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#i love them all so much damnit
avephelis · 4 months
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every time someone mischaracterises jay ferin as the therapist friend a fairy loses its wings btw. put some respect on her emotionally-constipated ass.
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the-monkey-ruler · 1 year
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What chapters does wukong cry? That has to be way into the journey for him to be so attached.
Wukong
Chapter 1
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Chapter 2
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Chapter 7 (pain)
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Chapter 27
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Chapter 32 (Fake crying to scare Bajie though)
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Chapter 33
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Chapter 34
"After he had seen her, the Great Sage Sun did not go inside at once. Instead, he remained crestfallen outside the second door and began to weep silendy. "Why did he weep?" you ask. Could it be that he was afraid of her? Even if he were, he would hardly weep. Moreover, he was courageous enough to have bilked the monsters of their treasures and slain the little fiends. Why then did he weep? In times past, he could have entered a giant tripod of boiling oil, and even if he had been fried for seven or eight days, he would not have shed half a tear. It was, however, the thought of the misery inflicted on him on account of the Tang Monk's going to acquire scriptures that moved him to tears. He thought to himself, "If old Monkey had displayed his ability and changed into a little fiend to invite this aged monster, there would be absolutely no reason for him to speak standing up. I must kowtow when I see her!"
Chapter 41 (twice)
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Chapter 43
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Chapter 51
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Chapter 57
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Chapter 66
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Chapter 73 (like three times)
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Chapter 75
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Chapter 77 (five times easily)
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Chapter 83
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Chapter 86
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Bajie
Chapter 20
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Chapter 39 (acting)
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Chapter 50
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Chapter 53
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Wujing
Chapter 41
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Chapter 57
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Chapter 73 (poisoned)
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Chapter 77
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Bai Long Ma
Chapter 30
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Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing
Chapter 86
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Plus another Wukong Bajie Wujing crying in 86
Imma be honesty if I missed one them please put it in but I was just trying to find the word "tear" and "weep" and go from there.
So over all
Wukong - 25~
Bajie - 6~
Wujing - 6~
Bailong - 1
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c00kiesart · 9 months
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((OUTDATED DESIGN))
After months and MONTHS of coming up with stories upon stories with my bestie @needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves
I think it is finally time I start to introduce my MHA oc’s! Alongside some other arts I have stored!
Starting off with an obvious self insert-
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bootyful-seventeen · 2 months
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I am heavily contemplating on buying myself a dvd player soon and buying all the DVDs for a ton of movies and tv shows I grew up watching cuz I miss the magic of dvds
#hear me out on this one okay. but the Barbie movies were magic on dvd back in the day#and I do wanna see if stores are still selling the old strawberry shortcake dvds before I go online for those#I wanna snort that nostalgia so bad#and of course I’ll need to get the dcau on dvd#like all of it cuz I’m so bored with the dccu since we don’t get as much new stuff#it’s always Batman or superman and love them but I’m kinda bored from always seeing a new bman or sups movie#Wonder Woman I wouldn’t mind a new actor for her but I know she’s not gonna be a muscle mommy which I’ll be sad about#give me a Wonder Woman that is built like rhea ripely god damnit#the flash is eh cuz I found out this whole time I’ve been watching the Wally west flash#but yeah Wally is who I want and then there’s the green lantern like dude is so cool iams all we have is the 1 from 2011 I think#sure I could watch some of the tv series they have but I have too many shows on my watch list it’s overwhelming at times so I skip over lots#tho I will have to pray like crazy cuz some of the things I know I want are probably gonna be expensive as fuck even as second hand#saw a class of the titans season 1 dvd going for $81 cad 💀💀💀#the world is not kind to those who don’t love the digital age#I prefers my dvds cuz I own it and no one can take it away from me unless they physically steal it#omg I’m turning into my grandma cuz she still had the vhs player with some tapes too#just wish she never donated the tapes for swan princess 1-3 and Anastasia and ferngully and basically all my faves that she owned#like Ngl a part of me wants to hit up value village just to see if maybe they’re still there or if I’ll find other copies of the same things#cuz a perk about cities with older people is that you get so much older tech and other items it’s insane
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ronkeyroo · 10 months
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The more i remember what my ex friend did to me while acting like the worlds kindest saint, the more I feel disgusted for believing in him, the more I feel poisoned by all the hurt he inflicted, and the more I realize just how deep the damage stayed. I cant trust anyone that remotely reminds me of him anymore. I seethe at the very thought
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flapdoodledanie · 2 years
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Just going to keep picturing this sweet boy with his bread and Flapjack nesting in his hair to forget the rest of the finale. 😭
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princessmo · 1 year
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forgot my zoloft today and now i’m having the kind of emotions that make my stomach feel weird. not good not bad just weird.
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writersmorgue · 10 months
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gonna lose it /guarantee
bnha 394 leak rant in tags
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stargirltmblr · 1 year
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Dear artists, other vtubers, and the rest of the people… you’re pretty wonderful and I’m proud of you!
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knifegremliin · 2 years
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motherfucker. stumbled across my info doc on a xc2 au I was making a while back where Pyra/Mythra is swapped with Ontos and Malos becomes Rex's blade and now I got brain rot again even though I know I'll never finish writing it :(
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arolesbianism · 25 days
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Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost
#rat rambles#oni posting#like I guess I just rly love that oni both manages to commit to being a tragedy while also leaving a world still in motion#like Im glad that olivia didnt get a bittersweet ending and instead got a fucking miserable one#while at the same time the dupes are still left there to keep moving forward#well ok more so I like how the narrative shifts into smth quite beautiful when seen from the dupes perspectives#which is also why I like that the dupes are rarely talked abt directly in the lore logs#idk I just feel like a seed is planted wouldnt hit as hard to me if the dupes were talked abt more#its the same sort of incedental storytelling that I like abt the rest of oni's writing ig#also I just think them being a major part of the lore logs would rly take away from the greater horrors and tragedies of gravitas#like idk I think it would have been a lot more boring if a third of the logs were just jackie going so yeah I tortured dupes some more#it makes the pre end of the world world feel so much bigger while still mostly remaining within gravitas itself#enhances the feeling of glimpsing into a past world#like every now and then I think abt what oni story could have looked like and am filled with joy at what it is now#I fucking love being into fiction thats good god it feels so good to like shit thats just like actually good#it honestly makes me almost wish there wouldnt be new lore but I do think theres room for more#as in theres plenty of room to make shit up and also we need to see more of the scientists pls#as for actual quote unquote plot stuff idk just give me like one jackie and olivia college year video transcript or smth and we're good#theres other stuff that make me lose my mind but for narrative consistency I think itd be best to not touch those two too much#especially olivia I rly think she doesnt need almost any new content the only stuff Id want with her is if it expanded upon jackie#because rly jackie is the only character I think would super heavily benefit from elaboration even if I stand by her not needing much#as Ive said a billion times just smth small to show us her in a more casual setting and we're golden I think#show me that woman being genuinely happy so I can fill in the blanks as she slowly gets crushed by the consequences of her actions#shes a part of this tragedy too and god damnit I want to see the life she ruined along the way of ruining many others#I want to see a woman whos eyes once shined and then when the lights have dulled I want her to say it was worth it with no conviction#metaphorically ofc I dont actually want to see most of it because thatd go against the narrative philosophy already established#rly all this means is I wanna see jackie and olivia doing laundry together or smth#oh also I hope they specifically give otto a whole other log just to clear up my pronoun woes#idc what its abt just have them talk abt their gender offhand or smth#just mi-ma being like how do you do young man and otto is like they and mi-ma is like ah yes young they
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sk3l3t0n444 · 3 months
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ok read all of the tags before coming at me
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beeseverywhen · 1 year
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Nothing quite prepared me for how humbling playing any part in raising a teenager is
#i was in no way ready for how difficult this is no matter how patient you are#like I've worked customer service in complaints#I've worked with dementia patients#some of my closest relatives are the most unreasonable adults you'll ever meet#i thought nothing could fase me. i love her and i know how unfair the alternative is so I've got the drive to put up with this#and i do! don't get me wrong. my greatest fear was not being able to control my temper and that's no issue. i love her too much not to#but dear god.#i wasnt quite expecting how mean teenagers can be! and it comes out of nowhere so you're completely unprepared lol#like I've got a tough skin. i don't get upset by shit ppl say to me. but it is kinda hurtful hearing it from someone who doesnt mean it??#i know she doesnt mean it. i know she's still the baby that's returned my love unconditionally since day 1#and yet!!!! one minute she's all affectionate and loving and then she just drops these bombs cause out of the blue her moods changed#and I'm just left blinking like. OK then. and I'm the responsible adult in the situation so I've gotta be like#'come on that's not a fair thing to say to someone is it. you don't feel great. that's OK! but you can't take that out on everyone else'#how can you use that energy in a way that's not unfair to everyone around you#and you can't let yourself show that yeah you're kinda upset. because to do that a) isn't fair and b) lets them smell blood#teenagers man#anyway turns out this is the challenge of all time. i will do what i can to contribute towards her being a reasonable adult#who knows how to process emotions healthily if it's the only thing i do damnit.#even if it's a uphill battle while you're bleeding. but shit. this is difficult.#that spelling of faze lol. I'm not going back to change it.
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the-official-publix · 1 month
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seen people do this so...
If this gets 100 notes I'll work on my 400 (track)
If this gets 200 notes I'll work on the next chapter of my story
If this gets 300 notes I'll make a Publix design (will come out by 11:59 p.m. Easter Sunday EST)
If this gets 400 notes I'll give hints about what my main blog is each week
If this gets 500 notes I'll find a way to tell my best friends how much i appreciate and love them (good for them)
If this gets 600 notes I'll quit self harm (not including picking at my scabs) (well then- good.)
If this gets 700 notes I'll reveal my preferred name (Dai! This post will be up tomorrow now today i swear)
If this gets 800 notes I'll reveal my experiences with disease (will be up today)
If this gets 900 notes I'll send all the corpo blogs asks telling them what I like about them (damnit)
If this gets 1000 notes I'll reveal my main blog (oh god-)
If this gets 2000 notes I'll stop picking at my scabs too
Good luck!
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louebel · 8 months
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— [ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 . . . 𝟐 .ᐟ ]
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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: sanji, zoro, mihawk, buggy × gn!reader 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: not proofread and rushed,, it's not as wholesome as the first and more calm + horny my bad, lowercase, gets a bit explicit with sanji and buggy at the end... i am deeply sorry not. rest is sfw, fluff, and... fluff. usage of "baby, sweetness, honey, good boy" (and... others? i forgot) in all of them except zoro's, lots of caresses and kisses! these are rather short,, anddd dripping divider by @ benkeibear :) 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: you couldn't help but share the sudden warmth you felt with them, resulting in... a lot of kisses! ... and more. part one is here!! though idk should i repost it? since it's in my archived blog— eh idk maybe not.
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— 𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈, wc. 699
"sanji... honey..."
a very pleasant smell engulfed the kitchen. sweet and homely, a dish that piqued your appetite. seagulls could be heard outside the sunny, the sun rising slowly to greet all those who continued their lives.
and then there were you two, already awake. sanji always got up earlier, and so you did too, wanting to keep him company at such early hours. you could still hear sanji's wails and the rivers of tears plopping onto the wood at your kind gestures, and you swore you saw the sunny sweatdrop that day. (you were definitely not imagining things...)
"hmm? yes, love?"
his voice was your greatest weakness. freshly awake, groggy with sleep... if only you could both rest right now — what you'd do to feel him tend to your scalp, brushing his treasured fingers upon you, perhaps humming a tune in your ears. you remembered his words: "because my love for you is so profound, i can't contain it" and now, every time he murmurs, you melt a little more, thinking of what he said. of course, not all the time, sometimes he just does it.
sadly, however, you couldn't go back to sleep. he had to cook, and he was going to treat you with the most delicious, mouthwatering breakfast ever, but you'd still be disappointed since what you wanted was... something else. you were so spoiled...
"i think i could get something else for breakfast... it's fine, right?"
now, you know sanji despised wasting food. it wouldn't really be a problem considering luffy, but... why didn't you say anything?
he glanced at you from his shoulder, a bit perplexed. he felt his heart flutter as you approached him, wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing your face on his tender nape.
"sweetness?"
"... those are definitely sweet," you pointed at the pancakes, already smiling, "but i think you're sweeter."
it was only morning, damnit. and yet here he was, already blushing, cheeks tinted a lovely shade of pink. a small chuckle rumbled from his chest, the cook lowering the heat as the first batch was ready, before turning to you and pressing a tender kiss upon your forehead.
"you do, love?"
"mhm. and, you know, i'd really like if you gave me some of your love right now. i think that's the most sweet... 'm thinking about just sitting here and kissing you all over while telling you "i love you, i love you, i love you" ," you brought his hand to your chest, smiling at how his visible eye softened. "feels really warm right here, just thinking 'bout it..." you were so wonderful that sanji might just die on the spot.
"oh, love... you can't just say those things so early..."
"hmm? and why not?"
"... m—might faint."
fainting in your arms didn't sound so bad though, he thought dreamily.
"ppff... if you faint, i won't shower you with kisses."
"i won't faint."
you giggled at his suddenly determined tone. tenderly brushing your lips around the side of his neck, you nudged his jaw, sliding your hands under his shirt, feeling him tense beneath your skimming fingers. his flesh felt firmer to the touch, lineaments of his abdomen and torso defined with each part you mapped.
"hmm... i love you so much, sanji. really love you, hon."
"... a—ah, getting handsy, aren't you?"
you loved how he got so flustered with just a couple of touches. he shuddered as you placed your hand on the crook of his neck, pulse quickening beneath your thumb. he was rather sensitive, there, too...
"you— you know, i, hnngh, think you're the sweetest..." he whimpered, his slender fingers finding your tantalizing ones.
"hmmm? is that so, honey?"
"y—yes — ohh... love..."
you were gliding dangerously lower...
"mmm... you're so hard, sanji." oh... "i think you should relax a bit before cooking..." oh my... "it's so early... you need proper rest." ba-dump.
"... i—i do, don't i? heh... hehe..."
"yeah, you do. come on... i'll show you just how sweet i am. will give you all my love. you want that, baby?"
"oh, ooh please... goodness, don't—don't hold back, mon ange..."
"mhm... good boy. relax..."
and soft moans soon filled the piquant kitchen — followed by smooches, wet sounds, and declarations of love from both ends.
you truly were the sweetest in his eyes.
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— 𝐑𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐀 𝐙𝐎𝐑𝐎, wc. 388
"zoro... your face looks pretty kissable today."
sometimes, zoro had no idea what went through your head. you've both been sitting on the deck, zoro against the mast and you lying your head on his lap. he was going to take a nap but it seemed you were feeling chatty, so he decided to entertain you for a little while before he dozed off.
he had no idea what you were thinking, but he liked it.
"does it?" he mumbled, gazing down at you to see you shift in his lap, eyebrow raising as you got up and cuddled to his side, chin on his shoulder. he tilted his head slightly, seeing your pupils dilating at the sight of him; already quite big as the sun was setting. he smirked, though the expression on your face only made his heart beat faster.
you looked completely smitten.
"yep. very."
"hmm..."
smooch. smooch. smooch.
"oi..."
and he probably did, too, in his own way. he couldn't see it, but you did. how he relaxed, how he so softly sighed. you smiled, realizing just how much he laid himself bare to you. it wasn't the same trust he shared with luffy, no. it was something more intimate. something... sweeter. and with each osculate to his neck and jaw, zoro loosened just a bit further, his consciousness slowly slipping away.
"hm. thought you said my face." yet, he still taunted you, with that stupid smug grin on his lips. you rolled your eyes, continuing to pamper him with love.
"shut up. mm..."
smooch.
"love you, zoro. so much."
you slowly pushed him down on the floor, the swordsman tensing a little before following your silent command. you lay on his body, his arms splayed on the wood, eye closed as you kissed his eyelid, brow, and nose. a reddish hue colored his cheeks, chuckling as your tiny, adoring pecks tickled his skin.
so lovely.
" 'that so..?"
"yeah."
your eyes mitigated further, noting the corners of his mouth curve up more. you were lucky...
"mhh... y'know, i think you look pretty kissable today, too."
he'll rearrange his naps, just for you. with a kiss to your lips, he sealed the unspoken "i love you" with his tender actions — his heart all yours.
and he'd care for your own... like one of his swords.
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— 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐇𝐀𝐖𝐊, wc. 338
perona was speechless. she knew, she knew. she knew that you were dracule's lover...
"miiiiihaaawk... will you look at me?"
but what she witnessed was as surprising as the first time you told her that.
you grinned at the sighing warlord, shutting his book as you've been pestering him for minutes. arms wrapped around him, kisses to his neck — he wasn't a man easily swayed, even by you. the armchair leaned back as he finally eased, your form against his soft.
"... do you have nothing to do?" he huffed, rather tired of your games. interrupting him was almost sin; perona had no idea how you lived. were these the privileges of being dracule mihawk's partner? he treated you so differently... how could you even fall for someone as brooding as him? every time she did something nice, like give him pastries or clean the castle as she had nothing to do, he'd ignore her completely. (though he appreciated it.)
"i do. i'm loving you." yet here he was, letting you speak and do as you wished with a faint smile on his face. he looked like a big cat.
"something other than that."
"hmm... no. i wanna love you right now."
the longer she watched from her little corner, the more her mind crumbled.
"... you're impossible."
"but you love me too. like how i love you. i love you a lot."
you were so... mushy. something that did not connect to mihawk at all — unless you were around. his actions conveyed what he felt, even if they were scarce at the moment.
"you..."
"like, a looot. you know? a lot. i really do."
but... no words would topple from his mouth, perona was sure of that.
"i reciprocate." incredibly sure.
"c'mon, say it." there was no way.
"... i love you too."
"there you go. good boy."
he could only sigh at your antics — though inside he felt as warm as a star. after that, perona left her hiding spot and dragged her jaw that sat on the floor.
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— 𝐁𝐔𝐆𝐆𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐍, wc. 426
buggy was not happy.
he was not happy you gave him a kiss, in front of his whole crew, completely unbothered as you pretty much established he was yours. he did not like it. at all.
"just..! what do you think you're doing?! kissing me out of nowhere? they have no idea we're together! what if someone took a photo!—"
"did i tell you?"
"—tell me what?"
you chuckled while he blinked. it was always funny how simple it was to make him stop; one word and he'd immediately listen to you. it was as if his own temporarily had no weight, just to hear your own thoughts, only to slander them later or actually agree with them.
most of the time, he ended up stuttering. you loved how much he hated you teasing him; it became your favorite pastime.
"you look incredibly cute." your grin always meant trouble.
"my nose looks redder than usual??"
your chuckle the last sound he heard,
"no. you, look, cute. cute. adorable. precious." and your words forever his downfall.
you could see his cheeks gaining color, a pretty rouge that matched his lipstick and nose, mirth decorating your face at the view. he was just so, so so cute. but when he snorted and flailed his hands around with parts of his body floating at the use of his devil fruit... that's when he got even cuter.
"y—you say that all the time!" he squeaked and pointed at you, stomping closer to you to somehow look "threatening". in reality, he was just a cub. you kept on smiling, looking at him with an adoring gaze that managed to make his poor heart stop — your affection a treat he relished.
"i mean it." plus, when your voice had that adoring tone... he could do nothing but take what you said. maybe he was just making a big deal out of things...
"w—well! of course you mean it, hahaha! i'm... buggy the... aah..."
his eyes almost popped out of his sockets as you got closer to him; wrapping your arms around his waist, teeth nibbling his neck. a tiny, soft moan that made you shudder left buggy's lips, already trembling.
oh...
"... mm... love you so much, baby. 'm sure they don't mind the kiss... come here."
he could barely get a word in, before his squeals and whimpers reached even those outside, as all of his skin got caressed by your lips. soon, he was screaming "i love you too!" and your stunt was the last thing he thought about.
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fuckyeahdindjarin · 11 months
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III ║ Edgestitch
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Joel Miller x F!Reader
{ Part II: Threads | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist }
Rating: M
Summary: You wear those jeans for Joel when you see him again at the baby shower at Tommy and Maria's - like he asked you to.
Warnings: Spicy thoughts but not explicit, sexual tension, sexual innuendos, flirting, mention of food and drink, some language, shy!reader, reader has a nickname related to her job, soft!Joel, no use of Y/N
Word count: 7k
Notes: It's here! This one was a long and winding road as I mentioned in Behind the Seams, I'm so relieved and excited when it all finally clicked and fell into place! I'm absolutely blown away by the love you guys have shown Joel and Pin so far, thank you, there's no greater motivation for a writer ❤️ I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!
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‘Damnit, Lucy,’ you mutter under your breath, this close to stamping your foot and pouting at the door that refuses to lock up. 
Lucy may be your best friend, but you’re not blind to the fact that she literally cannot be trusted to get anything done around the shop. It’s been two weeks since she promised to get the locksmith to come in, but here you are on Friday evening, wrestling with the key that refuses to turn the last quarter of an inch in the faulty lock.
‘Hey, Pin!’
Glancing over your shoulder, you force a wane smile at Tommy, who has his hands full with a cardboard box at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Need some help?’
‘Yes, please,’ you reply sheepishly.
You nod at the bottles of wine that clink delicately against one another as he sets them down. ‘Getting ready for the party on Sunday?’
Tommy steps up to the door and wriggles the key left and right experimentally. ‘Yeah, you comin’, right?’
‘Yes, with Lucy.’
‘Good, the more the merrier!’ He makes a face at the door lock, which is not cooperating with him either. ‘You should get someone to look at it. Probably time for a new one.’
‘Lucy was supposed to get Andrew to fix it, but you know Luce.’
Tommy yanks the door knob backwards hard as he twists the key. There’s a grunt of metal, and a triumphant aha! when it finally turns, the internal mechanisms of the lock sliding into place with a satisfying click. 
You nearly fall onto your knees in relief. ‘Thank you so much, Tommy. You’re a lifesaver.’
He grins and deposits the key in your waiting palm. ‘You can ask Joel for help, you know. He’s handy with this kind of stuff.’
You blink, blindsided by the seemingly random mention of his brother - but his dimpled smile tells you otherwise.
His brother, who was so solid and broad under you on the studio floor, just a few days ago. His brother, who you can still feel pressed between your thighs, in your bed in the dead of night. His brother, who has taken up residence in your mind, waking or otherwise, since he sauntered out of your shop with that infuriatingly attractive confidence when he asked you to to wear those jeans for him again on Sunday.
Joel has existed solely and safely in the parameters of your workspace for the past fortnight and a half, with only Lucy bearing witness to whatever it is between the two of you. Having to suddenly deal with any mention of him outside of it, especially with that knowing arch of Tommy’s eyebrow, has you completely flustered. It doesn’t help that his eyes are uncannily like Joel’s, a gorgeous deep brown, expressive and sharp, though the mischief sits a lot closer to the surface in the former’s.
Mercifully, your brain unscrambles long enough for you to reach the conclusion that of course, Joel must have told Tommy that he invited you and Lucy. It’s their party, after all. Surely, he doesn’t know anything else -
Or does he?
You’ve been quiet for too long to say anything about it now, so you clumsily change the subject, stumbling over your words. ‘I, uh - I was just wondering what I could bring on Sunday?’
Tommy graciously lets you off the hook. ‘We’re a bit short on sweets, actually, if you bake.’
You latch on to that gratefully. ‘I do - what kind of cake were you thinking?’
‘Do you make a carrot cake?’
You perk up. ‘It’s my favourite!’
He flashes you a cheeky grin. ‘What a funny coincidence, it’s Joel’s as well - the only way to get carrots in him.’
Your pulse spikes with adrenaline at the unexpected tidbit Tommy drops in your lap, and you greedily squirrel that little fact away, slowly colouring in the Joel-shaped space in your head.
With a wink, Tommy bends down to pick up the wine. ‘See you in a couple of days, Pin!’
At least you have the decency to wait until he turns the corner - once he does, you sprint across the road to the Jackson Grocer’s and clear out their stock of carrots for the day.
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There are many things about Jackson that throw Joel. 
The plentitude after years of rations. The safety, which comes off more jarring than comforting.
But most of all, it’s the sounds. The kettle on the boil and the pop of the toaster in the morning when Ellie gets ready for school. Friendly chatter on the high street. Laughter. It still makes him jump when he hears playful shrieks in the neighbourhood playground, blood rushing in his ears and sending him halfway across the house for his rifle before he remembers where he is.
Where he is not.
It was always loud in the QZ. Loudspeakers blaring, alarms wailing, the indistinct hum of conversation and radio through paper thin walls in the slums at all hours of the day. And he was always listening - for danger, for trouble, and everything in between.
And then all that noise had blown up, literally, with the State House. With Tess.
Joel finds it hard to remember those first few days after leaving Boston behind. Mostly the raw cuts on his knuckles that wouldn’t heal and the ring in his right ear from the explosion, lingering like a pesky fly. 
But he knows it was Ellie who broke that silence first. And once that door was kicked down - 
‘Fuck no, dude!’
His face snaps up and he scowls across the lawn, the stern reprimand rolling off his tongue like second nature. ‘Ellie!’
She’s sitting with her friends, crowded around her most prized possession of the moment, a boombox she found in the thrift shop a couple of months ago and begged him to buy and fix up for her. 
Not that she needed to do much begging, he caved far too easily. It plays a bit wonky - the bass too heavy - still, it does the trick.
The teenagers around her cower immediately, but she defiantly stands her ground. ‘What?’
‘Watch your language,’ he barks, no real bite behind it.
She rolls her eyes so hard her head falls back, and he has to press his lips together to not smile.
It helps him sleep better at night seeing Ellie fit right in - at least one of them has. She doesn’t hate going to school half as much as she pretends to, the routine of homework and chores anchoring her to small town life. She’s even volunteered to help out at the farm, spending most afternoons in the stables with the horses.
There are times when he wonders to which extent all this is a coping mechanism. But well, at least she’s coping.
And while Joel still hasn’t made up his mind about Jackson, its townsfolk seem to have unilaterally made theirs up about him. The wary whispers and watchful stares have given way to cautious gestures of acknowledgement, some even bold enough to throw a good morning in his general direction as he walks down the street. 
They nod at him now as they file into the garden party, still keeping their distance, but not as much as he would’ve liked.
The expectant parents have gone all out for the occasion. Several tables are lined up end to end in the middle of the garden, filling up with potluck dishes as guests arrive. Tommy lords over the barbeque, the brisket having been smoking since dawn, with chicken, bacon and homemade sausages sizzling on the grill. Maria is in her element, flitting from well wisher to well wisher with a protective hand over her rounded belly, making sure everyone has a drink and a loaded plate in hand.
Joel hovers in no man’s land, dodging the crowds and sipping on beer that has long gone flat, trying to remember the last time he celebrated anything. 
Well, he supposes dinner parties at Bill and Frank’s count, as far and few in between as they were. Not that they ever celebrated anything specific, per se - they didn’t need a reason beyond the fact that they were all still alive and kicking. Bill, bless his soul, did make a mean roast, and Frank used to host with enough flair for forty instead of four. Tess had a black dress she stowed away at the back of her closet for these parties, and a red one that she saved for the really special occasions -
A strong hand on his back jolts him forward and out of his thoughts, spilling lukewarm beer over his fingers.
‘Havin’ a good time, brother?’ asks Tommy jovially, cheeks stretched with joy.
‘I was just now,’ he grunts pointedly.
Tommy grins. ‘Lighten up, man. Get drunk, be merry! You’re gonna be an uncle.’
‘Don’t try to butter me up. I ain’t babysittin’ for you.’
Thumping his chest in mock hurt, he asks, ‘What about all those times I babysat Sarah, man?’
Joel gives him a long-suffering side stare. ‘Please. You used to hire that college chick ‘cross the street to babysit whenever you were supposed to. Then you’d hit on her all night long.’
Tommy chuckles. ‘Damn, your mind’s in better shape than I give you credit for, old man.’
He can’t help a smile. ‘But for all your devious plans to get into her babysitter’s pants, Sarah did love her Uncle Tommy.’
He goes quiet for a beat and takes a sip of his beer, his eyes softening. ‘I think about that girl every single day, y’know.’ 
Joel nods, staring into his own beer, and it suddenly strikes him that he’s missed the shape of her name on his lips. ‘I know.’
Tommy nudges him on the shoulder. ‘I can only hope my kid will love their Uncle Joel just as much.’
Eventually, he harrumphs, ‘If they do - I’ll think about the babysittin’.’
Tommy chortles just as the backdoor to the porch swings open with a loud creak.
Joel spots you easily, trailing one step behind Lucy. You’re holding onto a cake on a round wooden board like a security blanket, shoulders tense and eyes wide at the noise of the festivities. Spotting Maria, Lucy bounds down the stairs, leaving you hesitating at the landing, and -
You’re wearing the jeans he asked you to.
Something primal swells in the cavity of his chest, between his ribs - a pride that is distinctly male.
Tommy shouts, ‘Pin! Over here!’
Joel shifts on his feet, swallowing thickly as you approach. If your shy smile is anything to go by, he’s not the only one feeling the nerves.
His brother gives you a careful hug around the cake and plants a kiss on your cheek. When he steps aside, Joel hesitates, uneasy with having an audience, his palms suddenly clammy with indecision.
Does he… hug you? He can count on three fingers who he’s hugged for the past twenty years, and he’s sorely out of practice. A kiss is an option, but the way his eyes dart to your mouth, it’s dangerous even entertaining that thought - 
Tommy elbows him in the ribs and puts him out of his misery. ‘Why don’t you kids catch up, I think the brisket’s burnin’. Have fun tonight!’
Joel can feel the tip of his ears turning red as he stands there with his drink, one hand shoved in his back pocket, not knowing how to do this. How to entertain. Clearing his throat, he stammers, ‘Uh - can I get you a drink or somethin’?’
You give him a small smile, lips moving in an answer too quiet to reach him over the music. Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, he admits, ‘Sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m uh - a bit deaf in my right ear.’
You look apologetic, speaking up, ‘I’m sorry - I didn’t know.’
With a shrug, he jokes, ‘It’s ok, I’m a bit broken all over.’
You pinch your lips, and he recoginses that face - he knows that you want to disagree with him. But you hold your tongue, skirting around him to his good ear, and he stoops to close the distance, even though he doesn’t need to.
Your breath brushes his ear. ‘I’d love a drink, but I want to put this cake away first.’
‘Yes, of course - sorry, don’t know where my manners went.’ He puts his unfinished beer away and takes the cake from you despite your protests. The potluck table is packed to the brim, so he gestures towards the house. ‘It might have to go into the kitchen for now.’
You follow him, side by side with one polite body width between you, past bands of neighbours and friends catching up, the fairy lights catching your eyes and the well-kept lawn crunching beneath your soles. Unsurprisingly, you feel the weight of curious stares on your back as you go - Joel is still very much a novelty around town. Neither of you speak until he holds open the backdoor for you to slip inside.
It’s quiet in the kitchen, the muted conversation outside a low hum through the double-glazed windows. The free-standing island is already chock full of all kinds of baked goods and pudding, and Joel has to move an actual jelly castle (which wriggles precariously) to free up space for your contribution.
Dusting his hands, Joel turns to you. ‘That carrot cake?’
You nod, keeping mum.
‘It’s my favourite.’
‘I know - Tommy told me,’ you confess with a bashful half-shrug.
His warm eyes crinkle at the corners. ‘Talkin’ about me behind my back, sweetheart?’
Your breath quickens at the sweetheart, and you wonder if the thrill of the nickname will ever wear thin. Emboldened, you tilt your head to one side and tease, ‘Why? You like the attention?’
A smirk on his lips, he steps into your space, the very proximity of him stealing the air from your lungs. ‘I might if you’re not careful.’
And there you are again - with nothing more than a dozen words exchanged and even more unsaid - on the brink of something, right where you left off on the workshop floor.
‘Wanna grab a bite to eat?’
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Tucked away in an intimate corner of the back porch in a wicker chair, Joel surveys the party with a seriousness that is borderline comical. 
The strategist in him clearly favours the higher ground the porch affords him so he can keep an eye on everyone and spot whoever approaches from a distance. His seat is an easy three steps to the door, an escape plan in his back pocket. For all his stillness, the intensity is unmistakable, if slightly out of place in a baby shower.
Two dirty plates licked clean are stacked on the coffee table between you, piled high with bones and leftover gravy, the delicious food sitting warm in your stomach.
‘They’re comin’ closer,’ Joel complains, taking a long gulp of his beer.
‘I guess they figure if I’m talking to you, it means that you don’t actually bite,’ you quip.
‘Will they back off if I make you cry?’
Your shoulders quake with a chuckle. ‘I think you’re too much of a gentleman to do that, Joel Miller.’
You’re taken aback by the flash of heat in his answering glance, as if there’s something he wants to say. But then, he changes his mind and leans back in his chair, one palm resting on his spread thighs, and he nods towards a couple standing close to the barbeque.
‘Who’s that over there? He lives on my street.’
‘That’s Andrew. He owns the only hot tub in Jackson.’
Joel splutters, ‘A hot tub?’
‘To be fair, it came with his house, but he managed to connect it to the water a few months ago.’
He snorts. ‘Not very communist of him to divert public resources for a private hot tub.’
‘Let’s just say Jackson is a commune with American characteristics,’ you say diplomatically.
He arches an eyebrow at you. ‘A cynic, sweetheart?’
You reply matter-of-factly, ‘We all know how communism ended.’
Fuck. He takes a swig of his beer and swallows hard. A woman after his own heart.
‘You want to keep him on your good side though. He’s really handy with electrics and the like.’
He shrugs. ‘So am I.’
You turn to him, surprised. ‘Oh?’
‘I was a contractor in another life.’
He notices your attention flicker to his hands, before you catch yourself and look away bashfully. ‘That’s good to know.’
‘You need things fixed?’ he asks, and promptly wants to kick himself for sounding so hopeful to be of service.
‘Here and there,’ you say with a dismissive wave. ‘It’s not important. It’ll hold up.’
He runs his tongue over his bottom lip thoughtfully. You have to work on asking for things, but it’s ok - he doesn’t push you. He files that away for later.
Glancing across the yard, he catches Ellie’s eye, who’s arching an inquisitive eyebrow and pointing straight at you with all the subtlety of a flying brick. He knows he should probably introduce you at some point, but he’s not ready to share your attention with someone else just yet, let alone the nosy teenage loudmouth.
Joel gives her a firm shake of the head, to which she responds with a disgruntled I’m watching you gesture.
Ignoring her for now - and knowing that he’ll pay for it later - he asks you, ‘And who’s that in the red dress?’
You crane your neck until you spot her. ‘Ah, that’s Patricia. She’s the dance teacher down at the school.’
‘Why’s she starin’ at me?’ he mutters.
You shoot him an amused grin. ‘Why, it looks like you’ve caught the fancy of our local femme fatale.’
He scoffs. ‘Should I be worried?’
‘Well, she’s been married and divorced three times since she arrived,’ you answer with a straight face. ‘The last one just disappeared. Never found his body.’
Joel stares at you in stunned silence, until you let out a poorly contained giggle. He grumbles, ‘Havin’ fun pullin’ my leg, sweetheart?’
‘Just a bit,’ you tease.
‘I liked you better when you were shy,’ he ribs.
You shrug. ‘Too late. You don’t scare me anymore.’
Glancing the other way, Joel sits up in alarm at the flutter of crimson fabric. ‘Shit, I think she’s comin’ this way.’
‘Time for carrot cake?’ you prompt.
He’s out of his chair quicker than you’d expect his knees would allow him to. ‘Let’s go, sweetheart.’
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The state of the kitchen island stops you in your tracks, while Joel lets out a low whistle behind you. ‘Jackson really turned out for this party, huh?’
‘Well, your brother and sister-in-law are pretty popular around town,’ you quip.
You didn’t think it was possible, but every square inch of the kitchen island is now jam-packed with sugary confections, stacked on top of one another.
‘I can’t even find the bloody cake,’ you laugh, literally searching high and low as you skirt the parameter.
On the other side of the island, Joel tosses a dry good luck in your direction and puts the dirty plates and cutlery that he brought in into the sink with a clatter, turning on the hot water. You stutter to a stop opposite him, gawking at how his broad shoulders fill the frame of the window that sits in front of the sink, before your gaze inadvertently trails south - over the nip of his waist and the hem of his shirt skirting the back pockets of his jeans. You find yourself wishing he’d tucked the tails in.
Rooted to the spot, you watch him unbutton the cuffs on his flannel shirt and push up the sleeves to the crease of his elbows, baring his strong forearms. Your mouth goes dry despite the wine you’ve been sipping on all evening, peering at the sinewy muscles flexing and straining as he lathers the plates with an offhand familiarity, his thick fingers dwarfing the sponge in as he works the grease stains. 
Making quick but thorough work of the washing up, Joel dries the plates and then runs the tea towel over his big hands and wrists, catching you staring as he turns around. If he knows you’ve been watching all along, he lets it slide. Tossing the towel to one side, heat prickles under your cheeks when he sidles up to you with the clean plates.
The sight of this man doing something as mundane as dishes really shouldn’t get you this hot and bothered.
‘Is that cream cheese?’ he asks conversationally with a nod at your cake, which you have found sitting on top of a tall plastic caddy, a chocolate cake inside.
Having to consciously unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth, you’re surprised your voice doesn’t shake. ‘It’s not carrot cake without it.’
‘Where did you get the cream cheese? Never seen any ‘round town.’
Almost bashful, you admit, ‘I made it.’
His eyebrows shoot up. ‘You made cream cheese? How?’
‘It’s not that big a deal. It’s just milk, lemon and salt,’ you say, trying to downplay it. Your arms are definitely not aching from the hours of straining and beating and whipping.
‘And the walnuts?’ he asks.
‘Someone I know grows it,’ you say vaguely.
Joel hums doubtfully. ‘Ain’t seen any walnut trees in town.’
Biting your bottom lip, you can pinpoint the exact moment he figures it out, brows drawing together in a frown. ‘The only ones I’ve seen are outside the walls, ‘round the north side of the gates.’
Knowing for a fact that you’re a terrible liar, you don’t even try. You choose to ignore him, idly smoothing the frosting on top with a clean knife, trying not to flinch at the weight of his gaze on you.
‘Sweetheart, please tell me you didn’t go outside just to get walnuts for me.’
‘Not for you,’ you shoot back unconvincingly, flustered. ‘I made the cake for Tommy and Maria.’
Lies. You know it. He knows it.
His shoulders stiffen, the fabric of his shirt bunching with the movement. ‘You can’t just go outside like that, y’know, there could be infected ‘round -’
‘Joel, I’ve been living here for years, I know what I’m doing,’ you argue huffily, not expecting a lecture, of all things. ‘I’m not stupid.’
He shakes his head. ‘Ain’t what I’m sayin’, Pin -’
‘Just leave it, ok?’ you reply sharply and, signalling an end to the conversation, you slice into the cake with an aggressive stab - not noticing that it is hanging over the edge of the caddy below. 
You squeak when it flips unceremoniously, and on pure impulse, you pitch forward to stop its upward trajectory, meeting it mid-air with an ominous splat.
‘Fuck!’
To his credit, Joel barely skips a beat, quickly but calmly grabbing hold of the cake board and pulling it off you, setting it down on the counter, while you gape in dismay at the damage done. 
The side of the cake that made contact with you is smushed in, most of the thick frosting now painted all over your front, from your neck down to the lovely, thin cashmere top that Lucy picked out for you for the party.
You really hope there’s a big guy up there watching, because someone might as well enjoy this mortifying brand of comedy you keep dishing out around this man.
Two seconds more, and you’re pretty sure you would’ve burst into tears for lack of knowing what else to do - but without another word, Joel takes the lead, wrapping a firm hand around your wrist and pulling you out of the kitchen. 
You gratefully let him.
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It’s none of your business really, but it comforts you that Joel’s obviously here often enough to know his way around the house.
You glance around the dimly lit room where he deposited you on the edge of a neatly made bed, water trickling in the adjoining ensuite. When he returns, he has a small, wet towel in his hands. Towering over you, the low lights don’t quite reach his face, but you can see the way his gaze slips downwards, carefully, as if he’s afraid to startle you.
But he doesn’t - not even when he slides the crook of his fingers under your chin, tilting your face up and opening up your throat.
His lips twitch wryly. ‘What a waste of perfectly good cream cheese.’
Despite yourself, a laugh escapes you at the absurdity of the situation. ‘Must something always go wrong whenever we’re in the same room?’
The corner of his mouth teases a smile. ‘Never a dull moment with you, sweetheart.’
You smile back, but it falters when his eyes burn in a quiet but unmistakable smoulder. 
‘May I?’
You’re not even sure what he’s asking. But he can ask you anything in that raspy, low baritone, and there will always only be one answer.
At your nod, Joel drags the tip of his index finger down the column of your neck, and your lips part when it glides over your windpipe - pressing just hard enough for you to feel the pressure - collecting the velvety frosting as it goes. 
Then, holding your eyes, he sucks the cream cheese off his fingertip, a hum deep in his throat. ‘Delicious, sweetheart.’
You’re sitting down, but somehow, you still feel your knees give way at how he smacks his lips at the sugary aftertaste.
He looms closer, bending at the waist and for one moment of madness, you think he might lean down and lick your neck clean. 
At the prospect of those plush lips and the burn of his silvered, patchy beard on your skin, your head tilts further back invitingly. His pupils dilate and his nostrils flare, like he’s picking up on what you’re thinking, and his eyes dip to your mouth.
But he doesn’t.
You don’t even have time to be disappointed before Joel carefully gets down on one knee in front of you, one palm landing on the mattress next to your hip for balance. Knowing the state of his joints, you want to ask if he needs a pillow, but instead of your mouth, it’s your thighs that part to make room for him. His chest keeps them splayed open, and you can feel the steady rise and fall of his ribcage with each breath through the denim. 
You try to focus on your own breathing as Joel presses the wet towel to your skin and mops up the sticky mess, his face set seriously as he cleans you up inch by inch. But all you can think about is how you can feel the imprint of his fingers through the thin fabric, and how the span of his hand can easily fit over the column of your throat -
You don’t realise you’re leaning into him until he draws back when he’s done, and you tip forward, chasing his touch. His knee groans as he stands up to his full height, and he nods towards the bathroom with a wait here in his eyes.
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The water is scalding as Joel washes out the frosting from the towel, but he keeps his hands under the tap, longer than he needs to. Wringing it dry, he takes a moment, wet palms gripping the cold porcelain edge of the bathroom sink, shoulders hunched over as he tells himself to calm the fuck down.
Except, he is calm. He’s held back, even when you looked at him with such straightforward, honest want that has him grinding his teeth.
Thing is, he knows you would’ve let him nudge you backwards into the mattress and crowd you between his arms, switching places the two of you were in under your sewing desk in the workshop.
He knows you would’ve let him wrap your legs around his hips, sliding his palms up the back of your thighs in those skin tight jeans - the sight of which is enough to make his head spin - and he knows you would’ve let him nip, suck, lick the tangy buttercream off your very neck. 
Not only would you have let him - you would’ve trusted him to do all those things to you.
That last realisation awakens something he’s not so sure he has a handle on. But he knows for a fact that with the whole of Jackson milling about downstairs, in the middle of his brother’s baby shower, is neither the place nor the time.
You’re where he left you when he steps back into the bedroom, your palms planted on the bed, your shoulders relaxed. The neckline of your blouse gapes loosely, teasing the soft skin of your cleavage.
Joel breaks the loaded silence with a bit of common sense. ‘You best get that top off and soak it in the bath before the stains really set in, sweetheart.’
You bite your lip hesitantly. ‘I - I don’t have anything to change into.’
‘You can have my shirt,’ he offers.
You sit up, attention piqued, when his hands move to the top of his flannel, thick fingers sliding each button out of the holes one by one. You know he’s just taking off his shirt, but you can’t help the way your jaw goes slack, watching shamelessly, the comforter twisting in your grip as you scrabble for something to hold onto. 
Joel doesn’t understand why you’re looking at him like that, but it’s so flattering to watch you watch him, eyes hooded and your tongue darting out to wet your bottom lip, like he’s giving you a fucking strip tease or something. 
Goddamn if it doesn’t go straight to his head.
A white undervest comes into view, inch by inch, as the shirt falls open, the thin fabric pulled taut at the seams over the broad stretch of his chest. When the last button is undone, he shrugs the shirt off with a smooth roll of his arms, and your jaw drops.
The undervest barely contains the bulk of him, and you’ll be damned if you know where to look first - the lean, solid line of his arms, or the effortless ripple of muscle in his shoulders - but it’s lower where your attention makes landing, and it takes you a second to realise why.
He’s not sucking in his tummy.
The swell of his abdomen sits above the top of his jeans, where the vest is neatly tucked in. You remember too well the brush of that soft strip of skin against the back of your hands when you were on your knees, cutting him out of his jeans; and then beneath you, straddling him under the sewing table. 
While there’s an undercurrent of self-consciousness in the way he holds himself, conspicuously missing is the self-deprecation that drew your ire the day he walked into your shop with a broken zipper. A tentative confidence has taken its place, which is at the same time so endearingly vulnerable, as if your reaction to the little show he gave you just now isn’t enough to assure him of what you’re thinking.
Your fingers twitch, yearning to reach out and tug him in by the front of his jeans, to untuck that vest and push it up and off. You want to snake your hands around his waist, hold him to you by the small of his back, and starting with his tummy, kiss your way across the soft belly - maybe with a cheeky scrape of teeth - up to his firm chest, his strong neck and to his lips. 
Or maybe, the calling southwards will win out. You’ll push him back to make room for yourself at his feet, nudging your way down his front with your nose, breathe him in, your hands finding his belt buckle and tugging it out of the loops instead. Never mind you've lost count of how many years it's been since you've wanted to do that, or if you remember how at all -
‘Pin.’
Your whole body jolts backwards when his voice pierces through your addled haze, low and raspy, snapping out of your sordid stupor almost grumpily - how rude of him to interrupt? - only to find him peering down at you with a lopsided smile. 
‘Get changed, sweetheart. I’ll be right back.’
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Leaving your top to soak in the sink, you pad back into the bedroom in just your bra, and you stare down at his shirt laid out neatly on top of the bed.
You press your palm over where his heart would be, the flannel still warm. For one indulgent moment, you pick up the shirt and hug it to you. It smells like him - the outdoors, a crisp spring day, with a whiff of the barbeque smoke from downstairs. You bury your nose into the soft fabric, eyes closed, imagining the weight and shape of him in it. 
Even as you put your arms through the sleeves to button it up, you already know it will be hard giving it back. You leave the last three buttons undone and you’ve just tied up the too-long ends in a double knot when there’s a polite but firm knock on the door. 
‘You decent?’
‘Yes.’
You hope your face doesn’t fall too obviously at the sight of Joel wearing a shirt again, probably one borrowed from Tommy. He leaves it unbuttoned though, which is small consolation. The air hums between you with stolen glances and words unsaid.
‘You wore those jeans for me,’ he says suddenly.
The for me rolls off his tongue coated in his delectable Southern drawl and a heady satisfaction.
You decide to be brave and shrug one shoulder in a show of attitude. ‘It was the only thing I didn’t have in the wash.’
His grin makes your heart swell. Stepping out of the open doorway, his eyes trailing heat where they linger over you, he says, ‘You look good in my shirt, sweetheart. Real good.’
You bite your lower lip at the compliment, replying shyly, ‘I like this look on you too.’
‘Used to be Tommy’s uniform during our contractor days,’ he reminiscences. ‘I’m just missing the utility belt.’
Oh. You actually find it offensive that the fleeting mention of something as banal as a utility belt should get you going like this. You try to palm off a non-committal hum, but your body betrays you with a strangled choking sound that gives you away.
Joel arches an eyebrow and closes the gap between you with three long, deliberate steps, one finger skimming where his shirt meets the waistband of your jeans. He teases with a smirk, ‘What’s that, sweetheart? This contractor look doin’ somethin’ for you?’
Your cheeks grow hot as both his palms latch boldly onto your hips, and you swear you can feel the burn of his fingertips through the denim, a moan gargling in your throat as your ability to form words abandons you.
‘That a yes?’ he prompts, hooking his thumbs through the belt loops in your jeans and tugging your body flush against his, his stubbled chin brushing the sensitive crook of your neck as he speaks into your ear.
‘Joel,’ you whine, which is the best you can do right now, grabbing onto the open flaps of his shirt just to stay upright.
You feel the rumble that goes through his chest under your palms when he purrs, smiling down at you, head cocked to one side with a playful condescension that’s going to be the end of you. ‘Yes, Pin?’
Your mouth opens, but you’ll never get to find out what you intended to say, because you hear it first - his right ear is to the door - the thunder of rubber soles on the stairs, and you're lucky you manage to stumble two steps back before a deafening (no pun intended), drawn-out call of his name follows.
‘JOOOOOOELLLL!’
Ellie crashes into the doorway with all the grace of a bull in a china shop, slightly out of breath like she’s been running all over the place searching for him, already in the middle of a sentence, as usual. 
‘- also Maria says they’re doing a speech now and you’re not getting out of -’ she breaks off abruptly when she spots you, eyes wide and brows - all one and a half of them - reaching for her hairline. ‘Oh shiiiiiit.’
Running a tired hand down his face, Joel’s sigh sounds a lot like surrender. ‘Ellie, this is Pin. Pin, I’m sorry.’
You bite your lip to hold back a laugh at the resignation in his tone as the teenager wrinkles her nose. ‘Pin? That’s a weird name.’
‘Ellie!’
You smile. ‘It’s ok. Pin's just my nickname. I’m a seamstress at the Main Street Outfitters.’
Her face lights up excitedly, an open book if you’ve ever seen one. ‘No shit! I’ve been bugging Joel for a leather jacket for ages. Can I get one?’
‘Please,’ he interjects.
Ellie tucks in her chin and juts out her bottom lip at you. ‘Please?’
You demur. ‘Well, it depends on what you can trade in for it.’
‘My boombox!’ she volunteers without skipping a beat. 
Joel scoffs. ‘Good to know those three weeks fixing that piece of junk for you was time well spent.'
‘Sorry, man, but I can’t wear a boombox can I?’ she argues.
Giving Joel an amused look, you come to his rescue. ‘I’m sorry, Ellie, but we only take clothes in exchange.’ At the way she deflates, you counteroffer, ‘Or, you can come work at the shop on Saturdays for the next couple of months. Lucy always needs help out front, and you get a staff discount.’
He turns to you, protesting, ‘That’s very kind, but it ain’t necessary -’
Ellie cuts in, rushing up to you to shake your hand before you can take it back. ‘Deal! When can I start?’
‘There’s no rush,’ you reply with a chuckle. ‘I’ll get back to you next week.’
Stepping back, Ellie winks, ‘So - let’s put a pin in it for now?’
Joel groans at the terrible pun. ‘Get outta here!’
She cackles, firing triumphant finger guns at you as she retreats. ‘What? Pin liked it, she laughed! You’re no fun old man!’ 
She then pauses by the door, her eyes narrowing as she zeroes in on something smeared on your jeans. ‘Wait - what’s that white stuff on your leg?’
‘It’s cream cheese, you little shit!’ Joel snaps as your ears burn in embarrassment. ‘Out!’
She scampers out of sight, but then reverses into view, sneakers squeaking. ‘ - Are you wearing Joel’s shirt?’
‘ELLIE!’
She throws her hands up. ‘Alright, I’m gone, I’m gone! See ya Pin!’
Joel is the very picture of an embarrassed dad, rubbing the back of his neck with a wince. ‘Sorry, she’s a handful.’
You grin, ‘She’s just a teenager.’
‘You can say that again.’
The quiet seems louder after Ellie, and you restlessly pick at the sleeves. Lifting your eyes shyly, it seems the moment has passed - but Joel has other ideas.
‘C’mere,’ he hums, drawing you close again with one hand on your waist, peering down at you through his lashes. ‘This ok?’
At your nod, he brushes his thumb on your bottom lip, catching the soft plump skin, and your tongue darts out to taste him, his eyes darkening.
‘Can I kiss you, sweetheart?’ he asks, voice hoarse.
It’s been years. Years since anyone has cared enough to kiss you, let alone cared enough to ask if they could. And it’s as if he knows - you don’t know if you’ve somehow given it away, or maybe it’s just him. 
‘Yes, Joel.’
He coaxes you closer so that you’re pressed along the whole length of him. His big palms are warm and solid on the small of your back, holding you to him like he intends for you to have trouble standing after he’s done with you. 
The tip of his nose bumps into your cheek, nudging its way across and down, and your eyes slide shut when his shaky exhale grazes your gently parted mouth. Your breath hitches at the sweet burn of his beard on your jaw, fingers grabbing onto the scruff of his neck when he finally, finally brushes his lips against yours.
For a man as hardened as Joel Miller, he sure kisses soft. He steals a whimper straight from your throat with nothing more than the clever angling of his lips, the slow drag of tongue on tongue, and a growl deep in his windpipe that you answer with your own moan.
You don’t even have the presence of mind to be embarrassed when your shins knock into his, breaking the kiss with a laugh as Joel hauls you up into his chest, looking very much pleased that he’s literally made your knees buckle.
‘Sorry,’ you squeak, beaming despite yourself.
‘You really know how to flatter a guy, sweetheart,’ he answers, his voice warming you like a smokey campfire, steadying by his hands on your hips.
‘We should probably go before Ellie comes back for us,’ you say reluctantly.
Joel huffs, ‘Ain’t gonna hear the end of it if she does.’
‘Something tells me you won’t be hearing the end of it tonight anyway,’ you tease.
He chucks you gently under the chin, his eyes soft. ‘Let’s go, sweetheart.’
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‘You’ve made yourself scarce,’ remarks Lucy as she ambles up to you with a glass of wine running low. ‘Where you been, hon?’
‘Had some trouble with the cake,’ you answer vaguely.
‘Sure,’ she winks at you, unconvinced. ‘If we’re calling him that.’
Right on cue, Joel strides across the lawn with three plates to join you. ‘Thought you might want some of Pin’s carrot cake.’
‘Such a gentleman, Joel Miller,’ chirps Lucy, making what can only be described as a 'thirst face' at you when his back is turned to her.
‘Thanks, Joel,’ you smile at him, letting your fingers graze his deliberately when you take the plate from him.
Saluting you with a forkful of cake, he says, ‘Thank you for bakin’, sweetheart.’
You watch as his lips close around the fork, dragging the cake clean off the slots, cream cheese smearing the corner of his mouth. He frowns, as if in deep pain as he chews, Adam’s apple bobbing when he swallows.
‘Okay?’ you ask nervously, your slice still untouched.
‘Perfect,’ he declares, already having a second, bigger bite. Knowing he doesn’t have a superfluous bone in his body, your chest warms at his words.
‘Wait a second,’ Lucy interrupts, bringing up her plate to inspect it closely. ‘Why does the cake look all wonky?’
‘Don’t know what you’re talking about, Luce,’ you answer coolly, taking a bite yourself.
Humming around a mouthful of moist crumb, the sweet carrot balanced out by the tangy frosting, you meet Joel’s eyes in the soft glow of fairy lights, and he flashes you a conspiratorial smile that makes you grin.
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More notes: On Ellie - I was so so nervous about writing our resident teenage badass. I hope I've done her justice, I certainly had a lot of fun writing her introduction to Pin! If you're interested in a detailed deep dive into my process writing this chapter, I do recommend you read the Behind the Seams for this part ❤️
I also went back and forth on the tone and style of this chapter a lot. I wasn’t happy with the way it read, probably still not 100% happy. I like the way Seams and Threads were written better, but the fact is that this chapter is a very different setting and narrative compared to the first two, so I’m trying to be too hard on myself.
So, I have some ideas for where the story will go from here, but nothing concrete. As I've mentioned, I see this fic as more of a loose-fit series, so there's no overarching plot per se, but there's definitely a lot of room for future episodes of these two - I mean, they haven't even done the deed yet 😉
Comments, asks and reblogs are greatly appreciated as always! Thank you so much for reading, I'm so excited to hear what you guys thought of this chapter 😘
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