#i learned i am not built for. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

speedlimit15 · 5 months

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i miss milwaukee a lot but it’s uhh. how do i put this. not a good place to live long-term if you’re not planning on becoming an alcoholic or being surrounded by them

#and i love beer! i love a fun cocktail! but due to wanting to fit in i was heavily susceptible to The Drinking Culture which…#i learned i am not built for.#i miss the food more than anything. i miss smelling good food outside and seeing people walking around living their lives.

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hypogryffin · 2 months

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aegis is a robot built for combat in the 90s. she should be 6 feet tall and built like a brick shithouse

#gryff making woman tall again yes yes but REGARDLESS #she was built in the 90s! she is made of heavy machinery! she should be big!!!!!#persona 3 #p3 #p3 aigis #aigis persona 3 #persona 3 reload #p3 reload #p3re #i am going to learn to draw aegis in a way im satisfied with and that starts with making her swole as hell #i imagine when she wears clothes she looks like a professional wrestler #and also towers over everyone #*voice filled with lust as i say this*

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itsdefinitely · 5 months

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i wanna know more about the jerries/jeris

do you want to know the most horrific thing about them?

the lords did nothing to make them the way they are.

yes, the jerry jr was turned into the axeman because of the witchwood, which does what it does because of the lords, but everything leading up to that is just human nature. i see the "girl jeri is nibbly" or "they were influenced by a lord to do the thngs they do" and i need people to understand that that's just. not true. they're just like that. they were taught to be like that by their parents and, more accurately, their church. it's horrifyingly accurate how religion has shaped them into non-functional human beings, who would rather potentially lose their child to the many, many dangers of the literal woods than admit that they had sex outside of marriage.

it's only because it's hatchetfield that jerry jr grew the way he did. there was no lord's intervention in their decision to keep the baby, or to drop out of school to care for him, or to keep him seperated from any other people, or to revolve their lives around the idea that they'd committed a sin and needed to pay by pushing celibacy rather than. i don't know. properly raising their child. it was the way they were taught. the toxic pushing of overexaggerated christian ideals is what molded them. can you imagine being in their place? being a scared teenager and knowing that if you told any of the people you care about most your secret that they would shun you and disown you?

the only people they felt any kind of safe around were each other; of course they're going to be codependent. and even then, they're disgusted by each other for leading them to sin. they're stuck together unwillingly, because without the other, they're alone.

#definitely an ask #and thats not to MENTION what kind of stress they were under when jerry jr started getting less and less human #imagine being completely and utterly alienated from everyone and everything except your parents who pretty much hate each other #and learning one thing: abstinence before marriage #that would do something to your psyche #and im gonna be quickly mentioning my minotaur stuff because im insane #people are terrified of the minotaur purely because he was born the way he was. and he was put in the labyrinth for no fault of his own #in which he THEN became a monster. not because he was one from birth #but because people treated him like one. and youre built by those around you #can you see the connection here #boy jerry #girl jeri #the axeman #abstinence camp #nightmare time 2 #hatchetfield #you guys severely underestimate how unwell i am about them #i keep. trying. to draw. but all my hands want to do is write paragraphs about the jeri/rys #anyway working on an axeman drawing godbless #lets hope this makes sense and im not just pulling words out of my ass #I KEEP FORGETTING HE HAS A NAME OTHER THAN LIL JERRY AND CALLING HIM THE AXEMAN. SORRY LUMBER AXE

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kleksky · 1 year

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Gaster and Asgore are stupid. That's it. And Sans and Toriel have to deal with them being stupid 24/7.

Also how in the actual fuck do you draw Gaster

#undertale #ut sans #ut toriel #ut asgore #ut gaster #toriel dreemurr #asgore dreemurr #sans x toriel #asgore x gaster #soriel #i have learned that asgore's and gaster's ship name is in fact #kingdings #i am learning your honor #i wanted to draw asgore built like markiplier but i simply cannot draw non twink men #twinks are great and fun until you have to draw a muscular man

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jennycalendar · 3 months

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possibly part of the reason i haven't listened to the slayers audio drama yet is simply because hearing giles again after years of no giles would eviscerate me and also i already have just so much extra-canonical content to wade through? am coming to terms w the fact that i still have not read every buffy tie-in novel, have not read the follow-up comics, and that therefore there are parts of this world unknown to me, and i would like there to sort of always be that happening. truly can't imagine what it would feel like without that last extra scrap of btvs to experience.

#musings #i am in so many feelings about how many things i don't know? and can therefore learn about for the first time?#at the same time tho i am so bummed that we won't get more slayers #it is literally built on uplifting buffyverse women who got fucked over -- tara anya cordy! -- and to not get a s2 is so. like. hhghgj #every time the buffyverse tosses the fandom something good it does not last near long enough.....

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iwanttobepersephone · 1 month

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Rant about Harry Potter and JK Rowling, stick with me here

Ok, so, I hate JK Rowling. I feel like that's a given, right? Like, she's a transphobic homophobic bigot who hides behind feminism and routinely denies massive parts of the holocaust, and I despise her in ways that I don't think words can even express. I can't stand her, but y'know what I also can't stand?

When someone implies that my mother, who is one of the most supportive people I know, and a massive part of the founding, organization, and actions of a local group made specifically to fight Moms for Liberty and school boards in our area trying to harm trans and queer people, is transphobic because she likes Harry Potter

Wanna know why my mom likes Harry Potter? Because when she discovered the series at 12 years old, she quite literally lived in a cupboard under the stairs and was in an abusive household. The magic of the wizarding world or whatever was her escape, it's the reason she's still alive, and by extension, the reason I was ever alive.

But, sometimes, not even often, when I try to express even the most minimal amount of appreciation of that, someone says to me "but isn't JK Rowling transphobic? Why would you support someone like that? Are you transphobic?"

Which pisses me off beyond belief, as one might imagine

In this situation, "separate the art from the artist" isn't exactly a good phrase to use, given the fact that the goblins or whatever run the bank are Jewish stereotypes and the house elves generally being happy to work under their masters being a straight rip from the whole happy slave myth, and those are very very important things to recognize and understand, among others

I feel like it's a lot closer to "separate the hundreds if not thousands of lives she's helped from the hundreds if not thousands of lives she's ruined", or even better, understand that the good she's indirectly done for people makes all the bad that much more horrid

My mother is the closest thing to a hero in this entire world and I will not stand to hear one more person accuse her of being transphobic purely because she thinks fondly of a book series that saved her life. I will not stand for people saying she's just as bad as a holocaust denier because she owns every book in the series. I will not stand for anyone going entirely against their point of not judging a group as if it's monolithic by saying all Harry Potter fans are bad people, including my mother. And, once again, it's not often at all that this happens, but it happens and I'm pissed about it and needed to rant

Anyways rant over JK Rowling sucks don't believe a single thing she says and don't support her unless you wanna support someone actively trying to make the existence of queer people illegal

#jk rowling #harry potter #screw jkr #screw jk rowling #rants #yeah so I saw one too many “if you like Harry Potter please kill yourself posts” (literal direct f+cking quote from one) and wrote this #like #in what world would saying stuff like that ever be ok #what kind of bubble do you live in where you think that's an actual productive thing to say #like have you never interacted with anyone who has slightly problematic opinions or behaviors in a positive manner.... ever??????#do you just live in an echo chamber of people who agree with every thought you have to a T????#difference in opinion and civil disagreements are the things that human understanding and kindness are built on #and saying things like “if you like Harty Potter you should kys” just says that you don't know how to handle that #that's not a good thing #and I know that more than a couple mutuals/followers of mine reblog similar things a lot and I don't wanna give the wrong message #JK Rowling is a horrid horrid person and nothing else could ever be argued #but my for you page is filled to the brim with posts like the ones I've referenced and I'm so mad I feel like crying #angry #angry rant #serious #AGH I just I am so so mad rn #I hate being this mad like outwardly and stuff but like #c'mon guys basic human f+cking understanding and decency can we try and learn that before telling people to kill themselves please

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foldingfittedsheets · 4 months

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The semester started and my sleep schedule instantly crumbled. My fatigue has come roaring back and I get to reacclimatize to the bottom of my energy reserves.

On the upside, I have 6/13 pages completed. I’m gonna post the first half for Ko-fi members when I finish 7 pages.

#ramblies #then I am absolutely not doing another comic cause I get sucked in and don’t have as much time to learn #I built in lesson times to my schedule to start learning python and reviewing rigging stuff #dunno if I’m worth anything today as I slept like shit #grunt work days at least allow for inking

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tarantula-hawk-wasp · 3 months

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why is every driving school website like useless at answering my actual questions why are your FAQs so unhelpful (el capitalisme is the problem ik) i just want to figure out how to estimate how many hours of lessons I will need to buy

#its so expensive kms for real and like i regret so much not learning when I was younger #i am actually extremely nervous about the whole thing bc driving has become this giant weight of anxiety and regret built up over 8 years

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midnight-moth · 3 months

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Moth I'm missing your boys, give us some rambly Raindrop/ Phantom Rain Drop thoughts?

Rain hasn’t seen him all day. Just evidence of his existence. A half-emptied cup of black coffee on the counter, a long strand of gold strewn across his black pillowcase, yesterday’s clothes kicked into the corner of the bathroom.

They have no reason to cross paths today. No practice, no ministry business, no shared responsibilities. Not that they need a reason to be together. Quite the contrary. But Rain can’t count on a schedule to run into him eventually. So, Rain wanders around trying to track his invisible footsteps.

Where is he?

Rain knows and follows his intuition down to the water. Down to the gnarled roots of the willow growing by the bank of the lake.

Dew looks so small, tucked into a makeshift hammock of roots, Rain’s sweater tossed over them to blunt some of the hard knots and lumps.

“What’re you doing here?” Why am I asking questions I know the answer to?

Dew’s eyes are closed. But Rain knows he’s not asleep because his hands are busy fiddling with the drawstring of the hood he’s using as a pillow.

“You know.” His voice is small and dry.

“I do.”

“Just felt - alone.” No matter how many people I surround myself with, no matter who I talk to. I feel alone. Cause I am. I will be, in the end. And I didn’t want to ask you - to say the thing you always say.

You went to everyone, but me? If Rain had bothered to ask anyone else he may have heard a few reports of a Dew -shaped spectre gliding in and out of various rooms earlier that day.

“Fine. I won’t tell you that you’re never alone. And you never will be. I won’t tell you that I’m like these stupid trees. If anyone tries to pull me away. I will simply wither and die. That you are stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

Of course it’s his choice, but he wants Dew to feel like it isn’t. To feel certainty in matters that really are never quite certain. Like love.

Dew makes space for him in the crevice of the tree, “I do like it,” he thinks. Its embarrassing. But, comforting, Rain understands his language. The subtext between his sentences and the meaning in the words he doesn’t say.

There are one thousand and one places in the Ministry to get lost in, where no one will ever find you. But Dew chooses the same place every time, the place that tells Rain, I need you but I can’t say it. I wanted to reach out but my hands are tied. I wanted to call your name but I can’t speak. I feel so alone, show me that isn’t true.

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spocks-kaathyra · 3 months

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"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

#joking but like. am I wrong though #yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell #except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem #I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning.#and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me.#I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it #this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think #mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction #but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face #anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops #also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend??#well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie #really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level #mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child #but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful #oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships #ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS #literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them #there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine #guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry #narcissus's echoes #vent

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idk-bruh-20 · 1 year

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"I spent most of my life trying to do the right thing and live up to expectations, but it turned out I was being used to cause harm. I just don't want to be used anymore."

Tony 🤝 Steve

^how CA:CW could have ended if they'd had even one (1) empathetic conversation

#steve joined the army and ran missions to try to help the world & fit his country's expectations #turns out his govt was run by the same people he thought he was fighting against #tony built weapons to try to protect people & fit what was expected by his dad's legacy #turns out the guy running his dad's company was selling those weapons to terrorists #of COURSE steve wouldn't want to let another murky agency decide where he should go and what he should do #how many of his missions were at hydra's bidding? how many times did they use his strength for their agenda?#of COURSE tony would want the avengers to be accountable to the people of the world #he thought he'd learned from his mistakes when he stopped making SI weapons and started making them for the avengers #but how many times have the avengers used his weapons to cause reckless and unforgiveable harm?#how many people have died because he blindly trusted someone close to him with weapons and never followed up?#thoughts #tony stark #steve rogers #the true villain of ca:cw emerges #to the tune of agatha all along: It's Been Toxic Masculinity And Trust Issues All Along #this is no queue i am sneaking online at ass o'clock in the morning because these thoughts would not let me rest #needed to inflict them on others #peace ✌️

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wyldhunt · 1 year

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God of War Ragnarök — Kratos

#god of war #god of war ragnarok #gow ragnarok #god of war spoilers #gowedit #godofwaredit #gamingdaily #gamingedit #kratos #mygifs #HEY GUESS WHO LEARNED HOW TO MAKE GIFS #THEYRE NOT PERFECT AND I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN BUT IT WAS FUN TO TRY SOMETHING NEW #IM JUST. OBSESSED WITH HIS BODY IN THIS GAME #I WAS SOBBING DURING THIS SCENE AND THEN WENT “WHY ARE YOU BUILT THIS WAYYYYYY” MID-SOB AND MY FRIENDS LAUGHED AT ME #GOD THEY REALLY DID MAKE HIM BIGGER AND I AM SO GRATEFUL :PRAYING HANDS:

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moothecowgirl · 7 days

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When in doubt, evoke Gods name

#I think this has been a recent shift in how I am approaching life #to learn to turn to Allah in moments of need no matter what that moment looks like #recently - whenever I feel an anxiety attack creeping up on me while I’m in public I’ll start doing dhikr #for the constant repetition and having it help slow down my breathing but also there is something comforting about mentioning Allahs name #when I misplace something - pausing and taking a moment to mention Allah #or when I’m not sure what decision to make - mentioned Him once more #it’s now been something I just started telling my friends when moments like those arise #’when in doubt - evoke Allah’s name’#and any of the 99!!!!!!! there is so much to be built upon and to be learned when diving into our Rabbs many beautiful names #muslim blogging

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callum-hunt-is-bisexual · 10 months

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i explained to my best friend the entire plot of the magisterium series today and he insists call is a terrible person who needs to be locked up and that celia is the only sane character

#he came away with such interesting conclusions #he was so happy to hear abt the silver mask starting w call in prison #he did not appreciate all the soul bs #he thinks call is inherently evil and should be locked up and/or killed #rlly devastating to hear for me considering the fact call is my face character and my blog is built around him #magisterium #the magsiterium #the iron trial #callum hunt #he said celia is his gf but took it back upon learning she was white #in my magisterium era #celia the magisterium #celia magisterium #fuck i meant fav character but i am not rewriting all tjose tags

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andthebeanstalk · 1 month

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Learning Blender as an experienced artist is so galling like

😤😤😤 "I have spent 21 years of my life learning how to be a better artist, from copying the pictures in my Pokémon handbook at age 9 to finally reaching a point around age 30 where I can pretty much create almost any image I have in my head if I have enough time. Even though there's always so much more to learn, it is extremely gratifying for all that hard work to be paying off in the way it is. I am, finally, becoming the artist I'd always hoped I'd be." ❤❤❤

And then I open Blender, and it's like, "I CAN MOVE A SINGLE CUBE IN ONE DIRECTION. SOMETIMES. LAST NIGHT, I BUILT A WASTEPAPER BASKET BY TAKING 20 MINUTES TO GET THROUGH A 3-MINUTE TUTORIAL. MY 3D ARTISTRY SKILLS ARE COMPLETE SO LONG AS MY SUBJECT MATTER IS CUBES AND OCCASIONALLY LITERAL GARBAGE. WHAT IS HAPPENING." 🙃😬⁉️😫☠🥸🤡🤡🤡

(I'm still proud of my art and of the progress I'm making learning a new program, but it's an ego check for sure. 😅)

#original #3d art #blender #artists on tumblr #3d artist #3d artwork #the blender cube #remember that time Julia Drawfee taught herself blender and built a full 3d set within 10 hours?#that gets more insane the longer i work on this. that woman is extremely skilled.#drawfee #julia lepetit #julia drawfee #'julia?? is this... blender???'#there's a deep blue ink animation of it #once i learn this shit i will be so powerful tho. like i may not learn as fast as Julia but i am good at learning new art things.#I'm gonna use it to make porn.#and also like. to aid in my graphic novel. but first and foremost a lot of porn.#you may not like it but this is what CLASS looks like XD

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prototypelq · 6 months

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I HAVE HALFWAY WROTE A DEFEAT LETTER BUT I HAVE MANAGED TO FINALLY BEAT M19 SOS VERGIL Y E S FINALLY I WILL FREAKIN CRY TEARS OF JOY HERE

#I DID IT I DID IT I DID JT #i ran around like a freakin headless chicken in the end and IT PAYED OFF #oh freakin hell #ahaha now only to repeat this with nero who i haven't touched in about a year now ahahahaha #...st least he has better options for dealing with the clone #game even awarded me with s though there was nowhere near s gameplay to be found #i am a bit overwhelmed now #i am now fully realising Exactly How Far Away from a 'hardcore' gamer i am #can you believe i started the year thinking 'if i go slow and casual at it i think i could take on harder dmc5 difficulties'#i feel ready to go back in time and theottle that idiot #this was...not fun but it also kind of was only because dmc5 gameplay is so good and dante is amazing to play as #and vergil is a great opponent he makes you take the situation seriously but you also learn to start goofing off its great #however i am NOT built for this i am so freakin not built for this boss grind i came through only because i like dmc so much #and i felt like if i could spend even a fraction of my fandom time in the actual game i could be much better at it #there is a number of games I overplayed to the point of starting to hate them and where the frustration overwrote the initial joy i felt #i felt like ive given myself enough time because i started to feel that frustration about dmc5 and i decidedly do NOT want that game #to end up like those i love it and want to enjoy it further so i was ready to concede defeat today #turns out i just had to be a better chicken thats good as nero is next and he is an arguably better for chicken tactic #maybe ill finish this sos run after all i would be glad if i could manage that #also im this close to 3 million and i want the dance taunt at least for dante)))#phew what an evening #mutuals my beloved thank you for constantly cheering me and reading this i can't find the words to express how much i cherish your support #and thank you tumblr for allowing me an entire book in the tags section hellsite my beloved

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