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meganechan05 · 7 months

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Someone on Twitter has been feeding to the fire that is my Evil Clone KingOhger idea 😂

Specifically the HimeRita portion so I'll probably be talking more about their clones in this post.

I'll start off with the guys first to get them out of the way.

Gira's Tyrant Shtick is real for his Clone. He actually uses it against Gira in a far more threatening way that scares him as it would remind him of Racles's tyranny. He also makes Gira question why he even continues using his Tyrant Persona when the people of Shugoddom already know he's a good guy.

Evil!Yanma takes his yankii personality to a whole other level and actually takes his "I'm the Best" as is by stepping over everyone compared to Yanma who views his people and fellow Kings as equals. He finds joy tormenting Shiokara and the Hacker Gang since he finds them inferior to him, taunting Yanma in the process at how his goals and views on others contradict each other ("I'm the Best" vs no social hierarchy in his country).

Kaguragi's Clone is much more terrifying to him on a deeper level. He's more open about his manipulation and will more often than not call Kaguragi out on his. "You'd say you'd dirty your hands for your people. Yet you were so willing to put your sister in possible danger by having her in Shugoddom soil for your plans? ...You say she wholeheartedly agrees, but would a loving brother who would take sole responsibility for the safety of his country drag his dear little sister into the fray?" (Think Iroki's taunt in the movie but at a much more deeper level. The Clones do know about the originals' deepest insecurities so...)

Jeramie's Clone would have way too much fun taunting Jeramie. He would put on theatrics when explaining all of Jeramie's insecurities to him. How he was only just a boy when his mother died and his powers sealed, giving him more survivor's guilt than he already does. How his vision for a bright future clouded his judgment which caused his writing to cause the 2000 year long misunderstanding. How such clouded judgement makes him unaware of the issues of those around him. How he has finally made friends with the Kings but know he will only outlive them due to his biology.

Evil!Himeno currently seems very cut and dry when it comes to how she takes Himeno's selfishness to a dangerous level. But I know for a fact that she would very much use it against Himeno. "If you were truly selfish. If you really are the best doctor in world. Wouldn't you have done it? Bring Mama and Papa back? Have your family back in your life? If you can heal people, why not try to resurrect the dead? A much better version than what Grodie can do. Wouldn't that be nice?" Or in a situation where she does kidnap Rita and turn them into a doll. "I can turn them into a puppet, you know? They're so stubborn. Wouldn't it be easier if you could just control them so you don't have to use word games to get them to agree?"

Evil!Rita is just outright terrifying (at least to me). Not bounded by Absolute Neutrality while having the memories and thoughts of the original. Not held back by the idea of "the law protects the people" or providing fairness even in a fight. Fighting style can also use underhanded tactics befitting of a country of (ex-)convicts. They call Rita a hypocrite for being impartial but holds bias for Moffun. Being impartial yet open themself up to Morfonia and their fellow Kings (especially Himeno). Question why they're so willing to be selfless when no one has ever reached a hand out to them for 15 years. Question why they endure suffering alone for the sake of Neutrality and the safety of others when no one would bat an eye for their efforts. Why Karras took the risk of making a mere child her retainer and heir. Why Karras and Shiron would make them King without thinking about the consequences of the effects it would have on the child's mental health with no support system ("perhaps they just didn't care as much as you think"). Why they always push their feelings aside to help the others when it's clear they were suffering inside yet never show it.

Stuff like that...

Now for HimeRita, I feel like if their friendship ever turns into a relationship, this story would only make the issue with the Clones worse.

Evil!Rita is emotive to a point where you can't really tell if it really is Rita's clone or just what people think Rita would be if they weren't bound by Absolute Neutrality. So it wouldn't be a surprise if they took advantage of hidden feelings. Same for Evil!Himeno.

There could be a point where the two would drop hints of HimeRita's feelings for one another and taunt them for it once the two have a look on their faces that point they've put the pieces together.

"Oh? You never noticed? How sad. Well. Not like it would ever get anywhere considering how Rittan over there is."

"Doubt they even know they even have those feelings in the first place."

The two would try to talk about it later in private which makes it very awkward and confusing for the both of them as neither even realized their feelings were more than just friendship. They would have a heart-to-heart discussion about it and even discuss their worries for anything that would happen in the future once they can talk more easily without the fear of the clones intercepting.

Only once they were able to agree on that, the two are captured and taken to different locations by the other's clone (according to said clones' plans). Both having extremely unsettling 1-on-1 conversations to mock and drive wedges between them or give them heartbreak. Maybe even have Evil!Rita tempt Himeno with the opportunity of being able to show Rita requited affection through the clone by taunting her of how Rita would never allow themself to return her feelings for the sake of work. Evil!Himeno would taunt Rita by mocking them and putting on the waterworks, questioning why they're so picky on making exceptions to Neutrality when others before them had no problems breaking Neutrality for love.

Putting the two in a tight spot with no one to help them.

...yeah...

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aching-tummies · 1 year

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"I think I ate too much..."

"Let me rub it, it'll help" proceeds to NOT help at all, being a little too rough on the tummy

Thank you so, so, so much for this! This one in particular has been a little gem that I've been revisiting since it showed up in my inbox. I'm a total sucker for sadistic tummy-kink and have been saving this one, wanting to do it justice before posting it.

I know I kind of left it on a cliffhanger. Honestly, I couldn't decide what to do at the point I cut it off here ^^ Either option sounded amazing. So...yeah...I'm going to leave an open invitation to send in a continuation response to this one if anyone wants to take me up on that ^^

I shift my bag on my shoulder, bringing the little messenger bag in front of me. We've got some time, this intersection is notorious for being ridiculously timed. I tug on my bag-strap, ensuring that my bag is in a good position, shielding my left hand from view. I've had it pressed to my stomach since we left the restaurant. My stomach churns painfully as the pedestrian light changes and we cross in a hurry. It's timed poorly, so we always have to sprint in order to make it to the other end or risk the embarrassment of being stranded on the little concrete island or whatever in the middle of all the lanes of traffic. The sudden jog is agony on my tummy, packed as full as it is. I feel like I'm lugging an unsecured watermelon strapped to my front. My stomach is jam-packed and bumping awkwardly (and painfully) around inside of my torso. I press my left hand harder against my stomach, desperately trying to quell the over-full ache without breaking pace. Nausea joins the party and I feel something hot and sour lapping it's way up my esophagus. As we reach the other sidewalk, I fight to keep my breathing under control and I bite my tongue harshly to prevent a moan from being audible. With that short sprint, my stomach went from "slightly uncomfortable" to "DAMN THIS HURTS!".

We make it across and go back to a walking pace--our goal being the bus stop on this block. Thank heaven for that--I don't think I could manage another intersection-sprint. My stomach aches so much right now that a sharp jab or another jostling may be enough to burst it or at least make me vomit. I'm so, so, so frickin' full that it hurts.

As we near the stop, I use my phone and look up the up-coming bus times.

"Ugh…next one's in forty." I call out to you as I settle on the rigid bench, dragging my bag onto my lap to hide my aching belly.

"Forty? Wanna duck into a shop?" You suggest. I quickly shake my head. Entering a shop means more walking and I don't want to be on my feet or moving with my stomach so full and achy.

"Nah. I'll wait here. You can go if you want to though."

I'm hoping you'll go and that I can tend to my stomach out of your view. We both have a thing for tummies in distress and we've shared that with each other. When we plan it, I'm totally on-board for a private tummy-kink session at home. I'm not so on-board with it all when it's in public or in front of company. I also know from experience that you're 100% the sadistic lover of my dreams. Your goal is always to push my stomach--literally--and get rough with it. We both love the sounds it makes when we get rough with it. The whiny grumbles and high-pitched whines as it is forcefully churned and prodded at. We're at a bus stop right now and I feel ridiculously full. Like…full to the point that I'm honestly terrified that I won't be able to hold it all down. I've got a small stomach capacity and I rarely ever indulge to the point of fullness, so my stomach is struggling under the weight of all that we put into it just now. We went to a noodle place in the area that's known for their large portions. It definitely lived up to it's name, with the bowl of noodles I got being about 2.5 times what I'd normally consume in a single sitting. The soup-base was delicious too so I definitely drank the broth…and am currently regretting it. My stomach was already packed-full with the sheer amount of noodles, veggies, and meat in the bowl. Chasing it all down with roughly a litre of hot broth filled my stomach beyond capacity, resulting in a very uncomfortable stretch. If there were any empty pockets in there, it all got flooded with the sheer volume of broth near the end of the meal. Based on what I felt inside of me while making that mad dash across the intersection, there really isn't any room inside of my stomach. The mass of noodles didn't tumble around inside the broth so much as jiggle and jostle like a sludgy mass inside of my over-burdened stomach.

I'm not used to eating so much in a single sitting and my stomach is at a loss for how to handle such a large glut of food. Digestion isn't happening normally and it feels like my stomach forgot how to release it's contents into my intestines. Or, who knows, maybe my intestines are just as stuffed as my aching stomach is.

To my surprise (and dread), you plop down on the bench right next to me.

"A-Aren't you gonna duck into a shop?" I ask.

"Hmm? Nah. I'll wait. Plus, there's something far more interesting here." If I could focus on anything other than how sickeningly full my tummy is, I'd have seen your sly grin. "Hmm…what do we have here?" You ask slyly, nudging my bag aside and poking at my left arm--currently pressed against my stomach.

"Ah…uhm…" I was really hoping it'd escape your notice. A wet burble crescendos, audible between the two of us. I swallow back against the warm liquid fighting its way up my esophagus. I fail to bite back a moan as my stomach cramps harshly, a wave of pure pain coursing through my stomach like a wave crashing onto the shore. I close my eyes, my moan tapering off into a whimper as I abandon being discreet and rub my stomach frantically with both of my hands. "Nnngh…i-it hurts…" I mumble, tears prickling my lashes as the pain in my stomach intensifies. "I think…ooooh….I-I think I--ah!--nnngh…t-too much…nnnnnnnngh…" I squeeze my stomach with both of my hands, regretting the action instantly as I feel something breech into my esophagus against the pressure. My stomach burbles angrily as the swallowed contents tumble back into the cramped space.

"Hmm? Come again?" You play coy, your fingers dancing along my arm.

"Nnngh…a-ate…t-too much…h-hurts…" I choke out. The wave of pain begins to ebb, but I know there will be another. I let out a breath and release my grip around my stomach, rubbing it gently with both of my thumbs.

"Awww…here, let me rub it. It'll help." You don't even wait for permission. Your hands join mine on my bloated stomach. Despite being so painfully distended, it really doesn't show all that much. I'm somewhere between 'skinny' and 'chubby' on the appearances scale, with my body's fat-distribution being pretty spread out so I'm not noticeably chunky in one area or another. Because of that, even though I feel ready to burst, you wouldn't be able to tell if your palm wasn't directly on my jam-packed belly. My abdomen has no give to it. It's firm under our palms, having about as much give as a recently-inflated bicycle tire. There's the usual fleshy give that stems from the fact that it's flesh and internal organs we're pressing into…but my stomach is so packed solid that you'd really have to commit to it to depress it in any way. My little groans and grunts every time you you, as well as the wet hiccup when you pushed right over my stomach-organ are proof enough that pushing into my tummy is a really, really bad idea right now. Not like that's going to stop you.

I slap at your hands, glaring at you.

"N-Not in public…nngh…p-please?" My eyes glisten with tears at the thought of being forced to puke in public. The bus stop has a trash bin, but we're in a commercial area. If the stop were in a more secluded area with some trees or shrubs around for cover…maybe…b-but we're in a commercial area and there are people and cars with people in them all around us.

#tummy kink #stuffed tummy #tummy ache

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bee-saucee · 5 months

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Fanfic Writing Resolutions 2024

With the start of 2024, I wrote out some of my personal writing goals for the year and thought I would share them with you all! I don't usually make posts like this but I hope I can inspire other writers to make goals for themselves in this next year and have a greater sense of accountability for myself.

Some writing accomplishments from 2023

I learned a lot in 2023 as a fanfic writer and I'm proud of what I did! I deleted my Wattpad to start fresh with a new writing style, posted my first three fics to Ao3, applied to two zines and got accepted as a pinch hitter for one, grew my Tumblr account, started a Twitter, commissioned several artists including my current pfp for a new look, and started writing more consistently again!

This post is pretty long so here's the short list:

Create and refine a writing process to have a written process outline that makes writing simpler

Watch a video and take notes on a writing topic at least once a month centering predominantly on craft but also on storytelling

Apply to at least two zines

Post on Tumblr every other week

Build out my Twitter

Keep better track of my writing habits

Bring fun back into the writing process

1. Create and refine a writing process to have a written process outline that makes writing simpler

When I refer to my "writing process" in this goal, I'm talking about 1) my outlining process and 2) what goes on off of the page such as how often, when, and where I'm writing.

To address the outlining portion of this goal, I plan to intentionally try out different outlining methods. My balance of plotting and pantsing is off but I can't find that balance until I just try stuff out! I want to try a lot of existing outlining methods and hopefully combine the facets that I like about various methods I've tried over the course of the year to get a mix that is tailored to me and how I like to write. I think it is also important to think out and write down the outlining methods I try so I can replicate or change my process iteratively. I've found that not having a outlining process that makes writing easy and enjoyable for me is the biggest reason why I've started and dropped so many projects this year!

Regarding the off the page process, consistency is my main goal. I just kind of squeeze in writing whenever I can or feel like it but that means that writing has often fallen off my radar. I want to set up specific times to write every day, but to be frank, I'm not sure when or how the best way for me is to write as I haven't experienced next semester's schedule or my post-college routine at all! I'm fine going with the flow on this one, but again, I've gotta be intentional about it.

2. Watch a video and take notes on a writing topic at least once a month centering predominantly on craft but also on storytelling

I've been writing stories ever since I was a kid but this year is really the first time I'm trying to do it more seriously. My public school and even college education has not fully equipped me to write creatively so I recognize that I have to learn about all of the parts of creative writing I don't know!

3. Apply to at least two zines

Contributing to zines have always been a super big dream of mine so I will keep on monitoring upcoming zines and hopefully find two I can apply for this year! Getting accepted isn't even the goal for me, I think that there is a lot to learn in the application process itself and I can't get accepted to a zine unless I try!

4. Post on Tumblr every other week

It's really important for me to build out my social media presence but I also value the lower stakes creative fun I have on Tumblr! So the goal is to write in a chill manner as I currently do for Tumblr and grow my reach at the same time! I just love making people smile with my stories.

I think the best way for me to post consistently on Tumblr is to introduce writing warm up exercises into my writing routine and share them on Tumblr. I can also use extra time that I have on breaks to stock up a bunch of Tumblr posts I can share in the future.

5. Build out my Twitter

I don't get Twitter at all and I'm not a super big fan of it but this is such a big space for the bnha fandom! I think I definitely am holding myself back particularly when it comes to zine applications by not having a Twitter presence. So I hope to not only understand twitter but post at least once a week and retweet or comment on posts at least every other day.

6. Keep better track of my writing habits

Both when I write consistently and inconsistently, I wish that I kept better track of how I spend my writing time because it is so precious. I want to use the often limited time that I have to work on the projects I truly want/need to work on. I'm thinking that logging what I write through Google Calendar could be easy and effective, but we'll see!

7. Bring fun back into the writing process

When I've tried to focus more on "professionalism" and "writing well" I sucked all of the fun out of writing and I basically stopped for a year or two. I don't want that to happen to me again because writing is so therapeutic to me so I'm going to focus on editing less for craft and instead keep my eye on the concepts and feelings behind what I write.

Writing is so so hard but I think that fanfiction is such a beautiful and powerful form of creation. I hope that I can keep up with these goals to continue to participate in this creative process that I have come to love dearly and make more content that brings a smile to people's faces.

Thanks for reading! Check out my masterlist for more.

#fanfic authors #fanfic writing #fanfiction writer #fanfiction author #fanfiction writing #fic writer #fic author

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mayflowers515 · 2 months

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(Wholesome AU) Smiling Critters Cartoon Details!

I have some ideas for how the structure of the cartoon would go in my AU! As always, I will update this if any new ideas relating to this come to mind :)

Basic Plot Summary: I feel like the cartoon would follow an episodic format for the most part. Though I would also like it to have more plot-related episodes that can tie in together. Probably nothing too heavy, but something to give some stakes for the cartoon. I imagine there will be trouble from the big bads every now and then, too!

Characters Present:

The Original 8 Smiling Critters! (and their families)

Other Smiling Critters (I feel like there are others besides the OG 8 with their own scents and powers, though maybe not as strong as the others. I hope to develop the explanation to why that's the case)

Historical figures of the town (ex. Critters who had the current Critters' powers, maybe important people of note that helped develop the town to what it became)

Villains (I might get inspired by the Care Bears in order to make these big bads sometime, possibly MLP too!)

Other residents of the town (not just inhabited by the Smiling Critters, but other residents like humans, insect-like creatures, maybe some mythical ones, too!)

Other characters from neighboring towns or ones from completely different locations!

Planned Lore: Since I mentioned the cartoon will have lore, I imagine it has some things relating to the history of the town itself as well as the powers of the Critters. Here are some ideas I have that I hope can be turned into episodes!

More information relating to how the Critters came to be as a group (I feel like this could be scattered throughout the cartoon, whether through implications or flashbacks when necessary)

Background of the Critters before the events of the 90s cartoon

The powers of the Critters (there are many people in their town, so maybe it would be important to address why these eight children were specifically chosen to hold their particular powers from their pendants + their scents)

Past Smiling Critters (basically the retired versions of the Smiling Critters before the current 90s ones came to be; this would fill a smaller portion of the cartoon specifically in the beginning, but maybe the other Critters would like to know who had their abilities before them and learn from them? I was thinking they could be like mentors to them in a sense TvT')

The plans of the big bads (Nothing TOO dark of course since it's a kid's cartoon, but there will definitely be information relating to the villains' backgrounds and what their goals are)

Episode and Season Length: For episodes, they can range from being mini segments (around 10 minutes each) or, depending on the episode's subject, they can be a two-parter (20 minutes or longer). If the cartoon were to have specials, they would be kinda standard with length (possibly 50 minutes to an hour long). As for seasons, I feel like it would have maybe three seasons or more! I can imagine it got good reception that it was able to continue for a while. The seasons could have a maximum of 48 episodes (counting the mini episodes as their own episodes of course). A full season may not actually reach 48 episodes, though (already mentioned that the format may vary).

Extra Details!:

I thought it would be fun for the end of each episode to have a picture of the Critters after they got what they needed resolved. One picture for each mini episode, and pictures after each extended episode reached its proper conclusion (so, in that kind of episode a segment where a mini episode could be expected wouldn't have a picture. Maybe a "To be continued..." text in the background of a cliffhanger scene or something-)

I plan all these pictures taken at the end of the episodes can add up to something wholesome that can show up at the end of the show's runtime (won't spoil that yet, though ;>)

Every main Smiling Critter will have at least ONE character arc. In light of character arcs, they may be foreshadowed in episodes that may not be connected, but then the arcs could more properly flesh out in episodes that expand on them (more likely for two-parter episodes I'm thinking-)

The Gacha designs I made for the Critters wouldn't be how viewers in the AU see the Critters (those are just concepts for how I think the Critters could look like in that way, and it's how I plan to personally portray them in my blog). Some aspects of the 90s Gacha designs I made for them may show up, but I'm genuinely not sure if the Smiling Critters would actually wear full on clothing as Critters.

As much as I think the different ships of the Critters are all really wholesome, I'm not gonna really include them in the actual AU itself. Mainly because I feel in the cartoon it would focus more on friendship than anything. So no heavy romance between the OG 8 here. Though a couple of the Critters having crushes on each other doesn't hurt ;) (if you guys have different opinions about this, that's fine too!)

Not too positive about this, but I think the cartoon in the AU could last from mid 1991-1995 or 1996? (they wouldn't follow real time physics with aging though I wouldn't think-)

That's all the information I have for now! I can't wait to do actual episode ideas surrounding these details and share them sometime! (Because canon doesn't exist to me for these guys and they deserve to be happy ;v;)

🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

#noncanon au #justsomepersonalhcs #smiling critters au #smiling critters

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elliegoose · 1 year

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i don't wanna phrase this in a way that puts myself down (though admittedly this observation has sometimes been making me feel weirdly insecure), but it's kind of surreal being a very tall gainer, because shorter gainers will still be trying to reach goal weights that i'm already significantly heavier than and yet even at their current weight they're still definitely fatter than i am.

i think this is also why a weirdly large number of people significantly underestimate my clothing sizes. part of that underestimation is definitely plain old fatphobia, but it's probably also partially because a shorter person with my body shape would in fact be a smaller clothing size, and people generally don't have a lot of personal experience talking about clothes with a woman as tall as me.

and like, even though i don't think it should, being skinnier than most other women my weight does make me feel bad sometimes, or at least the anxious, misguided, over-protective little goblin in my brain who's too concerned with status and the expectations of others convinces me that this should make me feel bad about myself and that i should punish myself by internalizing that hierarchical bullshit. (related to this: i'm also having trouble convincing this same brain goblin that it's literally pointless to give weight to its insecurities over what it sees as my "visibly trans traits which are surefire tells to every stranger and that i should feel ashamed of", which it sees as such purely because of society's misogynistic and cissexist beauty standards. like, given that in my daily life essentially every cis stranger clearly assumes i'm a cis woman, and even a significant portion of trans strangers don't figure out i'm trans based on my physique/appearance, they definitely aren't the tells my brain goblin thinks they are.)

feeling insecure and pretending that i'm not already chubby and attractive as hell literally contributes less than nothing to my efforts to gain, and it does a disservice to myself and everyone else who already knows i'm fucking hot. making myself a good deal fatter will make me feel incredibly fulfilled and infinitely more at home in my body and i am going to make this gain happen, but nowhere in that plan does there need to be a part where i put down my current self as not being attractive for not being as big as i'd like to be.

#elise.rtf

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cainightfics · 2 years

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hii! excited for new chapter of trotw soon, i know you update slower than most but the wait is always so worth it with how long your chapters are! im curious: how do you find motivation to write so much? youre well known in 2 fandoms that are very small/inactive, so i imagine it might be hard to find motivation sometimes. i also write fic, but i get discouraged easily when i dont get many hits

thanks for the ask! im sorry i update slowly—i wish i could update more frequently, but i have 2 jobs and am also currently a student, so i dont always have a lot of time. i like doing longer chapters because, like you said, it makes the long wait easier to bear for anyone reading, but also because i feel like i plan the plot more carefully this way, if you know what i mean? with longer chapters, i can sort of think of them as episodes, so 1) each chapter progresses the plot, and isn't just fluff and 2) some new milestone is reached relationship wise. like in the last chapter, for instance, it starts with tyrell and elliot in bed, and tyrell internally complaining about how un-affectionate elliot is. then tyrell does a crazy stunt to get elliot to admit he cares about tyrell (ie, threatening to shoot himself in the head, lol), so that the chapter ends with tyrell and elliot in bed, again, but this time, elliot is rattled by what has occurred over the course of the chapter, and actually physically responds when tyrell makes a move on him.

as for motivation... idk, i actually just like writing a lot i guess, lol. i feel like i mentioned this once before on here, so im sorry if im repeating myself, but fanfic gives me something to think about during the boring parts of my day, when im on the bus or washing dishes or whatever. actually, significantly large portions of trotw have been written in my phones notes app during my morning commute.

i dont really care about getting lots of hits and attention for my fics. as long as a few people enjoy reading them, im happy. im very grateful that people take the time to comment and send me asks—seriously, it does make my day sometimes. but just knowing someone is out there reading my fics, maybe before bed after a long day, or during their lunch break at their job they hate, is good enough for me. i grew up on fan culture (ive been on this site since i was 11!) so fanfic has always been really special to me as a reader.

i know its easier said than done, but once you move past worrying about how many kudos/hits/comments you get, writing is way more enjoyable. i think capitalism often demands that we either monetize or quantify our hobbies. part of this has to do with the current climate of entertainment, which i see people often refer to as the "attention economy." getting lots of hits/kudos = success, because enough people cared about your fic to invest their attention into it, when so many other entertainment options are available. to me, this isnt the point of fanfic. i feel like fic is about community. being passionate enough about something that you're inspired to create a derivative work, then share it with others, with no attempts to earn profit or fame involved, is a very special thing these days, when we're made to believe all activities should have the end goal of making money. i think everyone who wants to should write fanfic, even if they think theyre bad at it, or worry that nobody will read it. being creative is always good for you.

anyways, thanks as always for reading my fics! im happy youre enjoying them. and good luck in your own writing, too!

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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 2 years

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You are not wrong for wanting to be loved. But you don't allow yourself to heal and to grow by focussing so very intensely on being loved by someone else. You are outsourcing a good portion of your healing process onto a non existent other person you are hoping for. I know what I am talking about because I was the same for a long time and very much in denial about that. It's good to allow yourself to be sad and to want love and a relationship. If you would repress that wish, it would just get bigger and worse. So I don't agree with people who criticise you for talking about it. In fact, I think letting it all out here is a good thing. But I am hoping that it isnt in your mind all the time in such an intensity because that would mean that you dont even want to try to take your own hand and take a little step forward. I think thats where many of other peoples comments are coming from. I know so many young women who lost themselves to trauma and dont want to build the strength to catch themselves because they are hoping for the strength of someone else. You dont need to hold that hope literally but it speaks out of the degree of intensity and desperation regarding that desire. And guess what, maybe you will find a relationship while still being stuck in your healing process. Maybe it will go right, maybe it will go wrong. It depends fully on luck because you are not at a point where you can navigate these things safely for yourself. But thats okay. I am wishing you the spark and then the strength to get to a point where you are able to take things into your own hands. And until then I wish you the best of luck.

I am not that desperate for a relationship anymore but I am still a failure in societal terms. No job, no drivers license, lots of trauma and sadly an illness thats currently kicking my butt and makes future plans even more impossible. But I have grown so much the past years and when I met a friend of mine recently (who has a job, house, boyfriend etc) I was shocked to see how little she had grown in "soul" (not believing in anything but you know what i mean) and mind. She in turn told me that she admires me for being so calm and gentle with myself. Thats when I realized how much I had grown, despite still being a failure from an external view. I think you are very well able to reach such a point.

Reading what you write I see a gentle and smart person. That just measures herself by standards that wont make her happy even when fulfilled. And thinks that those fulfilled standards are what would make her loveable.

I know that a lot of what I say and would say to you sounds cynical to you or wont fully reach you. I had people tell me all sorts of useful but ultimately useless things when I was in a similar position to yours. Hell, minus the desire for a relationship I am STILL very much in a similar position to yours and have them telling me stuff and advice I think is complete nonsense. But those things people tell you are like seeds and some will bloom someday, even years later. And some wont and thats fine.

There is one thing I would like to ask of you and please dont see this as an attack or something to dislike yourself for. You talk extremely harshly about yourself, which of course is your right to vent especially on a private blog. When you call yourself a failure or useless for not reaching certain societally expected goals you are calling other people the very same thing. To be extremely honest, that hurts to read (which isn't an accusation but a statement of fact). You do not only deem yourself a horrible person unworthy of good things, you deem those "failings" in themselves to be properties that make any person horrible and unworthy. Do you mean that? If yes, I will unfollow you with a heavy heart because I do not think of people like you or me as a failure or anything else destructive or hateful.

If no, and you only apply these things to yourself, I ask you to (if you like) try to see yourself a little bit through external eyes. Kind external eyes that is. Those with which you would look at someone else who tries really really hard but just doesnt get there yet, or maybe never. That this person is still doing a very fine job at being alive. I wish I could lend you my eyes for a minute and give you some time and space to breath

Anon, thank you so much for your kind heart and for taking the time to write this all out to me. It means so much 💕 I know it was down the bottom but it felt really important to me so I wanted to address it first ; I’m genuinely sorry from the bottom of my heart that my comments about myself leaked over into what you thought I might feel about other people. But it’s fully and 100% not how I feel about other people in similar situations. I’m just very angry at myself and frustrated over where my life is, so I use harsh words like that. I also do it because it tends to hurt less when others say them to me if I say it first. But never for a second have I thought that way about anyone else, and I’m sorry if it seemed like it did. I’ll try harder to refrain from phrasing things in a way that could group others into my feelings that are solely about myself. 💕

As for the first bit I think it is on my mind all the time. I have a very unhealthy and unrealistic , maybe not obsession, but desire to love someone and be loved. I can admit that I put too much into it. But I don’t really know how to stop. Like I can say I don’t care or try to not care as much but those feelings don’t go away. For me the most important thing in life is love, so not having that relationship is hard for me. I try to not priorities it so much, but genuinely don’t know how to stop those feelings because no matter what I do they are just there. I don’t necessarily want the strength from someone else. I just want someone to make it worth it. I’m not expecting anyone to fix me or save me or change me. I just want that person that I can look to and feel like putting in the effort for. I hate myself very much and my main thing is just trying hard to not cause trauma for other people. I don’t live for myself and I don’t know how to live for myself. But living for other people who are all off and happy with others in their own way is hard for me sometimes. Having that person who I love and who loves me and knowing I’m trying to get better for and do my best for so I can make her life the best it can be feels very comforting to me. But I also know there is a whole bunch of problems within that as well and isn’t healthy either. So I guess it’s a good thing I’m not in a relationship because that’s probably too much to put on someone. I just genuinely don’t know how to not feel that way. Maybe it’s something that pass as I get older, I don’t really know.

Also I’m so happy and proud of you!! I think that’s so incredible you’ve able to get yourself to that point and grow in that way 💕💕💕 it’s amazing!! And I hope you continue to do so. I don’t know you, but just from this I can tell you are an amazingly kind and wise person. This world is absolutely blessed to have you in it - as am I that you reached out to me, so thank you 💖🌸

I’m sorry again for how my comments about myself can come across. I do promise to work harder to make it seem that way. Because it certainly isn’t true 💕💕💕

Thank you again so much for reaching out and I hope you have an amazing and beautiful day 🌸🌸🌻💕💕💖

#asks #anon #answered

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daquanshell · 3 months

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The Business Model

One thing I love about being an independent agent is that I largely have a choice on how I do business, provided I am smart enough to take full advantage of my employer(s) compensation plan, adhering to compliance in marketing and advertising, and making enough money to both take care of myself and grow my business.

Currently, I feel as though I’m maximizing the last category, but there are opportunities to improve in the first two categories. So, the purpose of this post is increase my professional exposure, by becoming a little bit more transparent about the business model I use, my general approach, and the type of content you guys can expect on here.

Introduction Letters

I work on a personal introduction basis, usually opening with either a letter (like my last post) or a handshake and an exchange of business cards. This personal style of doing business makes it really to filter out who I’d like to do business with since it always boils down to me asking the following five questions:

Has anyone endorsed or nominated this entity?

Have I ever introduced myself to said entity?

Do I have enough information to write an introduction letter?

How should I deliver the letter?

How should I follow up?

As long as the answer to the second question is yes, I compose and deliver the introduction letter, once the letter is delivered, we move on to the first step.

Step 1: Gathering the Facts

The first step centers around gathering the facts and feelings about the person while laying the foundations of our relationship. During this step, the goal is to begin regularly meeting the person face-to-face, gather both the facts and their feeling regarding their financial situation, and obtain a nomination: the approval of the suspect from a trusted advisor.

Usually, a face-to-face meeting is a video call unless the prospect lives close enough to visit at some point throughout the week. Personally, I love in-person business meetings since you have the advantage of eating or drinking together, and I've learned to apply that to virtual meetings, and it's one of the reasons I still dress up and go to coffee shops or restaurants even if the meeting is not on-site.

Step 2: Completing the Financial Analysis

The second step, once enough information has been gathered, is to complete the financial analysis worksheet, and to complete a written report that contains multiple packaging options for the potential client. The goal of the report is to explain the advantages AND shortcomings of the different packaging options while offering the client a choice.

Think of the packaging like a starter Pokemon, where the different packaging options all have similar value, yet appeal to different personality traits.

For example:

Packaging A: $54,000 Whole Life Insurance

Packaging B: $25,000 Whole Life, $200,000 Term Life

Packaging C: $500,000 Term Life

All the options would have the same annual premium, yet vastly different payout amounts and requirements. The first option offers the lowest payout, but the payout is guaranteed. The second option offers a higher payout but only a smaller portion is guaranteed, and the third option offers the highest payout but neither the payout nor the premium rate is guaranteed, and its likely that the premium will increase over time, assuming the client wanted to maintain the same level of protection.

Step 3: Regular Face-to-Face Reviews

The final step is continuous, yet a little more nuanced. At it's core, the third step is just repeating the first two steps. There are a few different scenarios that we call "Automatics", or scenarios in which we automatically reach out to the client to schedule a meeting. Some examples are a birthday, anniversary, birth, death, graduation, in addition to inquiries and client requests.

What I love about this step is that its about more than just selling or presenting different products to the client, but it's all about deepening the relationship and serving not just the client, but the communities in which the client is a part of. This is what ties everything together.

Closing Statements

One of the hardest parts about launching a career in any industry is how easy it is to get distracted in the beginning, at a point where it's critical to build the persona required to sustain client builder activity.

The persona, is the key. In my opinion, the persona of a financial representative is that of a person who is groomed, well dressed, and chooses their words carefully.

With that, I feel that while this post is not enough on it's own to give a person a full picture of what I do, I don't think that's the point. I feel as though its enough to give a person an idea, which can be built upon (or deconstructed) as our relationship continues to develop.

#sales #notes #suit #business #marketing #entrepreneur #entreprenuership

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goboymusic · 1 year

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Last night’s #TheLastofUs episode had a lot of cute Joel and Ellie moments and my fav action sequence thus far (#tlou).

“#Lucy” and “Dick” were recorded over a span of 10 hours on a Saturday, GoBoy’s longest vocal recording session. It was difficult figuring out the ideal song key, tempo and pronunciation of the lyrics. My neighbors heard me sing the word “dick” hundreds of times throughout the day for the song “Dick” (sorry).

Three weeks were spent mixing “Lucy,” two of which were spent trying to replace the original chorus with a new chorus, which wasn’t accomplished. No matter what I added, it wasn’t meshing with the verses.

At the end of those three weeks, for my own mental health, I threw in the towel, released “Lucy,” and moved on to mixing “Dick.” Normally I don’t release songs that I give up on, but “Lucy” was catchy enough. It deserved to be uploaded to the internet.

I became really depressed (undiagnosed) during the mixing of “Lucy.” Difficulty getting out of bed, moving, eating, drinking, planning how to end my bullshit existence, brain fog, etc. All the stereotypical hallmarks of #depression. I snapped out of it after I started taking #LTheanine again, a popular #nootropic that I had stopped taking a couple days prior to the start of the undiagnosed depression. Since then, I’ve been taking it daily, along with everyone’s favorite nootropic, coffee. I’m well aware that this may involve the placebo effect.

“Lucy” was intended to be a 2+ minute song, but because things went haywire while mixing, it was cut down to it’s current length.

The intro melody of “Jenny” (song 1) was reused for the verses of “Lucy.”

The lyrics are bubblegum pop. Dumb fun, nothing more. Needed a 2-syllable name that ended with y, and Lucy fit that bill.

Ever hear of a #McGuffin in the film industry? A “McGuffin” is an object that the plot revolves around, like the ring in Lord of the Rings, or the infinity stones in the Avengers movies. In songwriting, names are like McGuffins. It’s really convenient to pick a name and then write a song that revolves around it (excerpts from post 89).

“Hannah (Song 89)” was the first of many song titles on GoBoy 5, 6 and 7 that were named after girls. Some of them are real, some of them are arbitrarily selected. Gotta admit, I think it’s pretty funny seeing three or more tracks on the same album with different girl names (excerpts from post 89).

Beat + bass + melody. That’s the style of GoBoy 5. While I’ve appreciated this minimalistic style for years, “Tell My Mama (Song 42)” was the first time trying it. I went whole-hog with GoBoy 5, in which most songs primarily consist of a beat, bass and melody (excerpt from post 80).

For GoBoy 5, instead of creating for the sake of creating, like I did for GoBoy 4, I wanted to make poppier songs that would appeal to a larger audience. Was that goal accomplished? Well, maybe, I guess. It resulted in the song “In Love (Song 82),” which everyone and their mother seems to like (excerpt from post 79).

GoBoy 5 ragdolled me. I remember wondering if I’d live to see the completion of the album. While the style is minimalistic, the writing and production processes were chaotic, akin to throwing darts with a blindfold on. Most songs turned into a puzzle once they reached the mixing phase, with a portion of the pieces being destined not to fit. It required constant compromising - discarding segments, restructuring, rewriting, etc. The combination of the difficult production process and temporary chaos at work left a blood-soaked trail behind me (excerpt from post 80).

In April, 2021, almost all of GoBoy 3, 4 and 5‘s songs were restructured to be under 3 minutes (preferably under 2m 30s), including this song. I became okay with releasing songs around the 2 min mark after realizing The Beatles and The Beach Boys had some songs around that length. In an attempt to increase replay value in this streaming era, most of GoBoy’s songs are now purposely around 2m 20s (excerpts from post 37).

A bass boost was added to songs 37-99 in Nov, 2021, while I was stuck at home with covid. As a result, this song feels more powerful. The bass boost isn’t a simple plugin nonchalantly added to each song. It’s a process that took about 3.5 hours per song, or one whole month to complete all songs. Admittedly, I pushed the bass boost a little too far for some of them. The bass in some songs sounds like a freaking earthquake (unnecessarily pronounced low frequencies 20 - 50 Hz). Might dial that back someday. The bass boost was also applied to every song on GoBoy 6 and beyond (excerpt from post 37).

#GoBoy #Lucy #97

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changing-the-paradigm · 1 year

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Looking Back on the Semester with Fordham’s Climate Impact Initiative

Even though I’ve only been working with Fordham’s Climate Impact Initiative for a few months, I feel as though I’ve been able to be a part of something inspiring and meaningful for the school, and I look forward to continuing my role. Including the time spent attending the weekly meetings held at the Lincoln Center campus, I’m currently averaging a little over an hour of work a week with the group. Meetings have mostly consisted of setting goals, reviewing plans, and conducting work in a space where we can ask questions as needed and bounce ideas off of one another.

Some of our biggest events this semester have been organizing activities for Sustainability Week at Rose Hill, hosting a movie night in conjunction with the film club, compiling a sustainable holiday gift guide, and, perhaps most exciting of all, beginning the process of entering Fordham in the STARS program. Having a place in the program (the Sustainability Tracking, Assessment, and Rating System) would be a huge step forward in terms of our goal for a more sustainable institution and is the highest priority for the school year. To enter, we need to submit data from several categories ranging from academics to operations. The main goal of STARS is to help schools find their baselines of sustainability and connect with the larger STARS community to find ways to improve. We spent a large portion of the semester making the necessary preparations for the STARS data collection to begin, so now we can finally get underway with the intense collection itself and work towards providing the tracking tool with the information it needs to rank the school.

In terms of the work I’ve been personally overseeing, I spent a week in October designing a Climate Impact Initiative sticker that was given out as a prize during the Sustainability Week activities. I was very pleased to discover that my design was a success and that both the club members and participants of the event enjoyed the stickers. In the future, I would very much like to propose the idea of turning the design into a sellable keychain since I have information on how to do so from my personal art business. If given permission to pursue the endeavor, I may choose to make a new design specifically for the keychains as I’ve had time to reflect on the composition of my drawing and can think of some ways to improve it. Creating a new design may also make it more marketable since some students already received it in sticker form. I would also like to use my artistic skills to make more website content for the group. A comic strip could be an interesting way to grab viewers’ attention. So far, I’ve enjoyed providing content for the website this semester. In November, I revisited and submitted a research paper I wrote last year on an environmental science and psychology-related experiment I conducted. I’m also in the process of revising an essay I wrote on the reasoning behind the failures of environmental laws to submit to the group’s website. I’m very glad to be able to incorporate my passion for environmental law into the work of the group. The most recent project we’ve been working on, though, is creating the 2022 sustainable holiday gift guide. Each year, the Climate Impact Initiative seeks out sustainable businesses and reaches out to them to participate in the creation of the gift guide by providing a discount code to Fordham students. This year, thanks to everyone’s hard work, we’ve been able to gather 20 discount codes for all sorts of different sustainable products. The gift guide will be finalized and sent out soon.

Since joining the Climate Impact Initiative, I have been able to do a substantial amount of reflection on my own goals as an environmental advocate. Most notably, I’ve come to make the connection between my work and just how necessary it is despite us being a relatively small group of dedicated students. In chapter 25 of the textbook, a statistic was cited that “...only 5-10% of the people in the world or in a country or locality must become convinced that the change must take place and then act to bring about such change” (Spoolman and Miller 650). All too often, people are quick to dismiss calls for environmental work because they believe that everyone needs to contribute to the cause for anything real to happen. While it would, of course, be fantastic if the whole world stepped up to the challenge of creating a sustainable future, it’s true that it isn’t realistic. What people need to understand (and what I feel is a concept I’ve been able to grasp more firmly over the course of my work with the initiative) is that any and all change does matter. The work of a few can create waves of difference in the world, and, when the future starts to look up, who’s to say how many more will join the fight? After some quick calculations based on Fordham student statistics, we, a group of roughly 20 students, make up exactly one percent of the undergraduate population. With only an additional eighty students, we would grow to five percent, enough (according to the textbook) to bring change to our environment. Even though we’re small, we have the power to make a real difference, and I’m thrilled with the possibilities for the future.

Word Count: 905

Work Cited

Spoolman, Scott, and G. Tyler Miller. Living in the Environment. Cengage Learning, 2021.

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melbarblog-blog · 1 year

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Tips to Help You Lose Weight

5 Tips to Help You Lose Weight

Losing weight doesn’t have to be as difficult as you may think. In fact, with persistence it can be quite easy to reach your weight loss goals if you focus on some simple tips and healthy choices when it comes to what you eat and how much you exercise. Here are five great tips that will help you lose weight easily and effectively—and keep it off!

1) Remember Why You’re Losing Weight

Health improvement speaks to , a better body, fitting into your favorite clothes, feeling more confident. Keep these reasons in mind when you’re tempted to give up and remember that you have the power to turn things around! The most important thing is to be kind to yourself and never feel guilty for wanting something nice. The key is moderation and just because something is bad doesn't mean it can't be part of a healthy diet. It's not about being perfect or depriving yourself, but being realistic about what you're eating-there's no need for extremes! And try not to compare yourself with others. Everyone has their own story and lifestyle which may be different from yours. And don't forget to exercise, even if you are already active-doing so will help maintain muscle mass and keep your metabolism high!

2) Focus on What Works for You

I feel better when I carry less body weight . I have more energy. My clothes fit better. And the most important reason: it makes me happy! If you are trying to lose weight, try some of these tips that work for me. Get enough sleep. Exercise regularly, but don't overdo it and wear yourself out. Eat foods with a low glycemic index. Avoid junk food and eat smaller portions of higher quality food (including vegetables). Drink lots of water throughout the day and make time to relax every day - even if it's just five minutes at a time

3) Take the Long View

Enjoy life , don't deprive yourself, and stay positive. Remember, it took time for the weight to accumulate so it will take time for it to come off. If you keep your focus on the ultimate goal of a healthier lifestyle, weight loss will be easier than you think. One great way to do this is to visualize your body as healthy. In other words, mentally see your current size as too big and then imagine how great you'll feel when you've lost all that excess weight.

4) Create an Overall Plan with Small Steps

Since it took time for weight to accumulate , you will need patience as you take steps towards your goal. However, the sooner you start, the easier it will be to achieve success. Below are five tips to help you lose weight 1) Create an overall plan with small steps: 2) Keep track of what you eat: People who keep a food diary tend to lose more weight than those who don't. 3) Avoid processed foods: If you're eating a packaged food and have no idea what's in it, put it back on the shelf! 4) Get Moving: Exercise is one of the best ways to boost metabolism and burn calories—even light activity can make a difference over time.

5) Be Positive, Supportive, and Honest With Yourself

My life is a gift of nature and it's up to me how I live it. The only thing that really matters is my health and happiness. If I can achieve both, then everything else will follow. Make Sure That Your Diet Is Nutritious: Avoid processed foods as much as possible. Eat more vegetables, grains, beans, nuts and seeds. Limit dairy products to one or two servings per day if you're trying to lose weight (but consume them regularly if you're not). Eat more fish, poultry and eggs than red meat. Drink plenty of water every day - at least 8 glasses (1 pint) for men; 6 glasses for women - especially before meals so that your appetite is reduced.

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tactileprogress · 2 years

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Project Proposal

My idea is twofold- the ambitious, probably-wont-have-time idea, and the more reasonable but slightly less interesting idea. The first is to have a sort of drawing program, but all interactions with the canvas have to be done with a slingshot- throwing balloons full of paint, smaller projectiles to leave dotted lines, etc. Because of the amount of things a drawing app needs- color selection, tool selection, some way of wiping the canvas, some way of saving the work- i feel like this might not be a reasonable project to undertake- I’d live to 1on1 to discuss it though. In the meantime, the more scaled down idea is a little arcade-style archery game, using the same mechanics the slingshot would but only worrying about hitting targets, not creating art. Because of the conceptual similarity, the first few days of work will be the same either way, giving me a little buffer to figure out which one I want to really commit to.

These links were largely aesthetic and controller based- I’m really leaning towards archery minigame, for practicality’s sake, but an arcade cabinet as a framing device could work either way.

Technology wise, the backbone of the project will be a flex sensor, affixed (most likely) to a rubber band unless I can figure out a way to get a ribbon to auto-reset when released. I’m worried about the elastic snapping after too many uses, is all. The flex sensor will determine the power behind the bow/slingshot, and practically how far up/down the canvas the shot goes. Left to right will be done using either a potentiometer or two buttons, depending on which is more intuitive to implement, and loading ammunition will be done by a button (maybe cycling through to different colors on repeated presses?) I’ll be using Processing for this project, since I’m most comfortable with it. The tech will be hidden under a cardboard/cardstock shell that I’ll probably design to resemble a arcade machine no matter which direction I choose to go.

Challenges: Oh boy do I suck at Time Management. It’ll be the biggest issue for me by far, just making sure I get things assembled and tested on a regular schedule, and not getting eaten by my ADHD and having to do it all at the last minute. These blog posts will likely help, but I think being able to have tangible goals to reach each week’s end would help even more- another thing I’d like to 1on1 with you about. (I plan on scheduling it properly don’t worry! I just suck at time management and I forgot this blogpost was due for far too long, So I’m currently planning to catch you after class/get an email sent tomorrow)

Strengths: I rock at Processing! There’ll be a bit of delay going back from using mostly p5.js, but I really think I prefer how relatively painless using serial ports with processing is in comparison to p5.js. I’m very familiar with the language, and I think I’ll be able to knock out that side of the coding portion of this without too much issue. I’m also getting much more comfortable with Arduino and wiring, and the only thing I’m a little shaky on is if I’ll have to do any soldering (which I haven’t touched since systems). As for the aesthetic side of things, I love doing papercraft and can make reasonably pretty sprites to clean up the aesthetic of my program without having to rely on drawing using basic shapes in Processing.

Inspiration

My inspiration searching was mostly centered around the links above, to narrow in on the aesthetic and options I had for my project, but I also found this mask which really piqued my interest in regards to sensing things unseen.

Progress

Reflection

Oh god big projects always scare me. I have a really bad habit of putting things off until the last possible moment that I’ve been trying really hard to break. It has left me with an inability recognize what a reasonable amount of work is for a given timeframe! It’s entirely possible my more creative idea is doable, I just wouldn’t know. There’s a lot of apprehension, is what I’m saying. With that all out of the way, I do think I’ve got almost all the tools in my toolbelt I need to pull this off, and both my ideas have been roughly broken down into the components they’d need. From here, I think I just need to narrow my focus to the next step, take a deep breath, and start doing the work that needs doing.

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sevenkittensinatrenchcoat · 3 years

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Some Analysis of the Heaviside Layer and the Jellicle Choice

NOTE: This is mostly going off on the 1998 version, because the story is made more clear there.

Why Does Anybody Want to Go to the Heaviside Layer?

We know that those who are chosen to go to the Heaviside Layer “Can now be reborn and come back to a different Jellicle life”. So, they’re reincarnated. This is based on the idea that cats have nine lives. The Heaviside Layer moves them from one life to the next. I’m guessing that only after living all nine lives do cats actually die. What happens then? Do they remain in the Heaviside Layer? Is there some other sort of afterlife they move on to? Can cats tell which life they’re currently living? Old Deuteronomy has apparently “lived many lives in succession”, all as Deuteronomy, so he’s probably aware, but is that just him, or does every cat know? There are a lot of holes in the lore that can only be filled with “for the purposes of this story, it doesn’t really matter”.

The Heaviside Layer is “full of wonders” as well, so everyone wants to see what’s up there someday, but if it’s not their day, it’s not their day. If Heaven exists, it would be cool to see what it looks like, but that would mean dying and most people don’t want to do that.

The play never explicitly states that any of the cats gathering for the ball want to be chosen. The question they’re asking is “Who will it be?”. They want to know who the lucky cat is and see them off. This is probably the end of that cat’s life as the cat they know, so they all want a chance to say goodbye. The Jellicle Choice has their life celebrated before moving on to the next one, because that’s what most of the musical numbers do.

Who Actually Wants to Go to the Heaviside Layer?

Everyone, someday, but only a few are probably interested in being chosen at the specific ball that the play’s about. Cats who don’t have songs about them aren’t being put in the spotlight, so none of them are up for it. Out of the cats with songs, several of them are also out. Macavity is only sung about because he’s the antagonist and we need a song explaining who he is. Old Deuteronomy’s number is also just musical exposition for a main character.

Some of the musical numbers are spontaneous, while others seem to be presentations being put on for the ball. The cats with songs that are presentations are probably the ones making a case for the Heaviside Layer. So, now we have to determine which is which.

Gumbie Cat:

This one seems pretty planned. There are costumes and special effects. Munkustrap has a Gumbie Cat in mind, right after talking about the Jellicle Choice, meaning that he either thinks Jenny should be picked, or he thinks she will be picked. Jenny is the OLD Gumbie Cat, someone reaching the end of one life, possibly ready to move on to another.

Rum Tum Tugger:

Tugger crashes the party here and Munkustrap isn’t pleased with this. He appears to be the one organizing the night’s events, so if an event annoys him, it probably wasn’t meant to occur. Tugger’s number is spontaneous. Since Tugger is a fairly important character, the song serves as his introduction. It’s a typical musical I Am Song.

Bustopher Jones:

There aren’t any costumes or effects in this one and Bustopher doesn’t even stick around for the ball. But, some of the cats sing his praises when he shows up. He most likely had no intent to campaign to be the Jellicle Choice. He dropped in to say hi and Jenny just started cheering for him, because she’s his biggest fangirl. He probably could qualify for the Jellicle Choice, but he’s clearly not interested. He doesn’t even care who the choice is. Bustopher is not a normal Jellicle cat, not asking “who will it be?”.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer:

Jerrie and Teazer perform their number to no one after everyone scatters in fear of Macavity. Their number is just them messing around, telling the audience about what they’ve been up to, because it’s fun.

Since Old Deuteronomy probably doesn’t count for the choice, since he’s the judge, we end act one with only one established candidate. Tugger, Jerrie, and Teazer had other reasons for their musical numbers and Bustopher basically declined, “I’m still in my prime, I shall last out my time” meaning that he doesn’t intend to go anywhere, Jennyanydots is the only cat who’s been seriously considered by this point.

And Jenny doesn’t really qualify either! She performed her number before Old Deuteronomy showed up, and by starting up Bustopher’s number, she nominated someone else. If she nominates someone else, she most likely doesn’t want to win, or at least doesn’t care very much. So, Munkustrap nominated her, but Jenny herself isn’t really competing to be chosen. She appreciates that she was given her own number and that she’s admired that much by the tribe, but she’s still got a lot to do in this life.

So, on to Act Two. Old Deuteronomy has seen Grizabella sing Memory by herself and implies in The Moments of Happiness that he’s basically already made his choice. However, he implies it with references to Memory, which the other cats haven’t heard yet, so they don’t know that. Old D is still hearing people out though, so now we enter the “auditioning for the Heaviside Layer” portion of the show.

Gus: The Theatre Cat

Gus is an ideal candidate for the Jellicle Choice. He’s old and frail, he’s lived a long and meaningful life, it would be good for him to move on. Jellylorum nominates him. She’s interesting, because the other cats in her age range were all nominated themselves, but her moment in the spotlight is nominating someone else.

Jellylorum is Gus’ caretaker. She most likely brought him to the ball, intending to plead his case. Gus is far too weak to dance at the ball, so I imagine that he was off napping somewhere throughout Act One.

Gus is the only cat who can really compete with Grizabella and his number is the only one that can really compete with Memory. Jenny had a big show put on for her number, and the amount of energy she put into it shows that she’s got a lot of life left in her. Theatre Cat and Memory are both about cats who are definitely reaching the end of their current lives, not able to put on a show. They’re simple, but emotionally powerful.

Gus isn’t just physically weak, but mentally a bit out of it as well. He’s barely involved in the creation of his own number. He just plays off of what Jellylorum said. He’s not even really present enough to want to be chosen. Jelly is pleading his case for him, not because he wants it, but because she believes that he needs it. She knows that he’s not what he used to be and that it’s probably time to move on. She sings a song to celebrate his life and accomplishments, knowing that if she succeeds, this is the last time she’ll see Gus as Gus. But, she keeps the mood fairly upbeat, keeping any pauses in the song from lasting too long, not wanting anyone to get too sad. The Jellicle Ball is a celebration of life, not a funeral.

There’s a lot going on in this number.

Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat:

So, Theatre Cat has a bit of a downer ending, so Old Deuteronomy decides to change the subject, calling in Uncle Skimble to lighten the mood. The kittens all love his train stories and mentioning his name cheers Jemima up immediately.

This is another number that appears to be a presentation. The construction of the train feels like there were props ready and that this had been rehearsed, only going wrong at the last second. So, Skimble’s another candidate for the Jellicle Choice, but, like Jenny, the energy of his number is proof that he doesn’t really need it. Skimble’s goal at this point is just to entertain. He leads the number himself, so one nominated him, so I doubt he’s being taking very seriously as a candidate. At this moment in the show, everyone’s probably certain that Gus will be chosen.

One interesting detail of Skimble’s number is that he always sings in the past tense. Not every single lyric in the song is in the past tense, but the lines in the present tense are sung by the chorus, not by Skimble himself. The number starts with the chorus in present tense:

There’s a whisper down the line at eleven thirty-nine

But, when Skimble takes over, the tense shifts:

All the guards and all the porters and the station master’s daughters would be searching high and low

The chorus alternates between past and present tense throughout the number, but Skimble stays in the past. He’s mainly telling specific stories about his time on the train, but he also makes more general statements about his time as railway cat:

You could say that by and large it was me who was in charge

Skimble’s time as railway cat is purely in the past tense. He’s retired. The retirement is fairly recent, since the chorus of mostly kittens don’t seem to know about it. My theory is that the humans running the train decided that Skimble was getting too old to do his job and Skimble had to retire. He’d defined himself by his job as The Railway Cat. He was defined by his career, so without his career, who is he?

This is part of a reoccurring thing with several other characters. Many cats have titles of The X Cat, with X being a career or role in society. But, some of them are now too old to play their parts. Grizabella’s looks have faded with age, so she can no longer be The Glamour Cat. Gus is too weak to perform, so he can no longer be The Theatre Cat. Grizabella, Gus, and Skimble are defined by roles that they can no longer play, so who are they now? What do they have left to contribute to society?

The answer is Memory.

Gus and Skimble tell stories from their past careers to the future generation. They inspire the younger cats. The stories of their lives, their memories, are what they have to give. The show has the importance of memory as a reoccurring theme. Skimble clearly figured this theme out on his own, creating his own number to share his stories with the kittens. Gus isn’t quite as aware, but his theatrical career is clearly an inspiration to Jellylorum, who tells the stories when he can’t. The memory can outlast the person, because others hear the stories and tell them to even more people. In that way, Gus will always be The Theatre Cat, Skimble will always be The Railway Cat, and maybe, Grizabella will always be The Glamour Cat in the same way.

This concludes the Auditions For the Heaviside Layer. The remaining character number is another one that Old D isn’t present for and features a younger cat who’s just really getting into his role of The Magical Cat. But, there are still some things worth pointing out:

Mr. Mistoffelees:

The song, despite being as flashy as the rehearsed numbers, is played as spontaneous. Tugger has an idea and then he sings a song to sell the idea, the idea being “Misto can save the day with his magic”.

Up until this point in the show, the only real interaction between Misto and Tugger is Misto calling Tugger a “terrible bore”. If he had a planned number, Misto probably wouldn’t have picked Tugger to sing it. The opening of Gumbie Cat implies that he would’ve wanted Munkustrap to do it. He thought Munk was going to sing about him, but he sung about Jenny instead. So, Misto thought he’d have a number, for whatever reason, and that Munk would sing it.

It doesn’t make sense for Misto to want to go to the Heaviside Layer. He’s just become an adult and is still trying to prove his worth as one. He wouldn’t want to have to start over. Misto is very competitive, so he might think of being chosen as winning a competition, and he just has to win, wanting the victory, not the prize. He also might’ve wanted his own number, not as an audition for the Heaviside Layer, but purely for a moment in the spotlight and the validation of someone wanting to sing about him. He wants to put on a show for the party and show off his magic tricks. He assumed that Munkustrap was in on that plan and would give him his own special number, but he didn’t. Munkustrap arranged a number to nominate Jenny for the Jellicle Choice and didn’t really have anything for Misto to do.

Misto wouldn’t expect Tugger to give him a number. The number is exactly the sort of number Misto wanted, a chance to show off his magic with a long break to show off his dancing. He didn’t expect Old Deuteronomy to be kidnapped, and the trick to bring him back is one he’s never done before, so it isn’t all fun and games, but the fact that he gets a number gives him confidence. So, Misto shows off a lot and gets to be a hero and the adults take him seriously now and this is basically his dream come true. It’s not about the Jellicle Choice, but it’s still a big deal.

Sidenote:

In many productions I’ve seen, when Misto does his Conjuring Turns, the UFO that Grizabella rides to the Heaviside Layer starts to descend. He’s powerful enough to open the gates to the Heaviside Layer and might not even know. Munkustrap is Old D’s son and heir, but Misto will be the one who sends cats to the Heaviside Layer in the future, because he can. The importance of his magic might give him co-ruler status with Munkustrap!

So, the candidates for the Jellicle Choice are:

Jennyanydots (declines, nominating Bustopher instead)

Bustopher Jones (declines)

Gus (loses out at the last minute)

Skimbleshanks (didn’t expect to win and didn’t)

Grizabella (last minute nominee and winner)

#cats 1998 #jennyanydots #rum tum tugger #grizabella #bustopher jones #mungojerrie #rumpleteazer #old deuteronomy #gus the theatre cat #jellylorum #munkustrap #skimbleshanks #mr mistoffelees

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kohakhearts · 2 years

Text

i’d like to address a few things about my posting here and my fics because it’s been weighing on my mind for a while and i’ve been having a difficult time deciding how i want to move forward. i know a lot of people have followed me for harry potter content, and that i’ve got a lot of ongoing hp fanworks. so i’m going to talk about what i’m planning to do about these things under the cut. my feelings on this are complicated and i’ve been trying to figure them out for, honestly, years now. thank you for following me and engaging with my content through this time. i’m very thankful for the people i’ve met and for the readers who’ve reached out to me with kind words!

i’ve talked about this before, but i haven’t liked jkr for a long long time. i started to see a lot of her shit when i was ~14. in fact, i got into some tumblr discourse about it from time to time LMAO. so, for me, “separating the art and artist” happened a long time ago (in quotes because that’s not actually possible to do). it’s the reason why i never bothered to support tcc. i read portions of online, but mostly didn’t care about it and had no interest in buying or seeing it. same with the fb movies. the more things she posted on pottermore, the more i ignored them. now, i still find some value as a fic writer in a lot of the lore presented in these things - that’s uh...what the fandom wiki is for, frankly. lmao. from a 10-year-old who worshipped this woman to a very bitter lgbtq teen within only a few years - now, at 21, i have spent most of my time ignoring her. although, i will say, it used to be a big goal of mine to be blocked by her on twitter. unfortunately, i didn’t become active on twitter until about 5 years ago, and she wasn’t very active anymore until she started spewing her terf shit. now, i just don’t want to put her on my trans friends’ timelines. so i don’t really engage, because i think we need to just ignore her. she’s like a kid having a temper tantrum. except i won’t move the metaphorical furniture out of the way for her because i don’t give a shit if she hurts herself, so to speak.

anyway, that’s the big point for me. i don’t want my trans friends to have to see her or her creations or anything. i don’t want to put them in a position where they’ll see me, someone they care about, giving unfettered praise to her (ok, in all fairness, i’ve probably never done this; i can’t ever talk about harry potter without also mentioning how much it fucking sucks, because it does. but that’s not enough) when she is actively trying to get them killed. because that’s what it is. it is violence. plain and simple.

i love harry potter. it’s such an important series to me, and there are a lot of reasons why. i wouldn’t be the writer i am now without it. i wouldn’t have met a lot of my friends. i would have missed out on a lot of important self-reflection i’ve done through these books and my transformative works. this isn’t going to change just because the author is a horrible person who created a...horrifically racist world. there are a lot of lgbtq+ hp fans out there, and i do want to support those people above all else. but at the end of the day, i’m also not willing to sacrifice the happiness i gain from creating my content when i genuinely don’t think it will make a difference whatsoever. actually, i think i can make a better statement if i continue to update my fics. just because i can’t deplatform her doesn’t mean i have to deplatform myself.

so, at the risk of looking like a performative POS, i will continue to post fic. maybe someday i’ll write oneshots again, but for now at least i’m just looking at my big projects. after the ones i’m currently working on, i can’t say whether or not there will be more, but i think it’s unlikely there will be. honestly? creating new works from scratch just isn’t as fun anymore. i’ve gotten most of what i needed/wanted out of the series, and that’s enough for me. i have a lot of guilt about creating for it at all. so i’ll continue to post, but you will never see me post a chapter without something in the notes about jkr’s rancid views. every time i post a new chapter of something, i will donate some amount to a uk-based trans organization. whether that will be a set amount or will be x dollars per x thousand words, i’m not sure yet, and it will depend on my own financial situation. because i’m a student, and unemployed, and i still have at least 2 years of school left. and i will encourage my readers to match my donations whenever possible.

as for my tumblr, well...i think it’s hard, because without personally knowing every single person in the fandom, you can’t really say which hp fans are in support of her and which ones aren’t. so i don’t really want to continue to let hp have such a large presence on my blog. i’ll probably still rb gifsets and fanartfrom time to time, but i am 100% willing to trigger tag anything related to hp and i probably won’t be making any more gifsets myself, or at least significantly fewer of them. i’m still willing to take requests for hp gifsets and fics. in the future, if people wanted it, i would be willing to do hp requests like a sort of charity drive - you pay $1+ to a trans org, i’ll accordingly match with like 100 words/$1 or 1 gif/$1 or something like that. if any other hp content creators are interested in organizing something like that somewhat en masse, let me know because i’m not really “in” the fandom anymore so my reach is quite limited lmao but i’ve done a fair bit of fundraising work irl and i would be more than happy to organize.

with all that said, you’ll notice i’ve been very inactive/haven’t been updating much in the past year-ish. part of that is that i’m busy with school. the bigger part is that my mental health has crashed and burned. i’m not in a great place and i’m endeavouring to not talk about it as much as possible because that’s something i need to be able to do for my own healing process. i’m doing a lot of therapy, but i haven’t really been able to write. i’ve been focussing on other projects trying to get my voice back and everything. don’t know how long it will take before i get back into my ongoing fics and novels, but it will happen eventually. thank you for your patience and understanding. i really hope this process will serve to make me a better storyteller in the end.

that’s kind of all i’ve got to say here. i’m willing to discuss anything i’ve mentioned if people have questions or are feeling conflicted themselves. wishing you all the very best. take care <3

#jk rowling tw //#harry potter #hp tw //#taylor.txt

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