#i love the way robbie sells too
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#el phantasmo#robbie eagles#njpw#bosj#wrestling#my gifs#the one where robbie is speaking he says ‘I hate you so much’#elp covering robbies eyes?? so good#i love the way robbie sells too#especially when he gets kicked#i love this match sm#may 26/22
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feeling uncooperative with the prompts in the meme. between cheech and old pat which one would survive a joint venture into a thrift store? and which of them would you convert into a minor league baseball player if you had a magic wand
God yeah I reblogged that list and then read the questions and was like...this list is wack lol. Anyway THANK YOU these questions are much more important and gets really into the Hearts and Minds of these men.
Who survives a joint venture to the thrift store: Old Pat. It's Old Pat. Man has looked 40 years old since he hit puberty and has just kept growing older. Old man is in his element with the real senior citizens. However it is very important to me to mention that they're going to a bespoke thrift store for like farm and cowboy shit. Cheech could handle normal thrifting. Cheech would be great at normal thrifting. But take him to a store where it's JUST vintage farming equipment and cowboy leather shit and that city boy is going to panic. Old Pat is having a blast looking at pieces of metal that clearly spark joy in his construction worker heart but make NO sense to Cheech, son of academics, WHL overager. Cheech agreed to come to the store to push the cart but now he is manfully deep breathing while Old Pat examines a metal thing with rings. Is it for horses? Is it for wearing? Is it a BDSM thing? Do you put it on a tractor? Cheech is scared. (It is literally just a beval bit.) These stores don't exist in the Bay Area but maybe they do in idk Manitoba or Michigan or whatever. Or Gilroy, where all our dreams come true.
Minor league baseball player: the thing is, we're on Sieloff Watch (KING. ANNOUNCE YOUR RETIREMENT OR SIGN SOMEWHERE BEFORE I THROW UP) and Cheech is having his hot girl summer. So I'm inclined to say Cheech, just bc I think he has a shot in hell of making it OUT of minor league baseball. Also he is handsome like a baseball player. He has the looks for it. Not that you have to be handsome to be a baseball player but it helps. Can you imagine that man in the humid outfield of some nameless town in the San Joaquin Valley, fighting for his life in the game, the top three buttons of his jersey are undone, his curls are wilting, the uhhhh idk Fresno Nightcrawlers, AA for some cursed af West Coast team, are down 9-7 in the 8th, when the skies open up and it starts pouring...the stands, already two-thirds empty on a Tuesday night clear, while the teams run for cover under the downpour. Nick stands in the outfield and tilts his head toward the sky, feeling, for a moment, relief and peace.
#this was soooo fun thank you#i unpacked 21 boxes of books. i need to organize since the categorization is loose but at least there are no longer 24 boxes in that room#there is a box of comics i don't want and two boxes of cookbooks for the kitchen#idk what to do with the comics. the part of my life where i was an issue by issue reader of comics is over#tempted to loosely inventory and sell on ebay like here for $50 all these doa indies can be YOUR problem#i'm also missing a whole chunk of my tkams but my mom says she saw a box of them in another room#which is good bc i would literally go insane if i were truly missing any of my intl copies of tkam some of that shit was SO hard to aquire#anyway i just remembered what i was going to say which is that in the cuda frontier town au in my shower thoughts#siels is the washer woman. he runs a laundry. employs robbie (too small to ride horses) and weather (doesn't want to be a cowboy)#cheech comes from way out of town bc he's on the run from the LAW (shot a man in manitoba but the other guy had it coming)#he lives in old pat's house above the laundry. shares a bedroom with robbie. siels teaches him how to get the blood off of leather#siels falls in love but the LAW catches up with cheech and he has to run further west and old washerwoman pat and his boys stonewall the LA#siels thinks of him still on cold nights. when he can hear his boarders laughing through the walls as they play cards#what life must be like to be young and in love..... (he is literally 28)#also henry is the one room school teacher#cage replies#anon#i love this ask lol thank you so much 🙏😌
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Ok so if you’re playing Tears of the Kingdom and love barbarian armor too I just fully upgraded it and I have a shorthand on how to do it relatively quick. Its still gonna take a chunk of time but I found an efficient way to do it.
I recommend getting Sensor+, big fucking honse, and the stealth armor to make the process easier. But start lynel hunting ASAP.
For each of the three armor pieces you will need 760 rupees, 5 razorshrooms, 3 razorclaw crabs, 3 bladed rhino beetles, 2 lynel saber horns, 2 lynel mace horns, 3 blue-maned lynel saber horns, 3 blue-maned lynel mace horns, 3 white-maned lynel saber horns, 3 white-maned lynel saber horns.
All to upgrade one piece of armor to max. Its a lot. But here’s my guide on how to do this efficiently:
This is my note on what color lynels spawn where. I have not tested this in earlier “levels”, right now I’m at the endgame where enemies spawn silver with regularity. But from this point these colors spawn in these locations regularly.
You’ll need 6 red lynel pieces each, 9 blue, 9 white.
This does mean you can get all the lynel pieces you need to fully upgrade one armor piece for blood moon. More if you use the Floating Coliseum. It also means you don’t need silver lynel pieces, so those can be fused to make lynel slaying weapons.
The problem is you need to wait out a blood moon. In TOTK you have to wait 168 in game minutes for each blood moon. That is… a long time to wait. You cannot speed this up by sleeping or resting. You have to pass this time in game. So what do you do?
Gather the other junk!
Get Sensor+ from Robbie. This will let you toggle materials on the sensor. Snap a pic of each item, tag them on the sensor, and check the regions below (if you haven’t found these items scavenge the regions to snap a pic.
Razorshrooms (15): great Hyrule forest and Tabantha Frontier
Razorclaw Crab (9): Faron beaches starting around Martha’s landing
Bladed Rhino Beetles (9): this one requires the most patience. I picked up full stealth armor for it. I followed a number of guides but this was most reliable: Start at Hateno Lab and glide to the surrounding forests. Having the sensor will keep this from wasting your time.
Alright! This gives us a task that can take up our time as we wait for blood moons. This also takes 2,280 rupees, which is not small. This is how I farm rupees:
Go to the lake of the horse god, where they used to be last game. Here there is big fucking honse. Tame and board big fucking honse
Go north to the Tabantha snowfields where a frost gleeock roams. You can easily stay out of aggro range. Starting from the stable go north. Big fucking honse is faster than other woodland creatures so when you see one run it down and trample it under your fucking hooves. Wolves take two tramples, but with big fucking honse you don’t need arrows.
Collect the meat. Prime and gourmet meat are most important. Cooking five prime meats gives a skewer you can sell for 135 rupees. Five gourmet meats gives you one to sell for 315 rupees. I hunt until I have abt 20 gourmet meats since they sell more, and prime is easier to get so it makes a good haul.
This can also be done while you’re waiting out a blood moon so there’s less downtime. And if you have everything but lynel pieces and you’re waiting for the next blood moon go play stuff. Explore the game. Go do stuff.
And that will get you fully upgraded barbarian gear! 🥳
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Your post was so long again but I agree about what you said about Tory from cobra Kai. The show victimizes her too much. Not saying that Sam has never done anything wrong but it’s crazy how every faults her for things while Tory can around starting a fight that ends with someone being kicked over railing and breaking into someone’s house and attacking them with a weapon not once but twice. It’s crazy.
I have a lot of comments about how those two in particular are written. The show doesn’t do a good job writing for their teenage characters and has an overall problem with classism. I can’t help but notice how the poor characters are presented with negative undertones. The Miguel story line in Mexico and the way it was presented? Awful. That’s another conversation for another day.
Let’s go back to the point of the ask and is going to be a LONG one so this will probably be my last take on this whole thing.
(Tory lovers — this is probably not your place).
The problem for me is how the show is so committed on making Sam the villain and the audience cheers for it like the excuses for hating on Sam are legitimate. This fandom has a huge misogyny problem. If Sam was depicted as a more "femme fatale" type of female character the conversation around her would be different. If you cannot sexualize Sam, then she’s just an annoying teenager and I’ve said this before and the way this fandom speaks about Sam proves me right.
The rivalry between Sam and Tory was so badly executed and they want to make it seem like it comes down to social class but they are unable to make it valid without inserting the boys into it. The show has been trying to put the blame on Sam for the school fight and repeatedly tells the audience she's the one to blame. This is a huge problem and to this day I’ve seen people blindly believe this. No one told Tory to walk into school to start a violent fight. The fact she gets defended over this is insane. Her violent actions created a domino effect and she has never apologized for it. No, it didn’t start because Sam cheated on Robby. Tory decided to resolve the issue by going after Sam instated of speaking to her boyfriend. Tory stans view the school fight as a win for her and that’s actually insane because it had nothing to do with Karate, that was a criminal act. She tried to kill someone. How can people expect Sam to be okay with her after that?
The show constantly vocalizes how Sam cheated on Robby. Almost as if we as an audience need to remember this fact about her to villainize her, but the show never tries to blame Miguel for cheating on Tory and never mentions how Sam was intoxicated during that party so the responsibility falls on Miguel’s shoulders more so than Sam. Miguel never gets called out for the things he does and I love him but this a recurrent problem with the show.
Another issue is how this fandom constantly devalues and minimizes Sam’s anxiety and PTSD. The amount of edits I’ve seen using Sam's panic attacks as a "look at Tory being so bad ass". Tory was a bully. Someone capable of going physical and aggressive. Sam was beat up in a brutal way, watched her ex boyfriend fall off the rails because of a fight Tory caused and her current boyfriend ran away as a result. I’ll be traumatized and Sam had a lot of reasons to hate Tory the way she did. It wasn’t a simple thing, it was straight up attempted murder. I am not saying the things Sam did were always right but I’m sure she’s allowed to feel that way but that’s the thing Sam is never allowed to feel aggression without being sell as unreasonable.
The show never tries to make Tory regret her actions but rather make excuses for her. That is the problem that would never let me fully root for her. We saw her semi apologize to Miguel, once. Then, episodes later we saw her telling Robby: "They get to have a normal life and we don’t". How does Miguel having a life altering injury and trauma normal for him? How does Sam developing PTSD and a crumpling guilt for something she didn’t do, normal? It’s the lack of self awareness. I’m sorry, Tory does not get to feel normal because actions like that should have consequences. The fact only Robby got to be punished by the school fight is wild considering Tory (and Hawk) deserved more and they got bare minimum.
Season 3 did nothing to show Tory understood the gravity of her actions or regrets the school fight because the season ends with her committing yet another crime: breaking into a house, demolishing private property and beating Sam up with a weapon. Again, made not mistakes, Sam deserves this. For some reason, anything Sam did cannot be worst than this. It’s what the show keeps trying to make us believe because Sam is rich and has a family. The show making Tory see reason in her mistakes is what should’ve kick started her redemption arc for season 4. Hawk’s redemption arc was done bad too. It’s okay to sympathize with Tory and her life but the way the writers and the audience make excuses for her it’s wild. Sam gets blamed for Dimitri getting his arm broken, not Hawk who did it and not Tory who verbally encouraged him.
Season 4 did Sam dirty and I’m terribly sorry for Mary Mouser. She clearly loves Sam but the writers don’t give her much to work with and keep deleting important scenes for her character. Plus, half of this fandom misogynist takes fall on her. Tory and Amanda's story line was terrible and so unrealistic and it did nothing but paint her as an unsupportive mother. I would never put my daughter's bully as a priority over my owns daugther’s comfort. I would never invite my daughter's bully into my own house, the place that’s supposed to be a safe space. Nothing about this plot was okay and it was pretty insulting to survivors. This plot was just to give Tory a 'redemption' that instated of having Tory apologize for her mistakes and realize the consequences of her actions, the writers angle this by making Sam to be the bully and the "unreasonable" one. Sam does not have to play nice with Tory. The show tries really hard to make it seem normal to forget and move on from a girl that tried to brutally harm you (twice) just because she’s poor and has not family support. Sam doesn’t have to be the better person. Life doesn’t work that way and there’s not justification for this. I do believe Tory regrets it but the show doesn’t do her any justice by constantly victimizing her.
Season 5 was a disappointment. Rushed and relied too much on fan service. I get that Tory’s situation was difficult and why it was hard for her not to tell anyone what Terry did but Sam’s reaction when Tory reveals to her the tournament was rigged isn’t exaggerated. It was absolutely valid. Firstly, Tory isn’t her friend. She is someone that has caused her pain both physically and mentally. Sam has been dealing with a lot of pressure because her "losing" that tournament put her family in a difficult situation. But, here’s the catch, Sam is rich so her struggles aren’t valid, according to the show.
As someone pointed out before, the Tory and Sam scene at her apartment was not meant to give Tory a believable redemption arc. It was used as a punch line against Sam and to further victimize Tory who still hasn’t apologized to Sam for beating her up and trashing her house. Tory's living situation was redirected towards Sam and her privilege and how "inconsiderable" of people’s struggles she is. How does Tory’s living situation changes Sam’s views on her? Or what she’s done to her? This angle makes me upset because it means people are allowed to be terrible just because of their life conditions. This isn’t doing people with financial struggles any favors. The show never gave Tory a redemption arc. They just sympathy baited the audience into thinking she’s justified. The writers overall have never done Tory justice as a character either. She was only given a personality until season 4, before that she was just one dimensional, she was there to serve as their own femme fatale / Sam’s rival.
I could go on and on about how the resolutions of the "rivalry" not only for Tory and Sam but Miguel and Robby were done terrible. Robby’s issues with Miguel and Johnny don’t get to be resolved after one fight. Johnny never proved he deserves Robby’s forgiveness. The baby plot was just a way to force Robby and Miguel to get along because "they’re family" now. Sam never got to heal from Tory’s actions. The narrative is trying to force it for plot sake. There’s a lot of baggage and to this day there’s people that go "Sam x Miguel and Robby x Tory double date for S6” as if those people suddenly being bffs is normal and realistic. That group of people could never be close friends. It was not done or developed in a believable or fair way.
I am a believer that season 5 was written that way because they weren’t sure about season 6 yet so they worked for it as a de facto finale. They tried to tie some loose ends but enough of an open ending to pick right up. And it shows.
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But how do you know the fake laddy image is fake and not how he wants to do. He was forced at a you g age into a plastic environment where he had to almost perform at all times to protect an image, what if he just feels comfortable being a little bit trashy?
Hi, anon!
I've talked about this many times before, but it's about who you think Louis is when he's totally himself, when he doesn’t have to put up a mask or project a certain image. It's about who you think he is when he's with Harry. His image in 1D weren't totally him, but it wasn't that far off. His current image is an image that is curated to gain male fans, set him apart from the other 1D members and make him look straight and a father. Louis Tomlinson tm really wants to be indie, he really wants to be looked at as a common lad and as someone who grew up in the brit pop era listening to Oasis and Blur. It's pretentious, it's really far from the truth, and it isn't genuine or authentic and it shows. There are elements of it that’s real, but it's more about how he wants to come across rather than who he really is. He badly wants to look cool and he seeks male validation.
What we do know for a fact is that when he says in interviews that he got into music at 12-13 by listening to Oasis, that's a blatent lie. He was the biggest S club 7 fan according to his mother, he listened to Nickleback and got a Far Away tattoo. He went to see the Script in concert. His old bebo account doesn’t lie. He raves about the Artic Monkeys being from close to Doncaster but he's never said he saw them perform as a teen. He simply wasn't into that kind of music back then. He was more likely to jam out to ABBA or top 40 songs, than indie music. He looked up to Robbie Williams and he was too busy drooling over Chad Michael Murry in One tree hill and being a sappy romantic to listen to broody realism lyrics and heavy guitar music.
I do think Louis has changed and developed. I do think he loves football and sport and always have, i do think he's more comfortable in joggers and a t-shirt. I don't think wearing suspenders was him. I do believe he's caring and loving and a hopless romantic. I believe him when he says he's a half glass full kind of person. I don't believe him when he claims to be into punk rock and the anarchy tattoo makes me cringe.
Louis is a gay man hiding his natural flamboyance and mannerisms to come off as more masculine, straight and cool to an indie and male audience. He's deeply insecure, because he's been told by powerful people that he can't come off as gay, because he'll lose fans. He is still adhering to the same self-policing since the 1D days and still being self-concious. His image is still straight, even straighter than he came off as while in 1D. It's even worse trying to appeal to an indie audience and a male target group than teenage girls. He's trying very hard to fit the indie mold in all ways possible. But it's not totally him.
Also, he might love the athleisure wear and the 28 official programme stuff, i can believe that. I don't think he hates the indie image they're going for. I think it's something he thinks he can pull off, but they do need to exaggerate and build a narrative to sell the image because it isn't authentic nor genuine. That's important in that genre and to his target audience to be looked at as cool and accepted.
At the same time, he should also know that most of his fans aren't british and brit pop nostalgic like he's going for. His fandom still msotly consists of women who loves his softer side, his pop ballads and are into his looks. They reject toxic masculinity and most know he's gay. Louis praising Liam Ga*lagher is a red flag and is extremely off putting. Louis can want to be as trashy as he likes, but he's not gaining fans doing what he's currently doing. It's that simple. He's not indie and he's not genuine. It's easy to see he's still insecure, still not free and himself and he's trying really hard to come off as cool to indie fans and men.
I'd love to see more of the real Louis. Real Louis is a multidimentional man. He's not a laddy lad who is emotionally stunted, and only smokes and drinks, and brags on social media about his drug use. He isn't someone who mocks his fans and yells at them. He's not the stereotype he's trying to live up to.
I do think he's tired of complying to the cleanliness clause he was under in 1D, so hence the exaggerated and juvenile drinks and drugs promo. But it's very much a concious decision to perpetuate an image. It's not cute, and it's only slightly attractive to 14 year olds.
Regardless, he can do whatever he likes, but that choice has consequences. He's starting to see those consequences more and more. So is he going to do something about it to mitigate the consequences or not? I think he should if he wants to continue to be a world touring artist, but maybe he'd rather go full indie and play for fifty male indie audience members in Scunthorpe.
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Nancy Spudgen
Absolutely love this woman and I’ve just done a podcast on my Spotify and cherry info dump, please feel free to listen about how strong women are often degraded and major feel not good and Nancy features in his episode along with Courtney Love Margot Robbie and many of us, to get it right otherwise it’s not right and I’d put a video recently as well on my TikTok about how much people hated Nancy and describing it and I honestly feel and I’m not just rubbing this in that if people got which is just describe me and many people would hate me also, I have just been by my neighbours selling math which is a drug. We don’t even get over here., I literally leave my house twice a week to go to the pharmacy with my mother and my my mother is the one who helps me. I support dogs also., in fact I told my landlord I was assaulted here at the time I said can I have a new property? Can I go somewhere else? He didn’t help me and maybe, but the other neighbours haven’t been here as long as he’s never had a problem with me at all I’ve never given him anything to be annoyed about. It’s just my paranoid neighbour, hasn’t been here for months and then not my face but I have always had this thing thing where I can tell when people don’t like me and it is quite often which is, and this is how I feel. Nancy must’ve felt a lot of her life maybe Nancy didn’t care but I guess deep down that she probably did I mean she was a deep Pisces a double Pisces at that Pisces rising and Pisces with a Gemini moon, this woman suffered whole life and she only lives till 20 she said she even predicted the fact that she wouldn’t live past the 21st birthday🌑 and her mother even knew that she wasn’t, she was born into this world where the mother couldn’t hold her for days born with the umbilical cord wrapped round her neck and which caused brain damage, and then these men from the UK who are working class have the right to this woman some skank who comes from middle-class Jewish background not that I’m saying classes to do with it but it’s just the irony of it,
Her family in fact especially her mum because I’ve read her book were disgusted by wishes they didn’t think he was talented at all and I tend to agree with him. He is not a very talented musician in fact Courtney Love and being a talented version of silly Nancy Nancy is talented in the way of spotting things and realising things are going to be a success so she would’ve made a good manager and like business woman if she’s gone down a different path or even in the music industry it doesn’t have to be she had it where her mind was behind her body so she got talk guitar and she found it really frustrating because she couldn’t because her mind was behind her body. Her body was growing fast as a child scream murder literally every day and when her youngest sibling came along which was another girl she absolutely hated it and treated the younger sibling really bad! then she had a younger brother so she actually didn’t treat that badly. Maybe it was because he was a boy. I’m not too sure but the household get her away because it was just easier than having to go through her mood swings anyway once she moved to the UK, they barely saw her. They spoke to her on the phone every day and she was very close to her mother.
But from the ages of about 19 she was just gone that was it they did see her back-and-forth and when they said at night she moved to New York Nancy being from Philadelphia they did see them from time to time but said what a bad way they were she said talks about one time how they met met them on the train platform and how everybody was staring at them and they looked really out of place. They both like translucent and really white and they just didn’t look very well and everyone was staring at them and they weren’t even aware of it at the time. She said that Nancy said we’re just like any other couple and that said try to act like her son and called her mother., himself didn’t have a very good mother, his mother was a drug addict and his drug dealer. A lot of the time gets blamed for her addiction but one he’s older and his mother was already an addict so people will get your stress and read. I can’t live like this anymore by Deborah Spudgen
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I think he kinda bit himself in the ass because this is so clearly just a oscar play. Sure they want you to want it but when you want it too much they're not gonna give it to you.
I honestly think that either way it would've been pretty hard for him because Cillian Murphy is a) campaigning for once b) is campaigning in a way that doesn't seem desperate, and has the kind of artist's vibe that is all "I would appreciate this but I don't need" which can put the Academy in DADDY WATCH ME TWIRL! mode, kinda like Margot Robbie in Actors on Actors with Cillian, which was admittedly delightful c) was in a movie that was both super critically acclaimed and very culturally and financially impactful. I mean, he also anchored the movie.
Buuuut when Maestro loses critical regard as it hits its fully release... when it drops from the Netflix top 10 so quickly... when there's the nose hubbub... The desperation... I mean, on their own none of these things would sink a win for him, and I do think he'll probably be nominated, for Best Actor and possibly Best Director. Together, it's more of an issue.
One of the most incredibly desperate moments I've ever seen on film is that big climactic performance, where he paints it in this incredibly arduous, melodramatic way. And then the credits ends on real footage where Bernstein is obviously putting his all in and very passionate, but not so................ belabored? Like, he seems as if he enjoys himself because he... does? It's his passion lmao? I mean, that exemplifies someone doing something because it is in their veins and they are an artist and they do love it, versus someone desperately trying to sell the image of themselves as an artist like Cooper. And seeing that footage, I was like "damn, that guy does seem amazing and deserved a better movie".
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Do u have like a ranking of the characters starting from your fav
oh gosh like as in the rogues (i hope so because that's what i'm doing now)??? i like a very specific set of rogues (although it gets bigger every day lmao) but you asked for it so i will not PUNISH YOU in ways you never even thought possible by rambling on for quite some time 💚 so anyway feel free to suggest new rogues to me or try to change my mind because i listed rogues i don't care for and ones i wanna fall in love with too u-u
ok let's start off nice and easy by saying i don't like catwoman. i find her hard to read, she's cold, she's mean and i she would make me cry. i hate her. and i also hate ra's al ghul god damn.
ANYWAY ON TO THE GOOD STUFF
Number One: The Riddler
my beloved disgusting green man 💚 there hasn't been a riddler i've met yet who i wouldn't kiss on the head and then fuck hard and long like i am obsessed with every iteration of him. you want me to rank them, i can't, but please know that arkham and capullo are up at the top fighting each other (shirtless, covered in oil, maybe kissing too i dunno, maybe not just shirtless either maybe we're talking just hanging dong, bouncing around all over the place, rubbing against each other I GOT SO DISTRACTED HOLY SHIT LMAO)
Number Two: The Penguin
just something about a silly little guy with a silly little smile and a silly little tummy that does it for me. this is very specific to farrell and gotham penguins but honestly, i've just finished reading one bad day and i'd fuck him too 💜
Number Three: Scarecrow
i want him so bad you don't even know, like i want jonathan crane to read me a book, then fuckin fear toxin me and then i want scarebeast to rail me sorry but i'm also not sorry. he also just seems like such a nice man which don't even come at me
Number Four: Two Face
such a handsome, handsome, charming, well-dressed man battling his inner (outer) demons like??? what more could you really ask for??? get you a man who can do both, be super smart and cutie and also absolutely unhinged and hot
Number Five: Harley Quinn
i struggled ranking ivy and harley but ultimately she's so cute and bubbly and fun and i want her to squish my cheeks and let me touch her butt, like i don't like margot robbie something about her bugs me but i still loved birds of prey, that's the lure of harley ;-;
Number Six: Poison Ivy
yeah yeah ivy is hot everyone knows it, yes cool eco-terrorism sure thing, but ok so also while we're here, fat ivy. fat ivy fat ivy fat ivy. i would sell my fucking organs to fill my grabby little hands with her body >:(
Number Seven: Victor Zsasz
love you chihuahua man u-u mostly gotham zsasz because he radiates mischief, just a cheeky lil guy, visiting his bub and getting ice cream with his pals, and he's so funny???
Number Eight: Victor Freeze
freeze gets to be ranked on my list PURELY because he's a mad scientist, he's nice to his wife (romantic what????) and MOSTLY because of that one shot of nathan darrows in gotham with the low-rise fucking trousers like good LORD in heaven the stranglehold that has on my clit you wouldn't believe
honourable mentions of rogues i kinda fuck with but not enough to rate or rank yet:
black mask, but absolutely the fuck not ewan mcgregor
mad hatter, i want to love you
joker, i hate him but i want to fuck him sometimes it's complicated
bane
professor pyg
hugo strange
solomon grundy
rogues i want to fuck with in future:
clock king
music meister
huntress
the creeper
batmite (what the fuck is he i love him???)
jeremiah arkham
flamingo
cluemaster
calendarman
firefly
hush
rogues i know but don't give a fuck about:
killer croc
manbat
clayface
killer moth
king shark (except i wanted to fuck him in assualt on arkham)
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A Place to Call Home (4/4)
woof. we are finally here at the end! this chapter actually kicked my ass. the way it was in my head just did not translate on paper, so I rewrote it a million times. it’s still not 100% but I just had to finally make myself happy with this. thank you to KG and Drea for not only the support and the heartwarming comments, but also for joining me along on the NigelBryan obsession that shows no signs of sloshing. You’re both the best!!! I hope you all enjoy, and let me know if you love them like I do.
Title: A Place to Call Home
Pairings: Nigel McGuinness/Bryan Danielson, Bryan Danielson/William Regal, Bryan Danielson/Wheeler Yuta/Claudio Castagnoli/Jon Moxley
Ratings/Warnings: Language
Summary: And Bryan knows what he means. Because as they’d pulled away from Nigel’s little house on the quaint little street, he realised that his heart ached just a little bit. It had, in two weeks, become a home away from home. Because it was Nigel’s, and even though he had never been there, there were traces of Bryan throughout. Bryan felt at peace there, at home, even though he’d gone there specifically to tell Nigel that he wasn’t where he should be, that he wasn’t home. It’s how Bryan knows he’s right, that home isn’t a fixed place, home is a feeling. Home is here in Ring of Honor, by each other's side, causing and creating chaos. But home is also back in Liverpool, in that little house, at the pub with Jenny, Robbie, Tom and George. It’s in Blackpool in that old fashioned B&B. It’s in all the places they’ve travelled across the country, across England and Japan. Home is Nigel, home is wrestling. Home is places you feel just right, with the people that make you feel just right.
Word Count: 7,464
Parts: ONE | TWO | THREE
AO3
I love the bones of you and that I will never escape. — The Bones of You, Elbow.
X
The first few days back in the States are a blur of meetings, sleeping and eating. Nigel gets all fucked up by jetlag, and Bryan has to be the one to get him up in time for said meetings, and deal with his insessant pawing in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep. They stop in a little Air B&B in Jacksonville, and Tony sends cars to pick them up when they need to have meetings in person, but most of the time it’s done via Zoom, because Tony doesn’t want his latest signing getting spoiled.
Bryan had called Tony right away, scared that Nigel would change his mind if he waited, and they’d had a long conversation about what Nigel wanted to do, and what it would take for him to come back. Which, once Tony started telling him the finer details of the Wembley stadium show, and how he could already picture Nigel being an important part of the show, wrestling or not, seemed to get the itch well and truly under Nigel’s skin, and by the end of that conversation, a verbal contract had been signed, and Nigel was officially going to be All Elite, starting off with Ring of Honor commentary, but could progress to literally anything else, providing Nigel wanted it enough and he passed physicals.
At the end of that call Nigel had shut the laptop closed and then looked at the wall for a good five minutes before he said, “Fuck, I’m really doing this, arent I?” Then he’d realised that he’d just told Tony he’d work for him while still actually having an actual real life job. He had a breakdown upon realising he had to quit his job, saying that he’d rushed into this and he shouldn’t have done it, and maybe he should call Tony back and tell him he was being stupid.
Bryan slapped him and told him to pull himself together. They had a small fight, nothing too crazy, but Nigel accused him of selling him a pipe dream and Bryan called him a coward. It ended with Nigel calling his boss and telling him the news that he was quitting, effective immediately. It didn’t go down well, and Bryan almost felt like taking the phone from Nigel and hanging up when he heard the way the man talked to him, even from his position on the couch next to him.
After that it had all been go go go. Tony got them on a private flight and they were taken to where they were staying. Then all the meetings. And Bryan had had to do his own kind of housekeeping, and he’d called Claudio and told him he was back, but he was going to be busy for a little bit. He didn’t explicitly tell him that Nigel was with him, or what was happening, because even though he knew Claudio wouldn’t tell anyone and ruin the big surprise, Bryan wasn’t going to ruin it either. But he promised that once everything settled down, he’d come home.
He called Regal too, and the call was a car crash from start to finish.
“Darling,” He’d said, tone firm and a little cold, despite the pet name. “Nice to finally hear that you’re alive.”
“I’m sorry, I took the loss harder than I thought.” Bryan had responded. Nigel was across from him, looking at him curiously, but half asleep too.
“Yes, well, must have been some loss if you ended up halfway across the world in bed with Nigel McGuinness.” The words were spiteful and almost bitter. Bryan’s never really spoken to Regal about Nigel, not about him as a wrestler and not about their relationship. Back when they were young he didn’t get to see Regal as often as he liked because of how much he was on the road, and when they were together there was never really much talking about other people, so he never really discussed his relationship with Nigel with Regal. But the man knows how he feels about him, it’s abundantly clear, it always has been. So to hear him sound so cold about him, them, after finding out he’d called Nigel last year, was something that Bryan hadn’t expected.
“You called him.” Bryan had said back, because he couldn’t deny that he had been in Nigel’s bed, that it was like that between them, because it was.
“Yes, last year. I should have known that if I wanted Nigel to do anything I should have gotten you involved first. Seems you have done the impossible, Bryan. The great Nigel McGuinness, back in the business. Congratulations.”
Bryan had felt his skin prickle. It had been a while since Regal had been like this with him, more than a while, quite a long time actually, probably since the last time they wrestled and he’d worked his way into Bryan’s head.
“Who said he’s back in the business?” Because they hadn’t told anyone, and he was sure Claudio wouldn’t have told him.
“As soon as I knew you were over there darling I knew what you were doing. Doesn’t take much to find out what Mr Khan is up to, either. Tell me darling, just how did you convince him to get back into the ring? Your hand in marriage? A couple of children and a white picket fence home?” The sneer at the end of the words had made Bryan feel cold. Regal was jealous. But that didn’t make sense — they’d never, ever been jealous of the other’s separate relationships. Not when Regal got every sweet young wrestler he could into his bed to test them, and not when Bryan had multiple other relationships at the time. So why now?
“Why are you doing this?” Bryan asked him, and Nigel had started looking at him with more interest then, like he realised that Regal was being difficult on the phone.
“I just don’t understand why you went to him, of all people.”
“You know why.”
Regal had been silent for a while, and then said, “Yes, well after how long it’s been I would have thought those silly little feelings would have disappeared.”
Bryan had bristled, because those words were full of misplaced jealousy. Regal has never been a one man type of guy, and neither has Bryan, and that’s always been okay. But when it comes to Nigel, it seems like it’s not okay.
So, rather cruelly, Bryan had responded with, “And after everything you’ve done you’d have thought that our feelings for you would have disappeared.”
Regal responded with silence, like he’d realised what he’d been saying.
“Where are you?” Regal had said in the end.
“Not at home, that’s all I can say.”
“Oh darling, it’s not like—“
“Don’t say anything, don’t ruin this for him. For me. Please?” Bryan had begged. He’s not a begging person, really, but he is when it comes to Regal. He knows that sometimes the man’s cruelty knows no bounds, and that he wouldn’t think twice about lifting the lid on Nigel’s return before it happened and ruining the whole thing, just to spite the man.
“You’re assuming people are going to care, Bryan.”
It was another cruel, knife twisting remark. And the way Nigel had stiffened beside him told Bryan that Nigel had heard every single word.
“They will. Otherwise you wouldn’t have called him last year. You know just as well as I do the asset he can be.”
Regal had said, “You don’t need him. This isn’t what was supposed to happen when I left.”
And Bryan had just shrugged even though Regal couldn’t see him. “Then maybe you’re losing your touch.” Bryan said, and a sick feeling had washed over him as he remembered getting on his knees in front of Mox, begging him not to hit him for what he did. Slapping Mox. Distancing himself from them all as he took Regal’s side.
“Tell Nigel to keep an eye on his phone calls in the next few days.” Regal had said, and Bryan’s body had washed cold, and he’d gripped the phone so hard that he feared it could break.
“William don’t, please don’t—“ but Bryan hadn’t been able to finish his sentence before the phone was put down on him. No goodbye, no I love you. Just the vicious beep of the call disconnecting.
“He hasn’t changed, has he?” Nigel had said, breaking the silence after the call. And Bryan had wanted to scream, because he’s always known what Regal was like. He’s the Gentleman Villain, after all, and he’s as mean as he is handsome. But with Bryan he’s always been softer, and this time, this run they had together, the Blackpool Combat Club, he was different. Different with Mox, different with Claudio, different with Yuta. He was a softer, gentler man when they weren’t in the ring or training. But no, Nigel was right. He hasn’t changed, and he never ever will, and Bryan is stupid for thinking otherwise.
++
Bryan travels to Dynamite alone. They’d flirted with the idea that Nigel could come, they’d hide him, but ultimately it’s not worth the risk of the surprise getting out, and there’s only a few days until Supercard of Honor, where Nigel’s making his big return, so he stays home. Bryan had thought about not coming too, but then when they’d caught up on everything, Bryan found out that Yuta has called out fucking Shibata, and he needs to talk to the little shit before Friday.
He doesn’t tell the others he’s coming. And when he gets to the arena, he goes to see Tony first, gets checked over by medical to make sure he’s clear to return, and then hides himself away.
If his time with Nigel has reminded Bryan of anything, it’s that he’s not very good at talking about how he feels, or saying the right things, and sometimes it’s just best to show up and prove that you’re here. That you’re here to stay.
So when he’s watching the monitors, and the guys are out, circling Kenny Omega, Mox getting ready to squash him like he’s an annoying bug, Bryan runs out.
The feeling of finally going back out to a crowd, of hearing the roar of your name, the booming base of your music hitting, it’s electric, and Bryan feels it all the way to his bones when he finally makes it into the ring. The last time he was inside the ropes, he’d just lost to MJF, and his heart was broken and it felt like nothing could fix it.
The next day, he was in England, in Nigel’s house.
Nearly three weeks later he’s back home, in the ring with his boys, he’s got Kenny on the mat and Yuta is screaming with feral rage in his face and its wonderful. It’s fucking wonderful because his heart is healed, Nigel is back in Jacksonville, watching this all transpire on TV, going over the notes Tony sent him to prepare for Supercard. He’s back, and so is Bryan, and it doesn’t matter that he lost his last shot at the title because he’s back renewed, he’s got his family back and the little piece of his heart that’s been somewhere else for the last decade is finally back. The little missing piece of his soul is home and he can finally, finally focus on becoming the best version of Bryan Danielson he’s been since 2009.
“You little shit,” Bryan says immediately when they get behind the curtain, slapping Yuta upside the head. “You called out Shibata?”
“Ow! Hello, Bryan, nice to see you too, yes, I did miss you, you fucking prick.” Yuta complains, rubbing his hand over the back of his head where Bryan hit him.
“Now now, Yuta, language,” Claudio admonishes softly, but he’s smiling, all soft and dopey like Claudio gets sometimes. “Prinzli, you didn’t tell us you were coming back.”
“Surprise?” Bryan says, not too dissimilar to the way he did when he first turned up at the car dealership to see Nigel.
“A nice surprise, at that. Come on, let’s not talk here.” Claudio says, and he gets an arm around Bryan’s shoulders as they walk back towards their locker room. Mox is ahead of them, having not said anything yet, all bouncing energy, shoulders rolling as he jumps and bounces his way into the room.
“So, what the fuck you got to say for yourself, Danielson?” He says once the door is closed. Mox is on the offensive, his shoulders hunched and his fists clenching. Bryan doesn’t blame him, not one bit, after how they left things.
“I’m sorry,” Bryan says, realising that there’s not a lot he can say beside that. “I know I can’t take anything back. I know can’t change what he’s done—“
“Ain't talkin’ bout’ him, where you been? Claudio said you were finding yourself in fucking Blackpool.” Mox grumbles.
“Oh. Did you…” Bryan looks to Claudio, because he doesn’t know if he mentioned Nigel’s name.
“No, I didn’t. I figured that’s something you’d have to explain for yourself.”
“Fuckin, enough with the secrets, what the fuck is going on?”
Bryan lets out a breath. “I went to see Nigel. I found him, and I went to see him.”
“Nigel as in, Nigel McGuinness?”
Bryan nods, and he watches as Mox works it all out in his head, lets the information roll around in his head for a moment before he says,
“He alright?”
“Oh, yeah. He’s. Good. He’s a car salesman.” Bryan says, and he says he is one rather than was one because, well if he can keep this a surprise for just another two days, the look on everyone’s faces when Nigel walks out at Supercard is going to make Bryan’s heart burst.
“A fucking car salesman? That’s fucked. We got him to thank for setting your head straight? You speak to the traitor?”
Mox’s questions are quick fire as he unrolls the ring tape from around his wrists. Claudio’s undoing his boots, and Yuta is watching them quietly.
“Yes, and yes. But we’re not — he isn’t important right now, Regal, I mean. He’s gone. We’re still here, and Yuta is calling out people like Shibata. How could you let him do that?”
“Don’t put that on me, I don’t go to ROH.” Mox says, pointedly looking at Claudio.
“I had no idea he was going to do that! He just did it!”
Yuta tries to make himself small in the corner, like they’re not talking about him.
“Yuta?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say! You want me to keep pushing and keep challenging and who better than to challenge than The Wrestler, Katsuyori Shibata?”
“I admire your spirit, Yuta, but we could have had a conversation about this, got you ready. We’ve got like, two days.”
“No offence, Bry, but you weren’t here to have a conversation with.”
Bryan deserves that, he really, really does. Because he wasn’t there. And even if Yuta had called him, he might not have answered, not with how he’s been wrapped up in Nigel these past few weeks.
“Yeah. Yeah, I wasn’t. Have you been studying?”
“Yeah, with my notebook and everything. I’m ready, Bry. I’m gonna’ do you proud.”
Bryan goes up to Yuta, runs his fingers through his hair and smiles. He hasn’t been good to Yuta, not for quite a while, and it’s time to start showing the guy he handpicked for Blackpool Combat Club that he is proud of him, that he can be the mentor that he was looking for.
“I’m always proud of you. You’ve been doing great, Yuta. Just keep studying, Shibata is gonna’ come at you hard, you need to be prepared.”
“I will be. I’m prepared.”
Bryan ruffles his hair. Bryan doesn’t think you can ever be prepared for a wrestler like Shibata, but having the confidence to call him out and say you’re ready to face him, well it’s half the battle won in his eyes.
“So, what are we doing for dinner? I’m fucking starving, and I’m not having catering.” Mox says, and he’s leaning back against the lockers now, hoodie off, sweats low and inviting on his hips.
Bryan bites his lip. “I’m gonna’ be cutting it pretty close with my flight, so I’ll just be grabbing something at the airport.”
“You’re leaving? Are you not coming to Supercard?” Yuta worries, and Bryan cups his hand to the back of his neck.
“I am, but I have some things I need to take care of at home. I’ll meet you there, okay?” Bryan’s not letting Nigel turn up to Supercard on his own. When they’re there and it’s started, Bryan will have all the time in the world to fuss over Yuta before he goes out for his match. But up until then, he’s got to see this through with Nigel. He started it, after all.
“Better not be him.” Mox says, suddenly looking more alert, more uncomfortable.
“Depends who you mean by him.”
“His Lordship.”
“No, Mox. It’s not. Told you, he’s gone.”
Mox rolls his chewing gum around in his mouth, like he’s trying to work out whether he should believe him or not. In the end, Mox gets to his feet and comes up to him, pokes him in the chest.
“You mean that?”
“I mean it in the way we’ve both always meant it. I’m here, Mox.”
Mox gives him a nod. Regal is never gone forever, no matter what he does, he can never leave the two of them forever, the same way Nigel has never left him, never will leave him, no matter what happens between them. The same way Mox, Claudio and Yuta will always be a part of him no matter what. It’s just a waiting game to see when he will pop back up in their lives and weave himself back in with ease. But for now, Bryan is here, with Mox.
“Yeah. Alright. Do what you gotta’ do,” He says, and he drops a kiss to Bryan’s mouth. “Love you.”
Bryan wants to latch onto him and never let go, show Mox how sorry he is for how everything has played out these last few months, for not being there for him, for choosing Regal again. But that’s not them, and even though there’s more to say it won’t get said for a while, it will get said on a random night when neither of them can sleep and Mox is chain smoking and Bryan makes them herbal tea. So it’s enough for now. Just like there’s more to say to Nigel, for now it is enough.
“Love you too.” Bryan says, and he knows he doesn’t say it enough. He’ll be better, from now on. Better for all of them. For Claudio, for Mox, for Yuta, and for Nigel.
++
The flight from St Louis to Jacksonville is only a couple of hours, so when he makes it back to the Air B&B, Nigel is still awake. He’s got his laptop open in front of him, papers spread out around him. It’s like he’s learning lines for a play. He’s making sure he knows everything he can about every wrestler on the card, and he can see Yuta’s page front and centre.
“Hey, didn’t expect you to still be up.”
Nigel pauses whatever he’s watching on the laptop and rubs at his eyes. “I was going to go to bed, but then I got an angry message from Jen. I forgot it was Wednesday.”
It’s Wednesday, and normally Nigel would go to the pub with his friends. But instead, he’s halfway across the world getting ready to debut in Ring of Honor as a commentator. A life none of them know Nigel has or has had.
“What did you tell them?”
“That I didn’t feel well. I’m not gonna’ tell them about all this until you know, it’s actually happened.”
Bryan comes and sits next to him on the couch, one of Yuta’s old matches is paused on YouTube on the screen of Nigel’s laptop, and there’s multiple tabs open at the top.
“They’re probably bullying her because we’re not there to save her.”
Nigel huffs, “Probably. She’s gonna’ hate me for leaving.”
“She’ll be proud of you.”
Nigel makes a noise, like he doesn’t want to talk about telling his friends about his old life, and his old life starting again. Bryan’s definitely pushed enough, so he doesn’t push with this.
Nigel presses play on the YouTube video again, picks up his pen and continues making notes. Bryan watches with him for a little bit, because this is one of Yuta’s matches he hasn’t seen, and he gets lost in watching how much Yuta has changed, how much different he’s become under the Blackpool Combat Club, even under Chuck and Orange.
“I’m worried about him going up against Shibata.” Bryan says quietly when the match ends with Yuta’s hand raised in victory. He’s clean shaven there, looks so young that it makes Bryan feel a bit weird for being his boyfriend.
“Why?”
“It’s Shibata, Nigel.”
“Yeah, but your boy’s good. He’ll give it to him good, and if he loses, well, you pick him up and you go again. He’s already done what no man has done before, and that’s become a two time Pure champion. If the kid loses, then he loses. Lesson learnt. He’ll go on and do even more great things.” Nigel says, like it’s that easy.
And well, maybe it is. Maybe he’s getting too focused on titles again, and not focusing enough on everything else. Yuta will be okay.
“Come on, let's go to bed. We have a busy travel day tomorrow.”
“I haven’t travelled this much since I retired. I forgot how big the US is.”
“Well you’re gonna’ get used to it again. Because on Friday, you’re officially out of retirement.”
Nigel shuts the laptop closed and scoops up all his papers. There’s a warm smile on his face when he says,
“Yeah, yeah I am.”
++
Luckily, they get Nigel into the arena and into a private locker room without being spotted.
Yuta keeps texting him, asking him if he’s arrived yet, and what room he’s in, and Bryan has to tell him that he’ll be there soon, because he’s just got to get Nigel out in front of all the people getting into their seats, get him out on that commentary table and then he can focus on Yuta and his match.
Nigel’s pacing the room, reading over his notes half dressed, worrying his lip over his teeth.
“Maybe this was a bad idea. What if nobody remembers who I am?” Nigel asks very quietly, and he’s still staring at the papers.
“I get why you’re nervous, but Nigel, there’s not going to be a soul in the building who doesn’t know who you are.” Bryan promises, and he stands up from his chair, digging into Nigel’s bag to get his tie out so he can put it on him. There isn’t much time left till showtime, but they don’t have to be at guerilla until after it’s started, because Tony wants Nigel to have a proper entrance, not just a quick mention that he’s in the booth.
“That sounds like a massive lie, but alright.” Nigel sighs, and he lets Bryan snake the tie around his neck and do the loops until a perfect knot is formed.
“You’re gonna’ go out there and there’s gonna be so much noise. Biggest pop of the night. Just enjoy this night. You’re back. You’re home.” Bryan says as he does the top button of Nigel’s shirt up, and tightens the knot of the tie, so that it sits perfectly around his neck. He picks up the waist coat that they’d picked out, the whole suit a dark blue, cut just right against Nigel’s figure.
“You talk about home a lot for someone who hasn’t actually been home in almost a month.” Nigel says to him, letting Bryan slip the waist coat on and start doing it up.
“Home isn’t a fixed place. Home isn’t a roof and four walls. Home is a feeling. It’s when you know where you belong, when it doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, home is where you feel just right,” Bryan says, smoothing his hands down Nigel’s chest, pushing out any creases in his clothes. “Did you feel just right in Liverpool?”
Nigel shrugs a little. “Sometimes.” He admits quietly.
And Bryan knows what he means. Because as they’d pulled away from Nigel’s little house on the quaint little street, he realised that his heart ached just a little bit. It had, in two weeks, become a home away from home. Because it was Nigel’s, and even though he had never been there, there were traces of Bryan throughout. Bryan felt at peace there, at home, even though he’d gone there specifically to tell Nigel that he wasn’t where he should be, that he wasn’t home. It’s how Bryan knows he’s right, that home isn’t a fixed place, home is a feeling. Home is here in Ring of Honor, by each other's side, causing and creating chaos. But home is also back in Liverpool, in that little house, at the pub with Jenny, Robbie, Tom and George. It’s in Blackpool in that old fashioned B&B. It’s in all the places they’ve travelled across the country, across England and Japan. Home is Nigel, home is wrestling. Home is places you feel just right, with the people that make you feel just right.
“You feel at home here?” Bryan asks.
“It’s like moving back to your mum's place. Always feels like home.”
“Ring of Honor will always be a place you call home. We can have an array of homes.” Bryan says, and from underneath his t shirt he untucks Nigel’s spare key that’s hanging on a frayed little rope chain. Nigel hadn’t asked for it back since they left England, and Bryan isn’t giving it back. He needs to be prepared in case Nigel ever tries to disappear out of his life again.
“Is that my key?”
“The spare one you gave me. It’s mine now, by the way.”
“Just like my dressing robe? And the tie you stole?”
“You gave me all of them, there was no stealing involved.”
“And just why do you need my key?”
“Jenny is going to need someone to back her up when she beats your ass for lying about your past.” Bryan says easily, and it makes Bryan’s heart beat incredibly fast, the way the grin spreads across Nigel’s face when he says it. Bryan doesn’t know what’s going to happen after tonight, they’re going to be busy again, making towns, tapings, whatever happens with Yuta’s match tonight. But what he does know is that he’s going to be with Nigel through it all, and no matter where they go, back to Bryan’s home, back to Liverpool, or somewhere new. It will be home.
“She’s going to kick your arse too, you told her you were a personal trainer.”
“Then we will lock ourselves away. That’s why I have the key.”
Bryan shakes his head and puts the key back under his shirt. He picks up Nigel’s suit jacket and steps behind him to slide it over his shoulders.
There’s a knock on the locker room door, “Nigel? You’re needed at guerilla.”
“Coming, thanks.” Nigel calls back, and he turns to Bryan, smoothing down his suit and rolling his shoulders.
“Showtime.” He says, and Bryan nods. There’s a ball of excitement in the pit of his belly. It’s not nerves, he knows that there’s only one way this is going to go, and that’s fucking fantastic, because it’s Nigel. Nigel did commentary a lot when he was a wrestler, and it was effortless, it’s going to be the same tonight. Effortless, like riding a bike, talking, and sleeping.
“Just have fun. You’re going to be great.”
Nigel makes a face, but it turns soft quickly, and his long fingers reach out to run through Bryan’s beard, a habit he’s seemed to pick up lately.
“Bry?”
“Yeah?”
Nigel leans in and kisses him, just a soft sweet kiss, but it makes Bryan’s head spin nonetheless.
“I love you too.” He says, and then he’s turning and leaving, out of the locker room door and following the assistant who’d come to get him towards guerilla.
Bryan hadn’t actually gotten to properly say it. He’d tried, that first morning at Nigel’s place, tried to tell him that just because they’d clashed in the ring, beaten the hell out of each other, it didn’t mean that Bryan didn’t love him. But Nigel had cut him off before he could finish the words, and then Bryan hadn’t tried to tell him again. Showed him, maybe, but he hasn’t said the words. And now Nigel is telling him he loves him. Words he longed to hear for so long, finally, finally he’s hearing them. And he can’t even say it back because he’s about to go out in front of a live crowd for the first time in over a decade, and there’s going to be hours and hours before Nigel comes back behind the curtain and he can tell him.
Nigel’s music is hitting before he even gets to guerilla, and he just catches him stepping through the curtain when he does. The music is so very similar to his old theme, and nostalgia hits Bryan hard and heavy in the heart. The crowd reaction can be heard through the curtain, no need for Bryan to be at the monitor, but he does anyway, because he needs to see it. There’s a Union Jack behind Nigel’s name on the screen, loud and proud along with the music.
Nigel looks like he never left. The crowd is cheering and he’s soaking it up, two fingers in the air, just like he always did. There’s a buzz backstage as people walking past catch his face on the monitors, his name being uttered in shock and disbelief as Ian and Caprice go crazy waiting for him to join the table. Nigel does a lap around the ring, and Bryan can see the look on his face, that age old I love this face.
He looks right, he looks perfect out there, he looks like he’s stepping through the doors of his parents home, being welcomed back with open arms and a feast of his favourite food on the table.
The first words out of his mouth when he gets to the commentary table are did you hear that reaction? And Bryan feels like his heart might burst.
Regal tried to twist the knife the other day, planting the seed that they were banking on people caring that Nigel was coming back. Nigel had worried not twenty minutes ago that people wouldn���t remember who he was. But he sees it now, Nigel sees just how much people have missed him, how much people have been wondering where he went after his retirement, how much they wished he’d come back. The crowd went crazy, and he’ll see later, when Bryan makes him watch it back, just how at home he was making an entrance in Ring of Honor again.
“That’s where you’ve been, isn’t it?” A voice comes from behind Bryan, and he turns from the monitors to see Yuta. He’s got his ring tights on, and a Blackpool Combat Club hoodie, and there’s a smile on his face, he’s not accusing Bryan of anything.
“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t—“
“Don’t. I get it. There’s just some things you have to do,” Yuta says coming to stand next to him. His hands are tucked into the pocket of his hoodie and he’s watching the screens. “I can’t believe he’s really back, that Nigel McGuinness is really here. Is he going to wrestle?”
Bryan shrugs with a smile. “Was hard enough convincing him to come back and do this, I think we’ve got a ways to go before we get him in some boots again but, keep your title tonight and Shibata might be the least of your worries.”
“He can just have my title, it’s fine. I like my head attached to my neck, thanks.” But Yuta is grinning, and Bryan can practically see the match playing out in his head. He knows kids like Yuta and Daniel have learnt a lot of their techniques and styles from the wrestling they watched growing up, and the idea of being able to get into the ring with another one of their heros is crazy and exciting.
Bryan smiles, “How are you feeling?” He says, and it’s time to switch over to focusing on Yuta now. Nigel is out there on commentary, clearly already killing it as he gels instantly with Ian and Caprice, Bryan can focus on his protege now.
“A mixture of everything. Scared, excited, nervous.”
“Where’s Claudio? How’s he doing?” He hasn’t even stopped to ask how Claudio’s been during everything happening with Eddie. He’s such a bad boyfriend. But he’s going to be better, he really is.
“Locker room. Mox is here, we were gonna’ do some stretches and stuff, told them I wanted to find you first.”
“I’m sorry. I just needed to see him through to the end, I started it.”
“And I’m glad you did. I’m glad you got him here Bryan.”
Bryan looks back at the monitor, there’s a match on the kickoff now, and he can hear Nigel’s voice loud and excited about the moves he’s calling.
“Me too. Now let’s go and get you ready for your match.”
++
Yuta loses his title. Bryan is heartbroken when the streamers fly out over Shibata, and Yuta is laying there just getting covered in them. He, Mox and Claudio collect him from guerilla, letting him fall into their arms when he comes back through the curtain. It’s the first time Yuta’s lost a title without Regal there, so the usual post match breakdown goes a little different. There’s no watching the match back immediately, no trying to learn from your mistakes immediately. Mox bundles him up in a hoodie, feeds him a protein bar and makes him drink a bottle of water.
By the time Claudio goes out for his match, he’s feeling better. Bryan sits with him and gives him a little shoulder massage because he feels a pull in it, and they discuss how they’re going to go forward. That Yuta will get the title back one day, or a different one, there’s so many, and Yuta’s good enough to go for whatever he wants. He tells Yuta he’s proud of him, and that he loves him, and it feels like home when Yuta smiles and tells him he loves him back.
Claudio wins his match, and Yuta decides he’s going to do a run in, even though Mox grumbles about it because he knows he’ll get shit from Eddie about it later.
Bryan follows him to guerilla, watching the show wind down and go off air on the monitors. He watches as Nigel shakes Ian and Caprice’s hands, and through the curtains he can hear the fans shouting his name. Nigel does a circle around the ring, shaking peoples hands, signing posters and tickets and leaflets. When he’s on the stage again, he lifts both hands up into the air and sticks his fingers up at them, and everyone cheers. The grin that splits across Nigel’s face is enough to power Bryan through the next million years. He can see the happiness there, the pride. All the worries he’d had about not being remembered, nobody wanting him back, the doubt that Regal had put in his mind without even talking to him. It’s all gone now, people are chanting his name, begging for an autograph, no doubt asking him about returning to the ring.
When Nigel finally steps back through the curtains, a loud cheer erupts from everyone backstage, and Bryan can see that there’s a little tear in his eye. Bryan steps back, there’s so many people here that want to talk to him, and Bryan’s more than happy to let them. After all, they haven’t seen him for over a decade either.
Claudio’s off doing media, and Yuta’s tucked under his arm as they watch the swarm of people surround Nigel. There’s Joe, Eddie, Christoper Daniels, BJ Whitmer, Colt. And every time someone walks past they realise the circle has Nigel in the middle, and they end up joining. Every so often, Nigel points over to Bryan, and everyone turns to look at them before turning back to Nigel.
“Is Nigel coming home with us?” Yuta asks, exhausted now the day’s over, leaning into Bryan’s side.
“For the time being, at least. I kind of dragged him over here without a plan in place, so you know, unless he’s running back and forth from England to here every week, he can stay with us until he’s got something more permanent in place. Is that okay? We’ll have to talk to Claudio and Mox too, of course.”
“S’okay with me. Want him to teach me how to do the Tower of London.”
“If you ask nicely I’m sure he’ll be happy to. He thinks you’re cute, you know.”
“He what?” Yuta perks up a little then, and Bryan laughs at him.
Nigel manages to pull himself away from the group and comes over to them, and Bryan can see the little flush of colour that settles on Yuta’s cheeks.
“So, I take it no one knew who you were?” Bryan says, but he’s smiling up at Nigel. There’s a soft, warm look on his face, a bright light in his eyes, and that smile, god it’s beautiful. He hasn’t seen Nigel smile like this in forever.
“Oh bugger off. I hate admitting when you’re right, but I’ll give credit where credit is due.” He says, like he’s not even a little bit mad about being wrong.
“Sorry about your title kid, you did good though. I really enjoyed your match.” He says to Yuta, who’s just staring at Nigel with a type of fanboy wonder that Bryan knows he used to look at Nigel with.
“Thank you. It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too, Yuta. I’m looking forward to calling your matches. You have a nice bridge, you learn that from Dragon?”
Yuta gives a little nod. “Can you teach me the Tower of London?”
Nigel laughs, “Not sure I even remember how to do it myself, but I’ll give it a bloody good go.”
Yuta beams, “Thanks Nigel.”
“Come on, Claudio should be back soon, and Mox will be wondering where we are. They’ll be happy to see you.” Bryan says to Nigel, and he takes Yuta’s hand, because he knows he needs that right now. An anchor, some TLC. Bryan’s more than happy to give it to him tonight, after losing his title, and everything that’s happened these last few months.
They walk back to the locker room together, and Nigel talks through the match with Yuta, giving him tips on what he could do next time, how he could have beaten Shibata. Yuta listens intently, not looking away from Nigel even when people stop Nigel to shake his hand and welcome him back.
Claudio and Mox are in the locker room when they step inside, Claudio’s packing the belt away in his case, and Mox is a ball of frantic energy, pacing the room. Probably worried about where Yuta got too, worried that he was in a bad head space and ran off.
“Nigel fucking McGuinness.” He says, instantly holding his hand out to bring Nigel into him.
“Moxie.”
“Bryan says you’re a car salesman. What the fuck?”
“Yeah well, not anymore. I’ve officially signed here.”
“As you fucking should, Nigel McGuinness has no business fucking business being anywhere but here. You getting back in the ring?”
“You sound entirely too much like Dragon,” Nigel shakes his head. “Haven’t decided on that. Probably not, though. Pushing fifty, Moxie.”
“Stings in his sixties and man can still kick ass, age is just a number, Nigel. And anyway, we need another match. One you don’t let me win because you wanna’ be in Bryan’s pants.”
Nigel splutters, and Bryan’s own eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. Yuta and Claudio snicker between themselves.
“That’s not what bloody happened! You beat me fair and square.”
“Of course you did.” Mox is smirking, seemingly ending the conversation there and going to sit next to Yuta, throwing an arm around his shoulders and planting a large, loud kiss against his temple.
“Nigel, my old friend, ignore Moxley, as you know his favourite pastime is winding everyone up. I have missed you.” Claudio stands up and embraces Nigel, their too tall figures melding together. Nigel is visibly smaller than Claudio now, a switch from before, when Nigel was pretty much always the biggest man in the room.
“Castagnoli, fucking finally a ROH World Champion. You were great out there.” Nigel says, and he’s got a hand on the back of Claudio’s neck.
Bryan remembers a time when he got insanely jealous of Claudio. He and Nigel had tagged together against Chris Hero and Jigsaw, and Claudio got busted open at the end of the match, right around his eye. Nigel had cupped his face so tenderly, told him it was going to be okay, and helped him to the back. He fussed over him the whole time he got medical attention, stayed with him once he got his stitches, and switched rooms with the random guy that Claudio was rooming with so he could keep an eye on him, in case he had a concussion or suddenly lost his vision. Bryan was not a rational guy back then, and he didn’t like that Nigel was doing all the things he did with Bryan with Claudio. He’s not that way inclined anymore, he knows it’s just a testament to the man he’s always loved, that he cares so wholly and deeply about his friends and loved ones, but seeing the two of them together again does bring back memories.
Nigel and Claudio talk quietly for a while and Bryan just watches them, watches old friends get reacquainted, his family licking wounds from a loss. He feels a peace settle over him. All those missing pieces that have slotted together start to glow inside of him, welding themselves together and making him whole again.
A few weeks ago, Bryan was lonely. Regal was busy, and Bryan was too busy chasing down MJF and the World title to worry about where his family were and what they were doing. He was lonely and he knew, deep down, that there was something missing inside of him. It took him the loss to realise what he needed to do, to finally go and find the man that’s been missing from his life for so long.
And now, Bryan is once again in a ROH locker room with Nigel McGuinness. He’s not lonely, he’s got his family, and they’re all on the same page, fighting to good fight against the Elite.
Nigel’s key is warm against his chest under his shirt, and his voice is loud and warm in the room as he talks with Claudio. Mox is making Yuta laugh, and every so often, someone knocks on the door to come in and say welcome back to Nigel.
A few weeks ago, Bryan got on a flight to bring Nigel McGuinness back home. To bring him back to wrestling so that Bryan could be the best version of himself, because without Nigel Bryan has felt lost for the last decade.
Nigel McGuinness is home, and Bryan Danielson no longer feels lost.
Bryan stands up and steps over to Nigel, nudges his shoulder against him to get his attention. Claudio goes to sit down next to Yuta and starts packing up his bag.
“Hey,” Bryan says. “You wanna go home?”
“Home where?”
“Home with us, for now. Until you decide where you want this home to be.”
Nigel lets a smile spread across his face, and Bryan thinks it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.
“Yeah, home sounds good.” Nigel says, and he turns, probably to get his bag, but Bryan catches his wrist and entwines their fingers together.
“Love you, Nigel.” He says, and Nigel smiles, bright and wide, and squeezes Bryan’s fingers.
“Let’s go home, Dragon.”
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Requiem
Posting on behalf of JCR/Departer, who does not have a tumblr for ILAW Day 3, villains and monsters.
Word Count: 1761
Premise: Sometimes the scariest villains and monsters in your life are human, or even more complicated, your family. Lincoln, Imogen, Harper, and Parker discuss this after the memorial.
A/N: For maximum angst, listen to this while you read.
I will sing no requiem tonight, Because when the villains fall, the kingdoms never weep
No one lights a candle to remember, No, no one mourns at all
When they lay them down to sleep, So don't tell me that I didn't have it right, Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white
After all you've put me through, don't say it wasn't true, That you were not the monster that I knew
Because I cannot play the grieving guy and lie, Saying that I miss you and that my world has gone dark, I will sing no requiem Tonight
Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, “Requiem”
“I don’t miss him.”
Lincoln stared into his bourbon after saying those words, feeling the truth of them sink into his bones. He lifted his head and looked at Imogene with her mojito, Harper with a fireball and cream soda, and Parker nursing a whiskey on the rocks.
They found themselves at a bar after the memorial, having paid tribute to those who lost their lives to the Power in Westchester and Pine Springs. Lincoln couldn’t help but feel envious of Imogene, Harper, and Parker, and how their core group had remained intact despite everything. He thought of Danni and Tom who took Elliot and Robbie home, of the trust they shared with Imogene, Harper, and Parker through it all. He pondered the lonely years Demelza spent being the sole survivor of her friend group until Noah had regained his humanity. His mind turned to Jocelyn, who died in that cave thinking everyone hated her, and how her death allowed him to be brought back.
Lincoln could never hate Jocelyn. She was not the first or the last person manipulated and swayed by Matthias. Lincoln himself had once thought he could have Matthias’ love and approval by being himself. He had learned the hard way – like everyone else did – that Matthias’ support came with a price too steep to name. He sipped his bourbon and wondered what it would’ve been like to have a father who cared.
“I know how you feel,” Imogene said. She set her drink down and stared at him. Her brown eyes looked solemn behind the round glasses that sat perched upon her slender nose. “I feel awful wanting to forget about my parents but separating myself from them was the only way I could move forward and actually be myself.”
Lincoln nodded in understanding. He and Imogene knew how it felt to inherit an unwanted legacy and the artifacts of a life lived in pursuit of selling one’s soul. Imogene once went through the process of giving away her late parents’ fortunes and material possessions and had supported Lincoln through the process. They had sent countless emails and text messages, and regularly talked on the phone about the process and finding the charities that would most benefit from the wealth Lincoln refused to keep.
“My parents hurt so many people,” Imogene said. “I lived with their high expectations and rigid standards just fine, but it was only a matter of time before they would’ve used the Power against me.”
Parker swished his drink around and agreed. “Abraham Kelley raised me as his own son after my parents checked out. He kept me from making bad choices and heading down a destructive path. But now that I know who he really was, it’s hard not to wonder: would he have dragged me into the Pine Springs cult? Forced the Power onto me? Used me as a conduit to hurt others?” Parker tilted his head back and downed the rest of his drink before slamming it down hard on the bar counter. “It’s hard coming to terms with that: knowing that the person who saved you was the reason for other people’s tragedies.”
Parker signaled the bartender for another refill while Harper’s blue eyes wandered. He set his drink aside and commented, “My grandmother – Josephine – was in pain for fifty years. She suffered due to other people’s selfishness: she never got to be in my mom’s life or know her as a person. It took so little to send her over the edge.” He looked down and said, “I did that to her. I told her my mom had died and she lost it.”
“Harper, no,” Imogene said. She put an arm around his shoulders and told him, “That was not your fault. Josephine was already so far gone. You couldn’t have done anything to keep the storm from coming.”
“Thanks, Genny,” Harper said. “I still get mad at her sometimes. I don’t blame her for being angry, self-destructing, and flying off the handle, but it’s hard not to wonder if there was another way. Arthur – my grandfather – should’ve listened to her. All the problems in Pine Springs started because of him. He didn’t take Josephine’s warnings seriously and thought he knew better.”
Parker took Harper’s hand in his and squeezed it. “Arthur paid for that with his life so you wouldn’t have to. I know he regretted hurting Josephine. He wouldn’t want you living with that guilt.” Parker kissed Harper’s cheek and looked at him in a way that made Lincoln wonder how it would feel to be loved like that.
Lincoln cleared his throat before finishing his bourbon and asking for another shot. “There were so many red flags with Matthias – Arthur – Abraham – The Wescotts. How did no one see? How could my mom be so blind?"
Imogene grimaced. "It's easy to have tunnel vision when you're not on the receiving end of that abuse. You saw through Matthias before your mom – or anyone – did. Harper was the first one who saw my parents for who they really were. I didn’t want to hear it.”
“I don’t blame you for that, Genny,” Harper commented. “No one wants to believe that the people they love are capable of doing the worst.”
“Love,” Imogene mused. She took a delicate sip of her mojito before setting it down again. “Sometimes it feels as though the love between family is more complicated than romantic love or that of friends. Then again, blood isn’t always thicker than water.”
“Too much of either can make you sick,” Lincoln said. “Noah got turned into a shadow monster and got his friends killed because he loved his twin sister too much. Jocelyn put blinders on when it came to Cody and was okay with him hurting people since he was her best friend, and she was never on the receiving end of his bullying. Matthias knew she was haunted by her past and used it to his advantage.” He pounded the remaining bourbon in his shot glass and banged it on the counter. “That bastard was going to kill Everest! He was going to murder our friend – then us – and all of Westchester by playing up our weaknesses! Goddamnit!”
Lincoln put his head in his hands. He wanted to forget Matthias McQuoid had ever existed at all.
He cried and felt hot, fat tears fall from his eyes and down his face. Lincoln hated himself for crying over the man who killed his mother, Jessica Williams, Loha, and all the innocent people sacrificed in the first blood moon ritual. He wanted to kick himself for shedding tears for the one responsible for disfiguring the carnival attendees, causing Douglas Redfield to lose his humanness, and not caring how many people the Power hurt in his wake.
He heard Imogene, Harper, and Parker stand from their barstools and felt their arms around him.
“You’re allowed to be mad,” Harper said. “You’re allowed to cry and to feel everything and nothing about Matthias. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve for – or not grieve for – someone.”
Lincoln wiped his eyes, swiveled around so he could see his friends, and admitted, “It’s not that I miss him. It’s more… I mourn the loss of the idea of him and the kind of father he could’ve – should’ve been but wasn’t. He wanted to mold me in his image. He only loved me when I was small, impressionable, and didn’t have any thoughts or opinions of my own. Matthias wanted nothing to do with me when I grew into myself and became my own person. He should’ve loved me regardless. He should’ve been there for me after my mom died… he should’ve been there no matter what.”
“Matthias didn’t know what he was missing,” Parker said. “He never deserved to have you for a son.”
“Thanks, Parker.” Lincoln gave a faint smile and added, “It’s horrible, but it’s a relief not having to carry him around anymore.” He retrieved his wallet from his back pocket and pulled out a folded-up piece of paper confirming his name change. “I’m Lincoln Aquino now.”
“Your own person,” Harper affirmed.
Imogene smiled at Lincoln and said, “You have a whole new life as Lincoln Aquino ahead of you. Think of all the things you want to do and go do them. Nothing’s stopping you.”
Parker grabbed his glass of whiskey and motioned for Harper, Imogene, and Lincoln to do the same with their own drinks. He raised his glass and said, “For Lincoln Aquino!”
“Lincoln Aquino!”
Lincoln and his friends clinked their glasses together and drank deeply before Imogene said, “For love and all the complexities it brings.”
Harper went next. “For recognizing that it’s okay to have complicated feelings about your own family. For knowing your limits and setting your own boundaries regarding grief. For missing the idea of someone rather than the actual person. For not being in mourning despite the world expecting it of you.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Lincoln grinned. He steadied himself and said, “For new beginnings. For change. For making your own way and being true to yourself while doing so.”
The four of them cheered, had a final drink, shared two pitchers of cold water between them, and called a cab to take them back to Demelza’s parents’ house where their cars were parked. She had given them her blessing to stay the night before Lincoln flew back home to Las Vegas the next morning; Imogene, Harper, and Parker would make the drive back to Pine Springs the next day.
Lincoln settled into the cab with his friends and sighed with content. He was grateful for the future in store for him, the chance to mold his life into whatever he wanted it to be, and the friends who would help him along the way. He knew that the only way to go from here was ahead.
#ilaw#it lives within#ilw#playchoices#lincoln mcquoid#imogen wescott#parker shaw#it lives beneath#ilb#lincoln aquino
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Gavigan Prime, Day 84, Part 10
Phoebe: Harleigh, baby, can you come and talk to us a minute?
Harleigh: Sure, Mummy.
Phoebe: Daddy and I found these pills under your bed. Can you tell us about them? What are they? Where did you get them from?
Harleigh: They're mine!
Isaiah: Harleigh, where did you get them from?
Harleigh: I need them! Give them back!
Isaiah: Harleigh, it's really important you tell us. You shouldn't be taking pills not knowing what they are-
Harleigh: I need them, Daddy! So... so... so I don't be sick and be dead!
Isaiah: ...
Phoebe: ...
Harleigh: Please, Daddy.
Isaiah: Who told you you need them, baby? Where did you get them from?
Harleigh: I can't tell you, otherwise you might not want to be my mummy and daddy anymore, and I really like you being my mummy and daddy!
Phoebe: Sweetheart, nothing would ever make us stop being your mummy and daddy. We adopted you - that means you're ours forever.
Harleigh: But you could give me back? To the foster people?
Isaiah: Nope. You're our girl now, forever. I promise, Harls. Whatever this is, we'll sort it out together, and we'll never stop loving you. I promise. Where did you get the pills from?
Harleigh: ... From Robbie.
Isaiah: Robbie?
Harleigh: He's my brother. Please, Daddy, I need them to not be sick and be dead.
Isaiah: Did Robbie tell you that?
Harleigh: Yeah. Because our other family were really really sick and then most of them died, but the big kids got as many little kids out as they could before we were sick and dead. But we're only safe for now and maybe we'll get sick and be dead again. And I asked Robbie to help me not be sick and be dead, so he gives me these pills. I take one everyday, so hopefully I won't be sick and be dead.
Isaiah: Baby... what Robbie told you was a lie. I don't know why he lied, but he did. Your other family... Phoebs?
Phoebe: Yeah. The story she's been told is worse, I think.
Harleigh: What are you talking about?
Isaiah: Look, baby, we didn't tell you details about how the people in your other family died because it's kind of grown-up stuff, but I want to try and explain now, okay, because what Robbie told you is definitely not the truth.
Harleigh: He said our... father... was sick and he made everyone else sick too.
Isaiah: That's not true. Or at least... not in the way you're thinking. Your biological father wasn't sick in the way you're thinking - like you need to see a doctor and have medicine to get better. But he did have some... wrong ideas.
Harleigh: What sort of ideas?
Isaiah: He thought it would be better to be dead. He thought if he died he'd go somewhere else, somewhere better. He thought he had to take all his wives and children with them, so he convinced them it was better to be dead too.
Harleigh: So they... they killed theyselves?
Isaiah: Yeah. And some of the big kids didn't want to, and didn't think the little kids were old enough to choose, so they got you out. So you see you don't have to worry about getting sick, because what Robbie told you was a lie.
Harleigh: Why would he lie?
Isaiah: I'm not sure, but I'm going to find out.
Harleigh: You can't talk to him! He'll be mad at me.
Isaiah: He doesn't get to scare you like this, Harleigh. ... When did he give you the pills? When did you see him?
Harleigh: Every Friday, after school. I get off the bus a stop early and I see him. He gives me seven more pills and I give h-
Isaiah: Harleigh? What do you give him?
Harleigh: Nothing.
Isaiah: Harleigh, it's really important you tell me the truth.
Phoebe: Come on, baby.
Harleigh: I give him the money.
Isaiah: What money? Your pocket money?
Harleigh: No, the money from the fidget spinners. He gave me a box of fidget spinners and I sell them at school for him and I give him the money and he gives me the pills. Please don't be mad at me, Daddy!
Isaiah: I'm not mad at you, baby. I'm just glad you've finally talked to us. Is this what's been worrying you lately?
Harleigh: Yeah. I don't want to be sick and be dead.
Isaiah: You won't, because all of that was a lie. And you won't be seeing Robbie anymore-
Harleigh: But he's my brother!
Isaiah: He hasn't been a good brother to you, though, has he? He's lied to you, and scared you, and given you plumbob-knows-what pills, and made you sell stuff for him. Has Theo ever done anything like that? Or Laycian?
Harleigh: No...
Phoebe: Harls, it's our job as your parents to keep you safe. It's hard to do that when you don't tell us what's going on with you. I'm glad you've told us now, but in future, if anything's worrying you, please talk to us. We'll never be mad at you - we'll always help you. And if you really don't want to tell us, you can talk to Granny and Granddad, and Ket, Sapph and Theo. Or even Clem if you want someone who's a little bit less like family. Promise me you'll talk to us.
Harleigh: I promise.
Isaiah: Where are the fidget spinners, Harleigh?
Harleigh: They're not here!
Isaiah: Where are they, then?
Harleigh: In a box under my bed.
Isaiah: And are there anymore pills at home, or are they all here?
Harleigh: There's two more at home.
Isaiah: Where?
Harleigh: Inside a pair of my socks in my drawer. Pink ones with purple stars on.
Isaiah: I'm going to call Keturah. I love you, Harls, and I'm promise I'm not mad at you.
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Barbie Movie Ramblings (Part 1)
Watched it yesterday and *loved* it. It was one of the most silly, snappy, stylish, and still smart movies I've seen in a long time, and thus I've got a lot of synapses shooting off. Going to let some of them ricochet around Tumblr instead of just inside my skull.
Enjoy! Feel free to add on!
Okay ... Where to even start?
Firstly, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling both deserve an Oscar for the depth and breadth of their acting range on display in this film, Greta Gerwig for the masterful execution of her directorial vision.
And whoever wrote the casting credits deserves death for how unhelpful they are. Practically everyone is either just "Barbie" or "Ken", so how am I supposed to reference them easily here? Gods damn it, at least give them their titles, like "President Barbie" or "Journalist Barbie"!
I'm still giggling at lines like "Oh! The Supreme Court!" for the Miss Universe billboard, or Ken's confession "When I found out patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest," or Ruth Handler's ghost's self-deprecating boast "I am Mattel. At least, until the IRS got to me."
I mean it in the most positive way imaginable when I say this movie was like a cohesive feverdream, like a frenetic session of children playing yet with an internally logical plot.
****
Okay, now for the more intellectual thoughts.
Apparently, a lot of people are arguing about whether or not this is really a good Feminist Movie(TM), whether or not it's a movie for Boys(TM), if it's anti-men, if it's just one big commercial for Mattel products, etc.
For that last one, yeah, of course it's selling Mattel products. But grow up, because it's not *just* a commercial. Much like "The Lego Movie" is selling legos AND ALSO a heartfelt story and a fascinating work of artistic performance in its own right. "Barbie" is a text worthy of analysis beyond "it's one big commercial", and part of how intellectually rich it is comes from the very fact that it engages with its own tangled roots in capitalist consumption.
As for whether or not it's for Boys(TM)--or for anyone at all, for that matter--I admit I've always thought such considerations were kinda stupid. Not everything is meant for everyone, obviously, nor should everything even try to be. But, by that same token, anything can be for anyone. People are not static and thus neither are audiences.
The idea of a Target Audience can be helpful, sometimes, but I think it's both grossly oversimplified and overextended nowadays (because capitalism and marketing). We need to remember, not everyone in a Target Audience will resonate with a given story, not everyone outside a Target Audience won't resonate with a story, and that that can change for individuals depending on ... heck, even what kinda day they're having. I loved this movie, but I probably wouldn't want to watch it on a day when I'm feeling really depressed.
Maybe the producers and executives didn't market it with Boys(TM) in mind, but boys absolutely can and should watch "Barbie". It's a fun movie, and they should be allowed to enjoy it, too. And, more importantly, learn from it.
Is it anti-men? Pff! No.
And only idiot conservatives would even think that's a worthwhile question worth asking.
As for if it's *really* a *good* Feminist Movie(TM) ...
I think anyone asking this particular question is forgetting how complex and nuanced Feminism can be. Indeed, Feminism isn't really a single thing--it's not a unified monolith--but rather a bunch of connected and sometimes conflicting schools of thought, philosophies, political stances, and so on. In general, it really would be more accurate to say Feminisms (plural) than Feminism (singular).
Giving a hard no, therefore, I reckon is insisting that it can't be Good Feminism(TM) because it doesn't fit someone's too narrow idea of what Real Feminism(TM) is/should be. Giving a hard yes is probably falling into the same trap.
Put another way, Feminism is a lot like Jewishness. It isn't really about finding The Absolute Answer(TM) to a question, but about the process of thinking and debating by which you come to a possibly impermanent answer.
To give some examples from the movie:
Does the Barbie doll actually empower little girls? She shows them they can aspire to be more than just mothers, that they can be anyone and do anything ... But she also reifies this idea that women must look beautiful and be perfectly accessorized while doing it.
It's not "yes or no", but "yes and no".
Is the narrator's fourth-wall-breaking line "Note to film makers: Margot Robbie is not the right person to cast to make this point." (when Barbie is having a crisis about being inadequate, not being pretty enough or smart enough, etc.) one that undercuts or underlines the movie's emotional climax? It interrupts the flow of the dialogue and suggests that a woman's self-perception is less important than how others perceive her ... But it reminds us that she's not an everywoman, but rather an actress playing a specific doll in a fictional story, and this is a self-aware performance about the need to be self-aware.
Not "yes or no" but "yes and no".
It ends with Barbie being excited for a gynecology appointment. What the heck? On the one hand, it echoes the reality and physicality she now inhabits. She's real and alive, so she has a body with reproductive organs thus feminine health concerns that are being acknowledged in a way that is open and not shamed. She's no longer plastic and high-heeled and perfect, and thus will have blemishes and cellulite and flat feet, and that's wonderful ... But it also suggests the idea that the realness of womanhood is physical and medical and biological--suggests that it's situated not in her soul but in her body, not in who she is but what she has in her pants.
Not "yes or no" but "yes and no".
Ironically, if anything, it might be a good Feminist Movie(TM) specifically because it doesn't try to give us simple, definitive answers about if the Barbie doll and "Barbie" itself are feminist icons. Feminisms are too complex and nuanced to give simple, definitive answers.
I've got one more thought (or string of thoughts) in me about this movie, I reckon. About how it's campy and doing nonstop drag (the Barbies are doing over-the-top femininity, the Ken's over-the-top masculinity, and even the Real World is doing over-the-top reality and grittiness ... except for the Mattel headquarters) and deconstructing itself, and how all that is foundational to its message. But this post has already gone on for too long than I originally anticipated. So I'll give voice to that idea in a bit.
#barbie#feminism#feminist#critical theory#literary analysis#ramblings#cinema#film#movies#barbie movie
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8/2/23 @ 1:54 a.m.
So I guess it starts. I honestly don't know how to. It's the first time this has ever happened.
It's funny, because the only thing I can think about is how before this the worst thing to ever happen between me and you was arguing over who would pay for pizza at the beach house. We got into a screaming match about how great the other was, and how it was only fair that the other paid because they had already done so much. Robby had to come upstairs. he was the only one brave enough to step in between us if we were having an argument.
I keep thinking that wasn't too long ago. And then I remember it was nearly four years ago. And how much has changed in those four years. And ho win this moment, without you right beside me, I wish nothing more than to take all four of those years back.
I'm writing this like you died. I know you haven't, but I think a part of me has. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. When Carmen and the beach house happened was probably closest. It took me the whole rest of that summer to feel any sense of normalcy again. I remember how hard you defended me and my feelings in that moment. I wish you were still talking to me. Ha, again, I'm saying that like you've been gone for years. and it's only been, what, two fucking days? I feel pathetic.
I meant what I said. I tell you everything. And I guess I don't know how to function unless I'm telling you everything. So, that's why I'm doing this. This is my way of still telling you everything. And I guess so I can heal in some way from this. it hurts. It hurts so bad, dude.
Right now, only Clove and I know. Richie's asked about you. I don't know when we're going to tell him. I have to tell my mom too. This'll kill her. She's always seen you like her own. I guess Buzz doesn't know either. Fuck, that's gonna suck. Hell, I don't know who I should and shouldn't tell. I wanna yell it from the rooftops, just to see what you'll hear, who you'll hear it from, and find a way to still be connected to you. Instead, I'm still tagging you in TikToks, like you'll ever look at them. The only solace I get in any of this is you haven't blocked me. Maybe one day I'll follow you on this blog, and you can read everything I've written for you.
When I go back to school this year, I'm going to find a therapist too. The only option you've left me with -- since we can't grow together -- is to spend time growing on my own. it's the only thing I can see to do. It scares me, because what if you come back, and we're too different? if we've both grown in a way that my kids don't call you "uncle"? That you're not next to me when I get married? It's funny, I think -- I was gonna do that proposal before the end of this summer. You know, before tax season? Like we always talked about? That way we could both be engaged for our final year. it would've been so great to see the look on people's faces.
I think ill end these with what I'm listening to. You know I love my playlists. I made one about how I feel right now, like the dramatic emo idiot I am inside. I've got to find some My Chem to put in there, that'll really sell it.
I miss you. And I'll never stop.
xx,
Ms. U
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New Fiction 2022 - December
The Chimes at Midnight by Geoff Trowbridge (2008)
It takes its time to get to the meat until there’s more to chew on in the latter half. Most of these TOS alternate histories were mildly interesting but this one is a cut above.
A Gutted World by Keith R.A. DeCandido (2008)
"What if the Cardassians discovered the Bajoran Wormhole?" This is the question that got me reading all these Myriad Universes novellas in the first place, but because I’m me and a completionist, I couldn’t just skip past the others in the series to get here. I come to Star Trek expanded universe stuff with a DS9 first approach so I was keen to read how the author spun out this alternate history in which the Dominion gets their foothold in the alpha quadrant if they met the Cardassians first. It had a little too much TNG cast for my taste (especially since those characters dominate so many of these stories), but it’s a worthy DS9 tale.
Brave New World by Chris Roberson (2008)
Now we get to a whole lot of Data, so more of TNG. The courtroom stuff doesn’t hit the same way in these stories as it does in the TV episodes, and then all the implications of androids woven into the fabric of the galaxy is strangely not that compelling.
The Embrace of Cold Architects by David R. George III (2010)
Another Data-heavy story. I think these novellas introduce interesting directions with how the Federation will absolutely exploit artificial beings if they have the slightest excuse, but this particular one needed to be its own novel. It ends just as things get interesting.
The Tears of Eridanus by Steve Mollmann & Michael Schuster (2010)
A TOS story that deviates from the prime universe thousands of years before the era we know. It revels in an alternate history in which the Andorians made first contact with Earth, and the Vulcans and Romulans never parted ways.
The Last Generation by Andrew Steven Harris, Gordon Purcell, Bob Almond, Terry Pallot, Mario Boon, John Hunt, Robbie Robbins, Chris Mowry, Neil Uyetake, Andy Schmidt, Scott Dunbier, Justin Eisinger, Mariah Huehner, Bill Tortolini (2009)
I could’ve done without Data and the TNG cast at the center of things (again), but it’s cool to see Sulu flying around being a badass in his Excelsior ship. All these TNG tales feels like the higher-ups asking “Ey, where’s my TNG (money)? I gotta have my TNG (money)!”
Strange World dir. Don Hall (2022)
I loved it, but then I’m a sucker for perilous adventure tales across strange new lands.
Violent Night dir. Tommy Wirkola (2022)
Die Hard meets Home Alone with a blend of Bad Santa and maybe God of War?
Empire of Light dir. Sam Mendes (2022)
I was there for it all the way. Sometimes I remember I’m a normie-ass man but that part that feels like I’m a distant weirdo never goes away, and this movie’s for that guy.
Demon Wind dir. Charles Philip Moore (1990)
I watched this movie within a video game along with its MST3K-style commentary at 2 AM with my youngest brother and what a thing to do and write down.
Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio dir. Guillermo del Toro (2022)
I mean, of course it’s great. I haven’t read the original story and it sounds like this hews closer to that than the popular perception from Disney’s takes.
Babylon dir. Damien Chazelle (2022)
This could've been dry but instead it’s constantly running at full charge, and even when we slow down to the granular level of filmmaking commentary it’s still a high pressure romp.
Jack and Jill dir. Dennis Dugan (2011)
Eh, I suppose the most impressive thing here is that Sandler sells the idea that’s he's own twin sister to the point that you consider them separate people.
The Whale dir. Darren Aronofsky (2022)
This had the potential to be bleak but instead it’s just genuinely hopeful. The performances come across a little too staged, as does the whole movie I suppose, so it’s no surprise to learn than this was originally a stage play.
The Outer Limits - "The Sandkings" (1995)
Here we go! I’d been thinking about watching the entire 1995 reboot of The Outer Limits and it’s everything I could’ve hoped for. All the 90s actors I remember from Saturday afternoon sci-fi TV, dated effects and production techniques, stories about man’s reach exceeding his grasp. This first episode even features three generations of the Bridges acting clan. The thing about intelligent alien bugs isn’t so compelling, but the overall production makes up for it.
The Outer Limits - "Vanishing Act" (1996)
I was looking for an episode that features New Year’s Day and found this story about a man who time jumps forward by ten years every time he falls asleep. It’s a sci-fi sort of twist on It’s a Wonderful Life and very reminiscent of something you’d see on Star Trek.
Tales from the Crypt - "And All Through the House" (1989)
And since I plan to also watch Tales from the Crypt after TOL, I skipped over to this story about a bad Santa stalking a bad mom.
The Outer Limits - "Valerie 23" (1995)
Here’s a reminder not to fuck around with robots. Don’t do it! Especially not if they’re hot! There’ll more fucked up robot tales in the seasons ahead...
The Outer Limits - "Blood Brothers" (1995)
We get a few stories here about rich assholes trying to live forever. This one does also present an interesting idea: what if we could all be cured of all ailments and live twice as long in the process? What happens when no one’s dying and the population count explodes? In any case, that’s more thought than what goes into the episode’s story. It’s mostly about a rich guy jumping the gun on proper medical testing and getting screwed as he should.
The Outer Limits - "The Second Soul" (1995)
Oh man, I was definitely on the paranoid side of this story as the events unfold. It was nice to get one of these where it isn’t a bleak or worst case ending.
The Outer Limits - "White Light Fever" (1995)
Another rich asshole who literally wants to live forever. And that’s it. Spoiler: he doesn’t get to.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared - Series 2 (2022)
I wanna love this because I loved the original web series, but binging a bunch of TV-length episodes just felt like too much of it. I liked them when they were shorter and spaced out more. Binger beware, I know.
#new fiction#2022#fiction#don't hug me i'm scared#dhmis#the outer limits#tales from the crypt#the whale#darren aronofsky#jack and jill#dennis dugan#babylon#damien chazelle#guillermo del toro's pinocchio#Guillermo Del Toro#demon wind#charles philip moore#empire of light#sam mendes#violent night#tommy wirkola#strange world#don hall#star trek#myriad universes#Geoff Trowbridge#Keith R.A. DeCandido#Chris Roberson#David R. George III#Steve Mollmann
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All That Baz - Film Review: Babylon ★★★★
Quite frequently, new filmmakers will, as I like to say, chew off more than they can bite, trying to throw in every idea they’ve ever had over the 20+ years they’ve waited for their shot. They direct as if they’ll never get the chance to do so again, resulting in an excessive filmgoing experience. Damien Chazelle, who has already had his turn at bat with Whiplash, La La Land and First Man, has written and directed his latest, Babylon, as if it was his first. Perhaps he felt the sensory overload of his first three films seemed a little slight, so he thought he’d turn things up to Baz Luhrmann levels of “too much is never enough” with his 3+ hour epic about the depravity of 1920’s Hollywood. I suspect I’ll be in the minority on this one, but I loved every ridiculous, over-the-top minute of this trope-filled, hot mess in much the same way I enjoyed Ken Russell’s Tommy and yes, Lurhmann’s Moulin Rouge. It wouldn’t feel off-base to call this the over-stimulated cousin to Everything Everywhere All At Once.
Take the bare bones structure of the forgotten 1975 Merchant/Ivory dud, The Wild Party, add mountains of cocaine, orgies, a powerful and original look at blackface, and many references to films by Paul Thomas Anderson and you’ll get just the slightest hint of what this movie has to offer. Back when Los Angeles looked like a combination of orange grove fields and desert, the film opens on our hero, Manny Torres (Diego Calva), a Spanish immigrant hired to transport an elephant up the hill to a lavish Bel Air party. In a scene highly reminiscent of the backwards truck sequence in Licorice Pizza, Manny impresses the powers-that-be enough to land an invitation to the evening’s festivities. There, he’ll meet an A-list crowd virtually guaranteed to serve as an entree to his film career ambitions. He fatefully meets Nellie LaRoy (Margot Robbie), a newbie from Jersey who’s already a star in her own mind even before her first audition. It’s love and other drugs at first sight as they bond over a Scarface-level mound of nose candy. Manny also impresses fading silent star Jack Conrad (Brad Pitt) enough to open doors for him, while Nellie lands a film role after another starlet meets her end in a Fatty Arbuckle-like tragedy.
The story follows these crazy kids, along with dozens of others in a way similar to Robert Altman’s classic Nashville but never loses sight of our central pair. Chief among the huge cast are Jovan Adepo’s Sidney Palmer, a talented Black jazz trumpeter at the party who rises to movie stardom but encounters racism at almost every turn, Lady Fay Zhu (Li Jun Li) as a tuxedo clad Morocco-era Marlene Dietrich type of chanteuse who acts as a sapphic Greek chorus to the proceedings, and Jean Smart as an unnecessarily English-accented Hedda Hopper-esque gossip columnist named Elinor St. John.
The film follows our characters through the advent of talking pictures and beyond, and in one bravura sequence, we watch the repetitive yet hilarious struggles of a film crew attempting to get a single successful take using the then-novel concept of microphones planted on the ceiling. Olivia Hamilton, in a deft turn as the slightly butch Dorothy Arzner-style helmer and P.J. Byrne as her increasingly flummoxed Assistant Director really sell each agonizing moment with Robbie serving up a perfect Jean Hagen from Singin’ In The Rain homage. Her honking voice instantly putting her at odds with the Mid-Atlantic accents favored at the time. That Arzner herself created the boom microphone out of a similar situation doesn’t get showcased here, but this memorable scene could stand as its own masterful short film.
Same goes for many set pieces in the film, including a supremely creepy Tobey Maguire taking us into the bowels of hell, a scene which would not look out of place in a David Lynch movie. I also loved the scene in which Margot Robbie feebly attempts to seem “classy” to impress the people who run the town. To say the moment spirals out of control would not be accurate since the entire film is one big spiral.
Many will throw their hands up at it. I get it. Robbie’s character is pretty much one note, oh, but what a note! She gives it her all by tearing up the screen, inhaling said torn-up screen, and vomiting it back out all over your face. She’s like Cabaret’s Sally Bowles but ballsier and, pardon the pun, she bowled me over. Chazelle doesn’t have the same cinematic vocabulary of a Baz Lurhmann, so many of the stylized moments get repeated endlessly, such as the zoom ins and outs of Sidney Palmer’s trumpet. I was sick of it already just from watching the trailer. I also wish filmmakers would stop with the close-ups of people watching films in awe. Even Sam Mendes employs the same trope in his new Empire Of Light. Cinema Paradiso and Purple Rose Of Cairo did it so beautifully over 30 years ago, so let’s give that a rest, please and thank you. It doesn’t take a genius to know what to expect when one character walks off camera for what’s supposed to be a shocking moment, because we’ve seen it a thousand times before.
Still, if you connect with this overstuffed epic, gems abound. Diego Calva spends much of the film observing the action silently, but when he takes charge in the second half, you won’t find a more soulful, aching performance this year. Pitt appears to have entered his middle-aged coasting through it phase of his career, much like Robert Redford did after a certain point, but he still knows how to keep things fun and light while still providing some dark undercurrents. Smart, despite that accent, gets a choice monologue late in the film which expertly illustrates the depressing themes in such a gorgeously calculated way. Adepo shines in a big moment in which he’s faced with a difficult choice and just try taking your eyes off Li Jun Li’s brief but stunning work. Rory Scovel, so good on Physical, brings an offbeat, fresh energy to the film as The Count, an Agent of Chaos who hilariously shrugs it all off.
Technically, this film astounds. Between Cinematographer Linus Sandgren, Costume Designer Mary Zophres, Production Designer Florencia Martin, Editor Tom Cross and especially Justin Hurwitz and his blisteringly propulsive score, you will always have something great to see and hear. By the time the film ended, I felt exhausted with the feeling that I had watched every movie ever made. Some inclusions, such as Avatar (!!!???!!!) seemed odd, although the synchronicity of the timing, with its sequel on hitting theaters, makes Chazelle seem more brand aware than I had thought. Yes, it’s all a little too much, but this loving homage to Hollywood exposes the festering slime barely under the surface while still managing to make all of us want to sit in a theater, the lights of the projector beaming just so, and go all Nicole Kidman in her AMC ad as we look at the screen in awe.
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My top movies of 2023
Of 103 new releases I saw this year, these were the best (and, below, the worst and the most befuddling):
10. PERFECT DAYS: Snatching beauty from the mundane is easier said than done, and easier rendered with shlock than sophistication. Wim Wenders pulls it off in this gorgeous story of a Tokyo toilet cleaner who’s attuned to the world with poetry and hard-won wisdom.
9. JOYLAND: One of many luminous shots tracks a backup erotic dancer driving home a giant cardboard cutout of his transgender frontwoman — as close as he’ll come to holding her hand in public. In this vivid Pakistani family drama, social strictures squeeze men, women, and everyone in between.
8. YOU HURT MY FEELINGS: Ordinary human relationships get so complex they make your head spin in Nicole Holofcener’s talky, thorny, funny study of the hard truths and sweet lies that populate every day. “Can you shut up and keep talking?”
7. BEYOND UTOPIA: This pained and profound documentary about North Korean defectors contains some of the most remarkable footage I’ve seen, inside one family’s treacherous attempt at escape. We see so scarcely into the journeys of millions of people fleeing disaster all around the world each year. Here is a beam of light.
6. FOUR DAUGHTERS: In this extraordinary, line-blurring documentary, a lively and haunted formal innovation unspools the story of a Tunisian family, and the moments when playing a role — mother, daughter, wife, citizen, goth, rebel, Satanist, zealot — becomes all too real.
5. BARBIE: I went in skeptical: all this just to sell toys? One of 2023’s lessons is to trust Greta Gerwig no matter what. Too many Barbie partisans damn it with faint praise as simply a fun movie (and it deliriously is). But Gerwig layers in the emotion of innocence lost and the moral rectitude of interrogating our consumerist inheritance: ballast for the fantasia.
4. ALL OF US STRANGERS: Andrew Haigh’s London ghost story has some twists up its sleeve, which makes the forthrightness of its emotion all the more bracing. Death, of course, makes strangers of us all. Love collapses the distance.
3. KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON: A whole movie told through Robert De Niro’s eyewear: the chessboard reflected in the glasses of the King; the riding goggles that make him look like an owl, portent of death. One of a million details that add up to a masterpiece in Martin Scorsese’s dramatization of the clash between two worlds and two ways of being.
2. OPPENHEIMER: Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds. This is the bomb.
1. PAST LIVES: The brilliance of Celine Song’s play on inyeon is not just the wisdom of its story of love, immigration, and divided selves, but their aching visual illustration in a climactic tracking shot that moves through emotional time. Greta Lee is marvelous. Sometimes I cry just thinking about it.
Honorable mentions: MAY DECEMBER … POOR THINGS
More superlatives:
Least favorite movies: DICKS: THE MUSICAL … WONKA … MEMORY … CAT PERSON … WHAT HAPPENS LATER
Best leading actor performances:
Bradley Cooper, MAESTRO
Paul Giamatti, THE HOLDOVERS
Cillian Murphy, OPPENHEIMER
Petri Poikolainen, THE BLIND MAN WHO DID NOT WANT TO SEE TITANIC
Andrew Scott, ALL OF US STRANGERS
Best leading actress performances:
Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor, ORIGIN
Lily Gladstone, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Greta Lee, PAST LIVES
Julianne Moore, MAY DECEMBER
Emma Stone, POOR THINGS
Best supporting actress performances:
Emily Blunt, OPPENHEIMER
Nimra Bucha, POLITE SOCIETY
Claire Foy, ALL OF US STRANGERS
Taraji P. Henson, THE COLOR PURPLE
Rosamund Pike, SALTBURN
Best supporting actor performances:
Robert De Niro, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Robert Downey Jr., OPPENHEIMER
Ryan Gosling, BARBIE
Glenn Howerton, BLACKBERRY
Milo Machado Graner, ANATOMY OF A FALL
Best cameos
Kaitlyn Dever in GOOD GRIEF
Colin Firth in RYE LANE
Audra McDonald in ORIGIN
Margot Robbie in ASTEROID CITY
Gene Simmons in THE DISAPPEARANCE OF SHERE HITE
Miscasting couch
Jerrod Carmichael in POOR THINGS
Joaquin Phoenix in NAPOLEON
Margaret Qualley in SANCTUARY
Chris Tucker in AIR
Shailene Woodley in FERRARI
Best musical moments
Unwritten above the Sydney Harbor in ANYONE BUT YOU
I’m Just Ken in BARBIE
Piano rendition of Maneater in NO HARD FEELINGS
Japanese karaoke rendition of House of the Rising Sun in PERFECT DAYS
Murder on the Dancefloor naked ending to SALTBURN
Most unhinged moments
THE BURIAL: Jamie Foxx adds up 13 + 11 to equal 26
M3GAN: Children cheer enthusiastically for roasted chestnuts
PASSAGES: The homework assignment for a class of roughly 10-year-olds is writing like two sentences about what they did that weekend
RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE: The president’s son and the prince have a romantic dance-floor stare into each other’s eyes when everybody else drops to the floor during Low
SANCTUARY: Christopher Abbott orders a Belgian waffle with passion fruit jam from room service in Denver
Best character name: Amos Klobuchar in THEATER CAMP
Best dog performance: Messi in ANATOMY OF A FALL
Best mention of Brown (tie): Using a Doritos bag as a condom in FAIR PLAY and roofie-ing the chancellor to get admitted in DICKS: THE MUSICAL
Most distressing depiction of a villainous queer Politico reporter who hangs out at coffee shops in Shaw: RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE
Best hard-charging student newspaper with a pretentious Latin motto: THE TEACHERS’ LOUNGE
Where the movies took me this year:
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