#id say fuck this job too
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Never forget that corpos aren't people.
Your boss is not your ally.
Your employer doesn't care if you live or die because all that matters to them is their goddamn bottom line.
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fuckfuck fuck i need to make more physical crafts i need to create tangible things that i can hold with my two hands and put it somewhere i can See It and think Wow. I Made That.
#finished my little rudimentary earring holder & one of two arm warmers#MORE!!!! MORE!!!!!! I NEED MORE#maybe... maybe ill go get myself a new little plant and a pot to decorate. a little guy for my windowsill#ohhh i could uh! i could make like a little scrapbook thing and put in there all of my favorite things that ive drawn....#a little egotistical Perhaps but!! on days where i feel like shit and like my art sucks i could flip through that!#and say 'huh. not too bad actually'#plus it just sounds like a fun craft. i could get stickers and stuff. washi tape. glue flat objects on. add teeny doodles#i just. i need to create more i think thats whats wrong with me lately#i feel such Peace and Joy when i make physical things#i wonder if id like book binding...#no no thats for future me who has a job and an Income to get interested in#that would be fun tho! ive always wanted to try it.#and if i do i'd Really want to do that thing where people take a fanfic and make it into a physical book#that would be so fun...#i could have my favorites on a shelf! with permission of course!#absolutely unprompted#yk when i start to feel that Despair i really just gotta think about what physical things i could create#what art things i still have to discover and attempt and enjoy#today has sucked But! i will take the car tomorrow and by fuck i will do Something#a new plant friend. yeah. i need something alive in my room#and this weekend ill go to michaels and get myself washi tape so that i can secure my posters to the walls#bc my poster tack Is Not Working!#i wonder if our printer can work on cardstock... i wonder if its been Set Up yet i havent seen her#maybe ill make some more tiny vases today. i have clay still...#OH OH i could make small amigurumi keychain things...#*spoken with clenched fists and gritted teeth* there is still so much to discover and delight in in this life#the walls in this house are bare and cold but if my stepdad allows I Can Spruce It The Fuck Up#ohhhhh crochet tapestries... i could probably do that too...#i cant wait to pick up crafts get bored two days later and drop em and i say that sincerely!
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Yor Week Day 5: Family ☕🍵
A quick drabble of Yor and a teen Anya! I just wanted a sweet little snapshot of their daily life post-canon/post-reveals
“Your birthday’s coming up.” Yor stirred her coffee. “Are you busy? Your father and I were thinking of taking you to the aquarium, he said there’s a special event going on the same day.”
“I’m not sure,” Anya leaned her chin in her hands. The pair sat at an outdoor table at the local cafe. “Becky wanted to go out. She and a few friends wanted to spend the day together.”
The aforementioned friend’s sense of fashion had started to rub off on her. Happy to lose her high school uniform on breaks like this, she was dressed in current trends and styles. She’d grown her hair long to style in her own way, refusing help from her friends. Yor never said anything, but she recognized the way the thick braids tucked just at her neck, with curling pink locks framing her face.
Anya’s features scrunched up, lost in thought for a moment. “So...”
She was slowly ridding herself of the habit, but Yor couldn’t help her thoughts from carrying her away in nervousness. Of course the girl’s friends would want to take her out. She thought the aquarium was a good idea – Yuri had loved going too, as a kid. But that was just it, Anya wasn’t a baby anymore. She had to stop thinking she knew how to care for a family just because she’d cared for her brother for a little while. Having a daughter was different.
“That sounds fun,” she forced a smile. Knowing it wasn't the most convincing of looks, she flooded her mind with the thought. She did believe it. It did sound fun. Things with friends were always great. Yor was so happy Anya had such wonderful friends in her life. Anya deserved to have fun with them. “Yes, you should do that!”
Sure enough, she saw Anya’s bright eyes studying her. Though her mind was spilling with positivity, the conflicted look on the girl’s face didn’t lessen.
“The thing is… we’ve been doing a lot as a family recently, and, well…”
Yor’s hands clutched around her mug. Hairline cracks appeared on the side. She willed herself to calm down, but her heart was breaking as much as the cup. It was no wonder her daughter would rather spend the day with others! She’d been too overbearing, too enthusiastic to do lame things. She’d been keeping Anya from being the free teenager she wanted to be.
She’d heard accounts of children growing up too fast, but it was even more painful than she’d expected. It seemed like only yesterday she was threatening parents of students who were insulting Anya’s tiny stature, and now she was grown and running off to make her own birthday plans.
“So it was you that scared Mrs. Greene our first year!”
“What?!” This time, the mug did shatter. Coffee and porcelain shards spread across the cafe table.
“I knew it!” She let out a giggle. “You had papa fooled, though.” Anya handed her a napkin, and helped to mop up the mess. “And mamaaaa…” She tugged on one of her pink curls, looking away.
Yor was surprised; that little gesture was a habit of her own. “What’s wrong?”
“I was going to say… I really want to hang out with you two.”
Her eyebrows raised.
“I just thought it would be silly to cancel on Becky, you know? Since we’ve already done so much together lately. But… the aquarium sounds fun. I really want to spend my birthday with you.”
Yor nodded, trying not to let her face betray her giddiness at the sentiment. “That sounds wonderful!”
The two continued making plans. Yor wanted her to be able to see her friends as well, and there was certainly room for everyone at the aquarium. Anya wanted to make sure the 'special event' wasn't an invention of her workaholic father. The three were used to working cases together, but it was her birthday, after all.
Suddenly, Anya’s eyes narrowed. Her lips twisted into something mischievous. “So… what are you guys getting for my present?”
“I told you, it’s a surprise,” she said as her daughter stared intently.
Her look of triumph immediately turned to horror. She swatted her hands at Yor. “Noooo! Stop that! I don’t need to hear about you and papa making out!”
“Maybe you shouldn't have been snooping.” Yor grinned shamelessly. “Come on, I get to keep one thing from you all year.”
“That’s still gross.” She made a theatrically disgusted face, which only made Yor’s smile soften. “Hey! It's not adorable when I do that.”
“You’re always adorable.”
Anya huffed.
“And also,” Yor grimaced.
“Mm?”
“That whole thing about Charles’ parents stays between us, alright? Your father can never know.”
The girl let out a laugh. “Aw, mama. I'm you're daughter – you know I can keep a secret.”
#yorweek#yor forger#spy x family#anya forger#sxf#thats all i got for the week but thank you sm for putting the event on! :D#i was just saying the other day how yor as a character means a lot to me but for some reason i dont do art for her as much as id want#it was a ton of fun doing some little projects for her :')#i like the idea of anya using her powers regularly but responsibly around her parents#and yor and loid finding productive ways to guard against it if needed#and i know it probably wouldnt happen because the parents are too protective over anya to knowingly put her in danger#but im so obsessed with the whole family working jobs together as the coolest wackiest team#with goofy family issues in the middle of life or death moments like the Incredibles or something#i will also never be over the gag or yor being oblivious to how ridiculously strong she is lmao#it didnt fit the story but if anya heard yor discounting all the work she did caring for yuri shed totally stand up for her#'mama you did an Amazing job being a literal mom at age 16!!! yuri is just fucked up for unrelated reasons.' 'huh??'#fanfic
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I need my hair to dry so I can go to bed and not wake up with one half looking like i ran a flat iron over it 400 times on max heat and the other side being curly in ways that shouldn't be possible
#please im so tired i just want to sleep#i ran out of beads i have to go to the store tomorrow#i ransacked my room again looking for the miscellaneous bead bag and i still couldnt find it#rip miscellaneous bead bag#ykw i wish? i wish that in greys anatomy Addison and Meredith became bffs and dumped shepard together#they deserve so much better than him he clearly doesnt respect them as people and oh my god#hes so fucking full of himself#he'd fuck his own clone istg#ok but like lets be honest i think a lot of people would do that#not me though im like the biggest fearer of clones#idk just the idea of clones freaks me out do bad if i ever met my clone id kill her#and they'd probs try to kill me too but yk#i have to prove im the better of the two of us#so id win out of pure desperation#probably#but yeah hed fuck himself if he could#all day#christina was so real for “hes not the sun”#SHE KNEW WHAT WAS UP#AND THEN HIM TRYING TO SAY THAT HIS JOB WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MEREDITHS AND THAT SHE SHOULD JUST UPROOT HER ENTIRE LIFE AND LEAVE HER JOB#JUST FOR HIS#GO FUCK YOURSELF FOR THAT ACTUALLY DEREK#YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE
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I wonder if Formally Good Manager will return from war... wherever the fuck he is.... now that BaldBastard is out of here lmao
My facial blindness will NOT be able to handle it 😭 Bootleg FGM is his doppelganger and I already have trouble remembering that that's NOT FGM
Also we got news that Old BossMan got fired from whatever job he "left" our store for lmaoooo bitch it's only been a year and a half?? and you've been fired TWICE???
#marquilla#work talk#we dont know why he was fired but we know he did which is so so funny like hey... your old job here opened up... too bad you're#blacklisted from working here now lmaoo id die if they somehow rehired him AGGSGSGS Can you imagine?? BossMan 2 Electric Boogaloo#it's not gonna happen bc he got super super fired uh i mean he CHOSE to leave after an incident where his employee threatened another#with a gun at work shdggdgd so yknow... but god that would be so fucking funny#anyway anyways FGM kept signing up for military leave so he wouldnt have to give up his job but wouldnt have to be HERE with BaldBastard#which like ... i get it but also id just quit but thats me sgdggdgdgd we dont know where he is/when he's coming back but he was SUPPOSED#To be back in october and then just signed up right away for another tour 😭 imagine your employee hating you that much#funniest thing is FGM was BaldBastard's favorite lmaooo it was NOT mutual but then his lady friend manager from PA moved here to work#with him and she was legit CRYING at work when he told her he was quitting like again imagine uprooting your life for this and he just#LEAVES less than 6 months of you moving here 😭 i don't think she was into him but idk maybe she's bi i just know she likes women at least#she could do so much better than this white megamind looking fucker sgdgdggdgd#the best part ab having a job is the drama you get to absorb by proxy and the glee of watching shitheads get their just deserts#schlaundefraud or whatever the spelling is of that work sound it out you know which one im trying to say
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major hater moment alert
it’s like 4am rn and i’m so sleepy bht csnf fall asleep so maybe this won’t make a lot of sense but i’ve finally finished watching the pjo show and i think some of u need to grow the fuck up 😭😭 like i’m sorry but comparing and contrasting the shows to the books soo fucking closely is so crazy to me like i know some of yall are working 9-5 office jobs so there’s no way u should be this pressed about the symbolism in a kids show. it’s nostalgic obviously but at the same time it will never be that serious. i’m guilty of that too tho don’t get me wrong bc i had made such a long rant abt Book Gabe vs Show Gabe before i realized i truly do not give a fuck. like. me resonating more with Book Percy’s relationship with his Book Family has absolutely no fucking effect on Current Me watching the show. who cares. i know i can get lowkey insecure at times about having “childish” interests but i want to make it very clear that im not dunking on ppl who dislike the show. like, i think there were plenty of things to dislike. i just don’t think that they’re worth getting worked up over, especially if you’re an adult person with adult responsibilities, because isn’t enjoying the whimsy of this show more important than writing a whole deep dive of why you hate this show with a passion? which i know is hypocritical coming from me but if im complaining about a show you better believe its bc i love it and am obsessed with it, not because im hate-watching it and actively looking for things to get mad about. i really don’t get it like if the show really bothers you that much just turn it off. like girl..
#dear diary#like… the show was ok#i know i would have much stronger feelings abt it if i was twelve (id prob be appalled at how long the show took me to finish)#but the thing is. i’m not twelve anymore#and dare i fucking say that the hate the original movies get is so crazy!!#like again i hated on it too but i was a kid with no job no money nothing to do#but yall can’t deny their actions scenes were epic + poker face ATE#ok i’m done now hopefully this makes sense later
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.
#ive finally calmed the fuck down NDNDDDDJN#realistically... we've only been buddy buddy like the past 2 months.#and like i think i was doing a lot of assuming. like he may be playing it cool bc hes not sure if i like him... Like That. you know NDJDJD#IDK. i think i was rishing bc i was scared id never see him again#hut now that i saw him... after graduating... and being out of school.... and we have semi plans to meet in feb....#really dont think theres a need to rush. like i want him in my life and i think at least that feeling is mutual JDJDJDJKDMDMDM#like he basically signed up for double hang outs with me. idk if he realized it JDJDJDJJD#bc every month or 2 we'll have plans with the bigger group AND ones with just me him n our other friend (that wants no part of the#bigger group JDJDJJDJDJD) so !!!@@@@ ya....#feeling much better and calmer !!!#i do miss him tho JDJDJDJDJJD. i wanna message him but idk what to say. but ik i'll think of something heheheh#and who knows... he may message me too !!!!! ya....#gotta focus on getting a job anyway HDJDJDJDJDJDND#my applied to count is still 1 LMAO#a lot of the companies.... dont seem real????? idk being a software company and not having a website.... or having a website#and having lorem ipsum or like the dedault wordpress blog post on pages.... its giving scam JDJDJDJJDDKDKD#but ya... the search continues...#personal
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alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.
#this is me off a bottle of mikes hard lemonade (5%) and a few sips of barefoot moscato (9%)#'more of a lightweight than i look but more of one thab i like to think i am' is .... VERY generous lmfaoooo#anyways. in the past i wouldnt drink except socially & to get drunk but i couldnt stand the taste so id just shoot everything#but some family members are more Alcohol Connoisseurs and sth clicked christmas and im like Damn ......#also walmart has this cheese filled garlic breadsticks. Cole's breadsticks. AMAZING with wine amazing stuff#anyways all that to say i get drunk like thrre nights in a row and may be sorta scaring myself telling myself im on the#Alcoholic Slippery Slope but also .... alcoholism = slippery slope#i dont get drunk schoolnights tho/nights i gotta be up early in the morning and i have a l8 start tmrw so i can afford to have#a little few sippies which go a long way#but yea. ig if this continues too much & interferes with school or work itll be a problem but im sorta just psyching myself out rn#i can have a good evening without alcohol but being a young adult living alone paying most of ur own bills and then getting drunk 3 nights#in a row bc u CAN is ..... scary ghe first time u do it ig#hm i shld tag this#alcoholism //#addiction //#also those breadsticks + wine + PHILOMENA CUNK. great evening to unwind. i DO recommend to all.#also i gotta keep searching cuz i lost a very beautiful & expensive ring today its gold & sapphire i got it 4 mysel#but im letting the boy from work who j love who i got him a job bc i love him think its an engagement ring bc im OVER HIM#but yea i lost it todah & am kicking myself because its VERY beautiful >:-((((#fuck da police but im gna see campus pd tomorrow. ive filed claims w a bunch of offices on campus so PD is the last stop + they may be able#to pull up footage bc its likely someone stole it. :///#n e wayz#back 2 cunk on britain
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oh god
#vent#i feel like im going to throw up my mom is just telling me to learn how to work w ai art programs since by the time im her age#ai art is going to completely take over all art jobs#and i need to learn that since thats all art is gonna be apparently#if the world really gets to that point id fucking kill myself why would i want to live in a world like that HOW COULD I LIVE IN A WORLD#LIKE THAT I FCANT BREATHE ITS TOO MUCH I CANT TAKE IT#I DONT WANT THIS I DONT WANT THIS I NEED THIS AI SHIT TO STOP I DONT KNOW HOW ILL LIVE IF ALL MY ART ENDS UP MEANING NOTHING#IF ALL THE YEARS IVE PUT INTO ALL MY HOBBIES MEANS FUCKING NOTHING BECAUSE AI TAKES OVER IT ALL#i cant live in a world like that i genuinely cant i wouldnt want to live if i couldnt... really be an artist anymore if ai really just#takes my job as an artist ive been working towards#drawing is the only thing i have...#and i cant be a musician cause i fucking hate the music industry right now#its already so hard for me trying to live in this present day but if things got even further in this bullshit i dont know how id live#sorry for talking so much i just feel scared and panicked#why would my mom say this shit to me i recently told her how scared i was at the idea of ai taking away my dream as an artist
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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GRR a lot of my paranoia about my heart health has been coming back lately
#it used to be pretty bad a few years ago and im starting to get there again#its hard for me not to pay attention to my pulse to check that its still working fine because i honestly have a pretty big fear of dying#from a heart attack stroke etc#i can literally remember the day that it became a phobia of mine because in bio class we were reading an exerpt about a womans symptoms#as she was experiencing a stroke and like. i literally freaked myself out about it AS i was reading it i starting panicking#specifically the mention of your left art losing sensation sticks in my mind#a few days ago i read a few comments on a post about people who knew someone who died at their job#and a lot of them were about people who literally just. up and died for no reason. sitting at their desk. THAT freaked me out#cause that seems like a way id die is just out of fucking nowhere thats my luck#anyways im writing this because ive had like 2 borderline panic attacks about it today and i could feel myself freaking out a third time#a minute ago so i startd writing. thumbs up#i know im thinking irrationally but no one who dies of a heart attack expects to die. right. im probably not going to expect#it its going to Happen To me#ive read too many stories about people who either had one themself and survived or talking about someone they knew#where they say they could feel the doom and that something was wrong and etc. so when i start getting nervous it keeps snowballing#immediately into FUCK ITS THE DOOM THIS IS THE BIG ONE#when its literally not
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🎤 Look he’s pogging lol
🎤 I wonder what he’s missed...maybe the tags will give a hint or two.
(That means read the tags teehee thank you)
#ooc: salutations everyone! I guess I owe everyone an explanation#i apologize for my absence again. i promise im okay and i have been safe and sound#my excuse isnt exactly...valid id say but#work has been kicking my ass since i got the job#not to mention my days off are constantly filled up with tasks to catch up on Adulting and such#and when im not doing Adulting things.......ive been playing splatoon 3 tbh lmao#hopefully ill get the muse to play bf again soon. but as far as an expected time for that goes i unfortunately have nothing to offer#i hope everyone here has been doing okay in the meantime and i hope to see you soon#with that being said...what do you think of the new icon? its not much of a difference but im still kinda proud of it. even if its old now#anyway. i love you guys and i look forward to any threads in the future when i get the time and motivation to start them up again#on that note. please be aware that i am officially dropping any threads i had started or participated in before now#i apologize for this...but its hard to get back into old threads when i dont remember where i was going with them yknow?#if anyone is interested in my writing in general ive been working on a strangled red fic on ao3#ive been falling back into my old pokepasta hyperfixation after lullaby v2 dropped and was reminded of my favorite little fucked up guy#its called faulty if anyone else here is a based steven enjoyer. and mike too ig#but enough out of me...ive been talking too much lol#until next time! catch ya later!
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...
#Jesus. just finished my interview. no idea how it went#i think it was much too rambling on my part and they asked almost exclusively sciency questions#ugh hopefully i didn't look like a completle moron. the guy was sorta inscrutable so no idea what he thought#and he was like hmm whats ur competition here? and i dont give a fuck abt competition and also it doesnt really matter#fuck. i should have said. it would b fine if they were doing the exact same project bc we would b evolving different strains and it would b#interesting if they evolved even the exact same traits. fuck#i think objectively i probably looked like someone who halfway knows what theyre doing without the specific knowledge#which is exactly true. like mother fuckers ive got a full time job to be overworked in. i dont have time to memorize details of every#pathway change in every desert cyano#uuuuugh its just annoying bc my brain doesnt work well in the moment. i need time to process and knit together an answer#so i wouldnt b surprised if i was ranked low. oh god i was told the interview was prob a formality unless it goes terribly#itll b real embarrassing if i dont get passed this stage now#whatever it was a bit chaotic on their end too bc one guy didnt show up until halfway thru so i kinda had to go back and say things twice#uuuuuuuuuuggh. well that kinda sucked. at least its done. out of my hands now.#i was getting too excited abt it anyway. this will reaffirm my: obviously im not gonna get it vibes#i mean thats what i get for trying to join a very competitive program. like i am not a competitive person#rip to my lab mate who im gonna whine at all day abt this. i have to meet him in less than an hour#welp. there r other schools. god i hope at least one of them accepts me#ugh i just think its kinda annoying they they want u to be perfectly qualified for things lol. like i would need someone to step thru the#lab process with me literally once or twice and then id be good to go#like maybe a couple hours of someones time to remind me. thats it. humans r adaptable#i can obviously carry out a project to its conclusion and i have a lot of passion. not that they asked. but yeah#oh well. i should have breakfast before i freeze in the desert all day#unrelated
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so glad my coworker and i find our other coworker a lil creepy im still weirded out by how touchy he is w/ all the girls (+ me bc closeted) but hes like EXTRA friendly to me and ik its not just in my head bc she pointed out how friendly he is w/ me like brother dont try it im bigger and faster than you leave me alone pls be normal
#i always have the issue of being 'one of the boys'. loving it until a guy does some fucked up shit.#at my old waitressing job i was like. the only girl that could 'work like a guy' bc. strong and broad#so theyd treat me like a guy (secretly gender affirming but w/e)#there was one cook in the back who would play too fucking much and make mean ass comments to me#saying that i look old w/ my glasses and how i shouldnt have cut my hair. telling me 'you shouldve asked me first i wouldve stopped you'#before i cut my hair it was p long and hed pull my ponytail and just hold it while i carried all the utensils and shit#i didnt say anything bc i was like. scared to + the job i had before that was worst so i was like ok#god i hate working i just wanna#i can finally krill myself!!!!!#*breaks chains*#jude jests 🃏#im p vocal ab stuff so i told most of my coworkers ab it so theyre aware of it/ understand why id report him lol#hes nice but hes too friendly. its not inappropriate but its uncomfortable lol#anyways hey#sorry i genuinely like my job and my coworkers i just have a few that are Odd
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Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4
#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me)#because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit#but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is#and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic#which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol#but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever#something im sure a lot of yall can relate to#cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate#if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about#my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there#and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid#i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that#and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game#or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me#cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto#and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible#when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see#its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art#yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life#cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately#and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp#its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄
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if lasting integrity has one hater it is me etc etc
#okay maya too.#outgoing transmission#im uncomfortable and cant sleep and am plagued by memories that are mostly vague#just... being awake too much and then when i eas finally able to fall asleep#i could Not stay asleep bc everything was too stressful and maya wasnt around and I was worried#about her and other things. half sure id be stuck there#thought a bit too much abt kal i didnt Quite know how much i liked. or loved yk. him then but#i was like ah itd really suck if i couldnt see him again i wonder if he'd find a way or if ill die here#there was a lot more to think about but Often when i felt hopeless i figured at least he was doing better#(he was not /: but he's alive)#i don't think i was the one for LI#i mean I was i guess I just am In There Now#like logically yeah maya was able to talk because of me sort of. because of us. saying me feels wrong.#but without her i would have been fucked#and its a moot point bc it was all fine and yk.. idk. i was Good enough to love my spren to life so i was the guy for the job#but ohhh the. horrors of feeling inadequate in the moment#this is Peak middle of it all. the most stressful part.#im so so tired.#adolin post
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