playing the last of us 2 and constantly managing to survive with two bullets and Ellie pocket knife and no health has been an experience 😭

do you have a favorite character to write?

That’s such a difficult question to answer, because I love them all for different reasons! So, the short answer is “no,” but the long answer (rambling about why I like writing each of them) is below the cut.

Jon is probably the easiest character for me to write, for the simple reason that I already talk like that. His character voice, word choice, and dark humor and sardonic observations come very naturally to me. It’s also fun to write him when his thinking about something is completely off base—canon Jon is the “not lying, just wrong” variant of unreliable narrator to fascinating effect, and I’ve had a lot of fun playing around with that.

Helen is fun for the opposite reason: her mode of thinking is so completely alien to me that writing her has me constantly questioning my most fundamental assumptions about the world (and occasionally getting frustrated when I recognize that I’m stuck in an assumption or thought pattern that Helen wouldn’t share, but have literally no idea how to move beyond it). Helen reminds me a lot of one of my dearest friends, and one of my goals in writing this fic was to externalize my efforts to understand—or at least accept and make peace with—her point of view. Well, it’s working. (You know who you are. I love you so much.) And, of course, there’s the eternal struggle that is writing a Spiral creature’s movement and mannerisms. I’m doing my best 😂

Mike is great fun to write for a combination of the above reasons—a lot of his thought processes and style of intelligence is deeply familiar to me, but other aspects of his thinking (and especially speaking) are deeply unfamiliar. I share Mike’s logical/patterns-based intelligence, his tendency to respond to fear by researching the hell out of whatever is frightening him, his tenacity to the point of obsession, his messed-up relationship with pain and his body in general, his horror of the Spiral, and his love of the Vast, especially the sky/heights/falling aspect (the paragraph in Mike’s statement about his feelings on fairground rides is one of the most relatable things I have read in my entire life). However, while we’re both very autistic, he’s semiverbal and I’m hyperverbal with only occasional periods of speech loss. Writing Mike’s dialogue is always a challenge, and one I generally approach by writing out what he’s trying to say and then taking out all unnecessary words and sentences (and then some, depending on the situation and how much time he’s had to think about it, if any). I sometimes forget to do this, and I’m sorry about that. But I love writing Mike because noticeably disabled autistic characters (or characters with any sort of mental/emotional/cognitive disability, really) who are actually characters and not just plot devices are so, so rare in media, to a deeply frustrating extent, and I’m happy to contribute even a tiny bit towards fixing that. Also because he’s awesome and I love him.

Harriet is fun because at this point, she’s basically my oc, but does technically exist in canon, so I do have something to go on. Talking too much more about why I love writing her would be spoilers for upcoming chapters 😈, but for now, let’s just say that she’s full of contradictions, and that, of all the members of the Squad, she’s both the kindest and the cruelest. She’s fascinating and I adore her, and I’m so very proud of how she’s turned out.

Oliver is delightful for several reasons, and one of them is that he’s probably the closest thing this group has to a normal person? Which kind of helps normalize avatarhood in general, both for the readers and for Jon (you can see this most clearly at the end of chapter 2). My joke about Oliver’s character concept is “guy who got appointment-in-Samarra-ed so hard he just stopped driving,” and I really do think that’s at the core of it—Jon is still struggling with his situation and with what he is, to some extent, but Oliver tried everything he possibly could to escape his own and it backfired spectacularly. Oliver has had it driven in again and again that he can’t change anything, that what happens will happen and there’s no point in fighting it, and he’s made his peace with that and decided to be content with his life anyway. Very Stoic of him, in the original Greek philosophy sense. I appreciate that.

Which leaves Karolina. She’s fun to write for a multitude of reasons, including but not limited to her blunt approach to comfort (which, for Jon, tends to be remarkably effective). If I want someone to just say what everyone’s thinking already, it’s gonna be Karolina. Her extremely matter-of-fact style of dealing with problems (and the positive and negative consequences thereof) is fun to explore, and—yes—the fact that someone in-universe can recognize the Dracula parallels brings me an unreasonable amount of joy.

Thank you for the ask, friend! Best!

I don’t know what’s hotter, this ramen I’m eating or my face! 😂 I’ll just say it’s the ramen jussst to be cheeky about it (*'▽'*) So um, I’d never, like EVER say I’m a needy little masochist or a slutty little nympho, but like, if I WAS then MAYBE what I’d say your absolutely correct and read me like a book. But I’m not, so I won’t! ;P Fun fact though, did you know when I was younger, I LOVED playing as a kidnapped princess and would tie myself up to the pole at my old home. Like, I would BEG to be tied up because I enjoyed it so much. It sounds really weird in that context, but old habits die hard and I still love dressing like a princess.

I’m gonna go on limb here and say “Why not both?” 😂 Hopefully I’ll get to be your friend in time AND you get money. It’s a win-win! But then again though, it might be hard to form any kind of friendship when all you know about me is that I’m a kinky mfer who uses a pumpkin emoji and loves ghost tiddie men (I mean MDHM is also great too, but my hyper fixation those blinders on me man) so there’s that. ._. I mean, you don’t even know if I’m supposed to be a spooky pumpkin or a pumpkin that turns into a carriage! I completely understand my guy. I wouldn’t be a decent business administration major if I was just like “GIVE ME ALL THE GOODS!” But damn, those are some damn good marketing skills you got here. Ironically though, I used be a vocal major, so you could say I’m a bit of a pro when it comes to anything vocal based~ ;3

It definitely did feel out of nowhere, especially with that afterlife episode (legit finally PLAYED the game instead of watching walkthroughs online last night, but I didn’t see the afterlife part until yesterday). My brain figured after seeing it that maybe he still felt so insecure and unwanted that he fell into the affair so he could forget everything for one night. Feeling like he’s replaceable, subconsciously it’d be almost like a test to see if M/C would really be willing to stick through it all despite what his mother implies (only being good enough if he has money since he looked ugly in his mom’s perspective), but realizing what he’s done, he desperately apologizes. Of course this mostly changed once I read what you thought the reason could be. I think he’d be too scared to upset anyone to do something harmful so that’s why I agree with your theory.

OOOOO! WOOF! Love IT! Think m/c is gonna be stuck doing lots of doggy style and mating presses in that firehouse. Lots of bones to suck on there. But just imagine how often you’d be pulled into the back of the fire truck on a slow day. Being put into degrading positions because puppy was just so bad today. Getting so used to responding to certain commands that the moment one of the guys says it, you instinctively do it. Jack always calling you a good puppy anytime you react positively to his pleasurable touches, so the moment he states, “Awww, you’re SUCH a good puppy for me, aren’t you sunshine? Yes you are!” And you just becoming immediately aroused. He acts so innocent about it too, squishing your cheeks in between his giant hands while your eyes cloud over in lust. That hypnokink post you made before can be thanked for that thought! Lol So hot~! FREAKING YES TO THE KITTY/PUPPY PIN UP CALENDAR!! It’d be funny if someone flips through the different months seeing all the cute animals being held by the guys, until one picture of has you being held in dog ears with instead. The person just squints at the photo and is like “There’s no animals here!” 😂 Freaking going FULL ON MONKE mode at the thought of rough brat taming Jack and the outlaw Joesph x Zander fic! Like YUM! OOOOO That sounds real nice! So you basically saying it smells like Alan? 😂 He got that campfire smell going, but I burn smudging sticks made from sage so I could imagine it! And I definitely could see Ian smelling like that too! Glad to see that you have also been blessed with experiencing the smell of Obsession. I swear that stuff is ADDICTING 😂 Add a little sugar to that grapefruit and you got the perfect scent recipe for Jack!

Ohoho~ Now, I’m a fan of temperature play (ice cubes, warming and cooling lubes, etc), but I’ve ALWAYS wondered what it’d feel like to do wax play. Don’t they have one’s with essential oils too so they smell nice on your skin? My brain always thought you’d get like third degree burns from it so I’d squirm uncomfortably at the thought (same with electricity), but like, they have ones that are hot, but WON’T send you to the hospital?

Also on a side note, I hope I didn’t cause any discourse here within the community because of my very blatant flirting. Definitely not my intentions and I figured if I made you or your spouse uncomfortable, you’d tell me! So I apologize if I made anyone on here upset, worried, or uncomfortable because of how blunt I’m being here. I’ve never really had a safe space to flirt comfortably or discuss sex outside of romantic relationships, so I guess I went a bit overboard! I’m still gonna keep doing what I have been, the moment you tell me I’ve went too far, I’ll stop. I’m all about that good ol’ fashion communication and I know your profession requires it to be respectful and safe, so I know you’ll do it when you feel like you need to and I’ll do the same! 😊

-🎃

Oh of course, no one would ever say that about you! No one would ever say you're a submissive little ropebunny who wants to be wanted so badly someone kidnaps you. You definitely don't want to be a mean dom's pretty princess who they tie up and abuse. That would be ridiculous!

Who knows? I've got a few friends who started off sending me anon messages on my main blog, so anything's possible! But I'm also a professional, so I'll certainly be reserving freebies for those closest to me~

Yeah, exactly!! Like I just can't imagine the same Ian from both Afterlife and those pathetic voicemails being the kind of person who sleeps with someone to test you. That's far too... idk bold? He's the sort of guy who never wants to test his partner because he's so afraid they'll leave at the slightest thing. He already doesn't think he's worthy of them. The only way I can see him cheating is if he thought things were already basically over/they'd cheated first.

Oh yesssssss conditioning like that is so good!!! Jack definitely enjoys making people associate innocent phrases with him fucking their brains out so that every time he slips it into casual conversation, they melt a little bit and start thinking about his cock~ The whole lot of them would enjoy taking turns with the station puppy, definitely!! Lots of getting fucked in the back of the fire trucks... And god the punishments would be so good....

I'm hype to write both of them!! Just need to make myself focus enough to properly write them, but once I do it's over for you >:3c but yes!!! All of those sound right to me in terms of the way they'd all smell!! Ian would lean more floral than Alan I think, but other than that a similar sort of smoky scent~

Waxplay is great!! Different types of wax melt at different temperatures, so some are cool enough to be body safe while others will cause dangerous burns. But if you get candles specifically for waxplay then they won't burn you. You can also get massage candles that have essential oils and stuff and smell really nice, and they basically melt into a hot massage oil you can pour on your partner~ Electricity is also fun and not particularly dangerous if you know what you're doing! I love a good violet wand~

Oh no, don't worry!! No one said anything, I just figured I'd mention it in case people were worried I wouldn't assert boundaries if I needed to. I always ask Moon before flirting with people, and I'm certainly having fun~ So definitely no need to be sorry or tone it down! I'll let you know if it ever goes too far, and I trust you'll do the same 💙 and in the meantime, I'll keep teasing you for being too needy to be a brat~

Hi! how are you doing? I know post concert depression can really hit hard :(

I had a new thought as I was watching a fancam of Jin 'spraying' (I don't have a better word rn, as you've probably noticed already english is not my first language XD) the smoke machine or whatever that was in Jimin's direction. At the time I thought Jungkook also did it and I kind of rubbed me the wrong way. First I really need to insist on the fact that I know it was harmless fun and I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I'm really really not. Boys have ways to have fun that make me roll my eyes 50% of the time but in doesn't mean I think that what they do is bad. I think it's silly and that's how far my judgment goes. Anyway, Jin, Jimin and Jungkook were having fun as boys do and there was nothing wrong with it. But - and that the whole point of this ask, I'm sorry it's taking so long to get there - I couldn't get rid of the idea that if Jungkook and Jimin had a special connection, Jungkook wouldn't have done that. I realized then that the reason I think that way is because in my own relationship I have boundaries set and one of them is to not spray me with a smoke machine. XD

All that to say what's already been said a thousand times : shippers, and even non shippers, are projecting their own standards in romantic relationships to Jikook (anyone, really). 'Lovers do this, lovers do that so if jikook do it then they're lovers' or 'jikook don't do that they can't be together' except lovers do whatever lovers want to do and something that I would find disrespectful from a partner can be perfectly accepted by someone else. Yes, there are some basic stuff that I think all romantic relationships have in common which is why we can differenciate them from other type of relationships, or at least suspect it, as is the case with Jikook. But if it were they easy, and it was so obvious...wouldn't anyone think jikook's a thing? Not everyone thinking they're bros is homophobic or blind as some jikookers would have you believe 😒

This ask is completely over the place (my brain is all over the place is the problem). I'll just end it by saying that in that fancam we can see that Jungkook actually never aimed at Jimin and, while everything I just wrote still stands... I was relieved. It became the most meaningful moment from the concerts to me. Because it fits my own standards of what love is. Maybe it fits jikook's standards as well, maybe it doesn't. Again, nothing is proof of anything because human beings are all so different but, to me, at that moment, jungkook choosing to aim at Jin and then literally everywhere except jimin's direction is something I find deeply touching.

All this is not really a question so I don't know if you will have much to answer. I just wanted to share these recent (and still confused) thoughts of mine. Until next time ;)

- ugh darling anon? UDA?

LMAO, hi! Thank you for "identifying" yourself, I love my repeat anons 😭If you want to be be addressed as UDA, I can call you that. 😂Post-concert feels aren’t too terrible. I think I’m still stuck in surreal mode, like someone pinch me because it’s been La La Land everyday for me.

Your English is fine! I would've never guessed it wasn't your first language if you never mentioned it. It's also okay to ramble! It helps me gain an understanding of a person's thought process. :)

Anyway, I get what you mean! I've also said this before, maybe in passing, but I do believe that shipping involves some degree of projection. We all do it, subconsciously. I think another good example of this playing out in real time is whenever Jkkrs start worrying about Jikook's bond. Whenever Jkkrs start getting fed up with the shippers who are being "insecure," it has very little to do with Jikook themselves. A lot of what is, is because they've put themselves in Jimin or Jungkook's position, and if they aren't drawing from their own personal experiences, they've begun to assume what the situation might feel like if they were Jimin or Jungkook. Empathy, basically, but unfortunately to their own detriment because of the parasocial nature of it all; there's no sense of real closure, and any comfort they get in the aftermath is pulled from more speculation and/or a positive feedback loop from the Jkkrs who are confident in Jikook.

I think my example is one of the more negative ways of how projection can work against us, but there are positive things about it as well. Similar to what you said, it allows us to see how others express love and relate to it. It's why these different ships exist: some people are drawn to Jikook as others are drawn to Taekook for separate and all valid reasons (for the most part). Invalidating one ship or the other is impossible because you can't erase people's experiences or force other people to think exactly like you do.

Not everyone goes into shipping to intentionally project; it's just a side effect of being human and having a life of your own with which to view your external world.

Anyway, that's my take on that.

Have a good weekend, UDA!