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pikapeppa · 9 months

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Hi! I absolutely love all your fanfiction that I've read so far. I don't know if this has ever been asked so feel free to ignore or point me toward the answer if it already exists. The thing that I admire the most about your fanfiction is how clearly you capture the character's voices. I can literally hear them in my head whenever I read the dialogue you write. I can't think of a single piece of dialogue that you've written where I've thought "Hmmm no... I'm not sure that character would say that". And though you are writing in third person, your narration is so clearly conveying the thoughts of the character whose perspective you are writing from. I feel like I'm in their heads! I'm wondering HOW you are able to do that so clearly! Do you have some kind of method to observing canon dialogue and then conjuring what the characters would say? How do you match their natural speaking styles, inflections, mannerisms, etc? Or maybe you just have a natural gift for it? I'm in the process of writing a fanfiction and it's so important to me that I capture their voices well, particularly because the two characters are extremely different and I want to capture those differences as I switch perspectives. If you have any insight, tips or suggestions, I'd welcome them!

First of all: THANK YOU SO MUCH OMG 😭❤❤🙏 this is such incredibly high praise!! Trying to make sure the characters sound like themselves (both in speech and thought) is so important to me, so this whole ask is like, the nicest thing you could ever have said HAHA!! Thank you so so much!!!

I’m sorry my reply was delayed — I was actually think about how to answer! I don’t think of myself as being a very systematic writer in that I don’t use any formal tools or have any formal training, so what I’ve done here is verbalized my own process in the hopes that it’ll give some insights. You asking this question has helped me think about my own process in a way I never really have before, so thanks for this fun mental exercise lmao!

My usual caveat when answering these wonderful writing-process asks: I have no formal training, as mentioned above, and this is entirely based on my own experience, and thus should be taken with a grain of salt! 😂🙏

I’m not sure what fandom you’re writing for, so I’ll be as general as possible, but if you want to know more about a specific fandom or character(s), let me know! 😂

We’re thinking about two things here:

How the person says stuff (speech patterns, inflections)

What the person is saying (thoughts/what’s going on in their head)

(see below the cut for the rest!)

How the person says stuff: capturing the “voice”

The main thing I do when trying to capture someone’s voice is, quite literally, just listen to it a lot LOL. Whenever I get obsessed with interested in writing a new character, I typically save video clips of all of their dialogues so I can pull them up on my computer at will to listen to. When it comes to what exactly I’m listening for, there are several things to consider:

Formality: do they speak casually or formally? Are there contexts when they might speak more or less formally/casually (e.g. with certain people, in certain social settings)? Do they use a lot of contractions when they’re talking (e.g. don’t/can’t vs. do not/cannot)? Do they drop the ‘g’ at the ends of words ending in ‘ing’ e.g. “I’m gettin’ out of here”?

Vocabulary: do they use basic everyday vocabulary, or do they tend to use more rare/unusual words? Do they have training of some kind that would make them more prone to using special words in a specific context (e.g. mages in Dragon Age using magical jargon)?

Cursing (a special and VERY IMPORTANT case of vocabulary): Do they curse? If they do curse, how often/in what circumstances? What is the “worst” word they use in canon, and that you can imagine them using based on what you know about them? Sometimes you have to use your imagination a little here depending on the rating of the game/show etc., and that’s okay; e.g. they never use the word “fuck” in Horizon Zero Dawn/Horizon Forbidden West but I can’t imagine that world existing without it LOL.

Cadence/lyricality: I don’t even know if these are the right words to explain this. But some characters have a distinctive rhythm or “musicality” to their speech that can make all the difference to whether they sound like themselves or not when you’re writing them. Some good examples of this are Solas from Dragon Age (whenever he’s talking about the ancient past), Nil from Horizon, even Geralt in the Witcher 3 (the game specifically, not the books or the show). Also important, for these characters with a special “rhythm” to their speech, do they always talk like that, or is it only in certain contexts (see re: Solas)?

Accent: a character’s accent doesn’t “look” any different when written on the page, but it’s a obviously a huge part of whether they sound like themselves when you're reading their words in your head. Different accents use the above features in different ways, too, so the idea of an “accent” ties back to the elements mentioned above. This is especially relevant when writing someone where the “standard language/lingua franca” may not be their first language, so they may have more hesitations in their speech, their sentence structure may be simpler, their curse words may be in their first language, etc.

This probably all sounds like a lot to juggle. But in practice, basically what I do is just imagine the character’s voice in my head, then just write the dialogue to sound as much like them as possible, while holding the memory of their voice in my mind. If I start to feel like the memory of their voice is getting a little blurred in my mind, I pull up video clips of them talking and listen to them again until their voice is clear in my mind so I can continue writing. If the character is a tricky biscuit, I might listen to clips of them talking before every writing session just to refresh their voice in my mind.

You mentioned mannerisms in your ask, and I’ll talk about this separately! Some characters have mannerisms/body language that is very characteristic to them (e.g. Alva and Drakka in Horizon Forbidden West), but for other fandoms, you might not have much in terms of canon body language to go on — for example, the Dragon Age games (everyone does the “Bioware Lean” LOL. You know what I’m talking about. It is not very character-specific). I usually invent little physical quirks/fidgets that seem in keeping with each character, and the context in which they might do those things. E.g. does the character run their hands through their hair when they’re anxious? Do they do a little hop when they’re excited? Do they have their arms folded most of the time?

What the person is saying: getting into their head

This is the topic where I might be less helpful (even less helpful HAHA) because I don’t do anything particularly systematic or formal to keep important information straight about a character. But there are a few important things that have their own sections within my outlines, which I’ll expand on below.

Stuff I made up

One important thing to keep in mind with fanfic is that no matter how much canon info we know about a character, canon does not give us everything. Canon might not even give you a character’s age! Every version of a character I write is partly headcanon/stuff that I made up, which means it may not match other people’s headcanons. What matters is that you keep it consistent within your own understanding and fleshing-out of the character. For instance, a lot of the time I’m inventing a sexual history for a character since that stuff isn’t explicitly mentioned in most fandoms LOL. The key here is that whenever I’m writing that character moving forward, even if their sexual history is made up by me, I’m sticking to it and staying consistent with what I’ve invented for them.

Core motivations, core conflicts, and formative relationships

This gets at the big, underlying foundations of the character — what made them who they are, and why they react to the world in the way they do. Who do they love, and why? Who hurt them badly? What personal traits do they have (e.g. are they a “lawful good” sort of person) that play a big role in how they see the world? For instance, in the Horizon games, Aloy’s relationship with Rost and her sense of connection with Elisabet Sobeck are huge influences on everything she does. In the Witcher (games and books), Geralt has a core conflict between “witchers don’t get involved in politics/world affairs” and his own sense of morality, which combines in fascinating ways with his overriding need to make sure the people he loves are safe. Knowing these very broad, core traits/relationships will be central for helping you decide how your character reacts to various events and people in your story. You might have some canon information about these important core traits/relationships, but you also might be making a lot of this stuff up, and that's okay; as mentioned above, it's just important to keep consistent with what you came up with for that person.

For romances: why them?

Since I’m always writing a romantic and/or sexual relationship, I always have a section about why those characters are together. Why them? Why those people specifically? What’s so compelling about the two (or more!) of them together that makes them worth writing about? What is it about those people that makes them good for each other or bad for each other, and that makes us want to follow their relationship? For me, this can be a pretty meaty part of the outline, since it’s so central to what I love to write. Having a clear picture of why you are writing these people together, and why they’re interesting together, will help you shape their interactions and how they react to each other as your fic goes on, and how they react together to external events.

Knowing the information outlined above then forms a foundation for everything you write about that character moving forward. If you know those things about the character, then getting into their headspace is just a matter of using those foundations to predict how they would react whenever new situations arise.

I hope this is helpful!! I'll also pop in a link here to my other tutorial posts I've written, in case any of them are helpful. And if you want more examples tailored to a specific fandom, feel free to ask or send me a DM! 🥰

-- love from your friendly neighbourhood Pika! xoxo

#pikapeppa tutors #fanfic writer's life #thank you for the wonderful comment and the very interesting ask! 🥰

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faffreux · 1 year

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Have you ever had people telling you that your relationship with Fawful isn't healthy?

How do you handle situations like these?

Yes, I absolutely have. But I find this tends to come from people who don't actually know me personally so they are making assumptions based upon that and their familiarity with cases like mine where it HAS been unhealthy for the individual. (because that absolutely does happen and it's important to acknowledge it!)

I don't take comments like this personally bc once again, they don't actually know me so it's not personal to begin with. But at this point I have personal responses for almost every point they tend to bring up when they do:

"Get a job" [I have one, lol. How do you think I even created my Fawful themed room in the first place without money? How do you think I do ANYTHING? I work full time and it sucks lol. I WISH I didn't have to work, haha. If you don't have to work I consider it a blessing!! Something funny about this one is the last time somebody threw this one at me they were def projecting bc THEY were the adult without a job while their parents paid for everything... hmm...]

"It's going to impact your ability to find a real partner" [I'm not interested in finding a 'real' partner in the first place. I'm aro.]

"You're TOO obsessed" [I cannot wrap my head around this one and I've heard it so many times. Some people are literally bothered by how much others like something... like, okay? Sorry you can't get as much joy as I can out of the things you like?]

"You're just coping with other shit through this." (I PERSONALLY am not. Fawful just brings me THAT much joy and the reason he's still a huge part of my life is because of that joy, not because I'm using him to get through depression or something. I have made multiple posts in the past about the fact that Fawful is not a coping mechanism for me. I HAVE used things to cope in the past so trust me when I say I am very familiar with the difference.

THAT BEING SAID I would prefer if people who say things like this would be kinder to folks who do use their hyperfixations or special interests as coping mechanisms. It's a thing and it's not always a bad one. There are many cases where media and stories have helped people through hard times in their life until they were able to get on their feet again and that should be respected, not shat on.)

But I'm rambling on at this point. To conclude my answer... I would say that you are probably going to encounter people like this eventually wherever you go if you're intense enough about something to the degree that I am about Fawful. Realizing that it's a reflection on the person making these assumptions about you and less personally about YOU will do wonders in being able to handle it.

I know myself. And I have plenty of dear friends surrounding me to back up just how much joy my beloved has brought to my life rather than toxicity. There are so many pieces of myself and my creative joy I have discovered because of him and I couldn't be happier for it.

#sorry this is a LONG ANSWER #but it's a loaded question tbh #asks #fawfultalk

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divorce · 21 days

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clarifying post

listen, i'm sorry to shove gofundme links in everyone's face after not being around since 2016 -- i just wake up in a tent every day and think, "fuck!!"

let me just say, "i don't expect anyone from tumblr to donate to me" i keep reading posts with 30,000+ notes that are like, 'yeah yall its not much but lets just keep shifting the small amount of wealth that we have access to around cause that's all we really have #mutualaid" i don't care about that, that's not what i'm asking

all i need is for signal boost and someone to act as 'legitimate person' between me and the public, to help carry me to the top right now i'm only committed to raising my energy to 10-25% tops. i'm setting a low bar for myself. that is why my 'content', its all horse-shit, i literally take a nap most days when im on there cause no one's watching, so if it was the most impressive talent i have to showcase or bs it doesn't matter... i'm telling you, deaf ears, the void, audience, impressions, sorted, w/e i'm going up to 100% in the next 3 years i never thought i would be alive this long, as a celebration of my life & Art while in the prime of my life, in the seat of my consciousness, i owe it to myself to perform at my best ; i am now progressing towards making the best art of my life, it would be great

if while at my peak i wasn't still forced to pack up every 3-6 months and shuffle around unhoused, unwashed, unfed, with no protection, exposed to the elements, with no relatives, income, or connections.

i've had people successfully raise funds for me in the past; alone however i do not have any 'social media' so i cannot 'share it', i need 'you guys' ie someone from the internet to take over for me on the 'social media campaign :D yahoo!' side for me, i am an extreme introvert hikki that does ceremonial magick, religious prostrations, lots of bowing, who was neglected at birth ~I CANNOT ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF WORTH SHIT~

I have a house, let me tell you about My House... My Uncle Jim lives in My House, in 2006 when my grandma was sick and in hospice my uncle Jim snuck in and had her sign over the will to the family house which was supposed to go to me and my cousin, the next generation, but Jim took over the deed, and sat in My House, forcing 3 of his brothers out (they died, my dad included). I sat homeless in the streets & my amputee cousin has to work and rent, while Jim sits in My House smoking crack & meth and being a nazi pedophile making 'ball' jokes. Jim has a piece of paper that says "I bought this house for $1 from my mom :P", and I have no such paper, so I have no legal recourse to take back the home from the person who killed my father and my two favorite uncles and made my life worse... My mom also bought my a house 3 years ago. She 100% planned, visited, bought, a home, in front of me, and then said... "You are homeless", and that I "need to work". I think, after over a decade of being homeless, what would work best for me, for solving the problem of homelessness, for me, is I need a home. I think I need access to permenant stable housing. I've tried work, that's fine, whatever. I actually need access to a place to work from. so. My family is not there for me. The Internet I need you to be my family please and transfer me generational wealth so I can get on with my life please and stop being homeless immediately thank you. I'm sorry to lump this on the general internet, but you raised me more than my parents. I'm looking for my Chosen Family. please show up. Share the links and take over for me because after so long I cannot handle this stress.

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kazuwhora · 2 years

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I just wanted to tell you that I agree with you and I'm sorry for the way people have decided to attack you. All you did was make a post trying to make sure people who felt uncomfortable with the original could feel a little less invalidated and people have taken what you said and turned it into you attacking the other persons opinion like you have control of where a topic goes. I felt really hurt by the OP and I feel much better knowing I'm not the only one who felt that way. (cont)

ok this is the last thing I'm gonna respond to about this because literally my only intention is and always will be to make sure people feel comfortable and safe in spaces I can control so click the readmore for my response!!! (lotsa good stuff I promise)

this is super sweet and I appreciate you so much! there is a lot I have to say about this topic but most importantly I wanna touch on what you said about how people are already discouraged on tumblr and that that take made it worse because you're 110% correct. people are literally deactivating, going on hiatus, quitting writing left right and centre for a plethora of reasons, the main one usually being that they feel unwelcomed, unappreciated, and unmotivated to write here. posts telling people they will never improve their skills if they don't read real books is quite literally fuel for that exact fire. people here write because they love writing, and they write because they want to have fun and indulge in something for both themselves and others to enjoy. if people wanted to be a published author, they would be doing that. offering the advice of reading standard classic literature to improve your skills is subjective. as a teacher who literally teaches english, there's only so much that just reading can do. and if you're not interested in it, surprise! it's not going to do a thing! the thing that frustrated me the most about it is that I work in an alternative school with kids who are former drop outs that can't manage regular school. kids who are poor, addicted to drugs, can't function in a regular school setting. kids who fit into the box of "failed high school english" that OP was going on about as "retaliation". I work with and teach these kids every day, and 90% of them cannot pick up a novel or any book and get a single piece of helpful information from them, but they can listen to a song and dissect the lyrics and write amazing fucking poetry full of symbolism when they're given the encouragement and proper tools for their style of learning. kids who failed their highschool english courses that just need a different style and a fresh look on things to do amazing work that exceeds what I would expect from a regular high school english course. many of my students are far better writers than me, even. so for me, the whole thing is a lot more personal because I see how the attitude that came with the original post can harm people, and I fall into those categories myself as well as my students, and plenty of my moots who were hurt by it for the exact same reasons. there are ways to deliver (unwarranted) advice in a kind and helpful way, like saying "a tip I've learned is that if you ever feel stuck and have a hard time improving your skills, try reading novels and literature from published authors! it can help inspire you and expand your skill set into areas you might not have been able to get to where you are now" which literally does not harm anyone or have the implication that you will never improve your skills beyond fanfiction level if you don't do that. beyond that, the entire post basically demeans fanfiction as a whole by putting it on a tier lesser than published literature, when they are two completely separate things with their own unique identities and values. not to mention, lots of published literature is garbage AND/OR started as fanfiction, and lots of fanfiction pieces are fucking amazing beyond comprehension. we can learn skills from so many different things, and the entire take was just not it. not to mention they knew the tone of their post and even acknowledged that, so being surprised that people are hurt by the obviously hurtful tone and words is really weird to me. and whats more is the fact that they are acting like they are being attacked for a piece of criticism that wasn't even really a criticism. it was a reminder to people in my space that you can exist and be an amazing writer and just have fun here without "reading real books", whatever "real books" means anyways. need I remind everyone that we are writing fiction about drawings and dialogue... not even words and sentences.

anyways nonnie, thank u for this message it gave me an avenue to let out my thoughts without having to make a post about it LOL I truly appreciate you and I'm so glad that you feel safe on my blog. I think people take my outspokenness and my willingness to argue a point I don't agree with as me being confrontational and "wanting to start discourse for drama" when in reality, all my friends will attest to the fact that I literally just want people to feel fucking safe and appreciated and welcomed where I can, because being autistic I know what it's like to feel slightly unwelcomed and I NEVER want people to feel excluded because I've been there, as loud and cocky and extroverted as I am. I hope you stick around for a while! I don't bite, really heheh

#tw: discourse #the comments about failing english courses really bothered me when a friend told me about it #considering my job and my students

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directionoftime · 2 years

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Hi! How are you? Hope you’re well!

Sorry if I’m bothering you but I came across you fics and Im dying to read Storm Cloud but me, as silly as I am, I try to avoid to read unfinished stories cause I got attached to the stories and don’t know how to live without an ending to it….

So, all of this to ask if you please may consider writing the end of it…

Also another question: the number of chapters changes from ffnet and ao3, why is that? It’s due to the those sites structure to post?

Tá

Hi Anon,

Ah Storm Cloud... my first great love, and my greatest tragedy... and now seemingly cursed to wander the interwebs unfinished and loved only at a distance.

The early days of SC being written (where I'd update somewhere between a few days/week) was great going, I got to about the 200-250k mark no problems but life took over, I had to move (jobs/country) and life in general just got stressful in ways that parasitised my creativity. In addition to this, the story just stopped getting any engagement, the comments before (and on other stories like I Missed Again and Go No Further carried over a lot of the same readers and we had some great convos) But as my update turn around slowed, they dropped away - and I completely get it: the longer the update schedule you forget the nuance of the chapter/story and your interest wanes (I've been guilty of this myself more than once!) Soon, the only kind of comments I was getting were (quite literally): "more! XD"

"kill urself, virgin s---"

As you might imagine, neither of those particularly helped my already struggling creativity. In the earlier days of writing SC I was in some difficult situations and the good interactions offered me some level of positive social interaction I had precious little of in real life (this might sound weird, but the people I worked with were... hmm... unkind, shall we say).

I had no one else in my life who knew I wrote, or if they did assumed it was something silly, stupid and time wasting. They dgaf about anything I was doing.

So, to address your point of saying you only like to read finished stories: yes, I do understand that - it is frustrating beyond words to read so much of a story and get invented for it to just... end. But, if you can, think of it from my perspective (and other fan-fic authors) for just a moment:

You're expecting me (in context of SC) to run a hyper marathon with no support, no engagement, no feedback, nothing until it's done. [context: I estimate SC to be complete at 350k - that's a 700 page novel!] And then, maybe, I can expect a single comment (which may or may not provide feedback, offer anything kind to say, or any kind of useful positive comment) in return? Doesn't that sound just a little skewed to you?

I'm not attacking you here, I just tying to illustrate that writing takes time, effort, creativity, hard work and a lot of emotional labour (if you're really putting in effort, you need to understand your character, get into their headspace etc - this will vary a bit between authors tho).

In the midst of writing my longer form stories -- I cannot express to you what a well-spring of creativity and passion directly came out of reading comments from my readers. Even when I thought myself out of ideas, I'd read some lovely comments and the sparks were FLYING BABEY!

This has been hashed out by others in past, a probably much more eloquently, but we don't get paid, we have other pressing life responsibilities that no, cannot wait for fan-fiction.

I and others have said: comments are our 'pay'

I write because I love it, but I ALSO love engaging with others about my writing, writing stories that offer people a chance to practice emotions, or follow interesting stories, maybe it's just a free piece of fiction that lets them escape their "real life" for a few minutes - and the stresses there in. There is something magical there, writing a story that someone else loves? That's some lifting the veil of the universe sh-t right there!

There are a million reasons why we write and why we read - and why we (as humans) derive so much pleasure from it.

You get to decide how you interact with fandom (that's really only your choice and I don't mean this in a 'i think ur wrong' kind of way) so I'm not telling you do this or not do that, but I do just want you to consider this perspective the next time you pass over a story because it's "not finished" There is a person on the other end of that story -- the author -- and your willingness to skip over their story, might just be the thing that creatively starves them.

But to answer your question? Eh... maybe. It's been so long even I'm out of the loop of SC and can't really remember some finer points, so it's up in the air I'm afraid. (Diff chapters? Uh might just be because my posting there hasn't kept up whilst I was trying to edit typos/stupid mistakes etc)

I have some original novels and stories I'm working on atm anyway and I've just finished my Masters so I'm currently burnt out to fu-k.

Fandom we're the only ones keeping it and each other alive - please don't be afraid to spread some love!!! <3

#anon #fandom #storm cloud #naruto #kakasaku #thanks for the ask anon #no offence/hate meant #mean this only honestly for what feels kinda sensitive to me atm

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fangirl-everythang · 3 years

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Happy Father's Day Part 3

Summary: 3/3 Well, its the last part.

Warning: Sad, Mentions Death.

Word Count: 2269

"Harry? " I answer the phone.

"It's not Harry but glad you know your numbers." that high pitch annoying ass voice squeals. Rubbing my stomach, the baby's in go position and any day now my oven will be done baking. And of course, this bitch is answering his phone.

"Well bye-bye just thought you should know where he was at. " In the background, I hear Harry's voice going on about something so it must be true. Hanging up I sigh letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I blame myself really, I let him back into my life and this doesn't surprise me. I gotta pee.

Waddling over to the bathroom door a gasp leaves my mouth feeling the surge of liquids fall between my legs. Holy shit. My water broke! Fuck gotta go. Thankful my bag was already in the car. Harry had insisted once I hit the 36-week mark claiming Styles's are either early or fashionably late.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. My knuckles turning white as I grasp the wheel. Nope, I'm not pushing anything out of my vagina. Can't do it. I refuse.

The contraction going away after a few brief moments of completely unreasonable pain. Dialing the numbers, I know by second nature, thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.

"I don't think you should drive y/n"

" Just call 911. I'm almost there! " Gemma ecstatically shouts. She's just like her brother, "Where's Harrold? "

I put the seatbelt on and wince. It's just 28 minutes I can do this. "He's with his whore."

I can hear an audible gasp, "he wouldn't he's so excited for Athena"

"Well I just called him and she answered. " I grunt keeping my eyes on the two lanes ahead of me. Fuck I hate merging lanes people don't know how to drive.

"I'll be at the hospital as soon as possible but my phones gonna-" the line went dead. She did say she was on like 10% oh well.

I can do this just focus y/n. "Hear that baby girl we're almost there, hang on okay Hunny. " I say as a reminder to myself that soon I'll be leaving with another human with me.

6 miles to go that's what I'm talking about, another sharp pain spreads throughout my abdomen while waiting for the light to turn green. "OH COME ON. FOR FUCKS SAKE!" they're getting closer by the minute. Shit. Arriving at a four-way intersection. I'm relieved to be at a red light, the contractions are longer and much more frequent. "Almost there Athena, this is the last light and a straight shot from there."

Abruptly my car is jerked forward with a sharp impact pushing to the oncoming lights. All I see are lights from both directions colliding with my 3,000-pound piece of metal. Sounds of shattering glass and sirens are the last thing I hear before it all fades to black.

||||||||||||||||

Harry's POV

"Has anyone seen Mr. Style's phone?" The helpful aid asked around the dressing room. I could've sworn I put it down for a moment. Y/n could go into labor any minute now and how I am supposed to know. Fuck. I'm stupid.

I was supposed to be here to perform and list nominees and then go back home to y/n. I can't wait to propose to her, she's all I could ever want and she's giving me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for. Running a hand through my damp hair, the lights really build a sweat, I hear a familiar voice. "Looking for this lover? " she asks slipping my phone into my pocket.

"Good luck at home. " she smiles and winks. Before I could question it she walks away.

Looking down at the device my heart skips a beat, I have 146 missed calls. And I've been gone for 5 hours. Seeing Gemma's name on the screen again I swipe to answer.

"Hell-"

"Harry," she says sniffling.

"Gemma what's wrong? did I miss it? Oh my god I hope not"

"I think it would be best if you came now Harry." she breaks her voice cracking.

"Gem what?"

"Listen Harry, she needs you right now so please." she cries. Not needing another word, I tell Jackson the address and that I need to be there as fast as possible, 45 minutes later we're pulling into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.

"Congrats Harry!" Jackson says letting me out at the door. "Thank you!" I beam back at him.

Seeing Gemma, her eyes are puffy with tears still flowing. "Gem what's wro-," a sharp pain to my right cheek stings. Never has Gemma hit me like that, well not since I cut her prom dress. "How could you Harry? Cheat on her again WITH TAYLOR for Christ sakes!" She yells.

"I didn't cheat," I explain to my sister as calm as I can.

She looks at me with wild eyes pulling me into a hallway with fewer people, "Then what happened Harrold?" I clench my jaw instead of speaking, how dare she accuse me of cheating on my pregnant soon-to-be fiancé. Y/n Styles has a great catch don't you think?

"Is she here yet? Gem where are they?" I ask ready to see my new family.

She begins crying again "Harry there was an accident." Those five words make my breathing come to a halt. My heart shatters in a million pieces "Is Y/n okay? What happened?" She begins walking me to a door. "This one," she points. Looking through the glass I see y/n with bruises and cuts to her beautiful face, her stomach nearly deflated from when I last saw her this morning, a cast on a swollen leg of hers, and a sling holding a very damaged arm. Tears brim at my eyes looking at my love on that hospital bed. "She's awake." Gemma walks past me running to the outside.

I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response which I don't get. "Y/n?" I approach her almost as If I were going to help an injured puppy. "Hey love" I smile at her which she glares at me and then turns wincing in pain. "You wanted this didn't you Harry?" I look at her confused. "This is probably great for you, a way out. Well leave." She states using whatever energy she can find.

"Baby I didn't want- I want you and Athena" She breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

"You were with that her and couldn't even bother to pick up your phone!" she screams. "Y/n I wasn-" a knock at the door interrupts my sentence, "Come in" She says glaring at me as a nurse opens the door.

"Hey there Mama, we have a visitor." the nurse wheel in a tiny cart that has a bunch of equipment coming from it. She looks at me and asks Y/n, "Is this dad?" she nods and rolls her eyes. "About time you made it!" She smiles my way. Placing the beautiful baby in front of us. She's so small and fragile. "The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." She states picking up the tiny child and putting her in Y/n's arm.

"Hi pumpkin," Y/n coos into her ear. "Guess who decided to show?" She smiles, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. She nods her head towards me as I go to hold her. She's so soft and precious. Her small eyes have a gorgeous mix of both mine and Y/n's. She has such a cute round face, I couldn't imagine her looking any different.

"Hi there angel, I'm so sorry I was late." I see a spot dampen on her blanket that surrounds her, knowing that I'm crying. Her small eyes shining like twinkling stars. So small I can feel her fragile body between my large hands.

Another knock before the door opens when several doctors walk in. "Mrs. Y/ln, unfortunately, we have some bad news,"

"Oh, hello there Mr. Styles." They state acknowledging my existence. One of the female doctors places a black and white image on the lighted board illuminating the small figure.

"Unfortunately, due to the accident, Athena has suffered from what we call a fetomaternal hemorrhage."

"What exactly are you saying?" Y/n ask looking at the child still in my arms.

The slightly shorter male doctor points to the image. "This is an abscess of blood in the brain. Unfortunately, the risk is too large to operate. I'd give her another day at most."

"You m-mean," Tears start pouring down her face" I was so scared she was hurt. I-I promise I saw the light it was red, and I-I stopped but," She began heaving losing more air with each word. I gently rub her back as I cradle Athena with one arm.

"She's still being monitored but I'm afraid she won't have much longer." The first doctor breaks the silence. "According to the police report the car that struck you from behind happened to be a drunk driver, Gage Joyce." I can feel the anger surging through me. "I remember the clashing of metal, glass breaking, the sirens but it all went b-black." She mumbles, seemingly remembering the awful experience. I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her but it doesn't seem to work.

"After striking your car at 72 mph it had ample force to push your vehicle into the opposite traffic. Your vehicle took the most impact and was hit by four other cars. On scene, EMT's said you were in and out of consciousness mumbling about a baby. Taken and brought to the L&D." he finishes.

"Fetomaternal hemorrhages are often caused by trauma and sometimes can be revered but in this case, we've done all we can do." They all frown looking at the small girl still in my arms.

"No, there's got to be more you can bloody do! We're in a hospital for Christ sakes!" I exclaim, passing my daughter to the love of my life. She gently caresses her soft skin. She's literally a perfect combination of us. I cannot lose my family.

"You can leave, thank you all for your help." y/n says quietly, they oblige by her wishes and leave us with our daughter.

"Harry," she wipes a tear from her face cautious of the IV placed on her hand, "If what they say is true, I just want to spend time with her." She sniffles. I nod understanding. She looks back at the small being in her arms, "Hi pretty girl, Mommy's so happy to meet you," she unfolds the blanket from her. I sit next to her on the small bed in the room that smells of sterilization. Placing my finger near hers' she wraps her small hand around my thumb, her grip so tight for someone so small. Y/n kisses her forehead, "Harry," she runs her finger along her small legs.

"Can you sing the song?" nodding and softly singing Isn't she Lovely by Stevie Wonder, in the small hospital bed as our new life falls asleep. All night I watch her little chest rise and fall allowing y/n to get some rest soon following my two loves.

By the early morning, nurses are rushing in because of the loud beeping from the monitor, waking y/n and I. It feels like everything is happening so fast but in slow motion right in front of me. Those three words are the ones I didn't want to hear. "No! no. I have to take her home. She's gotta go home..." Y/n screams, not being able to see her face due to the tears in my eyes falling and rebuilding themselves faster than the speed of light. "Call it." One of the nurses shouts.

"Time of Death 6:18 am March 7th, 2019"

As they cleared out the room, I see her small lifeless body curled into a blanket, almost as if she were sleeping, but no longer do breaths fall from her small heart-shaped lips.

//////////////////////////

Y/n hasn't said a word since we got in the car. It's been four days since we lost Athena. She slowly climbs into the car, still sore from the accident and birth. I go to the backseat holding back my emotions and putting the empty car-seat in the trunk of the car that should have been holding three of us.

Starting the silent journey back home she continues to look out of the window, a frown etched on her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks as she instinctively touches her somewhat deflated stomach. What kind of sick joke is this?

"Harry why were you with her?" she asks me looking down at what used to be her baby bump.

"I wasn't love, she took my phone while I was on stage." She just nods and remains silent until we pull up to the flat. She begins walking up the stairs as best she can. "Y/n wait, let me help."

"No Harry!" She yells. Pain evident in her voice, ignoring her I open the door and help her inside. "Harry I can't do this." I stare at her confused, "What can't you do y/n?"

"Us Harry. I can't look at you and not think of her." She sobs.

"Y/n we can-" I try to reason with her.

"No Harry, please just go." She whispers.

"I'm not losing both of you," I state holding back my own sobs. I feel like everything feels like it's getting smaller around me, suffocating in grief.

"You already have."

A/N: What can I say I have a thing for dark endings. Anyways I really appreciate the support loves. I hope you enjoy these! Right now I've been working on a Loki piece, I'm so excited for it. I changed the writing style tho, so it's not 1st person per usual. I think it's going pretty well so far.

xoxo Janelle

#harry #harry styles #harryx reader #y/n #harry styles and y/n #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #writing #imagine #oneshot #smut #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb

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queenaeducan · 2 years

Note

It's 5 am and I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE EVENTS OF "WITH NO HEART TO RECALL" AND "I CANNOT COME IN"!!!!

THEY LEFT ME COMPLETELY

WREAKED

I had to take a break to compose myself, but I see that there's a time gap between the previous works and "Naked, Vulnerable, but Completely Content" in "I Have Found a Home" collection on AO3. So I'm wondering if I can find more info on the following events somewhere?

I'm really sorry if I'm being annoying! But I can't find any right words to express how incredibly talented and creativite both of you are!!! After reading all the previous works I found myself madly in love with Ian and your Solas, so my feelings right now could be only summed up by this image

p.s. I forgot to check if I'm sending this to the correct blog. if not... I'm sorry? 💖

Thekrjskdf you're perfectly ok! I'm really happy to help.

Solas and Ian mostly existing in rp means we really skipped all over the place, like the second thread we wrote for them was the Grove scene. A lot of their story exists only between us or little headcanons, we've never written the Tranquility reversal scene for example, and a lot can't be found on AO3 b/c:

the threads were never finished

the threads/fic involve ocs from our worldbuilding which prob wouldnt do well on ao3. i may archive them one day, what prompted me to start archiving the ones i had is of tumblrs instability

in at least one case it's because it's literally 7 years old and we both want to rewrite it.

If you're ok with reading the bits and pieces we have written (including unfinished threads) I've cobbled together the bits between Ian's personal quest and the bath drabble! Also as I think I said in my reply on AO3 the "I Cannot Come In" is going to be rewritten b/c it's a response to an old version of "With No Heart to Recall," Joly rewrote it last year!

I don't love you anymore / I don't love you any less: Takes place very shortly after Ian's Tranquility, Solas is very sad. Ian is... not.

It Was Real: A spirit of Love that had followed Ian for most of his life mourns him where he fell. Solas in his search for a way to reverse Ian's condition comes across it. (UNFINISHED)

Unbecoming Humility: A short fic featuring a spirit OC of mine, Peace, speaking to Solas about involving Love (someone Peace is deeply connected to, they carry pieces of one another with them like favours only they're spirits so it's more literal) in the reversal ritual. Something I wanted to emphasise when Solas sets out to reverse Ian's tranquility was that Solas is deeply concerned about the spirit's wellbeing as well as Ian's, hence why he wants extra help from Peace who has a long history of protecting people (they knew each other in Elvhenan). Anyway this is what I mean when I say that some of the pieces aren't on AO3 b/c they involve OCs/worldbuilding that feel weird just dropping on AO3 skjdfs.

This is where a huge gap goes b/c we haven't written the reversal scene. There's also a fight they have after the Temple of Mythal because Solas is desperate that the Inquisitor (in this case his close friend/my oc Thora) not let Ian drink. This naturally and rightfully makes Ian angry, even if Solas' fear comes from religious trauma (which Ian couldn't know). There was a thread written about this scene but I can't find it for the life of me.

Ame dirthan, ame harthan (I will speak, I will listen): The infamous Grove Scene (tm). This isn't on AO3 because it was written before Trespasser and we'd both write it differently now, there are still parts I'm incredibly fond of.

Anyway, I'm so flattered for your interest!!! I read this after a really long day closing at work and it was a nice bright spot before bed. I'm sorry their series is all over the place, there are dozens more threads on my Solas blog of little moments that haven't made it to an archive. If you like Ian

I've been working on starting a long fic where we can write their whole story in one coherent work, but DA4 will probably be out before then tbh as neither of us are fast writers. However, I can talk about these two all day so if there are any questions you have I'm happy to answer.

Ummm some last notes:

Now that I've said all this however I do remember I once wrote a timeline of their relationship here.

If you like Ian there's a lot that's not on AO3 b/c I didn't write it and would have to ask Joly permission to post it on their account. I'd recommend their drabble tag or codex tag on Ian's blog if you want to read more about him. There'll be more Solian but also more about Layne who you might remember from With No Heart to Recall.

@rozhevisny

#tas talks #long post #u activated my special interest

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 3 years

Text

Special Skill ~ J.P. (part 1)

A/n: After Drive By part 2 WIPED me the fuck out, I tried to rejuvenate myself with some lighter content and ended up realizing that I actually ADORE Bradley Steven Perry, so I went back and watched some old shows and movies he’s in. When I stumbled on Pants on Fire... well, you know I had to ;) This was the piece I was so excited about! It’ll be a two parter because I cannot do all of ANYTHING in one part it seems lmao

Warning: This is male reader and also PURELY self indulgent. Also, LOTS of lying and manipulation. Being ignored. Highschool. Nothing too serious.

Word Count: 5600+

MASTERLIST

Everyone has a special skill. Some people are just really great at school. Some people are fast learners. Some people are natural, easily funny. Some people are good with kids. Some people were fantastic at keeping promises, or never failed to do what they felt had to be done no matter the cost.

Jack Parker's special skill was lying.

Y/n's special skill was being completely invisible.

Not like in a superhero way, but in a high school way. Y/n was really quiet and reserved. He wasn't caught up in the normal high school things like relationships and popularity. In fact, he was withdrawn on purpose, finding most kids his age to be really annoying or ridiculous on some level. He was never rude, but he did prefer people watching and laughing to himself, to actually interacting with others.

He never meant to eavesdrop, it was just that he'd be sitting on the floor, leaning against a book shelf reading a book when someone on the other side of the bookshelf would start talking about something that he tuned into without thinking. Or, his quietness allowed people to forget that they weren't alone while walking or riding the bus and they'd talk loud enough for him to hear when he wasn't too far away. He perhaps could have tried harder to avoid people and give them their space, and he almost had... until one day he'd overheard Jack Parker and his best friend Ryan talking about something so very interesting that it convinced him to never stop listening to people ever again.

Jack Parker was... an interesting person, let's start there. A few people were pretty sure that half the things he said were true out of sheer improbability. However, Jack was such an amazing liar that no one could prove him wrong, and after a while even the ones who disbelieved him the most fell for his confidence and charisma. He just SEEMED like he was telling the truth. Everyone believed Jack when he told them something happened, especially when he became a local hero for tutoring some boy from another school. Mikey.

Well, almost everyone believed him at least. His very best friend, Ryan, knew the truth because Jack had told him. And Y/n knew because he'd been within earshot when Jack had told Ryan in the first place.

It had been what usually happens. The two boys had been in the back of the bus, as they both got off at the last stop - along with Y/n. They didn't know this though, because Y/n sat in front of them, just a few seats. He didn't talk, or even move a lot. He even sunk a lot into his seat as he was quite small, and leaned against the window to look outside, one earphone in his ear. As usual, his weird talent to be invisible no matter how hard he tried - for god's sake he was wearing a neon red jacket that day - he went completely undetected. So when Jack had explained to Ryan that he had lied about Mikey, and what it meant for them, Y/n had been well within ear shot to hear the whole thing.

Y/n could have told someone. Probably should have. But he had... a sort of crush on Jack, and selling him out wouldn't get Y/n anywhere with getting on the boy's good side. Not to mention, there weren't many people that would believe him - if there were any at all. He probably could have figured out a way to show Jack up. To rip apart his tapestry of lies and expose him to everyone. But Y/n believed that mistakes should be learned from. If he exposed Jack now, all that would happen is that Jack's life would be ruined and Jack would hate him. Things would come out eventually, and hopefully it would be from Jack himself. If that damage had to be done, Y/n wasn't going to be the one to do it.

He never really was, though. He never did much of anything.

All of that being said, Jack and Ryan were not the only ones stunned when the very Mikey that had been a ruse, suddenly turned up at school. Solid and smiling and talking and very much real. He passed every test and followed through treating Jack exactly how you'd expect Mikey to be. With him came Jack's super hot girlfriend from Arizona, even though Jack was so obviously crushing on one of the girls at school - Jenny. If that hadn't been bad enough, Jack and Ryan themselves broke into the room where Y/n was having shop class, being chased by lumberjacks who seemed to have it out for Jack. Weirdly enough, that fit another one of Jack's lies - once he'd broken his arm apparently single handedly fighting off two lumberjacks, but Y/n had seen Jack at the bike park the day before, and had seen him fall and break his arm, so he'd known better. Seeing them here now worried Y/n. So of COURSE he offered to take the two men out of the school where they belonged, and used it as an opportunity to dip out of class and follow after Jack to see if anymore of the lies Jack had told had come true.

Maybe even figure out what the hell was going on, and stop it.

Jack probably didn't deserve it, but if this got serious then Jack would be in danger from lumberjacks and aliens and pro wrestlers alike - and those were just the lies Y/n had heard about. Life was hard enough without your life being in danger, and that directly putting others' lives in danger as well. Y/n usually sat back and did nothing, but this wasn't one of those times.

After school, Y/n decided to go home - he wasn't going to follow Jack THAT far. But only the very next day, the rumor that Jack had been outside Jenny's house covered in all kinds of different things - including makeup - Y/n realized that maybe Jack needed an extra pairs of eyes to help him out. Unfortunately, Y/n lost Jack pretty early in the day as none other than Mikey himself approached after having a short exchange with Ryan and Jack. "Hey!" he greeted warmly.

Y/n stared back for a few seconds. Mikey seemed to get uncomfortable - the first negative reaction he'd had to literally anyone his entire time being here. "Hi," Y/n finally responded evenly, narrowing his eyes.

The response seemed to cheer Mikey up again. "Now that I'm transferring schools and coming here permanently, I think I want to make friends outside of Jack. He seems to be close with everyone here on some level, except for you and a few others. Figured I'd try each of you guys until someone - or even all of you - want to be my friend too!"

That made Y/n smirk. "I know you're full of shit."

Apparently, Mikey hadn't been expecting that. "I'm sorry?"

Shaking his head, Y/n scoffed. "I know Jack lied about there even being a Mikey. If you're just here to psyche Jack out, or for some magic thing, why are you trying to be friends with ME? No one wants to be friends with me."

This time it was Mikey who didn't respond right away. "You're less invisible than you think. I saw you in the window yesterday, watching me and Jack. I also saw you take those lumberjacks out of the school, which probably saved the boys a lot of time. I also saw you following Jack around the rest of school after that. You're the only one in this entire school who seems to be questioning anything." He smirked. "I have a friend who would really appreciate your help, especially since you know the truth about Jack... if you wanted to get him back for it."

Okay that wasn't what Y/n had been expecting. "Will I finally know what's going on?" Mikey nodded. "Will I have to participate in duping Jack?"

Mikey only shrugged. "We'll see what she says. Probably not."

How could he say no? "Who's this she, and what are you guys up to?"

Finally, that huge grin returned to Mikey's face. "I'm so glad you asked."

When Hannah had finished explaining the lengths she'd gone to in order to shake Jack up enough to finally tell everyone all he'd been lying about, Y/n had only one thing to say. "So you're lying to him to get him to come clean about lying to everyone else? At least now we know for sure you're both related."

That made her go a little red. "Listen, you have a little sister. You bring her to the fun center all the time." To that Y/n had to nod. "I see the way you sort of blend. I've picked Jack up from school for enough years now that I also notice the way you look at him." Y/n went stiff and Hannah chuckled. "Listen. He's a tool, and I have NO idea what you see in him, knowing what you know. But if you help me do this, maybe I'll help you out with your dilemma."

Y/n crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly not in a very cheery mood. "As much as I appreciate the thought Hannah, I'd rather like him from a distance than have to be friends with a straight boy I've liked for years okay? I'll keep my mouth shut - don't make any other promises you can't keep. Especially because-" Y/n swallowed a thick something caught in his throat. "He likes someone else.

There was an odd look on Hannah's face, but it was hard to read and she wasn't about to explain it which was most clear when she just kept on talking. So Y/n dismissed the look altogether. "Fine, that's fair." They parted ways there as Y/n noticed Jack and Ryan walking over to head home. Y/n had left class early to talk to Hannah in the empty parking lot, but now his time was up. "See you around, Hannah. Good luck." She winked and the boys shot Y/n confused looks as they got in the car and he left. As he went, he could hear them asking Hannah who he was, but she just said that Y/n had been asking for advice because they worked together, and left it there.

With how easy the words had left Hannah, and with how much confidence she'd had, perhaps Jack's talent for lying was more of a family thing than Hannah would like to admit. The thought amused Y/n enough to cheer him up. For now at least.

The next day in PE very quickly ruined his mood again though, as they were set up to play dodge ball. Mikey ended up being one of the team leaders, and he chose Y/n first to be on his team. Everyone was surprised. No one ever picked Y/n first. Even standing in front of them dressed in bright blue and red, he still blended into the crowd and it was often that not until everyone else had been picked they even realized he was there at all. Unfortunately, Y/n knew why Mikey saw Y/n so clearly. Why Mikey had picked him first. And he wasn't happy about it.

During the games, Mikey didn't talk much to Y/n which was appreciated, but the attitude Y/n gave him every time they DID interact seemed to catch Jack's attention - exactly what he didn't want to happen. Especially when a few games in everyone was picked off one by one until Jack and Ryan stood against Y/n and Mikey. Two on two, with Jack's eyes trained on Y/n in a way that made Y/n feel like he was going to explode. Perhaps it was that exact energy that demanded to be used that had driven him to pick up a ball and throw it at Ryan, nailing the red head right in the chest. "Nice shot!" Mikey congratulated. Y/n rolled his eyes.

In his moment of distraction, Jack hit Y/n with a ball as well. Y/n looked over when he was hit and the two boys' eyes locked. Jack seemed to be asking a question Y/n didn't want to even look at. Didn't want to hear, let alone answer. So he ducked his head and dipped, bee lining it for the water fountain on the opposite end of the gym to wait out the rest of the game so he could have as little downtime as possible to interact with Jack. It was that action which caused him to miss Jack nailing Jenny in the face with a ball aimed for Mikey, but he'd hear enough about it later to plenty make up for it.

After class was lunch, and Y/n would have made it peacefully to his usual spot under the bleachers, but Hannah stopped him on the way. Y/n was expecting her to ask him to be nicer to Mikey, but her eyes were only full of concern. "Mikey told me what happened in PE. How Jack noticed you, and how you ran away. He said you looked upset."

Y/n sighed, his shoulders sagging. "Honestly I just..." He wasn't used to having someone care about him, or talking about his feelings. It felt so promising to finally be able to, but also terrifying. Perhaps he and Hannah were in cahoots now, but she had no reason to actually care about Y/n. She was probably only asking to make sure that he didn't slip and tell Jack anything, which gave the thought that once this whole thing was over, she wouldn't care anymore. That meant Y/n could NOT get attached to her. Temporary things weren't worth putting effort into. "Nothing. I'm just used to noticing, not being noticed. Mikey sort of drew attention to me when he picked me first and it threw me off." He shrugged. "Now if you'll excuse me-"

"Hannah?" The sound of his voice made Y/n freeze, perfectly still. Not even breathing. "Drive us to Funland."

"Please?" She prompted, eyes staying purposefully away from Y/n, who kept his back to Jack but was still unfortunately in full view of her.

"Hannah," Jack tried again, voice laced with irritation. "Drive us to Funland. Please." the last word came out sarcastic and sharp. Y/n felt himself relaxed, ever amused by Jack's unceasing attitude.

"No," Hannah answered bluntly, smirking as she crossed her arm. Y/n actually smiled, and that only served to encourage her even more.

"Come on," Jack complained.

Ryan seemed to be less sure about wanting to go though. "We can't go back there," he reminded urgently. "Otis banned us for life." Y/n shot a look at Hannah, whose smirk only grew. Y/n had known for a long time that she worked at Funland - after all, he did take his little sister there like she'd said. He was beginning to wonder what shenanigans he'd been missing out on.

"We have no choice," Jack argued, turning to his friend. "If we want to get rid of Mikey once and for all, we have to find that purple hippo."

That caught Y/n off guard, and without thinking he turned to face Jack, too confused to think clearly. "I'm sorry, you're looking for Hurley?"

Jack only then seemed to realized Y/n was there, and he stopped a second, as if realizing it was the same kid who's been playing dodge ball with Mikey. Ah yes, back to being invisible. "No," Jack picked up again. "We're talking about a purple hippo at Funland who stands around and hands out balloons."

"Yeah," Hannah said this time. "His name's Hurley. And he doesn't hand out balloons."

"Well, when Emma and I went yesterday, Bart was off," Y/n piped up, directing that at Hannah. He didn't want to address Jack yet, and every time he looked at Ryan, the red head had gears turning so visibly not even his narrowed eyes could hold it off.

"That explains it," Hannah affirmed, nodding.

Jack was the next one to pipe in. "How do you two know all this?"

Hannah answered that one. "Jack, I've worked there for two years. I see Y/n there all the time with his little sister."

"Seriously?" Jack's shoulder relaxed, and Y/n realized that he'd pieced together why Y/n and Hannah were so casually talking to each other. He must have paid as close attention to Hannah as he did to Y/n though, because Y/n and Hannah had never really talked until all of the recent stuff that had been happening.

That theory was confirmed when Hannah huffed, "Where did you think I was going for four hours every day after school?"

"Well I don't know." Jack's eyes went wide as he shrugged. "I was just happy you were out of the house." Hannah sighed and took Y/n's arm to drag him after her as she began to walk away. There was only a second before Jack trailed after them, desperation leaking into his voice. "Hannah," he pleaded. "Hannah, please!"

Hannah was strong. Y/n wasn't. He pulled out of her grasp, turning to face Jack. "If you're really set on finding Hurley for whatever weird breakdown you seem to be having, his main habitat is the jungle mini golf course. Look for him there, okay?"

Jack grinned. "I like your new friend Hannah. He's awesome."

Y/n looked away to hide his blush.

"Yeah yeah, now go," Hannah dismissed, and the two boys ran off to go find Hurley. She grinned at Y/n when they were gone. "You know I'm Hurley, right?"

Y/n winced. "I know that now."

She giggled. "It's fine. This could be a good thing actually. They seem lost - I'll give em a little nudge." She leaned closer, bumping her shoulder with his. Her finger on the other arm reached up to tap his nose. "Push him in all the right directions." She winked, and then took off walking without Y/n this time, leaving him with a sinking dread in his stomach.

He pushed it down to take Emily to Funland just like he always did though... which had been a mistake. He thought that it would have been a big enough place to avoid Jack and Ryan, but only an hour later they were heading out of the jungle mini golf course when Ryan walked up to them, which of course meant Jack followed after. "Hey, I never caught your name?"

Y/n wished in that moment he could just die on the spot. "It's Y/n," he answered, hoping that would make Ryan go away. Long story short: it didn't.

"You've been coming here with Emma for a few years," Ryan continued. "Do you have any idea who Hubert could be?”

"Hurley," Y/n corrected tiredly. Ryan nodded. Y/n let his eyes drift away, searching out Emma as she climbed the rock wall. Unlike Jack, he wasn't good at lying. People never asked him questions - they never talked to him at all. But he had to lie. On some level. He DID know who Hurley was, but he couldn't exactly tell Jack that. Damnit Hannah, why did she have to tell him?! "Not really," Y/n finally caved. Ryan rose an eyebrow. "I mean I saw Hurley without a head once when I first came here, but they were fired as far as I know so I'm assuming it's someone new. That was three and a half years ago." It was truthful in full. Aside from the just the story, he didn't really know Hannah personally. He could have told them he knew it was her now, but he just. Didn't. Everything else had enough truth to it that it wasn't hard to sell.

Jack stepped up. "This probably makes no sense to you, but I just wanted to thank you for helping out. I think I've seen you around school a few times, but we've never like talked or anything. I just have to ask... why ARE you helping?"

Y/n shrugged. "I hate lying, and there's no harm in telling you what I did." Only then did he look away from Emma again as she began to reach the bottom of the rock wall, directly into Jack's eyes. "You have a lot going for you. It would be a shame if some unexpected drama were to ruin everything else." Jack's eyebrows came together, but before he could say anything Emma had reached the bottom and had made her way over - as Y/n had intended.

"Who are your friends?" the ten year old asked.

"Not my friends," Y/n corrected in the same nonchalant voice he'd used to remind Ryan of Hurley's name. "Just people I got to school with. They were just leaving-"

Emma's eyes went wide. "Wait, you're Jack aren't you?" Y/n went stiff. "My brother used to talk about you all the time! You're like the coolest kid at his school."

Jack turned his raised eyebrows on again, still aiming them at Y/n. Y/n shrugged. "What teenager who goes unnoticed and completely uncared for doesn't want to be friends with the popular kid?" He put either of his hands on Emma's shoulders, steering her away. "Nice to see you guys, later!"

Unfortunately, Jack didn't leave it there. "No wait!" He jogged over and Emma stopped, which forced Y/n to as well. "You've been cool. I wouldn't mind being friends."

Ironically, Y/n flashed back to what he'd said to Hannah. How much he had so NOT wanted this exact thing to happen. But what could he say. 'Sorry don't want to be friends with my crush, that would suck'? He couldn't that. But else would make sense? "Sure," Y/n sighed.

For some reason, that made Jack smile. "If you guys are set on staying here for a while longer, you can, but you could also come hang out with me and Ryan at my house if you wanted."

Y/n went to decline, but Emma got to it first. "Only if I can come along," she stated firmly. "This is sibling time. You get to join, not interrupt."

"That's fair," Jack agreed. "Come on!" The four kids headed outside after getting Emma's shoes and stuff, ready to catch the bus back to Jack's house. Y/n was sweating bullets. Unfortunately, going to Jack's house was the least of his problems. The second they were outside, Jack froze. "Perhaps... we should cancel the whole going to my house thing," Jack began nervously. His eyes moved to the others slowly, fear in them. Y/n seemed to put together what had him immediately - another lie had come to life. As if on cue, Jack looked at Y/n and Emma before his eyes glued to Ryan with purpose. "Remember when I told Eric that I was late meeting him because I was abducted by aliens?"

Ryan immediately went tense, and Y/n went pale. All four pairs of eyes turned to the roof, following Jack's lead as they saw what he had. Two men, wearing odd glasses like Cyclops from the X-Men comics. They seem to look identical - down to the matching shiny, silver suits and black, polished shoes. Very... what one might assume... alien vibes.

"No," Ryan whispered, forcing himself to reject what he was seeing. "I absolutely do not remember. I refuse to remember!" He even turned away, eyes focused purposefully on the cement.

"Too late," Jack shot down, his voice full of regret and resigned fear. He looked at Y/n and Emma, and in that moment the look that Jack had on his face would be burned in Y/n's mind forever. This is the face Jack made when he told the truth. "They're back."

"There are no such thing as aliens," Emma argued, shaking her head even as she looked up at the two men on the roof with awe.

"Right!" Ryan agreed, getting his momentum back. "Those are just two dudes, you know, wearing weird suits, standing on top of a roof." Jack and Emma nodded along, but Y/n was the one who had kept his eyes glued on the men, so he was the one who first saw the very bad news.

"They're running down it!" He screamed, jumping back to push Emma behind him, protected for maybe only a second longer than if he'd just left her be.

The two men landed, removed their weird glasses to reveal glowing red eyes, and then opened their mouths to release a high pitched, terrible shrieking sound. Y/n was most disturbed by the fact that they seemed to be even more identical with the visors off. So when Jack said to run, all four of them did, taking off into the garbage and hopping into the back of a truck. The aliens ran by and they were home free... well, until they almost ran face first into the lumberjacks, who had been so good as to find Jack again - this time with even more friends in harm's way. They were all running again, booking it into the elevator and to the top floor where they came out on the roof of all places. Where, to everyone's luck, the lumberjacks also were as they'd taken the stairs. Where, just as well, the aliens were as well, having run up the long way - through the parking lot. Even Otis was here, on his little golf cart to run them down as well.

Just as all hope seemed to be lost, Jack's fake girl from Arizona - Y/n never learned her name - pulled up in a red convertible, yelling at the four of them to get inside. Emma, Y/n, and Ryan all piled eagerly into the back seat, but Miss Totally not Fake Girlfriend locked the car before Jack could join them - right after he thanked her too, which finally gave Y/n her name. Lisa.

"Not you," Lisa snapped.

"What?" Jack almost screamed. Y/n couldn't blame him - Otis, the lumberjacks, and the aliens were getting closer by the second.

"You broke my heart, Jackie Bear," Lisa whined. Y/n looked away, his hands curling into fists. Putting Jack's life on the line was NOT worth having a heart to heart. This was NOT the time - how selfish did someone have to be? She didn't have to come at all if she didn't want to help, so why wasn't she just doing it and then talking about it later? She could have locked all of them in the car once they were safe and not let him out until... but then was when Y/n realized what this was about. The fake danger would force Jack to spill his guts and be honest, even if he wouldn't have in literally any other situation. Hannah was a genius.

"Lisa, please," Jack pleaded. "Whatever you want, I'll make it up to you."

"You're just saying that because you're selfish and you don't want your brains sucked out of your skull by aliens." The sentence was ridiculous, but Lisa DID have a point. Jack was only using her as an escape - he didn't really care that he'd hurt her.

Jack finally cracked though, not having enough room to think rationally. "Okay what do you want me to say?" he snapped.

"The truth," Lisa stated firmly.

And then, for some reason, Jack looked directly at Y/n, and in his eyes was that same fear from earlier. Y/n realized that the high opinions of others meant everything to Jack. Even now, thinking his life was on the line, with Y/n in the car, he couldn't bring himself to say it. "Just tell her, Jack," Y/n demanded. "I know as well as Ryan does that this whole lying thing has gotten out of hand."

Stunned, Jack looked back to Lisa. His confusion was replaced by regret as he saw HER. The girl he'd hurt by blowing her off to hide her from Jenny. Jenny, who had been hurt by all the other lies as well. Y/n, who seemed to know Jack had been lying but seemed hurt anyway. In that moment, he realized that Y/n was right. This HAD gone too far.

"Why don't you want to be with me?" Lisa asked gently, leaving no room for half truths or cop outs.

Looking around, Jack finally took in his situation... and gave up. "I-" His eyes flickered to Y/n again before landing on Lisa solidly. "I made you up so my friends wouldn't make fun of me."

Lisa smiled. "Get in." The car unlocked and the door opened and Jack was inside, and then they were pulling away and headed to Jack's house.

It was dark when they pulled up and unbuckled. Jack turned to Lisa, thanking her. She only smiled. "I know how much you love trouble, Jackie. Someone's gotta watch out for you." Ryan's eyes found Y/n's in that moment, and Y/n got the terrible feeling he'd been officially wrapped up in something he'd been trying to avoid.

"Listen, I'm sorry I lied to you," Jack apologized now. "I never, ever meant to hurt your feelings. It's just... I'm kind of into someone else." Y/n found himself having to look away, but he didn't miss the way that Ryan caught the pain flickering across his features. He only hoped Ryan wouldn't put together why.

Lisa was unphased. "If you like this someone else so much, Jackie Bear, just... try being honest with them. No one wants a relationship built on lies."

Jack nodded, then looked at Y/n. Feeling his eyes, Y/n looked back. "Speaking of..." He rose an eyebrow and Y/n nodded, recognizing without saying it that they needed to talk. They all got out of the car, said goodbye to Lisa, and then stood there and watched her go. It was then that Jack turned to Y/n again. "How did you know Lisa was a lie?"

Y/n sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I know a lot of things about the people at our high school. I don't MEAN to, people just... don't notice me." He shrugged. "Say things without realizing I can hear you. I was in the bus with you guys when you told Ryan that Mikey was a lie. I was also at the park when you broke your arm on your bike, so I knew you lied about the lumberjacks. I'd hear the "my secret girlfriend in Canada" line so many times it was easy to put together that you were full of crap about that too. I eventually wrote off that most things you said that sounded ridiculous on any level, were. Like your Asian parents and the wrestler and Mikey's dog's bionic tail."

After a second, Jack let out a breath. "Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

At this, Y/n could only bring himself to shrug. "I don't owe anyone anything, and there was no harm coming from it at the time. I mean, the other people lined up for Student of the Year were annoying, and that was as far as I knew when it came to who you were affecting. It's not my job to keep you from making your own mistakes - you have to be the one to tell them. You have to learn from it. Now more than ever. All of these things happening are affecting more than just you, and Lisa was right. Jenny has probably been hurt by the lying most of all." Jack went to argue, but Y/n just rolled his eyes. "Half the school can see the way you look at her, Jack, you're not lowkey." That shut Jack up immediately.

"Well," Ryan sighed. "Now we know how to fix the whole thing. It worked with Lisa, and it can work with the others too. You just have to tell the truth - that isn't hard."

But then a look crossed over Jack's face, and Ryan and Y/n seemed to realize what he was thinking without him having to open his mouth. "Jack..." Y/n whispered softly.

"I'm just so CLOSE, you guys!" He huffed, looking at the with desperation. "Student of the Year gets announced tomorrow."

"Are you crazy?" Ryan snapped. "After everything we've been through?"

"The hippo said I have to confess to everyone. He never said when," Jack reasoned. "I'll just do it after Student of the Year. You even said it yourself Y/n - those kids are annoying anyway. I'm showing people that grades and crap don't matter - heart does! That's a GOOD thing."

Y/n stepped away when Jack reached a hand out to put on Y/n's shoulder. "But you're not winning on good character, Jack. You're winning through lies. Lies that are becoming a serious problem. And what do you think will happen when they realize you've been lying even after you got the award? You think there are aliens and lumberjacks coming after you and anyone close to you, but you still prioritize what? Being a bat boy?" He shook his head, grabbing Emma's hand. "I was wrong about you Jack. I thought every teenager was afraid of being hated and invisible. I thought you did it because you cared about being able to do the cool things you can - like stop bullies two years older than you from messing with other kids, or getting a whole school to rally together through love and excitement. But the only thing you're doing it for is the glory, and you care more about that than your friends and family." Jack went to say something, but Y/n just shook his head. "I was stupid to have a crush on you. You suck." And then without seeing Jack's reaction, he turned and walked away.

He figured that after his little confession, Jack wouldn't try to be friends with him anymore. Before, he'd been silently afraid of that. No matter what he told himself, he wanted Jack to see him and smile. To know he existed and to enjoy being around him. Yesterday, or just a few minutes ago even, that would have been enough...

Now, Y/n didn't care in the least. If that was how Jack treated people he saw, Y/n was just fine curling up in the shadows and never having Jack look at him again.

#Jack Parker #liar liar pants on Fire #pants on fire #Disney #Disney XD #Disney x reader #Disney imagine #Jack Parker x reader #jack parker x male reader #Jack Parker imagine #Disney XD imagine #Disney XD x reader #male reader #Bradley Steven Perry #Bradley Perry #Bradley Perry x reader #Bradley Perry x male reader #Bradley Steven Perry x reader #Bradley Steven Perry x male reader

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luthienne · 4 years

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Truly feel like I don't even have the strenght in me to keep trying to help or make the world 'better.' It will never happen. I say this as an indigenous latina, so it isn't like I'm a white 'ally' with 'burn out.' I've literally been fighting my whole life. Don't feel like I can keep fighting. Everything is a lost cause. I lose heart I didn't know I have with every piece of news or post I see on Twitter or anywhere else. So much pain.

ay, mi amor, i’m so sorry. please know that as much as you witness cruelty and injustice, as overwhelming as it feels, as pointless as it feels to keep fighting (not just against injustices but for your own right to feel safe, to feel hopeful, to feel valued), you are not alone, you are not fighting alone, and it is not your fight alone. the joy harjo quote from her poem “the naming” comes to my mind: “truth can appear as disaster in a land of things unspoken.”

sometimes it feels like a lost cause. we are constantly assaulted w news about more injustices, more harmful actions. utter lack of accountability. and we wonder how the world can be such a violent place, after everything, after everything. but the truth is, despite everything, the world is full of tenderness and love and humans wanting to fight for what’s right and do better than they’ve done before, to do whatever they can to help even at the risk of getting hurt, of getting caught in the crossfire bc they care so much, bc they’re not willing to let these injustices happen silently.

words feel so powerless sometimes. language feels so insufficient. nothing feels enough. mary oliver can express what i’m trying to say better than i can:

“meanwhile i know this: evil is one part of our beautiful world. and though my writing pays it small attention, i am not blinkered; i, too, have been forced to stand close to it, and have felt the almost muscular agony of impotence before it, unable to interfere or assuage or do anything effective. though i do—oh yes i do—believe the soul is improvable. oh sweet and defiant hope!”

some days, we just have to say: “i don’t have faith today. i don’t have hope today. i don’t have the strength to fight today. i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, i can’t understand how things will ever change. maybe i’ll have faith again tomorrow. maybe i’ll have hope again tomorrow. maybe i’ll have the strength to fight again tomorrow.” and know that it’s ok. you are a human being and we are not made to endure constant horrors, what feel like never-ending battles on every front. sometimes fighting (especially things like systemic oppression) means taking a step back to take care of yourself.

i am loathe to use a choir metaphor but there’s this thing that we do when there are long lines of music: each singer drops out at different times to take a breath before coming back in, and it’s unnoticeable bc the rest of the choir is still sustaining the music. social justice in communities should be like this. you need to take a breath. we’ll still be here fighting, your community will be here to uplift you and support you and love you. you cannot continue pouring from an empty cup. you have to take care of yourself (if possible, in any way). this fight belongs to everyone. i’m so sorry that it doesn’t always feel like that’s the reality of it.

as a non-indigenous latina who grew up in new mexico alongside my indigenous latinx sisters, i recognize the harm that can come from within even the latinx community. the internalized normalization of systemic oppression, our complicity if we are not actively speaking out and working against it. it is our responsibility to step up and take on the fight in the ways that our privilege allows us. it is our job to confront racism and injustices in our communities, to not be silent, to shoulder the weight. i am here for you and w you in this fight. ♡

i have to believe that someday, big change will happen, that every day people are doing things that make the world a little better—and big change begins with the little changes that each of us take on every single day. it begins with people making the choice to become active in their communities, engaging w their communities about issues, looking for the places where they can donate a little bit of money even when they’re out of work, showing up to protests and vigils even in the middle of a pandemic, doing what they can to unlearn and learn and do better, voting for change, holding our elected leaders accountable. understanding that we will fuck up and that accountability is necessary (and that it is our job to hold ourselves accountable, not to expect others to do it for us). hopefully the smaller actions lead to bigger actions, hopefully this accountability carries us further in the fight than we’ve been able to go before.

i attended a masterclass on stamina the other day--i thought it was going to be about vocal stamina (we were all opera singers), but she chose to also speak about emotional stamina, about resilience. she mentioned a ted talk she had listened to where the speaker talked about how resilient people choose where they focus their attention--is this serving me, or not? what can i change and what can’t i change? am i directing my energy toward a “positive” goal? bc we are wired to direct our attention to negativity, to danger, to threats. it is a survival instinct we all have. (i won’t get started on when we throw trauma into that mix.) she told us that our practice, not our results, is what needs to be consistent.

i personally needed that reminder: to direct my energy toward the act of simply achieving a consistent practice. all too often, my energy goes instead into the (paralyzing) fear that nothing i can do will ever be enough. the pointlessness of my efforts. the self-admonishment that my practice didn’t achieve the results that i wanted. it’s incredibly self-defeating. i don’t know if this is at all helpful for you. it is, of course, a false equivalence to say that trying to get better at singing is the same thing as trying to dismantle systemic oppression. but the reminder hit me on many levels--that everything i do isn’t necessarily going to achieve the results that i want. it’s just important that i show up to do the work.

i was chatting w my bestie @bronzeaxeli, who is an indigenous latina (and all-around amazing human being), when i received your ask. she passed along, “on the futility of fighting against an seemingly insurmountable social construct, i think my best advice is to consider how do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time. it is going to take the entire ant hill to digest this beast. but all of us together working to make the small changes incrementally will there be change. it will take a long time, but these systems weren’t built in a day. and if hope isn’t enough, then do it for the spite. living well is the best revenge. make those who look down on us paranoid, and while they are continually looking over their shoulder, they miss all of us moving forward toward our own goals.”

“You cannot destroy a soul though you may destroy a planet. You cannot destroy a song though you can make people forgetful. A soul can appear to be destroyed, and a song can disappear for a few generations only to reemerge from the heart of a child who turns and becomes a woman.”

Joy Harjo, A Map to the Next World

“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”

Howard Zinn, A Power Governments Cannot Suppress

“No matter, I said lightly, more to myself than anyone. We will make it through this, past the edge of the wound.”

Joy Harjo, A Map to the Next World

#ask #anon #<333 #long post

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aro-culture-is · 4 years

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1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #advice #tw trauma #tw suicide #trauma tw #suicide tw #again tagging suicide because of the implication #that i as a person who prefers to not read those implications would want #god i hope this is okay #anon please know that i care very much #and that if therapy is something you can afford i would highly recommend it #Anonymous #mod kee

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disgruntled-raichu · 3 years

Text

Danganronpa: Blackened Hope

PROLOGUE

THE HIGH LIFE (PART 1)

Table of Contents:

Author’s note: It was at this point that I just realized. I've literally never written anything like this before. So uh, help me out here I guess.

POV: First Person

Mom: So, are you ready for college?

???: ... not exactly.

Mom: Why not?

???: I don't know, what if I'm not good enough?

Mom: *EMPTY*, please. Just go, it's the best place you can be!

???: Alright, I'll try my best.

Way up high in the sky, on a floating island, lies a college campus. Buildings litter the island, but there are no people to be seen. Inside the dormitory, someone is sleeping. Awoken by the beams of light piercing their blinds, they begin their day.

???: "This... is me. I've been trapped here for almost a year now, without even knowing my name, or how I got here. There doesn't seem to be anyone else here. Even so, I've been fine here. The electricity runs, I've got heat, and even a generous selection of games to play. I've had to take care of myself for the past 8 months, and I've basically become a gourmet cook since they don't give me meals. Once a week, my refrigerator is refilled. I've tried to figure out who refills my food, but with no success. It's not like it matters. I mean, if I'm stuck here forever, it doesn't matter if anyone else is out there. This is my life. Foreve-"

A loud, blaring alarm screeches louder than anything she's ever heard before. A robotic voice speaks,"Greetings subject, I shall call you Shield, the Ultimate Lawyer. You shall now play the killing game. You may opt-out, but in order to do so, you must give us the names and locations of all of your friends and family. We cannot guarantee their safety. If you write down the wrong information, you will die. If you wish to partake in the game, please write your code name, Shield, on a piece of paper. If you do not opt out, I cannot guarantee your safety either. You have 30 seconds to make your choice."

Just as the voice finished speaking, the alarm started blasting again.

"30..."

Immediately, my mind starts running wild.

Shield: "You can't be serious, right?!" I screamed, completely bewildered. The suddenness of the situation rendered me speechless.

"29... 28... 27..."

The voice continued to countdown, showing no mercy whatsoever as I spent the next few moments panicking and begging for more time.

"10..."

Shield: "Please, just-"

"9..."

Shield: "Just, wait for a second-"

"8..."

Shield: "How am I even going to choose?!?!"

"7..."

Shield: "I'M NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF DECISION!!"

"6..."

The voice continued to count down, any cries for it to stop showed no results.

"3..."

Shield: "PLEASE!"

"2..."

In a moment of desperation...

"1..."

I wrote down my name.

"0..."

"..."

"Click!"

The sound of a door unlocking sounded throughout the room. Wiping my tears from my eyes, I got up walked towards the door.

I've been waiting to leave this place for so long... why am I afraid of leaving? Several minutes of contemplating my decision passed before I heard voices in the hallway. I backed away from the door, when suddenly...

!!!: "FBI OPEN UP!!"

The door burst open violently, slamming into the wall with a loud bang. That's sure to leave a dent. A tall, dark-haired man ran through the doorway, practically tackling me.

???: "I told you not to do that Hammer. Might've been funny the first several times, but it certainly isn't this time."

There was another woman who walked into the room calmly and stared at the man in disapproval.

!!! (Hammer): "Heh, sorry about that."

He dusts himself off and extends his hand to me. For a guy who's had the worst first impression ever, he seems pretty nice. I clasp his hand and get off the ground. Now that I'm standing, I see Hammer and the woman behind him more clearly. Hammer looks like he's a foot taller than me. Muscular too. He stands straight up, bold, and strong, but still kind of soft in a way. He's dressed in Khakis, a tank top, and a light jean jacket.

The other woman is way shorter, and average in build. About my height. She's dressed pretty casually, kind of a mess. She definitely wasn't ready to see the outside world, and honestly, neither was I. Her long black hair was hastily tied in a bun. She was dressed in her pajamas too. Plaid long pants, clearly too big for her, and a loose-fitting T-shirt. She holds her hand out, and I shake it.The woman spoke,

???: "The names Plas, Ultimate Spirit Medium. At least that's what the weird voice said. And that idiot over there is Hammer."

Shield: "Yeah, I kinda figured that out already," I answered, still reeling from whatever Hammer thought would make for a funny prank.

Hammer looks at me, smiling

Hammer: "Sorry about that. I'm the Ultimate Carpenter. Nice to meet you."

He extends his hand again, this time to greet me.

Shield: "Hammer, that's got to be the worst first impression I've ever seen."

Hammer: "Well, it was funny, wasn't it?"

Shield and Plas, in unison: "No, it really wasn't."

Hammer: "Aw come on. Don't be like that. Anyway, where are you from? Have you been trapped here like us?"

So these people must have been here too, I wonder for how long. Well duh! Of course they’ve been here, how else would we be talking right now? I scolded myself before I took a deep breath and answered him.

Hammer: "Unfortunately no. I went to sleep one day, and then bam. Woke up here."

Hammer: "Same here. But we can talk about all this later. Everyone else is waiting just outside."

Shield: "You mean you pulled that FBI crap on some random strangers?"

I gave Hammer a glare as he chuckled nervously, opening the door for me. As for the group of people I saw before me...

They were the most ragtag, ghetto, great value, discount Avengers lookin' group of people I've ever fucking seen.

#danganronpa #fanganronpa #blackened hope #Prologue #fanmade #killing game

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finchbeak · 5 years

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Madagascar Day 14 - Andasibe

I cannot believe how quickly the last two weeks have gone by. If it weren't for the vast amount of mud and dirt on my clothes, I'd swear I just got here.

Tomorrow William and Fan and I will take one last hike through Mantadia in search of more Indri, Parson's Chameleon, and some geckos. Then the long drive back to Tana where I have a day room at a hotel near the airport. Flight departs at 00:55 and then, about 27 hours later, I land at TPA. I am very ready for Gus, Étienne, and Mabel cuddles.

I met Fan and Dadi at 7:45 this morning and we head off to meet William at Andasibe National Park. This is the most visited park in Madagascar - it's close to Tana and the hiking is very easy. So all those 65+ retirees who come here in groups love this place. And it's tiny, clocking in at 810 hectare (in comparison, the private reserve at Anjajavy is 960, Mantadia is 12,000, and Masoala? A whopping 240,000 hectare).

Andasibe is also one of the few places where you are all but guaranteed to see lemurs. And see them at close range. Unlike Mantadia and Masoala, which are primary forests with giant trees that soar into the sky, Andasibe is a secondary forest - newer trees, some replanted, previous victim to logging (illegal or otherwise). So you don't have to crane your neck nearly as high to see the Diademed Sifaka or Indri.

We we're blessed with good weather. It didn't rain last night and no rain this morning either. We set off and William immediately finds Bamboo Lemur just off the path. We only enjoy our little find for a few minutes before three other guides and their groups pounce on our spot.

William is clearly one of the better, if not THE best, guides in the area. He's off and finding stuff and the other guides mostly just follow his wake. This means we must move fast.

We were the first to happen upon a new Indri couple. Apparently they are kinda assholes and took over an area previously shared by two other Indri families. We were going to wait for them to finish their breakfast and do their business (ahem) closer to the rainforest floor, but suddenly there were a dozen people around taking pictures.

We were also the first to find a family of three Diademed Sifaka. I'm super in love with these guys. One of the best parts about this trip has been the exposure to lemurs that I've not had any interaction with in the past - either at a zoo or at Duke Lemur Center. I got a few good pics in before the crowds found us. However, we didn't immediately leave. I wasn't clamoring for any photos and William said to sit tight while he scoped out another area. The other guides had my back. I was just happily sitting on a log, watching the Diademed, when another guide pulled me into another patch of rainforest to see two younger Diademeds no one had yet noticed. Pro-tip (life tip, honestly): don't spend your entire life behind a camera lens.

William came back and we went deep into the forest. A bit off the path. And William gave me one of his challenges. He points in a general vicinity and tells me to find the animal. I scan the area and bam! Two Collared Nightjars cuddled together under a tree! This is one of the best finds of my trip. They are stunning.

Our next find is just as amazing. Two sleeping woolly lemurs! Cuddled together in a tree! It's so cute I almost can't contain myself.

We trek deeper into the reserve and hit Indri jackpot. A family of 3. Already descended to take care of their toilette needs. (I have no idea why the come down lower to do this...) We get to watch them for 20 minutes before they begin ascending back to the top of the canopy. No one else finds us.

We depart from Andasibe and head toward Andasibe the village. I am hoping to find a bag in the market that I can check at the airport. I have...bought things. No luck with a bag, but I did finally find lamba! I bought three beautiful pieces of cloth, now I just need to find someone back at home to turn them into something for me (I'd have done it here, there are women and men who just set up with old Singer's and offer their sewing services, but I'm too close to departure). Fan and Dadi and I try to get lunch in the village, but the place Fan knows about isn't open yet. Oh, and it is pouring rain. And has been for the last hour or so.

So we head back towards the lodge. I'm also supposed to go to 'Lemur Island' today. But Fan says it's no good in the rain. And then? The rain stops and the sun comes out and it's 12:15. So all the tourists are at lunch and Fan says that I need to go to Lemur Island. Now.

I am literally the only faza there. I have been kinda dreading this part of the trip. It is going to be crowded and has slightly questionable practices. It started nobely - taking in lemurs who couldn't go back into the wild. Now? It's more petting zoo.

I meet my guide for Lemur Island and I make it clear: I don't want to encourage lemurs to jump on me, I don't want to touch them, and I will practice Manatee Rules: you can't touch them, but if they touch you, it's cool.

Our first encounter: a family of black and white ruffed. Mama and baby are curled up asleep, but Papa is all up in our business. He reaches out and tries to grab my arm. I nearly die.

The we meet my beloved Common Browns. They are the most habituated lemur on the island. And yes, they will jump right on to your shoulder. I vowed. VOWED. To not take a lemur selfie. But there it is. I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. This handsome devil followed me all through the island until...

I get the special tour. My guide brings me to the edge of the island, which overlooks the other island that people don't get to go to. That's where they have Bamboo Lemur, Diademed, and... RED FUCKING RUFFED. I am happily taking pictures from across the way when he tells me to stay put. I do. 10 minutes later? He paddles up in a canoe and tells me to get in. And we paddle to the other island.

Now. I don't leave the canoe, and I sure as shit don't even attempt to touch the lemurs there. But I get within inches of Bamboo Lemur, Diademed, and Red Ruffed. And in some crazy miracle no other tourist arrives while I am there. It starts pouring rain again so we paddle back to the dock, I depart, tip my guide well, and head back to the lodge for lunch.

After lunch I decide to go explore the lodge property. I set off with just my camera. Leave my phone behind. No water.

I start wandering and see a sign in French and I follow. It soon becomes apparent that no one has used this trail in some time. A normal person would turn back. Obviously all is well that ends well, but yeah, I won't be going on an impromptu hike into the woods for 2 hours without more than my camera.

I'm currently warming myself by the fire in the lodge. Munching on amazing Malagasy peanuts. Sipping on leftover wine. And feeling that usual bittersweetness that happens when I travel: I'm so ready to go home...but I also don't want to leave.

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chattegeorgiana · 7 years

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I disagree with anon. There's hating a ship, then there's hating the character itself. Even without SS, Sakura was still largely hated across the fanbase for the most shallow of reasons. Some still blame her for Neji's death. I really doubt SS expected Sakura to get shafted to this point; from what I've seen, they are just as angry and sadden by this. At the same time, I'm aware that NH (not all shipper, if they are reading!) really only "supported" SS just to get Sakura out of the way. (1)

Honestly, I never meet Sakura hate so strong from that fandom. I remembered how the majority started acting all haughty with SS after The Last, then outright dropped SS when Gaiden came out. Some were even disappointed that Karin wasn’t outright confirmed the mother and called the manga a waste. For those NH who used to “support” SS, you would think they’ll have some sympathy for their “sister” shippers? (2)

The legit hate for Sakura is honestly so incredulous to me. The only fandom I’ve been in with character hate half as strong was Kingdom Hearts with Kairi. And even then the hate was half as strong, and only within fandom. The hate died down over the years. But Sakura? The fandom, SP, SJ, assistants, editors, hate her to this point? They are absolutely okay with erasing her importance within the manga? Okay with giving Hinata everything they hated in Sakura? The interview with Kishi (3)

comparing Sakura to a secondary character, overall downgrading her importance in the manga made me sad. But the reaction from NH succeed my disappointment in Kishi, and I only felt even more bitterness towards NH and Hinata. (4)

It’s why I can never like Hinata or NH, no matter how much they try and convince me. To be happy that they aren’t force to acknowledge Sakura as a heroine? Was NS that intimidating? Was Sakura that bad? I’m sorry that this small thing turned to a rant, but I felt if Sakura (and Team 7) was in a different fandom than this one. To have hate so strong that even her own creator hates her along with the franchise? To STILL blame her for Neji? I’m just so sad that this is what she is reduced to. (5)

I only wanted better for her, but with this fandom it’s like you have to go above and beyond for her just to get that fandom to like her even a little. On top of that, deal with a franchise that wants nothing to do with her either. Yet they will put Hinata on a pedestal and call her the heroine? The franchise legitimately putting her as a main cast, when she was barely a secondary in Part 2? How did she became relevant and shoved into our face as being better than Sakura? (End)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Granted, that was/is also a factor but it’s the SS that was the fuel to NH by some sort of sick alliance, and then trying to bury every shit Kishi threw at Sakura via Sasuke because of her proximity to Naruto and the possibility of her being with Naruto in the end. But these are old shannenigans.

Granted, Sakura was hated in the fandom because of the most stupid reasons, however when it came down to comparing her with Hinata, if it weren’t for a let’s say very ardent fan of Hinata’s everyone knew and acknowledged the fact that Sakura tops Hinata no matter what. It was basic knowledge 101.

But then Studio Pierrot came and started the stealing. Sakura is a medical ninja? Everyone is a medical ninja.

Sakura has a superior chakra control, even moreso than her powerhouses of teammates? Everyone gets it.

Sakura can tell via her medical ninjutsu where it hurts in the body or it’s a certain problem? Throw that away, make Hinata tell her via her Byakugan because lol Sakura surely must’ve forgotten to do that with only medical ninjutsu via water detection, in order to force down our throats a friendship that never really was there - at most, some respect showed by Sakura to Hinata, never the viceversa.

Some still blame her for Neji’s death because things were written as such. That was the effect they wanted. While Sakura the medical ninja couldn’t be there when Naruto called for a medic-nin, have Hinata-hime-sama be there and offer him the emotional support he needed (although via Sakura was shown to us what he really needed, but anyway). Sakura was written off at that point to make place for Hinata, all while in the meantime Studio Pierrot via their shitty interventions was already stealing everything from Sakura and giving it to Hinata. SS-ers saw that, they were here with us as well. We were already screaming about the damage control Sakura was taking because of Hinata but most of them didn’t care, as long as it took NaruSaku out of the way…

And dear boy I know I screamed right and left about this because I saw the bullshit they’re trying to pull. I don’t know exactly for how long you’re around the fandom anon, but as I said before, I came from a NH and SS background that went along with NS given the development. And also besides that, what made me distance from NH mostly was their hate for Sakura. I was a NH shipper that happened to like Sakura very much. And so, being accustomed to how these pairings function, I saw the impending shit that was about to come, and screamed about it, but who was going to listen? I was a NaruSaku, to hell with me, despite me saying multiple times that before being a NaruSaku or any other type of shipper, I am a Sakura fan.

So you see, here it’s a mix of many elements at the middle, and sadly they did have a major contribution to this, sorry to say it. Not all of them, ofc, but…

And it was never a sister ship with them… It was an alliance against NaruSaku. That was the immediate threat to them. Everyone knew that Kishi wouldn’t have the balls to end it with NaruSasu because of the controversy (despite drawing them in also), so the next best thing was NaruSaku - especially given the story’s construction mechanisms - everything was pointing at NaruSaku, no matter how much some still want to deny it. It’s basic storytelling 101 in a piece of literature (more or less).

Hell, they even changed the story triangle. There was one always inside team 7, and now in his newest interview Kishi mentions one that was nonexistent between Naruto, Sakura and Hinata. He literally took all the things that NH were fantasizing about and used them as “logical explanation” when his own story was contradicting him.

And yes, for some stupid reason people hated Sakura because Kishimoto pulled at the heart strings of people with poor orphan Naruto, but God forbid someone points Naruto’s horrible behavior, they must be linched - which Sakura does at the beginning of the story. Naruto was after all a pretty stupid kid that did stupid things. Yes, he had ulterior motives, but does that excuse his behavior? If we cannot excuse the behavior of one, why excuse his, know what I mean?

And also people aren’t used to look at the broader picture because somehow … reasons. Yes, Sakura told him all those things, but at the same time supported him and his stupid dream with her love for Sasuke and her “horrible” behavior still did much more than Hinata with her love for Naruto. But then people come with the excuse that she was shy. So we can excuse Hinata of her shyness for NOT helping Naruto when he most needed it, but we cannot excuse Sakura for expressing her pissed self at Naruto whenever he did something stupid DESPITE ACTIVELY doing stuff for him? Hmm, I smell double standards.

And yes, it’s funny how when they take stuff from Sakura and add them to Hinata everyone is okay, because it’s Hinata. This only once more shows the double standards and hipocrisy that lies deep within the collective counsciousness of this very fandom.

And, after all, it’s not the fandom’s fault as much as it is Kishi’s and how he never put his finger on something for certain, out of God knows what reasons… I can only speculate, but some are for certain - he doesn’t have a backbone.

From defending fiercely your heroine to actively replacing her… pfft. Laughable.

If he would’ve had a backbone he would’ve finished the story properly. You know how they say “Stand for what you believe in, even if you stand alone”.

Something he tried pushing with Naruto, too bad he failed miserably.

I wanted better for her too, and actually trusted Kishi he will do better. I created theories about where he’d be going with her, things that eventually come to fruition (her seal, chakra nature and some others), but the thing that disgusted me the most about this was seeing some things that were clearly going to go to Sakura, being used for Hinata, dare I say some ideas I layed down in my theories, being used now, via other means.

At first I thought it’s me being crazy, they couldn’t possibly use that… and then the latest chapter of Boruto comes and they use for him what the NS fandom creates for Shinachiku.

To answer your question - yes, NaruSaku was that intimidating. That intimidating that they cannot erase 15 years of development, that they now try to steal ideas from the NS fans to burrow us as deep as possible because otherwise we won’t shut up, that bad of an intimidation, that they make it so defiant to NaruSaku fans, so that we’ll eventually shut up and stop being the thorns in their back.

Well, too bad. We’re here and we’re staying. They can steal how much they want. The records showing that we were there with ideas and whatnot long before them it’s here.

For someone who writes about Gods and whatnot, Kishi and his editors should know about the Akashic records. They’re imprinted in the human collective counsciousness, and no matter how much they want to silence and erase Sakura and NaruSaku, they can’t.

And this only pushed me to continue my initial analysis on Sakura’s character. Ohoo, it’s going to be so much fun to demask all the bullshit mechanism behind their actions. SO MUCH FUN!

Anyway, I turned this into a rant and went into deeper stuff myself, I should probably end it here. But yeah, this thing is a mess. A salad, to be more exact. ;)

#sakura haruno #narusaku #anti-sasusaku #anti-kishimoto #anti-naruhina #anti-naruto ending

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borathae · 3 years

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~Chapter 26~ I just want to say I LOVED this chapter so much. Them making up and all the fluff 😚👌💕 My heart really needed that. Also how you describe Namjoon in your story is exactly how i think he is in real life. Like always having some really well worded advice that sounds so well thought out but he didn't even have to think about it that hard, it just comes naturally to him. Where does one find a Namjoon? And the tea part? Excuse me? That was a whole movie moment. 😭 Eternity biiitch 😭 I had literally so many song options for this chapter but at some point I had to stop myself lol

🖤 My Everything - Ariana Grande

In this chapter or rather in the time between this & the last chapter oc accepts that she wants jungkook back in her life and said let's work on what we have bc it's far too powerful & special to just dismiss it because someone made a mistake which can be worked out. I think she always knew this but now she accepted it. "I've cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them and then it was clear, I can't deny I really miss it." I think oc realised this especially once jk revealed he needs time to think and that's when it hit oc that he might not come back and that she actually can't live without him. "To think that I was wrong, I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Pain is just a consequence of love. I'm saying sorry for the sake of us. He wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing. And it's taken me a lot to say. And now that he's gone, my heart is missing something so it's time to push my pride away 'cause you are, you are, you are my everything."

🖤 It's Gotta Be You - Isaiah Firebrace

I actually think this song represents both their povs. "I hear a million voices in my head telling me the things I should have said. I don't know why I let you go, oh I learned the hard way. Tell me it's not too late. Now my arms are open wide, they're hanging forever there, waiting forever, for you. I won't give up on you this time cause I ain't holding up, for nobody else. It's gotta be you."

🖤 Blind (Acoustic) - PRETTYMUCH

I can just see jungkookie laying alone in a motel bed pretending this is seriously over, crying himself to sleep and when he closes his eyes all he sees is oc. "I lose my mind before I see you and I separated, no I'm so scared to lose you, never choosing to let go. Love's so fragile, anything could happen, and we know. Hearts made of glass, but somehow we last. Yeah we made it, no I would rather be without vision 'fore I ever watch you leave. [...] I'd be better off blind. [...] When I close my eyes all I think about is you."

🖤 Here To Stay - Josh Devine

Jungkookie is here to stay 😭 "My heart on the line, so you'll never doubt the mountains I'd climb for us now. It's all about us now. I fooled my heart, let it break. I know this time we won't fade cause all my love's here to stay. [...] Through the dark fight our way. I know this time I can change. [...] I'm giving up everything for this, we'll figure it out I promise."

🖤 Call You Mine - The Chainsmokers & Bebe Reha

I'm sorry but that's literally their story if you replace bar with diner. "When we thought that we couldn't get higher things started looking down. I look at you and you look at me like nothing but strangers now. Two kids with their hearts on fire, don't let it burn us out. Think about what you believe in now, am I someone you cannot live without? 'Cause I know I don't wanna live without you, yeah come on, let's turn this all around. Bring it all back to that bar downtown when you wouldn't let me walk out on you, yeah. You said, 'Hey, what you doing for the rest of your life?' and I said, 'I don't even know what I'm doing tonight'. Went from one conversation to your lips on mine and you said, 'I never regretted the day that I called you mine'."

🖤 Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia

This is what I imagine playing when oc just can't take it anymore and literally throws herself at jk and they hug so tight he can't breathe 😭💖 "I ache for love, ache for us, why don't you come, don't you come a little closer. So come on now, strike the match, strike the match now. We're a perfect match, perfect somehow, we were meant for one another, come a little closer. Flame you came from me, fire meet gasoline. [...] I'm burning alive. I can barely breathe, when you're here loving me." Also "I got all I need, when you came after me"

🖤 Can't Help Falling in Love - Haley Reinhart / Kina Grannis

Those are two separate covers but I just can't decide between them. You know just the whole 'so you really want me to stay?' 'yes we complete each other' vibe. "Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."

🖤 Best Years - 5 Seconds of Summer

This relates to the last chapter where jk realised he wants to build a life with oc. And this just sounds exactly like something he would say to her when they're sitting together on the couch 😢 "You've got a million reasons to hesitate but darling, the future's better than yesterday. [...] Gave you a million reasons to walk away. But I'll build a house out of the mess and all the broken pieces. I'll make up for all of your tears. I'll give you the best years. [...] I promise, darling, you won't regret the best years."

🖤 Black And White - Niall Horan

Same as the previous song and also this is literally their story. "That first night we were standing at your door fumbling for your keys, then I kissed you, ask me if I want to come inside 'cause we didn't want to end the night. [...] Yeah, I see us in black and white, crystal clear on a star lit night in all your gorgeous colors. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life. See you standing in your dress, swear in front of all our friends there'll never be another. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life. Now, we're sitting here in your living room telling stories while we share a drink or two. And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind, we're 65 and you ask 'When did I first know?' I always knew."

Okay, okay so I gotta go on and hurry up with replying to your messages fjsdfjas. Excuse my lazy ass, but I really want to take my time with your messages and saDLY online classes didn’t let me until now 😔🤧

Honestly I totally agree with you, this is highkey how I imagine Namjoon to be in real life as well. Also no joke, working on Namjoon was always so much. I really loved his parts in the story. They were so healing for me to write hahfhads 💜

Also I am literally so happy that you enjoyed Chapter 26 so much, it is one of my favourite chapters from the story as well. It is just so healing and cute. Like that part when Kook makes her all laugh and Namjoon is all like “damn that bitch laughs really weirdly” but Kook is all like heart eyes for her. do yOU HEAR ME CRYING IN MY ROOM?? 😔😭💜

Imma put the rest under “read more” because your bitch has a lot to say hahHAH

My Everything - Ariana Grande

Your description just hIT me like a truck. HAHAHHA BYE I am laughing in pain 😭😭 Oh god I don’t even know what to add because you described it just so perfectly well 😭😭 I caN’t here I am cryIng at the first song you recommended 😔

It’s Gotta Be You - Isaiah Firebrace

Okay lis t EN I am :( I will literally start sobbing right here and now 😭 like omfg that part when he is all like “When you walked away my heart tried to replace ya with someone like you, but I could never find it. I don't want to find it.” if that isn’t the reader trying to move on with Hoseok but realising just how much she needs Kook. But also at same time it’s Kook all trying to pretend that they have broken up, but ending up crying every night because he misses her so much. I will now cry 😭😭

Blind (Acoustic) - PRETTYMUCH

Okay you just changed my mind, this is IT. This is most definitely Kook being all sad and heartbroken in his motel room. Nooo lisTEN I AM FAR TOO EMOTIONAL I AM SOBBING :( Okay but also this part, listen this part: “I'm so scared to lose you, never choosing to let go [...] When I close my eyes all I think about is you. This is real love.” if that isnt them being all like “I’ll never let go again” later when they are cuddling in bed :(

Here To Stay - Josh Devine

Okay... why are those lyrics literally so damn accurate?? Help I am scared? They are literally so accurate hgnfgnan bYE 😭😭😭 also omfg I didn’t know this song and I freaking love their voices. They just HIT right 😭 I can’t jajsdj like every song you’ve recommended as of now made me cry (in a good way) 😭 like just that part “We'll figure it out I promise cause all my love's here to stay.“ I will throw myself away 😭

Call You Mine - The Chainsmokers feat. Bebe Rexa

listen anonie I wanna smooch you. I do not know how you always manage to find songs that just F I T so right, I am comBUSTING 😭😭 gosh this is giving me such hardcore memories of how it felt like to start writing this story (lil fun fact for you guys, exactly one year ago I started working on the Cocktail Trilogy 😔) I can’t this would fit so well to a lil flashback, showing all the amazing times they had together. Like them just driving down the coast, the reader has her arms around his waist while Kook is sneaking a glance her way and smiles. Like just imagine 😭

Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia

Omg the moment you described 😭 this is it. I can imagine it so clearly. How Kooks eyes widen in surprise at first before they flutter closed. How he nuzzles his face into her shoulder and twists her sweater in his fingers so she would never leave again. How she is squeezing her eyes shut and twisting his hair to press him even closer. Now that they are finally together again it feels so right. The world could burst into flames all around them and yet they wouldn’t let go. Nothing matters for them except the other person.

And now I made myself sOB again 😔😭

Can’t Help Falling in Love - Hayley Reinhart / Kina Grannis

OKAY LISTEN NO JOKE I LISTENED TO THE KINA GRANNIS COVER WHILST WORKING ON THAT CHAPTER! I love that song so much and holy shit the lines you chOSE YES!! 😭😭 this is song is them 100%, I don’t make the rules and I thank you for recommending it 😭😭

Best Years - 5 Seconds of Summer

Anonie you are out to make me cry 😭😭 (first of all I love 5sos so much) HOLY SHIT LISTEN THIS IS TOO MUCH 😭😭 I can’t, I literally can’t. This just broke me HHAHSH 😭😭 like if that song isn’t the moment when he is all like “you won’t regret it I promise. I’ll make you so happy.” liKE HOLY FUCK MY HEART IS ACHING 😭😭 anonie seriously thANk YOU, you don’t even want to know how often I have listened to this song whilst working on Purple Rain. Good god, this just awoke so many memories 😭

Black and White - Niall Horan

ANOTHER SONG I CONSTANTLY LISTENED TO WHILST WORKING ON PURPLE RAIN 😔 anonie I can’t believe that three songs of my “writing songs” also made you think of Purple Rain. Fuck I can’t, I’m currently listening to it and I am sobbing HAHAHH 😭 like okAY listen, do you want to know which scene I always think about when I listen to that song? The one day when Kook took her to a junkyard and then when they later drove up a mountain to watch the city. And it’s that moment when they are both just like screaming on top of their lungs and then end up falling into each others arms because they are just so goddamn fucking alive when they are together 😔

Honestly anonie thank you. This playlist was such an emotional rollercoaster to listen to (in a good way). Holy shit it awoke so many memories and fuck, you just get me and my story 😔 thank you anonie, I really fucking love you 😔💜

#asks: purple rain #ost: purple rain #song anonie #anon #asks

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