I LOVE TESTAMENT AND THEIR CHARACTER ARC SO MUCH IT GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO BITE THROUGH METAL RAAAAAAAAAUAUUUUUUGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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For some reason I want Suho to experience so much suffering that it nearly breaks him

We already know that his path is half-paved since he’s born with innate power (inherited from father) and the fact he got companions along the way - So even though he goes through hardship, he’ll constantly have the support he needs

But ngl I kinda wanna see (or just imagine) Suho going through a challenge so difficult that absolutely no one could pull him out from (that even his own father can only watch helplessly as his son gets carried by the waves of misfortune

that his precious son’s fate is destined to be the greatest sacrifice)

,,,,,,

I remember the discussion I had with a mutual — How there’s a charm in giving so much angst to a character for that sweet sweet relief of comfort (angst w/ happy ending) and it stuck w/ me 😭

I know it might not happen with SL:R but I can’t help imagine Suho reaching his breaking point - sacrificing his all for the sake of his companions/family and the only relief is a simple kiss that speaks “It’s okay, you’ll be okay, we’re here for you now”

clu rinzler dynamic hcs that nobody asked for b/c im crazy

tw for brief discussions of abuse

I headcanon that Rinzler's feelings about Clu are Complicated. He thinks of his position as Clu’ right hand man as the greatest honor anyone could possibly have. Rinzler was told it’s a chance to right his past wrongs that he committed before Clu ‘fixed him’ by serving him unquestioningly and in return Rinzler genuinely adores Clu. Would do anything he asked including throw himself to his death in a heartbeat if Clu asked for a type of admiration. He is constantly striving to make Clu happy no matter the personal cost or the cost to others even if his efforts go unacknowledged most of the time knowing he made Clu’ life that much easier is enough for him.

Despite the fact that Rinzler tries his damndest to complete every assignment, sometimes he falls short and the consequences of his failure are dire, which is where the more complicated feelings Rinzler has come from. Because Clu is the only program in the history of the grid who’s able to make Rinzler genuinely afraid. Not wary, not cautious, but afraid. It’s part of what drives him to put his all into every task he’s given, not only to please Clu, but because he is terrified of the consequences of falling short of his expectations. On some level, buried deep deep down in the very depths of Rinzler’s code beneath all the changes, Rinzler hates Clu because he knows that how he’s treated is wrong, but he doesn’t understand why. It’s something intrinsic to him that he’s purposefully kept hidden and ignored in every way he can.

On the Clu side of things despite him always going on and on about how he made Rinzler ‘perfect’ and ‘his champion’ he still sees Rinzler as Tron regardless. No matter what Rinzler does or how hard he tries to please Clu he’ll never be able to make up for his past actions in Clu’s mind which is why he lashes out so harshly at him, because he knows that despite all of his attempts at reprogramming him, parts of Tron still live on in Rinzler. He knows that despite having Rinzler’s complete unconditional loyalty underneath it all the hate from Tron’ final moments is still there. Despite placing himself at the center of Rinzler’s world, Tron will never care for him like he cared for Kevin Flynn. Despite having won Flynn’s favorite toy soldier in their feud and repurposing him to be his attack dog, removing any recollection he had of Flynn, the dynamic isn’t the same and never will be because Rinzler isn’t Tron, not really, and Clu isn’t Flynn and that relationship will never be recreated

thinking about Commander Pirkko, Saoirse, and Scarlet's dynamic across Regrowth is so interesting to me because like. Regrowth is fairly close to canon at first, but still diverges in one major aspect: the Commander was meant to be a set of three. and in Regrowth, it only LOOKS 'normal' because the other two-- Scarlet and Saoirse-- never made it to where they were supposed to be.

but their roles and abilities? those haven't changed. they're still who the Dream fashioned them to be. they fill the holes in the Commander's leadership, seeing all the blindspots that Pirkko can't.

if they were working together, that'd be great. therein lies the problem, though; they're not working together. at all.

the two people who were meant to be the Commander's most trusted allies instead become her deadliest and most effective enemies for all the same reasons. everything that would have made them the perfect team make them also the perfect enemies, and the end result is a clash so catastrophic it nearly ends Tyria all on its own.

and it takes the entire dragon cycle for them to finally figure that out.

Goodbye 2023, Hello Trees

I'll be away from my computer for a couple of days as I do my annual "seriously, I need to see a fucking novel tree" camping trip. I'll have a little access to internet, but you know something being immersed in the moment, all hail fire, I must look at the moon tenderly like it is my own face etc.

2023 has been a year for me. My beloved first dog finished his story of 14 1/2 years. I sang to him in those last minutes, like I did when I first rescued him but now my voice sounds beautifully like me. My upper body now does that wonderful curve around the shoulders I associate with men when I take my shirt off. Once again I am reminded there's a real intersection between chronic pain, gender dysphoria and neurodiversity that allows me to see the world in a unique way. I'm lucky to have also found another wonderful community of weirdos. You all fill my day with joy and filth and remind me how attention is a moral act at brings aspects of things into being.

I hope you know I love you all. If you don't, please bear with me until I find the words, the way to arrange my face, the way to move my vocal cords until you know the warmth you bring to my life.

Shout out to my emotional support blorbos who accompanied me on the driving test for luck ☺️💖💖

again I cannot emphasize enough how much of a jon archivist song Take Me To War by The Crane Wives is, where is the animatic I need it desperately

It's so funny to think how we both have the incredible specific scenario of 'my sole survivor was stuck somewhere while serving in the military and had to eat his fellow soldiers and now he's a Cannibal'. Its like that Doofinshmirtz meme. Its weird that this happened twice. Here I was thinking I had galaxy brained when I did this a month ago and bam!! You did it too!!

8 END is both a blessing and in the right wrong circumstances, a curse

"This extra space next to me belongs to you. I know where I end now. I won't get lost." -- shoot me (metaphorically) and leave me for dead (metaphorically) why won't you. To make this about Dylan and maybe it's about Connor, maybe it's about Brinksy, maybe it's about any journeyman in the NHL. My brain screamed Chris Driedger and his memorable (to me) Players' Tribune article:

And how can you mention Dylan and Zach (Za-ach, the way Dylan says it) without me having a breakdown about them? You simply can't. And for the younger dudes, maybe it's a little Bords/Briss, not yet steady in The Show, a little bit of distance, a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately... and then a blurry insta story in Vegas. Just like old times but somewhere else. Maybe it's not the same bed, maybe it's not the same set of forks, but maybe it's the principle of the thing.

Anyway, goodbye. Sorry for this, your tag walls make me break out in imagined scenarios.

Much love. xxx

please never be sorry for sending me messages <3 i love reading them i love getting them i think they’re beautiful and i love them i’m!!!!! [🥹💕🦋🫧✨💘😭 <- the best approximation of what my heart is doing]

ok NOW i am taking this step by step because every narrative here kicked me straight in the knees (metaphorically) i am w e e p i n g (literally): i knew tangentially about chris driedger going to seattle but i had never read his players’ tribune love letter to seattle & all i can say is oh. oh. and with the part about trains delayed but still being right on time—

sometimes a dream is a truth your heart knows long before you do. the space that the city and the team made for him (“you’d be the only guy on the team”)🗣️🗣️🗣️ !!! but the way that chris talks about needing to put in the work & leo not letting him quit,,, that’s chris filling up the teakettle with twice as much water, crowding one side of the bed (falling asleep against a bus window dreaming), becoming unburdened by the idea of not being their guy, not having the fallback being their draft pick to content and settle himself with. that’s chris betting on a future. that’s the train coming down the tracks, right on time.

(i am feeling unhinged about it)

SECOND. i know i was the one that said zach and dylan to start so technically i brought this on myself but also i have been ktfo by the mere mention of the way that dylan says zach’s name different from everyone else, stealing an extra breath, stealing as much time as he can get with him, which reminded me of a poem i just read:

The Need Is So Great, Jim Moore

^^^dylan still in love with zach even as he’s leaving, can feel himself losing him, and taking every sliver of the love in his smile that he can get. even if he knows zach doesn’t still feel the same way he’s drawing out the long goodbye & saying i love you in a thousand ways without ever saying it out loud (“i have been asking for a time but in ways that have no words” because he doesn’t want to ask too much, to ask for love) in the hope that zach will say it back OKAY I’M LEAVING i can’t do this

that was a lie because THREE. “maybe it’s the principle of the thing” please insert the most ungodly screech how could you just (lovingly) come in straight with the steel chair and bean me upside the head with that l i n e i think this story has the potential for such tragedy in it but also the most tender domestic longing because bords & briss have known each other for a long time (i think) and guys do sometimes lose themselves when they first get to the nhl.

it’s a big scene, you’re with big name guys, you’re finally doing the thing you always dreamed about, you’re no longer necessarily the best because everyone’s the best, you’re not sure how you fit in, you can get lost in the glitz and the glamor of it but you can also literally get lost in it, the slog of the season and getting caught up and down between teams and leagues and endless airports and buses and travel and ice rinks, losing your phone (accidental) and having new people hound you for quotes and fame and connection so you lose your phone (on purpose) and i think where i’m trying to go is: this could play out as the tragedy of borde going to the california coastline and briss shipping off to the vegas strip and both of them getting a little lost.

maybe there’s someone else, maybe i am steadfastly not thinking about “a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately” as either a summer of them pretending things are ok after a year of barely speaking and now being completely different people they never were before OR a summer of them trying to pretend like they can forget about each other because maybe they didn’t think their relationship was the same thing, is all, when they were or weren’t together. maybe it’s nobody’s fault but for the fact that they were scared and tired and lonely trying to make it in the big times and didn’t know how to show it. and then borde shows up with takeout and plastic forks in vegas and it’s december and nothing like winter in ann arbor and still they fill up all the empty spaces in each other with the things they didn’t know they’d miss until they were gone and this is the real thing, not whatever they were trying too hard to be, to recreate their own nostalgia for the love in their memories. it’s the principle of the thing, is all, to always be true to the love they have right now & not what they think it should be.

sorry that i wrote you kind of an essay of an answer but i had so so so many thoughts because your ask was so lovely so thank you for sending it to me (you are always welcome to!! i love your imagined scenarios!!! cannot even explain how much!!!) & thank you for taking the time to read my walls of tags :))) <3

following principally japanese artists and refusing to interreact with the english fanbase also means that sometimes something big is going to happen and the only thing you can do is scroll through countless of tweets armed with nothing but your shitty google translation and trying to pieces together what is the insane thing that happened, made even more insane by the flawed translation, but somehow figuring out what it is will be even more insane regardless. I’m feeling so normal right now.

Paula was so fake for saying “You hurt her, I kill you,” to Josh abt Rebecca in S2 and then not doing anything to him, forget kill, after he left her at the alter at the end of s2.

my new schoolbag came in the mail!! I put on a bunny keychain I bought over the summer because it reminded me of chi ^^ it’ll feel like I’m carrying them with me :D

I just worry I will not be enough if I ever fall in love or get into a relationship. I will be too boring, my tastes too girly, not pretty enough…and he’ll cheat on me with someone better, someone gorgeous, someone exciting, and it hasn’t happened but I’m so scared it’s going to and I feel so terrified and angry and sad and miserable over something that has never happened that I just want to collapse and cry