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#i’m deeply upset and enraged
dear-ao3 · 1 month
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the real worst part of being someone who “used to live in nyc” and wanting to go back is seeing every famous person you follow one by one go into the city and post photos of themselves literally exactly on your commute to work walk. it sparks rage that i didn’t know i was capable of feeling.
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deathmetalunicorn1 · 1 year
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I loved that so much! Can I request a Part 4 of Female Tanjiro Reader if that’s okay?
Her former opponent (That she fought in Ragnarok), had a lover (A Goddess of Beauty, Pleasure, Lust and Cruelty) desires revenge, by slaughtering a bunch of humans that are in Valhalla (And calls them weak, and the weak deserve to die, so she’s doing them a ‘favor’) which enrages Reader, causing her eyes to bleed (Which startled (Love) since he didn’t know that could even happen)
Reader is absolutely furious and uses her techniques, with a frightful cold aurora, causing her opponent and (Love) to get sever chills in their spines and their fingers to tremble (This is the most terror they ever felt in their life when it comes to Reader, and both question if she’s even human)
But just as Reader was about to decapitate Goddess, she falls over coughing blood and severely gasping for air, only to black out (As Goddess was insulting Reader for being ‘pitiful’ and about to kill her, Nezuko runshes in and Goddess’ in with a kick, sending her flying) Nezuko emitting a murderous rage and transforms, and goes absolutely ape shit
This startles (Love) as Nezuko’s stomping on Goddess’s limbs and kick her head in even as she’s slowly fading away, however Nezuko shows no sign of stopping and rushes at (Love) and begins to attack him (He can tell she’s not in her right mind, and doesn’t want to kill her, but her hits are causing damage) and sends him flying through a few buildings
Just as Nezuko was about to bite into his throat, Reader comes in and restrains her, though she got injured, but once she sings to Nezuko a song from their childhood, she begins to sob and wail, turning into her toddler form clutches Reader’s shoulders and passes out, only Reader begins to cry in joy that Nezuko fell asleep (And falls unconscious as well) with (Love) taking them both to the infirmary
-It had been quiet for a while, since (Love) killed the god who tried to attack you again after you spared his life, but then rejected his advances.
-You had no idea he was already married!! She was a minor goddess of beauty and lust, stunningly beautiful, but also stunningly jealous!
-When she found out her lover, the God of Revenge, was lusting after you, a human of all things, while he had her warming his bed, her rage could not be quelled, and it only grew worse when (Love) killed her husband after he tried to kill you.
-Humans, disgusting, worthless vermin, she knew she had to avenge her husband, and she knew just how to do it.
-She attacked a shopping center, slaughtering innocent people, laughing the whole time, “Don’t run you worthless scum!! I’m doing you all a favor! A painless and quick death for weaklings is a mercy!!”
-You had been nearby, shopping with Nezuko and you gasped, seeing what was happening and you gave you sister your phone, telling her to call (Love) while you drew your sword, rushing in to help where you could.
-The carnage, seeing people dead, others injured and crying, wanting to help their loved ones, or scared, trapped, while this goddess who was smiling like she was doing a good deed smirked, seeing you.
-Your breathing was harsh, rage filling every inch of your body as your eyes darted around as she laughed, “I don’t know why you’re so upset! Those who are weak deserve to die!!”
-Something inside you snapped and you charged, she dodged, playing a cat and mouse game before she froze, seeing you were bleeding from your eyes, glaring daggers at her as you swiped at her with your blade.
-(Love) shouted out your name, seeing the carnage, before focusing on the bystanders, helping them get away, shouting where to go.
-You ignored (Love), focusing on the monster in front of you as you inhaled deeply, a colorful but intimidating aura surrounding you, once that sent shivers not only up her spine, but (Love’s) spine as well. He had never seen you so angry before!
-You leapt up and dodged her attack and what looked to be in slow motion, you swung your sword, your blade getting closer and closer to her neck.
-A sudden shudder went through your body and she saw it, taking the chance and kicked you back, sending you rolling several feet.
-(Love) shouted out your name, going to run before he froze, seeing you sitting up on your hands and knees before you lurched, coughing up blood into your hands.
-Your vision was hazy and you couldn’t even hear her approaching you as she sneered down at you, “While you did manage to last a bit with me, you’re still just a weak little-”
-(Love) went to charge but something rushed past him and Nezuko kicked her hard, sending her through a wall with ease and eyes went wide as she seemed to grow from a teenager to an adult, vines appearing all over her body as she bit through her mouthpiece, an aura of seething hatred surrounding her.
-(Love) ran to you, his hands flinching only slightly before grabbing onto you, turning you over, seeing that you were heavily injured. Your eyes were screwed tightly shut in pain, gasping pants escaping your lips as your heart felt like it was in your ears.
-Nezuko brutalized the goddess, stomping on her midsection, attacking her with no signs of stopping, even after she was dead, becoming covered in her blood.
-Your sister then turned, seeing (Love) and ran for him, claws bared and he froze, seeing that in her bloodlust, she had lost herself, going feral.
-You lunged up, grabbing your scabbard and managed to wrap your arms around your sister, making her bite the scabbard before pinning her to the ground.
-Her nails clawed at your face, chest, arms and torso as (Love) shouted out your name in worry, but you didn’t let go.
-Your voice was weak when you started to sing, it was a lullaby your mother used to sing to the both of you when you were young.
-(Love) didn’t know what do to, but watched in awe as Nezuko’s eyes filled with tears, looking up at you to see that you were crying as well, smiling down at her, her grip on your arms loosening as she came back to her senses.
-(Love) wasn’t happy, dealing with the two of you crying, but got a bit of relief when Nezuko reverted back into her child form, shrinking down and fell fast asleep, curled up.
-He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you back as the Valhalla Guards arrived, seeing what happened, and luckily, due to there being many witnesses, both you and Nezuko were safe from any repercussions.
-(Love) was furious, hearing that this goddess was the wife of the bastard who almost killed you, fury coursing through him, but he chose to ignore it for the moment, you needed medical attention.
-You fell asleep yourself on the way to the infirmary, which did worry (Love), as he remembered the strain you had put on your body, enough to cry blood.
-You were in the infirmary for almost a week, asleep for most of it, and Nezuko had been asleep just as long, worrying (Love) to no end, and when she woke up with you shortly behind, he was so relieved, but then whacked you both on the head, leaving a steaming lump as he scolded the both of you for being so reckless, and since you knew he was right, you just took it, both of you hanging your heads comically.
-Once you were discharged, you were put on house arrest for the next week, (Love) took your sword away and told you that you had to rest, and put Nezuko in charge of watching you while he wasn’t there.
-You didn’t mind, as you knew you overdid it, but after a couple of days you were quite bored, but teaching Nezuko how to play chess was a good time consumer.
-(Love) held you close the night your house arrest was over, his arms wrapped around your waist, hugging you tightly as your head was on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, “Please don’t do anything reckless, Y/N. I don’t want to lose you, ever.”
-You smiled as you tilted your head up, pressing a kiss to his chin, making him smile gently, “I apologize for making you worry, but I’ll do my best.”
-You yelped as he gave your rear a firm swat, making you pout, before he pecked your forehead gently, “Guess I’ll need to keep a close eye on you then.” You giggled softly, agreeing before he pulled the blankets up a bit higher, keeping you warm before you both fell asleep.
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Only You. 
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Someone sent in a request asking me to write more Elvis so here you go let me know if this is good!
Summary: You get jealous and try to leave Austin! Elvis.
Warnings: Angst (in the beginning), SMUT,  Elvis is kind of toxic in this, dark content? Knife play (the reader gets fucked with a knife), Oral (female receiving) and passing out (from pleasure).
Slamming the door behind you, you race up stairs to your shared bedroom with your boyfriend Elvis. You pick out a bag and try to shove as many things as you could that would last you a couple of days. 
You were so done with him as you angrily shoved your belongings into your pink duffle bag moving fast when you heard him close the door behind him. “C’mon sweetness there is nothing to be upset about, I was just being friendly” rolling your eyes you move to your bathroom, picking up your skin and body care and putting that into your bags as well. 
When you step out back into the room Elvis is there waiting for you to go out of the bathroom you walk past him making sure to bump your shoulder with his. He barely felt it but that didn't stop him from chuckling while shaking his head side to side. 
“You really are something, you know that?” you don't know what he's talking about and quite frankly you really don't care. “If i’m not like this with my fans they're going to lose interest with me and they're going to think that I don’t care for them” he said tiredly trying to reason with you.
For years you had put up with him flirting with other women in front of you, he would compliment them, and play into their little fantasies and you would go along with it because you thought “why would I want to ruin the relationship with his fans with seeing how close he is with them” but tonight is where you draw the line.
Not only did this man have the nerve to kiss damn near every woman in the crowd he also had the nerve to try to kiss you after! Sighing you look at him “Look I'm just going to go to a friend's house for a few days and then I'll see where my head is at and then we'll talk, but right now I really don’t want to speak to you.” 
He perked up when he heard you mention that you were going to leave and barely noticed that you had bags packed on your shared bed. He wasn't going to let you leave he knew you like the back of his hand. If you step foot out of this house he knew there was going to be a chance you would never return and he was not going to let that happen. 
Shaking his head he grabbed your bags and started to dump everything from inside them. “Your not fucking leaving me y/n were going to talk about this like adults” Tears sprung in your eyes he was not going to make this easy for you. “Elvis let me go I don’t want to be with you right now” he continued to throw his tantrum “Just let us talk about this please! I-” he was interrupted by the sound of a horn beeping outside.
You freeze. You didn't think your friend was going to come this quickly but you're glad he was because you needed to get away from this man before you actually started to consider staying. 
Elvis looks out the window and into the driveway turning to you he asks “Who is in our driveway right now y/n?” you chose to stay quiet “WHO THE FUCK IS OUR DRIVEWAY Y/N” he moved toward you the closer he got the more you moved until your back hit the wall. 
Elvis looked enraged; he had a vein in his forehead that looked like it was about to pop and his face was so red. He laughed deeply like he genuinely thought this was funny looking into your eyes. He stops, gives you a quick peck on the lips and leaves making his way down stairs.  You take off after him knowing what he is about to do probably wasn't going to be good. You reach the bottom of the stairs and you see him in the kitchen. You were confused until you saw him bring out a kitchen knife trying to make his way into the door. 
“You always have people come in between us y/n, why can't you just let us be happy?”, “Your about to cause this poor boy his life ALL BECAUSE YOU CAN”T ACCEPT US” you shook your head “This is not because of me this is because your deranged and you like to WHORE yourself out to your fans!” he was not about to spin this around on you when he was the one that started this. 
Continuing you walk up to him, your chest touching. “Look at you, you're about to kill someone because they're picking me up, but you can go on stage and have full on makeout sessions with random women and expect me to not react?” he looks down at you taking in your words he knows you're right but in his mind he still can’t let you go. 
Grasping your face with his hands you can feel the cold metal of the knife pressing in your cheek “Baby I know, I understand what you're saying I really do but the way I do things is the way we can afford this lifestyle, it provides us with food, shelter, and things that make us happy. I know you don’t like sharing me with anyone else and I understand but you have to realize that these women mean absolutely nothing to me. I do all of this so I can take care of you and my family” 
Mr. Elvis Presely deserves an award for the way he convinces you not to walk out on him. You really, really wanted to continue to argue with him because there were definitely flaws in his statement but it has come to a point where you don’t care because you're just so meantally exhausted and drained and you also know that wherever you go he will follow. What would the point be in running if you were just going to crawl right back to him no matter what? 
This man was your first everything and he was going to make sure he was the last. Sighing you blink a couple of times trying to distract yourself from the desperate look in his eyes. “Please forgive me baby, please”. He bent his head into your neck giving your open mouth kisses muttering apologies between each one. He trails the knife down your face making your breathing speed up causing your stomach to erupt in pleasure. 
Stopping at your breast he pushes the tips of the knife into the fabric of your shirt and cuts off the whole thing. Reaching down he starts to nibble on the flesh, taking the knife and reaching behind you cutting your bra straps off. “Oh Elvis please do something” you whined moving your hips against nothing hoping to get any type of friction.  
All you have left on is your skirt and you really hoped he would not cut this one up because you actually liked it. He must have read your mind because he was still dragging the knife against your body and had the tip of the knife to your abdomen. Setting the knife down he pulls your skirt down revealing your glistening clit. “Oh my god Mama you are so wet and pretty down here”. You throw your head back when you feel him leaving soft kisses on your clit. Looking up at you he can see light bruises on your neck and breast some of them old some of them new. He stops for a quick second and stands up grabbing your hand and leading you to the couch in your living room. 
Elvis pushes you slightly onto the couch with you in the middle cushion and gets down on his knees once again. Wrapping his arms around your ass he pushes you to the very edge of the couch and spreads your legs all the way open. You breathe heavily when the cold air bushes across your clit.
Sticking his tongue out your boyfriend licks one stripe of your pussy before he dives all the way in nose deep in your pussy. “Fuck Elvis your making me feel so good my love” you buck your hips into his face making his eyes roll back in his head over the wounderful taste of your juices all over his face, Reaching to the side of him he pulls the knife out and circles  the handle againset your cunt You moan at the foriegn feeling but let out a gasp as he eases it into you.
Tears prick at your eyes at the delicious feeling of the cold object hitting the inside of your abdomen. Elvis goes lapping at your clit as he feels you shake at the simulation. His eyes take in your body and land on your lower stomach and he sees that the handle of the knife is stabbing against your lower stomach. Detaching his lips from your clit he attaches it to the part of stomach that holds the outline of the piece of steel and leaves open mouth kisses on it without a doubt leaving more marks and with you a wet stomach.
Making his way down he once again attacks your clit and meets the pace of your hips with the knife leaving a few scratch wounds here in there due the tip of the knife being near his revealed chest but he didn’t care he liked the pain and he liked pleasing you more. He sucks and flicks his tongue faster as he knows you're about to cum soon.
Your eyes are closed, your skin is hot and your body is shaking violently as you feel the handle hit your cervix over and over again along with Elvis' tongue hitting that perfect spot. With three more thrust of the knife and the tip of Elvis tongue the pleasure snaps like water breaking out of a dam as you feel yourself squirting everywhere. On the couch, your stomach, and to his pleasure Elivs face. He moves the knife inside you still chasing after your orgasm you weakly try to stop him but you can’t because soon after your vision fades to black. 
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ramonag-if · 1 year
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It’s one of the first times a story line here in the if community has truly hit me. The idea of coming to find yourself, a child, seemingly replaced by another is really scary. A very why not me? Situation. It makes me react visercally. It’s something I’ve had to try and cope with in real life and hope not to feel again, I’ve been given reassurance but the tingling possibility makes me feel sick. Reading about the mcs situation made me feel ill. I felt anger towards her new kid, like a child again. Real child like driven resentment all doom end of the world type beat and it was suffocating. Reading her call the mc planned and the new child a ‘blessing’ made me enraged. (Hope I’m remember ing correctly) They’re a blessing but mv isn’t? Mc was ‘planned’? Planned for what? And you left them? Yet you insist on how the new child is a blessing? What is mc to you? What does that even mean, once you got your use out of them it was over and done with? Did you ever plan to love, care and hold them for the rest of their days? It makes me incredibly upset. It’s so nauseating. It’s demeaning and it’s cruel. I’m hearing based on your posts they tried to contact the mc through the father and maybe this is personal child like never gonna forgive you wanna bawl my eyes out trauma speaking but it doesn’t matter. I don’t know their circumstances, but at the end of the day you didn’t come. You didn’t show up. You didn’t care for them when they were ill, didn’t touch up their wounds and didn’t have to deal with the dumb unreasonable repercussions of their identity and what trauma it brought them due to others. You didn’t support them. My relationship with my mother has only truly started these recent few years, for a lot of reasons. It truly hits home for me.
It’s not the kids fault, but a part of me can’t help but be bitter and resentful and no child deserves to be put in that position. Just the idea of ‘the new child’ is so rotten. Like dear Lord it’s sickening I can’t do it. It’s hard to make yourself sympathetic no matter how reasonable you know you should try and be. I hope mc gets so much cuddles and love. That is all.
Thankyou for the work you’re doing, you’re truly bringing up some real topics. It is a truly unfortunate and dreadful thing and I can’t help but be negative. Give me a ray of lightttt aghhhh help
Thank you so much for playing 😊🌼 I'm so happy that the game could make you feel so deeply! I do enjoy writing angst and poor/complicated parental dynamics because I find it so fun 😅
There is a lot to unpack with Salyra and her choices. She's made some bad decisions and Ahlf did play a part in it too. I don't think I ever set out to make them this complicated, but the more I wrote their characters, the more they seemed to shape into villains for the MC. A lot of bad parenting is showcased in the game. Unfortunately, the MC just experiences it first-hand 😅 Elora and Irus also have their own issues with parents and I can say that Anu and Oren also have issues regarding their biological parents 👀
I tend to steer away from any deep, heavy topics when writing but, here we are 😅🤷‍♀️ I couldn't resist a fantasy game with tons of angst and emotional upheaval.
Thank you for your support 🌼
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ynscrazylife · 2 years
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i’ve tried a couple times to write out some things about roe v wade being overturned, but there is too much i want to say and i cannot find the wording. the simplest thing i can say to express what i’m feeling is that the supreme court and other governmental officials do not give a fuck about human lives or human rights. it is deeply enraging and upsetting to see roe v wade be overturned.
i will continue to reblog posts i see that i agree with and resources for people being impacted by roe v wade to use that i see. to anyone being directly impacted (which will be A LOT of people), my heart goes out to you. i love you.
feel free to send me asks or messages.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
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noticeablygeese · 2 years
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This song got me thinking of Absinthe so I’ll finally post about her.
Absinthe Flamedance is, first and foremost, the protagonist of my book.
This by itself would make her the most pertinent character in my mind, but it doesn’t. I haven’t done her justice in my mind, so that’s what I’m trying to do now! This will be quite jumbled.
Basic info
Absinthe is a 16-year-old fairy from northwest Wynntonia, raised in a large fairy colony with her fathers and siblings but relocated to a smaller settlement due to behavioural issues.
She is tied to the sun. This manifests in her ability to increase the temperature of her immediate surroundings, summon fire, and set herself alight easily and without harm.
She is faced with in-group discrimination because of perceived mixed breeding, as she is 172.5 cm (5’8” for my imperial buds) tall, fat, and has wings large enough to carry her weight (extremely rare among Wynntonian fairies, who average 150 cm and have small wings)
She is genderless, typical of her species, but is connected to femininity and uses she/her pronouns. She is pansexual with a male preference.
She is autistic and has moderate-to-severe anger issues.
She is Black.
She speaks Fae, Common, and Tudethran Éralic.
Her birthday is 14 May.
Appearance
Her skin is medium brown with warm undertones and she lots of moles, mild acne, and cellulite.
She is overweight and has a pear body type.
Her hair is thick, back-length, and of 3C-4A texture. She wears it down, in a green silk bonnet, or in a bun.
She has bright orange, hooded eyes; a flat, wide nose; full lips; pointed ears (not as long as elven ones); bushy eyebrows; crooked teeth; and a round face with low cheekbones and dimples.
She wears simple and ‘natural’ clothing such as sundresses, long skirts, and shawls. She goes barefoot.
She has lots of accessories including dangly golden earrings, a stud nose piercing, an anklet, and a necklace with a small blue pendant.
Personality
Absinthe is characterised by her brave and kindhearted nature.
While she has many good traits, such as humble, cautious, loyal, and conscientious; she also has many negative ones, such as her dependence on tradition, her fussiness, and her rudeness.
She is shockingly, at times disturbingly, pragmatic.
She is afraid of pushing people away and seeks out meaningful relationships but often fails to sustain them.
She doesn’t like being alone with her own thoughts.
She is friendly but is awkward when meeting new people.
She’s very good at making jokes, but not very good at translating them into human language.
She cares deeply for animals and the world around her and feels more potent empathy towards animals than she does other people.
She is very gullible and easily manipulated/swayed by other’s opinions. She falls for pranks and provocations often.
She is quite opinionated and unafraid to call someone out for their bad behaviour.
She was often surrounded with older peers at a young age due to her maturity and she’s internalised this, feeling like she has to be the solid mediator for a given situation.
She is agnostic but participates in fae religious ceremonies and fasts.
She is a chronic over-thinker and is terrified that what can go wrong, will.
She is very loving.
Trivia
Her favourite animals are jackrabbits and minnows.
Her favourite colours are brown and green.
She has a chronic ankle injury that prevents her from walking/running for long amounts of time.
She is highly intelligent, having mastered calculus by the age of 15.
The “behavioural problems” that caused her to be ousted from her birth town were the fault of a bitch-ass neighbour, not her.
She can play the lyre and acoustic guitar.
She uses her hands when she speaks, she knocks on wood, and she bursts into flames when she’s enraged.
Pics :)
Picrews:
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Drawings:
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Writing excerpt, her ‘voice’:
“You’re being obtuse, Ulrike, you know that,” Absinthe snapped, whirling around to face Ulrike. “I was already upset at you for not letting Archie kill that blonde bitch.”
Ulrike bit her lip. “Absinthe, please, Hedwig is my sister. I couldn’t let Archie hurt—”
“Shut up,” Absinthe hissed. “You didn’t seem to have a problem when it was Gilbert! What’s different about Hedwig? Nothing! You’ve done nothing but get in the way of our quest this whole time! You assign yourself the leading role, but you blanch at the first sign of danger, or, or personal loss! We’ve all lost something here!” Absinthe’s chest heaved with deep breaths as she gesticulated wildly. She calmed herself down and trained Ulrike with a hard stare. “You’re a pussy, Ulrike. So just stay out of our way. Since the first minute after this thing ends, you’ll run back to your fascist sister, won’t you?”
Ulrike gaped at Absinthe. “You can’t— I won’t let you speak to me in such a way.”
“Try and stop me. Get out. I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Absinthe said with a rueful snicker, “but I’m not sorry for being honest.”
Some Absinthe songs
Final thoughts
Absinthe is one of my favourite characters, no contest. She is very dear to me, as she was the second character created for my story. I think she’s great and hope you share in the opinion. This was fun but arduous to write.
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emstefani · 1 year
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I literally enraged a big aesthetics account on here enough to continue looking at my page days after I was blocked, at this rate, I’m going to get a celebrity really mad next. I just don’t understand how I upset strangers so deeply. I don’t even try.
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themudokonmessiah · 2 years
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“Get. Off. Of. Me!”
“N-- No! You have to calm down! You’re going to hurt yourself!”
“Shut up, damn it! I can handle myself. I have always been able to handle myself. Everybody thinks I’m this... This darn weak little bird, but I’m not! I’m a demigod too!”
“S-Seraphim, y-you are, b-but-- Y-you’re...!”
“I’m what? Huh? Answer me, Messiah?”
Oh Odd, the angel wasn’t having it. Having experienced a recurring nightmare, the angelic demigod was obviously very upset, unable to control his emotions on his own.
Abe had gone to visit the angel to see how things were for him, only to find Seraphim had been in a deep sleep, then followed by heaving breathing, yelling moments later. The Messiah rushed to wake up the demigod, trying to shake him from the nightmare he was having. When Seraphim woke up, he was drenched in sweat, eyes watering, panting. However, just being forcefully woken up, the angel wasn’t too happy with Abe’s actions sadly, leading to this moment.
With no answer, the angel stood up, his eyes starting to glow a soft amber.
“I’m. What. Abe?”
No, no, this wasn’t like him. Something had disturbed Seraphim so much to turn like this. What the Odd happened for him to be reacting like this?
Abe tried to respond, but nothing came out. Instead, there was only silence again. Every time he tried to think of a suitable response, his brain couldn’t find one without sounding a tad offensive.
Odd, Lebone knew how to stop Seraphim whenever he was like this. Joan did, too... Abe hadn’t the tools to help the angel. He was at a loss.
“Fine. Suit yourself. I’ll just see myself out--”
“No!”
Without any warning, Abe grabs onto the angel once more, preventing him from leaving. This only enraged Seraphim more, eyes now full on amber as he began to thrash against Abe’s hold, practically screaming to let him go.
“I won’t! Y-you’re gonna hurt someone!”
“Someone? Y-- You... You think...?” oh no. Oh no, not what Abe wanted to say. “You think I’m dangerous? You think I’m unstable? How could you--”
“Seraphim, please! Calm down! You have to--”
Whack!
“I. Said. Shut up!”
Everything suddenly stopped. Abe had released Seraphim from his hold. The angel growls, turning to face Abe, but what he saw next haunted him; Abe was holding his nose, looking like he was in pain. Seraphim’s amber eyes become blue once more, now back to his senses. He gasped, exhaled deeply, his paws over his mouth as he watched Abe tend to his nose in horror.
The Messiah winced as he could feel his nose begin to bleed. Slowly, he brings his paws away, noticing he had blood on them as well. Looking at Seraphim, he could see the angel was full of remorse, looking like he was about to break at any moment. While it hurt, his nose was fine, no broken bones. Just sore. Oh Odd, the angel looked...
“H-- H-hey, it’s okay. You w-were just upset. I shouldn’t have t-tried to hold you back. It’s okay.”
The tears streamed down his cheeks, reeling with guilt over what he had just done.
“I h-hit you. I hit you... I hit you... I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry...”
“Seraphim, i-it’s okay. H-hey, come on, you were sh-shaken up.”
“No, no, no, no, no, no. I did this, I did this, I did this, I did this...!”
Abe watched the angel have a breakdown, unsure what to do. Instead, he gets Seraphim to sit on the bed slowly, sitting by his side quietly as Seraphim curls into a ball. Abe soon tends to his nose safely, knowing now everything will be okay.
Thank Odd, nobody else got hurt. Abe managed to stop the angel from harming others in time.
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ellafontaine · 1 year
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[A Visit.] - (Patrick Patterson)
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[Ella Fontaine]
Irene was livid, she was livid because Ella had told her that she had three broken ribs and the woman was willing to kill her stepmother. Ella, however, didn’t enjoy the idea of violence and did her best of calming the elderly woman down. “Patricia I’m fine.” She tried once more but immediately got silenced again because three broken ribs meant she was clearly not fine. Due to the mess, she didn’t even hear Patrick enter the shop and she could feel herself looking smaller with each given second. “Let’s just go to work…I need the money. And I need to go back home soon.” She sighed deeply turning to the first customer and immediately flinched. “Hi, Patrick…”
[Patrick Patterson]
Patrick had given Ella the heads-up a few days ago that he was stopping by at some point. He didn’t say when, just that he was. He walked into the shop and stopped dead in his tracks at the scene in front of him thanks to him managing to show up in time to catch the end of the conversation. Clenching his fists, the only sound that broke the silence was his knuckles and fingers cracking under the pressure of his grip. His eyes went to the door that opened to let in some other customers “Get out” he told them bluntly. A method that worked since they backed out the store when they caught sight of his face. “Patricia, please lock up for the meantime. I’ll see you’re compensated for it” It was as polite as he would get about it but nothing about his demeanor or tone said that it was up for discussion.
“Three broken ribs” he said as calmly as he could even though he was seething with rage “Three broken ribs…” he repeated, taking a few breaths to try and compose himself. “What else has she given you? And don’t try to lie or downplay it. What else has she given you Ella?”
[Ella Fontaine]
She was in trouble, she was very much in trouble and she knew it. The doctors told her it was best to go to the police because it was clear as day that it was due to abuse. No falling off the stairs excuse could have convinced the doctors, and it wouldn’t convince Patrick either. Her eyes widened as he snarled at the costumers and Patricia immediately locked the door. She turned speechless, and she felt like a mouse trapped in a mousetrap.
“I-” She had a lot of trouble fighting with words, and she played with her hands due to her nerves before wondering if she should just tell him everything. “I have bruises ranging from my abdomen due to being kicked to a scar on my back from hot boiling water.” She hadn’t even told Patricia yet, and she noticed the woman raising her hands to the sky. She didn’t want to upset anyone, or anger anyone. This was supposed to be her secret. Her secret alone, she could deal with this alone. She had Edmund to support her, she could manage she could-
She needed help. And she needed to be brave.
“The day I returned to the house they refused me food for three days.” She started with the beginning. “I was called fat and dragged into the house by my hair where I was repeatedly beaten and kicked.” She took a sharp breath. “The bullying started like it always had been, having me do chores I can’t handle doing alone. Calling me names, and eventually throwing hot soup over my back because it didn’t suit their tastes.” Her eyes started to tear up. “They cut my homework, the dresses I made and had me start over because they were ugly. And when I wanted to sleep I had to do more chores, so I haven’t slept in five days now, about two hours a day.” She was so tired.
“I was pushed off the stairs and beaten after I lost consciousness that’s how I got three broken ribs and a light concussion. I don’t remember much of it, only pain and calling out for Edmund.” She lowered her gaze. “He brought me to the hospital.” They were going to go on a date when she was healed. But she didn’t hear from him. She missed him.
[Patrick Patterson]
He was enraged. Hearing everything that that vile woman and her hideous children has done to Ella while she was in their care was utterly disgusting. He was thankful that Patricia didn’t want to try and put the store lockdown up for debate because he was barely keeping a lid on his temper and one mouthy comment would set it off.
This wasn’t her fault, and he could see it in her face that she thought it was. He could tell that she thought she was going to get into trouble, but none of his anger was towards her. He wished that she has come to Hayden, Paxton or himself before it could have gotten this bad. They had starved her, beaten her, burned her, bullied her and the girl had endured it. She hadn’t cracked a light about it and kept her head held high. That alone destroyed him.
Patrick took some deep breaths to try to calm down and angrily ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell Hayden? Why didn’t you come to Paxton or I? Or Patricia?” he asked “You don’t deserve any of this” he said, finally taking steps towards her to comfort her. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I need to see how bad some of these are. Just any visible ones on your arms.” He needed to know. Not only for himself to see how bad her injuries are, but he knew Hayden would want a full report. “Don’t worry, no one’s coming in the store and Patricia will be here too. No one’s going to hurt you.” he reassured her.
“There will be no arguments about it, we’re going to get your things from that hellhole, and I’m taking you to Hayden's. If you don’t want to go in the house, you can stay in the car, and I’ll go in and get everything you need. He’ll want you there, and he’ll make sure you’ll get doctors on hand for your injuries. You’re not staying in that house anymore”
[Ella Fontaine]
She was afraid. Though she had endured plenty this conversation was scarier than everything she had been dealing with. Because she knew this was a talk with people that cared for her. It was easy to harden her heart to things that were done with people that didn’t care for her. She had no connection to them other than them being the family she was now stuck with. It hurt, but emotionally she was a strong girl, and a part of her didn’t think she would break easily.
She wasn’t sure if this wasn’t her fault. There had to be some reason why that woman hated her. She couldn’t picture someone to abuse someone without any reason at all. But perhaps she was wrong, perhaps that simply was the case. But she simply didn’t know, and that alone was a frustration she couldn’t voice.
why?
“How could I?” It was a whisper at first. “I was scared she would get you into trouble. She told me that if I didn’t return she would sue Hayden for kidnapping so I got afraid and returned to her. I didn’t want to drag you all into something that isn’t your mess, to begin with.” She didn’t want them to get hurt because of her. But she missed them, she missed Paxton and Patrick and Hayden. She missed making dinner at their place and dusting the cabin. She missed taking Hayden’s coat when he got back from work and show off what she had done that day. Not only that, but she missed being appreciated. She missed Edmund. But it seemed that most things ended up abandoning her. And after asking her out on that day at the hospital she hadn’t heard of him ever since.
Maybe he was disgusted with her now or thought she was an eyesore.
“I-I know I don’t deserve any of this. But that doesn’t change the fact that this keeps happening.” She looked at her hands in shame. “No matter what it is I do, I cannot please them. I cannot get that family to love me, but I don’t want to be alone.” It was the first time, aside from that one day with Edmund Ella shed heavy tears. It was as if all the strength she had been using to keep herself together crumbled. And she loudly began to sob, her voice hitched and her body trembling. “I’m sorry.” She rolled up her sleeves as he instructed, they looked so bad. Purple and yellow were scattered all over her. Though most of the damage was on her sides and her back.
“I want to go home, Hayden’s home. The home that’s actually warm, and the people are nice to me.” She cried. “I want to be selfish for once and pick safety and warmth over this. But I don’t want to be a horrible person. My mom told me to be strong and kind. But I don’t have the strength to be kind to those people anymore.”
[Patrick Patterson]
She looked so…small. So vulnerable. Patrick could never handle his emotions well and with this whole situation, he was really struggling to come to terms with the waves that were currently crashing on his soul. They were supposed to be her family. They were supposed to look after her and instead they used her as a servant and a punching bag. The girl grieved her father and was met with cruelty. Patrick couldn’t sit with that.
He couldn’t get his hear around it. Ella wouldn’t harm a fly and she was the kindest person he had ever met, why would they do it? Were they jealous? Were they just pain horrid? He made a mental note to ask that when he was likely to storm the house with Paxton because if he knew anything about his boss, it would be that this wouldn’t go unpunished.
“I don’t give a fuck about getting in trouble Ella, you matter more than getting in trouble” he replied without a skipping a beat. “And as for suing Hayden, I’d like to see her try. She has no idea what she’s got herself in for by harming you.” he said, his voice spitting fire for the very woman that harmed the blonde in front of him. “I don’t know what she’s drilled into you but you need to know that you’re not a burden and you shouldn’t be scared about speaking out against their treatment of you. You have a home and it’s at Haydens with all of us. Fuck those people, they don’t deserve you and they’ve been your burden, not the other way around.”
“Hey…” he whispered, leaning in to gently hug her, cautious of her ribs and other injuries that she told him about “You’re not alone. You’ve got Hayden, Paxton and I and you’ve got all your friends and Patricia. We’re not going anywhere” Patrick leaned back and wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to soothe her while he looked at her injuries. “Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault” he repeated to comfort her. They looked harsh and aggressive and Patrick clenched his fists again to regain control of his anger that was flaring up again.
“We’re going home, okay?” he said softly between them, completely ignoring Irene. “You’re not a horrible person for wanting basic human rights Ella. Fuck. You don’t owe these people anything” he sighed, running a hand through his hair “Okay, get your things, we're going.” he instructed her and turned to Irene “She’s coming with me. She needs a doctor and after that I’m taking her to Hayden's. Your shop’s closed for the day, and you’ll be compensated. I’ll message you when I’m going to the Tremaine place to get Ella's things, meet my brother and I there and we’ll clean the place out.”
[Ella Fontaine]
She felt so small, it wasn’t like she only looked that part. A part of her wanted to curl up into a ball, lay down on the floor, cry and never get up again. But that wasn’t the type of person who she was. She was the type of person to force a smile even now, in order to keep people from hurting, and pitying her. But smiling was hard right now. And she was absolutely tired. She wanted to sleep, her whole body was begging her to take it easy. But she couldn’t, she wasn’t allowed to rest. She wasn’t allowed to feel like this. But she couldn’t help it. Her family hated her, and there was nothing she could do to change it.
She was obliviously aware of how the boys would handle this situation. If anything that she guessed was they would have a small talk with her and tell her Ella wasn’t coming home tonight. But how long could she stay? And what if they would do something to her family’s home. They couldn’t possibly take care of the house themselves, they don’t even know how to do the laundry. They have no staff to do it for them either.
Even now, after all, she has been put through, Ella still worried for her family’s wellbeing. They were the family she had left and deep down Ella didn’t hate them or feel resentment for them. They just couldn’t get along.
“I don’t!” Her voice echoed through the shop, and for the first time, it almost sounds harsh. “You guys are way more important to me than my wellbeing.” It was the truth, it was the whole reason she endured everything. At least they would remain safe. “I just don’t understand why it had to be me, I don’t know what I did wrong in their eyes to have to endure all this.” She calmed down a little. “Sorry I shouldn’t have yelled…” She found herself apologizing immediately, yet she was so overcome with emotion she didn’t know what to do anymore.
She found herself relaxing once she met Patrick’s hug. “Okay…” She whispered against his chest as she found her tears drying. It felt like she could fall asleep then and there, her whole body relaxing for the first time in years.
She nodded, sleepy and she awkwardly admitted. “I feel like I’m about to pass out Patrick, I’m so tired.” She looked at Patricia and sighed. “Sorry for creating such a mess, please don’t fire me-” But the woman already shook her head. “Love, take care of yourself, please don’t make this old woman worry about you.” Ella nodded, giving her a hug and returned to Patrick’s side.“I’m sorry if I end up falling asleep. I can’t keep myself awake for much longer.”
[END]
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incessantwhine · 1 year
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crazy that all i had to do was wait, be consistent & show up for long enough before nearly everyone else showed their true colors. im not happy about it. rly disgusted and disappointed by other ppl, actually. but things are different now.
im more secure in what i have to offer, kind of. at this point it’s just being reliable and not a fucking creep. talk about a long game — 2 years? but hopefully that’s enough time to make it clear that what you see & what i say is…actually what you get. i still have big feelings but that’s just because i care a lot. theres a lot less pining on my end, that’s for sure. it’s challenging at times, because nothing truly great is ever “easy”, but in a healthy way.
the tiny gremlin part of my brain is a little tickled that even though I don’t have the most money, or the greatest availability, i managed to still be someone important. but that’s not at all the point.
i do wish things could be different if only so people stop failing her. it’s abhorrent. i hate to see her upset, or down, or feeling insecure. nothing enrages me more than ppl exploiting vulnerability. and personally extremely irritating because if i were lucky enough to have an opportunity like they did; i wouldn’t waste it by being a disappointment. but I can only control my own actions and all i can do is continue to be a reliable support in my own way.
im going to be collared in april. i think. trying to keep my expectations low & be mindful & sensitive as to why she maybe wouldn’t want to jump into that at this time. but i hope for it ❤️
i do feel fiercely protective of her. i have the urge, even just for a week or two, to have her in her own bubble. where only people she AND I trust are allowed in and she won’t have to worry about anything. anyone else has to answer to me first, a full blown interrogation. where every whim is cared for & need is anticipated. something that protects her peace at any cost. it’s not realistic nor is it the way she wants to live (it would be incredibly isolating i think) but the urge is there.
i know that part of me is not sane or rational. but other people wronging people I care for has been my biggest trigger as long as i can remember and I just have to live with it. it’s white hot rage unlike anything else i experience. i don’t really recognize who I am when I feel that extreme. it goes beyond what is normal, really. but I have a much better grip on it than i used to. i don’t say things to whoever is evoking that feeling anymore because it’s truly my most despicable self. i get very intentionally cruel—all of a sudden i am using whatever knowledge i have of that person against them. every insecurity, personal failing, anything becomes ammo for insults that are so personal and specific. i really set out to harm that person deeply and however I can & it’s gross. but again: I handle it better now. i do wish i didn’t. i would feel better if i could say it all. but that’s for my sake; it doesn’t benefit whoever I’m “protecting”.
anyway. onto the next thing.
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I’m so upset these days seeing all these posts about my clients go viral. Today they posted both a schizophrenic and severely bipolar client. One of them I found digging in the garbage looking for food. They are not mentally stable enough to check into any of the inner city resources. I gently touched their arm and asked if they’d eaten and they said it’s been a few days. I went to Tim Hortons and bought them dinner and walked away feeling frustrated because I have no idea how to help them. One of my clients just got released from detox and was kicked out of sober living due to them not being properly stabilized on medication to help with manic depression. Their mood fluctuates rapidly and having to sleep rough only further deteriorates them and leads them back to chaotic drug use so they can try and feel normal.
To see their pictures posted for hate speech makes me feel depleted and depressed myself. The bipolar client ran to me and advised their was an overdose nearby. They didn’t even know the person but wanted in some way to help. They remembered me from a week ago when we did wound care for frost bite in a dirty train station.
The person who no one cares about still cares about other people and I honestly admire that so much more than some middle class asshole posting their pictures without consent to bully them like a bunch of ignorant children.
I worry about humanity. Their inability to see things outside of their own experience, their need to belittle our most vulnerable instead of attempting to understand them or help them become stable.
It’s hard for me to care so deeply about so many things and yet I know I’m here with that life purpose. To be the one who cares. What kind of world would it be if we all just gossiped and shamed others.
I don’t know what it’s like to be trans or schizophrenic or houseless or bipolar. I don’t know what getting beat up each day or having to dig through garbage bins feels like , I can’t imagine it. I don’t know what it feels like to be ridiculed for my sexuality…
I see it , everyday. I see the way we don’t love people , the way we don’t understand them , the way we fear.
I see how much pain it causes
How lonely it is
And I know pain and loneliness, I know them very well. I don’t wish that on anyone , I don’t contribute to that. My first thought was that those people should be ashamed of themselves but that would only drive more pain, loneliness and addiction.
I want to be enraged , I want to break their phones , break their face …
But life is always teaching us divine lessons , some of which are incredibly profound. May life teach you love, even if the path to get there is difficult and heartbreaking.
May life remind you of how precious it is and how blessed you are by truly humbling you and cracking open your truth
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darthkruge · 3 years
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hello lovely!! i’ve been getting back into star wars lately and i’ve been loving your fics!! and i was wondering if i could make a request?? sort of like,, anakin but he doesn’t turn to the dark side type thing?? like he maybe confesses he’s scared to lose you and you help him through it?? maybe obi wan helps out?? honestly you can take it however you want :)) ty ty
anakin skywalker x reader || rewritten
summary || a rots fix it fic where i take many liberties and give anakin a support system + everyone gets better communication and we think about how it would perhaps end differently
warnings || hella canon divergence, angst w/ a happy ending, some violence (non graphic and not super described)
words || 5.1k (i am legit shocked)
a/n || hello and thank you!! i’m so glad you’ve been loving my fics! this fic was honestly super challenging for me and it ended up being the longest thing i’ve ever written. i made some big changes and lots of smaller ones, but each one was fully intentional. i really, really hope y’all like it <3
main masterlist || anakin masterlist 
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gif credit
-----
Anakin awoke with a start, chest heaving and covered in sweat. He was gripping the blankets as he tried to ground himself, frantically looking around as if to discern between reality and the horrid dreamscape his mind created. He whipped his head to the side, visibly relaxing as he saw you staring up at him, a confused look on your face. 
You were no stranger to Anakin’s nightmares but this one seemed unlike any he’d ever had. You slept curled into him and, thus, his jolt caused one of your own. Unsure if he wanted your touch just yet, you reached out to him with the Force. Panic, loss, grief, fear, terror, insecurity. You looked into his eyes, watching as they slowly cleared and he registered your presence. He blinked quickly, trying to clear the tears from his vision and gave you a slight nod. 
Reaching a tentative hand to his shoulder, you suppressed a gasp as you felt him shudder beneath you. You quietly whispered his name and placed a finger under his jaw, guiding his face to yours. You nodded back at him and opened your arms in silent invitation. He crawled into your embrace as you pulled him impossibly close to you, situating yourself against the headboard so you could better wrap yourself around his shaking body. Choked sobs erupted from his lips, each one tearing a hole in your heart. As he finally let himself cry with his face buried into your neck, you held him. By the Maker, you held him. 
He didn’t want to speak just yet and you understood. You’ve always extended the same respect back to him as he gives to you. Tucked into you, Anakin’s fingers squeezed into your flesh, as if trying to remind himself you were solid. You placed a few kisses into his soft hair and onto his forehead, hands running up and down his arms and back. You physically pressed reminders of your love into his skin for hours and, somewhere in the midst of your embrace, he let himself fall into a state of limbo. Unawake, unasleep, umoving, yet feeling everything you had to offer. 
----
When morning came, you reached out once again. The emotions from last night were still evident, just not as strong. Simultaneously, you allowed a small smile to come to you as you felt something new. Warmth, comfort, love. You ran your fingers through Anakin’s hair to pull him to consciousness, needing to see his eyes. Stars, his eyes. While they were absolutely gorgeous, they also always gave him away. You once told him that. “Only for you, my love.” He’d replied. 
“Hi.” He croaked out, meeting your gaze. Your eyes fluttered closed for a second as you took a deep breath in relief. His eyes were clear. You didn’t know how long the shadows would be banished for, but as long as they weren’t constant, you had hope. 
“Hi, baby.” You whispered, allowing yourself to give him another forehead kiss, made easy by your position that you’d somehow remained in throughout the night. You looked at him expectantly and knew he knew what you were asking.
“You… you died,” Anakin started. His eyes were already filling with tears. “It wasn’t clear. There was so much blood. And you kept begging me to help you. You screamed and screamed and screamed and you were in agony and…” 
You took his hand in yours, squeezing his fingers in encouragement to go on.
“I never- I never came for you.” He spit the words out as if they were venomous and shook his head. You could hear the self-hatred in his words, the way he couldn’t grasp the concept of hurting you, ever, and yet how seriously he took this. 
“Hey, hey. Stop, my love.” You said, hoping to pull him out of his spiral. “You would never harm me, Anakin. You would come for me, you always have. That was a horrible dream and I’m so sorry you had to experience it. But it was just a dream, Anakin. It’s not real.” 
He pulled away from you as if he couldn’t stand to feel your gentle touch. “No, no, no! It-” His words were cut off by his uneven breathing, his pulse racing as he relived the nightmare. “It felt like the ones I had about my mother. It felt… prophetic. I’m scared, Y/N, I can’t lose you.” 
You walked over to him, placing your hands on his cheeks and rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones, hoping to calm him. “You won’t. It takes a lot to kill me, you know? Especially when I have you by my side.” 
Anakin nodded but you could tell he was unconvinced. 
“How about you talk to Obi-Wan about the dreams? He’s always helped you before.” You suggested. 
While normally this would be unthinkable, as it would expose your relationship, Anakin felt himself pulled toward the choice. Inwardly, he admitted that he could definitely use a friend right now. And Obi-Wan had always stood by him. Somehow, he just knew that now would be no different.  
------
Obi-Wan easily swung the door open with the Force before Anakin even had a chance to knock. He knew his former Padawan’s force signature like the back of his hand and had sensed his distress for days. Unbeknownst to Anakin, Obi-Wan had canceled his missions due to this, wanting to stay close for when Anakin eventually came to him for guidance. 
Obi-Wan looked up from his paperwork as he realized Anakin refused to come closer. Huddled behind the door frame, a conflicted and fearful look on his face, Obi-Wan was struck by how similar Anakin looked to the little boy he’d found on Tatooine all those years ago. Many nights, young Anakin would come into Obi-Wan’s room, plagued with nightmares. Just as before, Obi-Wan never turned him away. 
“Something’s troubling you.” 
Anakin sighed, taking a tentative step forward. “You know Master L/N?”
Obi-Wan smiled knowingly, having a sense of where this is going. “Yes, of course. A brilliant strategist, much like yourself.” 
“I…. I’m involved with them, Master.” 
“Involved?” Obi-Wan replied, with a quirked eyebrow.
“Please don’t punish Y/N for this, I know the Council frowns upon relationships. If you need to report it, I understand. But just report me, say they had nothing to do with it. But before you do anything please, Master, listen to what I must tell you. I wouldn’t unless it was absolutely necessary.” Anakin pleaded. 
“Anakin, I know.” 
“Yeah, I mean it truly is necessary-” 
Obi-Wan placed a comforting hand on the younger Jedi’s shoulder. “You misunderstand. I mean, I know.” 
Anakin’s eyes widened with realization before confusion filtered into his gaze. “But we were so careful!” 
“Not as much as you would think,” Obi-Wan said with a slight laugh.
“And you’re not upset?”
He sighed. “Being honest, I was a bit at first. Anakin, you know the rules and you can be so reckless at times! But how could I fault you for your own humanity? And I knew who you were when I met you. I was always aware of your compassion, your capacity for emotions.” Anakin nodded and smiled, but the faraway look in his eye never wavered. 
Clearing his voice, Obi-Wan continued. “Are you alright, Anakin?” 
“No.” The strength of the word shocked them both and caused Anakin to take a moment to compose himself. “They’re dying.”
Panic flashed through Obi-Wan’s expression. “They’re what? What happened? Was it a mission? Do the medics know? Is-” 
“- No, nothing… nothing yet. But it will.” While Obi-Wan didn’t exactly understand, he could tell through Anakin’s tone that his former Padawan believed this with his entire soul. 
“I’ve been having more nightmares.” Anakin said. 
“Like the ones with your mother?” 
Anakin nodded, his gaze muddled as his mind wove through every possibility on how to save you. Coming up with none, he looked up quickly, the lost confusion clear. 
“It’s going to be alright, Anakin. We’re going to do this together.” Obi-Wan offered, trying to comfort his friend. When Anakin nodded this time, his expression had more hope in it. Obi-Wan returned the gesture, tipping his head as Anakin walked out. Before Anakin reached the door, Obi-Wan called his name. 
“Talk to me if you feel troubled. About anything, my friend. And just know… it’s okay to feel afraid. And you’re no less a Jedi because you love them. At least, not in my eyes.” For the first time since he’d walked in the room, Anakin gave a true smile. His former Master inhaled deeply, realizing after hearing those words, Anakin looked more like himself than he had in a long while. 
----- 
A few hours and a Council meeting later, Anakin walked back into your chambers, closing the door with a huff. He wasn’t enraged, per se, but definitely conflicted. You approached him cautiously, heart falling when you saw those familiar clouds back in his eyes. 
“Did Obi-Wan not take it well?”
Anakin shook his head. “It’s not… he was supportive. But the Council has assigned something to me and…” He trailed off and looked at you. Only then did you see his bloodshot, puffy eyes. 
“What did they ask of you, Anakin?” You questioned, coming behind him to gently massage his tense shoulders. 
“I’m needed to spy on the Chancellor. Apparently there’s a Sith Lord somewhere in the Order. They suspect him.” He tried to keep his voice strong, but you could see how torn apart he was by the inflection in his tone. 
You took a breath and tried to process the information. “Will you do it?”
“I don’t know… if the Council tells me I must, then I must. But the Chancellor has only been good to me. I worry about betraying him but I don’t want to let down the Order. I’m not sure how to do this without causing someone harm.” He confessed. 
“They shouldn’t have put you in this position, it’s unfair. And you don’t have to, Ani. I know it feels like you do but you don’t need to bend to each of the Council’s requests. Whatever the fallout, whatever you choose, please know that I’m with you. And so is Obi-Wan. Not that it fixes anything, but at the very least, you’ll always have us.” 
Anakin turned around so he was facing you. “I don’t know what to do.” He whispered, voice laced with hopelessness. 
“Trust yourself. You have a good heart, intelligence, and strong morals. They’ve never failed you before.”
He nodded before leaning into you and your arms instinctively wrapped around him. Your fingertips found their way to his hair, gently weaving through the golden strands. 
“We’ll get through this, yeah?” While it was a question, you both knew you meant it as a statement.
“We’ll get through this.” Anakin echoed. He mumbled the words into your neck where he had buried his face. As if the words could seep into your skin. As if the hope could find its way to your heart and stay there, ever protected, ever true. 
-----
The next day, Anakin found himself in Palpatine’s office. He was wary, guarded. It was evident by the look on his eyes, the way he took a moment before taking another step. It was his training as both a Jedi and a General that allowed him to do this. The careful complexity of planning every move. 
“I heard the Council debating whether or not they should have made you a Master. It seems they do not trust you or value your talent as they should.” Palpatine’s words made Anakin freeze. Rationally, he knew this was wrong. At the very least, Obi-Wan trusts him and so do you. But there was a part of him that felt so validated by the Chancellor’s words that he wanted to hear more. To bask in them, in feeling wanted and appreciated. He hated himself for it. 
“I… I’m not sure what you mean by this.” Anakin attempted not to give himself away any more than he already has. 
“Well, they care about your potential. But they hold you back. They’ll never show you your true power, for they don’t want you to understand. They just wish to use it, no matter your own fate.” 
“I feel cast aside. Like I don’t matter.” Anakin wasn’t even sure why he shared these words. Somehow, in feeling so praised, the doubts just bubbled their way to the surface. He felt like a child in these moments, so painfully fragile. 
“You don’t. Not to them, Anakin. But with me I can teach you your power. I can teach you the ways of the Dark Side. I know of your fears, of those nightmares that plague you. I know about your secret marriage and how close you are to losing it all.” 
Anakin froze, his heart hammering in his chest. His thoughts raced as he tried to piece together the truth from all the lies. The mentions of Darth Plagueis. The Dark Side of the Force. 
“You’re the Sith Lord!” Anakin said, igniting his lightsaber and pointing it at the older man’s chest. 
Palpatine bowed his head slightly, a small smile gracing his lips. “Well done, my boy.” Anakin felt sick as he noted the pride in his tone. And yet that aching part inside him still swelled, ever so slightly.
“Now, don’t do anything rash.” The Chancellor reasoned. “Only the Dark Side can save the one you love.” 
Anakin wanted to do the right thing. He wished to be the one who could stand up and arrest Palpatine without a single ounce of guilt or regret. But as soon as Palpatine mentioned you, it’s like all his logic disappeared. He just wanted to save you, to not fail you as he’d failed his mother. But then he thought back to your words. “Strong morals.” And to his Master’s. “We’ll do this together.”
“I’m turning you into the Council.” 
“Wouldn’t you prefer to kill me?”
“Yes.” Anakin’s remark was forceful and clipped with anger.
“Then do it. Give yourself over to your wrath.”
He felt himself burning with betrayal, with resentment toward both sides. Even so, he could still tell right from wrong, selfless from selfish. And whatever Palpatine was doing… it certainly did not have the will of the people in mind. Without so much as deigning him with another response, Anakin turned and walked out of the room.
“If you turn me in, you’ll never save them!” Anakin tried to will Palpatine’s voice out of his head as he ventured back to the Council chambers. When he arrived back, he decided to slightly alter his plans. While he knew he must face all of them eventually, he wanted to talk to Obi-Wan first. Perhaps his Master could give him guidance, like he did about your nightmares. 
“General Skywalker… are you alright?” Anakin stumbled as he walked right into another figure, too caught up in his own head.
“I’m fine, Master Windu. Thank you- I’m sorry.” Mace looked at the younger Jedi with an unreadable expression. While there was much in his eyes, concern was definitely a part of it. 
“Have you seen Master Kenobi?” Anakin said after a brief pause for composure. 
“He’s supposed to leave for his next mission any moment now. If you hurry, you can probably still catch him.” 
Anakin thanked Master Windu before taking off in a run. No matter how fast his legs carried him, he felt his mind was working even faster, the internal conflict brewing more intently by the second. 
-----
Obi-Wan opened the door as soon as before Anakin could even knock. He looked at Anakin and gestured at a vacant chair, a silent invitation to sit. Anakin shook his head quickly. The younger Jedi’s eyes were scattered and conflicted, as if he’d been shaken to his very core. 
“Palpatine is the Sith Lord.” The words came out rushed, yet clear. As if Anakin needed to get them out as quickly as he could but replayed them in his head until they were all he knew. The intensity showed Obi-Wan that there was no doubt in his friend’s mind. 
Obi-Wan blinked. “Okay.” He stroked his beard, trying to find the words to say. “Are you alright?”
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan in confusion. Certainly there were more important questions his former Master would want to ask than that. 
“I know you and the Chancellor were close. This can’t be easy for you. I just wanted to ask if you were alright.” 
“I’m not sure.” Anakin said after some hesitation. “I don’t really know what to think… Palpatine is evil, right? But he believed in me when no one else did. He saw my potential, allowed me to confide in him. He told me he could show me how to save Y/N. Would someone evil do that?” 
Obi-Wan’s eyes softened as he looked at the painfully conflicted young man in front of him. “Anakin… he was manipulating you. He was isolating you so you had no one to turn to but him. It was a tactic, a ploy. He doesn’t care for you.” Anakin looked so heartbroken that Obi-Wan knew Anakin believed him. “I’m so sorry.” 
“But what about Y/N?” Anakin asked desperately.
Obi-Wan sighed. “Loving someone in the Order isn’t easy. Especially after everything you’ve gone through. And losing someone… it changes the way you love. You fear constantly, wondering when your love will evade you. When it will fall apart, like all the rest. But living like that, loving like that… it leaves no room for growth or peace. And that’s what relationships are for, aren’t they?” His voice was filled with compassion and wisdom. From experience, perhaps? Regardless of the reason, Anakin was reminded that someone did understand him. Despite the circumstances, he felt content. At least a bit. 
“Is there any way to save them?”
“I’m not sure. Let’s focus on Palpatine for now, alright? And we’ll bring Master L/N with us so you know they’re safe.” Obi-Wan wished nothing more than having a set solution to save Y/N. But some things were even out of his grasp. “I know this must be impossible for you, Anakin. I truly am sorry.” 
Anakin nodded. After all, it was true. If there was anything to describe the impending threat of losing another person he loved, impossible summed up the process. “I know. You’re doing all you can. Thank you, Master. And yes, I would like to bring them with us.” 
Obi-Wan clasped a hand to Anakin’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze as they met each other with a smile. “I’ll send them a message right now.”
----
You gasped when you received Obi-Wan’s message with the details of the Supreme Chancellor’s truth. Your heart cried for Anakin, knowing the betrayal must be breaking him. All you could do was wish that with Obi-Wan’s help, the two of you could support Anakin until he felt like he could breathe again. And you had faith in him. You always had faith in him. 
Grabbing your cloak, you jogged to Obi-Wan’s quarters. As soon as you opened the door, you ran to Anakin and hugged him to you, needing to feel his presence. Somehow, you knew he needed it, too. 
“Ready?” Anakin and Obi-Wan gave you nods of confirmation and you gave a tentative smile. “Alright. Let’s do this.” 
-----
Anakin entered Palpatine’s chambers first. For once, he felt sure of himself. He finally knew what he had to do. His gaze shifted to you, making sure you were alright. You placed a hand on his arm, rubbing your thumb up and down to reassure him. He inhaled. Exhaled. And ignited his saber. 
“I knew you’d come back, Skywalker. I knew you’d join me.” 
“Think again.” Obi-Wan responded as you and him walked into the chambers. Pure, unfiltered rage flickered through Palpatine’s eyes in response.
“Anakin, they’re trying to corrupt you. They’re trying to keep your power. Come with me, boy, and I’ll teach you all you wish to know. I’ll teach you how to save them.” He said, pointing a pale finger toward your face. 
You let out a sharp breath as you suddenly understood Anakin’s conflict. Of course Palpatine was using you as a bargaining chip. Using Anakin’s fear of abandonment, of losing his loved ones against him. It was disgusting, even for a Sith. 
“I… you can’t possibly know how to do that. It’s impossible!” 
“Not on the Dark Side. Look… Obi-Wan has turned them against you. He’s the cause of this! I’m sure he didn’t even pose a solution to saving Y/N. It’s because he doesn’t care about you, not like I do.” 
The shadows returned to Anakin’s eyes as his gaze switched between Obi-Wan and Palpatine. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at you, to see the pain in your eyes as he struggled with a choice that for others would be so simple. He hated himself for being weak but he truly couldn’t fathom losing you. 
Obi-Wan stepped forward, backing Palpatine against the wall and pointing his lightsaber at Palpatine’s throat. Anakin stepped back, too frozen to move, and unconsciously placed himself between them and you.
“It’s over, Chancellor. Don’t make this more difficult than it already is.” Obi-Wan said.
Palpatine shot lightning from his hands, causing Obi-Wan to deflect the matter with his lightsaber, redirecting it to Palpatine himself. As Palpatine shook from the force of his own blast, he once again called to Anakin.
“If you let him kill me, dear boy, Y/N will die. If you don’t try to save them, you will be the cause of their death.” 
Anakin’s eyes widened, those words hitting him right in the chest. He moved forward, pointing his lightsaber at Obi-Wan but refusing to make the final cut to end his life. Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to speak but the effort of holding of Palpatine’s lightning rendered him useless. It was Obi-Wan, after all. His former Master, his friend. The one person who he trusted with the secret of his marriage. He couldn’t kill him, right? He faltered, stepping slightly back. 
“Ani,” You said, your voice calm as you tried to reason with him. “Ani if you do this, you can’t come back from it. I know you don’t want to lose me and if you kill Obi-Wan, you will, regardless of the fate of my life. You aren’t too far gone, yet. You haven’t done anything irredeemable. Remember who you are, my love.” 
Anakin heard your words and looked at your face. You. He wanted to do good by you, to do good by all of them. He wanted to make his mother proud, make himself feel like leaving her for the Jedi Order meant something. And then his gaze filtered over to his friend. Obi-Wan stood tall against the force of Palpatine’s lightning, reminding Anakin of his friend’s strength. It was something Anakin wanted to emulate, too. 
Understanding his choice, Anakin took a step forward to position the blade toward Palpatine’s chest. His hand was shaking, movements unsure, eyes glossed over with immeasurable pain. But before he could make contact, you swiftly moved in front of him and killed Palpatine instead. Obi-Wan was thrust backward as the lightning ceased, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. 
“Why would you do that?” Anakin asked as he looked at you. 
“I didn’t want you to have to kill your friend. No matter what he turned out to be.” You said as you shifted on the balls of your feet. The weight of Palpatine’s death now weighed on your soul, as do those of every life you’ve ever ended. You could bear it and you knew Anakin was strong enough to do so, as well. You just didn’t want him to have to. 
Anakin nodded and whispered a thank you back to you. You just smiled, the love for him clear in your expression. Anakin turned around, walking to his friend and extending a hand for him. 
“I never doubted you.” Obi-Wan said simply as he met Anakin’s guilty eyes. 
“I should have made the choice to believe you earlier. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. I’m sorry, Master.” 
“Look at me, Anakin. We all struggle with our morals. We struggle and we’re unsure and we pray and hope to land on the right decision. And you did. You have nothing to apologize for.” Looking at your and Anakin’s arms around each other, Obi-Wan made one last decision. “How about the two of you retire for the evening? I’ll debrief with the Council, you’ve been through enough.” 
Once again, Anakin was struck by the older Jedi’s strength and selflessness. He nodded, as did you, before he accompanied you back to your quarters. 
----
You kept one arm around Anakin’s waist the entire way home, mirroring his that was around your shoulders. You couldn’t bear to separate, not after the events of the past few days. Seeing Anakin so torn up inside, it was eating away at you. Knowing you couldn’t save him was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to deal with. 
Now, Palpatine was finally gone. There was no more threat to the Jedi Order, the Force once again balanced. But both of you still understood the one solution that hadn't been found: how to save you. It made everything easier, that you chose to kill the Chancellor. Anakin refused to voice the doubts in his head, wondering if he actually would have gone through with it knowing he would lose his chance at saving you. 
The air was melancholic surrounding you both. Heavy. Neither of you knew what to say, words failing in a moment that was so conflicted it almost overwhelmed you. But your heart warmed as you saw Anakin scamper in front of you to open and hold the door for you. You loved him so much, for doing the little things even in moments like these. It gave you hope.
You were okay with death, so long as it only affected you. When you joined the Jedi, you had to make your peace with it. But after you fell in love everything changed. You didn’t want Anakin to go through the pain of losing you. He’d been so open with you about, well, everything. Especially his past. He’d gone through so much, felt such raw pain and loss, you didn’t want to add to that. 
Taking his hands in yours, you looked into his blue eyes. 
“I don’t want you to die.” He whispered, the desperate, deflated tone making your heart break. “I won’t.” You wished to say, but you knew you couldn’t. 
“I don’t want to die, either.” You chose these words instead, relying on their honesty. 
“Palpatine could have saved you.” Anakin said after a beat. 
You sighed. “You don’t know that.” You stated, knowing it wouldn’t change how he felt. 
“Neither do you!” 
“But at what cost? At the cost of losing your soul? Anakin, you would have had to join the Sith! That’s no longer you! You’re good and you couldn’t have saved me if you were there, don’t you see that?” You pleaded. You wished he would see your logic, the truth behind your words. How even though he thought otherwise, he made the right decision. 
“What good is saving the Order if you won’t be a part of it?”
“What good is saving my life if I wouldn’t have you to live it with?” You countered. 
Anakin let out an exhausted breath before pulling you into him, hugging you. The fighting was too much and, frankly, he didn’t want to argue. Not with you, not ever. You both let out a humorless chuckle as you leaned into each other. 
“I love you.” His tone conveyed it all. 
“I love you.” You replied, your voice muffled from being pressed into his robes. 
“Can we sleep? I don’t want to face this right now. Can we just put this aside, if just for a moment? Can I lay with you and can you hold me and can we just have each other?” You questioned breathlessly.
“I would like nothing more, my love.” He smiled slightly and pressed a kiss to your head as he added the words of endearment, wanting you to understand he wasn’t upset with you. You already knew that, though. You were in love with Anakin Skywalker. Of course you’d argue from time to time. But at the end of the day, you were two hopelessly in love Jedi just trying to save each other. 
Crawling into bed, sleep came for the both of you quickly. You were holding him and he was holding you, tangled together as you nestled his warm embrace. He tucked his face into your neck as you did so and savored the feel of you next to him. Safe. 
Drifting off, Anakin tried to fight the pull of sleep, knowing he’d just suffer from another nightmare like he had every day since the first one. One where you’d die and he could do nothing to stop it. Amidst these tumultuous thoughts, his breathing evened, lulling him under. 
You were in the grass, a flower crown atop your head. Anakin was leaning against a small house. It was quaint but beautiful. Small, not outwardly flashy, but full of love and meaning. Looking around, he smiled as he saw green vines crawling up the sides of the house, a garden of your favorite flowers out front. You always had a soft spot for that. 
We are on Naboo, he realized. It was peaceful. It was the dream you always talked of together. Anakin’s breath caught as he felt the certainty of this dream. It felt just like his nightmares, except this one left him content. He didn’t want to entertain the thought for too long, afraid of jinxing it. But he knew it was prophetic. He wasn’t sure how he changed his fate, what exactly gave him this future. Something inside him just knew that when he wakes up the next morning, all will be okay. He felt infinitely lighter as he understood the threat was gone. 
When you looked up and saw him, you raced toward him and jumped into his arms. Anakin stumbled but caught you, breathing in your scent as you kissed the side of his neck. As he held you, his thoughts slightly wandered. But he was grounded by your presence, reminding him that you were safe and he was okay. With you, he was finally, completely, home.
-----
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sindulgence66 · 3 years
Text
MC wants to leave
Request from @imamonster456
Summary: After the brothers found out MC was Lilith’s descendant, MC slowly started feeling more like a replacement instead of just being themselves. Loneliness started to consume them, and one day they finally decide to just leave, without consulting any of the brothers before.
Warnings: Angst, cursing
Characters: 7 brothers, GN!MC
THIS WAS GOING TO BE PURELY SHORT HEADCANONS BUT I GOT CARRIED AWAY IM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE IT
⋆ ⁎ ❁ ⁎ ⋆ ❃ ⋆ ⁎ ❁ ⁎ ⋆ ❃ ⋆ ⁎ ❁ ⁎ ⋆ ❃ ⋆ ⁎ ❁ ⁎ ⋆ ❃ ⋆ ⁎ ❁ ⁎ ⋆ ❃ ⋆ ⁎ ❁ ⁎ ⋆ ❃ ⋆ ⁎ ❁
Lucifer
It never crossed his mind that he could be causing you so much pain. In fact, it was the last thing he wanted to do. He hated seeing you hurting for whatever reason, but this time… he couldn’t even notice how much pain and discomfort he was causing you.
A tiny voice at the back of his head started yelling at him in an attempt to make him notice; but it didn’t happen
Not until one night he walked up to your room after you didn’t show up to dinner for the fourth time in that week and he saw you packing up your belongings
Almost scared to ask, he spoke up in an almost broken voice “MC, what’s going on?”
You didn’t answer, and he was taken aback at this. He hesitantly walked up to your figure and tried to reach out to you, freezing when he heard your voice telling him to stop.
“Just stop, Lucifer. Please.”
You sobbed, and he simply stood in his place, looking at you without understanding a single thing
“Did someone hurt you? Did any of my bro-…”
“Cut of the bullshit”
Silence filled the room as you turned around to face him, your reddened eyes staring directly into his
“I will not tolerate being a replacement for Lilith. Lilith this, Lilith that… what about me? Ever since you guys found out I was her descendant you haven’t done anything but treat me as if I was her!”
“MC…”
He wasn’t really sure wether to be angry at you for rising your tone against him, or to be ashamed for being called out on his behaviour
“You were my happy place, Lucifer. I was so happy with you and your brothers… I finally felt like I belonged somewhere, and you do this?”
Silence filled the room, and it was only broken by the sound of your suitcase closing.
Mammon
He was so excited to go to your room to show you how much he had won while gambling, but his plans were shattered the moment he saw Lucifer there too.
And when he noticed you had packed all your belongings? He gulped audibly as confusion took over his body
“O-oi, what’s going on here? Where are ya goin’, human?”
“Please move, Mammon”
“MC?”
He locked his eyes with yours, trying to understand the situation. However, in his mind, there was no reason for you to want to leave them, right?
“Wait, I’m sure whatever the problem is it’s not that important!”
“Not that important…?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. How could they be so cruel?
He remained silent, not quite getting why you were so upset.
“Is it not that important that I stopped being myself to you all? Is it not important that you started treating me so differently ever since you discovered I was her descendant?” Your voice raised it’s tone unconsciously “It feels like I’m dead for you! I’m not Lilith, and I’ll never be, but you can’t seem to get that in your fucking heads!”
Guilt.
That was the only thing Mammon could feel at that moment. He was so excited about having a part of Lilith with them again that he completely forgot about you.
“So please, just let me go, Mammon. I can’t stand living here any longer.”
“No! C’mon MC, we can get over this, right? You don’t have to leave!”
Leviathan
A bit reluctantly, he came out of his room after he heard yelling coming from your room.
He thought it was probably just another stupid fight with Mammon for something he had done.
Oh, how wrong he was.
“I’m not Lilith, and I’ll never be, but you can’t seem to get that in your fucking heads!”
His heart shrunk instantly when he heard those words coming out of your mouth. Soon, and attracted as well by the yelling, the rest of his brothers showed up too.
Gathering all the courage he had in his body, he stepped into the room and spoke up.
“MC, we know that, it’s just-…”
“You know that? You do? Then it’s even worse!.” You laughed, tears starting to form in your eyes. “You know I’m not her, yet you still have even called me by her name. I’ve done nothing but try to help your petty asses to get along and be a real family and this is what I get? I’m tired of this. I hate this.”
Levi shut his mouth. He didn’t expect you to snap against him too, but he deserved it. They all did.
“Do you have any idea about how I’ve been feeling because of you? Do you realize how hurt I am? You replaced me in less than a day! Satan is the only one who hasn’t been a dick!”
Satan
Rage.
Against his brothers, against himself for not stopping them…
He just felt rage.
At that moment, he loathed his brothers, and Lilith too. He loathed them for making their human go through so much pain.
Him being the only one who never had contact with Lilith, of course he was enraged. The MC wanted to leave because their sorry excuses of brothers couldn’t get their shit together and made them feel like they were just a replacement?
Slowly, he walked up to your trembling figure, his arms extended to show you he meant no harm.
Without hesitation, you hugged him tightly and hid your face against his chest, wanting to disappear from the sight of the brothers.
“Are you realizing just now all the harm you’ve caused them?” Satan snarled at them, protecting you in his tight embrace
Asmodeus and Mammon made the attempt to get close to you, but he immediately stopped them. In his eyes, they had no right to want to fix things at this point.
“I hate you… I hate you…” You sobbed against the chest of the fourth born, your words directed to the other six brothers that had broken you while the blond rubbed circles on your back.
Asmodeus
“Darling, we had no idea…”
“EXACTLY!” The sudden yelling made him take a step back.
“You didn’t even notice… that’s exactly the problem…” Your voice cracked, as you finally got the necessary strength to look at them once again, tears streaming down your face.
He lowered his gaze to meet the floor, feeling his own eyes starting to gather tears.
“I’m sorry…”
By now, he had been the only one who actually apologized.
“Take me out of here, Satan, please” your broken voice rang painfully in his ears, and all he wanted to do was hug you and kiss away all the tears
But he knew he fucked up
They all did
They were so happy to have a part of their little sister back with them, they forgot you were… you. That you weren’t really a part of her, nor were a replacement for her.
Beelzebub
Probably, the one that was feeling the worst along with Belphie.
They were the closest with Lilith, so when they found out…
Happiness had blinded them, and now they were paying the price.
He didn’t even talk; he felt like he had no right to do so. And probably it was true.
Maybe he and Belphie were the main culprits of the entire situation.
He deeply appreciated you, how could he do this to you?
“MC…” Your name escaped his lips, and seeing you shake your head just by listening to his voice broke his heart.
“No.”
“Don’t even say anything.”
Belphegor
He knew it was his fault.
You had all the right to hate him.
Not only did he kill you, but it was also his fault that everyone in the house started treating you differently
If he hadn’t killed you, would’ve they discovered about you and Lilith?
“And you…” When your gaze landed onto him, he felt a shiver run down his spine.
“You killed me because you missed your sister. Then you learned I was related to her, and suddenly you were so nice to me, even though you never apologized about murdering me?”
He took a step back, trying to hide himself behind Beel.
“I will never forgive you, Belphegor.”
“MC, I…”
“Please, just take me out of here” You sobbed, and Satan helped you without hesitation, leaving the six brothers alone in your room, knowing that it was too late for them to do something to fix things.
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sketching-shark · 3 years
Note
I think it's the ironic fact that JTTW fans already know how DBK and Sun Wukong's friendship broke apart but are more curious on LMK versions of Sun Wukong and the Six Eared Macaque were friends alongside falling out.
HA! Well, while it often does seem that way, I'm going to go ahead and be a complete snob in a Journey to the West purist kind of way by wondering how many Six Eared Macaque fans would consider themselves more JTTW fans or more Monkie Kid fans, or if they feel they're a mix of both...
I've seen a lot of people argue that these two works of fiction are their own thing and that as such Monkie Kid (and associated fanworks) shouldn't be expected to follow the canon of JTTW, and fair enough for some parts. I've also, however, seen people who argue for this complete separation seeming to use it as an excuse to not acknowledge or learn about ANY original aspects of characters such as Sun Wukong and the Demon Bull King, or even very important deities such as Guanyin and the Jade Emperor, and who as such end up making some pretty gross generalizations/assumptions about them even though they are of great religious and cultural importance.
For example (and while I know a lot of the fun people get from fan works is in exaggerating certain traits), Sun Wukong seems to often be presented with an "inherently" evil/thoughtless/chaotic character, while his intelligence, deep love of his family, genuine efforts to become a better person, & many acts of saving lives, as presented in JTTW, aren't even mentioned. I feel like a lot of this is due to the way he acts in Monkie Kid (while I maintain that this version of Sun Wukong seems to be Bad End Monkey King, he does do a lot of deflecting his issues with a show of humor/a carefree attitude & does seem really bad at communicating due to a fear of making things worse). Even so, the popularity of Thoughtless/Evil/Selfish Sun Wukong that doesn’t really allow for any of the nuance or a display of his beneficial traits as shown in JTTW does make me wonder how many people have been exposed to a good translation of og classic Sun Wukong...As I've said before, I've noted that a number of Chinese people on this site have expressed frustration with the fact that a good chunk of the monkey king’s Western audience seems to be getting their impressions about Sun Wukong, the Demon Bull King, the Six Eared Macaque, etc. from some mix of Overly Sarcastic Productions, Monkie Kid, and social media instead of from at least a translation of the original text, and it is true that a LOT of the nuance of these work and these characters can be very easily lost, especially if your drawing your information of them primarily from a cartoony version of the original source. 
That would be an interesting poll though...out of curiosity, how many of you fine folk have read the break-up & fight between Sun Wukong and the Demon Bull King either in the original text or in a translation, or is your exposure to them primarily through Monkie Kid? 
Again, I need to make it clear that I'm not Chinese & didn't grow up with the story, but I will admit for my own part that reading the DBK/SWK break-up in the Yu translation actually made me more curious about how their dynamic is going to play out in Monkie Kid than I am curious about what's going to happen with Mr. Macaque. 
This is primarily because besides SWK’s fight with Princess Iron Fan and DBK being given a LOT of page space in JTTW, there seems to have been some serious stuff that went down between the three of them in the events post-JTTW and pre-the main plot of Monkie Kid...the last we see of DBK in JTTW (if memory serves correctly) was him being hauled off by a host of heavenly warriors to be judged for his crimes of not giving SWK the palm leaf fan & also eating humans. When Monkie Kid starts, however, we are told that DBK had emerged “from the Netherworld” & immediately starts wrecking everything around him. What this suggests--if Monkie Kid is something of a fan continuation of JTTW--is that DBK ended up being executed by the heavenly forces, but managed to fight his way out of the underworld in a manner somewhat similar to SWK, who we are told he is equal in strength to in JTTW. In that beginning fight of Monkie Kid DBK is also shown as so enraged that he won’t stop his path of destruction until SWK buries him under a mountain for 500 years. It’s never said in the show, but--and this is important--this is basically exactly what Buddha did to SWK to start him on the path of atonement. So there seems to be some very intentional parallels between SWK’s havoc in heaven & DBK’s havoc on earth, which may suggest that one of the things Monkie Kid SWK really wants is for his former dear friend, his sworn brother, to find a way like him to be less violent and thus ultimately less vulnerable to destructive and self-destructive behavior, and that the way he tried to start this was by giving DBK the same treatment he got when he was a raging warlord. 
We are furthermore told that it was right after DBK was sealed that SWK disappeared for all those centuries, and while the impulse may be to write it off as him just wanting to enjoy himself (given a lot of his behavior in the show’s timeline), given the indications that this SWK may be deeply depressed, I feel like the answer could be something a lot more tragic...there seem to be a number of clues in Monkie Kid that while the journey of JTTW happened, something made it end disastrously, with SWK either assuming or knowing that Zhu Bajie, Sha Wujing, Tang Sanzang, and Bai Longma are dead. And per JTTW, this wouldn’t be the first time that he’s experienced a horrific loss, given the war with heaven and the burning of Flower-Fruit Mountain. And then right after THAT, it seems DBK emerged from the underworld, and so Sun Wukong was put into a horrific position: either murder his sworn brother, or let him continue to rampage & harm and/or kill who knows how many humans. SWK ultimately gives up his staff to do the repeat of “500 years under a mountain in solitary confinement route,” which as per JTTW he considers better than the alternative, but he immediately follows that by exiling himself. In JTTW SWK is a really sociable person who makes friends wherever he goes, but man, for this SWK...his life must at that point just feel like one failure after another, that in spite of all his best efforts he wasn’t able to save anyone he really cared about, and now he just trapped someone who was so important to him under a mountain & fated him to suffer the same things he had when he was in that position. How much more does he have to hurt his fellow yaoguai? How many more times does he have to choose between yaoguai and humans, feeling like no matter what he decides it’s just going to result in pain for him and/or his loved ones? I can easily imagine super sociable & easily upset (he cries a LOT in JTTW) SWK feeling like after sealing DBK, he just can’t do this any more. He just...can’t. 
This is all just speculation, but knowing the JTTW backstory between SWK and DBK does, at least for me, make their Monkie Kid relationship a lot more intriguing than it might be otherwise. Especially now that DBK seems to actually be making some small steps to quell his constant rage & lust for power. He even saves SWK and Qi Xiaotian from an explosion/nasty fall in the season 2 special! The Bull family weren’t really present in season 2, but I really hope they make a comeback in season 3 (if/when we get it) precisely because Red Son, Princess Iron Fan, and especially DBK have such an involved history with SWK. Plus it would be really fun to see two old warlords trying to awkwardly make amends with each other & struggle to be good teachers & positive role models to their student & son. 
In any case I feel this potential is more interesting than whatever fanfic The Six Eared “I’mma Plagiarize The Demon Bull King’s Backstory Of Being Best Friends with Sun Wukong” Macaque is creating lol. 
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kaiserkeller · 3 years
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More information regarding Alfred Lennon
(A lot of the information I have gathered about Alf and his relationship with John when they reconnected has been taken from the wonderful johnandcynthialennon blog — so big thank you to them!)
I wanted to outline exactly why John and his father, despite reconnecting when The Beatles became successful, became estranged again, particularly after John divorced Cynthia and married Yoko.
As detailed in the quote post from Pauline Lennon Stone’s book, ‘Daddy Come Home: True Story of John Lennon and His Father’ (1990), it appears that when Alfred came back into his son’s life in 1964, John was yearning for that closeness; that real father/son bond that families are ‘supposed’ to have. Pauline states that it was relatively easy for Alfred to move into Kenwood (albeit very temporarily) because of Cynthia’s kind nature and eagerness to see if the two could salvage any sort of relationship and that John appeared hesitant yet relatively happy to have him in the house, even though his busy days and frequent lie-ins meant that the two barely saw each other. However, she writes that Alfred did not enjoy life at Kenwood as one would expect, describing him as “restless”, something which was pointed out plainly to him by Lillian Powell on a visit to the house. 
How this unfolded is interesting. Pauline states that Alfred, although apparently not happy living with his son, was uneasy about telling him he wanted to move out and find a place of his own. According to her, Alfred was very concerned about John’s feelings and especially hurting him (although this seems a stark character change from what we already know about him). However, apparently Lillian was very proactive with her idea and took it upon herself to relay the news to John of his father’s departure (again). John, not uncharacteristically, tried to present himself as uninterested by the developments and did not allow the others to see distinctly that they had hurt him:
“However, this restoration of freedom was marred by John’s disappointment at his leaving. Freddie had detected a look of dismay on his face as Cynthia informed him of the arrangements that had been made. But it was clear from his withdrawn attitude that he had not expected this turn of events. And Freddie learned later from John Francis, the part-time chauffeur, that John had been ‘very upset indeed’ about his father’s departure. Nevertheless he gave orders to Dot to ensure that Freddie was given a couple weeks’ supply of food, and Cynthia went to great trouble to provide him with a carpet, a TV and some bedding for the new flat.”
Freddie moved out, and the only meeting of note next was the following year, when he came to introduce Pauline (or Polly, as he called her) to John and Cynthia. I’ve already mentioned in a previous post that the motive behind the meeting was really to ask the couple to give Pauline a job, as she was no longer studying at University. Pauline was hired at Kenwood for a short while as secretary and occasional nanny, but Cynthia would later recall that it was a “nightmare. She was constantly in tears and arguing with her mother over Alf. She slept in the attic and we’d hear her screaming down the phone and sobbing up there.” The couple eventually moved to Brighton together after marrying in Gretna Green.
Here’s where things between John and Alfred get more complicated, though. I have no reason to believe that Pauline has a particular motive with her story telling, and she appears to be relatively honest about Alfred and the way he acted, even if it puts him in a bad light. However, he was her husband, and considering he didn’t gain anything at all really from being John’s father, I believe she genuinely loved him. Therefore, there are elements of her recollection that I have to take with a pinch of salt, for example: her complete brushing off of the possibility that Alfred tried to seduce Cynthia.
“However, it was the question Cynthia's evenings out with the girls which brought about a rift between John and Freddie and led John blowing his top with his father for the first but not the last time. During one of my weekend visits to Freddie in Kew we bumped into Cynthia in a nightclub one Saturday evening. Whether it was due to an excess of alcohol or simply the prompting of old-fashioned values I'm not sure, but Freddie was deeply shocked to find John's wife clubbing without a suitable escort and he treated her to a lecture on the subject of wifely duties. It was one of the few occasions when I was really mad with Freddie. I knew he had a terrible habit of saying the most outrageous things under the influence of whisky, but I was furious with him for offending Cynthia. I realized with despair that he had gone much too far, but what I did not realize was that certain members of John's entourage who were also present in the club would report his words to John in a totally contorted form. In fact several different versions of the truth reached John's ears - the most ridiculous of which being that Freddie had attempted to seduce his daughter-in-law! The accusations were nevertheless sufficient to enrage John, and without waiting to verify their validity he paid an impromptu visit to Kew the next morning, en route for London in his Rolls.”
Pauline’s account is plausible and does make sense, however the owner of johnandcynthialennon.blogspot.com makes a good point in commenting that it presents an angle on Cynthia that we’re not too familiar with. Her account of seeing Cynthia at a nightclub without John is not the ‘mumsy’ homebody we’re usually presented with, giving the impression that perhaps Cynthia had much more of a social life than she typically let on? Or maybe a story made up by Pauline to avoid making her relationship with the man already widely viewed by many as untrustworthy seem weak?
It’s possible that the story, like a game of Chinese Whispers, was highly exaggerated by John’s close circle to give him a sound reason to cut off the man they assumed to be gold-digging off his now-rich-and-famous son. But I would just like to point out that this particular story of attempted seduction was supported by John’s close friend from childhood, Pete Shotton, in his book ‘John Lennon in My Life’ (1983):
“Eventually, however, Freddie exhausted the limits of even John's tolerance when he attempted to seduce his daughter-in-law. Cyn was so distraught that John threw his father out of the house, and refused ever to see him again.”
This makes a lot more sense knowing that this really was the end of their relationship, as when Alfred took his baby son David to see his half-brother and his new wife Yoko in 1969, John explicitly let him know that he couldn’t care less. I doubt that he would have been so angry with his father if Cynthia had outlined that the worst he did was a meaningless misogynistic lecture on female roles. John did very briefly reconnect with his father in 1976 when Alfred was ill with cancer, and later offered to pay for the funeral, but Pauline refused. Despite everything, at the end John still cared about his father, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, though poison it may be.
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lemons3ason · 3 years
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The Asakura Twins Loving the Same Person Headcannons
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-You grew up with Yoh, you come from a powerful line of Shamans and since you were both the same age your families thought it would be good for you to be his protector from Hao.
-That plan was a failure since both of you were equally lazy and only enjoyed the simple things in life like music and food.
-You were the two little kids that made the promise to marry each other when you were older and his parents openly called you a couple until Yoh met Anna.
-With Anna’s strict training you both became surprisingly strong Shamans but you left about three years before the official Shaman tournament.
-While you were traveling and enhancing your powers you met Hao. Though the whole meeting left you heartbroken and alone something about you made him want you more. The tearless enraged (e/c) orbs that complimented your blood stained face made him fall head over heels for you.
-Though with what little energy you had left you escaped him easily but he never could find you again.
-Neither of them see you again until during the Shaman Fights and Yoh absolutely tackles the hell out of you.
-“(Y/n)! You’re here I can’t believe it! Well of course I can believe it this is you we’re talking about but (Y/n)!”, Yoh screams hugging you tight.
-You’re both babbling away at each other like Nala and Simba were when they reunited and everyone is quick to notice the huge smile that drew over Yoh’s face as you spoke to him and embraced him.
-When you all have your encounter with Hao in Patch Village, Yoh is immediately protective of you stepping between you and Hao since he dared to walk up to you.
-That’s when everyone finds out you already know who Hao is since you’ve shared a fight with him.
-He killed your Mother and in return your left him a noticeable scar against the side of his neck, He’s been tracking you down ever since.
-Hao loves you because you’re strong, you don’t fear him, you hate him. He wants to keep you all to himself and since he’s surprisingly good at flirting your forced to blush on several occasions.
-Hao changes when you’re around, he’s almost so convincingly calm and gentle that you wouldn’t be able to tell that he was a mass murderer.
-Hao becomes a constant bother to you until you start getting used to his presence but you’d never tell him you enjoy having him around since he is still evil.
-“Such a pretty shade of red, did I make your heart race?”, Hao will ask cupping your cheek tenderly as he admires your red glow.
-You’ll slap his hand away and scoot closer to Yoh who will grin and stick his tongue out at his older brother.
-Each fight they’ll hope to hear or see you in the stands rooting for them, showing off just to impress you.
-Likewise they both do the same for you, Hao watches from afar but when you win he’ll make his Spirit of Fire create small heart shaped flames in front of you to show that he was watching. Yoh jumps from his spot in the stands and raced to hug you and congratulate you on a job well done.
-One night just before the pre-finals start both brothers find you and have something important to ask of you. Hao is much more calm and collected a soft smile on his face as he nervously plays with the ends of his hair. Yoh on the other hand, is a blushing mess nervously playing with his fingers as he calls out your name.
-“(Y-y/n)...I-I...”
-“(Y/n), we love you but we understand you can only love one of us back. Please choose who you want to care for your heart.”, Hao spoke with so much confidence on the matter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Yoh’s Route*
-You smiled at their sudden confession but since childhood you knew that Yoh was the only one for you.
-“Hao I’m sorry but I don’t love you. I’ve loved Yoh for so long now but he had Anna so I never tried confessing to him.”, you admitted softly watching Yoh’s face explode into a blush.
-Hao was deeply upset by your decision, but he respected you enough to leave it as it was. Now he could focus on destroying you and becoming shaman king without hesitation.
-Yoh was so excited that you had accepted his feelings that he lunged into your arms and placed a sweet kiss to your lips
-“Heehee I’m so glad you feel the same. I love you (Y/n).”, Yoh cheers in a soft voice pecking your lips again just to be sure it wasn’t a dream.
-Somehow you snuck into Yoh’s room with the boys and everyone woke up the next day to see you balled up at Yoh’s side, the goofiest grin plastered over his face.
-Horohoro was quick to notice the small love bite on the side of his neck neck and snickered, seems like you were the dominant and possessive one in the relationship.
-Anna is a bit heartbroken at first but you promised to still let her whip you and Yoh into shape if you ever slacked off to much.
-She accepted and in the end she got her dream of becoming Wife of the Shaman king since Hao had confessed his adoration for her about a month later, he won the shaman fights in the end so he did become king.
-You and Yoh were happy, a peaceful couple in a wild world surrounded by the people you loved.
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*Hao’s Route*
-You were left speechless by Hao’s blunt confession and it made you sad knowing that you had already made your choice.
-You flashed a sad smile to Yoh and hugged him much to his heart break but with a few simple words of encouragement he seemed okay being friend zoned, in the end it would be the best for both of you. He was happy with Anna by his side and you didn’t want to get between them when you knew they were meant for each other.
-Once you had pulled away from Yoh, Hao scooped you up in his arms and you both vanished. Having returned to his camp you stared at him in wonder to what he was going to do next.
-“To think that you would have actually grown to love me. I still can’t believe you actually do but I’m happy... absolutely happy. My little star.”, he hummed embracing tenderly as if you’d break if he held you to hard.
-You were nervous about your decision, thoughts overfilled your mind about how crazy you were for falling for your mother’s murderer, Hao could sense it so he washed away your insecurities with a soft peck to the cheek.
-“I’ll make sure you never regret your choice, even if I have to start from square one. I love you (Y/n), you don’t have to worry about anything by my side.”, He’ll whisper in your ears hugging you tight.
-Unsurprisingly he’s very touched starve so he’s always seeking you out for physical affection, be it a kiss or just holding your hand.
-Super romantic, you do have to keep him under control since he’s a bit protective and possessive but with a good scold you’re able to get him to respect your personal space and consider your feelings towards his behavior.
-Openly marks you with love bites and hickies even if you complain about them being to dark or to visible to others.
-You become his Shaman Queen *but only after making him promise to bring back everyone that he killed during the Shaman Fights since his new powers granted him that ability* and he loves you deeply with each passing day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Self Route*
-You were shocked having been confessed to by the twins, you did love them but not like they loved you.
-You smiled at both of them and hugged them tight before stepping back and explaining that to them.
-It hurt, it was obvious by their expressions but you didn’t need a partner by your side at least not now.
-Yoh respected that much about you, Hao was a bit petty about your decision but he just left you alone after that night.
-You fought alongside Yoh for the rest of the shaman fights and helped defeat Hao even though he took the crown of Shaman King.
-Life made sense due to your decision. With Hao being a god it was rare to see him but as years went by you and Yoh and quickly outgrown him and you made fun of him for it every time you saw him.
-You own an orange cat and named him Hao Jr.
-You’re the first to hold little Hana Asakura once he’s born since Yoh had fainted during the birthing process, Anna literally only trusts you with her baby.
-Your the crazy aunt that carries little Hana around in a baby chest carrier, both of you wearing black shades as you walk around flexing that you are the proud aunt of a handsome little orange boy!
-Yoh is super happy to find out that you end up engaged to Horohoro but does give him the talk about cherishing you and killing you if he hurts you.
-Yoh and Hao become your honorary brothers and they don’t let anyone mess with you even if you’re old enough to protect yourself.
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