#i’m just. so tired
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-buys blue light glasses for migraines/ headaches
- Wait a week
- See that they arrived
- the delivery person left them in the broken mailbox
- Can’t ask for help due to late hours
- Get a headache from stress
#soon.#i swear#i’m just. so tired#they messed up the mail keys and usually they don’t put the packages in the mailbox#so i’m. just waiting.#*sighs deeply*#🐊#oh shit it’s me#speck rambles#speck art
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I’ve had a long day that involved walking halfway home Don the movie theater with my partner because his mother was running late and I’m exhausted so my Halloween had been. I guess a little exhausting but at least wr had fun at the theater
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hey y’all i’m so sorry and i know it’s the second time in a fortnight but i do not have the time to write a fic tonight i don’t think 😭😭 i’m going to get up earlier to give it a go but honestly i doubt it :((
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Sigh
I’m so tired.
My dad asked my sister this weekend if the reason I don’t come by anymore is because of my brother. And since she can’t lie, bless her, she muttered something sort of the truth. That yes, it is sometimes the reason
But it’s not the entire reason. Because it’s not just my brother - although even without the rest of this dramatic bullshit, I still wouldn’t want to go to their house anymore simply because he’s there. He flat out refuses to use my real name and pronouns and I don’t deserve that kind of hateful person in my life
But how do I even begin to tell them that THEY are part of the problem too? All they want to do is talk about the monster of a creature they call their dog. Untrained, big, triggering all of my fear of dogs and all they have to say is that “he’s so cute”, all the while talking about how annoying it is that it’s not trained. And when I try to set boundaries - any boundaries - I get yelled at.
I’m SCARED of dogs. They didn’t know that because they’ve never cared to know. I told my mom and she looked like I’d slapped her across the face. And now every time I try to control the dog, they yell at me. “Stop grabbing him!” HE IS LITERALLY BITING ME. I keep him still until he stops biting. I don’t kick or scream at him. I praise him when he’s good and I ignore him when he’s not. Like you’re SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A FUCKING DOG
But this isn’t just a dog. This is the “fix it” child for them. Mom is lonely, dad is exhausted and doesn’t want anything to do with her, my brother needed something to do. They got the dog. Now it’s horrible and awful and it isn’t the dog’s fault - it’s theirs. And I don’t want to be anywhere near people who yell at me for setting boundaries
I don’t want to be near anyone who makes me feel small and wrong and like I don’t matter. Like I’m in the way and need to change my entire person. Like I’m just an annoyance they have to put up with
I don’t want to be yelled at for trying to be kind to myself. I don’t want to force myself to be with people who have told me to shut up and go away my entire life
I don’t want to stay with people who won’t make an effort to talk to me, to get to know me. People who treat me like shit.
But my fucking god.
I miss them. I miss the garden, the weekly dinners. I miss drinking a beer with my dad, I miss telling my mom about my day even though she barely listens. I miss playing with my sister’s dogs in the garden. I miss being able to be in the same room as my older brother. I miss seeing my baby brother, I miss fetching a handful of sodas and getting teased that I forgot the kind one of them wanted
I miss my family
I miss being part of the family
And it’s tearing me apart but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep breaking, again and again, simply because I love them. Because they do nothing to show me they love me back
They never have
#misha rants#misha vents about his stupid ass family drama#I’m just. so tired#tw: neglect#if I didn’t have my sister and baby brother I would fall apart#this is just me being sad sorry my loves
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can’t tell if I’ve posted something like this before but
the inherent fantasy and yearning for a Star Trek future when you’re someone who’s chronically ill and dealing with a particularly bad flare — something about the fantasy of being beamed into a starfleet medbay, given a hypospray, and feeling all the pain, discomfort, soreness, and all other flare symptoms melt away as futuristic utopian medicine makes you healthy again, maybe even getting rid of the chronic illness altogether, and being comforted by a softspoken doctor who will hold your hand and stay beside you until even the lingering exhaustion fades
*yearns*
#star trek#i am so tired you guys.#pain and soreness and spending half the night in the bathroom I am so exhausted#i literally long for this so much#i want a starfleet doctor to get rid of my chronic illness and help me feel better#imagine a life where sitting at a desk. eating food. etc does not feel like colossal hurdles where you’re absolutely exhausted… what even#i’m just. so tired#*yearns in trek*#personal#the thing about fluctuating chronic illnesses too is that some days you’re passably ‘normal person’ and then other days it’s like#literally sitting at your desk and eating one (1) light meal is a stress inducing exhausting ordeal and I just. some people really are out#there living life and not dealing with this? wild. what is that like.#also the inherent fantasy of a post scarcity society where when you’re dealing with a flare you can just. y’know. not need fo work that day#if only 🥲🥲#don’t mind my rambles I am just in pain and tired and sore and trying to work through the power of ginger tea and fantasizing about trek#cries#where is cmo dr julian bashir when you need him
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realizing that my coworker is MY jimmy pesto
#and not in a fun homoerotic rivalry way#in a ‘she actually makes me insane and i dread coming to work every day’ kind of way#i’m just. so tired#personal
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Customer service is emotionally exhausting and it’s going to kill me
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i hate hate hate hate hate job hunting literally die why is everything so sketchy and/or underpaid and/or means working for literal billionaires as an errands boy
#i’m just. so tired#i had a second interview for this really fucking posh really fucking corrupt company for a concierge position at their apartment complex#AND THERE’S A FUCKING THIRD ROUND#there’s also the fact that i’ll be selling my soul to the arab investors if i get the job#i hate hate hate catering to the rich i hate the idea of it i hate being there and i hate working for a company that is so corrupt it’s not#even a public secret anymore it’s just something that goes without saying ALSO all of those buildings will sink into the river in 15 years’#time like i’m not even kidding the architecture is hideous atrocious really fucking ugly the execution is even worse#anyways…#whatever i’m just a girl and i really fucking need the money
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I just need to get past this week, then I’m on vacation for a week (probably will not be very active on here or discord just a heads up!)
Then two more weeks of waking up early.
Man. I can’t wait to be able to sleep in.
#I’m just. so tired#I’m really struggling to get up so early so I’m glad I got this new job#like yeah it’s a bummer I won’t have like the whole afternoon off anymore#and my schedule will consist of working weekends here and there#but overall I think this change will be better for me#I can sleep in until like. 6:30/7 bc realistically I’ll wake up around that time normally#and then I’ll be working mostly independently at this new job#and hopefully I can get to the point where I can work from home#bc they do offer a position for that#so I’m gonna aim for it#it’s a service rep where I’ll have to answer calls but meh#and they said if someone starts being rude to me I can hang up lmao
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I’m so sick of live action shows being allowed to have all the seasons they want but then animation getting canned as soon as it starts to gain a following. Stranger Things is getting a fifth season while Infinity Train had to struggle for its whole existence! Animated shows are getting cancelled left and right!! These companies are just driven by money and greed and they’ve turned art into commercialized entertainment. Well, I’m sick of it. I wish that those companies would realize the value and beauty in animation
And on a similar note, why is it that good shows get cancelled almost immediately while garbage shows get to continue on for as long as they want?? Dana Terrace didn’t deserve to be silenced! She should have been able to tell her story the whole way through!
I personally think there’s not much worse than cancellation. It’s a story and if it’s cut short it can’t be told the way the creator wanted it to be
In short, I am sick and tired of everything that’s been taking place over the last couple of years in animation. I used to want to go into animation. Not anymore. Not to a company that will kill my dreams and steal what I love. I want to support indie animation, games, movies, anything. Indie creators. They’re doing what they love. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes a lot of work because they’re not on an actual show- or movie-sized budget
But it is so, so worth it
#Owl Hoots#vent#rant#I’m just. so tired#I don’t want to fight anymore#but I have to#and so I will#I’ll fight until the battleground is painted red with the blood of my enemies and us artists prevail#this was just going to be short and then it turned into THIS#sorry :)#animation#the animation crisis
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i couldn’t afford vyvanse (~$400) so i switched to concerta. turns out there’s a shortage of that and also every other adhd drug, and nobody knows when there’ll be more.
#i’m so tired of having a broken brain#i’m so tired of worrying about my job#i’m so tired of worrying about money#i’m just. so tired#adhd#levilog
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Should I ask for extra time on our project
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It’s always nice to get a seemingly automated “thanks for applying, but no thanks!” email. I love knowing that an actual human didn’t look at any of my thoughtful responses and therefore didn’t see how fucking qualified I am.
Even better when the application was for a volunteer position.
#/sarcasm#obviously#i am extremely disappointed#it was for the zoo#which I now live very close to and could reasonably volunteer for#and that was a big plus to moving here and taking my current job#i’m just. so tired#emotionally#just once I’d love to know that a person read my application. just once. it has been years.#OP#vent#sorry
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I’ve had sm people in my notifs and dms either being purposely ableist or purposely misreading or misrepresenting my tweets and I just think I deserve a prize. Someone pay me I’m so tired
#no literally check my Twitter it’s insane I had to explain that yes Cyborgs race is a factor in how he’s treated#I’m telling someone rn that yes responding to a reply with I’m not reading that does in fact make you a jerk#I’m just. so tired
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So here’s the thing that’s really getting to me right now.
For decades, the idea of Roe v Wade being overturned has been wielded as a political threat by the democratic party. Vote Blue No Matter Who or else the republicans are gonna take away your rights.
So we did! We voted blue no matter who! And look where the fuck that got us.
The party has been overrun by spineless centrists and literally just republicans under a different name. Very little meaningful progress has been made lately. All they’re willing to do is temporarily halt the conservative backslide.
And here’s the worst part: this overturning has made it very clear that our votes don’t actually do anything. Right now, the democrats have control of the house, the senate, and the presidency. But we still lost our rights, because the conservative judges who we didn’t get to vote for, appointed by a president who lost the popular vote, made an arbitrary decision. We the people have no power, and it turns out that the ones we elect into power don’t have much power either.
I don’t want to be apathetic. I’m still going to vote this November. But isn’t it all starting to feel a bit pointless?
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I wish butch n femme balls existed. Not to b a fucking sap n a massive dyke but wow. Ugh even. Just wanna wear a gown n stilettos n have my honey greet me w a bouquet before we leave n we wear matching or complimentary jewelry n spend hours on my hair and makeup to impress. N then when we get there my honey will spin me around the room for a brief dance before grabbing something to drink, wine for me n whiskey for her, as we chat w other dykes n celebrate butchfemmeness. Or whatever
#thinkin thots#sorry everyone I’m tired n a lil high after work n feeling DRAB so we r imagining#n listen I know balls r just a flaunting wrath bourgeois thing#wealth#this is just a simple indulgence for the Eve#lesbian#i#femme lesbian#butch/femme#butch lesbian#womp womp
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