#i'm also just madly in love with how they navigated that with the world of sex work and ganga's history
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Behind The Facades | Part II
An unrequited pining over a certain super solider.
Navigation: Part I || Part II || Part III (end)
Words: 3.3k++
Pairings: avenger!bucky x female!reader
Warnings: angst. pent up anger. unspoken jealousy. conflicted feelings.
P/S: i heard you. i got you. since lots of you enjoyed the supposedly oneshot, so i decided to do a continuation for this couple. Hope you enjoy~
Read my other works here: Masterlist
Weeks gone by, months flown through and the team was already accustomed Bucky's girlfriend wandering around the tower. Though they thought she would move-in eventually, knowing that Tony allowed them to do so, but she hadn't done it yet.
While Y/N, on the other hand, felt like she was constantly walking on thin ice. Being tug in between holding herself together and breaking down.
What's worst about this was, deep down, Y/N wanted to hate her.
Gail Richards.
Bucky's girl.
A gorgeous red-head, sultry champagne-colored eyes, a deep dimple on her right cheek, sculptured body of goddess and heart of gold.
Y/N got to admit that she hated how perfect Gail was for Bucky. She had such a kind soul; it's impossible not to fall for her. In hindsight, she was exactly what Bucky needed in his life.
What he deserve.
And in the end, Gail managed to steal not just Bucky's heart, but also the entire team's.
Including Y/N herself.
The friendship between Gail and Y/N was true and genuine; even if it hurts her everytime when she was forced to see Gail canoodling with the man she had fallen madly in love with.
"So where's the date? Did he tell you or is it a surprise kind of thing?" Gail's questions snapped Y/N from her deep internal thoughts.
Her gaze fell into her own reflection in the mirror; she was fitted with a simple black satin dress, with a quite scandalous slit on one side on her thigh. Standing behind her, was Gail, helping her out with the pearl necklace she was graciously lending it to Y/N.
"I don't remember the name but it's that new michelin star restaurant." Y/N replied as she straighten her dress, suddenly feeling conscious of how tight the dress was hugging her body.
"Oh! I know that fancy new restaurant. It opened last week, right? Bucky and I haven't had the chance to go yet. I heard it's pretty hard to get reservation. I must say, I'm impressed."
While Gail seemed to approve of Y/N's date, she didn't notice the way Y/N's body froze as she mentioned Bucky's name.
Her fingers were itching to dug it's nails somewhere, anywhere; as she try to keep her composure as neutral as possible, "Yeah, I'll definitely give you my review before you guys go on a date there. Who knows if its not up to the standards, right?"
Oh, how desperate she was on wanting to hide her pain away.
"That's great, y/n! But, I'd rather you actually enjoy the date rather than secretly being an undercover food critique. Forget about everything and have fun for once! Who knows this one is a keeper, huh?" Gail rubbed her hands to side of Y/N's arms; her eyes brighten as she encouraged her.
Ignorance is truly a bliss; though it's not that she knows that Y/N had been in love with Bucky this whole time.
On the other hand, Bucky was starting to feel the effects of what Gail had warned him before. He doesn't want to feel like she doesn't love him because she does.
At least she tries to.
Persuing Gail was not necessarily easy; not because he was lacking or she played hard to get. But because of how honest she was; how self aware she was.
"Being with me is a hell of a challenge, Bucky. My emotions are unpredictable. Today, I will love you ever so truly; I will drown you with all the kisses and cuddles you could ever imagine but the next day you might not being able to talk to me or even see me."
"I'll go M.I.A and isolate myself from the world at any time, with no warning. I shut down without any reason."
"I might not be there for you when you needed me the most. I might abandon you when all you wanted for me to stay."
"Worst part about it is I won't feel sorry for what I did because I can barely feel anything during those time."
But he insisted to try.
Maybe it was the sudden surge of passion when he met her but he was determined that they could make it work.
So, try they did.
As his relationship with Gail progresses, his and y/n's started to astray. He noticed y/n has been keeping her distance with him since he got together with Gail.
She had been cooped up in her room more often. There was a gradual changes in their schedule. Lesser trips to the corndog stall that y/n was obsessed with, canceled trips on visiting Alpine, the cute little kitten they have been eyeing at the adoption center, and almost none of the late night coffee trips.
He missed her.
From her annoying laugh to her odd habit of scratching things in her sleep.
Her smile, her voice, her presence.
He missed all of it.
He missed her.
Which was why Bucky thought it was better to talk it out with her. Maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding that needed to be clear out.
It took just single knock before Bucky intrude himself into Y/N's room, "Hey, y/n I don't want to disturb you but can we..." Bucky's sentence did not managed to end with a period, thus his words was instead left hanging just like his mouth.
"Oh, wow."
For a moment there, Bucky literally forgot how to breath. It was as if the reality around him was deteriorating, leaving just the perfect view of Y/N. For a split second, his gaze seemed to dilated into a trance, slowly getting bewitched by the beauty before him.
Bucky was so captivated by how, almost sinfully, beautiful Y/N looked in that dress, he didn't notice his own girlfriend was standing right next to her.
Gail carefully slide her way towards Bucky as she prompted, "So... what do you think, Buck? Gorgeous isn't she?" A dreamy sigh escaped from Gail's lips as she admire the woman in front of her.
"Yes. Yes, she is."
Those were the words Bucky wanted to say but his mouth wasn't listening to his heart, rather it followed his head, "I didn't know you were coming over, honey." Bucky arms reached towards Gail as he scooped her close to him, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.
It was subtle but if they paid enough attention, they could see how Y/N's gaze quickly shifted downwards to her feet. Her teeth sunk between the insides of her left cheek as an effort to distract herself from the thunderstorm within her chest. A little bit more force on her teeth would've tore her up and left her bleeding from the inside.
How much longer she must be in this torment? How much suffering her heart needs to endure until it adapt to the pain? She's tired of the ache in her chest but at the same time she can't help it when her heart yearn for a love that's never going to be hers.
"Well? Is she not goddamn beautiful?" Gail playfully slapped Bucky's arm, demanding her question to be answered.
"I mean..." Bucky stuttered to find words. Especially when those round doe eyes of Y/N's spark with anticipation.
All those milliseconds of time Bucky had to think of an appropriate, truthful answer but somehow he only come up with, "...i guess, you could do better."
Idiot.
Straight up dumb.
Bucky immediately regret his words when the gleam in Y/N's eyes suddenly faded; turning into something cold and stoic.
Gail huffed in denial, before taking Y/N's side, "Then you sir, need to check your eyes because she's absolutely stunning". Y/N gave a small smile as Gail pulled her for a side hug.
"Why are you dressed up anyway?" Bucky wanted change the topic before he said something stupid again.
There was a noticeable pause on Y/N's side as he asked, as if she was unwilling to tell him. However, the reluctantcy only arouses his curiosity.
Y/N turned around and faced the mirror. As she fixed the necklace near her collarbone, she made an eye contact with Bucky through his reflection and answered, "I have a date."
Something shifted in the air; as if it was getting heavier, sturdier.
"Who's the guy?" Bucky was clearly not amused with the idea. It barely filtered through his stern tone.
"Daniel. One of the SHIELD agent I worked with before." Y/N noticed how his expression morphed into a frown.
"Why is he making that face? "
Bucky seethed, "That douchebag? Really y/n?" There's a hint of disappointment in his voice; like how a father would scold his daughter of doing something stupid.
And that ticked her off.
She's a grown-ass woman; she can do whatever she wants, date whoever she wants. None of it was Bucky's concern.
"What do you mean?" Annoyance flowed through her tone.
Bucky rolled his eyes as he recognized that name.
Daniel.
That scumbag whose always staring at her. And not in a cute, crush-like way. There's nothing innocent about the way he stare at Y/N's ass and boobs, or always finding excuses to touch her.
However, Y/N has been oblivious to it since Bucky had always been with her.
Since when did that douche got close to Y/N? How did he managed to get Y/N agree to go to a fucking date with him? More importantly, how did Bucky not know all of this?
There was this uncontrollable, unexplainable rage within Bucky that he was unable to contain; like a venomous poison it seeped through his head, "Are you that needy to even consider going out with such scum? Come on, y/n. You're being naive, it's ridiculous." Bucky scoffed as his tone laced with scorn and mockery.
Gail gasped in complete shock, "What is wrong with you, Bucky? That's not--"
"That's not fair. How can you have the luxury to fall in love and lived happily ever after while I have to continue to break and break, again and again?"
"Ridiculous? Am I a fucking joke to you, Bucky?!" Y/N could hold back her own anger as she turned towards him. His face remained the way that it is; red and furious and he was not willing to put his ego down either.
"You know what?" Y/N swerved towards the bed, "I am going to go this date with Daniel, whether you like or not..." She took her purse on the edge of the mattress, "...and I am going to enjoy every second of it!"
"Thanks, Gail. I really appreciate your help today." Y/N smiled as she briefly took Gail's hands into hers. Blinking in confusion, Gail replied, "Y-yeah.. sure--" though her speech was cut short when Y/N interrupted.
"And you!" Y/N shot a glare towards Bucky before marching towards him, "You can go fuck yourself." She clashed her shoulders into Bucky's before walking out her own room.
Bucky gritted his teeth; his jaw clenched in pure vexation as his frown grew deeper.
Looking at her very angry looking boyfriend, Gail let out a tired sigh, "Why would you say such thing to her, Bucky?
Why did he say those things?
He could explain it much better way, knowing that he had plausible reason to why he thinks she should not go to this date.
But, why did he not do that?
Why did he lash out and spat those hurtful things to her?
Even Bucky himself was not sure why.
After that Bucky spent the rest of the night at the gym, and this was the third punching bag that he had completely destroyed. He could see his girlfriend coming in from the corner of his eyes, with an emergency kit in her hand.
She sat at a nearby bench before, "Bucky sweetheart, come here." Gail softly asked him sit with her.
Despite the grunts and gruffs that slipped from his lips, he still obeyed her; though partially was because she had been sternly staring at him.
Gail gently remove his boxing glove of his right hand, then lo and behold his knuckles was crushed and bloodied.
"The wrappings is there for a reason, you know?" She knew he would this; especially when he is guided by rage. Bucky remained silent, knowing that if he did not control his anger first; then he would probably do the same thing he did to Y/N again.
There was a comfortable silence as Gail was tending his wounds. Bucky looked down at her, focusing on cleaning the wounds. She was always careful and tender while handling Bucky; as if she was taking care of a child.
"You love her, don't you?" Gail calmly asked as she started to wrap Bucky's hand.
The question caught him by surprise, "What do you mean?"
She chuckled softly, "y/n. You love her. Am I right?" she reclarify.
It didn't need a genius to figure out how Bucky truly feels about Y/N. Even if he himself if not aware of his own feelings.
But she can see right through him.
She noticed how attentive was Bucky towards y/n. How he looked at her; like she's his whole world. How every single thing he does somehow relates back to Y/N; and he cannot go by a day without mentioning her name in their any conversation. How peaceful looked when y/n is anywhere near him.
She noticed every single one of those detail.
"Of couse, I do. It's y/n we're talking about here." Bucky replied as-matter-of-factly. Though there was some truth in his answer but it was not all.
Gail shook her head lightly as she holds Bucky's wounded hand in hers, "No, Bucky. You love her." Her brows crunched into a pleading curve as her gaze turned gentle.
Bucky frowned in confusion; he looked down at his hand where her thumb caressing his knuckles and he thought back all the moments he spent with y/n.
From the very first day he met her, on those nights she stayed with him, through thick and thin, her eyes on his, her smile on his cheek, her laugh in his arms, her voice in his ears, her skin on left arm, everything flashed through him so fast until a single moment when he realizes.
"I love her."
Gail recognized the glint his eyes, "And she loves you too, Buck." She coaxed.
The frown on his face turned into a shock as she spoke. Even if Y/N does love him, what does that mean?
"What are you saying?"
"Go." Her voice were somehow calmer than she was supposed to speak in such a dire situation.
Bucky knew what she meant; he knew what those eyes were telling him, "Gail, you--"
She cut him before he could say anything, "We did agree to see where will this take us..." her smiled was somehow bitter-sweet, "And I guess this is our end of the line."
A hit of pain struck Bucky's heart, "You don't have to do this." His left hand raised to tenderly cupped her cheeks; it was warm. Unlike his winter cold hand, she was warm. Like the soft heat from the morning sun.
She placed her hand on top of his as she craved a reassuring smile, "I want to."
And that broke Bucky's heart. And it broke for her.
He loved Gail.
All the feelings he felt for her was real. As real as the feelings he felt for Y/N. The only difference was he didn't realized he was in love with Y/N, but he did with Gail.
"And to be honest, I'm not sure I can keep up with the emotional commitments, I'm always M.I.A and lost in my own head..."
As Gail starts to ramble, Bucky wasn't hearing any of it. His eyes stings and his vision blurred.
There was only so much any man can handle.
There was joy in realizing his was in love with Y/N but there was also agony in knowing he had to break Gail's heart. Unable to hold back his emotions anymore, his tears finally broke out.
She was prepared not to cry today but seeing Bucky like this; who wouldn't tear up, right?
"Hey hey hey, I'll be okay. We'll be okay." She placed her palm on Bucky's cheeks, wiping away the tears with her thumb as she lead his gaze to her own.
"Bucky, listen to me. I don't want you feeling like you're alone." she cooed, her eyes had gotten glassy as tears filled within them. "You deserve so much more than what I can offer you, do you understand?" Bucky can simply nod as he feels like his voice will betray him.
"Good." Gail closed her eyes and leaned into a kiss. A soft innocent kiss on his forehead, as their tears fall on each other's bare skin, "Now, go get your girl."
<< Part I || Part III >>
Read my other works here: Masterlist
A/N: Feel free to leave some feedback behind! And what do you think of Gail? I thought it'd be nice to have a different characteristics for her instead of the cliche 'bitchy and rude' girlfriend.
There's no actual taglist. So, I only include those who reblogged with comments and/or commented on the previous part. However, do tell if you want or do not want to be tagged.
Taglist: @ghostofwinter @angstysebfan @erinallene @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @paarthurnax59 @nomajdetective @kentokaze @dexter99 @nana1000night @prettyinpink350
#winterarmyyfics#behind the facades au#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#avenger!bucky#bucky angst
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CW: Me but ugly
Ya know what fuck it. I don't intend to this mid week. I wanna do it now while I've got the time and honestly I'm a bit excited.
This is John. He's the guy I used to be. I don't have many other pictures of him but I saved these ones for this purpose. They're some of the few I could stand for some reason.
It's hard to think I ever used to look like that. Think or act the way I did. You could go back right now and tell him the events of the past like year or so and honestly he'd probably understand it. Would be too scared as shit nervous and doubtful to ever believe it. Hated himself too much to imagine it being this way.
This is how I started off on Hormones 1 year ago. 5/31/22. Somewhere between 11/7/21 and 4/9/22 everything went to shit. I crashed my motorcycle and broke my arm, ended up broke, didnt get into grad school, the girl I was madly in love with just let me know I was being replaced by someone with a pussy. It took about everything happy in my life turning to shit over night to finally crack the egg that I had been growing in for so long.
There were signs before. Things I always knew. Always hung out with girls. Liked sapphic content. Felt detachment from peers of my agab, enjoyed pretending at being an internet femboy. Horribly autistic. Fucking hated my body. Hated hated hated hated hated. I had a closeted sissy kink and dressed up FOR YEARS. So much more. Eventually I started hooking up with trannies the same way I hooked up with lesbians and things began to click. Something in me thought ya know what, I don't have to just admire and adore and yearn for them. Then a good friend of mine consoling me one April night more or less extended an invitation and I didn't look back.
And then she was born. I think these photos are from maybe a month post starting HRT. Would you believe I hadn't seen myself without facial hair in like 10 years before this point. I hadn't shaved it all off since I was 13. I'm hispanic. Greek and Cuban so I've had this accursed facial and body hair for fucking ever. I was so afraid the first time I picked up that razor. I didnt know if I'd like what was on the other side. I felt safe and secure in the validation I got from other people that I thought it'd be ok if I was just unhappy with myself forever. I hated whatever I was so much that I didnt have the energy to care for her.
Then I shaved.
I looked in the mirror and I thought that girl looked kinda cute. For the first time I really didnt think I looked so bad. My friends were very supportive thankfully. Not everyone was. Certainly not dear old dad who still wont call me by my name or gender me properly. The man who told me god had cursed him with 2 faggots. My little trans brother and I. The man who let me know I was a disappointment and that neither I or anyone of us were real women. I still havent forgiven him for so much. But I am trying to let it go. Even the cis people were kinda nice. I lost some who were kinda edgy friends from highschool. Nothing of value was lost.
Since then I've worked to navigate the professional world as a woman. My first boss at my first real post college job was this British woman from England who made my life kinda hell. Preyed upon and picked on me and embarrassed me professionally. One of the 2 other women at the office. She never would admit to it but I think she resented me for it. I was also the only tranny there. Well sorta. There was 1 other who worked down in facilities doing the trash and dishes for the labs. But not up there. Not on the 8th floor with us in the "war room".
And this is where and who we are now 1 year later. Same eyes. Same 5'0 looking ass. But happier. Smiles when she looks in the mirror. Can actually do things for herself. Set boundaries. Care. Maybe she can even love too. I've placed myself into countless lesbian romance fantasies and I feel like I have a shot at living them. I used to be like 200 pounds. I'm down to 128 and also built like a brick house full of muscle. I was horrified of being trapped in that body of mine forever and the fear and doubt that I'd never make it even this far scared me into doing nothing until i had little else to lose.
Let me leave you with some wise advice that friend who cracked my egg once gave to me: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.
Transitioning was the best decision I ever made for myself. Happy birthday Morrigan. I love you.
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I watched Gangubai Kathiawadi and, whilst I love the politics and the growth of Ganga’s character and so many other things about this film, I am also listening to the soundtrack on repeat and dying slowly at all the little intimate moments and the lyrics
#i'm *this* close to making a list of bollywood ways of showing intimacy because that's a whole prompt list right there#iykyk#invented romance#i'm also just madly in love with how they navigated that with the world of sex work and ganga's history#the physicality of it all#slb really kills the visuals everytime#op#bollywood#gangubai kathiawadi#cookie reviews#<- i forgot i had a tag!
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Forever
pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader
a/n: sorry it's been so long, classes are taking up all my time it's absolutely frustrating, but i'm back!!
requested: no
warnings: attempted suicide, gun, knife. (I think that's it but message me if i've missed something!)
summary: you and natasha were past lovers, what happens when one confesses they still want you back indirectly?
word count: 1.5k. | marvel masterlist. | navigation post.
you do not have my permission to translate nor to repost my writing on any platform. comments, likes and reblogs are always very much appreciated<3
**gif not mine
You were thinking about her again. How she looked cuddled with you as the rays of the sun entered your room, waking her up from her slumber. It was a mistake having to be separated from her over something so petty and stupid. You were supposed to be mad, but you couldn’t help it.
Something in her just made you weak, whether it was her smile, her smirk, or just the whole package. You were madly in love; everyone who saw you would know that. You would look like a lost puppy without her, always waiting by the door when you heard she was coming back from missions or surprising her when she was at work with her favorite, borscht. But anyone could see that the assassin had also become soft with you. She would allow you to pinch her cheeks or even call her nicknames which would earn the others a punch or a cut if they even so much as dared to do it towards the redhead.
When you first met, you were a stuttering mess. The Russian just stared and adored how cute you looked with your jeans and a shirt with some kind of band she didn’t know. When you finally get to know her, you quickly revert to your old self; confident, flirty, and silly. Over time she’d get cuddly with you and even go as far as going to your hometown and buying you your favorite pizza from Lombardi’s. Although she couldn’t deny it, she also loved the pizza from there.
She usually takes you out on dates, but you took her to a safe place of yours when you did. It was a park that has been present there for as long as you could remember. When life hits you hard, you feel the need to isolate yourself not in a room but in a place where you could roam freely. You planted different types of flowers, but you noticed that Nat’s eyes would linger on the roses and yours on the daises. It soon became your spot, hiding there when it seemed like the world was crashing in on both of you, and you needed some sort of escape.
Being with her was everything you could ask for. She never kept any secrets, and neither did you. She opened up about her past, and you could clearly remember her red and puffy eyes, as she told you she thought she was a monster. You couldn’t help but hug the woman before you. Never had you thought that she was a monster; to you, she was a hero who was selfless but misunderstood.
Your past was something you could never handle. When someone asked about it, you were quick to change the topic. But when Natasha had asked, you sighed and told her.
When you were a kid, you had powers that your father desperately tried to hide. He muttered words that you could make out that were “she’s too powerful for me to handle, she needs to go to hydra, I can’t let Stark get to her,” and after hearing those, men with guns and black suits started to emerge from your side with your father. You couldn’t understand what was happening until you felt some type of force blocking them from reaching you. You looked at your hand, and red swirls were on top of them. You pry the force field open and unintentionally send it towards the group of men, including your father.
You were devastated. You ran; for weeks, or was it months? You couldn’t remember not until a man named Tony Stark had found you. The name was eerily familiar, but you went with him. At this point, you had nothing to lose. You sighed. Natasha has only been the successful one in getting through your walls, not even your mother. She had seemingly reappeared after Stark tracked her down.
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You snapped out of your daydream as you heard a knock from your door. “Honey? Someone is waiting for you in the living room. He said his name was Clint Barton?” you hurriedly grab a decent pair of clothes while replying, “I’ll be down in a minute, mom” you continue changing. When you finished, you saw clint sat down on your couch while repeatedly drumming his fingers on his knees. “He’s nervous,” you thought to yourself. “What could it be about?”
You tap his back “hey clint, what are you doing here?” He jumped up, and you could visibly see his back tense when he faced you. “H-hey y/n, we have to talk,” he stuttered. “Isn’t that why you’re here?” you shoot back and face down at the floor, pondering on how rude you sounded. You both sit down, and he continued to tap his knees “she’s going crazy, you know” You look back up and crunch your nose in confusion. “What?” he slowly started to relax, and you urged him to continue. “Nat’s been going crazy without you. She hasn’t been eating, talking, or even coming out of her room, we tried to talk to her and get her to call you, but she just wouldn’t. We know she needs you, but she can’t bring herself to admit it.”
You sat there, stunned. Had Nat really been in that state without you? She was the one who made a mistake, yet hearing about her condition just wrecked your heart. “I’m sorry, I-i don’t know what to say” you mentally punch yourself for not bringing out the courage to tell him that you felt the same. You were about to speak, but he interrupted you. “Well, I guess it was worth a try” he stood up and made a beeline towards the door, trying to come up with lies that the assassin would see through at once.
You couldn’t stop him. Great. The one chance you needed, and now it was gone, and you did not know what to do. “Well?” your mom asked. “Aren’t you going to go after them and tell her how much you’ve missed her too? I know you too well, hon. You miss her,” she says while her eyes soften. You stood up and hugged your mom, regaining the courage you once had.
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“I don’t know what to tell her,” he muttered to Steve. “Natasha’s strong. She’ll get through this,” He says while patting clint’s back. “Just make sure to tell her the truth. I don’t think you want to get thrown halfway across the room, don’t you, legolas?” Tony joked. They arrive at the compound, and they immediately see Natasha sitting by the door, eagerly waiting for their arrival. Their hearts broke at the sight, and when they neared her, she looked up with a smile which quickly turned into a frown as she saw them with downcast faces. As they were about to say something, they were caught off-guard when tears dropped from her eyes, and she ran towards her bedroom.
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“I’m going, mom,” you say as you broke the hug and rushed towards the door. You arrive at the compound, and you tread your way towards the team. “Where is she?” you looked around and noticed the missing presence of the Russian. “She’s in her room” upon hearing those words you rush towards her room and the sight before you was enough to break your heart into pieces.
There she was, kneeling down with a knife and a gun in hand, with tears streaming down her face as she looked up at the roof, softly tugging at the safety of the gun. You froze. You didn’t know what to do, but as soon as the sound of the safety clicked off you ran towards her, wrapping her tightly in your arms.
“Hey, hey please don’t” you look at her intently while begging her to stay. “Why should I not? I’m alone” your heart broke even more while you looked for the courage to tell her what you actually feel. “I still love you” you breathed it out. “What?” she looked at you while clearly searching for any sign you could be lying just to stop her. “I said I love you, I always have, when we, when you-” you were cut off by her soft lips kissing yours, while wrapping you in a big embrace.
When breathing had become a necessity, she pulled away, now placing the pads of her thumb on your cheeks. “Thank you” she mumbled out. “For what?” you asked back while seeing her smile slowly make its way back to her face- a smile that only you were able to see. “For stopping me and for telling me what you feel no matter how stupid my mistake was to end it before.”
“I don’t care how many mistakes we do, as long as we both correct them with each other.” you rasp, your breathing becoming more even. “I’m yours, I will always be” the redhead replied while bringing you in for another kiss.
"And at that moment you knew, that there was no one else for you, she was yours, and you were hers."
Forever.
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Taglist:
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#nicole: my writing to pass time#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff fluff#natasha romanoff angst#black widow x reader#genre: angst#genre: fluff
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Character meme: Aymeric!
Buckle up kids, this is gonna be long
How I feel about this character:
My favorite Alliance leader by far, one of my favorite characters period, and most definitely one of my Comfort Characters. It was absolutely love at first sight. Yes, he's beautiful, but I live for palace intrigue and skullduggery so naturally I was drawn to him even beyond how breathtakingly pretty he is. Forgive me for HP-ing on main here but Aymeric is always the first character I point to when I'm trying to explain that Slytherins aren't inherently evil; that he's ambitious and cunning but uses that to good ends, like the sneaky way he aided the Scions early on when we first met him. And like Haurchefant, it was clear even then how different he was from his countrymen; he was no wild-eyed, Enchiridion-thumping fanatic despite being a Temple Knight. If he was a little severe on the surface at first, it was because he does absolutely everything with deliberate care, being extremely aware of the narrow lines he had to walk not just because of his position in the Holy See but as a progressive, reform-minded person in such a hidebound society.
And christ did I relate to him, having to navigate this rarefied world where he had to be twice as good as anyone because of his background. That "I don't come from good stock" line, and the matter of fact way he said it, hit me right in my working class Black kid childhood at a rich WASP NYC prep school. And that was before we found out he was Thordan's secret bastard.
Aymeric just makes my heart sing, is what it comes down to. As much as Haurche and Estinien and Ysayle. This is a man who literally had to have his morning tea at the damn front, how could I not fall madly in love with him??
All the people I ship romantically with this character:
Gisele, first and foremost, not just for how ridiculously attractive they are together, but also because they have so fucking much in common. Aymeric very much shares her idealistic worldview while at the same time being very cognizant of the realities of the world he lives in and how delicate the lines are he has to walk. In a lot of ways, Aymeric as Lord Commander of the Temple Knights reminds me very much of Warden-Commander Gisele in the old DA verse I built and as Lord Speaker he governs almost precisely the way Queen Gisele did in that same verse. And they are both incredibly image-conscious and both of them clawed their way up to positions of influence and power, despite the hands they were dealt in life. Their pillow talk involves politics as much as sweet nothings.
I know I say this a lot but I would ship Haurchefant and Estinien with Aymeric even if Gisele wasn't in the picture. Estinien has that fire-forged partnership aspect, the unlikely friendship that grew between them, etc. It's the obvious one, but I think Haurchefant fits with him so ridiculously well that I'm shocked more people don't seem to ship it. Edmont literally tells Aymeric he's not only like another son to him, but that he sees a lot of Haurchefant in him. And it's true, they really do have a lot of similarities; Aymeric is just as idealistic, just as much a romantic as Haurche, he just hides it better.
And then there’s Ysayle and all the wonderful enemies-to-lovers stuff and the fraught nature of it given her past and the conspiracy theories his detractors cooked up about coups and whatnot. But they’re perfect for each other imo because they’re also fantastic foils in the same sense that Ysayle and Gisele are. The difference ofc being that Ysayle would never approach him of her own accord, out of guilt, and Aymeric is too concerned with the political ramifications. So this one I think would be less plausible without Gisele’s encouragement, even if Ysayle somehow managed to still survive Azys Lla without Gisele’s intervention. But in her verse it’s wonderful.
I also ship him with Raubahn, something I did totally by accident and messed me up real bad fhdskfs but it’s entirely that weary soldier thing, and mutual affection for
My non-romantic OTP for this character:
Lucia; I understand the shippy feelings some have but I read her as a lesbian and I love the undying loyalty she has for him. Aside from her it's got to be Edmont, for reasons I mentioned in the last answer, but in addition to that there's the frequently missed little detail that Edmont stepped down as ruling Count of House Fortemps entirely to take the heat off Aymeric when rumors were swirling that he was complicit in a coup on Thordan. It really had nothing to do with Edmont himself and his position.
And his cat.
My unpopular opinion about this character:
Aymeric directing WoL and Alphinaud to throw Nidhogg's Eyes into the chasm wasn't at all stupid or ill-conceived a plan and I hate that people harp on this plot point or talk about him like he was stupid for it. Given the context of the situation it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Aymeric had already seen his oldest friend and companion nearly lose himself to the damn things, as a start, and reacted like a totally normal person would in the heat of the moment; clearly he was worried about WoL and Alph.
Who tf would have or could have foreseen that dead ghost people from another world would go in there to retrieve them? Or even an Ascian, given the two that were fucking with Ishgard were really most sincerely dead at that point? It reeks of Monday morning quarterbacking and it gets on my nerves and I was actually irritated he was made to apologize for it in Stormblood. He had nothing to apologize for as far as I’m concerned, though I do thought it was very much IC for him to do it.
On a similar note: he wasn’t being a naive fool when he chose to confront Thordan with the truth about the beginnings of the war, he was playing a Xanatos Gambit and calling the old man’s bluff. He knew damn well that his father would react poorly to being confronted with the truth that the foundational myths of Ishgard's entire society were convenient lies. The reason he confronted him anyway was to force Thordan's hand. I think on some level Aymeric wanted to believe that he could be reasoned with, but was fully prepared for it to go south and knew it would still serve his purpose, and he even says as much when Edmont's trying to talk him out of it. Either Thordan reacts in a reasonable manner and they discuss things and work it out to tell the people the truth, or he gets exposed as the evil mastermind he actually is, and Aymeric is then able to act suitably against him. But that doesn't mean he didn't feel a deep sense of hurt at just how badly his father betrayed him.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.:
That we hadn't gotten cockblocked at dinner that night, and that the conversation could have been longer. (I held a grudge against Renda-Rae literally until I killed her Virtue form for that) I know this isn't that kind of game at all, and I'm honestly glad for it to an extent because it gives me the freedom to write how I want and avoid dumb ship wars and what not in the fandom but I still want to kiss this elf why won't you let me kiss him???????
More seriously though, I would like to hear more of his perspective on his faith. For a guy who led an order that would be called Paladins in any other setting (grumblegrumble), we only basically got the one line outside Snowcloak, but that was really it. Which is wild considering he was interim Archbishop for a hot minute. I have my own ideas obviously and talk about it in fic but it'd be nice to see anything at all in canon, especially his opinions on where the church is headed post-war.
And I want to know about his mom, who was she?
Also also let us see his cat, dammit
#I think everyone was too scared to send me the usual suspects so NOBODY sent lol#character opinion meme#askbox memes#stupid sexy aymeric#i like him a totally normal amount#allycryz#ask bisho
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7, 29, 30, 36, 38. Please.
7. Your favourite ao3 tag.
I already answered it once, but I'll say it again: I don't have a particular favorite, but I do think that those ones that go 'No Beta We Die Like [In-Fandom Reference]' are super charming! I like them a lot. Like 'No Beta We Die Like Camelot Being Thrown Into The Sun'
29. What's the hardest thing about writing?
Executive dysfunction.
You got these stories that you wanna write. You got these half-baked ideas in your head, and you want to put them on the ironing board to smooth out the kinks. But then you go to grab the iron and you find that it wasn't plugged in. Which is weird, because it was plugged in yesterday, and it worked just fine.
So instead of ironing out the story, you spend ten hours looking around madly in your room for a power outlet that doesn't exist anymore even though it was there yesterday. And maybe if you're lucky, your hand smoothed out some wrinkles. But in the end?
No. It didn't work out. And you feel upset, even though it isn't your fault the room decided you don't have an outlet today. Such an inconvenience.
30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.
So I was into Overwatch for a while a few years ago, right? Blizzard took a lot of my fucking money, and I am Squinting At Them Suspiciously. But my favorite character of Overwatch was Junkrat, so me and a friend of mine did some neat RPs with him, and one of them made me cry legitimate tears.
But I digress. Here's a general summary of it.
After Junkrat and his adopted father, Roadhog, manage to find a way out of the nuclear wastes of Australia, the two of them struggle to figure out how to navigate the world utilizing their natural talents and penchant for crime. Also Roadhog dies, just. Dies, right when things are getting better. And that is The Big Sad that made me cry--that plus Junkrat just dealing with the waves of grief and guilt that come after that. That was juicy. So juicy.
Anyway. I almost wanted to write a fanfic of it. I didn't. It would've taken too long.
36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?
Answered!
38. "This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it fics?
I love both!!! But 'This happened but' fix-it fics seem a lot more genuine to me.
Still! I love the general 'fuck you, canon' vibes of 'this never happened' fix-it fics.
'This happened but' says, 'Fuck you, canon.' 'This never happened' says 'Fuck you, canon' but louder. It's great. I'm not partial to either!
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Am I Doing This Right?
It's been a little while since I blogged. I just didn't have the time, working on finishing my certification, kids, work, life. I felt a bit like I had a mental block or fog too. There was definitely a shift happening in my world. Couldn't really put a finger on it...but the fog started making sense recently. I am a mama to three girls. A young adult, a tween and a young child. My world is filled with their ups and downs, their transitions, their challenges...and right now, during these ages, it's a lot of transitions and growth. My oldest is about to graduate University, thinking about where they'll live, where she'll get hired as an RN. Where, benefits both of them, her and her fiance. So in the back of my mind, I'm thinking of places, I'm thinking of the move, how far away, the changes coming, picturing places they'll rent or maybe buy, imagining their future. A backyard maybe? All good positive, next steps of life thoughts....will we see them at Christmas? What kind of shifts will she have? All while also thinking of their wedding. Budgeting. Planning. Catering. Maybe that’s just my over excited thoughts? I am excited! My daughter is getting married and starting a career as a nurse. It makes the moments I felt like a complete failure as a mother, feel like an eternity ago, and so meaningless now.
So that's just one kiddo who's life is on my mind. My tween, well, she's only ten, but I'm starting to see a glimmer of a tweenager. I've really been paying close attention to her mood swings. Her frustrations, her attitude shifts. For awhile, I was so stressed about it, she was just easily irritated, easily frustrated, more emotional than normal, and the mother, Sherlock Holmes in me, was struggling to figure out what was going on. Well, I figured it out. It was her tablet. Now know this, I am not a person who judges, I don't care how much time other people's children spend on tablets, or what you use them for, these opinions are strictly my own, and behaviour I personally noticed in my own child.
She was on it for maybe an hour or so a day...sometimes not at all...I thought, meh, she's just watching craft videos, funny videos, but then we started noticing the attitude, the withdraw. I would notice her go from completely entranced by the screen, to pissed off at the world when she was told to put it away. Ok. I see what's happening here. So, we had a family meeting, and we eliminated tablets Monday to Friday. They're allowed to have them on Friday evenings, Saturdays on our hour long sport commute, and Sundays for an hour in the morning. I started looking at what they were watching. Kids doing stupid things. Kids lip syncing. 5 minute crafts was featuring how to turn your t shirt into a belly shirt. Or how to plump up your lips by sticking them in a plastic container??! Why are my children so interested in this. So I felt a bit like I wasn't doing my job as a parent, allowing them to watch these things. The headline 5 minute crafts. It just HAS to sneak in that useless garbage for our kids. Frustrating. I also took a look at myself. How much screen time I have. How I hear my kids say, "mom, you didn't hear me because you were on your phone", you’re right, and point taken.
We made changes. We’re back to seeing our kids actually make the crafts they watched now that the tablets are put away during the week. We’re usually on an adventure on the weekends so if there’s down time, they go on. They're back to being active and busy, and creative and the attitude has improved immensely. There's still days I'm pulling my hair out because I get "the tone" that puts us moms over the edge. Or stomping. Or fighting...I think for the most part, for having a four year age gap, they get along incredibly well. I remind myself, my middle daughter is entering some scary territory with hormones and puberty and boys, and mean girls, and body image....I remind myself that I have a really big job ahead, and it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be emotionally, physically, and mentally challenging. I've raised one teenage girl. Two more to go. We got this. And in the meantime we’ll continue to embrace the innocence ❤️
My girls are growing up in a different society. Even one that is different from when my oldest was a teen. And that wasn’t that long ago...5 years. One I'm still learning how to navigate. What is right. What is wrong. What age is right for this or that? It seems so much harder than simpler times when we were growing up. Although I'm sure mama's of the past would disagree. It was probably just as hard, just a different world. Different challenges. Different ways to deal, but parenting is universal. Teach, help, protect, guide, comfort, observe, learn, none of that has changed..
My littlest is learning to be more independent. She's letting go of me bit by bit, but still just as cautious as always. She still wants to be picked up for hugs, which thankfully, I can still pick up 44 pounds..mind you, being the last baby, I'll probably still pick her up at 74 pounds. She is very much my shadow, and places another challenge on me, making sure I'm giving the same amount of time and attention to my ten year old. AND my twenty two year old. I'm just hanging on tight as long as I can. They’re growing up so fast, and wanting less and less of me. I know. This is good. This means you're doing your job as a good mom and raising independent kids. Still doesn't take away the desire to spend every minute with them before they say "bye mom" *gulp*
The greatest joy for me is watching them through these stages and phases. Even though it's hard sometimes, it's draining, it's also rewarding, and makes me so proud. But it can be terrifying. Hoping I'm doing what's best for them. Always. Everyday. But then feeling guilty when I want space from them. Doesn't that suck! You’re at the point of exhaustion, ready to tear everyone's head off in the house, give yourself a break, and feel bad about it.
I shake my head.
No matter what though, self care is crucial.
So on top of my mind being fully occupied by my children's lives, I also need room in there for my work, for my marriage, for my friendships, most importantly for my health and well being.
To be a fly in the brain of a modern day woman. It would be incredibly fascinating! Like a room full of computers, buzzing madly, spitting out information every second of every day....and then re inputting it back into the computer to re analyze it, go over it, and spit it back out!
I have to remember to try and quiet my mind though. Stay on top of my mental health with breaks. Me time. Quiet. Running. Yoga. Coffee Dates. Massages. Facials. Reading. Uninterrupted conversations with my husband. Date nights. It's part of being a good mom, wife, friend, teacher, running on a full cup, not an empty cup. Sometimes we need a reminder though. "Hey, you know that life cup...it's about to spill" Don't you wish there was a little alarm in our brains that beeped when it was time to reboot. Instead, our reminders come in a form of illness, breakdowns, or our inner Cruella Deville's emerge.
I'm doing my best to stay on top of life’s balance. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes I'm the healthiest, happiest human being, living my best life! I love my life. And I love being a writer, so I can feel like a normal mom, a normal woman, in a hurry up, noisy, busy world ❤️
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