Company with 70 Billion dollars of profits demands you listen to fake ai medicare scams, Mr Beast scams, healthcare scams, Thinly veiled Deep fake AI porn maker ads, Hero Wars fetish videos, Prager U Fascist propaganda, General fascist propaganda, Full length Episodes of youtube shows or podcasts you never have seen and never want to watch, Music videos somebody paid to force you to watch, “ha ha want to skip this” ass ads or whatever fucking else.

I desperately need to get out of this hyperfixation for my mental health

im so fuckjng overwhelmed i have to stock the ice cream toppings today even tho i literally have never done that and am the only fuckign person in my department who does the returns like what the fuck

fuck me that was embarrasing

Ranting again

I WAS LOOKING FOR A JEREMY BPD/ANGER ISSUES POST I THOUGJT I HAD SEEN THIS MORNING PLEASE WRITE YOUR HEADCANNONS AGAIN I BEG OF YOU GIVE JEREMY KNOX THE LOVE HE DESERVES

Okay so this is long overdue, but might as well. I guess this is an observation of fandom Jeremy as much as the canon one, so don't come at me.

I dunno read Jeremy as having BPD bcs... bcs honestly have you ever met anyone who has Sunshine shining from their ass? Me neither. Though I have met ppl with severe personality issues who had a coping mechanism like that, of course they weren't young and talented sportsmen looked up to by many ppl and rooted for by many, so they had enough free space and privacy to go absolutely fucked up at other ppl when they were having bad brain hours.

Yes im including myself here.

The name of the game is If I Give Them No Reason to Leave Me They Won't.

Or If I Give Them No Things To Hate Me For They Won't Hurt me.

But spice it up with black and white thinking, paranoia and unhelathy behaviours jumping off the standard spectrum of bottling things out into like, going on a 4 hour run to cool off bcs you are undeserving bcs you are a bad captain bcs you're annoyed at the freshmen bcs they dont care about your shared goals enough and is thay really a them issue? Or is it actually a You issue? Are you blaming others for your own failures again? Look at yourself, you're fucking pathetic, and egoistic at that, you demand things from others but how do you show you care for what others need huh? You think you're a good captain? Keep telling yourself that, before you know it they will all turn against you. Because you're a failure, bcs you cant even make them care? Maybe you're just not a good enough player , or maybe they can see straight through you, see what you are udnerneath the happy exterior. Yo have just not good enough, not trying hard enough, and you want them to look up to.. to That???

Or maybe it is a them issue bcs fuck that, fuck the smiling, fuck the caring, you don't actually care, if they don't care, why would you? 🤔 you don't owe anyone anything you are so done with everyone and everything cant they LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE, HAVENT YOU DONE ENOUGH TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE SMALL THING GO RIGHT ONCE? YOU ARE SO FUCKKNG ANGRY so you have to do something you feel like smashing something, you could, your body is literally a machine, you could show them what you actually think about their Opinions, how pathetic and annoying they are and actually fuck that you have to leave you cant stand being in the same room as them for one second longer.

But the sunshine Jeremy 🌞 exterior slips on so even though you want to crash the doors closed you smile and wave and say something stupid and cheery you even have a fucking spring in your step.

Bcs you're a fucking liar a fucking impostor you can't help it at this point you are a clay figurine that's hollowed out inside.

You are so tired it's like there's a lump of cloth absolutely soaked weighting on your lungs

You actually feel like crying while you wave at alvarez from the stretch of the corridor, making goddamn plans to meet up for group studying maths later in the evening while your lungs constrict holding down a sob.

You hate them all for the next 3 hours.

And then on hour four while you're circling the campus heading back from your walk/jog/run/staring into the distance/jog again you tap into the very comfortable very familiar hating of yourself.

This is a light version of course but I bet Jeremy is that person that dissapears sometimes like at parties ect bcs they are doing some absolutely stupid shit like having sex with a complete stranger or getting drunk but they know enough about the emptiness and self hatred they will feel ten minutes after they succumb to thay behaviour that they learned to do it when the judgment of the ppl who know them won't touch this piece of him. Bcs it feels like a separate piece.

Like he is parcelled into different breeds of fucked up inside and they are all set on a loop in a music playing machine from a highway diner. One song ends another starts you can choose which one if you throw in a dime.

And also we gotta add in the sensory issues, he sees things, he hears them, sometimes he does a dodge while there's nothing coming bcs he thought it was. Some weeks it feels almost he lives from one training to the next bcs he doesn't remember a minute from what's in between. Good thing he taught himself this sunny persona bcs its an autopilot mode that gets him having to answer the least amount of questions when he doesn't fucking remember what happened from 8 am till late afternoon that day.

jackshit to do at work today, and i’m tired of the solution to that problem being “well why don’t you ask around to see if anyone needs help!” or “well now is a perfect time to cross train and learn someone else’s duties!” i don’t think i’d like to do another persons job. i don’t get paid to do that. pay me double and sure, i’ll fucking learn someone else’s job entirely. it’ll get done in an hour and then i’m back at square one and then i’ll be expected to pick up the slack everytime.

i hate that i need to show initiative here and facilitate my own training. i wish i could just go across town to the environmental lab and work there instead but i get paid too much to work there! fuckers. acting like you don’t go thru lab techs faster than gloves bc they keep splashing fuckkng dcm or whatever else in their eyes since you don’t employ people with proper knowledge of science or how to act in a lab and you don’t pay them enough to care

lemme tell u all a story

a few nights ago i had a dream I was in the kitchen and apparently? there was a whole box of choco tacos. in the fridge. i kinda fucking love those btw.

so ofc i eat like 3 instantly. but it’s not a me dream if there’s no kink!! i was wearing this old little red sweater i used to wear to fancy places that would really accentuate the belly i used to have - everyone always joked that i looked pregnant in it when i wore it but pre-kink young me hated that because don’t look at my belly 🫢!!!!!!!!!!!! so i was wearing it in this dream and i noticed my belly got REALLY big after the choco tacos. like it just grew instantly

in the dream somehow i knew my friends were over so i had to hide it. but choco tacos are fuckkng good right. so obviously i had to eat another and the second i did my belly just groaned SO LOUD and started swelling up i instantly pulled the sweater down…!!!! and now they were asking me to come over. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok

but here’s the crazy part. i was now 4 choco tacos in and the box only had 7!! so what if i just destroy the evidence and finish the rest!!!!!!! but i already looked like SUPER FUCKING PREGNANT so it’s dangerous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guess what i did. i ate the got damn choco.tacos. and my belly feels like it’s going to. burst. and there’s nooooo hiding anything now my sweater’s putting this big gigantic gut on full display.

then the dream ended lol but after the shame of remembering the red sweater i was like. holy shit that was hot 👍 sooooooo a choco taco stuffing dream. yeah

ok my brother fell asleep (we were the last 2 awake) & I can’t decide what Christmas special to watch next on my own (I’m tipsy but wide awake) SO guess you guys are getting a post on a movie my family watched earlier today where I fell into my typical “IT (must be)‘s EXHAUSTING ALWAYS ROUTING FOR THE ANTI HERO!!” I WILL route for the *character that’s not actually that bad but the narrative wants us to hate them* mode

let’s fucking TALK about Cousin Mel!!! because she’s actually the legit hero of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” despite the film (apparently? it’s a weird fucking movie I forgot how weird it is lmao) wanting you to believe otherwise

first of all —- Cousin Mel is introduced as a “villain” ( the quotation marks are SO necessary ) because… & I’m serious here… she doesn’t want Grandma to keep giving shit away for FREE from her STORE. that’s it. that’s literally it. And little Jake (I think that’s his name but we’ve also watched several shows & movies since then & this kid is such a brat he doesn’t deserve for me to google his name) thinks this is a REAL asshole move. also, despite being told by multiple people that Santa is fake, Jake insists on believing & Cousin Mel is framed as SOOoOO evil for mocking him. even tho… his mom sister & dad ALSO tell him Santa is fake..

then the ENTIRE spankenheimer family give up the search for Grandma AND seem exhausted running the store.

but when Austin Butler wants to buy it for MILLIONS ( YES that’s a quote) & Cousin Mel wants to take the deal, SHE’S evil for that just because baby brat jAkE is against the idea??? because??! Sentimentality I fucking guess? Excuse me??? Ex fuckkng SCUSE me??

Also!! also. I would like to point out that Jake’s family are EXCITED about the deal also!!! his parents are hyped to retire. grandpa is ready for some cash. jake’s sister would get college funded. like…. selling this stupid fucking store would he good for EVERYONE

and then. and then. I MAYBE (maybe) could’ve accepted the ending with Santa getting off Scott free for his hit & run (side note WHY don’t we ever talk about the “got run over by a reindeer” amnesia ward that casually exists in the North Pole in this movie?? ?grandma wasn’t the only victim!!) (Santa in this universe SHOULD be prosecuted!!) but instead of being an anti capitalist “aww let grandma run her small business” message.. the movie ends with Austin butler franchising Grandma’s store & her casually getting run over AGAIN as a JOKE

literally Cousin Mel’s only “crimes” were disliking Christmas (fair, her entire family hated her for no reason), not wanting the family business to give shit away for free, & prosecuting Santa for a crime he DID commit!!!!

cousin mel was the fu king HERO of this movie & I won’t hear otherwise!!!!!

also.

these two 1000000% had a thing

do u like henry cavill

right see here’s the thing tho. I DO like henry cavill, but the problem is that I see him on tiktok and instsgram as a fancast for literally every fucking man from every book. “he’s sooo cassian!” “he’s totally rhys!!” “he could play rowan!” “my dreammm aaron blackford” “he IS adam carlsen!” I even saw someone fancast him as atlas fuckkng corrigan once??? and now i hate his face if it’s not in an actual movie because i know the 99% likelihood is that it’s about to be something fucking stupid.

so like yeah i do like him but only specifically in roles he’s actually played. if i see fancasts of him now I’m tempted to block the person out of irritation. lol.

no my favorite (most hated) tiktok moment was when someone was like “just discovered these hidden background vocals in adore you” posted in like MARCH of THIS YEAR and it was literally just the pre chorus in adore you with the /you don’t have to say you love me (say you love me) I just wanna tell you something (tell you something)/ And had like 20k comments and like 100 k likes and all the comments were like OH MY GOD. I HAD NO IDEA???? and I was genuinely enraged like no u guys are pissing me off. Are you bitches even listening to the music because ??????? Hidden to WHO????? How is it hidden when ITS SANG RIGHT THERE??? ITS IN THE OFFICIAL LYRICS????? Like id be more impressed if they played the song backward like 2009 reversed lyrics YouTube and was like “here’s a secret message in Adore you omg” tbh let me take that back bc that seems like big Larry behavior and we don’t need them getting anymore ideas BUT???? Y’all bitches are just PLAYING THE DAMN SONG???

Oh my GODDDDDD I REMEMBER THATSHSJSNS THEY ARE SO FUCKKNG STUPID LIKE LITERALLY DO YOU EVEN LISTEN THE GOD DAMN MUSIC 😭😭😭

what fuckkng asshole designed the human body like this i hate this so much i haye them i want to curl up in my bed and sob but im fucnking stuck here

Uugghhhhh I am going to lose my mind in here I hate my fucking job

I hate this fuckkng place. Like why is this bitch always doing this. My boss’s relative started working here and since the first fucking day she has been starting fights with everyone here but no one can say anything bc she is his family.

Today one of our old regular customers ordered something and told me on the phone that he wants the old worker to do his order ( bc her food ain’t shit. Like she is fighting with everyone she ain’t doing anything and her food isn’t even good like wth) and since the customer asked for that she fucking lost it. It’s been 2 fucking hours they are still fighting like I am actually so done with this.

How do people manage to have such large and fragile egos. Like omg dude we are literally playing Papa’s Pizzeria to pay our rent why are you taking this shit so seriously?!??!?!!? Why is everyone so competitive!??!

We are not even competing and you’re losing AND YOU ARE GETTING BUTTHURT like that’s on you omg don’t attack people

I want to go to the gym so fuckkng bad and I cannot. I hate it here 🙄

Ive had to quit smoking, ive had to stay off social media and delete most of it besides this and Facebook and god do i want to get rid of this shit, i hate everything i see nowadays, it all makes me feel disgusting and ashamed, i hate the direction of the world. Ive had to stop drinking completely cause i was doing the worst shit, ive literally had to go celibate because sex and that kind of connection is so difficult for me and it has to mean something and i did have that but now im left with this trauma from it, it took so long to be comfortable and honest with my last partner in that way and now that i dont have that, its left me feeling like what we experienced wasn't real and either me or them finding that with someone else just makes so goddamn resentful. Idk if will ever properly feel the way i wanna in that aspect, not to mention just in general ive become so disgusted, used and abused with sex and porn, ive had to not watch porn or see anything resembling that because it just makes me worse, like crying immediately after masturbating just is not it bro lmao or crying while trying to move on with someone physically definitely aint fucking it, i tried and man did i fucking hate it, i felt my skin burning, sex and porn has had too much of a influence on my life, starting from a very young age and i want to break free. I dont give a fuck about kinks, i want SOMETHING MORE OUT OF LIFE. Ive had to cut out friends and say no to things that i would love to do but know i cant cause im not in the slightest ready for or not in the slightest are certain environments good for me, ive had to go to therapy once a week to keep from having more n more bpd episodes, ive had to sell my Xbox because im fuckkng tired of sitting on myass and playing video game after video game, like wtf am i doing. I use spotify, YouTube and Facebook and thats it now i want to get off of this site too bur god ive had it for so long...i just want to get out of this fucking mindeset, tiktok, instsgram, Facebook, twitch, discord, tumbkr, only fans, just the stupid fucking internet in general, shit... phones in general, im so fucking just lost when im involved in it all and all the people i see make me more lost with how they are, i dont understand and i dont want to be here to see anymore of it, Im desperately trying to stay alive and makes sense of everything and i just dont see it happening. Everything feels so fucked. This world, this life. The people. Myself. Im disgusted and i just want to be done. True connection doesn't exist, people are not people anymoreee. We are failing. All of us. Every second.

Oh fuck