#i usually don't post my ideas but ive been feeling shit so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fir3ylolol · 6 months

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i had an idea…i’ve been thinking A Lot about that one johnny cage skin with the red shirt where he has the forearm tattoos…. maybe they’re those long lasting temporary ones and he has them on for a movie? and reader is realllllly into them

place beyond the pines

pairing: Johnny Cage x Reader

summary: your boyfriend comes home, with a couple of new additions 0.0

tw: vaginal penetration, fingering, afab reader, gn reader, slightly dirty talk, groping, established relationship, sloppy makeout, smut, shameless smut

a/n: im alive! ive beaten a cold, finally. glad to write again! it's almost break for me, so i'm gna try to stay consistent. and if not…don't be mad at me pls. ALSO check out my works in progress post linked in my pinned to see what's to come ;P

word count: 1.15 k

Ao3

The front door shuts firmly, and you perk up at the sound. That sound means only one thing: your boyfriend is home. He’s not usually home at this hour, so you’re really excited to see him more after a long, lazy day in sweatpants and baggy t-shirts. But as you rush out to see him, you’re stopped by the sight in front of you. There, standing by the doorway, is Johnny, in a tight red compression shirt with the sleeves pushed up. On his exposed forearms, you see black and white American Traditional tattoos, interlaced with a snake twisting its way up his arm. You’re caught off-guard, frozen across the room from him as he puts his keys down on the entry table.

He turns to face you, with a wide but tired smile. But he notices your still state and his face drops slightly in confusion. He walks over, shaking your shoulders lightly. “Love? You ok there?” You snap out of it, shaking your head as you do. “Yeah, sorry, I just…what are those?” You shakily reach your arms out to trace down the patterns. He lifts them to meet your hands, smile returning, “Don’t you think they’re cool? They’re just temporary, but it’s for that movie I was just cast in. You know, ex-cons tend to have tattoos so,” he gestures with his head. You start to fluster further, feeling the warmth of his skin under the intricate patterns and artwork. Finally, the gears start turning in his head and he laughs lightly. “You like them, don’t you?” Your head bolts up, embarrassed that you were so blatantly called out. You shake your head rapidly, stepping back slightly. “No, I just think the art is cool!” He steps forward, smirking at how flustered you are, lightly grabbing your wrist.

“Really? Because it feels like you think it's hot, and it’s flustering you,” his other hand coming up to cup your face tenderly. You try to turn it into a joke, pushing past his touch to walk towards the kitchen. “Come on, stop playing. You must be hungry, ri-” You’re abruptly cut off as that familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist and hold you in place. You’re about to protest until you hear a gravely quiet voice in your ear, “You’re a shit liar, you know.” Suddenly, your feet no longer touch the ground, being carried towards the couch with little to no say. You would fight it but…you don’t really want to. Your eyes are locked on the sight of them, art straining against the veins that pop out of his skin as he constricts around you. You feel him slowly sit down, grip on you still tight as you end up on his lap. You expect him to ease up, but when has Johnny ever gone easy? You notice his hold on you loosening, but his hands start to travel. One traces its way up your chest, reaching your head and gently holding your jaw. The other slips towards your waistband, fingers moving teasingly slow. He leans his head forward, warm breath against your ear as he whispers, “I had a pretty long day…wanna help me relax, baby?” Overwhelmed slightly by him, you nod against his hold on your face.

You watch as his inked hand slides lower, not as teasing anymore. But he loves to put on a show, and he shuffles your sweatpants off slightly. His voice, slightly louder this time, rasps out, “Gotta make sure you can see the whole show.” Helping direct your head down, you watch as his fingers circle against your clit. You jolt at the feeling, but his grip on you tightens slightly, keeping your back pressed into his strong chest. You’re slightly dizzy, watching as he sinks one finger inside you, hand tensing at the feeling. You can feel a heavy sigh from him, as he continues to curl in and out of you. His thumb reaches up, returning to sit comfortably against your clit again. As he moves, speed increasing bit by bit, you can’t help to whine out. The sight of his detailed art disappearing inside you, the feeling of his rough thumb moving so softly. As he slides another finger in, a gentle moan slipping out, he lifts your head again. He tilts it back, resting it against his shoulder. You watch with half-lidded eyes as he brushes your face off, his face barely visible from your angle. But he never stops, steady pace as you squirm at the sensation. But his free hand shows up again, clinging to your chest. It’s as if he’s holding himself back from moving at a ruthless pace, but he can only hold so much back. You can hear murmurs echoing through his throat against your right ear, incoherent, but very much through gritted teeth.

Suddenly, he’s speeding up more, his hand on your chest loosening slightly. At the angle of your head, you can’t muffle yourself, louder and louder moans as his hand starts to grab and massage your chest. You can hear him clearer now, voice carrying better, “God, look at you. You look so good like this, spread out just for me. You feel so good, baby, shit.” You can feel him growing sloppier, and more impatient than before. But you’re not far from cumming, your hands desperately searching for purchase. One latches to his thigh under you, and the other on his wrist, moving as he pumps his fingers inside you. You help guide him slightly, shuddering as he touches the exact right spot. You’re nearly seeing stars, but you lift your head, letting it flop forward. His entire arm is moving at this point, both flexing at the effort he’s exerting. As you manage to gasp out that you’re close, the hand on your chest lets go and shoots back to your jaw. He turns your head, angling in back and to the side, as his lips collide with yours. His kisses are as sloppy as his moves, desperate for more of you than there is. Your grip tightens and you feel him groan into your mouth at the feeling. That does it, a harsh flinch as you cum around his fingers. Both of you are moaning at this point, unable to break the kiss. You’re not sure which voice is yours anymore as it echoes through your head. But as he removes his fingers, you break the kiss, taking a deep breath as you rest your head against his shoulder again. You hear as he brings the drenched fingers to his mouth, wanting to get every last bit of you as possible. But it only lasts so long, as he removes them with a quiet, “Ew, these things taste bad.” After a pause, he scrambles to clarify himself, “Not you! The tattoos! They taste bad, not you.”

#johnny cage #fir3y asks #fir3y requests #mortal kombat #mk x reader #x reader #johnny cage x reader #johnny cage smut #afab reader #johnny cage mk1

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genderkoolaid · 24 days

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I understand if this is not the kind of ask you usually get, but you sometimes post about youthlib so. How would one deal with disliking their peers and some slightly younger people as a young adult? I logically know that no age group is a monolith but I just mean, interacting a lot with people of my age and somewhat younger has really disillusioned me, I don't seem to find any happiness in being around most of them. I sometimes think of my own being a relatively young adult as negative. Im aplatonic and don't want friends and I was miserable when I tried to make myself make friends mainly with peers.

I only talk to people for specific reasons but may just generally joke around with them or make small talk briefly without forming a bond. My partners are mostly somewhat slightly older than me, but one is my age, and I like all of them more than I like other people. Other people I generally just see neutrally and don't wish for them to come to harm.

I think Ive often been annoyed by my peers due to not fitting in and sometimes being treated in toxic or abusive/bullying kind of ways by peers, or from sensory issues because they all talk so much you could probably hear them from another floor. I think its things like that that make me generally unable to feel positive about my peers, along with seeing so many rancid discourse takes online come from the young adults and teenager age groups.

And I understand how being around my age makes people vulnerable to harmful ideology too but its so tiring to see a shit take then see like '22' or '17' on the persons bio.

(Im 21 for reference)

I think it's important to recognize that our emotions and our political philosophies are not tied together. You don't need to feel the right feelings in order to advocate for youth liberation. If you accept these ideas intellectually, and you are cognizant of your emotions and how they affect you, then you can make the choice to not let those emotions shape your actions.

It's important to engage with people outside your age group (or the age group you spend the most time around), but that doesn't need to be friendship. It's alright to engage with others in your communities without wanting friendship. You know, intellectually, that there are young people who are quiet, not interested in friendship, have nuanced opinions on things, etc. It's good to expose yourself to proof of this, but you don't have to do that through feelings of love and friendship.

The Internet is full of shitty opinions and youth, so obviously you are going to see a lot of youth with shitty opinions. But there's plenty of adults with shitty opinions, and youth with solid ones. Confirmation bias is a tricky bitch. I would recommend focusing less on how you feel, & more about how you act. Don't pressure yourself to like your peers or befriend people when it makes you miserable. Put that energy into talking about ageism, fighting KOSA laws, and consciously combatting your own bias. Accept that you feel what you feel, ask yourself what you value, and then find what harmonizes those two.

#m.#ask box

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milk-ducts · 5 months

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here's a cropped flat coloring/wip of my invincible oc aconite grayson <33 waghhg…. my problematic pathetic failure of a girltyrant … soon.. the whole world will know of ur atrocities, ur inevitable downfall and most importantly ur irredeemable actions < 33 ..

rant incoming ,,.. !!!

I've been going through one hell of an art block lately and it's really starting to stress me the fuck out. I've got so many wips and ideas but actually sitting down and drawing anything has felt impossible. I'm open to any tips on getting inspired or bypassing this shit cause I'm struggling hard right now;;;.

On top of that, interacting with others in the invincible fandom has been difficult as hell,,, I get alot of DMs and messages but when I try to reply I just blank out and get too shy to actually say anything worthwhile ;;[ i think all my moots r insanely talented. like fr,, the skill and creativity in this fandom blows me away on the daily. part of the reason interacting has been so hard is bc i feel like i can't match up !! imposter syndrome is a bitch.

ALSO ..ANOTHER THING !! THIS IS IMPORTANT .. because i feel like ive offended some people by doing this but PLEASE know that I'm not ignoring your DMs/msgs on purpose!! I'm usually way more active on discord n or insta, and when I'm not I just get.. scared… !!! I hope we can get close eventually !! don't find me annoying when I spam like your posts,, I just think ur soso real when ur raving about the fucked up lil men in the fandom.. <<

anyways soso sorry for the rant,, i'm just feelin stressed and wanted to get this off my chest. Hopefully talking about it will help get these creative juices flowing again. fingers crossed…!!! lemme know if yall ever wanna chat art or OCs or really anything invincible related. i need more invincible moots ;;..,,,

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 10 months

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I'll crawl home to you II

Previous chapter

a/n I welcome you all to the part two. Thank you so much for all the love and reading. 🤍✨

summary: having a fight with someone you care about right before the mission might be the worst idea ever especially when you don't know if you'll make it out alive.

warning: fighting, guns, past trauma, injuries, blood lots of it, mentions of death, needles, IV's, bruised veins, heavy mention of hospitals, death nr.2, choking, nudity, mentions of sexual intoxications this one packs a punch so be weary.

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"Right, what's on your mind?", you muttered, pushing the cigarette closer to Javi, which he happily took into his fingers before dragging in the smoke. Allowing the warmth of it to go down his lungs. Javi was sitting by the tub in his apartment. The tub that he used as a shower at best. He hated baths, hence his naked, sprawled-out form, right beside the bath and not in it. Not behind you. Even if he wanted nothing more than another handful of moments of holding you. But it was enough to just watch you like this for now. More than enough. Well, Javi was convinced that he was still riding the post-orgasmic high.

"Work", he muttered, dropping his head back before puffing a cloud of smoke, "That fucking lead is on my mind". Your eyes scanned him for a moment. Today had been one of those days where, besides the unbearable heat, so much shit went south that the screaming in the office didn't ease till 3 in the afternoon. A new record of everyone being pissed off at one another was achieved.

"And how many fucks does it usually take you till you forget about work?", you asked, leaning your head at the edge of the bathtub. Not caring about covering yourself up. Javi had already seen everything more than once. Although you are being pressed against his bedroom wall, with him deep within you, growling in your ear as he edged you closer to your orgasm now felt ages ago, your skin was already missing the feeling of his fingers.

"One", Javi muttered, and you couldn't help the chuckle that escaped your lips. "Shit, agent, I'm doing that bad of a job?". Just what Javi truly meant was that it took one carelessness. Chaotic fuck with you. For him to come back to his senses. If he was fucking a random whore, his head wouldn't settle at all. And it's not even about the sex here. Fuck that, even if it's good. It's you. The smell of you. The way you trace your fingers down his back while he's still deep inside you, panting as he catches his breath. It's the way Javi can feel your heartbeat beneath him. The way your warm skin is pressed against his own, and he finally feels it Feels what calmness feels like. What it feels like to stop and just be.

Javi splashes his face with cold water, shoving that moment as deep as he possibly could. Not now. Not like this. His hands are still stained pink. Fuck knew the blood didn't budge like that. But then he had never been covered in so much blood before. Your blood. His body stagers again. The hours spent in the hospital had been brutal. Javi's eyes fall on the bandage covering the place where they had punctured a needle only a couple of hours ago. Had it only been that? A couple of hours? Javi runs his hand through his hair.

"Get a doctor in here! Quick!", A pair of nurses rushed out; Javi jumped up, and Steve was right beside him. You had been in that room for no longer than thirty minutes. It was all okay, they said. Under control. This didn't feel like something that was under control. "What is going on?", Javi's voice sounded weak. Gone were the confidence and snarl. No, Javi doesn't remember the last time he felt so many emotions. He did not know that he was capable of them.

"What the fuck? Is. Going. On. ", Javi swiftly yanked a nurse rushing to go back inside by the collar. Steve moved to step in, but at that moment, even he knew that interfering meant finding your head in the wall in the next ten seconds. "She's rapidly losing blood and the hospital…", the woman took a moment to swallow, and Javi quickly shook her, "Our blood supplies are low, sir".

And just like the moment the bullet pierced your skin, Javi's world stopped spinning. Halted. Shutting down all of his senses before he's thrown back into the waiting room once more. No. This can't be the reason you die. Fuck all of it. He'll pay for every drop of blood. He'll get you the blood himself if he had to. Get you… "It's the same…", Javi gripped the nurse's hand even tighter, "Tell them it's the same. Put me in there".

And that whole procedure was a blur. Until you're only a hand's reach away. The machines were clacking all around. The number of wires and tubes sticking out of your body was crippling to the core, and the first time Javi's eye landed on you, he had to fight the bile rising in his throat. Then the shock faded, and the need to protect you rose. To hold you. The machine that Javi too was hooked to started beeping, indicating the rapid increase of his heartbeat. His head jerked up; suddenly he was scared it would disturb you too much. But your eyes don't shoot open, and you weren't grumbling at him for being too noisy, like some mornings.

Javi clenches his jaw. Tears now once again threatened to spill over his cheeks. And they do. But Javi doesn't brush them away. Who cares. No one is here. Just you. He can be venerable in front of you. "You will wake up, right?", he muttered, his hands reaching out to touch your limp fingers. The angle was awkward. And the nurse had strictly informed Javi not to move his hand too much. But fuck that. Fuck rules. Were they getting you both anyway? So Javi laces his fingers through yours, "You will wake up and snarl at me, will you? For being an ass", Javi bites down on his lips, suppressing the sob that is now right there at the peak of his throat, "And yet I won't tell you; I told you so this time. You just woke up, okay?"

Javi rips the bandage off, right as another wave of tears blurs his vision. The vein raptured, and the purple bruise was already forming. But he didn't care; he couldn't bring himself to care. It had been static nothingness after they walked him out of the room. Out and away from you. Javi clenches the sink angrily. The old thing rattles beneath his grip. He should have pushed harder. He should have never walked out because his stupid, manly pride was hurt. And he knows that if you don't… No, Javi chases that thought away. We manifest our thoughts. His pope always said to him growing up, Be careful of what you think, Javier.

"I was a pinch away from blowing his balls right there and then", the back door shuts with a bang as you stride towards Javi, who had been leaning against the wall for the past ten minutes. "Did you pull your gun?", Javi asks casually, as if that were a normal procedure for a Thursday night. "Pulled? It was up his nutsack," Javi snickers. Poor fuck crapped his pants for sure. Now he's almost upset that he didn't stick around to see that.

"What are you smiling for?", you snicker angrily, snatching a lighter from Javi's back pocket. Your left hand is shaking. With a mix of anger and strength, you probably held your gun. Javi takes the lighter back. The last thing he needs is for you to burn your hand now. "You amuse me", he admits when the cigarette finally catches the heat.

"Don't fuck with me, Pena. I might just pull the same stunt on you", you warn him, now feeling the shaking seep into your whole body. No matter how many times you went through the waves of adrenaline. The aftermath was never pretty. Javi pushes his cigarette against the brick wall and says, "Come here", You don't move, but his hand laces behind your neck, bringing your body closer to his chest. You don't fight it.

Letting the warmth of him envelop you. Your free hand clenches his shirt. It's such a small gesture. Simple one too. But it's all that you need. All it takes is for your body to budge, and you're not shaking anymore. It's like Javi just soaked up all of that bubbling within you in seconds: "Next time you pull a gun at any of them, keep me around", and Javi can hear your muffled laugh against his chest. And he's smiling. Truly smiling with you pressed tightly to his chest.

"The nurse said she'd be transferred soon", Javi nearly jumps at the sound of Steve's voice, which snatches him out of his head. Javi lost track of how many times he had told Steve to go home. Everyone did. Everyone left. Not that many stuck around for the hospital run in general. But Steve didn't budge. He was there. He stuck to very few or none of the comforting words. Connie hadn't even managed to drag him home. A part of Javi wanted to shove Steve out the door, but then again, he was glad that he wasn't alone.

"You know what that means?", Steve speaks up again. Pulling the neatly wrapped-up sandwich from behind his back, "I think it's time you eat just how you were instructed to". Javi glares at him before turning his attention back to the door. The door that leads to the room they were keeping you in: How were you doing? Did your body push through the transfer? Had they checked that you were stable? Double checked? Did triple-check?

"Come on, Javi, you don't want her…", Steve tries again. His voice is gentle and soft, and Javi hates it. His hands banged on the plastic chairs, sending a sharp sound down the empty hallway. "Stop fucking talking, Steve", Javi snarls; now his glare is all for his partner. "Shut up…", though the last words didn't sound even half as convincing. And Steve catches the crack. He catches sight of every tiny piece finally falling apart.

So Steve brings Javi closer into an embrace, and Javi is quick to push back instantly. Steve just doesn't let go. He's keeping Javi in a tight grip until the agent stops the fight; his shoulder's sagging and only the uneven breathing gives him away. "She will pull through", Steve states quickly, trying to keep his own emotions at bay. "You want to know why?", Javi only grips the back of Steve's jacket tighter: "Because she would crawl from hell itself for you. Because she loves you and she hasn't told you yet, and we both know our tiny girl is a farce".

And then he's back in your apartment. And he's walking back to you after using the bathroom when his eyes catch a glimpse of the picture. Multiple. But all of them have the same boy in them. Big eyes. Curly hair. And he's so similar to you. It's almost disturbing. Javi had seriously considered that you had a child there and then, and he knows it is noisy, but he snatches one of the frames as he heads back to the living room.

You're sprawled out like a cat on your sofa. Soft music is playing. Dirty dinner plates are still on the table. You're humming under your breath. Fuck, Javi doesn't remember the last time he heard someone hum, and a part of him wanted to keep that moment just like that. A part of him had shouted at him not to say anything, but… "Who's this?", the words slip past his lips, and your head instantly turns towards him. And he should have listened to his gut because the lazy smile fell from your face and you suddenly looked so small. So fragile.

"Michael", you mutter as you step closer to Javi, taking the frame from his hand, fingers skimming over the image frozen in time, "My brother. The only couple pictures I have left". The frown suggests that it's something that still hunts you. That still aches. "You don't see your family much?", Javi asks as if he can judge, as if he flies back home often or even calls. Yeah, no. Javi avoids home like the plague, and then the said home returns the favor. "Nothing to visit", the sad chuckle that follows your words strikes Javi.

"I'm…", he starts, but you had already turned towards him. "Sorry? You pity me. You're surprised I'm still here? Or maybe you're disappointed?". Javi crosses the distance between you and quickly catches both of your elbows. "No…", his words die down, and you're laughing again, just this time your eyes are full of tears. You sure?", you say bitterly before dropping your hands over your face, salty tears still streaming down the side of your face.

"Y/n… carino…", And Javi doesn't remember the last time he called out to someone in such a soft manner. He doesn't remember the last time his own heart dropped to his heels for someone. And you're crying, and Javi can't stand it. Because you shouldn't be, because instantly he wants to make it better. "Hey, come here; you're not alone. Shh…" And equally as much, Javi almost doesn't know how to comfort you because Javi never does that. It's always others who do the comforting, who splatter encouraging words.

"But I am. I'm so alone", The sob that slips past your lips makes Javi close his eyes for a moment because the shared agony of it rips through his own heart. Javi wraps his arms tighter around you, fingers running through your hair as you wrap yourself around his neck. Holding onto him as if your whole world now depends upon him. If Javi chose to move, you would crumble. Crumble beyond repair. "You have me", he mutters, but then the anxiety of commitment kicks in and he finds himself adding, "And Steve, and Connie", he doesn't mention Carillo. At first, he's not sure why his tongue doesn't twist to say it, but does it matter? It would be for selfish reasons one way or another.

"They killed them", you rasp out in between catching your breath. Javi pushes away the strands of hair that are now stuck to your face because of the tears. "Dad fucked up a deal, so they came to butcher them all in front of my eyes", you continue, looking up at Javi with desperation. Did no one believe you when you told them what happened? Did anyone ever listen? "I hid in the closet and then…", another sob slips past your lips. "I just saw him, purple face, big eyes, they choked…", and you crumble, legs bucking beneath you, but Javi is there with you. Bringing you even closer as he sways from side to side. Your nails are digging into his flesh, but he doesn't care. Whatever he can do to ground you and calm you down, Javi is willing to do it. "I've got you, carino", he mutters, pressing his lips to your temple, trying to keep his composure, to keep strong because now you need him. And he'll crawl out of his own grave if he had to, just to make sure that you are okay.

"Sir", the voice that doesn't fit the memory cuts through his head. "Sir", it rings, and Javi snaps his eyes open. An elderly woman is standing in front of him, her hand braced on his shoulder, as she attempts to wake him. "It's past 3 a.m., and the visiting hours are long over", she starts, and Javi is once again filled with rage. Try, he thinks, you just try to walk me out. "They transformed her into room 337; I can let you in. You can rest there", Javi blinks a couple of times, convinced that he had heard it wrong. It's against the hospital rules, and the confusion on his face tells the lady that he's trying to find a catch for this.

"Is your name by any chance Javi?", she asks right as Javi stands up. How does she know? He had said his name when he handed you to the sea of doctors and nurses. They had marked his name for the blood transfer, but he hadn't seen this woman in any of the rooms. "Miss. Y/L/N had called out for Javi a couple of times", and he has to both keep himself up so he doesn't sink to his knees and stop himself from running down the hallway. Are you awake? Have you been fully conscious? Why were you calling for him? Is it because you hate him? Or do you want him to be there?

"She's stable; however, with a blood loss like that, I'm sure she will be out for a couple of days", the lady says, and Javi only nods. He probably looks like a maniac there. He is barely managing to stay still, trying not to overstep as he constantly slows his pace to match the nurses.

She walks straight through the door, but Javi halts. You're a door away. You're there, and he will get to see you. But can he see you? Will he be able to look at you without hating the whole world? And most importantly, himself? Yet he does, and you are in there. Still pale as a sheet of paper, but it's only the wires and IVs that surround you. Someone had neatly brushed your hair, and it's not an absolute tangled mess like it was in the emergency room. No, it almost looks like you're lying in… Javi closes his eyes.

"You can talk to her. She should be able to hear you. It'll calm her anxiety and give her something to hold onto", the woman either doesn't notice that Javi is slowly losing it or is great at hiding it as she checks over the machines before turning back to him. "Just catch some sleep yourself, son", she says softly, patting his shoulder just like she did in the hallway. "The emergency button is here, but her heartbeat is strong and steady. I doubt you'll need to use it", that soothes some of Javi's worries, but there are so many of them that it almost feels like nothing. Javi keeps standing till the nurse slips out the door, and then he reaches for the chair, pulling it closer to your bed.

"Hey", Javi mutters, his fingers carefully brushing over your hand. There are so many needles and things poking you that he's almost hesitant to do so. So scared of hurting you more. Making it worse than it already is. Javi let his eyes settle on your face, then down to your chest, watching it move up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Steady. He brings your knuckles closer to his lips. There's still blood under your nails, but he doesn't care. "I miss you already", Javi admits, waiting for an answer he knows he won't get. He nestles his head on your legs, takes your hand into his, and just hopes.

#javi pena x reader #javier pena x reader #javi pena x you #javier pena x you #javier pena imagine #narcos imagine #narcos x reader #narcos x you #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you

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xxlovelynovaxx · 8 months

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Okay I know this is referring to a very specific phenomenon but takes like this still PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. Screenshot below.

STOP FUCKING MAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPERIENCE OF AND APPROACH TO THEIR ILLNESS ABOUT YOU.

Screenshot end.

[Image ID: two screenshots of a tumblr post which reads: ive been on tumblr a long time and i remember when everyone said "oh don't romanticize mental illness" and it was agreed that doing that was gross and a good way to kill people indirectly

but somehow we've come full circle and there are people who legit defend their right to be anti-recovery there are people who don't want to get better and spread the idea that you can't get better as if it's gospel and it's fucking frightening to me bc nobody seems to want to say "hey? this is toxic and untrue and is your disease speaking, and it's not something you should accept."

and i feel like every recovery post gets about 500 of these people saying "this isn't something that will work" "cool karen i'm depressed" "maybe it worked for you but it won't work for other people" and that's... just... im so sorry if you're 15. i'm sorry if you're in high school and watching grown adults tell you it doesn't get better. that nobody says that with time and help and patience the world stops being so heavy, that accepting your illness as a fact is one thing but accepting it as the only way to be is just wrong, that you can learn to live with it and still find some degree of "happy".... if i had seen this shit back when i was ... oh god starting at 12 when i was already self-harming .... i think i'd have actually honest-to-god killed myself. not a joke, not a funny tumblr punchline, i would have actually just killed myself.

i'm saying this right here and right now to the adults on this site. if you for any reason shoot down positivity that's causing no harm - you might have indirectly worsened someone else's condition, and you should try and do better in the future. if you find it necessary to tell people "recovery is a lie", you need to do better. i know everyone has different circumstances, but i also know that mental illness behaves in such a way that everyone thinks they can't recover. if you feel like you should be spreading the Word Of Relapse, you are causing toxic language to be normalized and you need to do better.

im team "cool karen ive got depression and that means i'm going to try this because i've got to try something" i'm team "romanticize recovery" i'm team "it isn't working now but it might in the future and it's worth staying to find out” im team “hey this didn't work for me but it might help somebody else out"

fuck guys it shouldn't be an unpopular opinion to say "i don't want any of you to die". /end ID]

Stop denying the autonomy of mentally ill and mad people and saying "this is just your mental illness speaking and if you think this you need to be forced to recover for your own good"!!! You're a huge fucking ableist if you do this! It's something I've fucking accepted because constantly fighting against it was causing me MORE HARM than learning to live as a person with mental illness, fuck off!

Some people genuinely can't recover! Get this, some people have MORE SEVERE mental or physical illness than you. How is this fucking different than saying "[medication] or [treatment regimen] made my MCAS/POTS go into complete remission, so why are you still experiencing anaphylactic episodes despite trying every possible intensive treatment/med?"

(I try to only use examples I have personal experience with whenever possible to avoid unintentional ableism. This one is especially apt though as depression and most mental illnesses are not an acute injury, but rather a chronic illness. Remission is possible for some people. At least currently, a "cure" isn't, and recovery is usually closer to management than complete healing. Ofc not all injuries can heal either, but I think it's more apt to compare apples to apples here.)

Also, depression isn't the only mental illness, double fuck off!

Get this, I know my own needs and my own brain and my own illness better than you, triple fuck off!

Like yes, don't shit on positivity posts. In the same way anti-recovery posts aren't for everyone, if a recovery positivity post isn't for you, just move on. Filter or block if you need to.

That being said, there's a difference between positivity posts and posts that say "recovery/this aspect of recovery is mandatory". That kind of "positivity" IS causing harm. Stating "hey this isn't mandatory for recovery and recovery itself is optional, do what helps you most even if that means remaining mentally ill" isn't fucking "spreading the Word of Relapse".

Also "maybe it worked for you but it won't work for everyone" is quite literally not an attack and CERTAINLY not anti-recovery. There isn't a single recovery tool on the PLANET that will work for everyone. That's just a fucking fact.

All I can think of when I see this is that OP probably reblogged that post that basically said "you need to brush your teeth, if you don't you're harming yourself and are therefore a Bad Person, and if you can't, you can actually and are basically just refusing to recover out of laziness I mean because you're not trying hard enough I mean because you don't want to and your poor mental health is basically therefore your fault." Because yes, that was the implication of that post.

Refusing to acknowledge that people can be disabled enough BY ANY ILLNESS to not be able to recover isn't actually helping mentally ill people.

Like, even setting aside that I literally romanticize my mental illnesses as a healthy coping mechanism (signed off on by my therapist, in case you only believe people certified by the oppressive institution known as psychiatry), even setting aside that I have mental illnesses that can't be cured and that I don't want treated in part or in whole (I don't want meds or therapy for my schizophrenia, I only want to achieve functional multiplicity with my DID, as examples)...

It's not "spreading the idea that you can't get better" to acknowledge that SOME people can't get better. First of all, fucking curate your own online experience. Second of all, me saying I will never live without severe anxiety, as one example, is exactly the same as me saying I'll never be able to navigate the world without a mobility aid. It's fucking acknowledging my material reality. It's better for ME to stop wasting all my energy on the stuff that I either fully can't do or that hurts me to try to do and focus on what PERSONALLY makes my quality of life better, even if it makes me MORE ILL.

Finally, even if someone CAN recover, they don't fucking owe you that! There is no moral imperative for them to recover! If them choosing to continue to be mentally ill (by which this post only means depression, but even then), is triggering to you, that's a fucking you problem.

Give people the tools to recover, but forced recovery is inherently a form of violence because it violates a person's autonomy! Why don't you focus on building a society where the social conditions responsible for a good portion of depression are simply gone instead of yelling at mentally ill disabled people on the internet who make choices about their own illness that you don't like?

And stop fucking saying "if you make a decision I disagree with, it's your mental illness speaking and you're not actually capable of recognizing that or of making your own decisions (and therefore need "rescuing")"!!!

That's the justification used for institutionalization and psychiatric abuse.

That's the reason so many psychotic people who are not harming anyone have their psychosis forcibly suppressed via nonconsensual medication. (And quite honestly, even for those few that are causing harm, there are other options besides "lose all autonomy" and "be harmfully medicated into an approximation of a sanist concept of normalcy that is actually just drugging someone into docile compliance". Make no mistake, antipsychotics themselves are not inherently harmless and DO require informed consent. Though I am all for their usage by people who DO grant noncoerced informed consent; I'm not anti-med, I'm pro-consent.

It's not "normalizing toxic language" to literally argue for mad liberation and respecting the autonomy of mentally ill people. To say "I actually know my own self and experiences best and can therefore say this is not coming from the mental illness" or EVEN "it is coming from the mental illness, but I am still capable of making the decision to choose this anyway, because mental illness does not make me inherently incapable of consent" (yes, even if it causes the brain to be in an altered state, stop with that paternalistic bullshit), isn't something you need to "do better" about.

Fuck off.

Another thing: why do these posts ALWAYS go hand in hand with childism. It's a bunch of "15 years olds being hurt by the meanie adults who say they can't get better" and "toxic evil adults harming kids by teaching them that it's okay to make peace with being unhealthy because what's best for people isn't universal and our idea of recovery is very rigid anyway as proven by the idea that accepting your mental illness as it is isn't recovery".

I see you, 15 year olds who ARE mentally ill and are writing about mad liberation and anti-recovery and are wildly more capable and coming up with ideas in those veins that are blowing us all out of the water. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you, and my only wish for you is that you find the peace, whatever that means, that is best for you.

Just...

"if I had read this at 12 I would have actually killed myself" I'm glad you didn't, then, but that doesn't mean the sentiment shouldn't exist.

If anti-recovery isn't for you, that's fine. What's not fine is acting like it's inherently harmful and is a form of violence against every mentally ill person ever. Because many of us have been harmed by a culture that is "pro-recovery" and its logical extreme, forced recovery.

#anti-recovery #anti psych #ableism #childism #sanism #psych abuse #forced recovery #autonomy violation #nonconsensual medication #forced medication #normalism #healthism #institutionalization

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clatterbane · 7 months

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Back home from that second damned full general anesthesia gastroscopy session, and I survived. Just about. Feeling pretty rough about now, and very little of it is from the procedure itself. Still pretty full of Migraine Potion, of course, to make everything more pleasant.

But! This happened. Sure, the whole extra fuss of getting anesthesiology involved makes everything so much safer and better. Particularly with the T1 diabetes!

The main Dunning-Kruger part that I was referring to with the anesthesiologist I got hold of today was that she seemed to be operating under the strange idea that diabetes means that you need a constant supply of glucose, or you will go hypoglycemic. (As in, the exact fucking opposite of how anything works.) And that the long-acting insulin that I was not due to take would also somehow help keep my blood sugar from going dangerously low right then and there? Idek. Maybe she thinks that is a depot shot of extended release sugar? 🥴 (Again, it must be Opposite Day in the Anesthesiologyverse.)

There may have been some language/communication issues there. But yeah that really did not seem to be the main problem. This also was not an issue at all last time. It was definitely that anesthesiologist giving crazy instructions.

Hospitals are not a healthy place for T1 diabetics to end up anyway. There is so much piss-poor knowledge paired with God complexes going around. But, that's one of the strangest understandings that I have ever even heard of.

At least that was only half of my usual Lantus dose they insisted on giving me. So, when saying that it was not due for hours yet--and I that I did not want or need it--did not work? I went ahead and took the shit rather than go completely ballistic at them, because at least that was unlikely to do any actual harm. Guess I'll take the other half when the next dose is actually due, and hope the dosing disruption doesn't fuck me up too bad over the next few days.

(Though at least that was not my entire daily Lantus dose they were screwing with. I regularly take it twice a day, to help keep things steadier. So, a few units hours early should hopefully not make much difference.)

But yeah, I'm glad that nurse in the pre-op and after recovery post-op section did have more of a clue, saw what was shooting my blood sugar up immediately, and stopped the IV before it just kept climbing. Several more units of insulin later, and I am just feeling like slightly reheated shit after that little roller coaster ride. It could have been much worse, but that shit kind of scared me anyway.

Also glad it really isn't a long procedure, other than all the waiting and extra rigmarole compared to just going straight into an endoscopy room like I was doing before they decided to do this instead. They thankfully didn't have that long to pump my insulin-deficient ass full of liquid sugar.

Though, I did end up stuck for longer in the actual recovery room, getting glucosed up with no brakes, because the coughing from the intubation tearing up my throat triggered enough of an asthma attack this time when I did NOT have access to the inhaler I preemptively brought along after last time, that they ended up giving me this mask nebulizer treatment in there.

So much safer and better! 😒

But, I am finally home and now making some coffee.

And I am so glad that ordeal is over with for another month now. With some talk of shifting it to every 6 weeks after that. I really hope I don't get that same anesthesiologist again.

At any rate, I intend to be loud if I have to about NO FREAKING GLUCOSE. They were purposely not using it before.

#personal #venting #medical fuckery #t1 diabetes #gastroscopy #asthma #medical trauma #because yeah it kinda was

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seeingivy · 8 months

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What’s your writing process like? Do you outline or storyboard?

LOVELY POOKIE. MY LOVELIEST POOKIE YOU ARE. WHAT A DARLING YOU ARE. this is a very very fun question im very honored you asked/want to know.

this usually depends based on what im writing.

shorter fics or one shots, like family rules (which is one of my most popular fics hehe) kind of comes to me in a vision. think of these type of fics as like - ronnie is being delusional before bed and imagining a life with gojo before she goes to sleep. except it does not stay in my head and then I post it here on seeingivy dot com

my very special taylor as gojo series is its own breed. before, it would be i listened to a taylor song and got an idea and I was like yup. thats the one.

but most of taylor as gojo lately has been requests (WHICH I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS LOVE TAYLOR AS GOJO) so I will literally blast that song till something comes to me. ive been on and off streaming between call it what you want and story of us and nothing has hit me like lightning yet - so I will take more time to ruminate as these two songs are very special to me and I want them to be good.

as for my lovely, lovely long fics, this is less structured, which is even funnier:

I'll get the idea and scattered scenes will come to me. i'll have a rough idea of the plot in my head, of how I want things to go, and kind of work out the story points as I go

Idk what kind of reaction this will evoke, but 90% of important plot points do not come out until I write them

historia/y/n feud was not a thing until two days ago. the girlfriend scene was not pre-planned the met gala was not pre-planned. y/n getting stranded was not planned. this literally all happened yesterday cuz I was like oh what if.....

there are certain scenes that I think of that earlier on tho just make me really excited to write -> I always wanted their first kiss to be them practicing kissing for a scene, I wanted there to be a jjk crossover and for sukuna to be AN ANNOYING SHIT, and there's a bunch of other scenes like that in my head that i'm really, REALLY excited to write

so basically no plot. I actually don't even know how method acting ends actually. this is literally all just vibes - idk if that is horrifying to you a reader or exciting but the story comes to me as it comes to me and I work things out and build them in

this is also why I can fit so much fan service in my stories - whatever you guys show interest in (for example, armin was never meant to be a polaroid fiend but you guys thought it was cute and now made it a thing) you want laufey? I give you laufey? you want the greatest by lana del ray? ok its coming

that being said, pls interact with your authors stories!!!! literally if you tell me you like a song, you like sukuna being a bitch, you want gojo being a menace I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN (to the best of my abilities) and you should always, always tell your authors what you love about their writing bc it makes their day + gives all the lil warm feelings so just take the time to appreciate!!!

anyways. idk if this gave any insight to you if you're a writer or if you're a reader i might have just like giving you a panic showing you what the inside of my mind is like. anyways. love you.

#asks!

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 1 year

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diiary 2/25/2023

okayyy i been needing to write a longform post for a while! just to chronicle some thoughts in a cohesive way. & getting straight to the point: i'm realizing there is very little, if ANY payoff, to being an artist online. i'm not talking about money. im talking about the way it's like, the more ppl start to see you as an "artist", the more they feel like ur some kind of public figure they can lash out at w no repercussions. ur humanity is just wiped from their minds. i don't have some huge following by any means but for ME its gotten big since in the past i've been a serial deleter. usually at 800 followers im gone.

i love being creative & sharing for the sake of sharing but i deeply fear any kind of spotlight. since i came back onto tumblr i made the pledge to myself not to delete my account if it started growing but now im having second thoughts!! well i'll never delete this account cus im too sentimental but part of me just wants to stop posting in the ways i tend to do. like maube im too forthcoming & need to slink back into the shadows a bit. because i don't want to stop contributing art & music to the world but idk how to protect my heart.

like it's so crazy to me that artists are expected to b these idealistic icons of everything the viewer represents & if they make a single mistake its like fuck we better launch a pUBLIC HARASSMENT CAMPAIGN!! genuinely like, how are people supposed to want to put themselves out there when the climate is so hostile? it has got me feelin rly nihilistic i must admit. trying to put nice stuff into the world shld not be generating drama for me, especially when it's just my hobby & not even my "career".

for a while ive had no idea what to do for work or how to generate income in a way that works for me but honestly? im gonna bite the bullet & do some coding bootcamps so i can try n get a remote job doing some tech shit & making a fat salary. i guess i never rly considerd it before cus all the silicon valley stuff susses me out but idk. im naturally really good at code + my only real dream in life is to be able to support others & redistribute wealth. like ive never had anything of my own to share but if i could actually do this & become the secure+charitable person i wish to be, i think i cld finally have some inner peace/sense of fulfillment. plus i cld still be a recluse ^_^

ok well i guess that my diary entry for now. im rly grateful to everyone on this site who is genuine & respectful towards me. i am really enjoying all my creative projects right now & i just dont want it to ever stop being fun just because the internet doesnt want it to be fun for me. i seriously wonder why artists are the number one targets right now, i mean not to get too conspiratorial but like, this is exactly what the CIA wants :/ wahtever....i have no agenda other than plur. but yeah, i might just start to distance myself more from posting anything other than my work. we'll see. just kno that i dnt want it to b this way. ilu guys

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shiny-jr · 1 year

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Holy shit I just read the preview for Damnation V and IV and I am NOT going to be normal about this. AHHHH. I cannot wait for the fics to drop. I am already loving the set up for both. Shout out to Iago MC, they're hilarious and took up their role very quickly lol. I am especially excited for Pomefiore as a resident simp for that dorm. The way you wrote Vil is fantastic as usual and I can already feel some kind of tension between them. Also Rook and Epel were amazing as well.

Also, side note, but I LOVE the way you describe the characters' outfits in every story. Really puts me into the setting immediately and they are always so creative <3

Whew, haven't had a lot of time to respond to stuff in the inbox so I'm gonna try to answer as much as I can today while I have this opportunity.

I'm really glad that people are enjoying the Scarabia and Pomefiore sneak-peeks! Unfortunately, I haven't had time to work on them at all beside think about potential ideas for them for a few minutes. But other than that, not much process was done. Sorry about that.

I'm going to try and taken my time with them, because I don't want them to feel rushed. I don't want to eventually post them and then end up hating it or feeling like it could have been way better. So yeah, that's why it's taking so long. Hoping to give y'all more funny Parrot/Vassal MC moments and Vil scenes y'all can enjoy.

Actually, I usually look up inspiration on Pinterest when thinking of the clothing, especially for the mc. I think I posted some inspiration and images for Savanaclaw when someone brought them up, but that was in another post. But I'm glad you're liking them! I'm trying to keep it fitting for the region the story would have taken place in, with bits of cultural elements to some of them, but not too detailed, you know?

#shiny speaks #damnation twst au

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wolame-o-ccx · 8 months

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would genuinely love to see your process for sketching out your comics!! ive wanted to make my own but i have never really figured out the process and end up overwhelmed- and you're one of the folks who makes stuff in a style that I kinda draw close to, and u do ur comics with pencil and paper- so if you wouldn't mind in the future, it'd be really cool to see how you actually get everything planned :)

This ask is so cute :( probably genuinely the biggest compliment I've ever received! Well, no waiting in the future! I'll tell you now what happens behind the scenes! :)

SO FIRSTLY, I'd like to clarify I am in no way a professional or even close to one, I never even looked up how to do comics, I just kinda do them and use what I've read from DC comics and Pinterest tips.

But! Personally, I find that making comics is fun and that's what I strive on. I won't lie when I say my comics are pretty bland, the surroundings are empty and lame but I think the character's expressions and body language make up for it, and especially the script. So altogether in this post, I'll be breaking down how my comics are made!

↓↓↓ if you're interested, open up the full post!

1 - Scripting

In both dialogue and character detail/placing!

I use a notes app for when I get ideas!

* I usually don't do specific dialogue, only stating the idea and then coming up with dialogue in my head, but there are some exceptions where I do write down pre-thought-out dialogues you can see in the examples I put below!

With the idea / dialogue in tow, we can go to character detail / placing. I don't know the actual word for it but basically how the character acts in a specific scene / dialogue!

Character expression is especially important when it comes to any type of art, be it comics or animation as it can tell a story with little to no dialogue!

* panels taken from 1 and 2 for context

From here you can clearly tell their expressions well! Be sure to exaggerate!

2 - Limit planning

With Tumblr's 10 images limit, as well as Instagram if you post there, it's important to note that limit and know when to end the comic with a good panel where it doesn't feel like it's supposed to continue UNLESS you're making two parts!

I can't tell you how many times I've ruined my sketchbook papers trying to get a perfect script but I've been doing it long enough that my brain has adapted to the limit and every comic I've done since adapting had been a perfect ≤10.

But even if you decide to go with two (or maybe even more) parts, you should make sure it ends well still! Like a book! Those spaces between paragraphs and chapters and such!

Take these for examples too!

* panels taken from 1 and 2 for context

So treat it like a book! I guess ?

3 - Panel placement

This isn't a necessity, but my personal way of drawing each panel is having it scattered around randomly around my sketchbook. I don't use strips or anything like that as it restricts me because using strips on paper is a whole lot harder than on digital. Because I have such a wide area to draw, I'm less restricted from drawing any excess things I want to add in case my dialogue doesn't fit the panel or so!

4 - Draw

Now to put it all together and make the comic! I usually already have my vision in mind so I can just go draw it without a light sketch layer, but I do recommend it!

What that is is essentially a sketch but drawn like.. your pencil is hovered above the page? Like you don't press down on it or something like that. Basically a guideline! So do that if you need it, and when you're satisfied with how it looks, you can draw it! And make sure it's clear!

After that, it's just picture and post! (Make sure you crop it right tho!)

4.5 - BONUS / TIPS

When I started posting Belos drawings, I never expected it to get any attention or even end up as a whole AU 😭 I just drew him in a babygirl hoodie and people ate that shit up so now it's an AU 💀 and because of that you need to prepare personalized tags!

Tags like pitmdau or sharing caleb au ! Very very useful for navigation

More important than tags, make sure you have a Masterpost!

I'm aware mine are unfinished and very messy and I'm trying to work on that right now but it's very difficult but people really need it so when making Masterposts, YOU HAVE KEEP UP WITH IT. I slacked of for ONE POST and now it's a mess.

Also another important note you can only put 100 links in one post so you have to make more Masterposts to navigate through the comics 😭

5 - Have fun!

When getting into comic making, I think really the most important thing to keep in mind is your enjoyment in making said comics. Sometimes some things can burn you out very quickly so when you're getting into things like this, especially when you're not getting paid, you gotta make sure you have fun doing it. It doesn't matter if it doesn't get a lot of traction or not, it only matters that you are enjoying making and posting them!

I've experienced MULTIPLE burn outs from making too many comics for my TOH AUs that at some point I just completely died and lacked motivation. But what drives me into making them are other people's enjoyment! Their enjoyment gives me enjoyment which gives me motivation to make more. Someday I'll know the AUs I've created will inevitably be over, at some point, but right now I'm just having fun with the small community I've built!

So make comics, and have fun!

I hope this was helpful in any way. I just want to clarify that, again, this is my way of making comics, and you don't have to follow anything I put into the post. I'm mostly hoping this was easy to understand as well. I'm more of a visual learner so making up the words to make this was kinda hard so I'm sorry if some parts didn't make sense. If anything, feel free to hit me with another ask or a PM! I know me not posting seems like I'm inactive but I promise I check Tumblr frequently 😭

Happy posting!!! :3

#asks #pitmdau #sharing caleb au #masterpost

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crowboss-whore · 1 year

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Any tips on writing?Ive been wanting to write for a show i like but I’m not very confident on my writing since I’ve only done it in school work lmao

Mmm... I think it depends on what exactly you're writing? I'm more of a multi-chapter fanfiction kinda person. So I like to mind dump everything in one doc and figure out how everything connects. My outline-- "outline", it's just a bunch of wild thought slapped into one place-- is a mess of stuff.

Like-- Will this scene actually make it into the story? I don't know but it gives me an idea for what I want!

My writing comes out in a "dump this shit, fix it while we go" kind of writing. Which is an honest mess because I can get very frustrated. I'm fine so long as I have an idea of what I'm writing for that chapter! Which is usually what helps me get over my frustrations and just go "okay, let's retry it."

Your writing is personalized to you. Don't write with another's success in mind! But don't be scared to take inspiration.

Other than that, just go buck wild lmao. I'm usually not that confident until I stare at the chapter and go "fuck it! We ball!" and post it.

If you want, you can throw what you've written down into a text-to-speech and hear how it flows. Figure out if you need to add, delete, or rewrite something. It helps a lot!

Here are some stuff as examples! These are things that came to mind and I scrambled to write them down. Are they going to make it in? Dunno! But will it help me get an idea of dynamics and personalities, and let me figure out how to connect things? Yes!

EDIT: I, in my complete TOM-FOOLERY, forgot to mention that I save what I "delete." There are so many scenes that I write and end up liking but it doesn't match what I'm feeling. Sometimes, when I write, I get this image of a bunch of scribbles on top of each other and it makes me so upset. So I scrap the chapter or what makes it feel messy and rewrite. But I don't just delete it, I save it in a completely different document! Who knows, I might be able to use it or something in a future chapter! (Examples of this are also under the cut!)

Examples of scene alternatives -

I didn't like how it felt despite it being perfectly fine to read now! I think it was because I didn't know how to approach the transition from this to the race scene. I have so many alternatives for Chapter 12 that it's not funny.

This was scrapped because I didn't like how aggressive I made Seer. Ngl, chapter 10 was very rough for me because I didn't know how to write it. Seer isn't like me-- I'd have shut down any interaction with Macaque if I had to go through what they went. But they aren't me and they're a rather forgiving person who has claws. So I struggled a bit!

Dunno if this helps but I hope it did in some ways!

#crow answers ࿓#anon asks ࿔#I'd show more but it'd spoiler things LMAO #it's kind of fun explaining and showing my thought process of writing #half the time it's me sobbing and going 'OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!' as fluff just pours in #or it's me deviously tapping my fingers together going 'yes. yes this is good'#the 'outline' doc for ASOS is over 8000 words long #but that's not counting scenes i've written on my phone

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fandomfluffandfuck · 11 months

Note

hi!

im soooo happy you're unflagged now, slutty chris as your pfp was something i missed a lot when i opened tumblr haha 🫠

anywayy, i was wondering what tips you have for finishing WIPs? like, i have about 6 of them that are pretty long already but each time i open one i write about a paragraph and get unmotivated againn

i really wanna post this multichapter ive been working on since january (it's a dad's best friend trope, if you're wondering 👀) but im writing one last chapter and nothing will come to me :(

do you have any tips for getting motivated or just general things that help you stay focussed?

Hey!

Same! It felt like such a long time 😫 (I mean, it was almost three weeks, so it kinda was a long time, but you know what I'm getting at)

Your wip sounds super interesting. I'm sure they're all devine. Sending you all the ✨️motivation✨️

I don't know if I have tips as much as I can tell you what I do (or what I try to do, at least lol), but anyway, here goes--

I usually don't have more than one "actual" wip at one time, I obviously jot down ideas when they come to me, but I'm not writing multiple full-fledged fics at once. I'm writing a fic, and maybe I'm working on some writing for Tumblr at the same time. Other than that, I just don't. I'm VERY tempted at times, but I force myself to take it one at a time. Even when it might be painful, lol.

(And I'm aware that I'm very privileged to have a brain that works in such a way as to let me write like that.)

Plus, as weird as it sounds, I've found the more I write with a single wip at a time, the more moving onto the next idea I have becomes a reward in of itself.

As far as finishing what I'm working on currently, usually I start with an outline, literal jot dots, for what I want the fic to be. Obviously, it doesn't always follow what I first put down, but there's an outline at least. Then, I go back and fill in that outline where I know nothing is permanent. I literally write the full fic in jot dot form. It just might be missing bits and pieces. It's still in jot dots. After I finish through the whole outline--expanding the ideas into actual writing--I go back, and I go section by section, removing the jot dots while reading for things I might need to change, things I might want to add, etc. After I get through the whole thing that way, I re-read it as a normal piece of writing. Again, changing or adding or removing things or whatever as I go. Then, I usually run it through a program like Grammarly or some shit to catch stuff that I can't catch (thanks dyslexia). Finally, I copy and paste it into AO3, reading it one last time, in a different font.

My schedule for writing on the weekend (soon weekdays, too... almost hello summer 👀) is to write for an hour after I eat breakfast. I'm a morning person, I get up at 6:00 am, then I sit on the couch with my laptop and type for an hour. Usually like 7:00-8:00am. Then I'm done. I'll come back to it tomorrow. It's a routine that's been my routine for a couple of years now, so I don't even really think about it. I just do.

(Also, obviously, if I'm in the middle of a scene or something, I write down what I will need for later, but I have shit to do, so I have to stop.)

When I'm in the middle of writing and I get stuck, usually I scroll back up to what I've written earlier and do some rereading. Or I scroll down and freshen my memory of where I'm trying to take this thing. Then, I integrate back into what I'm trying to write, thinking about the feeling I want to create, what picture I want to paint, what the internal world of the character I am writing is like (what is their "voice"), etc. When words won't come, I think about things other than words--if that makes any sense, lol.

If that doesn't work, rereading, I might take a breather. I drink a lot of tea, so I might go make myself some tea, sometimes thinking about what I'm trying to write, sometimes not. Usually, I get a lot of ideas the second I set my laptop aside, lmao. Or it comes to me when I'm pacing, waiting for water to heat up. Usually, because I write for an hour, I feel pressure to write the whole time, but I don't have to. No one has to do anything. It's all good. Take a breath.

A breather.

I also always listen to music when I'm writing. Almost always music with words but not always the same genre; I'm not just listening to horny music or whatever when I'm writing, so if I'm stuck, I might swap to a new playlist. Maybe one that is intentionally matching for what I'm writing--a more sexual playlist for smut, a softer playlist for romance, an upsetting playlist for angst, etc. Or maybe one that clashes, that always shakes something loose in my brain.

(Listening to straight fucking screamo when writing an intimate, quiet, fragile scene is objectively hilarious, too, so I entertain myself.)

Usually, when I write in the morning, I don't have as much trouble with my dyslexia because I haven't exhausted myself reading and processing the bullshit that letters and numbers do all day, but if it's just a bad day for whatever reason... I might swap fonts and try to keep at it. Usually, I write in Verdana, but I might swap to Comic Sans or something for a while.

Or, if I'm stuck because of dyslexia or anything else, I might just stop for the day. As a perfectionist and workaholic and, just, someone who you could not pay to sit still and not do something, I'm trying to allow myself more times where I can just stop. A lot of the time, I push through, though. I tell myself 10 more minutes, then you're done. A tangible goal can be good.

What really motivates me is getting the fic out. Not even necessarily getting it out and publishing it to AO3 and seeing people's reactions to what I create, although that is undeniably an incredible thing to experience. I feel compelled to write. I like the process of writing. And because I've accidentally created this rule for myself where I have to finish one thing before the next, I have to get something out to start the next. Editing is the WORST, but I will do it to move on to the next. That's just my workaholic nature.

It'll probably kill me one day... it's not the best. As a consequence, I will readily admit I forget what I've written CONSTANTLY. I don't re-read what I write once it's finished. I move on to the next idea so fast that I forget what I did prior until other people bring it up. I'm propelled forward with very narrow vision. Again, it's not the best, and I should learn to stop and appreciate what I've done. It's hard, though.

Also, talking to people about your ideas is always a good way to go. I should do it more, too. I find myself being a very selfish creator. I create from this place of compulsion. I have to get it out. I don't know why, I just do. It's the way I am. And I create alone a lot. I'm an introvert and a highly independent person, I like to be alone, and I like to make things alone. So, it's easy to fall into the same pattern of being private and only showing off what I have when it's fully finished, complete with a sparkling varnish. But that doesn't have to be the way it is. Share bits and pieces, talk about what you're doing, let other people tell you you're doing it! You're doing a good job! They're excited to see the next update, no matter how small!

If you can't/don't want to share, though, a fun way to bounce ideas around is going, okay, I have to make a list of [whatever number, 20, 50, 100, etc.] ideas. They can be absolute fucking garbage, all of them, but I am going to list out as many as I possibly can. If none of them are good, great! They're no longer taking up space in my brain. They're on this list. If one or two are good, great! You can build on those or warp them to fit.

I hope some of that helped, lol. I just tried to explain the way my brain works, and it isn't pretty, lmao.

#whiteglovemanor #asks #writing tips #writing

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sentientgopro · 4 months

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Okay, screw it, It's been on my mind alot, I'm writing the damn mirror post so I can get it off my mind.

There's a song I listen to often that has a couple of lines about "breaking the mirror". I'm the type of person who feels the need to understand every line of every song they listen to, so I googled the meaning. (Side note, part of me felt like it was right to write girl instead of person and she instead of they? I almost always use gender neutral terms in anything I say online regardless of being about me, but feeling like saying she is not something I've done before. That was weird. Back to the point.)

So I don't know how commonly known it is or whether people still pay attention to old superstitions, but apparently breaking mirrors brings you years of bad luck, but eventually you'll be just fine.

And there's obvious parallels between this idea and transitioning. Things will get alot harder after you start, but you'll be infinitely better off when you start to reach the other side. Right now, I can live simply as a guy and not have to worry about the perils of being trans, but once I break the mirror, it's on.

But I can't get over how there's this really old symbolism of taking the very thing that displays who you are, and shattering it, and it's gonna cause alot of problems for a while, but then the reflection is restored, better than ever, and all the bad is washed away.

And this was just a neat little idea in my head, until I saw a CERTAIN game with a certain stereotype was on sale for like £3 and bought it. And oh my fucking God, mirror symbolism is EVERYWHERE, because of course it is. The very incarnation of the bad parts of Madeline literally come from looking herself in the mirror and breaking it. People have talked before about the heavy Mirror symbolism in Celeste, often mentioning trans people's relation to mirrors, but recontextualising that with the superstition and the things I just mentioned made it hit so hard for me when it clicked and I put it all together.

Now, I always knew this would be an aimless rant, but I still spent a while trying to think of a good way to tie it together but its not working. I'm just gonna talk about the lyrics now and how they reflect my specific situation. Its 4 lines, in pairs, in two seperate verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer."

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror."

How often do you hear trans people talk about how theyre not ready, or theyre finding excuses for themselves, and they don't know why? I'm the same, but I genuinely have a rock solid excuse for myself, that I live in an unsupportive and overcontrolling household, so I couldn't even start doing anything in secret because of how restricted I am. I should be going to Uni in about a year and a half, so that's the starting point. But even if this wasn't the case, I dont think Id start transitioing yet, Im not ready, my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer.

But that's the thing, it IS time to make it all clearer. Ive got time, with no pressure, to figure myself out and improve my mental state so that I'm in the best position possible to break the mirror. So as long as I never cease doing that, I'll be ready to break the mirror.

If you're wondering what the song is, It's The Gift by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman. The rest of the song isn't a trans allegory or anything, I honestly couldn't tell you what most of it is about, it's from fucking COD: Black Ops 3 Zombies lmfao. Every map in the Zombies mode of the Black Ops games has a secret song, usually by Kevin Sherwood and often with Elena Siegman singing, but sometimes its a different vocalist.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because the map this song is on is Literally called "Revelations". Yep, certainly having a few of them lmao.

So, thanks for reading this unhinged rant about mirrors that's probably unoriginal as shit, I'm going to cut this off Immediately before I launch into a rant about how good Kevin Sherwood's music is. Honestly, hes too good to be working on COD, not to mention how Elena Siegman has the voice of an angel and a demon at the same time, that girls range is insane. Fuck, Im already slipping into a rant, I just need to stop writi

#196 #transgender

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saintqueer · 2 years

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first, i wanted to say thank you for your super long response essay to the earlier anon! i feel like your thoughts are always so nuanced and you laid everything out so patiently and thoughtfully! if you happen to read this and answer it, great, and if not no worries! take the time away from public fandom you need if you need it, take care of yourself and do what makes you feel good!

i guess my thoughts are half-question/half-theory. i definitely agree with you that it seems like there's been a real shift in energy from hl since 2020 and especially lately (and especially that we're missing a piece of the puzzle), but my question for you is, at least the way i read your essay (and totally could be misunderstanding you or missing nuance) it seems like you feel like at least some of this is coming from h&l themselves? and i wondered why?

at least for me, i've picked up on that shift, but i also feel like i'm picking up on a sense that h&l, and especially h, has a lot of plans going a bit off the rails/not to plan atm in general, which would obviously affect louis' plans to the extent they're larry-related/adjacent. i mean, as a glaring example, i can't imagine that whatever is happening with holivia right now is what they intended for this stunt - for most of the news around harry's first major leading role to be about whether or not he was a homewrecker who spent so much time sleeping with his director that the quality of the film suffered. (if that was the plan... idk man, get better pr people). it feels like a plan was made based on the original filming schedule, and between covid delays and post-production, the stunt is lumbering on without any real renegotiation despite the fact that an almost 2 year 'relationship' with no official confirmation in the face of what appears to be a custody battle and increasingly mainstream rumors about on-set behavior makes no sense and looks bad. (olivia's been notably silent on other projects she was supposed to have in progress, so again, something maybe happening behind the scenes there).that also ties in to something i thought when h was announcing his residencies and am coming back around to - that we may be seeing the end/untangling of harry's contractual obligations with jeff/full stop/maybe even CAA. (for good or for ill, as a former lawyer, i see him shoving all of those residencies in and can't help but think that's a way to meet a contractual obligation for a set number of tour dates that goes with his album obligations, since he doesn't seem to be planning on touring harry's house separately, and he's certainly distanced himself from the azoff set of celebrities he used to be more tied to, like kendall). and as for louis, i'm sure whatever plans he had made are inextricably affected by h's plans, especially if we're looking at something to do with bbg ending (idk....).

obviously there's a lot going on behind the scenes we don't know, but i just wanted to say i've picked up on a lot of the same vibes it seems you have, but i'm also just feeling like h's pr in particular is just... flailing, rather than part of a planned/coordinated push in line with h's long-term goals.

dude, you say that I articulate things well? the way you explained this was so perfect.

basically, i agree with most of what you're saying here and have had similar thoughts as well. like ive begun suspecting over the last 6 months that olivia is more central to whatever has been going down in the last year with both HL.

and i DO think harry is at the end of his rope with a lot of stuff. and i do think louis has made a lot of adjustments based on various factors.

ive entertained so many different ideas and possibilities that could explain the uniqueness of the past year even including blackmail. never landing on one because obviously i don't know shit. for me, the biggest confusion comes from them seeming to play along harder than usual while still looking miserable.

like i know olivia is a nightmare, but if harry really WANTED to sell it, he could do better. louis still looks far more happy with a stranger's child than his supposed son, he could be more convincing. YET they are still playing along far more and relentlessly than ever before imo.

about your question of why i think part of it is coming from HL, i should probably clarify. i don't think hl are sitting there like "this would be a great idea" but i do think that certain things can be avoided and i had hoped we would be past things like shitting on larries in a fans DMs or blocking your biggest UA. i would think that there would be a way to push the babygate narrative without flying a child out to a foreign country to spend the day with strangers. i feel like, despite the ways they are still constrained by narrative, i would hope that they would have the ability to the use the less harmful way of pushing it.

they very well might have a big grand plan they are working towards completing. nothing would make me happier. but the way things are constantly shifting and never in a specific and consistent direction, more and more it just feels like they are chickens running around with their heads cut off.

louis wants to be successful, harry doesn't want to lose the opportunities he has gained. i don't blame them for that, but we get caught in the crossfire. but not only us. THEY get caught in the crossfire because they don't seem all that happy and content to me. they seem tired of playing the game but utterly unwilling to stop because they are terrified of what will happen if they do. more than self-protection for me, it's like i want to protect myself from having to watch them run themselves into the ground with work and lies that can't be undone all leading up to some kind of horrific george-michael-esque outing scandal that i know will just break my heart because they deserve so much more. because the industry will turn on them one day no matter how well they play by its rules.

#anon

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wawawawawawawawawawawawawa · 11 months

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the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

#wasks #srry if ur not a guy it meme :(

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