#i swear this is progress towards my sisters christmas gift | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cinnonym · 3 years

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christmas magic's brought this tale (to a very happy ending)

Written for Day 10 - Game Night / Movie Night of 12 Days of Christmas @supercorpbb

Read on AO3

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r/relationship_advice – posted by u/anonymous1000 – 13 hours ago

My (25f) crush and best friend (27f) chose a lesbian classic for movie night, how do I react?

Disclaimer ahead: I haven’t used reddit before and am thus not very fluent in etiquette and formatting, but please bear with me because I am seriously overwhelmed by the current situation and would appreciate all forms of help. I’m also typing this in a hurry, because I’m supposed to be in the bathroom, so please excuse typos or inaccuracies. I’ll try my best. But now, without further ado, here goes:

I (25f) have been crushing on my best friend (27f) pretty much since the day we met. For context, that was two years ago, and while we started out on a business relationship, it evolved into a close friendship almost right away. This is mostly due to her, I must admit. She’s the most open-minded person I know and simply couldn’t be “scared away” by my bad reputation (which I inherited). Needless to say, I’m very grateful for her. She’s not only my best, but has also been my only friend for quite a while, before she introduced me to her inner circle. I unironically owe her my happiness (and my life, several times over, but that’s unrelated to this story).

I’d fallen in love before I realised what was happening. Usually, trust and affection come slowly to me, but her I loved almost right away. That’s simply who she is, a person one cannot help loving. Also, she’s very attractive, side note. I used to flirt with her sometimes, in the beginning, before I became aware of the depth of my feelings (this is awkward to talk about, btw, thank goodness for anonymity online), and back then, it seemed like she wasn’t all unresponsive to my advances. Then again, she isn’t very good at saying no to anyone, because of who she is as a person, so maybe she was only being polite? I’m not sure.

Anyway, she had a boyfriend then, and I had to come to terms with my feelings, so I sort of drew back a little. I’d been with women before, so that was never an issue, but I’m uncertain whether she has ever considered women. Her sister is gay, and she is very supportive of her, but we’ve never talked about how she feels. As far as I know, she’s only ever been with men though. Either way, I’m not in the business of making moves on taken people, so I mostly focused on fostering our friendship.

The thing is, as long as I can be close with her, I am sort of okay with being “just friends”. I mean, isn’t close friendship like a romantic relationship, just minus the romance? And minus the physical advantages (although she is a very cuddly person, so that’s nice). And, like, of course, I’d like to mean more to her. Of course I’d like to take care of her every day when she comes home, cook her dinner, listen to her worries, massage her neck, kiss her goodnight. Of course I’d like to be The One to her, just like she is The One to me. But considering that she’s probably straight and not interested in me in that way, I’m mostly okay with just being her best friend.

Or, I was mostly okay with it. But recently she’s… been acting differently towards me. She’s giving me these long glances when she thinks I don’t notice (I do). She’s going out of her way to make sure I’m fine and don’t work too much (it’s a tendency I have, especially pre-Christmas). She’s told me she’s been working on my Christmas gift almost all month (and I can’t for the hell of it guess what it could be). She’s even invited me for Christmas with her family (since I don’t celebrate with mine).

And now today, she chose the film Carol for movie night (movie night is a weekly thing we do, I should have mentioned that earlier, maybe), which is, as you might know, about a lesbian relationship. And I don’t know what to do.

She claims to have chosen the film because it was on a list of Christmas films (and I suppose it does have christmassy vibes), and because it “sounded fitting”. Sounded fitting?? What is that even supposed to mean? She doesn’t know I’m gay, so it can’t be that, unless she somehow figured out. Is she gay and this is her way of telling me? And if so, how do I react? Is this her letting me know she’s interested in me, or am I reading too much into this? Did she even realise this was a lesbian film??

Anyway, she’s calling from the living room, so I need to go. I’ll try to take another bathroom break halfway into the movie, and I’d appreciate it A Lot if I had some reactions in by then, because I’m panicking a little here. Thank you all!

Tl;dr: my supposedly straight friend chose a lesbian film for movie night, and I don’t understand her intentions behind that.

(P.S. She and her boyfriend have broken up months ago. She’s currently single.)

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r/relationship_advice – posted by u/anonymous1000 – 11 hours ago

UPDATE to this post

First of all, thank you all so much for your quick replies, they’re really helpful. As you might have guessed, I managed to negotiate another bathroom break mid-film (though my friend is currently sulking on the couch, she didn’t want to let me go? :) ?) and am, once again, typing as fast as my fingers will allow. Much has happened.

I’ve mentioned that my friend is a very cuddly person. Today was no difference – as soon as she’d pressed play on the film, she’d already enveloped me in one of her bone-crushing hugs (she’s very strong). Normally, I let myself sink into these embraces, because she really is a phenomenal hugger, but today my speculations were so prevalent in my mind that I could hardly breathe when our bodies touched.

(She noticed my reaction right away, and immediately asked if I’d rather not hug (to which I replied a vehement no), and this really isn’t very important to the story, but I wanted to let you know.)

As the film progressed (largely unregarded by me, I must admit), I noticed several things about her behaviour that seemed odd, though:

One, her heartbeat became considerably faster as soon as Carol and Therese had met on-screen and it became clear that their relationship would be the focus of the film.

Two, she’s been side-eyeing me a lot more frequently than usual (she tends to watch me watch films if she knows the plot already, but considering she probably hasn’t seen Carol before, this seems out of character for her).

Three, and this is… I don’t even know how to feel about this, but… how do I formulate this best… When the sex scene was playing, I swear she looked at my cleavage and blushed.

I’m sort of ecstatic (because those are hints, right? I can’t be the only one to think that those are hints?) but also very very VERY worried that I’ve totally misinterpreted the entire situation. Then again, all of your comments sound incredibly hopeful and affirming, so I guess I’m not entirely wrong in my assumptions?

I need to go back now (I’ve been here way too long already), but I will definitely keep you updated. It’s so heart-warming to see how invested all of you are!

@everyone who told me to kiss her already: if she keeps this up, I just might :)

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r/relationship_advice – posted by u/anonymous1000 – 1 hour ago

UPDATE! All’s well that ends well!

Hey everyone, I am so sorry for the late update. I ended up being… somewhat busy last night.

:) :) :)

So, long story short, we’re dating now. And yes, I did kiss her (or she kissed me, I can’t remember exactly. We somehow kissed each other simultaneously).

Long story slightly less short, because I see you hungering for details in the comments (and my now-girlfriend said you deserved to know), here is how it went down:

We didn’t even finish the film. We didn’t even resume the film, after I returned from the bathroom. Because when I did, giddy and ready to Do This, she wasn’t even looking at me. No, she was looking at her phone.

Now, I’ve never seen a person look at their phone with an expression quite as shocked as hers. She was, I’m not kidding, completely frozen (and if you knew her, you’d know that doesn’t happen often).

So naturally I rush over to her, worried as can be, thinking something bad happened, a catastrophe or maybe an accident in her family. And as I kneel by her side, and she still hasn’t moved, I happen to see what she’s been reading on her phone screen.

And it’s reddit.

I’m not gonna lie, for a second I thought it was all over. I mean, she’d obviously recognised us in my post (so much for anonymity everyone, the internet is treacherous), and judging by her expression, well… I assumed the worst.

But then she turns around and she fixes me with this incredibly cute stern stare she has, and she goes: “[My full name]. Have you browsed the relationship tag even once?”

And I shake my head, completely dumbfounded of course, because what does that have to do with anything. But apparently it plays a crucial role, because apparently you all know my girlfriend.

Her username is @supergirlssupercurls and she’s been posting the entire journey of our friendship/romance on this platform. Turns out she loves me too.

She’s also told me to end this with: and they lived happily ever after.

(Let’s hope we do).

#supercorp #supercorp fanfiction #sc fanfic #sc #supergirl #christmas #christmas fic #mini fic #my writing #movie night

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storiesforallfandoms · 4 years

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christmas in cleveland ~ machine gun kelly

part one part two part three part four part five part six

word count: 2722

request?: no

description: colson asks you a pretty big question, and you happily accept

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, a lil steamy but no smut, another surprise ending ;)

Colson’s visit was coming to an end, which made you feel pretty sad. You didn’t want him to go. You were really enjoying having him and Casie staying over. You knew that this was going to be the hardest part about dating a famous musician - he was always going to be on tour or recording a new album, sometimes even filming since he was an actor, and as of right now you couldn’t go with him because your relationship was a secret.

You and Colson were cuddled up in your bed late one night, the night before he was supposed to fly home. Neither one of you could sleep, you were both dreading the next day. Although you were absolutely exhausted, you didn’t want to sleep because you knew the day would come faster then, and you really didn’t want Colson to leave.

“You asleep yet?” Colson asked.

You sighed and responded, “No.”

"Yeah, me neither.”

You giggled and rolled your eyes. “I figured.”

Colson moved out from under you and rolled onto his side so that he could face you. Even in the dark, you could see his beautiful blue eyes perfectly, and as always they made your stomach fill with butterflies.

“I don’t want to leave,” he admitted.

“I don’t want you to leave either,” you agreed.

He ran his fingers up and down your side, leaving goosebumps as he did so. “You know, I’m technically off now for Christmas. I won’t be going back on tour until mid January. Have you ever been to Cleveland?”

The question took you by surprise. You stared at Colson for a while, trying to decide if he was being serious or not. When you deduced that he was, a small smile spread on your face.

“Are you about to ask me to go with you and Casie for Christmas?” you asked him.

Colson shrugged, although the wide smile on his own face gave you the answer you needed. “I might be. What would your answer be?”

You snuggled in close to his chest, kissing essentially any exposed skin you could find, causing him to chuckle softly. “That means yes!”

~~~~~

“So, what are you going to tell dad?”

Three days later, you were packing your bags to get ready to go to the airport. Colson had gotten you a plane ticket the next day to fly to Cleveland. He gave you enough time to give your work notice that you’d be leaving for a while, and to come up with some story to tell your family about why you’d be leaving for Christmas.

You managed to get the former done, the latter was still a work in progress.

Hailie was sat on your bed, watching you pack your bag. You had called her over to discuss the situation as you felt like you needed someone to help you. And who else to help you come up with a lie to tell your dad than your big sister?

“I was thinking telling him that a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to join her on a vacation for Christmas,” you responded. “Is that believable? I don’t have any friends.”

“Dad doesn’t know that,” Hailie responded.

You sighed, knowing she was right. Even though you loved your dad, and you told him mostly everything, he had no idea that you had no friends, and he had no idea that he was technically the reason you had no friends. But you didn’t want to tell him. Even though he never really showed it, you and your sisters knew that your dad had this guilt for everything the four of you had to put up with all the consequences of being a famous person’s children.

“So he’ll believe me,” you responded with a nonchalant shrug. “Alaina doesn’t know about Colson, and please don’t tell her. I don’t know if I trust her with that information yet.”

Hailie nodded. “Your secret is safe with me. Although, you know you’ll have to tell dad eventually. You and Colson seem to be getting close, I mean you’ve met his kid, which by the way is a whole other thing in and of itself, and now you’re going to Cleveland to spend Christmas with him. Dad has to find out eventually.”

You knew she was right, but you also knew you weren’t ready for that just yet. You weren’t sure how long you were going to keep it a secret, or how you were going to tell your dad, but you knew now just was not the time.

“I’ll tell him soon,” you said. “I’m not sure when, but soon. Maybe when I get back.”

~~~~~~

You landed in Cleveland some hours later. It wasn’t your first time flying, when you were younger your dad used to take you on tour, usually over the summer. You had been to nearly every state in America with him. But it was your first trip by yourself, and the fact that you were going to meet up with your boyfriend for Christmas made you feel extra giddy.

You were almost too anxious to wait as the other passengers grabbed their carry ons and slowly exited the plane. Luckily, Colson had gotten you a first class ticket, so you were close enough to the front that the wait, although still agonizing, wasn’t all that long.

When you came down over the escalators at the airport you immediately spotted Colson, standing with a sign that read “My drop dead sexy girlfriend”. You felt your face heat up as you giggled at the sign. He met you at the bottom of the escalator and immediately pressed his lips against yours. It had only been three days, but it felt like a lot longer than that.

You both finally pulled away when it was announced that the baggage from your flight was starting for pick up. Colson laced his fingers with yours as you walked towards the baggage claim.

“How was your flight?” he asked. “Have you ever sat in first class before?”

“Actually, I have,” you responded. “I used to go on dad’s tours when I was younger, before he essentially stopped touring due to the drugs and shit. We were usually sat in first class as it was away from prying fans and paparazzi.”

“And here I was thinking I had given you the ultimate gift by getting you a first class ticket,” Colson said, teasingly. “I’m glad you’re here either way. I’m so stoked to spend Christmas with you. Casie is spending Christmas Eve with her mom, but then we have her right up until New Years. My buddy, Pete, and I were planning a road trip for New Years if you want to come with us.”

“I’d love to,” you responded.

Colson smiled and squeezed your hand. When your bag came, the two of you headed for Colson’s car. A fresh coat of snow coated the ground and made it look like the winter wonderland that you dreamt of every Christmas. It was freezing, you definitely hadn’t dressed properly to face the outdoors, but you weren’t complaining. Winter was definitely your favourite season.

“There’s supposed to be a storm tonight,” Colson told you as you headed towards his house. “I figured we could watch some shitty Hallmark Christmas movie, cuddle up with like three blankets and some hot chocolate, although I really don’t know if I have any at the house so I may have to stop and buy some. You know, couply shit on Christmas.”

You smiled at the idea. “Yeah, that sounds fantastic to me.”

~~~~~~

A few hours later, the storm was in full effect. A large amount of snow, crazy heavy winds, generally just an awful night. However, Colson’s house was fantastically warm, especially while you were curled up on the couch in his arms with a fuzzy blanket covering the two of you up.

Your cheesy Hallmark movie was vetoed for some Netflix movie that Colson had picked out instead, but you didn’t mind. You weren’t really a Hallmark movie type person. Not until right before Christmas at least.

You were laid on top of Colson’s chest. He was running his fingers up and down your back, every so often his hand would linger just above your ass. This sort of flirty, cheeky stuff was something completely new to you. You weren’t sure what to really say or do. You did want his hand to move down lower, although part of you wasn’t sure if you were ready to lose your virginity to him. You were interested in just trying to be cheeky.

As if reading your mind, Colson’s hand travelled down to rest on your ass. You felt your cheeks heat up yet again and your heart began to race. Underneath you, you could feel something up against your leg, and you realized it was Colson’s...bulge. His head moved enough so that his lips were resting against your neck, not kissing it but brushing against it enough to drive you crazy. You were starting to feel so nervous yet so aroused that you could barely even see straight.

Deciding to follow Colson’s lead, you turned your head to meet his lips. You started to make out then, his hand still resting against your ass, just slightly squeezing it every now and then. You weren’t sure what to do with your own hands so you just cupped his face with one hand while pressing the other against his chest.

Next thing you knew, he had flipped you over so that you were on bottom and he was on top. He moved down to kiss your neck, his hands trailing over your body until they reached the hem of the sweatpants you decided to put on to relax. That’s when it kicked in what you guys were doing and you were feeling more nervous than excited. Without thinking about it, you pushed Colson away, almost pushing him off of the couch.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking very concerned. “Did I hurt you? Did I take it too far? I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s not your fault,” you assured him. “I was enjoying it, it’s just...I don’t know if I’m ready to lose my virginity yet. I know it’s sad to be in my 20s and still a virgin, but...I just want to be sure before it happens. Is that okay?”

A chuckle escaped Colson’s lips without him meaning for it to. “Of course it’s okay, babe. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. If you decide you want it to be me, I’ll be so honored, but I’m not going to force you to have sex with me if you’re not ready. I’m willing to wait.”

You smiled back at him. “You’re fantastic, you know that?”

“I had an idea.”

You playfully hit him, to which he responded buy falling on top of you and squishing you down onto the couch. You giggled and attempted to pushing you, but he had you pinned and used that to his advantage - he started kissing you all over your face.

The next few days were just like this. Colson made you feel welcome in no time. You felt like you had been living there for a long time. In general, Colson just made you feel like you had known him and been with him for a long time. It was hard to believe that it was only a little over a month.

When Christmas came around, you were awoken by Casie, who ran into Colson’s room and immediately jumped on you excitedly.

“I didn’t know you were staying with us for Christmas!” she exclaimed. “Dad didn’t tell me!”

“Come on, Case, I told you to let her sleep,” came Colson’s voice. You rolled over to see your boyfriend leaning against the doorway of his bedroom, a cup of coffee in hand, in nothing but his sweatpants. Another thing you could definitely get used to.

“I’m awake now, it’s okay,” you said, waving off Colson’s comment. “Besides, who wants to sleep in on Christmas? Come on, let’s go open presents!”

Casie excitedly ran out of the room and bounded down the stairs to where the Christmas tree was. As you started to pass him, Colson wrapped his free arm around you and pulled you in for a kiss.

“Merry Christmas, gorgeous,” he said.

“Merry Christmas, handsome,” you responded. “Come on, let’s go see what Santa brought you.”

“Probably coal. I was a very bad boy this year.”

The three of you sat around the tree, and you watched Colson and Casie open presents. You hadn't been able to get any of yours from your family before you left, not that they would’ve given them to you anyways. They definitely would’ve wanted you to wait until you were home to open them with you, which was fine by you but it just felt strange not to have anything to open on Christmas morning.

When the gifts were all finished, you grabbed a garbage bag and helped to clean up the mess of wrapping paper and tissue paper. As you did so, something caught Colson’s eye under the tree. “Hey Case, there’s something else under the tree there.”

The young girl reached for the gift and looked at the tag on it. “It says ‘to (Y/N) from Colson’.”

You actually dropped the garbage bag to grab the present from Casie. You ripped off the wrapping paper like an excited child, revealing a necklace box. Inside the box was a gold locket in the shape of a heart with a “C” in the middle, and inside the locket was a picture of you and Colson on your first date.

You felt tears well up in your eyes at the gift. You hadn’t expected anything so soon from Colson, let alone something this beautiful.

“I know it’s a little presumptuous to get you a locket with my initial on it, but I was told it was really cute and romantic,” Colson told you. “Do you like it?”

“Oh, I love it!” you exclaimed with excitement. “Just makes me wish my gift was a bit better.”

You pulled a gift bag out of your suitcase and passed it to Colson. Inside was a glass, a “drinking glass” according to the guy that helped you pick it out, and on the side you had painted “Colson’s Drinking Glass” with a little message written in sharpie on the bottom: “Don’t fucking touch if you’re not Colson!”

“I didn’t really have the money to buy anyone anything this year,” you admitted. “Most my gifts were handmade. It’s nothing compared to this, but I figured...you told me the cups you guys have on tour and at parties are just those red solo cups, and it’s annoying cause the guys are always stealing yours. I decided...your own drinking mug, you know? What do you think?”

Colson smiled at you and wrapped his arms around you, kissing your forehead. “I love it, babe. It’s gonna get a lot of use, I can guarantee that.”

Colson finished cleaning up the living room while you and Casie made some breakfast. You had texted your mom, dad, and sisters to wish them all a Merry Christmas, and so far you had yet to hear from your dad. Which confused you, cause usually he would call right after receiving a text (he wasn’t great with technology), but you decided to chalk it up to time differences and jet lag and shit.

That was, until you received a text from Hailie that night while you and Casie were watching an animated Christmas movie on Netflix.

It was just a link, so you clicked it and almost dropped your phone.

It was an article with the headline “Machine Gun Kelly Gets Cozy With Eminem’s Daughter!”, and a picture you and Colson kissing at the airport the day you had arrived in Cleveland. You hadn't even noticed any paparazzi there that day, although maybe there hadn't been. There was so many people coming and going that day, there was always the possibility that someone had taken a picture and sold it to the tabloid website.

As you were reading the article, another text came in from Hailie. It simply read, “dad read it. he knows.”

so, this is not how i wanted the chapter to go, but i still like it. i hope you guys do too!

tags: @littlewhiterose @creatureofthen1ght-v3 @arugula-pigeon @keithseabrook27 @xxkellsvixen19xx @sacvf @helenevary @britshmgkstan @hnbtx @lovemythsworld @verywellfandango @c-dizzle-swizzlex @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @whateverthefucklove @kellysimagines @idkbrooklyn @hannahmmarie2016 @ratedrkohardychick91 @rosesinmars @painkillerash @kawennote09

If you want to be tagged in future parts let me know!

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #estxx #mgk #eminem #series #imagine #part 7 #one shot

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trashcanreddiefan · 4 years

Text

The 4th Annual Losers’ Club Christmakkah Celebration 2/2

Summary: The Losers gather for their fourth annual Christmakkah celebration, and this time Richie and Eddie get a Christmakkah surprise.

Word Count: 3240-ish for part 2. (LOL each story got progressively longer)

Warnings: Usual Trashmouth swearing.

Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because canon can suck it. Final part in the series, unless I get some other ideas. Part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, beginning of 4th part here.

CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.

The next three weeks flew by and before Richie knew it, the day before Christmakkah had arrived.

Earlier that day he and Eddie had finished setting up the baby's room, hung the stockings they had monogrammed with each of the Losers & Jr. Losers' names on the fireplace, and pre-made a broccoli-rice casserole and 4 different kinds of pie.

He, Bill, Stan, Patty, Bev, Ben, and Mike were all sitting in the living room, watching Olivia and Burke play with some toy cars when the doorbell rang.

"That must be Bill & Audra," Richie said. "I'll get it."

He walked over to the door and opened it. "Hey guys," he greeted Bill and Audra before scooping Max up in a hug. "Max-a-million, how are you, little dude?"

Max squished Richie's cheeks together with his tiny hands. "Fishy!"

Richie immediately sucked his cheeks in to make fish faces at Max, who giggled.

"Come on in," Richie said before calling out towards the kitchen, "babe, Bill and Audra are here!"

"Coming!" Eddie replied. "Just gotta get these pies out of the oven!"

"Eds insisted on making the pies himself," Richie explained. "No store-bought pies for him."

"You don't know what kind of artificial crap they put in the fillings," Eddie said with a huff as he joined them in the foyer. "Homemade just tastes better."

"My own little Betty Crocker," Richie joked.

"Unca Ed!" Max screeched happily, reaching his little hands out to Eddie.

"Hey guys," Eddie greeted Bill & Audra before taking Max from Richie. "And hey there, Max! How are you, buddy?"

Richie grinned. It always warmed his heart to see how great Eddie was with kids. He wasn't even jealous that Eddie was Max's favorite uncle -- especially since Richie was Olivia's, much to Stan's consternation.

"Burke and Olivia are here, you want to go play with them?"

"Yeah!" Max clapped his hands.

"Sorry we're late," Audra said. "Max took a longer nap than anticipated today."

"It's fine," Richie replied. "We're all just sitting around and are just gonna order something in for dinner tonight anyway."

"We went ahead and brought the gifts over tonight so we wouldn't have as much to bring tomorrow," Bill said. "Richie, you wanna help me bring them in?"

"Yeah, sure man."

Richie and Bill walked out to Bill's car, each grabbing a box full of gifts and bringing them in.

"Hey, everyone," Bill greeted.

"So, Richie, Eddie was telling us you guys finished the baby's room," Audra said as Richie set his box of gifts down next to the tree.

"Yeah, we finished painting last week and got most of his decorations up, and the furniture was delivered yesterday," Eddie replied. "Which is good, because we wanted to finish the room before the holidays since we're going to be busy until after the new year."

"You guys went with a sea life motif, right?" Patty asked.

"Yeah, Richie actually found this cute crib set with a bunch of turtles on it, so we centered the theme around that."

"Have you decided on a name?" Bev chimed in. "I want to get something monogrammed for him."

Richie huffed out a laugh as Eddie narrowed his eyes at him. "We're still discussing it."

Eddie scoffed. "Only because someone keeps insisting that we name him Edison!"

"Well excuse me if I want to name my son after the love of my life--"

"OHHHHKAY!" Stan interrupted. "So still working on that, gotcha. Well, now that Bill and Audra are here, how about we order some dinner? It was a long flight and I'm starving."

********************************************************************

After dinner, Richie put on A Muppet Christmas Carol for the kids to watch while the adults sat and talked.

He got up from where he had been snuggled against Eddie. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Eddie replied.

Richie walked into the kitchen when Eddie's phone, which had been sitting on the counter, suddenly started to ring.

Without even looking at the caller ID Richie answered. "Y'ello?"

"Yes, is this Mr. Edward Kaspbrak-Tozier?" the voice on the other end replied.

"This is his husband, can I help you?"

"Oh yes…" She paused as if checking something. "Richard?"

"Yep, what can I do you for?"

"My name is Monica, I'm from the Los Angeles Center for Women. You're listed as the contacts for a Sarah Peters?"

"Yeah, she's our surrogate."

"Mr. Kaspbrak-Tozier, I'm calling to inform you that she's been admitted to the hospital in labor--"

"We'll be right there," Richie said then immediately hung up.

"EDDIE!" he yelled as he ran into the living room. "Sarah's in labor. Hospital. Now. Gotta go."

Eddie looked up at Richie in surprise then jumped up. "Ok, ok, you get the hospital bag, I'll go start the car."

Richie ran upstairs and grabbed the bag they had packed for the hospital, silently praising his husband's tendency to prepare weeks in advance.

He ran downstairs to find all the Losers gathering Eddie in a hug.

Ben pulled him into the group embrace. "Go welcome your son, guys."

"Let us know when he arrives, no matter what time it is," Stan added.

"We've got things handled here," chimed in Bev.

Richie sniffled. "Thanks, guys."

He and Eddie made their way to Eddie's Acura RDX. Not only had Richie insisted that they take his vehicle over Richie's Mustang because of course Eddie had bought the SUV with the highest safety rating, but Eddie also had a built-in knack for being able to avoid traffic on the freeway by taking back roads, so it made the most sense for him to drive.

Plus Richie was too nervous to drive, but he wouldn't admit that.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Sarah's not due for another two weeks, how the hell can she be in labor now?"

Eddie glanced over at Richie as he pulled out of their neighborhood. "Pregnancy isn't an exact science, Rich. It's all about estimated dates and whatnot."

"Holy shit, holy shit, we're about to have a kid, Eddie." He huffed out a breath. "A living, breathing human that we'll have to take care of and raise."

Eddie reached over and grabbed Richie's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You'll be a great dad, Richie."

They made it to the hospital in record time, Eddie throwing the car into park and grabbing the bag before he and Richie ran into the hospital.

The nurse at the reception desk looked up at them. "Yes, may I help you?"

"Yes, we're here for Sarah Peters, she was admitted a while ago? She's our surrogate," Eddie explained. "We're Edward and Richard Kaspbrak-Tozier."

The nurse typed a few keys on her keyboard. "Ahh, yes, she's in room 226. Go around to this left side and take the elevator to the 2nd floor, you'll find Labor & Delivery. Someone will check you in."

Richie and Eddie made their way to the second floor, getting passes at the Labor & Delivery reception desk.

Eddie gently knocked on the door to Sarah's room, hearing a 'come in' before opening the door.

Richie followed behind.

Sarah sat in a hospital bed, IV in her arm and heart monitor wrapped around her stomach. She smiled when she saw them. "Hey guys, you made it."

"Hey, Sarah, how are you feeling?" Eddie asked, moving to look at the monitors. "Richie hung up on the nurse before he asked any questions."

Richie listened as Sarah explained what had happened -- she was at her sister's house when her water broke, so her sister had driven her to the hospital and would be with her while she gave birth. "Apparently it's going to be a while, so she went downstairs to get something to eat and will be back in a bit."

A few minutes into their visit, a nurse came into the room. She stopped when she saw Eddie. "Eddie? Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you! What are you doing here?" she said with surprise and glee.

"This is my baby-- Well, my husband's and my baby," Eddie explained. "Sarah's our surrogate."

He turned to Richie. "Rich, this is Nikki, remember I told you about her? We were in nursing school together."

"Oh yeah, I remember you mentioning her. Hi," Richie said.

"Oh my gosh, you must be Eddie's husband! He's told me so much about you. Congratulations!"

"Thanks. We're very excited."

"I bet!"

Richie sort of tuned out while Nikki explained more in detail about Sarah's progression. "Ok, I'll be back in a bit to check on you, ok? Congrats again, Eddie. Richie, nice to finally meet you!"

"You too."

Shortly after Nikki left Sarah's sister, Beth, came back. "Hi, you must be Richie and Eddie. It's so nice to finally meet you two. Sarah's talked about you guys a lot."

"Thanks," Richie replied. "Nice to meet you too."

They stayed with Sarah for a few hours, stepping out of the room around 11 PM when the doctor decided to let Sarah get some rest since she hadn't progressed much.

They walked to the labor & delivery waiting area and found a couple of seats in a quiet corner.

"Um, so I guess we need to actually decide on a name," Richie said once they got settled. "I was looking online this morning and I think I found one we can both agree on."

Richie told Eddie his name choice and nervously chewed his lip while Eddie mulled it over.

Finally, Eddie nodded. "Ok. But I choose his middle name, no arguments."

Richie smiled. "Okay."

*********************************

Shortly after 6 AM, Richie was abruptly shaken awake from a doze. "Whazzat?" he mumbled.

Eddie was kneeling in front of Richie, holding 2 cups of coffee. "Rich, honey, it's time. Sarah's about to start pushing."

Richie sat straight up. "She is?"

Eddie grinned. "Yep." He handed Richie one of the cups. "Here, I went downstairs to the coffee shop."

Richie gratefully took the cup. "Oh, bless you. You're an angel, Eds."

Eddie stood up and took his seat next to Richie, linking the fingers of his free hand with Richie's. "Just think, we'll get to meet our son soon."

Richie beamed at the thought. "Still okay with the name we chose?"

Eddie nodded. "It's perfect."

About 10 minutes later, Nikki came into the waiting room and walked straight towards them. Richie and Eddie both stood when they saw her. "Is he here?" Eddie asked.

Nikki broke into a grin. "Yep, he's here!"

"Can we see him yet? How's Sarah doing?"

"Give it about 20 minutes while we finish cleaning the baby up and getting his vitals, but both he and Sarah are fine."

Eddie nodded. "Okay, just please let us know when we're able to go see him."

"Sure will. Congrats again on your baby boy, guys!"

Once Nikki had left, Eddie pulled their bag out from under his chair. "I'm gonna go clean up a bit and brush my teeth before we go see the baby. I'll be right back."

"Ok," Richie replied. "I'll let everyone know that the baby is here."

With shaking hands, he sent out a text to the Losers group chat. Guys, he's here. Eddie and I have a son!

Stan, who was usually up early even when he wasn't 2 time zones away from his norm, was the first to reply. Congratulations, guys. We'll all swing by once everyone's awake.

Ok, sounds good, Richie replied.

Eddie came back pretty quickly, so Richie grabbed his toothbrush and went to clean up as well. Not long after he came back, Nikki came back into the waiting room. "Ok, Dads, you guys ready?"

Richie grabbed Eddie's hand and gave it a squeeze. They followed Nikki back to the room Sarah and the baby had been moved to, where Sarah was holding a tiny bundle.

Sarah gave them an exhausted, but soft, smile. "Hey guys, come meet your son."

The second Richie laid eyes on him he burst into tears.

Eddie, whose eyes were also glistening, wrapped an arm around Richie as they peered at their child.

Sarah held the baby out. "Want to hold him?"

"Rich? You want to hold him first?" Eddie asked.

"No, you go ahead," Richie sniffled. "I'm so shaky right now that I'm afraid I'd drop him."

Eddie gently took the baby, who made a displeased noise at being disturbed.

Richie gave a watery laugh and looked over Eddie's shoulder. "Aww Eds, he's just like you -- small and angry."

Eddie gave him a fond glare as he gently rocked the baby.

"So did you guys pick a name?" Sarah asked.

Richie and Eddie looked at each other before Eddie smiled and nodded. "Yeah, we did."

Sarah grinned at the name. "Aww, that's perfect."

Eddie turned back to Richie. "Rich? You ready to hold him?"

Richie, who had calmed down somewhat, nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Eddie passed the baby to him. "Here you go, sweetheart."

Richie held back a gasp as the baby's eyes blinked open and he gave a tiny yawn. "Look, he's looking at me! Well hello there," he cooed. "Oh my God, I love you already."

He sat down next to Eddie on the couch. "Here, let me take your picture with him," Beth, who had been sitting in the chair next to Sarah's bed, offered.

Eddie handed her his phone and scooted closer to Richie, wrapping one arm around Richie's shoulder and placing the other on Richie's leg.

Richie moved his arms so the baby's face would be in the picture and tilted his head next to Eddie's. "Our first family photo," he murmured.

Beth took several pictures -- one of Richie and Eddie looking at the camera, one of them looking at each other over the baby, and another of them both looking at the baby.

She had just handed Eddie his phone back when Richie felt his vibrate in his pocket.

"Everyone's awake," Eddie reported. "Bill wants to know if they can come meet the baby."

Richie chuckled. "Sarah? You up for our crazy family to come by?"

Sarah nodded. "Yeah, actually I'm feeling pretty good right now. I got a good bit of sleep before the baby came."

Richie watched as Eddie texted back an affirmative and the room number.

"Ok, they'll be here in about an hour. Just gotta finish getting the kids dressed and wait for Bill and Audra to pick them up."

"In that case, I'm going to run home for a bit, shower and change," Beth said. "I'll be back."

While they were waiting for the Losers to arrive, the hospital administrator came by to have the necessary paperwork regarding the baby's birth filled out. All of the paperwork regarding the surrogacy and parental rights had already been completed, so Eddie filled out the form for the baby's birth certificate, listing himself and Richie as the baby's parents. "There, now you're officially a Kaspbrak-Tozier, aren't you?" Richie cooed to his son.

He had just handed the baby back to Eddie when there was a knock on the door. Mike's head poked in. "Hi, can we come in?"

"Mike, hey, yeah," Eddie replied. "Come on in."

One by one, the Losers and their offspring filed in.

Olivia ran over to Richie and plopped a small blue giraffe in his lap. "Unca Ichie, we 'bought a 'raffe!" she said.

"You did?" Richie said with faux surprise. "Is that for the baby?"

Olivia nodded.

"Aww well thank you, I'm sure he's going to love it."

"This is Sarah, our surrogate," Eddie gestured toward Sarah with an elbow. "Sarah, this is our rather unconventional family."

"Hi," Sarah said. "It's nice to meet you all."

The Losers all greeted Sarah, inquiring about her well-being before turning their attention to the baby.

"Everyone," Eddie said with a smile, "meet Edwin Richard Kaspbrak-Tozier."

Richie grinned at the collective 'aww' sounds all the adults were making.

"I absolutely love his name, guys," Beverly added then grinned. "Now gimmie my nephew."

Eddie laughed and handed him over, letting Beverly sit.

"Oh my goodness, he's adorable." Beverly looked over at Sarah. "I just want to tell you thank you. You have no idea how much we all appreciate what you've done for Richie and Eddie."

Sarah nodded. "My parents had me via a surrogate, so this is my way of paying it forward."

After everyone had a brief turn to hold Edwin, they gave Richie and Eddie hugs and filed back out silently, careful not to wake Sarah, who had fallen asleep not long before.

"By the way, happy anniversary, you two," Audra whispered as she handed Edwin back to Richie. "Looks like you guys got the ultimate anniversary gift."

She gave Richie and Eddie each a kiss on the cheek, gave Edwin one last touch on his hand, and bade them goodbye before leaving.

Richie adjusted Edwin in order to cradle him in his other arm. "Shit, Eds, in all the excitement about the baby arriving I forgot to tell you you happy anniversary. I was gonna surprise you with breakfast in bed this morning."

Eddie shrugged. "I don't know about you, but to be honest this is way better than anything I had planned in order to celebrate our first anniversary."

Richie couldn't help but smile as he looked down at his and Eddie's child. "Yeah, it really is, isn't it? Audra was right. We really did receive the ultimate anniversary gift today."

Eddie leaned in and gave Richie a sweet kiss. "Happy anniversary, Rich."

"Happy anniversary, Eds."

****************

Richie and Eddie both had cried when they arrived home with Edwin the day after Christmas and saw that everyone's gifts were still under the tree and a freshly-prepared Christmakkah dinner was on the table.

"You guys waited for us?" Eddie sniffled.

"Well, yeah," Ben had replied. "It's not Christmakkah without you guys -- and now Edwin too, of course."

They had eaten, Bill and Mike insisting on taking care of cleanup since the other, 'culinarily capable' adults had taken care of the cooking. "Nope," Bill had said when Eddie protested their refusal for help. "You guys were such a huge help when Audra and I came home from the hospital with Max. The least we can do is repay the favor."

Afterward, when everyone had gathered in the living room to open gifts, Richie had been surprised to see an extra pile of presents next to his and Eddie's.

"You guys all got Edwin something?" he said in awe.

"Of course," Stan had replied as if it were obvious. "Can't let our nephew celebrate his first Christmakkah without gifts."

Now one week later, all the Losers had gone back to their respective lives until the next family gathering in March for Max's birthday.

Richie and Eddie sat quietly on the sofa together, Richie's arm around Eddie's shoulder and Edwin fast asleep in Eddie's arms after his early-evening bottle.

As Eddie snuggled against Richie's side and they both watched Edwin sleep peacefully, Richie reflected on just how complete his life was with his husband and their son. "I love you so much, Eddie," he murmured, turning his head to press a kiss to Eddie's temple. "I'm so lucky that I get to live this life with you."

"I love you too, Richie," Eddie replied. "There's no one else I'd rather spend my life with."

If Richie sent up a prayer of thanks to a magical turtle later that night while his husband and son slumbered near him, well, that would be his secret.

#Reddie #Richie x Eddie #tcrf writes

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chuffyfan87 · 5 years

Text

Hiding. Part 28a

Cowritten with @disastrousintention.

-x-

Christmas morning started early in the Fairhead/Duffin household. The family gathered in the lounge to exchange presents, the adults on the sofa and the kids on the floor. Emily was able to sit up fairly confidently now and was revelling in the sounds and sights of her first Christmas. They’d been up late the night before, finishing the last touches to the presents. Charlie squeezed Duffy’s hand as he watched the children on the floor.

Duffy tried not to give away her utter exhaustion as she watched their boys tear through the presents. Emily, on the other hand, seemed quite content to simply play with the wrapping paper as she liked the sound of the it made when she squeezed it in her hands, giggling as it crunched and crinkled.

Reaching into her dressing gown pocket Duffy handed Charlie a small wrapped package. "I know we said we weren't going to but I got you a little something." She whispered.

Charlie smiled as he took the small gift from Duffy. “Hmm, I may have accidentally forgotten that rule too.” He chuckled softly, “Yours is under the tree somewhere.”

Her eyes lit up like a child's at the thought. She waited with barely hidden anticipation for him to open the gift she'd gotten him.

"I hope you like it." She smiled.

Emily watched her parents as she heard the sound of wrapping paper being torn.

Duffy turned away from him slightly to watch the boys. She worried he would think it was too extravagant, that she'd spent too much money.

He opened the box, his eyes widening in surprise at the present. “Duffy? It’s beautiful, thank you.” He said as he placed the watch around his wrist.

She grinned at the genuine delight on his face. "I'm glad you like it." Her smile grew impish. "Can I have my present now?"

“You're so impatient!” He smirked and kissed her cheek. “Boys, do you think you can find your mum’s present for us?” There was suddenly a loud trump and then a giggle from Emily’s direction.

"Emily!" Duffy gasped. "She's been spending far too much time around you boys!" She remarked seeing their failed attempts at concealing their laughter.

Eventually they found what they were looking for and Peter handed his mum her present.

Taking it in her hand Duffy raised her eyebrow at Charlie over the small size of the box. Surely it wasn't...

Emily continued to giggle loudly. “Hey, don’t be blaming us boys. We’re not to blame:” Charlie protested. Seeing her expression, he smiled and whispered; “Open it.”

She tore off the paper and found a small square box, clearly designed to contain a single item of jewellery. She hesitated, chewing her bottom lip.

He’d brought her a ring. An engagement ring. He wanted to marry her and had already asked Kate’s permission.

She handed him the box and nodded.

“Just a nod?” He teased and opened the box.

"I believe you're supposed to ask me a question first." She giggled.

“Duffy? Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"Yes!" She squealed with barely contained delight.

“Yes?” He grinned.

"Yes!" She repeated, holding out her left hand towards him.

He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her ring finger. He kissed her passionately.

She blushed as they parted a few moments later, hearing the disgusted noises the boys were making between bursts of laughter.

He rested his forehead against hers and kissed her nose. “I love you.”

"I love you too."

A few hours later the wrapping paper had been cleared away and everyone was dressed for the day. Christmas lunch was cooking away in the kitchen as the doorbell rang. Duffy called out that she would answer it. Pulling open the door she grinned at her mum, showing off her hand before her mum even had chance to speak or step inside.

Kate’s eyes widened, “He’s done good! It’s about time Charlie asked you to marry him.”

"Mum!" She complained, rolling her eyes and sounding more like a teenager than the fully grown woman she now was.

“It took him long enough!” Kate teased and smiled. She kissed her daughter’s forehead.

She ushered her mum inside and soon the family was consumed with all the Christmas bustle and madness.

A couple of hours later Jake wandered into the kitchen. "Where's mum?" He asked.

“She went to the toilet.” Charlie answered and glanced at his watch. “Kate, will you be ok while I go and check on Duffy?”

"Of course." She nodded.

As Charlie reached the bottom of the stairs Peter came racing down. "Dad!"

“Yes Peter?” As Peter reached the bottom of the stairs Charlie saw the look of terror in the young lad's eyes. “What’s wrong?”

"Its mum. She's been really sick. She started shaking on the floor too."

“What?” He swallowed, “Stay down here, tell your gran to ring an ambulance. Please don’t worry.” He kissed the top of his head before racing up the stairs. He reached the bathroom door just as the seizure seemed to be ending. “Duffy? Shit!!” He put her into the recovery position. “It’s ok, I’m here.”

A few moments of silence passed before Duffy began to groan, her eyelids fluttering.

“The ambulance is on its way.” He told her, stroking her hair.

She let out a sudden, startled yelp of pain as a pool of fluid began to form around her.

“Oh fuck.” He muttered and swallowed hard, “It’s alright darling, it’s ok.” He didn’t know who he was trying to convince. Her or him.

It was clear from her face that things were progressing fast.

He called downstairs, “We really need an ambulance now!!”

Kate climbed the stairs. "They're on their way." She replied. She gasped as she entered the room. "Lisa!"

“Kate it’s ok, she’s in labour.” He was on the floor with Lisa, stroking her hair.

"But... But... She's not supposed to be having them for another 3 weeks!"

“I know, I know.” He took a deep breath, “Lisa, honey, are you having contractions?” He moved to feel her pulse.

Duffy managed a brief nod, not able to fully articulate everything that was going on.

Her pulse - for the time being - was steady. That was something. “Alright baby.” He kissed her forehead. “How are you feeling?”

"Lousy."

“I’m not surprised.” He smiled sadly. There were sirens outside and then a knock on the door.

Peter ran to open it clutching his screaming baby sister in his arms. He'd never been more thankful to see Josh!

“Is your mum upstairs?” He asked Peter as he came into the house.

Kate came downstairs when she heard Emily screaming and took the tot into her arms. It was hard tearing herself away from her only daughter but she had to trust Charlie and the paramedics. “Come and sit in the living room, boys.” She told Jake and Peter.

Josh jogged up the stairs, taking them two at a time, a horrible feeling of deja vu wrapping itself around his insides.

“Don’t you dare go to sleep on me!” Charlie told Duffy. “Please, I couldn’t cope.”

She tried to keep her eyes open but they felt increasingly heavy. "Love you." She mumbled.

“I love you too.” He checked her pulse again, just as Josh and Penny walked in. It was a horrible sense of deja vu - he’d been here once before.

Josh took one look at Duffy and declared. "We scoop and run."

“Yeah, be for the best.” Charlie swallowed. “I need to get her maternity notes and the overnight bag.”

The next few minutes passed in a flurry of activity until, finally, the ambulance was on its way to the hospital, hurtling through the streets of Holby, sirens wailing.

Charlie was feeling incredibly sick in the back of the ambulance, he kept checking her pulse and saturation levels.

As they crashed through the main doors of the department the monitors began to blare a series of alarms.

Charlie handed over the maternity notes to the doctors but couldn’t stay. He couldn’t watch Duffy die in front of him. He went to his office instead, turning out the lights and sitting on the floor by his desk.

About half an hour later there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Come in.” He called quietly. His knees were against his chest.

Josh entered the room looking utterly exhausted.

“Is she dead?” It was the first thing he asked.

"No. She doesn't look it but I swear she's tougher than rest of us put together!"

“It’s that stubbornness of hers.” He replied, “Is she ok? And the twins?”

"It was rough going for a while but both Duffy and the twins made it through the delivery."

He nodded, “Can... Can I see them? How are the twins?”

Josh smiled and nodded. He held out his hand towards his friend.

Charlie took Josh’s hand and stood up. “I couldn’t stay and watch it all over again. The first time gave me nightmares for months.” He admitted. He’d never told anyone that before, not even Duffy.

"You're not the only one." Josh sighed. He'd never tell her to her face but viewed Duffy as like the little sister he'd never had growing up.

“Are you okay?” He asked Josh.

"I'm OK. Just promise me you'll take care of that precious family of yours and never take it for granted."

“I’ll take good care of them. I promise Josh. Nor will I ever take them for granted.”

Josh pulled his friend into a brief hug before turning towards the door. "Let's go take you to meet the latest two members of the Fairhead brood shall we?"

“The latest and last two members.” He smiled brightly.

"Yeh, yeh!" Josh replied, nudging Charlie's shoulder, glad to lighten the mood slightly.

“Don’t jinx us.” He laughed slightly, “These lot break the bank enough as it is. And we need to start saving for the wedding.”

"So you finally asked her then?"

“Yeah I did.” He smiled brightly. “This morning. When the kids were with us.” He reached the room where Duffy was and swallowed hard, a wave of sickness floating over him.

"And here was me beginning to think you'd changed your mind and decided it was far too much fun winding her mum up with your sinful misbehaviour together!"

“Maybe I do get a buzz out of winding up her mum but, ssh, don’t tell Duffy I said that. Or Kate. These Duffin women are scary you know.”

"And I imagine Emily and the twins will quickly follow in their mum and gran's footsteps!"

“The twins are both girls?” They hadn’t found out, wanting it to be a surprise like all their babies had been.

"Yeh, good luck with that!" Josh chuckled.

“Me and the boys are outnumbered. Great!” He joked. “Do you want to come with me? To see them?”

"If you're sure? I wouldn't want to intrude."

“Of course not.” They went to see Duffy.

Duffy slowly opened her eyes as she heard them enter. She was still very sleepy and incredibly sore.

“Hey, sleepy.” He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"What happened?"

“You gave birth to our children.” He told her.

"I remember feeling sick and then..." She shrugged.

“You had a seizure in the bathroom. But you’re okay. And so are the twins.”

"Where are they?"

“In neonatal. They’re ok, both of them.”

"How tiny?"

"3lbs 4oz and 3lbs 2oz." Josh replied.

“Fat, like their dad.” Charlie joked, “Healthy weight for the time they were born.” He reassured her.

"They're really OK?" She asked, her voice increasingly sleepy.

“Yes. I promise.” He kissed her head, “Sleep and relax.”

"Love you." She mumbled.

“Love you too, gorgeous.”

Once they were certain that she was asleep they left the room and began to head down the corridor.

“The twins are ok, aren’t they?” Charlie asked Josh.

"They're just perfect." He reassured.

“We haven’t even thought of names. Not properly. Although there’s two names that I like.” He smiled brightly.

"What are those? I promise not to tell anyone else."

“I like Matilda, Tilly for short. And Charlotte.”

"Tilly and Lottie?"

“Tilly, Lottie, Em and Duffy. My girls.” Charlie grinned.

"Its funny how the two of you together only have girls yet have boys with others." Josh mused.

“What can I say? My sperm can obviously only make girls with Duffy’s eggs.” Charlie laughed gently.

Josh caught something in Charlie's tone that struck him as odd but wasn't sure how to approach it.

“Except that’s not strictly true.” He continued. “Duffy and I... made a son.”

"I don't understand. What happened to him?"

“If I tell you, you have to promise, you can’t tell anyone?”

#chuffy #charlie and duffy #charlie fairhead #lisa duffin

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5hfanfiction · 5 years

Text

Why Did I Get Married? (Camren)

Part Thirty One: Sing To Me

Wait,“ Dinah repeated for the millionth time. "You’re telling me that Lauren did what?!”

Maggie rolled her eyes and poured herself another glass of wine. After Lauren’s proposal, Camila had gathered some of her friends and went to discuss what had happened between them.

To spill the Earl Grey and what not.

It wasn’t out in the tabloids as yet, but knowing Dinah Jane, Camila was sure, that no later than today, her best friend would tweet something and the world would know.

“She said, you dumb bitch,” Maggie took a sip from her glass. “That they’re renewing their vows and she’s making me the matron of honour.”

“Listen here, you little bitch,” Dinah began. “I’ve known the both of them a lot longer than you, therefore if anyone is going to be the maid of honour, that will be me; Dinah Jane Milika Ilaisaane Hansen Amasio Kane. No one else. Period.”

Camila laughed to herself and admired her ring. She couldn’t believe that this had happened. Even though therapy was over a couple weeks now, and with her album dropping in about two weeks, she was still extremely nervous about having to go back on tour. She and Lauren had been discussing what they were going to do, and they had settled on moving to New York. They weren’t too sure about having Izzy on the road with Camila as yet because she did need to be in a stable environment; so that was going to be a major issue.

“Actually guys, I was thinking about having Becky be my maid of honour,” at the mention of her name, the teenager began choking hysterically on her drink; causing Maggie to knock her on the back, hoping she doesn’t die. “Are you okay?” Camila smirked at her sister.

“I..I what,” Becky said in confusion. “You want me, as in ME,” she pointed to herself to be your MOH? Are you for real?“

Camila reached across the table and took her sister’s hand. "I am. You’re my sister Becky, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my maid of honour. Plus, Dinah was it last time, she can’t be that greedy.”

“Um, yes I can,” Dinah rolled her eyes playfully. “But that’s a really cute idea, Walz. I can’t wait to see you crying as you’re walking down the aisle again.”

Dinah, Maggie, Becky along with Camila had met up for an impromptu visit. Since everyone was literally busy with their careers and children, it was quite difficult to schedule a group hang with everyone. Lauren, as well couldn’t make it because she had some work to do with Natasha.

“I’m really honoured that you chose me, Mila,” Becky intertwined their fingers together. “I’m just so happy that things worked out between you and Lauren. The both of you deserve to be happy.”

Camila brought their hands to her lips, kissing Becky’s softly. “I swear, I wish you were in my life a lot longer. You’re honestly the best sister a girl can ask for.”

“Speaking of sisters…” Maggie wiggled her eyebrows at her sister in law. “When is my Mini Me going to get a sibling? I believe his name was Chuck.”

She and Dinah snickered. Becky was clueless but she joined in the laughter anyway because she didn’t want to be left out.

“Not anytime soon,” Camila rolled her eyes. “I know she wants a sibling but life is just so busy right now. I don’t want to have another kid and make the same mistakes I did with Izzy. When Lauren and I do decide on having another baby, I want to be around for it all; their first word, their first steps, seeing them off on their first day at school.”

Dinah and Maggie clutched their chests dramatically. If they weren’t always at each other’s throats; possibly for the fact that they were exactly the same person, maybe they would’ve gotten along.

“You’re doing parenting right,” Becky smiled at her sister. “My mom used to whoop my ass with the chancla every time I disobeyed her. Sometimes she still threatens to use it.” She laughed heartedly.

“Oh my god!” Camila joined in the laughter with her sister. “My abuelita used to do same thing. But to be fair, I deserved it.”

Becky laughed. “Girl, same. But I would cry my eyes out and my mom would beat me with it again so that I could stop crying.”

“My parents would ignore my existence,” Maggie added to the conversation. “One time I broke my arm, the butler took me to the hospital and my parents never came.”

The table fell silent.

“Jeez, tough crowd,” Maggie muttered. “I thought we were laughing at things that were funny.”

Dinah casually draped her arm over Maggie’s shoulder. “Your parents treating you like shit isn’t funny. And even though it’s your defence mechanism to use your pain and laugh at it, you didn’t deserve that.”

The younger Jauregui kinked an eyebrow at Dinah, her mouth hung open and words weren’t able to come out.

“You’re…being…nice?”

Dinah punched Maggie on the shoulder playfully. “Just because I’m mean to you like all the damn time and I want to murder you at every given moment…it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and love you.”

“Awww,” Maggie wrapped her arms around the woman and placed a wet kiss on her cheek. “Dinah Jane, I love you too. If you weren’t such an ass to me, we could’ve been the best of friends. An unstoppable duo, if you will. The Bonnie to my Clyde. The Pain to my Ass.”

“Do we need to get the two of you a room?” Becky asked, laughing. “It’s an odd sight to see the both of you getting along if I’m being honest. Odd but not unwanted.”

Camila shook her head, laughing as well. “Don’t get used to it. For years, I’ve been trying to find a way to make these two get along, but it’s simply impossible.”

“Oh shut up, Jauregui,” Dinah rolled her eyes. “So, anyway, topic change, is baby Jauregui ready for her surprise tonight?”

Maggie looked from Dinah to Camila, then to Becky, because for once, the woman was clueless. “What are we talking about?!”

“You’ll see,” Camila sent a playful wink her way. “You’ll see.”

***

“Mummy,” Izzy walked towards her mother, and tugged on her jacket. “I want to be out with mama. I wanna see you sing.”

Camila stopped talking to Roger for a moment, and turned towards her daughter, stooping to her height. “You know that song you and me were singing that day?”

Izzy furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, until she nodded her head furiously. “Oh yeah! I like that song. It’s nice.”

“Do you want to sing that with me?”

“On stage?” Camila nodded. “With you?” She nodded again. “Will you hold my hand if I get scared?” Izzy asked, her voice soft.

Camila pulled her daughter into her arms. “Of course, I will baby. I’m always here for you when you’re scared. Just look at me, while you’re singing okay?” Izzy nodded against her mother’s shoulder. “Mama, Dinah, Maggie, Becky and your abuelitas will be there too.”

“What about Elena?” The child asked once she pulled away from her mother’s embrace. “Is she here too?”

Camila laughed. “Why don’t you see for yourself?” She pointed to a little girl in the crowd, who was in Lauren’s arms. Once Elena saw her friend from school, she waved wildly at her.

“Yay!” Izzy cheered excitedly. “Hi, Elena!” She waved at her best friend. “I’m excited now.”

One of the stage hands got Izzy ready to go out and perform. Meanwhile, Camila brought out one of the microphones that Izzy had gotten her for Christmas. It had instantly became one of her all time favourite gifts from her daughter.

The mother-daughter duo, were dressed in a matching outfit as a means to represent their bond during this performance. Camila and Izzy had come a long way, and though it’s still a work in progress, it’s getting better one step at a time.

“You ready, baby?” Camila looked down at her daughter who looked extremely giddy. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She laughed.

Izzy slipped her hand into her mother’s as they headed out on the stage; the fans going crazy as Camila surfaced and even crazier as they saw their fave’s child with her.

“Good night, Miami!” Camila yelled into the mic. “Before, I start with the actual show, there’s something that I want to do first.” She glanced at her daughter, who seemed a bit nervous as she was now standing in front of these thousands of people. “I’ve never formally introduced you guys…but I have someone I want you to meet.”

Camila stooped to her daughter’s height, wrapped an arm around the child’s waist and pulled her close to her chest, before speaking into the microphone again. “This little person right here is the light of my life. She loves me unconditionally even when I find it impossible to love myself, she does.” She placed a kiss on her daughter’s cheek, the crowd swooning at their interaction. “It’s been five years, and I think it’s time I introduce her to you…please meet my daughter. My everything. My princess… Emilia Isabella Jauregui.”

Camila’s fans gave the child a warm welcome, cheering loudly as she blushed and hid her face in her mother’s jacket.

“Hi…” the child spoke hesitantly into the microphone. “I like being called Izzy.”

Camila giggled and ruffled her daughter’s hair. “I also have a special surprise for you guys. My baby and I wrote a song together, and she wanted Miami to hear it first. What do y'all say? You wanna hear it?”

The screams from the fans were enough to know that they definitely did want to hear it.

Before standing, Camila asked her daughter again if she was okay with performing, and though Izzy may have been panicking on the inside, she really wanted to be on stage with her mother. So she pushed aside her fears, because she knew Camila was going to be there for her, and nodded her head.

“I’m ready, mummy!”

The music began softly playing through the speakers as pictures of Camila, Izzy, along with Lauren popped up on screen behind them as they were getting ready to perform.

“Sing to me, sing to me, Sing to me, sing to me, Sing to me, sing to me, Sing to me, sing to me…”

Camila sang to her daughter. A picture of Izzy when she was only a few hours old, appeared onscreen. They were still in the hospital, Camila was looking at her daughter with nothing but love and amazement in her eyes.

She remembered the day she told Lauren that she was pregnant. She remembered just how excited she was and couldn’t wait to tell her wife about the good news.

She drove…well sped home after her doctor’s appointment and blurted the news out to Lauren.

“I’m pregnant!” Camila screamed as soon as the front door to their house opened. Lauren popped her head out of the kitchen, staring at her wife in confusion.

“Pregnant?” Lauren asked. “Like with new music ideas?”

Camila laughed and wrapped her arms around her wife. “No, silly. I’m pregnant…with our baby.”

Lauren pulled away from her wife, and held her at arms length, staring at her. “You mean…?” Camila nodded. “Oh…my god.” She pulled her wife back into her arms, tears of joy making its way down her cheeks. “When did you find out?”

“Literally an hour ago,” Camila laughed through her own happy tears. “I couldn’t wait to tell you. You’re the first to know the good news.”

“I’m glad you didn’t wait,” Lauren kissed her wife on the lips. “God, I’m so happy. I can’t believe this. We’re having a baby.”

Camila smiled, placing her hand on her stomach. Even though she wasn’t showing as yet, she knew that the child she was carrying was in there.

She made a silent vow that she was going to treasure their baby… always.

Their unborn baby was going to be unconditionally happy.

“We’re having a baby,” Camila smiled, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s neck. “We’re having a baby.”

Camila held onto Izzy’s hand as they were dancing. Whatever nervousness the child may have had, was long gone. As she was too entranced with relishing this moment she was sharing with her mother.

Camila beckoned her daughter to begin singing. Izzy took a deep breath, and allowed the words to softly flow throughout the arena.

“Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you)…”

The joy and pride that not only Camila felt, but Lauren did too about their daughter performing right now, words couldn’t even begin to express it.

Elena was clapping excitedly the moment that her best friend started to sing, because she knew if her friend were to become famous like her parents, that being famous by association was the best kind of fame.

Looking at her daughter perform, it brought Camila to tears on stage. She wiped at her eyes, as she softly sang ‘I love you’ after each line her daughter sang. It reminded her of when Izzy said her first word. It then brought her back to when she started walking, then to when Izzy had started preschool.

A wave of sadness had hit her because even though she was there for most of Izzy’s critical years, she did miss out on other significant things about her daughter.

Things she didn’t want to miss if she and Lauren had another child.

Significant events in her daughter’s life that she didn’t want to continue missing.

“Mummy! Mummy!” Izzy ran up to Camila, a paper in her hand. It was Izzy’s second day of preschool, and even though Camila had things to do, she didn’t want to miss this part of her daughter’s growth. “Look! Look!”

She laughed and took the paper from her child, seeing an 'A’ scrawled on top of it. “Princesa! Did you ace your very first exam?!” Camila asked excitedly. “Aw, baby!” She stooped to her daughter’s height and wrapped her into a hug. “I am so proud of you! You’re so smart!”

Izzy giggled. “Thank you, mummy. Miss Kylie says I am too. Can we go show mama my test?”

Even though Camila and Lauren weren’t on the best of terms right now, she complied.

She may not have been the best mother, but Izzy’s happiness was always her priority…even though she had a bad way of showing it.

Once Lauren caught Izzy’s eyes, she blew a kiss at her, causing the child to smile happily.

“Izzy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Izzy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Izzy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Izzy sing to me…”

Sinu wiped at her eyes. It was as though everyone who came to see Izzy perform, were in tears. Since the beginning of the performance, the child’s grandmother had been an emotional wreck. She knew the struggles that Camila and Izzy had and for them to be at this point now, where the only place to go was up?

She was overjoyed.

Sinu knew that her daughter wasn’t perfect and that she had made a lot of mistakes, those mistakes hurting her granddaughter, but Camila loved Izzy with every fibre of her being.

Camila didn’t want to make the same mistakes her father did. She didn’t want to choose someone, people, or whatever the case may be over her family.

What doesn’t make sense is our want for things at a certain point in our life, things that we would literally do anything for just to have it. Like a job, a relationship, a friendship, his love or her attention.

You may think that these things are going to fulfil you and make you whole, but when you finally get them, you don’t want them anymore.

I can’t seem to wrap my head around how you can so desperately want someone’s love, and want to love someone, that when you finally get them, get their love, you don’t want it anymore. You realise that it’s not something you want.

It doesn’t make sense that we, as human beings can constantly change our preferences and alter our feelings so much towards people, things and places all the damn time.

Because then…did we ever truly love this person?

What is fake and what is real if we keep altering our feelings?

When will our feelings and wishes become stable?

And what I don’t understand is how we can be so obsessed and so in love with someone, to the point that we’re constantly thinking about them, and we yearn to be around them…but then at another point, we simply don’t feel a thing.

That’s what just doesn’t make sense to me.

How could Alejandro love his wife, his daughter but still choose to go ahead and have an affair? Though, Camila may never truly understand why he did what he did, she made a promise to herself that she would never hurt her daughter the way her father had torn her heart apart.

“Izzy, baby did you know, That you used to live in my tummy, Izzy, did you know, I’m in love with being your mommy…”

Camila caressed her daughter’s face as she sang those words to her.

Lauren may have been Camila’s soulmate, but Izzy?

Izzy was her heart.

When Camila found out she was pregnant, every single thing she did, she made sure it wouldn’t affect her unborn child negatively.

Everything she does till this day, she does it for Izzy.

“Camila,” Roger; her manager entered her hotel room to be met with her client packing her suitcase. “Where are you going?”

Camila sighed heavily. “Roge, as much as I love being a singer, and don’t get me wrong, my career means a lot to me, but it’s Izzy’s birthday in a few days and I can’t miss it.”

“Camila, listen…” Roger began but the singer cut him off again.

“No, Roger, you listen to me,” Camila pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing heavily. “My career is important to me, but my family comes first. Izzy is turning two and she has been asking for me. This is my child we’re talking about. A missed interview and a cancelled performance, is not going to end my career.” She zipped up her suitcase once she was finished packing. “Whether you like it or not, I’m going home.”

Camila’s father, before everything had gone down and ruined their family, he had taught her to be nice first, because she could’ve always been mean after.

The thing is, once you’re mean, no one is ever going to believe that you’re nice after.

So be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then you can fuck them over after.

Camila carried that with her throughout her life. When she had her own family, she made sure to put them first, because family first and everything else after. Though, they had their challenges, she always showered them with her 'niceness’ that was until Lauren messed up.

“Sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Izzy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Izzy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Izzy sing to me, sing to me (I love you)..”

It was so easy for Camila to fall in love with Lauren.

But it wasn’t always as easy as they had made it seem.

Initially, Lauren was scared of falling for Camila. And who could blame her? Love is a scary thing, especially since all good things seemed to have never even glanced in Lauren’s direction.

A part of Lauren was also afraid of Camila because maybe she knew that, her crush at the time, wouldn’t break her like the other girls.

Maybe that’s exactly why she was terrified of her. Camila could make Lauren happy, and happiness was definitely something that she didn’t know.

And Lauren knew, that being happy was the most terrifying thing on this earth.

Once you’re happy, it can be taken away from you.

“I know you’re scared Lauren,” Camila caressed Lauren’s cheek. “Hell, I am too, but we can be scared together. We can make this work.”

Lauren sighed and shut her eyes for a moment. “And what if we don’t work out? What happens then?”

“You’ll break my heart, and maybe I’ll break yours,” Camila shrugged. “But being with you, having my heart broken by you would be an honour.”

Maybe the reason it hurts so bad is because of how much you loved the person, how much you loved being with them.

Maybe it’s because you’ve never loved anyone in your life as much as you love this person.

And when it ends, you finally realise exactly how big of a part they are of who you are today.

Having to leave something you poured your heart and soul into… that shit isn’t easy and will never be easy.

And then, for the first time ever, you’ll finally experience what it’s like to have your heart break into a million pieces.

Lauren laughed softly and cupped Camila’s cheeks. “I am so damn scared, Camz. You have no idea just how truly terrified I am of being with you…but being without you is even scarier.”

“I’m going to be here with you, every step of the way,” Camila intertwined their fingers. “I know I’m going to mess up. I am not perfect. I say dumb things at the worst possible moments. But when I tell you, this thing in my chest,” she brought Lauren’s free hand and placed it over her chest to feel her heartbeat. “This right here…it beats for you and it always will.”

Lauren placed a kiss on Camila’s cheek, and pulled away, staring into her eyes. “There’s no one else in this world that I will ever truly adore the way I adore you.”

Maggie Jauregui; Lauren’s younger sister stepped out into the backyard and took a seat next to the couple. “I don’t mean to be that person, but I’m going to be that person.” She sighed dramatically. “I have been rooting for this since the beginning of time, if you don’t get together this instant, I will…” Maggie paused for dramatic effect. “…..die.”

Camila laughed and playfully punched Maggie in the arm. “Why are you like this?”

The teenager at the time, shrugged her shoulders. “I get asked that a lot and I have never came up with an answer. But don’t beat around the bush! Are you two together or not?!”

Camila looked at Lauren, who looked at Maggie, who looked back at Camila.

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Maggie squealed. “Mark my words, you two are going to get married, have beautiful babies and be a power couple! I’m calling it from now.”

Izzy and Camila had stopped dancing on the stage. The child tugged on her mother’s jacket, so that she could stoop to her height, Camila obliged.

Izzy placed a hand on her mother’s cheek as she sang the last few lines of the song, staring deeply into the woman’s brown eyes.

“Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you), Mommy sing to me, sing to me (I love you)…”

Camila wiped at her eyes and pulled her daughter into a hug, squeezing the child tightly. “I love you, princesa. I love you so so much.”

Izzy kissed her mother’s cheek. “I love you too, mummy. You’re the best mummy in the whole world!”

Camila placed the microphone in her back pocket, and cupped her daughter’s cheeks. “Baby, I need you to know just how special you are to me. I know sometimes I’m not the best mummy, and I know I make you cry. I’m so sorry for ever doing that to you.”

“It’s okay, mummy. I know you don’t mean it,” Izzy gave her mother a small smile. “I love you.”

All the while, Camila’s fans were looking on at the interaction between the mother and daughter, with their hearts being warmed at such an intimate moment. Camila wasn’t worried about doing this in front of her fans, she needed her daughter to know just how much she means to her, and this seemed like the right moment to do just that.

Camila kissed the child’s forehead. “I love you too, estrella. I don’t know what I did to be blessed with an amazing daughter like you.”

Izzy shrugged and smiled sweetly at her mother. “That’s simple, mummy. You married, mama.” She looked across the stage at her mother who was apparently bickering with her younger sister, who now had Elena in her arms.

Camila glanced at her wife, shaking her head with a smile on her lips. “You’re absolutely right, princesa.”

“Can I have the vows?” The minister asked the couple.

Lauren along with Camila we’re both emotional messes at the moment, but they had to push through their tears of joy to recite their vows to each other.

“I,” Lauren began and paused. “I love you,” she brought Camila’s hand to her lips, kissing it softly. “I think that’s all I need to say, because if I go on to talk about the way you make me feel, we’ll be standing here all day.” The crowd laughed, along with Camila; she wiped at her eyes. “You make me unbelievably happy and I, in all my years of living, never thought that I would ever be this happy. You drive my heart wild, and you drive me crazy, a perfect combination. When I first saw you that day in that crowded hall, something in me knew that we would’ve been forever. I’m just glad you gave me that chance.”

Camila squeezed Lauren’s hand. “I’d give you that chance all again in a heartbeat, my love.”

“I’m shy, and I’m quiet but when I’m around you, you bring out the best in me. You bring out a part of me that I didn’t know existed. When I’m around you, I can’t imagine not being around you. I’ve never wanted a casual type of love. I’ve always wanted someone to lean on and someone to love. I’ve always wanted someone to live with, rather than exist with,” Lauren inhaled deeply, she was trying her best to not cry, but that was physically impossible when she was about to marry the woman she always wanted. “I need commitment, consistency, intimacy and connection, and I am so utterly blessed to have found that in you, Camila Cabello. You are the love that came without warning, you had my heart before I could say no. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want you, all of you for the rest of forever. I love you, for all that you are and for all that you will be. You are my happy ever after.”

She slipped the ring on Camila’s finger and brought it to her lips kissing it gently. “I’m glad I’m the person that you love.”

***

“Izzy! Izzy! Izzy” Elena ran towards her best friend, and wrapped her in a hug. “Hi!”

Izzy giggled and hugged her friend back. “Hi. I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Your mummy said to keep it a secret, and I was going to tell you, but your tía said she was going to beat me up.” Elena pouted.

Maggie laughed as she heard what Elena just said. “I didn’t say no such thing,” she lifted her niece into her arms, hugging her tightly. “I said, I would want to beat you up. Not that I was going to.” She playfully rolled her eyes. “But ugh, Mini Me, you are a star! I’m so proud of you. You’re a better singer than your mummy that’s for sure.”

Izzy blushed. “Thank you, tía.” She kissed Maggie’s cheek.

“Go play with your demon friend,” Maggie placed her back on the ground, as the two ran off with Sinu and Valentina. “Your performance was amazing, Camzii. I’m so proud. I might’ve shed a tear or two.”

Lauren laughed. “You were crying throughout the whole thing.” She wrapped her arms around her wife, kissing her forehead. “Amazing as always, mi amor.”

“You really think so?” Camila asked. “I just wanted to introduce Izzy into my world. I mean, I don’t want her to grow up in it because it’s not always rainbows and trees, but I don’t want her to feel as though I’m hiding her.”

Maggie nodded, and placed a hand on her sister in law’s shoulder. “She knows, trust me. That kid is obsessed with you. You’re an amazing mother, so now, I guess I have to take it back when I said you were a shitty one.”

Camila shoved the woman away, who laughed loudly. “I fucking hate you, but also, thank you. I’m trying to be the mother Izzy deserves.”

“Hey, sissy,” Becky approached her sister. She had a plate of food in her hand, because apparently stuffing her face was more important than talking to her sister after the very first performance she had seen. “You and Izzy should start a band or something. I’m impressed. The kid has some incredible vocals.” She shoved something in her mouth. “By the way, these cream puffs are amazing. What the hell.”

“Ooh, yes girl!” Maggie snatched one out of her plate. “I love those too. Come, let me show you what you have to try.”

The couple laughed as their sisters walked away and headed towards the food table. “They’re literally the same person.”

“Right?” Camila agreed with her wife. “Well, today was a success.”

“And you were amazing as usual,” Lauren pulled her wife onto a couch, Camila sitting on her lap. “I know it hasn’t even started yet, but I can’t wait for your tour to be over.”

The woman laughed, she slipped her fingers into Lauren’s hair. “It’ll be over before you know it, trust me. And we’re going to be okay. Whatever life throws at us, we’re going to kick it’s ass.”

“Together?”

“Together.”

***

Wattpad: Commander_Camren

#UPDATE #series #g!p #camren #angst drama #family #humour #romance fluff #submission #Why Did I Get Married

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pennyforyourblog-blog · 6 years

Text

Thanksgiving

Call me old-fashioned, but you’d be wrong. I love hand-written journals as much as the next person, but honestly isn’t there something more efficient about typing? Perhaps I’d document my life more effectively if it didn’t take so long to get it all on paper. I don’t allocate enough time to myself in that way. I write occasionally and never make a habit of it; I get absorbed in the day-to-day. I’ve come to an impasse. I desperately need therapy. That’s not readily available, however, and I simply cannot do nothing. Perhaps regularly and thoughtfully articulating what I’m feeling, and committing more time to listening to myself will be an adequate, albeit temporary, substitute.

The events that transpired on Thanksgiving weigh heavily on my heart and mind. Do you know the story of the frog in the boiling pot? The anecdotal tale is an unfortunate one. Imagine a frog resting in a pot of cool water. Someone’s just turned the stove on, and the water gradually warms. The frog, rather than wasting energy hopping from the pot, instead decides to allocate its energy to adapt to the warmer water. By the time the water grows too warm to adapt to, the frog has already expelled the energy required to exit. Unable to escape, the poor creature perishes.

My family, collectively and as individuals, have slowly been raising the temperature. I kept asking myself “Why do you subject yourself to this treatment? Why don’t you simply leave? Surely you did nothing to warrant this,”. I continually tried to make it work. I thought if I could just learn to enjoy the scalding water, all would be well. I so badly wanted unconditional love, I allowed the mistreatment to continue. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Being excluded is an awful thing, and it does often drive the victim to try all the harder to be included. This often just perpetuates and exacerbates the issue. What an awful cycle.

I do sometimes like to imagine myself holding the child that endured this into adulthood. I imagine myself smoothing her hair, and kissing her temple. I wish I could tell the small girl who couldn’t understand it all that it wasn’t her fault. That she is worthy of love, though not a soul at the time did. She was absolutely deserving of love. Rather, the people she loved so fiercely despite the way they treated her were unworthy.

I remember that little girl wondering why her cousins and half-sisters met so often with the whole family, and why she and her brother weren’t invited. I remember the moment she realized her family would be missing her high school graduation for a weekend at a cabin they owned; although it was her graduation weekend, she also wasn’t invited to stay at said cabin. I remember when she went to brunch one Sunday and happened upon her family having their meal in the banquet room. I remember that little girl looking around the room as Christmas presents were distributed, and realizing she had only a card and a paste, clearance necklace. Some relatives had so many gifts, she could not even see their person. When she became embarrassed and hurt, she was lectured about maturity and being ungrateful. Unfortunately, the list is far from complete.

This little girl began to reclaim her happiness. It wasn’t a straightforward journey and involved a lot of pain. However, she worried less about what they thought and began to do as she wished instead. Christmas 2016, she traveled to Datil, New Mexico. Her aunt, Lisa, was furious and called her to leave aggressive voicemails. The trip itself wasn’t great, and that winter was a difficult time for her. She’d lost her job, her health, and her boyfriend cheated on her. It was a lot to deal with, and in comparison, her aunt being angry was of little consequence. Call it a rebirth, but that little girl shed other people’s expectations, molted and grew, and became the woman I am today.

Carrie Fisher died on December 27th. It was unexpected and devastating. She was and still is a hero of mine. I took to Facebook to share my grief. Lisa’s husband, Joe, commented. It wasn’t to comfort me or empathize. No, he felt it was an appropriate time to demand I contact Lisa and explain my behavior. Can you imagine demanding a woman you barely know, to do something under a post about bereavement? This entitled behavior “adults” exhibited in the family initiated the chasm between they and I. I use quotations here to emphasize the them-and-us mentality they have towards the eldest cousins. While adults in our own right, we were treated as children.

It was an easy decision to remove all family members from my Facebook. I also elected to ignore my uncle’s demand until I was ready to speak with Lisa about the holidays. We intermittently spoke throughout the year. I updated her on my health progress, job search, and mental capacities. Anxiety and depression can be quite debilitating. They don’t believe in mental disorders. How silly to think this important organ is exempt from illness, while any other can be afflicted with many. I do believe she tried to be understanding, but at the end of the day, her internalized views overpowered her love for me.

I’m still trying to understand what happened just days ago. It’s like trying to remember a car accident. There are snippets, select words, and phrases I can recall. Some of the exchange is lost to me. Like with a lot of trauma, the core incident won’t ever be forgotten.

I don’t believe Seth ever understood my apprehension when it came to family events. He’d seen firsthand how awful my mother could be. But my dad’s side seemed normal. Coming from such a loving and welcoming family, I don’t think he had the capacity to truly understand. Unable to deprive him of the opportunity to see his family, we decided to try and go to all three events. We started at his aunt’s home and enjoyed it. I’d been anxious throughout the morning, and dreading 2/3 of the day. That soon past, and I had hope for the rest of the day.

We arrived an hour or so after Lisa had said food would be served. I knew this and resolved myself to eating at my mom’s later. Although I was hungry and was sure Seth was too, I made no indication of this. While most families on Thanksgiving would never let a mouth go unfed, no matter how late their arrival, I knew better.

Lisa made this clear as she tupperwared the leftovers around me, “I hope you’re eating at your mom’s later.”

I confirmed this and continued to answer my grandparents’ usually inquiries about my life. I received the down-low on the cooking crisis: a dish that set off the fire alarm. Light and small conversations, just how the Hanson’s like.

“Did you eat at Seth’s Family’s?” Grandpa Denny inquired kindly.

“We snacked, but haven’t eaten yet. That’s okay, we’ll be eating shortly at my mom’s.”

My answer, of course, didn’t matter. My grandparents are kind people. They understand that Thanksgiving is a day about family and full-bellies. It was unacceptable to them that I wouldn’t have a full meal until 6 pm. I don’t recall who said what to who, but soon it became clear that Lisa was angrily pulling things out of the fridge to make us a plate.

“It’s no big deal,” I tried once again to nip this in the bud.

Of course, she misconstrued this and growled: “No, it is a big deal.”

She continued speaking, and although I don’t remember her exact words, it dawned on me that she thought I’d demanded a plate. That I’d told her, essentially, that coming late and adding to her workload by asking for food was not a big deal. I do feel that given the circumstances, even if that’s what I had done, it shouldn’t have escalated as far as it did. It was doubly concerning that her perception of what was happening wasn’t even correct. I was being accused of something I hadn’t even done.

“I find it very rude that you show up late and demand food like this. I felt the need to say that,” She finished her verbal attack by throwing paper plates our way.

I was stunned, and tears brimmed. This is something I detest about myself. When I’m hurt, or yelled at, I cannot help but cry. Especially when I know it’s unjust. I can’t breathe and it’s terribly embarrassing. It makes me feel weak. People often say it invalidates any argument I present. Somehow, being emotional detracts from the validity of what I say.

“I feel the need to leave then,” I collected my sweater and made quick work of making my way to the door.

“Of course, you do,” she retorted.

I wish she had just let me leave. I wish she had simply started talking after I excused myself and realized her mistake. Instead, she trailed behind me. She demanded I stop. I told her adults make decisions for themselves, and I was making the decision to leave. My dad followed too, and both overcame me just outside the front door. She demanded I act like an adult and needed to calm down. My dad was kinder and instructed me to breathe. Like I said, I often forget when I’m upset.

The conversation continued. Or rather, her demands continued. She demanded I not swear. She demanded I stay. She demanded I become calm. All the while, she refused to let go of me. I protested this several times, and she refused to oblige. It did become clear to her that it wasn’t me who had asked. It didn’t matter. I was set on leaving, and I think she knew I’d never return. Her mistake had cost her a lot.

When hurt, people do funny things. She was probably hurt I was late. She was probably hurt that she didn’t get much help, and never does. She probably hurts often, and a lot. I recognize this and would be her most likely champion in this fight. Her beliefs and rigid traditions would never allow her to recognize this. Instead, she took her frustrations out on the easiest target.

To regain control, she finally exclaimed: “Get off my property!”

I obliged. It was, after all, what I’d been trying to do all the while. My dad called me, and I refused to slow down or look about. I was locked out of our car until Seth came with the keys. My dad approached me, and Seth was there moments after. Seth clasped my hand and my dad surprised me.

“She was wrong,” he said so matter-of-factly.

I informed him of my feelings. I intended to cut ties. I intended to omit my presence from future family gatherings. I’d be made to feel unwelcome for too long, and this was too much to forgive. They’d be excluded from my wedding, and wouldn’t be involved with any potential children. They refused to acknowledge how lonely they made me feel constantly, and while they decided things like my graduation weren’t important enough to attend, they were now investing in me to be the first to wed and provide them with the things they were so looking forward to.

He remained calm. He validated my feelings of exclusion. He was surprisingly helpful. He let me talk, and did what he could to offer advice. The things he suggested weren’t worthless, but they weren’t relevant. While “don’t make definite decisions while upset” is a solid tidbit, deciding to cut ties wasn’t a split-decision. I’ve been mulling this over since I was young. I’ve been sitting in the boiling water for too long. If I don’t leap now, I’ll die. There isn’t anything to further deliberate.

Perhaps to some, a yelling match between niece and aunt about leftovers seems silly. It would be a strange thing to emancipate one’s family over. It’s just another temperature shift in an otherwise inhospitable environment. It was no worse than any of the other things that transpired. It just happened to be the last thing.

I wonder if I’m being overdramatic. I do not understand why I’m expected to tolerate such great abuse, only to be called too emotional when I react. I think given the circumstances, I’m acting very appropriately. Yet, my mother teased me for it. She’s mocked me since and tried to invalidate what I was feeling.

“It’s always something with you,” she flippantly remarked.

My aunt’s reaction was the same.

She said to both me and Seth several times during the exchange “Everybody has their problems.”

She appears to be under the impression that I believe my burdens outweigh all others. Often, my mother has the same perception of me. Managing my illnesses involves a high level of self-care, and unapologetically doing what I need to feel my best. I think their generation misconstrues that as being selfish and narcissistic.

I think what’s truly narcissistic is displacing your own failings and expectations onto another person, and becoming frustrated when they don’t do what you expect.

As it stands, I keep feeling the need to reach out to her. I suppose I’m hoping for a reconciliation and fairy-tale ending. I understand that won’t happen. I’m still uncertain about to what extent I’ll interact with the family. The idea of never seeing my grandparents again is too much. I do understand seeing them will require meetings outside of the holidays they usually visit for. I also know it’ll require discussing what happened, and rebuffing them imploring me to reconsider.

Perhaps I’ve just leaped from one pot to another. Perhaps I’ll never be free.

#family #acceptance #journal #love #thanksgiving #disowned #struggle #politics #trumps america #fight #frog #abuse #emotional abuse #abondonment

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