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brainfilehasstoppedworking · 4 months

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So—

Okay. Uh. Kinda embarrassed. But I'd like to post my smut here. It's not my first, but it's one of my many. (I'm too embarrassed to post my first because Idk how people are gonna react to it.) So here's one of my older, but recently finished Taikaaki smuts. So sorry for anyone who'll see this. It's also kinda just. Long, but it's long for some reasons I guess.

Warnings: Smut (duh), mention of some pedophilia (but not anything explicit), uhhh and I guess many more.

There's also trans Takaaki. (This was my first trans Takaaki fic actually.) I'm not amazing in writing smut so take what you get. Don't expect anything amazing. Okay, I'm gonna stop rambling. Don't read if you're not comfortable or anything. Okie, bye! *disappears*

They shouldn't be this close. They shouldn't have their lips touching. Their hands shouldn't be brushing up against each other. Taichi knew they shouldn't be doing many things at the moment. But it just felt nice. Their homework was left on Taichi's desk, unfinished. Takaaki sighed against his mouth, wrapping his arms around the nerd's neck. Takaaki smiled to himself, he knew that this nerd was his. He lowered himself onto Taichi's mattress beneath him.

"Aki, maybe we should not…" Taichi's words trailed off, he was embarrassed a bit.

"I think we should. There's no harm if it's just us." Takaaki said with a wink. His bright scarlet eyes filled with playfulness. Taichi blushed bright red. "We're guys…it's not right!" Taichi protested. Takaaki sighed in disappointment, removing his arms from around Taichi's neck. They found themselves between his thighs as he let out another disappointed sigh and sat up, "Fine. Have it your way."

The look on his best friend's face made him feel a bit guilty. But it was true! They shouldn't be messing around like that…even if it felt good.

Takaaki got up from his spot on Taichi's bed and went back to sit at his desk. "Let's just finish this and I'll head home. It's already late, anyway." Takaaki told him as he picked up his pencil and started writing away. Taichi bit his lip, nervously glancing at his friend. He felt conflicted. He wanted to continue whatever they were doing, but he knew they couldn't. Plus, Takaaki seemed to be getting very close to Mariana.

So…maybe it was best if he just let them get together. Plus, it was right. She was just perfect for him, she was pretty and tough. It made Taichi a bit jealous, but he knew they couldn't be. Even if it broke his heart.

"Yeah, let's…" Taichi agreed and sat back at his desk. He played with his pencil, taking quick glances at the other teen next to him. Takaaki had his head in his hand as his fingers played with his raven black hair. His face was still filled with disappointment. The scratching of his pencil stopped, "You're staring. Something wrong?" Takaaki asked, turning his attention to the brown-blond haired male. "Ah, it's nothing." Taichi turned away from him, cheeks growing red again.

"Nothing at all? You can tell me, Chi." Takaaki said, smiling.

"Uh…what'd you get for number 12?" Taichi asked.

Takaaki blinked, surprise on his face. He laughed, trying to mask his returned disappointment. It was homework related? He made it seem like a big deal. Takaaki told him his answer, still not fully convinced that it was his only question.

"I got that, too. Well, thanks." Taichi then started to write on the sheet of paper, hiding his face by turning his back towards Takaaki. Takaaki rolled his eyes and continued to write. He finished his homework and gathered his papers to put them in his bag. "Well, I should go now. See you! Thanks for having me over!" Takaaki said, bowing slightly and opened Taichi's bedroom door. "Takaaki, wait." He heard Taichi say.

Takaaki turned to face Taichi. Taichi nervously got close to him, bringing their lips together. Takaaki cupped Taichi's face, closing his eyes and kissing back. Taichi opened his mouth, letting Takaaki enter his tongue in his mouth. Taichi gasped and moaned. They pulled apart, gasping for breath. The two of them just stared each other in the eyes, their foreheads touching.

The two broke the silence with laughter. Their cheeks were red, idiotic grins on their faces. Their fingers were intertwined, "So…uh, where do you want this to go?" Takaaki asked, averting his gaze. "I think you know." Taichi responded, smirking. Takaaki smirked back, "Great."

Taichi closed the door to his bedroom, locking it. "In case someone comes home." Taichi said, nervously smiling. Takaaki nodded, smiling as well. Takaaki sat on the bed, waiting for Taichi to join him. Scarlet eyes watching him intently. Taichi's heart was pounding, he was nervous. He'd never done anything like this before, especially with a guy. He was a virgin. At 18, too…everyone around him already had sex because it's what horny teens in high school do.

"You alright?" Takaaki asked, cocking his head to the side. "If you don't want to, we don't have to." Takaaki said, smiling softly. "N-No, I want to. Just…I've never done this before. I'm kinda nervous." Taichi explained, not meeting Takaaki's gaze. Takaaki's expression softened, "It's okay. Everyone's first time is very nerve-racking."

"I guess." Taichi took a seat next to Takaaki. The two didn't look at each other, awkwardly just staring at their hands. Takaaki hesitantly moved his hand to grab Taichi's. He wasn't sure why he felt nervous as well. Maybe it was because it was Taichi…

He really liked him. A lot more than he wanted. Maybe he was a little scared to scare the guy off. He was so cute, it'd be such a shame to lose someone like him. But he knew they couldn't have each other, publicly that is. He bit his bottom lip. It wasn't just that that bothered him…

"Hey, there's uhm…something you need to know about me before we continue." Takaaki said, blushing. He was biting his fingernail, not looking at Taichi still. He let go of Taichi's hand to turn his body towards his friend. "Just know that, if you hate me or think I'm really weird, I won't hate you. I'll probably still be in love with you." Takaaki chuckled at the last sentence. He sounded so stupid.

"I'll never change the way I view you even if you tell me. Even if it's the most vile thing ever, I'll still really love you." Taichi told him, grabbing both of his hands. Takaaki smiled at him, "Oh, Taichi…" He couldn't help himself, he kissed Taichi and held him. "Do you really mean it?" He asked, his face was filled with hope.

"Of course! You're one of the most important people to me." Taichi said.

"Thank you." Takaaki planted a kiss on his cheek and got up from the bed. "Mind if I remove my clothes?" He asked as he unbuttoned his uniform shirt. "I-I don't m-mind." He looked down on the floor as Takaaki removed his clothes. He was a little confused, but if it had to do with his body, he should know before they even had sex. He was glad Takaaki told him before they did anything.

"Uhm, you can look now." Taichi raised his head, looking at Takaaki's naked body. He was nervously looking away, crossing his arms. Taichi noticed the wrapping that covered Takaaki's chest. He blinked a bit. Was he hurt? Taichi continued to eye Takaaki's body, he felt himself grow hot in the face. He felt his pants tighten in the crotch area, too. Taichi's eyes widened when he looked down.

"Oh…you're…well."

"I'm not really a guy…I guess. I hope you don't mind." Takaaki still didn't look at him. The brown-blond boy silently got up. He kissed Takaaki's cheek, smiling. "I'm surprised. But I don't mind at all."

Taichi cupped Takaaki's cheek and brought their lips together. It was a very passionate kiss that made Takaaki melt. They found themselves back on Taichi's bed. Takaaki was on top of Taichi, their fingers intertwined again. Takaaki felt his clit get wet, practically soaking. He felt Taichi moving under him. "Is this alright?" He asked as he stuck his tongue in Takaaki's clit, causing the boy above him to gasp.

"You sure you've never done this before?" Takaaki asked through pants as Taichi's tongue skillfully licked and penetrated. He was a moaning mess. He grabbed a fistful of brown-blond hair, shoving Taichi's mouth deeper in him. "Fuck. F-Fuck! So good…AH!" Takaaki moaned. They were both so lucky nobody was home.

Taichi closed his eyes, rubbing circles on Takaaki's thighs. He tasted so good and was so warm. He moved Takaaki's leg to get a better angle. The boy above him was moaning louder, it was intoxicating. He could feel his pants grow tighter from hearing his moans. "NN…AH! AH! MM‐HAAH…TAICHI! AH!" Takaaki screamed in pleasure. There was no way Taichi was this good when he was just a virgin. No fucking way.

"Th-There's no– NN…hah, fuck. There's n-no way that you're this g-good as a fuckin' v-virgin." Takaaki stated, struggling to let out a sentence. "I've never done this before. Honest." Taichi answered him, then continued. "FUCK! I'm close, Baby." He whined, looking down at Taichi.

Taichi smiled at him as he curled his tongue, moving it in and out of him. Takaaki came with a loud moan, gripping Taichi's hair so tight that he probably ripped some hair out. Taichi wiped Takaaki's fluids off his mouth, grinning at him. "Was it good?" He asked a panting Takaaki.

"No, it was shit. Never eat me out ever again." Takaaki sarcastically said. That caused the boy beneath him to laugh. Takaaki's cheeks were flushed red, he moved himself off of Taichi's face and sat down on his lap. Taichi moaned when he felt Takaaki on his bulge. Takaaki kissed Taichi, tasting himself on the other's tongue.

"My, seems you've got a problem yourself." Takaaki said as he touched Taichi's bulge, causing the boy to whine. He smiled smugly, unzipping Taichi's pants and pulled them down. He saw the pre-cum that stained Taichi's boxers. He pulled them down as well, letting his cock spring free. It was high up in the cold air, slicked with pre-cum.

The raven haired boy's eyes widened a bit. "Oh, aren't you big?" He said, wrapping a hand around his cock. He ran his thumb on the tip of his cock. Taichi moaned out a "Shit."

He leaned down and kissed the tip, then engulfed it in his mouth.

The cute boy gasped, then moaned. Takaaki took him like it was nothing! He licked and sucked, eyes closed and a smile on his face. He was so cute, squirming and writhing like a cute little virgin. He was so perfect. Taichi moaned loudly, squirming and wrapping his legs around Takaaki's head.

Takaaki just continued, bobbing his head up and down.

Taichi was blinded by pleasure. It was better than him just masturbating thinking of Takaaki. Taichi raised his crotch into Takaaki's mouth with his head thrown back. He was a mess underneath Takaaki's skilled tongue. "A-Ah! Takaaki, please.."

Takaaki hummed. He lapped his tongue around Taichi's tip one last time before removing himself from him. Taichi stared up at him in confusion, "S-Something wrong?" Taichi asked. "Nah, nothing. Uhm…I'm going to ride you, if that's fine." Takaaki said, cheeks flushing red. "Y-Yeah, it's fine…" Taichi's cheeks were also flushed red.

"Let me get something…hold on." Takaaki said as he got off the bed to check his bag. Taichi laid there, thoughts racing. He was really doing this and with his best friend, too. His heart was pounding fast, he was excited. Especially since it was with Takaaki, he wouldn't have had it any other way.

Takaaki threw him something. "There we go, found it!" He said happily. "Good thing I have one in case something happens." Takaaki laughed as he said that. Taichi looked at what was given to him in confusion. He realized that it was a condom, "Why do you just have a condom in your school bag?" Taichi asked in confusion.

"No reason." Takaaki lied, clearly embarrassed. He took a seat on Taichi's lap again. "Here, let me put it on ya." Takaaki said as he grabbed the condom and opened the packaging. He pulled out the rubber from its packaging, then looked at Taichi. "Still wanna continue?" He asked.

Taichi nodded.

He nodded as well, slipping the condom on Taichi's twitching cock. "Great, now we don't have to worry about pregnancy." Takaaki jokingly said, winking. Takaaki moved himself above Taichi's cock, positioning himself and then slowly sliding down. The two groaned. 'Ah, shit…' Takaaki muttered, moaning.

Taichi put his hands on Takaaki's hips, raising Takaaki up and then sliding him back down. More moans spilled from the raven's mouth. Thick eyebrows drawn together, eyes squeezed shut. He moved up and down on Taichi's cock, loving how it felt in his clit. Maybe he was being biased, but having sex with Taichi was better than with anyone else.

"Sh-Shit. Ah, Taichi…" Takaaki moaned. Taichi laid there, sprawled out, groaning. It was so warm, so good. Being inside Takaaki felt wonderful, better than he could ever imagine.

Taichi thrusted his hips up to meet with Takaaki's. The boy above him moaned louder as their pace quickened. "Taichi! Taichi! Yes! Fuck me, fuck me!" The raven moaned. His clit was getting more wet with their movements. "Aki…shit, you feel so good." Taichi groaned.

Takaaki found himself on his back, having switched their spots on the bed. Taichi was on top of him, thrusting into him. His thrusts weren't perfect given that it was Taichi's first time, but they made Takaaki a mess. "Baby, please, harder. Fuck me harder!" Takaaki screamed, wrapping his arms around Taichi's neck, arching his back. Taichi hesitantly thrusting in a more rougher manner. He raised one of Takaaki's legs to get a better angle.

"AH! YES! YES!" Takaaki screamed in pleasure. His head was thrown back, moans growing louder. "TAICHI! AH! MM–HAAH!" Takaaki spread his legs more, inviting Taichi to just take him. He threw his dignity aside, wanting to whore himself to the boy above him. Taichi grabbed both of his legs from the thighs, his grip so tight they might bruise. He continued to piston himself in Takaaki's (currently being) abused clit.

"Shit…Aki you look so cute like this. Almost slutty-like…" Taichi mumbled in his ear. Takaaki just continued to moan loudly. "A-Am I a good slut…?" Takaaki forced out in an even voice. "So good, perfect even."

Takaaki loved the praise. It made him whimper. He loved being praised while also being degraded by his lovely Taichi.

Taichi's thrusts became erratic, hard and fast. The two were so close to reaching climax. "Taichi…please, bite me. AH!" Takaaki requested, moaning and whining. Bite him? The nerd blushed. Taichi lowered himself to reach Takaaki's neck. He bit at the flesh, causing Takaaki to jolt in pleasure. "KEEP GOING! MAKE ME YOURS!" He heard him scream.

And he did. He bit down hard on whatever he could reach. Takaaki's whole left side from his neck to his shoulders was covered in bite marks or hickies. It really turned Taichi on. "I'm so close, Aki." He murmured, kissing Takaaki passionately. Takaaki moaned into his mouth, gripping tightly at his hair as Taichi continued to thrust into him harshly.

"Ah! Mm…AHH! S-Same here."

The sounds of skip slapping was dizzying. The harsh thrusts making Takaaki go crazy. "Ohh…AH! TAICHI! DON'T STOP!" Takaaki screamed. His clit was aching from all the abuse. He was definitely going to feel this the next day.

Takaaki moaned, screaming Taichi's name when he came. He laid on the bed, limp. He was tuckered out. Taichi kept going in a slower pace, chasing his own orgasm. Takaaki whimpered. "Fuck…Taichi. Ah." Takaaki silently moaned. Taichi groaned lowly when he came. Releasing himself in the condom. The two panted in exhaustion.

Taichi slowly pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to Takaaki. "Uhm…how was it?" He asked shyly. Takaaki smiled at him, turning to his side. "It was great for your first time." Takaaki complimented, holding onto Taichi. "That's gotta be uncomfortable." Takaaki said as he looked at Taichi's uniform shirt that was still on him. "Let me take it off."

He unbuttoned the shirt and marveled at the sight before him. "My, you look better like this. Do you mind?" Takaaki asked as he kissed Taichi's shoulder. "I-I don't mind."

Takaaki nodded, then bit into Taichi's shoulder. His skin was so soft. "Hey, wanna go for another round?" Takaaki asked.

"S-Sure."

"Good. Got a question, how much do you trust yourself in pulling out in time?" Takaaki asked as he smoothed his hands around Taichi's chest. He squeezed Taichi's pectorals, biting him again. "U-Uh, I'm not sure." Taichi answered honestly.

"Alright then. I'll just put my trust in you."

Taichi nervously looked to the side. Takaaki continued his biting. "M-Might I– ah– ask what the wrapping is for?" Taichi asked through gasps and moans. Takaaki removed himself from Taichi's shoulder, still keeping his hands on Taichi's chest. Takaaki's face was blank. "They're for my chest."

"But…uhm, what are they for?" Taichi repeated.

"My tits, what else?" Takaaki answered bluntly.

Oh. Yeah, that made sense. Given how Takaaki didn't really have male anatomy down there, it made sense to…have a female chest. "It seems uncomfortable." Taichi said. "I'm used to it. What? You want me to take them off, ya perv?!" Takaaki yelled, brows furrowed. He was joking of course, but Taichi stiffened.

"O-Oh. Um. M-Maybe…s-sorry, you don't have to if you don't want to." Taichi said. Takaaki mischievously smirked. "Really, now? My, my. You're so cute, I love you." Takaaki kissed his friend. Their kiss full of passion and hunger. Takaaki took Taichi's hands into his and moved them to his back. Basically telling Taichi to remove the wrapping himself.

Takaaki moaned softly, cupping Taichi's face. "Do it." He said with a whine, then kissed him again. Takaaki's moans were intoxicating. Taichi removed the wrapping, gently and hesitantly. They pulled apart, panting. Taichi was able to see them better, and his face turned redder by the second.

They weren't anything special, but Taichi really seemed to be entranced by them.

"Like what you see?" Takaaki asked through pants. Taichi impulsively took them in his hands and gave them a squeeze. Takaaki gasped in surprise. "Perv…" Takaaki said aloud. Taichi just smiled at him.

Takaaki found himself back on his back, Taichi's hands fiddling his breasts as he kissed everywhere and anywhere that he could reach. "They're soft. And nice." Taichi praised through kisses. "Shut up…" Takaaki nervously said.

Takaaki let out a breathy moan when Taichi's warm breath hit his neck. At this point, it was bruised and marked up so much it looked like he was an absolute whore. But then Taichi remembered that, yes, it was true. He actually was. And it made him jealous.

"…I love you, Takaaki. More than anything else." Taichi said as he gave Takaaki's breasts another squeeze. "I know. Taichi." Takaaki felt Taichi's cock brush up against his thigh. He wanted Taichi stick it in again. He wanted to really feel that love. To feel the warmth his best friend had.

Warmth that all the other guys he's ever been fucked by didn't have. Because they didn't have Taichi's love. All they wanted was a nice fuck to get their kicks and leave Takaaki alone. Then he'd get his hair pulled by all the girls in their school because here came Takaaki Ishimaru, Teacher's Pet, who was nothing else than a lousy whore who got fucked by one of their boyfriends.

It wasn't his fault.

It was in his genes.

It wasn't his fault all the other guys in his school loved him only physically. Because he had a feminine body, a slutty one, too. It wasn't his fault he had an attractive body. It wasn't his fault people wanted to see the Teacher's Pet break his usual demeanor and stuck up attitude with pleasure. It wasn't his fault he could be taken advantage of by all the guys in their school because he easily let his guard down.

It wasn't his fault even the teachers in their school wanted him.

But they didn't want him the way Taichi wanted him. Taichi wanted him for him. For who Takaaki was.

"Please, Taichi. Love me." Takaaki whispered before kissing him again. Lips that have kissed so many others…Takaaki hated that about himself. He wished he was the perfect Takaaki Taichi probably wanted. One that hadn't whored himself out to the entire school for all men and women alike.

"Of course." Taichi murmured.

He hugged Taichi, wrapping his legs around his friend's waist. He wanted to cry into Taichi's shoulder. But it was okay. Taichi was there, Taichi will always be there for him. Like he always had. He felt Taichi slowly enter him. He whined and moaned, holding Taichi tighter.

Taichi slowly rocked him, back and forth as the two of them held each other in their arms. It was completely different from their previous round. It was tender and sweet. Like Taichi knew how he was feeling. His thrusts were slow, but loving. Takaaki gasped and moaned softly. "T-Taichi…mm…"

"You feel tense…like something is bothering you. Aki, you okay?" Takaaki let Taichi go, falling onto the bed. Just so he can look at Taichi. "Do you really love me? Or are you like the others? Please…be honest." Takaaki pleaded. Takaaki moaned as Taichi continued with his thrusts.

"Aki…"

"P-Please. Don't lie to me. Ah." Takaaki arched his back as he felt Taichi's entire cock in him. It felt so good. "I love you, Aki. I really do. I love everything about you. I promise." Taichi held Takaaki's hand in his, kissing it. "How romantic." Takaaki hugged him again, gasping as he felt Taichi's pace quicken a bit. But it was still loving. "A-Ahhh. MM! Haah…Taichi. More. Please. Stick it all in."

And Taichi did.

It felt so good. Just the two of them. Moaning and groaning. Holding each other like if their lives depended on it. His back hit the headboard of Taichi's bed as Taichi was sitting on his knees, holding Takaaki up by his thighs. Fucking him so good. The creaking of the bed was loud and just rang in their ears as Takaaki moaned.

"Harder." Takaaki demanded.

Taichi nodded and pulled out. Then thrusted back in, roughly. Along with the creaking, the smacking of skin grew louder. "AH! TAICHI! BABY– FUCK!" Takaaki moaned. They found themselves on the cold hard floor as Taichi fucked into him mercilessly. Takaaki felt tears prick the corners of his eyes.

Taichi saw how Takaaki's breasts bounced on his chest with each thrust. How Takaaki's face was filled with pleasure. "Ohh…" Takaaki moaned lowly, arching his back. "S-So good. Taichi, you feel…so g-good. FUCK!" Takaaki softly moaned out. He threw his head back, screaming Taichi's name.

Taichi just watched Takaaki lose himself in pleasure. Takaaki held Taichi closely as Taichi continued, his moans growing louder and breathier. "I love you, Aki." Taichi murmured. The other teen grinned at him, dazed. "M-Me, too. Mm…"

Taichi continued until the two of them came with an equal volume of moans. Loud. Taichi quickly pulled out of Takaaki. He watched all his cum spill onto his bedroom floor. Takaaki breathed in, stretching. "That was good. Mm, I'm kinda tired. How're you feeling?" Takaaki asked his friend.

"I'm feeling great." Taichi smiled down at him and kissed his lips. The two broke apart, laughing. "Gee, we're such a mess. Gonna have to clean this up before your folks see when they get back." Takaaki said as he laughed. "Y-Yeah! Shit, my parents…we're gonna have to clean this up now. Uhm, can you get up?"

Takaaki nodded and sat up. He attempted to get up, but struggled a bit. "This is gonna be hard…uh. Don't worry, it's okay. Let's get this mess cleaned up." Takaaki said with a slight grin and stood up fully. He quickly grabbed his and Taichi's clothes. "Let's get dressed first at least."

Taichi nodded and grabbed his clothes from Takaaki. "So…about what just happened. Will this become anything…more?" Taichi asked. Takaaki stopped mid-way through pulling on his uniform shirt. He turned his head slightly, "Do you want this to be anything more?" Takaaki responded.

"I think so. But. Everyone is going to hate us. And you and Mariana seemed to be close!"

"Shit. There's nothing going on, we've been friends for years. It's nothing, Taichi." Takaaki kissed his cheek and continued to dress himself. "Just…if anything happens between us…I'm sorry." What did he mean by that? Taichi nodded anyways, "I understand, Aki." Takaaki nodded as well.

"So, uh…that was your first time? How do you feel, really feel?" Takaaki asked. "I feel…great. It was nice and I'm glad it was with you." Taichi leaned his head on Takaaki's back, wrapping his arms around his friend. Were they boyfriends? Or…still just friends? With benefits, maybe.

Takaaki smiled, though he felt sort of emotional. Maybe it's because of what he's done in the past. "Let's clean up this mess and finish our homework!" Takaaki announced, smiling still. "Great." Ah, there was his beloved Aki again. Taichi really loved him.

Tachi let Takaaki go and the two went into the bathroom to grab some cleaning supplies. Takaaki couldn't help but look at Taichi with a sort of longing. He yearned for the two of them to be close to each other like that again. Just the two of them, where everything and everyone just does away. Everything Takaaki had gone through, what he's done just disappears, because Taichi is there.

He really loved Taichi…

(Posted per request of my friend @emiko-chan-is-here)

#sam's talky talks #Sammy's fanfics #It's the spoicy corner ooo~#I'm so sorry for anyone who reads this #This shouldn't be what a 15 year old girl like me should write. I'm a child of God smh #taichi x takaaki #taikaaki #taichaaki #I'm too embarrassed to tag the characters endjdjej

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st4rstudent · 6 months

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ramble ramble boo boo tomato tomato🍅🍅. but anyways sometimes i think i draw those freaks a little too much but also at the same time i like drawing them . i don't think i have been this motivated to draw for a whiiile (if ever) , its nice. its fun! giant shirt that says "I HEART DRAWING"

#putting the rest in tags #ive only shared... an estimated 58% of what ive drawn of them but the other 42 is stuff im embarrassed about or i think its just too old #ive been drawing that one freak for about 7 months straight so theres some struggles in the beginning but anywyas.#i used to only draw once a month or so. probably not even that so shouout to that rabbit and mouse... and brain if i have to #i also see all the notes/comments people put and i go :-] hehehe #i need to interact with people more. i have a bad habit of just lurking without interacting and idk where that stemmed from #its been like that for a while. for some reason i think if i like someones post theyre going to find me and kill me (not actually. hyperbol #im bad on here with it but at least theres tags i can put stuff in. on twt im terrrible about it. i will have to work on this #anyways sorry this is a post full of nothing. i guess the main thing to take from this is that i do see everything everyone does and i #appreciate it a lot. smile!#i'm glad people can enjoy my sick and twisted mine (3 same characters)

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yo9urt · 2 months

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ouuuuugggghhhh

#mine #im going to save everyone from the long tag ramble and thus save myself from the embarrassment #but im on my 4th playthrough of beegee3 and im finally romancing someone other than 4st4r1on #and i got to the scene where my character and him are like. officially in a relationship ingame like coded that way #and everything #and um. wow #at first i was emotional and then i was shocked and bashful and startled and then i was emotional again and then i was kind of like #a teenager kicking my feet and giggling and that was like 45-60 mins ago and ive just been letting it settle #WOW.....wow #MAN....WOW!!!#wow. WOW!!!!#ok heres the part where i embarrass myself. but he (romanced companion) reminds me a lot of me #in surface level ways and in deep ways that i kind of like ... forgot were part of his story #and its catching me off guard like i didnt expect some of the themes to be hitting me like this #and idk theres just something about him maybe its because he reminds me of me or maybe its not but idk #ough. i'm in my feelings #its also 11pm im going to bed goodbye now #it really makes me feel for 4st4ri0n romancers who are also survivors though because like wow i could not imagine #im sure on some level its very cathartic or at least it can be and maybe i will get there too with this character but like #wowwwwwwww when the games writing is as strong as it is and the theme of the character and their backstory/romance #is so closely tied to struggles you have had in your own life. ouch!!!!!!! it is difficult #ok. goodnight

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the-crow-binary · 7 months

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Hi! I hope you don't mind me asking, but how do you draw anatomy? It looks really good.

Oh. 🥺 Hello. 🥺 It's okay I don't mind 🥺 And thank you, it means a lot to me 🥺🥺🥺 Here's a messy, quickly-done guide of how I do it

Generally, my bases are even messier than that lol

I always start with a circle for the head and then draw from there. Even if I always end up modifying it, it's a good start (the circle doesn't have to be perfect, nor does it have to be a circle lol, unless you want to draw a bald person with a perfectly round head). I can't really explain the proportions for the torso because I always draw it based on how good it looks, and if it doesn't look too long or too short. With time and experience it just became natural. But I do still sometimes uses little clues for the members such as the arms and legs, based on the torso, to keep it all well-proportioned.

I drew only slender bodies here because the clues I wrote are basically the same for all body types, and it's also the body type I draw the most lol (with the only twist being that I had a little bit of muscles sometimes, wich shows with slightly bigger/rounds pecs, rounder arms, visible abs...) Here's an example of one of the very few muscular characters I drew (i just added the red lines)

The chest and back are much bigger, the arms much rounder, every muscle is more visible, but the elbow stil reach the hip, you still can put one head between the head and one shoulder (the shoulders are just larger), and the hands still cover the face.

If I can give one advice to how to learn to draw the muscles, it would obviously be to use references. I still use some today tbh, especially for the most muscular body types that I don't draw often. One thing that is nice, and that you can use to learn to draw anything, not just human anatomy, is to trace pictures and make your own base out of it. Example:

(found the picture on pinterest)

Now you draw your base however you like, what fits you the best. The goal of this exercise is not to mindlessly trace a form and then draw whatever you want on top, but to understand the forms you are learning to draw, so you can progress. I used a clothed model here but a half/completely naked one works better lol (well, depending on what you are trying to learn). I could've put more details in my own base (such as drawing the parts hidden by the hands and arms to fully get the forms it's suppose to have), but that's just an example. I use digital pictures because I'm on ipad (and have been drawing on computer for a few years before that) but if you draw on paper, you could very well use pictures from books, comics, etc... you can use any source, any media and any style (if it's drawn). Just keep in mind to give credit if you ever post your exercise online!

Of course you can also draw on a blank piece of paper while looking at and trying to replicate the picture, wich is also a good exercise, but tracing might be easier to learn the anatomy, especially at first. This being said, there's a plethora of guides out there and examples of bases, but that's how I do it and learned! Just add a lot of practice and a few blood sacrifice :')

#oh boy oh boy that's so embarrassing #it's like I'm getting naked for y'all #that's why I don't do much speedpainting/speeddrawing lmao #that first drawing isn't even that great imo #but I mean it works #i guess #anyway hopefully it answers the question #nowadays I mostly go with 'does it look right or not?' when I draw lol #sometimes it looks wrong because of the unusual angle #and i struggle to trust myself in these cases #well. all the time but ESPECIALLY in those cases lmao #drawing a character from the side is the worst for me #but I'm getting better!#anyway how do i tag this #uuuuh #crow art #art tip #ok that's it i don't want too much people to find this poorly made post

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spilledmilkfkdies · 2 years

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I straight up never ended up doing/finishing the Winx Hunger Games post thingy for like two reasons;

-) The quality of he screenshots is so so SO awful and crusty, absolutely fried, that you can count the pixels and not read the text. I cleaned it up in the first posts I was making, but it turned out to be such a chore that I simply gave up

-) I switched one character out and would need to edit them into every screenshot I had- If you can spot who I edited in I'll scream

Anyway, I came back to this because I found stuff I made that never made it to Tumblr (I think), but their energy is half a nose exhale worthy y'know- So have these ig?

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sysig · 2 years

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I don't know much about Just Desserts quite yet (I meant to look into it earlier but then tumblr made everything VERY user hostile to those of us without accounts, so finding info takes a ton more energy and dedication), but I really like Prince Ice Cream Sandwich's design! If there's one thing that never fails to grab my attention, it's cute characters dressed up all fancy <3 Can you draw something with him for requestober please? Whatever theme you think would make him shine!

Day 20 - Mooooooomssss

#Requestober #My art #Just Desserts #I either gotta start making these earlier in the day or stop making multi-character pieces so often lol #They're just so cute I can't help it!#Anyhow - I completely feel you anon you're preaching to the choir on tungl's Extremely misguided and hostile ''updates'' egh #I always suggest going on-blog if you're on desktop - the popups are considerably less aggressive and I try to tag everything well #Plus you get all my long rambles lol - though my theme does capitalize everything so you do miss some of my Tone Jokes lol #Thank you for your time to it and good work haha #Anyway anyway anyway #I'm glad you like the Prince's design! I think he's quite cute as well haha ♪#How 'bout the whole royal family? All fancy all the time!#This is also the first time I've tried to put colours to the Queens and their son haha #I wasn't expecting Queen Charlotte to be quite so gradient-heavy but I think it really works :D #And then with Queen Sundae since she has the more classic colour palette she gets all the shinies hehe #And of course the star! In his own bright red! He's certainly shining with embarrassment haha #Poor lad haha ♪ He was so cute trailing around the Queens like a little duckling when he was younger #He's in that teenage phase but he still loves him moms ♥#And they obviously love him too hehe

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sarahreadsfic · 1 year

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I saw your tags and figured I'd send an ask haha

All those names are really nice! I do think in future quests they'd end up using the name you gave him, so that's definitely something to consider. You do get one extra chance to rename him, so maybe try out Zihong for awhile and see what you think?

omg hello!! welcome, please don't mind the mess haha-- *hastily shoving posts and tags aside, attempting to look casual*

so the funny thing is i'm actually nowhere near that part of the quest yet lmao, like i haven’t even met him in-game yet. i'm just trying to get myself used to calling him a different name before i actually have to use it (and for writing purposes).

zihong is definitely in my top 5 names for sure, but the problem i’m having now is that there are just SO many names i’ve researched that would be good for him and i dunno which one he would like best lol.

i’m WAY overthinking this decision and taking it far too seriously, i know - from what i’ve seen, he seems pretty indifferent to whatever we call him either way, aside from his old names or other characters’ names. but still! i want him to feel satisfied with it. if he doesn’t feel so loved and warm inside whenever i call him by his new name i will have failed him >:(

apologies and you definitely did not sign up for this but i’m now using this ask to make a comprehensive list of all my other favorite names and their (supposed) meanings. wish i could just run them all past him for input hgjnfjhdj sORRY FOR THIS IT’S RLLY FOR ME ONLY U DO NOT HAVE TO READ ME WAXING ON ABOUT NAMES FOR WHO KNOWS HOW MANY PARAGRAPHS

First, all the Japanese names:

Matsuri - “Festival”, “enshrined”, “showing gratitude towards the rituals of nature”; has connections with Shinto and Buddhism. I don’t think this is commonly used as a name, necessarily, but the whole “gratitude towards nature” part struck me as a sort of nod to how Nahida helped him. And I like the idea of giving him a name that invokes joy, celebration, and life, because I want him to have those things and find happiness in his new self!

Soma - “A sudden sound of wind”, “true/real/genuine”. It’s simple and nice and what sells this one for me is the “sudden” part. Brings about a sense of movement and change and I really, really like it for that. Don’t know if the meaning is exact, though. It seems like Hayate has a similar meaning, which I also like!

Nataku - The Japanese name for Nezha, a Taoist deity. But also, this is just on the list because I was watching Saiyuki (ridiculous and very loose adaptation of Journey to the West, janky animation and terrible writing, fun to laugh at, highly recommend) with a friend last night and there was a character called Prince Nataku who is described as a “puppet assassin”. Immediate sirens started blaring in my head as my brain honed in on that as a possible name. Apparently Nezha is also known as the Third Lotus Prince, and I love the idea of associating lotus imagery with Wanderer.

Hansei - The cultural concept of “self-reflection”, acknowledging one’s mistakes and pledging improvement. I saw someone name him this and I like how it fits him. My concern is that it seems more like an admonishment and might hold him back from thinking of himself as more than his past wrongs.

Kazuki - "Hope of peace”, “serenity”, “peaceful tree”. I really liked that your name had a connection with Irminsul in the -ki suffix! Apparently -ki also means air, which suits him well, too. In this name, it comes from “hope” and kazu- is for peace. I do like the idea of giving him a name that could embody hope and I do want him to find peace within himself, but I worry he would find this condescending, particularly the idea of “peace” since that word just has so many connotations - he might take it as me wanting him to mellow himself out as if I wouldn’t accept him or am disappointed by him as he is.

Satoru - "Enlightenment” in the Zen Buddhism sense, “to know/understand”. Mostly I think that the way it sounds suits him. The only thing is that it’s a little bit unassuming and normal, I think? Which he might like, actually.

Anything with the prefix Shin-, because I like that it can be read as both “new” and “heart”. But I also feel like 1) it would always end up reminding me of another character because there are SO many that have this name and 2) he might take it as an insult or a mockery, like, “haha, how ironic is it that you don’t have a heart and I’m giving you a name with the word heart in it”. Probably unlikely at this point, but I don’t want his name to cause even the faintest sense of melancholy or sadness in the back of his mind, so I don’t want to chance it.

Other names that I like the sound of are Seijun (pure, innocent, clean/righteous), Kiryoku (inner strength/willpower), and Katsuya (victory). While I do like these, I’m a little apprehensive that naming him any of them would be akin to imposing certain expectations onto him or the type of person I want him to be? Especially Seijun. But I could also see him choosing Kiryoku or Katsuya for himself, so I don’t know! I’m conflicted.

There’s also Ren (lotus or love) and Shou (to soar/fly - add the suffix -yo and it turns into sunlight/sunshine). Simple and sweet, but after all of the long and multisyllabic names he’s taken in the past, I think he might find something like this refreshing. I really like these two aesthetically. I also cannot decide between them for my life.

And then there are names inspired by mythology or religion:

Fujin - Japanese; god of the wind in Japanese mythology who is often depicted alongside the thunder god, which, in Genshin’s case, would be Raiden. I know a lot of people pick this one, but I think it has too strong of a connection with the past he’s trying to leave behind, although I like the way it sounds.

Shu - Egyptian; god of wind/dry air. I like the similarity with Shou, and also that it potentially would be more connected to Sumeru than Inazuma.

Akasa - Sanskrit; the Bodhisattva of void/space in Buddhism. In Japanese, it’d be Kokuzo. I know these were mentioned in my tags, but after some more consideration I don’t think they’re a great fit for him thematically.

Vayu - Sanskrit; in Hinduism, the god of the wind. Literal name meaning is apparently “that which flows”, which I think is pretty. I also think I just like names that start with V. Vaira was another option (Indian; “flowing air”) - I like that it sounds like it could be short for Vairocana, who is the cosmic Buddha that embodies the concept of sunyata, but I couldn’t find a good source for it actually meaning “flowing air” and instead it seems to be more commonly interpreted as “diamond”.

And finally, the Greek mythology names: Icarus, Aeolus, Zephyrus. I’ve seen Icarus suggested by a few people and while I like the way it looks and sounds aesthetically, the literal meaning is also “follower” which I don’t think he would appreciate. Also, I don’t know if I want to name him a tragic reference to his past hubris that caused his downfall. Aeolus (nimble, quick-moving) was the “keeper of the winds”, and though I like how grandiose and regal it sounds, I’m not really into the way it looks? Same with Zephyrus (west wind), it feels a little too soft for him (and if I recall correctly, the west wind was the gentlest one of the four).

So. That’s where I am now. I like so many of these, and I think there are ones that he would like more but I can’t possibly know for sure, and the more I research the more I find other names I like...

ok i’m so sorry for this long writeup JHDGKJGH ZIHONG IS STILL REALLY HIGH UP THERE JUST BECAUSE I CAME UP WITH IT ON MY OWN SO IT FEELS CLOSEST TO ME?? AND I CAN PICTURE MYSELF EXPLAINING THE NAME TO HIM VERY VIVIDLY. AND THEN SITTING THERE TENSELY AWAITING HIS APPROVAL AND THEN HIM GIVING ME A NOD. BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’D ACTUALLY THINK OF IT.

wanderer why can’t you just pick a name for yourself. do u see what ur doing to me. i feel like that one image of the dude from always sunny connecting all the red lines on the board. WHY AM I LIKE THIS.

#this is so embarrassing #i'm just out here rambling at one of my favorite writers on this site about wanderer names help wtf is wrong with me #i'm literally at work right now too doing this instead of my actual job #but like. this is why every OC i create is just a self-insert. you think i wanna do this every time i need to come up with a name #nah just slap my own on there and be done with it #it's also why when i was a kid playing with dolls every single doll had like 3 middle names i just couldn't decide on one #HE'S NOT EVEN MY FAVORITE CHARACTER he's my 2nd favorite rn BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PROVE MY DEVOTION TO HIM SOMEHOW. I CAN'T AFFORD TO C6 #sarah answers message #kaeyazuha #ky u are so sweet thank u for going out of ur way to respond to my inane tags!!#sorry i am a little starstruck rn ngl i've never interacted with u off anon before #haha (dying)#ILL STOP TALKING OK THANK U AGAIN <3<3 #genshin impact #genshin #wanderer #genshin wanderer #wanderer names #scaramouche #genshin scaramouche

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limerental · 2 years

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ficletober day 16 - steddie future fic

(but finished late and it's already on ao3 here and it's for a fandom i'm not in for a media i haven't really watched i was possessed ok i'm normal) It's ten years later. Steve's a hospice nurse. Eddie's got the virus. It's kind of weird and sad and strange and inevitable. Or something. And not as sad as it sounds. we interrupt our regular programming for whatever the hell this is. content warning for hospitals and death but no MCD beyond ruminating about it. also, disordered eating, illness, yuckiness, and grossness. explicit blowjobs and glow in the dark condoms. etc

One of Steve Harrington's patients dies on a Wednesday morning.

Which isn't unexpected, given he's a nurse at a hospice facility, you know, they're all bound to croak at some point. His job's about making it a little easier, a little quieter. Not saving anybody or saving the world, just easing the pain. It's not like he's head over heels for the job, but it beats his other options. College flunkee who doesn't dare give his rich asshole father the time of day, no matter what job opportunities making nice with him could buy.

Would rather change catheters and wipe old people's diarrhea his whole life than resort to that.

It's hospice. They don't get better. Sometimes they go home a while and come back, but they all die. Losing patients is a breath of relief. Their suffering finally over. His job– making dying seem easy –complete.

So, its not unexpected when he walks in on Wednesday and reads the night shift's notes. That the Turner kid's probably on his way out.

It's not a surprise at all. The guy's been lingering for a week now, barely conscious. He's an AIDs patient, riding the last wave of compounding infections and failed drug cocktails.

Palliative care is a strange sort of thing, like compassionate neglect. It's not a kindness to pump a failing body full of fluids as their organs shutter out one by one. Fluids restricted, no feeding tube, nothing but pain meds and the hush of the ward. Let them die of dehydration instead of drowning.

What's unexpected is walking into Turner's room and finding Eddie fucking Munson sitting in there with him, gripping Turner's hand.

"Munson?" Steve blurts. It's been years. It's been a damn decade, but the guy looks almost the same. Steve's living and working a few towns over from Hawkins and most anyone who meant anything to him there has moved away anyhow, so he's out of the loop in a way that feels nice but also means he's lost track of a lot of people. It's just weird that Munson's still kicking around here when Steve had pegged him for one of those who'd ditch the whole state the second he could.

His hair's a bit different, more mullet than shag and he's got something of a mustache going, but he looks the damn same. A touch of grey at his temples maybe. A wrinkle at the corners of his mouth.

"Jesus," says Munson, looking at him all bug-eyed. "Is that Steve fucking Harrington? In baby blue scrubs? In a hospice ward? In bumfuck Indiana? With a buzzcut?"

"Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with a candlestick," jokes Steve, and Munson keeps gaping at him. Maybe because he just made a dumb joke at his friend's deathbed.

"Geez, I never thought– you a doctor?"

"Nurse."

"Geez," he says again. "You're a sight for sore eyes. I can be here, can't I? They told me he's… you know."

"Yeah, sometimes it takes a while though," Steve says, but by the looks of things as he flips through the chart, scribbling down vitals, it's any time now.

What happens next is what always happens. Not that everybody's death here is the same, but that every patient he's ever had does it eventually.

Die.

Sometimes in a huddle of family, sometimes alone, but usually quietly, slowly, and suddenly. The dying man breathes and breathes and then doesn't.

None of it takes very long in this case.

Munson is sitting with both hands held over one of the Turner kid's when it happen, watching him die with all the somber sort of silence moments like this demand from anyone. He's sitting there more still than Steve ever remembers him being, but then again, it's been a decade. Maybe his theatrics have mellowed out. Maybe he has some normal, adult job now like. In finances.

Steve looks again at Munson, tattooed up his whole neck and wearing a jacket held together by safety pins.

Ok. Maybe a normal, adult job at a biker bar.

"Were you two close?" Steve asks in the quiet as he turns off the noise of the machines.

"No, he– I didn't know him. But there's this support group I'm in, and one of us tries to be there when– well. It was my turn. Or not my turn, my turn, you know, not like it was his turn but it will be. Someday."

"You–" It's like something big and cumbersome gums up inside his chest.

"Yeah," says Munson, shrugging. "Me."

"Shit, man," says Steve, because he's great with handling the dying and increasingly worse with the living, let alone the living dead.

"Yeah, very sad. Woe is me. You wanna swing by my place after your shift and drink some beer about it?"

And they aren't friends exactly, really never were, but Steve figures it's kinda just polite to accept an invitation from somebody you used to know who just roundabout confessed to being riddled with deadly disease. Or something.

And there's a part of him that remembers being eighteen and studying Eddie Munson like an unsolvable puzzle, thinking about him and his knobby weird wrists and long tangle of hair and the ridge of his Adam's apple and his tar-black eyes, sometimes at times he shouldn't have, at times he really really shouldn't have, and then burying all that and doing nothing about it and then a whole decade passing in a blur.

His teenaged self feels very, very far away, and now he knows intimately what happens to people who don't take that leap and be brave and cling to the shit that matters while they still can.

They die alone. Or with strangers sitting next to them, measuring their last vitals.

"Yeah, sure," says Steve.

Can't hurt, he thinks.

Famous last words.

Munson still lives in Hawkins in the same trailer park, but he's prettied his uncle's old trailer up some, a strangely grandma kitsch aesthetic for a man who has several visible gory skull tattoos, one with curled goat horns stamped high on his throat.

He's got a mosquito plant growing in an old sherbert container and a listing aloe. There's tomatoes and jalapenos in buckets and kitty litter containers. A half dozen bamboo windchimes and dangling bells cluster in the rafters of the old porch, and a painted rocking chair sits beside a six foot cactus, its reaching branches segmented into flat, spineless pads hung with leftover tinsel from Christmas, its pot used as a heaping ashtray.

"This is Henry," says Munson. "He's my roommate."

"The cactus?"

"Yeah, man, he's decent company. "

He pats the plant a bit too hard, and a piece falls off. Without comment, he fishes it off the porch and shoves it into a yogurt cup of dirt sitting beside a dozen others.

"I give these suckers away like candy," he says. "Everybody and their grandma loves a free cactus."

"Sure," says Steve, who is fairly certain even a cactus would die a miserable death in his care if he looked at it wrong.

There's a white plastic chair fallen on its side in the overgrown yard, greyed with mildew spots, and Munson tugs it up from the grip of the grass growing through the spokes of its backrest and plops it down beside the rocker on the porch. He swipes off the spider webs and dirt and gestures with spread arms to the shitty chair, bowing like it's a throne.

It's over the top. It's weirdly familiar. Everything else has marched on, has changed, has aged or whatever, but Munson's the same fucking weirdo he was ten years ago.

"Sit down, buddy, stay a while. Though I can't say I'm the greatest host. Don't get paid until Friday, so it's just cheez whiz keeping me goin' mostly. Hell, half of this place might be held together by cheez whiz."

Steve thinks it's probably a joke, that all he's eating is processed cheese, but he wouldn't be surprised. Munson looks sallow and skinny. Not a lick of muscle on him, and he's wearing a pit-stained wifebeater and little denim shorts. Anywhere his skin's not sickly green with fading tattoos, he's so pale it's almost blinding and purple-veined under his red-rimmed eyes, and Steve's not stupid. He does this for a living, watching people hollow down to nothing and then snuff out, and he can see pretty clearly when someone's one foot in the grave. It's not even the virus that does it usually, it's the compounding trauma of it all, the drugs, the loss, the slow starvation both literal and spiritual.

He doesn't even like Munson much, doesn't know him too well and barely did back then, but it's--it's sad. It's heart-breaking.

He wonders if one of Munson's support group is already lined up to sit beside him at the end.

Steve's looking at him rocking in the rocker beside Henry the six foot cactus, little tinsel pieces blowing cheerily in the breeze, and can't even fucking think about it.

"Sit, Harrington, sit, sit," he insists when the silence stretches, and Steve's still standing on the stairs. "You're giving me the willies just staring at me all puppy-dog eyed. I'm not going to keel over tonight. Sit down! Sit!"

Steve sits. The plastic chair groans ominously.

"You've got a lot of plants," he says for want of something to say.

"This? Naw, this ain't anyhing. You should see what I have growing over the ridge in that cornfield."

He's high right now, Steve notices, hard to tell how wide his pupils are with eyes that dark, but he's got this molasses slurred energy to his movement that is unmistakable. Steve gets drug tested too often at work to smoke much these days, and it feels a little desperate to do alone anyway, like an admission that his life's shit enough to need to get high to escape. He thinks like, what do people do when they hang out anymore? What do people say?

"I like your… bell things," says Steve.

"Ah, they're handmade."

"Cool, cool. How's um… life?"

Munson laughs at him. More like cackles, rocking back and forth in the chair slapping his knees.

"I live in my dead uncle's falling down trailer," he wheezes. "I'm thirty whole years old and work washing dishes and have two bucks to my name. I sell coke to high schoolers out of a van. My best friend is a cactus. I'm dying of the virus one day at a time. You know man, it's peachy. How's your life, then? Successful, I bet, Mr. Bigshot. Fancy medical career. Cute little family. Picket fence."

It's Steve's turn to laugh, feeling the surreality of how off base Munson is.

"Naw man," he says shaking his head. "None of that. Life's just…" He shakes his head some more, runs his hand along his buzzed scalp. It still feels weird to skim his hands along soft peachfuzz. "It's lonely, I guess."

Munson makes a face, watching his hands.

"Why'd you buzz it?" he asks, and Steve grins, knowing he'll get a kick out if it.

"Started going bald."

"No shit!"

"Yeah, no shit."

Not too badly yet, but it had felt a little pathetic, watching his hair thin in the mirror and clinging to it as some kind of. Immutable piece of his identity. Some kind of symbol. What it symbolized, he's got no clue, but it's in the past now, it's over and done.

"Your mullet is really showing me up, Munson," Steve says and gets an eyebrow waggle and a dramatic shake of his hair in return.

"Read it and weep, Baldy."

Munson waves at a neighbor walking her dog, and she waves back cheerily. There's a mockingbird yelling out repeating bird calls from somewhere nearby, a pair of wasps flitting about in the eaves of the trailer, and a big, ugly thunderhead cruising the summer sky. The air smells like ozone and cut grass and the tar cooking in the asphalt, and Steve's realizing he doesn't really know how to talk to someone who's dying but not actively.

Not that it's always a death sentence. The virus.

There's plenty of treatments now, experimental and otherwise. No cure yet but maybe soon. Steve's seen it enough times to know the virus doesn't really discriminate either. It takes gay and straight the same way in the end.

He wonders about Munson. Is he–? But then, it's none of his business really. Still, he remembers being eighteen and thinking he'd like to bite down on the white pudge of Eddie Munson's inner thigh and chew on the taut tendon there like a chicken wing. And yeah, he thinks that's still as messed up as it was then. And he still wants to, probably.

"You heard from the kids lately?" Munson asks. It surprises him.

"Hardly kids anymore," says Steve. "You haven't?"

"Not really," he says, nabbing a Zippo from one of Henry's branches to light a cigarette. "Not in a while."

It surprises him. He figured, out of all of them, Munson had the biggest chance of keeping up with at least some of them. Half because he always acted like he'd stay a kid forever himself. Peter Pan to their lost boys.

"They're OK, I think," he says. "Moved on. It's been a while for me too."

Munson looks at him, and his big eyes are all sad and wet. Or he's just really high.

Steve doesn't know what he's doing here, not really. It feels like a fragment of another life. One where he's Eddie Munson's old buddy, catching up after years apart, and it's a Wednesdsy in July with evening creeping in and he's got most of his shit together and knows what he's doing with his life.

"You want me to go pick us up some food?" Steve asks, clearing his throat, and doesn't ask you been eating, man?

"If you're paying, I'll pick it up."

"You're trashed."

"Driven worse," Munson shrugs, and he's up, keys slinging around his fingers before Steve can protest. "I'll go to Skeeter's down the road. Gimme your wallet."

He makes grabby hands, and Steve, the idiot, slaps his worn wallet into his waiting palm.

"Just as easy as that?" he says, guffawing. "Give the broke, ailing druggie trailer trash your credit card?"

Steve just kinda figures Munson's decent. It's been a while, but he can't have changed too drastically and he seemed decent back then too. Steve thinks of Munson sitting quietly beside a dying stranger this morning and thinks maybe that's not something someone would do if they were a bad person, but hell, he could be wrong.

Maybe stealing someone's credit card when you're flat broke with some very expensive drugs the only thing keeping you alive has nothing to do with being a good or bad person. Maybe Steve's just kind of an idiot.

"Get a lava cake too," he says. "My treat."

"You're a decent guy, Nurse Harrington," says Munson. "Not too bright, but you're decent."

"I could be waiting to rob you blind."

"Oh," he coos like one would at a pig-tailed toddler. He taps with a long finger against Steve's forehead. "Lights are all on but no one's home. Good luck scrounging anything up in there. Like I said. Cheese whiz."

The beat up van squeals away into the settling evening.

The mosquitos have stormed out in force as dusk sets in, Munson's scrawny little plant not quite enough to hold back the hordes, so Steve lets himself into the trailer, hoping maybe because Munson said that stuff about scrounging around that he's not overstepping a boundary.

Munson wasn't lying about the cheese whiz.

Not that it's being used like glue to hold together bits of crumbling infrastructure or caulked along the baseboards or whatever but that a siingular can of the stuff, plus some assorted condiments and a weirdly fuzzy pickle floating in a half empty jar of brine, are the only things in the fridge. Plus, a handful of Budweisers in the door.

The trailer otherwise is atrociously cluttered, a loose spill of eclectic detritus. Dirty laundry and crusty dishes and a whole lot of loose cassette tapes and dog-eared books with wizards and unicorns on the covers. Prayer flags strung across the ceiling and posters slathered on the walls. A privacy bead curtain to the back bedroom. Some illicit drug paraphernalia intermingling with pill bottles.

He picks one up to read the label and recognizes it, then starts picking out all the little bottles from the clutter and setting them together on top of the magazines on the coffee table.

He's got most of the full ones arranged together when Munson busts through the door with a doggy bag.

"If you want some real fun drugs, I've got some in the back," he says. "Those aren't really any good to snort."

"Sorry, sorry," says Steve, pulling his hands away.

"No, you're fine. I do have a system but it's a bit. Chaotic. Probably would make a good little nurse like you cringe."

"Some of these are expired," says Steve. "Are you taking them? What's your viral load?"

"Buy a fella a drink first, golly!" Munson presses his hand to his chest in mock offense. "You don't have to mother hen me. I'm a big boy. I've had this thing for years, and it hasn't got me yet."

"Sorry," Steve says again.

They go back out onto the porch with dinner and some cold beers. Two dozen wings and a thing of large fries. Munson plugs in an electric bug zapper, immediately glowing and crackling with vanquished mosquitoes and moths and craneflies.

Skeeter's is a dive bar, but their wings are still as damn good as Steve remembers. Eating wings is messy as shit, and Munson forgot napkins but drags out some bandanas from some musty drawer in his trailer. After a while, they both get tired of playing polite and wipe their mouths with the back of their hands and gnaw shamelessly on the gristle of spent bones they drop to the weathered porch.

It's full night and it's summer and it doesn't quite feel like real life. Munson lights a cigarette, and the ember of it hovers like a glowing eye in the crook of his fingers, pulsating.

The flickering orange of the streetlight doesn't quite reach onto the shadow of the porch, and Steve looks at Munson leaning in the rocker with his legs sprawled out and thinks about his unrealized boyhood fantasy. Of slumping on his knees between the guy's legs and–

It's not hard to imagine that maybe it's still '86, and Steve's burning up with energy that has nowhere to go, untethered from whoever he used to be with no real way forward. Still pretty sure there is a way forward, a tomorrow, a next chapter where something good happens. Something not awful at least. No more monsters, no more bloodshed, just– a life. Love. Something fulfilling and peaceful enough and–

He slips down off the shitty chair and onto his knees on the porch. It hurts like a punch up through his joints. He's not even thirty, and he's old as shit and not even happy and well-adjusted. He wants to whine about it, scream about it. Munson's thirty, and he might not make thirty-five. He wants to scream. He wants to–

"Munson," he says, because the guy's got his head tipped sideways with the cigarette dangling on his lips, looking at him like he's insane. "Muns– Eddie," he says. "Eddie, is it chill if I– I don't know. I've always wanted to– Can I– you got condoms?"

"Steve," says Eddie and touches his buzzed head with his fingertips like he's checking if he's real. "Steve, did you really just ask if it's chill to suck my dick?"

"Yeah. I guess."

It's weird. It's like a dream. Eddie gets a condom and shimmies his shorts down his bony, weird legs and drops back in the rocking chair. Steve's been sitting there on his heels the whole time he scrounged through his trailer. Like a pet, waiting.

"Are you even gay?" Eddie asks.

"Are you?"

"I've got the virus, Steve-o."

"So? Lots of people do. It's not a gay disease. It's not the act of a vengeful God. There's nothing wrong with being gay. There's nothing wrong with either of us."

He kisses Eddie on the inside of his thigh just past his knee when he says it and the skin is so soft under the firm touch of his lips that he regrets how bad his fresh shave is going to burn.

"That's very sweet, Steve. Real cute. But you're sucking some random guy's dick in a trailer park, and I'm high enough that I'm feeling kinda nervous with Henry watching. There are a few things wrong with us."

"Don't be nervous," Steve says and smooths both palms down his bare legs.

"Sweet as sugar, I'm telling you."

The hair on his legs is fine, barely there, but Eddie's pubic hair is coarse and thick and Steve's not too sure he's showered recently. Which should be gross really, should be a lot of things, but it mostly makes Steve want to pick him up by the scruff of his neck like a kitten and wash him off under the trickle of the kitchen sink.

He hasn't really sucked a dick before, just thought about it a lot and he's watched a few pornos. It seems straight-forward enough. Eddie's penis is right there and not really that hard yet, nestled snug against his balls in coarse hair. He's uncut, a little shine of fluid hanging at the blunt tip pushing beneath the hood of his foreskin, and it seems like it would fit pretty decent against the roof of his mouth. It's cute even. A little tough to see in the faint light, so Steve plants his palms on Eddie's knees and spreads him wider to look.

He bends close enough that Eddie must feel his breath. In his old fantasies, he lapped at him in slow licks like a dog, savoring the taste.

Eddie flicks him in the center of the forehead.

"Condom, you ding-dong."

"Right, yeah, right."

Munson pulls at himself, a harsh, weird tugging in a way that hardens him up fast. Steve skirts his fingers along the back of Eddie's knuckles as he does it. It's fast enough that the condom goes on smooth in no time, and then Steve's fingers curl to take his place. Latex shifts under his grip, dulls the heat but not the weight of it, and Eddie sighs and shifts up and the rocker tips back.

Steve puts his mouth over his covered erection and tastes rubber, mostly. It doesn't fit as nice in his mouth as it would have flaccid, but he rubs the head back and forth against the ridge behind his teeth and a little further. Real careful.

"What's gotten into you anyway? Jesus."

Maybe Munson's sobering up. Steve looks up at him through his lashes, and Eddie swears a colorful string of really made up cursewords and then bites his own fingers to keep quiet.

It's barely 10PM. There's kids living nearby probably. Little old ladies. Or maybe there's worse stuff someone could hear past dark in a neighborhood like this one.

Steve takes Eddie's dick most of the way down his throat.

"You into death, Harrington?" Eddie gasps. "You into like. Dying people. You never looked once at me before. You into finishing the job? Because you are literally killing me right now."

Steve pulls off.

"It's not like that," he says. "I looked at you all the time. Before this. I wanted to do all kinds of stuff."

"Oh," says Eddie. "Like what stuff?"

"Like this."

Steve leans past his stiff dick into the shadow of his gaunt pelvis and presses his mouth against the crook of his thigh. It's as doughy and soft as he imagined, probably fish-belly white too beyond the wiry hair, and Steve opens his mouth and bites. Eddie rocks up, the tendon in his teeth flexing into a taut cord and his cock jumps hard against Steve's cheek.

"Holy Christ, you're a fucking weirdo," Eddie chokes out.

It makes Steve feel a little dizzy, like he's seeing double vision. His decade old fantasy of biting at some vital, thrumming, secret part of wild-eyed, crazy-haired, full of life Eddie Munson blurring with the Eddie who's cast in shadow on a warped porch, pantsless, bare ass on his rocker, sauce-stained wife beater shrugged up his little pudge of a belly, bright yellow condom glowing in the dark.

"I don't know why I wanted to do that so bad," Steve says, muffled as he kisses up Eddie's twitching belly. He twists his fingers around the base of his dick and rubs up and down a few times just to watch Munson arch his back against the chair. "Hey, the condom glows in the dark."

"You just noticed?"

"Looks a little radioactive."

"That's only how it looks in movies."

"You sure?"

"This place is not a place of honor," Eddie gasps, rolling his hips up against Steve's hand.

"Huh?"

"It's… nevermind. You're a weirdo, Steve Harrington. You're a real weirdo."

"Is this what dirty talk for losers is like?"

Eddie skims his buzzed hair with both hands. He holds them there and tugs his head up, looking. The orange streetlight glow catches in his black eyes and hides the dark bags under them, accentuates the groove of wrinkles at the frown of his lips. He's damn pretty. Steve wants to lap him clean and chew on him some more.

"Guys like me are shunned for a reason, you know. I'm worse than a freak now. I'm a ticking time bomb. I could take anyone who gets close enough to love me down with them."

"Oh I love you now?" Steve jokes, and Eddie doesn't laugh. He's sober.

"It's dangerous, Steve. You should stop."

"Are you telling me to stop?"

"No. I'm saying you should want to."

"I don't want to."

He wraps his lips back around Eddie's dick.

With his eyes open, he can blurrily watch the bright yellow glow of the condom dim and brighten as he moves. The light looks sickly against Eddie's soft belly and thighs. Steve thinks danger.

He wants to ask if he knows who gave it to him, but knows that's rude and also not very sexy. They're probably dead now. It's not a very sexy thought at all, but Steve pushes the heel of his hand against the front of his jeans and rocks into it. He's not sure what comes next in his old fantasy. Suckle at Eddie Munson's inner thigh and then– And then, he–

Like all his dreams, they evaporate into thin air before the end. He still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He still can't get a handle on what he even likes. Does he like nursing people through the very end of their lives? Is it just a thing he fell into by chance and keeps doing because he doesn't have any clue what else there is?

If he'd been braver ten years ago and actually got to sucking Eddie's dick when his knees still worked perfectly and nobody was sick, what would have happened? Would it have been just once, a quickie, a satisfying good time but that's it, that's that? Would they have have had some gross whirlwind romance, caught up in each other, acting like lovebirds, overflowing, sticky-sweet and disgusting? Would they have been lovers, calling each other baby and sweetheart and pookie, standing against a world that goddamn hated them like nothing else, but all of it a little more tolerable and meaningful together, maybe? Would they have crashed and burned, Steve too indecisive and scattered, Eddie too wild child and unstable and hungry for the whole world, for fame and sex and drugs and all of it boiling up and ending quick and bright and permanent?

None of that would have passed his mind back then. He'd only seen people die blood and messy and sudden, not slow and inevitable with a little breath of relief.

"Steve," sighs Eddie, fingers digging into his scalp like he's trying to grip at his hair. "Steve, Steve, Steve."

Steve hollows his cheeks and tries to make it good for him. He really hopes it's good for him even it never happens again. Not like. For truly morbid reasons, but he supposes that's always possible too. That Eddie just dies. That he conks out and snuffs it.

It sucks. It makes him pull harder with suction at the dick in his mouth, moving his tongue with more determined purpose, laving along the latex-covered condom. He imagines the yellow glow staining his cheeks and tongue and hands. He wants it to. It's silly.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," swears Eddie and bucks his hips and goes taut, riding out the wave of an orgasm. Steve feels it as a warm weight pulsing against the skin of the condom held against his tongue. It's weird not to taste it, feel it. He rubs his palm against his own cock trapped in his jeans, and it only takes a second before he's coming off too. Maybe it's been a while. He leans his forehead against Eddie's bare thigh and gasps his way through it.

Eddie pushes him back and pinches the condom off and ties it, flinging it away somewhere out into the grass. Steve wonders how safe or sanitary that is but doesn't comment. He doesn't think wandering stray dogs or raccoons can get HIV. Probably. It's maybe just as gross as anything else about Eddie's life.

"You good?" Eddie asks and cradles his head in his hand. His dick's gone limp and small and spent against his pale thigh.

"Lava cake," says Steve. His lips feel dry from the latex and the lava cake is still sitting at the bottom of the doggy bag and the porch is covered in scattered chicken bones and Steve's knees hurt something awful.

"It'll be cold. Just a big brownie."

"Still chocolate," he says. "I don't care."

"You're really weird," says Eddie. "If I haven't said it before."

"Life's weird," he says. Eddie Munson's eyes shine.

"Yeah," says Eddie, fishing the bag of lava cake off the porch, still pantsless and sweaty. "Yeah, you're damn right about that.

They eat chocolate cake together with the bugzapper zinging overhead and a dog barking somewhere over the horizon and the streetlight glow haloing their bent heads. They lick chocolate from their fingers and then each other's fingers.

It's July. It's past midnight in a nowhere trailer park in bumfuck Indiana. It's ten years ago and it's the future.

Maybe five years on, Steve's holding Eddie Munson's hand while he finally dies after weeks, months, years of wasting away to nothing.

Or maybe not.

#steddie #i didn't like. intend to write this the image of thigh chewing just gripped me so tight i couldn't... not #i still don't know what stranger things is about #i did enough of a deep dive to get the character voices down #sowwy #also someone was already rude to me on ao3 about this fic it's a new record #i waltz into a fandom late with starbucks and get booed out #i'm not tagging this too intensely either it's embarrassing someone should feel embarrassed for me #my fic #ficletober 2022 #sort of

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