#i need to be saved from myself really
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Did I write another stucky bingo fic today because I have no impulse control? Yes. Is it absolutely over the top and ridiculous? Also yes. Am I still gonna go with it? 100% yes. Should someone stop me? Please god yes 😭
#maya babbles#writing#i need to be saved from myself really#this is getting out of control#that’s 3k of just me coming up with the stupidest ideas and running with them lmaoo#i will try and keep it to myself until tomorrow#so I can reconsider it when I’m hopefully feeling a little more sane 😂
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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?
#fe warriors three hopes#mercedes von martritz#miklan anschutz gautier#we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it#i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way#so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault)#did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him#no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF#no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how#he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes#who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ?#like that npc stuck with me a while ok#just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now#i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo
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oops all rock (springtime edition)
i’ll be able to draw digitally again soon! ;w; in the meantime i’ve been scribbling a lot on paper…
could not wait for Soon, so i resorted to coloring it using the markup tool in default iphone photos app (don’t do that ever again)
#my art#sos awl#debating whether to just dump my sketches from my soujourn to hell or save them to be transferred and finished as digital stuff#or like both idk. i don’t know how ppl feel about WIPs#i’m happy to post art again ;w; thank you everyone who welcomed me back i’m slowly getting through everything i missed while i was y’know#and thank you for the sweet messages while i was gone i am bbghkjh i need to calm myself and respond !!!! love#rock tumbling (sos)#story of seasons a wonderful life#bokumono#story of seasons#harvest moon#hm awl#harvest moon a wonderful life#bunny sighting 😳 i still have THOSE wips too#there’s certain things i wanna prioritize once i can use my tablet again and those are one of them#but i will also probably post new stuff alongside finishing old unfinished stuff….. i hope that is OK……#idk i’ll have to talk more later! right now i am nervous!!! i love you all!!!!#fanart#awl rock#bokujou monogatari#hm anwl#unfortunately this scum neet still has my entire heart so. most of the notebook is just him pulling goofy faces… sorry……..#also a lot of lumina and nami…. and molly…. they r really cool…#ceci is also cool and i’ve drawn a collage of her that i just. never posted#mostly drawing HMDS related stuff about the descendant characters#OK I’LL STOP TAGBLOGGING#i am once again back in DS for girl hell. i want to make a series of posts about differences in the English vs the Japanese version#and also fun secret things related to DS#this is all in the future i gotta finish all my unfinished stuff…. uuuu….#i love you all mmmmmwah (i cast sleepy time blanket and sleep forever)
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People who sell handspun yarn, how do you manage it when the profit margins are so razor thin?
I'm unable to work and money is tight so I've been considering how I can contribute financially and attempt to save up for the future but boy, things look lean.
If you sell your handspun, I'd love to hear from you either in my DMs or the replies/reblogs/tags because I have to make this work somehow...
#we are a one income household and have next to nothing in savings#chronic pain stops me from being useful in a traditional work enviroment and anxiety is a bitch#I just need to make number go up in some capacity and would really appreciate some guidance#where does one buy commercially dyed combed top from in Canada?#I'm not confident enough yet to dye wool myself without felting it#handspinning#craftblr#wool#yarn#fibre#please reblog#looking for advice#knowledge seeking#chronic pain
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just found out that jungkook interacts with people who aren’t me
#cold cruel world out there tsk tsk#also lil life update friends !#working full time n going to school full time n also doing extracurricular activities is really not the move#i struggle w toxic productivity and it’s really really destroyed my mental and physical health#so ive busted my behind to save up enough money#to be able to support myself on a part time work schedule until i graduate woohoo !#hoping to have more time to indulge in hobbies#which includes being on here and writing and interacting#i miss you all dearly#ty for everything#like the fact that yall still send sweet things in my inbox when ive been p inactive for like this whole year is super nice and sweet and ye#im sorry i haven’t been responding#but i read them and they do make my day and i love you#and i hope to pick things up again soon#glimpse of us is going to be a banger i fear#ive sat on it for so long that ive perfected this storyline#from metaphors to small details to foreshadowing to non linear storytelling that all forms together in the ends yep#just need to write it which is the hard part 👉👈#but im excited#this the type of story to leave you in a funk for a few days lol and im so excited to share#hope you’re all doing well#and you are also prioritizing your health and well-being#you deserve time for yourself#not even deserve tbh#it’s legit a necessity like pls#you deserve it
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wait a minute
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
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Doing the most irresponsible thing and using my scholarship to buy Kinito because if I don't I will explode <3
#I already have like 3 euros on my other credit card I missed the other three#So I yoinked them from my bank account where the scholarship is#I ended up yoinking 60 bucks as of now because 1) the bank steals a useless monthly tax and 2) goddamn groceries#god fuck groceries jesus Christ every time I have to buy groceries is always more than I can spend so I gotta yoink from the scholarship#but meh it's 60 bucks I can refound them in case I lose the scholarship#which I really hope I don't because jesus fuck I need this money goddamn#praying for my life rn actually cuz I have 5 exams and I can't bring myself to study and I'm shitting my pants <3 /neg#Kinito save me.. save me Kinito
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idk what it is about the way dungeon meshi portrays relationships but it feels so unique to me
i like all of the ships and also want none of them to be canon. it's fun to imagine literally all of them, but it's just as fun to examine the platonic relationships and what they mean
it's so refreshing to see marcille & laios' friendship but i totally get why people ship them. marcille & falin's devotion to each other is amazing to explore in any context. chilchuck & laios, laios & kabru, senshi & chilchuck, even toshiro & falin. literally every character dynamic no matter the romance/lack of it is so interesting to me
it really felt like a breath of fresh air getting into something where the relationships between characters felt both real and substantial the way they are, but also capable of being expanded upon and played with without feeling like they're betraying the main themes/ideas. man i love dungeon meshi
#og#dungeon meshi#i need to make character tags for the meshi crew cause apparently this is gearing up to be a big one#im not really into anime usually#but i had heard a lot of good things about dungeon meshi from people i follow on here that i respect so i gave it a try#watched the anime and immediately started reading the manga#im hooked man this shit is so good#the THEMES man#THE THEMES#it's literally helping me work through some of my own issues i have with myself#especially through laios#god. laios#hes so me and somehow thats helping me examine a lot of stuff about myself and my worldview and repair it a little#im eating better cause i keep remembering senshi when i think about skipping a meal#save me dungeon meshi. save me#im realizing this post makes me seem kind of like i need to be into a ship to like a fandom or something#which isnt true#most fandoms im in dont actually have any ships that interest me#which is why this feels so important. cause its portrayed things so well that i can actually like the ships#its really nice being able to genuinely enjoy most of the stuff made by fans#cause if we're being honest here the majority of fandom content are of ships#which isnt a bad thing but it does mean that if you just like the overall story or individual characters or platonic relationships#then its a little harder to engage with the community#but now i can! very fun
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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am i gonna make up a whole devil fruit that makes absolutely no sense just to have sanuso in an extremely specific scenario from The S-Classes that I Raised ? Sources say yes
enter, the sense-sense fruit -> it can do all sorts of stuff, including dulling senses (ex. touch, so that allies feel less pain in battle), but the thing that matters is that the current user can also connect people's senses together and she does that to Sanji and Usopp
the usual response is "what- what the FUCK this is SO GODDAMN WEIRD" & panic that makes her victims easier to fight and win against for her and her crew
that still sorta happens, but since Sanji's useless against women anyway, he an Usopp manage to figure that if one of them doesn't do anything (closed eyes, staying completely still, just focused on breathing, etc.) then the other can fight just fine
of particular note, no matter what Sanji hears and no matter how tempted he is to peek, he is absolutely certain Usopp will handle it and that he won't let Sanji get hurt
there is definitely a close call or two where an axe flies just past/over Sanji's head or something, but Usopp handles it and Sanji doesn't even flinch
eventually the woman runs away & they deal with the sense sharing for the next few days until it wears off and they never deal with it again
here's where the big OR comes in
instead of never dealing with it again, they could end up doing something sorta similar to The S-Classes that I Raised and there is a lingering effect on the sense-sense power
where, if Usopp or Sanji focus with their Observation Haki, they can share their senses with each other briefly (able to do this because the sense-sense fruit gave them the experience to understand what that felt like, so they experiment until they can recreate it for uh,, reasons i haven't figured out yet)
it can cause a toll on their bodies if they do it for too long, especially for Usopp because his body isn't as sturdy as Sanji's (oh fuck, if he uses sense-sharing while Sanji's in "indestructible mode" that would very much fuck up Usopp)
essentially, using it too much could lead to them passing out from exhaustion. pushing through it could put dangerous pressure on their brains & lead to nosebleeds. yes this is p much magical exhaustion whump bc i love that shit
can't really think of reasons why they'd want to share senses- maybe it's just a curiousity thing for them. and also maybe Robin asking if Usopp can learn Sanji's Sky Walk just by sharing senses? hmm
maybe there are times that Sanji needs eyesight as good as Usopp's to see something far off. maybe Usopp needs more discreet ways of alerting Sanji to danger to himself. so, primarily a form of communication
overall though, i'm just a sucker for all those scenes where the MC passes out from overusing his sense-sharing powers in The S-Classes that I Raised and want to put Usopp in those situations <3
#one piece#sanuso#usopp#sanji#nemotime#sense sense fruit#wahooo#magical exhaustion my beloved#og post is on cohost i just forgot to post it here too apparently#if i had screenshots saved from that manhwa i would put them all here bc goddamn i love it#if i could've worked in a thing about people Really loving the benefits of sense-sharing and trying to kidnap usopp for it#like they do to the MC in S-Classes. i Absolutely Would've lmao#i tide myself over w magical exhaustion for now tho. kidnappings can be a treat for another time <3#oh hm. kinda fucked up on the 'maybe sanji needs good eyesight' thing. since he doesnt get better eyesight by sharing senses#we'll just say that he wants to see what usopp's seeing but neither of them brought binoculars so sanji decides to cheat lmao
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i turned in my paperwork to start selling pots in our art center's gallery shop, so now i gotta bust my ass again to get some more work churned out (which this is very cool, and i need to provide some mugs for a special instructor's "mug event" now). i went and looked around and there wasn't a terribly broad array of work? cups, bowls, mugs, some smaller serving dishes, mostly functional work. i'm thinking i'll do cups, mugs, some small bowls for ease, then i'm thinking some pumpkins (with or without a face or a lid idk), some little shroomies which are easy and cute, and then if i can get them right maybe some of those tumblers with the half lid for straws? maybe some wild clay slip...
but now bc i'm teaching more and i might have a little extra from this now, idk if i'll have the time to dedicate for illustration commissions like i had been hoping to do. im still gonna think about it, and at the very least might find a new online shop to offer prints that isn't redbubble. it's not a light decision to consider. :/
#pottery#stupid rant is stupid#teaching and the few pottery comms i have taken have helped me reach the savings goal i had for myself#and just living like i didnt get a life saving raise and putting so much of it away bc im paranoid#a lot quicker than i thought#which is great and im v thankful#but now i also feel bad about not being able to get the time to follow through on offering illus comms lmao#which i know is something i shouldnt feel bad about but i do and yes i need to go to therapy about that and a lot of other things#mmhhh#man almost losing your housing after years of living on the edge of losing a lot can really fuck you up cant it LOL#but anyways#life update#i guess#im also not expecting to be making a lot from the shop at all either#but its very cool#but the gallery DOES have an online shop#and they do have a shipping option#ill yell about it at some point lol#man if i wasnt in a tiny apartment and had room for a wheel#id have some of my logistics solved#one day lol
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yaz voice: i keep thinking,,, i keep thinking abt the.....future affecting the past of it all. the "if he runs out of time the hostile action would end and a time machine would know", "im fine because you fixed yourself", and "because it's not a grave"
like if it were me. if it were me. i still would have gone with the villa diodati conundrum. "save the poet, save the universe" what do we do when the poet IS the universe. "watch people burn now or tomorrow" like the distinction exists? like tomorrow isnt yesterday?
so we make them face the child. the doctor loses this one, right? too beholden to their rules. lost with shelley, will lose with the child. because there is no way to win it. not with the rules of the universe theyve clung to up to this point. not without play
so theres a child that needs to be saved but the doctor cant do it because it will take the foundation out from under the universe. she Can Not interfere. she fails to be the doctor when it comes to herself. but yaz is there. doctor's doctor. wont accept this. saves the child
the universe crumbles, but this or tecteun's revenge the outcome is similar except. the universe that crumbles if you save the child is the timelords' universe, their imposed histories, their laws, their logic. nothing makes sense anymore. it's terrifying. gotta let go gotta let go gotta let go. you HAVE to play. play or perish. please it's not that serious. it's just identity! funniest game there is. listen to the master; tag, youre it
#i admit theres a lot of details to work out#a lot of details ive forgotten about also#but give me a minute and a rewatch of every episode since 2019 and i'll be good to go#hdfkjhgj#i Would like to write my own version of idk everything since halfway s12 i guess#but it'd be so much work man#and for who#well me i suppose#maybe one day#also now that ive written it out loud a 'future affecting the past' theme seems inevitable if youve got a writer#responding to his own old work#but i really do need to rewatch to remind myself of all the details i need to fill in and check off here#theres a lot im missing#but if it were me!#if it were me the scene where yaz stops the doctor and runs off to save the child would echo the end of 12x10#the aftermath of it would be brutal i think#13 would be torn apart by conflicting impulses#YOU SHOULDNT HAVE/yes you should have it was the right thing to do/but ILLEGALIMPOSSIBLE/you did what i coudlnt (shamepride)/#it was done for love/how dare you/it was done for ME/the universe cant suffer for me i cant bear that/#you had no right to make that choice/i wanted to protect you from it/you had no right to put the end of the universe on me like that#she would break open completely it'd be messy as fuck#and incredible to see#and then i havent even imagined yazs responses yet
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all of the new poses i made for theo and matthias work in game and look sooo sexy but i hadn’t considered the ramifications of what seeing them in these poses would do to me….
#river dipping#the one with theo standing over matthias while he's on the floor..................................... i should kill myself#i made one that's very putting the dog to sleep edit adjacent too :3c might have to do v2 of it#did i save the psd for it? ............probably not kdnhknfgh#anyway all together i think there are six or seven poses#i just want to screenshot them in game and post them immediately#like i always wanna share everything right away bc i just. love them so much i wanna post everything no matter what kdnjhk#but i was serious i do wanna watch more editing tutorials first#i don't think i'll make edits from all of these tho... so i might post screenshots of one or two of them... idk. we'll see.#also hi <3 i did manage to get some sleep!!! since then i've just been reading watching jerma stream and doing this#but okay... back to the sims#thinking about popping into cas for this ask i got earlier tho so i might come back later#ALSO..... i really need to figure out how to make my preset less dark bc the difference between my desktop monitor and my phone and laptop#is pretty crazy... like it looks perfect on my desktop but on other screens the contrast i think is just waaaaay too high#anyway. i'm leaving i'm leaving no need to start batting me with a broom i'm goingggg
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I wonder if I could justify doing those fliers on commission for other people's stuff
#the main thing is idk how to make them time/cost effective#the one's I've made for sword night and wwgg are like 6-8 hour jobs already and that's without having to make custom assets#so if I charged something reasonable by the hour it would probably be too expensive for people#but if I charged a lower or flat rate I would be selling myself really short#I feel like I need to cut the time in half for it to be worth it for either party#removing word games would be a big time save but that's part of the fun#there's also the issue of clip art... idk what the rights situation is there#the alternative would be to turn the fliers I have made into templates and then charge some pocket change to customize#which I guess is what the company I was originally stealing menus from was doing
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of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff
#i feel so so bad. tbh#tw for child abuse but i need to vent#i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through#anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just#has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have#been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have#saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that#no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most#i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point.#fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be?#broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest#h
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Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??
#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself#but oh my god#what the fuck?#maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough#do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk#idk maybe I’m missing something#but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes#got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water#and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit#AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME#and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes#and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again#and I die and lose my money#I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit#the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀#legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game#it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room…#if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though#but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂#I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao#suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀
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