i wanna know more about the jerries/jeris
do you want to know the most horrific thing about them?
the lords did nothing to make them the way they are.
yes, the jerry jr was turned into the axeman because of the witchwood, which does what it does because of the lords, but everything leading up to that is just human nature. i see the "girl jeri is nibbly" or "they were influenced by a lord to do the thngs they do" and i need people to understand that that's just. not true. they're just like that. they were taught to be like that by their parents and, more accurately, their church. it's horrifyingly accurate how religion has shaped them into non-functional human beings, who would rather potentially lose their child to the many, many dangers of the literal woods than admit that they had sex outside of marriage.
it's only because it's hatchetfield that jerry jr grew the way he did. there was no lord's intervention in their decision to keep the baby, or to drop out of school to care for him, or to keep him seperated from any other people, or to revolve their lives around the idea that they'd committed a sin and needed to pay by pushing celibacy rather than. i don't know. properly raising their child. it was the way they were taught. the toxic pushing of overexaggerated christian ideals is what molded them. can you imagine being in their place? being a scared teenager and knowing that if you told any of the people you care about most your secret that they would shun you and disown you?
the only people they felt any kind of safe around were each other; of course they're going to be codependent. and even then, they're disgusted by each other for leading them to sin. they're stuck together unwillingly, because without the other, they're alone.
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i really either need to stop seeking reassurance that insane things i feel are understandable (as distinct from objectively correct! i often know they're not Objectively Correct and that's not generally what i'm seeking reassurance about! more like 'given the set of forces at work on me now and historically, please tell me it's understandable that i'm feeling this way'), or else work out how to avoid/ameliorate the very intense, disproportionate wave of Oh Okay I'm Wrong Then, Time to Feel Rejected and Ashamed and Deeply Miserable About It that i inevitably experience when someone doesn't in fact immediately affirm that my not-objectively-correct feelings are maybe not justified, but reasonable for me to be feeling…
…that's a pretty incomprehensible paragraph but like. i think what it boils down to is like. i know why i have the reactions i have; i know they're not Objectively Fair, which is why i try not to make them anyone else's problem; now the next step is like. feel confident that given the givens i am nonetheless reacting understandably, and, like, give myself a hug about it instead of trying to get other people to? (and then, you know, take a deep breath and try to see the other side of it, except without the whole katabatic-detour-thru-giant-emotional-pit step.)
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most of the examples i see of this are in a vacuum harmless but i do find it concerning how often i witness an exchange on the internet that’s like:
some complete fucking rando on social media, potentially a self-branded expert of some kind but probably not even that, like literally just a person with internet access: did you know that actually [information that may or may not be factually accurate, because it’s literally just some person saying stuff on twitter]?
other people: wow this is so helpful, thanks so much for telling me, i had no idea
like even when the thing the person is saying is true i find this concerning. because like, Some Person On Twitter should not be an automatically accepted source on…… anything. like it’s fine to read something like that and be like “oh interesting i’d never heard of this” and then do some more digging. or i mean if it’s not serious it’s also fine to be like “oh huh cool if true” lol. but it stresses me out how many people are wandering around with their default reaction to certain kinds of alleged information, regardless of its provenance, being “thank you for enlightening me, o kind stranger,” and not, “hm, i wonder if there is literally any basis for believing this other than that someone said it was true?”
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I really needed to read this post, especially since it helped me realize something. I've really been trying to give myself a support needs label because I thought it would make me feel more valid, and maybe neurotypical people would take me more seriously when I tell them my limitations. I didn't really understand that that's what I was hoping for, I just felt like it would help me somehow.
Truth be told, the biggest reason I've been struggling with this is because I hadn't understood a vital concept of disability activism enough to put it to words - if a disabled person says they cannot do something, an abled person's job is not to reassure them that they can, but to mind their damn business at bare minimum. It'd be even better if they'd support the disabled person through the alternative way they do things instead of trying to force them to do things the 'normal' (abled) way.
As notabled-noodle put it, you're allowed to be low support needs and still need support, and low support doesn't mean no support.
Low support doesn't mean 'put in a little elbow grease and you'll pass as neurotypical in no time,' and it certainly doesn't mean 'if you need support you're Not Trying Hard Enough', and I really needed to remind myself that not only is this true, but it's important for the abled people around me to understand as well.
The thing that I was trying to fix wasn't my own understanding of my needs but others' understandings of my limitations, and I was going about it in a way that could be harmful to others by misusing terms that really aren't meant for me.
What I wanted was for people to understand and believe my limitations, and so I was trying to label myself as a higher level of support needs in hopes that maybe some of those needs would be met.
A decent example of this that happened just recently - I confessed to my mom that I don't think I'll ever be able to drive, and then happily shared my alternative plan (public transportation until I can move somewhere rural, then riding on horseback) that would work with my needs.
Rather than celebrating with me that I'd found a tool towards independence and the life I want, she seemed disappointed that I'd given up on driving, even after I explained to her that I'd be a damn road hazard if I got a license, and that pretty much the only time I'd be able to drive safely would be at/around noon.
It really rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't put my finger on why until I read the post. She doesn't understand that certain tasks that are essential to modern life are beyond me, like driving. She believes with her whole heart that if I just tried hard enough, I could drive just like everybody else. And she thinks this is a good thing to believe, to hope that I can, in this aspect, function like a neurotypical.
She sees it as a respectful and kind way to view me, and I can't blame her, because that's what we're all fed growing up. Inspiration porn about how no wall that a disability puts up is insurmountable and every mountain is worth climbing.
I don't want to risk my sanity and spend my life climbing mountains to function like a neurotypical when I can make do with tools that allow me to spend my time doing things I enjoy. I shouldn't have to do that to be seen as someone who works hard - there are plenty of other things I could be working hard on.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything that I can do to convince her that this mountain is not worth climbing. The view at the top isn't even worth it, and everything that I'd need that I could get from climbing it is available elsewhere or replaceable with something that works just as well. She'd probably just be disappointed in me for 'limiting myself' when what I'm doing is setting myself free.
Just. Believe disabled people when they tell you they can't do something, okay?
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It sure would be nice if lists of suggestions to make money weren't filled with things that were difficult for untreated ADHD, didn't hinge on one being an extrovert, or become a fucking influencer/streamer.
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