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nocturnal-jeon · 5 years

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𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚎𝚜 ➛ 𝚔𝚒𝚖 𝚝𝚊𝚎𝚑𝚢𝚞𝚗𝚐 {2}

The best day of your life had come and gone, and you and your new husband Taehyung were settling comfortably into your new lives together as husband and wife. All of your friends and family had traveled over many seas to watch you commit your love to the glorious Taehyung.

Although Taehyung’s schedule as an idol began to pick up, one of the vows he made both to you out loud in front of everyone but also alone to himself, was that he would make ample time in his busy life for you and your daughter, and any other flower babies that decided to join the party. Though only you, Taehyung, and your daughter knew what that term meant, the merging laughter of the three of you filled the large venue, causing small smiles to form on the faces of many.

Regarding said flower babies. Protection was a thing of the past. That same day that you agreed to have children with him, the two of you shared an intimate evening, your bodies connecting as one in hopes of creating a flower baby. It quite frankly suprised you at how hard conceiving a child was. If anything, it worried the hell out of you constantly.

Google had become your best friend since it seemed to hold all of the answers to your distress. You often found yourself buried under a mountain of blankets while your daughter was at school and Taehyung was either traveling, practicing, or performing. It wasn’t so rare for women to struggle to conceive even after giving birth to one child already. And if anything, that stressed you out. Each article ended with the suggestion that you go visit your doctor, but you felt that by doing that, you were admitting defeat and you just couldn’t do that to yourself.

On this day in particular, your ex was supposed to bring your daughter back in a few hours, and Taehyung was quietly resting in bed beside you. It was about midday, and your husband had been asleep all day long, but you weren’t upset. He worked hard and you were glad that he was asleep and getting some well-deserved rest. His newly dyed blonde hair fell over his eyes and he laid lazily on his side, one long arm resting under his cheek, and the other sprawled out, his middle finger brushing up against your bare thigh.

Taehyung deserved the world, and if you could give him a small part of that, your life wouldn’t have been for nothing. He wanted a baby. And you were trying your hardest to do that. You had changed your diet, making and eating foods that encouraged conceiving, you tracked your period and your ovulation period. Everything. But it wasn’t working and that wasn’t okay with you.

You figured that Taehyung was too busy to notice that your attempts have failed, but you were wrong. Taehyung had been keeping a log of every time the two of you had sex, drawing a sad face next to each date as a way for his memory to know that you were unlucky. He was planning on doing something special with the date said baby was conceived, but Taehyung’s heart was beginning to ache, and while he wanted to comfort you since he knew you probably weren’t doing well, he had work and that was also important.

When the doorbell rang downstairs a few hours later, you quickly looked over at Taehyung in hopes that he was still asleep. And while his body didn’t move, Taehyung was half awake now. Sighing with content, you placed a loving kiss on his forehead before wrapping a robe around your body and making your way downstairs.

As soon as you opened the door, your daughter, dressed as a flower for no apparent reason, made a run for it, her chubby little arms wrapping themselves around your legs. “My baby!” you exclaimed, picking her up and leaving big kisses all over her face. “Did you miss mommy?” you asked, seating your daughter, who seemed to get bigger everyday, on your hip. “Yes, mommy!” she shouted, nuzzling her head in your neck cutely. As one hand rubbed her back, you looked up at your ex, who stared down at you particularly menacingly today.

His large hands were stuffed in the pockets of his skinny jeans, distress evident in the wrinkles of his forehead. “Darling, go take off your shoes and put your bag away, please,” you requested, putting her back down. Using her seemingly abundant energy, she ran down into the mud room, her sparkly skirt reflecting in the light.

“What’s the issue now?” you asked, crossing your arms as you looked at him unamused. “Y/d/n tells me that you and Taehyung are trying to have a baby,” he says coldy, his harsh-sounding words cutting through your thick layer of happiness and reaching your heart within seconds. “Yes, we are. What does that have to do with you?” you asked, an eyebrow raised.

“If you’re planning on having another child,” he started, “I want the majority of the time with y/d/n.” Your eyes widened and your knees buckled. “What?” Your voice came out hoarse and weak, causing your ex to feed off of your vulnerability. “You’re going to have another child around, and she’s my only child, so it’s only fair,” he explained. “No, it’s not fair and that makes no sense. You can’t do that,” you said, the level of your voice raising with the growth of your anxiety.

“I’m meeting with my lawyer later today, y/n. It’s about time I play a bigger role in her life, no?” he said, a maniacal grin on his lips. Your heart was beating louder than a concert, the bass in the speakers uncomparable to the pounding in your chest. “You get to have everything and I have nothing? A rich husband? Three weeks out of the month with our gorgeous daughter? And now a second child? That’s fucked up, y/n, I mean, come on,” he said in a tone of voice that aimed to get you to relate to him. You shook your tears, unwavering tears sliding down your cheeks.

He shrugged his shoulders and exhaled loudly. “Hopefully, I’ll see you and your lovely lawyer, who I miss so much, soon,” he said, before turning on his heels and leaving. You stood in the open doorway, your legs feeling like jelly. You couldn’t move. You could barely breathe. It hurt that when you seeminly had everything you could have dreamt of, your ex came to take that all away.

For once, you were glad Taehyung was alseep because you didn’t want him to hear what was going on, but he heard everything. He had gotten so excited because y/d/n was coming back home, so he sat up in bed and listened. But what he oveheard wasn’t what he anticipated on, and while your heart was shattering slowly and painfully, Taehyung sat upstairs completely dumbfounded and lost, not knowing what to do or say to you.

And while that was a conversation he probably should not have heard, and his obligations were to you and you only, he felt that there was nothing he could do or say in this case because that child was yours and your ex’s. Not his. And so Taehyung never mentioned the fact that he overheard the conversation. If anything, he focused more on your behavior. He noticed that you would hold onto your daughter a couple seconds more and watch her run to school and remain watching a few minutes after the fact.

While your daughter was at school, he would watch as the enthusiasm drained from your body as you would crawl under the covers as soon as you arrived back at home, a sleepless trance overcoming your body. And it hurt for Taehyung to see you like that.

Discarding your clothes and leaving you in your undergarments, Taehyung did the same to himself. He crawled into bed behind you and wrapped his bare arm around your stomach, gently pulling you back against his naked chest. He knew this cuddling position, with skin-to-skin contact, was one of the proven remedies to your saddness.

He entangled his legs with yours as he placed soft, delicate kisses on your shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” his deep, raw voice asked as his long fingertips stroked the skin on your stomach. You shook your head, but Taehyung was okay with that. “I love you. I just want you to know that. And if you choose to talk about it, I’m here. Always,” he clearly said, right by your ear before placing a sweet kiss on your neck.

Instictively, Taehyung began to hum the chorus of ‘The Truth Untold’, which, within seconds, had you fast asleep. Taehyung’s body remained in the same place, wanting to be sure that you were asleep, before slowly removing himself from the bed. Just in a pair of boxers, Taehyung sat at the bottom of the bed, going to trusty Google and researching the terms of a divorce, wanting to figure out whether lawfully your ex could even do what he said he would.

Taehyung sat buried in mutliple articles for just over an hour before receiving a text from Namjoon, asking for all members to meet so they can discuss this month’s schedule. Getting dressed as quickly as he could, and writing a quick note for you, Taehyung left the house.

You woke up in a dark rom, confused. You didn’t know what day it was, what year it was, or where you were, but as soon as you sat up and looked at the BTS photoshoot images on the table, you know you were at home. But you couldn’t see Taehyung. The bright yellow post-it note on your nightstand caught your eye. Squinting to make out the words, it read:

I have a meeting to go to, but I don’t know what time I’ll get home. Make sure you eat and get to bed at a reasonable time. Love you, my princess.

You figured tonight was a time to binge watch shows on Netflix since your daughter was with her dad, so you reached towards the bottom of the bed and pulled the half open laptop onto your lap.

Running your fingers over the trackpad to turn it on, your eyes, once again, began to squint since the brightness was something new for you. However, your eyes adjusted, but immidiately filled with tears when you read what was in the search engine.

“What happens after you get a divorce?”

Confused, and hurt, you looked at the search history.

“How to get a divorce?”

“Guidelines of a divorce.”

Tears prickled your eyes. Was it because you couldn’t conceive? Was it because you haven’t been as lively as you usually were? Why did Taehyung want to leave you?

#bts #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts drabbles #bts series #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

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mylifemydiary · 4 years

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Lots of bullshit.

November 12, 2020

So the past 13 days have been quite, um... bullshit. Starting with me finally getting the pictures from the sexy goddess photo shoot I did for my husband in early October. That I fasted, and tanned, and did all kinds of butt scrubs for, and facial treatments, and got my hair trimmed for. They came out AMAZING. Beyond my expectations. With the exception of a couple of pictures, and I mean out of 140 of them, I loved them all. I looked gorgeous. I looked like a goddess. I looked like....someone else. I did not look like me. Which is where the problem lies. It had the opposite effect on my self esteem than it should have. Yes, I looked amazing. After weeks of prep work and an hour in hair and makeup, dim lighting and fuzzy camera lens tricks. It wasn’t reality. I don’t look in the mirror daily and see that sexy goddess lady. I see frumpy old tired me. And that’s who my husband sees as well. We joked about it at first, but then reality set in and it’s truth. Yes, I looked amazing IN THOSE PHOTOS. Photos that I can’t really show anyone else. So what’s the point? He joked about a couple of the poses, and that was about it. I didn’t get the amazing reaction I hoped for. And why should I? He doesn’t get to have sex with that amazing woman in those photos. He gets the frumpy mess with the mismatched underwear and no sexy lingerie. With my house glasses on and no makeup. That’s who he gets to have sex with. So that was a $600 waste of self esteem and time. Great.

Halloween. We spent hours, or he did, carving a pumpkin for the contest here at the apartments. We go to the judging, where we may or may not have infected everyone with covid, or been infected ourselves, to not even place out of only 8 entries and 3 spots. Great. More wasted time and effort.

Then we ‘celebrate’ Halloween. around lots of unmasked people and a toddler who won’t wear his costume for more than 10 minutes. More wasted effort. Also may have infected everyone that day too.

Then we actually celebrate our 4 year anniversary. That was great. As in we went out to eat and that’s about it. What can we do with a toddler and no babysitter? Nothing. That’s what. No pomp. No circumstance.

Then we celebrate our toddlers birthday. With a small cake and candle and pics. I ordered gifts to have something for him to open. That’s it. Over in 10 minutes. Then the next day, his actual birthday, my husband wakes up unable to smell or taste. Yep. He went to get tested and had covid. So I go get tested even though I feel fine. Yep. I have it too. So we assume our kid has it because A. Where is he going to go at this point? And B. he had already been around us all weekend. So the week slowly goes by, lots of headaches, loss of smell and taste, and flu like lethargy abound. The baby luckily only had a small fever a couple of days, and that very well may have been due to the 4 canines he was cutting simultaneously. So here we are. The husband is back to work today, I’m stuck with this toddler who has somehow gone off the rails since turning two, and a headache that has now lasted two full days somehow. The only good thing is that I’ve lost another 3 pounds thanks to covid, which I am now slowly regaining since my workout routine is off.

I am just emotionally drained. The husband didn’t enjoy the time off with us. He actually spends more time smiling at this damn computer with his coworkers than he does at me. I am disheartened at all of this. The sadness over the pictures, the fact that being quarantined with me for 10 days did not bring us closer but in fact make us further apart than we have been. And this toddler. Tantrums on a dime. Won’t eat. Won’t do ANYTHING that he is told. And we are supposed to somehow get him to wear a mask on the plane? How the fuck?

Oh yeah. We decided, since we have all three already had covid, that flying home for Christmas is now a good idea. Which I am relieved about I guess. I was a little depressed about not spending Christmas with my son in Texas. Or decorating my black tree. But now, with covid rampant there, we will be forced to mask our son in the airport and on the plane. He won’t wear the mask for longer than .2 seconds. There are stories where people have been removed from flights for 2 year olds refusing to wear masks. So we will see how that goes. And of course lots of fights over time spent with family when we go back. My family will want to consume as much time as possible, and his family will have mutliple gatherings of which we will attend. And he will go to his cousins. And stupid Wilson will come over to play Magic cards for 8 hours. And he’ll get to go do whatever he wants while I’m stuck with the awful toddler terror that our kid has most recently become. Will this ever get better? How is our relationship going to get stronger if all we do is argue over parenting, over time and family allocation, over the fact he thinks im packing too much when I’m just trying to be prepared?

All I want is a ‘you’re doing a great job’ or ‘you’re doing the best you can’ or ‘you look great babe’ or ‘i still love you’ or ‘I know this is hard but it will be ok’ or ‘you’re still my favorite person’ or any of the tons of things I never get to hear but want to so badly.

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