ur valid to dislike what u dislike but lumping selfcest in w like... incest and underaged content is just kinda insulting to anybody who has been thru those things. couldn't imagine being an incest survivor and getting told ur selfcest ship (harmless, cannot be replicated irl in any way, is not incest) is equally as bad as, ykno, an irl traumatic experience u had. like if u think selfcest is problematic enough to be put in the same category as incest and the sexual exploitation of children, u need to consider how u express that and also maybe log off of tumblr for a while. say it makes u uncomfy n u avoid it, super fair, but the way u treat it is downright insulting to ppl who have gone thru actual real tangible trauma. selfcest isn't real- I can tell u have a stance on it by ur language but maybe reconsider, there's a reason the stance is unpopular

I was sexually assaulted when I was in elementary, I was molested by my cousins, twice. groped by my own uncles, when I was a CHILD.

insulting to people who’d gone through those things?

IVE BEEN THROUGH THOSE THINGS. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.

also, also; here’s the thing.

that rule I have with Selfcest? is for MY personal boundary. I don’t LIKE it, I want people to be aware when they ask ME or come to ME that I prefer to stay away from it. people don’t read my rules so I have to remind them in the “nicest” way possible.

I’m not “insulting” anyone by having that rule, it makes me uncomfortable so I want to avoid it the best I can and I want people to be aware of it, in case they think about wanting to send me stuff involving it:

If people are “insulted” with me gently reminding people when I GET ASKED that “hey, I don’t like this thing so please remember that I won’t draw or do anything with it!” then that’s THEIR problem, not mine.

I am setting my damn boundaries and I won’t be told, again, that I’m the one that’s being MEAN or INSULTING for it.

This is my blog, my art, and I get to set down my rules and boundaries, that’s all.

I put it next to those things because it’s so normalized in the fandom, and whatever, I just want others to know that if they are expecting that stuff in my blog? it’s not there, nor is it welcomed. Period.

and guess what? IVE SAID COUNTLESS TIMES THAT I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT AND AVOUD IT, BLACKLIST IT, and guess what? I STILL have people keep pressuring and demanding that shit to the point where I see it constantly in my inbox.

I HAVE TO GUIDE THEM TO MY RULES, I’m not going to be a damn pushover, I’m not gonna feel like my rules are “mean”, they are there for ME to set boundaries and have a comfortable experience here or ANYONE who feels the same way.

GOD.

Shots of Whiskey - Dean x Reader (One Shot)

A/N: Yeah...so, I edited this and never reposted. Well, until now. Porn makes up for the day of fucking around, right? I’m going to be starting the timezone reblogs, again, too. Just to get everything out there a little more for those who might be interested but miss it. Getting back into old habits, slowly. As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. This piece especially. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block.

Warnings: PWP. Body shots. Oral (Female receiving). Fingering. Kinda public sex. Kinda dirty talk. Kinda dom!Dean? Unprotected sex (Wrap it before you tap it, folks). Cream Pie. I believe that is all!

Word Count: Roughly 2,700

“If you wanna get drunk, shots are the way to go,” Your voice made Dean raise his worried gaze from the amber filled glass he'd been staring a hole through. “Nursing it gets you nowhere.”

“You talkin' from experience?” The question was meant to be sarcastic. He'd seen you pound down your problems at a bar. If it wasn't shots, it was chugging through a straw on an empty stomach. Whatever it took to reach that level of numb every hunter yearned for.

A coy grin lined your face as you reached for the tumbler, “Always.” With that, the contents were emptied in one blow. Heat filled your veins as you set the empty container down with a low clink. Instead of leaving, you leaned your ass and hands against the table. Getting comfortable. “What's up?”

“If I wanted to talk about it, don't ya think I would?” You pondered over the question for a moment as he tugged the glass his way by the rim; using only his index finger to slide it home. As your lips opened to respond, he cut you off. Knowing you were going to call him out on his tendency to bury his problems down until it all blew up in his face. “Never mind, don't answer that.” The lift of your brow had him looking back over you. Something deeper, maybe even a little dark, rested inside those radiant emerald eyes. “Shots, huh?”

His body leaned your way more as you spoke, “Yeah...shots. Got any other glasses?”

“Just these ones.” He didn't turn to them. Instead, keeping his gaze locked on you. Before you could suggest chugging from them, a glisten formed inside the impossible green. “And you.”

“Me?” The answer should have been enough to send you running. The Winchesters were trouble to get tangled up with. Everyone knew it. You'd seen it firsthand. Instead of bolting, you let your head tilt a bit as he eased to his feet. Never once allowing the hot stare to leave your body in the process.

“Body shots.” With each word, he took a step forward. Keeping you pinned between him and the table. So tall. Shoulders back to make him seem taller. Bigger. More threatening. “You like to party...ya can't tell me you've never done it before.” A shrug was all you offered him. Neither confirming or denying the implications. “The way the alcohol mixes with the taste of skin...better than anything that comes from a glass.” His touch was soft as he let his hand drift over your jean clad thigh. Blatantly offering something far deeper than a single shot.

“Sounds like you need a fix,” You didn't let yourself stop and think of the implications of two hunters hooking up. Of what it would mean in the span of you living in the bunker. You simply rolled up the black t-shirt you were wearing until it was just under your breasts. Never taking your eyes off his face. Watching the way his tongue pressed against the backs of his teeth. “Have at it, big guy.”

“Lean back,” The thick, rumbling voice Dean carried settled deep into your bones. You couldn't even think about resisting. When your forearms left you in the air, he tsked, “All the way, sweetheart.”

“So bossy...” But, you listened. Watching the way his tongue came out to glide over his plush lips at the sight of exposed skin. Your arm came up to give your head some support as Dean grabbed the bottle he'd been pouring from.

He didn't have to say a word. His hand reached for the bared skin to help hold you steady before the room temperature liquid was poured into your navel. Your breath sucked in; forcing the drink to spill onto your stomach and down. The action only made his mouth kick up as he met your eyes. Thrilled at the change of pace you'd enacted for the night- even unintentionally.

Then, he was leaning in. You felt his warm breath first. It was enough to cause your flesh to prickle as it teased over the liquid. And when he sealed his lips over you? A small gasp escaped. His touch so much hotter than you'd anticipated.

Dean pulled the liquid into his mouth, easily. Giving away his experience as he held you down. But, that wasn't the end of it. Not even close.

His tongue slipped out. Seeking to take every drop that remained. Following the trail that had slid down your flesh with a light groan. Slipping just under the edge of your jeans. The scrape of his stubble left a tingle behind every place it touched. Each place he'd licked cooled once it was exposed to the air. Adding further to the sensory overload he was creating.

“Ya taste good,” He murmured before scraping his teeth against you gently. Causing you to jump a bit. His hands squeezed into your hips for a moment before sliding up.

You could've stopped him. He expected you to, even. But, you didn't.

Instead, you found yourself arching up into the calloused touch. Dean wasn't the only one who wanted to numb it all away. You had your own shit that you wanted to escape from. He was giving you the perfect opportunity.

“You're supposed to be taking shots, Dean...remember?” The breathy little note had him lifting his head. The deep, forest green eyes seemed to darken when they met yours. Lust shining through. You sat up on your forearms again. Forcing him to back up as you reached for the bottle. “So...here ya go.”

Without missing a beat, you tilted the Jack Daniels so that it filled your mouth. The Winchester understood after a moment of dumbstruck. He lunged forward, taking what you offered.

Most of the whiskey had been swallowed, but that hadn't mattered in the end. It was only an excuse. His tongue brushed against yours into a deep kiss right off the bat. Tasting the remnants the smooth drink had left inside your mouth as he stroked inside.

Your hands wrapped into the light brown hair, musing the spikes as he sucked and nipped at your lower lip. Dean's hand pushed up under your shirt and bra in one smooth motion. Too eager to feel to go slow. His grip was rough and warm all at once as he massaged the soft flesh he'd discovered.

“You like that?” He asked when you whimpered into his kiss, bowing into the touch.

“Yes,” The answer was more of a moan than anything. But, he thrived off it. Enjoyed how readily you'd turned yourself over to him. Someone so strong simply yielding to his actions. It was more intoxicating than anything that could have come from a bottle.

His fingers rolled your nipple through them, “Good. You'll like this better.” Deftly, your shirt and bra were removed and tossed aside. “Lay back down.”

“Or what?” Challenging a Winchester wasn't something many lived to tell about. Yet, you needed to try it, even halfheartedly. Needed to understand what the dynamics would be that first time between you and him in this new level of intimacy.

Dean's hand wrapping around your throat loosely was more than enough to remind you who you were dealing with. Of what he wanted from you. Slowly, you let him guide you until your bare back was pressed against the smooth table top. Giving up any semblance of control for a time.

“Good girl,” The praise went straight to down to soak your panties. “Now, stay real still for me.”

Once again, cool liquid ran over your body. Lightly spilled so that it trailed across your breasts to settle in the valley between. Your teeth sank into your lower lip when Dean dropped his head to lap up the pool, first. Helping you remain quiet. Ensuring no one in the bunker walked in on what was happening.

The tip of his nose brushed over your skin, just above his lips. Tickling opposed to the way his abrasive chin scraped when he changed his angle. Every so often, he'd look up to meet your eyes. Just a glance through his long lashes as he cleaned off the mess he'd made. With every admiring search your body grew weaker.

When his tongue finally began to slide up the slope of your breast, you nearly jumped off the table. His hand ran down your side soothingly. Silently urging you to relax. As if such a thing were possible with the sinful touch tracing around your areola. Your blood pumped hard enough, it echoed in your ears.

He took his time toying with your tits. Not giving a damn about who could walk in. Your fingers traced over what you could reach. Feeling the warm flannel stretch over the muscles it hid. Admiring the soft skin at the back of his neck, and the thick, exposed forearms. Then, you dipped them under the undershirt to touch more. Earning a low rumble that vibrated around his mouth right into you.

Dean pulled away to throw the flannel to the side. To give you a little more. Watching as you flicked open the snap of your jeans so you could slide them down your legs. As you rested there in your underwear, the Winchester swore. Forgetting about his stripping. “You're so fucking hot. Spread out for me...”

And then he was back on you. His hands jerked your body down, closer to his. Letting the hard swell of his dick beneath his jeans grind against your core. Sucking against your pulse point harshly.

Your nails scraped along his bared skin. Feeling every scar he carried above the waist, and each shift of his muscles as he moved over you. The moment your hips bucked into his for more of that friction? He started tasting his way back down your body until everything but his head was out of reach. Taking advantage of what was exposed to him.

Every woman you'd ever encountered took one look at Dean, and thought about what those lips could do. The anticipation alone left you trembling. As your feet braced on the edge of the table, he lifted up the forgotten bottle of whiskey. “One more shot?”

“One more...” The smirk on his face only aided in the following words settling deep inside of you, “For tonight.” He nudged your legs open wider. “Open up, Y/N.”

It was hardly a shot. Nothing more than a few drops that spilled over you. But, that didn't matter when he dropped down to level with you. The only thing that did was the way he let his tongue come out to capture what he'd let brush over your heated folds.

Your hips bucked up, only to be stilled by his arm a moment later. Nothing you'd imagined could compare to the way he traced over every piece of you. How he thrust his tongue inside of you before sliding it back up to flick against your clit. Fucking you so thoroughly that you felt as though you'd combust.

Dean groaned deep between your thighs, making you whine at the vibration. He was a master at making your nails scrape across the wood beneath you. Incoherent words of encouragement left your mouth quietly as your muscles tried to tighten around him. And when he pressed just to the left of your clit as he curled two fingers deep inside of you? You came. Hard.

Dean eased you through it. Letting your body clench around his digits as he pumped gently inside of you. Not stopping until your writhing and breathing started slowing down. A small kiss to the inside of your thigh was your reward before he got to his feet.

“Holy shit,” Your eyes widened further when the erection rolled free from Dean's jeans. He knocked them down to his knees. Not an ounce in shame to be found. His glistening lips kicked up before he trailed his teeth over the lower. Yet, it didn't distract from the thick, veined length of him. Especially when he lined it up. Slipping the flared tip inside of your wet heat, he dug his blunt nails into the meat of your hips. “Dean...fuck!” You bit the back of your hand as he let out a choked out moan.

He pushed in slowly before retreating. Only to settle in a little deeper with every agonizing thrust. Ensuring that every inch stretching you was a little better than the last. Your flesh gave way to his fingers as his grip tightened. Grounding himself a bit to draw it out. Anything to keep his mind blank.

The table creaked with his deep, slow pumps. Your breathing was ragged, matching his own as you let him use you. The slick way your body sucked at his dick echoed across the room. His thighs slapped heavily against yours. Sweat glinted across both of your bodies as time went on.

Low, filthy words of praise left his lips as your hand blocked your own whimpers of pleasure. Neither of you were quite willing to speed things up. Basking in the empty minds that moment created. Not caring that someone could walk in at any moment.

When Dean grew close, he reached down. Strong, rapid circles rubbed over your clit. His hips shifted. Pushing him deeper. Letting him slide against the sweet spot more firmly. Seeking further friction, you grasped at your own breast and slid your hand against the table; causing a squealing sound to join the rest of the auditory mix that filled the air. Dropping the hold over your lips. His other hand reached up, covering your mouth when you tried to cry out.

Each thrust lasted a little longer. Tapped a little harder against the g-spot. And, then he was cumming. Hot ropes filled as you as he choked back a shout of release. The feeling and pornographic sound was enough to send you off into your own orgasm. Your legs shook as your walls tightened, milking every last drop Dean had to offer.

He could've pulled away immediately. Probably should have. Instead, Dean looked down where he was still buried to the hilt in amazement as you leaned back up on your elbows. “Fuck...Y/N-”

“You're not gonna cry, are you?” With that, he pulled away. Finding a piece of strength in his legs after that performance. Only to get distracted by the thick white trail that followed behind. Your legs closed as you sat up, hiding the view.

“No,” He huffed out once he could; straightening his shoulders before bending down to lift his jeans. ��But, I am thinkin' that needs to happen, again.”

“Yeah? Maybe.” You tugged on the panties and jeans before Dean passed over your bra. “Next time, though? If there's a next time? I'm taking the shots.” The hooks were done up before you grabbed your shirt and walked away. The Winchester watched as you slid the material over your body without missing a step.

He turned back to the whiskey as his undershirt was yanked back to a decent position, “And they say alcoholism is bad...” A low tsk left him at that. Thanking Chuck for his lack of sobriety.

His flannel was fisted as he grabbed the bottle. Strolling back to his room, bowlegged swagger in full form. A good portion of tension had been released between your thighs. The twisted grin on his lips only grew more wry. Knowing he'd never be able to look at his good friend Jack Daniels without getting a boner, again...

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @supernaturalginger​

I know I haven’t really updated on here. Fatherhood can be really tiring and time consuming as it is a blessing and will change who you are for the better, at least for me. I’ve been away from a lot of the subjects I used to normally post about until recently, that’s because I picked up the energy and interest for science journalism again. To say I went off to have a long waited talk with nature is to minimize greatly the kind of transformations I’ve undergone. The mysteries she’s shown me far greater than any cosmic unknown that I could have ever imagined of. I know a lot of the folks who used to follow this blog might be surprised to know that within that journey I’ve seen, experienced and have been in communion with some really influential spirits of old. Nature’s hidden variables. Whatever you want to call it. Something occurred when I decided to take more seriously the religions and spirituality of my ancestors. Something that only reinvigorated my love for science and the unknown, physics, art, and expression of these things for beneficial communal use. I’m from Quisqueya, the first testing grounds for colonialism and subsequently the evolution of neo-colonialism. Not too long after and we become one of the first pit stop for the trans-Atlantic slave trading markets to proliferate and spin the rest of the world off into the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy hell branch of a reality we know of today. Our little island has undergone so many transformations and inclusion of peoples, cultures, so many I only recently found out of like how Haitians took in Jewish refugees during the time of Hitler’s nazism. Because I still deal with mental health issues and depression being one I’ve had since childhood, I sometimes don’t have near enough energy to convey how have things been going since my last big update here. My spiritual and religious journey, finding comfort in myself and closure in ways I no longer adhere to. That said I found it beyond amazing how earlier today on October the 14th ‘Indigenous Peoples Day‘ I was drumming away to Tainx music without realizing what day today was without looking at my social media feeds yet. Here I was normally thinking I’m so tired, down and out of trying to keep these cultures alive and I was already doing so instinctively in the truest way I know how.

Like I mentioned, I decided to take more seriously my Afro-Indigenous roots and what it meant to be a Black Dominican Haitian Taino American. It took me on the wildest ride with the unlikeliest subject ranging from seeing quantum entanglement examples right before my eyes, seeing living breathing afrofuturism through my Vodun, Catholic, Christian roots and the functionality of Vodun to incorporate so many ancient parts of being Black into what intuitively led me down a road of self and outward knowledge on the cosmos around me. To then blend these epigenetically installed formulas of spirituality embededd in me by history and nature, incorporate them into my expression of art and self which is one has been like achieving a life long dream I didn’t even know I had. I did so much intuitive shit that was so clearly linked to my identity as an Afro-Indigenx American immigrant along the way that I had erected an altar without knowing it was an altar. I would section and compartmentalize this prototype altar so beautifully and had no clue I was paying respects to my ancestors and spirits of the world until more recently a few months back. When I realized this, it was like a Cambrian explosion occurred in me. I don’t want to get into the details of the abilities it brought out that I already had in me due to prying eyes (ahem surveillance capitalist patriarchy is still outchea at large) but to simply meditate and think on my folks has given me such a renewed and strengthened sense of intuition and appreciation for the past and future that I never knew existed. Sometimes I’ll legit write and prophesize shit out the ass like it’s a normal day it’s wild, shit I never believed in but the science seems to check out with quantum physics and what not. That’d be an explanation for another time. The altar has now evolved to a place I can really go to and express but at the same time it’s something I’ve learned to keep within my own self so that it’s not the altar that’s important, rather the changes I’ve gone through to get to such a place. I write, dream, visualize, laugh, act, improvise, predict based on science, meditate, heal, rehabilitate myself there. But conversely the world speaks to me there, the spirits of old, new, those to be. I know it sounds type wild but it’s gotten normal for me to experience something my old science nerd ass self woulda made fun of me for. But when you get into a connection with ya ancestors like I have and reach the conclusions and deductions I have on the systems that control the planet it gets clearer to see that the Indigenous were right all along on colonialism, it’s gotto go. There’s no place for it in the future if we’re to survive a planet seemingly becoming another Venus. I’d like to think we not gone be fighting each other while some catastrophe bop our asses one time like they did the dinos. That’s one of the main messages they keep tellin me and it’s hard to refute. I’ll try and continue this update on another day as there’s so much in between and concepts and ideas I wanna share about how to move forward on activism and using art to get our ideas about those movements across. The above images span from months, just small droplets of the cool ass journey I been on just trying to maintain some normalcy while playing my part in not helping oppressors of any kind continue proliferating their systems of domination and subjugation. So this first image is from the week not too long ago when I had 2 honey bees flying in and checking out the altar. Then I left an old jar of honey that still had some and they’d return and eat some for like a good week or so. At one point, this matrix-like moment happens when one of them goes into the jar and makes this cool sound I never heard before. The bee had gone in there before many times and never made that specific sound, it was like a lower frequency conch shell or something. When I checked the time it was like 1:23pm or 1:11pm one of those. I was like..... get Neo!! shit was so cool. This next image is really a culmination of my search to learn more about my Afro-Indigenousness which led me to learn more about my Haitianness and the spirituality and religion. From painting Papa Legba paintings before I even knew him, to giving respects to all types of 21 division spirits and Vodun loa before ever even knowing of them. It was as if each part of these religions was trying to show me how much of them was in me in how intuitively I’d gravitate towards these religions despite being still very devoted to science and scientific literacy worldwide. Idk it’s just been a really cool blending of a lot of things I never thought could come together. I found this moth around the time I was reading and thinking deeply on the creator entity in Vodun and some African religions, Gran Maitrex. I’ve always had an interest in creator stories and beings so  when this Golden Moth popped up in the altar (right on the mat I have laid in front of it, facing it, as if it came there to spend its last moments) I was like a little kid. To me it reminds me of those mysteries we’ve yet to discover that can help us in our path to heal ourselves and others if we chose to. The following two are from my walking meditating sessions by the river. They have slightly deeper stories to em about relaxation, overcoming obstacles, predictions I made that day about the sky that I wont get into on here cause it’s exhausting lol. The next image with the wooden branch I brought in from a forest walk is of one of the bees I spoke of flying around the Afro-Indigenx/ Ancient Egypt/ West Africa section of the altar. It did this several times enough for me to note that it liked that particular area. Following non repeating image is of the portrait I did a while back for the Heath Gallery in Harlem on Rein-visioning Brown and Black Bodies in Scifi: Story of 4 Tainx sisters calling for their descendants to help them from the demonic wrath of colonialism. This picture I took when I finally got to take my ass out to jog after a whole day of being a dad. I found a neat tree to try and climb at night and found this beautiful bright green grasshopper right by the branch I picked. Grasshoppers always remind me of giant leaps I could be taking forward. The following image I took during another forest walk when I looked up and saw this cool cross shape juxstapositioned among the trees. Last image I took during the Medieval festival they hold at Fort Tryon every year. It’s where I sold my awesome Medieval chicken paintings (which have now taken place at altar where I give em much love) last year dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi. This year I decided to just enjoy it with bae and did so dressed as Jedi Jesus posing as a Dominican Fryer. More pics on that to come. Just wanted to update yall on the spiritual in case anyone could use these words to benefit em. Yall take care. - Ken

Y’all I never post my own shit on this blog but this is Important

i’ve got an amazing dnd group and because we’re Super Invested a bunch of us made playlists for our characters

feat. a Very Long playlist write-up under the cut 💫

The Adventure Zone: Amnesty Theme by Griffin McElroy

This is the true start to this playlist, even though it’s not on Spotify. I had to start off with something from my Good Good McElboys. I imagine Bardrynn’s hometown of Quarrycrest as something of a fantasy Appalachia, all beautiful smoky mountains and close-knit families and communities living and working together. Everyone knew everyone and everyone helped everyone. What better way to set that scene than the Amnesty theme?

Woman by Kesha

Bardrynn is so. goddamn. independent. She’s impatient, she’s impulsive, and she’s not one to let just anyone tell her what to do. She’s a motherfuckin woman and this song captures her attitude, especially before she got more familiar with the darker parts of the world. She takes responsibility for herself, does things for herself, and doesn’t like asking for help. She’s got this.

Mess is Mine by Vance Joy

That being said, she’s a fiercely loyal friend. Bardrynn is a Gryffindor through and through and she will do anything for her friends. Well hold on, my darling. This mess was yours, now your mess is mine. She is someone who will shoulder her friends’ troubles without a second thought. You know you gave me all your time, but did I give enough of mine? Even though she gives so much to her friends, she still worries that it might not be enough. She wants to be enough for her friends, to be there whenever they need her, whatever they need her for. If she can’t be there for her friends, what good is she to them?

Mountain Sound by Of Monsters and Men

No matter how far she travels, Bardrynn’s heart lies in the mountains. She knows that whatever happens, she has the mountains to go home to. And as brave as she is, she’d be lying if she said she’d never considered running away from her problems and running home to those mountains. Heard them calling in the distance, so I packed my things and ran.

Map of the World by Monsters of Folk

She may be a small town girl, but Bardrynn has a streak of wanderlust to her. She wants to see the world, she wants to explore, she wants to see and experience new things. That far-off feeling, that up-close kind of ache - she tries to fight it, she denies it like hell, but Bardrynn is homesick. She has been for awhile, but she’s just ignored it. Having friends helps. Exploring new things and going on exciting quests helps. She’s doing what she wanted, she’s doing good and seeing the world, so why isn’t she happier?

Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles

A little self-explanatory, your girl tries to keep a positive outlook. She knows she’s not the brightest and doesn’t always notice things, but one thing she does notice is that if she keeps up a positive attitude, the people around her tend to perk up too. And I say “It’s alright”

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

Wow, is that Bardrynn’s Saving People Thing I see?? Holy cow, that’s Bardrynn’s Saving People Thing I see!! I told you you could always count on me darlin’. From that day on, I made a vow - I’ll be there when you want me some way somehow. Bardrynn will do absolutely anything for her friends - from taking the blame for ruining the publicity campaign in Dragon’s Brawl and getting herself fired so that Mori could keep her job to throwing herself into harm’s way to protect her party members. She’ll move heaven and earth to help her friends, drop anything to go to their side, hell she’ll take a killing blow if it means her friend will live.

Maps for the Getaway by Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness

Leaving home to go fight for Dragon’s Brawl was hard. It was really fucking hard. For all her life, Bardrynn had lived in Quarrycrest. Her family lived in Quarrycrest. Her ancestors were buried in Quarrycrest up in the family plot at the top of the Oakburn holler. (If she has anything to say about it, she’ll be buried there too, when her time comes) No cash in the bank, no paid holidays, all we have - all we have is gas in the tank, maps for the getaway. She had a dream and a plan and a metric ton of uncertainty, but she did it anyway and she was so proud of herself when she was able to write home to tell her family that she had done it. She was a professional fighter.

The Boxer by Paul Simon (Mumford & Sons cover)

When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy. In the company of strangers, in the quiet of the railway stations, running scared. The mood of this song, the story of a fighter doing what they love in the ring and then struggling with loneliness outside of it is just - it’s so perfect. It took Bardrynn awhile to regain her footing with her new job away from home. Even with Mori there, it wasn’t the same as being able to just walk down the holler a bit to say hello to her brother or strolling into town and saying hello to everyone she passed on the way. Plus, Mumford’s sound is so Appalachia to me, it suits Bardrynn really fucking well, all strings, bluegrass rhythms, and tight harmonies.

In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade, and he carries the reminder of every glove that laid him down and cut him til he cried out in his anger and his shame “I am leaving, I am leaving,” but the fighter still remains.

Applause by Lady Gaga

Once she got her footing though, once Bardrynn got comfortable, she was fucking ecstatic with her life. She practically got high off of the crowds and their reactions to her, their applause and their cheers. Nothing could bring her down when a stadium of fans were cheering her name. I live for the applause

Jenny by the Studio Killers

OOF. Bardrynn’s bad at feelings. She didn’t plan on catching feelings for Mori. She really didn’t. She didn’t even realize it was happening at first, she’s terrible at reading feelings from anyone, including herself. She was her best friend! She couldn’t feel like this about her, she was just a really close friend! Jenny darlin’, you’re my best friend, but there’s a few things that you don’t know… Once she figured it out (it took her an embarrassingly long time, looking back), she tried to just shove it down, ignore it. Telling her would just ruin things. They had a good thing going, the two of them being best friends in and out of the ring. That was, until their bosses decided they needed to stage a rivalry between them.

Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

Bardrynn carries a lot of guilt over fucking up that fake rivalry. It was just one slip-up, they’d been doing so well. But Mori had made a really funny joke and Bardrynn couldn’t help but laugh and someone had to go and catch her looking at her like that… and the next thing they knew, the two of them were being threatened with losing their jobs over the way they handled that “publicity strategy,” or whatever the fuck the boss had called it.

So Bardrynn took the blame.

She couldn’t let Mori get fired too. But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I my dear? It was her fault, not Mori’s. Only one of them should lose their job over this and if someone had to take the fall for it, it was going to be Bardrynn. Mori tried to argue when Bardrynn told their boss that it was her fault, but she wouldn’t hear any of it. Bardrynn couldn’t fix the damage she’d done to Mori’s image as a fighter, she couldn’t fix any dips in popularity her fights might suffer, but she could make sure she kept her job.

And now, she’s terrified of letting her friends down. She doesn’t want to fail them like she did Mori. She can’t let that happen. Let’s be real, Bardrynn would die for her friends or her family without a second thought.

Bastards by Kesha

After her fallout with Dragon’s Brawl, there were a lot of people who started bad-mouthing Bardrynn. People who accused her of ruining the Dragon’s Brawl story because she couldn’t just play along, people who were disappointed in her for failing at this, people who were angry with her for messing up this or that. Been underestimated my entire life. I know people gonna talk shit, and darlin’ that’s fine. But they won’t break my spirit, I won’t let ‘em win. I’ll just keep on livin, keep on livin’ the way I wanna live. It was hard, really fucking hard to brush it off, but Bardrynn did her best to not let it bother her. She’s gotten better at it. She’s gotten a lot better at it. It’s still hard sometimes, and she still feels guilty sometimes when she braids that bright blue ribbon from a fan into her hair, but she’s getting better at tieing those reminders to the good memories rather than the bad ones.

Heaven When We’re Home by The Wailin’ Jennys

Been a fool, I’ve been cruel to myself. Been hangin’ on to nothin’ when nothin’ could be worse than hangin on. And somethin’ tells me, there must be something better than all this … And it’s a long and rugged road, and we don’t know where it’s headed. But we know it’s gonna get us where we’re goin’. And when we find what we’re lookin’ for, we’ll drop these bags and search no more, cuz it’s gonna feel like heaven when we’re home. I’m tempted to just leave it with those lyrics, but tbh, they’re very true to her attitude going forward from Dragon’s Brawl. She wandered, she didn’t know where she was headed, but she trusted that she’d figure it out eventually. So far it’s worked out alright. Plus, the Wailin’ Jennys’ sound is just So Perfectly Bardrynn. I also love the harmonies in the chorus, kinda shows, at least to me, how important having people around her is to Bardrynn. And maybe I’ll walk awhile and feel the earth beneath me. They say if you start lookin’, it doesn’t matter if you find it. And who’s to say that even if I did, it’s what I’m really looking for?

Below My Feet by Mumford & Sons

Keep the earth below my feet. From my sweat, my blood runs weak. Let me learn from where I have been. Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn. As she started traveling the world and exploring, Bardrynn started to see things in terms of what she could do - what she could do for other people besides just the ones she holds nearest and dearest. She started helping people. She started looking for people to help, jobs to take, towns to protect. Anything she could do to make herself useful, to find some kind of purpose beyond just wandering aimlessly, unemployed and technically homeless. She found that helping people was really fulfilling. She liked it. She was good at it. And it made other people happy, it made other people safe.

We’re Going to Be Friends by The White Stripes

Bardrynn makes friends super goddamn fast. She’s a friendly and outgoing woman, and while she may not be good at telling if someone is lying, she believes that she has a good sense of when someone is going to be a friend. To be fair, she tends to go by the philosophy of friend until proven not friend, but still. She could tell within ten minutes of meeting the party that this was going to be a good thing. They were going to be friends and it was going to be so much goddamn fun. And when I wake, tomorrow I’ll bet that you and I will walk together again. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend by girl in red

Now, Bardrynn has a wisdom of 9. She’s terrible at recognizing other people’s feelings and even worse at diagnosing her own feelings. This has happened to her before, with Mori. She got confused, she was certain that the feelings she had towards Mori were just that of a best friend. 

She would’ve been this freaked out if anyone in the party died, right? Sure, she’s been worried about Liana and keeping an eye on her in battle since she died and came back to life, and she might feel a little more protective of her lately, but it’d be the same for anyone else in the party if they died, right?

Right?

Beautiful Dawn by The Wailin’ Jennys

I feel like this rounds her out nicely. Bardrynn is trying to get better. She’s trying to improve herself, to grow, to become the friend her friends need her to be. She’s trying to become the woman she wants to be, more than just a brokenhearted has-been fighter - a woman who doesn’t let down her loved ones, a woman who protects those she cares about, a woman who defends those who can’t defend themselves, a woman who can do some good in the world. Take me to a place where I feel no shame, take me where courage doesn’t need a name. Learning how to cry is the hardest part, and there’s only one way to mend a broken heart.

Dang, this is a long post.

gotta start somewhere

alrighty, here we are. “how weird is this.” that’s in quotation marks because i literally just said that out loud to myself. i thought i was miiiiiiiles away & then some from actually writing a full blown post here. i can picture 5′0″ lani scrolling through her dashboard & reblogging aesthetically pleasing pictures of chocolate chip cookies & flower bouquets (currently debating whether my pic is tumblr-worthy…also currently trying to remember what my first url was) & liking dozens of gifs of supa cute puppers running through the snow. but fast forward to over 2 years later & 2 inches taller! 

okay i guess now this is where i have to collect my thoughts, which, if you already forgotten, is basically my biggest struggle. this post is supposed to be about reasons why i wanted to start this blog, or blogging in general. so let’s pray that it stays that way. i’ve already reread what i’ve wrote so far about 7 times. so keep those prayers comin…

i’m at a point in my life where things are gettin serious. i’ve said hello to my twenties, goodbye to my sophomore year of college, & i don’t know to the question “what are you going to do after you graduate?” i’ve experienced many many many beautiful and irreplaceable moments, & i’m also still healing from a handful of deep wounds that are leaving some heavy scars on my heart. for the 63294029273rd time, i’m a worried, anxiety prone, mess of a soul 23.5/7 (23 & a half hours, 7 days a week, bc even my dreams are stressful) no matter what the day brings. that’s just who i am. but i’m also a happy, positive mess, & for this i would say 23.75/7. on the outside at least. not a big fan of “burdening” people with my bottomless pit. but i am a big fan of dealing with others’ bottomless pits. & here we have the great divide. my big contradicted, hypocritical personality! :) wanna know what’s bigger than this issue of mine? the BIG man upstairs #Godblessthismess although i’m planning to cover this thought in another post, i’ll give ya a little sneak peak because you deserve it for actually reading my first ever blog post (!!!!!!!!) <– that represents me realizing that this is my first ever blog post. i was, & still am, so blessed to be raised by my beautiful Christian parents & fambam. i’ve been going to church every single Sunday practically since i was born. i attended camp meetings & went to Sunday school. i was baptized in the Philippines when i was 11. went to a Christian middle school & high school. & currently at the best Jesuit-Catholic university #gozags, yet i never truly grasped, felt, or believed that God loves me & every ounce of my confusing personality. there’s a reason why i feel so deeply. a reason why i have to analyze every stinkin little thing. a reason for my bottomless pit. the reason being, only He can fill it. it exists so that God can pour all of His love into it. for God, & only God, to envelop. &, folks, i only realized that two semesters ago. okay, okay, that’s all you get for now. so to tie this into why i started this blog: ever since i came to finally believe that my pit can actually be filled & calmed, i have never been more comfortable & happy in who i am & who i am working towards becoming each day. trust me, i try to squeeze in as many prayers about kicking anxiety & doubt in the you-know-what & asking for the strength to stop comparing myself to Brandy Melville models everyday. it’s a freaking battle, no exaggeration whatsoever. a battle with this world and with myself. the two biggest obstacles for a Christian girl. so long story short, i really longed for a place to store all of my thoughts & prayers, whether they be encouraging, loving, undeniably amazing, or painful, confusing, & drastically destructive. i wanted a home for all of them. i want to literally see my thoughts in front of me, to hold me accountable, to turn them into some sort of reality, to give my experiences significance, to be creative & productive, to share & be vulnerable, & to actively live out & share His love. 

wowowow i did it. thank you for all of your prayers <3 i somewhat stayed on topic. i hope this actually made a tiny bit of sense. i’m so excited to share my life with you as i continue to ground myself in grace. the pit is currently overflowing with more blog post ideas! living in your own head can really prevent you from putting yourself out there & reaching your full potential. i like it here (aka outside of my head). i think i’ll stay a while, you should too :)

*currently taking guesses as to how many times i reread this before posting it

also pls don’t judge my tags, i’m just trying to make it out here in the blog world

TL;DR: thank you so, so much for taking the time during pride to tell closeted lgbtq+ folks that it’s alright to stay in the closet if they need to for some reason, you’re all that keeps me from daily emotional breakdowns this month <3

full post about my june experience under the cut

i’m so happy for the people who find relief in pride month. it’s great to see stories of people coming out, people celebrating their (often hard-found) identities, and be proud of who they are. i’m happy for them, yes - but i also envy them

i know who i am. i’m rather certain about how i identify myself when it comes to my sexuality: i consider myself demisexual, and while i wonder every so often, i keep remembering the first time i discovered demisexuality and the realization of “that’s me, that’s me!!!!! :o”

and i’m not ashamed of who i am either, and i wrote quite a lot about it on this blog before. i struggle with other aspects of myself often, depression and anxiety still nagging and nagging, gnawing away at the back of my mind, but not this. because why would i be ashamed of love?

so i know who i am, and i’m not ashamed of it. what is there to be envious about? i should be enjoying pride month like everyone else, right?

but no, nope. i’m not enjoying pride at all, because i’m still in the closet. and yes, it is kind of bothering me the rest of the year as well, but throughout the month of june it hits me in the face, every day, every single time i go online, and for some reason this year it’s much worse than it was before. still in the closet, still in the closet, years and years and still in the closet and it just circles and circles through my mind.

i’m in a loving relationship with a guy, i have no “need” to come out. i plan the rest of my life with him, so i shouldn’t ever have the “need” to come out. and, like, i don’t actively lie about my attraction to people other than men, it’s pretty much just a lie of omission - “yeah, she’s really nice” might equal “yeah, i could see myself falling for her” without the other participant of the conversation knowing.

anyway, that’s still censoring myself, because i COULD just say “yeah, she’s so pretty and nice and i wanna take long walks with her on a beach and gaze at her while she thinks i’m also watching the sunset above the ocean”

(well if i wasn’t in a relationship, but you get the point)

and yet i don’t. cuz most people around me think i’m hetero, and in hungary, that pretty much equals that everyone thinks i’m “””“normal”””” including my family and probably most of my friends. i’m not in the closet with everyone in my life, thank fuck, my boyfriend knows (made sure before we ever became a thing, i couldn’t have lived with someone who doesn’t), my best friend knows (there is nothing about me that she doesn’t), my sister in law knows (i HAD to tell someone in the family, i couldn’t take it any longer, and she’s very open minded and i trust her), and two other important friends (one of whom is also lgbtq+, afaik she identifies as bi) know.

but i wish i could tell my mom and my brother, i wish i could just be casual about it with the people around me, i wish i could mention it if the occasion called for it the same way people mention their hetero attraction every now and then in conversation, i wish i didn’t feel like some undercover lgbtq+ agent sitting around hetero people and pretending that their *just* homophobic comments (you know the type that’s really hard to call them out on because they truly believe it’s a joke or the ones where it would take hours to explain *why* they’re being homophobic) don’t affect me. i wish i could talk about my bi friend’s girlfriend without referring to her with gender-neutral terms (although it is much easier to do in hungarian) for fear of my relatives or my other friends being weird about it and i wish i wouldn’t be worried i might slip in front of someone who doesn’t know and make a comment about a girl that can’t be taken in a hetero way

and in addition to all of this, i feel like i don’t have a place in the community at all. i’m hetero-presenting (is that a thing?), settled in a hetero-looking relationship, so the people who loudly celebrate openly gay couples don’t seem to care for me. i don’t participate in lgbtq+ community activities and i don’t go to pride partially because i don’t have the time, partially because, like i said, still in the closet. AND i’m still. in. the closet. the one lgbtq+ friend i have (that i know of) always feels stand-offish when the topic comes up, because *she* was an active participant of the community, *she* is in a non-hetero-presenting (still dunno if that’s a thing) relationship, *she* goes to pride, while i’ve only ever had boyfriends and i keep feeling like she thinks i’m less part of the community than she is because of all this. (not to say it’s what she actually thinks, i am a ball of anxiety and doubt, so i may just be reading all of this into her reactions without these actually being her thoughts)

i technically don’t rely on anyone other than my boyfriend (financially), so in that sense it wouldn’t be dangerous to come out (which i guess already makes me luckier than many other lgbtq+ folks), but i’m worried what it might do to my relationship with my family. and i don’t think i’d literally lose them completely (i like to think they love me more than that) i’m terrified it might put a strain, an unnaturality on our relationship. and it’s the same with friends, i want to be able to be comfortable mentioning stuff that pertains to my non-heterosexuality without worrying that smiles might freeze on faces and all of that but i’m just… too scared. of losing the few people i have, of ending up alone, idk, it’s hard to really put into words what i’m actually afraid of.

everything, pretty much. anxiety is a Bitch (™)

and then, after i’ve been through all these emotions fifteen times in a row scrolling down my dash, i run into a cute turtle telling me it’s okay and it just helps. So. Much. that in spite of all of this, all that i feel about this, there is some random person out there telling me it’s alright that i’m not out yet, even though it’s pride month, people reblogging posts assuring closeted lgbtq+ folks that coming out isn’t an obligation, weird usernames vehemently agreeing that coming out doesn’t just happen once but it keeps happening every time there is a new person who doesn’t know yet, and all this reassurance puts me back on track a bit. and these feelings are still there, i still worry i’m not non-hetero enough, that i’m not actually part of the community, that i could do more, say more, be more if i had the courage to be judged for it and lose the people who are judgmental about this stuff, but it really just soothes me so much to know that i’m not the only one, and with everyone celebrating pride month and coming outs and all that, there are others who wouldn’t exclude me and who are willing to take a moment or two to let me know that at least i don’t have to worry about their judgments.

i guess that’s all. kudos to you if you read through this dumb ramble <3

23 YEARS IN BOHEMIA

Time to exorcise some sober early morning paragraphs as Orpheus descends again...Saved by an angelic intervention perhaps, or more likely, demonic. I messed up a banishing ritual and we will never have that feast...Air gives life toFire. Crash and burn. Hard to switch off the heart unless one is in hospital. An hour long session of Healing, lying on a floor blindfolded last week uncovered deep memories with primal fury, tears and a revelation...now I am back in the cosmic game. It was either that or leave my body to medical science fiction. Insanity chosen on the flip of a golden coin, now gold runs in my veins like electricity. Almost not a metaphor.

The Healing had the strange effect (for me) of leaving my thoughts seemingly capable of holding onto negative thinking for two seconds only and then letting them go. Nice work, see how long it lasts. Next month I will be getting creative with my darkness with Holotropic breathing to unblock the shadow, Sounds like fun eh?  Welcome to another long speed written manic collage....

9 songs into the next treble cd, but now the blessing of the Muse is removed. Some girls should be spanked hard with passion every night before bed. All hail Algolagnia, No afterglow, now only ash. I swear by my heart Not to fall in Love again, it is no good for my mental health. Arf. Fnord. Shameful how much I truly cared, but Free at last, freedom from hope, Lucifer rising in my horoscope and all I have left are empty words. Words for spells...thank the Lord for spellczechers on the computer. Somewhere True, we know our fears are not real.

Putting the arse into catharsis, I have finally put more songs on the net via TUMBLR, (27 of 'em) a fair variety of moods...of course I will not be putting the best stuff online, not until the diagnosis becomes terminal. Don't much trust doctors but will believe my body. The war for peace continues. From the Kingdom to the Crown

I seem to have not really slept much since early February, but some years life just gets too INTERESTING to sleep. Enervated, splitting and colliding like the atom I used to be. Desire to Do and Be simultaneously chasing a thought and a feeling. Home-made psychedelic adrenalin, recurring parallel day dreams or else the synaesthesia kicking in once more....Lying down for thirty minutes and switching off at 2pm helps. In reverie God told me again last night I was a chosen one...well, someone has to do it. Another scarecrow messiah crucified on a hill to keep away the crows of false prophets who seek to feed on the seed of Man. Or something. O, I still miss amphetamines, still tempted. Been way too long. And 'Some weird sin just to relax with'...Did you ever read about the female fan letter about her desiring a man with the mind of Leonard Cohen and the body of Iggy Pop? They replied, sent a double photo from a studio...she didn't answer. Arf.

Giving up smoking Again but 'the filter is the best part, that's where they put the heroin'. Denis Leary said that and he's still alive...or if you prefer,'Women and heroin are both the ultimate escape'. Hugh Cornwall. Five minutes and you're almost dead. Textbook definition of stupidity is not being able to assimilate new information and process it to recall and use. Or repeating mistakes without learning from them. Dumb is as dumb does, welcome to my world. Just too ugly and lost. Where will you spend eternity? (Old evangelical (evil angels) christian slogan).

Almost strange to be still writing blogs when disconnected from news of the daily world. There is still some linkage to normal reality but I remain in deep longing for the day when five of the most famous leaders on this planet face Absolute Justice in This lifetime for the chaos and murdering shit they have done...but...it has felt so damn Good to switch off the reportage after all these years. The next step will be to be able to go back and listen, watch, read the news without becoming involved, Just evolved. Trump, Putin, Erdogan, Kim Jong Un, and Asshat in Syria. Remarkable that you are alive. Congratulations. Happy to see Mladic has finally been sentenced to life in prison for his war crimes, it took long enough. And Mgabwe ousted at last. Get him up against the wall. Sic semper tyrannis.And may justice be served on Halliburton, Monsanto, Biderbeck and Zuckerberg next year...Julian Assange appears to be aiding those working against the West, (yes, that includes Duck Fart.) Staying too long in an embassy can make most folk a little weird. Hello Baron Beran.

Going back to the island for Sol Invictus/Christmas, Great Britain with all her Little Englanders. Dreading seeing the faces of Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees Mogg et al gurning and talking puerile bullshit. My country is ruined, Europe as any type of 'spiritual' centre is falling, America is shamefully fecked like a dog by their insane choices. You stupid dumb bastards, now EAT what you have made. Wash it down with your own blood and piss. Other countries are rising, tasting the possibilities of mass control; Ready. This is happening all around us. And as for the individuals left...All we become is all we are.

Be yourself, you will never be someone else..

Meanwhile...those who remain outside, remain outside. With no thoughts of being saved in the usual sense, but emotionally detached and thus spiritually rising, crossing over...Fooling ourselves (perhaps) until it is real. Fake it till you make it. 'Experience is knowledge made conscious of itself'. Aleister Crowley wrote that and knew of what he spoke. Ignorance will never convince knowledge says this middle aged idiot.

(I seem to have passed from a thirty year teenage lifestyle to menopause overnight. Missed out on being an adult with a usual life of mortgages and happy family tensions. Perhaps I should buy a Harley Davidson and flirt with 24 year old girls. Or grow up fast and take to bed the first grandmother who thinks I'm worth her time.) Or teach in a nunnery...

How many times can a heart be broken? As many as it takes To break the cycle of destruction Till creation awakes. AKA/anebo, or 'You want it? You got it You break it –you bought it'         Arf.

Anyway, now all that is out of my lunar system...'time' dilates and...back to the Real stuff...Body and mind as a temple, holy or otherwise...Here we go...

Matter at a low rate of vibration is solid...at a high rate of vibration it is subtle. Good health in all areas means raising your vibrations... meditate on imagination and Will. I will see how wise that is when I get my first winter cold and deny it existence. People allow themselves to become hooked on their weaknesses, chasing the thrill or playing the victim.

'We should not protect the weak and vicious from the results of their own inferiority'...To pity another man is to insult him'. Think Nietzsche wrote that. Sounds like him but now my memory is ablaze and random sparks star the dark early morning sky. Total oblivion into the Absolute. FREEDOM. And I'm gone. More coffee....'God is a fire in the head!', cried Nijinsky, on the cusp of insanity. (Crowley, Nietzsche and Nijinsky, I am on a highly pretentious roll here eh? 4.15 am...Let's see what other brilliant lost souls can resurface in this spontaneous flash flood....)

Capture Points....

Ego... defined as a set of immature traits which start in infancy and are carried into adulthood, including a feeling of being omnipotent and deserving of special privilege; great difficulty tolerating frustration and a very high drive which causes one to jump into activity suddenly and impulsively. The infant within needs to be satisfied. Sounds familiar eh?

'Individual creatures tend to stagnate when they have discovered a comfortable ritual of habit'. Colin Wilson.

Addicts, (of one type or another) secretly despising themselves, are likely to respond to another person who approaches them in a loving manner by wondering what this person wants, assuming that this person is a sucker ripe for manipulation, or deciding that the person is crazy. In this way, they fail to receive the praise, warmth and tenderness they crave, and instead, end up lashing out at those who try to love them.

‘”...hedonic arousal of an organism (pleasure or pain) can, with repetition of a stimulus or class of stimuli, lead to a build up of arousal by the organism which opposes the original stimulus....this can create dynamics typical of addiction.' Richard Solomon. Therefore, a person repeating a pleasurable activity over and over again will create in their nervous system an opposing sense of pain. Or, as the song says; 'If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad'? Don't wanna go to rehab. So don't.

The problem with mind altering drugs, is that they appear to lower the levels of serotonin in the brain, the very chemical needed to focus and evolve. Meditation and magick work because of the extra effort required to concentrate and raise energy. Humans get bored way too easily, this in turn creates a deep sense of unease...which leads to mental landslides of panic. Total (or as much as can be achieved and maintained) focus on the work of Now and total (see brackets above) open free surrender, are the only ways to connect with realities of understanding the individual's place and role in creation. Which is 'technically' our imprinted function.

Asbergers, Autism and ADD are basic human traits, there is always a  laziness to attempt focus because the mind wants to run wild. But many types of 'freedom' become a free fall/floating trap when not used for evolving or Being. Because people get bored, most of us run around trying to be very useful or search for temporary excitement, which never seems to go deep enough. Surprise.

This is a peculiarity of the human imagination that is only now being recognised by psychology; that when it is denied active, creative expression, it seeks out any powerful stimulus, no matter how terrifying or negative. The human mind craves movement, any movement. Boredom or emptiness allows the mind to fill up with unused energy...this produces the usual effect of preventing the instincts from doing their quiet unobtrusive work. The feelings are frozen. The desire for strong feelings -the most basic of psychological needs -becomes a kind of panic; guilt and misery are preferable to boredom. What the mind really craves is the sense of vastness and wide openness, of other times and other places, of meaning.'Long quote but says way better what I would like to. Colin Wilson again, from The Occult, 763 pages of fascination...he also wrote the following...

'Certain people possess natural 'magical' faculties, but unless these are subservient to intellect and imagination, they will tend to be used in the service of negative emotion –malice, envy and so on.' Most people possess magical faculties. Most people are, fortunately unaware of it.'

Man is defined by the ability to love. The soul is refined by the love it's made of.Said a low class poet yesterday trying too hard to live up to his own belief system and almost failing. 'Basically a poor human being', says his end of year report card. Poor little ghost boy. Hmm. Neurosis is caused by sexual stasis...orgasm discharges the sex energies and eliminates the neurosis. Temporarily. Think that was Reich. But anyway...

Heaven, Hell, demons, ghosts, angels, we are our own...mass projection, a spontaneous manifestation of the forces of the subconscious. Like all magick. Parallel realms are imprinted with thought made real focused or random...or so, based on my own experiments, I choose to believe. You are on your own. You are really not on your own. And that perception, like everything else, is your Choice. Practice makes...imperfection less ridiculous. And that is as far as optimism as I will go this morning.

Use your body to create forms, use your spirit to transcend forms. Unify body and spirit to activate the art of peace. It comes. Maintain it as you would a flower.

Written by candle and computer light, listening to full volume live Swans at 3 to 5.30 am on a school day (mostly the sex pulse of The Glowing Man live on repeat, Mother Sky by Can, updated). Window open to share the headphone music with neighbours. My students will suffer a red eyed rant later today, but it's all English eh? (When not babbling fake Enochian.) A word about Swans for anyone new here. If you enjoy disintegrating into ecstacy, buy everything by them. The Total Sound of Nature and the Universe, surrender and rejoice, no regrets. O, I wish I had some whisky here. But I didn't smoke and I didn't drink, I found some new things to think. Found some old books to read, refused to want the one I need. But yearning for union. Deeply and truly.

Saturnalia soon...and on the 17th December, I will have been in Prague for 23 years. A deep thank you to all those who made my alchemy here so infused with their kindnesses, may you live in fine health and learning.

Practice your etheric stretches...it helps with what you wish to achieve.'Energy equals Mass multiplied by the velocity of the square of light'. Use that as long mantra, go into it...Trust me, I'm a (leave the blank empty as the Void). And Happy multicoloured Christmas/Sol Invictus with blood on the snow in red crosses and a snake spiralling up the staff to the victory of the Light.

See you in '2018' perhaps.. Stay well.....

YOU. KNOW.

NOW. BE

LOVE.

Help vs. Hinder: A Tale Of Two Agents

TorontoRealtyBlog

Call me soppy and a little naive, but perhaps a “feel-good” story from the real estate trenches will cure what ails you on an otherwise ugly November day.

This past week, I worked on two transactions with two agents who couldn’t have possibly been more different.

One did everything he could to help me and my clients, and the other offered absolutely zero assistance, and got in his own way when it came to potentially completing a deal.

Do unto others, or something.  Right?

I sold a property on Wednesday night, and it left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

It was a property that I’d had listed off and on since the spring; a very complicated sale, in a complicated market – for this housing type.

I had been diligently working away over the past two weeks with a cooperating agent who I’ve dealt with before, and with whom I have a mutual respect.

My clients were adamant about obtaining an unconditional offer, and his seller was adamant about knowing that he could get insurance on the property, so we ended up in a stalemate.

The offer on-paper fizzled out long ago, and we were left that a seller that essentially said, “I’ll accept those terms if and when you submit the offer without any conditions,” and a buyer who was basically telling us, “I’m not submitting the offer until I have confirmation of insurance, so you’ll just have to wait.”

And wait, we did.

This property has been listed (this time around) since the day after Labour Day, and what are the odds that on the very day that the cooperating agent calls to tell me his client was able to obtain insurance, another offer was submitted on the house?

Murphy’s Law.

We ended up taking the “other” offer, which was higher, also without conditions, and my colleague from a cooperating brokerage was left spurned.

I felt pretty salty about the whole thing.  He worked his tail off, did everything that was expected of him, and came up empty.

When I called him to deliver the bad news, he told me, “David, it was really a pleasure working with you, and that’s not hollow – that’s the truth.  You’re a consummate professional, and that’s saying something, considering who’s we’re out there trying to do deals with these days.”

It meant a lot, and I felt the exact same way.  It’s part of the reason I felt so bad about him not getting the deal.

There are all kinds of agents in this business, and if you’re a regular reader of Toronto Realty Blog, you know I’m not afraid to describe the various “types.”  I’m also not afraid to call a spade a spade, and detail bad behaviour when I see it.

This past week, I had two completely different experiences, with two different agents, one day after the next.

The first underscores all that’s wrong with our industry, and the second highlights a true “professional” who has been in the business for two decades, and hasn’t changed his approach to customer service one iota.

I showed a condo last weekend in a slightly older building last weekend, and my clients were pretty keen on it.

The price per square foot was fantastic compared to newer comparable resale units, the fees weren’t as high as you would think, for a building of that age, and the renovations needed to the unit were minimal.

One question we did have was with respect to the parking, since there were two parking spaces, but Land Registry was not clear on whether it was one space for two cars, but also about whether or not these spaces were owned, or exclusive use.

In older buildings, many times the parking is “exclusive use,” meaning is common elements by definition, and isn’t owned, per se, by the unit owner.  It’s like your balcony or terrace – this is “exclusive use, common elements,” which means only you can use it, but you don’t legally own it.

I had gone through previous listings in the building, and hadn’t received the clarity I needed on the ownership situation, so I called the property manager.  Unfortunately, the property manager wouldn’t speak with me unless I was a unit owner, so I turned to the listing agent for help.

I called the listing agent – somebody who has been in the business for a while, but who (and I know from looking him up in IMS) is far from a high-volume producer.  6-8 transactions per year, I’m sorry to say, doesn’t build villages.  And in my opinion, it’s agents like this that need to sell condos in order to put money in their pockets, and who do anything, to anybody, to close a deal.

The agent had a rough demeanour from the minute I picked up the phone, and I just had that “feeling” of how this conversation was going to go.

“I showed your unit at XXX Street on the weekend….” I told him.

“Great, where’s my offer?” he asked, interrupting me in mid-thought.

“Right,” I said.  “Well here’s my question: do you know if the two parking spaces are separate??  Because there’s only one actual spot-number painted on the column, and I’m also not sure if the parking is owned or if it’s exclusive use.”

I was just cracking the lid on my morning coffee, so I was in no way prepared for his response.

“What the f*ck do I care?” he asked me.

And then I waited for a follow-up.

“Oh…..kay,” I offered to break the silence.

“Come on, I’m just breaking your balls a bit,” he said, as I hoped he was just being funny.  “But nah, seriously man, I mean what the hell do I care about parking?  There’s two cars down in the garage, right?  A Beamer and a Land Rover to boot, right, so they fit good, and you’re buying this place from good company, because let me tell you, these guys are well off.”

While I’ll concede that mentioning two large cars fit in the spaces is value-add, telling me how rich his clients are, and insinuating that buying from “good company” is of any importance, didn’t really strike a chord with me.

“Well,” I explained, “My clients only have one car, and they want to know if they can sell one space,” I told him.  “I also think there’s something to be said for owning the spaces, versus just having exclusive use, as we’re trying to value this unit versus one in another building.”

He barely let me finish before he interjected, “Nah, nah man, you’re all wrong, right.  None of that matters.  What matters is two cars.  Two cars, man.  That’s it.”

I didn’t feel like we were getting anywhere, so I asked, “Would your seller be able to speak to property management, and allow me to speak with the manager, to get some clarification?  They won’t speak to me unless I’m an owner.”

“Why the f*ck would I do that?” he asked.

There was a long pause as I tried to process things, and he then offered, “I mean, why am I doing you a favour?  What’s in this for us?  You wanna know what’s behind the curtain; what my clients have in their closet.  Why would we offer that kind of information?”

The whole conversation made no sense, so I simply said, “Because I need to know what you’re offering for sale, so my clients can decide what to buy.”

“Nah, nah, nah.  Nope.  It’s not like that,” he said.

We parted ways, and I suggested to my buyer that she call property management, and say that she was looking to buy a condo in the building, and she had a few questions.  Coming from a buyer – and an older, retired lady, nonetheless, perhaps it would be better received.

My buyer called me back shortly thereafter, and told me that the property manager still wouldn’t answer specific questions, but if she wanted to request a status certificate for the unit, she could.

The whole situation was frustrating to say the least, but even more frustrating was the call I got an hour later – from the listing agent.

Unleashing a barrage of curse-words that I haven’t used since high school, he asked, “how dare you call and try to trade on my clients’ names?”

I didn’t even know what that meant, and not much of the rest of the conversation made any sense.

Folks, I know some of you might try to see the “other side” of this, and suggest that, I don’t know, we should make an offer, conditional, and then they can show us whether there’s two parking spaces, and whether they’re owned or exclusive use?

But that doesn’t make any sense.

“Is there a locker with this unit?”

“Yes, there is.”

“Thanks.”

I don’t see how our situation is any different from that.

We ended up looking at a couple more units this past week, one of which we’re in sign-back on as we speak.

It’s too bad.  But perhaps that’s why the other unit has been on the market for 57 days…

The very next day, I was looking at two townhouses with clients who are moving from Mississauga to the downtown core, so they can be closer to work, and so their daughter can attend a speciality school here in the city.

The entire reason for this move was to make life easier, mainly by avoiding a 45-minute daily commute to-and-from work, without losing the comforts of a large house on a wide lot in a family neighbourhood.

We were looking at two townhouses – one downtown, one uptown, and we were really stuck on the parking.

My clients have a 5-car private driveway in Mississauga, and while they’re not crazy about the idea of having ONE parking space here in the central core, they could make it work.

One of my clients would store her car at the Bay/Adelaide centre, because she really only drives the car for client meetings, and on business trips, and doesn’t need the car at home.

My other client would store his car in the garage at the townhouse.

And their older kids would have to use street parking if and when they came home to visit from university.

The townhouse uptown had underground parking, and we measured the opening of the garage, which was 10′ 2″.

The garage itself was probably 16-feet wide, or what real estate agents like to call “one and a half car garage,” but overall, the 10-foot entrance would fit just about any car my clients or their kids would be driving.

The townhouse downtown had a garage, and it looked really tight.

From the first day we visited this property (and we saw it four times!), we kept coming back to the parking space.

Would her car fit?  Would his?

Last week, she tried to do an 14-point turn and manoever her car into the garage, but she wasn’t able.

I told her, “I’ll bet you your kid’s next violin lesson I can get your car in that garage,” to which, she accepted the challenge.

Maybe it was the stick-shift on this luxury automobile, or maybe it was the fact that I felt like I was driving Batman’s car, but I barely got the car out of “Park” before I gave up.

So this past week, we returned to the townhouse, with her husband’s car, to see if he could fit his car in the garage.

But guess what?

When we arrived, we saw the seller’s car in the garage!

And to complicate matters, there was an offer on the property.

We wanted to offer an unconditional offer, but we couldn’t in good conscience make an offer without knowing if a car would fit in the garage.

We measured the entrance at an even 8″ on the nose, which was 2’2″ less than the garage at the uptown-townhouse.

The husband told me, “I can fit the car, no problem,” and the wife said, “I’d have to see it, I really would.”

I can’t say I blame her, and as he hit up Google to compare the turning radius, length, and width of the Toyota Corolla that was currently in the garage, and the Mazda SUV that he owned, I called the listing agent to see what could be done.

As our bad luck would provide for, the sellers had just left for a three-week vacation, and thus they weren’t able to come and move their car.

I begged the listing agent to find a solution, and he spent the better part of an hour speaking with the sellers, their cousin, and their cleaning lady.

After 90 minutes in the property, I left to go to my next appointment, and my buyers headed back to work.

My phone rang, and it was the listing agent.

“I found a key to the car,” he said.  “I’m game to try this thing, if you are.”

I thanked him profusely, and called my clients to see if they could come back to the property.

A half-hour later, the listing agent was moving the sellers’ car, with the cleaning lady’s key, and parking it on the street so my client could test-out the garage.

We watched as he worked the stick-shift like Jacques Villeneuve, and worked the car back-and-forth, back-and-forth, until the car was safely in the garage.

“Got it!” my client exclaimed, after getting out of of the car, smiling, and pounding on the hood of the car.

“But I’ll be damned if I’m going to do this every single morning, for the rest of my life,” he said, as our hopes of making this work came crashing down.

I walked out to the street with the listing agent as he got back in the sellers’ car, and told him how much I appreciated his efforts.

“Well, it’s not like we want this family to buy a house only to find out they don’t like a major feature of it, do we?”

I was amazed.

The listing agent’s actions – helping us with our query, might have cost him an offer, but it underscored the length he would go to work on his seller’s behalf.

And in the end, he wanted to make sure the buyer was happy too.

I can’t think of a time when I’ve had two more different experiences, ironically with the same feature of a piece of real estate (parking), in such a short time period.

It was Ying & Yang.

Night and Day.

Opposite-day, in the world of Toronto real estate.

I’m sorry, folks.  But you catch more flies with honey in this business.  I’m sure you can poke holes in each of these stories if you try really hard, but trust me when I say that there’s only one way to work in this business, if you’re looking for a lengthy, successful career with satisfied clients, repeat business, and no lawsuits…

The post Help vs. Hinder: A Tale Of Two Agents appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

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The Gender Tag, an update

1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?

I’m a guy. I’ve known that for sure for a long time now, I just never had the courage to admit it to myself. I liked the label non-binary too, one because I had an excuse to stop thinkingt about how I really feel, and two because it made me feel safe. There were people who could just be non-binary and didn’t „have to decide“ between male or female, and that idea was honestly so comforting.

But yeah, time to stop lying to myself,  I’m trans, I’m a man, and in the near future I want to start living my „real“ life by being perceived and treated as a man by other people too. I’m sick of self-doubting and wasting time hating myself.

I only said it out loud three times by now, but every time I did it was honestly so empowering and liberating and I’m starting to feel pride in being myself. I like how the word feels when I say it, I like thinking of myself as a guy, and I can’t wait to finally completely feel like myself.

2.What pronouns honor you?

Although my parents and sister know they still use she/her pronouns for me and though it doesn’t feel right at all we agreed on not changing pronouns to he/him or  change my name until I start transitioning because my appearance, voice and behaviour crash with their image of a man and I don’t want to stress them out. It still sucks, though.

I’ve been telling some friends to try their best to avoid pronouns at all and instead use my name since I id'ed as non-binary and I’ll just keep it that way for now, which works a lot better for me than she/her.

In group chats for other trans* folks I already use he/him pronouns and it’s like the best feeling ever.

Online I’ve been using they/them for quite a while now, but I think I’ll put he/him in my blog description soon, just because I can and it makes me feel better.

3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I’m a jeans and t-shirt/sweatshirt person and usually wear dark colours, sometimes a button-down shirt and I love all kinds of jackets. What I own is mostly out of the men’s section, except for jeans, they just don’t fit me. I try to present either as masculine as I can without looking like a little boy or just kinda androgynous so that people that don’t know me at least don’t put me into the female box as soon as they see me. Skirts or dresses have long been eliminated from my closet.

I’m still very convinced that clothes don’t have a gender and everybody can wear what they want without having the clothes define their identity. And as soon as I start looking more like I’m supposed to I’ll work on my style, I’m actually really into fashion and I want to try out a lot of different aesthetics.

Right now I just don’t feel confident enough with my body, I rarely fit into regular men’s clothes and it’s always a disappointment when I try on something that looked great on the tall, very masculine cis male model and pretty terrible on super short, chubby me.

4.Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? Why do you choose to shave or choose not to shave?

I like my hair short, even shorter than my brother’s, shaved on the sides and longer on the top. My hairdresser calls it a unisex cut and he never complains about me having to still look female, and I honestly love him a little for that.

When I go out I put some wax into the top part to create the illusion of an actual hairstyle without having to actually style it properly because honestly, I have no idea how hair styling works.

My hair is very important to me and how I express myself, it makes me nervous when it grows out and looks like some weird pixie cut, so I get it cut regularly.

When I’m taking hormones and they start showing effects I’ll bleach my hair blonde, until then I’m too scared it’ll make me look even more feminine.

I don’t have any facial hair, yet. Beards are awesome.

My legs haven’t seen a razor in probably years, I avoid shorts and anything that requires hairless legs in order to not make people freak out and ask me about it.

Actually, I’ve never been bothered by my body hair at all, never felt an obligation to shave anything but my armpits in summer just because society expects some people to. I can’t wait until I can wear shorts in public without getting any weird looks though, jeans aren’t the best summer wear.

5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What type of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?

I don’t wear make up, my skills are non existent and I envy everyone who has the patience to learn how to put it on well. But I do love a man in eyeliner and guys who rock lipstick and eyeshadow and everything else.

Make up is also a thing I wanna explore more when I’m taking hormones and my masculinity is official in documents so that people can’t take it away from me by calling me a girl.

Same thing with nail polish, lack of skills, admiration of people who posess those skills, and plans to try it out some time later in my transition.

Perfume isn’t my thing, especially not fruity and this seductive stuff that’s aimed at women.

As for shampoo and other cosmetics I just use whatever smells good to me. Sometimes I buy things that say „for men“ on it on purpose just for the feeling of using a product that’s expected to be used by a man, which is a bit silly but also makes me feel validated.

So, in conclusion, nothing has a gender until it says of itself so, and only the fear of not being taken seriously by a society controlled by the gender binary is stopping me from expressing myself freely.

6. Have you ever experieced being misgenderd, if so how often?

Well, nobody would believe me to be a cis guy if they saw or heard me, so yeah, being misgendered is my everyday life, but that’s not really something I can blame people for.

What I do take personally is that my family still doesn’t even try to stop using words like sister or daughter, my sister even started to misgender me more than she did before by using my full name (which barely anyone does), if intentionally or not.

It’s very hard for them to understand that I already am man, regardless of how my body looks like and what my papers say, instead of a woman that is going to be a man some time in the far away future. Sucks, but things like that take time.

7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?

I do, it started years ago with mild body dysphoria, and now it’s grown into this mess of body and social dysphoria that heavily affects my life.

However, I didn’t start to really hate my body because of being trans or my weight or anything considering my appearance, it developed from how others treated me and what they expected me to be just from what I look like.

I never liked my big chest, not because it’s a big chest but because people, and especially my mother (which is so weird), commented on and talked about it. Today I can’t wait to finally, finally get top surgery and be free of these body parts people seem so focused on. I try to wear my binder outside as often as possible and love how it makes my body look just that little bit more like I want it to so badly.

For me social dysphoria can be worse than body dysphoria, there’s no way to casually correct pronouns or call myself a man without starting a discussion and making things awkward.

I feel forced to act more feminine, giggly and submissive than I actually am just so that people don’t think I’m a rude woman and stop liking me. And when people have this false image of me it’s even harder to convince them of my real gender. Gender roles suck.                                                                       I’m not in the mood to apply for jobs and I don’t feel like making new friends outside the queer community, just because I’d have to use a name and gender that isn’t mine and act like the young woman everybody expects me to be. It’s exhausting and depressing.

8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?

Since like forever I’ve been sure that I never want to be pregnant and carry a child, though I do would want children, if my future partner is okay with that.

As for now I really can’t say who will be taking care of it mostly, I’m just not in that situation right now, who knows, I think that depends on careers and income.

9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for your family financially? Is it important for you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay or offer to pay for you?

It’s stupid but sometimes I enjoy doing things that are considered to be „the man’s thing“ like opening doors and paying, for me it’s reassuring and one of the few ways I can fit into the stereotypical male gender role. I still think gender roles suck and people should be how they want to be, but you know, there’s something comforting about doing something that’s associated with the gender you identify with, no matter how cliché.

On the other side, I’m uncomfortable when people spent a bigger amount of money on me in general, no matter what gender they are or I am. For future dates I think I’ll stick with paying my part of the bill or taking turns in paying for smaller things like drinks or whatever.

Having more income than my partner isn’t what I’d put a lot of importance on, all I’m hoping for is that we’re financially stable, but those are all problems for the future and not now.

10. Anything else you want to share about your gender?

Nope! Pretty sure that’s it for now.

Where Should I Stay in Ben Tre?

Located in the Mekong River delta, 87 km to the west of Ho Chi Minh City. It takes only 2 hours to travel by bus from Saigon. As a result, Ben Tre has been attracting lots of tourists with its natural landscapes and culinary diversity. Tourism is new for Ben Tre, hospitality businesses are not fully developed to handle the demands and expectations of customers. That's why tourists are often struggling when searching for the most suitable places to stay in this large “land of the coconut”.

“Where should I stay in Ben Tre?” can be regarded as one of the most asked questions of many tourists planning their trip to Ben Tre. To ensure the most comfortable experience, reserving the most suitable accommodation will help you save a lot of time and money. Ben Tre has three areas to choose from for your stay which are the city center, outer districts, or in a resort. What I hope to do in this blog is to give you an overview of the most favourable areas in Ben Tre regarding price, convenience, and activities. You can pick the most favourable place that best matches your itinerary.

Are there many places to stay in Ben Tre province?

Compared to other cities in Vietnam, Ben Tre province has limited selection when it comes to accommodation. Tourist attractions are located far away from each other making it difficult for tourists to know where to stay. The best area to stay in Ben Tre is gonna depend on your personal interests and budget. I’m gonna break down all the options to help you choose the best location for your stay in Ben Tre.

What area to stay in Ben Tre if you travel for only 1 day?

The best area when staying one day in Ben Tre is to stay in the center of the city. There are plenty of options for accommodation, ranging from low-price guest houses, friendly homestays, luxurious hotels, and small resorts. This area is a very popular in Ben Tre, with lots of restaurants, coffee shops, and shopping. Walking is extremely convenient so you won’t need to hire extra transportation compared to staying outside of the city center.

In the center of the city, there are two streets where most of the actions take place. Dong Khoi Street is where many restaurants, karaokes, and bars are located for late night fun. Hung Vuong Street is home to the famous Ben Tre Night Market along with almost all of the 4 star and above hotels. This street is also running along the beautiful riverside making it scenic for a night out taking photos.

Located in one of the main hubs in Ben Tre - Dong Khoi Street, Mekong Hotel & Restaurant is a sound option. This hotel has a great combination of location and simplicity for such a reasonable price. At only $10-$35 per night, this might be a steal for travelers on a budget.

Address: 232-239/A1 - Dong Khoi Street, Phu Tan Ward, Ben Tre City

Website: http://bentremekonghotels.com/

Contact: 02753837179

Price: $7-$30

Another alternative is Viet Uc Hotel located right next to Ben Tre Night Market and 5-min walk from the shopping mall. Being one of the first 3-star hotels in Ben Tre, Viet Uc Hotel is still in tourists’ favorite list thanks to its consistent quality and friendly service. The rooms in Viet Uc will be simple, clean, and neat but don’t expect too much in the way of luxury. Growing up in Ben Tre, this was known by everyone as the best hotel in our city for years! There have been nicer accommodations that have come in recent years but this is still a favorite.

Address: 114 Hung Vuong Street, Ward 3, Ben Tre City

Website: http://hotelvietuc.com/

Contact: 02753511888

Price: $23-$87

If you are searching for a resort right in the middle of the action, check out Ben Tre Riverside Resort. A little further out from the city center, this is one of the newest and highest ranked resorts in Ben Tre. The astonishing riverside view where you sit to have breakfast surprises both locals and tourists with its warm feel. The price fluctuates between $65-$300 depending on the room. It offers a stunning outdoor pool with views of the river. Other amenities include complimentary shuttle bus from the property to Ben Tre Night Market, Bike and Car Rental, a cosy shared bar/lounge and an indoor Fitness Center.

Address: 708 Nguyen Van Tu Street , Ward 7, Ben Tre City

Website: https://www.bentreriverside.com/

Contact: 02753545 454

Price: $57-$305

Where to stay if you are a nature and culture lover?

A real nature and culture lover will prefer farms and gardens surrounded by fresh air. There are great places in nearby districts away from the city center. This is where you can enjoy living with nature and making friends with local people. As it is very quiet in the districts at night, a lot of homestays and hotels here have their own restaurants and entertainment services. Don’t miss art performances, culture tours, or ecotours while you are staying in this area. It will be a true local village life at night as there are no other activities nearby in the districts. It’s suitable for those wanna make friends with the locals and enjoy the real specialities, but you don’t expect too much on the quality of facility and other conveniences.

Outside of the city center in Chau Thanh District, Coco Land Homestay is one of the best-rated homestays in Ben Tre. It is equipped with a wonderful outdoor pool surrounded by a fresh garden. It is also located near famous tourist attractions like Phoenix Island or Thanh Trieu Local Market. The host family is said to be always helpful and kind. They will make you feel at home and part of their family. They can help you with activities like wandering and exploring the local Chau Thanh District on bicycles, learn how to pick fresh fruits in the garden, and cook Vietnamese dishes with the lovely host couple. If you wish to have a unique experience like this, you definitely have to stay here. The money you'll spend on your stay will be worth every penny.

Address: Phuoc Hoa Hamlet, Thanh Trieu Ward, Chau Thanh District

Website: http://cocolandhomestay.com/

Contact: 0948866995

Price: $32-$42

Another pick to get rid of the buzz of the city is Coconut Homestay, located in Mo Cay District. This district is home to most of the coconut candy traditional villages in the Mekong. What makes this place special is that the wall of every room is made completely of coconut wood. The host family is friendly and charming. They are willing to show you local sights that you must visit around the Mo Cay district. They will also offer you Vietnamese style breakfast with traditional iced coffee.

Address: 66 Tan Phuoc, Mo Cay Town, Southern Mo Cay District

Website: https://www.facebook.com/cocohutvn/

Contact: 0902566516

Price: $26-$52

The sprawling Ben Tre Farm Stay is one of the largest homestays in the Mekong. You can enjoy the relaxed and pure Vietnamese village landscapes with surrounding tropical fruit gardens. Ben Tre Farm Stay can also arrange a package of activities, including amazing boat trips, bike tours, and food tours.

Address: Hamlet 3, Cai Suc Bridge, Phu Nhuan Ward, Ben Tre City

Website: https://bentrefarmstay.com

Contact: 0903857607

Price: $21-$30

Where are the resorts in Ben Tre?

Last but not least, resorts are ideal for family or people who prefer to relax in an all-in-one property. You will be offered a wide range of services, restaurants, and spas. Such resorts are decorated to reflect the countryside of Ben Tre province. The resorts have orchards, thatched houses, rivers and lots of coconut trees. Yet, these areas are isolated and you can only enjoy the limited facilities and entertainment on the resort. Every resort usually offer you their own transportation but it is not as flexible as when you stay at a hotel outside.

One of the most recommended resorts, is the newly built Forever Green Resort. This resort has become the most checked-in location on Instagram in Ben Tre. The meaning and purpose of this resort are explicitly revealed in the name - “bringing visitors back to nature”. It is a worthwhile area to stay in during your vacation. Besides a full range of four-star functions and services, it also makes a difference in its unique and diverse recreational activities including fishing, boating, orchards, folk games, campfires, countryside discoveries, or firefly watching by boat at night. This is also probably the best option for any team building options in Ben Tre.

Address: Phu Khuong Hamlet, Phu Tuc Ward, Chau Thanh District, Ben Tre

Website: http://www.forevergreenresort.com/

Contact: 02753618618

Price: $78-$900

Where to stay in Ben Tre, it’s up to you with all these options!

With the fast-growing tourism, especially ecotourism, Ben Tre province is becoming a favourite place for tourists. I believe that anyone who is planning a trip to Ben Tre definitely want to seek out the combination of natural beauty and authentic Vietnamese experience. I know that vacation time is precious so what I hope to do is to bring you the best of my knowledge about my hometown to plan for a perfect trip. Wish you a memorable journey and great experience in Ben Tre province.

Mekong Delta Tours

Learn More Here: Where Should I Stay in Ben Tre?

Where Should I Stay in Ben Tre?

Located in the Mekong River delta, 87 km to the west of Ho Chi Minh City. It takes only 2 hours to travel by bus from Saigon. As a result, Ben Tre has been attracting lots of tourists with its natural landscapes and culinary diversity. Tourism is new for Ben Tre, hospitality businesses are not fully developed to handle the demands and expectations of customers. That's why tourists are often struggling when searching for the most suitable places to stay in this large “land of the coconut”.

“Where should I stay in Ben Tre?” can be regarded as one of the most asked questions of many tourists planning their trip to Ben Tre. To ensure the most comfortable experience, reserving the most suitable accommodation will help you save a lot of time and money. Ben Tre has three areas to choose from for your stay which are the city center, outer districts, or in a resort. What I hope to do in this blog is to give you an overview of the most favourable areas in Ben Tre regarding price, convenience, and activities. You can pick the most favourable place that best matches your itinerary.

Are there many places to stay in Ben Tre province?

Compared to other cities in Vietnam, Ben Tre province has limited selection when it comes to accommodation. Tourist attractions are located far away from each other making it difficult for tourists to know where to stay. The best area to stay in Ben Tre is gonna depend on your personal interests and budget. I’m gonna break down all the options to help you choose the best location for your stay in Ben Tre.

What area to stay in Ben Tre if you travel for only 1 day?

The best area when staying one day in Ben Tre is to stay in the center of the city. There are plenty of options for accommodation, ranging from low-price guest houses, friendly homestays, luxurious hotels, and small resorts. This area is a very popular in Ben Tre, with lots of restaurants, coffee shops, and shopping. Walking is extremely convenient so you won’t need to hire extra transportation compared to staying outside of the city center.

In the center of the city, there are two streets where most of the actions take place. Dong Khoi Street is where many restaurants, karaokes, and bars are located for late night fun. Hung Vuong Street is home to the famous Ben Tre Night Market along with almost all of the 4 star and above hotels. This street is also running along the beautiful riverside making it scenic for a night out taking photos.

Located in one of the main hubs in Ben Tre - Dong Khoi Street, Mekong Hotel & Restaurant is a sound option. This hotel has a great combination of location and simplicity for such a reasonable price. At only $10-$35 per night, this might be a steal for travelers on a budget.

Address: 232-239/A1 - Dong Khoi Street, Phu Tan Ward, Ben Tre City

Website: http://bentremekonghotels.com/

Contact: 02753837179

Price: $7-$30

Another alternative is Viet Uc Hotel located right next to Ben Tre Night Market and 5-min walk from the shopping mall. Being one of the first 3-star hotels in Ben Tre, Viet Uc Hotel is still in tourists’ favorite list thanks to its consistent quality and friendly service. The rooms in Viet Uc will be simple, clean, and neat but don’t expect too much in the way of luxury. Growing up in Ben Tre, this was known by everyone as the best hotel in our city for years! There have been nicer accommodations that have come in recent years but this is still a favorite.

Address: 114 Hung Vuong Street, Ward 3, Ben Tre City

Website: http://hotelvietuc.com/

Contact: 02753511888

Price: $23-$87

If you are searching for a resort right in the middle of the action, check out Ben Tre Riverside Resort. A little further out from the city center, this is one of the newest and highest ranked resorts in Ben Tre. The astonishing riverside view where you sit to have breakfast surprises both locals and tourists with its warm feel. The price fluctuates between $65-$300 depending on the room. It offers a stunning outdoor pool with views of the river. Other amenities include complimentary shuttle bus from the property to Ben Tre Night Market, Bike and Car Rental, a cosy shared bar/lounge and an indoor Fitness Center.

Address: 708 Nguyen Van Tu Street , Ward 7, Ben Tre City

Website: https://www.bentreriverside.com/

Contact: 02753545 454

Price: $57-$305

Where to stay if you are a nature and culture lover?

A real nature and culture lover will prefer farms and gardens surrounded by fresh air. There are great places in nearby districts away from the city center. This is where you can enjoy living with nature and making friends with local people. As it is very quiet in the districts at night, a lot of homestays and hotels here have their own restaurants and entertainment services. Don’t miss art performances, culture tours, or ecotours while you are staying in this area. It will be a true local village life at night as there are no other activities nearby in the districts. It’s suitable for those wanna make friends with the locals and enjoy the real specialities, but you don’t expect too much on the quality of facility and other conveniences.

Outside of the city center in Chau Thanh District, Coco Land Homestay is one of the best-rated homestays in Ben Tre. It is equipped with a wonderful outdoor pool surrounded by a fresh garden. It is also located near famous tourist attractions like Phoenix Island or Thanh Trieu Local Market. The host family is said to be always helpful and kind. They will make you feel at home and part of their family. They can help you with activities like wandering and exploring the local Chau Thanh District on bicycles, learn how to pick fresh fruits in the garden, and cook Vietnamese dishes with the lovely host couple. If you wish to have a unique experience like this, you definitely have to stay here. The money you'll spend on your stay will be worth every penny.

Address: Phuoc Hoa Hamlet, Thanh Trieu Ward, Chau Thanh District

Website: http://cocolandhomestay.com/

Contact: 0948866995

Price: $32-$42

Another pick to get rid of the buzz of the city is Coconut Homestay, located in Mo Cay District. This district is home to most of the coconut candy traditional villages in the Mekong. What makes this place special is that the wall of every room is made completely of coconut wood. The host family is friendly and charming. They are willing to show you local sights that you must visit around the Mo Cay district. They will also offer you Vietnamese style breakfast with traditional iced coffee.

Address: 66 Tan Phuoc, Mo Cay Town, Southern Mo Cay District

Website: https://www.facebook.com/cocohutvn/

Contact: 0902566516

Price: $26-$52

The sprawling Ben Tre Farm Stay is one of the largest homestays in the Mekong. You can enjoy the relaxed and pure Vietnamese village landscapes with surrounding tropical fruit gardens. Ben Tre Farm Stay can also arrange a package of activities, including amazing boat trips, bike tours, and food tours.

Address: Hamlet 3, Cai Suc Bridge, Phu Nhuan Ward, Ben Tre City

Website: https://bentrefarmstay.com

Contact: 0903857607

Price: $21-$30

Where are the resorts in Ben Tre?

Last but not least, resorts are ideal for family or people who prefer to relax in an all-in-one property. You will be offered a wide range of services, restaurants, and spas. Such resorts are decorated to reflect the countryside of Ben Tre province. The resorts have orchards, thatched houses, rivers and lots of coconut trees. Yet, these areas are isolated and you can only enjoy the limited facilities and entertainment on the resort. Every resort usually offer you their own transportation but it is not as flexible as when you stay at a hotel outside.

One of the most recommended resorts, is the newly built Forever Green Resort. This resort has become the most checked-in location on Instagram in Ben Tre. The meaning and purpose of this resort are explicitly revealed in the name - “bringing visitors back to nature”. It is a worthwhile area to stay in during your vacation. Besides a full range of four-star functions and services, it also makes a difference in its unique and diverse recreational activities including fishing, boating, orchards, folk games, campfires, countryside discoveries, or firefly watching by boat at night. This is also probably the best option for any team building options in Ben Tre.

Address: Phu Khuong Hamlet, Phu Tuc Ward, Chau Thanh District, Ben Tre

Website: http://www.forevergreenresort.com/

Contact: 02753618618

Price: $78-$900

Where to stay in Ben Tre, it’s up to you with all these options!

With the fast-growing tourism, especially ecotourism, Ben Tre province is becoming a favourite place for tourists. I believe that anyone who is planning a trip to Ben Tre definitely want to seek out the combination of natural beauty and authentic Vietnamese experience. I know that vacation time is precious so what I hope to do is to bring you the best of my knowledge about my hometown to plan for a perfect trip. Wish you a memorable journey and great experience in Ben Tre province.

Read More Here: Where Should I Stay in Ben Tre?

Help vs. Hinder: A Tale Of Two Agents

TorontoRealtyBlog

Call me soppy and a little naive, but perhaps a “feel-good” story from the real estate trenches will cure what ails you on an otherwise ugly November day.

This past week, I worked on two transactions with two agents who couldn’t have possibly been more different.

One did everything he could to help me and my clients, and the other offered absolutely zero assistance, and got in his own way when it came to potentially completing a deal.

Do unto others, or something.  Right?

I sold a property on Wednesday night, and it left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

It was a property that I’d had listed off and on since the spring; a very complicated sale, in a complicated market – for this housing type.

I had been diligently working away over the past two weeks with a cooperating agent who I’ve dealt with before, and with whom I have a mutual respect.

My clients were adamant about obtaining an unconditional offer, and his seller was adamant about knowing that he could get insurance on the property, so we ended up in a stalemate.

The offer on-paper fizzled out long ago, and we were left that a seller that essentially said, “I’ll accept those terms if and when you submit the offer without any conditions,” and a buyer who was basically telling us, “I’m not submitting the offer until I have confirmation of insurance, so you’ll just have to wait.”

And wait, we did.

This property has been listed (this time around) since the day after Labour Day, and what are the odds that on the very day that the cooperating agent calls to tell me his client was able to obtain insurance, another offer was submitted on the house?

Murphy’s Law.

We ended up taking the “other” offer, which was higher, also without conditions, and my colleague from a cooperating brokerage was left spurned.

I felt pretty salty about the whole thing.  He worked his tail off, did everything that was expected of him, and came up empty.

When I called him to deliver the bad news, he told me, “David, it was really a pleasure working with you, and that’s not hollow – that’s the truth.  You’re a consummate professional, and that’s saying something, considering who’s we’re out there trying to do deals with these days.”

It meant a lot, and I felt the exact same way.  It’s part of the reason I felt so bad about him not getting the deal.

There are all kinds of agents in this business, and if you’re a regular reader of Toronto Realty Blog, you know I’m not afraid to describe the various “types.”  I’m also not afraid to call a spade a spade, and detail bad behaviour when I see it.

This past week, I had two completely different experiences, with two different agents, one day after the next.

The first underscores all that’s wrong with our industry, and the second highlights a true “professional” who has been in the business for two decades, and hasn’t changed his approach to customer service one iota.

I showed a condo last weekend in a slightly older building last weekend, and my clients were pretty keen on it.

The price per square foot was fantastic compared to newer comparable resale units, the fees weren’t as high as you would think, for a building of that age, and the renovations needed to the unit were minimal.

One question we did have was with respect to the parking, since there were two parking spaces, but Land Registry was not clear on whether it was one space for two cars, but also about whether or not these spaces were owned, or exclusive use.

In older buildings, many times the parking is “exclusive use,” meaning is common elements by definition, and isn’t owned, per se, by the unit owner.  It’s like your balcony or terrace – this is “exclusive use, common elements,” which means only you can use it, but you don’t legally own it.

I had gone through previous listings in the building, and hadn’t received the clarity I needed on the ownership situation, so I called the property manager.  Unfortunately, the property manager wouldn’t speak with me unless I was a unit owner, so I turned to the listing agent for help.

I called the listing agent – somebody who has been in the business for a while, but who (and I know from looking him up in IMS) is far from a high-volume producer.  6-8 transactions per year, I’m sorry to say, doesn’t build villages.  And in my opinion, it’s agents like this that need to sell condos in order to put money in their pockets, and who do anything, to anybody, to close a deal.

The agent had a rough demeanour from the minute I picked up the phone, and I just had that “feeling” of how this conversation was going to go.

“I showed your unit at XXX Street on the weekend….” I told him.

“Great, where’s my offer?” he asked, interrupting me in mid-thought.

“Right,” I said.  “Well here’s my question: do you know if the two parking spaces are separate??  Because there’s only one actual spot-number painted on the column, and I’m also not sure if the parking is owned or if it’s exclusive use.”

I was just cracking the lid on my morning coffee, so I was in no way prepared for his response.

“What the f*ck do I care?” he asked me.

And then I waited for a follow-up.

“Oh…..kay,” I offered to break the silence.

“Come on, I’m just breaking your balls a bit,” he said, as I hoped he was just being funny.  “But nah, seriously man, I mean what the hell do I care about parking?  There’s two cars down in the garage, right?  A Beamer and a Land Rover to boot, right, so they fit good, and you’re buying this place from good company, because let me tell you, these guys are well off.”

While I’ll concede that mentioning two large cars fit in the spaces is value-add, telling me how rich his clients are, and insinuating that buying from “good company” is of any importance, didn’t really strike a chord with me.

“Well,” I explained, “My clients only have one car, and they want to know if they can sell one space,” I told him.  “I also think there’s something to be said for owning the spaces, versus just having exclusive use, as we’re trying to value this unit versus one in another building.”

He barely let me finish before he interjected, “Nah, nah man, you’re all wrong, right.  None of that matters.  What matters is two cars.  Two cars, man.  That’s it.”

I didn’t feel like we were getting anywhere, so I asked, “Would your seller be able to speak to property management, and allow me to speak with the manager, to get some clarification?  They won’t speak to me unless I’m an owner.”

“Why the f*ck would I do that?” he asked.

There was a long pause as I tried to process things, and he then offered, “I mean, why am I doing you a favour?  What’s in this for us?  You wanna know what’s behind the curtain; what my clients have in their closet.  Why would we offer that kind of information?”

The whole conversation made no sense, so I simply said, “Because I need to know what you’re offering for sale, so my clients can decide what to buy.”

“Nah, nah, nah.  Nope.  It’s not like that,” he said.

We parted ways, and I suggested to my buyer that she call property management, and say that she was looking to buy a condo in the building, and she had a few questions.  Coming from a buyer – and an older, retired lady, nonetheless, perhaps it would be better received.

My buyer called me back shortly thereafter, and told me that the property manager still wouldn’t answer specific questions, but if she wanted to request a status certificate for the unit, she could.

The whole situation was frustrating to say the least, but even more frustrating was the call I got an hour later – from the listing agent.

Unleashing a barrage of curse-words that I haven’t used since high school, he asked, “how dare you call and try to trade on my clients’ names?”

I didn’t even know what that meant, and not much of the rest of the conversation made any sense.

Folks, I know some of you might try to see the “other side” of this, and suggest that, I don’t know, we should make an offer, conditional, and then they can show us whether there’s two parking spaces, and whether they’re owned or exclusive use?

But that doesn’t make any sense.

“Is there a locker with this unit?”

“Yes, there is.”

“Thanks.”

I don’t see how our situation is any different from that.

We ended up looking at a couple more units this past week, one of which we’re in sign-back on as we speak.

It’s too bad.  But perhaps that’s why the other unit has been on the market for 57 days…

The very next day, I was looking at two townhouses with clients who are moving from Mississauga to the downtown core, so they can be closer to work, and so their daughter can attend a speciality school here in the city.

The entire reason for this move was to make life easier, mainly by avoiding a 45-minute daily commute to-and-from work, without losing the comforts of a large house on a wide lot in a family neighbourhood.

We were looking at two townhouses – one downtown, one uptown, and we were really stuck on the parking.

My clients have a 5-car private driveway in Mississauga, and while they’re not crazy about the idea of having ONE parking space here in the central core, they could make it work.

One of my clients would store her car at the Bay/Adelaide centre, because she really only drives the car for client meetings, and on business trips, and doesn’t need the car at home.

My other client would store his car in the garage at the townhouse.

And their older kids would have to use street parking if and when they came home to visit from university.

The townhouse uptown had underground parking, and we measured the opening of the garage, which was 10′ 2″.

The garage itself was probably 16-feet wide, or what real estate agents like to call “one and a half car garage,” but overall, the 10-foot entrance would fit just about any car my clients or their kids would be driving.

The townhouse downtown had a garage, and it looked really tight.

From the first day we visited this property (and we saw it four times!), we kept coming back to the parking space.

Would her car fit?  Would his?

Last week, she tried to do an 14-point turn and manoever her car into the garage, but she wasn’t able.

I told her, “I’ll bet you your kid’s next violin lesson I can get your car in that garage,” to which, she accepted the challenge.

Maybe it was the stick-shift on this luxury automobile, or maybe it was the fact that I felt like I was driving Batman’s car, but I barely got the car out of “Park” before I gave up.

So this past week, we returned to the townhouse, with her husband’s car, to see if he could fit his car in the garage.

But guess what?

When we arrived, we saw the seller’s car in the garage!

And to complicate matters, there was an offer on the property.

We wanted to offer an unconditional offer, but we couldn’t in good conscience make an offer without knowing if a car would fit in the garage.

We measured the entrance at an even 8″ on the nose, which was 2’2″ less than the garage at the uptown-townhouse.

The husband told me, “I can fit the car, no problem,” and the wife said, “I’d have to see it, I really would.”

I can’t say I blame her, and as he hit up Google to compare the turning radius, length, and width of the Toyota Corolla that was currently in the garage, and the Mazda SUV that he owned, I called the listing agent to see what could be done.

As our bad luck would provide for, the sellers had just left for a three-week vacation, and thus they weren’t able to come and move their car.

I begged the listing agent to find a solution, and he spent the better part of an hour speaking with the sellers, their cousin, and their cleaning lady.

After 90 minutes in the property, I left to go to my next appointment, and my buyers headed back to work.

My phone rang, and it was the listing agent.

“I found a key to the car,” he said.  “I’m game to try this thing, if you are.”

I thanked him profusely, and called my clients to see if they could come back to the property.

A half-hour later, the listing agent was moving the sellers’ car, with the cleaning lady’s key, and parking it on the street so my client could test-out the garage.

We watched as he worked the stick-shift like Jacques Villeneuve, and worked the car back-and-forth, back-and-forth, until the car was safely in the garage.

“Got it!” my client exclaimed, after getting out of of the car, smiling, and pounding on the hood of the car.

“But I’ll be damned if I’m going to do this every single morning, for the rest of my life,” he said, as our hopes of making this work came crashing down.

I walked out to the street with the listing agent as he got back in the sellers’ car, and told him how much I appreciated his efforts.

“Well, it’s not like we want this family to buy a house only to find out they don’t like a major feature of it, do we?”

I was amazed.

The listing agent’s actions – helping us with our query, might have cost him an offer, but it underscored the length he would go to work on his seller’s behalf.

And in the end, he wanted to make sure the buyer was happy too.

I can’t think of a time when I’ve had two more different experiences, ironically with the same feature of a piece of real estate (parking), in such a short time period.

It was Ying & Yang.

Night and Day.

Opposite-day, in the world of Toronto real estate.

I’m sorry, folks.  But you catch more flies with honey in this business.  I’m sure you can poke holes in each of these stories if you try really hard, but trust me when I say that there’s only one way to work in this business, if you’re looking for a lengthy, successful career with satisfied clients, repeat business, and no lawsuits…

The post Help vs. Hinder: A Tale Of Two Agents appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

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