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versadies · 1 year

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN \\ EVERMORE (VERSADIES'S VERSION)

SYPNOSIS (of chapter). in which a certain ragnvindr's fate and complications in his life have all led up to a certain you.

SYPNOSIS (of series). breaking up with your first love was heartbreaking, but not as heartbreaking as getting invited to his wedding after years of not seeing him. that is, until things seem to be easier when you encounter a certain guest, who could end up being more than just a blooming friend to you.

CHARACTERS. kamisato ayato, diluc ragnvindr, thoma (w/ gn!reader)

CONTENT. angst/comfort, grammar errors (?), mentions of violence, sh1nsuke, minor character death, car accident, mentions of threats, spoilers to diluc's canon backstory, terribly written crime case, diluc and kaeya are in good terms

WORD COUNT. 13.7k words

LINKS. EVERMORE MASTERLIST \ MAIN MASTERLIST \ EVERMORE SURVEY

POST-SCRIPT. thanks to your answers in my recent survey that i posted, i decided to put my taglist at the very bottom of the chapter (as well as my other fics from now on) so you could have an easier time reading <333 i hope this version doesn’t disappoint you :DDDD

PREVIOUS || NEXT || ORIGINAL VERSION

A few things Diluc had lost were the bright hopes and future he once had when he was but a teen who's ready to fulfill as many achievements and dreams as he can.

He could still remember how happy he was with the life he had back then, how he dedicated himself to being faithful with his duties as a detective in the Favonius, Mondstadt’s police department, and used to follow his father around, listening to every word he says as he learns the ways of running the business.

He remembers all the lessons Crepus taught. He remembers his first time making a drink with the ingredients his father provided on a long table. He remembers his first time serving drinks to customers in Angel’s Share. He remembers his first time attending a business event with his father.

He remembers his past too much. A price to pay for dwelling too much in the past.

That Diluc is long gone. All that remains is his shell that’s swallowed by guilt, pain, and helplessness.

He does not live for himself, but lives for his family’s business to continue thriving and succeed like what his father wanted him to do. He lives to fulfill his father's wishes written on an old piece of paper. He lives to make sure his land is safe from the corrupted and from harm.

He lives to deal with the burdens that he gained from his birthday. A special, cruel gift from fate.

Wine is something he didn’t like much, which is ironic for someone who specializes in making them. His father actually planned to let him try some of their famous wines that people loved once he’s allowed to, until something happened.

Wine.. reminds him too much of what happened.

Diluc didn’t expect to lose his father so early, especially since his father is a healthy man who still had a life ahead of him and a son to guide. He thought his father would live long until he died of old age, a peaceful way of meeting death’s doorstep.

If only it weren’t for that treacherous car accident…

If only that drunk driver didn’t drink at all with a darn wine.

For one moment, Diluc was sitting right across from his father in their private van. They were just talking about what Adelaide would cook for dinner, they were just discussing about the client they were talking with earlier, they were just talking about what his father was supposed to say–

Then before he knew it, everything was turned upside down. Literally.

He has a hard time breathing, his vision is blurry as he feels lightheaded from being upside down.

Father…

Diluc tries to get his vision clear and come to his senses. He could hear people screaming somewhere, there’s something that tastes like metallic in his mouth, everything’s hot, he feels like he’s about to puke– but where is his father?

“Fa…Father…” He calls out. Everything aches so bad, what just happened to him?

Once Diluc finally sees more, he realizes the car he’s in is upside down. Is this… a car accident?

The young heir looks ahead when he hears a groan, and his eyes widens at the sight of his father being in the same situation as him – except, his state is way worse than his.

As for the driver… He doesn’t know where on Earth he is.

“Fa-Father!” He calls out, his fingers shakily try to unclasp the seatbelt before falling down to the ground that’s filled with the shattered windows from the van. “Father, are you alright?”

Diluc tries to ignore the pain all over his body as he crawls towards his father and helps him get out of the van. “Hold on, father. I’ll get you out of here!” He says as he reaches out towards his father’s seatbelt to unclasp it.

“Di..luc? Is that you my.. Son?” Crepus asks weakly, letting out a cough as he falls down from his seat. “I’m glad you’re,” He lets out another cough, “alright…”

“Don’t worry about me, father.” Diluc reassures him, helping him crawl out of the van through the broken window nearby. The only thing in his head is that he needs to get his father to the hospital immediately.

As soon as Diluc and Crepus finally manage to get out of the van, the younger man immediately tries to look for his phone in hopes of calling for the ambulance. Thankfully, his phone is still in his pocket and working despite its destroyed state, and he instantly dials the emergency contact.

“H-Hello? We need help, we’re somewhere by…” As he explains the situation to the operator, the young teen didn’t manage to notice how slow his father’s chest is moving up and down nor did he notice the blood on his hands from covering his mouth when coughing.

When Diluc finally looks at where his father is, his eyes are full of hope that they’re going to be okay.

“Father, help is on their way. We’re going to be okay” He says, hoping his father will be alright and be proud of him for what he has done.

Crepus remains silent.

“...Father?” He quietly calls, his heart sinking when he notices how his father’s chest is stilled. “Father, are you… a-alive?”

Diluc slowly leaned down with his ear on top of his father’s chest, his eyes widening in fear when he couldn’t hear any heartbeat at all, as though he’s….

No, let’s not jump into conclusions.. He’s probably asleep..

The heir gently shakes his father in hopes it’d wake him up, only for his shoulders to sink when his father is still motionless. “Father…?”

It took the ambulance to arrive for Diluc to stop trying to wake up his father, the paramedics carried him away as another inspected the young heir’s body for any injuries to take care of.

Whatever the paramedic told Diluc, he did not pay any attention to it. Not when he’s watching the two paramedics looking at each other with hesitant looks on their faces after putting all of their efforts in trying to bring back Crepus, who remains motionless.

The light in Diluc’s eyes fades away when he realizes what just happened.

He thought this was just a horrible nightmare. He thought he’d wake up to the familiar sight of his room and continue living in his life with his father who’s alive. It wasn’t until he realized he’s in the hospital room when his hopes shattered in realization that his father was dead and gone.

“Breaking News! The infamous wine tycoon, Crepus Ragnvindr, has unfortunately passed away due to a car accident. His son, Diluc Ragnvindr, has fortunately survived from the accident. We do not have any updates on the young heir’s condition, but we can only hope that he is well and we give him our condolences for his father’s passing.”

Diluc finds himself staring at the TV helplessly as he continues to stay on his hospital bed. After the paramedics took him and his father to a nearby hospital, he was hospitalized in a VIP room after getting his wounds treated.

Why did this happen?

He looks down at his bandaged-hands, only for him to remember seeing his father’s blood on his hands.

Why not me?

He suddenly hears a knock, to be followed by someone entering the room.

“And here I thought you’d never wake up.” Kaeya spoke as he closed the door behind him, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. “How are you?”

Diluc stays silent, still staring at his hands.

“...Why am I still alive?”

The red head didn’t bother to look at his sworn brother, who was extremely taken back by his question.

“...Why shouldn’t you be?” Kaeya responds, his tone is more serious. “What happened last night is out of your control–”

“I could’ve done something.” He interrupts, he now looks at the blue-haired man with an unfamiliar expression that wasn’t seen before from the usual brightful man.

It’s as if said brightful man has died with his father.

The blue-haired man dared not to say another word, causing the other to continue speaking. “I could’ve… I could’ve dragged him myself until I found a hospital. Or… Or maybe I could’ve noticed the signs more and performed CPR – but I was busy talking to the operator I couldn’t… I could’ve done something instead of watching him die.”

Diluc clenches his fists at the memory of the car accident. If only he watched his father more carefully, if only he insisted that they went to another place, if only–

If only he was the one who died instead of his father.

He can’t imagine running Angel’s Share on his own nor can’t he imagine being able to keep his family’s business together at this age. He thought his father would guide him all the way – he thought he wouldn’t be alone.

He doesn’t even know if he’s ready to become the next head of the Ragnvindr family.

“Whatever you could’ve done, there’s no point in that anymore when it already happened.” Kaeya says, grabbing a chair nearby and placing it beside Diluc’s bed before sitting down on it. “Father wouldn’t want to see you like this. He’d want you to carry yourself and take care of the family business with what he had taught you–”

“He isn’t here and he’ll never be.” He snaps. “I can’t just move on and act as if his death doesn’t phase me. I lost someone special to me.”

“He’s someone special to me too.” Kaeya retorts. “You’re not alone, Diluc. You have me, Adelaide, Elzer, and everyone else in the mansion who are willing to help you and be there for you. I’m not saying you should move on and act as if his death doesn’t phase you, but you should stop thinking of what could’ve been and think of what could be now.”

Diluc looks away from his sworn-brother, knowing he’s right.

It’s true… It’s better for him to think of what he can do now instead of the past.

“Did you find out who was behind the car accident?” Diluc questioned.

The blue-haired man fell silent.

“What would you do if I said yes?” Kaeya asks, leaning back against his chair.

Diluc took a long while to answer, something that made Kaeya guess his answer already. The young heir – well, the young CEO rather – is not one to sit idly by and let justice handle itself, it’s precisely why he’s such an efficient officer who never lets one case go ignored or incompleted.

So when he finally answered, Kaeya did not believe it one bit.

“Nothing.”

Liar. I bet you’ll suddenly disappear from this room the next day. Kaeya thought. Yet then again, regardless of what he’ll say to Diluc, he knows he’ll only get himself out later on to find more answers.

“I better not receive any calls from the hospital about you disappearing,” He said, letting out a defeated sigh. “There was a driver who crashed into your van. He’s currently imprisoned and will face charges as well as imprisonment.”

Diluc was about to open his mouth for another question when Kaeya lifted up his hand to stop him. “I’m not some person of interest being interrogated. Save your questions for later, focus on your health first.” He clarifies. “I can’t disclose too much about the incident to you since Chief Varka instructed me to, but I can reassure you we have everything under control, brother.”

The red-haired looks at him with an unexplainable expression on his face.

“...Fine.”

And so, Diluc trusted Kaeya, knowing fully well all the words his sworn brother told him were all a lie.

Eventually, he found out that the police suspected it was a drunk driver who drove into the car. However, thanks to the security cameras around that area being disabled due to technical problems that have been ongoing for the past weeks before, it took a while to find out who was exactly the drunk driver that managed to get away from the scene of the crime before the authorities arrived.

What made it more strange was how the person who was driving the van is not the same driver who usually brings Diluc and Crepus around the place. The driver was left behind in the building he and his father visited, meaning that this whole time, the two men were unknowingly in the same car with an unknown person who has unexplained motives.

Diluc could only guess the motives weren’t pleasant given the aftermath.

Unfortunately, the police weren’t able to find the unknown driver and are still looking for him, making all the things worse for Diluc, who feels like his lifespan is draining away the more he stays in the hospital doing nothing but wait and ponder.

Countless time that’s spent inside the hospital room made the red-haired feel suffocated. His patience is getting thin each time he receives no useful information whatsoever about the damn cause of the car accident that drove his father to death, his overwhelming guilt for being the only one to survive is getting bigger each day after spending too much in his thoughts, and his loneliness began to devour him inside out as the sounds of the TV news were just white noise to him.

He hates that he’s doing nothing.

It would’ve been better if he didn’t feel anything, but at this moment, he’s feeling everything.

Eventually, Kaeya and the others manage to find out who was involved in the incident – an FPD officer in his mid-20s who was trying to move on from a heartbreak, only to end up drinking more than he intended and got into a car accident.

He’s relieved that they finally found who was partially the cause of it, but that doesn't mean he feels like he can rest peacefully.

Not when the other driver is still missing.

It took a few more days until there’s finally more news about what FPD (Favonius Police Department) would do to the drunk driver, but it wasn’t what Diluc was hoping for.

“What…?” He asks for Kaeya to repeat what he had just said from the phone. It felt unreal to hear it – he would’ve thought his brother is joking with him again if it weren’t for the remorseful tone in his voice.

Surely… Surely Favonius did not go mad while he was gone, did they?

“I’m sorry you have to hear this, brother.” Kaeya said. “I couldn’t believe it either. When I came back from the hospital, Amber suddenly informed me that Officer Pallad was released with no charges at all.”

Had Diluc not controlled his strength, his phone would’ve been crushed and destroyed from anger.

“Why?”

“...Lieutenant Eroch informed me it was because there was not enough evidence to prove that he’s the one who was involved with the incident. Don’t worry, my team and I are already looking for more evidences–”

“I’ve waited long enough.” Diluc interrupts before ending the phone call, his eyes darted towards his coat that’s hanging near the door.

It wouldn’t hurt to have a chat with Lieutenant Eroch, would it?

“My deepest condolences for your loss, Detective Ragnvindr.” Eroch said, sitting on his chair as Diluc stood across from him. “Alberich informed me that you were still hospitalized, but it appears he isn’t aware that you’re discharged today. How are you?”

“I’ve been feeling better.” He answers, not bothering to give him a polite smile as he usually does with everyone back then. “May I ask something regarding the case of the car accident?”

Eroch hums. “Getting to the topic, huh? Alright, you may.”

“...Why did you release Officer Pallad?”

It took a few moments before the lieutenant let out a sigh, as though he suspected the young detective to ask such a question. “I may have realized that our officers could possibly have arrested the wrong man after the testimony of Officer Pallad during our interrogation. I cannot let our image as the protectors of our city be tarnished for such a possible mistake, especially since he’s a part of the department.”

“But the evidence is all there, is it not?” Diluc clarifies, not caring about the fact that he could get in trouble for questioning a higher up’s motives. “Alberich found that Officer Pallad was in Angel’s Share before he drove through the route that led to the car accident. He’s the only one whose vehicle has a huge dent at the fr–”

“It’s not enough for us to officially conclude it’s him who crashed into your van.” Eroch interrupts.

“Then what will it take for you and the others to consider him being–”

“Never. Unless you have a clear footage of Officer Pallad’s vehicle crashing into yours.”

Diluc tries not to feel hopeless. “...What about the person who was driving the van? Did your team at least find something about them?”

Eroch shakes his head. “Unfortunately we have not. But that’s none of our concerns at the moment, not when there are other important cases we have to look into.”

The red-haired man feels his hands clenched into fists. “None of your concerns? You’re looking for the two people who killed my father–”

“Tell me, Detective Ragnvindr. Are you here to waste my time telling me to do something I can’t do in a blink of an eye? Or are you here to give me something worth my time?”

The other man stays silent, his mind filled with more questions instead of the answers he wanted.

Why?

It didn’t help that the lieutenant looked less guilty and more bored, something that made Diluc start considering if the police department truly serves to protect the people of Mondstadt.

Eroch lets out another sigh before standing up. “I assure you detective that we’ll quickly let you know if we found something about the culprits, but now is not the time unfortunately. It’s best that you should keep this a secret from the public. We wouldn’t want our reputation to be tarnished because of a reckless officer drinking. If we won’t be able to find the culprits, then we have no choice but to consider–“

Eroch stopped talking when he hears something on his table, causing him to glance down and realize it’s a badge,

The badge that belongs to Diluc.

“Forget it.” The detective said in a cold tone before turning around to take his leave.

The lieutenant didn’t bother convincing Diluc to change his mind, and simply watched as the ex-detective left his office with all hope and faith lost in him.

All that remains is the determination in bringing down what brought his father to his death.

When Kaeya found out, he did not find the power to persuade his brother to come back and work for FPD, not when Diluc isn’t the type to retire from his career as a detective so quickly. Instead, he wished him well and made sure to let him know that he will do his best to help his dear brother out in finding out the culprits of the accident, something that the red-haired appreciated.

The news that Diluc has retired from being a detective spread like wildfire the day after. It didn’t matter what the public thinks, all that mattered for Diluc is that his father gets a proper and quiet funeral that he deserves.

The funeral… It’s hard to talk about it.

The ceremony left an empty part in the poor young man’s heart. Had it not been for Kaeya and those who work in the mansion, he would’ve felt alone. There wasn’t an overwhelming number of people who came to his funeral, but just the right amount of people for others to know how much Crepus was cared for and loved by a lot of people. Some were his close acquaintances in the business world, some were his old pals, some were his dear friends, and some were employees from both the mansion and from Angel’s Share who have been loyal for a long time.

Diluc tried to hold it together and not break down in front of everyone, wanting people to know that he can handle Angel’s Share without his father’s guidance anymore. It still feels unreal that he won’t see his father for the rest of his life now.

I promise father, Diluc thought in his mind as he placed a flower on top of Crepus’s coffin. I promise I will find out who caused your death and will make sure justice will come.

Of course, just because he stopped working in FPD, it doesn’t mean he’ll stop helping and protecting everyone in his nation.

Diluc plans to disappear sometime after his father’s burial, wanting to find out who crashed into the van and who was driving the van that he and Crepus were in. The least he can do is to bring justice to those who are responsible for his father’s undeserving death.

Before that, he must hear his father’s wills as well as a paper that’s written by his father that Adelaide managed to find when she was fixing the passed CEO’s bedroom.

His wills are simple. The mansion, the company, the establishment will now be in the hands of Diluc as he is the rightful heir. Kaeya got some valuable items of Crepus that’ll be of use to his life and his job in Favonius. The rest of the items will then be handed over to both charity and to Alice, Diluc’s godmother.

As for the paper…

It was a letter for both Diluc and Kaeya that the passed CEO managed to write in case he died. Not only did it contain advice and going through the memory lane, it also contained secret feelings and unsaid words that the man didn’t get to say.

One of them in particular is his wish for Diluc’s future.

“...I fear that I might not make it to watch you grow up into the man who has a life ahead of him, and it breaks my heart to imagine you reading this if I died too soon. My son, your journey will not be easy if I’m no longer here, but I know you can get through this. You have people who care for you as much as I do and I know they’re all happy to help you with the troubles that can come in your way. I wish you nothing but happiness and safety in your life, so please, do not mourn for me forever and move on in a healthy way. Do not burden yourself with what you could’ve done, instead, accept that you can’t change the past and only learn from it.

If fate decides so, I hope that someday, you’ll meet someone who you consider as your equal and the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Treat them with respect, understanding, and love like I did with your mother and I hope they’ll do the same with you. Don’t concern yourself with what the public thinks and what I would think. Just know that it’ll make your old man happy if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you happy and feel cherished. (the rest of the letter is blank, making it evident that Crepus hasn’t finished it completely for unknown reasons).”

Diluc didn’t know what to think when he read it, he could only close his father’s letter and keep his words to his heart.

Now that the wills have been revealed, Diluc and Kaeya have no choice but to come visit Alice – who’s currently in Liyue for her next book about the region – to transfer some items for her.

“My deepest condolences for your loss.” She said, watching as Diluc sat down on his seat across from hers as someone filled his drink with tea. Unfortunately, Kaeya had a call from work and won’t be able to come inside the room to talk to the woman. “It saddens me that your father has to go so soon. How have you and Kaeya been?”

“Thank you… We’re doing well, Aunt Alice.” Diluc responds.

The woman smiles lightly. “That’s good to hear.. I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t found those who are responsible for the… accident. But you must know, revenge won’t do much for your grievance towards your father.”

The red-haired man tries not to look surprised, but stays silent, causing Alice to continue.

“I know it’s difficult to lose someone who guides you in your life. Partings are the most painful things, but they also encourage us to grow. A bird that has lost the roof over its head will fly further than others of its kind.”

She then lets out a chuckle. “But of course.. I know you wouldn’t be persuaded by my words, so I wish you still have your sense of good and justice on your journey to look for them. It’s not an easy task I bet, but I’m sure you’ll be able to catch them with your capabilities.”

The woman’s eyes gazed towards a bulletin board on one of the walls before looking back at the young man. “Should you be able to find the culprits, then you can try to go out and see the world afterwards. That’s the best course of action I can envision for you. Only by feeling, observing, and listening can your heart be healed. Everything that was your father now finds new life with you, that which you will experience in this world may have been things that your father experienced once upon a time.”

When Diluc looks at the older woman’s eyes, it screams nothing but good things for him and Kaeya.

Something he never thought he needed until now.

“...Thank you for your words.”

“Anything for you. I hope that the wind will bring you all manner of wondrous things in your many journeys to come, Diluc. Should you need a person to talk to or consult with, I’m always willing to lend an ear. I hope you won’t mind if I treat you as if you were my own child.”

–

It only took two days for Diluc and Kaeya to deal with the rest of the items that once belonged to Crepus while catching up with Alice before they decided to take their leave. Not only did they both have to go back for their jobs, but Diluc also had to go back to start his search in finding the culprits of the accident.

Before the two young men could leave the estate Alice lives in, the woman stops them for a moment.

“One last thing before you two go.” The woman then pulls out two items: a pocket watch and an earring with a blue jewel in it. “These belong to your father who left these with me back then. I think it’s best if you have these instead.”

Diluc hesitantly grabs the pocket watch while Kaeya grabs the earring, letting out a comment about “what a perfect timing this is, I was thinking of a good accessory to buy as a souvenir from Liyue.” causing Alice to laugh.

“Thank you, Aunt Alice. We wish you well on your journey as well as your work.” Diluc said politely.

Alice waves them off. “Have a safe trip, boys. Do tell my darling Klee that I said hi when you get back, alright?”

And so, the two men left.

As they’re on their way to the airport, Diluc stares down at the pocket watch Alice gave him, his mind filled with what’s to come for him once he comes back.

He can’t turn back now, not when the two drivers could potentially hurt someone else.

“You’re planning something, aren’t you?” Kaeya asks suddenly, causing the red-haired man to look up at his sworn brother.

“...What’s it to you?”

The blue-haired man lets out a chuckle. “Oh Diluc, I thought you’ve learned by now that I wouldn’t let you do things on your own, have you?”

He lets out a sigh in response. “I don’t need your help. This should be something I must do on my own–”

“You’re finding the two culprits who are responsible for our father's death, so I too want to take them both down with you because they deserve to go to jail for their crimes. Besides, you’re no longer a detective in FPD, the least thing I can do is to hand out some information that’s given to us, particularly the one that involves the mysterious driver that managed to get his hands on your van.”

His eyes slightly widened from hearing that. “...There’s info on the driver now?”

Kaeya hums. “It’s not much, but it’s worth reading it since I’m sure it’ll help you with your investigation. Feel free to ask more about the case, it’ll definitely take some work off my shoulders if you somehow find that driver. I’ll take care of the aftermath once you do”

Diluc stays quiet for a moment.

“..Fine, you can hand it over to me anytime. Just.. make sure to keep an eye on Eroch and his men.” He says.

The blue-haired crosses his arms. “Who said I don’t? That lieutenant has been suspicious since day one. I’m relieved Deputy Chief Jean is quite determined to investigate him and see if there’s anything suspicious.”

Jean…

“You mean Gunnhildr?” Diluc asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. She recently transferred to the department thanks to Chief Varka. I caught her skimming around the lieutenant's office while he was gone.” Kaeya then smiles. “You should try talking with her. Isn’t she an old friend of yours?”

“We weren’t close.”

“Still. I’m sure she’ll be delighted to see someone who’s just like her in the department – besides the retirement – and is familiar with her personally.”

The red-haired man thinks about it for a while.

“I’ll.. Think about it sometime.”

“Perfect.”

By the time the two men are on their way through the airport, Diluc finds himself immersed in his thoughts about his plan in going around Mondstadt to look for the culprits who are responsible for his father’s death. He was so distracted that he didn’t pay attention to how there are paparazzis lingering around nor did he realize that he was about to bump into someone until it’s too late.

“Sorry.” He mutters to the person he bumped into before continuing his way towards his plane. He failed to notice how a certain item managed to slip out from the pocket of his black and long coat.

Until he hears someone calling him.

“Sir!” The stranger called, causing Diluc to stop his tracks for a moment and turn around to see if the stranger was calling him, only to spot someone walking towards him with a familiar object that he stared at moments ago.

“You dropped this,” you said, showing him the pocket watch, “sorry again for bumping into you, by the way.”

Diluc’s eyes slightly widened, a bit stunned by your kind act. Had it been anyone else, they probably would’ve kept it with them..

He slowly grabs the watch from you. “Thank you.”

You give him a smile and nod in response. “It’s no problem”

Without another word, you immediately ran off from Diluc, as if you didn’t just get the chance to meet Mondstadt’s two most famous men.

“My, I’m surprised they didn’t know about us two, Diluc.” Kaeya spoke in amusement, watching you go away. “You’re lucky they gave you that pocket watch. I’m not sure what would happen to you if you lost your father's watch after he just died.”

Diluc’s expression quickly changes to a glare, looking at Kaeya’s direction. “Watch your mouth before I make sure you’re not going to my private plane on our way back to Mondstadt.”

The other laughed. “I’m rich too, Diluc.”

The red-haired man then turns around. “We should go before we start wasting our time. The sooner we get to Mondstadt, the better.”

“Whatever you say, brother.”

–

Diluc didn’t hesitate to start his search immediately when he arrived in Mondstadt.

Unfortunately, after Pallad was released from the department cell, the vehicle that had a dent was immediately returned to him, so there’s a chance that it’s gone by now.

Despite being accused of reckless driving and a culprit of a car accident, Pallad still had the audacity to come back to Angel’s Share – not that the CEO is complaining, this definitely made things easier for him.

It’s already an alarming sight to see the officer using a new vehicle.

For the rest of the night, the young CEO listens attentively to Pallad’s conversations with other customers who are familiar with him. There wasn’t any useful information until someone finally asked the officer about his car. Apparently, he got himself a new car because his other one is too old and not functioning well, making him give it up in a car graveyard.

That was all the information he needed.

It took a while when Diluc finally found the graveyard that Pallad owns with the help of some of his connections (one of them being Kaeya, who told him the details of what the car looks like). It wasn’t hard to find the car Pallad used since he only gave it up recently, but it was hard to hold himself back after seeing the officer’s car that clearly has a huge dent despite seeing it for the second time.

He will never forgive that drunkard for killing his father.

Diluc was at the very least relieved when he spotted a dash cam inside the car. The officer must’ve been confident enough to not consider deleting footage of his dash cam, thinking it’ll be destroyed thanks to the graveyard. Unfortunately though, the dash cam was broken from possibly the accident, so it took a while to restore the footage until the ex detective got his hands on the piece of evidence that Eroch will surely not reject.

After the repair, Diluc sent it to Kaeya, who would pass it to Chief Varka and drag Pallad back to prison at last.

All that’s left was the unknown driver.

If it weren’t for Kaeya’s help in giving him information, Diluc wouldn’t know where to start. The only information the Favonious Department found about the culprit is they’re a part of an organization called the Fatui, based on a blurry CCTV that contains footage of someone in a Fatui uniform infiltrating the parking lot where the Ragnvindr’s van is and was never seen coming out.

The Fatui… Just hearing that name made Diluc feel angry.

They’re not an unfamiliar name in the business world. They’re known for being dangerous, powerful, threatening, and not to be underestimated. A woman who owns the company, Tsaritsa, is the most powerful person in all of Snezhnaya. People in the cold region respect her and look up to her for her contributions to the country, particularly the advanced technology that she invented. Those who aren't from Snezhnaya look at her in the opposite way.

Crepus and Diluc are those people.

He’s heard of what they do to those who have wronged the company as well as the things they can do to those who associate with them. It’s a miracle that the Ragnvindr hasn’t interacted with them at all (as far as the young CEO knows at least..), and as the new CEO, he knew he had to keep it that way.

Now that he thinks about it, just what did Crepus do if Fatui is responsible for his death?

Diluc isn’t sure if he wants to know the answer.

But he knows he has to. He has to understand why this happened to his father and where the driver ran off to, even though he’s fully aware that he won’t be able to grasp the full truth of the story.

He then considers Alice’s advice: to travel around Teyvat. The Fatui is everywhere in the world, so he plans to go through every single one of them in each nation until he reaches Snezhnaya, where he’ll try to confront those who hold the higher ground of the Fatui and hopefully learn the truth.

He hands over the Dawn Winery business to Adelaide, Elzer, and Kaeya and informs them that they can always reach him through messages. He trusts them all that his family business won’t sink and will remain as strong as ever, so he isn’t worried that he’ll be contacted to come back to Mondstadt to fix a situation.

“How long will you be away?” Kaeya asks as he watches his brother pack his items in his luggage. “I’m not sure how to tell everyone about your leave, what should I answer if they ask when you’ll come back?”

“Tell them I’ll be back in due time.” He answers, focusing on thinking about what else to bring for his travels. “I can’t… guarantee when I’ll come back. This won’t be an easy trip for me.”

“Of course not, not when you’re taking on the Fatui.” The blue-haired said, his smile begins to fade. “Just… make sure not to die while you’re at it. I can’t attend another funeral again.”

“No promises.”

The two of them then fell silent. The only noise around the room is Diluc placing his necessities in his luggage.

“...Could you at least talk to Miss Jean once before you leave?” Kaeya asks.

Diluc lets out a sigh. “Why are you so insistent on me talking to her?”

His brother lets out a chuckle. “Don’t get me wrong, brother. I’m simply convincing you to talk to her about the FPD. She has more information than anyone else in the department and might be a great help to you, trust me.”

Kaeya wasn’t wrong about that. “Fine, I’ll consider having a chat with her if that’ll keep your mouth shut.” He said with a huff.

Kaeya smirks. “Good. You can thank me by giving me a free drink in your establishment if you end up getting good information out of that hangout.”

“In your dreams.”

–

With the help of Kaeya, Diluc was able to contact Jean and see if she’s willing to spend some time with him, only for her to instantly agree and invite him to a private restaurant where they won’t be disturbed.

“It’s an honor to be able to meet you, Mr. Ragnvindr.” Jean said with a polite smile as she and Diluc sat down on their seats across from one another, the server pouring water on their glasses before handing out two menus and taking his leave. “I hope you didn’t have a hard time finding this place, did you?”

The red-haired man shakes his head. “No worries, I didn’t have any difficulties. How’s your… day?”

“I’m relieved you didn’t have any hard time, and my day has been a breeze, thank you.” She then lifts up her cup towards her lips. “If I may ask, what brings you to spend time with me today?” She asks before taking a sip of her drink.

He lets out a sigh when he remembers his brother. “Ah… You should thank Kaeya for that. He’s been nagging me to come and talk to one of my colleagues before I take my leave.”

Jean’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re leaving?”

He nodded in response. “I’m planning to… travel to some places. I won’t be back for a long time, so I’m sure a lot of things will change by the time I return.” He explained.

“I see… I understand, you need something to get your mind off of everything.” She says with a sad smile. “I hope you get something out of your trip, and may the wind lead you to the closure you needed.”

He processes her words. “...Thank you.”

Something flashes through Diluc’s eyes, and the atmosphere turns serious. “I hope you don’t mind, but I would like to discuss something regarding… something about a certain PD.” He adds.

Jean stays silent for a moment, also turning serious.

“...Is this related to the reason why you’ve asked for a chat with me?” She asks.

Well, she isn’t wrong about that. Diluc was already considering meeting up with Jean as soon as Kaeya told him about how the woman had her eye on Lieutenant Eroch as soon as she was transferred for reasons unknown. There’s no doubt that there’s something amiss in the police department given how sudden her transfer was, and it’s related to the lieutenant who shrugged off the case of his accident.

Could he be the one behind his father’s death perhaps?

Diluc feels a little guilty for talking to the woman simply because of how she has the information he wanted. “Yes. I understand if you’re not willing to talk about it.”

Jean shakes her head reassuringly. “No it’s alright. I have a feeling I know where this is going now.”

She then looks around cautiously before whispering, “we are talking about Lieutenant Eroch, right?”

He nodded. “Correct. I heard that you’ve been skimming around his office.”

“You must’ve heard it from Mr. Alberich then.” She says with a light chuckle. “He’s the only one outside of the operation who knows, your brother has my deepest gratitude – if anything, I would’ve been easily caught by Lieutenant Eroch and make the situation worse if your brother tells him.”

“What’s your purpose there?” He asks.

Jean taps her fingers on the table, careful of what to say. “Let’s just say the lieutenant has been way too suspicious lately. Too suspicious that it caught the attention of a certain chief.”

“And the certain chief requested you to personally investigate it?”

She hums, looking down at her drink. “I suppose it’s for the better since we’re not sure who’s on our side, hence why I was transferred to the Lion of the South Department (2).”

“You came from the Falcon of the West Department, correct?”

“Yes. I was actually supposed to come to the Lion of the South Department in a year, but it seems Chief Varka has other plans.”

Diluc chuckles. “He’s one unpredictable man, indeed.”

Jean then looks up at the man. “Is there.. Something you want me to do?”

He crosses his arms. “There is. I take it that you haven’t found anything from his office?”

She shakes her head with a sigh, only for Diluc to continue his words. “Then you should look on the rooftop.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, now curious. “May I ask why?”

“The lieutenant’s always up there if he’s not in the conference room and office.” Diluc says. “I’m sure a man like him wouldn’t go to the rooftop for view-watching or some peace and quiet. You should check if there’s something that’s hidden in sight.”

Jean nodded slowly. “I see… Thank you for this, Mr. Ragnvindr.”

“Please, you may call me Diluc.” He says. “I’m sure this won’t be the last time we’ll interact and talk like this.”

It’s safe to say he’s right, this wasn’t the last time he’ll be interacting with Jean.

He’ll admit, she’s good to cooperate with. Not only did she take note of his advice, she also made sure to give a piece of her mind in return.

He feels relieved, knowing that someday, the FPD will have yet another reliable and great chief who’ll lead them once Varka steps down.

As soon as their hangout came to an end, both parties were satisfied with the information they gained. They both agreed to keep in touch with one another through texts so Jean could update him about Eroch (and hopefully something about the Fatui should the Favonius find out about something), thus exchanging each other’s numbers before taking their leave.

Afterwards, he began his journey to travel around Teyvat in search of the truth.

He supposedly wanted to stay in Mondstadt to investigate them, but knowing the possibility that they could be watching him given that he didn’t die from the accident, he instead decided to make it his last resort.

Of course, he kept in touch with Kaeya, Adelaide, and Jean, who all informed him of updates regarding Mondstadt, the wine establishment, and the FPD. There were many good news to hear, such as how Kaeya became even more famous after a particular case where he found many children who were missing, how Angel’s Share is still the most sought-after establishment–

The one news that made him relieved is how Lieutenant Eroch has finally been arrested for many countless crimes committed, but unfortunately, none of the crimes were involved with the car accident.

He also learned how Chief Varka and a couple of officers were sent to a classified mission, which resulted with Jean becoming the current Chief of Police while he was gone. Meanwhile, Kaeya also became the lieutenant of the FPD, claiming he’s now “oh-so busy after my dearest brother left me here to rot with these never ending cases.”

In a blink of an eye, four years have passed.

There was never a moment when his determination wavered, his passion is as strong as an eternal flame that never goes out. He never fails to remember why he’s doing this and why he must finish this journey, reminding himself by remembering all the memories he shared with his father.

Sometimes, he goes back to that time when Crepus died. Trying to remember if there was a single detail he must’ve missed that could help him make more progress with his investigation, only to bring back the pain, helplessness, and guilt he tried to suppress.

He took down most – if not all – that involved the Fatui’s dirty work, brought down those who are as evil as they can be and exposed them in public, and even fought them with either his own hands or with a weapon should the situation resolve in.. an inappropriate manner.

Because of this, he’s now considered a threat who shouldn’t be underestimated.

Throughout his trip, he once helped a few people who have the same motives as him, such as a woman from Liyue’s government – the Qixing – whose against one of the members of the board of directors in the Fatui, a young CEO in Inazuma who disapproves the Fatui, a man who holds an important position in Teyvat’s most prestige academy and also has something against the Fatui for reasons he didn’t disclose, and many more.

However, the most notable person he came to work with is someone who introduced him to a secretive network. If it weren’t for them, he would’ve been killed in Snezhnaya by the Fatui.

Despite how far he has come, Diluc never encountered Tsaritsa – besides some of the board of the directors, who all have anything but good intentions towards him. This doesn’t mean his journey all came to fruitless of course, not when he learned so much from traveling around the world and encountering other people.

He looked past his progress from his journey, and after a lot of thoughts, he decided to join the underground intelligence network, where he put all his dedication in it just as he did in the FPD. Not only did he rise up into the upper ranks of the network, he also gained even more useful information about the Fatui, such as how Officer Pallad’s involvement with the accident has nothing to do with the Fatui, causing the driver to run away from the incident since the van is destroyed.

He also finds out from the network that Fatui can’t touch certain people such as the Tianquan, the Chief of Police, some families, and even certain CEOs of companies who are too valuable in their nations. He also gained new comrades – most of whose pasts are left behind and go on with the future like the wind.

Perhaps he too, should stop looking back with the past and not think about all of what could’ve been anymore.

By the time his journey had ended, he had a conclusion.

The driver is still unknown, but he knew the order came from either the board of the directors, the chairman, or the CEO herself based on certain documents from each branch that mentioned the Ragnvindr name. The possible explanation is that Fatui wanted to burn down the biggest supplier and the company who has unmatched wines in Mondstadt, whose nation revolves around wine and freedom.

Not to mention how everything will turn out worse should he face the Tsaritsa with ill intentions. Given how the Tsaritsa is one of the most – if not the most – important figures in Snezhnaya, only Celestia can tell what will happen to Diluc.

He also realized that when he comes back to Mondstadt, he is still just as unsafe as he was during his stay in Snezhnaya.

He started thinking: what if he loses everyone he cares for? What if his brother gets taken? What if his dedicated and loyal employees get hurt? What if he somehow falls in love with someone, and they get hurt because of him?

This led Diluc to believe that it’s for the best that he tries not to get too close with anyone anymore – let alone fall in love. Hence why he isn’t usually found with people around him, besides those who work for him or want to work with him in the business world of course.

If he wants to be safe as well as protect those who he cares for, he must protect Mondstadt and become stronger.

When he finally returned to Mondstadt, everyone was too busy talking about the latest mystery of the nation, aka the person responsible for the crime rates suddenly going down and for dragging criminals to the FPD’s doorstep before the sun rises. No one suspected it was the CEO of Angel’s Share – not when he just came back from his journey (in reality he actually arrived back a bit early but went undercover for a couple of days before announcing his comeback).

By day, Diluc stays in his office doing his work by signing and approving documents, inventing new beverages, and sometimes serving in Angel’s Share if the days are quite slow. By night, he strolls around the city when everyone’s asleep, looking out for anyone who’s in possible danger as well as anyone who’s possibly a threat. He makes sure no one was followed or stalked, no shops being stolen, and no houses being invaded – it honestly reminded him of his old days as a detective back then.

To Diluc’s relief, there were no actions from the Fatui towards him ever since he came back to Mondstadt – unless you consider the few Snezhnayan merchants who’d come to the wine tycoon in hopes for a partnership with their business. Of course, that doesn’t mean he’s less cautious and less guarded with his surroundings.

This went on for the next few years. It’s the same cycle as always besides the special occasions and events he attended to: wake up, get ready, do paperwork in his office, check on his vineyard and think of new drinks to make for his establishment, visit Angel’s Share and help Charles if possible, go back home, start his patrols around the city, go back home and repeat.

He didn’t mind how nothing’s changed much. As long as he’s doing what he can, he’s content with his life.

Fast forward, Diluc was recently invited to attend the Grand Goth Hotel for the wedding between Hiiragi Chisato and Kamisato Ayato. Unfortunately he had no one who could be his plus one since everyone is busy, so he thought he’ll just be all alone, something he grew used to and didn’t mind thanks to his four years of exploring around Teyvat.

Then he met you.

He bumped into you due to him being distracted by his call with Kaeya. He realized his mistake for not apologizing quickly, but when he turned around to look at where you are, you’re far from his reach.

He thought that was the end of it, until he saw you again in the souvenir shop hours later. He felt like you looked familiar when he first saw you in the shop, and perhaps you must be feeling the same way as well from how you’ve been staring at him like a hawk. However, when it’s revealed that you’re only staring at him because you remembered him bumping into you, he felt… taken back. That’s the reason why you’ve been staring at him?

He was even more taken back when you were quick to tell him how he was so rude for not apologizing to you. He’ll admit, it’s sort of a refreshing sight to see someone who isn’t so timid or nervous around him and isn’t afraid to scold someone for their errors no matter who they are. Nevertheless, he didn’t hesitate to apologize for his behavior – and when he found out you’re also a guest in the wedding, he was even willing to pay for your wedding gift if you allow him to share, something you reluctantly agreed on after checking its price. In a way, this is his payment for what you’ve done for him back at the airport (though, he wasn’t aware that you’re the same person that gave him his father’s watch at that time).

The next time you meet was in Good Hunter’s, whereas he overhears your conversation with who seems to be your group of friends. He didn’t bother listening to it, until he heard his name being mentioned.

When you explained how you don’t like him because of how rude he is, he felt taken back once again. Were you really that hurt from him bumping into you? Well, his shoulders are broad and must’ve hit you quite harshly if he wasn’t careful at that time, so he can’t blame you for thinking he’s rude for that.

But then again, he thought buying those champagne flutes for you was enough…

Turns out, it is enough.

It was strange how he keeps seeing you these days, especially this particular day. Almost everywhere he goes, you’re also there. It was quite an interesting situation, he thinks.

However, he knows that he shouldn’t get close to you. He swore to never be close with anyone anymore (with the exception of his loved ones) and you cannot be an exception. That’s why he has to make sure he can’t meet you again, for you and his sake.

Yet despite his oath, he still finds himself getting involved with you – especially during one of those encounters when he sees you in a rather uncomfortable situation.

He recognizes the two men talking to you as being the members of the Kamisato family. He would’ve mind his business if it weren’t for how you seem to be in need of help,

And Diluc is not someone who ignores such a situation.

So he comes over to where you are, acting as if he was looking for you despite a part of him telling him to not go and help you. Fortunately, you caught on to what he was trying to do and played along to his lie, something that the other two men fell for and decided to leave you two alone.

He’s not one to pry into someone’s life, but he wonders what the Kamisato has done to make you so distraught and sad. Instead of asking, he simply kept his mouth shut and offered you his handkerchief, and you reluctantly grabbed it from him.

The gesture made him finally realize why you’re so familiar to him.

The incident was years ago, but he’ll never forget you giving him back something precious to him. He really can’t imagine what would’ve happened if he lost one of the things that belonged to his father. He isn’t sure if you remembered it, but it didn’t matter, because he finally repaid his gratitude to you.

After comforting you, he eventually found out that you indeed had forgiven him already, causing him to feel a bit embarrassed that he’s been thinking that you still haven’t forgiven him.

As soon as you enter your hotel room after what happened, Diluc realizes that somehow, this wedding no longer seems to be as lonely as he anticipated it to be.

You became a familiar sight for Diluc from then on as much as he didn’t want to.

The next time you meet is in the bachelor party, whereas the two of you started to get to know each other more. You’re pleasant and smooth to talk with, and there was never a moment where the two of you felt off with your conversation despite some differences with opinions and ideas – at least, that’s what he feels – and bonded a lot on how you two have a lot in common.

You’re not afraid to speak your thoughts and even laughed at some words he said that were unintentionally a joke. Even though you now know of his achievements and reputation, you still treated him the same, which is something that made him feel pleasant. Even more so when you praised him for being such “a cool multitasker” as you watch him make drinks and serve them throughout your conversation with each other.

He can’t help but be reminded of his father, and yet for some reason, he didn’t feel remorse from that.

He’d never thought he’d click with someone, let alone having a conversation that could last forever, like he did with you. Interacting with you feels like he doesn’t have to be so uptight and has to keep up with the formalities – especially after convincing him that he doesn’t have to do so – and he’s free to say his thoughts.

When you decide to stop your conversation for a moment and excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, Diluc tries not to show the disappointment in his eyes and words. It’s strange to him, why is he so disappointed? You’ll come back anyway just like you said.

As he waits and waits, he earns himself a new company.

Kamisato Ayato is… One secretive and mysterious man. It’s not something Diluc is suspicious of, really. If anything, the two of them have a few things in common, such as their shared determination in protecting the people they care for, their shared experiences of being the CEO at such a young age, their shared experiences of losing their parents–

As well as messing with the Fatui.

Diluc isn’t so surprised with the fact that the other is aware of his dangerous situation with the organization, but he was surprised that the groom had to send him a warning about being careful with how he spends time with you, who is still in the bathroom doing only Celestia knows what.

His warning alone made the bartender wake up from his daze, and he faced the reality he had always hated.

You can’t be involved with someone like him, a man whose hands have been dirtied and committed things that he dares not to explain.

Once you’re entangled with him, you’ll simply be yet another person he has to protect from the Fatui and the burdens of only simply being his friend. Although he’s more than capable of dealing with the Fatui, he knows that spending time with you will only make things hard for you.

Not to mention how people would react if they see you spending time with Diluc, and only Celestia can tell how drastic the rumors can be once this spreads around, so Ayato is indeed right, he should leave you alone.

He does not acknowledge how such thought aches his chest deeply.

Still, he knows that ignoring you wouldn’t do anything but cause problems, so he tells himself that it’s up to you if you still want to spend time with him.

And it seems you do, especially the next day after that.

The CEO was surprised to see you entering Angel’s Share, especially since the wedding is today. What surprised him more was when he realized just how much he missed you – or talking to you rather.

What a strange feeling…

As he continues doing his job, he can’t help but observe you from afar; a habit that he does at times during his shifts here whenever an unfamiliar customer visits the establishment but unlike everyone he observes, he doesn’t observe you out of suspicion that you have something up your sleeve. You looked like you’re enjoying your time with your few friends, something that made him quite happy to see (even though one of your friends is someone who’s rather a hassle in his establishment when he feels like it).

He feels all the more pleasant when you decide to chat with him for a bit as though you’re old time friends, not realizing that he may or may not have slipped up a few words that he didn’t really mean, making you assume that he’s just there for the wedding to serve his finest drinks.

It’s only a matter of time until Diluc realizes what he was doing, especially when he finds himself looking at your way unintentionally. You just look so out of place in Angel’s Share in such a good way that his eyes are drawn to you, like how a moth can’t help but be captivated by a shining light.

It comforted him to see you being relaxed in his establishment – be it because he’s happy to see his customers satisfied or because you’re happy – and he wanted to let it stay that way, especially when he has a few guesses on why you were saddened whenever the groom of the wedding is around.

When he catches on to the fact that you’re also staring at him, he can’t help but feel conscious about himself, thinking about how he mixes his drinks, how he positions himself by the bar, or how he talks to his fellow customers politely, he wonders what you think about what he’s doing even if it’s the simplest of gestures.

…Is this really something friends think of about each other?

By the time it’s time for you and your two friends to leave in order to get ready for the wedding, Diluc couldn’t help but feel disappointed, wanting to say more to you but couldn’t.

However, when you take one more look at him while he’s staring at you as well, and give him an acknowledged nod with that smile of yours; he knows the two of you will eventually talk again and catch up once more.

For some reason, he’s looking forward to the wedding more than ever.

By the time he makes it to the wedding, he was a bit surprised to see that the ceremony hasn’t commenced yet. His surprise instantly disappears when his eyes land on you, who looks as though you’re looking for someone. Could it be him, he hopes?

Thankfully, luck was on Diluc’s side. Seeing how there’s one more seat that’s empty beside yours, he slowly makes his way over to you to sit on that empty chair. When he sits down, you instantly look at him and your eyes brighten.

Him noticing you being excited from simply seeing him made the wine tycoon feel.. Something. Important? Valued? He isn’t sure anymore, he’s at a loss for words when it comes to you.

Truly, this must be something friends have sometimes.

As he watches the wedding ceremony commence, he can’t help but feel as if someone’s watching him from behind. This caused him to cautiously turn around for a bit, only to find the father of the bride glaring at his direction, but not at him it seems.

He then realizes that the father of the bride was glaring at you.

Diluc couldn’t help but feel protective, internally taking note to watch the current CEO of the Chisato company should he plan to do something to you.

When the wedding went on to the reception, it seems luck is still on Diluc’s side. When he arrives at his assigned table by looking for his name displayed on the seats, he spots your name on the seat that’s next to his once again.

It made him feel relieved, knowing that he won’t be sitting next to those who would most likely talk to him in hopes of gaining opportunity to have the CEO’s attention and support in their businesses and whatnot.

When you find out as well, you’re pleasantly surprised, but nevertheless happy with the arrangement. If anything, it gives you a chance to continue your previous conversation with your friend!

Throughout the party, the two of you bonded more and are closer than ever. Diluc really couldn’t recall when’s the last time he had a conversation like this. It really feels as if he could never get tired of talking with you and won’t run out of topics to talk about.

His highlights of your conversation are the times when you laugh at his words, when you listen to him with an awe look on your face, and when you talk so passionately about the things you love.

Diluc particularly admires how you talk about your beloved nation, Inazuma. You talk as if Inazuma is your child, and you’re a parent who’s proud of it. Not only did you tell him the things that you love about it, but also showed him just how much you missed your home with the longing look on your face. Considering how long you haven’t visited the nation ever since you went to Liyue, he can understand the feeling.

Someday, he’d like to go there with you… Maybe then you’ll be happier than you are now, and he wants to see that in his own eyes.

After you explained all there is to know about Inazuma, Dilic then shares his own words about his nation in return. He talks about the things that he thinks you might like about his land, only to find that you love everything about Mondstadt and explain how much you love the place, telling him how you’ve always wanted to go to Mondstadt because of its carefree nature and kind people. It was something that Diluc isn’t surprised by – he’s used to many foreigners he had talked to telling him about how wonderful Mondstadt is – and yet, he feels his heart warming hearing such compliments about his home from you.

While he was explaining though, he can’t help but notice how you’re somewhat.. distracted, as if your thoughts drifted off to something, causing him to feel a bit concerned. Are you bored from his explanation? Did he say something wrong? Or.. Is it because of Ayato?

When he asked you if you’re alright, you only responded that you’re distracted by the sight of the garden that surrounds the open-air room. He wasn’t convinced obviously, but seeing how you don’t want to admit the real reason, he knows not to push you for it and respect your privacy.

However, asking you somehow got him to spend time with you in the hotel’s garden.

Diluc could see why the garden is one of the hotel’s best spots for guests. It’s as magical and peaceful as what most people described.

And yet, he can’t help but think that this place is all the more magical and special when you’re here with him.

“It’s so beautiful..!” You comment in pure awe. If you at least glance at where Diluc is, you would’ve realized that he isn’t staring at the view of the garden that is indeed beautiful.

“Indeed.” He quietly agrees, his gaze never left you.

…

Diluc feels his shoulders sinking a bit. Friends don’t think of each other this way, don’t they?

…

As the two of you stroll around the garden, Diluc covers topics regarding the flowers that surround the two of you and about other things, all the while you listen with great eagerness.

It was only when he started talking about his first drink when he realized something.

How long has it been since he talked to someone about his father? Let alone his past?

Was he really that comfortable talking to you to the point where he’s willing to share the things he never thought he’d talk about with someone?

He was sincerely taken back that he didn’t watch his step and accidentally stumbled from a bump on the pathway.

…How embarrassing!

His thoughts from before instantly fade away, replaced by how embarrassed he is from the situation he put himself in. It was impressive how you managed to pull him back from falling, had it not been for your strength, he would’ve been even more embarrassed from falling down to the ground completely.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the only embarrassing incident that occurred between the two of you. One thing led to one another, and suddenly he finds you hugging his arm out of fear from the sudden appearance of your plus one.

Diluc felt like he was frozen the moment he felt your touch on him. He didn’t know what to do really, especially when you’re holding onto him as if your life depends on it. It was only by the time you let him go when he felt like he could breathe, watching you walk away first to get back to the venue.

Despite letting him go, he still feels the ghost of your touch.

–

It seems the night is still young for you and Diluc.

After the reception, the two of you proceeded to explore around Mondstadt City together to hang out more. But this particular night brought the man to something more than just a hangout.

The more the both of you continue to spend time together, the more Diluc feels more confused, maybe even worried, about his thoughts and feelings towards you. He doesn’t know who you are to him if not a friend. If you’re indeed just a friend, then why does he feel like it’s more than just? If not a friend, then what?

Deep inside, a small part of him already knows the answer to his worries and thoughts.

So when he sees you talking with someone who interrupted your hangout with him, an unpleasant feeling creeps up on him, especially when it turns out that the stranger is someone you’re familiar with.

He hasn’t felt jealous for a long time until now.

Just the thought of you being with someone else made him feel unpleasant, and he isn’t sure what to do with it. He could only watch as you happily chatted with Heizou, his mind clouded with conflicts and realizations.

Diluc realizes that his feelings towards you are something serious. This isn’t a mere admiration and fondness that will go away in a blink of an eye, but the kind of admiration and fondness that made him want more.

What hurts is that he knows he can’t have that. Not when his life is too complicated to have the happiness he wants to have more with you, not when his life is as dangerous as it can be to have the peacefulness he wants to share with you, and certainly not when he’s sure you don’t feel the same feelings that he feels for you.

Yes, Diluc finally admitted it. He wants you to be more than his friend. He wants you to be more than just someone who he sees on a daily basis, but someone who he sees when he wakes up to another day, someone who he sees when he’s all dressed up with gifts for yet another memorable date night, someone who understands him more than he understands himself, someone who he kisses goodnight before sleeping away next to each other, someone who he will cherish with all his heart without hesitation,

Someone who he loves just as soulmates do.

But he knows that it’s far out of his reach.

What hurts more is how the two of you won’t be able to see each other soon, and none of you are sure when you’ll be able to.

…It’s for the best, he thinks.

The morning after, he received a phone call from Kaeya.

“How was the wedding? Any juicy drama that I should know of?” He asks.

“It was… not bad.” He replies. “I made friends with someone.”

“Wow, there’s actually a person who doesn’t mind Mr. Grumpy? Let me guess, it’s that foreigner you bumped into, isn’t it? ( Name ), right?”

Diluc lets out a sigh, already knowing where this is going. “Yes, it’s them.”

“Ohoho, now I’m curious to know more about them. You better introduce me to that friend of yours when I visit there.”

His eyebrows raised up in surprise. “You’ll visit here today?”

“Yeah, I’ll be able to come to the hotel today to congratulate the couple. Don’t keep your new friend away from me when I get there, yeah?”

Diluc scoffs. “As if they would want to be involved with someone like you.”

“You wounded me! Who wouldn’t want to be involved with the person who grandmothers consider as the top candidate for grandson-in-law?”

“Whatever you say. Don’t try to get lost in the streets.”

“Ugh, that was only one time – and in my defense, I was drunk. See you there, Diluc.”

And just like that, the call ended.

Diluc puts his phone down with a sigh. He prays that Kaeya actually does get lost and won’t be able to see you. Only Barbatos knows what that man is going to do if he ever finds out about his feelings for you.

Unfortunately, that was today’s least of his concerns.

He can’t help but notice how a few Fatui members have been around the hotel lately. Usually he ignores them if it weren’t for how.. often he sees them today. Is it perhaps related to a certain higher up who wants to buy the hotel?

Or.. is it related to a scheme he has yet to know about?

He thinks about it deeply to the point where he even spaced out a bit while talking to you in the garden as you wait for your friend.

He eventually finds out what the Fatui were up to when he decided to contact one of his associates in the underground network.

“The people you’ve been seeing are under the security branch of the Fatui, so it’s evident that someone must’ve hired them for something they’re planning to do that needs to be under wraps. We’ll let you know if we happen to find out who’s their employer and whether or not you should intervene.” His informant tells him through the phone as Diluc continues to stand around the lobby waiting for Kaeya, eyeing on the Fatui guards carefully from afar.

He didn’t have to wait for long on who’s the employer of the Fatui guards.

As soon as he kept his phone away after the phone call, he noticed the father of the bride walking around the lobby with a couple of the Fatui following him. He raises an eyebrow at the sight of the guards walking in a certain formation as though they’re surrounding someone–

Only for his heart to drop when he sees you among said guards.

What are they doing with you?

He then remembers how Shinsuke was glaring at you at the wedding ceremony back then, causing him to conclude that it must’ve been related to whatever’s going on with you and Ayato.

He didn’t hesitate to start following them in hopes of getting you out of there safely, only to lose sight of you when a lot of people suddenly entered the lobby.

He quietly curses at himself in irritation as he tries to walk through the busy crowd, hoping that he’ll still be able to see you once he’s out of there.

When he doesn't see you, he feels like he’s about to burn this place down.

Please be alright, he thinks as he runs around the lobby like a madman, looking at every hallway to see a glimpse of you or your captors who seem to have more than just ill intentions towards you. It feels like he’s back in the incident where his father died as he feels the same thing that his younger self felt. Helplessness and fear of losing his loved one.

Fortunately, it was only a matter of time when he spotted the familiar Fatui guards standing in front of a door, holding what appears to be the very same bag that he saw you carrying at the garden earlier.

He didn’t hesitate to go towards where they were, causing the guards to notice him at last and be alerted.

“Sir, you’re not allowe–”

“I don’t care.”

As minutes passed, not one single person among the busy crowds in the lobby noticed the unconscious guards around the secluded hallway, with a tall man standing in the middle of the aftermath of his anger.

As soon as Diluc finishes dealing with the Fatui guards, he immediately grabs your bag before reaching out to the closed room to open it.

His heart drops at the sight of Shinsuke’s raised hand towards you.

Hold yourself, he orders to himself, not wanting to throw hands towards the man who was planning to hurt you, who seems to be frightened but relieved to see Diluc.

He puts on his calm facade. “Was I interrupting something?”

It wasn’t hard to get Shinsuke out of the room and get you to safety, by the time he did, his heart breaks at the sight of you being all shaken up from whatever the older man did to you before he could arrive.

This is an example of what will happen if they’re with me, Diluc thought as he tries to comfort you. He knows that even though your situation right now has nothing to do with him, you’ll get more situations like this if you’re with him, making him realize that even if he’s not an engaged man, he knows he still can’t have you. Not when it’s a risk to even be with him.

He just wishes you to be safe and happy, but it hurts that it’s not something you’ll get from him.

That’s why when you mentioned the airport, he felt sad from the fact that he won’t be able to see you after a while. By the time this wedding is over, he’ll go back to the same cycle he lived with ever since he came back to Mondstadt. He won’t be able to wonder what’s to come for him tomorrow, what topic you’ll be talking about with him, and he certainly won’t be able to see you at all for only Celestia knows how long.

He then wondered if you two will ever contact each other after this. As much as it sounds selfish of him, he didn’t want that to happen, not when he feels this content with you. There’s no one who could laugh at the jokes he unintentionally makes, who would tease him enough to make him a bit flustered and smile, who could talk with him about anything for hours on end,

There’s no one out there who’s like you.

But he knows that he can’t make you stay, not when you have your own life to live.

Perhaps… Perhaps things can be different if the world is safer. If his life isn’t as dangerous as it can be thanks to the Fatui, who dared to lay their hands on you for the sake of a greedy man such as Shinsuke.

Maybe… If fate allows so, maybe in the future, when things possibly change for the better, then perhaps you and Diluc could be something more than friends.

It’s just wishful thinking though.

He didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity to come with you to the airport so he could personally bid you farewell. To his relief, you were happy to have him coming with you as well as reaching out to him once you come back home.

He wishes this week could last forever.

Hours later, he finds himself staring at the ceiling while lying down on his bed. Meanwhile, Kaeya is on his own bed that’s next to his while applying skincare on his face as he rants on and on about whatever’s going on around the FPD.

He wonders what could’ve been if his life wasn’t so complicated and dangerous. He wonders what could’ve been if it were you who he gets to call his spouse and the one he gets to consider as his partner and equal. He wonders what could’ve been if he wasn’t such a coward.

He wonders if you think of him the way he thinks of you.

You realize that suppressing your feelings is not the way of moving on.

Love hurts. Thinking of the past hurts. You realize that Diluc is just someone who helped you with your confrontation towards the past you so wanted to forget because of the pain it brings, but he’s not the one who can completely help you heal.

By the end of the day, it’s you alone who can heal yourself.

You knew that you can’t admit your feelings to Diluc just yet, and you know it’s best this way – after all, you still have to take time focusing on yourself first now that you took a big step from your burdens.

You just hope that by the time you’re ready to deal with being in a relationship, you wish that person who you’ll be with is Diluc.

You find yourself lying down on your bed as you scroll through your photo gallery, finally looking back at the memories that you shared with Ayato, with your friends, and with yourself. It’s been so long since you’ve looked at them that you almost forgot some of the moments that made you happy.

It took a while until you finally decided to call it a night, turning off your phone and placing it on the nightstand next to your bed before trying to sleep.

You hope you’ll be able to see Diluc again and spend time with him one last time. Maybe you two could go eat at Good Hunter’s together, take another stroll around the hotel’s garden and talk about Inazuma’s flowers this time, or even–

Ah, you feel so in love.

You let out a quiet dreamy sigh with a smile, excited for what’s to come tomorrow.

Now that you mentioned Inazuma, you couldn’t help but wonder when you’ll be able to visit your homeland again..

You close your eyes. Perhaps Ei won’t mind if I request for a transfer someday.

PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @ragnvdnr @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @nejibot @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @lychme @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @melodyyamino @dudufodd @somberrock @yevenly @lemontum @nghing @elychee @astrxlis @denkineptune @franini @sophisticatedleslie @thedivinepriestress @smashsubs @httpmitsuya @bl6o6dy @cottonkendi (come visit this post if you’d like to be tagged!)

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ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years

Text

Mourning at Midnight

(UwU so Hey. i’m back with some more trash)

Word Count: 7480

Summary: It’s scary, in a way, how in moments like this one, Logan feels as if his consciousness floats away from him, leaving behind only a wave of white-hot, searing anger that drains out of him just as quickly as it comes. There’s sleet running through his veins, and his brain has frostbite, and his fingertips are numb in the face of the ringing resonance after his outburst. The pain comes next, a simmering heat blistering below his fist until it’s coated and red and the beginnings of a bruise are starting to form. He can’t help but stare helplessly in front of himself, eyes burning and filling and blazing with how much they beg to close.

He doesn’t want to look up, to face the suffocating silence that’s fallen over the room. He doesn’t want to see their faces, their disappointment, their anger, their contempt. He wants to yell. He wants to sleep.

Logan sinks out.

Warnings (could potentially be small spoilers, nothing too big, but if you don’t have any triggers I’d suggest you skip reading this!):

There are no u!sides in this, nor does anyone have malicious intent, but the other main three (Virgil, Patton, Roman) and Thomas, to a lesser extent, treat Logan unkindly (not on purpose) and don’t realize their errors. This will be resolved! Just… not yet OwO

Being ignored/talked over

Mental/emotional breakdown

An unidentified illness with symptoms including: [extreme persistent nausea (lots of mentions), vomiting (once), bile, weakness/weariness, shaking, lightheadedness, double vision (once), headache, body aches/pains, breathing difficulties]

General negativity including: [self-doubt, self-deprecation/depreciation, feeling worthless or unloveable, self-hatred]

Anger management/temperament issues

Unintentional self-harm (not anything like c-tting, Logan gets a bruise as a result of an angry outburst)

Separate small, vague allusion to self-harm, but it’s not outright and not detailed in the slightest. Could be read as not even talking about self-harm

Potentially triggering descriptive imagery (metaphors and similes to describe how a character feels or percieves a situation, not anything that actually happens) including but not limited to: [glass, sharp things, blood, injection, live wires, loud noises, screaming, general mentions of pain, masochism, sound torture, knives/blades, wounds, drowning/suffocating, pressure]

Temporarily unresolved tension between Logan/Deceit/Remus and the other sides/Thomas (there will be a happy ending in the next fic, though, don’t worry!)

A few vulgar threats of violence (somewhat explicit, be careful) to the other sides from Remus (out of protectiveness; Remus means well but he does Not express it in a healthy way) that is not carried out or even humoured

Remus’ morning star and descriptions of its destructive capabilites

Loceit as a romantic pairing (for now…. UwU)

Sympathetic “dark” sides

That should be it for warnings! Let me know if I need to add anything!

A/N: So! This is finally done :D !! I’ve been working on it on and off for the past week or so, and although I know it could be way better, I think this is where I’ll keep it! This is technically a sequel to my other fic Tea at Twilight and it takes place in the same universe, and although you don’t need to read that before this to understand the story, I strongly suggest reading that first to get more of a feel for the dynamic!

This is inspired by @illogicallyinclined and her absolutely amazing Disaster Trio™ headcanons/au, and was prompted by this post so I just started writing! I meant for it to be a bit shorter, but of course my brain would Not let it go, even despite my ADHD, executive dysfunction, and massive amounts of writer’s block.

This is also unfinished! It is the second of three main works, all happening chronologically in the same universe. The first one is Tea at Twilight as stated previously, then this one, and there will be a third and final installment added to finish off this short little trilogy! I’ll be adding this to the series on AO3, so when the final fic is up, it’ll all be together for an easy reading experience. It is also possible that there will be other small fics in this universe (UA, as has been recently coined) that operate outside of the timeline of the main story, so be sure to watch out for that!

Thanks to Jay once again for creating these lovely headcanons that haunt my dreams every night, and for inspiring me to get back into my writing groove despite a writer’s block that’s lasted for over three years! Hope this isn’t too terrible, Jay! ilyy <333</p>

Also, a huge thank you to @illogical-anxieties for being such a good cheerleader/enabler! You really do help to keep me motivated and on track (and keep my ADHD in check), which is probably why this was even able to become a full-fledged story rather than a WIP to be buried where unfinished fics go to die T~T Love you tons <3</p>

(If I’m being honest with myself, this is just an excuse for me to live up to my IRL title of “Living Thesaurus”, coined by a friend many years ago and has since spread around to other friends and family. My title is thriving, and I suppose that means I should actually have proof of it, so there’s that.)

(Cross-posted to AO3)

(Read Part 1 here)

He can feel it building.

There’s far too much left to be desired when it comes to frustration. The natural helplessness that makes way for anger when you try so hard to do something or be something for someone and you’re pushed down by anything and everything between ignorance and antipathy. The fear that nothing you can do or say will ever be good enough. The buzzing, ticking, pinpricks upon pinpricks of heat injected into you until your blood and heart have been replaced with glass, fragile as a crumbling stone wall. It’s not as if he hasn’t had his outbursts before, spurred on by the familiar sharp pulse of rage that courses through him in a split-second whirlwind. It builds inside him, and he can feel the pressure in his limbs expand until it feels like his muscles are being squeezed out of existence and then he snaps like a rubber band that’s been pulled too taut. He’s not in denial of the fact that his impulsive, blinding reaction when met with frustration is not okay, and only detrimental to the demeanour he’s trying to retain. He knows it’s childish. He knows it’s immature, and pathetic, and wholly invigorating, at least until the adrenaline has worn off and he’s in the aftermath of his knee-jerk reaction to the tension coiled in his arms and legs and head.

It doesn’t mean that Logan is particularly in control of it though, despite his self-awareness being far above the level that most people with anger management issues are at. Maybe there’s a certain quality to it that allows for growth; it’s not as if Logan stays angry, or that he wants to hurt people. He loves the others, painfully so (as much as he loathes to admit it), to the point where he’s so desperate for their approval that he tampers down his passion, that spark that used to drive him to learn and speak and be happy just to avoid being cast out and abandoned, alone in the way he never wants to be. He wants to find a way to temper the fall into those dark, consuming waters, a way to mute the buzzing and ticking. He wants to seal those exposed live wires and release the tension to the point where he never lashes out ever again. He wants to, and he doesn’t know how to, and that fact infuriates him in an ironic, endless cycle of self-imposed and self-directed enmity.

Logan still thinks on this often, even now, wracking his brain for solutions to problems that realistically won’t be solved as easily as he wishes they would. Excerpts and quotes and data and statistics from many different studies about anger and temper management and irritability and everything in between seem to figuratively run amok through his brain, a screaming crowd of witnesses to the chaos and failure found in his ability to filter through the nonsense and come to a satisfying conclusion, any conclusion at all. He notices how his fingers tremble as they slip into the handle of his coffee mug, endures the dull ache in his mid-to-lower back from falling asleep at his desk for the majority of the day under the guise of work so important he holed himself up in his room to complete it. He ignores the way his head pounds, how he feels so dizzy that he might fall over and pass out any second from lightheadedness. He suffers through the loud conversations between the other three that are typical to the dinner routine that Logan cannot deal with today, not with this headache poking at him like figurative needles in his head.

When he senses the summons from Thomas stirring up the familiar but nonetheless odd ticklish sensation on the back of his neck, Logan can feel the tension knot up his muscles, and the combination of the two just makes him want to growl in irritation. The others, having also felt the summoning, seem to get impossibly louder, ringing and stinging and singing in his head. He still persists, despite the fact that he knows he shouldn’t be out doing anything today that’s likely to exacerbate his sickness, because Thomas is important, more so than Logan himself. No matter how much he wants to hole himself up in his room and sleep the day away, his host needs him, so Logan simply forces his mask of indifference to melt into steel. He refuses to budge, not for the first or last time, and he rises up in the real world standing straight and rigid and as put together as he’s always expected to be.

When he’s finally settled into his usual spot, as still as he can possibly be to not exacerbate the roiling nausea disquieting his stomach, he’s able to take in the other four arranged in their usual positions in Thomas’ living room, already having begun a conversation that Logan has missed the premise of entirely through his all-eclipsing, obfuscating malady. His vision doubles, like broken fractals of glass reflecting onto themselves, and then it pulls back together, merging back into something visible, something manageable.

“Well, I’m sure Danny likes you, too! You just gotta ask him, kiddo!” Patton exclaims, high voice pushing through the heavy, suffocating cotton in Logan’s ears, and the words snap the bespectacled side to attention. He needs context, needs to know what they’re talking about, needs to be able to help for once. Maybe he has to endure the bad to be able to put out the good, and this is where the climax is, the top of the rollercoaster at such a high altitude that oxygen is thin and dispersed before he shoots down the tracks in a rush of fresh air, relieving and calm and sanguine as he’s finally able to ground himself. A shiver runs through Logan’s body, between his shoulder blades and down his hip and through his leg, and his eyes flutter under the weight of consciousness. It recedes, the flow is ebbed, and his head clears to a more sustainable level.

“Oh, that’s so boring, Padre! Thomas should hire a band to play! And we can rig up streamers and confetti and there can be a cake and dancing and a party to celebrate!” Roman crows, throwing his arms and hands up into his signature pose to match his full, booming tone. Patton squeals, clutching his cardigan in his hands to pull excitedly at the sleeves as he bounces giddily on his feet. At the suggestion, as the polar opposite to Patton’s reaction, Virgil grimaces, hunching over even further in his jacket as he protests with every way he can think of that the situation could go wrong. Unsurprisingly, Roman takes personal offense to it and refutes Virgil’s points with the same intensity and fervour that’s been present in himself and his interactions with the anxious side since day one. Logan sort of understands, can infer that they’re discussing how to ask out Danny, a new friend of Thomas’ who has very quickly turned into a crush. In that case…

“If I may interrupt? While I don’t share all of Virgil’s worries, I do agree with his position in regards to the fact that there isn’t a need for such extravagance. It might embarrass Danny, for one, and for two, there are many ways such an excessive venture could backfire, such as technical difficulties or general human error. The idea is, while exciting, frankly outrageous,” Logan says, his role as the voice of reason renewed once more. It’s his job to sift through the conversations they have and get to the important parts, and he likes his job. He’s good at micromanaging, mediating the chaos, good at storing information to sort and consider and veto and bolster. It’s how he operates, how he copes. “We can think of something else to–”

“Oh, shut it, Pocket Protector. We all know you don’t care about romance, but this is important! Thomas wishes to find love with the second most handsome prince in the world! After me, of course,” Roman exclaims, in that boisterous, self-aggrandizing way of his, the way that hides his real insecurities he buries so deeply in himself he doesn’t know how to find them again. Oddly enough, it’s not Roman’s defense mechanism that throws Logan off, it’s the way that Logan stopped talking almost reflexively to allow the other side to finish his statement, as if the prince’s words were more important than his own, and it speaks as testament to how much Logan’s been conditioned (or maybe he’s conditioned himself all on his own) into putting everyone else before himself, even when it hurts him or Thomas. Logan is ignored in the face of his implicit trust, and he hates that even as it pours salt in the open wound, he finds himself taking a depraved, spiteful comfort in the familiarity of it all.

“That’s not what I–”

“Awe, c'mon, Logan! Thomas deserves to have a happy relationship and someone he can live out the rest of his life with! Doesn’t that sound nice, to grow old together with someone you love? Isn’t that romantic? Oh, it just makes me so warm and fuzzy thinking about it!” Patton interrupts, hands clutching each other over his heart as he swoons. Logan knows Patton doesn’t mean to be rude, but he still can’t help but be a little hurt by it, especially since he’s now been ignored twice consecutively. He’s just trying to help, and if that means reigning in Roman’s exorbitant ideas that border on egregious at times, then Logan knows it must be done. Although he encourages Thomas to seek a relationship to improve his mental health and provide more financial stability, there is a limit to how much he can disregard himself and others in doing so, and that doesn’t mean that Logan is the bad guy for pointing that out. He knows that. He knows that, so why does the dismissal still feel so sharp in his chest?

“Yeah, romance is cool and all, but what if it doesn’t work? What if Danny actually hates us? What if we ask and he laughs at us or says no and then we’ll be standing there like an idiot and then he’ll never wanna talk to us again because he thinks we’re pathetic and stupid and–”

“Hey, now, don’t be such a Debby Downer, kiddo! I’m sure it’ll go just fine! We’ll just ask him. The worst thing that can happen is he’ll say no, right? Shouldn’t we give it a shot?” Patton consoles before Virgil can go into a spiral. Although his well-meaning reassurances are meant to be comforting, his voice just grates on Logan’s ears, tinny and hollow and misdirected.

“That’s what I’m afraid of!”

Logan wants to keep listening, he really does, but the noise is rising to levels where it’s too much to handle. He’s already sensitive from his illness, but the discussion that is very quickly turning into an argument falls in pulses through his head, sound torture to the broken, hopeless masochist. He’s barely holding onto himself at this point, consciousness like a dangling thread that swirls and dances and twirls with even the tiniest breeze, a hint of movement sending it shivering and quivering as it spins. It wouldn’t take much for the thread to fray from the weight pulling it down, or to saw through it in a clean slice that leaves it floating feather-light upon air currents, petals spiraling to the ground.

Petals. Flowers. Thomas could bring Danny flowers! It’s perfect! Danny is especially predisposed to gardening, and he frequently talks about different flowers and what they mean based on the type and colour. His interest in botany could make this a sweet gift, to show that Thomas pays attention to what Danny enjoys, and can be the perfect segue into asking him on a romantic outing. Yes, this could work! It would appease Roman’s inclination to classic romanticism while still being practical and not unreasonably expensive, give Patton his ideal relationship fantasy (and a “warm and fuzzy feeling”, apparently), and allow Virgil a little more breathing room, so-to-speak. This is something they all should be agreeable towards, and that confidence is enough to supply Logan with enough energy to push past his lightheadedness and offer a solution. He’s proud of himself for taking the others’ feelings into account, something he knows he’s not always been the most proficient at, and for coming up with a compromise that will likely satisfy everyone’s wants and needs.

“What about bringing him flowers?” Logan asks, pleased and antsy as he feels hope well up in his chest. He doesn’t push it down this time, and he thinks maybe, just maybe they’ll finally listen to him, that they’ll tell him that he did well, that he’s being considerate and maybe even say thank you–

“How would you even know, Roman? It’s not like we just go out and hire mariachi bands every Saturday!” Virgil says with furrowed brows, and Roman huffs in indignation, and Patton sighs as he looks between the two of them, and Logan’s words fall on deaf ears. They didn’t even hear. They didn’t listen. They didn’t care they didn’t care–

“Uh, hey, Virgil, what if–” Logan tries once more to speak, nausea rolling angrily in his gut, head spinning dizzy round and round and round and round and Virgil flinches.

He flinches. Because of Logan.

Virgil hasn’t been afraid of any of them for a long time. Sure, in the beginning, when they fought one another on nearly a day-to-day basis, there would be a moment before he could pull on his figurative mask that a flash of fear would go through Virgil’s eyes, and the sadness kept within wouldn’t subside even when he growled and snapped and blustered whichever side had the misfortune of picking a fight with him during a time where his first instinct was to keep away the pain and longing and loneliness the only way he knew how. Over time, that flash of fear dulled, morphed into something more manageable, more trusting. The sadness never really went away, but it was met with warmth, a soft contentedness that danced in his eyes when he realized he had a family to turn to. He hasn’t been afraid for a long time. And yet, he flinches away from Logan, just from him speaking.

Is he really that bad?

Does even simply the sound of his voice have such a negative association for Virgil that it prompts genuine fear and discomfort? Has he really scared Virgil that much? What did he do? How can he fix this?

Maybe he shouldn’t.

Logan’s felt disconnected from the others for quite a while now. He loves them, of course he does, but he doesn’t feel like he fits. He’s the metaphorical jagged puzzle piece, the one that should snap into the final vacant space but is so broken beyond repair that it doesn’t fit quite right. He wants to belong, to feel at home whenever he’s with them, but he doesn’t. He yearns for the acceptance that Virgil earned, the support that Roman is held up by, the respect and adoration Patton seems to acquire so casually and naturally that it’s like he doesn’t even have to try. Logan wants to be like them. He wants to be loved, but… that isn’t really his place, is it?

Love is not an inherent thing. It’s something that’s earned, by doing good things and being important enough to someone that they give it freely. It’s something Logan doesn’t understand, but despite that, still desperately, painfully yearns for. He wants to be loved, the way he loves the others. He wants to be a part of their famILY, to have that implicit trust in each other that only comes from acute, profound, deep-seated love. He wants that fondness directed towards himself, that devotion borne from hapless, radiating appreciation. The humbled esteem, the maudlin, theatrical longing, the passion and yearning and helpless, acquiescent love that bursts from the seams in a manner that will never diminish or fade. He wants that. Badly. And he’s finally ready to accept that he will never have it. He’s okay. He’s okay. He just needs a moment. He just needs to breathe.

The others must have continued with their arguments long ago, seemingly unaware of anything outside of themselves. Logan supposes he shouldn’t really berate them for that since he often falls victim to getting lost in debate as well, but something is wrong with Thomas, going by his expression and demeanour and the logical side can’t ignore it anymore. It’s highly unlikely that the other three will come away from themselves for long enough to notice, and it doesn’t sound like they’re anywhere close to coming to a conclusion amongst themselves, so Logan is perfectly fine with bearing that responsibility upon himself to check up on his host and make sure he’s okay. He’s the most important one here, after all, and it’s Logan’s job to help him, guide him in his life and decisions.

“Thomas? Is there something wrong?” Although the words come out clear and precise as usual, Logan’s throat burns, and he can barely breathe. He wants to sleep, he wants to sleep, but Thomas needs him, and that doesn’t happen often nowadays, so Logan does nothing but wait impassively. His host bites the inside of his cheek, then sighs as he stares off at the wall, lost in thought. Since he says nothing, the logical side assumes he will continue to say nothing for a few more moments, and decides to give him a once-over to gather more information and any possible context. Thomas’ eyebrows are furrowed, and his posture far from adequate. His expression is troubled, and his arms are crossed loosely, a pointer finger scratching at his elbow unconsciously. There is no obvious cause for his confusion and/or upset in himself or anywhere in the room, apart from the current dilemma, but he was fine before, so something must have changed to distress him now. Logan cannot ascertain what Thomas needs simply from observing him, so he concludes that the best thing for him to do is wait.

So he does. And he does so for a minute, two, five. Every second that ticks by feels like a needle is being shoved into his eyes, his brain, his legs, his everything and it takes more effort to stand than he’s used to. Breathing is difficult, but that isn’t exactly a new development, so at least he knows how to ignore it. Eventually, ten minutes pass with only the sound of the other three arguing in the background, and it doesn’t seem like Thomas is really all there. Although the action makes him want to throw up, Logan shifts forward, moving out of his usual spot and into Thomas’ own. He still doesn’t acknowledge any kind of input outside himself, so Logan lays a hand on his host’s arm gently, which snaps him out of his trance in a slow, unhurried kind of way. Thomas gives him a glance when his logical side sighs, tampering down any audible signs of his nausea in a manner that is unbeknownst to the host, but returns to staring at the wall without a second regard.

“Thomas?” Logan murmurs, bile rising in his throat and shoving his hidden suffering even closer to the forefront of his mind, as though it hasn’t been there all along. It’s hard to think, through all of the white noise and weary irritation and the tiniest sliver of hope that he crushes immediately, but thinking is his job, and he needs to help. “Are you alright? You can talk to me.”

And then Thomas is shrugging him off, turning away as he tells him he should “just stop” with piercing words, that he “can’t do anything to help”, and the rejection feels like a metaphorical knife has been shoved into his gut. Logan can feel the pain and the heartbreak and the insecurity materialize into a cold blade, twisting and twisting just to make him hurt more. Logan is ignored for the fourth time today, by the person it hurts to come from the most, and he can feel the sun whipping and screaming in his chest. His breath is stuck, sucked down into his throat, a sharp pain localizing in his neck, and he can’t help but bring his hand up to rub at the spot with trembling fingertips as he unsteadily lurches back to his regular spot. The others don’t notice, of course, or if they did, they don’t care. Then the nausea he’s been fighting against surges like a violent wave at full force, drowning him and the hurt is forcing its way into his mouth, his throat, his lungs, and he can’t breathe–

His fist flashes down from his neck to the banister, punching the railing so hard it echoes in the reverberation created from his vicious, angry snarl.

It’s scary, in a way, how in moments like this one, Logan feels as if his consciousness floats away from him, leaving behind only a wave of white-hot, searing anger that drains out of him just as quickly as it comes. There’s sleet running through his veins, and his brain has frostbite, and his fingertips are numb in the face of the ringing resonance after his outburst. The pain comes next, a simmering heat blistering below his fist until it’s coated and red and the beginnings of a bruise are starting to form. He can’t help but stare helplessly in front of himself, eyes burning and filling and blazing with how much they beg to close.

Logan sinks out.

There’s a very short window of time where the logical side rushes into the en-suite bathroom after rising up in his bedroom, trembling legs aching with exhaustion. Barely a second passes between him falling to the floor and emptying the meager contents of his stomach into the toilet, the bile burning in his tender throat as a reminder of his failure. The floor is cold and hard beneath him, ridges of tiles pressing unrelenting into his knees through his wrinkled jeans. His head spins, unbalanced as it whirls through itself, words and thoughts and ideas that mean nothing and everything simultaneously existing hollowly in a falling echo. There is pain, and aching, and soreness, and exhaustion, and Logan wants to sleep.

It’s hard to rise to his feet, head throbbing and knees shaking as he wipes the spit from his mouth on a folded square of toilet paper. The pain nags at him, persistent and irritating in its attempts to shut Logan out, almost clear in a way that belies the foggy haze blanketing his nearly incoherent thought process. Marking a clear vantage, a faultline to anchor onto is no easy task, and all Logan wants as he stumbles over to his bed is a landmark to pinpoint and find his way back to. He careens toward the mattress once he’s close enough, finally letting his legs give out underneath him when he’s as near as he can bear. It’s so difficult to stay upright in stiff misery, pangs and twinges of sharp pain coursing through his limbs and his back as his muscles are forced together under pressure.

In another familiar, frustrating bout of anger that seizes his breath before it can escape his lungs, Logan shoves his fingers in the knot of his tie, yanking it forcefully even as the motion jerks his own head forward uncomfortably along with it. His fingers run down the length of the fabric, and it falls apart at the end of its cycle, much like Logan has, and he snaps his arm back to chuck the dark blue, silky length to the ground in a motion that does little to relieve the rage built up inside him.

He can feel it building. The buzzing, the pressure, the glass in his veins running on shards. He feels the pinpricks upon pinpricks, the fire burning in his lungs, and the stone crumbles, and tumbles down, and he’s like a rubber band pulled taut.

He cracks, shrill pressure in his knuckles and head and torso, and nothing happens.

Then Logan hears the telltale squeak of his door swiveling on mildly rusty hinges, and a familiar voice echoes right through his bubble, shatters the stone wall like a bulldozer running at full speed, and then the wetness spills over his lashes and over his stony, impassive face.

“Oh, Lo,” Deceit murmurs, sad and tender as the breath rushes out of him and Logan can’t do this. He wants to throw out his fist in a wide arc and pummel the wall next to him until his knuckles are raw and bloodied and bruised beyond repair. He wants to scream until his throat is torn and his voice is gone, lost in the uncaring, empty void that coldly swallowed up his passion. Happiness has never seemed further away, and he knows he deserves it. But then he remembers all of the times where the pressure in his limbs and the buzzing in his brain forced him to lash out, to hurt others, and he thinks that maybe it’s okay for him to hurt right now to even the score. With the last of the metaphorical wall around him in tiny pieces, fragments of a life he never wanted to live but he desperately fought to keep, he lets his guard down for the first time in years.

Logan’s face crumples under the weight he’s burdened his being with, body immediately drooping under the heaviness that he’s forced himself to fight through. He finally submits, and the tears come in an endless stream over his cheekbones, itchy and hot and terribly, mindlessly relieving. It feels so good to finally let the negative emotion he’s pent up inside him out, to fall out of his cage he’s lived in high above a swirling ocean of release and fear and freedom. And he’s so, so lucky because he has someone to save him from the fall.

Deceit’s kneeled down in front of him, wiping away the tears as they fall with uncharacteristically degloved thumbs, and Logan can feel the smoothness of the scales twisting and trailing down his fingers. Every so often, Deceit’s pointed thumbnails catch lightly on the skin of Logan’s cheek, and it just causes him to cry harder. The vulnerability in the room is palpable, a wispy breath of worry and insecurity and trust trailing over their skin, blanketing the room in a warmth that runs even warmer when Logan reaches up to gently lay his hand over Deceit’s own. He shows his appreciation through tactility when the words he so desperately wishes to say are lost in his throat, blocked by the barrier that separates his newfound submission and the part of him that’s still clinging to the feeble grasp at acceptance he craves so dearly.

Logan can barely tell what’s in front of him through the kaleidoscope in his vision, but he doesn’t really need to see to throw himself forward off the bed and bury himself in Deceit’s chest, of whom lets out a surprised noise but doesn’t hesitate a single second in wrapping his arms tightly around the other side. He strokes Logan’s back comfortingly and offers him whispered reassurances through the heart-wrenching sobs and broken, croaky whines that disappear into his cloak, hand coming up to cradle his head in the overwhelming reflexive instinct to keep the logical side safe and happy. It feels like a dagger has gone through Deceit’s chest at the knowledge that Logan has been suffering for so long and hasn’t been able to let it out or just simply be held, the self-preservation that is at the core of his function as a side going off like alarm bells with every sniffle. Logan curls into the first person who’s ever offered him physical affection and emotional safety, and his fists clench the fabric at the snake-like side’s shoulders as tightly as he would if he were to never, ever let go.

Logan is out of breath even as his heart begins to calm, beating and beating in his ribcage and in his lungs. The lump in his throat prevents him from speaking, but he figures it’s okay to not be heard audibly, just this once, and speak with his actions. Although he doesn’t know what he’s saying when he pulls back and wraps his arms around Deceit’s neck, laying his face in the crook of other side’s neck like a small child would, not really, he hopes that his intent still comes across in some sort of intelligible, hopeful way. Deceit seems to take this as a request, a promise, and slides his grip to a point where he can hoist the smaller side up in his hold, carrying him just like a parent carrying their kid to their bed after they fell asleep during a visit to a friend’s house. This situation is much more loaded, stained with impurities and unsure withering, but it’s just as raw, just as real, and Logan finds himself feeling safer than he ever has before.

At some point, they end up on the bed, Logan having been manhandled into a more comfortable position for both of them, which is laying across Deceit’s lap without ever having let go of his neck. The logical side feels small and vulnerable, something that he would normally hate, squash down, bury so deep within himself that he doesn’t even have to acknowledge it. But honestly, right here, right now, he’s so goddamn exhausted, and forcing himself back into the state of repression he’s been in for so much of his life would take too much of a toll, more than he already has on himself. The wetness rolls down his cheeks, bold, blue precipitation falling in droplets onto his skin and the fabric of Deceit’s cape, sinking and spreading and thinning out into airy nothingness. And the nothingness enraptures him, pulls him in even as he breaks and whimpers and spills wisps of forgotten feelings into empty space, at least until his bedroom door opens once more with a loud click, because nothing Remus ever does is truly quiet.

“Hey, are you guys having a sexy party without me? How c–… are you… crying?” Remus asks, suggestive tone split and watered down into something confused, and surprised, and angry. The younger twin kicks the door shut behind him with his foot, more out of muscle memory than conscious forethought, something that stands with nearly every action Remus executes. Logan turns his head wearily, not lifting it from where it rests on Deceit’s collarbone. The latter of the two takes that chance to clear away some of the tears that didn’t get absorbed into his clothing, hoping that since the stream is slowly dispersing, his cheeks will stay dry this time. Remus slowly approaches, body tense and eyes piercing as Logan’s face is wiped off for the nth time, offering no other sounds or words as he crouches down to examine how the bespectacled side’s skin is rubbed red and sensitive.

Logan just whines softly, stare falling to the bedsheets, observing nothing in particular as he tries to figure out why words are failing him. Something that’s such an intricate part of himself, the communication of thoughts and ideas and knowledge that defines so much of who he is and how he exists, it’s dwindled and diminished into nothing. Deceit seems to understand, he always does, and reads him so perfectly it’s a wonder the two didn’t become closer in the beginning, with how much they truly are alike. A scaled hand makes it’s way up to Logan’s head and cards through the soft, disheveled hair there, scratching lightly at his scalp in a motion that seems to draw the aching tension caused by his distress out of his body, leaving his muscles to relax and melt into the chest that holds him upright.

“Something happened before I came in here. I assume it has to do with the others,” Deceit murmurs into thick, heavy air, stale with shame and tired hopelessness. Remus’ eyes flick to Logan’s own, actively searching for some sort of confirmation or denial. There’s a beat of silence, and Logan’s eyes flutter in a fatigued attempt to stay awake, and the nausea creeps its way into his stomach once again like a predator stalking its prey. Deceit repositions himself quietly, pulling the smaller side impossibly closer, as if he knows that he’ll need the added comfort. With his body squished into a protective embrace, and his tie laying flat on the floor below, forgotten and scorned for what it represents, Logan swallows hard around the sharp block in his neck and nods through his nonverbal affliction.

At the minimal admission, something in Remus’ eyes darkens, bathing the bright craze that typically resides there in something hateful, and vicious, and dripping with chemical absolution. He shifts away, rolls onto his haunches in a way that doesn’t read as entirely intentional, as though he’s been physically forced back with the weight of the confession. There’s so much there, in the way his breath comes out shallow and gravelly and low like a beast biting and snapping at the bars that contain it, fighting against the cage it’s locked inside. Nostrils flare, and jaw sets, and fists clench white as bone, and Remus straightens up to his full height, intimidating and looming and dangerous.

“Who?” he spits, venom coursing through the single word in molten streams. It’s a protective fire, serious in a way Remus rarely is, and the storm in his eyes and aura only becomes more turbulent and intense and solid as he reaches behind himself to slowly seize his morning star from where he keeps it at the ready. Pulling it to the front of him is an unexpectedly slow event, yet still ferocious in its quiet, cold fervour. The silver weapon swings in a steady arc around the side of Remus’ body, catching the dim light in a threatening glint, the gleam alluding to its deadliness in a way that’s almost unexplainable. The spiked mace finally comes to its resting point, hovering in the air just beside the fierce side’s leg, unassuming and ready to drive its way into an unlucky antagonist’s skull.

“I’ll cut their fucking throats. I’ll rip off every single limb from their bodies until they’re nothing but a pile of flesh and blood. They’re gonna pay for this,” Remus snarls, each threat bathed in acrimony and malice and choked by fury ripping through the tempest. Logan stares through misty eyes, half-lidded and concerned but too out of it to muster much of a coherent thought. Thankfully, Deceit is still there, soft and warm and well-equipped to deal with Remus and his behaviour. The snake-like side sighs, reaching out to just barely snatch up a frilly black sleeve, tugging him closer and meeting surprisingly little resistance despite the rigidity of the tallest side’s posture. Each breath from Remus comes out like a bullet, brisk and arduous and punctuated by a pang of impermeable guilt.

Even as Deceit motions Remus to lower himself onto the bed in front of them, the latter of the two is still apprehensive, terse movements and restless eyes that flit between anything and everything they can to avoid stagnation. It’s almost fearful, in a way, primal in its aptitude to think, and cultivate, and vindicate a wrongdoing that was never his fault or responsibility in the first place. Logan hates that they need to save him, hates that he doesn’t truly believe they actually care. There’s a level of certainty with himself and with others that the logical side hasn’t reached yet, and it feels too close and yet too far, kept obscure and secluded and almost clandestine in the way it’s ostensibly unreachable.

With the help of Deceit’s hand to guide his way, Remus slowly lets go of his morning star, tossing it to the side with a pensive, trembling swallow. It clatters to the ground, metallic clang resounding in vibrations, tilde-shaped waves that bounce off the façade and yell out to one another. Muted shrieks upon perfect, flat, neutral paint, sepulchral oscillations attacking the drywall.

“You can’t hurt them. I know you’re angry. I am too. But hurting them won’t solve anything, Rem, you know that more than anyone,” Deceit says meaningfully, smiling in a way that’s sad and distant but caring and compelling and relaxing for the tension wrapped so tightly around the three of them. The snake-like side lifts the hand that’s not in Logan’s hair and reaches out to grab Remus’ own, firmly but gently as he squeezes his fingers in a way that reassures, and consoles, and reprimands, not unkindly. He admonishes, and breaks that anger and frustration, and builds up positivity and alleviation and reprieve from everything that allows that buzzing, ticking, those pinpricks upon pinpricks. His care and concern washes over you, paternal in a different way than Patton operates, and it’s why Deceit is so comforting to be around. He manages a respite from vexation, a refuge in sanctuary, discreet freedom for the flawed, defeated dreamer.

“I’m mad. I’m mad that they hurt you, Lo-Lo. I want them to feel the pain you’re feeling,” Remus mutters, frigid and defeated, head bowed and gaze distant in that transparent manner of his that easily broadcasts all of his thoughts and feelings and wishes. Logan feels the pride welling up in his chest without even realizing it, quietly delighted at the progress Remus has made in being clear and forthcoming with his emotions and impulsivity. A weary grin makes its way onto his face, predictably aggravating the soreness in his cheeks, yet he finds himself indifferent to it, unperturbed by the plight that’s ravaged his body for the day, and probably longer without his notice. He wants to reassure the younger twin, to smile and laugh and brush all of it off, but his eyelids droop, and a pathetic mewl is the only thing able to escape his lungs. Of course, since there’s something Logan wants to say, Deceit somehow knows how to communicate it, just as prompt and courteous and perceptive as always.

“We can talk about this later after Logan has slept. Don’t worry too much, Rem, and don’t do anything stupid. If you get angry again, please go to your paints instead of your legs,” Deceit instructs, more of a suggestion than a demand, but he hopes Remus will listen and be mindful anyway. The latter of the two bounces his leg anxiously, grumbling unintelligibly under his breath as he stands up in one swift, fluid motion. As Remus makes his way over to exit the room, Logan nudges Deceit’s hand with his head gently, trying to bring his attention back to the massaging motion that ceased sometime during the conversation. The snake-like side’s eyes flick downward to meet the smaller side’s own half-lidded, teetering gaze, and he huffs a laugh after a moment of searching. Logan doesn’t know what he finds, but he realizes that he doesn’t really care that much about worrying over every little interaction anymore.

Remus finally turns and glances back as he swings the door open, brows still furrowed and shoulders still hunched, but simply shakes his head and leaves. The door closes much softer than before, thankfully, so as not to be too harsh on Logan’s migraine, an unusually conscientious thought from someone that rarely shows consideration to the needs of others that the logical side appreciates that much more. As the sound of Remus’ footsteps slowly fade with his retreat down the hallway, the two of them left are bathed in silence, one that is marginally less heavy and thick than before.

A small while passes afterward, only punctuated by soft breathing and light scratching noises from nails trailing through messy hair. Logan feels like he might pass out any minute, what with the comfortable, quiet understanding the two have come to rest at, but some part of him says to wait, to push through the mind-numbing exhaustion for just a little while longer. That part of him is probably just being considerate toward Deceit, who Logan can’t imagine would be very comfortable with another side falling asleep on him and laying on him for an extended period of time, but he figures that it’s a good of a reason as any. It’s not about him feeling like a burden. It’s not.

Eventually, Deceit must start to get tired as well, or maybe he’s sore from Logan’s weight on his legs, so he sits forward, apologizing quietly for disturbing the peace, and he moves them into a more comfortable position. The new arrangement is far more snug and cozy than the previous one, Logan thinks drowsily, as his head hits the pillow across from Deceit. They lay there on top of the blankets but make no move to pull them up, just content to stare lazily at one another in the dim, ambient light cast by the desk lamp in the opposite corner of the room.

“Why?” Logan finally asks, and although he loathes disrupting the silence, he needs to ask. The words are scratchy in his tender throat, a charcoal whisper on a steel canvas that scratches and sketches away with nothing viable left to keep through the wind that blows the dark dust off the surface. “Why are you helping me? Why do you care?”

Deceit just hums, sending Logan a weak, distracted smile. He mulls over the words, tossing about the meaning and possibilities in his head and on his silver tongue, rushing in an uncertain river through valleys of golden sand.

“I am self-preservation at its core. I exist to keep Thomas safe and healthy and thriving, and that also means you and the other sides by extension. But… it’s not just that. Even though I feel physical pain whenever one of you or Thomas is hurt, I specifically want to help you because… I care about you, Logan. I love you, and want to see you healthy and happy. I haven’t really been doing a good job of that lately,” Deceit mutters, gaze somewhere on their shared pillow, and there’s a quality to his tone that’s bitter beyond the line of frustration. Although Deceit doesn’t expand on it, doesn’t offer up a single clarification despite the heavy air and his resigned demeanour, Logan gets it. He understands, and he wants to prove him wrong.

So he does.

And that comes in the form of surging forward, fighting against the current, the pinpricks in his stomach and shoulders and abdomen, disregarding the exhaustion for just a little while longer so that he can let Deceit’s lips meet his own. Logan’s so close he can feel the shocked rush of air leave Deceit’s nose, feel the vibrations through the air as his body trembles in fear and anticipation and relief. The other side eases in, sinks closer, closer, and finally moves his lips in a careful, emotional dance that leaves Logan dizzy and breathless, for entirely different reasons that have plagued him for the past day.

“Lo,” Deceit breathes, low, wanting, and he pulls back to give Logan a chance to catch up. A scaled hand comes up to caress the logical side’s cheek, a soothing, cool balm for the raw skin beginning to heal there. “I didn’t… I didn’t think…”

“I love you,” Logan breathes, the words he’s refused to say, to acknowledge, to confront welling up through his throat and for the first time, he lets them spill out. The dam has broken, debris left to descend and submerge in the depths of the sentiment crashing through in a roaring, passionate rapid at the narrowest point yet. The words come, and they don’t stop, and Logan almost can’t believe how right they feel on his tongue. “I love you, I love you, I–I love you so much, Dee.”

Logan is like a rubber band, pulled taut and still and trembling under the pressure. And maybe he’ll split, shoot apart, torn in two pieces that will never fit back together again. But maybe he won’t. Maybe instead of snapping in half, he’ll snap back, and that thought alone gives him a quiet comfort that he’s not used to allowing himself. He’s waiting, hoping, and he’s okay enough for now.

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