“We didn’t want to notice”

Fic time! Annie time!

Note: Spoilers for chapter 125!

The Things She Heard

It was really quiet. It usually was. Usually, she couldn’t hear anything. Sometimes there were some soldiers talking but other than that, nothing.

“It’s really true” was that Marlowe’s voice? “Annie… she really is the female titan!”

“I thought they might’ve been pulling a joke on us” this was Hitch, definitely “I was her roommate; how did I not notice!?”

“Pretty sure she didn’t hang around your room in her titan form” Boris, Annie was sure “This is messed up.”

No shit.

There were moments Annie wanted to comment, but was unable to. She couldn’t even see them. As Marlowe mentioned being about to join the scouts, she couldn’t help but think what a fool he was being. She wanted to talk him out of it but, naturally, she was unable to.

That was the last time she heard Marlowe’s voice.

The news of his death came from Hitch, who came in screaming an angry fit, asking her why. Why did Marlowe have to die? Why did she have to kill all those people in Stohess? What did she feel as she did?

…

What indeed.

Annie barely ever heard Boris’ voice. He was there sometimes, but never for long, and always just to look for another soldier who was there with her. Hitch, on the other hand, started to show up often.

As did Armin.

“Have you found out anything useful?” Hitch asks.

“No, I only see bits and pieces” Armin said “The fragments of his memories are unclear.”

Fragments of his memories.

Annie didn’t have to wonder for long what that meant; she realized Armin had inherited a titan. Armin. Why him, of all people possible? Surely there could’ve been others… and which titan was it?

It took her months to learn it had been the Colossal titan. Bertolt was dead, yet she couldn’t even mourn for her comrade, unable to even shed a single tear.

She couldn’t cry even when she found out Zeke was a traitor, having sent an army of his own to Paradis. Not that she would’ve cried about it even if she could. Screamed in frustration, then? More likely, but maybe not that either. After all, who was she to judge? The things she had done, she hadn’t done them for Marley. Nor humanity. It was for her and her father alone, personal reasons. She didn’t know what Zeke was thinking, but he must’ve had reasons of his own.

There was no point in wondering who was right and who wrong.

The history would be written by the winners, anyway.

Connie came by once, asking about the possibility of feeding her to his mother. Annie had already gathered bits and pieces about an attack by Marley from the conversations around her, but it was only now that she learned that the place that took most of the damage was Connie’s home.

How did she feel about that? She didn’t know. She knew Connie, but had no ties to his family. She didn’t know them, she didn’t care, so by logic, it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t, yet she felt something.

Jean was sometimes there too, although rarely, always tagging along with Armin if he was. He rarely spoke and when he did, he was level headed, logical. He’d changed so much it took Annie a while to realize it was him the first time she heard him talking. Gone was the arrogant boy, and in his place, a man toughened up by war. She wasn’t sure if she should consider it a good thing or not.

Sasha stopped by sometimes, too. The first time, Annie was sure, had been an accident with the girl actually looking for food. She wasn’t surprised in the slightest. One time, she’d heard her and Armin talk about seafood. Apparently, some war prisoner had cooked for them. When Sasha talked about the deliciousness of the lobster, Annie found herself wishing she had been sitting at the table together with the rest of them. She had always wanted to try out lobster.

That was all there was to it, really.

Mikasa came a few times as well, always with Armin. She didn’t say much, but it would’ve been weirder if she did, anyway. And always to Armin and not her.

Armin on the other hand, came by often. So much so that Annie felt like he put in extra effort to make time to come over. He talked a lot, but he was gloomy. It was mostly him being worried about the future, or Eren.

Speaking of Eren, he never showed up, not even once. Annie supposed the heads of the military didn’t want to risk letting her near the founding titan.

At least, she hoped it was the case.

The one who came by the most, however, was Hitch. At first, it seemed like she came by to let out some steam. She was always complaining, about work and other things, but mostly about men. Mostly ones she dated, but also about the scouts she knew, especially Jean. She seemed to be in good terms with Armin, though.

She also read news papers to her, commenting on both important and unimportant details. That was something Annie was actually grateful for; she was somewhat able to keep up with what was happening.

Though had Hitch not been there next to always, she’d probably gone crazy.

Not that Annie would ever admit that.

“Sasha died” that was the first thing Annie hears Armin say after months of not visiting, after having told her he was going to Marley. Not what results they’d gotten, not what he’d seen, just… that. And even as Armin starts speaking in more detail, for the first time since she got stuck in the crystal, Annie has trouble focusing on what is being said.

One more person was dead and she was still stuck here.

“I need to get out” she has thought so many times over these four years, yet never so strongly as now. As Armin goes on with his story, she learns of the attack on Liberio, and her desire to get out only grows as she can now only wonder if her father survived in the chaos.

But of course, she can’t get out.

All she can do is keep listening to Armin, unable to answer when he tells her to do so.

Sometimes Armin and Hitch argued, though it was more like Hitch made jokes that Armin took too seriously and panicked. It was amusing at first, but Hitch should’ve really left him alone by now.

One day, she finally hears Eren’s voice, louder and clearer than anyone else’s.

And then, all of sudden, she’s out.

Into the night - Chapter 125

“Good god..we won..we won” As in a daze, Jared jumped up from his seat and ran up to his little family, picking them both up and then finally her arms wrapped around him, “we won, Noah is staying with us” he breathed as he kept kissing her face, even Shannon couldn't hold back any longer and piled himself on top of them. Every single worry, every sleepless night, none of that didn't matter anymore, this was the turnover of a new leaf for all of them “Jared, am I really going back home with you and aunt Jordan?” Noah nestled his head on Jared's shoulder in all the commotion, “yes you are, you finally are coming home, finally!” he kissed the boy's head through his tears. “Does that mean you will go swimming with me again, Shannon?” Noah lifted his chin on Jared's shoulder to look at Shannon who instantly grabbed the boy and cuddled him “of course I'll go swimming with you” he laughed and cried at the same time. “Yay, you're the bestest uncle Shannon there is” Noah put his little arms around his neck, “ 'uncle Shannon', huh? I like it! Now, what do you say we get out of here and celebrate that you're coming home with us”.

Noah's eyes lit up again “can we have cake and icecream too?” he asked all excited, “we'll see what we can do, come on” he put Noah on his other arm and looked at Jordan and Jared “you coming?”. Jordan nodded and followed Shannon out of the room and into the early afternoon sun, nobody needed to say anything, Noah's happy and excited banter filled up that gap constantly, even in the car he was clapping his hands, making absolutely sure everybody knew that he was going home. “Look, it's Grandma Conny” he yelled and waved at Constance as the car drove up to the house and he was telling Shannon to hurry up so he could get out. “Grandma, Grandma, it's me, I'm back home” he ran up to Constance who waited for him with the biggest smile and her arms wide open that he flew straight into “oh sweetheart, I've missed you so much, are you ok?” she picked him up, “I missed you too Grandma, did you think about me while I was away?”. Constance nodded fiercely “of course I did!” her hand rubbed his back and felt how skinny he had gotten “I thought about you so much today that I decided to make apple pie, your favourite”, she smiled as he pulled out of the hug and stared at her with big twinkling eyes “yaaayyy! Apple pie! Can I have some ice cream too?”. Constance put him down again “today really is your lucky day, isn't it?” and giggled as he raced inside the house and she could greet her sons and Jordan “hello sweetheart, how are you feeling?” her face clouded over as she noticed how pale she looked. “Better now that Noah's home” Jordan gave her a weak smile and walked inside. Jared waited until his brother and mother had gone to the kitchen before he walked up and wrapped his arms around her from behind “he's home again, our boy's home again” he breathed in her hair, “I know, I still can't believe it, I keep thinking someone's gonna walk in and tell me it's a mistake”. He closed his eyes breathing in her scent “It's not a mistake, it's real thanks to you, that was a brilliant idea having us tape Noah's confession”, she didn't lift her hand to touch his, she just stood there motionless in his arms, “it's one less thing to worry about” he whispered. “I don't wanna talk about it, Jared..” she suddenly put her hand over his wrists to break his embrace and took a step away from him, “you don't want to talk about it? Come on Jordan, we got Noah back and..”, she raised her eyebrows and cut him off “yeah but for how long? I've got him back and I don't ever want to let him go again, but the way things are I know I'll have to and it's killing me, Jared, why can't you understand that?” she tried to keep her voice down but her emotions were all over the place. “Hey, I'm trying here, Ok? I'm trying so goddamn hard to understand you, I'm bending over backwards for you but you keep pushing me away every fuckin' time” he roughly grabbed her arm when she wanted to walk away, she so didn't want to have another argument, it was the only thing they seemed to be doing these days, even getting a new heart wouldn't solve this any longer, she knew her own body better than anyone and he just refused to see it. “Get your hands off me, you're hurting me” she hissed as she looked at his fingers that were painfully digging into her skin, “aunt Joooordaaaan” Noah ran right through the tense situation between them but slowed down when he noticed the hostility. “I want to have my apple pie, but Grandma said I had to wait for you” he said in an unstable voice trying to weigh the situation, “Oh..yes of course” she yanked her arm free from Jared's grip without taking her eyes off the boy “well, let's all go and have apple pie then” she dreaded having to sit around a table and play happy families but this was Noah's moment and that was all that mattered, her own troubles simply had to wait.

”A party? You want to have a party here? At the house?” Constance frowned at Shannon's suggestion, it would be the first party in a long time that would have been held here, yes this house needed to restore its' natural order of a happy place where friends came and went, this house had been a place of suffering and sorrow for far too long and yes the tables had turned with Jared finding himself an instant family but Jordan..she wasn't out of the woods yet, not by a long shot. “Why not? It's been forever since we had a party or even been to one, besides we've got a lot to be grateful for, Noah's back with us, Jordan never got a proper birthday party, the new record, if we ever get to finish it” Shannon grinned “Jared buying a new house, I don't know, isn't every reason a good reason to party?”. Jared sat up, the idea was compelling, reconnecting with old friends, saying goodbye to this old house, he didn't want to leave here with a truckload of negativity that had surrounded this house for far too long, he had his own extra reason to have a party and it involved an engagement ring but..his thoughts were interrupted by Shannon “Jared, come on man, it'll be like the old days”. Jared shrugged slightly “I think it's a great idea but I don't live here alone” and turned to hear Jordan's reaction but she seemed barely present “it's not my house” she softly said, she had always loved a good party but right at this moment it seemed like another mountain she had to climb, this stupid lack of energy was frightening but Noah got all antsy with excitement hearing them talk of parties. “When are we gonna have a party? Tomorrow? Can we have cake?” his eyes became as big as saucers. “Tomorrow? It's short notice..but why the hell not? Come on Jared, it'll be fun! I'll take care of everything” Shannon glanced at Jared who bit his lip and finally nodded his head “Ok, ok! A party it is then” he sipped his tea, it would give them all something to look forward to. Jordan didn't say anything, she just smiled not wanting to spoil the mood, but she just felt so sad that everybody was racing forward with their lives while she couldn't even keep up, everyone wanted to make up for lost time, while her own time was ticking away. 

“Can I help you blow the candles on your cake?” Noah turned in her lap and flapped his eyelashes at her, “of course you can, now why don't you go brush your teeth and get ready for bed, it's been a crazy day and tomorrow's gonna be even crazier with the party” she softly said. Without any form of protest, Noah slid off her lap and did his round to kiss everyone goodnight, Jordan stood up as well “I'm gonna turn in as well, like I said it's been a long day” she excused herself, the sun was barely setting but she felt more than exhausted even if she had sat on this chair for a few hours and it wasn't just her body that was at the end of its' rope but also her mind started to give up, these last couple of days it had been filled with thoughts that got darker and darker and it was having its' effect on everything including her relationship with Jared. Jared looked at her and grabbed her hand “I'll be right up” his clumsy way of letting her know that he didn't want to continue the fight of earlier on, that was another thing, not a day went by without a fight and the intervals became smaller and smaller. Constance couldn't keep her eyes off of her as she walked back inside with Noah and once she was out of hearing range she picked up her cup, warming her cold hand against it “Poor thing..she gets paler by the second..still no news from the hospital? surely there must be something they can do”. Jared shook his head and choked up but Shannon took over “I'm telling you they're gonna find her a heart, I just know..my little brother's getting married and nothing's gonna come between that, she's gonna walk down that isle with a new heart, I'm sure of it” he blurted out. Constance's head shot up “what?..what?” too shocked to form a sentence, Jared looked at his brother, this is not the way he had wanted to break the news to his mother “Shannon's right..I've bought her a ring, I'm gonna ask her to marry me...she's the one I want to be with for the rest of my life mum, or whatever time there's left” his voice thick with unshed tears. Constance shot up from her chair and flew in her son's arms “you are? oh honey, I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you” she squeaked and squeezed him tight “I had already given up all hope on seeing you boys settle down” she laughed as she let go of him and addressed her oldest son “Shannon, start taking notes, ok?”. Shannon rolled his eyes in mock shock “yeah yeah, we'll see about that” he grinned and walked up to them “I'm just glad this one here is finally gonna tie the knot and we can all get our lives back”.

”Are you sure I won't have to go back to Grandma?” Noah crawled under the covers  so Jordan could tuck him in, “I'm sure, you're staying right here with me, with us, the judge decided that once and for all” she ran her fingers through his hair. “So that means you're not my aunt but my mama now“ he sighed all content, “I'm both, no matter what you like to call me one thing is for sure and that is that I'll always love you” she tickled him, “I love you too..mama” he hiccuped giggling. She leaned forward to kiss his head “Goodnight my beautiful boy, I'm so happy to have you home where you belong” she whispered and switched on his nightlamp as she slowly got up, turning one last time at the door to see his eyes get heavy already and quietly she closed the door. Jared came walking out of the bathroom, dressed only in pajama pants as she came walking inside their bedroom and he stopped in his tracks and just stood there looking at her smiling, “what? What  is it?” she frowned “what are you smiling about?”. His eyes bored into hers “I'm smiling at how lucky I am to have such a beautiful creature find her way back to my room even if I don't deserve her” he breathed as he watched his words register with her, it was so funny that even after all this time he was still able to make her blush. “I'm not b..” Before she could protest about the beautiful part he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her, “yes you are, stop telling yourself that you're not because you're still as stunning as ever” he kissed her hair. “You forgot argumentative, stubborn..” she sighed against his naked chest, “all those things I happen to love about you” he put his chin on the top of her head, “seriously Jay, I hate those arguments we just don't seem to stop having, I'm scared it's gonna break us up someday”. He shrugged “no chance, we don't argue about silly things like most couples do, we argue because of..” he paused not wanting to state the obvious “the situation that neither of us wants to be in, but that's all gonna change, it's already started with getting Noah back..you and I have come so far together, there's nothing life can throw at us that we won't survive..just..stay..stay with me..that's all I ask, that and you not shutting me out when things get tough”. Jordan closed her eyes “stupid git” she murmured, making him smile “if you're gonna call me names, use a word that this stupid American actually understands”, it was her turn now for a smile to curl around her lips “ok then! Stupid moron” she playfully translated, “Silly cunt” he retaliated laughing. 

Feeling her body start to shudder against his, he feared that he had actually insulted her only to hear her laugh out loud a second later and it was a sound so contagious that instantly made him join in, here they finally were, laughing about their misery for the very first time. “It just gets so dark in my head lately and I don't know anymore how to fight it” she was the first to turn all serious again, “I just feel like I've lost myself somewhere along the way and most of the time I feel like running away to go hide somewhere nobody will ever find me..it's like I don't remember anymore how to be close with someone..I swear I used to be normal” she sighed. Jared didn't say a word as he took a step back and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her over to the bed. “Normal is the ugliest word in the English language, what you are is amazing, breathtaking and definitely one of a kind” he crawled next to her and kissed her “and yes I'm aware of how dark it can get inside that pretty head of yours, I'm not exactly the most fun, uncomplicated guy to be with either and yes the combination of us two does create arguments” he whispered against her mouth “but as long as you keep arguing with me, I'm fine with whatever, because it means that you love me..nobody ever started an argument with someone they don't love”. Jordan closed her eyes smiling and shook her head “I do, I do love you Leto” she whispered “and right now I need to hear you say that you love me too” her eyes fluttered open again to find his face hovering above hers, “I do..I love you Jordan McLeod, more than anything in this world” his eyes had turned that darker shade of blue again, the kind of blue that sent a shiver down her spine. “I don't believe you” she breathed plucking another kiss from his lips that made him frown, “what? But why? Jordan, I..”, her finger on his lips silenced him “show me then..” she just needed to feel him, inside of her, on top of her, it didn't matter, just the mere touch of his hands or the feel of that glorious body of his pressing down on her made all of her problems fall away. He knew what she was after, lifting her hips so they connected with his crotch, her long fingernails raking over the skin on his back “don't..Jordan, please..I can't..” he breathed and closed his eyes, the memory of what had happened last time, him having to call an ambulance after their last session still fresh on his mind. Feeling him grow hard against her pubic bone told her a totally different story “yes you can..you just don't want to..” she slowly hissed as she wriggled from underneath his body, staying put under the delicious weight of his body pushing down on hers was too agonizing and screamed rejection even though she knew better. “What? No! Of course I want to! Can't you feel what you're doing to me?” he let his forehead connect with the mattress, battling the little voices in his head that screamed at him to give in to her plea, “whatever Jared..” she didn't care if she was pouting, she was gonna get it one way or the other. Jared panicked as she rolled away from him and his hand reached for her pulling her back “don't 'whatever Jared' me” his eyes shot her a dangerous sexy glance before his teeth tugged at her bottomlip, his mouth seamlessly finding it's way down to her throat. “Well played, McLeod” his words vibrated against her warm skin as she already arched her back to give him better access to every single part of her body, the moonlight throwing its mysterious veil over the two bodies connecting again.

Hey! Now i know my ask might require a meta or probably a long explanation, and i need you to know that i alrdy ship touken so hard , im just overwhelmed by the way kaneki loves touka, what is the reason he got to love her so much he went insane for her? What did she ever do to him to make him love her so deeply wow It cant be just because she helped at the beginning there must be more! There must be a moment that he started loving her from.. mind if u can feed my poor heart with the answer TT

Mod K:

You have to remember that Ken has always been a character that has been starved for love and affection. He was abused by his mother for years, before moving into an even more unloving environment with his aunt after his mother’s subsequent death. Since then, he has always been incredibly lonely.

He had a hard time making friends aside from H/ide. Interestingly enough, he is only able to form the most bonds after he has transitioned from being a human to a half-ghoul. He has always yearned for a place to belong. This was part of the reason he is initially so horrified when he first becomes a half ghoul. e feels as though he has no footing among either humans or ghouls. Eventually, Yoshimura assures him that he can belong among both humans and ghouls as a half-ghoul, but this is Kaneki’s primary struggle throughout both series. He still hasn’t found a decent balance yet, either. He flip flops -- either trying to cling to his humanity or his ghoul nature. He still has not learned to embrace either.

Chapter 125 of re: is significant to Kaneki’s character because it is one of the few moments where he has felt truly accepted -- and truly wanted. Sex can be a profoundly powerful and intimate experience. You are opening your body to another person, and Ken was touched that Touka wanted to share that experience with him. He is affected to the point that he cries and is moved by her desire for him. She wants him to stay with her -- she doesn’t want him to leave.

In the above panel, we can see the moment that he realizes what he means to Touka -- and this exactly the kind of thing that Kaneki has always craved.

With other friendships, I feel as though this is not something that Ken never really understood. He often pushed away his friends, like H/ide, Touka, or the others because he believed that they would be better off without him. He believed that he could protect them better if he wasn’t near them.

His relationship with Touka begins the change in that mindset, as he understand that she truly wants him in her life. Note -- this seems to be the FIRST time that Ken has realized this, despite his previous friendships. These are not rational thoughts, and not true -- but this was what Ken believed.

Why would he not be profoundly affected by this?

Not only does Touka want him in her life (and actually made him believe and acknowledge this, since it’s clear that Ken’s other intimate friendships also care for him deeply and want him around, too), but she also did something that Ken has always wanted.

She chose him. She put him and their child first.

Ken’s primary flaws and struggles have all stemmed from his mother’s inability to put him first. His mother abused him, and constantly put the needs of her sister over his own. She chose to over-work herself for her sister, rather than live for him. He holds a lot of bitterness and resentment towards her over this and it has come up again and again through out the series.

However, Touka makes the very choice that he always wished that his mother had made.

Ken had been planning to figure out a way to save Yoriko, even if doing so would probably lead to his death -- but Touka instead decides to not bring up the letter underneath his pillow at all. They both know that she had seen it, but she chooses instead to not save her close friend so that he and their child could live.

I believe that this is the moment where Ken truly fell in love with Touka. He asks her to marry him, afterwards -- as thanks for placing him first -- and is shown to be so happy and amorous around her directly after this chapter. When someone comes along and does the one thing that you’ve always wanted, it would of course create strong emotions, and a very strong attachment.

She is the first person that Ken has acknowledged that has put him first -- and chosen him over someone else that she cared deeply about. So, he wants her to survive so that they can live on together and be happy. He fights for that reason. We also need to keep in mind that Fur/uta manufactured the oggai and this entire attack on the underground for the sole purpose of driving Ken insane in order to produce the dragon. Had he not eaten the oggai and ingested such a massive amount of RC cells at one time, he probably wouldn’t have become a giant beast, though he still would have fought for Touka.

Ken’s current predicament isn’t entirely his fault, and it’s not entirely because of Touka, but he chooses to fight for what he wants and finally choose so that he can hold onto those who he loves. It’s just sad that Fur/uta was already a few steps ahead of him. We’ll just have to see what happens next.

Misfits of Avalon Writer Notes Chapter 18

New Post has been published on http://sorcery101.net/news/misfits-of-avalon-writer-notes-chapter-18/

Misfits of Avalon Writer Notes Chapter 18

page 105 – 111

I wanted to address that Rae can’t follow through on her lies. She is sneaking out mostly so she can stall and then figure out something to say that is true but misleading. I also had Morgan be the one that sorta connects with Rae because since she never trusted Rae she would be the least hurt by Rae’s true nature coming out.

Also Rae’s mom trying to call her is supposed to be one last dig at Morgan’s lack of support system. Also much like earlier when Elsie didn’t react to yelling, I figure Morgan’s comment that no one smiles as much as Rae reveals more about her than she thinks.   And Rae mentioning how closed off Morgan is kinda a hint of want happens in the next seen.

page 112 – 121

Morgan’s been guarded this whole book and when this is when she is pushed the most to talk about herself. Her emotions are all damned up and her getting pushed like has them all burst out at once. Her and Elsie coming to blows is because Elsie is the one who has the least reason to leave and also the one who would want Morgan to stay the most. I also had Billy be unconscious for all this because I did want even a hint of Morgan staying for looooooove.

This is also the only time Morgan cries in the book because she opened up for once. I wanted this conversation to have space to breath and scattered some silent panels through out it. Her shouting and being exposed like that isn’t the norm for her so everyone is not quite sure how to respond.

page 122 – 124

I wanted Morgan to think over her decision to leave and be alone for awhile. Times like this are why I decided to have the thought captions from each character.

page 125 – 128

This scene I wanted to show that Morgan’s dad isn’t bad all the time and sorta tries. But he has his own serious depression we aren’t seeing since it’s not his story. He can barely manage to take care of himself never mind a teenager. It’s kinda how their attempts to connect never meet up or happen at the same time. I thought it would be too easy to just paint him entirely with a bad brush. I wanted their relationship to be more complicated than that. There last scene together I wanted to end on a sad note that makes it clear why she still left.

Page 129 – 134

This whole ritual’s and the comments the girls have on it are just pulling at details that work in a medieval looking setting but in modern times are more questionable, specially Rae mentioning not wanting to catch anything from sharing a knife they all cut themselves with. I like Rae flinching as Elsie takes the knife.

The spell is in Gaelic/Irish. I’m fairly certain there are some serious errors in it cause I used google translate. All the spells in Misfits of Avalon are in Irish but most are translate to things like Fire Blade so grammar isn’t super key. This is the longest bit I had to figure out.

I liked the magic words wrapping around the girls as Cu says them. It’s more visually interesting that way I think. I always try to find ways to do something more interesting with lettering that doesn’t get in the way of the storytelling. I hand letter so I want to take full advantage of that.

page 135 – 137

This bit with Billy I tried to pull panel layouts similar to other conversations Billy and Morgan had and combine them with panels from Morgan’s dream. Because it is wanted people to subconsciously think of both those moments.

page 138 – 144

This is the fight that is the most urgent fight they have. I wanted each role they play to reflect their role in the whole the comic. So like Morgan and Elsie take the more brute force side and are the most focused on Billy. Kimber figures out what is going on. And Rae stays safe and seperate from the rest of them. I was in a bit of a deadline crunch during this. I kinda wish I could’ve maybe pushed the action a little more.

page 145 – 149

We get a little bit of a wrap up on their thoughts on the rings. Rae’s refusing to help is  a bit of she has already been found out so she doesn’t feel the need to keep up pretense. Her actions are being more honest like her words. I also wanted to focus the most on Morgan when they take off their rings because she was the one who didn’t want the ring. I wanted to give her a calm relief moment. And then the other end is how petty Rae is about returning the ring.

page 150 – 158

I wanted to have a calmer moment while they watch the tree burn before starting their goodbyes. This scene maybe would have worked better in color. Morgan leaving is because in the whole story she doesn’t have a lot of power. Yes she gets superpowers but most of the things that make her life rough are things she doesn’t have control over. She can’t fix her dad’s alcoholism and depression. She can’t somehow make her absentee mom come back. She can’t fix her and her dad’s finical problems. She is in a place in her life where she is old enough to be aware of her circumstance but not old enough to take control of it in anyway. It’s an experience that is very connected to being a teenager in my mind and it is very frustrating. So Morgan getting the choice to leave society is her getting some control she has never had before. And it’s a type of control she wouldn’t be able to get until she legally an adult.

Kimber’s good-bye to Morgan is still focused on sorta the fantasy of things. I wanted to show that is where her mind is and always ha been. Only when Billy might die does she not treat the story she is in like a story. Then Rae’s good-bye is short and kinda hostile because both parties don’t care about each other. It’s also a more honest interaction Rae has had in most of the book.

Morgan and Billy’s good-bye I started close because it’s more intimate and then pull out when Billy starts to put emotional distance between them with a joke. I ended with them in a background and border free panel because their goodbye for a moment feels like it is just them.

Elsie’s anger and denial about Morgan leaving is reflecting their whole relationship. When ever Elsie lashes out at Morgan it’s when Morgan puts up a barrier to their friendship. Her leaving is the last big wall. But that hostility falls apart when she sees Morgan is really leaving. Then she has the biggest goodbye and the most emotional. After the hug there aren’t any other people in the panels. Like with her goodbye to Billy, this needs to be the just them. And for a similar reason it ends with the background and borderless panel.

The last page is to just end on a big of a goofy note to cut the tension a bit. I wanted to linger on Elsie’s feelings.

Anyway, thats a wrap for Misfits of Avalon. It was my first book working with a publisher and I think I learned a lot while making it. I think if I were to redo it, I think I would have done more planning. It very quickly went from a vague idea aka magical girls that were jerks to the finished project. There are a few bits I think I could have pushed more and made clearer. I do like this length more than Sorcery 101’s length. It was easier to manage but still felt substantial to me. With that in mind I think maybe I should have written the whole thing at once, cause like Kimber isn’t as clearly younger than everyone else in the beginning. The point was to make some “unlikable” female characters in the same way male characters get to be unlikable. That makes it not for everyone and I could have maybe tightened it in a few parts. I’m gonna take what I learned to the next project I’m doing.

hi, in the tags of the post about others ignoring eren's depression you said that you feel like in ch 125 he cried out for help a lot--i wonder if you meant a different chapter? 125 is the one with annie's backstory and eren isn't in it.

i'm super curious about this part of aot, to me it seems about equally as likely that someone did try to talk with him, and eren just wasn't honest, and that noone did

talking about this post

hey! you’re right, it’s chapter 123. excuse me for the long reply but here we go

I think Eren’s depression was emphasized in this chapter and how far along the line he was to the point of not being able to enjoy the sights they previously dreamt of

at this point, Eren knew the people he would kill people, innocent people, like he once was. said himself that he’s no be better than Reiner. an absolute hypocrite, which is proven when he saves Ramzi from the bullies, knowing he’d kill him later. he’s a walking contradiction, and hates himself for it. the feeling when you’re doing something wrong, while being aware of your wrongdoings yet you can’t stop, he self destructs and is unable to deal with the guilt that follows

nobody hates Eren more than himself, there’s no reason to love a monster like him, so why does she never leave his side?

he believed he couldn’t be loved, because he doesn’t love himself. The concept of somcone loving him was unfathomable. We see it throughout the series, he's constantly refered to as a monster, hits deep depression in season 3 where he thinks the world would be in a better place if he was dead, felt like a burden because everyone kept blaming the scouts deaths on him. Even in s4 when he's universally referred to as a devil but no longer fights to prove otherwise. so the fact that Mikasa always wants to be close to him isn't something he understands. He needs confirmation, why does she protect him all the time? Is it because she lost her family? Since Eren himself felt undeserving

Eren wasn’t being honest with them, but what depressed person is?

that doesn’t mean anyone else is to blame, Eren is fully responsible for his actions and we don’t know if talking out the mess in his head would help. personally, I don’t think it would. Eren craved an empty world(that’s up for another discussion) but i still feel emphasize with his self hatred, and the fact that he self destructed to the point of (rightfully) losing the life he could’ve lived and even regretting it in his final moments. (i can go into specifics if anyone feels confused)

so, did his friends ignore the visible changes in him after kissing Historias hand? yes. it’s like Hanji said, they were too naive and Eren felt he had to act on his own, (but then again, he chose to start hiding the truth from them even before kissing her hand, in court when he realized Dina was of royal blood.) HOWEVER, i don’t think that’s relevant to the eventual outcome as i believe Eren would do the rumbling regardless, but i do think it made his sendoff a lot more heartbreaking, knowing he spent his last years, trapped in a bundle of past and ‘future’ memories, a load on his shoulders that he never burdened anyone else with and no one bothered to do something about (Mikasa tried) and yes, i am fully aware they all had their own stuff to think about. i’m not trying to blame the rumbling on them

Mikasa reflected on the outcome if she had given him another answer that day, and we saw that they would’ve ran away from it all. in the cabin Eren says he couldn’t bring himself to commit genocide, that’s how we know it’s an impossible future. a desire he has but Eren wasn’t born to live a normal life. “because Eren and death, are inextricably inbound” -lost girls

he’s generally a very tragic character, which makes it hard not to feel for his humanity but there’s no ignoring the destructive part of him. sorry for reeling off but to get back to the point, i think he was very lost and that his friends ignored it until it blew he became someone that couldn’t be saved, but in the end it might’ve not mattered. “you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved”

thanks for reading!

(since i can’t add any more panels i’ll reblog with the ones i want to share)