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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice?

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other.

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC?

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round?

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment?

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4?

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though-

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships?

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove?

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends?

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^ Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love.

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :]

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end...

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him?

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!!

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game?

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance?

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games!

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it!

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game?

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running?

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch?

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS?

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower.

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥)

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing)

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

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jovnie · 3 years

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The devil's desire | Yoongi

Summary;

You fell in love with a man of many pasts, however he desired more than a relationship. He wanted your soul for eternity.

Words: 13k

Devil yoongi! Demon au! Human reader

Very Dark themes

Warnings: religious concepts, gore, porn without plot, death, big dick yoongi, clubbing, kidnapping, non-con touching, blood, cnc, prey ( y/n ), stalker yoongi, drugged, drugs, chains, cutting, rough sex,

"She's almost ready sir!" a winged creature announced. Nodding in his throne, he took the mirror and looked through it. There you were getting ready to meet a mysterious guy at a club or well hoping to once again. He smirked devilishly knowing you remembered to come back to this particular club.

He previously brought you to this nightclub in Korea, hidden through an alleyway in the darkest part of Busan. There was danger and a constant fear of being robbed, kidnapped. Even if Korea was a safe place, things like kidnapping and murder still happen and even more so at night.

He remembered that you kept a knife and a taser with you, he liked the vulnerability you had going to a place not meant for angels let alone humans at night. He found it charming how oblivious you are to your surroundings as well. He was a man of darkness and hell for sure, but one thing was for sure. He only craved humans who were pure and light energetically. 'Suppose you did know that the Club was own by the devil himself, would that really stop you' he thought.

He watched her put on clothes and noticed how delicate she was in his eyes. No, this wasn't the first time he'd watch her. Not the last either, it seemed like a generational curse in his eyes. He wasn't mad he placed it on the females to feel tempted by his actions, however, each one passed the test. you however failed it the first two times, making it the third time.

Sighing, he put the mirror down and stood up. Stretching, he allowed his black feather wings to elongate and move around before putting them away. Looking at his watch it was a quarter past 11 pm, he'd knew you want to be early and try and catch a good table. However the little worry of what if someone wanted to take you before him, hurt you before him. The thoughts riled him up, making him grab his keys and wait by the portal. Besides the gate doesn't open until 11:59, so his intrusiveness can calm for now.

While waiting, he took out the cute little human hand mirror you'd gifted him a while back. He looked at himself and the scar over his left eye, "maybe this is what attracts them" he chuckled softly.

As time fastened, he waited for the lock in the air to appear. He waited long and hard for that little red lock and once it appeared, he opened all the portals from his underworld to the human world and the other one which lead stright to his club.

Formally known as 666 plaza to hadians, the chosen humans only knew it as void 218. To you it was just another club on the holy day of Sunday. Although you were never brought up with Christianity, you had the basics that everyone knew, loved, and hated.

Waiting by the gates or humanly known as "doors" you pulled out your phone to realize there was no battery or charge. Confused as you could've sworn it was full when you left, you herd the doors open and the mini line began moving. Your eyes wandered the room to find the stairs that led to the upper level where you would meet and see Yoongi. You knew it was stupid to keep doing this, but with yours and his schedule it wasn't at all.

Passing by the few people, you found upstairs and walked up seeing there were already people inside which confused you, but you paid little attention to it. Waiting by the usual black velvet seats and area, you head a familiar voice.

"Is this your regular peach vodka with light ice?" yoongi asked loudly over the now loud music playing. Nodding, you sat up and greeted him before getting your drink. Little did u know about his plans with you or what tonight was gonna be.

Smiling softly, yoongi was gentle eyes admired your beauty as he get down with his own drink. He took a sip of his own drink that was laced with a sleeping drug, one that'd do nothing to him and more to you.

"So what are you doing here?" He asked knowingly.

"Well, it's a Sunday and I have nothing planned so I thought I come by" you lied, hoping the white lie would slip. Nodding, yoongi put his hand on your thighs and moved closer to talk to you about life and each other week. You mentioned something about the campus or school you were studying and he lied about his "forensics" job and how hard it was to see how people died. Continuing, he bought the two of you more drinks and when the timing was right offered one of his. Thanking him for the kind jester, you took a sip. He smiled and also took a sip after you, then placed it back down.

"Good isn't it?" he said, reaching over to his phone and at the time. Noticing he did so you hummed and snuck another sip. Then another. Whatever was in had you almost drinking his entire cup down.

"Omg what is this, what's making it so good. I can't put my finger on it" she said as her words slowed down and her eyes blinked slowly. He watched her body start to feel tired, then at the right moment whispered in her ear "apple, cherry, lime, it's a light alchcolic drink and right, drugs."

Soon as her eyes closed and body dropped, he mustered enough strength to pick her up and sling you over his shoulder. "Another one taken by the devils favorite drink, poison apple," he whispered knowing nobody cared to stop him not could. Well not if they wanted hells punishment if not worse death, even if they were immortal. Walking up the last set of stairs he opened the portal and handed the keys to his servant and told him to look after.

Noting the girl, the servant nodded and knew the king was gonna take his time and would be in a long "meeting." Taking charge of the place, yoongi walked up to his Castle surrounded by blue flames in the middle of nowhere and walked in. He demanded for total privacy, meaning nobody in or even near the castle or be banished for eternity and with that everyone wondered what that soul did to get his undivided attention. From there gossip spread about you from one to another creature and it traveled fast.

Meanwhile, he laid you on the bed and looked at his watch. The drug last about 30 minutes and about 20minuets have gone. From there he requested one trusted worker with a list. The list was :

The devils list

Body Chains and rope

Salt and a black cross

2 Robes

Wipes

Black paint

Sheep's blood

Lube any flavor

Nodding the worker flew off and yoongi allowed his wings to expand out his back and eyes to turn a dark blue color as his hair contained white strips. He watched your sleeping body, before checking the time and seeing he has 5 minutes left before you wake up. Taking that in he stretched his neck and before activating his speed and undressing you, cleaning the area around the bed, making sure the chain locks are stable and if not changing them, turning off lights and lighting candals all around the room and the whole castle and finally sitting down at the edge. Checking the time once again, he had 3 minutes left and so did the worker before he'd get pissed and with that thought the worker came to drop everything off before yoongi told him to get lost.

With the activation of speed he quickly undressed, sat the cup near the bed and filled it with sheeps blood, put salt near the edge without touching it as it stung him, put the cross around his neck and began drawing a ritual circle around the bed then finnaly the walls. To end everything he placed the chains on your hands and feet then connected to each end of the bed. The rest of the stuff he just put next to the bed and laid naked above you waiting for you to wake up.

He knew the drug was strong, but he didnt think it was that strong so he checked the time again and 10 minutes had passed by. Sighing, he began taking the knife and cut a slit on his wrist and placed the wound to your mouth. After a few blinks, you began to wake up and within a second you panked and a minute later realised you were chained.

Weak, scared, targeted, blood covered lips, chained and his favorite vulnerability he finally felt aroused at the sight. With lust in his eyes and an aura darker than night himself, he slowly kissed your cheek.

"Welcome to hell baby" he greeted, confused you closed your eyes and for once prayed you'd be able to wake up in where you left to only get the image of him drugging you and making you pass out. To then opne them and see the same sight.

"Wouldn't that make you?" She paused trying to yank the chains.

"Hades, satan the devil or whatever you humans call me for ruling the underworld. Then yes that's me and as you see, you're caged like a bug trapped in a spider's web. How cute. How naive to trust anyone you've properly met either. " he whispered the last bit in your ear as his lips traveled around your chest and neck leaving hickeys as he moved.

Groaning, you tried yanking the chains hearing a noise and hoping it ment it broke to realise no he fooled you with the sound of his nails knocking on the wood.

"Got you" he chuckled as you began scared, moving his lips towards your breast he sucked softly getting slight moans from your mouth. "Mm good girl continue with it an d maybe I'll spare your soul" he joked, sucking and groaning your other breast with his hands. Ignoring him and forcing your mouth to close. He raised an eyebrow and sat up, he then looked at your mouth and then his length.

"That wasn't smart now was it dsrling?" He asked, as his crouch hovered your mouth and his length being rubbed on your face as the other hand rested on the wall. "Noe open wide and if not, I can allways just shove it. Dont think about biting as i can manually remove teeth of needed" he mentioned as tears rolled down your eyes as he slowly entered his length.

"Good girl, suck it like that" he groaned, slowly moving his hips all the way in and out. With doing so he admired the trlaclesnt salty wetness driping from her eyes that he took a finger and wiped it. Caressing her face as he continued thrusting and groaning till he felt hard enough and then pulled out. Wiping her eyes again he grabbed the lube and posed the non negotiable question of

"May I pretty angel, take this as mine?" He whispered softly as he leaned down to her ear. Nodding yes a tear ran and he licked it clean, causing a slight shiver down her body. "Good" he replied, putting lube around his own length and stoking it on.

"If you cum on me will I get pregnant?" You asked shyly.

"Mm, well yes and that's my goal princes or should I say queen. Your body is mine after all." he tells, taking his fingers and tracing a cross between your chest as he watches a dark mark appear in a mini cross between your chest.

Crying harder knowing you've not only been kidnapping, but there was an even little chnace of seeing your family friends and well your little pet. "I love when you cry my love" he said softly as his fingers softly rubbed against you clit and his lips attach to yours. Knowingly you kissed back and surprisingly it felt like comfort but tasted like sin and poison. One your body will soon adapt to. As your mouths moved in unison, his fingers rubbed softly around your bud and you were finally able to relax and enjoy the feeling. He had an undeniable hold on your body, one your soul started to grow a liking too the longer her rubbed and kissed your lips. Soon you became hungry for more and grinded against his hand and with the hint he rubbed quicker as you moaned down his throat and his free hand now snaking behind your back. Moaning more you called his name, in which he loved begging you to say again.

"YOONGi!"you moaned louder as his stomach and cock felt it making it twitch slightly. stoping his finger he guided his tip and put his chin on your neck and slid in slowly, taking his time as you adjusted before moving faster. You pulled the chains trying to hold onto him but he shook his head no and softly held your body up with the help of the chains and began pounding into you.

No it was not a speed nor length you were used to, but the feeling you could by a heartbeat. You legs became weak, your back arched hard, your mouth could only stay open and your head was in a daze as he fucked you without mercy. His length was big enough to make you scream from the top of your lungs and beg for more. He loved that and too started moaning which soon started to sound like deep breathes and heavy grunts. He loved the warm, pulsing feeling of your pussy on him as it dripped with cum around him.

"Ah, fuck, That's hot!" he moaned loudly. Moving his hips closer, he pushed his length in deeper and the sounds of his hips crashing into yours echoed the room. You were now at a point of no return, all you could do was moan and take him, which only increased his horniness and overall arousal.

"I'm close!" yoongi groaned and panted as his hips movements slowed down, but the deepness was still there. Shopping, yoongi's body out of tiredness fell on top of yours and he kissed your neck softly. Without enough energy to pull out, he came deep, groaning in your neck and laying still. Both overly fucked out and deep breathing, laid there until yoongi got enough energy to unchain your hands and drink from the cup of blood that started to reek and fill the room. The room that once smelt like lavender and vanilla now smelled like sex and sheep's blood. Leaning down to kiss you, you kissed back with your body begging to ache like hell and body starting to contort you screamed in pain. Whispering something into your neck, he held you close to his chest as you grabbed and scratched his back till the blood came from it.

"Submit and it'll go quickly." he whispered tired as can be. Taking his advice, you closed your body and let it take over. Suddenly your eyes and hair became white as a dove and the pain stopped. Not only did he claim you as his, the kiss of blood crowned you queen of the underworld.

They laid naked as each could no longer have the strength to get up, but hold each other in a soft hug. Comferting and relaxing, considering what had to happen. They slept wedded that night, perfectly times as the full moon was now full and the ritual circle could light up red as the two came into harmony.

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snkpolls · 6 years

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SnK S3E03 Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 563 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

Rate the episode

84% of users rated the episode a 4 or 5 this week, compared to 64% last week. This episode had less action, but was full of key character moments that manga readers were excited to see animated.

So far it's my favourite since it follows the most the manga but with some bearable adjustemements. If the episodes will be like this from now on, I'll be completely satisfied and could get over all the changes in the first two episodes.

The adaptation is doing well, but of course manga readers(me included) about some bits being changed and rearranged. But on the other hand they might come me up with something unexpectedly good. I won't forgive them if they don't give shit machine tho.

It’s starting to feel more like the arc I love

It was great, I'm having trouble deciding which episode is the best of this season yet. I thought the second one was the best, but then I remember the premiere and now, once again, I am thinking about the 3rd one being the greatest. The quality this season is off the charts.

Compared to episode 2, episode 3 was quite uninteresting

I think it must have been boring and confusing for Anime-only's

This episode was appropriately paced for an episode full of flashbacks, and honestly I think it paid off to get the backstories of Erwin and Historia in one showing to avoid conflicting with the future action episodes. I don't have much else to say- I can't really be critical because it was a pretty good episode, adaptation-wise.

Which of the following moments were your favorite?

Hange taking their anger out on the table and Levi walking in on it is the winner here! The closest runner ups were seeing Levi’s wanted poster and getting Erwin and Historia’s backstories. We all agree it was nice to see many of these things in color animation finally!

Hange's scene where she blames her table destruction on a cockroach? Totally relatable. And I loved that Levi kinda teased her for it.

I have been waiting for Erwin's back story for AGES and was not disappointed! Kidwin was as heartbreakingly adorable as expected (that nose!! The sad bby at the funeral!!)

I liked all the topics they addressed that had been previously skipped (Historia and Erwin’s pasts). Also, while the sequence of events have been changed, I’m looking forward to how they are going to pan this out.

Erwin has great ass.

Hange's tableflip scene was amazeballs, man I love her!!

Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit.

The conversation between Erwin and Pixis gave me thrills. I thought it was going to be boring, but it was very well shown.

My girl Hange's time to shine in this episode! I want her "BAAAKAAAA" as a ringtone asap

Who drew it better: WIT or Isayama?

51% of respondents thought the OG drew it best. Isayama can finally sleep at night. Funnily enough, the anime only respondents preferred WIT’s version!

Who has the best reaction to Historia’s backstory?

Sasha took the lead as she paused licking at her soup bowl to listen to Historia’s story. Connie was easily the next runner up with his dumbfounded expression. We weren’t surprised to see Springles win this one!

How cute was baby Historia?

The vast majority of respondents just wanna pinch those cute little cheeks (and probably take her home, treat her to some hot cocoa and love her properly).

And baby Historia was the cutest omg! That lil nose and her lil blush! I'm crying bittersweet tears here.

How could anyone possibly look down on and abuse such a precious little bean like baby Historia?? Alma's so pathetic…

Baby Historia is the cutest thing I have seen in anime. She is so adorable and sweet! I would love to hug her so much! She is just too cute! <3

Child Hisu is ADORKABLE

How cute was little Erwin?

While this is a tiny bit more spread out than Historia, the majority of respondents were also enamored with adorable kidwin and are ready to adopt him at any time (and probably give lots of hugs too!).

BABYWIN!!!!!!!!!

Young Erwin was def my fav bighead-bigbrows!

I love Erwin so muchhhh my precious baby is so cute and handsome at the same timeeeee I just want to hug him and never let anything bad happen to him againnnnn

The episode was dialogue heavy with a lot of character backstories and plot exposition. What type of episodes do you tend to prefer watching?

In general, respondents don’t mind if an episode has a lot of action or if it’s a bit slower with some good plot developments. What matters is that we keep moving forward and that it’s entertaining, right?

About episode type: Tense conversation ready to break into action at any second, like when Kenny and Levi were talking in the bar.

It was a nice change of pace after all the fights in the first 2 episodes but I'm looking forward to the action coming back next episode

Did Flegel really stay in that alleyway the entire night?

We asked this mostly for fun and respondents didn’t disappoint. The majority believe that he did stay in the alleyway the entire night, but plenty of you had some fun commentary (and sass) to provide us all with some laughs:

Based on how the events at Erwin's went, I'd guess that Reeves was killed nearing dawn and it hasn't been that long.

During the night, he went to slay all of marley and came back in the morning, Flegel for president!

Oh crap, I didn't even notice that. Part of me wants to say maybe he left and came back, but that really doesn't make much sense if he's trying to not get caught. No doubt the Interior Squad would have surveyed the area a little before getting the body ready for a public reveal to frame Erwin.

He took one long leak

He went to get sour cream and came back

Slept in a trash-can then went for a morning stroll

insert Schroedinger's cat analogy

No clearly Annie came and rescued him

Somehow he knew Commander Handsome will be there, so yeah, he stayed. I would stay too <3

no, he crawled up the wall like a spider and slept on the rooftops dont worry

On a scale of 1-5, how distressed are you about Eren being tied, gagged and drugged?

Most respondents seemed unconcerned or indifferent to Eren’s current situation, but those who are distressed were pretty vocal about it:

PLEASE MAKE SURE THE POOR BOY GETS SOME WATER??? The little scene with his in-and-out of consciousness is very distressing to see!

I pray that Eren gets a happy ending; I feel SO stressed for him

Who has the best hat?

Connie’s sunhat took the lead! But we agree that all hats are good and that everyone was looking fab.

HAT HAT HAT I'm really hoping that from this point on, they will follow the manga more closely again, as I am not super impressed by the current shake-up in event order but most importantly HAT HAT HAT JEAN GOT HIS HAT.

The hats!!! The hats are so good!

Love his top hat but lost half his lines for it

JEAANNN'S HAAAT

How many flashbacks within flashbacks is too many?

Half of respondents appreciated the Inception reference and just want to be flashbacked into oblivion. Okay but seriously, there were some who got a bit confused by WIT’s use of flashbacks for some of these scenes. We hope you’re holding up okay during current manga chapters!

bit weird to slow it down this much when the first 2 episodes were so action packed, 2 flashbacks in one episode is a bit much if you ask me. the episode didnt give you any break or a few seconds to let the information sink in.

I was confused by flashbacks in flashbacks. I don't lke that type of stuff and I got feeling that they were traveling in time :/

How do you feel about the rearrangement of events after this episode?

45% are still tentative and not ready to judge the situation just yet. However, a good 37% combined are either content or are already finding they like the changes better. It seems the optimism is starting to improve overall!

Dont remember much of the order of events in this arc, as long as it all makes sense its fine. I trust Isayamas judgment

I prefer the manga’s order, but I am content, BUT I’m still waiting for more episodes to make a final judgement, BUT I’m still very confused with where they are going with this.

I want to slap the whole WIT Studios and Yams but u know im okay for now.

Same story, different medium. Pretty neutral, happy I don’t know word for word what’s going to happen.

So I was very very nervous about the changes and pacing, but them taking the time to slow down and let the emotional weight of Historia and Erwin's backstories sink in is just what I needed to calm down a bit. I still have some preferences with the manga, but I'm sated to the point of watching and waiting without making too much of a fuss.

Some changes do make the action flow smoother, but im not happy that the studio decided to cut out Reeves-Levi wall bonding and L's squad 2.0's doubts on killing people

Rearrangement? Who cares? Erwin on graveyard was pure sex how was I supposed to thino about rearrangments???

I think the anime is doing a good job restructuring the arc, and is preserving its internal consistency quite well. But I am upset about some of the things that got removed, so I don't quite like the anime's retelling.

The rearrangement was understandable, however until I can look over the whole arc, I wouldn't be able to give a fair opinion on the execution of this season.

How do you feel about Historia’s absence when the Survey Corps proposed she needs to be queen?

As with the previous question, nearly half of voters are not yet ready to judge how the changes will affect the arc overall. 35% of you guys think it was a bad choice on WIT’s part. It’s probably safe to say we’re all on our toes wondering how WIT is going to handle this plot development as they move forward!

I hope we can still see the Levi smiling moment at the end of this arc despite the absence of these scenes.

I prefer Rod being the one to push the idea of her royalty into her, and I still think we'll get a moment regarding Levi's will to accept a different kind of hell and pushing Historia to make a choice in some other way later.

It didn't have a huge significance to the plot but it gave both Historia and Levi some good characterisation.

I feel a mixture of "I need more episodes" and "It was a poor choice".

Had to be done for an action packed start the season but I'm disappointed as it is an important scene for Levi's development

It was a poor choice that broke an important chain of events, it was Levi who had to force Historia.

Ralph called Hange a devil after they were locked up. Was this good foreshadowing to current manga events?

71% of respondents believed that this was good foreshadowing! We suppose one nice part of the anime being as behind from the manga as it is, is that we can recall these older moments that manage to have thematic relevance to current events.

I think Hange being called a devil was amazing foreshadowing, but also in a sense that, by overthrowing the current system, they are unwittingly putting themselves in the exact same position as the old government and its cronies were in with almost exactly the same problems and solutions available to them, the poor things just don't see it yet.

After this week, do you believe future episodes are now going to be more faithful to the original chapters?

50% of voters are confident that WIT is mostly headed back toward the linear timeline of the manga, with maybe small bits and pieces shuffled or omitted. 28% aren’t feeling as optimistic about it, however. But 18% are confident we’re back onto the strict manga timeline.

I'll have to wait and see all the episodes. No point trying to guess, only to be disappointed. Isayama authorised the changes, let's see what his new vision of these chapters!

I believe they will be faithful more than just "a little bit." It seems the PV is a good indicator of that. The Historia rising up to be queen is definitely going to be handled differently and there is no way around that. But I'm ready, Wit!

im still trying to grasp what they trying to do of the pacing and the moments and i still hope the upcoming eps will make sense of all that cuts and flashbacks.

They'll have to do something different with Levi and Historia's 'discussion' about her becoming queen. I wonder if it will happen later, and someone else will do Reeve's line about him being a scary but good man? It would be interesting if someone like Mikasa does it.

Leaked episode titles PROVE they are gonna butcher up the cave scene

Maybe yes, maybe not. It all depends on Isayama and WIT, so let us wait for episode 41, shall we?

Which scene from the PV are you most looking forward to this week?

The largest group are most looking forward to Jean testing whether or not they can trust Marlowe and Hitch (please give us the stick WIT!). The close runner up is Levi interrogating the MP with the nice mustache and a case of foot-in-mouth. Literally.

I'm totally excited to see Marlowe and Hitch!

Central MP HQ next week?!?! Hoping for some new action scenes.

GIVE ME HITCH AND MARLO RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW

everyone in the PV is hot (yes pulverized erwin is still included)

Which group of characters are you favorite?

“All of them” wins as the good neutral vote.

I never know how to answer the which group is your favorite question because my fav is 104th + Annie (sans RB). So I'm always answering sans RBA which is unfair to Annie.

Where you do primarily discuss the series?

Additional thoughts on the episode?

A little bit better, but not enough. But overall I'm satisfied and I enjoyed it.

All in all, a very nicely done episode. I like how the story is coming together, all the different elements in the manga are there, just in a different order. I had high hopes for this season and so far I am not disappointed!

At this point I have absolutely NO clue where they are, or what's going on. The manga was less confusing for me.

Damn cockroaches, always ruining Hange's day.

Earlier I was really salty about Levi having to hold Mikasa back everytime it was mentioned that Eren was kidnapped, but later I noticed that instead of Mikasa being cool with it immediately like she was in her manga, in the anime they are slowing her development down to make it more realistic and believable(Levi had to physically restrain her the first time around, while the second time he just had to talk her down) so I still have faith it wit. I am still a little angry that the "That wasn't how I raised him." scene was cut though. It was an important Mikasa-Armin moment. But oh well! At least we got to see Jean in his glorious fedora!

Felt well-paced, I do like that they are tweeking things to make the anime feel more smooth.

Hanji looked like a snack throughout this episode shes so hot oh my god I’m so gay

Baby Erwin and Historia are wonderful, and I really like that they put two very different parent/child relationships on display here. Erwin's devotion to his father's theories, and the closeness to their relationship paralleled the neglegence Alma showed towards Historia - and in the end, the parents meet the same fate, offed by the Interior Squad."

Both Historia and Erwin's backstories needed stronger direction. Also, just a nitpick, but the soundtrack they used when Sannes told Hange "good luck" was an extremely weird choice. It was a very grim and ominous scene yet the music in the background didn't reflect that.

Pixis' lack of opposition was annoying. It seemed like he was just there so that Erwin had someone to talk about his backstory to. In the manga his red-line of no blood being spilled and his willingness to stay with the nobility if they had unknown but good reasons for their behaviour increased the stakes a lot.

I love the consistent tension buildup and the music choices that just compliment it. Sawano has been on a roll with the new tunes, and the way old ones have been used has been fantastic. Attack on D for Erwin's flashback is a choice I didn't consider, but I'll be damned if that wasn't a great call.

I just want to protect smol Historia and precious little Kidwin

Loving the development for Erwin. People need to realize that he isn't some cold hearted badass. He has feelings too ya know!

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you back on Monday!

#snk polls #snk poll #snk spoilers #snk s3 #poll results

25 notes · View notes

thejustinmarshall · 5 years

Text

One-Star Amazon.com Reviews Of Moby Dick, As Free Verse Poetry

Lots of people love Moby Dick, which has long been considered a classic of American literature and one of the best adventure books of all time. But lots of people do not love Moby Dick, too. They hate it. Hating Moby Dick, with the advent of online reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, has become its own art form. Reading the reviews is fun, but it’s even more fun if you insert some spaces and format the reviews into free verse, which I have done below for your enjoyment. (All spelling and punctuation is quoted verbatim from the original reviews).

Truth.

Jaws

is better

—Nicessist, July 31, 2015

Do not like how it is written in old English

Do not like how it is written in old English.

Was not aware of that.

Also, the print is extremely small.

Tried to read it,

but

put it down.

—Eileen, August 29, 2016

Weak Plot Line

This book moves very slowly.

She spent too much time

having the characters moon over each other.

It took a very long time

for each step of the plot to happen.

I finally skipped to the last chapter from about 50%.

I don’t think I missed anything.

—bjski, April 26, 2019

Slow and Boring Story

I could not wait to finish

this book.

The characters

were not likeable

and

I found them annoying.

This should have been a short story.

—linda, April 2, 2019

One Star

Small letters,

smelly pages.

—Florelis, January 3, 2018

Moby-dick not favorite book

I didn’t like it

because

it was

too long

of a book.

I rate it 1 star

because a lot of parts in the book I didn’t understand.

—Tess, August 12, 2019

Bad fish porn

Not into fish

porn

—bru, April 14, 2019

One Star

Author droned

and on

and on.

Couldn’t get past

the second chapter

—Laurie G. Williams, September 24, 2015

One Star

Horrible book,

never means what he says.

drives

INSANE.

—Amazon Customer, December 7, 2017

One Star

—S. Nyer, September 5, 2016

One Star

Horrible read.

Ramble, ramble and ramble.

I struggled

to finish

this book.

—Mark, May 25, 2016

One Star

Poor acting by lead character,

the book was fairly good,

the movie

not so.

—janice kadushin, March 5, 2016

One Star

very slow until

contact

with

moby dick

—john gerardi, February 20, 2015

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES!!!!

Listen

I read this book hoping to get a pretty good story

hoping to see some of the solidarity in man

by reading about his voyages in water

hoping to relate to some of the struggles from being solely focused on obtaining a certain goal etc.

But honestly

good Lord!

I swear 85% of this book is various lessons

on whaling

the origin of whales,

whale distinction,

whale body parts,

whale sperm,

different color whales.

Oh my goodness

the book starts off quick with the appearance of Queepeg

you think ok we might have something here

but NO!

this book drags on

and on

and on.

Gets off topic ALL of the time.

The majority of this book is about how Ismael feels

and about whale parts.

And when Moby Dick does show up AT THE END OF THE BOOK

Captain Ahab vs. Moby Dick was as big a mitch-match

since the Super Bowl between Denver and Seattle.

It was anti-climatic

some people might get this book

but please don’t put me down as one.

SAVE YOURSELF THE TIME AND ENERGY

READ THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA

A MUCH BETTER BOOK

—Oliver, September 27, 2014

One Star

tedious

—Anne Wyatt, January 18, 2016

One Star

Outstanding!

—Rogelio Lozano, September 7, 2017

Obvious he was paid by the word

I tried.

I really tried.

Multiple times.

But the page

after page

describing all the different types of whales in the most minute of detail, and the sentences that stretch so long that by the end of them I’d realize I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what point he was trying to make.

I finally decided

life is to short to torture myself with a book

I’m just not enjoying,

and I moved on.

Maybe I’ll try again in another 10 years.

—Smurf, August 24, 2018

One Star

The book

was fine

but

I hated the story

—Kasey Patton, April 15, 2015

Meh.

Taxing

as well as underwhelming.

So many unnecessary side notes,

few of which really contribute to the plot itself,

but I’m no scholar

see for yourself.

—Kindle Customer, July 19, 2019

One Star

boreing

—paul weaver, February 28, 2015

I Could Be Wrong

But reading it

feels like being trapped

in a whale’s belly

with Chuck Klosterman.

—lori c. baughman, October 9, 2018

boring

i had to read this book for school

it boring

dont read

why is this so famous.

cant even understand writing.

words too big i hate it not even interesting.

they just sit on a boat then get killed by a whale

stupid captian

knew they were gonna die

—Denali, August 1, 2013

Moby Dick AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

It just went on and on and ON!

About rubbish!

SOme old guy

with one leg

hunts down a white whale

and in the end he kills the thing,

but at the expense of his life

and lives of his whole crew,

except one guy….

It may be liked by older people,

but it really isn’t for young people.

—atg, August 20, 2011

Tedious

Do we really need

a 10 page analysis

of the color white,

or any of the other tedious digressions contained in this book?

I say

no.

I loved the poetic language Melville uses,

and there is no doubt

he was a great writer.

He did not,

however

have a great editor.

Getting through this book was like running a marathon,

where you are forced to stop every mile

and listen to a lecture on running,

running shoes,

knee pain,

gatorade,

or any other subject remotely related.

Finishing the marathon gives you bragging rights,

but not much more.

—vikingslayer, November 25, 2010

Overhyped

Moby Dick is

an overhyped,

monotonous,

pretentious,

pseudo-intellectual

piece of crap,

in other words

an English lit major’s wet dream.

It’s the absolute meaningless ramblings

of a half wit,

not some great intellectual masterpiece.

Maybe Melville was the Justin Bieber

and “Twin Peaks” of his day,

talentless and meaningless

but few will admit

they were fooled.

—Tom Adams, December 6, 2011

Not enough dicks

There were

no dicks

in this book.

—Ben Reser, March 21, 2015

More stuff like this is in my new book Bears Don’t Care About Your Problems: More Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, out now.

SHOP

The post One-Star Amazon.com Reviews Of Moby Dick, As Free Verse Poetry appeared first on semi-rad.com.

from Explore https://semi-rad.com/2019/09/one-star-amazon-com-reviews-of-moby-dick-as-free-verse-poetry/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

0 notes

olivereliott · 5 years

Text

One-Star Amazon.com Reviews Of Moby Dick, As Free Verse Poetry

Truth.

Jaws

is better

—Nicessist, July 31, 2015

Do not like how it is written in old English

Do not like how it is written in old English.

Was not aware of that.

Also, the print is extremely small.

Tried to read it,

but

put it down.

—Eileen, August 29, 2016

Weak Plot Line

This book moves very slowly.

She spent too much time

having the characters moon over each other.

It took a very long time

for each step of the plot to happen.

I finally skipped to the last chapter from about 50%.

I don’t think I missed anything.

—bjski, April 26, 2019

Slow and Boring Story

I could not wait to finish

this book.

The characters

were not likeable

and

I found them annoying.

This should have been a short story.

—linda, April 2, 2019

One Star

Small letters,

smelly pages.

—Florelis, January 3, 2018

Moby-dick not favorite book

I didn’t like it

because

it was

too long

of a book.

I rate it 1 star

because a lot of parts in the book I didn’t understand.

—Tess, August 12, 2019

Bad fish porn

Not into fish

porn

—bru, April 14, 2019

One Star

Author droned

and on

and on.

Couldn’t get past

the second chapter

—Laurie G. Williams, September 24, 2015

One Star

Horrible book,

never means what he says.

drives

INSANE.

—Amazon Customer, December 7, 2017

One Star

—S. Nyer, September 5, 2016

One Star

Horrible read.

Ramble, ramble and ramble.

I struggled

to finish

this book.

—Mark, May 25, 2016

One Star

Poor acting by lead character,

the book was fairly good,

the movie

not so.

—janice kadushin, March 5, 2016

One Star

very slow until

contact

with

moby dick

—john gerardi, February 20, 2015

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES!!!!

Listen

I read this book hoping to get a pretty good story

hoping to see some of the solidarity in man

by reading about his voyages in water

hoping to relate to some of the struggles from being solely focused on obtaining a certain goal etc.

But honestly

good Lord!

I swear 85% of this book is various lessons

on whaling

the origin of whales,

whale distinction,

whale body parts,

whale sperm,

different color whales.

Oh my goodness

the book starts off quick with the appearance of Queepeg

you think ok we might have something here

but NO!

this book drags on

and on

and on.

Gets off topic ALL of the time.

The majority of this book is about how Ismael feels

and about whale parts.

And when Moby Dick does show up AT THE END OF THE BOOK

Captain Ahab vs. Moby Dick was as big a mitch-match

since the Super Bowl between Denver and Seattle.

It was anti-climatic

some people might get this book

but please don’t put me down as one.

SAVE YOURSELF THE TIME AND ENERGY

READ THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA

A MUCH BETTER BOOK

—Oliver, September 27, 2014

One Star

tedious

—Anne Wyatt, January 18, 2016

One Star

Outstanding!

—Rogelio Lozano, September 7, 2017

Obvious he was paid by the word

I tried.

I really tried.

Multiple times.

But the page

after page

I finally decided

life is to short to torture myself with a book

I’m just not enjoying,

and I moved on.

Maybe I’ll try again in another 10 years.

—Smurf, August 24, 2018

One Star

The book

was fine

but

I hated the story

—Kasey Patton, April 15, 2015

Meh.

Taxing

as well as underwhelming.

So many unnecessary side notes,

few of which really contribute to the plot itself,

but I’m no scholar

see for yourself.

—Kindle Customer, July 19, 2019

One Star

boreing

—paul weaver, February 28, 2015

I Could Be Wrong

But reading it

feels like being trapped

in a whale’s belly

with Chuck Klosterman.

—lori c. baughman, October 9, 2018

boring

i had to read this book for school

it boring

dont read

why is this so famous.

cant even understand writing.

words too big i hate it not even interesting.

they just sit on a boat then get killed by a whale

stupid captian

knew they were gonna die

—Denali, August 1, 2013

Moby Dick AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

It just went on and on and ON!

About rubbish!

SOme old guy

with one leg

hunts down a white whale

and in the end he kills the thing,

but at the expense of his life

and lives of his whole crew,

except one guy….

It may be liked by older people,

but it really isn’t for young people.

—atg, August 20, 2011

Tedious

Do we really need

a 10 page analysis

of the color white,

or any of the other tedious digressions contained in this book?

I say

no.

I loved the poetic language Melville uses,

and there is no doubt

he was a great writer.

He did not,

however

have a great editor.

Getting through this book was like running a marathon,

where you are forced to stop every mile

and listen to a lecture on running,

running shoes,

knee pain,

gatorade,

or any other subject remotely related.

Finishing the marathon gives you bragging rights,

but not much more.

—vikingslayer, November 25, 2010

Overhyped

Moby Dick is

an overhyped,

monotonous,

pretentious,

pseudo-intellectual

piece of crap,

in other words

an English lit major’s wet dream.

It’s the absolute meaningless ramblings

of a half wit,

not some great intellectual masterpiece.

Maybe Melville was the Justin Bieber

and “Twin Peaks” of his day,

talentless and meaningless

but few will admit

they were fooled.

—Tom Adams, December 6, 2011

Not enough dicks

There were

no dicks

in this book.

—Ben Reser, March 21, 2015

More stuff like this is in my new book Bears Don’t Care About Your Problems: More Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, out now.

SHOP

The post One-Star Amazon.com Reviews Of Moby Dick, As Free Verse Poetry appeared first on semi-rad.com.

0 notes

cntcrtainmcnt-blog · 5 years

Text

Posting intros for 5 of my new girls now, and I’ll post the others tonight. I don’t believe any of those have any connections yet, and there’s a bunch of wc I want for them(which will be sent to the main later one) but feel free to like this or message me if you want plots with them!

BEATRIZ OLIVEIRA is a 36 years old CISFEMALE who looks just like MORENA BACCARIN. She has been described as CLEVER yet ERRATIC.

Beatriz was born the youngest of two, having an older brother. Jose was four years older, and her best friend. Literally. They’d do everything together, and even if they had other friends, none were as close as they were to each other.

Beatriz had always been a very talented and artistic person. She actually wanted to become an artist, but was continuously told it was hard to live off an artist salary and it took a lot to actually make it, so she started thinking about other options.

When she was 16, Jose started hanging around with a bunch of thugs. Neither of the siblings knew yet, but they were part of a gang, and soon enough, both would be drawn into that life too.

Jose was the first to join the gang, obviously. And it was the only secret he tried to keep from his sister. Of course, she knew something was off, so she followed him and discovered the truth. At the time, she was 19 and interning with a tattoo artist.

A year later, now trained enough to become a tattoo artist on her own, Beatriz started taking a few jobs. And it was then Jose told her he might have a better job for her.

She’s never fully joined the gang, as in she’s not doing any crimes(not really) but in exchange of her becoming kind of the “official” tattoo artist for them, they would pay her a shop. Her own shop. So she accepted. Now most of her clients are gang members, but she is also open to the wide public.

Honestly, her life was going well, but 5 years later, her brother was killed in a shooting. She was destroyed, of course, but it also made her understand just how dangerous that kind of life was.

Although she couldn’t just walk away from it, they gave her everything. Instead, she’s asked to be trained. Not to kill people, not take on jobs or anything. Just to defend herself. Since then, she’s been hiding guns in a few different places, just in case.

JASMINE WRIGHT is a 31 years old CISFEMALE who looks just like BLAKE LIVELY. She has been described as BENEVOLENT yet ABSENT-MINDED.

Jasmine was raised to fame right from birth. Her parents were both famous, an actor and a model, and had a very open life with the public. She was barely taken out from the hospital and there were already pictures of her baby self in magazines.

She grew up in the medias’ eyes, nearly followed around by cameras and paparazzi. By the time she was 12, she’d already done a couple of modeling jobs for children’s companies.

She had her real breakthrough at 15, when she started getting bigger contracts. And since she was always homeschooled, to make sure she could sign for all the contracts she wanted, said contracts kept getting bogger and bigger.

By 20, she was already a well known name, and was starting to get asked to take on a few walk on roles in movies and TV shows. It was around that time she met a nice actor, and they quickly started dating.

They had a small break of two months when she was 22, but it took no time before they got back together. And the medias made sure to cover all of that split.

At 23, he proposed to her, and they married the next year, in Santorini.

Since then, she’d been slowing down on jobs, and now is only rarely accepting a contract. She much prefers to just travel with him and follow him on his jobs, or stay home and host charity events.

Speaking of, both being generous, they hold many charity events for different organizations, and she always makes sure to be the best dressed.

JESSICA LAYTON is a 33 years old CISFEMALE who looks just like OLIVIA WILDE. She has been described as INCISIVE yet FLAMBOYANT.

Jessica’s mom divorced her dad when she was only 2. Soon after, her dad started being in and out of jail, while her mom would date bad man after bad man. Horrible childhood, no money, no future.

Since they were struggling to pay rent, Jess started taking on odd jobs when she was 15 to help her mom. It really barely helped, and while she wanted to study in medicine, she knew it wouldn’t happen. Even with a scholarship, which she sadly didn’t have the grades for, it would be too much for them.

So instead, at 18, she took on a full time job as a barista. 3 years later, she was promoted as assistant-manager. It was going slightly better. And with her mom deciding to focus on her career instead of men, money was getting better.

She’d barely been raised to assistant-manager when she met a rich and powerful man. She didn’t care he was older than her, what she saw was an opportunity. And since he seemed very interested in her, she just jumped on the occasion.

Turned out, after a few dates, he was more than just an opportunity, and she actually started to like him, much to the displeasure of other people. She didn’t listen to them, particularly not when he asked to marry him and she said yes.

Since marrying, she’s quit her job at the coffee shop, and now mostly just act as a socialite. Since she’s never had this much money before, she tends to enjoy showing it off.

Definitely sends money to her mom, most likely paid her a brand new apartment.

LAURENCE JUNEAU is a 35 years old CISFEMALE who looks just like BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD. She has been described as PLANFUL yet GULLIBLE.

Laurence’s mom was a French singer, and her father was a French Canadian barman. They met while she was doing a tour in Canada. She’d stopped, with bodyguards of course, at a bar, and it just so happened to be where he worked. It instantly clicked, and they started dating not long after. Which, of course, her entourage didn’t approve of.

When her career started becoming promising in the USA, the couple moved to Kola and settled there. While she was working on her career, he opened a bar, which quickly gained immense popularity, thanks to her. It was around that time she announced she was pregnant, and then, Laurence came.

She was a happy child, always knowing she was privileged due to her mother’s fame. But she always made sure to not show off, and try to be friends, genuine friends.

Laurence always had a real interest in fashion, and it only increased when her mother presented her her stylist, at 16. She started taking classes with the stylist after school, and decided she was going to start her own brand. At 20, she already had a brand name, and a first collection. Her mother’s fame did help a little, but she didn’t sell as much as she expected.

And then, a year later, an accident happened. While coming back from vacation in the South, her parents’ plane crashed. No one on the plane survived. And she inherited everything.

She was destroyed, of course, and took a long time out of everything. Friends would come, feed her, see if she was okay. And then one day, she got a notification. Someone wanted to buy one of her dresses, but it’d been sold out. It made her realize she still had that, and she decided to focus on it.

Rebranding her line, calling it Pluie d’Étoiles(after her mother’s most popular song), Laurence opened a boutique, and started promoting like crazy. Soon enough, the name of her mother and the now wider variety of clothes brought more people, bringing her little boutique to one of the most successful shops in Kola.

Since then, she’s bought a few more locations, not just in Kola, but in nearby areas as well. There is now a Pluie d’Étoiles boutique in most big towns of California, and even in smaller places.

WILLA ZHAO is a 34 years old CISFEMALE who looks just like KRISTIN KREUK. She has been described as ROMANTIC yet TACTLESS.

An only child, Willa was only 4 when she witnessed her parents’ murder. The case was never closed, the culprits never found, but she still remembers that day clearly.

While she spent nearly 10 years in an orphanage, she spent the next 4 in a foster family. And it was then that she found her calling. Both her foster parents loved helping, the mother being a nurse and the father a police officer.

So after graduating high school, Willa decided to study to become a detective. She was good, probably the best of her class, but she had one motivation: settle her parents’ case.

She was spotted by the FBI rather quickly, and proposed to train and work with them instead of just taking a detective’s job. Of course, she accepted.

While it was harder there, Willa was still a very good student, finishing in the bests of her class.

She was originally located in the NYC branch, but was transferred to Kola about 5 years ago.

She’s just a hopeless romantic who’s eager to find out who killed her parents.

#fckits:intro #death tw #murder tw #plane crash tw

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