#i need some Absorbing time
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not shipping something subtextual? alright whatever
not shipping it because a wildly popular INACCURATE fan theory says the characters are related? annoying.
not shipping it because you believe (falsely) that they're related + claiming there's no subtext when the crux of the series is the relationship? DIE.
#i need to write my thesis on portal as a feminist story it's been brewing in my head for years and every time#someone says something stupid about caroline or chell or glados it bubbles up and i become exponentially more evil#maybe writing it will inspire less rage within my heart when I see a godawful take in the wild#even if you don't like chelldos. and I get that. you can't deny that the chell and glados' situationship is the heart of both games#the first game ends with them trying to kill each other. the second one ends with them saving each other#logs#portal#chelldos#I swear some people opened the game and absorbed nothing but british men and glowing hole#I think of the GLaDOS line ''I'm being serious I think there's something really wrong with me'' every fucking day#the delivery and context of it. also she's just like me
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#y’all I am. literally so unbearably unwell about new meat prison hari for some reason#couldn’t tell ya how but he’s really doing something for me#is it the prospect that he might change his thinking on emotions being insignificant? that in his century in the time out box he might have#figured out something of how he fucked up just a little? how he’s softening up to gaal a little and maybe starting to feel bad???#is it the idea that a man so absorbed in math can finally understand the balance he needs in his own life not only for his plan to be#successful but also to allow himself feelings for individuals that he’s been repressing the whole fucking time???#is it the prospect of this man being as tender as a chicken strip??? yeah you bet it is#hari seldon#foundation#I’m gonna go throw up I’m too emo about it#I love it when an idiot like that goes soft and it’s such a rare thing I really hope they let jared do it#and not yoink it away from me this time
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silly lil designs for pf ez and aphelios blending into piltover :]
#me arts tag#i was going to draw smth a bit more substantial but i need a nap :'D#the monocle and glasses are just their visors disguised somehow#and the weird half vest? design for ezreal.. i imagine half of it tears off/opens (like buttons or smth)#to accommodate his arm cannon transforming. actually i imagine both their outfits kinda work like that#tearaway clothes for their pulsefire equipment somehow#although im imagining the pulsefire tech might be able to make some illusion/disguise clothes.. transforming tech? who knows#realistically im sure aphelios would cover up the glowing marks on his face but it also looked odd w/o his face markings so i just left em#ezreal monocle doesnt look as silly as i thought... maybe he should wear one normally#im meh on aphelios's coat design but maybe ill rerereredesign into oblivion... LOL#wanted to give him more of like a pilot jacket originally but idk what his vibe is. goofy lil guy. what fashion even suits you#OH.... I GUESS. HE NEEDS HIS SCARF.... ill fix it at some point probably maybe sure#i think it'd be a bit funny if ezreal is unintentionally a fashion/style person#just bc of how much blending in with timelines and worlds and stuff hes done#he just ended up absorbing so much fashion knowledge#aphelios or ekko points it out at some point and hes like. huh. im not into fashion#(said while reading a hefty book on fashion history for whatever location theyre at)#yeah im sure PEARL probably has built in search engine stuff#but ezreal just strikes me as the type of guy to research and memorize/learn stuff#''just in case i lose access to PEARL's database again'' or whatever#im sure thats probably happened like 100 times#so random but i feel like aphelios has the vibe of a guy you wanna dress up in various outfits#but also hes like :) (just happy to be included/present) so he doesnt mind#you put a goofy souvenir shop floppy hat on him and hes like. :)#my aphelios hcs are nonsense im so sorry. i want him to be happy#pulsefire ezreal#pulsefire aphelios#pulsefire#aphelios#ezreal
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Would you like some older Maxwil recs? Some older fics I'm fond of are Le Nom de Perte (The Name of Loss) (I'm a sucker for soulmate AUs- that whole set of four is pretty great,) & The Price of Pride
Currently reading Le Nom de Perte and it's not just good but also admirable that the writer updated it recently after literal years of nothing. I'm impressed and really happy for the person
The summary "Soulmates aren't always what you're hoping for. And sometimes, you give up on even hoping." got me. EASY catch there lol
Still have to check The Price of Pride but it sounds good.
Summary: "With the group split up into teams due to a few incidents at base camp, Maxwell and Wilson are set with trying to survive the world, and each other."
Thank you for the recommendations!
I'll definitely finish reading them... when my brain gets a reading spree again
#maxwil#Some more fics to read for you'all as well if you want to#brain too slow. ok? Needs time to recharge and focus and not just unconsciously fly through the words not absorbing anything#chafi replies#no My-dude picture this time cuz I got right into reading lmao
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the thing is i think that like. afab and amab as terms arent like. a bad thing?? like if you're talking about urself and ur assigned gender happens to be relevant and is preferrable to another descriptor (eg if ur dysphoric abt ur body to some it may be easier to say ur agab rather than describing ur features) or describing a situation where thats relevant then like. sure! its just like any other word u just use it cus it makes sense- (note this only applies if YOU'RE using the term when you're talking about YOURSELF)
the problem is that when other people use or ask for someone's agab there's some kind of weird implication that it somehow changes how you behave, and that based on that you can put people into a new binary which shouldnt exist and negatively effects all trans people
people ask if you're amab expecting that to mean you're inherently more patriarchal, dangerous, "masculine" - and if you're afab expecting that to mean you're inherently more quiet, sweet, "feminine" - and BOTH of these fucking suck!!
#im only talking abt transfems in the tags purely because thats my own experience - thats not to say that it doesnt affect all trans people#please feel free to add on your own experiences too if you want to share!! /gen#the amount of times transfems have been accused of being inherently more misogynistic for being amab is fucked up#as if thats some kind of inherited trait from how you're born like what the fuck are you talking about#and its always without any proof as well obviously its just the terfs and radfems making bullshit claims again#except that it also often comes from other queer people telling us that we need to unlearn bigoted ideas that we dont even have#because we're born as boys?? like what the fuck does that even mean what are you implying??????#its so annoying when people tell us to 'unlearn our misogynistic ideas' that we apparently magically absorbed (because we're men ofc)#when we fucking experience it ourselves#like. what r u talking about#oh also one thing i forgot to mention is that agab is . generally very exclusive of intersex people
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I know spaghetti bases are bad design, I know I'll need to completely replace this mess if I ever want more than a few dozen science per minute. But cramming military science production into that tiny space I randomly left myself was awfully satisfying.
I like building organic bases, in that they evolve gradually over time, full of the Factorio equivalents of the appendix or recurrent laryngeal nerve or whatever.
#this isn't my first time playing Factorio but it's my first time in a while#hopefully this time I'll get past blue science!#factorio#philosophy#for the record: pretty much all of the chests have harsh limits placed on how many items they can be filled with#I'm not a complete maniac!#anyways...next time I load this save I need to decide between dealing with some of the biters in my pollution cloud and setting up oil#anyone who's familiar with the game knows that desert biomes are lousy at absorbing pollution#my bases
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#mentally exhausted#i need a vacation#its my second day post op and my uncle brought his loud ass family to make a bbq#if i were a lil bit more self absorbed. i would take it as a personal insult. considering i fucking love ripping meat from bones#its fine tho. i made some really good gazpacho#my head is throbbing tho. these people have only one setting and thats yelling over eachother#not having a really good time fellas. bitching helps tho
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I can feel myself becoming a worse person everytime an x reader fic doesn't specify that the reader is female
#Happy pride everyone I'm getting misgendered by fictional characters bc some fanfic authors are lazy self-absorbed assholes#If you don't specify gender in your fics I literally hate you#Also like it makes me dislike the characters too#like wow I didn't know link of legend of zelda fame was transphobic#Is it sad that I'm genuinely angry about this? Yeah#But I've been dealing with this shit for 2 years now and I'm tired of it#Like am I just not allowed in the x reader part of fandom now that I'm a boy?? Is that how this works?#Also thank you to everyone who tags their works as fem reader or has a read more section after they specify reader is female#You've saved me from a downward spiral into depression many times#You and the authors who write gn or male readers are heroes#I guess I'll tag this fir the fandoms who need to hear this#twisted wonderland#legend of zelda#resident evil#If for some reason you reblog this you can tag the fandoms you want to see this too ig#Sorry I'm emotional about this and it's worded bad it's late and I have not been sleeping well#x reader
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Octobear Week 2
Week 2 compilation of Octobear!
This week was a little hard. I lost motivation for much of the week (the weekdays, really). Lots of stress over assignments and midterms, so I did the daily sketches really quickly, lazily, and without heart. So, the outcome was not very great. Today, I decided to take time to sit back and watch the bears for a little longer and then started drawing. I think it turned out much better! It's a bumpy road, but I'm learning from it!
Lesson learnt (I already know it very well but it always needs repetition): Art takes time. It really does. Not just the drawing time (the actual drawing part for day 14 took just as much as the ones before). The 'time' here is for finding inspiration and allowing a vision to develop.
Day 8 - I like this Friday piece. Probably because it was Friday. and I could relax a bit knowing I have the weekend to study.
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14 - I also like this one. The others? yuck. But I’m posting them anyways to show the process. That’s what happens when you draw without passion. So many mistakes. (actually I like day 12. 747 has a beautiful flat head and great shoulder hump and it was fun drawing him).
Interesting that the piece I like is also on a Friday. There is a pattern here. hmmm.
#Octobear#I'm learning a lot actually#I give up quickly on inktober challenges because october is a stressful time of the semester#since I am sticking to it this month I can why I CANNOT keep going for long#I personally need to take a lot of time absorbing the visuals around me and trying to visualize something in my head#for the pieces before the latest friday one I just watched the bears and drew without actually analytically thinking about their forms and#-and how I can depict it in the sketch through slightly stylizing it#silhouettes and forms don't show well as a still image so they have to be changed a little#that isn't something I thought a lot about as I did the daily sketches#I watched some bears a couple hours before I drew and it helped a lot???#so I learnt a personal requirement for me before drawing: I REALLY need to be mentally prepared for it#otherwise I won't do well#That's my takeaway from week 2#onto week 3 :D#animals
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there Has to be a better education system than this
#splootspeaks#currently struggling in college rn teehee tangena#i seriously need to be more responsible and catch up w everyone else but it's just so hard#and i hate that i'm behind not because i can't understand the topics (like yea some need a bit more explaining but i get the gist) but bc#i just can't get myself to give a shit#as soon as something becomes uninteresting my brain just shuts off and refuses to absorb any more information and it's so fucking frustratin#nakakainis na feeling ko ambobo ko#i hate being so fucken lazy against my will 💥💥💥#i don't want to be here amymore#i hate that college tuition cOSTS SO MUCH#it sucks so bad that i'm stuck here bc i have a scholarship that i'll have to pay back big money for if i don't finish the contracy#i wish i had more time for personal art and time to learn things that i'm actually genuinely interested in#and not just things adjacent to my interest#ugh. anyway#trying real hard not to drop out of college. again.
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the mental struggle between seeing beloved mutuals share blatant lies unknowingly and wanting to say something but also absolutely Not wanting to get actually Involved in discourse ever again and also not having the brain power to even begin addressing it the way it deserves anyways
#origibberish#i need to stop automatically following back people who yell at me and then apologize when im like hey that was shitty#im always like well we worked it out and theyve demonstrated theyre open to actually Having Conversations and#admitting theyre wrong so surely itll be fine#and it certainly has gone fine some times but others ive been like. hm ok yeah the only thing you absorbed of what i said#was 'you were mean for no reason bc you misunderstood what i said'‚ you didnt do the next step of like#actually assessing the beliefs that made you lash out like that in the first place and if that misplaced anger was yknow#even more misplaced than you thought#or if even perhaps that anger had been deliberately cultivated and directed at people like me and you yelling at me#for something i didnt say was the whole point#idk it just sucks seeing posts shared on my dash with a dozen provable lies and then one thing that's entirely unprovable and speculative#and its like. based on the everything else they said im gonna go out on a limb and say that this maybe is also false#and just there to deliberately stir anger
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Oh hey, it’s time for another replay
(as Anders tells the templars the things they know about justice would fit into a thimble)
#mostly doing this because Velanna and Sigrun are looming in the fic soon finally#so I need to spend some time with them to work on getting their voices right#and just re-absorbing the atmosphere and details#but also...I could replay awakening forever
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WHY IS IT SO HARD TO AVOID SPOILERS FOR THE NEW TO DO EP please i haven't watched a single to do episode since freefall era 😭😭😭
#PLEASE i just need some me time when im not tired and can fully absorb a 30 minute video#bhj rambles
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I spoke to a nice Mindflayer once in Baldur's Gate 3 and it changed me forever
#churchy talks#tbh I think part of the reason I've become so fond of Mindflayers is because I ADORE octopi and squid#but Omeluum def played a hand in it#I want to play my idea for Mindflayer bard in actual DnD so BADLY (her name is Phi)#I also got an idea for a Kobold paladin and a Goblin rogue#and Lorn who is my Dragonborn ranger in BG3 (I need to get back to them)#there's also Acidblood who if I knew how to mod would be a xenomorph and she's also a rogue#my main playing file in BG3 is Walks-Through-Fire and she's actually my Argonian Dragonborn in Skyrim#she fell into a portal and ended up in the DnD world at the worst time possible#SPEAKING OF THOUGH#I was talking to some friends while showing them the game and spoke about my Dovahkiin headcanons#and how when they die they become actual dragons (not always tho) in said headcannons#and I was thinking how much of a clusterfuck it would be if Fire went through ceremorphosis#but she's so fucking stubborn she technically lives twice#so her soul leaves cuz there's nothing to absorb it and eventually forms a new body (maybe it looks like a mix of DnD dragons and the Dovah#while her old body becomes a Mindflayer but keeps her personality#and now there's just two of her#and they both have to deal with it#which made me want to design a Illithid version of her
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just got babel at the local bookstore!
!! My blog's current purpose appears to be influencing people to read emotionally devastating and all-consuming books, and I am so thrilled you are also falling victim to my thrall.
i hope you enjoy the experience! Babel is a beautifully heartwrenching story and has prompted a lot of conversation and solidarity--at least for me and a select few of my mutuals. So as you read, I'd love to hear your thoughts if you want to share!
#babel rf kuang#quil's queries#pseudomagiccaster#i have become a little bit associated with babel among some people and gotta say. was not expecting that!#am not complaining but am a little surprised!#but regardless. I love babel so I love to see people reading it :)#take as much time as you need though!#i've heard its wonderful to go through it slowly and really absorb it#I read it really quick so can't speak to that but. i have seen several people say it and having read the story I believe it!
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