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#i just wanted to throw this online because sketches have been sitting around for MONTHS
toughtinkart · 11 months
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context: been working on a retelling of beauty and the beast! in this version, the cursed castle traps anyone stupid enough that dares to enter and after some time, they also begin turning beastly. this is after jolie (beauty)’s escape attempt goes wrong and she gets rescued by bête (the beast).
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bucky-hues · 3 years
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stucky fic recs
here are some stucky fic recs! as always, be sure to read the warnings for each fic <3
one shots
finding home | @thedamageofherdays
cap steve x modern bucky
After he is caught in a terrible rainstorm while hiking, Bucky is glad to find shelter at the cottage Steve shares with his daughter and his dog. Bucky ends up finding so much more than just a safe place to spend the night.
x | @dreadlockholiday
steve x bucky
Request: Bucky looking through a glossy magazine and saying something like "God, can you imagine being paid for just looking cute?" And without thought Steve replies, "you'd be a millionaire" and Bucky just blushes furiously while Steve's all like 😳 *oh no, I just said that out loud*
x | @dreadlockholiday (18+)
steve x bucky
Bucky finds his BFF Steve's sketchbook... and it's full of nothing but sketches of Bucky... naked.
sweethearts | @musette22
steve x bucky
Steve confesses his feelings to Bucky using sweethearts
my moon, my man | @musette22 (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
AU meet-cute. Strangers on a Train, but with less murder and more sexual tension.
make it till you fake it | AggressiveWhenStartled (AO3)
steve x bucky
“Ned,” Peter said, like a drowning man sighting land. “Ned. Captain America and the Winter Soldier are fake dating right now and it is the most painfully awkward and obvious thing I have ever seen, all of us want to die, Ned.”
things my heart used to know | Nightwing11 (AO3)
steve x bucky
In a world where soulmates can communicate telepathically with their partners, Steve Rogers has always had Bucky Barnes with him, a calming voice in a sea of turmoil. And, when Bucky falls off the train during World War II, Steve experiences deafening silence for the first time.
Now, after crashing a plane in the Arctic to save the world and being frozen for 70 years, Steve’s still trying to figure out how to live without Bucky there. His new friends are trying to help him adjust, to move on. And he thought he was doing better, he really did.
So, why is he suddenly hearing Bucky’s voice again?
catfish | @buckmebxrnes (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve Rogers is a famous movie star, known for his role as Captain America. Bucky Barnes is a bored law student who drinks too much wine. Bucky gets on match.com to boost his confidence. What he doesn't expect is a guy using Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating profile. Bucky decides to mess with the guy. After all, what idiot uses Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating site?
Not like it's really him, right? Bucky may need more wine.
let's go have fun | @sebastanbucky
steve x bucky
“Nat wanted me to-” Nat clears her throat and he rolls his eyes. “I wanted to tell you something.” He looks at Steve with a look he hopes says ‘play along’. “Okay. What did you want to tell me?” Bucky has to take a deep breath to keep from laughing again, it helps with his performance as Nat nods encouragingly at him. “I’m gay.” He says, making his voice sound shaky and weak.
the way you came around | sokaless (AO3)
steve x bucky
After a while, Bucky says, “You know, this song sounds like it was written for you.” “That's funny,” Steve remarks. “I chose it because it reminded me of you.” Steve gives Bucky an iPod full of his favourite songs from the 21st century to help him deal with his nightmares. Bucky has a new mission- to find out who Steve is in love with, because there are a few too many unrequited love songs on that iPod.
stuck on you | wearing_tearing (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”
Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.
you have the place next to my place | justanotherStonyfan (AO3)
cap steve x modern bucky
prompt: “We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU
Captain America helps the Vet next door.
you’ve got (30) new matches | williamkaplans (AO3)
steve x bucky
When everyone finds out Steve's bi thanks to Bucky's recovering memories, Natasha kicks up her match-making into high gear. Steve has zero luck, but Natasha won't give up, especially when Sam (jokingly) suggests online dating. It isn't long before Steve finds someone, a someone who seems eerily familiar.
perfectly right wrong number | melonbutterfly (AO3)
cap steve x modern bucky
It all starts because Steve is too dumb to handle his smartphone.
A wrong number AU in which Bucky Barnes doesn't enter Steve's life (meaning: Bucky wasn't born until the eighties, but Steve is still Captain America) until Steve accidentally dials the wrong number. Wherein there is a lot of texting, some advice via Natasha and Darcy, a bit of pining, and a first date in an amusement park. Oh, and on top of being a disabled veteran, Bucky is a professional catwalker. Literally.
put your number in my phone | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve tucks his phone back into his pocket and turns back to the computer. He only has to click a few times before he finds the link to the questionnaire and opens it, inputting the participant number before hitting next. The beginnings of the consent form fills the page, and all Steve has left to do now is wait for the participant— one James Barnes, according to the website— to show up.
Thankfully, Steve doesn’t end up having to wait very long. James Barnes shows up ten minutes early and knocks on the door before cracking it open and peeking in.
“Oh, hi,” he says, when he spots Steve sitting at the desk. He pushes the door open all the way and steps into the room just as Steve spins in the chair to face him.
“Um, I’m, uh, a bit early, but I’m here for the decision making study,” James continues, clear blue eyes flickering around the room before landing on Steve again. The skin between his eyebrows crinkles up a little, and god, Steve probably shouldn’t find his uncertainty as cute as he does. “Am I in the right place?”
wouldn’t it be nice | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
"You are never going to believe what just happened," Bucky bemoans, shaking his head. He's at Steve's side in a moment and doesn't bother to give any warning before he dramatically falls into Steve's lap. Steve just barely manages to save his book from getting squashed.
"What is it?" Steve asks, matching Bucky's dramatic tone. "What am I not going to believe?"
"I just got off the phone with Natasha," he starts. "She cancelled on me!" Bucky throws his arms up, nearly smacking Steve in the face in the process.
Steve carefully places his hand on Bucky's forearm and lowers it away from his face.
"You're kidding," he says, a frown curving onto his lips at the news.
"I wish I was," he sighs. Bucky presses his lips together into a disappointed line and deflates against the back of the couch, slinking down Steve's thighs a little. "Who goes to Coney Island alone? How pathetic is that?"
Steve snorts, earning a glare from Bucky, and pats Bucky's thigh. "Aw, don't be such a sourpuss, Buck," he says. "Who said anything about going alone?"
all jokes aside | darksknight (AO3)
steve x bucky
"Before we know it Banner’s gonna be makin’ insinuations.” (Everyone "jokes" about Steve and Bucky being in a relationship until, eventually, they admit that they are.)
barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth
steve x bucky (teacher au)
There are three well-known facts at Shield High:
1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm. 2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.) 3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.
Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.
in the shadows | DragonWannabe (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky
Five times they thought they were almost caught, one time someone found out, and one time they didn't have to hide.
OR:
Bucky and Steve grew up in a time when people like them went to jail.
single and looking | Jaiden_S (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky
"Bucky held his place with his index finger and turned the magazine over to check the date on the cover. It was brand new, just out this month. An unexpected cord of anxiety tightened in Bucky’s chest. Single and looking? Frantically, he flipped back to the article. What exactly was Steve looking for? According to the article, Steve’s dream girl should be intelligent, altruistic, well-versed in current events and have a wicked sense of humor. Oh, and he had a thing for high heels and red lipstick. Bucky’s stomach churned as he re-read the article. Was that really what Steve wanted? Make-up and stilettos?"
A slightly sappy tale of two utterly besotted super-soldiers who excel at miscommunication.
these american dreams (ain’t no white picket fences left for me) | kariye (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky
In which Bucky has a house, a dog, an herb garden, and a serious case of insomnia. Welcome to Havensport, Indiana (population 8,294), where Tom’s Neighborhood Grocer stays open all night, little old ladies call the car shop to get their refrigerators repaired, and the heat of summer days and the length of summer nights can make you think that this perfect world will last forever.
i’ve been careless with a delicate man | paraxdisepink (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky
Steve lets SHIELD think he and Bucky were boyfriends so they’ll let him see the Winter Soldier in medical.
knock on wood | 74days (AO3) 
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve Rogers lives a quiet, steady life, until his next door neighbour moves in and starts having incredibly energetic sex every night. All Steve wants is for him to move his bed away from the wall so the damn headboard doesn't knock a hole through his wall.
progressively bigger keys | spinawren (AO3)
steve x bucky
“A very little key will open a very heavy door.” ― Charles Dickens, Hunted Down
Steve and Bucky, it appears, have less need for a key and more use for a battering ram in trying to come out of the closet.
(The one where Steve tries to do one thing (one thing!) without causing a national ruckus, but the press are determined to see Bucky as Steve's best friend. And nothing more.)
stucky discover gay rights | Alicia_Borealis (AO3)
steve x bucky
“Then, why-” Steve stopped himself and looked at Bucky, who had tears rolling freely down his cheeks. “We’re- we’re not sick?”
“Wait, what?” Tony asked.
“Being a homosexual, it isn’t… wrong?”
-
The story of how Steve Roger's loved and lost Bucky, then how he got him back and then how he realised he was allowed to love him after all.
thursday nights with bucky barnes | Ellessey (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve has a comfortable, well-worn routine for his Thursday nights, until the old man who runs the laundromat breaks his hip.
Then Steve has Bucky instead.
to seek a nood-er world | jehans (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky
Send noodz
Steve has been staring at his phone for the last six minutes, eyes narrowed so much they’re almost closed at this point, trying to figure out what the hell Bucky means. Noodz? What the fuck are noodz?
Listen, Steve is at least marginally aware of modern pop culture. He’s heard of nudes — not that nudes are exactly a modern invention; artists have been creating them for millennia — and he does know that people tend to misspell words to be cute or funny. They did that when he was young, too. Because time is a flat circle, apparently.
But, wait—does that mean…?
No. Not possible. Bucky isn’t asking Steve to send him…nudes.
Right?
tied ‘round your throat | sleepypercy (AO3) (18+)
police officer steve x serial killer bucky
Steve's a small-town police officer trying to track a serial killer who's been in Steve's bed the whole time.
much tattoo about nothing | Deisderium (AO3) (18+)
cap steve x modern bucky
Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.
Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.
the perfect man | Ellessey (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Setting up a dating profile is decidedly not in Bucky's skill-set, but against all odds he manages to connect with someone who makes the one-night stand he thought he wanted feel like not nearly enough.
kiss me and take off your clothes | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve Rogers is dared to send a dick pic to a blog which critiques dick pics (run by none other than Bucky Barnes). Hilarity ensues.
i can’t dare to dream about you anymore | steveandbucky (AO3) 
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve considers himself to be a pretty open-minded guy, which is why he can't quite understand why he feels so uncomfortable whenever he sees his gay roommate kissing guys. He's not homophobic, but how else can he explain the way his stomach twists at the sight?
It takes him a while to catch on.
exam room b | steveandbucky (AO3)
modern steve x nurse bucky
“Wait, what do you mean he asked for me?”
“He asked if the cute male nurse with the ponytail was working today. I assume he meant you.”
kickstart my heart | Kalee60 (AO3) (18+)
doctor steve x modern bucky
Bucky’s Wednesday wasn’t off to a great start. Not only did he wake up in a hospital with his annoyed best friend staring down at him, his treating Doctor just happened to be way too familiar, and the reason for that was slightly mortifying.
With misunderstandings in the air, a snarky nurse who is a pain in his butt and the ugliest neck brace known to man attached to his body. There was no way his Wednesday was ever going to improve. Could it?
you make me feel.. | kalika_999 (AO3) (18+)
cap steve x modern bucky
All Steve wanted was to take a breather, decompress after a mission and go out for a jog in the rain. He wasn't expecting to hide out in a bookstore filled with new and used books or that the employee that worked there thought he was an absolute loser and didn't even realize he was insulting Captain America.
nothing in the world that could stop it | rainbow_nerds (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Bucky just wanted to send his best friend a picture of his cat being an idiot while he was taking a bath. Was it really his fault for forgetting the full length mirror right opposite the tub?
rescue me and hold me in your arms | 74days (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Bucky is on the worst date of his life, and what he really needs of for this waitress to get the message he's sending her with his mind to rescue him. She doesn't, but she does send someone to extract him from a night of torture...
odd ways | peterbparker (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
“And it would have been an amazing night with my son if he wasn’t distracted by the hot guy on the other side of the room,” Sarah sighed, shaking her head. “He’s been looking over at you for the past fifteen minutes.”
Bucky choked on the mouthful of beer he had just taken.
“What?” he croaked. Things were starting to make a little more sense now.
“Right?” Sarah said, waving her hand towards her son. “He completely ignored my garden stories because he’s been making eyes at you so I decided to come over and introduce myself.”
series
rare is this love (keep it covered) | @musette22 (18+)
cap steve x modern bucky
It’s 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.
coming up easy | @musette22 (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”
While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.
"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."
“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”
“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”
4 minute window | @cesperanza
steve x bucky
"Look, if they catch me," Bucky muttered, "they're either going to kill me or they're going to put me in a box with a little window and—Steve, I can't."
swapped | writeonclara (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
if u wanted my number u couldve just asked
u didnt have to steal my whole phone ;)
Steve stared down at his phone, confused. He didn't recognize the number – except, oh wait, he really did. That was his number. On his phone.
He flipped the phone over, then slid one hand down his face. Not his phone.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
[stupid fucking] brooklyn hipster bros | relenaflanel (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Bucky's mother gives him an ultimatum. Bucky doesn't respond well.
All Barneses are stubborn assholes, Steve observes, as though he doesn't see the irony of calling someone else stubborn. Or an asshole.
And Bucky can't even deny he is a total asshole for lying to his mother about dating Steve just so he doesn't have to bring someone else to her wedding, but damn if he's not going to give the lie everything he has.
brought to brightness | eyres (AO3)
cap steve x modern bucky
Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.
When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.
slide to answer | relenaflanel (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
"What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”
There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.
“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”
how to woo the winter soldier | writeonclara (AO3)
steve x bucky
“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said.
“What,” Natasha said.
“What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier.
“Steve, no,” Clint groaned.
Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.
all these things that i’ve done | @not-withoutyou 
steve x bucky
Steve was the patron saint of waiting too long. Bucky was atoning for his sins. Maybe they’d both been forsaken, abandoned by the light. Maybe they’d find a way back to each other again.
Post civil war, if things had gone differently.
find a way (to make it back home) | belwrites (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky (college au)
Fresh off a year abroad, Head Resident Assistant Steve Rogers finds his senior year of college to be full of changes, and he's not just talking about the growth spurt. He's more concerned with the fact that his best friend...isn't talking to him? Is dating his ex? May or may not be missing an arm?
In which Steve has no fucking clue what's going on, but he's trying, Bucky learns how to communicate with his best friend again, and everyone quietly panics about the future.
is it pretending if i already want you? | OhCaptainMyCaptain (AO3) (18+)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Based on prompt: Pretend Boyfriends AU where one of their families is always wondering why they're never in a relationship, so the other offers to pretend to be their boyfriend for some family event
the roommate | layersofart, Niitza (AO3)
cap steve x modern bucky
In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.
It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.
dear mr. postman | odetteandodile (AO3)
steve x bucky (modern au)
Steve and Bucky revive an old friendship, get married (but totally just as friends, for reasons), and navigate a few of the many trials of the heart that come with falling in love with your best friend.
fate will play us out | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)
cap steve x modern bucky
Bucky has landed himself a job with Stark Industries. He doesn't know yet that the job is actually being the PR manager for the Avengers.
Bucky has also started dating Steve Rogers. He also doesn't know yet that Steve is Captain America.
Bucky's life is about to get a whole lot more exciting.
the avengers hate club | notebooksandlaptops (AO3)
pop star steve x modern bucky
Bucky falls hopelessly for Steve and starts an Avengers hate club with the lead singer of the Avengers.
songbird | chicklette (AO3) (18+)
modern steve x musician bucky
At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Well, one of them anyway. He’s a man who’s given up on finding joy in his life, and if it wasn’t for his kid, he’d have probably found a way to quit the world a long time ago.
Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is, other than some musician his mom liked a lot. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top.
Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?
the right partner | LeeHan (AO3) (18+)
cap steve x ws bucky
Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.
Date Bucky Barnes. Defeat the Winter Soldier. Bring down Hydra. How hard could it be?
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helloalycia · 3 years
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my happy ending [one] // kara danvers
summary: your crush from work decides to make a move, but she keeps putting off telling you something that you don't realise is actually really important
warning/s: none
author's note: i'm still working on a bunch of stuff but here's some old stuff to tide you over as i do. this is part one to a two-parter! enjoy :)
part two | masterlist
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I sketched out some designs at my desk, ideas for some new Instagram and Twitter marketing CatCo we were planning to do. I was in charge of social media marketing at CatCo Worldwide, so things like this were routine at work. What wasn't routine was the cute blonde, Kara, AKA Cat Grant's assistant, approaching my desk with a chirpy smile on her lips.
"Hey, Y/N," she greeted, before setting down a coffee cup in front of me.
I smiled automatically, Kara's presence instantly affecting my mood in a positive way. I glanced at the cup and quirked an eyebrow.
"Hey, Kara. Is this for me?"
She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose adorably. "I was picking up Miss Grant's order and I remembered you said you loved the chocolate orange hot chocolates Noonan's do. So, I got you one."
I felt my cheeks heat up. "Oh, wow, er, thank you. You didn't have to do that."
She shrugged, and I was sure she looked as flustered as I felt. "No biggie."
I took a sip of the hot chocolate and smiled at how good it was, but mostly because of who got it me.
"So, what are you doing?" she asked, walking around my desk and sitting at the edge. She glanced at my sketches and added, "Is that the new fashion post for our social media accounts? They look amazing!"
"Just some sketches, but eventually they will be," I said, before nodding. "And thanks. I just need the photos so I know what I'm working with. Gotta ask the new guy, James... you met him yet?"
Kara nodded. "Yeah, I just bumped into him earlier."
"Can you believe he knows Superman?" I asked with disbelief. "How awesome is that?"
She smiled with amusement. "Extremely awesome."
"Keira!"
Kara lost her smile when Miss Grant called for her, before looking to me apologetically. "I should–"
"It's cool," I said, nodding for her to leave before Miss Grant tracked her down. "Thanks again for the drink."
Kara flashed me a smile. "Anytime. See you later."
I watched her walk away, waving as she glanced over her shoulder. I found myself biting my lip to contain my own smile, feeling butterflies in my stomach.
Kara Danvers, assistant to Cat Grant.
Ever since she began working here, I found myself crushing on the blonde and her cute mannerisms. We were friends, occasionally hanging out outside of work and doing things together. But that's all it was, sadly. I knew she was friends with Winn – best friends, I think – and I also knew that the tech guy was practically in love with her. I didn't know him as well as I knew her, but I knew enough to not want to get in between the two of them. So, Kara Danvers remained a silly little crush.
I got back to my sketches, managing to draft up some mock-ups on Photoshop before my day ended. I was more tired than I thought that evening, ending up falling asleep earlier than usual. Which meant that I missed the biggest news in National City yet – a mystery woman saving a plane from crashing, possibly a new superhero.
I woke up the next morning to a million and one calls and texts from colleagues at CatCo, all expecting me to get on social media to post about this mystery woman. By the time I got to work that morning, I was caught up with everything and in awe at this new superhero we had. It was pretty darn awesome!
The amazement I felt however was short lived, as Cat was all over me when I got to the office, claiming I should have been on top of our social media coverage as soon as it happened. Apparently me falling asleep wasn't a valid enough point to miss it, so I was put to work instantly, working with the photography and marketing department to find some sort of coverage on this mystery hero.
As I was lining up some posts with the limited images available of this hero, I felt a presence stop by my desk and saw it was Kara.
"Morning," she greeted, before glancing at my computer. "Oh, so you heard?"
I chuckled. "Kind of hard not to. It's everywhere." I nodded to the many TVs around the office that were playing reruns of the news coverage from last night.
"Pretty cool, right?" she asked, a smile tugging at her lips.
"Very, but it also means I now have a lot of work to do, especially because I fell asleep when all of this went down," I said, jokingly. "Cat has been all over me about this all morning."
Kara laughed and it was literally the best thing I'd heard all day.
"So, I was actually hoping I could tell you something," she said, an excited smile on her face as she met my eyes.
I felt a little flustered under her gaze and found myself distracting myself with my computer screen momentarily.
"I actually have a lot of things to do right now,” I said regretfully. “Maybe later?”
Her smile faded as she nodded. "Right, no, yeah, that's totally fine. Sorry."
"No, no, don't apologise," I said instantly, feeling a little bad. "I just– if I don't get this done, Cat will kill me."
"I got it, you do this, it's cool," she said reassuringly, offering me a small smile.
"Sorry," I tried, a little sad that there was nothing I could do. I really needed to get this done, despite wanting to spend some more time with Kara.
"It's fine, good luck," she said, giving me a grin and thumbs up before leaving.
I sighed, before getting back to work. Unfortunately, it was a few hours before I could get away from my desk, and I managed to track down Kara at her own desk, remembering she wanted to tell me something.
"Hey," I said, earning her attention.
She looked up from her notebook, smiling when she saw me. "Hey, you manage to get that content done?"
"Just about," I said, before offering a small smile. "Sorry again for blowing you off."
She waved her hand dismissively. "It's fine, honestly."
"I'm free now though," I said optimistically. "Maybe we could grab an early lunch? You can talk to me then?"
Kara pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she nodded slowly. "That sounds nice actually, yeah."
I felt a little relieved when she agreed. "Great. Well, I'll let you get your things and meet you by the elevator?"
She pursed her lips, suppressing a smile. "You got it."
We ended up getting lunch, as agreed, and it was nice to make it up to her. Though, I never really noticed that she never ended up telling me whatever it was that she wanted to tell me. I was so distracted by how smoothly our lunch was going that I forgot to ask her about it. Maybe if I'd asked, she might have told me the truth. Or she might have made something up and lied. I guess I would never know.
Did somebody say tiny umbrella drinks? #gottalovethetinyumbrellas #CatCoFoundation [image here]
I sent yet another tweet and picture out from CatCo's Twitter account, watching as it instantly got responses from everyone. I was at an event that Cat was throwing for all CatCo employees plus special guests. It was an event to raise money for Cat's foundation – a charity for children's hospitals in National City. My job was to live-tweet the heck out of the event, hoping to boost donations online.
It was a formal event, so I was comfortably dressed in some high-waisted pants and a silk blouse, it being my best attempt at 'formal' clothes.
The event wasn't too bad. There was free food and drinks, plus I got to hang out with some of my friends from work whilst doing the bare minimum. I just wasn't an evening person, I guess.
"Hey, stranger," a voice startled me, and I turned around, surprised to see Kara Danvers stood there.
I hadn't seen much of Kara in the past few months, despite working with her. She always seemed to be caught up with Winn, and she'd gotten quite close with the not-so-new guy, James Olsen. I wasn't stalking her or anything, but I began to notice when I would try to make plans with her like we used to – little things like grabbing coffee or going to watch a film after work – and she would decline or have plans already. Then I'd see her constantly being surrounded by Winn and James, so I figured she'd just made new friends.
"Kara," I breathed out, smiling as I took in her appearance. "Hey."
I hadn't seen her at all this evening and I was sure she just showed up because I definitely would have noticed how good she looked in that fitted red dress of hers.
"You look really nice," she said, looking me up and down before meeting my eyes.
"Thanks," I said, hoping my cheeks didn't look as warm as they felt. "So do you. You liking the event?"
Kara looked around, nodding. "It's beautiful."
"You did a good job," I said, giving her a knowing smile. "I know you planned it."
"This was all Cat, I just–"
"Kara, everybody knows you plan the events around here," I told her with a chuckle. "It's okay."
She smiled to herself, looking down. "Right." It went quiet for a moment before she looked up and said, "Do you want to dance?"
I was a little taken aback by her confidence, but nonetheless, I found myself nodding. She smiled as she held out her hand. I took it, feeling goosebumps from how soft her hands were.
She led me to the dance-floor, stopping and resting a hand on my waist, the other holding my hand. I nervously rested an arm on her shoulder as I focused on swaying to the music playing rather than stepping on her toes.
"I feel like I haven't seen you in a while," she said after a moment. I looked up and saw her blue eyes staring right through me.
"Well, we've both been busy," I attempted to give a reason.
She shook her head, smiling apologetically. "No, it's not that... it's my fault. I've been hanging out with James and Winn so much lately that I've been neglecting you."
I laughed a little awkwardly. "Kara, it's okay. You don't need to feel bad for having other friends. I mean, you don't have any obligations to me. They're your best friends. Of course you're gonna hang out with them."
She pursed her lips and I admittedly felt nervous as she stared at me, her expression unreadable. She was a little taller than me which didn't help with me trying to keep my emotions in check. She was extremely close to me as we swayed to the music and I could just about focus on it as she continued to stare at me.
"What if I want to have obligations to you?" she asked, and I almost thought she was joking until I realised that she wasn't.
I wanted to understand what she meant, but I didn't get to ask because she leaned forward and closed the gap between us with her lips. I was surprised at her boldness, pinning Kara for the shy type. Nonetheless, I returned the kiss, melting into her embrace and warmth.
We pulled apart soon enough, myself a little flustered from the kiss. My lips were still tingling as she met my eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.
"I hope that was okay," she muttered.
I nodded slowly, still surprised. "Yeah, it was."
My stomach was doing somersaults as I mirrored her smile; the gala was merely a blur in the background as I realised Kara Danvers had just kissed me. I definitely wouldn't have thought she felt something for me other than friendship.
"I'm assuming you want this to go somewhere," I said, a little stupidly.
She laughed melodiously as she nodded, intertwining her fingers in mine. "That's the plan, yes. But actually, er..."
"Second thoughts already?" I joked, though inside I was genuinely believing she might be second-guessing her decision, judging from her sudden change of facial expression.
"No, no," she said, shaking her head. "It's just, I feel like we should talk first. I have to tell you something. Before this goes any further."
She sounded quite affected by whatever it was, so I nodded, losing my smile for a moment.
"Of course, you can tell me whatever you need to," I reassured her, giving her hand a little squeeze. "Do you want to talk now or after?"
She opened her mouth to reply, but tilted her head to the side as she grew distracted. I waited patiently, expecting her to snap back into reality, but she seemed caught up with something else.
"Kara? You okay?" I asked, growing a little concerned.
"What? Yeah, sorry," she said, shaking her head before meeting my eyes with apologetic ones. "I'm sorry, I have to go for a minute. I just realised I have to check on the desserts for the party."
"Oh, okay." I nodded, giving her a small smile. "You can tell me whatever it is afterwards then?"
She smiled, nodding. "Yeah. I'll be back after, I swear."
I believed her and watched as she let go of my hand, already in a rush to leave. I wondered what was so time-sensitive about desserts, but decided not to question it as I realised the very obvious and surprising fact that Kara liked me.
As she turned to leave, she quickly turned back to me and moved forward, pressing a haste kiss to my cheek. My face heated up as she flashed me a beautiful smile, before moving to leave.
Just danced with the most beautiful girl in the room #CatCoFoundation
I looked up and saw Kara by the door, about to leave, but she stopped when her phone vibrated. After glancing at the screen, she paused and a wide smile graced her lips. Her eyes lifted and she gave me a knowing look before disappearing. I found myself smiling like an idiot the rest of the night.
I guess I should have realised, once again, that Kara never ended up telling me whatever it was that she wanted to tell me. I was so caught up in the fact that she returned my feelings that I never remembered to ask her what it was that she wanted to say. Maybe if I'd remembered, things would have ended up a little differently.
Kara and I went on some dates, our relationship blossoming naturally. It was the best thing to happen to me at the time – finding someone who I thought truly understood me, and vice versa. We had inside jokes, an 'our song', a favourite restaurant we frequented; we were happy and it was amazing. I was really falling for her. I thought she was perfect. Nothing could change that, I thought. She was everything I wanted.
"What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours?" Kara asked, tilting her head to look at me.
It was moments like this when I was in awe of her beauty, inside and out. She was comfortable, with her hair tied in a loose ponytail and her face makeup-free. Her glasses were balanced on her nose as she stared at me with an easygoing smile and sparkling eyes. I felt a sudden overwhelming flood of love for her as she waited for me to reply.
"I'm in love with you," I blurted out uncontrollably.
She raised her eyebrows slightly, mouth agape as she realised what I said.
"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head. "That was random. And weird. Too soon, right? I freaked you out. I'm sorry."
Kara blinked several times, straightening up as she shook her head. "No, it's not, it's..." I watched her with anticipation, as she found her words. "It's fine. It's... I feel the same way."
It was my turn to be surprised now. I raised my eyebrows, a smile forming on my lips. "You do?"
Kara pursed her lips, eyes flickering up to meet mine. "Yeah."
I breathed out. "I'm really happy to hear that, especially because I thought I freaked you out, but like, I feel like something is bothering you, Kara."
Resting a hand on hers, I squeezed it gently. She offered me a small, troubled smile and I wondered what was occupying her thoughts.
"I trust you," she said gently. "I do. I love you. And I... I want you to know that I think what we have is amazing. I've never been happier."
"This sounds like a breakup," I joked, chuckling nervously. She wouldn't break up with me right after saying 'I love you', right?
"No, no, it's not!" she reassured immediately, taking any doubt from my mind. She leaned forward and cupped my cheek gently. "I'm not breaking up with you, silly."
"Good to know," I said playfully, resting my hand on hers and moving it to my lips, kissing it softly. "What is it though? What's on your mind? You can tell me anything you know."
She nodded. "I know... I can. I will. Now."
I stayed quiet, watching as she had some inner conflict going on. What was bothering her so much?
"I want to say that I–"
But she was cut off by her phone ringing. She rolled her eyes and I offered her an approving smile as she reached to answer it.
"Alex, hey, what's up?"
I sat back, keeping ahold of Kara's hand as she listened to Alex on the phone.
"Are you sure?" Kara said, concern in her voice.
I wondered what was going on, as the blonde was scrunching her brows together with worry. Her hand slipped from mine as she stood up, pacing.
"Okay, I'll be there now," she finished, before hanging up.
"Hey, that sounded serious, is everything okay?" I asked, standing up, too.
Kara nodded, already in the process of grabbing her things. "Yeah, sorry, it's just some family stuff with Alex. I should get going and help her out." She stopped moving and turned to face me, a distracted frown on her face. "I'm sorry. I know we were supposed to spend the evening together and I wanted to tell you something, but–"
"It's fine, Kara, you can just tell me another time," I cut her off, moving forward and rubbing her arm gently. "I hope everything is okay with Alex. I'll just see you at work tomorrow, yeah?"
Kara smiled tightly, nodding. "You're too understanding. It's annoyingly admirable."
I chuckled, stepping forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. She had a few inches on me, so I had to step on my tip toes to reach, but seeing the little smile appear on her lips when I did made it worth it.
"Don't get stressed about whatever it is you wanna tell me," I added, meeting her eyes. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I love you and I'm really lucky to have you in my life. I don't think anything will ruin that. Just... remember that, okay?"
Kara nodded, her eyes flickering to the floor. "Thank you, Y/N."
"I'll leave you to it," I said, moving away to grab my coat and put on my shoes. "Good luck with whatever is up, and see you tomorrow."
As I was about to leave, her voice called out, "I love you, too."
I smiled widely at her before leaving, feeling lightweight because of all the love that was bubbling around inside of me. Once again, Kara managed to distract me from the fact that she had something big to tell me, as when I followed up the next day, she assured me that she just wanted me to know that she sometimes moved too fast in relationships and she didn't want me to feel like I was being rushed.
I believed her, blinded by what I thought was my happy ending, and that was that.
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whumpingcrow · 3 years
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Ink Poisoning - Chapter 1
Introduction
Surprise! A new story, new characters, inspired by all the lovely authors of tumblr who do BBU or WRU writing :) enjoy!!
CW: BBU and everything in relation to that, drugs/alcohol, party themes/setting, plane mention, college setting, breakup mention, tattooing/tattoo shop mentions (let me know if I missed anything!)
Nicko and Salem had never really been too close. They lived a few houses away from each other in high school, had some of the same classes, and were tied in with the same friend groups. They were friends, as much as you could be friends with someone you only hang out with cause they’re close by, but not close by any means. Salem felt a certain way about Nicko, he always had, a way that told him to keep himself a safe distance from him. Maybe it was his recklessness, the way he did awful, often mean, things seemingly on impulse, just because it popped into his head and he wanted to follow through. He was unreasonably harsh and manipulative and just attractive and charismatic enough to not suffer the repercussions.
Because of this, Salem wasn’t really entirely sure how he had ended up living with the kid in his last two years of college. Both him and Nicko had gotten into the state college and were both art majors (Nicko was in visual arts and Salem in music), so they had been around each other since they both moved into the dorms as smooth faced freshmen. Nicko was on the football team for the first year and a half, then he got kicked from the team. At that point he hadn’t spoken to Salem for a while, so he never figured out the real reason why. He heard gossip, that Nicko was caught doing drugs, that he had slept with the coach’s daughter, that he’d been fighting, but it was impossible to know if it was the truth. On one hand, Salem wouldn’t exactly be surprised if it was something like that, but on the other hand he didn’t want to believe that he was that bad. After that, he focused on his studies. Salem saw him around campus working in sketch books or on a canvas, sometimes he would show up to a class covered in paint and tired, like he’d been working on something all night. He was also doing an internship at a tattoo shop, he got paid a lot to stab people with needles, and he genuinely enjoyed it. Plus, Salem had seen some of the stuff he’d made, and he certainly had talent, even though he was sort of a dick.
During that time, freshman and sophomore year, Salem was pretty preoccupied in his own respects, so these were the only things he really knew about Nicko. Those two years had been difficult, looking back on it he was surprised he was able to pass all of his classes with what he had going on. There was a messy relationship, horrible breakup, and he used it mostly to put into his music. He wrote some of his best pieces about it, so in a way he was thankful. He was better off now, anyway.
Now, he and Nicko lived together off-campus, along with three other art majors who neither of them knew too well, but rent was cheaper with more people and they were easy enough to get along with. School was almost over, it was their last stretch of their senior year, and things were good. Salem’s future was looking promising, he’d already been speaking to different producers and composers who he’d been set up with by his teachers, as soon as he graduated he would have enough saved up to buy his own place, closer to where he would work, on his own. Life was so simple, Salem was happy and hopeful and for once, things made sense. He just had to get through winter break, then the last few grueling months would crawl by, and then he would be free.
But then winter break came and went, Salem went back north to visit his parents, and when he got back things suddenly got...complicated.
Nicko would insist over and over again to Salem that they had “talked about this!” and he tried to persuade him by saying “you said it could be cool!” every time they talked about it afterwards. Salem told him that bringing it up as a concept while they were getting drunk after midterms was not talking about it.
What happened was someone had read an article somewhere, maybe it was from a click bait thing on Instagram or a frightening news article on facebook, and had brought it up while they were all throwing back beers before they went out to their own respective parties. It was about something Salem had only heard hushed whispers about online, he wasn’t even sure how legit it was because of how rarely he heard about it: boxies. The word made him cringe every time one of them threw it out drunkenly, like it was something cute. If what Salem had heard about it was true, they were essentially criminals who were brainwashed (or trained, as they liked to call it to sound more appealing) instead of taking another sentence. Box Boys, Box Babes, they had more gross marketing names, all involving a box. Supposedly it was because they were notoriously shipped to you conveniently in a box right to your front porch, as if they were an Amazon package. Yes, living human beings stuffed inside of a box and left on your porch, just waiting to be let out so they can start doing whatever it is they’ve been retrained to do. And somehow it was all completely legal, if you did it through certain companies.
So, that’s what they’d been talking about, when Salem looked back on it, all he remembered from the conversation was something like:
“Dude, how the fuck is owning a boxie legal at all? I was just reading this article and-”
"Those are like, those servant things you order online or whatever? I've heard about those, I think."
“That’s not the point, Nicko. I’m talking about how it’s fucking crazy this is allowed.”
“I think it’s cool. I mean if it were me I’d rather get to live in a house as like...a maid or whatever than go to jail. Jail sucks. I dunno, I think it’s cool. What about you, Cobain?”
Salem hated when Nicko called him that, he’d been doing it since freshman year, when one of Salem’s songs was suddenly being passed around the school in a youtube video he’d forgotten he’d posted. Nicko told him that it was edgy, that he sounded like Kurt Cobain. That would have been fine, Salem really wouldn’t have cared, if Nicko hadn’t personally told him before how much he hated Nirvana, how the music sucked. So every time he used the nickname it was patronizing, a little stab at him.
Still, Salem merely looked up from his laptop, he was probably checking back on his flight information for going back home, maybe checking to see if his test scores were posted yet, and scowled at him. “Yeah, Picasso, I think that owning a person is super cool.” He’d been sarcastic, obviously so, and Nicko knew that.
And still, here he was, telling Salem that he’d “agreed” to getting this boxie. Salem would disagree every time, and Nicko would just roll his eyes and shrug his shoulders and he would get away with it. He was always getting away with shit, it was really starting to piss Salem off.
The day Salem got back from break it had been snowing. The drive back from the airport was stressful, it was late, Salem just wanted to go home and sleep. Going back to the town he grew up in was draining, sometimes. It reminded him of complicated times and hopelessness. He wanted to forget all about those feelings, things were going good, he could be hopeful now, and going back home made those feelings a little...muted, for a while. So he figured he’d go home, get into bed, sleep it off, and get back to being hopeful in the morning.
Only he couldn’t do that, because of course Nicko was having a party. He usually called it “having people over”, because he was trying to be an adult now and that’s what adults usually said, but when it consisted of beer pong and body shots that didn’t seem like the right term. The lawn was covered in cars, so was the driveway, so were both sides of the street directly outside. Salem had to park halfway down the block, get his suitcase and guitar, and walk down the street. To his own house. He wanted to break Nicko’s face.
When he walked into the house, the air was thick with smoke and reeked of pot and sweat and booze. The living room was mostly empty, Salem could see from the front door that almost everyone was in the kitchen playing some sort of drinking game or outside. The house was a mess, almost all the lights were off so Salem couldn’t see the full damage yet, but he could tell that he wasn’t going to like it when he did. He shuffled into the house, kicking away cups and bottles as he walked past them. Part of him wanted to just turn around and get back in his car and drive far away, never come back and never see Nicko or this shitty house again. But he had to stick to his plan, he had to play it safe here.
“Salem!” He snapped his head up, in the direction of the voice, sighing when he saw it was Nicko’s girlfriend, Aurora. Or Rory, as most people called her. She had dyed her hair a bright, shocking blue since Salem had last seen her, if he remembered correctly she had it a pale pink before. Her makeup was dark and heavy, like it usually was, making her eyes look all that more intense and striking. Except for right then, because she was very obviously high, her eyes hooded and lazy. She was sitting on the couch, a boy who looked a lot younger than her on his knees right in between her legs. He looked even more fucked up than she did, glaring hard at the floor and swaying slightly as she raked her fingers through his messy, dark hair. As Salem approached them, the kid flinched away from him and snapped his eyes up to look at him. He didn’t pay too much attention to him, too distracted by his anger. Rory had to shout over the music just a little when she started talking again. “I was wondering when you were gonna be back! How was your tri-”
“Where the fuck is Nicko?” He interrupted. His hand was tight around the handle to his guitar case, he could feel his heartbeat in his closed fist.
Rory gawked at him, then her crimson painted lips turned up into a lazy smile and she laughed. “Wow, someone’s in a mood,” she teased, “why don’t you have a drink? Calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down, Rory. Tell me where he fucking is!”
Rory turned her attention downwards, toward the rough looking boy on the floor in front of her. Salem followed her gaze, realizing that he was now shaking, pressing his thin frame against Rory’s leg like he couldn’t get close enough. He was looking at Salem’s shoes, his face twisted up in a nervous frown. Rory instantly leaned close to him, hands on his cheeks and lips against his jaw, saying something in a real low, soft voice. She was calming him down, soothing him, Salem noticed, because he had frightened him.
Salem realized, then, how angry he sounded, shouting and cursing, and he sighed to himself. He decided he’d be better off just going to bed, putting in earplugs and waiting until the morning to deal with the problem. It’s not like he’d really be able to fight Nicko anyway, he was so much taller and he’d been on the football team and honestly Salem just wasn’t equipped for fighting. So he turned away from both of them and made his way down the hallway, to his room. He locked his door and set his things down, then he promptly stripped down to his boxers and got into bed.
The next morning, Salem was surprised to wake up to a clean, quiet house. He walked down the hallway, expecting at any second to see all of the trash pushed into a corner somewhere, he didn’t think Nicko would have cleaned up himself, unprompted. But it was clean all the way through, and he was impressed when he walked into the living room and saw Nicko, decked out in all black clothes and black boots, relaxing on the couch with his keys clutched readily in his hands, like he was leaving. He was speechless, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he approached him.
“Morning, sleepy head,” Nicko teased, tilting his head back and looking him up and down, “how was your trip?”
“Uh...good.” Salem answered, voice still gruff from sleep.
“Morning, Salem!”
He turned to see Rory standing there in fishnets and an oversized hoodie, dramatically tall heels wrapped around her ankles, making Salem wonder how she was standing straight. One time, when Nicko was busy doing an art piece or working on school work, he couldn’t remember now, she and Salem had been in the kitchen alone and Rory told him that she liked to wear tall heels because Nicko likes when she’s short and it entertains her to bother him. She said the best part of her day sometimes is irritating Nicko.
Behind Rory, standing with his head dipped downwards and his shoulders slightly hunched, was the same scared looking kid from the night before. He was allowing Rory to pull him along by his wrist, focusing on his shiny black boots, ones that he looked rather unsteady in, like he wasn’t used to tall shoes. His thin, oversized black tee shirt hung off of one boney shoulder, showcasing a few tattoos up on his collar bone and neck. They looked fresh, like they were healing. After Salem scanned the rest of his body (why was he wearing shorts and a tee shirt!? It was snowing outside!), he had healing tattoos all over, scattered every few inches. Were they all new? Salem didn’t know much about tattooing, but he didn’t think that was safe.
Salem didn’t realize he’d been staring at him, silent, until Rory cleared her throat, redirecting his attention to her. “He’s cute, huh?” She smiled, smacking her gum at him. “Nicko picked out a good one.”
“I...What?” Salem muttered.
“Our boxie,” she explained, holding his limp arm up in the air and waving it a little, making the kid flinch hard, “You were looking at him. Isn’t he precious?”
Now, he was shrinking in on himself more, looking rather embarrassed and ashamed, his face hidden mostly by his floppy hair. Salem frowned at him, then at Rory, then at Nicko, who was smiling smugly.
“You didn’t.”
Nicko laughed at him, and thus began the famous “You said it would be cool” argument. Salem was so shocked in the moment he wasn’t able to form a proper argument, so Nicko took both Rory and the boxie out the door and into the snow with him.
So that’s when things got complicated. Well, not necessarily right away, but that was the thing that kickstarted it all. It was a total snowball effect, where one bad thing happens and it just gets worse and collects more velocity and severity the longer it goes on, until it’s huge and it can’t be stopped and it flattens a poor snowboarder or a small city. Salem had to finish school, he had to start living his life and building his career, he didn’t have time to worry about huge snowball problems. That could ruin everything, all of his hard work and pain would have been pointless. All because Nicko decided to get a fucking boxie.
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janaikam · 4 years
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It’s Just the Start
This is my @mlsecretsanta gift for @theluckiestwitchathogwarts. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much @chatnoirinette for beta reading this!
Happy Holidays!
FFnet. Ao3.
Word Count: 4101
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From a young age, Marinette Dupain-Cheng has been well aware of the meaning of soulmate tattoos. Soulmate tattoos don’t just mean romantic soulmates. The tattoos are the names of important people in a person’s life, like best friends, romantic partners, or even a person’s worst enemy. 
The number of these tattoos always differs from person to person. Some people get one tattoo, meaning their romantic soulmate is also their platonic one. Most people tend to get two tattoos—usually one for their romantic/platonic soulmate and one for their soul enemy. Others get three. One soulmate for each of the main types, plus one soul enemy. However, Marinette was an odd case; she had four soulmate tattoos.
Adrien, Alya, Lila, Luka
Adrien’s and Luka’s names are on her right wrist, while Alya’s and Lila’s are on her right ankle. Ever since she was able to understand the meanings behind the tattoos on her wrist, Marinette has been searching for an answer to why she has four names. Marinette visited many tattoo experts to try and figure out the meaning behind her four tattoos. Everyone had a different answer. Some people said she had another soul she was connected to. Others said that she didn’t truly have a soulmate and the names were people she could potentially be soulmates with.
For years, Marinette used long sleeves and makeup to hide her tattoos for fear of being made fun of because she wasn’t normal. Especially around Chloe Bourgeois. That girl would torment Marinette if she knew there was something remotely different about her. So Marinette hid her names and never spoke of it until she saw an interesting post online.
The post was made by a user named Chat Noir and read: Anyone have four soulmate tattoos? I’m just a curious kitty :). 
Under the post, there were a lot of people who commented that four soulmate tattoos weren’t possible. Someone even joked that “curiosity killed the cat.” The specificness of the post sparked something in Marinette, which caused her to click on Chat Noir’s profile. With her cursor over the private message, Marinette debated responding to his original post.
Well, it’s not like he could ever find out that I’m the person behind Ladybug’s account. With that thought, Marinette clicked on the button and typed out a quick message to Chat.
LB: Do you have four soulmate tattoos?
After about five minutes with no response, Marinette chose to work on her sketch for a dress she was working on. When she finished up her design, she went down to eat dinner with her parents. By the time she got back to the computer, Marinette had forgotten all about the message she had sent earlier in the day. Thus Marinette was surprised to see a little red notification telling her she had a message. 
CN: Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. It all depends on who’s asking.
Frustrated by the vague answer, Marinette went to the user’s profile to block him, but before she could, another message popped up.
CN: I’m not all too comfortable sharing these purr-ivate secrets with a stranger.
LB: You’re the one who decided to post an oddly specific question on a PUBLIC website.
CN: Fair point. So let’s assume I have four soulmate tattoos. Is it okay for me to assume that you have four tattoos?
Marinette paused, considering how she should answer the question. On one hand, Chat Noir could have two and just be trying to out some weirdo. On the other hand, he could just genuinely be curious. 
LB: Well if I’m assuming that you have four soulmate tattoos, I guess it’s only fair you can assume that I have four. 
CN: Well my lady, it seems we have reached a good understanding of where the other stands. May I ask what do you think it would mean if a person does have four soulmate tattoos?
LB: I guess I would think that they might have two best friend soulmates and one of the other.
CN: Interesting theory Miss Bug. Got any more?
Marinette was surprised by how quickly he responded given that the last response took a couple of hours to come through. However, what Marinette found more surprising was the fact that she wanted to just keep talking with this stranger on the computer. And that’s exactly what she did late into the night until both of them had to go to sleep. 
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Marinette found that she and Chat Noir got along very well despite not really knowing who the other was. For the rest of her summer break, Marinette found herself messaging Chat Noir and getting to know him behind the screen. Though Marinette did make sure that they did not share anything too personal so that Chat could never figure out it was Marinette who had four tattoos. 
Throughout their chats, Marinette learned that Chat was the same age as her (or so he claimed), he was a piano genius, and he had the cutest black cat named Plagg. 
After about a month, the time came for school to start for Marinette, which in turn meant less time for her and Chat to talk online. Since she didn’t want to leave Chat in the dark, Marinette decided to let him know about the upcoming shift in her schedule.
LB: Hey Chat, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be starting school soon, which means that I won’t be on all the time.
CN: Thanks for letting me know Bugaboo :)! If you don’t mind me asking, what is public school like?
The question surprised Marinette mostly because she had assumed that Chat Noir had attended public school. 
LB: Uhh. It’s alright. The teachers are fairly nice and try to help with what they can, and the other students are pretty cool. I’m good friends with most of them.
CN: That sounds cool. I wish my father would let me go.
LB: Why won’t he let you go?
CN: He thinks the world is too dangerous and he keeps me in our house unless it’s for a photoshoot or something. It sucks :(. 
LB: That’s dumb reasoning. He can’t protect you from the world forever.
CN: Well he’s sure gonna try.
LB: You should sneak out to go to school
Marinette half meant it as a joke, definitely not expecting the next slew of messages from Chat Noir.
CN: I totally should.
CN: So I just messaged one of my friends. She goes to Francois Dupont and they start tomorrow as well. 
CN: She said she can get me enrolled without my father filling out all the forms.
CN: Wanna help me figure a plan of escape?
Not being able to say no, Marinette ended up spending the next three hours helping Chat plan a way to escape a home where there was a bodyguard and a personal assistant that could ruin the entire plan. Since too many specifics couldn’t be shared without risking Chat’s identity, Marinette was very lost during most of the planning, which distracted her from the fact that the user Chat Noir was going to try and show up at her school the next day.
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Despite setting her alarm super early, Marinette still manages to be running late for the first day of classes. After quickly throwing on her clothes, she runs downstairs to their kitchen, where her mother was cleaning the things from her breakfast.
“Good morning, Maman,” Marinette greets, giving her mother a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning, Marinette,” Sabine Cheng responds, watching with amusement as Marinette grabbed a banana and her school bag and rushed out the door.
When Marinette gets down to the bakery, she gives her dad a kiss on his cheek and grabbed the box of macarons he made for her class.
“Have a good first day of lycée!” Tom Dupain yells to his daughter as she runs out of the bakery. Marinette quickly rounds the corner, preparing to dash across the street, only to have to stop abruptly because the light is red. The sudden stop causes Marinette to lose her grip on the macaron box and drop it on the sidewalk.
“Oh no!” Marinette exclaims, leaning down and picking up the remains of the macaron box and its contents. “Why am I so clumsy?” By the time Marinette gets back up, the light is green and people start walking across. Marinette sighs and starts running towards the school. 
Thankfully, when Marinette enters the classroom, Mme. Bustier is still moving students around. “Nino, why don’t you come sit in the front this year?” Mme. Bustier says, prompting the boy in the back to move to the desk at the front of the classroom. 
As Nino is moving, Marinette quickly takes her usual seat in the second row, breathing a sigh of relief now that she is in class. 
Unfortunately, she can’t relax for too long, as a perfectly manicured hand slams down on the desk. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” Chloe says, grabbing Marinette’s attention. 
“Here we go again,” Marinette mumbles underneath her breath. 
“That’s my seat,” Chloe states as if it were common knowledge. 
“But Chloe, this has always been my seat,” Marinette responds, hoping Chloe will leave her alone.
“Not anymore.” Marinette is startled when Sabrina, Chloe’s lackey, speaks from the seat next to her. “New school year, new seats.”
“So go and sit beside that new girl over there,” Chloe demands, pointing towards a dark-haired girl with dark red highlights. Marinette starts to protest, but Chloe cuts her off. “Adrien is coming today and since that’s his seat”—Chloe points to the spot in front of Marinette—“this is going to be my seat. Get it?”
“Who’s Adrien?” Marinette asks. She tries to keep her hopes down because despite the fact that one of her soulmates is named Adrien, it doesn’t mean this Adrien is the same person. 
In response to Marinette’s question, Chloe and Sabrina laugh. “I can’t believe you don’t know who Adrien is. He’s only a famous model and my best friend. He adores me,” Chloe brags. “So go on and move.”
Marinette starts to move only for the new girl to stop her.
“Hey, who elected you the queen of seats?” the girl asks Chloe.
“Oh, look, Sabrina, we’ve got a little do-gooder this year,” Chloe mocks the girl. “What are you gonna do, shoot laser beams at me with your glasses?”
Instead of backing down like other people would have, the new girl says, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Chloe takes a step back with surprise etched on her face, allowing the dark-haired girl to grab Marinette’s arm and drag her to the desk at the front of the classroom. Unfortunately, the sudden, unexpected movement causes Marinette to spill the remaining macarons on the floor. 
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Marinette says, picking up the box and quickly taking her seat.
“Alright, does everyone have a seat?” Mme. Bustier asks, looking up from some papers on her desk. 
Marinette stares down at the box with the lone macaron with a frown on her face. 
“Chillax, girl,” says the new girl. “It’s no biggie.” 
“I so wish I could handle Chloe like you do, ” Marinette says as a way of thanking her. 
“You mean like the way Majestia does it. She says, ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that the good people do nothing.’” The girl turns and points towards Chloe. “That girl over there is evil, and we’re the good people. We can’t let her get away with it.”
“Well, that’s easier said than done. She likes to make my life miserable. It’s a wonder she isn’t my enemy soulmate,” Marinette says dejectedly.
“That’s because you let her, girl. You need more confidence.”
Smiling, Marinette grabs the sole surviving macaron and splits it in half. 
“Marinette,” she says, holding out the macaron half. 
“Alya.”
The two girls share a moment of understanding as they both realize what the other’s name could mean for them both. Before they can address it, Mme. Bustier starts class.
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“Adrien, where do you think you’re going?”
Adrien cringes as he turns to see Nathalie on top of the steps in the foyer. He quickly tries to think up a reason as to why he is attempting to sneak out the front door with a school bag.
“Uhh...I was going to go visit Chloe,” Adrien half lies while turning around and putting on a fake smile. 
“Mlle. Bourgeois is currently at school, Adrien. I know you remember that your father does not want you attending public school,” Nathalie reminds Adrien. She walks down the stairs and meets Adrien near the door. “Please go upstairs and practice your piano. I will finish preparing our lessons for today.”
With that, Adrien heads upstairs towards his room. Once Adrien enters his room, he brings his piano up from underneath the floor and plays pre-recorded music from his iPod. After setting everything up, Adrien lies down on his bed. Plagg, Adrien’s cat, comes up and sits right next to him. 
Adrien pulls out his phone, opening one of his favorite messaging threads.
CN: Plan A failed :(. I guess I’m glad you had me make a plan B.
LB: Well you can never be too prepared. 
Smiling to himself, Adrien sends a quick message to one of his other close friends. 
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“Adrien, it would seem Mlle. Tsurugi would like to spend the afternoon with you. I have cleared your schedule, but please make sure you are back by 5 for your Chinese tutoring lesson.” By the time Nathalie is finished, Adrien is practically out the door into Kagami Tsurugi’s cherry-red car. 
“Thank you so much for doing this, Kagami!” Adrien thanks, practically squeezing Kagami to death as soon as he’s in the vehicle. Once Adrien lets go, he turns to put his seat belt on so the car can start moving.
“It was no problem at all, Adrien. You are my best friend, and this seemed to be something you really wanted,” Kagami replies, unfazed by Adrien’s excitement.
“To make this up to you, I’m going to introduce you to Chloe the first chance I get,” Adrien decides.
This prompts Kagami to sigh. “Adrien, while I appreciate your efforts, who is to say that Mlle. Bourgeois is the same Chloe that is on my wrist? Not everyone is as lucky as you to have unique names for their soulmate tattoos.”
“Hey, Gabriel isn’t a unique name!” Adrien protests. “That’s my dad’s name, and I wouldn’t say there’s any strong connection there.”
“True, but Marinette, Nino, and my name are unique.”
Adrien goes to argue, but the car stops, announcing their arrival at Francois Dupont.
“I will see you at 3, Adrien,” Kagami says. “Try not to be late.”
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Once it is time for their lunch break, Marinette takes Alya to the park across the street from the school. Marinette leads Alya towards a bench in a secluded area of the park so they could talk with relative privacy.
Once the two girls get settled, it’s Alya who breaks the silence first. “Okay, so we’re soulmates in some way. And I would like to assume that we’re meant to be best friends because you seem really chill, but you’re not exactly my type romantically.”
Marinette releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Well, that makes two of us.”
“Okay, so if you don’t mind me asking, what other names do you have?” Alya asks, getting excited. “I always promised myself that whenever I found my best friend I was always going to help them if they hadn’t found their soulmates. So may I see your names?”
Marinette hesitates. For all she knows, this girl is pretending to be her friend to lull her into a false sense of security and turn her soulmates against her. Before Marinette can get too lost in her inner ramblings, she looks into Alya’s eager and curious face, noticing that there is not any sign of malice in the girl’s features. 
Taking a deep breath, Marinette takes off her dark jacket. “So, my tattoos are a little weird. I, umm...I have four of them.” With that, Marinette shows Alya the two tattoos on her wrist and lifts her right leg so she can show her the other two names on her ankle.
For a bit, Alya doesn’t say anything. Then she suddenly shouts, “NO WAY!” Marinette immediately jumps up and covers the girl’s mouth, silently praying that no one will come over.
“Please don’t yell. I don’t want a lot of people to know this specific information,” Marinette pleads, with her hands still covering Alya’s mouth. Slowly, Marinette removes her hands and sits back down.
“Okay, so my new best friend just told me the best thing I’ve ever heard. Girl, I didn’t even know it was possible to have more than three tattoos. That’s amazing!” Alya exclaims.
“Really?”
Alya nods her head furiously.
“Wow, I guess I never really saw this as a good thing.”
“It totally is, girl. Now, who are the lucky people? Besides myself, of course,” Alya questions, barely containing her excitement.
“Luka, Adrien, and Lila.” 
“Interesting names. Have you met any of them?” 
“Only Luka. He’s Juleka’s brother. He’s very sweet, but I’m not really into him like that.”
“So I’m on the lookout for an Adrien and a Lila. Good to know.” Alya pretends to write the names on her hand, causing Marinette to giggle.
“Hey, do you have any other soulmates?” Marinette questions.
“Just one other. I’m boring like everyone else.”
Marinette giggles.
“Their name is Nino and hopefully he or she is nice and not a jerk.”
“You know, there’s a Nino in our class. I should totally introduce you guys. Maybe you’ll hit it off!” Marinette teases.
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“Hey, Chloe,” Adrien greets as he walks up to her in the school’s courtyard. 
“Adrikins! You came!” Chloe runs and jumps into his arms as other students in the courtyard start to recognize who he is and crowd around him.
Thankfully, Chloe manages to shoo most of them away as she leads him upstairs towards the classroom. Still, Adrien does sign a few autographs for some students.
Once they get to the classroom, Chloe shows him to a seat in the front row. “This is your seat, Adrikins. I saved it for you, right in front of me.” As Adrien walks in, he notices his deskmate, a boy in a blue shirt with a red cap, sitting in the seat next to the one Chloe saved for him.
“Thanks, Chloe.” Adrien walks up and takes the seat in the front. He stretches out his hand toward his deskmate. “Uhh…hey….Adrien.”
The boy seems to react to Adrien’s name, but instead of responding with his name, he says, “So you’re friends with Chloe then, huh?”
Adrien looks over in the direction of where the boy was looking and sees Chloe taking out the gum that was in her mouth and giving it to her red-headed friend. The girl then puts the piece of gum on the seat right across from Adrien. 
“Hey, what’s that all about?” Adrien questions the two girls with a disgusted look on his face. 
“The brats that sat here this morning need a little attitude adjustment,” Chloe states as if it makes perfect sense why she’s doing what she’s doing. “I’m just commanding a bit of respect, that’s all.”
“Do you think that’s really necessary?” Adrien says, moving to try and remove the gum from the seat. 
Chloe laughs, walking towards her desk behind Adrien. “You’ve got a lot to learn about school culture, Adrikins. Watch the master.” Chloe leans back in her seat with a confident smirk on her face while the redhead comes up next to her, mimicking Chloe’s pose. 
Adrien continues to try to remove the gum until a feminine voice from behind him stops him. “Hey, what are you doing!?”
“Uhh...I…” Adrien attempts to explain himself, but he is at a loss for words as he takes in the beauty of the blue-haired girl behind him. Then, when Chloe and her friend start laughing from their seats, Adrien becomes even more flustered as he reaches for an explanation. An angry look of understanding flashes across her face.
“Okay, I get it. Good job, you three. Very funny,” she congratulates sarcastically.
“No, no. I was trying to take it off,” Adrien attempts to explain, not wanting to ruin his chance at making friends at school.
“Oh really?” the girl questions, getting in his face while Chloe and her friend continue to laugh. The blue-haired girl attempts to remove the gum herself but instead chooses to cover it with a tissue from her bag. “You’re friends with Chloe, right?” she asks, turning back towards him.
“Why do people keep saying that?” Adrien mumbles under his breath. The girl gives him one last dirty look before sitting down in her seat, prompting Adrien to take his own seat. 
“Now do you see what I mean about respect?” Chloe comments from behind him. Adrien sighs, looking down at his desk. 
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“I know I’ve seen him somewhere before,” Marinette comments, staring at the blond boy sitting across from her. Alya gasps from beside her, showing Marinette what she found on her phone,
“Of course! Adrien Agreste,” Marinette gasps. “He’s the son of my fave designer, Gabriel Agreste!”
“Daddy’s boy, teen supermodel, and Chloe’s buddy? Ha! Forget it.” Alya points to Adrien. “If that boy is your soulmate, it’s probably not good news.”
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Adrien’s deskmate stares at him for a good minute. “Why didn’t you tell her it was Chloe’s idea?” he questions.
“I’ve known Chloe since I was a kid. I know she’s not perfect, but I can’t throw her under the bus. She’s one of my only friends,” Adrien explains.
“I’m Nino. It’s time for you to make some new friends, dude.” The boy smiles and offers out his hand. Recognizing the name, Adrien gasps before understanding the implications of this new friendship. Adrien takes the boy’s hand and shakes it. 
“Just some helpful advice. Marinette over there is a pretty chill dude. I’m sure if you just explain to her what happened, she’d be very understanding.”
“Wait, did you say Marinette?” Adrien questions quickly, looking back over to the bluenette. Before Nino could reply, Mme. Bustier starts class by taking attendance, stalling the curiousness stirring in Adrien’s mind.  
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Marinette walks out to the front of the school with her bags prepared to leave only to see it pouring outside. She considers making a run for it to the bakery, but after seeing how hard it’s pouring decides to wait out the rain for a bit. 
Hearing another student approaching from behind her, Marinette moves to the side of the entrance so she wouldn’t block them. Unfortunately for her, it is Chloe’s friend who just started. 
“Hey,” he greets. Marinette turns away, trying to ignore him so he would just go away and leave her alone. A red car pulls up to the front with a young girl in the backseat. The boy sighs and looks at his umbrella, then opens it and takes a step out in the rain. “I just wanted you to know that I was only trying to take the gum off your seat. I swear.”
Marinette gasps and turns towards the blond. “I’ve never been to school before. I’ve never had many friends outside of my father’s associates’ kids. Everything here is all sort of new to me.” The boy turns around and offers Marinette his umbrella. Marinette stares into his eyes, searching for any sign of malice, and realizes that the boy in front of her is truly being genuine. She reaches out for the offered umbrella, hesitating a bit. Still staring in awe, Marinette doesn’t realize she has pressed the close button on the umbrella until it closes on top of her head. 
Not a second later, Marinette hears the sweetest and most innocent laugh she has ever heard in her life. She peels back part of the umbrella to see the teen supermodel smiling a genuine smile, causing her to laugh a bit as well. 
“Well, Marinette, I hope we can become great friends. See you tomorrow!” Adrien waves good-bye, heading into the red car.
“Maybe we could be something more,” Marinette whispers as his car drives away. 
Marinette pauses to pull out her phone and opens her chat with Chat Noir.
LB: I think I just met my romantic soulmate...
CN: I think I did too… 
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my-bugabooo · 5 years
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youtuber!au + the obligatory drama
I just binge-read @lenoreofraven ‘s beauty guru!au and am obsessed so I present my take on the drama because I live for it wanted to write something!
So yeah, most if not all of the class has a youtube channel. They vary in category but they’re all pretty popular and not just in France. That being said, they all like to keep their personal lives pretty private. Whenever rumors circulate they more often than not just let them fizzle out (unless it’s something ‘bad’ in which case, yeah they’ll address it)
There’s a running joke floating around the internet about how all these really entertaining and actually super talented people apparently all go to the same school like “what do they put in their water have you seen all of them?!”  
When Adrien starts he’s a little intimidated because he may have been shut off from the world but he still had internet. He gets to class and finds all these big name personalities sitting around the room spitballing ideas and brainstorming and he freaks out a little on the inside because yeah, he may be a model and have connections but these people are famous through their own volition, you know?
He tries to hide how excited he is and doesn’t do the best job of it. Everyone finds it endearing though and very quickly take to him. Soon enough he’s pinballing back and forth between everyone’s channels, occasionally appearing for a few seconds (and even a couple minutes every now and then) in videos and another meme is created (the DuPont cryptid??!!)
But everything changes when Lila transfers to Francoise DuPont though (she’ll never admit that her sole reason for transferring was to join this one class). What was once very private personal lives became common knowledge because Lila didn’t care who she had to throw under the bus, she would get more views than all of them
She especially doesn’t like Alya because dueling beauty gurus and everything. Which, of course, means that she befriends her first. At first, it’s little things. Like Lila using a look Alya did a while back and not giving credit which people call her out for but Alya brushes it off. She eventually likes her enough that the two of them do a collab together (and then another, then another…) and Lila’s sub count shoots up since Alya has a lot more subs than she does. They never collab on Lila’s channel though.
Marinette is the one who starts to get a little suspicious because the more Lila’s sub count goes up, the less time she spends with Alya. Marinette watches as she goes from her to Nino, promising she’ll send a link to his channel to ‘a director she knows’. She stars in one of his shorts, takes the subs that roll in then she moves on to Max. She tells him that she knows these big name game creators in Silicon Valley or something and he soon puts her on his channel too.
Marinette, who’s been convinced by Adrien that it’s best not to engage, doesn’t say anything about it for a while. But then things sort of blow up.
Alya starts talking to Lila about this huge collab her and Marinette were talking about doing for the Halloween season. She tells her all about the first couple of looks she’s planning and next thing Alya knows Lila is uploading a video titled Halloween Preview! (A breakdown of future looks!)
Alya is fuming. She had her sketches done, planned, and bought new products for this specific occasion and Lila literally takes every single one of her ideas. In the heat of the moment she posts her sketches on twitter along with the caption ‘Me and @maridesigns have been planning Freak Week for literally months and then this happens?! At least I know how fake some people are now’
It only takes a minute or two to realize what she’s done and she quickly deletes the tweet but people have already seen it. Marinette, who was in the process of filming with Adrien and Nino, starts getting flooded with notifications. The three of them quickly investigate and find screenshots of Alya’s now deleted tweet along with one from Lila that says ‘People will really try to steal all of your hard work when they’re jealous huh’
No one in the friend group comments about it online but in class the next day it’s more than a little tense. Everybody is really supportive of each other and they had all heard about this thing Alya and Marinette were planning, even giving them ideas and their opinions and such during their separate outings together so they all know that Lila completely stole Alya’s looks.
Lila, being who she is, doesn’t pay attention or really care what anyone else is doing so she doesn’t know that they’ve all been helping with the brainstorming for Alya and Marinette’s Freak Week. She walks into class and immediately marches up to Alya and starts this rant about how betrayed she feels and how she can’t believe she’d do something like that and everyone is a little shocked by Chloe of all people bursting out with laughter halfway through Lila’s rant
“Puh-lease! I may not like Cesaire that much but I gotta give her some credit, those looks scream ‘the Alya brand’. Besides, I’m the one who helped her think of the Ladybug inspired look during Mendeleiev’s class last week.”
They all quickly come to the shocking realization that Lila had lied about almost everything that she’s told them since her transfer. By lunch they’ve all removed the videos on their channels that she was in, which is a good amount considering how insistent she had been on doing videos together, and the internet notices.
The class as a whole all just sit back and watch as people start pointing out how Lila has stolen looks before and how Alya had in fact teased one of the looks Lila had used in her video a couple of weeks back. They connect that to the fact that everyone in the group has removed videos featuring her but otherwise gone silent for the time being and start speculating on what’s going on behind the scenes. 
The drama channels have a field day.
492 notes · View notes
heartsawaken · 3 years
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beneath  the  cut  you  will  find  headcanons  that  have  collected  in  my  mind  lately  of  my  muse  ,  miles  oh  ,  a  twenty  -  three  year  old  social  media  influencer  and  youtuber  who  is  a  part  of  sky  house  .  (  tagging  @ofblueflames​​  so  she  can  read  all  about  him  tomorrow c:  )
✶  he  does  not  drink  soda  .  a  majority  of  his  caffeine  intake  is  from  fruit  based  black  teas  .  any  energy  drink  he’s  ever  seen  drinking  is  either  because  of  sponsorship  with  the  company  (  and  honestly  he  doesn’t  really  even  drink  them  .  they  just  are  props  )  or  because  he  really  fucked  up  and  is  pulling  an  all-nighter  or  two  in  order  to  catch  up  on  any  film  editing  he  needs  to  finish  .  but  in  general  he  isn’t  the  biggest  fan  of  the  carbonation  .
✶  has  a  cup  of  tea  every  night  at  around  8pm  ,  a  habit  he  picked  up  from  his  grandparents  during  the  short  amount  of  time  he  lived  with  them  before  moving  into  the  sky  house  .  normally  makes  his  tea  and  curls  up  on  the  couch  with  a  book  and  reads  for  about  half  an  hour  or  however  long  it  takes  to  finish  the  cup  .  
✶  prefers  working  alongside  family  owned  and/or  small  businesses  when  it  comes  to  promoting  and  sponsoring  their  products  .  while  he  has  no  issue  asking  for  big  bucks  from  big  corporations  he  normally  just  asks  if  he  can  have  one  or  two  outfits  /  a  three  course  meal  /  etc  on  the  house  to  advertise  and  if  they  don’t  see an  influx  on  their  customer  base  from  the  posts  he’s  made  using  those  free  items  offered  than  he’ll  pay  them  x  -  amount  of  times  the  costs  for  not  only  receiving  free  things  but  also  for  not  being  able  to  keep  his  word  .  (  he’s  never  had  to  do  that  .  but  he’s  given  money  to  them  anyways  .  )
✶  recently  bought  a  cockatiel  who  he  named  r2  because  he  plans  on  teaching  him  how  to  make  all  the  noises  that  r2d2  does  from  star  wars  .
✶  claims  that  he  doesn’t  like  k  -  pop  groups  that  much  but  could  probably  not  only  name  ,  but  do  the  dance  (  at  least  the  chorus  )  of  any  group  .  honestly  he  just  has  too  much  time  on  his  hands  .  .  .  and  by  that  i  mean  he  hates  editing  and  will  find  any  way  to  put  it  off  .  if  you  want  to  hear  to  his  top  25  ,  you  can  click  [  this  link  ]  and  it’ll  take  you  to  a  spotify  playlist  for  him :]
✶  two  main  games  he  plays  are  animal  crossing  new  horizons  and  minecraft  .  he  did  one  time  do  a  pokemon  sun  nuzlocke  video  though  .  his  youtube  channel  is  most  viewed  for  his  true  crime  (  much  like  the  crime  junkies  podcast  ) cooking  series  and  conspiracy  mukbangs  .  while  of  course  he  would  never  admit  it  to  anybody  outside  of  sky  house  ,  his  cooking  series  is  done  while  he  is  high  and  honestly  devolves  usually  into  him  giving  his  own  theories  on  what  happened  and  who  did  it  while  eating  the  uncooked  or  half  -  finished  meals  . 
✶  the  house  has  a  douchebag  jar  for  him  because  he  doesn’t  really  think  about  what  he  says  before  saying  it  and  whoever  has  faced  the  brunt  of  his  words  most  at  the  end  of  the  month  gets  the  contents  as  retribution  .  
✶  played  among  us  for  all  of  like  a  day  before  getting  so  frustrated  he  flung  his  phone  across  his  room  and  put  a  hole  in  the  wall  , cracking  its  screen  because  he  kept  fat  fingering  the  report  button  as  imposter  and  outing  himself  . 
✶  his  body  temperature  runs  high  for  the  average  person  so  he  gets  hot  very  easily  .
✶  when  he’s  driving  it  is  his  own  personal  rule  that  he  must  play  fergilicious  at  the  highest  acceptable  volume  and  sing  it  word  for  word  .  that  or  my  humps  .  
✶  is  one  of  the  oldest  in  the  group  but  acts  like  one  of  the  youngest  .  he  can  flip  older  brother  /  dad  mode  on  really  quickly  though  ,  just  like  he  can  go  from  being  drunk  to  drunk  but  seemingly  sober  need  the  situation  arose  .
✶  was  involved  in  a  lot  of  fights  at  school  growing  up  both  on  and  off  campus  .  he  doesn’t  like  doing  it  anymore  but  has  no  problem  throwing  punches  if  someone  is  actively  threatening  ,  swinging  at  the  younger  members  of  sky  hose  ,  or  because  they  swung  first  .  he’s  pretty  calm  in  those  situations  when  sober  but  it’s  when  he’s  been  drinking  that  it  really  comes  out  .
✶  hates  beer  and  wine  ,  hard  liquor  only  .  occasionally  will  drink  wine  at  any  fancy  restaurants  he  goes  to  or  just  orders  the  most  expensive  whiskey  on  the  rocks  .  
✶  loves  sharks  and  definitely  owns  two  of  the  almost  two  foot  long  shark  plushies  from  ikea  .  originally  only  left  with  one  but  went  back  for  another  because  ‘  he  needed  a  friend  .  ‘  both  are  on  his  bed  and  he  actually  sleeps  with  them  .
✶  the  wall  that  his  bed  is  against  has  a  bunch  of  sharpie  drawings  and  writing  on  it  from  nights  where  he  can’t  sleep  and  needs  to  get  his  thoughts  out  so  he  can  go  to  sleep  .  it  helps  him  fall  asleep  and  some  of  his  most  honest  highkey  sad  admissions  and  thoughts  are  on  that  wall  .
✶   talented  artist  who  makes  some  pretty  gorgeous  scenery  paintings  .  can  draw  realistic  people  ,  but  tends  to  draw  little  chibi -  esque  sketches  (  think  anelderlymeme  on  tiktok  ?  )  and  makes  little  comic  skits  and  pages  .  he  is  self - taught  and  picked  painting  and  drawing  up  as  a  hobby  when  he  was  seven  .
✶  dreads  any  family  visits  because  it  means  sitting  through  a  dinner  of  being  constantly  berated  and  spoken  poorly  about  because  he’s  not  as  successful  or  as  intelligent  (  seemingly  )  as  his  younger  sister  and  for  the  fact  that  he  “  doesn’t  have  a  real  job  “  .  
✶  attending  the  university  of  seoul  on  a  business  major  in  marketing  and  advertising  .  his  grandparents  know  ,  and  a  few  members  of  sky  house  but  it  isn’t  something  he  talks  about  regularly  because  he  hates  school talk  and  avoids  it  at  all  costs  . 
✶  tough  talk  for  someone  who  is  actually  extremely  sensitive  ,  though  he  will  never  let  people  see  just  how  much  their  words  actually  upset  him  .  he’ll  wait  until  he’s  alone  and  /  or  the  adrenaline  has  passed  to  cry  over  it  . 
✶  his  main  causes  of  crying  is  homesickness  and  online  hate  .  he  wants  to  go  home  so  badly  ,  even  if  it’s  just  to  visit  but  doesn’t  want  to  deal  with  his  family  .  it’s  just  not  worth  it  in  the  long  run  .  he  also  takes  a  lot  of  online  hate  to  heart  even  though  he  knows  that  its  from  people  who  don’t  know  him  and  have  any  right  speaking  so  poorly  of  him  .
✶  avid  reader  of  pretty  much  everything  .  the  bookshelf  in  his  room  is  filled  completely  with  books  ,  and  there  are  even  books  he  recently  bought  and  are  waiting  to  be  read  sitting  on  top  of  it  .
✶  absolutely  loves  snow  .  he  will  spend  hours  outside  until  his  nose  is  red  as  can  be  ,  his  fingers  and  toes  are  numb  and  his  clothes  are  soaked  through  .  he  loves  the  cold  in  general  since  he’s  often  so  warm  .
✶  loves  to  cuddle  and  tends  to  sleep  better  if  he’s  hugging  something  or  somebody  ,  the  latter  will  put  him  to  sleep  almost  immediately  .
✶  almost  every  time  he  and  his  brother  are  together  it  ends  up  in  a  physical  altercation  .  his  brother  likes  to  dig  his  fingers  into  every  single  wound  that  miles  has  about  himself  and  his  family  and  his  parents  allow  it  ,  but  every  time  miles  throws  a  punch  or  tackles  his  brother  to  the  ground  are  surprised  .  it  takes  a  lot  to  get  both  boys  off  of  each  other  because  if  both  aren’t  restrained  they’ll  still  go  after  the  other  .
✶  absolutely  adores  his  sister  though  .  she’s  his  biggest  fan  and  adores  him  just  as  much  . 
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missmalice202 · 4 years
Text
Designing Your Melody: Chapter 03 - Candy Hearts
Chapter 01  -  Chapter 02
Luka Couffaine was, under normal circumstances, a pretty chill guy. To anyone who knew him, they would think that nothing could ruffle his feathers. Under normal circumstances.
This was definitely NOT one of those times.
He had been out delivering a package for the courier service he worked part time for when a tornado with midnight blue hair had collided with him, leaving her sprawled out on the sidewalk and the folder she had been carrying exploding like confetti. He couldn’t help but chuckle at how utterly frantic she had been. She had been in such a panic, she even sounded chaotic; a cacophony of discordant notes and clashing chords. Apologizing profusely as she scrambled around to gather her papers, Luka felt the need to grab her hand, if only to distract her long enough to take a breath. It wouldn’t do to have the poor girl pass out in the middle of the street because she had been hyperventilating so hard.
Then, as quickly as she had crashed into him, she took off again, sprinting away as fast as her feet could carry her. Still a little stunned from the encounter, he hadn’t noticed the paper she had left behind in her hurry. But when it crinkled under his boot as he stood back up, he saw it.
He had definitely not anticipated being stunned speechless for a second time so soon after regaining his own stable footing. The sketch she had left behind spoke to his soul on a primal level. Normally, he didn’t let things affect him so strongly, but there was just something about the outfit that she had put to paper that lit a fire in his creative heart. The melody ringing in his ears as he gazed at that paper was overwhelming.
Snapping out of his reverie, Luka had attempted to chase after the girl, but she had disappeared without a trace. He looked down at the design to see if there was anything on it that could point him in the direction of his newest muse. And the fates had smiled down upon him: there, in the bottom right hand corner, were three small letters. MDC.
Relieved that he at least had a tiny clue as to who his mystery designer was, he had carefully folded up the page in his hand, stuck it in the inside pocket of the leather riding jacket he wore when he was making deliveries, and went back to work.
But the melody wouldn’t leave his mind. As he raced his bike through the crowded streets, narrowly avoiding parked cars and pedestrians alike, all he heard echoing in his ears was the same melody, over and over and over again. Playing in a constant loop. Driving him to distraction, which was a dangerous thing to do when fighting through rush hour traffic on the congested city streets.
So he had forced himself to focus, ignoring the tune crying out for his attention.
After he was done with his deliveries for the day, he had pulled out his cell phone, opened up his twitter, and posted his location, allowing his followers to find him if they wanted to come see him perform. He had found that it was easier to use social media to advertise his performances rather than tie himself down with a specific venue at a specific time. It gave him a sense of freedom to showcase his music as little or as much as he wanted. And today, he needed to be surrounded by his own music, if only to drown out the invasive melody still circling around his mind.
He played for a few hours, his guitar case open on the sidewalk in front of him so passers-by could throw some euros in if they liked his sound. But that wasn’t the reason he played. He played for the music itself. Sure, the money he earned was appreciated, but he would have played even without it. To him, music was a part of him, as natural and necessary as breathing. He usually didn’t even have to concentrate on his fingers pressing against the strings of his guitar. But today, he had to really focus to keep his hands from playing the song that was aching to be let out. Once again, he ignored its desperate plea for release. It was still too raw and too personal for public exposure yet. He wouldn’t play that song until he found her again.
Feeling his phone vibrate against his leg from inside his front pocket, he took a break and checked the time. With a smile, he packed up his guitar, slung it over his back, and took off on his bike towards the waterfront where his mother’s houseboat, the Liberty, had been moored. He wasn’t one to live his life by keeping to a schedule, but there was one exception: meeting up with his friends to play a video game he had recently been involved in.
As he pedaled down the streets on his way home, he thought about how such a simple thing as a video game could completely change his day to day life. He usually wasn’t one to spend time in front of a screen. His music took up too much of his time for that. But after hearing his friend and co-collaborator, Nino, talking about how awesome the soundtrack of the game was a few months ago, he had been intrigued. He had gone to Nino’s house for a jam session one day and he had convinced Luka to give it a shot.
That was all it had taken to get him hooked. The music alone would have captivated him, something he hadn’t really considered possible before. Apparently, video game music had come a long way since he had last picked up a controller when he was a little kid. But the game mechanics, the online play, the community of it was what drew him in for good.
Immediately after leaving Nino’s house that afternoon, Luka had gone to the store and picked up a copy of Ultimate Mecha Strike 4 for himself. It wasn’t long before he was spending as much time playing with a controller as he did with his guitar.
Once his DJ friend had realized how into UMS4 Luka had become, he invited him to participate in a few missions with his clan. Apparently, they were a big deal in the gamer world, so Luka thought “why not?” and joined them. Playing with a team brought a whole new feel to the game. He normally had a really hard time communicating with other people; word play had never been his strong suit. But having a degree of separation between him and the person he was talking to in the form of his headset seemed to make it easier for his thoughts to get across. And Nino’s clanmates were nothing short of amazing.
Luka knew that Nino played with some friends of his from high school, but he never told Luka who they were. Which was ok with him. He didn’t need to know anything about the people on the other side of the screen any more than they needed to know anything about him. The anonymity actually made him more comfortable being himself.
Now, months after becoming an official member of “Miraculous Kwami”, Luka considered his clanmates to truly be his friends.
Finally arriving back at the houseboat he called home, he carried his bike down the gangway and hung it from the hooks in the ceiling of the cabin. With his mom backpacking around Europe searching for “the sounds of inspiration”, he and his sister had taken the opportunity to clear out some of the disorder she had been so fond of. He knew that as soon as she returned, chaos would take over the Liberty once again, but for now, the Couffaine siblings would enjoy a bit of serenity in their home.
“What’s up?” he heard a soft voice ask as he came down the stairs leading below deck. He looked over to the blue wrap around couch against the wall and saw his purple-haired sister sitting there, playing on her phone. Juluka had really come out of her shell over the past few years, her budding modeling career probably being the main reason for that. Or possibly her relationship with Rose, her extremely bubbly and energetic girlfriend. Now those two were the epitome of “opposites attract”, but Luka could understand their relationship. What one lacked, the other one made up for. They created a perfect harmony with each other, though sometimes when they got together, they were sweeter than those candy hearts sold during Valentine’s day and left him feeling a bit nauseous. On those occasions, he simply grabbed his guitar and found a park to play in, giving them some privacy to have some alone time. One drawback of living on a boat was thin walls.
“Work was pretty busy,” he answered as he set his guitar on the stand against the wall next to the couch. “I think I rode at least 50 kilometers this morning.” He sighed as he sat down on the couch next to his sister.
“Ouch,” she winced in sympathy, still tapping on her phone, “you’ll be feeling that in the morning. Anything else happen today?” She tucked her purple tipped black hair behind her ear and put her phone down next the her, finally giving her brother her full attention.
“Actually, yeah,” he responded, chuckling to himself. “I got run over by a muse while I was on my break this morning.”
“A what now?” Sometimes her brother could be so weird, she thought.
“This girl crashed into me while she was running somewhere and ever since, I’ve had this song stuck in my head. It won’t go away and it’s driving me a little crazy.” He reached into his jacket pocket to show his sister the source of his inspiration, when her phone started ringing.
“Wow, sounds like you’ve got some songwriting to do,” she murmured as she grabbed her phone and started walking away. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting Rose at a little bistro she wanted to try together and I’m already running late. We’ll talk when I get back.”
Watching his sister’s willowy form walk up the stairs, he tucked the folded paper securely back into his pocket before withdrawing his hand from inside his jacket and heading further into the cabin to where his bunk was located.
After checking his phone to confirm the time, he took off his riding jacket and set it next to him on his bunk. Game time, he thought to himself, grabbing his teal tinted controller from the charging dock next to his bed. Donning a set of blue headphones and he was ready.
-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-
Luka was the first to arrive at his clan’s hideout tonight, it would seem. He walked around for a bit while he waited for the others to load in. After only a few minutes, he saw a notification pop up in the lower corner of his screen. LADYBUG is online. He smiled. Out of all the members of his clan, he enjoyed playing with Ladybug the most. There was just something about her voice that resonated in his ears when he talked to her. The distortion through the headphones wasn’t enough to mask how clear her voice was, like the ringing of a bell.
He turned his avatar around so he could see hers when she arrived at their base. When he saw her avatar pop on screen in front of him, he pressed the button on his controller to perform an elaborate bow. “Good evening, Lady luck,” he playfully greeted her.
“Hi there, Viperion. Long time no see,” she responded with a wave.
“What’s the plan for tonight? Who else is going to be on, do you know?” A small part of him wanted it to be just the two of them. It wasn’t often that they got to play as a pair since they were usually joined by the other members, but he enjoyed spending time with the red and black lady.
She walked over to where his avatar was standing. “I just got off the phone with Rena, so she should be joining us soon. I haven’t spoken with Carapace or Chat today, but I haven’t heard of any reason why they shouldn’t be on. Did any of the others say anything to you about when they would be on after I logged off the other night?”
“Monkey said something about preparing for a competition, so he might not be able to get on, but Pegasus said he’d be here a little later. And as far as I know, Ryuko is planning on being here.”
“That’s good. We have enough people to try for that bow you’ve been wanting. It’s a limited time event, so we need to grab it for you while we have the chance. I know I’m going to be busy for the next couple of weeks.”
“Oh?” He was interested in what could possibly pull her away from her favorite game. Ladybug was almost always online, even if she was just lurking around their hideout, chatting with the other members of their clan.
“Yeah,” she answered. “I’ve got a really important project coming up and I need to focus on that. I already royally screwed up today, and I can’t afford to make any more mistakes.” Just by the tone of her voice, Luka could tell that she was upset about her blunder.
“Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps to share the burden with someone else.”
Her soft giggle echoed in his ears. “Thanks, Viperion. I’m good. I already ranted to Rena about it, so I’m fine now. Just a little stressed out.” She sighed. “This project is the biggest thing I’ve ever done and it could make or break my entire career.”
“Okay, just remember that if you ever need to vent or anything, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks.”
Just then, other notifications began popping up on his screen.
CHAT NOIR is online.
CARAPACE is online.
RENA ROUGE is online.
“Looks like the gang is starting to arrive,” Ladybug commented. “Let’s get to work.”
“Ready whenever you are,” he responded with a smirk. “Let’s get that loot.”
-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-
Setting his controller back on the charging dock, Luka stood up and stretched his arms over his head, arching his back to work out the kinks that had developed after sitting in the same position for such a long period of time. Glancing at his cell phone to see how long he’d been at it, he was shocked to discover it was almost midnight! He had to get to sleep ASAP. He had to head to the studio in the morning for a recording session with Jagged Stone.
After his regular guitarist, Vivica, had taken some time off for maternity leave, the rock legend had been desperate to find someone to fill in. When he had shown up at the Liberty and discovered that his former guitarist and Luka’s mom, Anarka, was no longer in the city and therefore no longer available to help, Jagged had heard Luka playing and immediately asked him to fill in whenever he had the time.
At first, Luka had been shocked that his idol wanted to work with him. But over time, the novelty had worn off as he realized that Jagged had a tendency to be completely immature at times and extremely temperamental. Luckily, it took quite a bit to ruffle Luka’s feathers and he usually ignored the megastar when he was having a meltdown.
Mentally preparing himself for the trials he was sure to endure at tomorrow’s recording session, Luka took a deep breath, holding it for a moment with his eyes closed before slowly exhaling. He stripped off his clothes and slipped between his sheets clad only in his boxers.
Turning his bedside light off, he closed his eyes and felt himself drift off to sleep, the melody that had been plaguing him all day now acting as a lullaby and lulling him to sleep.
Chapter 04
*This chapter was really hard for me to put together. I knew what I wanted to happen, and I saw it happen in my head, but apparently, Luka is a little stubborn when it comes to being put onto paper. Hopefully he isn’t so temperamental next chapter, because he’s such a sweet, soft boy that I’d hate to have to do anything bad to him because he made me angry hahaha. Until next time XOXO*
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pensurfing · 3 years
Text
I Surrender.
By the time I actually post this, it’ll be near the end of the year and I’ll be near my burnout. Each year, usually I take an unannounced, but quiet, break. 
2020 feels different this year. Usually, I return in January; but this time I don’t think I can return. Too much happened in so little time and as a small creator, business, entrepreneur, small EVERYTHING I can’t ignore what lurks over my head. An ultimatum. 
I was in denial about it.
I thought maybe if I pushed making the decision back as far as I could, something would change. That as long as I worked hard, promo’d my sales and merch, did as many virtual cons as I could, something would change. Networking in newer groups, looking around for clients, and wanting to make new merchandise; name it. I did it. Work hard and reap the benefits later; while that is true there is also no shame in knowing when to quit as well. I was in denial about how long the pandemic in the States would last. I was in denial about needing help with my mental health. I was in denial about so many things in my surroundings. The biggest thing I was in denial about was my importance, impact, and ability to move forward with where I was with my art journey. The biggest reason why I was able to keep it up was due to the constant questions of “How’s it going? What are you up to? How are you?” No one (at least the way I see the world) actually answers this truthfully. So I just kept saying fine and for a while, I genuinely believed it. I lied to them. But to be fair, I lied to myself too.
I was angry about it.
I stayed here for so long.
SO. 
Long.
I was angry that I felt ignored; angry that I reached out and others had their hands tied as well; angry that I still managed to make sure others didn’t drown like I was drowning & didn’t think to help myself because I’m stupid; angry that the pandemic did last this long in the States; angry at me for not pulling some magic trick out a hat that I’m not sure existed; just angry. (tw: self-harm, vivid imagery) I was so angry I took it out on my debit card and self-sabotaged my good spending habits. I took it out on my legs and arms and broke a seven-year long streak of not hurting myself; I carved myself up entirely and punched the bricks of my house. I took it out on people. I don’t quite know how yet, but I feel like I did. Maybe I had a shorter temper than normal; I stopped reaching out and making sure I fully listened to their problems. I kept caring more about them than myself during this phase. And they just kept taking. And I became an empty cup, they moved on; I see that I’m just disposable. Which, isn’t wrong. All I could handle and still can handle is heavy convos with my therapist. (I don’t have her anymore, that’s right. I can’t afford her anymore.) All I could handle was trying to write it out, map it out, talk it out.
I was angry I didn’t see a point anymore. I felt like I didn’t deserve the tiny wins I did see because I didn’t go through some kind of threshold of pain and suffering to earn it. I was angry and the crumbs tossed my way in the name of “diversity” and “trying to hire black” because of guilt and white performance. I was angry being lead on with a tiny thread of hope because that thread was bigger than the nothing I’ve gotten this entire time. I was so angry and blaming myself for things that were completely out of my reach and capability. I was just really angry.
I tried begging my way out of it.
I looked for online classes of any sort to traject myself into a sort of hope. Buying hundreds of dollars in books, classes, anything in information I just didn’t have prior to the pandemic; and now because of the pandemic, the information will be obsolete as the world adjusts and readjusts to its changes and collapse in remaking itself. Making flash sales on my website if it meant seeing eight dollars by the end of the month. 
I didn’t stay here long because of my own twisted viewpoint of begging.
I was depressed about it. 
I stayed here the longest. It was already enough having the above marinate within me; add to the mixture of new relative drama, relatives passing away, and just not being in a healthy household... I grew tired. I stopped taking care of myself. Anyone with depression can tell you that dealing with that darkness is an uphill battle; usually, the first to go is my hygiene. But I just slowly stopped drawing altogether. I don’t draw when I’m not together. I’ve mentioned this many times over the years verbally and in written form on here. So I just kept taking breaks. I had a small string of commissions here and there, but that was the only illustrations I could create and that was its own battle. 
I tried mentioning it to people I was close to, but after a while hearing “it be like that sometimes” just isn’t helpful and isn’t worth explaining the story. So I just stopped talking. And not having my therapist made it harder. Especially because I have a lot of emotional dumpers who don’t understand boundaries. I don’t blame them, but after a while of nonconsensual emotional dumping I had to stop listening to another group of people because I just couldn’t handle any more weight; either they didn’t see I was drowning or didn’t care. It doesn’t matter anymore. 
I couldn’t enjoy the walks recommended by many; not even my favorite restaurants; or shows; or books/mangas; food in general; people in general.
Listening to music at least helped the “I’m sinking” feeling. But it was quickly ruined with “well intent” friends with; “Maybe if you drew something you’d feel better”, “Sketch, paint, it’s therapeutic”, “dRaW”. You get the picture. It had a double sting because it acknowledged two things: These ‘friends’ don’t know much about me and what brings me happiness; This isn’t about my happiness, but more about their own selfish requests to see more work from me because they don’t know anything else besides “I’m an artist, I draw, therefore that is all I am and all that can ever make me happy”.
See it this way: You have a friend. Friend is a musician. Your friend is slowly going deaf and loses their hearing. You can at least do small, everyday sign language. But not enough to handle a full conversation. Until your deaf friend can afford that hearing aide, talking to them will be a bit harder. But instead of learning more sign, you complain about how the person can’t hear as well anymore, so they become “quieter” and you stop reaching out to them. Projecting the “why can’t you just listen”. “You know what will make you feel better? If you play your music again, make mixes. We miss that.” “You sing, why not sing to make yourself feel better.” If the person cannot hear, how can they continue to make sure their craft is correct? In tune? On tempo? If a person is not in the mood or mental capacity to draw, then how can they draw? If all you can see is that you only know about friend is that they are a musician, can they really be a friend? Or just acquaintance?
Projecting the thing you get joy from said ‘not ok’ person and just demanding they do more of the thing you enjoy isn’t helpful; but selfish. Because in that case it isn’t about the person, but you and your expectations and things that you get from said person. Once they stop giving you the thing, then it’s about ‘how-dare-you-not-give-me-my-thing’. And I stopped caring to go through this consistent loop and being talked over when trying to explain myself.
I sat in my bathtub more than I had in years; the irony is this is comforting. So for weeks, this is where my mind and mental capacity have been. Sitting in my tub, with a blanket, my phone, and my switch. I’ll stay there all day and go to bed; sometimes I’ll sleep in the tub and stay there all day. I listened to music. Just daydream. I write a bit more now for my own purposes. It’s been nice. But not enough to get me out of a funk.
I finally accept it.
I’m just a person to be there and happy for others and their things. I think I finally get that now. I’ve slowly removed myself from social media and with the expectation of performance. I’m not a performer; I’m supposed to just be the audience. While this isn’t an “I quit” because this is all my job experience the past few years now, this is just an “I surrender”. I’m used to the fact in my waking life I’m no person’s ‘favorite’ or ‘go to’; so I guess now I’m coming to terms with that with work and with drawing in general. I have company clients I’m wrapping up work for but after that, I’ll be taking down my commission information and artist alley gallery. etc. I’ll shut down the store; I’ll do one last sale and either give away/throw away my extra items.
I just have to start entirely from square one. Maybe negative one? I went on what feels like the world’s longest pity party to say I’m taking a break, and seeing how the world broke in 2020 there is a chance I won’t be able to come back. And I don’t want people jumping me say “how dare” “you don’t try hard enough” or “shut up and just wait until next year/try again next year”
I’m covering my bases. If things look up then I’ll just happily delete this later.
But I can’t just ignore the reality of it all. I’m not ok and I haven’t been. And I just want to stare at my ceiling guilt-free for a bit. (I did this last night and it is fucking gross looking, gotta clean it.) 
Stay safe, stay indoors, and stay clever.
[[TL;DR: After continuing to get beat down by the world the past two years, this year pushed me past a tipping point. I can’t keep being a lukewarm illustrator at best and I am slowly wondering if I even want to; I want the space to figure that out. And don’t want the same friends who tell me “draw this, color this” to hound me on that decision either: it has the same energy when a kid with asthma can’t breathe and you talk over them and say “just inhale and exhale”.]]
I hereby release me from the pressure to post consistently because honestly, it is the only time I hear from anyone anyway So this is me choosing silence for a bit.
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readyplayerhobi · 5 years
Text
Peppermint | 01
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; Hoseok x Reader
; Genre: Fluff, future light angst
; Word Count: 10.6k
; Synopsis: Achieving your dream job is something that very people manage to do, which is why you’re all the more happier when you land a job on the film team at Poppin’ Culture; the biggest pop culture website, blog and YouTube channel around. What you don’t expect however, is to fall for the exceptionally shy and awkward colleague who is not even remotely your type. Or is he?
; A/N: This is just what I’ve been writing to try and get back into the swing of things. It’s just...light and fun. Was supposed to be a one shot but it’s getting long and it feels like a good place to end as a first part! Please send me thoughts, comments and encouragements as it’s a struggle to write lately ;-;
01 ; 02
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“And this is our main office. It’s open plan, as you can see so I hope that doesn’t bother you too much. We’ve found it works better to just throw ideas out in the open or to just get reactions so feel free to shout out if you need something. Everyone’s very friendly,” Seokjin smiles at you brightly, his thick lips turning up and making his eyes sparkle behind his glasses as he leads you into the wide open space. “And this is your desk. Feel free to decorate it however you want. Nothing will beat the car wreck that’s happening on Jimin’s desk.”
“Hey! This is artistic mess. Everything has a place and there is a place for everything.” The bubblegum pink haired man in question half stands, a finger pointing threateningly while his pearly white teeth peek out from beneath plush pink lips. You can’t help but smile, as his slim frame and cute cheeks make him look distinctively non-threatening and ruin any hope he has of convincing you otherwise.
It could also be the fact he looks like a hipster from Seattle with the thick, black plastic frames delicately placed on his nose and the retro 80s film shirt with an open black and white plaid shirt over the top. Still...he’s rather pretty and you wonder momentarily if you’ve somehow entered another dimension with astonishingly beautiful people.
Either that, or you’ve walked into the set of some reality TV show but you’re not quite willing to break the Matrix programming just yet.
Seokjin snorts and rolls his eyes, lifting a ring laden hand to brush his black hair out of them. It’s hindered slightly by the tan beanie on his head and you’re momentarily distracted once more by his impressive frame. The white shirt with the Jaws film poster on it stretches rather enticingly over his broad shoulders while his black, ripped jeans are snugly secured with a leather belt that has a Superman belt buckle.
Honestly, how were you meant to work in this place?
He’d already introduced you to Namjoon, the creator of Poppin’ Culture who oversaw all aspects of his slowly booming media empire along with Namjoon’s wife, Chaeyoung. She oversaw the HR aspect of everything and had been your first point of call before Seokjin had come down to retrieve you upon getting the call that you had arrived.
Seokjin is the editor of the Poppin’ Culture website, which is the big daddy of the whole enterprise. It had originally started 10 years ago in Namjoon’s university bedroom apparently, just posting reviews of retro films and any new films that came out.
A decade later and it was the biggest source of pop culture news, blogs and entertainment in the Western hemisphere. The website scores over 250,000 hits a day with the blogs averaging a pretty healthy number too and the YouTube channels generating a steady enough income to keep a small team afloat with ease.
His sheer love of all things cultural meant that Poppin’ Culture had expanded far beyond its original remit of film and now had something for everyone. There was the film blog, the gaming blog, the music blog, the television blog and even the book blog. And you’d heard rumours of them branching into sports with talk of a fighting blog and channel appearing soon which would be interesting.
Sports were a whole other thing in the world of things people obsess over.
Either way, you’d been rather desperate to get a job here when the opening had appeared on the job listings website for a new in house content writer. When you’d found out that you’d got it, you were pretty sure that you’d almost deafened Sunmi with your screams of excitement.
As a film major with an English literature minor, it was perhaps the dream job to combine both of your loves together and work with people who were just as enthusiastic about the world of film as you were. Your friends and family had long since grown bored of how you picked apart the latest films or their trailers, but now you would have an audience of thousands that would not only be receptive to it, but interested too.
In your earlier meeting with Namjoon and Seokjin, they’d laid out your responsibilities for you pretty clearly. Given that you were in your six month probation period, you would be expected to create two blog articles a week with the possibility of writing a video script if it was approved by the video team.
Two articles may not sound a lot, but you’d already been informed that you would also likely have to do some indepth research into the topics to provide factual information, along with making sure it wasn’t something that had been done before. Not only this, but you would be expected to be constantly scouring the internet to find new topics of interest and trying to catch the latest leaks before they even happened.
While you’d been hired for the film team, you’d been told that most people tended to dip into other areas to help out or if they had some particular interest in it. As such, you could be expected to possibly be asked to find out the Top 10 Facts About The NES or 15 Things You Never Knew About Taylor Swift or something.
Wasn’t the most scintillating of things to you, but you were willing to branch out and help if necessary. It was a small team and you understand that sometimes you’d need to pitch in when it was required of you, which in turn meant you knew that you could rely on the same help.
“Jimin is our music guy. He’s the one who usually writes the music blogs and videos but he also does the gaming stuff sometimes. Also has a regular book blog where he reviews obscure international books because that’s his thing.” Seokjin says, rolling his eyes as he leans against the desk.
Jimin’s desk is littered with piles of CD cases - who even uses CDs anymore? - along with three different pairs of headphones. He also has a ton of Funko Pop! Vinyl figures that you recognise to be musicians along with a set of Assassin’s Creed characters. You recognise them because Sunmi’s ex-boyfriend had them too.
“Really? You’re going to come into my space, and ruin my time while insulting me? Am I going to wake up tomorrow morning to find you shitting on my lawn too?” Jimin slumps back in his chair, pulling a pair of pink and white headphones over his head to rest around his neck while eyeing the taller man with narrowed eyes.
“You live on the top floor of an apartment building ‘Min. What am I? A wizard?”
“I wish. Maybe you’d wingardium leviosa your ass off my damn desk.” He grumbles, nodding his head at you. “Have you ever read In The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami?”
The question is so sudden that you’re left standing with wide eyes, shaking your head slowly. You’d not read a lot of translated work in college, though you were hoping to change that. Jimin sighs and slumps in his seat, clicking on his mouse a few times.
“Fucking weird dude. Still not entirely sure what went on it.”
Before you can even respond, Seokjin is leading you over to the desk behind Jimin. This desk is even messier, only you really can see the artistic mess here. It’s covered in pencil sketches that are stacked haphazardly while a high tech looking electronic drawing pad takes up most of the space with even the keyboard pushed away.
The guy sat comfortably in the green and black gaming chair has a black beanie on his head too, only he has platinum blonde hair that covers his eyes. And what pretty eyes they are when he looks up at you; as if someone has reached up into the sky and plucked two of the brightest, shiniest stars and placed them directly onto him.
“Oh, hey. I’m Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. I’m the graphic designer here...with a side passion of actual drawing obviously. I mostly use Photoshop but I like to get a bit hands on.” He talks rapidly, his voice quite deep but soft. Pausing, he bites on the black lip ring embedded in the right side of his lower lip before sitting back.
The vibrant and colourful tattoos that run up and down his arms do nothing to hide the obvious fit physique he has and you find yourself dragging your eyes away from that ridiculously broad chest. He’s only wearing a black shirt but my god.
Seokjin lets you both talk for a little, discovering that if you need anything made graphics wise then to let Jungkook know. Apparently he’s the head designer and has two more people under him; Jennie who deals with a lot of designing and Soyeon who handles their website and online shop.
You’re then introduced to Yoongi who is in charge of sound for the videos. He’s pretty quiet but friendly and bright, secluded away in the corner of the office with a soundboard in front of him, while his co-worker Lisa, a video editor, is entirely the opposite. They’re both sat on the same bank of desks, and the difference between Yoongi’s monochromatic desk and Lisa’s bubblegum pop explosion is almost amusing.
The video game team was made of Miyeon, Yugyeom and Baekhyun who all took up the corner on the opposite end of the office to you. You weren’t a huge gamer, but apparently the video game side of Poppin’ Culture was one of the most popular and profitable so you could understand why they had the largest team compared to the others.
Your desk is opposite Jimin’s, allowing you a view of him if you look to your right and it looks sparse compared to everyone else’s. The guy behind you is Taehyung and you’re pleased to discover that he’s friendly and warm with a bright box smile that makes you feel at home instantly.
Taehyung is the other content creator on the film team and someone that you’ll be working closely with, though apparently he also works with Jimin on music. From the short conversation you have with him, it seems that Taehyung mainly specialises in foreign film and you surmise that you’ll be left with most of the more mainstream options with the Oscar bait films being split between you both.
He seems enigmatic enough, with the white ribbon wrapped around his neck and billowing white button up shirt that ends with a pair of baggy, tan trousers. He’s not wearing any shoes, or socks, and you wonder if that’s a violation of something somewhere but no one seems to be saying anything.
His entire desk is full of various plants, artistic photographs in elegant frames and beautiful old film posters in miniature form. A photo of a black and tan Pomeranian is eagerly introduced to you as Yeontan, his dog and you can’t help but laugh at how excited he is to show off his lil pup.
But perhaps not as excited as you when you discover that Friday’s are ‘Bring Your Dog To Work’ day. Apparently Taehyung, Yoongi and Jennie all bring their dogs and it usually ends up just being people playing with them.
Yep, definitely the best workplace already.
“Hey Hoseok, come here before you sit down.” Seokjin calls out to the late entry into the office before looking at you. “I’ll introduce you to our head video editor. He’s the one who usually helps with recording videos, then he’ll edit it all together. He works closely with Jungkook for graphics and if you write a script then he’ll work with you to see if you want anything extra added in like humourous cuts, edits and so forth. He’s got Lisa on his team and a guy who works part time, Taemin.”
The man in question almost shuffles forward, a delicate looking hand gripping the brown fabric strap of his shoulder bag tightly while he looks down at his scruffy, black Converse clad feet as Seokjin introduces you to him. He looks about the same height as Seokjin, though all you can see is a head of messy chestnut brown hair and black circular lens glasses that looks like they’re going to fall off his nose.
“Nice shirt.” You say with an encouraging smile, wondering why Hoseok looks like he’s trying to crawl through the floor mentally. He looks up at that with almost shockingly wide eyes and you almost groan out loud.
This place is blessed or cursed. You’re not sure which yet.
He’s wearing a faded Jurassic Park shirt, the famous logo sliced by ‘dinosaur’ claws, while a pair of ever so slightly baggy and ripped denim jeans are kept up by an oversized tan fabric belt, the end trailing down to his knee. A knit grey cardigan covers his arms and you find it oddly endearing how it’s slipping off one slim shoulder, obviously far too big for him.
The shoulder bag he’s carrying also has the Back to the Future logo on it and you point at it with a grin. “Great Scott! I like your bag too.” You point then at your own chest, your shirt emblazoned with the Back to the Future logo and frown as his eyes dart down before his cheeks flush bright red.
His obvious shyness just seems to make him more endearing to you, and you let out a quiet laugh. There’s an almost awkward silence for a moment as Hoseok just stands there, giving Seokjin tiny glances before he finally sighs and points to the desk behind yours. Hoseok almost bolts there, disappearing behind the iMac and you look back at Seokjin with a raised brow.
He kneels down so he’s closer, the music of the radio that’s blasting out 80s classics drowning out anything he might say to you. “Hoseok’s a good guy, he’s just a little socially awkward. A hard worker, and he’ll do anything you ask but...it’s a little hard to get him to open up. Keep trying though, he will occasionally have a full conversation with you and I keep trying to make sure he’s included so he doesn’t feel left out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how he is.”
Nodding, you turn on your own iMac and wait for it to boot up before going through the process of getting everything ready for you to work. Given it’s your first day, Seokjin just gives you some simple tasks to go through to help familiarise yourself with their method of working before leaving you to your own devices.
It’s as you’re sat reading through the style guideline for the blog that you watch as Hoseok suddenly appears in the corner of your vision. He’s rolled over to the edge of his desk, hands flipping through the stacked letter tray there as he searches for something while he presses his lips together and blows his cheeks out. You can’t help but watch him with idle interest as he does so.
He’s definitely cute, in fact he’s more than cute. Hoseok is actually stunningly beautiful and from the side, you’re getting to see his arresting profile with ease. A strong jawline swoops in bold lines on his face while his nose is a straight slope with the gentlest turn at the end, his lips thin but full enough to look delightfully kissable as he pouts suddenly without thinking as the tiny frown of concentration causes his strong brows to fold in.
As he finds what he needs, you watch as he disappears back behind his screen before sighing quietly to yourself.
It’s probably not very moral, but you definitely had enough new material to keep your spank bank going for a good few months now. If nothing else, you should thank Namjoon for that.
-
“Did you watch Roma yet?” Taehyung asks, rolling his chair backwards until he appears in your vision. His wispy blonde hair lays straight on his forehead as he rests his hands behind his neck, letting his long sleeved blue sweater stretch across his torso. It’s unusually tight for someone who basically lives in baggy clothes; you’re pretty sure he’s even worn his pyjamas once.
Over the last three months of you working at Poppin’ Culture, you’d understandably grown close with Taehyung as you’d bonded intensely over your love of film. It turns out he was also a film major with a photography minor, meaning he was exceptionally invested in the artsy films or just films with great cinematography.
You’d already been subjected to two passion filled rants of his about Mad Max: Fury Road and Blade Runner 2049 as being prime examples of great cinematography in big budget cinema. It was okay though, as you’d already chewed off his ear about why you thought Aliens was one of the best sequels ever made in history and he’d listened with interest.
There was nothing better than someone who was willing to indulge in your long winded talks about your favourite films; from cult classics to obscure favourites to Hollywood blockbusters. Your rapport with him was so good in fact, that Seokjin had had you do a test video with him to see how well you worked in front of the camera.
The results must have been positive as you’d been given a weekly film podcast with Taehyung that talked about the week’s releases along with any news in the film world. If there was time then you both would regale viewers with your favourite films and analyse them.
So far, it was doing pretty well and you were pleased with the numbers it was pulling in. Not to mention that people seemed to like your inclusion into the videos, which was why you’d ended up in a few other videos around music or even gaming just to voice over them. Taehyung had obviously been a hit.
He had a face for the camera and you’d already jokingly suggested in many a team meeting that they should make merchandise with just his face on it. His little fan club even named themselves ‘Taes Baes’.
“No, I haven’t had chance yet. I’ve been watching The Sinner, I’ve only got like two episodes left but I’ll check it out at some point! Alfonso Cuarón makes such good films; Gravity is still amazing and I’m still mind boggled at the sheer complexity of how that must have been to film with all the CGI they had to do but I feel like Roma looks a little more stripped down.”
Taehyung is nodding slowly, biting his lip almost absentmindedly as he listens to you. “Gravity is great, but you should definitely check out Children of Men. Much better, but Y Tu Mamá También is also phenomenal if you don’t mind the sexual scenes. But yeah, watch Roma. Definitely going to be a bit hit with the awards season and I can see him getting Best Director at the Oscars.”
“Really? It wouldn’t surprise me.” You muse, leaning back in your own chair and crossing your legs as you watch him now.
“Yep. And if he does win, then that’ll be his second Best Director win and it will also mean that Mexican directors have won five out of the last six. They’re killing the Oscars game lately. I still wish Barry Jenkins had won for Moonlight...way better than La La Land.” He sighs wistfully before nodding at your computer screen inquisitively, the beginnings of your latest blog post on the screen.
“Oh, I’m writing why I think Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse deserves the Best Animation at the Oscars. I liked The Incredibles and Ralph but if they win over the magnificence of Spider-Man then I will flip this table.” Pointing to your desk jokingly, Taehyung giggles sweetly.
Your desk has also changed over the last few months as well. A few cute Funko figures of your favourite Star Wars characters have popped up along with one or two more stylised figurines like your Xenomorph alien. Along with that, you’ve invested in some funky letter trays and pots to just bring some brightness to portray your personality a little more.
“I’ve not watched it yet. I know, feel free to pinch my arm. Hoseok has watched it though, he mentioned it the other day. Hey Hoseok, come here bro.” He calls out loudly, turning slightly to watch for the quiet man who spends his days on the computer behind yours.
Slowly, and adorably you might add, Hoseok’s meek face peers around the side of both his and your monitors as he stares owlishly at Taehyung beneath those outdated glasses. You’d say they were ugly, and they were, but he seemed to pull them off.
His hair is hidden today beneath a sand coloured beanie, leaving his entire face exposed and you coo softly at his tiny folded ears. It wasn’t something you’d noticed till Jimin had one day pointed over to the video editor, whispering words of adoration to you as he stared a little moon-eyed and lamented how his own ears didn’t look that cute.
It was beyond endearing, along with the slight pout his lips were pursed in. He probably hadn’t been listening to your conversation and so had no idea what was going on.
You’d noticed that Hoseok either kept an earphone in at all times or covered them with over-ear headphones when he wanted to work hard and not be disturbed. He certainly wasn’t rude but he definitely didn’t seem to be hugely confident in making conversations with people.
That didn’t stop people from trying to include him though, and you got the definite sense that everyone in the office adored Jung Hoseok and simultaneously wanted to hug him and protect him. You certainly did, and you were quite pleased that no one bullied him.
He, unfortunately, had the demeanour that would attract the attention of assholes but Seokjin and Namjoon ran a tight ship here. You did kind of wish that he got included in more outside events though.
“S-sorry. W-wh-what?” His voice is soft, the perfect mix of deep and high as he stutters out a response to Taehyung. The long sleeved shirt he’s wearing is almost salmon pink and has some generic looking cartoon on the front. It looks warm, and you find yourself lamenting the fact that you hadn’t brought a cardigan with you today.
“Spider-Man, the new one. You said to Jungkook that you’d watched it right?” There’s a moment of hesitation as Hoseok’s eyes flick to you before he’s nodding slowly. Almost immediately you grin brightly, not noticing the way that Hoseok pauses with his breath caught before his shoulders shift up to his ears.
“Oh my god, wasn’t it so good? The animation is just beautiful, it makes me want to scream. Like those cityscape shots? Could easily be mistaken for a photo if you just showed someone it. And the perfect blending of the different art styles of the Spider-People and god the music was so good. Miles is amazing and if it doesn’t win then I’m gonna Hulk out,” You pause and look at Taehyung who’s smirking in amusement. “Seriously, I don’t even know how to describe the animation. Think 3D...but not. You get me, right Hoseok?”
Hoseok’s eyes go astonishingly wide once more as you question and his mouth opens and closes a few times as he struggles to find an answer for you. He just settles for nodding quickly, reaching up to pull his beanie off and sort out his hair.
The chestnut locks have gone a bit wild under his hat and you have to bite your lip to stop laughing at how it goes all over the place, though another part of you wants to aww at how cute he looks.
“One day Hoseok, one day I’ll get you to spout poetic bullshit about a film you love.” You tease lightly, tapping at your gel wrist rest that lays alongside your keyboard to ease the pressure on your wrists as you type. He swallows audibly, causing you to laugh out loud while Taehyung chuckles and shakes his head.
“Hoseok has fucking terrible film taste. He thinks Batman v Superman was actually good.” Jungkook calls out and you turn to look at the graphic designer. He’s reclining in his chair, hands over his stomach with an ankle hooked over his knee while he observes the scene on the other side of the office.
Jimin is in the exact same position behind him while he nods his head sagely and you gasp in horror, a hand to your chest as you look back at Hoseok. “Say it isn’t so Hoseok.”
The man in question looks like he wants to sink through the floor as he gives a meagre shrug. Your wail of horror has him cringing while everyone else in the office sniggers and Taehyung pats your back in consolation.
“This can’t be. Why? Is it because your mom is named Martha too?” Jungkook lets out a bark of laughter at that while Jimin creases, folding over in his chair as his forehead rests against his knees from the force of his laugh.
Hoseok attempts to speak a few more times before he frowns deeply, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. “N-no. That was d-d-dumb. I just like Batman. I-i-it’s not my favourite f-f-film but it’s not terrible.”
You lean back and stare at him, raising a brow slowly as you narrow at your eyes at him. “What is your favourite film then?”
This is probably the most you’ve talked to Hoseok in the whole three months about non-job related work. You’re actually surprised he’s engaging this far, and you study him closely to make sure he doesn’t look uncomfortable or unhappy. The last thing you want is him to get upset.
But he doesn’t back down from your question, instead staring at something on his desk intently before looking back at you. You almost lean back in reaction, the intensity of his gaze far stronger than you’d expected and you’re surprised to feel a slight stirring of sexual lust for him. While you’d always acknowledge he was handsome - wasn’t everyone in this place? - you’d never quite seen Hoseok in a ‘oh holy cow’ light until right now.
“I-I-I don’t have one. B-b-but I like Jurassic Park and Blade Runner. And the Godfather. Oh, and Big Hero 6.” He adds as an afterthought, and you feel oddly proud that he didn’t stutter throughout the rest of the conversation. It was obviously just a nerves thing, but you kind of hope that he’ll get a bit bolder if you keep trying with him.
“Good choices. Solid. Not pretentious like the avant garde master here. He probably watches his porn in French black and white too.” A casual thumb thrown in Taehyung’s direction gets you the finger in response.
“It’s black and white softcore German, you heathen. No one does the group sex quite as good. The camera angles when there’s so many bodies.” He kisses the tips of his fingers before blowing them in the air, causing you to stare at him with a slightly grossed out face.
Looking at Jimin, you shake your head. “You know, I’ve only known the two of you for three months now. But I can easily see how you started dating. You with your weird music and books and Taehyung with your pretentious films.”
Taehyung gasps theatrically before smiling, fully aware that you’re joking around with him. Jimin on the other hand, snorts loudly and sticks his tongue out at you. “Hey, there’s nothing weird about my music choices. And what the hell. You’ve been listening to Billie Eilish non-stop lately according to your Spotify. And while she’s incredibly talented, I wish she’d lighten up a little.”
Turning to look at the cotton candy haired guy, though his hair was mostly hidden today by a black ball cap, you raise an eyebrow slowly. “Firstly, don’t insult Billie like that! Her songs are beautiful and soothe my soul. And also, this coming from the guy who listens to Morrissey. Unironically, I might add. Your opinion is invalid in this conversation.”
“...You know what. I can't even argue that. You right.” Jimin shrugs in defeat and sits back while Taehyung makes consoling noises at his boyfriend from his seat.
The delicate snort from behind your monitor makes your eyes widen, causing you to shift over slightly to watch Hoseok as he giggles. His white teeth peek out at you as he bites on his lower lip to try and contain his laugh.
And from how pretty and sweet it sounded, you wish he wouldn’t. The soft noises he lets out are oddly infectious, causing you to laugh in turn with a pretty dopey expression on your face and making you completely oblivious to the sly look Jimin and Taehyung are sharing.
“You love Imagine Dragons too, right? Hoseok listens to them all the time.” Taehyung says helpfully, gesturing with his chin towards the man behind your monitor.
Spinning back, you look at Hoseok with a happy grin and clap your hands together excitedly. “Oh my god, yes! I’m in love with Bad Liar right now, and Zero is so fun. I think Jimin keeps laughing at me for dancing in my seat.”
Hoseok doesn’t respond to you properly though, just nodding his head and smiling slightly as you playfully glare at the slim man across the office.
“On the subject of dating though...Hoseok. Have you ever had a girlfriend before? Or boyfriend, if that’s your thing.” Jimin asks, his tone not even slightly sly and you look at him in surprise. If he was trying to not be obvious, then he was being about as subtle as the Seattle Space Needle. Surely they’d already know this right?
As far as you’ve gathered, Jimin has been at Poppin’ Culture for four years and Taehyung for three. The two had started dating two years ago and despite your teasing, you were already confident that they were two of the cutest couples you’d ever seen.
Hoseok though, had apparently been with the company for years. He’d gone to college with Namjoon, Chaeyoung and Seokjin and had a film production degree. Namjoon had started Poppin’ Culture when he was 19, in his second year, and Hoseok had come on board once they’d branched out to a YouTube channel.
Still, you’re surprised by the way Hoseok’s cheeks go bright red and his eyes dart to you for a moment before he’s looking down at his desk once more. A wet tongue peeks out of his mouth quickly as he licks along his lips to wetten them, coughing to clear his throat before he’s looking back up at Jimin with a frown.
“Would you like the name of my e-e-ex-girlfriend? I’m s-s-socially awkward, not inept.” You suck your lower lip between your teeth as you look at Jimin with a ‘wtf’ look. As nice as he was, he was a bit blunt and you felt that situation could have probably done with a little more tactful handling. Hoseok looked like he could fry an egg on his cheeks and Jimin winces at the glare both Taehyung and you give him.
“Sorry man. I was out of line. I didn’t mean to insult you.” The apology is sincere in tone, with Jimin ducking his head and turning back to his work. You watch carefully as Hoseok eyes the younger man before letting out a quiet sigh and nodding his acceptance.
The atmosphere is slightly awkward now, and you’re desperate to make Hoseok less uncomfortable which is why you find yourself blurting out words you immediately want to swallow back up. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve not had a boyfriend since I was 20 and I’ve not been laid in four years.”
Almost immediately your hand is slapping over your mouth as your eyes widen in horror, apologies falling from your lips like honey as your cheeks burn with embarrassment.
Not only are Hoseok’s eyes resembling dinner plates, his jaw dropped open in shock, but so is just about everyone else’s in the office. Well, that’s certainly one way to make him feel better about himself you guess.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone, we need to be careful with her. She’s going through some tough times. Only 26 and already looking at a life of non-sexual fulfilment.” Taehyung drones deeply, his voice faux-sincere and you glare at him while pushing his hand off your shoulder.
“I will delete your folder of obscure foreign films.” You hiss at him through narrowed eyes, causing him to burst out into laughter as his hand slaps his thigh in amusement.
“Oh god, you crack me up. I need to thank Seokjin for hiring you, seriously. God, get on with your Spider-Man boner before you accidentally reveal something else way too intimate for the workplace to know.” He snorts before rolling back to his own desk. The office thankfully goes back to normal after that, the low level of chatter competing with the soft sounds of today’s playlist.
Looking at your screen, you’re distracted momentarily by the sight of Hoseok still in view just around your monitor. He’s looking at you in that way people do when they’ve checked out, their brains focused on something else entirely and you watch him back in amusement until he realises.
Almost immediately he cringes, bowing his head slightly and giving an uncomfortable smile before sliding back out of view. Smiling, you shake your head and pop your headphones back into your ears as you get back to work.
You’re oddly pleased to see Hoseok stand up for himself bluntly, and you remind yourself not to baby him. He’s a grown man after all, older than you.
The flashing of your phone lets you see that you’ve got a new notification from Facebook, and you roll your eyes as you click on your screen to see what it is. What you see however has you slowly smiling as a flutter of butterflies take flight in your stomach and you tap accept eagerly.
You have a new friend request: Jung Hoseok
-
The next few weeks roll by quickly with Taehyung and you becoming inundated with awards season nominations, ceremonies and just general Oscar bait films. It had even resulted in a whole ‘Top 10 Oscar Bait Films’ video on the Poppin’ Culture Film YouTube channel which had proven remarkably popular, even spawning a sequel that was generated purely from user comments.
You’re actually surprised with just how much you continue to love your job, even with the sheer pressure of blog and video deadlines constantly breathing down your neck. And it doesn’t take you long to realise that it’s because of the people you work with who make working that overtime all the more sweeter.
Jimin is genuinely hilarious and when paired up with Jungkook he becomes hysterical. Lisa has easily become your female work best friend, with the two of you Skyping all the time on your work computers and soon venturing out into the world to go to dinners, concerts and the cinema while Taehyung is an incredibly hard working colleague who always keeps a close on eye on how you’re doing.
It’s genuinely one of the best places you’ve ever worked and you thank all your lucky stars that you’d been accepted because you were pretty sure that you were making some of the closest friends you could.
And then there was Hoseok.
Jung Hoseok still remained a mystery to you and you weren’t entirely sure why you so desperately wanted to figure him out. Or maybe not figure him out, because you kind of liked how shy and mysterious he is.
The rest of your colleagues have been pretty open books and you were pretty sure that you were on the verge of receiving daily updates on Jimin and Taehyung’s sex life - you were that close with the two. But you still knew almost nothing about Hoseok and it drove you wild.
What was even more annoying was the fact that only you were apparently bothered by it too. The others just shrugged and said that he’d always been quiet and introverted, so they just made it clear to him that they were there if he wanted to talk or make friends with them. Apparently he never went out on the workplace socials and he rarely talked to others via text or Skype.
Which kind of infuriated you, because it probably was true that Hoseok preferred to be alone and lost in his world of music. But there must be something horribly isolating about never getting invited to things or never being included, which is why you kept trying to include him in your own conversations. The others would sometimes talk around him, but you always tried to make sure that he felt comfortable and included in your conversations.
Taehyung had honestly admitted in a meeting that he wasn’t entirely sure why you kept asking Hoseok things, pointing out that you might be annoying him. But you’d countered with the fact that you always gave Hoseok plenty of options to slip out of the conversation, yet he would continue it on sometimes.
It had been then that Taehyung had flushed a pretty golden pink, nodding his head as he acknowledged the fact that Hoseok had opened up more in the last few months of you being here than in the years he’d been here. That on its own had made your heart hurt. No one could enjoy being so easily disregarded, no matter how quiet and introverted.
Currently though, you were slouched on your couch with your best friend, Sunmi, as you both ate pepperoni pizza while watching Avengers: Infinity War for the bajillionth time. You, because you just loved the film, and her because she really loved Chris Hemsworth.
Honestly? Mood.
“I swear, this is the most badass entry scene of any entry scene in all of film,” You blurt out randomly, lifting your fist as Thor appears on screen in the middle of the battlefield and shouting out alongside him. “Bring. Me. Thanos!”
Sunmi snorts elegantly from your side, taking a bite of greasy pizza and chewing slowly while she eyes up her fictional man with pleasure. A hum of delight leaves her when Thor meets up with Captain America and you laugh, poking at her side.
“Imagine being in a Chris sandwich.” She looks at you and wiggles her carefully put together eyebrows before giggling.
“I wish. God, they can wreck me any day. You know, I can’t believe that you get to watch stuff like this and then write about it or make a video about it. Why can’t I just laze around and do that? Do they have an opening for me?” She pouts at you, placing the crust back in the box before wrapping her hands around your wrist and playfully whining.
You laugh loudly and take a bite of your own slice. “For what? Sorry Elle Woods, but you’re going to have keep your bending and snapping for the judge and jury. I doubt Poppin’ Culture - The Law Version will be very popular.”
“What about if I wear a hot pink bikini?” She says seriously, her face carefully blank as you give her a droll stare.
“Yeah sure, lemme give PornHub a call. I’m sure they’ve got a whole audience just waiting for their law lectures from Bikini Girl 3.” Sunmi shrieks with laughter at that, rolling backwards until her head is hitting the arm of the sofa and relaxing into the pile of cushions there.
Reaching her foot up, she prods at your thigh annoyingly until you push her away with a sigh.
“So, how is your work though? You’ve been spending a lot of time there. Which, by the way, is ridiculous. I only spend extra time doing work if I’m getting paid for it because I do not enjoy my job that much.” Sunmi sighs heavily, letting her arms fall behind her head as she turns her gaze back to your large television screen.
“Okay firstly, it was your decision to take a law degree. Your parents are assholes but they’re not dickish. They would have been fine with you being a doctor instead. Secondly, you make so much money an hour that you shouldn’t complain. You can literally buy a pair of Jimmy Choos with an hour.” Closing the pizza box, you lean forward and place it onto your wooden coffee table before leaning back and patting your stomach affectionately.
“Firstly you bitchass, I don’t make a lot because I’m still not fully qualified yet. It costs a lot to be a lawyer and the work is boring because I’m in property law. Yawn. Secondly, I hate property law but I would’ve passed out being a doctor. Blood and snot? No thanks. Maybe I should just give it all up and go back to college to become an artist.” She says dreamily and you look over at her with a raised brow.
“Do it. If it’s what you want. Your life shouldn’t be made on a decision you did based on what your parents wanted for you, as much as you might want to make them happy. They’re not your life, and you’ll burn out quicker if you do something you hate.” Sunmi just hums before shifting the pillows until she’s looking at you.
“Still. It’s nice that you’re enjoying it. I’m happy for you. I need to meet this Lisa, so you better set up a playdate or something. If she’s banging, I may just bang her. I mean, if you’re alright with that. And she likes girls.” Sunmi wiggles her brow and you laugh, shaking your head slowly.
“I think Lisa swings both ways honestly, so go for it. She’s pretty and cute with a really nice and fun personality. I wish I could introduce you to Jimin and Taehyung as well. They’re funny individually but hilarious together. Urgh, I wish I had someone the way Jimin eyefucks Tae across the room.”
“Does he realise you can see that?” She asks, an incredulous look on her face and you nod with a laugh.
“Oh yeah. He just gives me an innocent smile. They’re fun though and make me laugh, it’s like a family.” You sigh softly, slumping down further into the couch pillow. Sunmi’s quiet for a few seconds before speaking again.
“What about that quiet guy? Hoseok right?” Pausing, you chew on your lip as you stare blankly at the screen and wonder how to describe him to her.
“Hoseok...is sweet. Quiet but sweet. He doesn’t get involved in conversations of his own accord still, but I include him and he’ll get more involved now. We even have whole conversations just him and I, particularly about our love of 80s films though they’re not very long conversations. It’s nice, I’m literally watching him become more integrated and it’s kind of annoying that everyone just let him stagnate in his isolation. Like, seriously. Did no one ever think that maybe he doesn’t get involved because people have let him isolate himself? It’s hard to pull yourself out of that, and he’s obviously trying.” You don’t even realise you’re half ranting until you see Sunmi’s bemused smile, causing your cheeks to heat.
“Anyway, yeah. He’s a lot more caring than people think too. He just doesn’t show it in ways that you or I would, nor does he talk about them. Like...the other week I came in one morning to find a tube of dissolvable vitamin C tablets on my desk. When I asked where they’d come from, Hoseok Skyped me and said that he thought I looked like I was lacking a bit of vitamin C and to take one with water every day. And then when I was feeling a bit tired, he made me a cup of green tea. I swear Sunmi, he was so sweet and adorable because he kept stumbling over his words while telling me that green tea was healthy and rejuvenating but he didn’t like the taste so he always has peppermint and he hoped I liked peppermint too.”
Sunmi says nothing for a moment and you look at her in confusion, wondering why she’s suddenly decided to be quiet. It’s not like her to not get involved in your conversations, only she’s staring at you with wide eyes and a pretty mouth that’s fallen open.
“Oh my god. You like him.” Her words cause you to pause, frowning immediately as you shake your head in denial.
“What? No I don’t. I mean, yeah as a friend. Or I hope as a friend, but not anything more than that.” She lets out a peal of high pitched laughter while sitting up, looking closely at your face with those mahogany eyes of hers.
“Yes, you do. Oh my god, he is not even remotely your type from the sounds of it yet you’re falling hard girl. Show me a picture of him.” You want to keep denying her, mind spinning from what she’s come out with as you wonder where she’s got this impression from.
But once Sunmi has made up her mind, then it’s game over for everyone else. Sure enough, you find yourself scrolling through your phone on Facebook to find a nice picture of him to show her. And as you look through his, admittedly few, profile pictures, you pause for a moment as you realise that maybe she’s right.
Only people who like someone try and find the best looking picture of them, too afraid that their friend or family member will laugh and think their crush ugly. The swooping sensation in your stomach is confusing, and you don’t know whether it’s shy excitement or just plain old nausea.
Finally deciding on a picture of Hoseok that has obviously been taken in a coffee shop, you turn the phone screen so she can see. It’s got dim lighting, and has looks to have been taken on a Polaroid style camera from the style of it but he looks good.
In fact, he looks beautiful and his bright smile kind of takes your breath away.
He’s just wearing a plain white, long sleeved shirt with dark brown hair parted in the centre, the strands laying carelessly on his forehead while those beautiful chocolate eyes stare out from behind the lenses of his glasses. The table blocks anymore view of him and yet you can’t help but feel the fluttering in your stomach slowly spread along your veins.
Hoseok’s smiles are still rare, but they’ve slowly been becoming more frequent as you continue to talk to him. And every time you think he should smile more often, because he has a face that’s made for a smile.
His mouth is stretched wide with perfectly white, straight teeth showing and the force of the expression causes his eyes to narrow, soft tan cheeks looking adorably kissable.
Oh, you’re totally fucked.
“Holy shit…are you kidding me? This is Quiet Guy? Shy Guy? Holy fuck girl. He’s gorgeous! Look at that smile, oh my god. And he has such pretty eyes, that’s just not fair. Oh, please go for him. I know I said that he’s not your type because you normally like either those hipster guys or bad boys but he looks like he’d be so good for you. He looks kind, like you’d call him and say you’re sick and he comes right over to make you food and wraps you up in a blanket before cuddling with you, telling you that you need body heat to stay warm.” You look at her with a raised brow as she takes your phone and scrolls through his photos.
“And he obviously likes you.” Her words throw you then, causing you to frown as you stare before finally asking why she thinks.
“Because you said it yourself. He talks to you, even when he doesn’t talk to the others. You’ve said he keeps conversations going with you. He added you on Facebook first and he’s taking care of you in a weird but cute way of flirting. Like I said, he looks like he’d be a good boyfriend because he’s already trying to make sure you’re healthy and okay.”
She hands your phone back and points at the screen, where a new photo of Hoseok is. It’s not from his profile pictures, so you just presume it’s one that someone took of him and tagged him in. He’s asleep on his side on a couch, his right cheek smooshed into a pillow while his other looks soft and round. Pink lips pout in his sleep, the ends turned up while his lashes remain firmly closed and his hair is all over the place.
You have the strongest urge to reach through the screen to kiss his cheek.
“I think you should think on it, because I know you. And you’re probably having a little internal argument right now about whether or not you like him. But...if you decide that you do. Then I think you should go for it, because he looks nice. Get to know him a bit more, get him to open up his walls to you a bit more and then see if he really is interested. It’s been a while since you smiled like that about someone, and even longer since you searched through their pictures to find me the most flattering.” Dammit, you knew she’d figure you out.
You don’t respond though, simply locking your phone and placing it down on the cushion next to you as you both turn your attention back to the film. But you can’t help the what if’s that float around in the back of your mind, wondering if perhaps she’s right not only about yourself, but also him.
Did Hoseok like you?
-
Quite understandably, your interactions with Hoseok are suddenly tinged with a film of awkwardness as you contemplate the fact that you quite possibly like your shy colleague. And that’s to say nothing of how closely you watch his interactions with you to see if there’s a chance that he likes you in the way you like him.
Honestly, anyone would think you were 14 and not 26.
But he made you feel like a teenager though. The fluttering of nervous excitement in your stomach whenever he would look at you with that soft, bashful smile he’d give you whenever he caught your eye in the office. The way you would feel sad resentment when he was ill or was working from home and so didn’t come in.
How could you not though? Not only was he soul wrenchingly handsome and pretty, he was also thoughtful with the few conversations he would engage in and he was so sweet and kind.
When you’d complimented him on the peppermint green tea he’d brought you the other week, you found yourself with a mug being made every time he got up to go to the kitchen. You’d be completely absorbed in your work, staring at your screen intently with headphones in to keep distractions at bay, when you’d suddenly smell the pleasant scent of peppermint drifting to your nose.
And then you’d look to your side and see a fresh cup of tea sat there, steaming slowly in your Star Wars mug.
A quick glance behind your screen would let you see Hoseok staring firmly at his screen, refusing to look at you and yet his cheeks tinging a rosy glow that made your heart tug. It was only fair to respond in kind, and so you’d taken to making him a cup of your favourite tea as well, delicious salted caramel, and leaving it on his desk.
He hadn’t complained, so you took that as a sign that he enjoyed it too.
Maybe others would look at your interactions with laughter or bemusement, but you liked them. If he was flirting with you, because let’s face it you were flirting with him, then you were quietly excited and hopeful. You could cope with glacial, as long as it would hopefully result in something at the end.
Currently, you were attempting to film a video talking about the films that were snubbed completely at the Oscars. Taehyung had written up the script for you but was suffering from a winter cold at home. You’d claim man-flu, only you’d video called him and seen the dark circles under his eyes, sallow skin and bright red nose as he’d sniffled and snorted his way through your conversation.
As a result, you’d had to grab your emergency make-up kit from your drawer and rush to the bathroom to apply it. Today had been a lazy day; meaning you were just wearing a pair of ratty black jeans and an ancient Star Wars shirt that had once been black but was now an odd shade of grey.
Once you’d felt that you looked at the very least passable to the potentially thousands upon thousands of people who would be watching your face, you rush back through the office to place your kit back before heading over to the recording room. Tapping on the door lightly, you open it up to find Hoseok and Lisa inside as they set up the camera and lighting.
Already, the big ring lights are glaring and you’re feeling hot as you move over to the two, watching as they mess with the camera before checking over the computer on the desk next to it. Lisa moves around to the front, standing over the duct tape X on the floor and clipping the tiny microphone onto her shirt while waiting for Hoseok.
He’s wearing a plain white shirt today with a yellow and black check shirt open over the top and a plain pair of jeans. For some reason, he’s apparently decided to emulate Jungkook and is wearing some tan Timberland’s as well, though they surprisingly work well with the outfit.
You’ve noticed that Hoseok isn’t exactly the most fashionable person, but he’s yet to wear something that you find genuinely offensive. In fact, you often find that he manages to look hot even when he really shouldn’t. Maybe it’s just a talent attractive people have?
Hoseok gives a small nod to Lisa as his eyes flicker up from the screen, the light being reflected in his glasses. Lisa begins to talk random nonsense, performing a soundcheck to make sure the microphone is working properly while also making sure the camera’s fine.
Once done, she helps you to thread the microphone through your shirt and clip it on while placing the main pack into your back pocket. You stand on the X while going over the script that you can read on the screen reader facing you on the table.
Lisa slips away while you’re busy practicing, going through quick vocal exercises to warm your voice up as you continue to read over what you’re going to say. In your mind, you’re already visualising what the video will look like and you kind of feel sad that Taehyung can’t do this. It’s a good script.
“Okay. Are you ready?” Hoseok’s voice is soft and light, every word sounding like it has been cautiously thought of before he speaks it. You smile slightly as your head nods forward in response to him before clearing your throat and clenching your hands a few times while letting out a deep breath.
“Am I in the right place?” Looking down at the floor, you make sure that your feet are squarely on the spot and Hoseok looks through the camera before giving a cute okay symbol with a wink and pressed smile. It causes you to bite your own lower lip, desperately keeping inside the ‘cute’ that wants to escape.
“Okay, recording in three...two…” He stops speaking after that and mouths out the final one before pressing the button to record, a red light sparking to life on the camera and immediately you’re smiling brightly.
There’s no real pressure on you to do a good take in one shot, because Hoseok will be editing the scenes together and making some shorter to suit the video anyway. But you don’t really like wasting unnecessary hard drive space for him if possible. Plus, it just means he has to stare at your foolish facial expressions for longer and you’d really rather not.
On that note, it’s a little unfair that he gets to watch your face up close with a 4K camera. Actually, you’ve never thought about that before and almost immediately your brows crease at the thought of him seeing every pore and blemish on your skin. Christ, the camera does not do anyone justice and you want to whine at the thought of him seeing all your bad points in such harsh lighting.
When you don’t actually start speaking and instead start making a distressed face, Hoseok’s head peeks out from behind the monitor and he frowns at you in turn. Eyes focusing on his pretty visage, you have to squint slightly to see him properly from behind the astonishingly bright lights set up but you shake your head to reassure him.
Rolling your head on your shoulders and blowing bubbles with your lips, completely unaware of the tiny amused smile on Hoseok’s lips as he watches you through the monitor, you force yourself to get back into the zone.
The rest of the hour spent recording goes more or less like usual, with multiple outtakes when you mess things up and cause yourself to laugh. One of the hardest things of recording videos is just being able to being able to speak properly. You’ve had to learn to over-enunciate sometimes to avoid slurring your words together, because that just encourages hate from viewers.
And you are not in the mood to get hate. It’s already hard enough being a female commentator on the channel, and you’d had to grow some pretty thick skin in both the comments and on your own social media.
But there were plenty of equally great people too in fairness, and you’d even kind of got to know some regular viewers from the constant interactions you got both on your videos and on your own Twitter account. It was nice to have a mini fan club of people who were willing to defend you against the trolls and raise you up when you’re feeling down, though it’s not nearly as many as Taehyung’s extortionately big legion of fans.
There’s only a few major mishaps this time, with a few pronunciations of your words going horrifically bad and you find yourself cringing. Hoseok has a good chuckle on occasion and the bright bubbles of his laughter make you smile in turn, heart sparking with happiness at making him laugh.
Once Hoseok gave the signal to indicate that he was pretty happy with the recording, you let your shoulders drop while your head falls back on your shoulders, a deep groan leaving you as your entire body relaxes. Reaching to pull the microphone and its pack from under your shirt, you move over to Hoseok as he turns the light and camera off before he’s checking over the computer to transfer the new video files to his solid state drive.
“Did everything look good in it?” You ask, leaning your hip against the desk while your arms cross over your chest. Hoseok pauses for a moment at your close proximity before looking up at you slowly, his beautiful brown eyes looking sweetly innocent and big as he takes you in.
It’s still ridiculously endearing how shy he gets around you, but what you like even more is how it’s only when he’s not doing work related things. The last hour has been spent with him practically bossing you around, barking out polite requests when you’ve moved out of frame or have said something wrong.
He wasn’t mean about it or anything, he just took his job very seriously and it’s what made him such a damn good videographer and video editor. He knew what he needed and wasn’t afraid to tell people what to do in regards to that, so the sudden reversal back into the meek Hoseok tugged at your heart.
“Y-yeah. You did good. Less bad shots today.” You pout at him theatrically before pushing lightly at his shoulder, just enough to make him rock where he stands.
“Hey! There’s no need to be mean. You make it sound like I’m as bad Yugyeom! I don’t mess up that bad.” Lower lip sticking out, you look down at the floor until Hoseok lets out a soft and breathy laugh, shaking his head while adjusting his glasses slightly.
“I-I didn’t mean-. I’m not saying anything else,” He looks at you and gives you a wry smile. “I-I’m not stupid. I think I’ve dug enough of my own grave here.”
You can’t help but laugh out at that as you lean forward, body moving of its own accord before you move around him and rest your hand on his shoulder. It’s warm and solid beneath your palm, even through the layers he’s wearing and you swallow in sudden awareness of the firmness of him.
He freezes in place subtly as well, the muscles under your fingers tensing a little as neither of you move for a moment. It’s the first time you’ve ever touched him, and neither of you really seem to know what to do.
Swallowing, you let out a chuckle that’s a little higher pitched than you perhaps intended but you try to make it sound as natural as you can. Even if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed now when your hand feels warm and bizarrely sweaty.
“Funny, you’re way funnier than I thought Hobi!” The nickname you’d overheard Seokjin calling him once slips out without meaning to and you cringe with gritted teeth behind his back, taking your hand off his shoulder to pinch your leg at your stupidity. “Well, I hope it goes well. Let me know if there’s anything you need from me or just when it’s done so I can look it over? Thanks and bye!”
You can’t stop how fast the words fall from your lips, a faucet stuck on full when what you really want is a vault so tight not even the crown jewels of England can get out of it. Giving him an awkward smile, you book it out of the recording room as quickly as you can and leave him alone.
In fact, you go so fast that you don’t get to see the way Hoseok watches after you with widened eyes of shock which soon melt into half-moons of unguarded happiness in the quiet room. His hand shakes as it moves up to press at the place your own hand had been, the skin feeling prickly underneath and his breath shakes as a hesitant smile slowly paints its way on his face.
You don’t see that, nor do you see the way he pauses on a close up of your face with a fond smile before closing the programme down and leaving.
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etherealwaifgoddess · 4 years
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More Time - Chpt.3
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Summary: Steve & Bucky learn to navigate Steve’s new normal. Master list is HERE.
Warnings/ Content: Just some fluff this chapter.
Word Count: 1.4k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! Thank you all for the great reactions to the last chapter both here and over on AO3. Your comments give me life ya’ll, seriously. Also, posting schedule will definitely be daily now because I’ve discovered the joy that is saving drafts ahead of time. Woo! XOXO - Ash
Chapter Three
They say it takes losing something to realize how much you appreciate it. Steve thought that particular phrase was entirely too apt in his experience. 
Steve had struggled in 1942 to adapt to his body post- Project Rebirth, and now being thrown back into his smaller body was just as big of an adjustment for him. He’d lived out two lifetimes with only 25 years in his smaller form at the very beginning; making it more foreign than familiar at that point. Steve hadn’t forgotten the myriad of ailments that plagued his early years, but he hadn’t had to deal with them in so long that the memories of actually having to live with them had faded. 
Bruce had let Bucky take Steve home the day after the failed procedure with a promise to come back for more testing the following day. The subsequent weeks were spent resting at home and round after round of testing, as well as trying to help alleviate or treat Steve’s various ailments. Things weren’t as bad as they had been back when Steve had lived in this body before, but it was still pretty inconvenient. There were glasses to help correct his vision, a discreet hearing aid for his bad ear, and medications for his high blood pressure, asthma, and arthritis. Steve’s days were ruled by doctor’s appointments and the persistent buzz of his smartwatch reminding him to take one of his many medications. He was reluctant to throw therapy sessions into the mix but at Sam and Bucky’s pushing he started seeing a therapist regularly too. 
Bucky decided to take an indefinite leave of absence from his work with the Avengers and the newly re-formed SHIELD, wanting to help Steve readjust to life in his smaller form. He hadn’t been taking many missions before that either, trying to soak up as much time with Steve as he could since he’d come back aged. Bucky missed the fulfillment that came from a mission accomplished but that feeling was eclipsed by his love for Steve. He knew that things wouldn’t be as bad as they were growing up, they had money and modern medicine now, but he also knew Steve and how difficult this would be on him. Sam assured them both that things were going well at work and they didn’t need to worry about a thing. 
Bucky looked forward to Sam’s visits, as infrequent as they were. Steve had been so nervous the first time Sam had seen him after. He knew Sam was his friend regardless of what he looked like but it was still embarrassing to be a full head shorter and over a hundred pounds lighter than his friend when they had been of similar size before. “Who can run laps around who now?” Sam joked before hugging Steve tightly, thankful his friend was okay after everything. Until Steve took advantage of his bony elbows and their proximity to Sam’s ribs, and Sam learned that Steve’s temper hadn’t diminished along with the rest of him. 
Their days fell into an easy rhythm and both men found ways to pass the time so that they didn’t go stir crazy while they adjusted to Steve’s new normal. Steve returned to his art with a passion so fierce it surprised Bucky. He’d woken up one morning to find papers littered all around the spare bedroom, sketches of people and places from their past and some from more recent years as well. Steve was sitting on the hardwood floor in the midst of the mess, hunched over sketching a Brooklyn skyline when Bucky had interrupted him. They’d gone out later that day and bought him a proper desk and easel as well as all the art supplies he’d ever wanted. The spare bedroom was easily converted into a studio for Steve and it was nice to finally make good use of the extra living space. Steve was overwhelmed with the possibilities open to his art when he wasn’t limited to what little supplies they could afford back in the ‘30s. He had charcoal pencils, water colors, oil paints, and color pencils too. They got him canvases in all sizes and a myriad of sketch books. Steve poured all of his bottled up emotions into his art and his therapist was impressed with his progress since he’d started drawing and painting again. 
Bucky loved watching Steve flourish after several tense weeks of an adjustment period. He had meant it when he’d told Steve he loved him no matter what happened, even though this outcome was not even on the horizon of possibility at the time. Having Steve back in the body he’d originally fallen in love with him in was both wonderful and conflicting for Bucky. Guilt ate at him in the quiet moments before sleep each night, something his therapist was working with him on consistently. He loved the way Steve fit under his shoulder again, the beauty of his pale skin and fine bones, but it felt like a betrayal of Steve to appreciate the very thing that caused Steve so much pain. So he devoted himself to making Steve’s life easier any way he could. Bucky would keep his joy at having a lifetime with Steve silently restrained and spend the time they now had making each moment count. 
Steve was not stupid and he caught the little looks Bucky gave when he thought Steve wasn’t looking. He couldn’t quite figure out what to make of the elated and sometimes reverent glances but after enough of them he pieced together that Bucky was happy with him and trying to shield him from it. It took a little bit longer to figure out why. 
It was almost two months since Steve had woken up on Bruce’s lab table when the first truly cool week of autumn hit. Steve had settled down with his laptop to order some warmer clothes online while Bucky sat on the opposite side of their sofa watching yet another episode of “Wonders of the Solar System” on the Science Channel. Steve would occasionally show Bucky a shirt or pair of pants to ask for his opinion since, as Nat used to remind him often, he had no sense of style. Bucky would weigh in on Steve’s current selection and then return to his show, but Steve noticed the small grin on Bucky’s face when he thought Steve had looked away. After a few times Steve set aside the laptop, ready to finally have the conversation he’d been preparing in his head for over a week. 
“It’s okay that you’re happy.” Steve told him bluntly, “You know that, right?”
Bucky paused the show and turned so that he was facing Steve, unsure where the conversation was going. “What do you mean?” He asked hesitantly. 
“I see the little glances you shoot when you think I’m not looking. You’re allowed to be happy I’m back in this body again.” 
Bucky’s cheeks burned brightly, “I’m sorry, Stevie. I know how hard this is on you and I’m so damn selfish for being this happy. I’m so sorry.” 
Steve crawled on his knees across the middle sofa seat and settled himself down on Bucky’s lap. He let himself be wrapped up in Bucky’s strong arms, the way they used to sit in the dead of winter when they couldn’t afford to turn on the heat. The familiarity was comforting to them both. “It’s okay.” He told Bucky, “You’re allowed to be happy about this. Sure it kinda sucks to deal with health issues again, but it’s miles better than it was back in the day. And I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t miss the super soldier body but it gives me a lifetime with you that I missed out on the last two times around. I love you, Buck, and I want you to be happy.” 
Bucky planted a soft kiss on the top of Steve’s head, inhaling deeply the clean scent of shampoo and the crisp undercurrent that was undeniably Steve. “I love you. I want you to be happy too though.”
“I am, you doofus. Every single day I get to wake up next to you I am the happiest I’ve ever been. We’re so lucky to be alive and together right now, how could I not be.” 
“You’re the doofus.” Bucky chuckled and hugged Steve tighter. 
Steve stayed quiet, satisfied to let the conversation go for now at least. He could finish shopping later, a little quiet time with his best guy would always come first.
Tag list lovelies: @godofplumsandthunder​ @remilupin22​ @supraveng​ @hiddles-rose​ 
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peace-coast-island · 4 years
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Diary of a Junebug
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All aboard the Midnight Train
One of the hardest parts of embarking on a big journey is taking the first step. I can say for certain that you will definitely stumble and fall - believe me, I’ve fallen further than I’ve moved forward - but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
That’s not to say you don’t have every right to be ticked off when things go wrong. I mean mishaps can be a good learning experience, but it’s okay to get frustrated when you lose your way. 
Hell, it’s absolutely okay to bail out and throw in the towel when you’re just not feeling it. Perseverance is good, but sometimes it’s okay to say “fuck this shit, I’m out” - not to mention freeing if it’s about something that’s really dragging you down.
Sometimes life doesn’t work out. It fucking sucks but in most cases there’s nothing you can really do other than carry on. As my mom says, what’s done is done. Stop trying to build a house if it brings you more frustration than joy - tear the whole damn thing down and burn the remains if you have to.
Funny how far your mind can wander when you’re on a train. With nothing but trees, beautiful landscapes, and the starry night skies, deep thoughts are bound to run free. Especially when it’s about something that’s been on your mind for a while.
At the start of the new year, Daisy Jane decided to leave Rosevine. Like many other old friends - and myself - as much as we love our charming little town, we were starting to outgrow it. After spending almost two years at home stuck in a limbo, Daisy Jane had enough and packed her bags. Her mom wasn't too on board with the idea as she doesn’t really have the means to support herself but nevertheless she gave her daughter her blessing to go out in the world.
Daisy Jane’s one of those people who deserve so much more and yet usually ends up with the short end of the stick. She’s one of the most creative people I know and could easily make it as an artist if she had the support. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not nagging on her family, but at times they don’t respect her enough - especially her sister. 
What I’m saying is that Daisy Jane could've become an artist if she wanted to, but disapproval from family is a hefty roadblock. They say doubt kills more dreams than failure but what about strict family expectations? Asian parents, amirite?
Tired of sitting around at home, getting repeatedly rejected in a career involving a degree she worked her ass off for, and being put down for not being as successful as everyone else, Daisy Jane needed to get out. So she did, taking a leap of faith and jumping straight into the unknown. She didn’t have a plan in mind, but sometimes you just gotta cut and run before you lose your nerve.
Months of traveling led her to the small village of Neptunia as she was running low on funds. What seemed like a promising new start quickly fell apart as soon as she stepped into her new house. That’s because it’s not actually her house - it belongs to someone else. Because Neptunia is so small and resources are limited, Daisy Jane is stuck rooming with a stranger. And both have to pay off the remaining mortgage, adding to the annoyance of both since the main resident already paid off a huge part of it herself.
Because of the living situation, Daisy Jane’s not too keen about living in Neptunia now. Her housemate’s nice and all but neither one were prepared for the roommate situation. Had she known about that, Daisy Jane wouldn’t have gone through with the move. But knowing how bad Tom Nook felt about the miscommunication regarding housing (you just can’t stay mad at him for too long - and in his defense, Neptunia’s kinda on the bottom of his list of villages he’s overseeing so it’s easy to forget things) Daisy Jane decided to stick around and see how things work out.
Six months in and things have been pretty meh for Daisy Jane. She didn’t want to dwell on the negatives too much but I suspected that she wasn’t entirely truthful. Always eager to please and willing to silently suffer, that Daisy Jane. Instead of creating art like she wants to, Daisy Jane’s been selling pears and shells, randomly planting stuff around the village, and running errands for everyone. She doesn’t mind doing all that (well, except maybe the garden, which she admits isn’t something she’s too excited about) but it all seems kinda anticlimactic. It also doesn’t help that Neptunia’s kinda isolated so there’s rarely any visitors, so things are pretty monotonous.
And to top it all off, Daisy Jane’s experiencing the absolute worst art block ever. By spending all her waking hours trying to pay off a mortgage, saving up for a rainy day, and catering to everyone else’s needs, she rarely has time for herself - or her creativity. 
I really miss seeing her art online. It’s been months since she last posted something she made and it’s sad. You never know how much you miss something until it’s gone. The same can be said about creativity.
I’ve had my moments where my creativity and motivation for art burns out and it’s not a good feeling. Being someone who is driven by creating art, losing that spark is one of my biggest fears because without it, I’d be nothing. Art is one of those things that keep me going so to lose that means I’ve lost my purpose. I’d hate to think about what happens if my creativity is gone for good.
And what’s even worse is that I’m afraid Daisy Jane’s headed for that direction if she doesn’t take action soon. I suspected something from our texts and her posts, but seeing her in person really puts things into perspective. 
She’s not one for selfies, her last one being taken over a year ago, so seeing her face for the first time in forever, I almost didn’t recognize her. From her hair being tied into three messy pigtails instead of adorned with pretty clips to the concealer hiding away the bags under her eyes and the slightly too dark blush on her face (what happened to her naturally rosy cheeks?) as well as the slightly ragged Nook shirt a couple sizes too large, I could’ve sworn that she was someone else.
Visiting Neptunia wasn’t too bad, but it’s no Wizpire. Things are just a tad bit too slow for my liking - and a bit outdated as well, then again what do you expect in these parts? Honestly I’m surprised that Tom Nook still keeps tabs on this village, especially since he’s busy with islands and such. Then again, he does feel bad about Daisy Jane’s housing mishap so he’s been dropping by quite a bit to check in on her.
To say that Daisy Jane’s been frustrated is an understatement. She describes it as escaping from one prison only to get stuck in a trap. Except staying in the trap is more practical than going back out on the road where it’s unpredictable. So she’s in a position where she feels like she can’t really complain because it’s not like she’s stuck in the middle of nowhere. It’s not an ideal situation but sometimes you need to pick and choose your battles.
I can’t tell Daisy Jane what to do since it’s not up to me, nor should I try to influence her in any way, but I can take her away for a bit. An outsider’s perspective can be super helpful, especially if you’ve been looking way too closely and missing out on the big picture. I know I’ve fallen into that trap too many times, wasting too much time and energy on one small piece without considering the overall grand scheme of things.
So we took out the train amenity to go on a late night ride. We’ve been meaning to bring back the train and this was the perfect opportunity for it. A scenic route’s the perfect way to escape from monotony and let your mind wander without putting too much effort into it. 
Also, Daisy Jane enjoys long train rides as she’s the kind of artist who breaks out a sketchbook to capture the view outside her window. It’s amazing what she can do with a pen (yes, she uses a ballpoint pen and does so with full confidence) and paper. It would be a shame to see her talent and passion go to waste.
The train ride was super relaxing and beautiful to look at. Of course, it didn’t solve Daisy Jane’s problems, but it was a good retreat. I can tell by how much her eyes lit up that she’s feeling a lot better than she had in a long time. I had suggested that she bring her sketchbook along as well as a pen (no pencil, because that’s now how Daisy Jane works!) and that did wonders for her. 
I never thought that the sight of Daisy Jane scribbling in her sketchbook with ink stained hands would bring me as much joy as it did tonight. I’m pretty sure she filled about half the book in the span of a couple hours.
Creativity can be fickle. Sometimes it flows in a steady stream, sometimes it comes and goes, and other times it goes into a drought before flooding back like a storm. The latter is what describes Daisy Jane. Hopefully the storm will lead to a steady flow of inspiration. After all, you can’t keep the tide from coming in, even after a long dry spell.
The night’s still young and there’s still so much to see. It’s just me and Daisy Jane in the train but it feels like we’re in different worlds. There she is, scribbling away, capturing the views outside her window. Jagged shapes for mountains, curving lines for rivers, scattered stars bringing a night sky to life - even in rough sketches, you can tell it’s unmistakably Daisy Jane.
A train ride won’t solve all of Daisy Jane’s problems, but it’s a start. 
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echodrops · 5 years
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The Promises I Made (2018)
For the past twelve years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. Although this year was really, really bad, oh lord... This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!
 The Promises I Made (2018 edition)
1) I will be less anxious at work and not let passing comments from students or passive rudeness get under my skin as much. Status: Somewhat kept; I feel like I wasn’t as upset by students being rude this year as last year, but then again that might just be because I had better students. XD
2) I will be more proactive about my responsibilities for the college newspaper committee so we can make a great product. Status: Uhh… Can I count this as kept if the newspaper committee was put on hold due to decisions from the higher administration, so I didn’t have to be proactive about these responsibilities?
3) I will actually visit Mexico, not just accidentally take a wrong turn and end up there... Status: Broken. You know how some people like live next door to a restaurant for years but somehow never get around to trying it? Yeah that’s me, with the entire country of Mexico. Like, I literally live less than a mile from the border… I really should just go get lunch one day or something…
4) I will actually decorate my office with all the stuff I have had sitting around at my house for months. Status: Actually kept. I don’t feel like the decorating is really done in the office, but the decorations are no longer cluttering up my actual home instead of the office!
5) I will be better about focusing so that I can grade quickly and feel less overwhelmed throughout the course of the semester. Status: You know, it’s hard to say whether or not I did grade more quickly because spring semester I took on a really annoying class schedule and it screwed me over hard. I feel like I was a little faster this year, but I felt more overwhelmed than ever.
6) I will get the scratch on my Camaro buffed a bit to clear up the parts that can be cleared. Status: I just… didn’t do this. Broken.
7) I will repair the mortar on the fence outside the Utah house and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Somewhat kept/broken. I fixed the mortar on the fence outside but did not seal the windowsill bricks.
8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: Look man. If my promise had been “Finish 26 fanfics longer than 100,000 words,” I would have blown this promise out of the water. But as it stands, I think I only made it to 10-ish printed books. I’m naughty. 9) I will retrim the grape vine at the Utah house and also spray/get someone to spray to kill the wasps. Status: Broken. I don’t know why I thought it would be smart to make a promise about trimming the grape vine, since that’s something you do in fall… when I’m not even in Utah… Hrmmmm… 10) I will get the mail man to stop delivering the wrong mail to my box because I’m getting ten times more mail for other people than for myself. Status: I had so many opportunities to do this, and I just didn’t. RIP.
11) I will have the fire escape window installed on the Utah house to make it legal to rent. Status: Broken. That’s a lotta money fam.
12) I will update Home and a Half at least four times (and no more double posts, just be chill Yehn, be chill for once…) Status: WOW. I was so, so optimistic, wasn’t I? 13) I will actually build all the furniture I bought for the Texas house and never assembled. Status: Mostly kept? I think there’s like one more thing I haven’t assembled (the spare futon), but up to this point I haven’t needed it, so...
14) I will actually watch Stranger Things since everyone keeps nagging me about it. Status: Broken. I just didn’t do this at all.
15) I will go to a dentist and get this annoying wisdom tooth removed and also see what can be done for my front tooth that got pushed out of alignment by said wisdom tooth. This really needs to happen ‘cause the partially erupted tooth is killing me. D; Status: Wisdom tooth is still hurting me… I am the worst at taking care of myself… 2019… the year of self-care?
16) I will take a road trip with my friend Karen like we’ve been talking about for a while. Status: Actually did this! Finally something completely kept. It was a great trip too.  
17) I will continue to serve as the video game club’s faculty sponsor. Status: I was too busy… T_T Broken.
18) I will lower my credit card debt by at least $2000. Moving is so expensive. T_T Status: I ended up having major set-backs this year in the form of having to pay out of pocket for a new windshield in my car and also my Playstation flat out dying on me, so this goal did not get satisfied. But now that my car is completely paid off (hell yeah!), I’ll finally be able to start making big payments on this sucker.
19) I will have ALL my lesson plans planned out in advance for Fall 2018 so that I can just chill next fall. Status: YO THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There were still some instances of needing to fix things, but overall I did actually have all the lessons done in advance, and that was probably the only reason I survived fall at all lol.
20) I will finish painting the living room in the Utah house, finally. Status: I… forgot I even made this promise. Yikes.
21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: I wanted to be better, but every fucking time I go to walk my dog, the neighbor’s Chihuahua runs through their fence and tries to attack my dog, so literally every walk becomes a nightmare and there were a lot of days when I just didn’t want to deal with that stress… :/
22) I will finish a game other than FFXIV this year. Man, so many games have been piling up… Status: I couldn’t even find time to play FFXIV this year, let alone another game… 23) I will write a new, original short story. Status: I… did not write like at all this year. 2018 was just really hard for me. T_T
24) I will get my black glasses fixed this year, finally. Status: Uh… Kept… I think? At least I think this promise was referring to the damage to the frames of my black glasses, which I did get fixed. But now the lens has a scratch… V_V
25) I will attend more professional development/on-campus events and trainings to bolster my evaluation. Status: Eh, kept? I’m signed up for a conference and did some extra training thing that I can throw on the sheet, so I’m calling it good.
26) I will ink and color at least the one drawing of Yehn’zi that I finished sketching a while ago and did absolutely nothing with. Status: A whole lot of nope on this one.
27) I will really finish moving in to my Texas house, no more “I’ll fish out the clothes from the Space Bag when I need them but never actually hang them up.” Status: I’m counting this as kept, since the only thing that didn’t happen is that I never took the plastic wrap off the top of my nightstand, but like… hey that’s a really convenient way to avoid water spots so…
28) I will volunteer at a non-profit organization to fulfill my “service to the community” work requirement. I mean, I will volunteer from the goodness of my heart… yeah… Status: Shitttt this didn’t happen and it really needed to… Oh dear…
29) I will level ALL my classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: This also did not happen. No time to play.
30) I will reach 1000 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept and exceeded! I’m at like… 1540-ish right now I believe.
31) I will find a salon so I can get my hair dyed consistently instead of looking like a shabby blob half way through each semester. Status: Well, the good news is that my hair color fades so nicely that one of my students actually asked if the strawberry blonde was my natural color. But uh… no… it’s not… so…
32) I will find some way to pay back my coworker for all the incredibly nice things she has done for me already. Status: I mean, I took her out to lunch a lot but I don’t know if I really managed to feel “equal” on the debts I owe her for helping me out.
33) I will see an Anhinga (it’s a kind of bird!) in Texas. Status: Kept! The very first time I went looking for it, I found it, so score.
34) I will win Camp NaNoWriMo this year (because November might never be a possibility for me again, given how much grading I seem to end up doing during that month). T_T Status: Broken. Again, I wrote almost nothing this year. Too much stress. T_T
35) I will scout for new neighborhoods to move to with better internet access and closer to my work. Status: Kept. It’s still a bit too early for me to be looking for specific places, but I have a better sense of where I’ll be aiming for when I do go to buy something.
36) I will try to get better at Spanish, possibly by using my DuoLingo app more. Status: …Broken.
37) I will buy sod for the front part of the Utah house so that my house actually looks decent from the curb. Status: I COULD HAVE… But I didn’t.
38) I will be more proactive about commenting, reccing, and reblogging content I appreciate online because I find so many wonderful things but I rarely say as much about them as I should. Status: I think I was worse about this than last year. I miss the days when I didn’t feel like every five minutes taken to myself was stealing from my work responsibilities…
39) I will actually use my Instagram account to upload my photography somewhere public. Status: I forgot I made this promise too. Oops…
40) I will go dolphin-watching in the Gulf. Status: Somewhat kept? I mean… I stood on the pier… And saw dolphins in the Gulf. That counts, right???
41) I will clear all the photos and videos off my phone and camera SD cards because they are overflowing. Status: Kept but now they’re just sitting on the hard drive unsorted and in a confusing jumble of unnamed folders...
42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Broken, just totally broken.
43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: >___> One day…
44) I will not work later than 10pm on any given work night. I can’t keep running myself ragged. I need to brake sometimes. Status: HA. I was really hopeful. More broken promises…
45) I will explore some new places/cities in Texas that I have not been before. Status: I… did not do this. I had a chance to do this and I didn’t. D;
46) I will get a gardener for the Texas house because the lawn is basically unmanageable by myself. Status: Kept. Because… the lawn really was unmanageable by myself so…
47) I will clean out the fridge more often. No expired milk or ancient leftovers this year please… Status: >_____> Ooopppssss.
48) I will get some sort of watering system set up so that the lawn at the Texas house isn’t a total disaster anymore. Status: Somewhat kept. I did buy hoses and sprinklers to water the lawn but mostly it’s just been raining a lot and that made the grass greener on its own.
49) I will help make one of the super complicated cookies from the new cookie cookbook I bought for Karen. Status: Actually kept! We learned much about the workings of cookie guns.
50) I will keep these promises. Status: Ouch, this one hurts a little.
Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 29 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 9
Y I K E S ™. I thought last year was crazy and was so hopeful for this year… I had NO IDEA how hard this last year was going to be. So many broken promises; I feel so guiltyyyyy. DDDD; Although I’m still at the same job and not planning on dramatically swapping entire career fields again, things are still in the process of settling and there’s still SO much more I feel like I need to work on. 2018 was the year of being constantly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, 2019 doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much calmer because I’m still working on designing classes and getting my lessons ironed out, but I at least no longer feel like I’m at rock bottom… So, I’m cautiously, very cautiously, feeling the tiniest bit optimistic?
  Let’s do this, 2019! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.
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ratandphilgames · 6 years
Text
Our Lives Don’t Collide
{chapter 3: shake on it}
summary: Shit hits the fan when famous actor!Phil is caught smooching a boy in an alleyway. Only problem? He’s not out and what’s worse? The boy he was smooching was a journalist who set it all up to get a quick picture and now Phil is royally screwed. The only answer Phils management can come up with is a fake relationship to try and do damage control and famous actor!Dan is the perfect candidate.
chapter word count: 2562
total word count: 7458 
rating: t 
note: thanks for reading and leaving me all your love! everyone who’s sent an anon or left kudos or reblogged has absolutely made this worth it! ily :)
updates on thursdays!
{read on ao3}
{read from the beginning} 
{next chapter}
—–
Sign on the dotted line …………….
The dotted line was definitely taunting him. All Dan had to do was write his name and then he’d be in a legally bond relationship. It was like a temporary marriage. No pressure or anything.  
Dan was back in Sam’s office, 2 days later. The final contract was sitting in front of him, ready to be signed.
He’d been thinking a lot the past 48 hours about this decision.
At the beginning Dan was fairly sure he was going to sign the paper but then intrusive thoughts crept into his mind. Would he be able to look his mum in the face and tell her that he was in a happy committed relationship when he wasn’t? That was a lot of intense pressure, lying to your mom was bad. Baddddddd.
After thinking about how much lying to his mum would suck, Dan thought about how proud his mum would be that he’d gotten himself into a good relationship. She was always being the typical mother, worried that he was too lonely, constantly concerned about him. It would be nice to convince her that he was okay, even if only for a short period.
Besides, this was just commitment to a role for an extended period of time. Dan was an actor. It wouldn’t be unusual to pretend, it was what he did for a living.
The longer Dan spent thinking about it, the more he ignored the bad and focused on the good.
So there he was. Sitting in Sam's office, pen in hand, hovering over the paper. Was he really going to sign this contract that bond him to a role for 6 months?
Yes, yes he was.
His world was going to shift exponentially but almost every way seemed like it would be for the better. Maybe.
Maybe not.
At this point the only way he could find out was by signing the paper. He’d gone over nearly every scenario in his head and at this point the only way to really figure out was to put his name on that line.
So he did. Dan signed his name on the dotted line.
He was now officially and legally in a relationship. It felt weird, especially since the interaction with his ‘boyfriend’ had consisted of one sentence and a weirdly elongated staring contest.  
“So, now that that’s out of the way, we need to make you two official on instagram.”
Shannon was right, that was part of the deal.
“How are we supposed to do that? I don’t have a picture of us together.”
Sam, who had stayed relatively quiet, simply stared at Dan as if he’d just said the dumbest thing ever.
“Daniel, you’ll be seeing him again. When you’re ‘in a relationship’ with someone, you tend to see them more than once.”
Oh.
So he was going to see Phil again. Soon.
Fuck.
Something about that fact was both startling and a tad bit titillating.
“Right, yeah, I knew that. I guess it just didn’t sink in yet. So when is he coming round?”
Again, Dan was met with a dumbfounded look from Sam. He seemed to be missing the obvious today. His mind a little preoccupied, he supposed.
“You can’t take the photo here, Dan. That will look sketch. You need to invite him to yours, so paparazzi see him and hype up the relationship.”
In order to avoid Sams snark, Shannon stepped in and talked. It hadn’t really occurred to Dan that him and Phil would actually hang out. That he would have Phil inside his house. Suddenly everything became overwhelmingly real.  
“Oh, oh shit. Okay. How do I do that?”
Apparently it was ‘plan everything without Dan and then act like he’s dumb because he wasn’t let in on the plans’ day.
“Dan, there’s this lovely thing called a telephone that you can use. We just have to call his publicist. All you need to do is be at home, which isn’t hard for you.”
Wow. Okay. It was also roast Dan day.
Sure, Dan didn’t tend to leave his house unless he was filming something. It was just too much hassle to get out when it took so much planning. In public he was expected to keep up appearances. At home he could get away with wearing a baggy tee shirt and sweats with no eye bats.
Since ‘Switch Hitter’ was set to come out in 2 months and trailers were starting to drop, Dan was more relevant in the media than usual. If he wasn’t up to leaving his house during his usual schedule, he sure as hell wasn’t wanting to when there was handfuls of paparazzi camping outside his gate.
“Tomorrow. Phil will be coming to your house, you will take a photo together that is suitable for coming out on instagram. Nobody will be their to monitor you, I trust you will not need supervision. Please don’t fuck this up Dan.”
Out of the whole 5 years Dan had worked with Sam, never once had he heard him curse, let alone at him. Shit was serious, Sam was pulling out the big guns.
It was like he was being scolded on having girls (or boys, he’d be out as bi since he was 14) in his room as a teenager. “I trust you will not need supervision” sounded a lot like a threat. Even his mum wasn’t that passive aggressive about being alone with a potential lover.
Not that Phil was a potential lover. This was a business relationship, nothing else.
God this was getting awkward already.
Dan didn’t want to play the ‘ask a question and get a glare from Sam’ game again so he just nodded in response.
And with that Dan was excused from Sams office and told to go home and make his house ‘presentable.’ Shannon offered to help, but Dan assured her he could do it all by himself. He could manage throwing out the old pizza boxes without assistance. The amount of times the paparazzi outside his house had gotten excited that a car was pulling up, only to find it was a pizza delivery boy was astounding.
Andreas, per usual, was standing outside the door, just waiting for Dan to walk out. Maybe a day would come when Dan could feel safe going from his house to his agents office but quite frankly that day was not today. On more than one occasion he’d been attacked by paparazzi who took it too far and a couple of times he was met with some very homophobic bystanders who chased him. After all was said and done, he’d rather pay someone and count the money well spent for his peace of mind than be in constant fear with a little more change in his pocket.
“Any more stops today?”
“No, let’s just head home. You’re probably tired of waiting around for me.”
“It’s my job.”
No other words were said the rest of the car ride back to Dan’s abode. When they arrived Dan got walked to his house and then him and Andreas parted ways.
He only had one day to get his shit together. One day was not enough time to get shit together.
Dan contemplated hiring a cleaning service. He honest to god thought about searching one online rather than have to clean up his own filth so his fake boyfriend wouldn’t be so disgusted that he ripped the contract. It wasn’t that his house was that bad, it was just tedious and not how Dan wanted to spend his evening.
He started with the takeout boxes and random junk that he just tended to leave around when he was running to get somewhere on time. A pair of shoes, a misplaced watch, some miscellaneous jewelry.
Was it weird if he picked up his bedroom? It wasn’t like he was going to entice Phil into his bedroom, but what if he walked past? Maybe Dan would at least make his bed. Try to be semi presentable just in case.
Oh god. He sounded like a maniac that thought this relationship was real. He needed to do a quick reality check and realize it was all fake. It was staged. He needed to get that through his thick dick infatuated brain before he managed to screw everything up.
Shit. Sam had good reason to tell him not to fuck stuff up.
Dan made the executive decision to make his bed, using the excuse that he needed to anyways, to be a ‘functional human.’ His therapist would be proud.
As he was just folding down the edge of his duvet there was a buzz. The buzz that meant someone was trying to get into the gate.
This was… unexpected. For a brief moment Dan wondered if he had subconsciously ordered a pizza. Or maybe he was receiving a gift basket from Phil’s team from signing the contract. No wait, mail doesn’t get delivered at 5:43 at night.
Who the fuck was at his gate?
He made his way to the intercom near the front door, the little microphone that allowed him to speak to the person attempting to enter his home. More often than not it was a reporter requesting an ‘impromptu interview.’ Don’t get him wrong, Dan loved answering questions and interacting with people who cared what he said, but at his house, unannounced? That was just unprofessional and unsafe.
“Uh, how may I help you?”
He was really fucking awkward.
“I’m here to drop off Phil Lester.”
What. The. Fuck.
“Is this a prank?”
Phil was supposed to be by his house tomorrow. Sam had explicitly told him tomorrow. As in 24 hours, as in not right fucking now.
“No sir, this isn’t a prank.”
The driver sounded a bit annoyed with him but that was the least of Dan’s problems right now. Philip Lester was outside his house a day early and there was no way to prepare because he was asking to be let in right now.
“Uh, alright, I’ll open the gate.”
As soon as he typed in the code to open the gate he flew to his room to grab his phone. In the time it took for Phils car to pull up, Dan was able to send a quick SOS message to Shannon, asking what the hell was going on.
Ding. Dong.
The doorbell was ringing. They were there.
How did his hair look? Was what he wearing earlier appropriate for the occasion? What even was the occasion? First date with his fake boyfriend? Was this a date? A ‘fake’ date of course.
He opened the door. Standing there, true to the drivers word, was Phil Lester and a very tall, muscular man, that Dan had seen outside the boardroom door days earlier. This was the real motherfucking deal, no prank in sight.
Holy fuck.
“Uh, come in.” It took everything in Dan to make that statement not come out like a question.
The bodyguard stepped off to the side and Dan moved to the side, allowing Phil to walk into Dan’s home. Phil Lester. Walking into Dan’s home. Fuck.
“I trust the premise is secure?” Phil’s bodyguard was speaking to him about security. Dan didn’t know anything about that other than Andreas always said he was safe in his home. Nobody had ever broken in, so there was that.
“Yep, super secure.”  
“Alright, well, call when you need a ride.” This time the bodyguard was addressing Phil. They had gone from a high security professional to a parent dropping off his stepson at a sleepover. At least Dan wasn’t the only awkward one here.
Phil nodded, clearly embarrassed by his bodyguards choice of words.
And then Phil’s bodyguard closed the door and it was just Dan and Phil, alone, in Dan’s big house. They were just both stood awkwardly by the front door.
“Uh, we can head into the lounge if you want.”
So they did. Dan led Phil into the lounge and they both sat down on the sofa and they both did that awkward thing where they push their knees together because they didn’t know what to do with themselves.
Something had convinced Dan that the great Phil Lester was going to be the talkative, explosive personality he saw on the screen. Dan should’ve known better than anyone that what you saw in the interviews wasn’t the full truth. Phil was just another introverted awkward guy who had a knack for pretending.
“I’m going to go make a call real quick, I’ll be right back.”
Shannon had texted him back with a simple ‘call me.’
Dan stepped into his kitchen and dialed Shannons number, having it committed by memory at this point.
“Shan, what the fuck is going on. I was told tomorrow. There is one Philip Lester sitting in my lounge right now.”
He was doing the hushed whisper thing with his voice just in case Phil could hear him from the other room. He didn’t think he could hear him, but it was always good to play it safe.
“His publicist just must’ve gotten mixed up on the phone, don’t panic kid. Just play it cool and don’t forget to take the instagram photo.”
Somehow Shannons words comforted him, they always managed to.
Okay. Cool. Play it cool. He could do that.
“Okay, I’m gonna go now Shan. I’ll play it cool. I’ve got this.” He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Shannon or himself more.
“Have fun. Do not forget the instagram picture Dan.”
Right. Get that picture.
Dan hung up the phone, feeling much better about the situation now that he had Shannon’s wonderful words of wisdom.
Despite the newfound confidence, Dan was not too keen on heading back into the lounge and striking up a conversation with his new ‘boyfriend.’ Still, he did the honorable thing and went back into his lounge.
“Uhh hey. Thanks for coming.”
Phil, clearly startled by Dans reappearance, jumped a bit at the words and dropped his phone onto his lap.
“Oh uh, thanks for having me. I mean, thanks for everything. Sorry the situation is- well that this is how we meet.” Phil looked so anxious as he spoke and Dan couldn’t help but feel bad. For the first time he wasn’t thinking about how this would affect himself, Dan was thinking about how shitty Phil must feel after being publicly outed without his consent and then being forced by his management into this ‘relationship.’ Dan had a choice, Phil really didn’t.
“What? You mean you don’t meet all your friends through fake relationships to save your reputation?”
The humor certainly lightened the mood, both of them had a little chuckle. Dan felt a small sense of accomplishment for lifting the awkward tension.
“No, I’d have to say this is a first. So we’re friends?” Phil asked, still sitting on the sofa as Dan stood by the doorway.
“Well I hope so, otherwise the next few months are gonna be hella awkward.”
Again Phil laughed a little, making Dans stomach do that flip thing. This was going great, Phil didn’t hate him yet.
Dan crossed the room and sat down on the sofa next to Phil.
“Friends?”
Sticking out his hand, Dan waited, hoping Phil would shake on it.
“Friends.”
And they shook on it.  
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dictionarywrites · 5 years
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okay but???? i loved the one orian/zach fic you wrote--could you write more for them? as a couple or individually, i don't really care which, i just really appreciate your dexterity with both of their voices and would like to see more of them in your style. :) maybe something with orian and crosby? i dunno. they just fascinate me!
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It’s, uh, it’s six months into this whole thing with Zach. Six months in, and Orian, he, uh, he introduced the kids to Zach four months ago. Let them come in of the morning and find Orian paging through the news on his tablet as Zach cooked him breakfast, and Zach, he’d--
God, the way he’d looked at them. 
He kinda wishes he’d had a camera to take a photo of it, of his face: Zach stood in his clothes from last night, the spatula in his hand, and he’d just looked so surprised, and something else, too. Excited. The kids had already been dressed for school, and they’d each stopped to peer at him, examining Zach.
“I thought all your brothers were dead,” Miranda had said, in a tone that implied disapproval. 
“Mmm, no, Zach is no relation,” Orian had replied, without looking up from his tablet. “He’s, uh, the latest piece of ass.” Zach had dipped his fingers in his glass of water and flicked some into Orian’s face, and Orian had laughed, leaning back and looking at Zach with amusement. 
“You kids want some eggs?” Zach had asked, and just like that, the kids had sat down, had begun to cautiously make their weigh-up of this man Orian had invited into his bed - Miranda had called both of them narcissists, and then said they were incestuous, and had then implied in a tone of great delicacy that Zach, she assumed, must be bought and paid for. Zach had laughed, and said, “Oh, no, sweetheart, I’m a cop.” And when Miranda had gone pale, he’d laughed at her, and put some more bacon on her plate.
And that, well, that had been it.
He’d shown his dominance over the queen bee at the table, and the kids had respected him for it, at least a little. Even now, they sometimes mess him around a little, but Zach, he can hold his own, and honestly, he’s good with the kids. He can tell when Miranda’s just being nasty when she can, or when she’s genuinely in a mood; Rachel actually talks to him, which is more than she does for Orian half the time; and Cros... 
Cros, he’s a funny thing. When he was very young, Orian had been soft with him - he’d wanted to carry Crosby wherever they went, had fussed over him, and gosh, when he’d been, uh, when he’d been just a baby, Orian had just delighted in the smell of his hair, how warm he’d been when Orian had held him to his chest.
But the kid--
You know, the kid, he’s a pussy. Such a weakling of a thing, jumps at loud noises, keeps wriggling out of coming out to the gun range with Orian and the girls, only seems willing to do the bare minimum of the exercises Orian encourages the kids to do, and just wants to stay inside and draw all day. And he’s a good artist, Orian will give him that - he’s a good artist, and his grades are good, but he’s just such a milksop. 
Orian isn’t all that patient with him. He feels bad for that, he really does, but it’s just so frustrating to be dealing with him, at times, and yet, Zach, he... You know, he’s gentle with Cros. He’s patient. And Orian doesn’t know why that’s, uh, why that’s so sexy, exactly, seeing this guy talk with his son or fix his hair or make him breakfast, but--
It’s pretty sexy.
And today...
Mm. Well.
When Crosby comes into the door late, and crying his eyes out, Orian is ready to fly off the handle, because his son has a new shiner blooming on his eye, and he’s trying to talk, but Orian isn’t inclined to wait for the answer - he wants to go out and have whatever fucking boy did this to his son killed, now, immediately--
He’s pacing as Zach sits Crosby down, tilts his head back so that he can get a better look at the bruise. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Cry ‘til you want to stop.” He says it very quietly as he holds out his hand, and Rachel passes him an icepack. “You feel dizzy?”
“No,” Crosby says.
“And the vision in your bad eye, it’s okay, right? Not blurry, doesn’t hurt to focus on me?”
“No,” Crosby says.
“Good,” Zach murmurs, and he gently sets the ice against the changing colour of his skin, making Crosby hiss out a cry of pain. There are tears wet on his cheeks, and Orian sets his jaw.
“What’s the kid’s name?” he asks, sharply.
“You can’t kill a kid, Orian,” Zach says.
“You fucking serious? Are you-- Honey, are you, uh, are you telling me how to parent my--”
“Shut up,” Zach snaps, and there’s a ringing pause in the room as Orian feels a sudden thrum of excitement in his chest (mmm, inappropriate to the setting, but hey), and also indignation. Nobody talks to him like that, not in front of his kids, not in front of people, but-- “Tell me what happened, honey.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” Crosby says plaintively. “I was just... I was just sketching on my phone on the bus, I wasn’t drawing him - I was drawing from a pose you did for me, I just didn’t have it open on my phone because I was trying to draw it from memory and--”
“What did he say?” Zach says, and his voice is quiet and calm. Miranda and Orian are both pacing now, at opposite ends of the room, and while Orian has a more casual saunter, Miranda is stiff, her hands clenched at her sides, her jaw held stiffly, her shoulders hunched. Rachel is standing still, her hands in front of her stomach, staring powerlessly at Crosby and Zach on the sofa. “Tell me what he said, honey.”
“He said I shouldn’t... That I shouldn’t draw him, and I said I wasn’t, and he said-- He called me a...” Crosby looks between Miranda and Orian, and then back at Zach, looking down at his chest instead of his face. “And I said I wasn’t a-- That my dad was gay, and that he was a weakling for being frightened of someone just because they might be different, and he laughed, and he punched me.”
“And this was on the bus?”
“Yeah,” Crosby says. “But the bus driver didn’t see, and I ran off before he could ask what had happened, and I walked the rest of the way home so that--”
“Why’d you do that?” Zach asks softly. “Why’d you run off the bus? He could have helped, the bus driver.”
“No,” Cros says. “He would have made me sit at the front of the bus, and then Ad-- and then he’d think I was a pussy, and that he’d make me a target.”
“What is his--”
“Orian, I swear to Christ, if you say one more word, I’m gonna cuff you to the stairs.” Mmm, and that, God, that just sets Orian’s skin on fire.
“Zachary, you are on very, very thin ice.” Zach looks back to Crosby, and Orian exhales. He doesn’t know what it is that keeps him still, what makes him not just reach out and grab Zach by the hair - if anybody else spoke to him like this in front of his kids, Orian would have them killed, but... It’s different, somehow. He doesn’t know how, but it is. 
“So, what’s the plan?” Zach asks, softly. “How are you gonna fix it?” Crosby hesitates.
“I don’t want to kill him,” he says. See, this is the problem. Pussy of a kid, frightened of violence, he’s just--
“Okay,” Zach says in a light tone. “Why don’t you want to kill him?”
“Too suspicious,” Crosby says. “And all he did was punch me, and I don’t want to kill somebody for something that-- that unimportant.” Crosby looks down, and he mumbles something, and Orian hears Zach laugh quietly.  
“Yeah, hot-headed is right,” Zach murmurs, evenly. “So, what do you want to do, if you don’t want him killed?” Crosby sniffles, shrugging his shoulders, and Zach reaches up, gently touching through Crosby’s hair, and Orian feels his heart ache, because somebody hurt his son, and he just wants to rip them limb from limb, hot-headed or not...
“Make sure he knows not to mess with me,” Crosby says. “But it can’t be... It can’t be violent in a way that other people see, or I’ll get too much attention.”
“Very true,” Zach says, adjusting the set of the ice against Crosby’s brow. 
“And I can’t do anything online because it’s too traceable.”
“Mmm hmm,” Zach hums.
“You could have me and Rachel deal with him,” Miranda says, quietly. “We can, uh-- We can rough him up, instead.”
“But then I’m a pussy who needs my sisters to protect me.”
“You are,” Miranda says, and Zach throws a cushion at her. “What? He is!”
"Except that you’re not helping him be independent, Miranda - you’re just making his situation worse! He’s saying he wants help to figure out a solution on his own. Why don’t you help him, huh?” Miranda stares at Zach for the longest moment, and it’s odd, seeing that expression of mixed indignation and upset on her face, because Orian doesn’t think he ever looks like that, and she looks just like him. 
Slowly, Miranda takes a step forward, and sinks down next to Crosby: immediately, Rachel does the same, dropping down onto the couch on the other side and taking the ice pack from Zach’s hand, supporting it against Crosby’s brow instead. Zach leans back on his heels, looking between the three of them, and Orian watches as he doesn’t say a word, as he just lets Miranda and Rachel talk through it with their little brother...
Zach steps back, and when Orian gestures for him to follow when he steps outside, they look at the pool. Zach doesn’t say a word: instead, he crosses his arms over his chest and looks out over the yard, not looking at Orian, until he says, “You can’tmow all his problems down for him.”
“He’s a kid.”
“So? Would you have done that for Miranda and Rachel? Kill any kid that looked at them funny?”
“No, but-- They’re stronger than he is, Zach, you know that. The kid’s soft.”
“He’s soft because you make him soft!” Zach retorts, crossing his arms over his chest a little more tightly and giving him a glare. “How’s he meant to get any better with you and Miranda both breathing down his neck, stopping him from doing anything on his own?” 
“You saying it’s my fault my kid’s a pussy?” Orian asks in a low, dangerous voice, and Zach laughs.
“Yeah, honey, I am,” Zach replies. “And going around killing kids for fighting, uh, forgive me, is a sign of you losing your head because he’s your baby and you don’t want anything to happen to him, not of you being smart about protecting him.”
“You think you can do that?” Orian asks in a hiss. “You think you can come in, and tell me how to parent my kids? You haven’t got kids, have you? Huh?” Orian shoves Zach in the chest, and Zach grabs his hand, interlinking their fingers and squeezing his hand. “I don’t want you holding my hand, you--” Zach lets go of his hand to grab him by the throat, and he squeezes tightly.
“Orian,” he whispers, and he squeezes so hard Orian feels himself choke. “If things go the way I want them to, they’re gonna be my kids too.” Again, there’s that sudden burst of heat in Orian’s chest, the one he always feels when he sees Zach being good with Crosby, and he heaves in a breath when Zach lets him go. “You want to go back inside?”
“No,” Orian says, and he grabs Zach by the front of his shirt, crushing their mouths together in a biting kiss. 
                                                    ---
Orian doesn’t know what Crosby does to Adrian Begley, but when he sees them at parents’ night, he scrambles out of their way and rushes into a corridor. Orian feels himself smile at Crosby’s expression of tight satisfaction, and when he turns to Crosby’s English teacher, he pats Zach on the hip, and says, “This is Zachary.”
He doesn’t bother attaching a label to it - it doesn’t matter if they assume Zach is Crosby’s uncle or his cousin or what. 
But he goes around with them, and when Zach tries to bring it up at dinner, makes some light comment about it, Orian ignores it completely. 
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