if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

now hear me out.

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

i just submitted the worst assignment of my life... please pray for me, if i fail this i fail the class...

excited to start da2 for anders :) remembering the timeline inconsistencies :(

I don't like thinking about work unless I'm at work but I have to talk through smth ignore me or whatever

...

I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

Hey, it's the pelargir anon again! You have no idea how much your answer helped me, because it explained quite a lot of things. I actually did the helm's deep epics, but it wasn't exactly fun and afterwards I thought "well, let's never do this again" 😂 which obviously did not work. But maybe now's the time to repeat it, I've got maybe like 13 points? That probably won't work... The point where the twins die on me is mostly in the last third, after the barricades, where the two ballistas are. The barricades surprisingly aren't that much of a problem, considering I'm not using the skill tree and instead mostly winging it. But in the last third there are so many haradrim and corsars, either I die and till I can get back to the twins one of them is dead or they die on their own. Quite frustrating. And thank you so much for your offer to help me! Sadly I'm on another server (belegaer), but gosh, your kindness made me a bit teary eyed. I really appreciate it!

I'm glad it helped! Yeah, Epic Battles aren't very much fun until you've got some Promotion Points. I find them very fun once I do have those points, but getting those first few points is always such a trial.

If you've figured out how to get the twins past the barricades alive, then you probably don't actually need all sixty Promotion Points (though of course more will make things easier). In fact, you might consider ignoring everything I said about barricades and instead setting up an Officer spec and an Engineer spec that focuses on building and firing siege engines. Then, when you get to the catapults at the end (I said they were ballistae in my original post but I've since remembered that they're catapults) you can try to take out as many enemies as possible before they climb up the wall, then switch to buffing your troops once they get up there. I'm not sure how many Promotion Points you need for various upgrades, but upgrading catapults is super helpful; just don't upgrade range because you don't need to in this instance.

In order to avoid dying (I think one of the twins will always die if you do and I'm not sure why), it's worth remembering that enemies will almost always attack other NPCs before they attack you, so try to limit how many enemies you engage at a time to not get overwhelmed. Your troops should be able to handle the rest as long as you keep buffing them.

If you want to experiment with the different EB mechanics Helm's Dike is great for that too; the battle won't start until you talk to Gamling and they have pretty much everything set up along the Dike, so you can take as much time as you like to experiment and figure out how everything works.

I'll see if I can dig up my guide to Helm's Dike for you. It's probably the easiest to complete side objectives on, since for the most part the NPCs in the instance can handle attacking enemies from the main objective and you can just leave them to it to complete side objectives (and you have as much time to set up as you need). Some of the side objectives you won't be able to complete until you've got some Promotion Points, because most of them involve siege weaponry of some sort, but it's a good way to start earning, at least.

i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself

i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean

werkingstiff posting blonde old man im literally going to collapse n die and

I started with posting about my autistic experience on twitter, reading posts on there, and interacting with people there.

then twitter got unbearable, so I moved back here and made a new account and side blogs to mirror twitter and lurk in the tags.

i've noticed a difference between autism twitter and autism tumblr from the big algorithm-controlled posts I usually see:

autism twitter makes me feel like i'm not allowed to say autism disables me or causes problems in life

while autism tumblr makes me feel like i'm not allowed to feel positively about being autistic and can only see it as a struggling disability.

the contrast makes me dizzy 😵‍💫 it's like no one wants to see the perspective of other people when we are all different. each side wants their narrative to be the told one.

I knew today was going to be a bad day.

100 companies may be responsible for 71% of emissions but that does not mean that this is not linked to your consumption patterns.

Wailing sobbing in bed in the middle of the day, not that i havent done it before, but im reaching a level of misery i havent hit in a long time.

I'm so fucking scared I feel like I'm gna throw up lol