration for San and Seonghwa’s sake. It’s grown beyond the excuses he’s been telling himself for weeks.
He’s not going to hand you over to them to die, no matter what that may mean for himself. Unfortunately, what that may mean for himself is not looking good.
“You’re going to tell us,” the man states, not to persuade, but to simply state as fact. “It’s just a matter of how much you’re willing to put yourself through before you do.”
“Well I have nothing but time,” Wooyoung answers, grinning, and he knows his teeth are bloody. Can feel the grittiness on his teeth, or maybe that’s still from the night before.
The man smiles back. “You have three days.”
Wooyoung raises an eyebrow. “Because I’m just such lovely company?”
“Because that’s how long we’ve given her to come find you.”
Wooyoung pauses at this, and he knows he’s shown a glimpse of weakness. How did they get a message to you? Is he bluffing?
Would you really be stupid enough to come after him?
“Nobody will come,” Wooyoung says, and even he can hear the uncertainty in his voice. Surely you wouldn’t come after him. Not when you’re so close to Kuroku, to San’s freedom. You have to keep going, there’s no way you, San, and Seonghwa could take on a dozen armed and highly trained men, especially considering there’s more of them out there somewhere. It would be pointless, a suicide mission.
But Wooyoung also knows that none of you would leave him behind to die.
“That’s fine,” the man says with a shrug. “Either she comes to us, or we go to her with the information you’ll give us. It doesn’t matter.”
“You aren’t going to be able to torture anything out of me,” Wooyoung says with a scoff, tilting his chin up, defiant. “Pain? Yeah, I’ve been through my share.”
The corner of the man’s lip curves upward, eyes gleaming. “I know. That’s what they told me.”
Wooyoung frowns. They?
The man chuckles at Wooyoung’s weary expression, finally letting go of his hold on the elemental’s jaw. The group of soldiers step back, creating a pathway for him as the man heads over to the table covered with rare ingredients and spices.
The man begins to fiddle around with them, although what exactly he’s doing Wooyoung can’t make out, his vision obscured by the other men standing before him.
“Do you know what they say about those whose body cannot be broken?” The man calls over his shoulder, and Wooyoung catches a glimpse of what is in his hand: a small bowl and mallet, which he uses to grind down the Alagor Root.
“No,” Wooyoung answers, wary.
“Break their mind instead,” the man states, holding up a small vial of purple liquid that Wooyoung cannot identify, before pouring into the bowl. A strange, dark and odorous smoke wafts up from the concoction. It smells like something burning, although what exactly Wooyoung cannot place. That is, until he can. It’s burnt flesh. It reminds him of the infirmary tent, of his scorched arms.
An inkling of fear settles into Wooyoung’s chest as he becomes increasingly aware of the bonds on his wrist. He can’t move, run, fight back, or do anything, really.
For a man with so much power, he’s grown accustomed to never feeling powerless. For a moment, it’s like he’s thirteen again. At Warden’s disposal and no fire to call his own.
The man places the empty vile back down on the table, before grabbing something else Wooyoung cannot see, although he can hear the sizzling noise it makes as he adds it to the bowl.
Wooyoung cannot take the silence any longer, his curiosity - or better, fear - overtaking him. “What are you doing?” He asks.
Instead of answering him, the man begins to mutter something beneath his breath, making a strange circular motion with his hand above the bowl, which he has set back down on the table. Wooyoung cannot make out what he is saying, but the way the words leave his lips is almost rhythmic, like a priest delivering a chant.
Wooyoung scowls, opening his mouth to interrogate the other men around him as to what the hell is going on, but the words die on his tongue. He knows what the man is doing.
It’s part of the Old Faith. Old Magic.
Dark magic.
Wooyoung has never been a devoted servant to the gods. In fact, for all of his life he’s hated them. He hated them as a child for giving him a gift he could not use. He hated them as a teenager for cursing him with the power to destroy everything he held dear. He hates them as an adult for idly standing by as all of the horrible events of his childhood tumbled down one after the other.
However, even with his hatred towards the gods, he’s always considered worshiping them to be far more understandable than the Old Faith. More particularly, the Old Magic aspect.
It’s a breach of order. If the gods blessed the gifted with their powers, then Old Magic defies that. It’s taking from the earth what was not given to you. It’s blasphemous. Immoral and unnatural. At its very core wrong.
Wooyoung tugs at the chains around his wrists, which clatter in protest. Panic begins to rise in his chest, as one thought fills his head: “What the fuck are they going to do to me?”
The man finishes his chant, before digging into his pocket and pulling out a miniature knife. He uses it to create a small cut along the tip of his finger, holding it above the bowl as a drop of blood collects around the wound, before dropping into the potion.
Smiling to himself in satisfaction, the man takes the bowl with him as he heads back towards Wooyoung. Stopping before him, the man takes a moment to meet the elemental’s eyes, that glimmer of darkness potent within his gaze.
Wooyoung does not look away, but by the gods, he wants to.
“Well,” the man says. “Open up.”
Wooyoung keeps his mouth shut, lips pursing together. He can hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, feeling its thump throughout his entire body. He can’t drink that. He isn’t sure what it will do, but he knows that its something horrible.
It will break his mind. That is what the man had said.
And while Wooyoung has always had confidence in his abilities, perhaps even relied on himself more than he should, for the first time that confidence falters.
“So this is what it takes for you to be quiet,” the man jests, earning a few chuckles from the others around him. “Good to know.”
When Wooyoung doesn’t reply, the man nods to a couple of the soldiers beside him. “Open his mouth.”
Four of the men approach him, and Wooyoung fights against the bonds of his chair, even if he knows it’ll be pointless. The chains against his wrists and ankles hold him still, and as two of the men grab his shoulders to stop the chair from rattling, he’s left with nothing but twisting his face away from the men who grab at him.
Hands blur across his vision as he feels one of the men press an arm to his throat. Another digs into his scalp, pulling his hair in order to bring his head back and face upwards. Fingers claw at the crevices of his face, digging beneath his cheekbones, into his ears, scratching along his lips.
It’s overwhelming, but Wooyoung stays focused, repeating over and over again in his mind, “Don’t open your mouth, don’t open your mouth, don’t open your mouth.”
It’s not until the elbow pressing into his throat has been there for a little too long that Wooyoung registers that he needs to breathe. Black lines creeping into the corners of his vision, head beginning to feel foggy, he does his best to ignore it.
Until he can’t any longer. Against his mind’s will, when the man removes his elbow from the elemental’s throat, Wooyoung gasps for air.
The men do not waste the opportunity.
Fingers dig themselves into his mouth, and while he attempts to bite down on them, their force is too strong as the many hands pull back his cheeks. Limbs bound, hair pinned, and face pulled back, he’s left helpless as the man with the bowl approaches him.
As the man lifts the bowl above the elemental’s face, a smile grazes over his lips, and Wooyoung knows that he is enjoying this.
The liquid burns as it pours down his throat, rubbing like sand-paper along his tongue. It tastes familiar. Like stale bread, but worse. Rotten with mold. Wooyoung gags but the man does not stop, not until the final drops fall from the bowl and into his open mouth.
The men do not release him until he swallows the concoction, and he feels it as it settles down into his gut, twisting and turning like cheap whiskey.
Wooyoung attempts to catch his breath, chest heaving and sweat beading along his forehead as he looks at the man before him. He continues to smile that awful, wretched grin, empty bowl in hand.
“See? Now that wasn’t so hard,” the man says, for no other reason but to rub salt in the wound.
Wooyoung spits on his shoes.
The man does nothing, merely takes a few steps back as he continues to watch Wooyoung with an analytical gaze, as if observing whatever the hell is supposed to happen. For a few moments, Wooyoung feels nothing but the tension that hangs in the room as all of the men stare at him. He feels like a monster in a cage, like one of those griffin’s from a traveling circus he saw passing through Gloria many years ago. Undeniably dangerous, but stripped down to a mere display for people to gawk at.
Then he notices it. It doesn’t start as much, more of a feeling in the back of his mind than anything else. An uncomfortable tingling sensation creeping through him, like an itch beneath his skin, little prickles of worry like ants tunneling through his veins.
He blinks, and his vision goes blurry.
The men in front of him transform into foggy statues and he blinks again, but instead of focusing it only gets worse. He swallows hard, only to find his throat has gone dry, the saliva refusing to go down.
Heat settles itself in his gut, rising into his chest as an aching sensation washes through him. Wooyoung lets out a low whine, one that under any other circumstances would humiliate him, but he can’t bring himself to worry about that right now. Not when his body feels as if it’s rejecting him.
“What did you do to me?” Wooyoung asks, and it comes out as a hoarse whisper. The man hums softly, reaching forward to hold Wooyoung’s chin. This time his grip is gentle, and Wooyoung wants to slap it away, but he doesn’t have the strength. In fact, if it weren’t for the man holding his head up, he’s certain his chin would have fallen down to his chest. Maybe it already had, Wooyoung doesn’t remember.
“This is the easy part, Jung Wooyoung,” the man says, and Wooyoung swears that that is the first time the man has said his name. Although the worry is replaced by agony as another ripple of pain rattles through him.
“Remember. You tell me what I want to know, I’ll make it stop,” the man says. “You’d be wise to accept that offer.”
Wooyoung blinks up at him, and he thinks thaf tears stain his eyes, although his vision is too foggy to notice a difference. “And if I don’t?”
“I don’t know,” the man says, giving a soft, condescending thumb-stroke along his cheek. “They always tend to comply.”
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You cannot sleep.
The tent feels crammed, even though you’re well aware that there’s more than enough space. Yeji sleeps soundly, a few feet away and face turned from you as the peaceful sighs of deep slumber escape her lips. It is dark, only the faintest hint of moonlight seeping through the tent’s thin fabric, and yet it feels too bright.
You do not wish to sleep. There are things to be done. This is no time for rest.
They have Woo.
The men you’ve been fearing this entire journey. The ones that ambushed your father, that killed Mingi, that besieged your castle and robbed your life right out from under your feet. The men that have made you paranoid, always keeping one eye over your shoulder, creating wariness with each new city and step you have taken.
The men you have feared would kill you, they have taken him instead.
And somehow that is so much worse.
It’s not something you’d anticipated, always having assumed that if the black-clad men were to find you, you would be the one to face the consequences. The idea that travelling with the three men was putting them in the crossfire of the mysterious army hadn’t occurred to you. After all, it’s your wanted posters on every city street, not theirs.
How stupid you had been, and now Woo is gone. Captured by your family’s assassins, and only the god’s know what sort of danger he is in.
It’s your fault. It’s you they really want, he is just a pawn in their greater game. You’ve been outplayed, and Woo is the one forced to pay the price of your failure.
They could be torturing him for information. You know the sorts of things powerful men do to prisoners, having heard whispers about it in your halls, the dungeons located deep beneath the castle. Using a whip to lash the back until there's more blood left than flesh, spending hours drowning them within a bucket of water, pouring vials of liquid metal along the skin. Maybe one of them is a sadist, and Woo’s face is blistered and burnt beyond repair.
Maybe he’s already dead.
You roll over, eyes accustomed enough to the darkness that you can make out the ceiling of the tent above you. Although really, what you see is Woo, pleading for mercy as one of the black-clad men delivers the final blow. Woo goes silent, his eyes still open, and you know that it is over. He is gone.
Another person you care for, dead.
You cannot just sit here like this and let that happen. However, while you were prepared to head to the Concursos Mountain Pass the moment Seonghwa placed the message down in front of you, both he and San urged caution.
“This is clearly a trap,” San had said, wrapping a hand around your wrist to stop you from heading down the path towards the refuge’s exit. “They’re going to be prepared, which means we need to be. We need to come up with a plan before we do anything.”
“We have three days,” you snapped back, frustrated. “Yeji said the journey is at the very least a full day’s ride. We don’t have the time to sit here and twiddle our thumbs.”
“Then we have a day and a half to come up with something,” San replied, tone calm but also curt. He was not entertaining the possibility of going now, no matter how much anger you added to your glare. “Maybe we can form a group of some of the other refugees and leave together.”
“There’s only two horse’s between the entire refuge,” you cut back. “We cannot make it in time by foot. There’s no chance of us building our own army, if that’s what you're implying.”
“We’ll figure it out,” San said, still not budging. However, beneath his steady gaze, you could see the faintest hint of worry. Of doubt. Of knowing that there may have been no other option but to go alone, although he was not ready to admit it. Not ready to acknowledge the truth that weighed down on each of your shoulders.
The fact that it may come down to Woo’s life, or your own.
Thus, a second truth sat just as heavy. He would choose Woo. They both would.
It’s not until this moment, staring up at the ceiling of the tent, that you realize you would choose Woo too.
You will not have him die for you. You will not have the black-clad men take anything else from you. Not him. Not like this.
If they are to kill you, let it be your own doing. Not ambushed for the money they have placed on your head, or killed silently in an alley-way along the streets of Bebbanburg. You will not be your father, stabbed at his own celebration, unaware of what was coming. If you are to die, let you come to them with your sword in hand, fighting for a man who - even when you haven’t deserved it - fought for you.
Rising to your feet, you pull the blanket off of you, heading towards the tent flap. Stopping in place, you turn back, watching Yeji’s sleeping silhouette, chest rising and falling peacefully.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, and it is not only to her, but to all of them. All of the Libaiyan’s uprooted from their homes, left to wander Burovia with no kingdom to call home. They had finally been reunited with their princess, only for you to leave them once more. It is selfish. It is what your father would consider an abandonment of responsibility.
Maybe you are abandoning your royal duty, or perhaps you are fulfilling your duty to another.
Either way, it must be done.
Slipping out from under the tent flap, you can hear San and Seonghwa talking within their own tent, though you cannot make out what they are saying. Good, they're busy. They will likely not notice you’re gone until morning.
Scanning the field, the man continues to sing by the fire, and it is the same song as before. Lute in hand, he serenades the men and women surrounding him, although the number has depleted under the blanket of the night.
As you approach the horse tied to a nearby tent-pole, you sing along quietly beneath your breath, to the words you have known your entire life.
“My love for whom I do come home,”
“I’ve been bathed in scars, both body and soul,”
“And while I’ve returned beneath darkened gloam,”
“Without you this place may never be whole.”
Although, while you may sing his words, unlike the man within the song you will not be so passive.
You will find Woo, and you will bring him home. Even if you do not come back with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
next chapter.
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atopvisenyashill · 5 months
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the thing about criticism of cat’s treatment of jon is that on one side you have people who just genuinely believe she’s the devil incarnate for *checks notes* having a single flaw and criticize her from a place that is textbook misogyny.
they will say she has no compassion (untrue), she feels no guilt for her actions (untrue), she’s the worst parent in the series (wildly untrue), she hates the smallfolk (untrue), she “holds water for the patriarchy” (i cannot stress how untrue this is), and that the northern lords are 100% right to have her banished to Seaguard bc their intentions are true & correct & free of bigotry while her actions show she’s nothing but a bigot (bc women are the main proponents of patriarchy and bastardphobia, doncha know). i don’t even like defending her from shit like that, i simply refuse to engage with someone who believes cat does not suffer from sexism, is the only or even primary person to blame for jon's upbringing, or that she has no compassion. it’s not just a bad reading with ZERO and i mean ZERO proof in text, it’s also so wildly misogynistic it borders on laughable.
but on the other side, there’s people who insist there’s no bigotry against children born out of wedlock (false!), that jon does not suffer immensely from her behavior (false!), that her children are not impacted by her behavior (false!!), that jon should simply be grateful that he wasn’t idk skinned alive and fed from the chum bucket (give me a fucking break), and that the only person who did wrong in this situation is ned (FALSE!).
it’s this super annoying dichotomy that a LOT of female characters in this series get caught up in in the fandom despite the text not even doing that! catelyn must be flawless in the eyes of both her fans and her haters because the worst thing a woman can do is reject motherhood and by rejecting jon, that’s what people feel she’s doing. the truth is she is not nice to him and he is a child who doesn’t deserve that! this doesn’t mean she’s a bad person!! if ned can completely fuck over his kids by keeping them sheltered and still be popular, why is it that Catelyn can’t have a single damn flaw without everyone pearl clutching over it? why is cat and only cat held to an impossible standard in this shitty situation that her husband is not held to, when people even CELEBRATE her husband’s flaws bc it means he’s a deep character? it means that even though i’d love to trace how catelyn’s prejudice against illegitimate children trickles down to her children, i worry people will jump on spewing garbage at me.
i don’t highlight her flaws because i hate her; i highlight her flaws because she’s a well rounded, groundbreaking, dare i say revolutionary character in the fantasy genre and i want to talk about her! and if you can’t see both the good and bad in her, well, to be frank, it’s because you’re a dingus!!
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ive seen your posts, and saying that radfems believe literally every single man ever is Wicked and Not Oppressed In Any Way (and therefore we completely disregard any other axis of oppression such as race, sexuality and class) is quite the strawman.
i have met some pretty dreadful women and girls and relatively decent boys. radfems do not believe men are intrinsically evil or other sex essentialist bs.. there is nuance in oppression as sex is not the only way to be oppressed, but even rich (in the few cases where its the women own money and not her husband/father/male relatives) western, white, straight, feminine women experience misogyny; in fact its literally the only way a woman so privileged can experience oppression, in the form rape (96% of rapists are men including men who rape men), domestic abuse, wage gap, glass ceiling, harassment at work, etc... all problems faced by women disportionately/solely, and who even the most oppressed man alive would not face, and when men face violence, it is mostly carried out onto them by men.
the majority of serial killers and rapists and domestic and animal abusers are overwhelmingly men and in a system and culture that protects violent men and fosters antisocial behaviour in men... (its almost like... a system of male violence?? caused by male socialisation and privileges under patriarchy that makes it easier for men to gather together and do deplorable things) and women face fgm and sexual violence and honour killings and are unwanted by their families and coerced into prostitution or forced to give birth its very clear to me that sex based oppression is real and affects our lives like a lot.
and being nicer to men wont fix any of these things.
and women and teenage girls who play in a 16 to 1 male dominated hobby have been sent letters with sperm in them and women have been shown to play less aggressively when they think theyre playing against a man online... idk suddenly it think its okay. to not include trans women in female only chess tournaments... its a 16:1 hobby there'd probably be a lot of them and usually these places want to include nonbinary people as well and then its just a queer space i suppose. so its not even those who id as women only anymore; then theres no place for young girls to play chess anymore.
im going to reread will to change this evening. It's been like a long time (6 am here sorry to bother you) but idk probably not gonna change my mind on an entire millennia spanning structure designed to subjugate female people or whatever... you probably arent going to either. change your mind, that is. you will likely not even read this, and people are going to continue to mischaracterise radical feminism, and i will lie on the floor,.. why
I’m not mischaracterizing radical feminism at all, I’m afraid. The essentialism comes down to “all women victims, all men oppressors” whether it’s ever meant to or not. We see irl white women weaponize their sex and their race to oppress black men(who are seen as predators for being black and for being men).
The mere fact there is no framework and minimal sources and support group for the reformation of men is what currently makes it difficult-er to move forward. As bell hooks succinctly put it “in order to have loving men, we must love men.”
When we forget that the enemy is the patriarchy(the framework that puts men and women into seperate, distinct categories with rigid gender roles) and instead believe the root(as radical is meant to be used as in the terms of Radical Feminism) is men. We forget, brush over, ignore how women add into the patriarchal landscape by making patriarchal men and women.Yes, this is our work to do as well, even as females, as social women. To unpack and recognize how we may be contributing to this system of oppression. Misogyny is not solely a male problem, and it is everyone’s job to learn and teach how to unpack it.
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nadhie · 2 years
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Yesterday I was going to make a post about how i can't believe it's 2022 and teens' interest, especially teen girls' interests, are still being hounded like it's sport, like it's funny to make fun of a persons hobbies. But I refrained because most of the people I know in this fandom are over 18.
And then JM of all people goes and proves me fucking right, that misogyny is fucking well and alive. AWESOME. Idk if it's bc he was on someone elses stream or what, and thought he needed to stoop to their level. But either case, that says a LOT about a persons character if you are willing to bend your words in order to be miso just to please people :)
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cherryphobe · 2 years
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me: idk I just dont rly like the saw movies
maude: so you HATE women you HATE lesbians you HATE me, your father who gave you life? You hate seeing me HAPPY? I literally cannot believe this, you want me DEAD in the GROUND is that it??? The truth finally comes out. Sexism, misogyny, lesbiphobia, all alive & well.
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yesokayiknow · 4 years
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please go off on the not shipping 11 with anyone rant
ooooof okay lemme break this down
(i felt bad abt putting a big negativity post on ppl’s dashes so)
- the continuous casual misogyny. that ‘she is a woman’ line which he excuses with ‘shut up i’m dying’ like hello??? hello???? eleven meet me in the fucking PIT. and the fact that he kept calling amy and clara girls (the girl who waited, the impossible girl) like idk man. that always rubbed me the wrong way. the thing that makes me angriest is still him talking about clara’s ‘too tight skirts’ like fuck you!! fuck you!!! (also literally the first thing he did in his life was freaking out that he might be a girl like. hhhhhhhh)
- the fact that amy repeatedly told him that she didn’t like the name amelia anymore as well as pointing out that she’d changed her last name after getting married and yet he ignored her?? dude calling someone by their name isn’t hard okay jfc
- i mean literally the entirety of the husbands of river song is about how river doesn’t believe that the doctor ever loved her. like they’ve been married for centuries at this point and she still doesn’t KNOW if she’s loved?? still 100% believes that he doesn’t give a shit about her???? if i had a wife i would simply love and cherish her rip to 11 but i’m different. i mean river breaking her own wrist and then pretending nothing happened bc 'you cant let him see the damage'???? yikes yikes yikes yikes. like sometimes i think abt 11 never telling river that he loved her and the way she was always chasing after him the way she built her whole LIFE around him as some way to get some acknowledgement from him that he would never ever give and then i have to sit down and breathe for a sec
- he didn’t break the news to the ponds that he’d faked his own death gently he just? he turned up at the ponds’ house on christmas remember and they were like ye we know you’re alive river told us but like???? what if they hadn’t have known??????? how fucking devastating would it have been like the FUCK 11??? good thing river had already told them huh!!! imagine your dead best friend turning up on ur doorstep AFTER u watched him dielike i would NOT need that kind of energy in ANY kind of relationship tyvm (also he didn’t tell sarah jane & jo grant that he wasn’t dead either he just let them get invited to one of his fake funerals like dude,,,clean up your messes GOD. also it’s been a while but wasn’t the first thing he said when he saw sj & jo again smth like ‘wow you got old’ like i swear to god)
- me thinkin abt 12 not telling bill he was blind bc he didn’t want her to feel guilty abt sacrificing his sight for her life vs 11 inviting river to watch her be brainwashed into shooting him: the fuck the fuck the FUCK
11: i invited u so u know i always forgive u :) 
me: jUST TELL HER THAT!!! SHE DOESNT HAVE TO BE THERE!!!!!!!
literally you could not find a bigger trigger for river if you TRIED how could you think that’s a good idea!!!
- invites amy onboard bc he likes her except nope! turned out he did that bc he was curious about what the crack in spacetime had done to her life!!! and THEN he did it again with not revealing what really happened with the pregnancy scan (THAT’S HER BODY HE DIDN’T EVEN TELL HER THAT’S SO GROSS LIKE HELLO??? HELLO??????) 
- then of course he does the whole false pretences thing AGAIN with clara. like man imagine if 11 had just actually told clara though. like not the way he yelled at her and then took advantage of the mindwipe but like actually told her???? but no can’t have that better to just keep lying when she asks if you’re using her as a replacement for someone else!!!
-okay nothing to do with how dateable he is as a person but he sure did make everyone in the human race post 1969 murderers without their knowledge huh!!!!! sure did that!!!!! that never came up again huh!!!!!!!!!
- hm i’m just remembering amy telling 11 that she bit her psychiatrists and like?? didn’t he laugh???? pretty sure he never really apologised!!! fellas if he doesn’t care abt ur mental trauma (that HE caused indirectly or not) then dump his ass
-also remember that time he kinda made the ponds spend like 3 months outrunning the secret service and the silence in 60s america by themselves (which is what allowed amy to be kidnapped and experimented on and have melody taken away from her)
- he NEVER saw clara as a person EVER he saw her as a fun mystery to be solved and he lied and stalked and gaslighted her so he could solve it and god i hate that whole plot so much and it also flows into why clara became so goddamn ambivalent about her own life & worth bc hey its not like 11 saw her as a person so why should she huh. like clara becoming a uh,,,,,,trainwreck who got herself killed (and i adore her for it don’t @ me) is definitely something that could’ve always happened but also 11 SURE did treat her like a mythical figure instead of a real person huh !
- okay yknow what it’s been years and i’m STILL pissed abt the way 11 told oswin that she was in a dalek casing like you really couldn’t have found a less traumatising way to phrase that?? really???
- dont think i need to comment on this:
 amy, after nearly DYING: wow that was good right? 
11: complete silence
amy: it was right? it was good??
11: still complete silence
river, looking like shes about to pull out a gun: it was BRILLIANT you’re BRILLIANT
you know this point may have gotten away from me a bit but in conclusion fuck 11 
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joannalannister · 7 years
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Samyria submitted:
Hey :) I don´t know if I´m asking the right person (and also it is kind of an old case) but what are your thoughts about Jon being a Targaryen?
I  personally don´t like it because it feels forced, obvious (to be honest: I´m not a fan of the Targaryen family - Daenerys included) and way too much like some kind of fanfiction where the Mary-Sue (aka Dany) finally finds her Gary-Stu (aka Jon). I mean…two families equipped with random super powers (in contrast to ALL the other families) and now there is this perfect link between them? That is a bit too much for my taste… Still I would love to hear your opinion. :D
Hi! I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking. 
Are you asking me whether I think Jon Snow is Rhaegar and Lyanna’s son? Because yeah, I believe that, I don’t think “R Plus L Equals J” is too obvious. The fact that so many people figure it out while reading doesn’t make it obvious or forced imo, it just makes me believe that GRRM builds a good foundation when he’s constructing his story, so that when Jon does find out about his true parentage in the books, it will feel very organic and a natural part of the story. I don’t think I have any original thoughts on this theory, but if you’d like to read about it in depth, I recommend the #R plus L equals J tag on @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly‘s blog. 
Or are you asking me whether I believe that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married in the books, making Jon their trueborn son rather than a bastard? 
I don’t believe the theory that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married in the books, because I don’t think Jon Snow’s bastardy is something that’s going to be “solved” so neatly. I don’t think illegitimacy is something to be “solved” at all tbh. The R+L=J reveal is going to be quite tumultuous for Jon, something that will shake him to his core imo, and I think a lot of Jon’s narrative is going to be dedicated to his emotional journey of coming to terms with the idea that he wasn’t Ned Stark’s bastard at all, but Rhaegar’s bastard, and that the woman Jon thought was his aunt is really his mother, and sure, I believe that Lyanna went willingly with Rhaegar, but I don’t think she stayed willingly at the end, because I think this medieval idea of “consent once given is given forever” is bullshit and I think (hope) that GRRM is ripping that idea to shreds, like he does with that idea in Cersei’s narrative. 
That tv show doesn’t have time for emotional journeys, hence the R/L marriage and the complete lack of a nuanced depiction of Rhaegar and Lyanna’s relationship. 
Like, the way that I see Jon’s narrative isn’t that his bastardy is a problem, it’s that he needs to come to terms with it emotionally. And imo Jon has come to terms with the idea that he’s Ned Stark’s bastard in ADWD, cuz Ned was good and honorable and everyone in the North affords Ned a certain respect that sort of counterbalances the stigma in Westeros that bastards are treacherous and awful. So he’s halfway toward accepting who he is. But how much is it going to shake him when he finds out he’s actually Rhaegar Targaryen’s bastard? we can debate Rhaegar’s character until we’re blue in the face, I’m not gonna do that here. Set Rhaegar aside for a moment. The Targaryens murdered Jon’s grandfather and Jon’s uncle. The Targs really fucked up House Stark. 
So when I talk about one of ASOIAF’s themes of the body as a battleground, GRRM is really gonna bring it home in Jon Snow, because he has to deal with such great internal conflict, Stark vs Targaryen, and how can Jon come to terms with what Rhaegar did, and how does that affect Jon’s decisions moving forward. 
Not to mention the whole “I don’t think Jon’s ever going to be fully 100% alive ever again cuz he’ll be a fire zombie” thing complicating this whole situation. 
So yeah, anyways, I think Jon Snow is staying a bastard throughout the series. (Although Robb may have tried to legitimize him, idk wtf is going on with that, idk if that counts, and frankly I don’t give a damn so *shrug emoji*.) 
Is it forced or obvious? I don’t think GRRM’s going to make it feel that way. 
Also, I think the point of Dany’s story is that she is the Targ claimant to the Throne, not Jon, but she gives it all up anyway to save the world. It’s a lot bigger and more meaningful sacrifice on her part if Jon remains a bastard.
In terms of a Mary Sue / Gary Sue … I don’t think I believe in those concepts tbh? Mary Sue is a term loaded with a lot of sexism and misogyny, and Gary Stu is derived from it, instead of the other way around as is typical, because people mostly use the “Mary Sue” concept to criticize female characters for being “too competent” / “too beautiful” / “too admirable” etc. We’ve seen numerous examples of Dany and Jon failing, so what exactly is too competent? What is too beautiful? What makes someone too admirable? 
I don’t believe in the concept of a Mary Sue. I believe in good stories. 
And I think GRRM is more than capable of making Jon and Dany into a damn good story: a compelling, emotionally-satisfying, well-written story with very flawed, very human characters. I think everything from AGOT to ADWD is proof of that. I would literally have to quote the whole book here. 
So, I think the opening argument falls to you here. I’m not gonna do it for you. You would need to make the argument that Jon and/or Dany is a Mary Sue in the books with specific textual examples of how you feel they fit the definition of a Mary Sue if you want me to rebut that idea. 
Regarding the idea that the Starks and the Targaryens have super powers while the other families don’t … idk what to tell you. ASOIAF is an epic fantasy series; people who do magical stuff is par for the course. If the fantasy genre isn’t your thing, idk what to say. 
But what do the Starks have in terms of super powers? Bran has magical powers, Arya can commune with wolves, and Jon is … possibly vacationing in Ghost until a woman from Essos resurrects him. Sansa and Rickon don’t seem to have any magic, or at least nothing that’s manifested itself. (Nor did it seem like Robb did.) 
idk, this doesn’t bother me. The Starks are the heroes. I want to see them do fantastic things, as much as I want to see Wonder Woman go up and over the top. It doesn’t bother me that magical powers aren’t distributed equally among Westerosi society because these powers are supposed to be special. They’re not ordinary. The magic isn’t a mundane part of everyone’s life. The people who use it are not ordinary. Someone like Arya is … exceptional. There could be a hundred Lancels, or a thousand Randylls, but there’s only one person like Arya. Only one person like Bran. Only one Jon. Because I think we’re supposed to realize that being the hero is hard. Stepping up and being the true knight in a world as dark and twisted as Westeros is something very out of the ordinary, something very rare. And the cool thing is that they would do this true knighthood thing even without the magical powers; the magical powers are just author signposts to say, “pay attention to this person” and painting it so much larger than life.  
And idk if the Targaryens really have super powers? Dany has dragons. She has magical creatures, but does she have powers? A miracle happened to her, where she survived Drogo’s pyre, but she’s not fireproof, nor are any other Targs. idk, I read fantasy because I want the miracles, so again idk what to tell you. 
Why does it bother you that the Starks have direwolves and Dany has dragons? 
(If it makes you feel any better, I like to imagine that the prehistoric lions in the Westerlands (basically direlions) – I like to imagine that after the Clegane kennelmaster killed the lioness, Tytos found two cubs and they took them home and he gave them to his kids as pets, but cats being cats, the lion cubs just caused a bunch of problems like knocking down expensive shit and gnawing on people and stuff, until Tytos was like, OK we gotta lock em up, and that’s why they were tame and why they didn’t bite Cersei’s hand off many years later.) 
For me, it always felt like Tyrion has his own superpower: “My mind is my weapon,” and this is why GRRM wrote Tyrion as he did, making him a dwarf to give him a head disproportionately bigger than his body, like he’s someone from a comic book. 
And iif you’re asking me about Jon being in a relationship with Dany, but it being incestuous … eh, it’s fantasy, it’s not real. The incest just adds to the heightened emotions, like some Greek Drama or s/t. If we were reading about the Greek gods on Olympus or s/t with all their incest, would everyone cringe so much? 
Truly, I’m a lot more bothered by all the 13 year old girls being forced to get married in ASOIAF, and the way GRRM writes about how a woman’s “childlike smile” and “girlish body” is “so sexy”. <.<
For Jon/Dany … as I’ve said before, I think ASOIAF is about love, and I think it’s about loving even in the Lovecraftian landscape of the Others, about finding and reveling in our humanity even when it’s under siege in a twisted world of cold and ice. Some people think that’s corny or cheesy or cliche. I think it’s beautiful. If you don’t like it, tho, then you don’t like it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Finally, if you were asking me about Jon/Dany on the show, I’m sorry but I don’t like that show, so the question of whether Jon/Dany are forced or obvious on the show is irrelevant to me. 
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