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guesst · 1 month

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MANHWA REC LIST PART 3 courtesy of @ihavenobigbrain

have tried my best to put in all the nice platonic manhwas i’ve read! theres still a bunch of romance but fun and games and lightheartedness is the main focus of these for sure 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

first of all i will rec the obvious and popular ones so they dont get missed becuse they are Popular for a Good Reason:

the s classes that i raised (super good, ive read the novel mostly but the manhwa is JUST as great. mc is collecting people like pokemon)

trash of the counts family (amazing art, little dragon child, mc is collecting people like pokemon)

also gonna plug some ones from the previous rec posts just cus i truly believe they are some of the best non romance manhwa: susu, han; i see you; the tale of goldiluck the black kitten

okay onto the actual recs !

WHEN THE THIRD WHEEL STRIKES BACK

HILARIOUS. genuinely so good, pretty underrated too (in that i havent seen anyone talking about this?) but it has a main character who isekais into a second male lead and decides to stay awayy from the leads — this fails miserably, obviously, and its comical. the misunderstandings, the unlucky run-ins… also the mc is a priest and theres a pretty interesting magic system and worldbuilding!! and as a final bonus the art is nice. genuinely so fun to read, highly recommend

A STEPMOTHER’S MARCHEN

favourite manhwa of all time tbh its the only one ive bought a physical copy of (so far, anyway.. hehe). has a romance sub plot but the characterisations, relationships, plot development etc is exquisite. the family relationship takes precedence here especially in the first few arcs, the characters are REALISTIC, the art is gorgeous…, i love it so so much highly rec if you havent read it already. i guess this doesnt fall as much into light-hearted, because there are quite a lot of heavy moments… but its nicely balanced out with the comedy n all so i’ll put it in anyway :]

SCHOOLMATE FRIEND

super cute! this one is a school romance and it doesnt have many chapters out but its simple and the two mains are adorable. its a nice fluffy read and the artstyle is also lovely.

THE DEMON KING DAD AND HIS HERO DAUGHTER

jdjsjd can you tell how this goes from the title? speaking of which i type it from memory and i cant find the tab i had it open in so it might actually be “his daughter the hero” not “his hero daughter”… not sure. anyway i havent read much of this one but the first few chapters alone had me screaming the dad and his lackey are idiots please read it for him. he loves his daughter but this is backfiring on him so badly djrnfj

^ idiot lackey, everyone

RETURN OF THE WAR GOD

you would assume the war god goes to war! but no. he picks up a little girl and then he’s like. ok mine now. and the rest of the manhwa is spent getting money out of people and living in the woods in his homemade mansion with his daughter and the mamy many sidekicks that they pick up along the way. lovely art, lots of funny moments, plenty of action -- this is a martial arts story -- n the side characters are great (especially the governor lol) .

SCREW THE NOBLE LIFE, I’M GOING HOME

there arent many chapters out for this one (24 i think?) but im so invested already. as it stands this is centred entirely around the isekai’d main character and her new family, there is a heavy dose of angst about identity issues but every chapter has a new misunderstanding and it has me rolling fr ,, oh also the mc’s new brothers are her stepsiblings but they shoot down that romance route really fast and their relationships are so entertaining if it keeps going the way it is this will definitely become a favourite. heres an out of context foot pic

SIGRID

AMAZING TRULY AMAZING the character arcs in this one are so !!! yummy !!! mc time travels n endeavours to correct her actions n save people and in the process makes sm friends and all the characters have depth and grow and theyre all so !!! lovable !!!! the friendships in this one are amazing even without the romance subplot (and also speaking of romance, its a slow burn mainly cus sigrid is as dense as a brick but its NOT frustrating because it actually makes sense for her character!! like im usually the first one to move on from a thick fl but honestly you cant help but cheer them on) its so so good, i love it

THE MEANING OF YOU

this one is an isekai romance with again some lovely character arcs :D the main character is pretty depressive but its also got plenty of light/funny moments to balance it out, and the plot centres around her learning to take care of herself and becoming more confident,, i love the characters a lot ! they care a lot. the romance does get a bit cheesy at times but it really is so wholesome with solid characterisation n its completed too so you have a nice 3am read.

HOW TO BE A DARK HERO’S DAUGHTER

urgh one of the best kid leads ever, plenty of plot and the art is gorgeous as well like its a winner all around okay. as it stands its on an indefinite hiatus (author had cancer and i assume is still recovering or just taking a break for a while) but season one is already completed and its an excellent family centred read with a few mysteries scattered here n there also did i mention the entire family is so yummy. im so gone for the butler fjddjdnndd

MY BROTHERS, THE PROTAGONISTS

simultaenously super funny and somewhat angsty. this is one of those dungeon manhwa but the caveat is each of the mc's brothers has a different trope going on (time travel, became demon king, isekai'd) while mc is a decent potion maker and has to deal with all their bullshit (affectionate). it handles family issues and balances it with comedy perfectly. the main character is really really likeable and you cant help but cheer her on. so far its almost entirely platonic but i spy a few male leads lol

MY CUTE BEAST!!!

romance manhwa again !! fjdmcjf the author of this one looked at all the classic miscommunication and misunderstanding tropes and noped the fuck out its so easy to read because you will NOT stress out and the male lead is so cute also. they play with the typical gender roles so fl has the knight aura while the ml is the damsel. its great and the characterisations are also awesome. big big fan. look him

WEE!!

iirc this is actually either malaysian or indonesian, not korean i think..? its mostly slice of life iirc n its been like.. 2 years since i read it so the humour might be . slightly outdated haha,, the cast is pretty diverse which is cool and there are a few angsty backstory chapters scattered here and there but on the whole it is chock full of shits and giggles if you want silly times. the only caveat is there isnt an official translation afaik so like… fan translation will have to do djfnc

A FREE RIDE EVERYDAY

back to romance ! romance manhua this time, slice pf life office type of thing and its pretty much just fluff. its a cute low stress read for times where u just want to sit down n smile about something and the characters r not thick about everything like they can be in SOME romances fjfnf and also the art is lovely! look at the cover, thats what its like the whole way through.

PURRFECT WORLD

mad underrated djfhdn it’s pretty chill, its a story about a human girl working at a salad restaurant on a planet full of cats. the art is super cute, the cats have jobs and all but they also act like cats and its great dhsks like the owner of the restaurant likes to sit in random cardboard boxes. its been a while since i read it but there is not much romance (if at all??), but plenty of cats and shenanigans. heehee

read it for him !! its also complete and its not particularly long either btw forgor to say

ONI NO KO

this one … i think is a manga actually? in colour?? its about a random oni kid that gets picked up by a high schooler’s family. very very cute art, it’s short and sweet and i will repeat very cute.

look him! hes so small ! he likes baseball!!

BONUS REC which doesnt fit the mood but i think more people should read it: the goldfish osushi. i wont elaborate anymore but its truly… your heart will be touched after it lol

also if anyone has more to add to this list (preferably things u think r underrated !! and no orv because everyone automatically recs that to me and im tired ajfndn) please do i would also like recs. also also if anyone has requests i love making lists

#manhwa #manhwa recs

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judjira · 4 months

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hello i would like to be devastated is dahyun involved is there romance is there friendship who else is there give me all ur thoughts thanks

(TW: mentions of toxic relationship, dark themes and medical torture)

IT IS DARK

it is going to be a dark fic, like as dark as i can possibly make it, like little to no wholesome or fluffy moments, i want to make it as twisted as possible, so yes many toxic relationships and morally dubious decisions

as for the characters i havent rly decided on who exactly, BUT i do have four dynamics that i want to explore that i'll list here:

asylum director/new patient: ok so this dynamic is basically, a new patient has been entered into the asylum, and they've been wrongfully convicted of a crime. to get out of it, they've pled insanity, even though they are fully sane. this has unfortunately attracted the attention of the asylum director, who is an obssessive, unstable, and sadistic person who's taken a liking to this patient, and will NOT allow them to leave. so yes very reversal of dynamics, this is a DARK pairing, bc it will def involve medical torture to "cure" or "condition" the new patient, PLUS very intense stockholm syndrome. this is NOT gonna be a happy go-lucky relationship guys, if anything, this is probably the worst dynamic among the four in terms of healthy relationships. (i am leaning towards sahyo or minayeon for this pairing idk it works really well)

new nurse/oldest patient: so this will probably be the focus of the fic, if i dont plan on releasing solo fics for the other pairings HAHA. basically a new nurse and caretaker has been hired to take care of the asylum's oldest patient, a supposedly deranged individual who can't be "cured". but upon the nurse's observations, this patient is kind and polite, and remarkably sweet to her. but obviously there is more to them than meets the eye. this pairing is less toxic than the first but still ill-advised because it involves the corruption of innocence and morality, as the nurse falls deeper and deeper for the patient. (looking at dajeong, minayeon, or motzu for this one, its definitely a younger to older dynamic, younger nurse and older patient)

established doctor/asylum orderly or guard: so this relationship is basically a couple that goes down the rabbit hole. an established relationship, the doctor is the pride and joy of the asylum for "curing" so many patients. what the people don't know is what the doctor does to "cure" people. enter the asylum orderly/guard, who carries out all of their "operations" and "sessions" through very violent means. it's a question of how far they'll go to succeed and whether love triumphs morals. yes this is toxic, but these two truly do love each other, and they're too far in deep to stop now. (this is probably dajeong or motzu. a charismatic doctor and a stoic orderly)

asylum psychiatrist/asylum janitor: lastly, the simplest and probably healthiest, but still not that healthy, relationship. the asylum psychiatrist is an old, jaded soul who works late nights at the asylum to get all their paperwork done. the janitor of the night shift always encounters this doctor late nights, and they walk home together. the janitor is just a simple person who likes the psychiatrist, but the psychiatrist hides many dark secrets that might turn the janitor away. yep this is very simple and very unlike the others at first glance, but the psychiatrist has seen many things and done many things to get such a comfortable position. (this one might either be motzu or minayeon, older janitor and younger doctor)

so yeah ! these are the pairings i wanna explore. i imagine this as a single fic focusing on the new nurse and oldest patient, but who knows, yknow !

#ask #lmao this was a lot

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mikka-minns · 7 months

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Opinions on characters: Kiryuu Nanami, Saionji Kyouichi, Tatsuki Shiori

Thank you for the ask! Im guessing its for the ask game(the general opinion is included so yeah) Sorry i didnt answer until now😅

Kiryuu Nanami

General opinion: She is everything to me. Her mere existance confirme half of my theories about Anthy and Akio.

She is a queen. She didnt deserve this.

The reason she isnt in the movie is because she realised the truth about Ohtori in time and when things started to go back to their bad nature she was able to leave.

She is the perfect first character to find out about Akio's abuse because she lived with one of his victims, he ruined her life in-directly and was about to make her another one of his victims. Her character and story are perfect, i would change nothing about her.

(i have a big post about her, Anthy and Shadow Girls to write so stay tuned for that)

A ship i love: i cant decide if i like the idea that Nanami is aromantic or a lesbian(so probably both) and i dont have a ship with her i realy love. I like Nanami x Kozue a bit, mostly for the parrallels, but i have my own problems with Kozue(which is its own topic), so im not sure how much i actualy ship it. But then again, most of my Rgu Ships go under "after 15 years of therapy they can actualy date", so... Who know.

A non-romantic relationship i love: her friendship with Utena and Anthy and her friendship with Saionji. I wish she got a chance to apologize to Anthy once they were both in a good place and far away from their brothers. For Saionji, i hope they got to meet after he left Ohtori with Juri and Miki. If he grew as a person(which is necessery for escapong Ohtori) he would be a great big brother. Also, the egg episode realy sells me the idea he is her brother figure. "No appreciation for brotherly advice".

A NOTP: Nanami x Touga and Nanami x Akio(OBVIOUSLY). I havent seen anyone ship it and GOOD. That is a one way ticket to hell. I Also dont like Nanami x Saionji, but thats mostly personal opinion cuz i see them as siblings. Might Also be the age gap but idk.

My biggest headcanon about them: as i said, SHE LEFT THE OHTORI NOT LONG AFTER THE SERIES FINALE! She is also an animal person but is not used to them because of her family(cats trigger he trauma too). Once she and Anthy make up, BECAUSE THEY WILL, Anthy lets her spend time with her animal friends, maybe even helps her adopt an animal of her own.

An idea for fanfiction: Nanami meeting with everyone from Ohtori after they escape, exploring their relationships once they arent under control of their abusers.

(this one is in my WIPs, i Just have to finish it) Weed bride. Anthy and Nanami smoke blunts together along with everyone else. They Also take over Ohtori. I dont wanna spoil anything.

Something that makes me think of them:

Songs "Oh no!" and "Family jewels" by Marina and the diamonds, "allies or Enemies"(about her and Touga) and "Take me to War" by crane wives. And a few more but this is on the top of my mind.

Kyouichi Saionji

General opinion: He was the perfect first antagonists for the series. He is so pathetic, no one takes him seriusly, which is a perfect foil to Akio being adored and trusted by many characters.

He most likely isn pure evil as he is still a child, but he should defenetly be taken responsible for his actions(abuse of Anthy).

A ship i love: touga x Saionji but ONLY AFTER 20, NO, 40 YEARS OF THERAPY! They both hurt each other, they should solve their problems. I wish we saw Saionji's Thoughts about Touga in the movie, but hey, we cant have everything.

A non-romantic relationship that i love: as i said, he would make a great brother to Nanami. As i doubt either of them will ever see Touga again, they could help each other with the trauma. Saionji defenetly has family problems, everyone does in Ohtori.

I also like his friendship with Wakaba, i dont ship them tbh. I feel like she can put him in his place with ease(she beat Utena up as a petty joke).

Not realy a positive relationship, but his rivalry with Utena is very intresting. He is like a trashy version of her. Their straight love intrests are each other's real crushes, but they project. This would all be solved if the world wasnt homophobic. I want them to fight, middle-school-girl style cuz Saionji would get his ass handed to him.

A NOTP: saionji x Akio (OBVIOUSLY) and Saionji x Nanami (again, its just my personal preference)

My biggest headcanon about them: he projected Touga onto Anthy. Thats what kinda stings about how he treated her. Its obvious that relationship was going nowhere, but he never even liked her for her and so it was Just cruel.

He feels as if he isnt good enough for people around him and was at some point jealous about Touga's relationship with Akio cuz it seemed like Touga was so much more mature that he was getting attention of another adult.(angsty i know, but its based on reality)

A fanfic idea: him and Nanami meeting again(as you can see, im very normal a out them)

Maybe an AU where he and Touga dont go so off the edge ti become the pricks they are in the canon and instead Run away with Nanami and live as a little family(THIS SHOW HURT ME, OKAY)

In weed bride, Anthy wrecks his shit cuz he was with Touga and she was about to end Touga so obviously he will get some too. (that fic is Just pure crack)

Tatsuki Shiori

Something that Reminds me of them: tbh i cant think of anything right now.

General opinion: gurlfailiure. I love her. Just another child in a cruel world. She only had the worst adults to look up to and so she hurt the Ones she loved the most. She has room to grow and redeemed herself, she is only a child after all.

I think her place in the movie was great because of that. (i think her role was methaphore for what happend after the series finale, Just like with everyone else)

A ship that i love: i like Juri x Shiori and kinda Shiori x Kozue(both girls are disasters) but i wouldnt say i love either of those. Again, years of therapy, then they can get bitches.

A non-romantic relationship i love: not sure

Maybe her relationship with Touga cuz i dont see it as a real romance. I like it for the narrative(its not realy healthy) and how we found out a lot about Touga trough it.

I think her relationship with Ruka was a perfect example of an older guy messing with a younger girl. Toxic and cruel.

A NOTP: Shiori x Akio (look i have to make sure its known i do not unde any circumstances support these Ships) and Shiori x Ruka(he is an abusive asshole. A mini Akio, if you will)

My biggest headcanon about them: she is queer and full of internalised homophobia. She loved Juri but she is Just another pawn in Akio's game and so she could do nothing but hurt her. I dont think they made up after the end of the movie, im not even sure Shiori escaped, so idk if they even met after.

She liked Touga less because he is a prince and more because he is like a rose bride(like her, in a way) but is not a girl so its fiiine(side eye).

A fanfic idea: i dont have any right now

Maybe exploring her movie role and/or her mindset trough a fanfic?

Something that Reminds me of them: again, not sure.

#shiori takatsuki #kyouichi saionji #Kiryuu nanami #nanami kiryuu #saionji kyouichi #takatsuki shiori #touga kiryuu #Cuz he plauged this post with his importance to the story #So ig i should tag him too #Revolutionary girl utena #Adolescence of utena #shoujo kakumei utena

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moonjxsung · 2 months

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i completely missed that you responded to my ask omg oops sorry 😭😭😭 anyways ummm tw for suicide mentions, cheating, a minor getting involved with adults (no explicit details), asian fetishization, manipulation (please know that this is quite a lot)

so i dated this girl in 2018 who was about a year younger than me, i was around 13-14 during the time so she was 12-13 or so (also since we were so young she might be better now, i have no idea. i could've done things better too and should've left, but we were both kids too, so. yeah)

first of all she'd be possessive over her biases, so a lot of the time i had to hold back around her if i liked the same idol she did, and for quite a while i really disliked nct because of her (but im fully over it now)

she used to go on omegle all the time and she purposefully tagged it with "asian, korean, nsfw, dom" etcetc and she'd do this on call right in front of me, flirting with strangers AND she'd lie about her age ALLLLLL the time.. so often she'd claim to be 16-18 to people who were 18+

me and our other 2 friends told her Not to do that but i dont think we ourselves even fully grasped the situation. to this day im not sure how far any of her conversations or friendships went with people who she lied to :/ i only know about one guy who realized/found out(?) that she wasnt in fact the age she said she was and i think he just cut it off and she was talking about it to me

(a side note about the omegle thing, i decided to try it once on call and also flirted with a stranger Which was wrong ofc, but also she immediately started crying and left call whereas this was a daily thing she did towards me......)

she lied about having jungkooks skype so she could switch back and forth between calls with her friends it was so ?????? 😭😭😭😭😭 we did not believe her but she was so adamant on it LMFAOOOOOOOOO

tw for suicide here

a LOT of times she'd suddenly hate me (idr her reasonings. i think it was her thinking i wasnt there for her or i didnt want to date her anymore) and she'd block me out of nowhere or she'd often "threaten suicide" i say that but technically thats not even what she did. she straight up told me how she was gonna attempt or told me she was in the middle of attempting, and multiple times i got on calls trying to calm her down and get her help. very awesome experience for a teen to go through:) i have no clue if any of it was even real either, so there's that

but yeah it was just very on and off and when i finally fully cut her off she Blamed me and got mad that i was cutting her off for my own mental health and wellbeing, she called me selfish for "cutting her off because she was suicidal" Which was not exactly the case.. i wouldnt cut someone off for just that, there were more layers to it

anyways i havent seen her in years. hope she's improved at least a bit now that she's older - puppy anon

Omg WHATTT is it with people who find pleasure in openly flirting right in front of you with people online????…?/??/? My last situationship did that shit all the time as a “joke” but got mad if I called anyone (even an idol????) remotely attractive like!?? What are you gaining? Out of doing that?????? That’s really terrible that she lied about her age too oh my god those people could’ve gotten in SERIOUS trouble just because she wanted to be silly online wtaf……..

THE JUNGKOOK SKYPE THIS IS CRAZYYYYYZUSKKSSKLZKS HELP MEEEEE 😭😭 why do people think they’re convincing anyone by lying about the most out of pocket shit LMAOOOO

The suicide thing is absolutely abhorrent behavior oh my god…. I don’t know WHAT it is with friends or relationships who threaten suicide and then either block you or disappear for hours on end and they don’t understand the fucking TOLL that takes on somebody. Like they really think it’s okay to make you go about your day after having to practically talk somebody out of suicide. And then it turns out that wasn’t even the case :/ as an adult I realize how ODD it is that people do that shit at all, and to CHILDREN. I had a friend who did the same to me when I was in the 1D fandom and she was 20, I was only 13. I remember sending her Harry styles memes that were like “you’re worth it” and “you matter” like oh my god please go see a therapist I am a CHILD BRO 😭😭😭😭

I’m glad you finally cut her off and prioritized yourself and I hope you don’t cross paths with anyone like her again :( people like that will try to make you feel bad for cutting them off because they’re just mad about the fact that somebody was smart enough to see through their manipulative schemes and pull out of being involved. You deserve so much better and I also hope that she’s improved but I hope nobody has to go through that shit at the hands of her scheming ass 🙄 BYEEEEEE

ily pookie thank you for sharing this with me it’s not easy to talk about things like this but you’re doing amazing and you deserve the very best !! I love u and I hope u know that every time I think of you I think of that silly alien meme. SCHOOLK😈‼️‼️🫶

#puppy anon <3 #ask

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faeriekougraz · 5 months

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Hello I am interested in your Mapleshade Maplestar AU please elaborate, particularly the history and deviations from canon that lead up to this AU and, but I want to know everything

EEEE okay so im hoping to make it a like. Big AU of all the things i wanna change in canon (however because ive never read the books past like a few o audio books of the one offs (MV, GC, PC etc) and the mangas i…… am a bit slower on knowing diff things)

For the maple part of the AU she manages to stay in thunderclan and falls in love with frecklewish. She still gets almost exiled but frecklewish steps in at the last minute defending her. Because Oakstar can’t bare the thought of hurting his daughter he leaves the issue alone and dismisses the clan. This means patchkid, petalkit and larchkit live! Ravenwing kinda hates mapleshade for the first bit of this au after finding out the truth since he’s made she doesn’t get punished, however on an outing that she, freckle and the kits take freckle gets bit by a snake and maple and raven manage to save her. After that raven respects her a bit more. At a gathering riverclan is confronted about their warrior appledusk having had a cross clan relationship which causes a bit of a stir. Because of this he loses a lot of respect from his clanmates and he grows pretty bitter about it. His apprentice doesn’t seem to respect him as much and his mate, reedshine, doesn’t trust him. He develops the idea that he’ll attack maple during a battle to try and get revenge on her however as time grows and as he see her living (in his eyes) with 0 consequences he decides to take the idea further and wanted to kill her all together. He eventually tries to however perchpaw ends up being the one to save her after he also tries to attack one of her kits (larchpaw). Appledusk is exiled for his reckless behaviour and because he “hasn’t shown sighs of improving his behaviour” and so he goes after maple once more however he’s ultimately killed (still havent figured out how yet).

After this, later on, larchpaw starts talking to perchpaw at gatherings and they end up developing a friendship (and later a relationship). Meanwhile, patchpaw develops a relationship with nettlepaw! And finally petalpaw, far into the future, possibly becomes a kittypet (i havent decided if she stays one). I might have her replace crystal actually and instead be the mother of jake, and his siblings. Alternatively i could make her the mother of firestar but im not sure the ages between jake and her at that point… i gotta do some digging.

Oakstar also offers mapleshade the position of deputy rather than doefeather. She basically replaces doestar as leader and appledusk replaces her in the villain roll in later stories maybe. Still figuring it out.

Other than that, things i also wanna change are:

- Hawkfrost X leafpool…. Maybe… perhaps

- snowkit survives

-cinderpelt is handled differently

-fading is stupid and doesnt happen (i have a diff idea for starclan and stuff)

-im not sure if i’ll merge my maplestar and featherstar aus but if i do then featherstar happens and leopardstar dies lol

-uhhh…. I forgot all my other ideas lol

#warriors au #warriors #maplestar au #featherstar au #ask time #typicalcommondandelion

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for-the-love-of-javert · 2 months

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Well here it is. My fanfic. This is just chapter one there will be more to come.

First things first, this is an alternate universe fanfic. My universe. Some things will be similar to the canon storyline and others wont. This fic is about Javert and his overall character and developing that character in a way that I would have liked to have sene done in ‘The Brick’. I think Hugo did him dirty in numerous ways. So this is my take on Javert, his life and the possibilities for things he didn’t experience in the book. The first few chapters will be slow burn as I introduce you to a couple of new characters and allow things to develop from there. Who knows where this story will go in the future, but I have decided that instead of making it a one-shot I’m going to be continuing it and hopefully soon adding some illustration to it as well. Please note all places (inn’s, taverns, hotels, etc) are completely fictional with names made up by me because I havent had time to research everything yet and I’m still reading ‘The Brick’. My AU Javert will be based on Quastvert (particularly his image)

Trigger Warnings: This story as it unfolds (as previously stated more chapters will be added to this specific fanfic) will contain descriptions of a sexual nature, and descriptions of violent crime. It will also allude to mental health issues. Read at your own risk. I’d say this fanfic is not suitable for anyone below the age of 16. Also this is my very first fanfic so feedback is important to me.

Themes: Friendship/Lovers/Romance/Character Development (Javert & New characters)/Mental Health/Culty Mindset Deconstruction/Learning to livea normal life. Also: Murder, domestic Violence/Other Crimes/ Police Investigations/Obsession.

New Characters: Catherine Bernard, Chloe Bernard, Pierre, Rose & Andre.

Pre Barricade Era.

Javert: Out of The Shadows

Chapter 1

It had been a long day, longer than it should have been, stressful and unpleasant. After finishing his shift, Inspector Javert made his way home, changed out of his uniform and into less formal attire and, having taken into consideration advice that was offered by a few of his colleagues, he decided to go out and try socialising once again. he had attempted to a couple of time previously after he got a bit of rubbing from two junior officers about his lack of a social life, wife, girlfriend, family and even friends. He had always ignoreed his collleagues when theysuggested he ‘get out more’. he had never had any interest in mixing with society. But lately he had begun to relaise how little he had in his life, besides his job his life most certainly lacked all of the things his colleagues had mentioned. Relationships had always been a no,no for him. He saw women and emotional attachment as inconvenient, however he had never experienced these things so how could he possibly know?

A week or so prior he had met a woman in Le Chien Noir, a tavern where he had stopped by and indulged in one or two drinks. Not much of a drinker of alcohol it had taken him almost 4 hours to drink 2 glasses of red wine and the next morning he had awoken with a headache. His new lady friend, although he had only seen her once since meeting her was called Catherine or Cathy as she preferred to be called. she was an attractive 38 year old widow who had moved back to Paris from Boulogne-sur-Mer 2 years after her husbands death after finally being able to sell their properties and close up his estate. Catherine had no children due to her husbands propensity for violence having afflicted 4 miscarriages. 3 years prior to moving home her husband had murdered his business partner and tried to flee France. Luckily he was caught at Calais and apprehended. From there he was taken to jail, but rather than take accountability for his crimes and face the likelihood of the death penalty, he had hung himself. Uncomfortable living in Boulogne-sur-Mer Catherine returned to Paries and a neighbourhood not too far from where she grew up to start her life over.

On the night they he met her, Javert had been almost instantly captivated by Cathy, she was vivacious, fun and had a wonderful sense of humour. She had blue eyes and dark brown hair, she was short, around 5 feet in height, and voluptuous. But she had no edge to her, she was polite, well manner, kind and attentive to the various customers in the tavern. On and off throught that evening they had talked and he had enjoyed their conversation. Cathy had even managed to amuse him more than once and once he had relaxed a little he had even managed to smile. He had been able to tell that she had been curious about him and no doubt the parisian grapevine had provided plenty of tid bits of information about him and his unusual lifestyle.

Javert’s life beyond his work as a police officer was quiet solitary. With no family to visit him or vice versa and no real friends to socialise with and not to mention an aversion to getting to involved in society generally, he was not used to being out in public, drinking in taverns and fratinising with the ladies who worked in them. He just wasn’t comfortable in these situations and preferred to be alone. Though he occasionally admitted, only to himself, mind, that he did get lonely and yearned for companionship of some kind. He had never had a relationship, never courted in his youth, though he did flirt with girls back then as he got older and more devoted to his work he decided those kind of distractions were something he didn’t need. So he committed himself to his work, to the law and allowed himself no time for pleasure or company of any kind. Not even a pet dog or cat.

When Cathy had finished her shift that night, Javert, who had just finished his drink to a little plunge into the uknown and offered to walk her home. Cathy had happily accepted his offer so they walked into the night towards Cathy’s home which was close to an area where a series of violent robberies had taken place in recent months. On top of that two women had been murdered on the route that led to Cathy’s neighbourhood. Cathy had been understanbly concerned about walking home alone and seemd glad to have the company of the normally distant and somewhat mysterious policeman.

On the way to Cathy’s home they had talked about the recent crimes in the area.

“I’m not a regular member of staff at the tavern, the owners, Pierre and Rose are friends of mine, I help them out when they are short staffed. It’s not fun, finishing a shift and having to walk home when the fastest route is on the exact street where two women have been murdered.” She said.

“I exepct not, but you need not worry, I’ll walk you to your door and as long as I’m not working and you don’t feel like I’m imposing, I can walk you home from the tavern when you have shifts there in future.” He replied.

“You surprise me Inspector. Everything I’ve hear about you is turning out to either be complete lies or only half truths.”

“How so?” Javert asked.

“Well town gossip states that you never go out, have no friends, no family and beyond your work your not interested in anything.” Cathy replied.

"Well, it is true that I have no family, I am unmarried and have never been married. My parents are dead and I have no ther family. It is also true that I don’t go out much if at all and when I do it’s usually to eat.“ He said.

“Yet you have, been to the tavern a few times in the past few weeks. Also you have been quite sociable, especially this evening. I’ve rather ejoyed talking to you.“

"The feeling is mutual Madame and I am glad to be able to make sure you get home safely.”

“So am I Inspector.”

“Please call me Javert.”

“Has the killer been found yet?” She asked

“Sadly and rather annoyingly, no he hasn’t. But we are searching for him.” He replied.

For a few moments they walked in silence and turning into the street where Cathy lived, he wondered whether or no he should ask her to go out with him. But what on earth would make him think she would want to.

They reached Cathy’s front door and she turned to him and asked

“Would you like to join me for a drink or some supper?”

He was a little taken aback and trying not to seem to eager he replied

“No, that is quite alright, I don’t expect you to go to any trouble. Besides, it is late, I’m sure your tired and would prefer to turn in for the night.” He was blushing and felt a bit of a dolt for turning down her offer.

“It’s no trouble at all, and you didn’t eat at the tavern this evening, I bet you’re hungry. Come on in.” She insisted, smiling.

Then she turned to open the door. As she walked into the house she found Eponine (Thenardier), who had been taking care of Cathy’s young neice while she was working, curled up asleep in a chair. Cathy gently woke her and queeried as to how things had been while she had been out and was pleased to hear that her niece, Chloe who was four years old had been well behaved and was fast asleep. Cathy paid Eponine and Eponine left to go home with arrangments made to take care Chloe again on Sunday afternoon/early evening.

Cathy handed Javert a bottle of wine while Cathy made some sandwiches for supper. Normally she would have a soup or a stew prepared and ready for heating up but she hadn’t had time to make either of those meals today because Pierre had sent is 12 year old son, Andre to give her a message that they were short staffed at the tavern. She had literally only had enough time to change her clothes, brush her hair and leave the house. Eponine had stayed overnight the night before so she was already there and happy to stay and look after Chloe for what was only supposed to be 4 hours but ended up being 8 hours because the tavern had been busy.

Javert and Cathy chatted well into the night. Luckily, neither of them wer eworking the next day and by the time Javert got ready to go home, Cathy had already decided she had wanted him to stay. But before she could ask him, on reaching the door and bidding her goodnight he turned around and why he did it, he had no idea, but he had the urge to touch her, even to kiss her, and without thinking he gently stroked her cheek with the back off his fingers, and then again with the palm of his hand, wondering as he did this if he was going to get his face slapped for pushing his luck. Cathy, stood there looking up at him. Her eyes met his and she placed her hand on top of his pressing it more firmly against her cheek. She then moved his hand a little, down towards her lips anf she kissed the palm of his hand. Needing no further encouragment, Javert gently took her face in both of his hands, leaned down and kissed her, softly and politely at first and then a little more passionately, she returned his kiss with a needy enthusiasm and he gathered her up in his arms and held her tight as he kissed her. When they ended their kiss, she reached up and placed her hand on his face with a pleading expression on her face she said softly.

“please stay with me.”

He wanted to, oh god he wanted to, at that moment he wanted all of the things he had never had or experienced. But a voice inside his head told him it was the wrong thing to do, that if he stayed with her he would be taking advantage of her even though she had asked him to stay. She asked again;

“Please, I’m not expecting anything form you. I’d just like you to stay with me and hold me.”

She couldn’t remeber that last time she had laid in bed with a man who was happy to hold her, show her any kind of affection or even make love to her. Her husband had been something of a savage beast. Everything he did was done with anger and haste as though he were doing it literally for his own satisfaction. He had never been loving or even caring for that matter and their marriage had been deeply unhappy. Their physical relationship was more often than not forced and brutal and she had dared not complain because he would beat her if she did. Violence was something he really liked, he enjoyed it other than that his only other pleasures were alcohol and money. When he killed himself in prison he she was glad that part of her life was over. Relieved that she could move on and make a life for herself elsewhere. She could not lie to anyone but not least to herself that she was glad her husband was gone. She didn’t miss him at all. The thought of anyone justing lying in bed with her and holding her made her happy, but after what had just happened, how she had felt when Javert held her and kissed her, she wanted more, and she wanted it from him. He had lit a flame in her that had long since burned itself out, and she had lit a flame in him that had never even existed.

Javert, now feeling guilty at the thought of leaving her alone relented and agreed to stay. vowinf to himself that he would behave like a gentleman and only hold her as she had asked him to. But he was not so sure that he could keep that vow. Cathy smiled and he retook his seat at the kitchen table, while Cathy washed their supper dishes and finished her glass of wine. After that she led him upstairs to the bedroom.

Eponine stood outside on the street deciding whether to go to the hovel she had been staying in with her mother and sister or whether to go and find her friends and spend the night in their company. She watched from across the street as Cathy’s house went dark. She had also taken a mental note that she had not seen the Inspector leave. Eponine decided to keep this information to herself, she liked Cathy and adored her niece, Chloe and did not want to cause problems as Cathy would often give her food and allow her to spend the night and on that night like an idiot, Eponine had told Cathy she had made arragements to spend the night with her mother and sister. It had been a lie, but in a way she was glad to not be in Cathy’s house this night even though nothing at all might have been happening, though she knew that thought was probably unlikely.

Cathy led Javert into her bedroom and lit a lamp then hung it on the hook on the wall. She left the bedroom for a brief moment to check on Chloe who was sleeping soundly. On returning to her bedroom she found Javert sitting on the bed looking a little unsure of himself and of what to do next. She closed the bedroom door and walked over to Javert, she could tell he was nervous. He opened his mouth to speak and she placed her finger on his lips, then, taking his face gently in her hands she leaned downa kissed him. He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her body against him. Their kiss became more passionate, more urgent, as he slipped his tongue between he slightly parted lips and into her warm, moist mouth. His tongue stroked hers and hers in return, stroked his, they kissed deeper, harder and began to undress each other. She slipped his jacket over his shoulders and then removed his cravat. Frantically unbuttoning his shirt she brushed her lips across his face and then down passed his jaw, to his neck as he removed her blouse and unfastened her skirt allowing it to fall to the floor. With an even great sense of need and urgency she removed his undergarments and then started to unfasten his trousers. As her hand moved slowly over his groin she felt his manhood hardening. He broke off the kiss and pressed his face against her ample, curvaceous breasts.

“I need to take off my Shoes.” He whispered.

“As do I.” she respinded with a giggle.

They removed their shoes and he then took on the challenge of removing her corset. He failed to understand why w woman would want to go through such rigmarole just for the sake of keeping the wobbly parts in place. Cathy giggled like a little girl as his finger lightly tickled he spine while he was unlacing her corset. His hands were warm though a little bit rough. As he removed the corset and the rest of her undergarments he cupped his hands gently around her breasts, coaxing her nipples with his fingers until they were erect, while she reached behind her having still not removed his trousers and slowly caressed his manhood which was now almost fully erect. She then pulled down his trousers and as they dropped to his feet he kicked them off. Then he removed his socks, and lay down on the bed pulling Cathy onto the bed with him.

He couldn’t remember a time when his curiosity had been so heightened. He softly caressed Cathy’s body, making sure to explore every curve with his hands as they travelled from her shoulders down to her ankles. He moved atop her and kissed her, deeply, firmly, passionately and with more confidence and contentment than he had ever been able to imagine feeling in such a situation with a woman. Moving from her mouth to her neck he kissed, licked and nibbled his way around her voluptuous body, raising his eyes only to glance at her lovely, face which shone with contentment and like porcelain in the dim lamplight. From her neck to her shoulder, down to he breasts, her nipples down her waist, her hips to the outside of her left thigh and across to outside of her right thigh, then to the inside of her right thigh and across to her left thigh, working his way up and she moaned with pleasure and writhed with the ever increasing arousal. He put his hand between her legs and with one finger he gently and eagerly massaged her most private and intimate area, causing her to become moist, he then slipped his finger inside of her entrance, exploring, investigating the inner sanctum, he moaned louder and writhed more vigorously, he fingered her a little long, slipping another finger inside of her as she raised her legs and rested them on his shoulders. He licked the outer nipple between her legs and then removing his fingers from inside her he slipped his tongue in, swirling it around and savouring the taste of her.

Cathy was breathing heavily now and faster, she couldn’t control herself or the sounds that were escaping from her mouth. She whispered:

“Please, I want you inside me.”

He kissed and licked his way back up her naked body again then he lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips, with one thrust his generously sized, hard cock was inside of her and she clutched at his shoulders, digging her fingernails into his skin leaving light scratches, she raised and lowered her pelvis to join with him each time her thrust. It was intense and wonderful and she hadn’t felt like this before nor had she felt so utterly wanted by anyone. Javert rolled over pulling Cathy on top of him and she rose up and down on his throbbing, hard cock. He held her hips trying to control her movements as she had almost completely lost control of herself and her actions. Javert sat up and thrust as deep into her as he could get, he was completely enveloped by them warm, wet hole by which he had been enveloped. They climbed the mountain together and fell from the summit together, sweating, moaning, panting as Cathy collapsed on top of him and pressed her forehead into his shoulder. He held her for what seemed like a long time but was only a few mere minutes. She rolled off him and turned onto her side to face him, stroking his face she pressed her lips agains his and kissed him and they snuggled up together and fell asleep.

Javert could still scarcely believe that it had happened, and on the first night they had met, no dinner date, no lunch in a cafe, just a woman at work and him a customer, a man, who had never believed he was worthy of any such attention and, not even looking for such an encounter. Though he had seen her a couple of time since then, both times he had been working and unable to spend time with her. This night he had paid little Gavroche Thenardier a little bit of money to find out whether or not Cathy was working at the Tavern. If she was not there he would go to her home and hope to be able to see her there. He met up with Gravroche who told him that Cathy was working in the tavern that night. So off he trudged to Le Chien Noir.

The tavern was busy again and he wasn’t comfortable in such crowded places. He looked through the window and spotted Cathy putting on her coat and saying goodbye to the other staff. He waited in the alley beside the tavern and as she left he stepped out in front of her almost scaring her into an early grave.

“Jesus Christ Javert! Why are you lurking around in the shadows like an old phantom?"

"I apologise Madame, I did not mean to frighten you, my intention was to surprise you though.” He responded.

“Surpise me eh?.” she said shaking her head. “That you most certainly did.”

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Yes, I’m alright, just give me a moment while my heart works it’s way back into my chest. Have you come to walk me home again?"

"Yes. I’ve also brought some supper and wine if you’d like toshare it with me.”

“I’d love to.” She smiled and nodded.

Cathy took Javert’s arm and they set off walking back to her house.

“I also had an overwhelming desire to see you again, and spend more time with you. I like to get to know you better.” Javert said a little embarassed at how open he’d been in the moment but he felt so comfortable with her, he just couldn’t help blurting it out.

“I’d like to get to know you too Javert. Will you be spening the night with me again?"

"Would you like to me to?” He asked.

“Yes I would.”

“Then I shall stay with you again.” He replied with a knowing smile.

She smiled back at him, linked her arm through his and for a moment or two, leaned her head against his arm. she didn’t understand why the locals feared him. in many ways no different to any other man despite having chosen to live his life in mostly solitude with only his work to keep things interesting. But little did she know how complicated, interesting and multilayered he could be. They had discussed little of his past, his childhood or his life before he became a police officer. While to him it was very simple because that’s they way he had constructed his life to be. He had built it around a very basic, but flawed view of the world and humanity and also that he was not accustomed to letting people into his very private little world, or displaying his emotions and thoughts. But she would find out soon enough. The streets in Cathy’s neighbourhood were quiet as they reached her modest yet cosy home. Eponine had fallen asleep on the chair again. Unable to wake her, Cathy left her their as she and Javert went into the kitchen to partake of their supper and wine. They chatted quietly for an hour or so before discreetly making their way upstairs, leaving the ground floor rooms of the house in darkness. While Eponine and Chloe slept peacefully throughout the night, Javert and Cathy intensified their relationship even further.

By For The Love of Javert

Tomorrow I get drawing again and see what I can come up with.

The Qustvert pics are to mark the beginning and end of the chapter. Hopefully soon I'll have a thinner page divider to separate the chapters or possibly an illustration of my own.

Good night I'll check in tomorrow to see what the commentary is like. I'm dreading it btw. Especially as I stayed up until 5.15am to get it finished.

#fanfic #my first fanfic #javert: out of the shadows #javert fic #javert fanfic #please leave feedback #I'm off to dpeosit my nervous middle aged soul into bed now

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askaborderline · 1 year

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hi! I guess I'm asking for maybe a bit of guidance and a small vent as well.

throughout this year I made the choice to attend therapy and try to understand/learn to cope with my behaviors and traumas. around the time I started attending my sessions I had also become close friends with someone! we talked everyday for months and I realize now that they had become an FP. because we were so comfortable with one another, I would start to share my past traumas/anxieties with them because I felt that was my way of connection. Additionally, I don't have familial support when it comes to my mental health. They were nothing but kind and understanding, unfortunately I realize that the more memories and realizations I had in therapy, the more I began to lean on them emotionally. I'm ashamed of this and have experienced extreme self loathing and guilt, but still they were nothing but understanding. After a huge fight with a family member I confided in them and told them truthfully, unfiltered how I was feeling. After this they told me that while they care for me, that they arent sure what I need and that they think it's best to take a breather for a few days. I felt horrible but understood and apologized for my behavior, holding onto the promise of talking about it soon. A month and a half went by and my anxiety skyrocketed. I decided to reach out and see how they were doing and they responded saying that they think we should talk about the nature of our relationship, that they were worried but still cared for me. I let them know I'd love to talk and that I did some reflection myself. Another month went by and the stress of university, therapy, my day to day, and the added anxiety of their last response caused me to spiral again. Eventually I reached out again, saying that I'm really struggling and would like to know where our friendship stood and that if they weren't ready that I understand but if they could please let me know. They responded saying that they think nothing but the best of me and always wish me well. I'm not sure it was their intention but I interpreted it as a sigh, like when someone is annoyed with you or a parent shooing away their child. It hurt horribly and I eventually split: I began to hate them and told myself all these horrible things. This isn't their responsibility nor their fault, but as a result of everything I did end up relapsing and spiraling horribly. And now that the month is nearly over, I've sort of detached myself from them. We use to talk day in and day out but now I no longer love or view them the same way I did and while I will always wish them well, I'm not sure I'd like to speak with them again. I take full blame for how things went down, I'm just sad that this is how things are ending because I had even begun to imagine a romantic future with them despite us never even seeing each other face to face which I think was me just obsessing over them as an FP. I sent them one last take care/implied goodbye message but I now have anxiety of whether or not I was kind in this situation. What if they're going through something as well and that's why we havent spoken. Me being constantly needy was what I assume caused this rift so by leaving just because they aren't giving me the time or attention is that selfish? I'm so worried about how I come off that it has lead me to self sabotage at times and I seriously wonder whether or not what I did was right in this situation. On the far chance we do talk and make up, I have already decided that because I saw them as an FP/reacted so horribly just by them not speaking with me, that it'd be best I leave them be for their health and state of mind. I've decided to start seeing a psychiatrist because of my intense behaviors because I do want to be better it's just all so stressful.

Please know that I hear exactly what you’re saying in your vent. Your tone reflects how you feel, I think. Perhaps wanting to put things into neat boxes. “This is why this happened”, etc. and it’s clear it’s stressing you out that you don’t know for sure where you sit.

I really do applaud the steps that you’ve taken. I think your choices have all been smart and reasonable ones.

They were nothing but kind and understanding, unfortunately I realize that the more memories and realizations I had in therapy, the more I began to lean on them emotionally. I’m ashamed of this and have experienced extreme self loathing and guilt, but they were still nothing but understanding.

You shouldn’t have to feel shame and self-loathing and guilt for leaning on people emotionally. As long as you have their permission to vent to them, you are allowed to vent to them. That permission can be revoked at any time, of course, but if it’s there you can use it. Plus there shouldn’t be any shame in needing to lean on friends. What are friends for if not to sit and listen to us in our darkest moments and to share joy with us in our best?

After a huge fight with a family member I confided in them and told them truthfully, unfiltered how I was feeling. After this they told me that while they cared for me, that they aren’t sure what I need and that they think it’s best to take a breather for a few days.

Sometimes people just can’t handle people with bpd. That’s just a fact of life. I’m sorry that you felt like you could trust and confide in this person without having to hide the worst parts of you and that turned out to not be true. It’s something we’ve all unfortunately had to go through.

Me being constantly needy was what I assume caused this rift so by leaving just because they aren’t giving me the time or attention is that selfish?

No. That‘a self preservation. You are not getting what you want or need out of the relationship and they are not willing to give it so you have outgrown in and are terminating it. It seems like they have outgrown it a while ago and have been giving you the run-around about terminating it. It’s called leading people on. I’m not sure if you being needy was what caused the rift. It seems to me like just another person who can’t keep up with someone who has bpd. We wear people out easily, and only the steady and hardened ones can take us sometimes.

I’m so worried about how I come off that it has lead me to self sabotage at times and I seriously wonder whether or not what I did was right in this situation.

Honestly, you might never know if the choice you made at the time was the right one, but if it was right for you at the time, then it was the right one. There are some bridges I’ve burns that I regret burning but when I think back on it too, those were people I just wasn’t connecting with. I’ve been given the “I care for you and I don’t mind talking” but have been shut out by these people for being too… well, too me. Too riddled with bpd (Bad and Problematic Disease™️). It takes effort to have a relationship with someone with bpd and a lot of people aren’t willing to put that effort in, either because they have their own stuff going on or they can’t or they don’t think it’s worth it, etc.

On the far chance we do talk and make up, I have already decided that because I saw them as an FP/reacted so horrible y just but them not speaking with me, that it’d be best I leave them be for their health and state of mind.

Perhaps you should also leave them be for YOUR health and state of mind. They don’t seem like a good fit for you anymore. You’re allowed to leave people not because YOU burned a bridge but because THEY made you FEEL like you had to burn a bridge. Do this for yourself as well if this is the path you intend on choosing. Put yourself first. Not them.

I’ve decided to start seeing a psychiatrist because of my intense behaviors because I do want to be better it’s just all so stressful.

We know. We understand. We’re here for you.

I think… you didn’t get closure. You didn’t get your ending wrapped up in a neat little bow with “this is both sides of the story, this is exactly what happened, and this is why it ended”. I don’t know what “closure” is, but I know what not having it feels like. It can haunt you for years. If you feel like you need that reason of “why did this happen the way it did and what went wrong exactly” perhaps trying to reach out and ask might be worth it. I don’t think it is for me personally. The “what went wrong” haunts me in my dreams, as recently as about an hour ago. But it’s not worth digging up the past to find out. I just wish it would go away. “What if they’re going through something and that’s why they haven’t responded?” I have actually had that happen to me and what I can tell you is that it’s not an excuse. If you didn’t know about something then it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t be expected to treat someone differently than you were before because they might have something going on that you don’t know about. It’s only if you find out about it that you can adjust, and even then you don’t have to. I’ve had to fight tooth and nail over my right to my intellectual property that when my main FP decided they no longer wanted me in their life I was owed since they were using my designs to make money for them free of charge from me. Instead they decided to remove my name from the joint shop while keeping my products up for sale. The excuse was “oh my dad died” and I literally had to respond with “you had three months before your dad died to delete the account like we agreed and instead you just removed my name and kept my designs up for sale under your own name. Your dad dying after that is not an excuse for you not following our agreement 3 months ago and stealing my designs.” Would I have been kinder about it knowing their dad had just died? Of course! But they were the one that kicked me out of their life and therefore didn’t tell me, so that’s not my fault for acting like I did. Obviously I was kinder about it AFTER I found this out (from someone else, no less, I didn’t even speak to them at all during this because they specifically requested I never speak to them again) but I shouldn’t “have been kinder in case something was going on” when they had 3 months before that to sort out the legal issues and didn’t. I understand they were in a bad place mentally which I assume is why they kicked me out of their life but I’ve been in a bad place mentally and not stole my ex’s designs and passed it off as my own by erasing their name from a joint art account. Not an excuse. I do not know why this person decided to cut me out of their life. I can only assume their therapist convinced them to do so because I’m “toxic” or whatever. Perhaps I am. Other people have told me I am and cut me out because of it. But other people have stayed by my side as well and supported me through everything I’ve been through no matter what. So I think it’s less about me and more about those people and whether or not they can deal with having a friend or partner with BPD. Some people can handle me. Some people can’t. That’s just how it is with everyone. You’re always going to find people who like you and people who don’t, and people who did like you and don’t anymore and people who didn’t like you and do now. I think you just happened to find someone who liked you and then didn’t anymore. It happens. Of course it’s important to understand people have things in their lives you don’t know about, and you should treat them kindly because of it, but you don’t owe anyone to compensate for something that may or may not be there unless you know for a fact it is. I want to believe some day we’ll all find someone or someones who will stay with us forever. I think personally I have. If my best friends have stuck with me this far I don’t think they’re going anywhere. I wish I could have said the same about the person who had plans to marry me. But I can’t. That’s just how it is.

Not knowing the exact reason of what went wrong and why is stressful, even if you have a good idea as to why it happened. I hope you can move on from them peacefully, and I hope therapy can help with that.

#aab #mod spooky

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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 3 years

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band au question: how do dion and frazie get involved? and if you want to talk about the relationship between norma and frazie in the au because i'm interested

OH ... OH YES . Yes I Will Talk About This .. Thank You because ive been dying to bring it up somehow.

SO at about .. a quarter way through their trip there is a point where Morris introduces the band to Sasha and Milla, a duo of eclectic indie rock stars who will help them on their journey (i havent decided how yet . lmao . but theyre here) if they in turn help Them with this show they're trying to perform at a local festival.

Donatella (who has been restlessly tracking her son, thanks to Morris announcing every place they've been so far over the radio,) has finally caught up to them here, but since the festival is so big its difficult to find him. So she has the family split up and look around.

Frazie in all this has... really been looking for an excuse to have a break from the circus life. She's envious as fuck that Raz basically got to escape and run off on a little rock & roll adventure because she's the entire reason he's into this kind of thing in the first place!! she introduced him to most of the music he listens to. shes even been practicing guitar! and its not fair.

so when she ends up being the one to find him at the festival, well... she's pissed, of course, but all he needs to do is explain why he's doing it. wanting to help their nona is excuse enough for her to say "well move over, pooter- i'm coming too!" because she Cant just let her little brother run across the country without a chaperone, right?

dion catches her in the middle of ditching the family and threatens to rat them both out to their mother, but before he can bust their entire operation gisu mistakes him for a rowdy crowd member trying to start problems and ends up knocking him out lmao. frazie explains the situation and in a panic, they end up picking up his unconcious body and piling him into the van and peeling the hell out of there. Dion Is Basically Being Held Hostage The Entire Time. He's Pissed About It .

ill put the frazie/norma content under a cut because this is getting long already and i Have . Thoughts .

so frazie and norma actually knew each other before Lizzie's band gets hired to play the circus- at least loosely.

frazie and norma both have accounts on old ass 2003 youtube . Norma would post videos of her playing various basslines of songs she likes, half informative teaching vids and half like her showing off. frazie in turn posts songs she makes up on the fly on her dinky accoustic guitar ... but both of them have the cameras angled so they cant see their faces in all their videos This Is Important (mostly to show off the chords they play and such) . theyve been following each other for a Long time on there , kind of obsessively in that way where you kind of get a crush on someone that you never really intend to act on because you know so little about them lmao. they just think the others content is cool! and they comment on each others vids from time to time . they build up this little like vague 'friendship' online ...

and when the band plays at the circus, frazie sees norma on stage- and immediately recognizes her by her bass guitar. and at first shes like overjoyed- here's this person she'd made this funny little friendship with , in the flesh... she didnt get to have many friends in person because of how much they traveled, so getting to see norma is like a dream come true!

until she actually talks to her and realizes that... oh. Norma's kind of a total ass . she's stuck up and pretentious, as we know norma to be. She’s not really good at making people like her. and frazie, who is insanely brash and a little rude herself, decides not to reveal who she is at the time because she just had the worst first impression on earth and shes bummed about it.

it’s when they meet the second time at that festival that norma realizes who she is, puts the pieces together, and it clicks in her brain that ohhh god shes kind of ruined that nice little pleasantry they had going. and at first she’s ready to accept it, because in the end she ends up foiling most of her positive relationships anyway so she can focus on her education (she still goes to college because it’s what her parents want for her and she wants to be like.. worth something, she doesnt want to be a disappointment, she cant stand the thought of being useless,) and the band really only keeps her around because shes lizzies sister and they have to.

but now she’s forced to spend all this time in this cramped van with this girl she had a vague weird little crush on and her two brothers and her ex-girlfriend that she broke up with but still has sad mixed up feelings for(gisu, who she is now watching fall for dion and it suuucks) so its all this tension building up in her brain...

one night during a pit stop at a hotel room, frazie finds shes having trouble sleeping and goes out to see norma sitting on top of the band van by herself. she’s noticed that norma ends up doing this a lot, spending a lot of time by herself. So , feeling bold, she climbs up there with her. and normas surprised by it, because theyve spent all this time on the trip getting on each others nerves, but now frazies trying to talk to her again? it’s weird. but she lets her, because it’s better than spending time alone with her own thoughts.

frazie starts off small talk at first , but it blossoms into this whole heart to heart, they end up staying up all night talking about how they hate the expectations forced onto them and how frustrating siblings are, how they got into music and things they like... they get in little arguments, still, but cant seem to stop talking to one another until the sun comes up.

Frazie realizes, oh, maybe norma isn’t so bad! but all norma can think about is oh, that was nice. how long is it going to last?

#i have been plotting a scene in my head where they have to sing karaoke together . im fuckiign crazy dude.#put me down like the dog i am.#psychonauts band au #psychonauts #norma natividad #frazie aquato

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alfredolover119 · 3 years

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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soup-du-silence · 3 years

Note

If you are comfortable with it, I'd love to hear your critiques of the finale, ESPECIALLY with how they handled Webby and Lena's final interactions with each other. I'm seeing you talk about it a bit on twitter, and I'm vigorously nodding my head to much of what you and others are criticizing the finale for. Obviously, if you'd rather just ignore this whole fiasco, I completely understand, and I look forward to the stories you continue to make about Webby and Lena!

god. okay.

ducktales spoilers below

SPECIFICALLY the weird webby and lena moments -- Lena calling team magic sisters and Webby snapping at Lena for her strong reaction to getting her string on the board cut -- mean absolutely nothing to me. i simply reject them. i dont know where they came from. Lena and Webby havent called each other sisters since their first episode together. It feels...unlike Webby to snub a Lena apology like that.

And then they didnt really....interact again much, after that, right? unless im forgetting. there was a lot to be mad about.

and I guess, like. Here’s the thing. aside from some really powerful moments in season 2, the romantic subtext surrounding webby and lena was EXTREMELY dialed back. we had Lena’s hyper-powered jealous freak out in friendship hates magic and...what Ive always counted as an indirect kiss in nightmare on killmotor hill, but there were no more leslie-knopisms. Far less of Webby waxing poetic about lena’s virtues. Adding Violet meant less shared capital-L Looks or hugs or hand holds. So By the time season 2 wrapped up and a lot of that stuff wasnt as apparent, and they never bothered mentioning Lena ONCE before she came back, it became kind of clear that this was not a thing that was happening any more.

Then we got Penny’s “outing” which was not at all an outing. And seeing that penny not wanting to date earth men was a “compromise” that needed to be “fought for” really nailed that coffin shut for me. If we couldn’t get an openly wlw totally original tertiary character, we weren’t going to get it from Webby.

I dont know if they got unhappy executive notes about season 1 or if there was someone around championing the relationship early in production who left to work on other things, or if they just decided it wasnt important, but any hope held out for it after late season 2 was just me being delusional. I wanted to believe, I really did.

maybe I was delusional all along. Had my shipping goggles on. I dont know. I mean, it happens. it wouldnt be the first time and it wont be the last.

I just really, REALLY wanted it, you know?

we couldnt have gotten like...one last ...something? Something just for them, to harken back to the energy they had in season 1?

sigh.

i havent written in a long time because i dont really have any stories left to tell, but I do brainstorm many projects with PCS. while I, and especially he, have often taken canon reveals in stride (when he first started writing Longest Shadows, we did not yet know about Violet. He was able to add her in fairly seamlessly, i think) I dont think we’ll be paying attention to any of this, ESPECIALLY some shit about Webby being Scrooge’s clone. (dumb dumb stupid dumb) I mean, you can ask him about it, but I know we’ve already shared some choice words, lol. Even if I operate under the assumption that the clone thing is and has been true all along, I’ll simply be working in a universe where it never came to light.

i can’t believe we would take this story about found family and make it about genetics in the 11th hour. what the holy fucking fuck is this nonsense. ugh.

I dont want to say I cant believe i wasted the last 5 years of my life on ducktales, because I didnt. It meant a lot to me. I had a lot of fun, i met some really awesome people, and in particular one person I can count among my very best friends in the whole world. so it wasnt a waste. And im not going to go on one of these weird tirades against frank where I try to hold him accountable for my emotional damages or whatever because Im an adult and not delusional. Thats the story he wanted to tell, for some reason I will never understand. We’re going to keep writing and daydreaming our own. And maybe, if Im lucky, I’ll live long enough to see the next reboot headed by some queer kid who grew up seeing themself in little baby gay webby vanderquack and makes it canon. N...not that we need another reboot. But i would watch that one. Just saying.

#ducktales #ducktales spoilers #weblena #Anonymous

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the-daily-multi-fandom-post · 4 years

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✨Hi✨

Can I have murphy x reader ???????

Reader tends to hold their breath and not breathe when they're scared. Murphy finds this out when reader holds their breath for so long that they pass out from lack of oxygen?

✨Thank you✨

A/N: I hope you like this. I havent wrote for Z-nation yet. So I am very excited! Thank you for requesting, if you have any more for z-nation please let me know!

Summary:

Warnings;

Show/movie: Z-Nation

Paring: Murphy x reader

------------------

You’ve had this habit since you were a kid. Every time you were scared you would hold your breath. It was like if you held your breath then time would stop, like nothing could hurt you. You’ve only passed out once from holding your breath and that was when you were in high school having to present your paper in front of your whole class.

You were walking beside Murphy as horse of Zombies rounded a corner. You were spooked and stumbled backwards, but you quickly got up aiming your silver and white .45 pistols at the zombies foreheads. Everyone around you doing the same. You were fine, this was fine, but when you found your group cornered it scared the hell out of you.

“What do we do?” Addy asked warren taking the words from you. “Over here!” 10k said as he found a building that was just a couple meters away in the woods. “Come on.” The group ran. Warren, Addy and you were the first ones inside aiming your guns making sure there wasn’t any zombies. When it was clear the others came in.

It was a small little shack of a house in the woods. It had two bedrooms, a small living room, one tiny bathroom, and the kitchen that looked like it was out dated by 30 years.

“Will stay here until the horde passes.” Warren said as she shut and locked the door. You looked through the shack trying to find anything useful that’s when you opened the bedroom door. A couple bats flew out of the room making you jump and Squeal. Murphy laughed as he sat down beside you on the dusty couch. “What scared of a couple bats?” You shook your head as you continued going into the room.

Whoever was in the room left in a hurry. The Drawers were pulled out of the dresser. Clothes were thrown over the bed. A few pictures crooked on the wall, a few empty, dusty spots on the wall were pictures once were. You heard footsteps behind ou and you turned seeing warren.

“A family.” She said looking at the picture you had plucked from the wall. You nodded, your fingers cleaning the dust off the frame. “You have a family before this?” She asked, you nodded, but also shurgged.

“My baby brother. I took care of him. He, Umm. He died back when all this shit began. He didn’t listen to me and ran out of the house while two or three zombies were right in front of the house. He ran too fast for me to stop him and they killed him right in front of me. Mom, well she’s been out of the picture since I was 13. She decided I was old enough to take care of brother, who was just a baby then. So she ran off with some dude paying for her drugs and my dad died in the service. Back when my brother was born.” You answered tears pricking your eyes but you quickly whiped them away.

“I’m sorry.” Warren sympatheticly Said to you. You nodded as you whispered a “me too”. Warren walked out of the bed room as you sat down on the bed. Just staring at the picture in your hand. You weren’t an emotional person. You rarely showed when you were upset. Ever since you were young you had to act like nothing was wrong. As if your life was just sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. But truthfully you just felt overwhelmed. Life was just being overwhelming.

“Can I come in?” Murphy asked as he walked up to the door frame. You looked up at him nd nodded. “What’s up, buttercup?” He asked sitting beside you and bumping your arm. “The sky.” You joked sarcastically with a smile. “I have got to learn to stop saying that. You say that every time.” You giggled as you looked down at your hands. Putting the picture frame onto the dresser then laying down on the bed.

“Do you ever feel overwhelmed?” You asked, completely forgetting who you were talking to. “Uh, hi my name is Murphy. People call me the Murphy. Nice to meet you.” He said sarcastically. You rolled your eyes as you faced him. “I hate you.” He knew you didn’t mean that. The two of you had a weird friendship. You both ran into each other when he first became the mission. You actually talk to him as if he were a person, not as “the package.” You friendship grew into more of an relationship but neither would admit it. I mean the two of you have came so close to kissing but 10k or doc always interrupts.

“Sorry, bad question.” You spoke. Putting your arm over your eyes, blocking the sunlight. You felt the bed shift and automatically assumed he was leaving. But when you felt the bed shift and an arm slip around you, you didn’t jump. You knew the only person who would wrap their arms around you would be Murphy.

“What’s got you so stressed?” He asked his arms wrapped around you as the two of you spooned. Him being the big spoon holding you. And you resting against his chest enjoying the comfort.

“I don’t know. Life.” You laughed and shrugged. “It’s just. We’re taking you to California and we don’t even know what’s going to happen to you. I mean, they could just be killing you. Or torcher you or something. I don’t know. I-I’m just over thinking is all.” You spoke looking at the white wall in front of you. Murphy sighed as he pulled you so he could look at you correctly. He stared into your Y/e/c eyes and smiled. He leaned forwards kissing your forehead.

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He tried to get her to stop worrying. He didn’t want to go to California. He too was worried about going. He wouldn’t tell anyone that but he truly was.

“You guys are gross.” 10k said as he just so happen to walk into the room. “Kid, you don’t know gross.” You told him with a laugh. He nodded as he looked at you. “I just wanted to sleep on a bed while we had one, but you two have this one occupied and warren decided I could sleep in this one since addy had called the other one. Just as Murphy was about to say something you covered his mouth with your hand. “Of course. Come in lazy get up!” You said as your tried to pull out of Murphy’s thought grip. He groaned as he released you. “And for a minute I thought we were having a moment.” 10k laughed, “yeah a gross moment.”

An hour passed and the horde passed. You sat on the couch as Murphy laid across it, his head lying on your lap as doc sat across from you on a small love seat. “Is it weird?” Doc asked looking at you and Murphy. “Is what weird?” You asked completely confused at what Doc was asking. “Being in a relationship during the zombie apocalypse.” He answered looking at the two of you. You looked at him bewildered. “We-” “we’re not in a relationship.” Murphy ended the conversation quickly. He got grumpy all of a sudden. As if someone had just bursted his bubble. “Oh, sorry. It just seems like the two of you are a couple. I could’ve bet the two of you were together like a couple.” You nodded not knowing what to say.

“I don’t think he likes me like that.” You say all of a sudden without thinking. Murphy grows stiff and then tried to relax. “How is that? I mean he is literally only nice to you.” You just then began to think about it. Yeah the two of you flirted all the tile, but you never thought it was more then a flirty friendship.

“Alright, it’s clear of puppies and kittens I think we should get going.” Warren said as she came back inside the house. “I found a truck well take that. It’ll get us pretty far. Grab your stuff and take it to the truck. We’re leaving.” You grabbed your book bag and your rifle you carried. Your book bag had what you needed in it. (First aid kit, emergency food that you don’t plan on telling anyone about until it is needed. A water bottle. Stuff to make a fire, And girl stuff aka (pads, tampons, and Midol, and other pain meds.)

You sat in the bed of the pick up truck. The inside on fit three people. So you, Murphy and 10k sat in the bed of the truck. Addy, warren and doc sat in the cab of the truck. The truck was running good and somehow had a full tank of gas with an extra tank of gas on the back of it. It was complete luck finding the truck.

Days passed when you guys finally ran out of gas. The only thing was a storm had came. You hated storms. It was like it was a little bit of rain and wind. Heck, you would welcome that with open arms. But no, it had to be nothing but wind that seemed to be going 30 miles an hour, it was pouring rain and the thunder and lightning scared you every time you would hear the loud crashing boom.

“Are you okay?” Murphy asked, you jumped as the loud boom shook the store the group had found. “Yeah, just hate storms is all.” You spoke quickly looking at Murphy then jumping Sharon as you felt the store shake. Holding your breath as you sat down with you back against the wall and you head in your hands.

The group left you alone for a few minutes, just thinking you needed to be alone for a few minutes. But that is until you had passed out. Murphy was right by your side before anyone could get to you.

You had stopped breathing which worried him to death. “She’s stopped breathing!” He stressed looking at the group. He shook you some then he decided to give you mouth to mouth. (That’s how bad you had stopped breathing he thought you were dead. Geez gotta worry the group girl. 😂)

With a gasp you woke up. Looking at Murphy as he was practically holding you in his arms. “Wha-t happen?” You asked while sitting up. “You passed out from the lack of oxygen.” You looked at doc confused until you remembered. “Oh,” addy nodded, “Yeah, you have a bad habit of holding your breath while your scared. You gotta get out of that habit.” You nodded as you looked at Murphy and then to 10k who was just staring.

“What ya staring at?” You asked the kid. “Nothing, it’s just. Nothing.” He shook his head. “What I think he’s trying to say Is the two of you are still holding onto each other like it’s y’all last day on earth.” Doc finished for 10k. “Y’all need to kiss already and get the gross part over with.” Everyone looked at Warren shocked. She usually was not really into the gushy relationship stuff.

Murphy rolled his eyes as he looked down at your blushing self. You looked at him and shurgged. “Just get it over with. I can’t deal with you two staring at each other while the other isn’t looking.” Both of you rolled your eyes as you looked at each other. Looking into his eyes you placed a quick kiss to his lips. Everyone sighed shaking their heads. “That wasn’t barely even a peck.” Addy teased looking at you and you shook your head at her. Murphy pulled you closer stopping you from asking what he was doing with a passionate kiss.

“Wow.” You whispered, looking into his eyes. Kinda in shock. “Yeah,” he agreed looking in your e/y/c eyes. “That was cute, but now we need to get some sleep if we’re gonna get walking tomorrow.” Everyone nodded grabbing blankets they had found in the store making a makeshift beds and trying to go to sleep. Warren deciding to take first shift to stay up. Taking her spot beside the only entrance to the store.

You lied down beside Murphy. His arms comfortably wrapped around you as the two of you quickly fell asleep. This is where your safe place was, Murphy. He just seemed to ground you. And that’s the way he felt with you. The two of you just grounded each other.

And that’s the way I’m ending this story. Lol 😂 hope y’all liked it! ❤️🖤

Request for Z nation are welcome.

-No smut request-

#Z-nation #Z nation x reader #z nation imagine #z nation murphy #Z nation murphy x reader #z nation 10k #z nation Warren #Z nation Addy #Z nation mack #Z nation citizen Z #Z nation Doc #Z nation Vasquez

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.

#pinecone anon #ask #mod kait

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wavesmp3 · 3 years

Text

directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding.

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that)

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing...

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth.

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” / “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.” it hurts so bad im sorry

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!” I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.”

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b

this whole part... chills bro

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao

#oasis #mine #not sure what else to tag this lol #oh #directors commentary #this got so long for no reason

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jazajas · 4 years

Text

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

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