#i will fuck around with my makeup because you arent there to tell me i’m bad at makeup
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meow
#realized/had an epiphany today that so many of the traits my abusers have condemned me for are the same traits that my friends and family#love about me#im weird and funny and slightly insane#i will threaten to reanimate steve jobs so that i can kill him again and yell at cars driving in the bus lane#i will burn my breakfast and give a dollar to a person on the street and yell PENIS PENIS GOD FUCKING DAMNIT when i stub my toe#i will cover myself in fake blood from target and pretend to be a serial killer to and EDM song because i think it’s funny#i will quote webshows me and 5 other people have seen and i don’t care that you don’t wanna watch it with me#i will interupt people by mistake because im excited to talk to them and you won’t be there to yell at me#i will buy the expensive treat for myself because you aren’t there to steal it from me#i will watch that horror movie and play thay horror game because you arent there to say im gross and depressing for liking it#i will make a fucked up meal with microwave rice and canned beans because you arent there to tell me im a terrible cook#i will fuck around with my makeup because you arent there to tell me i’m bad at makeup#i will thrift for crazy costumes and style crazy wigs because you arent around to steal them from me#i will make new friends because you arent there to tell me you don’t like them so i shouldn’t hang around them#i will keep leading with kindness and not shit talk people i don’t even know just because they give you ‘a vibe’#don’y you dare ever take away my claws and clip my wings again im a weird monsterman and i like it that way
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Pico x Velvet(trolls)!Reader
A/n: the crossover no one wanted or needed ‼️ I got this idea cuz I was searching for a velvet mod for fnf then I found out it doesn’t exist 💔
When he first went against you, he HATED you.
He hated your attitude your makeup your voice-everything abt you just annoyed him.
He always saw you as ‘pretty privileged’ since you were so mean yet had so many fans
But truly, he did think you were gorg. That’s what he hated the most, that even someone like him-who hated you-couldn’t deny that you had the beauty of a goddess
When he tried telling you that you were an asshole, he totally fucked up.
“JUST because youre ‘skinny’ and ‘pretty’ doesn’t mean you get to be so fucking rude all the ti-“
“You think I’m pretty?”
…you guys both had your first hookup that weekend
“Never again”
Then it happened again
At first it they were ‘hate-hookups’, but one time you caught yourself having your pale spaghetti arms slithered around his waist
When you woke up you got so embarrassed, so you started blaming HIM
“WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME YOU WERE THE ONE DOING IT”
“WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME? YOU PROBABLY LIKED IT OR SOMETHING YOU GINGER FREAK”
I know you guys are fighting rn but eventually this turned into a beautiful relationship
No one knows how, but it did!l
You guys have such a cute ‘tall girl x little guy’ dynamic
He tries to make his ex (bf) jealous by carrying you the way Bf does to Gf but it just doesn’t work because of how tall you are
He can def carry you, but your heels would be touching the floor
“Pico my heels”
“Chill baby they’re fine.”
“NO THEY ARENT THEY WERE EXPENSIVE AND THIS CONCRETE IS DIRTY.”
When you both went against Keith it was a tie ofc.
Keith’s bars were hitting and so was your voice
You guys duetting together is such a mess tho
“Go pico yeah yeah, go pico y-“
“HEYYYYYEAHHHAYYYYOHHHHH”
He loves your voice, but it just doesn’t blend well with his style
He also doesn’t enjoy performing in the environment your used to,
Since he’s use to rapping in alleyways, your giant concerts with lights and sparkles flaring everywhere scares him cuz Yk, picos school
Your not use to his rapping environment either, you heels are NOT made for alleyways
“Ew! omg I think I just stepped in dogsh!t.!!”
“Y/n.. that’s a soda can”
“WHATEVER IT IS GET IT OFF!!”
Keith gen couldn’t believe he was dating YOU
“…y/n blink twice if your being held at gunpoint”
“Keith bro”
“What? I’m not trying to piss in your bong man I’m just saying, there’s no way you’re dating HER”
“Ikr, shit surprised me too
“Pls”
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Relationship Alphabet
A - Attitude
Who often has the worst Attitude ?
Well, you obviously. Most of the time because you are hungry or you and Melo just got out of an argument. Melo usually fucks the attitude out of you anywhere, anytime tho.
B - Baby
Who wants Babies the most - first ?
Melo. He often jokes about having kids or when you are having sex he would whisper in your ear “You trynna have my babies?” or “You boutta have my babies ” when he nuts in you. He says that he wants 3 or more. You only want 2. You arent rushing into it.
C - Crying
Who Cries the most in the relationship ?
You. You often cry alone when you miss Melo when he is at away games for so long. Or when your BP triggers, Melo would comfort you. When watching sad movies, or when someone you love dies. Tears of joys appear here and there. Or when you get into arguments and Melo says something wrong or disrespectful out of madness.
D - Dates
Who has the best Date spots ?
Melo. He would often take you to fancy restaurants in L.A or Miami, or wherever you guys went. Or take you shopping at an expensive place. He would do dates at home like watching movies, have you cook dinner because he cant cook for shit, or he would have a bath waiting on you.
E - Eat
Who Eats the most ?
You. You know damn well you cant survive without food. Its the 2nd best thing that has ever happened to you besides life and Melo. Cant even survive a night. If you would wake up in the middle of the night and get hungry and go to kitchen and try to sneak some food without waking Melo up, he would hear it and go to the kitchen and scare you, picking you up over his shoulder with one arm, and with the other putting the food away carrying you back to the bed because its a little to early in the morning to be eating.
F - Freak
Who is the Freakiest ?
Both of you. You being the only girl that can fuck Melo like you do, and being the only girl Melo is sexually, physically, and mentally attracted to no other girl can do it like you.10/10 in bed. Now Melo on the other hand is a demon in bed. His strokes, hitting your G - Spot constantly with you feeling it in your guts. His 9 inch is almost always on hard when he is around you. And his tongue is crazy, going in and out and on the pearl AT THE SAME TIME. Crazy right. Spelling his name out on you. He loves when you scratch his back up or give him hickeys everywhere. 10000/10. Makeup sex is the best.
G - Games
Who wins the most games ?
Melo. He would always dare you to a game of Call of Duty or Fortnite to see who would win first. And he would always win. When you would play a game of Uno you would often win and he would be mad the rest of the day due to his competitiveness. But any other game he would win.
H - Happy
Who is the Happiest in the relationship ?
Both of you. You are always happy when you guys are around each other. Even when you guys just got done arguing you are still happy that he is in your presence. Melo on the other hand is always happy with you around him, he loves to cuddle with you. Its one of his favorite thing to do. He just loves that you are in his presence. You are his other half.
I - Irreplaceable
Who is the most Irreplaceable ?
You would say Melo but Melo would say you. Melo knows how to deal with you more than anyone else does. He knows all your spots and what you like and dont like. He notices all of your flaws and sees the good and beautiful in them. He knows your body, mind, and soul. No man has a better or brighter or bigger smile than him. He always brightens the mood. You on the other hand are different. A big beautiful smile. You know how to deal with Melo when he is sad, looses a game. You can tell when he is lying or telling the truth just by looking through his eyes. You know how to make him happy. You are the best he has ever had.
J - Jaded
Who gets the most Jaded after doing something ?
Melo. He usually gets really bored after sitting in the house all day. He really wants to leave the house and do something fun but usually its night time and you would be taking a nap or would be sleep.
K - Kisses
Who gives the most kisses?
Melo. He is always so clingy and that comes with all the kisses in the world. He kisses you all over your face in your sleep, even when you are sleep he gives you kisses. He loves to kiss all over your body.
L - Love
Who fell in love the fastest?
Melo. He had always had a crush on you and everyone knew you were the one for him. You just didn’t know it until you two started dating. He’s always making sure you are good. He loves your hugs. He was the first one to say “I love you”. He want kids you to have all 10 of his kids.
M - Motivation
Who gives the most motivation?
You. When melo is going to a game and is not having a good feeling about it you motivate him to push through it and win for you. 9/10 he will win or get a lot of points for you.
N - Night Owl
Who is more of a Night Owl?
Both of you. Sometimes when his ADHD is on 10 you guys stay up and listen to music, play games, go on ig live, or just fuck for 7 hours straight. Sometimes you have to tell him to got to sleep or put him to sleep (😏) because he has a game tomorrow and needs all the rest and energy he can get. It also the same for you.
O - Oral Sex
Who gives Oral Sex the most?
Melo. Trust me, you give him head a lot and it’s amazing, 10/10. But melo loves giving you head. He loves to spell his name out on you. Loves to see the faces to make you scream and shout. Loves sharing your cream with you (🥲). He loves to climb under the blanket while you are sleep for some breakfast in bed. Maybe even dinner. His lips make it even better. So glad he don’t got them white genes in his lips (😋😭).
P - Perfect
Whos perfect?
Obviously, no ones perfect but God (🙏🏾). But in your eyes no one else is better for you except melo. You couldnt imagine living life without him. Cant imagine what anyones elses kids would look like with you but. No relationship is perfect. Melo sees you as perfect. Your body. Your style. Your personality. He absolutely loves your touch. He loves touch but for you loving your touch is an understatement. He couldnt imagine his kids with anyone else but you. Cant imagine getting married with anyone else. When you guys get into arguments and sleep in seperate rooms. You barely get sleep because all you can think about is each other. How perfect you guys are for one another.
Q - Q? (Cant find a word, Tell me one and ill edit it.)
R - Relate
What traits do you guys have a like each other?
A lot. Both of your favorite food is Chicken tacos. You both love a good game of Uno. You both love sex. Duhh. Both of you guy’s love language is touch. Love playing fortnite together. Love listening to music and taking drives together. Both love lil uzi (we pretending yall💀). Just in general you guys are very alike.
S - Sex
(No question for this one lol. Y’all already know how we is round hea nahhmeannn😭)
The sex. Omgggg. The first time you and melo had sex was. So amazing. Can’t ever forget that moment. Melo is always so horny. Morning sex is the best. Sometimes a little top at the red light can turn into a few rounds in back of the McDonalds parking lot. Lucky enough all his windows tinted as hell. Or in the Victoria’s Secret fitting rooms. You guys could be listening to Chris Brown and he would really take you down, fuck you back to sleep, switch up the tempo, or make you wet the bed (i’m laughing hard ash). The hickeys. The high sex. Drunk sex (drunnnnkkk in lovvveee). Car sex. Balcony sex. All over the house sex ( i got bars.) Mad sex and Make up sex. I could go on. Sex with me so amazinggggg. (i was listening to this song while writing this one💀😫😫😫)
T - Trips
Who likes taking trips internationally?
Melo. He love to take you and a yearly or even monthly vacay. Just you and him. Turks and Caicos. Bora Bora. Jamaica. Iceland. Japan. Africa. Anywhere where you can get away from the world. The different places. The hotels. Being able to fuck anywhere and everywhere. The pools. The different air. (united states ait is so boring). The new food. The animals. You guys love the new places. He loves to see you happy and with a smile on your face.
U - U (Cant find a word, Tell me one and ill edit it.)
V - V (Cant find a word, Tell me one and ill edit it again.)
W - Right the Wrongs
Who rights their wrongs after an argument?
Usually it would be you first. If you said something that was out of pocket or melo didnt like you woukd quickly apologize. He would forgive you and still cuddle and kiss you and stuff because thats what he does. Tease you. But he would ignore you until he actually forgave you in his head. Melo would apologize and give you some bomb ass d for and apology. Or make that cute face that you can’t resist.
X - (Can’t find a word for X. Give me a suggestion and i will edit it)
Y - Young
Who acts like a Young ass child?
Both of you actually. That’s what makes you love each other the most. The laughs and jokes, the tv shows, everything you could think of. It’s nothing wrong with it at all. Y’all are always gonna bust a joke out at the right time. Maybe sometimes even the wrong time. (damn, double homicide). You guys love laughing with each other.
Z - ZZZ
Who has the worst sleeping habits?
Probably Melo. If you scooted over him even a little bit, he would probably scoot back closer to you or pull you back over to him. And the only con of that is he snores a lot. (Why this nigga snore with his mouth open?🤨💀). Sometimes if he was awake and you werent he would kiss all over you. He loves to lay on your 🍒.
Y’all welcome. I haven’t pose the one of these in a minute. This took me a whole month and a half. I’m tired as hell. 💀
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Big News
Pairing: Arthur Shelby x Reader
Requested by: anon
Prompts: ‘just shut up and kiss me’, ‘I’m pregnant’, ‘oh, god I need a drink’
Warnings: swearing, references to sex, pregnancy, references to pregnancy symptoms
“YN, you look like death warmed up,” Lizzie commented, taking a drag from her cigarette.
“Oh, cheers,” you replied sarcastically, running a hand over your face. “have you got any rouge or mascara or something?” Lizzie rooted around in her handbag and handed you her makeup pouch. You thanked her and began touching up your face with light makeup, hoping to bring a bit of life to it. Over the edge of the compact, you noticed Polly staring at you. “You alright, Pol? Have i smudged?”
Polly narrowed her eyes and stood up slowly. “Have you had a period lately, YN?” She asked and you frowned, racking your brains.
“Err... no... I put the last few months down to stress, you know, what with the boys fixing all the races down London- Jesus, Polly, what’re you doing? You’re worse than Arthur!” You exclaimed as Polly grabbed your breast gently. She held on for a moment before pulling away.
“You haven’t missed it because of stress,” she said plainly. “Congratulations, YN,”
You gaped at the two smiling women, your hands shaking ever so slightly. How on earth were you going to tell Arthur?
***
When arthur walked through the front door, he smiled gently. From the kitchen, he could hear the record player and smell you cooking dinner. He crept into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your cheek gently as you stirred the pot, humming to yourself.
“You’re lucky I smelt your aftershave,” you said gently, leaning back into him. “You would’ve ended up with boiling stew all over you,”
Arthur laughed gently, kissing your neck gently, reaching up to nibble on your ear, his fingers trailing over the buttons of your blouse. You giggled softly. “Oi, wait until after dinner before you even think of taking me upstairs,” you teased.
“just a quick one on the counter, eh, love?” Arthur smirked and you shook your head.
“No,” you laughed. “keep it in your trousers and go and lay the table,” Arthur laughed and kissed your cheek, before going to do so.
“You want me to open a bottle of that wine you like?” Arthur called. You hesitated, your stomach lurching at the thought. It seemed your pregnancy would put you off a few things. “YN?” Arthur called again.
“Uh... No thanks, love,” you replied, voice a little high pitched. “I think I’ll just have water,”
Moments later, you were sat across from arthur at your small dining table, eating your meal. “This is bloody good, YN,” Arthur said, squeezing your knee under the table. “You alright, YN?” He asked, leaning closer to you. “You’re awful quiet tonight,”
You set your spoon down and wrung your hands, trying to string together the right words as Arthur became more visibly worried. “I’m pregnant,” you blurted, looking to your lap as arthur collapsed back into his seat.
“Pregnant... fucking hell... I’m gonna be a dad... Oh, fuck, I need a drink,” he looked up at you, running both hands through his hair. “YN... what’s wrong? Aren’t... arent you happy?”
“Oh, Arthur!” You gasped, letting the tears slip out as relief washed over you. ‘I thought... I was scared... in case you didn’t want a baby and I just got so worried-”
“YN, just shut up and kiss me, you bloody amazing woman,” Arthur grinned, cupping your face and kissing you gently. “I love you so much, darlin’. I’m going to try my very best for you, alright? I’m going to be a good dad, I promise you,”
Tags: @lotsoffandomrecs @rai-strangebr @peakyswritings @zodiyack @haphazardhufflepuff @raccoon-is-my-spirit-animal @rabeccablake @eleven-times-lively @simonsbluee @wonderwoman292 @simonsbluee @lilymurphy03 @peakyxtommy @rogertaylorismycar @meaganjm @shadesofbarryallen @beth-winchester21 @inglourious-imagines @bonniesgoldengirl @little-bit-of-randomness @liliputbahn @ccosmic-illusion
#arthur shelby x you#arthur shelby fluff#arthur Shelby x reader#arthur Shelby x y/n#arthur shelby imagine#arthur Shelby#peaky blinders fluff#peaky blinders imagine#peaky blinders reader insert
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enhypen as baristas
maknae line x gn!reader (comedy, fluff, mild angst)
~1.2k words ea (headcanons)
warnings: cursing
a/n: i just wrote this for funsies, please be mindful that there is heavy swearing in these headcanons (particularly in ni-ki’s part), so if that isn’t your taste, perhaps skip this one! other than that, the rest of this is pretty chill, so i hope you enjoy my shitposting. oh, and lmk if you like this enough to want part two with the hyung line 👀 just maybe i’ll do it
sunoo
was only recently employed as an afternoon shift employee and was both shocked and distressed after discovering the cafe didnt have an instagram
“what do you MEAN you dont have instagram??? how do we post selfies???” “sunoo we sell coffee” “NO ONE WANTS COFFEE JUNGWON THEY WANT CUTE BARISTAS”
starts an instagram for the cafe and takes aesthetic pictures of his latte art
his selfies get way more likes though
speaking of his latte art, he masters the skill like a week in and everyone else is incredibly jealous
their jealousy wears off when jungwon tells him that he has to start training the new apprentices
pretends he forgot how to do it for like a week but it hurts his pride so he begrudgingly agrees to train the apprentices instead
in his free time he can be found snapping pictures around the shop, eventually expanding to taking pictures of the others too
“sunghoon stop moving you look cute and i need to take a photo” “sunoo im holding hot milk” “does it look like i care beauty is pain sweetie”
other than that, he sometimes sits in the booths to snack on muffins and do his homework since he only comes in to the shop for about an hour during his school lunch break and on the weekends
you meet sunoo after applying for an apprenticeship, wanting to get a job before you finish high school and start college
seen as though jungwon looks like the boss, you approach him, nervous for your first shift
“i’m here for the apprenticeship program?” “oh yeah! one second!”
he trots off to the back room, leaving you standing awkwardly in the middle of the cafe
“SUNOO GET OFF JAY YOU HAVE AN APPRENTICE TO TRAIN” “*gasp* YOU MADE ME SMUDGE HIS LIPSTICK I'M QUITTING” “NO YOURE NOT GET OUT THERE RIGHT NOW”
the yelling pauses before who you presume is sunoo stomps through the back room door, a scowl on his face
he spots you, groaning loudly “are you the apprentice?”
“yes” you say meekly, guilty for seeming to ruin his shift
he gestures you to follow him behind the counter, pulling an apron out from under the sink and shoving it to your chest
its clear that hes pissed, yanking his tools out from the cupboards as you tie your apron behind your back quietly
“have you made coffee before?” “only instant coffee” “oh fantastic”
he seems to be getting more irritated by the minute before he takes a deep breath and starts directing you around the machines
“to do the art, you angle the mug like this and draw with the milk, but it wont show until it reaches the top so dont go crazy”
as if its nothing, he demonstrates by drawing a perfect swan in the milk, setting the latte down and dusting his hands off
“wow… thats amazing” “i know right? no one here appreciates me enough” “they should! this is the best i’ve ever seen”
he grins at your compliment, nodding with satisfaction and sending a wave of relief over you as you notice he looks less angry with you now
“um… im sorry if i interrupted whatever you were doing before” “oh, that? i was just doing jay’s makeup” “you like makeup? me too! i’ve never seen a boy interested in it though, thats really cool” you smile genuinely at him as he blinks in surprise
“really? you think its cool?” “definitely!”
you watch the gears turn in his head before he smiles widely, seeming to have come to some kind of revelation as he nods
“i like you.”
your cheeks heat up immediately, but before you can say anything in return, he starts calling out for jungwon, leaning over the counter
“JUNGWOOON, CAN WE HAVE THIS ONE?”
“well thats up to them” he looks up from the table hes wiping down, adjusting his apron as he walks over to the counter
“so youre all finished with the course? i hope sunoo wasnt too much for you”
“i wasnt! anyways, youre employed, okay?” “sunoo stop theyre just an apprentice”
he groans loudly, irritated once more as he whips his head to you
“you have to work here, ok? i said so, so come back and apply or i’ll be mad!”
you laugh at his antics and smile “i’ll see what i can do”
after jungwon pries sunoo off of your arm, you return your apron and leave the shop with a wave
“YOU BETTER COME BACK!” is the last thing you hear as you step out onto the street, the bell ringing to signal your exit
a week later, you return to the shop, slightly anxious that your new friend(?) might have forgotten about you
but this is quickly washed away when you hear a high pitched squeal from the counter
“JUNGWON! HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET THE FORMS THEYRE HERE”
you laugh as you approach the counter, a teasing tone on your voice
“are you supposed to be talking to your boss like that?” “whats he gonna do? fire me? im the only one who can make coffee in this place” “true”
soon enough, jungwon comes out of his hiding place, his hands clasped together
“im really sorry to ask this but please, you have to work here, sunoo hasnt shut up about you all week and i dont know if i can stand him anymore, i’ll even pay you extra please dear god”
you give sunoo a look, only receiving an innocent smile and puppy eyes back
“sure, i’ll take the job!”
jungwon sighs in relief as sunoo begins jumping up and down, yelling something about having his own little baby to take care around the shop as you groan, covering your blushing face
once you have your hours established (sunoo made you take the same as all of his, but you did the nights instead of the afternoons on the weekends, to his displeasure), you get straight to working
… well, sort of
it was hard to get work done with sunoo pestering you around the clock
“you think im cute right?” “yes sunoo” “even though i have bags under my eyes? “yes sunoo” “you promise?” “yes sunoo” “good”
admittedly he is slightly of help when it comes to the more fiddly parts of making coffee, but every other second of the day he seems to be flirting nonstop
“can i kiss you?” “no” “why not” “sunoo we’ve been over this” “BEING AT WORK ISNT A VALID EXCUSE”
worn down after his incessant yelling all day, you find yourself snapping faster than usual
“we’re not even dating, sunoo! why would i kiss you!? just stop playing with my feelings already!”
for the first time since you’ve known him, sunoo goes quiet
“why not?”
“what are you talking about now sunoo?” “why arent we dating”
now its your turn to go quiet
“do you not like me?” “what? no, sunoo-” before you can reason with him, you watch him quickly rush away from you around the counter, slamming the break room door behind him with tears in his eyes
cursing to yourself, you ensure there are no customers to serve before quickly darting after him
after looking around a bit, you hear sniffling from the supply closet and knock on the door quietly
“sunoo?” “leave me alone!”
you sigh, taking a step back and turning on your heel to face the opposite direction, running a hand through your hair as you think
you spot a dog bed at your feet, suddenly remembering that jake usually keeps his dog supplies covered in dog hair in the closet
“sunoo arent you allergic to dogs?”
“... *sniffle* y-yeah”
after you persuade him to come out by mentioning that his face is going to get all puffy, he steps out, eyes glued to the floor as he looks away from you in shame
placing a hand on his shoulder, you speak to him softly
“sunoo, look at me”
he does, hesitantly, his eyes red and watery and, as you said, puffy and inflamed
despite this, you smile
“i do like you back”
his eyes start watering again, your heart skipping a beat in fear that you had said something wrong
“e-even if my face is all puffy and gross?” his voice wobbles, the tears filling his eyes giving him a sense of vulnerability as you sigh
“yes, even if your face is all puffy and gross”
he smiles at that, shutting his eyes cutely as you press a kiss to his cheek
“and theres your kiss”
he whines “i was supposed to do that!”
“you can do it after we finish work, okay?” “WORK STILL ISNT A VALID EXCUSE…. but maybe today just because i need to ice my face” “yeah you really should, can you even see?” “no not at all” “great”
jungwon
the previous manager left suddenly and jungwon was given a semi-forced promotion as he was the only employee with at least half of a brain cell
poor boy is stressed 24/7
doesnt get paid enough for this
“hey jungwon we ran out out of coffee bea-” “I ORDERED NEW ONES FOUR HOURS AGO NOW SHUT UP IM TRYING TO MAKE SURE THE BOSS DOESNT FIND JAKE’S DOG SHELTER IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET”
goes through hell every day just to make sure the others dont burn the cafe down
is supposed to be on the morning shift but he stays until the afternoon
in his rare moments of downtime, he likes to go around and water the hanging plants around the shop
is that one vine where the mom listens to nicki minaj for the first time and screams “no” over and over whenever ni-ki gets control of the cafe music
“RIKI NISHIMURA WHAT IS THAT ON THE SPEAKERS” “ITS OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR ARIANA GRANDE” “TURN IT OFF THIS IS NOT PG13” “SHUT THE FUCK UP GRANDPA”
is only 16 but acts like a 32-year-old father going through a midlife crisis
lifts boxes of supplies all day yet his joints are famously brittle
“hey jungwon did you hear glass shattering too?” “sorry jay that was my back” “you need to invest in physical therapy” “maybe if i wasnt paying for property damage every other week 😊”
you meet jungwon when you drop into the cafe for a croissant and a coffee before your class starts
usually you come at night maybe an hour before closing so you had never seen him before, but here you were watching this cute but clearly stressed boy scramble around the shop carrying boxes of supplies to the back
trying not to be creepy, you sigh, turning back to your phone after watching him for a solid five minutes straight
as you do, you hear a crash coming from what you assume is the supply closet followed by a disgruntled groan
pausing, looking around at the other customers typing away at their laptops and waiting for another staff member to go check on the boy, you stand up as you discern that he must be the only one working and hesitantly go to see if he’s okay
“hello? are you okay?” you peer through the door, your eyes widening at the sight of him rubbing his head with a wince on his features, supplies strewn around him at his feet and a box knocked over beside him
“ah… um, yes, i’m okay, sorry if i disturbed you with that noise…” he smiles bashfully, pulling himself back onto his feet
“do you need help with all of that stuff?”
he opens his mouth to protest, not wanting to have to ask for help from a customer, but after seeing the amount of crap off of the shelves, he realises that there is no way in hell he’s going to be able to clean all of it up alone before his shift ends
“um… is that okay?” his cheeks flush with embarrassment as you smile
“sure!”
over the next couple of hours you two establish a little system of bagging the spilt supplies and passes them to eachother to put in boxes, chatting never ceasing as you discover that you actually have a lot of things in common
“since you work here, what’s your favourite kind of coffee?” “i like lattes… i cant stand bitter things” “me too! my friend drinks espressos though” “ditch them”
you also find out that he started being homeschooled after becoming the manager as he doesnt have time to attend normal school
the both of you find yourselves laughing nonstop, having fun in eachother’s company
so much so that you end up late for school
“oh shit! i completely missed my first class”
guilty for making you late, he offers to take you
“i can take you?” “you drive?” “well….. not exactly”
once sunoo and ni-ki arrive to care for the shop, he takes you out to the car park, pulling a spare helmet out of his backpack and securing it on your head before giving your head a pat as he gets onto his scooter
“you look cute” “i look like a bug” “a cute bug”
once you get to school, face red after having to hold onto him the entire time, you hop off and pass him the helmet with a shy smile
“thanks for driving me” you mutter, brushing off imaginary dirt from your shirt as you do your best to avoid eye contact, your face still flushed and heart racing
is it possible to develop a crush on someone this quickly???
jungwon is so cute that he makes it possible, you surmise
“of course” he mirrors your nervous smile, a blush finding its way to his own cheeks
as you bow and spin on your heel to start walking inside, he stops you
“wait!”
“what is it?” you turn to him, your heart still thundering against your ribcage at the fond expression he has plastered on his features
“actually… can i pick you up? after school?”
when you pause, your face growing hotter and hotter, he begins to sputter
“i-i’m really sorry, its fine if not! that was way too forward, i just really like you and- oh god that was even more forward- um-” “okay” “yeah i’m sorry that was a stupid questio- wait, what?”
before he can say anything else, your smile widens
“i’ll see you later, okay? don’t be late!” you wave, skipping into the building with a fluffy feeling in your chest
with an awkward wave, jungwon watches you leave, his mouth wide open in shock before a grin replaces his expression
getting back into his seat, the lovestruck smile never leaving his face as he drives off, he begins to count down the minutes until he gets to see you again
ni-ki
works the afternoon shift
technically an apprentice but he gets paid and has been there forever so basically an employee at this point
or he would be if he ever actually made coffee
he sits with the work phone all morning and chooses the music
perpetually dancing to 7 rings by ariana grande (look up his cover. youre welcome in advance)
jungwon and jay scream at him to at least do the mopping to which he complies, but not without performing a whole ass concert with it
once they saw him twirl and dip the mop
eventually they just told him to go back to curating the music because he was scaring customers away and they were losing business
he was horrible at cleaning anyway
“hey jungwon i think i got window cleaner in your plant” “im firing you” “i dont even go here” “STOP QUOTING MEAN GIRLS AND FIX THE DAMAGE YOUVE CAUSED”
you meet ni-ki while youre drinking your coffee at a booth and he plays your favourite obscure indie song so you have to compliment his taste and get to talking
he plays your favourite songs whenever youre in the shop and audibly hisses at anyone who tries to change it
makes choreography to said songs at home and tries to impress you by casually belting it out by your booth
when you compliment his dancing and ask how long hes been practicing that choreography hes all like “oh hahaha it was just casual freestyle super easy peasy”
(hes been practicing for two weeks)
thought he was being super obvious by doing these things but apparently nOT because you have not caught the hint at all and hes getting impatient
asks for advice from the others begrudgingly
“give them flowers” “jay thats so boring” “do you want to use one of my dogs? everyone loves dogs” “wtf jake since when have you had more than one dog” “make them latte art with a heart on it” “sunoo ive literally never made a coffee in my life” “why dont you just ask them out like a normal perso-” “shut the fuck up grandpa thats so weird no one does that”
eventually he settles on sunoo’s idea of making you latte art and he embarks on his journey to make his first coffee
rather than focusing on the actual taste, sunoo tells him to just do whatever so that he can show him how to do the art
“why is it green ni-ki” “you said to do whatever” “and your first idea was to make poison? idk if this is the best idea if youre trying to ask this person out” “shut up and pass me the milk”
burns his hands on the steaming milk jug at least fifteen times and ends up with so many bandaids on his fingers
despite how stiff the bandages are on his hands, he eventually manages to make a sort-of legible heart
“it looks like africa” “have you ever had steamed milk poured on your eyes sunoo?”
poor ni-ki waits for you all day, his heart leaping every time the bell on the door rings only to roll his eyes when it isnt you
he even stays past his shift so youd better let him take you on a date or hes quitting
when you finally arrive he trips over the bucket at his feet he was using to clean and spills dirty water all over his pants
“omg ni-ki are you okay what happened” *five octaves higher* “NOTHING I'M COMPLETELY FINE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”
by the time he’s finished cleaning himself up (and by that i mean fixing his hair in the mirror for twenty minutes) he takes a deep breath and walks over to you, somewhat cold latte in hand
“um,” he clears his throat, his face growing red as he slides the mug towards you “i made this for you”
“aw thanks ni-ki! why is it green” “........its matcha?”
youre slightly suspicious but you look back to the mug and slowly realise that the “drawing” slightly resembles a heart, smiling a little bit to yourself
when you look back to him, youre a little confused as to why hes just standing there
“is something wrong?” you press the mug to your lips, taking a sip
“o-uh uh actually, i wanted to ask if… if you would uh maybe sort of go on a date with me”
you can only smile
“yes, but…”
his heart starts beating faster, watching you anxiously
you stand up, taking the notepad and pen from his apron pocket and scribbling your phone number
“only if you promise to learn how to make actual coffee” you wink, handing him the notepad and sauntering out of the shop
hes stood there dumbstruck, stars in his eyes at the slip of paper in his hand
but then he realises: he has a new mission
rushing to the back room, he slams the door open
“grandpa, i need you to teach me how to make coffee right now” “literally why do i pay you”
with your promise in mind, the others see him work more diligently at the counter than they ever have before
“wow youre actually working today?” “shut up i need to figure out how to do this butterfly before i pry my eyes out with a fork” “haha funny joke ni-” “did i stutter”
at the end of the week, he forces heeseung (the cafe’s best coffee maker) and sunoo (the cafe’s best latte artist) to judge his latte
“this is… surprisingly good” heeseung peers into the mug, smiling at the swan ni-ki created with the latte foam as sunoo grumbles “dont tell me im gonna have to start competing with this kid, it probably tastes gross” “it tastes amazing too” “im quitting”
with his coworkers’ notes in mind, he finally works up the nerve to send you a quick message telling you to come into the shop
when you arrive the next day, ni-ki greets you and immediately gets to work, making sure to stand as close as humanly possible to your booth so he can show off his newly acquired coffee making skills
with you only inches away, he does make a mistake and spill milk on his shirt after looking at you and not his hands for a second too long, but you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt when he sets the mug in front of you
“wow! this heart is perfect!”
you smile, looking up to him “did you seriously learn how to do latte art just so you could take me on a date?” “… y-yeah, and?”
you can only chuckle as you press the mug to your lips, readying yourself to drink liquid dirt…
“this is… really good!” you grin, taking another sip and putting the mug down on its saucer
“i think you’ve definitely earned yourself a date… or two”
at this news, ni-ki’s face lights up, shoving the urge to scream down his throat before nodding stiffly to try and contain his excitement with a strained “cool” escaping his lips
“are you okay ni-ki?” “yes just give me one second”
he quickly scrambles to the break room, a moment of silence wafting through the store before a shrill scream fills the air
eyes wide, you turn to jay, who had been manning the till, after hearing him burst into laughter
“what is he doing?”
“we told him the freezer was sound proof”
#grumbles i guess i will tag#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enhypen headcanons#kim sunoo#yang jungwon#nishimura riki#kim sunoo x reader#yang jungwon x reader#nishimura riki x reader
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Hello 🙂
Would you be willing to do a namgi fic (platonic or romantic) where Namjoon has a bad stomachache, but he has to push through an awards ceremony, performance and be a leader and all that jazz. Yoongi is trying to comfort him the whole time.
Take care of yourself.
A.N : my first namjoon fic !! eheh thank u for requesting :] this such a cute idea. I'm sorry this took a longgg time T.T I hope this does justice to your expectation .. :D
Ever since their debut, the end of the year—where most of the awards ceremony take time— is the scariest time in his life. It always brings more unnecessary anxiousness in his body rather than on daily basis. This year is no different .. or, if it's any different, he was more fucked up this time.
Namjoon knows he was fuck up when he feels full after few spoons of his dinner. He ate half of it before he pushed the bowl away, gaining a questioning look from his boyfriend, "You're not gonna finish it?", Yoongi asks. Namjoon huff as he gives a rub on his stomach, it genuinely feels tight, " Mhm, no. I'm full already". Yoongi frowns grown deeper, "But you barely eat anything since lunch though?"
"I know,", Namjoon brush his hair back with frustration, " I just, don't feel like it", he feels worse as time goes by, "let's finish up your food and go home hyung, I'm tired". Yoongi gives the latter one last curious look before back to his food. Being Namjoon's boyfriend for the last 2 years and his best friend for the last 8 years, making him know the younger by the back of his hand. He knows something is up with Namjoon, and his assumption proven right when Namjoon dozing off in the car back home. Namjoon can't handle silence in the car— at least there should be a radio, and now seeing him not protest or whine with the complete silence is making Yoongi more alerted.
When they arrived, Namjoon was moving so fast— it seems like he couldn't wait to curled himself to sleep, because Yoongi just finished parking the car and got into their room, he already greeted by Namjoon's figure curled under the blanket. Yoongi sighs before he retreats himself to the bathroom.
He scoots himself to his side of the bed, propped his head on his arms to support his body. He runs his fingers through the younger hair, knowing well that he's not sleeping —judging by how forced the closed eyes there. Yoongi whispers as his hand now move to graze the latter cheeks, "Joonie, hey, you're not sleeping, are you?"
Namjoon groans and turns his body so he could face the older. He wraps his hand around Yoongi's little waist, pushing the older closer so he could nuzzle his head further, "Mhm, can't". Yoongi's touch is so calming, Namjoon actually starts to dozing off as Yoongi plays with his hair, " Why? You look off after dinner". Then its silence between them, "You're sick, right?", Yoongi adds. Namjoon huff, he really can't hide anything from his boyfriend, " I can't say I'm sick .. like literally sick since it's only my stomach that hurts so bad. Maybe it's only dinner not agreeing with me hyung", Namjoon mustered a strained smile, "Lets just sleep hyung. I will feel better later. We got a long day tomorrow". Yoongi observes his boyfriend longer before giving up and groans, " Oh shit .. award shows. I hate that", Namjoon giggles, "Oh tell me about it hyung"
—
Yoongi eyeing his boyfriend that seated beside him, observing the younger through their mirror as the staff applying their makeup. They still have around 35 minutes before the red carpet starts. Yoongi could see how Namjoon getting worse as the second pass by, judging by how color has drained from his lips—making the makeup noona applying more lipbalm to conceal it— and how his hands never leaving his stomach. Yoongi turns his gaze to his mirror again, his hands slowly moving to reach Namjoon's and interlaced it. He grazes his thumbs over the latter palms. Yoongi could feel Namjoon's head turn to face him, before he turns back the squeeze.
The rest of the award show went like a blur for Namjoon. It feels like he is a robot that talks automatically once camera is on. Cheers to his 10 years of experience in interviews and red carpet, he successfully going through that one. The only thing left is enjoying the performance, accepting awards if they got some, and their performance.
Namjoon sighs in relief when he could see their seat. It still a few hours until their performance, at least he still could calm down his stomach that now feels worse after all the acts he pulled. He grabs the tissue on his suit pocket and crumpled it, absorbing cold sweats that starts making its way along with wave of cramps that shooting him on and off. He turns his head when he sees a commotion on his side with his peripheral sight, "Hyung? Arent your seat near Taehyung?", he asks when he sees Yoongi seated beside him, " I asked Jungkook to change"
"Why?"
"Dont you want to be near with me?", Yoongi asks back. Namjoon bites his inner cheeks, holding himself to sighs in joy and let out a stupid smile. Damn, he loves his boyfriend so much.
"I'm okay hyung", Namjoon says softly. He knows why Yoongi clings with him. He means, if the situation reversed where Yoongi needs to go through schedule after puking his guts out in the morning and complaining stomachache, he would cling to Yoongi too. "You're breaking cold sweats Namjoon-ah, and your hands are trembling", Yoongi says softly, worry is prominent in his voice. Namjoon widened his eyes, he forgot how observant his boyfriend is. " How bad is it?"
Namjoon bites his lower lips as he watched the performer on stage, "It feels like someone is squeezing wet towel inside me, hyung", Yoongi grazes his thumbs over the younger boy's palms, " Do you want to ask for medicine? We still have a long time here"
Namjoon shakes his head, "I think i still can handle this hyung. Don't worry"
But favor didn't work on Namjoon's side, since it's only been 30 minutes after he said with confidence "I can handle this" to his boyfriend now he's fighting with his iced americano that begging to come out. He squirms in his seat, trying to found a comfortable position that maybe could help to calm his bubbling stomach. The performer on the stage was just a mere figure that dancing and singing there, Namjoon's focus was already gone. He moves his position again as he let out a nauseated huff. He feels hot flush all over his body. He took a glance on Yoongi, hoping that his boyfriend catch how uncomfortable he's right now. and he's right.
"Joon-ah", Yoongi calls, his eyes filled with worry. Namjoon gulps down the liquid that was creeping on his throat, " Yoongi, i think i need to go to the bathroom for a minute"
"Let me go with you", Yoongi already lifts his body before Namjoon push him back softly, " No", Namjoon hushed, "Fans might be worried if there are a lot of us that gone. I will go alone"
"Are you sure you will be okay?"
Namjoon shuts his eyes closed and nods, "I will be back", he says before walking down through artist seats. When he couldn't hear more noise from the stage and entering the hallway with fewer people, he speeds up his legs and burst the stall door—he's lucky no one is there— when he sees one. The next thing he knows his body takes over as dark brown watery liquid rushing through his mouth and splashes to the water below. He gasps a quick air as his stomach cramps again, bringing another round of warm liquid out of his body. He keeps pouring wave after wave. His body bent further following the motion of his cramped stomach. He is almost sure if it's not because of his hand holding on the wall and the toilet tightly, he already falls over. Namjoon sniffles after the wave tapered down and only bitter bile spurting out. Terrible is beyond an understatement. He leaned to the wall as his body almost give up—if he didn't remember the stylist noona nagging that he will get if he stained his suit. Namjoon rubs his stomach, he already feels empty, but it still sloshing and twisting. He bites his lips as tears escaped his eyes. He needs Yoongi.
"Joon-ah?", Namjoon eyes widened. His cloudy brain tries to figure whose voice is that, but failed. "Joon? Are you here?"
Oh. Its Yoongi. Namjoon gulped down the lump in his throat before weakly answered, "Here"
The stall door opened, showing his tiny boyfriend figure, "How are you feeling?", Yoongi softly says as he makes his way to the stall. He flushed the toilet and guided the younger body to his, " 'm feeling terrible, hyung"
Yoongi rubs his back, "I know. Do you want to just rest in the dressing room? There's no way you could perform and all, Joon-ah", Yoongi leaner back a bit so he could see his boyfriend's face, but to no avail, as the younger nuzzled his head deeper on him, " I cant hyung," Namjoon mumbled, "I'm the leader. and if i suddenly disappear, fans will be worried. Everything will be a mess"
Yoongi sighs, he knows there's no way he could convince the younger if he already made up his mind, "Ok but let's ask staff for medicine first. I don't want you to go back there with an empty stomach and no medicine in your body", Namjoon weakly nods before he rinses his mouth and gets dragged by his boyfriend to do whatever he wants him to do.
—
The rest of the award shows goes well. Namjoon managed to give 2 speeches for the awards they received, and the rest of it, the members gratefully backing him up for speaking. Yoongi never left his side during the whole event, gently squeezing his hand every time Namjoon tightens his grip whenever cramps hit him, and rubbing his palm softly whenever he sees Namjoon start being jittery and can't stop gulping down sick. Short to say, he's couldn't ask for a better Yoongi. Namjoon also needs to give applause to his body that still manages to jump, run, and practically— function normally during their performance. It feels like his body understands his duty as he was fine the whole performance, even until closing, and just give up when the time they entered the dorm—as he bolts from the car and runs to throw himself to the toilet for another harsh round of puking his guts out.
"I was wondering how you suddenly manage to act fine the whole time .. it seems like your body is already set up as an idol, hm?", Yoongi murmured as his hand rubbing Namjoon's arched back that still contracts, sending whatever remains from the younger stomach to go out. Namjoon leaned back when he managed to stop dry heaving, his hand shakily wipes his mouth and his nose before he chuckles weakly, " I guess that's the perks of 10 years idol?"
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hey frienderbender is it ok to ask for some lore/information on your magpickles 🥺 I’m very invested in those goods ( off the topic but can I just say I am in LOVE with the way you draw Skwisgaar my heart is just fluttering to fast when I see him 🥺💞 Anyways muah you’re wonderful artist thank you have a lovely day/evening )
oh sure! first off thank you so much for the sweet message! that made my night :'] i love drawing skwisgaar and im glad you like how he looks in my style haha
anyways im assuming youre talking about my general lore for them in the canon timeline, so ill talk about that under the cut
i think they first met some time in the late 80s while pickles was still with snb. they met after a show specifically. magnus introduced himself as a fan, and that was true! but (quick tangent for some general mag thoughts) it brings up something that ive always thought about when i look at mag. magnus definitely gives off the vibe of being the guy who was always just Around in the music scene, especially in the rock and metal scene of this era. like, hes a mysterious dude but he has connections. he will play with random bands sometimes. he knows so many fucking people in this industry (not saying hes friends with all of them though); what im trying to say is. Everyone Has A Magnus Hammersmith Story. hes the type of guy that gets talked about in podcasts decades down the line. ok all that to say he was able to get backstage because he just Knows People. and he introduces himself as a fan blah blah pickles and magnus drink and do some drugs and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if they at the very least made out with each other the first night they met.
so pickles is like, pretty into him right off the bat. magnus was too, but i think on his end INITIALLY he was more just interested in hooking up but they exchange info and keep in touch and all that. so. this is RIGHT before snb implodes. and theyre still meeting up fairly regularly and becoming closer and doing a lot of drugs and drinking a bunch. typical rockstar stuff.
but pickles had been on a steady downward spiral at this point (he was already like this before he met magnus), and in one night snb is no more. having burned all those bridges in his band (for now), pickles turns to his only friend left: magnus. and i think its at this point, when pickles comes to him, wrecked by the dissolution of his band, that magnus kinda starts to realize he might actually feel something for him too? seeing him like this, seeing pickles from fucking snakes n barrels, so raw and real and not at all like the fiery redhead he met that night after their show...it just feels different somehow. like yeah he was attracted to pickles from snakes n barrels, but he realized he had grown to care about pickles from tomahawk wisconsin. he liked that one better, there was no bullshit. no hiding beneath layers of glam makeup and hairspray.
so its the two of them against the world. its the early 90s at this point. on a whim, pickles decides they should leave LA and just drive. wherever. just away from the city because LA fucking sucks. he takes all his money and he and magnus get in his car and just start driving. they end up in florida eventually, because its the other side of the country. or something. they get an apartment, and for a couple of months they live together and its. kinda nice. its different, for sure. but not bad. magnus and pickles both always kinda skirted around the topic of their relationship. they never called the other their boyfriend. but i feel strongly that they did tell each other that they loved the other, once. and they meant it.
so heres where things get tricky for me. how did dethklok form? what was the order? who met who first? i dont know!! i wish i knew! its something i have a million scenarios for and i wish we got a canon order of the members joining at the very least so i can model my headcanons around it haha
with that in mind though, i do think magnus and pickles were a bit of a package deal. like, whoever joined first was able to get the other in. so. yeah. they joined dethklok some time in the early to mid 90s now.
they have a pretty decent few years. theyre still.......something....even in their new band. like they arent open about it and hook up when the other guys arent around and all that.
its around this time though that i think magnus is really starting to go through it. combination of feeling frustrated because of the bands status at this point, general untreated mental health, etc. anyways i think the stabbing incident occurred some time in the mid 90s, probably like '95 or '96 or something. so.....he gets kicked out. obviously. and those are the terms they end on for awhile.........
but uh. you see. pickles never completely cut ties with the dude because. well. what do you do when this happens to someone you care so deeply about. and i think probably a month or so later, magnus actually contacts him for the first time since the stabbing incident. and maybe i have a comic script and thumbnails about this encounter what about it. magnus tells him he wants to see him, so pickles slips out that night to meet up at an old bar they used to go to a lot. may or may not be the depths of humanity uhhh anyway. theyre talking for awhile but it just kinda devolves into honestly more one-sided arguing on pickles end. hes frustrated and sad and confused because fuck! magnus! why would you do that? why, when the bands just starting to take off? it becomes this whole like. you arent the same guy i knew. and in that moment it quietly hits them both that like. we arent who we were, and we dont know what to do about that. magnus asks if pickles would want to join him and leave the band, and pickles tells him to go fuck himself. and thats the last thing he ever said to him.
and thats where the magpickles lore/relationship timeline ends. i realize it really did kinda turn into a timeline but also i did write a timeline during a slow day at work once like two months ago but. anyways. this is basically that.
but uh. yes. i love them. they make me sad but in a good way yknow. its like. its one of those situations where i feel like under different circumstances, they probably couldve made it work in their own weird way. they have such a specific dynamic, whether in their background together in the canon timeline or just me fucking around with AUs and being like hmm what if i actually gave them a scenario where they could have the time to develop AS an actual couple. im rambling but i just love these two so much. this is so long.
i feel strongly they wouldnt get back together in any sort of canon capacity, but i do think they still have feelings for each other in that way you do when you remember people you loved in the past. old friendships that dissolved with no resolution. the person you still have things you want to tell them, even though you know you will never get the chance.
#IM SO SORRY THIS IS MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE#asks#dicksoutformtl#IF YOU WANT. AU LORE. just lemme know and i will happily talk about that!
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Can you rec some fics series with good smut
Hi, hello! I’m ssooo sorrryyyy it took me foreeverrrr to reply to this. i don’t even know if the person who sent this ask still follows me lolol
I’m particular with my smuts and I know everyone has different tastes when it comes to that so hopefully these are to your liking!
As always I’ll first recommend stories I’ve read and then stories that I’ve yet to read. ^^ …also…just a warning. I have so many smutty series on my to read that I couldn’t just not rec them only because I hadn’t read it yet ssooo…
enjoy this v e e e r r y y long list of smutty fic recs lol (many of these writers have other smutty series too so check out their masterlists!^^)
Note: some of these fics have very flawed characters and may present potentially triggering content. Please review the author’s warnings/notes before you start the series just in case there’s something you’d rather not read.
Link to my other smut fic compilation
⚜ Accelerate by @dreamscript
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
Summary: There’s a new racer in town; he’s incredibly rich, hot, and talented. And you can’t stop staring.
⚜ A Detrimental Passion by @btspornfavor
Seokjin x Reader
discontinued series | 4 parts
Summary: Waking up next to a beautiful blonde boy would be any girls dream… But for a grown, soon to be divorced woman, its all but… Until he reminds you why you should allow yourself back into the dream.
Note: while this series may be discontinued, I still want to share it with you all. I know a lot of people run from incomplete series but please give this (and all other series) a chance ^^
⚜ A Friendly Favour by @baeseoul
Taehyung x Reader
complete series | twoshot
Summary: Your virgin friend asks a big favor from you: have sex with him to prepare him for his future love-making session with his new girlfriend.
⚜ All Too Well by @cupofteaguk
Yoongi x Reader
complete series | 10 parts + epilogue
Summary: You and Yoongi shared a loving relationship with one another until you both agreed to end things and pursue your separate careers. But two years later, Yoongi is a member of the ever growing Bangtan Boys, and you are a new makeup artist for their upcoming tour.
⚜ Bad by @thelillzmonster
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 9 parts so far
Summary: He was the cliché bad boy. He was the guy you couldn’t stand. He was the handsome, hot kid who made girls go weak in the knees. He was a brat. You had never liked him one bit, but you had also never gotten involved with anything concerning him. Until one day, when you were in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
⚜ Banter by @littlemisskookie
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | twoshot
Summary: Ironically, some of your best moments are with your archnemesis, the man who you literally fight every other day. But the two of you might be closer than you originally thought.
⚜ Bunbun by @jungkookienoona
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | twoshot + epilogue
Summary: You found an abandoned bunny hybrid on the streets and took it upon yourself to care for him.
⚜ Bunny Boy by @parkmuse
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 5 parts
Summary: Catching feelings for your sisters friend wasn’t part of your plan.
⚜ By Your Side by @sodoyouknowbts
Seokjin x Reader
complete series | 10 part + 1 extra
Summary: Jin is somewhat arrogant, overly confident and a tease. All the things you find infuriating in a man and he also happens to be your roommate. It’s a wonder how you two can live together without killing each other…but it’s not like you’re anything more than friends. Right?
⚜ Camellia by @kinktae
Taehyung x Reader
complete series | twoshot
Summary: Y/N is a strong-willed herbalist who knows exactly what she wants; she also happens to make some really good tea. Taehyung is a kind but rebellious prince who doesn’t really know what he wants but he knows that the commoner girl who makes fantastic tea can’t be this damn cute.
⚜ Dogboys by @imaginethisbts
Taehyung x Reader x Jungkook
complete series | 4 parts
Summary: Jungkook has only ever thought of his breeding clients as just that - clients, and he’s always quite indifferent to them since he only ever knows them for a short period of time. But then you come along, and he starts experiencing feelings that aren’t being manipulated by your heat. Real feelings, that he has never harbored before with anyone else.
⚜ Don’t Care If It Hurts by @hollyhomburg
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 12 parts + 1 extra
Summary: After a rival gang makes an attempt on your life, Your older brother, the infamous leader of Seoul’s largest gang; Kim Namjoon, gets you a guard hybrid; Park Jimin, The reigning champion of Seoul’s underground hybrid fighting ring.
⚜ Drug Wars by @plumblackjeon
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 5 parts
Summary: “She’s a babygirl Yoongi, and I think I’m in love with her.”
⚜ Forbidden by @btssmutgalore
Hoseok x Reader
complete series | 5 parts
Summary: Hoseok is your brother’s best friend.
⚜ Guarded Hearts by @gardentulips
Hoseok x Reader
complete series | 8 parts + epilogue + 2 extras
Summary: Your daughter’s dance teacher is always so kind both to you and your daughter.
⚜ I’m Sick by @kpopnlockit
Seokjin x Reader
complete series | 3 parts + epilogue
Summary: You work under the devilishly charming and handsome Dr. Kim.
⚜ I’m Not A Kid by @drquinzelharleen
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
Summary: Your boss’s son will not stop trying to get a date with you.
⚜ Inheritance by @jincherie
Yoongi x Reader
complete series | 7 parts
Summary: After your grandmother passed she left everything to you. Her house, her fortune, and apparently… her cat? The grumpy male hybrid you encounter at her house is anything but the tame housecat you’d expected to find. Fulfilling your grandmother’s last request to look after him becomes a lot harder when he seems to be avoiding you, and your dissatisfied relatives start stirring up trouble.
Note: ok, I debated whether or not I should add this since the smut is really only at the very end. but I just love this series way way too much and the build up of it all makes the smutty so worth it. trust me.
⚜ In Motion by @yoonia
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 8 parts so far + 1 extra
Summary: The rule is simple; you can look but you can’t touch. You’ve been attending the event for a few times but it was only when a certain boy arrives on one occasion did you feel the fire of lust burning inside.
⚜ Just Friends by @kinktae
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
Summary: Jeon Jungkook was many things. He was an asshole, a tease, and kind of an inconsiderate roommate. But most of all, he’s your best friend, and has been since you were 10. When he suddenly confesses his attraction to you and proposes sleeping together, you are smart enough to turn him down. You knew Jungkook; you knew how he moved from one girl to the next. You, too, were many things, but just another notch in Jungkook’s belt was something you’d never be.
⚜ Like Real People Do by @failaise
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 4 parts
Summary: The feelings for your friends with benefits are changing. Months pass, and you feel your gut telling you that you want more. You’re just not sure if he feels the same.
Note: link to part 4
⚜ Lust And Errors by @imaginethisbts
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 5 parts so far
Summary: Step brother, fuck buddy… They were one and the same now. But what started out as some mindless fucking game, quickly turns into something much more difficult and complex.
⚜ Miss Dial by @versigny
Yoongi x Reader
ongoing series | 8 parts so far
Summary: [11:31] You: okay so i’m texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting yoongi and telling him how badly i want his cock tonight. Arent you proud? [11:32] unknown number: this is yoongi, hi
⚜ Monster by @neonlights92
Taehyung x Reader
complete series | 5 parts + epilogue
Summary: You live in a world dominated by monsters. Monsters who make it their life’s work to control everything around them. When you’re forced to marry Kim Taehyung - the indecipherable son of the leader of Bangtan, Seoul’s most feared gang - you are at first afraid of him. But as you learn what it means to be Taehyung’s wife you find yourself inexplicably drawn to him.
Note: the writer has also written for the other members in the same AU if you’re interested to read more ^^
⚜ No Strings by @kpopfanfictrash
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 10 parts + 4 extras
Summary: It started off as such a simple question. How do you find out if you’re bad in bed? Of course when you asked, you didn’t imagine Jimin would actually want to answer.
⚜ Off Limits by @floralseokjin
Seokjin x Reader
complete series | 8 parts
Summary: You’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…
⚜ Piece by Piece by @underthejoon
Hoseok x Reader x Seokjin
complete series | 15 parts + 2 extras
Summary: A collection of drabbles where your love life is muddied up by two men – the one you love and the one that loves you.
⚜ Please Be Naked by @floralseokjin
Yoongi x Reader
complete series | 8 parts + 8 extras
Summary: You find it’s easy to become addicted to a distraction…
⚜ Sin City by @btssmutgalore
Jimin x Reader
ongoing series | 15 parts so far
Summary: After a run of bad luck, you can go back home and admit defeat or step out of your comfort zone and look for a job at Sin City.
⚜ Something In The Way by @tayegi
Namjoon x Reader
ongoing series | 2 parts so far
Summary: When your student debts stack up too high, you decide to apply for a position to take care of Kim Namjoon’s heat for three days…
⚜ Stealing The Bite by @wildernessuntothemselves
Taehyung & Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 6 parts
Summary: In a world populated by the supernatural, witches were the most despised and mistrusted of creatures. Everyone desired to make use of their powers but no one was willing to be seen openly conferring with them. And so there came to pass a heinous practice: Small covens of witches were isolated and kept under wraps in every kingdom, to be utilized when needed, and kept under close watch to prevent them from rebelling. Growing up in a kingdom ruled by werewolves, abuse and scorn were a fact of life, but you were determined to put an end to it. You devised a devious plan to gain power, and it involved a certain prince.
⚜ Talk by @httpjeon
Yoongi x Reader
complete series | twoshot
Summary: You find out your best friend, Yoongi, is really good at phone sex.
⚜ The Equation Of Love by @kookingtae
Yoongi x Reader
ongoing series | 9 parts so far
Summary: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.
⚜ Transference by @dark-muse-iris
Hoseok x Reader
complete series | 9 parts + epilogue
Summary: During a routine visit to the local bakery, you stumble upon an intriguing business card and figure, what the hell.
⚜ View From 4-B by @gardentulips
Hoseok x Reader
complete series | 7 parts
Summary: You teasing Hoseok didn’t stop after the night you shared together. In fact, it only encouraged you to continue your game of performing sinful acts with your curtains wide open, displaying your body to him to have him aching in his jeans. Except now, he’s more than aware of the temptation and he knows just how much you enjoy him watching you.
⚜ White Lilies by @plumblackjeon
Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung
ongoing series | 2 parts so far
Summary: People were attracted to sorrow, especially when it looked as good as Jungkook.
⚜ Zodiac by @joonbird
Namjoon x Reader x BTS
ongoing series | 2 parts so far
Summary: Not human, not animal. Caught in between these shifting worlds, the Zodiac hybrids are cursed by the animals of the zodiac.
⊱ Angel in The Darkness by @icyhobi
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 11 parts
⊱ Babydoll by @jungcock
Yoongi x Reader
complete series | twoshot
⊱ Behind The Lens by @gardentulips
Namjoon x Reader
complete series | 2 parts + 1 extra
⊱ Carpe Diem by fringesofsanity
Yoongi x Reader
complete series | 7 parts
⊱ Chained To You by @addicktjimin
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
⊱ Dive by @guktwt
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 2 parts so far + 7+ extras
⊱ Ego by @suga-kookiemonster
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 6 parts so far
⊱ For Science by @boymeetsweevil
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 7 parts
⊱ Handyman by @drquinzelharleen
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 5 parts
⊱ Heartbeat by @joonbird
Hoseok x Reader
ongoing series | 9 parts
⊱ Instant Gratification by @dovechim
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
⊱ Like Cats and Dogs by @the95liner
Jungkook x Jimin
ongoing series | 1 part so far
⊱ Love is a Dog from Hell by firecracker_chalk
Yoongi x Reader
ongoing series | 9 parts so far
⊱ one good purr (deserves another) by @jinpire
Taehyung x Reader
complete series | 4 parts
⊱ Piercings by @personawife
Namjoon x Reader
complete series | twoshot
⊱ Passionfruit by @joonbird
Namjoon x Reader
complete series | 4 parts
⊱ Plums & Melons by @winetae
Jimin x Reader
complete series | twoshot
⊱ Serendipity by @rohobi
Jungkook x Reader
complete series | 9 parts + epilogue
⊱ Shutter & Shiver by @pac-mang
Jimin x Reader
complete series | twoshot
⊱ The Proposal by @chimmy-joos
Jimin x Reader
ongoing series | 5 parts so far
⊱ Two Rotten Apples by @chickenkooks
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 4 parts so far
⊱ Until Next Time by @taeverie
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
⊱ Watch Me Watch You by @the95liner
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
⊱ Wishbone by @dovechim
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 3 parts
Note: links to two & three
⊱ Yes Mr. Park by @softjeon
Jimin x Reader
complete series | 8 parts
⊱ Yellow Calf by @cherrynochu
Jungkook x Reader
ongoing series | 3 parts so far
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How did you become a trans terf? This is really interesting!
Thank you for this question because I can now delay watching my lectures for like 30 min.
I got tumblr my freshman year, started my deep dive into the realm of tumblr’s lgbtqianpd+++ stuff. I did a bunch of ace discourse as an “inclusionist” then as an “exclusionist”, started iding as nonbinary demiboy, ace/aro, he/they, got a binder i think during the winter of my sophomore year and came out to a couple friends as nb. Went more towards ftm. Started dating my current boyfriend winter of my junior year, told him I was id’ing as ftm (he’s bisexual, didn’t matter) and the rest of my friends, changed my name and pronouns socially. Start of my senior year I told my family and had them change pronouns and name as well. My bday is in October, so turned 18 and was going to start testosterone.
By the winter of that year however, I had been hate-reading a lot of “terf” blogs. And what I found was that I could not argue against what they were saying. I was experiencing a lot of cognitive dissonance about it all, repeating the same mantras but knowing they didn’t quite add up.
Specifically about: If sexuality is based on an internal sense of gender, how can you be attracted to anyone until they tell you what gender they are? If a lesbian sees a woman and she says “i’m ftm” does that mean the lesbian is now a bisexual because they were “attracted to a man” or is a switch supposed to flip and they stop being attracted? If sexism is based on “being perceived as a woman/passing as a woman” then why do butches who pass as men still experience sexism? If being gay is about “being perceived as gay in society” then wouldn’t that make all the homosexual couples historically who passed as hetero for safety suddenly become actual literal heteros? If transmen have male privilege, why are they not represented in politics, are targetted for sexual abuse by straight men, and need access to abortion just like women do? If transwomen don’t have male privilege, why are they the main voices of the movement? They can reap all the benefits of a male life for 50 years, and then suddenly none of that mattered? If me and my boyfriend’s relationship is “gay” now that i id’d as ftm, how come we could legally get married and adopt in any country in the world? I was raised being told I Should like and date men, I never once believed my attraction to men was a sin, and gay men experience the Exact Opposite, so how could we both possibly be gay men? Why do transwomen have male patterns of violence? Why have I only ever heard of stories of transwomen abusing transmen, and not the other way around? Is it possible to only be attracted to the same sex? To say no is to say that it’s possible for all women to like dick, which is obviously fucked up. What is so different about a man and a transwoman that means a lesbian is supposed ot like the latter? Why can’t anybody define women? first woman, then female, then afab, the goalpost kept moving. What is there to being a woman besides being female, isn’t all that extra stuff just stereotypes? When my sister is distressed with her body and denied herself food, or I cut myself, that’s a bad thing because it hurts your body, but hrt and a mastectomy hurt your body, they even risk killing you, but that’s okay? I took a sociology class and it’s clear socialization effects behavior - but somehow magically trans people grow up uneffected by it? If socialization can influence women to wear makeup, dress, and act in specific ways that arent’ innate, and cause higher rates of eating disorders, couldn’t it effect dysphoria as well?
And so much more!!!
And that’s only on the trans side - I also had my eyes opened to the horrors of pornography and prostitution, the rates of domestic violence, and all the other terrible sex-based oppression that women are subjected to globally. There is so much more to being a radfem than the trans issues too.
So for two years (winter of my senior year to winter of my college’s high school year) I decided not to transition. I engaged with radfem tumblr and talked about all these things with my female friends in person as well, it was like getting a huge weight off my shoulders too. And it really did help lessen my dysphoria to an extent. I came up with a long list of coping mechanisms to employ for dysphoria as well.
But by this february, I was just so tired of that. I still supported everything I say about radical feminism, about sex based oppression, protecting homosexuals, and the dangers of medical transition. But dysphoria is just this constant painful presence day in and day out, and I pursued medical transition in february. I applaud every woman who chooses not to transition, and ultimately view transitioning as giving in, because I can no longer be a role model to young dysphoric women, who shows them that you don’t need to transition.
At this point, I love my body more than ever and I can’t imagine regretting these changes really. I will miss connecting with women the way I used to, especially as a woman in science, but the women in my life from before transition will always see me as one of them still, and I appreciate that.
The way I see it, words don’t hurt me at all, they are immaterial, and as a scientist I value coherent definitions, and I understand the realities of sex. So my goal with transition is to pass as male in society and to alter the parts of my body that bring me distress - I know i’m not literally male. And I think all trans people need to get to the point where they understand that, it really helps mentally.
And I’ll always think, maybe if i had different friends (half of my friends understand, half think i am or would think i am an evil terf) or was dating a woman instead of a man (i’m bisexual, thought i was hetero in highschool (but called myself a gay man lmao), and dating someone with the same body seems like a big deal in handling dysphoria), if i tried harder with my coping mechanisms, if I saw a therapist who understood all this and didn’t just encourage me to do whatever I wanted, maybe i wouldn’t be transitioning. But I’m happy now, so that’s what I focus on as mattering to me, and that’s what I want to pursue.
I do caution others from doing the same though.
Also tangent at the end here, I call myself “trans” because I’m medically transitioned. To me, “cis v trans” makes no sense and is sexist. But “dysphoric vs not dysphoric” or “medically transitioned vs not medically transitioned” make more sense to me.
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Nick Close had never been a very fantastic child. That much was very obvious. Granted, most of the dumb and illegal shit they did was for their fathers attention (however rarely that option actually worked), but it was still dumb and illegal shit.
Tonight was not one of those dumb and illegal nights, however; tonight was still a night Glenn Close could never find out about. Nick prayed he'd never find out about.
Nick had always been closed off from their father. How couldn't they be? When they were little, it was always Nick and Momma at home, while Daddy was on tour or doing shows. Glenn only started being home once in awhile when Mom died. And yes, Nick calls him Glenn. Glenn was never... He was never 'Dad.'
And this, this was certainly one of the things Nick kept tightly closed off from their father. That thing being one of the biggest secrets Nick may ever keep; their gender.
Nick didn't *mind* to be a 'he,' don't get them wrong. Some days, they really enjoyed being a 'he.' But today? Today... Nick was a she. And she couldn't deny that. Some days she felt so fucking confident in her body, like she could throw on a baggy t-shirt and slightly too-big pants with a beanie and fight god. Others, her body felt like someone else's and she wanted to rip her skin off and start over. Dress like those beautiful alternative women she saw on TikTok. With the demonias, fishnets, skirts, ripped up shirts, messy hair. God, some days she didn't know if she wanted to be them, or be with them.
Tonight, she definitely wanted to be them.
She had done up her makeup in the most extravagant way she knew how, eyeliner to the gods. Fishnets under a faux-leather, checkered print pencil skirt she found thrifting with Grant a few days ago. She had one a torn up old t-shirt she'd cut into a croptop and not to mention her Docs. She felt like she could fight god with her chain belts and dramatic jewelry.
Nick knows Glenn would never care if he knew his 'son' sometimes felt more like his daughter, but she wasn't ready to give him that kind of trust. Grant? Grant got that kind of trust. Henry got that kind of trust. The twins got that kind of trust. But not Glenn. Glenn hasn't proved he'd deserved that yet.
And maybe Nick didn't want to take the time to explain why Grant sometimes called her Nickie beyond "Its just a nickname, Glenn."
And she was okay with that. She knew that she wasn't ready. Maybe she'd never be 'ready,' and Glenn wasnt in her life enough for it to matter.
...
Why'd the front door just open? Why is Nick hearing a car lock? Why is the front door opening? Glenn's not supposed to be home from tour until tomorrow. And here Nick is, in the living room. Looking like a pretty well passing woman. She had learned plenty of tricks over her last two years of presenting feminine some days. The lanky, stickman build the had was the one thing Glenn had given to her that she was thankful for.
But the genetics of Glenn Close that were gifted to his child were not the problem at hand. The problem at hand is that *Glenn's home.*
Glenn's home. Glenn's home, and Nick is not in her Glenn Mode. She's vulnerable. Vulnerable to a lot of questions she doesn't want to answer tonight. Doesn't want to have to explain where all this women's clothing came from, nor why she's dressed as one. It can't pass as drag, but she's obviously not in drag makeup. Fuck. Fuck it all. Fuck her life and her shitty decision making skills. Fuck Glenn for never communicating his plans. And fuck the stunned way he's staring at her now.
The awkwardness of the room was palpable at this point. Nick felt like a deer in headlights. Nick felt like melting into the floor and disappearing from the world. Nick felt like her whole world was about to collapse in on itself. What if Glenn hated her, what if he didn't want her to act like this or be this person, what if-
"Well, don't you look nice. Got a date or something, kid?"
Thats... That's not what Glenn was supposed to say. That's not what he's supposed to say! He's supposed to be upset or revolted or-
"I- I uh..." No. No don't cry. Fuck. Why are you crying, Nicholas? Nicole? Fuck what even if your name right now?
Glenn's here. It should be Nicholas. That's your name when you're a boy. But its a girl day. You want to be Nicole today. Glenn is here, and you're Nicole right now. And Glenn is here. And you're Nicole. And Glenn-
She heard a bag drop on the ground and footsteps come toward her. She stepped back and tried hide behind her arms. No words. She can't speak.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
She remembers the time she went to school in feminine clothes and a couple of guys almost jumped her, before Lark pulled a knife on them and got them both suspended.
Hands grab onto her shoulders, a gentle hold. She can feel the calluses on Glenn's fingers from his guitar. When was the last time he held her?
Her knees feel like jello. She remembers when she started posting on her second TikTok, open about her gender and pronouns because she didn't have to keep up a cisgender face when her dad didn't have the account. And how transphobes sent her deaththreats until she blocked all those words from her comments and the DMs got disabled.
She's a few inches taller than Glenn in her platform Docs. Which she realizes when he pulls her into a gentle hug. She feels makeup running on her face. And she's crying. Why is she crying?
She remembers being ten years old standing at moms grave, standing next to Glenn. Just after the burial. It was the first time she'd seen him cry.
Her chin's on his shoulder now, his arms around her upper torso and holding her against him. She realizes she's shaking. That he's just holding her. He's holding her. Daddy's home.. He's giving her a hug...
She remembers the last time Glenn had hugged her. At Mom's funeral. She was sobbing at her grave, and so was Dad. He pulled her into him and held her so tight. So tight she thought he'd crush her. But he just held, like she was the entire world. Like if he let go he'd loose her to. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hid her face in the mix of long hair and his suit jacket. He felt like her whole world in that moment, too.
Nickie brings herself back to what's happening. Glenn's holding her, her arms are awkward resting on his back, He's clutching her by the shoulders. She remembers these hugs. The hugs that he used to give her every time he left and came home. The ones he gives where every second of it is embued with love. It felt like that now.
She could tell he loved her. But those words felt like lies in her head.
Lies. Lies. Lies. So many lies. So so many lies.
"I'll be home by nine, Nick." It was a lie, Glenn didn't come home for three more days. "I promise I'll be home on your birthday." He wasn't. "I'll be there." He wasn't. "I'll make it, promise." He didn't. Everytime. Everytime, where Glenn shouldve been, it was Mom. And when Mom died, it was Henry. Or Ron. Or Darryl.
But he's here. Right now. And he's holding her. It doesn't make it okay, it doesn't excuse it. But he's holding her. Her knees go weak, and she crumbles. He crumbles with her.
She sobs, he doesn't force her to say anything. She doesn't return his hug, he doesn't expect her to.
"You're supposed to be mad." Nick mumbled after she doesnt remember how long. Glenn gives a light chuckle and adjusts his grip on her.
"And why would I be?" He asked, not protesting as Nick shoved him off and shuffled back a few inches. It felt weird to be so close to him after sixteens years of so much distance.
"Why wouldn't you be?" She spat, crossing her arms and staring at the ground. "Nick's fucked up again. That's my whole brand! Being a total and absolute fuck up! The disappointment! The druggy, the- the... The mistake." She felt more hot tears behind her eyes. She could feel Glenn staring at her in concern.
"Nick, you are not a fuck up. Or a mistake. Or whatever else. Nick, you're my baby, and I-"
"Then why did you leave? If you're gonna pull that bullshit, and say you love me no matter what, and that I'm your little girl, and that- that you wanted me from the very beginning and wouldn't give me up, why did you leave? Why dont you care now? When you come home, and woopsie! Your son's dressed up like some goth chicken. Why are you acting like everythings fine!? Everything is NOT fine, Glenn!" She hit the floor with her hands and growled in frustration. It wasn't fine.
Glenn stared down and took a deep breath. Then he sighed. "Yeah, I can't blame you on that one, kiddo. Alright, full disclosure, Nick. I already- I knew. I knew about the pronouns, and the name. I knew. Henry told me."
"H- Henry... Did what?"
"He told me. Soon as you told him. He called me that night, let me know what you had said. We have a rule in our group, we've had the rules since Grant came out. If one of the kids comes out as anything, you tell the other dads. Especially if its a name and pronouns thing. Cause, we agreed that since well, we were all kind of one bug cluster fuck of parents to each others kids, it was better if everyone knew who was what. So we didn't fuck it up."
"So you have a rule to out kids to their parents? That's-"
"No! Not any kids. Its just you, Terry, Grant, and the twins. Just you five. Because, here's the thing, Nick- Nickie? Whatever. Us dads? We arent- we're new to the whole queer scene. Its not as normal for us to just fliparoo what pronouns and names we call people as it is for you guys. So, we would practice to each other. When you told Henry you liked being called Nickie, he came to us and essentially said, 'I'm gonna say Nickie to you guys as often as i fucking can do I don't end up deadnaming.' "
Glenn took Nick's hand into his and held it tight. Nick still felt like punching Henry in the fucking face for outting her to Glenn.
"You know that I love you, Nick." Her body went rigid at that. And she looked uo at him, glaring as hard as should mister with how fucking teary eyed she was.
"Do I? Do I know that you love me, Glenn?" And his face fell. It was like she just sucked his soul out of him. Good. That should be one hell of a wake up call.
"Nick, of course I love you. What would ever make you think I didn't love you?" Nick but her lip, thinking over her words before she said them. She thought on a lot of things.
"You left. My mom died, and you left. My *mother* was dead and you went back to touring in a matter of weeks. My mother was dead, and I was ten years old. And I was home, by myself, for weeks. Glenn, I was alone for months. Sure, there the nanny. But that wasn't Mom or Dad. I needed my parents. I needed my dad. I needed my dad to give me a hug, promise me it'd be okay. That we were okay. And he fucking left. He walked out that door, didn't come back for months, only called every three weeks. Missed birthdays, holidays, soccer games, and whatever the fuck else. Why on gods green earth would I think that you loved me when you fucking abandoned me, Glenn? Why? Would you think I loved you if I fucked off to god knows where after being home for just a couple days? Huh? If when I found out you'd been up in drug city with your mates and getting caught by cops doing a bunch of stupid shit, all you got was a slap on the wrist and a phonecall that last three minutes?"
Glenn stared at the ground for a long time. He didn't speak. And he pulled her back into a hug, practically dragged her across that distance to hold her again. Hold her like the whole world depended on Glenn never letting go again. Like if he let go everything would come crashing down, like Nick was the entire fucking world and he just wanted to protect her. He held her like he had when Mom died.
"God, Morgan... He's just like you." He mumbled, clutching Nick so tight she couldn't breath. She didn't care he used the wrong pronouns, she didn't care he'd barely even addressed the elephant in the room, she didn't care her heel was digging painfully into the back of her other leg. Her dad was here. He was holding her. He was making sure she knew he loved her. Dad finally came home.
Glenn let out a painful sob into Nick's shoulder, he said something. Nick thinks it was an apology, but between the sniffles and the hiccups and layers of clothing, its impossible to tell. Glenn pulled her up into his lap, held her like he would when she was five or six. Her head on his shoulder, his arms around her middle as he sat horizontal across his lap. Her legs were too long to curl up like they used to, so they sat awkwardly half-stretched across the floor. It was nostalgic in a way. It felt Glenn was just realizing how many years he'd wasted. How much time with his child he had lost.
"I'm sorry, Nick. Im- I didn't realize. I'm so fucking sorry, Nick." He was still crying. Crying more than Nick had ever seen him cry. She could hear the self-hatred and the regret in his voice. She reached an arm around his neck and pulled him that much closer.
"Just don't leave again... Please, Dad." Nick doesn't remember that last time she had called him 'Dad.' But, it felt right in that moment. It hasn't felt right in a long long time.
#this is a whole mess of angsty Close boys#genderfluid Nick is the only kind I will accept in my writing anymore#dndads#dungeons and daddies#Glenn is a shit dad but I will accept a redemption arc for him
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Do you think magnus has ever had panic attacks? how do you think alec or his friends (like raphael or cat or ragnor) would react/help?
I'm pretty sure he has, actually. i mean its pretty much impossible not to, with such a long live he's lived and all the trauma he's gone through. we got a glimpse of the kinds of nightmares he has, all the guilt he feels, and the unbearable pressure on his shoulders. he's strong af, but everyone breaks down, and there are parts of him that are still raw, and fragile sometimes
i imagine he's the type that absolutely tries to hide them, the type that feels them coming and is all like "excuse me" and manages to hold it back for exactly the time needed to get somewhere he can hide and break down. but his friends and family are attentive, and they know him, and after a while they start to recognize the signs that Magnus went away to have a panic attack/is about to have one
as for how they react...
Cat: cat is a medical professional, so i imagine she knows the best procedures. keep a distance, count the breaths, talk to him in a soothing voice, walk him through calming down, ask him about the things around him so he can regain his surroundings, etc. then, once he's back to breathing, she slowly comes towards him, asks if she can touch him, and when he says yes, strokes his hair and kisses his forehead. she then goes back and tells everyone Magnus had an emergency, takes him home (even if it takes some convincing to make him agree to leave), and stays the night with him, cuddling, talking about it, or providing a distraction
Ragnor: ragnor is probably a more awkward version of cat. The good thing about him is that he always keeps his cool and acts like whatever's happening is natural, and it's so absurd that Magnus starts laughing waterly and feels a little more at ease, because he's not making a huge fuss. He's like "oh dear, okay, Magnus, you're okay, let's calm down, yeah? breathe with me, in, out... yeah, see, that's not so hard" and it's kind of like ???? why are you so matter of fact about this??, but in a good way. then he probably conjures up Magnus some tea, and either portals him home, or goes back with him and stays by his side, sneakingly stealing the attention with crazy stories so people don't notice Magnus is off
Dot: Dot usually holds his hand, tells him that hes alright, might cheat sometimes by using magic to calm him down a little bit. Then once he's a little calmer, she probably serves as a pretty good distraction, talking to him about other things, playing music, allowing him to just forget until he's ready to open up and tell her what happened
Raphael: Raphael probably struggles a little, because Magnus is his father figure, and it's always a little earth shattering to see your parents breaking down. also, he has this image of himself as someone who struggles to express his feelings because hes not good at verbalizing them (plus autism frequently means his intentions are mistaken by people who don't know him) even if, actually, he's pretty damn good at showing Magnus that he cares. he worries so much about getting him to be okay it's painful, counting his breaths, cupping his face, Magnus, look at me, it's okay, you're okay, hugging him. Magnus might be scared but he'd never lash out at Raphael, so it works. then once Magnus has calmed down Raphael is just speeding around trying to get things for him. here's some water. here's food. can you portal home? I'll make you some food. like he needs to feel useful and also the latino instincts are always person sad = feed them. so he makes Magnus some soup, recipe of his mum that Magnus taught him especially for moments like these, makes him drink water and gets him blankets (gotta be toasty). usually Magnus ends up sleeping, but when he wakes up, Raphael is still there, probably cleaning his loft worriedly because he's like that, but as soon as magnus opens his eyes he's back at his side. are you alright? tell me what happened. and he listens to Magnus very attentively, free of judgement, and it's very heartwarming and reminds Magnus that Raphael cares about him so deeply, that he's not alone
Alec: he can probably never pretend for too long with alec when they arent home because Alec is always like "gotta keep tabs on my husband at all times" so if he disappears alec is immediately searching for him. he usually goes straight for the hug, and it's good, because he's so Big and can envelop Magnus like a cocoon if he wants, hiding him from the world and making him feel like, safe and sated. If sensory overload caused the attack it's particularly great, because it feels like a sensory deprivation chamber and he's just safe and with the right amount of pressure and touch, and Alec always feels nice. And he allows himself to cry on Alec's shoulder, and Alec whispers soothing things. Then Alec either takes him home and cuddles with him until he falls asleep and asks him about it the next day, or, if Magnus asks to go back, he goes with him. Alec understands the feeling of humiliation at having to leave an event because of something like this, and how sometimes, as a leader, or as a downworlder surrounded by shadowhunters, he can't without risking his position or the respect he gets. So he silently goes back with him, always with an appropriate excuse for their disappearance, no matter how long or sudden it was, and somehow even manages to be convincing enough that people dont think they left to fuck. he's a diplomat, after all. he guides Magnus through the rest of the event, making sure to avoid annoying people and to take the lead in conversations so Magnus doesnt have to strain himself emotionally too much. Then he takes Magnus home, helps him out of his clothes and makeup, cuddles with him until he falls asleep, and asks him about it the next day
i loved this ask, btw! It's interesting to think about how each of them would react to that situation and explore their dynamics and how each of them could be helpful. since each of them has a forte, depending on the situation they might call each other - raph, Magnus is too beaten up, can you get here and make some soup?, Alec, Magnus had a breakdown and he can't leave, would you come here?, Cat, we're worried, can you come and calm him down?, etc. Just give Magnus all the supporting network trying their hardest and playing their strengths to help him
#ask#anonymous#sh#shadowhunters#magnus bane#catarina loss#ragnor fell#dorothea rollins#dot rollins#raphael santiago#alec lightwood#malec#brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them#long post#adhd magnus bane#autistic raphael santiago#panic attack tw#anxiety tw
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Thoughts on 2gether ep5
I REALLY fucking need this beta testing tumblr is doing to end right the fuck now
give me back xkit too damnit
anyway with that frustration out of the way, let me just scream a little bit about the new ep of 2gether
ok ok, now I feel better
that’s lie how can I feel fine after this episode
I swear if Why R U doesnt kill me this show definitely will but what a way to go
and Sarawat starts breaking my heart from the moment he’s on screen by telling Tine he can take Pear to that concert if he wants because he knows it will make Tine happy
but THEN Tine throws the ball right back because he just wants to kill me “I like it better when you play the guitar” like who SAYS that to the guy they’re totally not crushing on??
Tine that’s who
do you ever wonder what it’s gonna be like when Tine fully realises Sarawat’s feelings and his own and they get together and Tine starts doing and saying all these romantic things ON PURPOSE??? how...how do we... prepare... for that exactly?
also can we talk for a second about how they both turned around to watch the other walk away??
I dont know why characters giving the finger while pretending to rub their face is so funny to me but it is
also Tine is just so fucking cute even doing that I cannot
his smile when Sarawat says he’s been waiting for him BOY YOU ARE SO GONE IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE
one of my favourite things is the trope of when couples who arent together yet bicker like an Old Married Couple(TM) and these two have it down to a science
the head pat and the way Sarawat looked at him so gently and said see you soon, nuisance like he was saying I love you is making me melt into a pile of goo
and Tine really was looking at Sarawat on the field admiring his boyfriend
Sarawat just casually taking off his shirt and giving it to Tine he really does not give a single fuck about anything other than Tine huh? we love that in a man
LOL, Sarawat’s friends are also really funny
I love all the supporting characters in the show so far, they’re so funny and charming
that entire bar scene had me laughing out loud
and then I started crying because of how achingly gentle Sarawat was with drunk!Tine helping him get home
and Tine pretending to drive while laying on the ground how freaking CUTER can he get????
the balcony scene though
this was on some other level ok
I cant handle how soft and loving they both look at each other already and the way Tine looks at Sarawat whenever he plays something for him and how they’re able to pick up each other’s train of thought without even talking about it and the serenading is just gonna be their Thing(TM) huh? and then slowly getting to know each other - well Tine at least starting to ask quetions and be curious about Sarawat and have ever seen Sarawat this relaxed and happy as he was during this scene?? I’m not ok send me a hug
I’m glad they havent turned the boob thing into something creepy but it’s really cute and lighthearted how Sarawat really likes Tine’s boobs but he doesnt push it when Tine says no
and when he finally says yes I’m going to ascend out of this world, friends
also Tine having to snap Sarawat out of his boobs-induced fantasies 5 times a day is fucking hillarious
Sarawat’s friend is like oooh, I’m gonna get some and the girl’s like you’re gonna get some spiritual enlightenment amen
I lost it at that scene seriously
and then he not only got his spiritual enlightenment but also the love of his life??? and they say god works in mysterious ways
but for though can also mention the fact that Man really did fall in love with that guy and went to APOLOGIZE to Sarawat for teasing him before about his feelings for Tine because now he gets it??? you know what that is? growth
Sarawat carrying around makeup remover for Tine is the boyfriend culture we need
and now it’s time once again for the Sarawat Breaking My Heart hours
him just getting passed-out drunk when he caught Tine and Pear together and then coming to Tine’s room clearly drunk or hangovered and so heartbroken he could barely stand and he just wanted to get the hell out of there but he still did everything Tine asked I’m -
and how he kissed Tine out of sheer desperation and how his voice sounded so pleading when he said Tine was reserved and couldnt hit on anyone like this wasnt a demand he was practically begging Tine not to do it
and I also feel like Tine said he was going to hit on Pear not because he was actually planning on it or wanted to but to see how Sarawat would react? Like he wanted some proof that Sarawat really did like him
I need these two idiots to just love each other’s boobs forever
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I'm rewatching the early Sanders Sides episodes (let go from My True Identity to Losing motivation) so here are my thoughts with mild context
Logan used to be such a smiley boy :(((
Oh logan that's gay
Roman pops up, insults them he's all "hi roman :)))"
"And that's when the anxiety kicks in" but virgil..doesnt show up. It's so weird
Roman goes "I'll learn to love myself" and then DOESNT
I'm calling it. That's Janus. Logan says he doesnt gave emotion and here he is being a SMILEY boi who is telling thomas what's good about him >:(
THAT'S- THAT'S ROMAN'S THEME WH-
Oh Patton...oh pat..
"YOU'RE A F A T H E R"
"I know it's got somethin' to do with storks!"
"Am I right tony?" "That's not my name"' "then w h a t i s i t"
A D U L T E R Y
"Please welcome my anxiety" "sup!"
What what a bitch. Like a mean girl. Regina who??
"Sorry kid" excuse but arent you the litteral child
*crosses legs like a gay icon*
WHERE DID THIS BITCH GO
I'm all good with our current virgil but goddamn he's like a villain and w o w I love Villians
"Hey there Princey ;)" jesus
Lily Singh is gorgeous and super cool but god that woman is an enigma
Such light eyeshadow
I have a headcanon that Virgil and Remus watch shitty reality TV together and I completely forgot about this-
*waves at bird*
"Anxiety can be a constant struggle" "that's right ;)"
YA NASTY
It devolved Thomas, I'm so sorry-
Leslie Odom Jr. is one of my favorite people
Ugh I'm so proud of Thomas
Logan- THIS ONE HAS A SONG!!
"Proper adultery"
Oh, this is when logan still liked YouTube I see
"NO" "hey!!!!"
Y'know the one John Mulaney bit where he's just saying "okay, okay" that's Thomas
L O G A N
When was Patton so mean-
"Ugh...I do not like you" and then the fandom declared they were in love
They all sound the same and it's weird. Later on they all have their own spots in Thomas' vocal range. Example: Virgil sings lower while Roman is a the highest part if Thomas' vocal range
The lip syncing is like- y'know what nevermind
Logan having fun singing: :0
"You sicken me!!" Damnn
It was his video >:(
I keep my closet open because I'm afraid of serial killers inside-
No one said prince but I love you so much-
I adore Roman's theme
*gay hand*
And this is also where we declared they were in love
*gay hand again*
Julie Andrews is a beautiful goddess
"Or dont eat fruit:))"
O H N O
I love Peter Pan-
That's what Janus did..lying and deceiving his way to my goddamn heart I love him
Princey is SALTY
Thomas doesn't age
And they're in love :)))
I watched this episode last night at 4 am :))
I love rent-
UGH ROMANNNNNN
"I love dISNEY"
Logan just became anxiety there
Just the "AHSJWJAEMTDESW" from Patton has me fucking rollibg
STORYTIME!!! *sits contently like a toddler*
Ugh I love Roman
I havent seen The Untimate Storytime but I wanna
Bizzardvark...Jake Paul...ew
Patton I love you
Gonna link my post right here because I love him so much
Logan is so excited-
EW NASTY
I love playing bubbly characters!! Join me Thomas!!
Aw Roman
Gay Disney Prince
AW VIRGE
damn Pat
Thomas is such a sweetheart I swear to god-
AWWW-
"I'm not you're son >:("
AWWWWWWWWW-
"Our little guy"
Your heart and your mind...yes they're in love
Patton s t o p-
*as Patton and Logan are bickering* ah..romance
We really are clowns
"I am not your son" you are though Thomas
Our biggest dilemma was "I kinda wanna learn more about myself" and now it's "IS IT B A D IF I KILL A MAN"
Onesie buddies
Is that ship art-
I miss the Sanders Sides intro
"I know big words too. Sssssaxaphone???"
GIRL
Is this the episode where Ligan speaks simlish
Thomas's acting is so good
IT IS THE SIMLISH EPISODE
Valerie...so pretty
"AYO ZIPIT TOO BLARP"
I do like bagels- also that tie in via the recent episode
Leave Valerie alone guys you're all gay-
He wrote that
Valerie just nods along
Oh look at that art
Oh Pat :(((
Dragon Witch: Fuck you Valerie
"MY SPLEEN"
Roman is bilingual and probably bisexual
You're upsetting him >:(
"I'm feeling all types of bad" BABY BOY-
"I wasn't trying to help" stfu
Awww
"IF I COULD GIVE YIU ALL BUTTERFLY KISSES-" *sobbing*
And they're in love
"I love you" *more crying*
Have..fun????
Does this imply Roman can hide a body
AHHHHHHH
They're. In. Love
OH I LOVE THIS EPISODE
all business strictly dress up seriousness
Thonas really said "Patton's my dad figure but God you guys are children"
He does makeup :))
Logan: he is ANXIOUS!!
Virgil: *blinks like he doesnt understand
*winks*
Smarrttt
*looking at Patton's hat*' kill the competition, sell the next edition. What a fine life-
"You're n o t welcome"
Patton be nice-
Logan thinking looks like that one meme where the lady has equations all around her..has someone drawn that
"Logic and I are playing dress up, anxiety is making us question our existence and I found a dollar" favorite fuckibg line every single time
EY NEWSIES!! RENT!!
God there's a lot of shipping content
Doo doo *giggle*
"My bad"
OOP
Patton is the character thar's smart but also a fucking idiot
"Is it because I have a dollar and you dont??"
Logannnnn
"You're dating this video"
Logan are you okay baby-
What the fuck kind of agreeing face was that
Pasta salad
Sir Sing A Lot
WOAHHH
I- LOGAN'S NAME REVEAL
FORGOT ABOUT THAT
A BITCH J U M P E D
I honestly dont know why I did this, I do it in other fandoms and no one is entertained but me- alright that's all
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DUDE why arent you wearing a costume?? thats lame, im going as go go yubari from kill bill:) can i request some haunted house drabbles for some of our pretty setters?? whichever ones you would like to do the most. enjoy your spooky day!!
hey!! im not lame u dweeb! u will eat ur words when i throw together a last minute costume for trick or treating that woos my whole neighborhood!
akaashi keiji
“keiji... i’m scared.”
that much was obvious. you were holding onto his arm tight, and he could feel how sweaty your palm was with the hand you were holding onto. and you had been repeating for the last five minutes: “this is so scary, i’m so scared, keiji, this is scaring me...”
“me too,” he replied flatly.
“no, you aren’t,” you grumbled, hiding your face in his shoulder as he led the way. “i can tell.”
“i am,” he insisted. “i’m so scared, kitten. all this messy makeup and fake fog are making me shake in my boots.”
“shut up,” you mumbled. “just get us out of here.”
ukai keishin
“baby... why did you drag me to this?”
“because it’s going to be so much fun, keishin!”
he shook his head, tightening his grip on your hand. he was standing a bit too close for comfort, but you knew he wouldn’t step away even if you asked.
“haunted houses aren’t fun,” he replied. the nerves were building as you got closer to the front of the line. “they’re fucking scary.”
“that’s the point, genius.”
“holy shit.”
a terrifying clown was making his way down the queue, giving every person in line the creeps. keishin jumped behind you so you were closer to the scary fucker - and his arms wrapped around your waist.
“you have to protect me,” he said. “this fucking sucks.”
oikawa tooru
your boyfriend basically demanded you come to his volleyball club’s haunted house event - they had decked out the gym in haunted house attire; completely dark with a maze created by black walls and fake spider webs. the theatre department had apparently contributed to their makeup and their acting skills, and it seemed like most of the patrons were pretty scared.
and as you walked through, you struggled to get frightened because you recognized all of the boys working - you could see matsukawa’s thick brows through the mask he wore, and you only laughed when he jumped out at you. iwaizumi seemed like he’d be a natural in this setting, but instead, his movements and noises were nothing but awkward. and hanamaki was just standing in the corner, not moving. you even tossed him a wave and a “hey, makki,” to which he said, “‘sup, Y/N.”
but you had yet to see your boyfriend, tooru. and when you did finally come into contact with him, it was the first time you actually felt scared during the entire haunt.
he approached you from behind and breathed heavily into your ear - you weren’t expecting it at all. and when you screamed and jumped ten feet away, his laughter filled the room.
“oh, my god, y/n, you should’ve seen your face!” he cackled, wiping his dead-looking eyes. “i got you good, baby.”
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This is the woman Ive loved for 5 years. this was only 2 years into our relationship. I have had a rough life. Most of us all have. I lost my sister at 8 years old. I had to go through being judged for being a dark skinned kid with a white mother. The amount of times my family and I will be out somewhere and someone says to my mother “ Oh its so wonderful that you adopted all these kids” all because my one sister is full white and me and my other siblings arent Is fucking appalling. I was forced to drop out of highschool at 17. I’ve never had a father figure. After my sister died he tried to come back. and after my sister died my mom just emotionally and mentally gave up. my stepdad was an abusive alcoholic. and my mother has been a very non faithful woman to every man she dated after my step dad. Theres honestly so much more to talk about but theres no point. Id be writing a fucking bible if i were. But this woman. This beautiful, crazy, caring, selfless, goofy monument of a woman. She is the reason I have kept myself out of trouble. I was not in a good place when we met. I was hanging out with the wrong people. I was doing xanax everyday. multiple bars a day sometimes. I was such a lost soul just searching for a purpose. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. I felt worthless. I had a job but that didnt mean anything to me. Ive always been the outcast. Ive always kept to myself and been a very shy person. But when I met her, The feeling of worthlessness was gone. We met at cheerleading. We both did competitive cheerleading at the same gym. When I first saw her walk in the gym I remember I looked to my friend Jared. I looked at him and said “ who the hell is that” and he looked at me and just laughed. We both knew she was out of my league, and there was no way that she would even give me the time of day. She walked with this aura. By aura I mean she had an atmosphere to her. When she would walk past me I would just have this gut feeling. I knew she was everything I ever wanted in a woman. She was stunning. Just the way she walked around the gym. It was almost like she knew that my eyes were constantly on her. I was just struck by this sense of “You NEED to be MINE”. I still remember the first time we kissed. We weren’t dating. We were at a competition in D.C. we were in the bleachers watching other teams perform. The smell of Aquanet, and cheap shitty convention center food in the air. Me and her friend who was also on our team. I remember the lights from the stage shining back towards us every couple seconds. I timed it so every time the light came back to us I would quickly stare at her. It wasnt because it was dark. It wasnt because of how her cheer makeup was done. Every time I looked at her I felt home. I couldnt help but stare at the beauty literally shining off of her. The way she looked off into the distance, just made me so love struck. It was like I was discovering a new emotion. I thought I had loved previous girlfriends before. But this was real. I remember her looking away. I got closer to her. I cant remember What I actually said but I remember catching her off guard. I leaned in and she just was ready for it just as I was. When our lips touched it was other worldly. the feelings I got I had never felt with anyone. Thats when I knew. I knew I was going to be with her forever. we became best friends before we even started dating. We were so comfortable with each other it was insane. I mean for 3 years straight we were inseparable. We both moved out together. I was her first boyfriend. She was my first real girlfriend. We were so in love. So happy. Now I’m alone and terrified. I fucked up multiple times in our relationship. I watched my mother cheat on every man shes ever been with. I cheated. I still dont know why. Maybe it was me being so selfish because I had everything I wanted. Maybe it was because I watched my mother cheat on every man she dated. Maybe its because Im actually fucking stupid. I dont know. What I do know is theres no excuse for it. I gave up my perfect relationship. The woman that gave me my first born child. for someone who I never wouldve even looked twice at if i passed them on the street. I had no idea what I had. I’ve now spent months working to get my relationship with her back on track. When she left me I wasnt just broken hearted. I was dead. Literally emotionally dead. I had no feelings for anyone or anything. I tried doing everything I do to make me happy. I tried playing video games, I tried working out, I tried playing music. Nothing could over come the feeling of self hatred and self humiliation. But than I sat there and thought to myself. This is what I made her feel. She did nothing to me to make me cheat. I broke her god damn heart. The woman that I promised my late sister that I would never hurt. I destroyed her trust for me. no matter how much I try to prove to her shell never be able to look at me the same. Im still the same person. I just fucked up and wasnt grateful for what I had. I’ve been living with this demon weighing on me. Knowing I did what I did. something I promised myself that I would never do. I did it to the one person that actually mattered to me. It’s so hard having to try and rebuild what I had with her because I know deep down the only reason she is even giving me a chance to try and be anything with her again is because we have a kid together. Ive prayed so much just hoping that god will help me. I didnt even believe in god until I met her. But she changed that. just like how she changed my whole life, I want nothing more than to be back together and be a family again. its so fucking disappointing. Knowing that I’m that scumbag. But I’m a human. I’m learning everyday and growing everyday. I want to be the man she can trust. I want to be the man that she knows I am. And most importantly I want my son to have two loving parents that love each other to no limits. I just need her back in my life. Even if she decides to tell me she can never be with me again. I’ll accept it. Even tho I’m gonna be devastated. I’ll accept. Because at the end of the day thats the girl I love. If shes gonna be happy with someone else unfortunately thats what i want for her. I guess thats how you know our love was real. Because even if she was with someone else I’d still love her like i did 5 years ago. Id still love her like I did a year ago, a month ago, a week ago. Id still love her like I do now. But I want her happy. If she cant be happy with me than the choice is already made. so for now I’ll keep praying. Ill keep on the path im on working and trying to get our relationship mended. All I want is to have the love of my life back. I’ve realized the things I’ve done wrong. And I just want to fix it.
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Do you ever laugh at the image of the parent you thought youd be?
Im sitting on my back porch, smoking, vibing to mayday parade and enjoying the breeze. D is in bed H is at work so I was going through old pictures. I always had an image in my head when I was younger of what kind of mom id be. You know the one we all kinda aspire to be when we are clueless at what exactly this job takes outta you. The pintrest mom. Who always looks perfect even in a bun and some sweats. Her kids always happy and eats whatever is put in front of them. Meltdowns are handled quickly and mostly with a look. Her husband adores her her friends evny her. She always has pretty smiling pictures to post about the amazing day they all had. Her kids listen and go to bed on time and they never hit. You know the mom even if thats not the exact version you had in your head you know what I'm talking about. Heres why I laughed at this when I realized how very opposite I am. I hardly ever do my hair and makeup to be honest I look homeless most the time but bet your ass D is always cute. Always put together even if her nightgowns what she chose to wear that day I make her rock it. She wants chicken noodles. Only. All the time. My mother was on the phone with me the other morning and heard me making her noodles for breakfast "Thats not a healthy breakfast" my response was mom shes fucking eating i do not care. Ive carried D out of a store surfboard style while she screamed and we sat in the car till she got her shit together. Ive tried doing crafts but it makes a huge mess because well shes 2 so crafts like arent a thing to her. She doesnt listen and bed times a bitch. And while all this is different from what I had planned in my head heres the fun sides I never knew I needed. Sticky kisses from candy. Hugs covered in paint and glitter. Shared kit kats when it was her potty treat but she always shares with me. Random I love yous when she can feel me having a hard day. One more bed time story or just cuddles until shes ready for bed. Soaking wet bubble baths because I wont crush her excitement so I let her splash. Her running around the corner yelling mommy when she wants to show me something. Not everything weve had planned for ourselves turns out how we want. Or thought we wanted. My lifes rough but not because of her but because im constantly battling with my own brain to tell myself everything in this situation is normal and I can be happy. I can let go and not control life as much as I try. I feel like im doing alright. Shes alive and happy so shes already a step ahead
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