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sadisticfervor · 9 months

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Something that's been on my mind a lot recently (to the surprise of no one) has been domming, but I've been doing a lot of thinking about it that's more informative than sexy in nature. I wanted to make a post for both subs and doms out there about something I see that kinda worries me, not just on here but on the internet as a whole.

I'm not gonna cover a lot of things covered better by other people/posts/sources, things like how to be a good dom/sub or how to establish communication and consent - those are extremely important things, but I think other people have said it better already.

The big thing on my mind is how a lot of queer folks entering the world of kink haven't really done any critical analysis on their preferences and roles. From a dominant perspective, you really /really/ need to put in the time to introspect about the role and why you desire that role, and how you will keep yourself and your partner safe, secure, and happy. From a submissive perspective, there's a bulk of thought to be done on how you expect to be treated - in and out of scene - and precisely where your boundaries and borders are.

If you're new to kink (or even if you're experienced, it's a good check-up) and you think you're wanting to try a dominant role, please ask yourself the following questions:

Why is this something I prefer?

What is the most I'm willing to do for my sub?

Are there means of communication (in and out of the bedroom) that I prefer?

Am I capable of exiting the dom mindset if needed?

What do I expect from my sub? Think about communication, but also how to meet each others' needs, protect from triggering situations, and what /you/ need to be happy.

Do I have the proper knowledge to safely attempt what I want to attempt? If not, how do I intend to get that knowledge before trying it?

Think these over! These are not meant to scare away anyone from kink, nor are they a comprehensive list of things you need to consider. Domming is a responsibility first and foremost, and it should be treated like one. Kink is a lot of fun, but like with anything (if not moreso), you need to put in the work to make sure you're doing it as safely and thoughtfully as possible for your sake and your sub's sake.

I wanted to write this because being a dom, especially a transfem dom/top, is stigmatized here and on the larger internet. A dominant mindset is often quickly written off as predatory, and I've seen very little content for doms - it's a beautiful role that requires a lot of work and responsibility, but its worth it in the scenes and art you can create. I want to do my part to educate and spread awareness as much as I can.

Feel free to reblog to spread the word, whether you're a dom, sub, vers, or just an interested bystander. Minors do not interact, as with all my content from this blog. Others are welcome to add more thoughts regarding domming and power exchange, and I'd happily welcome other perspectives onto this post - a similar guide to introspection for subs especially.

#topposting #domposting #nsft #mtf dom #t4t nsft #t4t #educationposting #sex ed #minors dni

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joyswonderland1108 · 8 months

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You're not part of the community.

Disclaimer : What i'm about to say is of course with all due respect to allies who either do their own research or don't speak a word because they know they don't have the right knowledge about this. But also with all due disrespect to those who do the complete opposite.

This is so very spontaneous and i don't have a lot to say but maybe as i'm writing more things will come up for me to express. Anygays, I've noticed how a lot of straight people like to indulge in this whole "shipping" world and believe me, you do you i don't care who you ship or why you ship them, that's your own business, BUT.

The thing is, some people tend to project a lot when it comes to that, even when shipping people in a het relationship, some people tend to put their own unhealthy ways of a relationship in the image they have created for said ship, but today i'm not here to talk about the het ships but more about the ships involving a gay relationship (I'm talking about the relationship itself not the sexuality of whoever is in it). Actually scratch that i'm not even gonna talk about ships but more about relationships in general since isn't that the point of ships to begin with?

So as i was saying i've seen a lot of straight people having an opinion about gay relationships and it's cool you know, you're an ally that's amazing, your support is welcome thank you for that but some opinions are best kept in your own "straight bubble" cause they do not apply to a gay relationship let's be for real.

Seeing people compare gestures that would be an issue or a good thing in a het relationship to a gay relationship and when you try to explain AS A QUEER PERSON YOURSELF they want to call you out for being a hater, or can't accept the "truth".. Patricia the only truth here as that you're an uncultured twat.

This is basically giving me the same vibe as I-army trying to call out K-army for something that is part of the Korean culture, doing so with so much confidence you'd actually believe that a western person knows more about the Korea culture than a Korean person.

I already know that some straight people sadly have this stereotypical image of what a queer person in a queer relationship (let's just call it that instead) should be looking like, i've already talked about this before but you'd get comments that "Said person can't be queer because he is manly" um? You'd be very surprised at how many very manly men are all the way gay and bottoms too.

I guess i'm straying away from the main subject here but anywhosies, i was saying, projection. When it comes to skinship i'd like to remind these people that we are talking about a man who is interested in men but also has male friends or a woman who is interested in women but also has female friends.

Whether we like it or not there's a sort of standard here that even if i'm attracted to women for example i still have very great friendships with other women i'm not attracted to and i will still behave with all friendliness with them, will i hug my friend when i see her? Yes, will i be playful with my friend? Yes, will i hang out with my friend? Yes, will i visit my friend? Yes, will i take pictures with my friend? Yes, etc.. All while keeping in mind that :

1/ My friend might be straight so she's DEFINITELY not interested in me in that way nor am i.

2/ My friend might be queer as well but we're just not interested in each other, we have our own romantic preferences maybe or we just don't see each other that way.

3/ One of us might already be having a partner and there are already limits and boundaries that are set for what is okay and what is not, everything that doesn't threaten to cross the line between friendly and romantic is set on stone.

Now of course as a Queer person you see it, you get it, you understand it and you acknowledge it. We have our own gaydars and we know how to make a difference between what's normal and what's sus.

The issue here is when it comes to straight people that know absolutely nothing about this and still want to impose their very straight opinion on that, seeing a normal playfulness and call it a "couple thing" no, just no.

It's limit disgusting how some people seem to get off on the idea too, they are convinced they are correct and as i said previously, even if you try to explain this since you are PART OF the community they just won't listen because in a way they're fulfilling a dirty fantasy where the reality of things doesn't matter.

Now i came across a snippet from Ateez's Wooyoung's live and someone asked him who was his favorite member to which he replied that he will no longer be answering this question because then people will start saying that he and San are no longer close.

See the fact that a simple answer that for HIM doesn't threaten his bond with San is seen as something else, taken completely out of context by people.. That is sick. And this is exactly what i'm talking about people just have this tunnel vision where they have this standard definition of what's romantic and what's a relationship that they never see the wider image out there.

I guess this whole post started because of how disappointing it is to see the way this fandom views everything as "something sus" they are limit fetishizing the idea of two men being in an intimate relationship which makes me wonder do they think the same thing when they see friends outside just being.. friends?

When the alarms are ringing about some very sus things they pretend to be blind but the smallest gesture is what gets these people's attention? And God forbid you point out that it's normal because no Sir no Ma'am, a simple hug is a big prove that X and Y are dating and in love but having X's mouth on Y's neck long enough to leave a hickey is what a dear loving sister does when she's playing with her dear loving younger brother (Ew people need to seek help if that's their excuses cause what in the fuck?)

With that being said, i'm tagging this under Jikook because those who know, know.

#jikook #kookmin #minkook #mingukkie

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just-graysexual · 6 years

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So... *sigh* ...I know I'm gonna open a whole can of worms by asking this question. If you want to ignore it or say I'd rather not have this on my blog, you are more than welcome not to answer but... if you could point me in the right direction, I'd he forever grateful. I'm gray-ace. Exactly WHERE I'm still figuring it out, but I kinda like the label because it just sort of... takes the bits and pieces from all the identities that I fit into and mushes them into one big label. And I love (1/?)

(2/?) that about it. I honestly think that it’ll stay around for a while yet at least. Problem? Well… I’m a Christian. Which… doesn’t bring up any IMMEDIATE concerns. I mean, Priests are celibate, and nuns are celibate and so like… everything should be a-okay, right? *sigh* My romantic orientation is still in the works. I’m a very… “go where the wind takes me” type of person when it comes to love and… well… commitment is hard. Because I want to do it right, you know? So… as far

(3/?) as I know, I’m pan romantic. I could be biromantic. Or simply heteroromantic. I really don’t know. And… A lot of this… “compromise” (but I don’t really see it as a compromise???) in my beliefs is that… the whole BASIS of Christianity is founded upon Compassion, and love, and forgiveness. Yeah, you should love God but like… I don’t claim to know EVERYTHING about God. I don’t know why he made some people Transgender and others gay and some people asexual. In way, its like asking why

(4/?) God made someone black. Or have red hair. Or green eyes. Or have 3 freckles on their left cheek. I don’t know! He just… He wanted them that way. For a reason. And you’d have to be CRAZY to try and put words in God’s mouth. I mean, this is the same being that (at least I believe) created the stars in the sky. Why would I claim to know how He thinks? And here’s the craziest thing right: the LGBT+ sometimes seems a better practitioner of Christian values than a lot of Christians. The Ace

(5/?) Community has been so loving, and compassionate!! Like, it’s crazy!! And I mean, I just left heated from my church this past Sunday for DARING say that no sinner is worthy of love. Like… you entirely miss the point of love if you try and say that you are either worthy of it or not. Love is a GIFT. You give it to someone because… you care. They aren’t “worthy” or “unworthy.” “Deserving” or “undeserving.” It’s whether or not you decide to give it and that’s what makes love beautiful.

(6/?) Besides. That’s INSANE to say that a HUMAN BEING. Whether they be a child, or a broken adult, or some other lost soul in search of SOME form of companionship or forgiveness, doesn’t DESERVE LOVE. Like, we’re all human being. We all fuck up. But come ON NOW. That’s just CRAZY. And like… I don’t expect God (in whatever form you want to believe him in) ever thought we were going to get it 100% right. I mean, otherwise, why wouldn’t he just come down and rule the world himself? Fixes all

(7/?) all the bickering, right? And that’s where faith comes in. “We walk by faith, not by sight,” or whatever? But recently, I’ve basically been… well… barraged, to say the least, with both the LGBT+ and fellow Christians saying that I have to be one or the other. I have to be Gay or Christian. Otherwise, I compromise my beliefs. But I don’t see it that way? And like… being on the aspec yourself, I’m sure you understand how difficult it is to be torn between the Ace Community and the

Hey Anon,

These were the only messages I received. It looks like tumblr might have eaten anything else that you sent me and I am sorry for that. I hope you are feeling better though. Feel free to come and rant or vent anytime you need to. It looks like you really wanted to get this out there. And I’m glad you found a place to do it. Sometimes we are not always free to express our frustrations, so I am here if you ever need to.

You can be LGBTQ+ and religious! You can be Ace and religious! You don’t have to chose between one or the other. There is nothing wrong with being yourself and following your beliefs! There are many religious people who are LGBTQ+ and Ace; you are not alone. Many of us can relate to where you are coming from. I hate all this hostility between religious people and the LGBTQ+; not to mention the immense toxicity it has on religious LGBTQ+ members. It’s not easy being religious and LGBTQ+, but it is possible.

I completely underhand what you are growing through. I am Christian myself (Roman Catholic to be exact) and growing up non-heterosexual is extremely hard. To hear how my fellow “Christians” talked about people who were gay, especially my family members scarred me deeply. Ever since I was a little kid I knew that I was not heterosexual. I just knew, but there was not a lot of resources for me to look into and I didn’t know of any other orientations besides heterosexual and homosexual. And I was taught homosexual was wrong.

As time went on, I would literally drop on my hands in knees in prayer crying, tears pouring down my cheeks, to make me heterosexual. I begged and pleaded with God to help me and save me. I didn’t want to be bad. I didn’t want to be non-heterosexual. I didn’t want my own family members to hate me because I was non-heterosexual. I didn’t want God to hate me and send me to Hell for being non-heterosexual. I was scared, lost, and hurt. I never got an answer. So, I grew to hate God and religion. I turned my back God and despised religion and Christians who do nothing but preach love, but spread hate.

Separating myself from God and religion actually helped me in discovering myself. I immersed myself with the LGBTQ+ community. I tried various different labels and researched as much as I could, until I found asexuality and the ace spectrum. Since then, God has called me back. I am reworking on my faith and relationship with God. I have heard God’s voice…and y’know what he told me? “I am always with you.” I never felt anything so powerful and so loving in my life. I felt every single positive emotion that a person could feel. And I learned something. God loves me. Growing up I though God abounded me. I though God hated me. I learned, that that’s what other people told me He felt. But through God I learned that he loves me. And I think there is a reason I am not heterosexual, especially in such a religious family. I think me being graysexual definitely made my parents (mostly my Father) question themselves. My Father still has a lot of work to do, but my Mom is doing so great with accepting people and supporting me.

Reevaluating my faith and relearning my religion has made me more comfortable in my graysexuality, actually. Remember, God created you in his own image…and saw that it was good (Genesis). Remember what God told Moses? “Who gave man his mouth? Or makes him mute or deaf, sighted or blind? Is it not I?!” (Exodus). God knows you, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. (Jeremiah). He knows who you are. He has plans for you. He wants you to be the person He is calling you to be: yourself.

And don’t forget Jesus. Remember all that Jesus taught us: LOVE. Jesus gives us the greatest commandments: Love your neighbor like yourself (Matthew). Love one another as I have loved you (John). And don’t forget this one, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (John). So, you are right. We are called to love and support one another. That’s what a good Christian is supposed to do. Be that example!

You are do nothing wrong by following your faith and being Ace. I don’t understand where your parish is coming from with the not loving sinners part. That doesn’t make sense to me. Because, we are all sinners! Again, remember what Jesus said, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” (John). We are all sinners. Everyone of us. Sin does not recognize color, race, political party, or orientations. Sin is your actions, your thoughts, your words. You sin by doing, not by being.

It sounds like you need a little break from religion for awhile. Or at least to separate your orientation from your faith. It’s okay to take a break from your religion. Give yourself some time to work through what you are going through one-by-one. Work on your orientations, sexual and romantic. And find your way back to faith once you are more comfortable with yourself and who you are. Maybe you will learn to see things through different eyes. God will not abandon you and God will not stop loving you. Remember, the prodigal son parable (Luke). God will be waiting for you with open arms.

Don’t let what other people say get to you. You are right. Love and love one another. God made you from His own image, don’t create God into your own image. A lot of people do that nowadays. No one can say what God believes or thinks. No one can claim what God feels about you. No one can say what God has chose to do. Everyone deserves love and we are all sinners.

Keep doing your best. Be the example. Show the world it’s okay to be who you are and it’s okay to be religious. Many people, on both sides, don’t like the fact that I am religious and queer. It’s like a tug-o-war. Don’t let others force you to choose. You can be both. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. You are not alone. There are quite a few Queer Christian Communites:

https://www.qchristian.org

http://scmcanada.org/queer-resources/

https://www.believeoutloud.com/background/christianity-and-lgbt-equality

http://queergrace.com/communities/

And a few tumblr blogs:

https://acecatholic.tumblr.com

http://christianandqueer.tumblr.com

http://asexualchristian.tumblr.com

https://lgbt-christian-safe-haven.tumblr.com

You hang in there, Anon. It’s not easy being LGBTQ+ and religious, but it’s okay that you are. Both sides need to do some serious work. Christians need to take a step back and realize all the harm they are actually causing. They need to stand up and be Christians. Keep being yourself. Keep doing what is right, by the Lord. Help bridge this gap. I hate the hate, but I hope in time things do get better. You are loved. God loves you. God is there for you. God will not abandon you. It’s okay for you to be ace and Christian. That’s who you are. You are not hurting anyone by trying to be true to yourself. Don’t listen to anyone that causes you harm. Give yourself some time. Find yourself in your orientations first. Give yourself time to really understand your labels and identities. And come back to your faith in your own way, not how other people tell you to do it. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk, rant, or vent I am here feel free to message me anytime.

#ace religious #religious ace #religious queer #queer religious #christian and queer #ace:question

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