#i really am just. blown away
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Doma Art Party 2023 Afterword
So, I think maybe it might be corny for me to do something like a thank you or an open letter or an afterword so to speak for an art party. And normally, I think I'd have not bothered. But considering this was my first ever attempt at hosting one, and that it was for a deeply important experience in my life...I believe it to be warranted here.
I am happy to say that the art party was to my eyes, a wonderful success. It was nice to experiment with the idea of having a more activity-oriented art party, and I have a good idea of what to do next time to improve on the formula without feeling overwhelming; after all, art parties are ultimately for vibing and hanging out; and boy were we.
And yes, many kisses were had, and the goodbyes were bittersweet; but not sad. And thus, I will give thanks. More below.
Thank you to everyone that helped me celebrate something very important to me. This last year has been a whirlwind for me, in mostly rather wonderful ways. I finally managed to finally let go of some of the things that were haunting me, I was more easily able to reconcile with, accept, and grow from my past. I picked up the pieces of a lot of parts of my life I didn't feel I had agency in, and it was all because of what I felt playing through Hien Rijin's story arc in FFXIV Stormblood. It was great fun to organize, and It was really nice to be able to celebrate that in some way with all of you-- some of which I'd never even met beforehand. I am just. So floored that people wanted to hang out and chat; thank you for handling my tech clumsiness and multi-tasking fails with such grace.
Thank you to everyone that WANTED to be there but couldn't for some reason or another. Thank you to my friend Bri (twt @tenchijins) who helped me craft prizes and coordinate during parts of the event (the shout chats were SO helpful)-- and for being a wonderful rp partner. You are so fucking smart and cool and you love birds so basically you're an angel. Thank you for everything the last couple months. You helped me better understand a part of my identity that I feared facing for so long, and because of it I am happier than I'd ever been about it all.
Thank you to @findenyan and @itsmeowlee for being so active in twitch chat and bein' cute an' funny catboys it was nice to see. Thank you also to @windup-dragoon for hanging out with us on day one (all the kisses to u my friend), Kiri is always a treasure to witness, and @dareva for being so insanely supportive of both my XIV works AND my original comic progress. I hope you are around for years to come.
Thank you to my roommate Cobalt who is the only reason I could even do this, because he was the one that helped me afford to renew my sub, which I didn't realize expired that day before the event. Oh, and also because he has literally been the sole reason i've been able to afford to survive the last couple of years. Hope to be free of it soon, brother! hahaha~
Thank you to @mythiclings for always showing me love, you were one of the biggest reasons I got the courage to start posting my Hien fanworks. And I am so glad that I did.
(Speaking of that, we did this cute little doodle together a little while back that I now have permission to post :'3 Look at these silly guys!!)
Ahem. And then thank you to my roommate aka ShandeeDay. If it weren't for you, i'd have never been able to play FFXIV from the first-- not even to consider all the times you've saved me from the street in my 20s. I love you, man. You saved my life. I would take a bullet for you.
Finally, to all of the people both old and new who have shared my work, shared their work with me, made things with me and just in general showed their support in my presence-- I thank you. Also some of you write some hilariously cute shit in tags. I adore you.
Sorry this was so long. But it was definitely worth writing. I plan to do another next year around the Lunar New Year in March 2024, provided I have no cons to attend. I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!! 0/
Love and Peace, and to tomorrow.
- Shane (and the four other idiots piloting his brain)
#doma art party#im not putting this in main tags but#i really am just. blown away#its not even that high a bar tbh im just happy some of yall had a good time. <3
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no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)
#detective conan#case closed#amv#my amvs#eye strain#heiji hattori#harley hartwell#conan edogawa#shinichi kudo#funimation english dub script#video#happy two-year anniversary to 'no thoughts just heiji hattori'!#while it's not my first amv (it's maybe my... fifth?)#it was the first one i made with davinci resolve and the amv that really got me into editing amvs for real#it's the amv that made me believe i could make amvs 🥺#and in remastering it i deeply understood how ambitious it was! i thought i did a lot of audio mixing for 'messed up'#but that's not even close to all the audio mixing i did here--cannot believe that i did all this for my first big amv project#it took about 20 hours *just* to remaster!#which is something i've been meaning to do for a while now so i'm very happy to finally share the results!#to make this a 'remaster' and not a 'redo' the only changes i tried to make were to the source footage and audio#video now uses almost entirely hd remastered footage from my blu-rays or netflix rather than my dvds#but oh gosh was it *hard* not to touch anything else! i'd do so many things differently now#but this video will always be really special to me (and i can't believe i did it at all tbh!)#i hope seeing it in hd is fun too! i'm so blown away by all the love this vid's gotten#and that it helped increase interest in funi's old english dub is amazing and 100% what i was trying to do with it!#thank you everyone for all the support <333 i wouldn't be the video editor i am today without this vid or your encouragement for it <3333#like the original the sources used are mostly from what funi dubbed (but mixed in hd by me!): eps 48-49 57-58 77-78 117 and 118 and movie 3#but i also used episodes 141-142 174 189 239 263 277 291 293 345 479 491 517 and 522#and ova 3 and tv special 6 (episode one) and movies 10 and 13 and ops 27 31 and 33 and the funi 5.2 dvd blooper for the one line lol#i'm sorry i've been so absent lately! i hope to be more active now... and there are 2 completely done amvs that i'm just waiting to post...
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HEY. HEY.
HEY @re-dracula WHAT GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO HAVE JONATHAN ACTUALLY READING THAT PASSAGE OUT LOUD BEHIND SEWARD DESCRIBING THE SCENE, HUH? WITH THE TEARS IN HIS VOICE AND THE PAUSING AND THE SHORT LITTLE INHALES AND THE VOICE CRACKS? WAS IT TRULY NECESSARY??? I WAS ALREADY CRYING. I DIDN'T NEED THIS TOO. WHAT THE FUCK.
#dracula#dracula daily#re: dracula#re dracula#to be clear this is meant in sarcastic jest this episode was a beautifully crafted piece of art and I'm blown away by the cast and#the producers and the editors... holy fucking shit I know today's was a short episode but I think it's taken its place as my favorite so fa#it beat out jonathan fuckin dropping out of the sky in front of drac with his fuckin knife out in order to protect his wife which was ALSO#very good and made me cheer out loud in my car but THIS#also why does jack get to narrate all the dope ass dramatic scenes#I wonder if Mina was like#no really y'all this dude has the best voice and grammar structure for storytelling#we gotta let him keep doing the phonograph thing and I'll just keep copying it down later#tbh she's so valid for that also y'all are so valid for casting jonny sims in this role bc he SHINES when he's describing emotional shit#he NAILS the middle ground between conveying the emotion of a scene and still being a separate narrator#it's almost like he did a whole podcast of that one time ANYWAY my point is y'all are incredible and I am so fuckin glad y'all decided to#start this project
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One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps
#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon#And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do#The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational#Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments#Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo”#Basically implying he might be dead in a year#AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was#And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went .#Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon#I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him#I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that#I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed#So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects#And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today#I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too#p
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i want desperately for you guys to know that this is how swanatello was born. he was designed and drawn in a span of approximately 30 minutes at work and made originally with the only intention being "pun." thanks @actuallynobutwhynot for getting me to make him lmao i gotta draw him and your sona together sometime.
#swanatello#and look at us now jfc#i didnt even intend for him to have any kind of a story i just sort of#made it up recently#as i did shitty doodles of him while talking about risesonas with friends#thanks also @ beanarry for making me want a donniesona in the first place#and @ sep council for bringing up risesonas and getting me to dust him off#and thanks @ bean again for getting me to post him lol i wasnt expecting anyone to??? care abt him#like to be fair its not like hes BLOWING UP or whatever but i have never gotta so much attention in my askbox before#and he has literally existed on tumblr for#like#four days#and i have gotten SO many asks and fanart and shit abt him and i am just blown away and also absolutely TICKLED#thanks gang#i am glad you like him#..... <3#i like him too#i like telling his story#and im really happy that i have kind of been tricked into just?#doing really shitty low effort doodles and being ok with that being what i post?#it is very freeing#anyway thanks <3#i will get to all the asks eventually#some of them im hanging onto#because answering them involves dropping MAD lore and sort of slingshotting the story forward and i dont wanna like#reveal everything right away ig?#so patience plz <3#i will get to everything i can eventually
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2024 is meronia's year btw i can taste it in the air
#it tastes like blueberry pancakes btw. if u even care.#the number of new people is both very exciting and also making me nervousshy hgfhdhsgsdg#with that being said. to all of the newish people i am very glad you are here let's all be pals.#& it's not like it's at risk of becoming Big or anything. the DN fandom is small and this ship is still tiny i'm just blown away at#how many new things are in the ship tag on tumblr every week now#it was sooooo quiet this time last year from my recollection#like so so so quiet#it's really fun to see new usernames popping up and new art and all that jazz#okay for real my benadryl is calling me. siren song. i have to listen to her and be so sleep now#bye
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I currently have to write a thesis, work on the biggest project in my entire study programme and will have to start preparing for my bachelor's exam at some point, and my brain thinks now it's a good time to get back into Red Dead Redemption 2👍
#I bought the game last summer but I'm still only at the very start of chapter 3 because I'm slow as fuck with making progress in the story#tbh I think it's bcI've spent the majority of my playing time so far with just admiring the beautiful landscape and taming cute horsies🐴#this game really brings out my inner horse girl again😭 I'd actually love taking riding lessons irl again once uni stuff is over -#but I'm gonna feel really awkward contacting my riding instructor again after such a long (unintentional) radio silence#like 'hello I got consumed with body and soul by university for one and a half years but here I am again do you still do lessons?'#also aside that I'm just really blown away by this game from a game dev perspective#I read that Rockstar used their own engine to make it so I don't have as much of an idea how they do stuff#but based on all the interactions you can do and things you can discover in the game -#my brain is imploding just trying to comprehend the internal structure of how like objects and their states are managed#and how it keeps track of everything and all that#I'm pretty sure it's not possible with a game like this since it's a company secret but I'd love to just get to look at the code#I probably won't even understand shit but it would still be absolutely fascinating
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absolutely wild that I have had my entire brain re-wired and been made to cry like a hysterical bitch over a hand brush first by Pride & Prejudice (2005) and now by Shogun (2024)
#the power of good TV people. I am blown away every week but this was just. holy shit.#I didn't even get to be kinda weepy first for a second. it was just instantly like. BOOM. I'm bitch crying. Sobbing. snot. had to pause it#like I LOST IT immediately. even before they even touched. when Mariko was just speaking to John and he was looking at her like *that*#I fucking lost it. and then. the hand touch. I was sobbing HARDER.#this whole show is so fckn goooooooooood but at the same time#I am sorta relieved it didn't really take off HERE cause ughhhh#we know comprehension on this site is less than..... nuanced.#I mean.......it's piss poor my dudes lets be honest.....#erin watches shogun#shogun spoilers
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WH
WHERE IS MY SENSE OF TIME GOING
#I'M ON HERE EVERY DAY BUT I'VE POSTED SO RARELY???#god is this why i don't get as much interaction cuz i'm just staring at everyone and not POSTING shit??#holy fuck i'm dumb why didn't i see that#so few ic shit and it's already the 10th#am i really that busy all the time??#i'm literally blown away by this i thought it's been only a couple days#✦『 OUT OF CHARACTER 』✦
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I Can catch up with the whole semester of korean grammar and vocabulary within 5 hours
#just watch me#everything is going really great here#working my way through the workbook and with every page i am blown away by all the grammar i never really learned#and completely forgot about :)#I'm so sorry 선생님#you don't deserve this mess of an examsheet I'll hand in later today#void screams#university ramblings
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Got my end of the month burst of motivation to get my shit together and did 10 push ups
#horse.txt#and some squats and some stretches. but wow those pushups did me in#funfact last time i weighed myself i was actually Under 100 lbs! one of the most disheartening things#'you never go out you dont have any friends why dont you ever go out to meet people??' i could be stuffed in a bag and carried away on foot#i am like flat stanley. i could be blown away by a stiff breeze. and i also just dont have a large appetite?#funfact 2 one of my biggest insecurities is that when i order small portions of food or salads that ppl will think im dieting or have an ED#neither of which are necessarily a Bad thing but ppl do sometimes start to. treat you certain ways over it#either theyre the woke type who start looking at you all pitiful or they start griping to you about their own weight problems in some way#worse in the rare blue moon where ppl with ask me how i stay so skinny. bitch i have adhd i forget to eat Constantly. im starving#its on accident but shit i cant just say that to ppl lol so its always just 'haha my metabolism 🤪' which they sometimes STILL DONT ACCEPT?#LIKE AS AN ANSWER? THEY'LL JUST ASK AGAIN LIKE IM KEEPING IT A SECRET??#vent //#not really it kinda came out of nowhere honestly#sigh#very frustrated with myself lately in case yall haven't noticed!#god i need to get laid
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I am watching tubbathon in shock basically. Chat held it around an hour all night AND day. I was so sure it'd end at 10am today. I went to bed, woke up, it was still going around an hour.
NOW ITS 10PM. THEY HIT HAPPY HOUR, BROUGHT IT BACK UP TO AT LEAST 25 HOURS. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.
#my money was on this lasting 1-2 weeks.#and then ending at 10am today. just by watching the timer tick down.#and having been here for this last year.#I am so blown away holy shit#tubbathon#tubathon#tubbo#mine#i cant really put it into words its like. i donated a lot to this. but im ready to let it die.#WHO THE FUCK ARE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE 😭😭😭 WHERED YOU COME FROM WITH 50 GIFTED LMAO???#sorry typo. my money was on this going 2-3 weeks*#based off last year going 9 days with a max clock of 80ish. while this year hit 120#BUT DAMN I NEVER THOUGHT THIS
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beat beegee three last night!
#mine#VERY LONG TAG RAMBLE INCOMING. WATCH OUT#anyway. i was and am absolutely blown away#i understood why its so beloved basically as soon as i started playing it but by the time i got to the end iw as like yeah#this deserves goty and all the actors and writers and everyone who worked on it deserves every award and 1 trillion dollars#it could be because of recency bias lol but i think late act 3 ended up being my favorite section of the game#which i wasnt expecting! lots of people seem to dislike it and i understand why (frame drops + overwhelming amount of content etc.)#but idk i really loved it. the iron throne and house of hope alone (i did those a couple days ago) were STELLAR#yesterday's tasks included killing gort and then going to the morphic pool and finishing the game and i was just enraptured the whole time#the morphic pool and everything that comes after it were just INCREDIBLE#one of the things that stuck out to me the most about the game the entire time i played it but *ABOVE ALL* in act 3#was the way it makes the stakes feel REAL#the companions are so well written and well acted that i felt genuine attachment to them and they had huge emotional impacts on me#like when i got to the pool i was actually kind of afraid of whatever was coming (i had a rough idea of WHO i would meet)#(but not what would happen or how the fights would go)#and when i turned to my companions and i was like umm. do you think we can do this#and shart was like yes we can :) think of everything we did. that wasn't luck that was US#and la3'z3l was like 'THE GITH WILL BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' i was like YES MAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i felt so reinvigorated like i was still nervous but i was like well if they believe in me i can do anything#and i am#1 lae'zel defender (not that she needs a defender because shes insane in battle but you know)#so when she was like WE WILL WIN i was like OKAY!! YES WE WILL!! WHATEVER YOU SAY MAAM!! I LOVE YOU!!!#shes so cool shes like my awesome best friend who is not real but i love her anyway#shart is also my best friend but in a different way (i like to think her and my character just bonded really hard over the course of the st#ry especially both being half elves idk i just love them and by the end it seemed like they built a really beautiful friendship)#anyway back on topic. the stakes felt real because of the companions AND because of the npcs and attention to detail#for rp purposes i had my character keep a few notes in his inventory that were just from random unspecified npcs#but they were like 'dont let gortash win' 'i dont want to die to the absolute cult' etc. as like a remember what you're fighting for thing#i just felt so strongly pulled into the world of the game the whole time especially at the end i was like holy fuck#i gotta save all these people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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vent
#i feel so alone. and that makes me feel useless.#i know i’m going to regret venting about this in about twenty minutes but i just feel so fucking miserable!!!!!!#im tired of hiding it and pretending like nothing is bothering me. i am TIRED#it feels like i’ve been living at rock bottom for years. there is no sign of light or hope. it feels never ending……….#i desperately want to feel heard and loved and understood. is that really too much to ask for?#i don’t know. i��m just tired of everything. i wish i could just dissipate into nothing and be blown away by the wind l o l#andy speaks
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i feel like it’s kind of obvious by now that jin zixuan is my favourite character but when i say that if i think about lan jingyi or wen ning for too long i start spinning in circles so hard that i begin to levitate
#with jin zixuan it’s his character arc obv but also i am obsessed with his honour code and integrity#but then with jingyi it’s him being like. the pseudo-common voice insert for the audience and also how he Is really smart but he’s kind of#very often reduced to haha hgj stan loudmouthed chicken eater#wen ning i am just constantly blown away by his peripheral placement in so much of the novel that it really does all go back to#‘wen ning is not a thing’ and ‘wen ning was the knife’ like!!!!!!!!#also the fact that it is kind of very difficult to talk about wen ning as his own person without also inevitably including wei wuxian in the#discussion. and also i am most recently frequently thinking about that scene when wangxian and wen ning head to the burial mounds for the#second siege. and the narration has a line about wen ning looking at the ruins of a house. and that was a house he’d built#and how it was a perfectly good and strong sturdy house meant to shelter people he cared about#but because of his and everyone else’s absence it was destroyed#*or rather in his absence u know what i mean#and THEN i spin and i levitate and explode for good measure#tick talk
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What’s a character you’ve felt most represented by as a marginalized person? Like you just kinda cry a bit and go "they’re like me!"
#the klock keeps ticking#for me its hard to say cuz sometimes i feel represented by the weirdest shit lol#i think chidi from the good place is a big one for me cuz his specific mental health struggles are like. me exactly#i absolutely CANNOT make a decision to save my life and i am constantly overthinking every and creating worst case scenarios#and theres a couple queer characters i could name but nico diangelo from pjo was like#the first genuine gay representation i ever experienced that just. hit me really hard#like i reread his coming out scene so fucking much and i was just so blown away every time#hes a good kid 🥰
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