#tag vent
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Can. Can we talk about how fucking damaging internet trauma is, and how nobody fucking talks about it?
#like we all hear when someone famous grooms a minor#and we all collectively groan when jar guy is mentioned#and if you really get to talking with anybody who's been on the internet for a long time they'll tell you all about the fucked up shit-#-they've seen#but there's no big addressments or scientific studies or articles written about it#i have seen Two (2) artistic medias that actually fucking discuss it#one is bolavlk/wereawolf by sournoodl (short film) and the other is welcome to the internet by bo burnham (song)#both are incredibly good and hit so fucking hard#bolavlk made me spiral for a solid month from how fucking realistic it is#but yeah beyond that? nothing. we need to talk about the effect internet trauma has on you#tag rants#tag vent#traumadump#internet trauma#online grooming#grooming
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time to bash my head into the wall
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Grief is so strange.
#I had a really good day today#I had a good day at work and I visited my grandpa and watched movies#but on the drive home I started thinking about what christmas would be like with my daughter#and then I had to do those gasping shaky breaths like the kind you do when you’re trying not to sob#I made it home#but I’m still thinking about her and feeling sad#she would be 5 now#so the perfect age for Christmas activities#tw miscarriage#tag vent
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I slept all day and now I'm majorly stressed tf out
#greys random updates#i have gifts to send to people theyre gonna be so late now :(#and still have like 2 people go buy gifts for (i got paid today thats not a problem except for the specific place i have to go to get those)#ugh the holidays are so mean to me :((#on the plus side my grandparents' on my father (donor's) side sent my brother and i cards and they arrived today 👍#last year they gave him more and hes not even their blood but we got equal this year so#tag vent
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Man just a depressive wave just hit me hard
#i don't have a proper personality at this point#I'm scared of showing the real self about me#I'm scared#I'm scared of everything at this point#cw vent#I'm just faking my smile and how i feel#i can't even talk about my own personal experiences without feeling like someone will tell me that i am coping them or that they will yell#at me.#i have basically accepted death#and that's fucking scary that i have#i used to be absolutely scared of dying but now I just accepted it#like if i die tomorrow i would accept it. I'm scared.#vent post#tag vent#tw vent#I'm scared of the future. i can't talk about myself without even thinking that someone will yell at me or shit.#i don't fucking know what I'll do with my fucking life#i want some of my stuff just to be for myself#i want to make everyone proud of me#I'm going to be a failure. I'm scared#i'm worthless#sorry for venting#sorry for being depressing#sorry for this long ass rant#I'm sorry
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cries
#mobile tbt.#tag vent#mental health vent#tbd.#might add this to my rules ? just as an awareness thing#but man being an rper and having BAD bad rsd sucks so fucking much#(rejection sensitive dysphoria)#most of the time I can be Normal Enough when it comes to talking to people#(when I actually have the energy to lol)#but FUCK man I’m so tired of my brain perceiving shit as rejection#idk when or why people thought bpd was cool#it’s so fuckin miserable man i just wanna talk to people#the best part is it’s literally just a me issue too like#wtf can anyone else do about this like nothing LMAO#I am shaking my brain in my mouth like a dog#let me live in fucking peace
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*takes a pillow and screams into it violently*
#i HATE having a crush oh my god!!#esp one like this where i KNOW he isnt interested#not to mention he is part of the management team 😬😬😬#FUCK#tag vent
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Do you guys follow me for the unhinged personality or the aesthetic?
#question#me#unhinged#tag vent#mentally ill#creepy aesthetic#sick#i seriously am wondering#idk how many of u read these fuckin tags#i probably dont wanna know lmfaooo
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#I know this is a whiny ass thing to complain about but we're on our third snowday in a row as of tomorrow and I am at my limit#I just wanna go to school#I wanna have my new classes#I wanna finish my ceramics project#I need to have gsa club#we're already missing two meetings because of this#I wanna see my friends in person#everyone looooves snowdays so much but I just wanna get outta here#put me back into my element#put me back in class#tag vent
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this is closest to the safest place I have to vent (there are no safe spaces anymore lmao, hate the new internet) so excuse the vent in the tags.
#shin vents#tag vent#could I get. just. could I PLEASE fucking get clients who can READ.#I'm not even asking for pre-reading my ToS I'm not even asking for research or vetting your artist#((which YOU SHOULD DO oh my fucking GODS read the fucking terms of service of the artist you are handing money to my FUCKING GODS))#I am asking for clients who have already sent me a message#to READ THE MESSAGE I SENT BACK#IN FULL#*BEFORE* RESPONDING#I cannot BELIEVE I have to CONSISTENTLY read and process and filter THREE PLUS RESPONSES#because someone - a real human being - cannot fucking READ THE WORDS I SENT#I told them! I told them the FOUR ITEMS OF INFO I NEED#and I STILL got MULTIPLE responses!!!#you know that fucking ''this meeting could have been an email''#THESE SEVEN NOTES COULD HAVE BEEN ONE NOTE#how is this so hard how is this an endless consistent problem#don't you have anxiety?? don't you re-read your message drafts 3493480957 times before you send them??#why would you fucking - WHO would fucking - HOW MANY NOTES DO YOU NEED TO SEND?#this one isn't that egregious but I have had a Week I have had a February and I am TIRED of clients who REFUSE to read#like? it's obvious that you're literate. you just sent me 3+ paragraphs of your fantasy in extreme unnecessary detail#but you can't read MY WORDS I SENT YOU. come the FUCK on.#I am so tired and pissed off and exhausted and this is NOT helping#I don't like google forms :( I really don't want to use them#is there another fucking forms site I could use bc this is ridiculous#how many times am I going to have to fucking. ugh. ugh.#other fucking people don't deal with this. how do I attain an audience of such size that I don't have to deal with it anymore. sighs#tldr if you're ordering something from anyone please answer all of the questions you are asked right away
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I am throwing myself into the sea
#my toon boom crashed and i lost two and a half hours of fucking work#animation + rigging + testing shit + organizational shit for the node view#fucking. everything i've been doing for the last three hours#here's the kicker#i went to change my preferences to autosave#AND FUCKING AUTOSACE IS SUPPOSED TO BE TURNED ON ALREADY#IT'S SET FOR EVERY TEN MINUTES#WHY. WASN'T IT DOING THAT.#i lost an entire fucking walk cycle and its rig i am unbelievably pissed#i'm going to bed and taking the fucking F i guess#love that i begged and pleaded to come to this school for animation and now i'm going to fail it#the only fucking class i was really teuly excited for#fucking killing myself#tag vent
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my tag vents are sorta like limited edition posts for my platinum tier followers
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Probs the last post for tonight, but I just want to say:
If your first reaction to someone opening up to you about the harassment they have personally faced is "harassment is bad, but you need to look at yourself in some of this" - then you are fucked up imo.
Nobody should be blamed for the harassment they've faced, especially when the harassment they're facing is because they're being called a label that they do not identify as and have active trauma about.
#Venting#Syscourse#okay to rb but plz don't clown#I am not looking for a conversation and will do my best to ignore shit on this post tbh#syscourse unaligned#it's not fucking neutral thanks#i'm a pro endo who doesn't like that label due to trauma#and i'm an anti endo who doesn't like that label due to trauma#you can be both#tag vent
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Okay okay I'll stop being a little chicken and make an appointment about starting T ;(
#greys random updates#im just nervous because i struggle to speak at doctors that theyll think im not mentally sound enough#tag vent#mild intellectual disability
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fucj fuck fuckety fuck
#goddAMNIT why did i have to name myself after an estranged family member#i dont even know himmmbbbb but we have to attend a funeral and hes gonna b there#and idk if my moms gonna be a bitch and tell him i NAMED MYSELF AFTER HIM#i don't even like the name anymore but i havent told her im changing it again bc she didnt respect the first one so whats the point#but now im caught btwn a rock and a hard place either i ADMIT i naamed myself after him and theyre all awww#and then it makes it even harder to go no contact later bc they feel entitled to a presence in my life#or i tell him NO which hurts his feelings is incredibly awkward and turns down potentially the ONE TIME MY MOM DOESNT DEADNAME ME#AND i have to either ask to be deadnamed which id rather kms than do. or tell them my actual new name which my mom. doesnt know#most likely scenario she isnt gonna say anything and im just gonna be relentlessly deadnamed#i just. wont b able to do anything about it bc its HIS NAME#god what was i THINKING#plus its a fucking funeral so theyre gonna want me to wear a dress. and i dont. have decent formal menswear so i cant even say no#FUCK fucking hell#i love being trans i really do but this shit. this shit sucks#finnposting#tag vent#personal
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#nothing like a good old fashioned half hour of pants shitting panic#hhhhhhhhhhhhh#everything turned out alright#but at least i know now that vel will behave herself on a leash in an emergency crisis situation#we really do need to get a carrier though#and i need to unpack the go-bags i packed speedyquick#i guess we'll see#tag vent#delete later#fuck what a moment#god i need a hug and possibly a nap
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