#i just had to take these off my chest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theeroins · 10 months

Text

so I've seen people's thoughts and theories on aziraphale's "i forgive you" to crowley after the kiss and I'm like... I'll just drop my random thoughts about it. in advance, I hope this makes sense.

again, these are just my dumb 3am thoughts, in no way i dismiss anyone else's theories or hc's.

so.. crowley, a demon, not only fell in love with an angel but he acted on his feelings in such a desperate and human-like way just to show aziraphale what "us" could've been if he had chosen him. all the possibilities. what he wanted to offer aziraphale. this is how serious I am about us. this is what you're throwing away.

It was pretty much a "choose me, love me" moment and it was extremely sad and beautiful even if it wasn't your stereotypical, romantic first kiss in the rain that they deserve to experience. but still, like I said, beautiful. an incredible scene overall that will forever make me cry like a little bitch.

now, back to what this post is about... to me, obviously, aziraphale wanted the kiss, for a moment he even gave in and hugged crowley. he didn't pull away until crowley did. he was shocked, yes but he wanted that moment to last because he knew it was... well, a sin.

what is interesting here is that he did not seem to think of it that way when beez and gabriel revealed their relationship. he was happy. touched. our jane austen enthusiast was LIVING his best life. i mean look at his face.

he saw nothing wrong about them being in love and wanting to be together. or he just let his human emotions take over, idk.

he even allowed himself to think of him and crowley. he looked hopeful. (that's what I assume by his look)

aziraphale LOVES love. he's a hopelessly romantic who reads jane austen and looks at people in love like this

and, like everyone else, a part of him craves to experience such a magical thing as falling in love. he's lived on earth for thousands of years after all. a part of him is very much human. he believes in good, in romance, in hope and all those great things life can offer.

that is, after all the reason he still thinks heaven can change for the better, or that is not as bad as crowley says. of course he would take the opportunity to go back, especially knowing that crowley could go with him cuz ultimately, that's what mattered to him the most; the fact he could be with crowley without any fear anymore. In his head, they would fight together and make the world a better place for them to live in.

he doesn't want to run away and ignore all their problems, like crowley suggested. he wants to fix things before they get to relax and just enjoy each other's company for the rest of the eternity. which is a sweet thought. he's willing to do all that for their relationship to work.

and crowley says no.

"good luck" well, i know that hurt aziraphale as much as "nothing lasts forever" hurt crowley.

and that is what they do at that point. hurt each other back and forth. aziraphale gets defensive when crowley pretty much calls him naive for not understanding the situation, and then crowley proceeds to acknowledge the fact there was no love in the air with the "no nightingales" line. perhaps suggesting that aziraphale ruined everything (which is not true, they're both dumb).

by then, aziraphale was pissed.

how dare YOU do this to US? how dare you say no to the side of good and light? MY side? how dare say no to the better world that we could make?

and then crowley kisses him. ugh. tell me about bad timing...

and this is how you can tell their love for each other is very strong. by aziraphale hugging crowley, by not pulling away, by almost saying "I love you" instead of "i forgive you".

but he probably didn't see his "glitch" as the power of their love, in aziraphale's eyes crowley sinned. period. either by "tempting" him with a kiss that almost worked, or simply by the fact he's a demon that dared to fall in love with an angel and acted on it instead of burying it inside him.

aziraphale forgave crowley for choosing to love him in such a desperate, angry way. for saying no to being good. for choosing desperation, lust and anger over change, light and goodness. for tempting him into something he himself should not want.

aziraphale pretty much denied his human part. he shut it off and forgave crowley and went off to become the supreme archangel because he felt like he sinned as well. maybe he thinks he will redeem himself by doing so. alone. without the sinner.

he's wrong, of course. and im excited for him to grow and understand himself.

just as I'm excited for crowley to do the same, cuz he wasn't right either.

I hope all this makes sense.

#i just had to take these off my chest #they consume my thoughts im sick and tired #good omens #good omens spoiler #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley

23 notes · View notes

stuckinapril · 5 months

Text

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

#kissed a guy at a kickback and thought we caught a vibe only to find out he just wants to fuck me. next #friend’s bf of 7 years drunkenly hit on me at the same kickback (I was not ok w this). they ended up beefing over me. he denied everything.#do I want to be involved in this? no. and so I simply ignore it and keep it pushing #and the guy I kissed is cancelled. like he is dead to me. so that’s also taken care of #it’s back to studying full-time for the mcat #going to the gym/taking walks daily #volunteering at the refugee center + clinic #getting published in orgo research papers #and trying to snag the opportunity to shadow doctors at a massive cancer research center. like I’d kill for it #december was such a mess but I’ve finally made peace w the fact that most of the stuff that happened I couldn’t prevent #but I’ve mourned it enough !! whatever drama comes out of it I’ll handle just fine #i literally want to be a multitasking academic weapon everyone is intimidated of this year #i am not letting something as puny as a dumb man (both of them btw) stop me. goodbye #also everyone involved is older than me (they’re both 23) but it all just feels like such high school behavior #this is not a euphoria episode like I’m literally just not entertaining any of this #had to get this off my chest. i feel better #p

185 notes · View notes

neverevan · 1 month

Text

I've seen so many people say "Tim should just come out and tell us if we're getting buddie endgame or not" and I'm so incredibly baffled... like, first of all.

what if the show goes on for 5, 10, 15 more seasons? do you think he already knows what's gonna happen? he has to plan for the long run regardless of where we are now, so he might have ideas, but he wouldn't know what he can actually go through with.

second of all. do you guys understand that the point of a TV show is to... well, watch it? cuz why on earth would he spoil one of The Most Debated storylines, especially this early into the show? (early, as in we literally just got confirmed bi Buck two episodes ago and we haven't even touched on the possibility of Eddie's identity being anything other than cishet, up until this point it was truly nothing more than speculation, now canon has turned into a direction where it seems more legit to wonder, but that's all.)

I just don't get it. if Tim tells us that we're not getting buddie endgame, some people will stop watching, if he tells us that we are in fact getting buddie endgame, some people will stop watching and will only join back in when that actually happens.

the anticipation and the speculation is what keeps people around, the fact that we wanna see what happens next on the show — in regards to buddie or otherwise.

even if he knew where he wants to take the story with these two, there's literally no reason for him to tell us in advance and ruin the ratings and spoil something this big for all the people who maybe didn't want it spoiled.

you guys never cease to amaze me, every time I think I saw it all, you come up with something like this. wow.

#honestly i just had to get this off my chest cuz i've seen this take over and over since tommy has been introduced as a LI #and could we just 1) let buck breathe 2) let tim do his job and be thankful we got something this special to begin with #buddie #tim minear #911 #911 abc #ramblings #my stuff

62 notes · View notes

sunderingstars · 4 months

Text

ging can say “he wasn’t trying to sacrifice himself for you” all he wants, but i still find it such a reductive view of kite’s decision. everyone seems to have their own ideas following what happened: morel attributes it to a hunter’s self-serving curiosity, ging attributes it to crazy slots’ special setting, gon attributes it to a nebulous reason that’s always his own fault. others look at a dead man from the outside in, but where is kite’s account? where is kite’s agency? buried with his bones, lost in some half-forgotten purgatory?

but it isn’t. it was there when he saw pitou coming, when he stayed behind to buy the kids more time, when he chose to spend those precious few seconds warning gon & killua to run instead of trying to protect himself.

ging can talk about sacrifice all he wants, but he wasn’t there when kite lost an arm. he wasn’t there when his student was stripped of more than his head or his body but his mind, then suffered a fate arguably worse than death. if ging was right and crazy slots did possess some sort of reincarnation ability, kite sacrificed more than his life. he sacrificed his will. his control. his agency.

and for ging, notorious absent parent, to pretend he knows the true nature of kite’s mind in that moment is incredibly presumptuous. he may be good at reading people, but he’s so divorced from the idea of caring for his son that he can’t imagine someone else possibly, possibly doing it in his stead. it shows. and i simply do not believe kite is the self-serving stereotype ging makes him out to be. if actions speak louder than words, then kite had been screaming. he had always been screaming.

#⌞ ✧ super.nova ⌝#⌞ ༄ cosmic.wind: hxh ⌝#wheww i had to get that off my chest #anyways ging is cool & all i just think he’s wrong in this instance #i am not taking his word as fact #(though i do believe what he said about crazy slots)#hxh #hunter x hunter #kite hxh #kite hunter x hunter #kite #hxh kite #ging hxh #ging freecss #gon freecss #gon hxh #chimera ant arc #kiteposting

89 notes · View notes

moodyseal · 6 months

Text

Finished the last ep of season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and gosh, what a tragic character she is.

I obviously haven't watched the later seasons yet but I saw someone mention in a comment on YouTube how in the series everyone expects so much from her while giving her barely any support in turn, and it's true specifically in the last scene, and in the entire episode.

Buffy had her whole world turned upside down in a day. She found out she was fated to die, supposedly alone, while fighting what was shown a couple of episodes before to be the creature she feared the most—all while being barely sixteen, with big dreams in her mind about a future she wouldn't even have.

She rightfully expressed those feelings, and all of a sudden Giles was acting so surprised, as if it were a given that she would save them all once again and accept to sacrifice herself, marching to her death like a soldier going to war. But the thing is—why should she have done that? She was born the Slayer, sure, but she didn't choose that life. She never wanted it. She shouldn't have been forced to take on such a big responsibility at such a young age. She was supposed to be a child. Live her life. Be a normal girl whose biggest problem was her History homework.

Then, once she did choose to do as foretold and go face the Master, only to "die" and be brought back and then kick his ass as she did with any monster of the week during the whole season, everyone just patted her on the back, said, "Whew what a day," and went on with their lives. "We should go to prom."

The gap between them and her was so obvious here, because while (albeit a bit shaken themselves) they were celebrating, she was left processing everything on her own. What happened to her, how alone she felt, what her role would be from then on. All of this while the others only spared her a single, "You died. Yikes."

Not a word about how she was feeling, except from Giles. Not a hug. Not a significant sign of acknowledgement.

She couldn't possibly tell them anything—they were traumatized just as much as her, so it would've been unfair to them. So she swallowed her feelings down, of course, as I'm sure she will do again somewhere soon, and just said she was fine, as if nothing happened.

Sure, let's go party. Sure, I'm okay. Sure, I'm not severely scarred from this experience.

Sure. Sure. Sure.

Always and forever.

#don't get me wrong i love giles #i love that he realized how wrong it was to expect buffy to take on everything #but what he first did was just not it #lonely thoughts #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #it's sad buffy summers hours #had to get this off my chest because it made me sad to watch her #and accidentally wrote a meta post about a show i'll probably never mention again #poetic

96 notes · View notes

starry-saturn-nights · 6 months

Text

Wanted to draw out my AU’s Sam Flynn grid suit design:

Bonus: Full page under cut:

#Saturn’s tron au #I’ve literally been working on this all day #I have never simultaneously had so much fun and so much frustration on working on a design #Main inspirations were Sam’s suit from Legacy (obvs) Beck’s default suit and CLU 1 for that arrow like symbol on the chest #In my AU Sam suit starts off with just the white light lines and she later adds the secondary blue ones to match a bit with Beck #/\ basically younger sibling taking in your fashion sense energy #I can never make a non complicated design curse my maximalistic urges #tron #tron legacy #tron uprising

68 notes · View notes

otomehonyaku · 7 days

Text

otomehonyaku writes ☽ it's possession that will set me free (Ruki/Yui)

Ruki/Yui scenario with some yandere tendencies, bite play & semi-spicy aftercare. Full text under the cut. Implied NSFW.

I blindly patted the bed sheets around me when I came to. My eyes squeezed shut to block out the light—it must still be very early in the morning if the sun blinded me like this—but I could feel that I was alone this time.

Flashes of last night flooded my mind. Ruki had never been this rough with me before.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yesterday, Ayato had confidently positioned himself as a competitor when he pulled me aside after class to ‘introduce’ himself. It was fortunate that Ruki had been close by and sensed the danger immediately–the realisation that other, less cordial vampires were coming for me had kicked my adrenaline into full gear, after all–but my relief soon turned into dread when Ruki took me home.

The situation had clearly struck a nerve and ignited a fierce possessiveness in him that I had never seen before. Ruki had dragged me into his bedroom and unceremoniously ripped the uniform from my body until I was left in my underwear. I had simply stood there with my back pressed up against the door, holding my breath, my mind hazy in a flurry of both fear and anticipation. Ruki had towered over me, eyes ablaze with frustration and hunger as he growled at me to hold still.

I had tried to reassure Ruki that I wanted nothing to do with Ayato. That he hadn’t hurt me, and that I would never let him hurt me, either. I grasped the collar of Ruki’s shirt in an effort to get through to him, but I was imprisoned in his arms. I don’t think he even heard me.

His body was suddenly flush with mine, his face buried in the crook of my neck. His lips ghosted over the delicate skin of my collarbone. He inhaled deeply. Savoured my scent. A final attempt to ground himself.

“You are my Eve. Mine alone.” His whisper had been quick and frenzied, his composure gone. “I’ll carve it deep into your body so you will never forget.”

No matter how hard I bit down on my lip, I couldn’t keep myself from screaming Ruki’s name every time his fangs penetrated me, piercing veins and scraping bone. The others undoubtedly heard me. Lavender bruises in the shape of his fingertips had come to flower all over my body since then–my wrists, my waist, even my thighs–where Ruki had held me down firmly while he overrode any possible traces of the other vampire.

It always took considerable effort to keep myself together when I let him feed on me. I had come to manage it over the past weeks. Indulge in it, even. That night, however, his frantic bites and touches had made my composure crumble in the blink of an eye. Every whisper of my name left me reeling. My cheeks were soon wet with tears. The bizarre concoction of agony and ecstasy overwhelmed me. Intoxicated me.

Ruki was devouring me whole, and I let myself succumb to his greediness completely.

“Yui. Look at me.”

Ruki’s breathing was ragged. He grabbed my chin roughly and forced me to meet his gaze when my eyes threatened to roll into the back of my head. His other hand erratically roamed my skin, as if I could disappear at any moment. My whimpers spurred him on even more.

It was getting difficult to focus, but I managed a pleading look at him. “Ruki…”

The taste of iron flooded my mouth when his lips collided with mine.

Ruki’s desperate desire to monopolise me hadn’t worn off until my head began lolling off the side of the bed. I drifted in and out of consciousness. From that point, I only vaguely remembered him carrying me down the hall and into the bathroom.

At least I hadn’t been completely naked. Ruki had draped his bloodied shirt over my shoulders as a courtesy, but it did very little to keep the chill of his bare skin away as I lay defeated in his arms.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

In a wave of sleep-induced, blind panic, I instinctively reached for my bra with one hand and the other down under the bedsheets to my panties. They both felt slightly damp to the touch. I relaxed a little. Right.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The remaining blood in my body had crowded in my cheeks when Ruki coaxed me under a hot shower to clean up, all with a surprising amount of patience and care.

He had agreed to leave my underwear on. He hadn’t even bothered to take off his own slacks, for that matter. My memory was spotty, but I was sure Ruki would make me remember every millisecond of it if he had. It was already torture enough to have to clutch onto his bare upper body to keep myself from falling over.

Losing consciousness had turned out to be the least of my problems. I winced at the pain of the warm water flowing over the fresh wounds on my skin, but arguably much worse was having to endure the full extent of the healing properties of Ruki’s saliva. I appreciated the gesture, of course. The punctures, especially this deep, would take weeks to heal otherwise. However, whereas Ruki’s feeding mostly incapacitated me–it made it hard to form a coherent thought at all, really–it was unbearable to be wholly conscious of his mouth in such intimate places.

Ruki expertly ran his tongue over the wet skin of my neck to close up the punctures, occasionally sucking without drawing blood just for the sake of it. By the time he had knelt between my legs to heal the one bite mark on my inner thigh, I was completely out of my mind. The steam clouding the shower cabin seemed to be coming out of my ears. My hands were braced on his broad shoulders, and I nervously looked down at him.

Streaks of his dripping inky black hair fell in front of his eyes as our gazes met. I shivered involuntarily when the light caught the tips of his sharp teeth, making them stand out. Those teeth had been in me. Ruki held my gaze, his face slowly leaning in to nudge my thighs apart…

For a fraction of a second, I recalled him forcefully parting my legs as I lay bleeding and writhing underneath him on the bed. He’d taken a brief moment to savour the sight of me, his expression dark with desire, before making me cry out when he greedily drew blood from the innermost part of my thigh.

Embarrassment had gotten the better of me in the cramped space of the shower. I swatted him away before I could stop myself.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered.

Ruki had stood back up with a low chuckle. The devious twinkle in his eyes suggested that he enjoyed my reaction.

“If you insist,” was his only reply.

With heavy-lidded eyes but no less interest, I had watched the lean muscles of Ruki’s back shift under his skin as he washed his hair. To say that his feeding had always been an intimate experience was an understatement—sharing the very thing that keeps you alive does that to you, I suppose—but this had actually been the first time I’d seen so much of his body. Ruki casually showed me the lacerations on his back, the sole reminder of his human past. It had been humbling. The bite marks he gave me would always fade away with time, but even in death he was quite literally branded for life. Merciless as he could be, he had once been a human boy with hopes and dreams for the future.

At the same time, the plain carnal desire for the vampire—the man—before me had hit me like a battering ram. Anyone could see at a glance that he was beautiful, unusually so. He was equally apt at using his handsome features and gallant façade to effortlessly lure people in like moths to a flame. Upon a closer look, then, the inhuman poise with which he carried himself was nothing short of predatory. A chill ran down my spine when I realised how much he must have held himself back before I knew about his true nature. Now that no holds were barred, Ruki both relished his bloodlust and yet had the unnerving restraint to kiss me like I was as fragile as a porcelain doll. Perhaps the precarious balance between the two was what drew me so much to him.

While my eyes followed the V-shaped line of muscle in his lower back until it dipped below the waistband of his slacks, which were drenched to the skin, any lingering resolve to run away faded in an instant. Instead, I had come to entertain the thought of Ruki taking me to bed and claiming the last part of me that I hadn’t surrendered to him yet.

I wanted him to ruin me.

Ruki turned around, and so my gaze had been promptly and undeniably trained on the front of his slacks. The soaked fabric left little to the imagination.

“You really are an indecent woman, Yui.”

I inhaled sharply and looked away so fast my head spun.

“Try not to stare so much,” he said, sounding unfazed. “Unless you’re hellbent on fainting, your heart rate is much too fast for an anaemic.”

Ruki silently grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower.

I stayed behind in the cabin for another while, trying desperately to regain my composure, but I had to cover my burning face with my hands when I caught the wet sound of his slacks falling to the bathroom floor.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Now wide awake, I rolled onto my stomach and groaned into my pillow. I was glad to know that at least some of my modesty had been preserved. But then again, the throbbing pain up my leg reminded me that I’d lost most of it already.

#i've been writing a lot of ruki/yui related stuff recently and i just had to get this piece off my chest so bad dfkdjfkdkfj #it's part of a bigger thing and idk if i'll ever post it in its entirety but it's fun to take pieces from it and work them into oneshots #slightly appropriated song lyrics for the title btw but if anyone understands the reference ily #idk if this is really “implied nsfw” by the way but as per one of my previous reblogs biting is basically sex so can you really blame me??#diabolik lovers #dialovers #diahell #komori yui #yui komori #diabolik lovers fanfiction #diabolik lovers scenario #diaolik lovers scenarios #mukami ruki #ruki mukami #rukiyui #ruki/yui #ruki x yui #my writing

44 notes · View notes

insomnya777 · 13 days

Text

hey everyone! just wanted to talk about something quickly, regarding my writing and my superhero au specifically.

i've been getting a lot of asks and comments about when the next part of my au will be coming out, most of which are really sweet (which i appreciate!! thank you!!) but i've recently been receiving a lot of rude, demanding ones in my inbox.

i want to remind you all: i am a person too. i have a life. i have school, and exams, and a job. i write because it's an activity that i personally enjoy. and i write what i want to write — not what other people want, not what the most popular thing is, just what i want. and while i love my superhero au right now and have no plans to leave it unfinished, i am allowed to work on other projects. i do not owe you anything and i will stop working on it if i ever get sick of it.

this is not about the people who are just genuinely curious because they enjoy my writing — that's understandable and it really does motivate me when i get compliments on my writing or when i know that someone is waiting for the next update. thank you if you've ever left sweet comments, genuine questions, or artwork in my inbox. that's all i wanted to say

#sorry if this is a little different from my usual shitposting lolololol #and hello to the like twenty followers i got over the past two days. you probably have no idea what's going on sorry #anyways i just had to get that off my chest #please remember that unless i say otherwise i havent abandoned any of my fics. no matter how long it takes for an update #(hello to any of my “this is me trying” readers. if u even exist. new chapter is coming i pinky swear)#bfop au #nya talks #and please stop sending anon asks demanding the next chapter. it will come out when it comes out.#i'm a teenager. school is still in session. i will write when i get the time and when i want to.#thanks and sorry for being serious on a random saturday afternoon

32 notes · View notes

moesartblog · 2 months

Text

I cant speak for anyone else obviously, but being a fat butch in fandom feels like this way too often

PLEASE stop calling female characters (or often feminine men) butch just because they have ONE trait thats not as feminine as the rest of their design.

#Im gonna delete this but god i had to get this off my chest #ive seen a bunch of people call feminine male characters butch and i just #have to put my head in my hands cus it often feels like they do it bc #they want to see “butches” but male characters tend to be the closest to that #but they hardly do it with masculine male characters and usually just hc the feminine ones as butch hmmmmmmm i wonder why #I have no probelm with headcanoning male characters as butch #i do it too and male characters can be butch and still be men too #it just feels like that one tweet of “the butchest a character can be before gettign scared”#i want to say though i do appreciate butches who present in ways that dont align perfectly with the popular ideas of masculine #but damn i want to see more butches like me where it takes someone a minute to be like “is that a man?” if you know what I mean #I get misgendered pretty often lol

23 notes · View notes

willkimurashat · 11 months

Text

Rant? (potential spoilers?)

Alright, don't hate me for this, but I actually feel bad for Amelia. Firstly, no one's interested in her romantically (story of my life, and let me tell you, that really does your head in sometimes). Secondly, she's been put in the middle of drama multiple times now, for the sake of drama and/or for shaking her already somewhat shady/unsteady relationship with her twin. Thirdly, the guy that is supposedly head over heels with mc (in my game it was Roberto) goes on to kiss Amelia and then she has to act like nothing happened because she doesn't want to cause more drama for her sister, plus, he still acts all pouty around mc and looks disappointed when she doesn't pick him at the recoupling. Who's to say that Zeph didn't actually pine for Amelia the whole time he's been in a relationship with mc, and Amelia just had to watch that with pain all these years?? And now she has to see everyone in the villa swoon over mc, while she is, again, left in the shadow. I meannn, if I were Amelia, I'd probably cry all day or walk, ngl. So no, I don't want to be her enemy, we're siblings and I want us to be on the same team - I don't want any discourse between us, I just want to forget the past and for her to be happy in a couple with someone who genuinely cares for her.

#litg spoilers #i always click the option that says 'we're cool'#i don't want to be enemies with my sister - what kind of family would i be?#idk maybe if i had siblings irl i would say different things but this is like a sibling simulator to me and i want to make things right lol #anyways.. i also didn't like how roberto was awfully quiet during that whole conversation about their kiss on the terrace:/#it rubbed me the wrong way how he just let amelia take the blame completely ignoring his constant grafting with mc after that...#okay i got it off my chest now lol #perhaps this means an amelia fic is in the making lol...#litg #love island the game #litg s6 #litg double trouble #litg amelia #litg roberto #litg mc

96 notes · View notes

da-proti-toku-grem · 4 months

Text

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc)#and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk?#and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends)#which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does'#and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs....#venting #maca speaks

23 notes · View notes

puricodraws · 5 months

Text

Here's a long post no one asked for, but I gotta get off my chest. Lots of infodumping about Kingdom Hearts and in particular the casting of it's voice talent, so strap in y'all. So something I find very interesting is the way Square/Disney has treated the character of Kairi throughout the years. She started out as a damsel character, and was hated by very vocal group in the fanbase. I myself didn't really care about Kairi any which way, I didn't find her particularly interesting and I could understand the hate for the character like... a little bit? But what's funny to me is how that perception has changed over the years. Maybe there is still a very vocal group of people hating on Kairi on some forum I'm not aware of but I feel like the general consensus on her these days is: That's our girl. We can recognize that she is a victim of bad writing and the damsel trope. She's become a bit of un underdog in my mind. Like, treat her better Square! Come on!

The issue with Kairi is that she's just a... nothing sandwich. Kairi is a sweet girl, she likes Sora, she likes to write and makes good luck charms. She's also secretly a princess and therefore has a pure heart and can do nothing wrong. She is a little bit sassy sometimes, but not too much, she cares about her friends and will jump into danger to protect them, but most of the times she is the one who needs to be protected. She's strong, but not too strong, she's sweet and easygoing, and she's boring as hell. In the games at least... She rules in the manga.

In the game she softly lowers a bottled letter to Sora in the ocean, while in the manga she tosses it in there with all her might.

In the game she sort of runs away when Axel tries to kidnap her but in the manga she THROWS HANDS at one of the nobodies who tries to capture her.

Also later in the story when she is kidnapped by Organization XIII, she actually manages to escape for a bit by wiggling through the bars of her prison cell, and then throws hands at Demyx, who is actually trying to help her out. (the manga takes some liberties with the story, it's great you should really read it if you get the chance)

Shiro Amano actually lets her put up a fight and let her actually try to escape by herself when she's captured. Watching this girl be strong and throw hands without hesitation is so so great. Shiro Amano said: Girls should be allowed to go feral once in a while, as a treat. Also I would be amiss if I didn't mention this moment with Olette:

(In the game, Olette awkwardly and weakly puts up a hand to protect Kairi when Axel shows up in Twilight Town to kidnap her, but is just ignored in the most disrespectful way.)

Anyways, back to Kairi. It's sad to say, but her original characterization is just boring. She doesn't really want anything for herself and she doesn't really have a function in the story except to wait around for the boys to pay attention to her or get kidnapped and need to be rescued. And while in recent years the writers are finally exploring her being a keyblade weilder and having her actively participate in the story, they still just can't resist damseling the poor girl, fridging her, and putting her on the sidelines while Sora and Riku take center stage. It's great to see how the fandom's perception of her has changed over the years, people are seeing how Square has been dropping the ball and are actively rooting for Kairi to get more stuff to do. Fans are creating mods of the games to make Kairi playable, are writing fanfiction exploring role reversals where Kairi is the hero and there are several notible fan comics comics that explore her character in a really interesting way.

Anyways, now to get to the actual thing I wanted to talk about: How she's casted in the English version of the games, and how the inconsistent approach to the casting feels... a little disrespectful. Having a consistent voice for a character is something I, and many others really appreciate. It shows a level of care from the creators to bring a consistent group of actors together to bring life to the world. Now, VA's being replaced in the Kingdom Hearts series is not uncommon. The series is known for casting well known actors, and actor availability and budget are problems for which recasting is the solution. For example: Billy Zane got recast as Ansem by Richard Epcar, Brittany Snow by Meaghan Martin as Namine. And then of course there are Christopher Lee, Wayne Allwine, Leonard Nimoy and Rutger Hauer, who had to be recast because they sadly passed away. (RIP, Kings)

Like, all of that makes sense. So here's the confusing situation with Kairi:

Xion and Kairi share a VA in the JP version. This is an intentional creative decision that ties into the lore of Kingdom Hearts. Risa Uchida has consistently voiced these characters in Japanese for years and does a fabulous job.

Sadly this was not the case in the English version. Hayden Panettiere originated the role of Kairi in English, but they got Alyson Stoner to voice Xion when the character debuted in 358/2 days in 2009, which was originally a DS title. Before this they also got Alyson to voice Kairi in the re:Chain of Memories dub in 2008.

These titles were likely smaller budget, which becomes pretty obvious when you look at the overall quality and presentation of the cutscenes. In Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 the dialogue was recorded in English and the japanese lipsynch animation were redone to match the English dialogue. This was not the case in 358/2 days. The dialogue was recorded to match the japanese lip flaps, and the animation was not altered at all to marry the two together. So availability and budget could have been an issue in getting Hayden Panettiere to record for these games. At the time I also considered the possibility that Hayden simply didn't want to do it anymore. It wouldn't have suprised me, because these things happen. Take Brittany Snow for example, after KH2 she got her big break in the Pitch Perfect films, and probably became too busy to come back as Namine. From 2006-2010 Hayden starred in the popular TV series Heroes, which could have impacted her availability and desire to do KH. And with the lower budget for these projects, and where Hayden was at in her carreer at the time, it could stand to reason that she was simply not interested. I should also mention that in this time period Kairi barely got anything to do. When she did show up it would be for a couple of lines of dialogue. As for Xion, 358/2 days on the DS had around 10 or so voiced cutscenes. So the amount of voice work needed for the character was notably smaller compared to one of the numbered games. So the amount of voice work needed, budget, and availability could all have been factors to why Alyson took over for Hayden during this time.

Now don't get me wrong: Alyson is amazing and is, as far as I'm concerned, the definitive voice for Xion. She originated the role and brought so much to the table. She has a wonderful voice, is a talented actress and we have no choice but to stan.

Before long it became apparent that Alyson replacing Hayden permanently was not on the table. In 2010 Hayden reprised her role as Kairi and took over the role of Xion in the secret ending of Birth By Sleep!

So at this point it seemed that the original creative intention for these characters would be honored. Kairi and Xion should have the same voice actress, for lore reasons, and that actress should be Hayden Panetiere, who originated the role.

And wouldn't you know it, in 2012 Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance comes out for the 3DS. It's another hand held title, but the budget is lit. There is lipsynch animation for voiced cutscenes, and the amount of voiced cutscenes is comparable to KH1, KH2 and BBS. Kairi has a few appearances, but has only one line of dialogue. Same goes for Xion, while she does get a line of dialogue near the end of the game. Hayden came in to record for Kairi and Xion and it really seemed like she would be taking over the roles from Alyson.

So obviously, at this point in time it's all but confirmed that Hayden wants to work on KH, and the creative team were making an effort to consistently bring her back as Kairi and Xion. That would be a tough deal for Alyson though, was she gonna get replaced permanently as Xion? Well wait a second and I'll tell you!

So in 2013 Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix was released. It was the first in a series of HD remasters of the Kingdom Hearts series, and the collection included KH1, KH re:Chain of Memories and around 3 hours of newly made cutscenes retelling the story of the DS game 358/2 days. Days originally featured mostly textbox cutscenes. These scenes were remade from scratch and would feature newly recorded voice acting in Japanese and English. Now I don't need to get into it but... The 358/2 days cutscene "movie" is.. not very good. It's boring to watch through, which I think is to blame entirely for the way they approached it. They remade all the cutscenes true to their original appearance, but forgot that there's no action gameplay to break up hours of dialogue scenes. The pacing is bad, the action is non existent, and what's worse is that it doesn't have adjusted lipsynch animation at all. This means the English voice acting was done to match the japanese lip flaps, resulting in awkward pauses and weird deliveries of lines.

The saving grace was that Alyson Stoner was reprising her role as Xion, recording new dialogue for the cutscenes. They also reused her previously recorded dialogue for the DS cutscenes as well. So... I guess Hayden isn't taking over Xion after all? Or perhaps it was easier to get Alyson to come back, so that they could reuse some of the original voice lines from the DS version? I can't imagine that THAT would've been the deciding factor though, because there weren't that many cutscenes from the DS version that would have to be redubbed should they get Hayden back on board. It's hard to say what the reason for this was.

But I was happy to hear Alyson as Xion in the "definitive" version of the 358/2 days story. She has a pleasant voice, and she portrays Xion beautifully in my opinion.

So then KH HD 2.5 Remix comes out in 2014 and features no new Kairi/Xion content. It does feature the Final Mix version of KH2, originally released exclusively in Japan in 2007. This version had new cutscenes, which were now finally dubbed in English for the HD remaster. What's more is they they also reanimated the lip animation to match the new English voice acting! An interesting thing to mention is that at this time, Meaghan Martin had completely taken over the role of Namine, fully replacing Brittany Snow. They luckily didn't choose to redub Brittany's original lines with Meaghan. But it does result in this funny moment where following Roxas' prologue Namine's voice is suddenly different for a single scene.

Anyways, flash forward to 2017, and the release of Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Remix, which included a brand new title by the name of, and hold on to your wigs for this one....

Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth By Sleep -A Fragmentary Passage-

This was the first look at what a next gen Kingdom Hearts title would be like. You got to play as Aqua and it was wonderful and heartbreaking and cool as hell. At the end of this game a cutscene plays where after a decade Kairi finally gets to be involved in the plot again. She is summoned by Master Yen Sid to begin her training as a keyblade weilder. And she is voiced by.... Alyson Stoner??

A few years later KH3 came out, and Alyson Stoner voices both Kairi and Xion in it. She does a great job. But it's all so confusing.

It seemed so clear that the studio's intent was to get Hayden back as Kairi, and potentially Xion as well. And KH3 was the next big budget numbered title in the franchise. The casting for this game was insane, they got the full cast of Frozen to reprise their roles. Idina Mcfreaking Menzel showed up for Kingdom Hearts! What happened to getting Hayden back? I don't get it at all. This is not to shit on Alyson at all, her Kairi is adorable, and I honestly can't imagine anybody but Alyson Stoner playing Xion. Whenever Hayden picked up the role of Xion I was excited to hear her, but it never felt quite right.

But yeah, this whole situation unfolded in the weirdest of ways. For years it seemed they were absulutely set on getting Hayden to voice these characters. Was she not available to come in for KH3? Well, to answer that question:

Apparently, Hayden wasn't even ASKED to reprise Kairi.

This could of course be a situation of her representatives getting the offer from Square/Disney and choosing not to give it to her. Which happens in Hollywood, and sucks. But there's also a very real chance that Square/Disney didn't even bother reaching out and offering it to her.

Seeing how they decided to recast Hayner, Pence and Olette in KH3, even though their actors are still working as VA's and would have likely loved reprise the roles, I'm leaning to the possibility that they simply didn't bother to reach out to Hayden.

Hell, that's what she said herself.

All in all it's an interesting series of events. It's confusing, and a bit saddening as well. I can speculate why it all happened, but who can really be sure what their reason for replacing Hayden were. Perhaps they decided to do it because they found Alyson to be a better fit for the character? I may be reading into things but there's this interview Hayden did for the release of KH2 were she talks about the recording process and how the voice directors would keep telling her to "raise her voice an octave higher and make it sound more princess like." I gotta say the way she said that irks me..... I love the way Kairi's voice sounds in KH2! Hayden has a beautiful voice, it's a bit lower and more mature sounding than your average cutie girl voice. I would have loved to hear that quality in the character moving forward. Alyson ended up doing a lighter, cuter version of Kairi in KH3. And I do enjoy how Kairi sounds in KH3. Like, it's fine, she sounds very adorable, and it's fine.

But idk man... it feels... weird. I can't help but feel as though they replaced her voice with a younger sounding one, taking away the strength and maturity of the voice that I loved so much. Effectively infantelizing her. And then of course they proceed to damsel her, fridge her, bring her back to life and put her on the sidelines for the foreseeable future.

I feel like it all ties together with how the writers see her. She's not really a main character after all, she's not a priority. After years of showing a dedication to keep her voice consistent, it was all just thrown out of the window in the end. It makes me feel like they just didn't care in the end, people would be more upset if Sora or Riku got recast, but they just assumed no one would really care about Kairi. I can't help but care though.

I just wish for a future where Kairi can become a main player in the story, and where she is allowed to grow and mature. Where she isn't used as a carrot to dangle in front of the male lead. Where she isn't kidnapped or killed off as motivation for someone else. Where she can be a girl who is not just pretty and adorable and easy going and sweet, but a girl who is strong, silly, determined and is willing to fight like hell for the things she cares about.

Where she is allowed to interact with the world around her, and discover what her place in it is. Where she can discover what she wants for herself, instead of constantly having to be something for someone else!

IDK, maybe that's too much to ask from a Kingdom Hearts game though, haha.

#long post #puri gets deep #kingdom hearts infodump #kingdom hearts #kairi #if there are any typo's in this please forgive me #tumblr is held together with scotch tape and is not loving me making such a huge post lolol #also don't take any of my feelings and speculation as facts it's just how i feel #in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter at all #and i'm sure hayden is not losing any sleep over this #but i just had to get it off my chest

22 notes · View notes

marinaiguess · 1 year

Text

some thoughts evoked by the poll thingy with blaze being in the finals. It’s not about the polls, I do know these are for funsies and stuff, the thought occured to me though because of it.

I think blaze is a very mistreated and underrated character.

Wow, okay, that was loaded. Still stands though. I guess I have none other than SEGA to blame, but either way, I do wanna analyze her journey in the franchise and also share my thoughts along the way.

Blaze the cat had a great kick-off at the beginning of her career. What better way to introduce her than have her as a playable character alongside the main character in an exclusive game for the massively popular at the time, Nintendo DS. Sonic Rush sold more than a million copies and even though it was a pretty great game, it did more than that: it took care of Blaze. It established her character, her background, her story, it gave her an entire character development arc. What was there not to love about her? Sonic’s rival at first, a girl who could keep up with him in terms of speed and power, a princess from another dimension who could also control fire, having her own set of emeralds of which she was the guardian and even her own super form. So many things to consider. All those things were what made her super likeable back in 2005. Fans were actually obsessed with her. And they needed more. So, SEGA had to do something about it.

Here comes Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), changing quite a few things that we already knew about our favorite blue speedster. Possibly changing the entire franchise irredeemably. You already know where I’m going with this. We’re introduced to a new character, Silver the Hedgehog. Everyone is excited to play through his story and, right off the bat, we meet his company: Blaze. Everyone is cheering beacuse Blaze! She’s here, in a 3D game! Soooo, Silver is a character from Blaze’s dimension? Wrong. They’re from the future. Maybe Blaze’s dimension is from the future? Wrong. Blaze and Sonic don’t even acknowledge each other when they eventually meet, acting like they’ve never met before, like Sonic Rush never happened. Okay, fine, it can’t get worse than that, right? Wrong.

Blaze, for the entirety of the game is treated like a cosmetic, acting solely as Silver’s sidekick, or even as his mentor if you will, and nothing more. We rarely see through her and her thoughts and we’re given little to no means to understand her character. For some people, Blaze was a newly introduced character, since not everyone knew her existence from a year prior. What they get is not the powerful princess we met in Rush, the one who understood the power of friendship and used it in her favour despite her bad past. No, what they got in 06 was a side character, merely existing to give Silver advice and suggestions for his own journey, which she follows no matter what path he chooses to take, even if she disagrees or is not entirely content with it.

Her limited screentime used for fan-service purposes ended with a bang. Despite this huge journey of giving Silver a purpose (or helping him fulfill it), Blaze was the one who saved the future by using Chaos Control and sacrificing herself in the process, turning into a sort of Burning Blaze as she ascends to the sky. The only reason I felt bad about it was because I knew who Blaze was supposed to be, Blaze to me was the character introduced in Rush. But, given all the info from this specific game, I wasn’t really attached to this Blaze, I had no reason to. Her story felt too blank in comparison to everyone else’s for me to feel the impact of her death. I can understand Silver’s pain though.

Which doesn’t matter in the end because the timeline is erased.

So, does that mean Sonic 06 never happened or that it’s not canon? Nope. Everything happened and everything is back to the way it was. Except that the future is saved. How do we know? Sonic Rivals and Sonic Rush Adventure happened.

I will stick to the latter for the time being. Sonic Rush received a not so commerrcially successful as its predecessor sequel, picking up from where it left off. Kind of. The game released in 2007, a year after 06, the events of which were never to be brought up again, at least until Generations (2011). So, as you’d assume, Sonic and Blaze act like 06 never happened to them, continuing their story after Rush’s events. This game gave more in-depth character development to Blaze, who strengthens her bonds with old and new friends. It doesn’t really matter though because this game didn’t sell well, meaning not a lot of people bought it. Basically, no one knew that game existed so they were wondering what the hell happened to Blaze. Was she dead? Was she from the future? Was she from a different dimension? Would we ever see her again?

Uncertainty prevailed and after SEGA realized how bad of an idea it was to release 06 at its terrible state, they decided it would be best to pretend like it never happened. Iizuka (if I’m not mistaken) when asked in an interview, said that the reason Sonic and Blaze didn’t recognize each other in 06 was “amnesia”. Which doesn’t answer anything and I believe an official answer right now would differ a lot from that. Blaze went on to be a playable character in a few racing games, she got a few cameos. 2009, she appears in Sonic and the Black Knight as Sir Percival. Once again, it doesn’t change anything because, this is a storybook game and doesn’t take place in the in-game universe (this is the arthurian kingdom/world/universe).

Many fans theorized that 06 happened before Rush, making Blaze die in 06 and being transeferred to a new dimension while she had used Chaos Control, forgetting about the past, hence why she didn’t know Sonic in Rush. This was further supported by the fact that Blaze and Silver didn’t recognize each other in Sonic Colors DS (2010), meaning they had forgotten each other. Blaze forgot about 06 and traveled to a different dimension and Silver was affected by the timeline erasure. Sounds pretty solid, right?

Sonic Generations (2011). Blaze is there because she is still relevant and a beloved character to the franchise. No one knows how she got there and no one explains it but no one cares, she’s there to celebrate Sonic’s birthday, the Sonic she knows through the Rush games. But stuff happens and she gets trapped, alongside many of Sonic’s friends, into this ‘white limbo’. Sonic saves her...from Crisis City. Which is a stage from the future of Sonic 06. You may think “okay, maybe SEGA just wanted to pay tribute to 06 as well.” and that would be fine, if it weren’t for Blaze stating that she “never thought she’d be here again.” She remembers 06. Theory debunked. This is never mentioned again, in any game ever. It is still canon however.

After that, she appeared in Team Sonic Racing (2019), taking 8 years to appear in a game again...despite it being a spin-off. Nothing happens there really, she’s just there to talk to Silver and Amy who she races against for some reason.

She does appear in IDW, and we now know that the comics are canon to the game timeline. And, I gotta say, I like her there. She hasn’t appeared many times but the writers made those times count. (I think it was Ian who wrote her all of those times, so yeah).

To put it simply, Blaze is a lost opportunity. Talk about having a rough transition into 3D (hehe). SEGA could have used her in many ways and I think they were intending to, they were preparing her for something big. But they didn’t handle her as they were supposed to and this leads to where we are, where Blaze only appears in spin-offs and the comics, as if they are afraid to bring her back in mainline games. They could really capitalize on her character, if used correctly. They could use her as a playable character that uses the boost formula, as a character that has a super form. They could use her world to introduce new level designs, avoiding using Green Hill over and over again, right?

I don’t wanna see her standing on the sidelines, doing nothing. I don’t want her purpose to be mentoring Silver. I don’t want her legacy to be Sonic 06. I don’t her to appear only in dire situations (even though, now that I think about it, she didn’t even appear in Forces despite there being a literal war in Sonic’s world). I don’t want her character development to be forgotten and erased. She was a girl with a unique personality that now feels empty, as if she hides behind the face of being a princess from another dimension and nothing more, barely being Sonic’s or Cream’s friend. Mainly focused on the games right now.

It is said that Blaze is one of the fan-favourite characters of the franchise. But I don’t know if that’s correct. Because I’m not sure if people are a fan of who she is now, of who she is in their minds, or of who she is supposed to be, best depicted in the Rush games. Personally, I believe Blaze still has a lot of uncovered potential that they could take advantage of, so that they can show to everyone who Blaze is supposed to be. Strong and independant, her own character, her own hero.

Hopefully, we get to see more of that in the future. She definitely deserves it.

#how many words is that holy shit #im sorry #i just...had to i guess #it's past 1am rip my brain #i had to take this off my chest. been holding it for a while #i just care for her yknow #blaze the cat #sth #sonic #character analysis #blaze the cat analysis #sonic the hedgehog #sonic rush

98 notes · View notes