more of a psa on the blog but I’m going to try to post more solo shoots of the other SMAP members. Because I have a lot of pretty shoots and I just want to ☺️

I know some of you are probably here mainly for the Takuya things, but please enjoy the other shoots that get posted. All of the SMAP members are really lovely…

Impossible - 23

Pairing Grouping: Eric x Reader x Godric

Warnings: discussion of unwanted pregnancy, killing people, and Nan Flanagan

A/N: The moment has come to discover your origins. Finally.

***

You were behind the bar at Fangtasiataking inventory while Godric sat on a stool keeping you company. Pam and Eric were in the office going over payroll. Both were tasks normally left to others but after the issue with Longshadow, Eric was taking a more hands on approach. You wondered how long it would last.

You were crouched behind the bar counting glasses when the front door opened and shut.

“Sorry, we’re closed,” Godric said.

“I’m actually looking for someone,” a familiar voice answered.

In an instant, you were on your feet. Your father’s attention turned to you and he smiled. You couldn’t help the little squeal that left you as you hopped the counter and threw yourself into his waiting arms. It had been months since you’d seen him last, and you hadn’t parted on the best of terms. And, while you’d made amends since then, it wasn’t the same as one of his hugs. “I missed you,” you said into the shoulder you had your face pressed into.

“I’ve missed you too, angel.”

When you finally released him, you stepped back and looked him over. Not that he would look any different. He was a vampire, after all. “You’re early.” He wasn’t due to arrive until the next day.

He grinned. “Like I said, I missed you.”

You took his hand and turned to find Godric, Pam, and Eric all standing behind you. “Dad, this is Godric, Pam and Eric. Everyone, this is my dad, Roman.”

Eric stepped forward and offered his hand. “It’s an honor to meet you, sir.”

Roman shook his hand but simply hummed in acknowledgment instead of saying anything in return. You nudged him in the ribs with your elbow. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said, amusement in his tone. He’d stayed silent just to irritate you. Jerk.

“Do you have an entourage with you?” you asked.

He looked down at you with a lifted brow.

“If you do, you’re staying at the hotel. Otherwise, you can stay with us,” you explained.

“We also have a loft that you can use as well,” Eric was quick to offer.

“We can discuss my lodgings later. But first, dinner. My treat.”

***

When you arrived at the overpriced restaurant, you’d been shown to a private room so any conversation wouldn’t be overheard. You left Pam at the club but brought Godric with you. Your father kept shooting glances in his direction but had yet to ask outright who he was to you. Idle conversation filled the first half of the meal. As expected, it was your father who turned the focus to more serious topics.

“Nan is displeased over the incident in Dallas. She believes that we set her up,” he said with a glance at you.

“Nan is displeased because she got called out on her shit,” you countered.

Roman frowned. He had tried to make you a proper lady and he so hated be reminded that you were not. Unless he was using it to his advantage, of course. “I’ve explained to you before that she is a necessary evil.”

You sighed and leaned back in your chair. “No. She’s a bitch. I get the PR stuff, but she does you no favors amongst the vampire community. She’s not asserting your authority, she’s giving people another reason to dislike you.”

His eyes shifted to look at the other two men at the table who both nodded in agreement with your words. “I’ll take it under consideration. In the meantime, she has been assured that she doesn’t have to be in your vicinity for the foreseeable future.”

“Thanks, daddy,” you said with a grin.

He smiled as he shook his head. “I am entirely too indulgent where you are concerned. It is pointed out to me frequently.”

You hummed in agreement. “I assume these are the same people that are the first to recommend hiring me when needed.”

“That they are,” he said with a chuckle. His attention turned to Godric. “And who is he exactly?”

“That’s Godric. I already introduced him. Pay attention, Pop.” You were being deliberately obtuse. That wasn’t what he’d meant at all.

“Who is he to you?”

A slow smile slid onto your face. “He’s my boyfriend.”

His gaze flicked to Eric. “And you are okay with your mate claiming another?”

Your mate’s smile mirrored your own as he gave a little shrug. “He is my boyfriend as well, so I fail to see the problem.”

Roman leaned against the back of his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Eric and your daughter were made for each other. It was evident from their first meeting. I would never dream of coming between them. But if they wish to make room for me in their relationship, who am I to refuse them? I am no fool.” They were the first words Godric had spoken all evening. You didn’t know if they made any sort of impact with your father, but they had you grinning from ear to ear.

“You are aware that I am a vampire and you can’t actually give me a heart attack, correct?” Roman asked you.

“I can keep trying.”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know why I would expect anything else.”

“Since we’re covering all the heavy topics, why exactly is it that you can still feel me as strongly as if we’d exchanged blood yesterday when it’s been months? Especially since I’ve fed from both of them?” you asked.

Your father went very still. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

Eric crossed his arms over his chest and you knew he was dying to say something. Wisely, he was leaving the interrogation of your father up to you.

“Oh, I think you do. I also think you know the answer,” you said.

He pressed the button on the table that called a waiter. “Fine. But not here. Your place would be best. Somewhere there is no chance of being overheard.”

Well…that was unsettling.

***

Once you arrived home, Eric poured drinks for all of you. You settled in the living room and watched your father as he stood. His fingers nervously tapped the glass in his hand.

“There was a woman. An informant before the Great Revelation. An ally. She proved invaluable. When she was discovered and her usefulness exhausted, I offered to change her rather than kill her. She’d earned it.” He drained his glass. Eric was quick to get to his feet and refill it. “She accepted provided we proceed immediately.”

“You didn’t find that odd?” Godric asked.

“Not really. I figured she must have feared losing her nerve. It happens.” Roman shrugged. “Truth be told, I had a soft spot for the woman. She was beautiful and sweet. Compassionate. I changed her myself.”

You shifted uneasily. You had never met this woman, nor had she been mentioned before tonight. Something told you that you weren’t going to like where this story was headed.

“As I worked with her, taught her how to be a vampire, I noticed a change in her appearance. Her stomach was growing.” He licked his lips. “Upon questioning, I discovered that she wished be turned quickly to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. It should have worked, but miraculously she was still pregnant. The baby was still growing.”

“That is impossible,” Eric breathed.

“Improbable,” Godric corrected with a glance in your direction.

“I was fascinated. I told no one and kept her locked away, afraid she would find a way to end the pregnancy as she’d wished in the first place. When the baby was born, there was an immediate connection between us. Almost like the bond between a sire and his progeny, but different somehow.”

Roman stood with his feet wide and his arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at you. Your heart raced in anticipation of his next words. “I killed the doctor and nurse that delivered the child. And when your mother insisted you were a monster that needed to die, I killed her as well.”

The casual way he told you that you were indeed the child in question and that he’d killed your mother in the same sentence rocked through you. Sent you off kilter. And, while you supposed you should be furious with him for doing it, you weren’t. After all, according to him, she wanted you dead so why should you be angry that it was her instead of you.

“For all intents and purposes, I amyour father. My blood runs through your veins.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you finally found your voice to ask.

“At first, I feared you’d trust the wrong person. Your origins can never be discovered. There are too many that would fall to the temptation to experiment.”

“And later?” you prompted when he didn’t continue on his own.

“I was terrified I would lose you when you discovered the truth.” He ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath. “But I swore that I would tell you everything if you asked. So, I am.”

You stood then and hugged him. He gripped you tightly and sighed in contentment. “You’re not going to lose me, daddy. You saved me.”

When you pulled away, you frowned in irritation. “Though this does mean that we technically still don’t know what I am.”

“Of course we do, my love,” Godric said with a smirk. “You are what you have always been. An impossible thing.”

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 58

Chapter Summary - After returning from their walk, Danielle and Tom end up minding his niece for a while and after that, they go to have dinner again in Diana's, where it is revealed that due to the summer, Tom has not spoken to his father since then, something Danielle thinks to rectify.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​ @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

After the walk in the woods, and a small towel dry for Mac, Danielle and Tom contemplated sitting down for a quiet read, but their idea was quickly shattered when Sarah arrived with her daughter. “Half an hour, I beg you.” she pleaded. Tom looked at his sister in concern. “My head is spinning, I have literally watched four movies in a row, I need half an hour.”

“Give us one and a half, she’ll be fed and all.” Danielle smiled. Sarah did not even bother asking if she was sure, she turned and fled. “I guess that answers what our afternoon includes.” She commented to Tom.

“Prepares us for the weekend we have you I suppose.” Tom grinned at his niece. “Have you had lunch?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, how about some of Ellie’s homemade soup and brown bread?” Tom ushered her into the kitchen. Danielle smiled as she walked in after them, Tom getting some of the soup Danielle had made them after their walk and the bread she had baked before getting injured on Christmas Eve. Tom saw her looking at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” She smiled. “Just nice seeing you make yourself at home here.”

“Well, just remember to do the same in London.”

“I might just.” She winked, going over to the kettle to make herself some tea. “Do you want one?”

“Please.” Tom was about to put his arms around her when she moved slightly to avoid it and indicated to the six-year-old who was currently eating at the table. “Sorry.”

“Have to remember to behave in front of children.” She chastised. “So, what movie will we watch when you are finished your lunch?” She asked said child as she placed a glass of apple juice next to her.

“Cinderella.”

“The film or the cartoon one?” Danielle offered.

“Film.”

“There’s a film of it now?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, Kenneth Branagh is the director, it’s brilliant, so colourful,” Danielle informed him.

“Ken loves using colour.” Tom nodded. “Sounds good.”

When Sarah returned almost two hours later, she was shocked to see Tom and Danielle playing hide and seek with her daughter. “You two are worse than her.” She chuckled to her brother.

Tom came over to her and put his arm around her, “Feel better?”

“Too much wine yesterday, tired and over my fill of movies, thank you both so much.”

“We are happy to have her.”

“She loves you both, she has not stopped going on about wanting you to marry Elle.”

“I know, I was informed yesterday on our walk that she is to be the flower girl, no arguments.”

“No pressure.” Sarah laughed.

“No, none. So what time is dinner?”

Sarah groaned. “No one is in the mood for turkey, not even mum.”

“I know, the idea of it is not too appealing.” Tom agreed. “Though…” He walked out to the end of the stairs. “Truce,” he shouted up. A moment later, two smiling faces poked around the top of the stairs at him. “Why is your hair tossed?” He asked almost worriedly.

“We…”

“Shh,” Danielle put her hand over the girl’s mouth for a moment. “We can’t let him know where I hid you.” She giggled. “What do you want? Surrender?”

“Not a chance.”

“Then why call us?” She asked.

“You cooked a lasagne on Christmas Eve, right?”

“I did.”

“Is there enough for everyone?”

Danielle took a moment to think. “There are fourteen portions, so I think it’s safe to say yes.”

“Why did you cook that much food?” Tom frowned.

“It’s easier to cook a lot and freeze, so I did.” Danielle shrugged.

“Can we use it for dinner, no one is really in the mood for Turkey?”

“Actually, that sounds really good.” Danielle came down the stairs, Tom’s niece in tow, she turned to look at her. “What do you think?”

“I want Garlic bread with it.”

Tom grinned, “That sounds like a great idea. But I am not sure there is any.”

“I have store-bought in the freezer too.” Danielle smiled.

“I love you.” Tom declared.

“You two are nauseating.” Sarah laughed.

“All men declare their undying love to the one that feeds them, why do you think they all love their mammies!” Danielle laughed, going to the kitchen to get the food. “How are you now?” She asked as she opened the freezer.

“Better, thank you, I had a cup of tea and a power nap. I think everyone was a little drained.”

“Well, you know where I am.” Danielle offered.

“Aunty Ellie?” Danielle turned around. “Why do you say mammy and not mummy or mommy?”

“Because I come from Ireland, and in Ireland, we say mammy.”

“Uncle Jack is from Ireland too and he doesn’t sound anything like you.”

“Uncle Jack comes from up at the tippy top of Ireland, so his accent is different, like your granddad comes from Scotland, so he has a different accent to your nan.”She explained.

“Okay.” With her curiosity sated, she walked off again.

“You didn’t correct her.” Sarah grinned.

“What?”

“When she called you ‘Aunty Ellie’ you never corrected her.”

“I didn’t even notice.” Danielle shrugged.

“Well, it suits you.” Sarah grinned. Danielle stared at her worriedly. “What do you need me to bring over?” Rolling her eyes, Danielle pointed to the food they would need.

*

“Okay, that was more delicious than I thought.” Jack conceded as he finished another portion of lasagne. “How are you not the size of a house?”

“Self-control.” Danielle laughed. “How are you not sick?” Jack shrugged.

“And it was not beef?” Jakov looked at the food in front of him.

Danielle shook her head. “Lamb, less chewy.”

“That is actually delicious,” Sarah declared. “I am stealing some.”

“Or I could just give you some.” Danielle laughed.

“That too,” Sarah conceded.

Diana smiled as she looked around the table, “Are any of you going to see your father soon?”

“Jack and I are going after New Years, on our way back from Jack’s parents,” Emma stated.

“We went a couple weeks ago, I will see when I can get up again,” Sarah informed her.

Everyone turned to Tom. “I...I haven’t spoken to him in a while…” There were a few moments of silence.

“Since the summer?” Danielle ventured, seeing no one else was going to ask, though everyone seemed to be thinking it. Tom nodded. “Have you spoken since?” He shook his head. “Well, do something about it.”

“How?”

“You get off your ass and you go to Scotland, obviously.”

“He…”

“Will give you a clip across the ear and then you apologise for embarrassing yourself, your family, your forefathers, your descendants, your pets, neighbours and even your preschool teacher and you get on with life.” Tom gave her a disbelieving look while the others laughed.

“What wiring is wrong in your head to say you say the stuff you do?” Jack shook his head.

“You’re just jealous you are a boring Tyrone shite that only wishes he was as brutally honest as me.” she retorted.

“Language.” Diana admonished.

“He started it.”

“You are the biggest child to ever exist, are you sure you don’t have any siblings?” Emma laughed.

“Nope just learnt all this from your crazy butts.” Danielle looked to Diana, who nodded her approval of Danielle toning down her language. “Why don’t we see if he is free over New Years, I know you wanted to go to see a few of your friends, but I think it would mean more to him if you made the effort to go up and show him you are not as mental as everyone thinks you are.” Tom gave her an unsure look, which Danielle chose to ignore.

“Can I just absorb some of your ability to just say what I am thinking?” Emma asked.

“I can be honest or I can not hurt your feelings, not both, most of the time.” She grinned. “So, get off your ass and ring him.”

“He…”

Danielle shook her head, “Emma, give me your phone,” Emma gave it to her and Danielle typed in the code and the screen unlocked. “Dad or James?”

“Dad.”

“Got it.”

“Elle,” Tom warned.

Danielle ignored him and continued. “Got you,” She pressed the dial button and put the phone to her ear. When a Scottish accent answered she smiled. “Hello, Dr Hiddleston, this is Danielle, I was a bridesmaid at Emma’s wedding.”

“I recall, what can I do for you?”

“I am ringing because Tom is under the impression you are not willing to speak to him, I wish to know if this is true or is he just being dramatic?”

“Is that little tart gone?”

“You mean the American singer?”

“That one.”

“Yep.”

“Is he there?”

“Right next to me, Dr Hiddleston.”

“Put him on, and for Christ’s sake girl, I told you enough times that day, it is James.”

“Sure thing Dr Hiddleston. I hope you had a lovely Christmas, take care and here is your idiot son.” She held the phone out to Tom, who was glaring at her.

Anxiously, Tom took the phone and rose to his feet. “Hello, dad.” He walked from the room talking.

“There, done.”

“Carpe Diam?” Diana smiled.

“More like ‘Carpe Scrotum’.” Danielle laughed as she took a drink of her water to the sounds of laughter around her.

*

“Thank you, I think.” Danielle turned to see Tom behind her.

Danielle faced him properly. “For the record, I would never have forced you to talk to your dad if you didn’t look like it was the one thing you wanted more than anything else in the world, that would not have been fair.” She stated. “I completely understand if you are annoyed with me and want to stay over here tonight. I just don’t want to see you not talk to your dad about something that is over, he is not exactly young. My dad always said to me, that no matter how bad we argue, never leave it longer than a day to say sorry, time doesn’t wait for you to.”

Tom looked at her for a moment. “I was pissed off you did it, but I am glad you did. We spoke for a few minutes, he just didn’t want me ruining everything I have worked so hard for. He mentioned you too.”

“Well, I was the one that called him.”

“He asked why I couldn’t ever see you as a suitable woman, you are, and I quote ‘copped on, intelligent and well able to give me a clip cross the ear’ he impersonated his father’s Scottish accent as he did so.”

“He forgot funny, charismatic and generally awesome,” Danielle laughed. “What did you say to that?”

“I told him I did, and that I convinced you to come to London to me for a few months.”

“Well, there’s his idea that I am copped on and intelligent gone out the window.” She stated solemnly before giggling.

Tom pulled her to him and kissed her as he chuckled too. “He said about fucking time, and that should I find my way to Scotland anytime soon, I am to bring you.”

“Woohoo, very nice. Got both parents on side, I am rocking at this girlfriend thing.” She smiled.

“I think you may have it down indeed Ms Hughes.” He agreed. “By the way,” She looked up at him. “He said to stop calling him Dr Hiddleston.”

“I can’t, it annoys him too much.”

My best friend for life

This post will not be fashion related but I would like to talk about a tragic event in my life that I feel a lot of people can relate to and some may not. This post is dedicated to my handsome Boycie who passed away❤️ fly high my angel until we meet again❤️

In 2007 I met my best friend, my mum and dad brought him home to me and it changed my life completely. My best friend is a Weimaraner called Boycie. He was born 3rd April 2007 and a few weeks later he was introduced to his family, us. Boycie was a hyper active puppy, he used to rip mine and my brothers pj trousers in the morning when we ran around with him, he chewed up and our toys but we loved him anyway. He was the heart of our family. Our family went through a lot and but through it all we had Boycie. Boycie kept us all happy through anything and he didn’t even know it. I wish I could thank him and tell him I love him while giving him a cuddle on his bed. There is no other dog quite like our Boycie.

Every time I had a moment where I felt sad he would always do something to make me smile or laugh, he may have not known it but he tried to make everyone happy. He was loved by all I don’t think I can name one person who didn’t love my Boycie, he played with everyone, cuddled anyone and was happy to see everyone. He was such a good boy. When I came home and was fed up with something or upset he came up to me and just put his head on my lap or nudged my arm, it was his way of saying I love you. He loved us all, my mum was his mum so obviously he had a favourite 😂. He would follow my mum everywhere he could, he would lay with her, sit with her, explore around the garden while she was out there. When it came to me, he would play with me, if my mum wasn’t home he would do all the things he did with my mum with me and it was the same for my brother and step dad. If we was all home let me tell you boy did that dog want to spend time with us all. He was so spoilt by us and he deserved it. My Nan and grandad were like saints to him, they absolutely spoiled him (more than we did and that says he was very spoilt 😂) if we said “where’s nanny to him” he would run to the window and wait there until my Nan or granddad were spotted. As always grandads do like to pretend they don’t like the dog, I’ve seen it’s common, but they literally adore them I’ve always seen my grandad give him strokes and cuddles but still say as he is doing it “I don’t like ya” when really he loves him. My nan and grandad would always give him food and treats. Cuddles was always given out to Boycie.

Boycie made everyone laugh, he was clumsy and that’s what made him funny. He would run into things, dress up at dinner in the curtain, he would let me dress him up when I was younger (the poor thing wore pink furry jackets, fairy wings and anything princess related) , he would have his “spaz out moments” where he got too excited so he would either run around or lay on the floor and just spaz and he would just fall off things that he has climbed on just to not feel left out. In the summer just gone he would try and get on the sun bed with me and many years before that he has also tried to do so just so he can have a cuddle but he didn’t fit and it would make us all giggle and laugh. Every Christmas we would make him wear raindeer antlers or a Christmas hat or even socks but he never kept them on for long but it would make us giggle.

Boycie was abit of a scaredy dog, he slipped over on the floor at our new house, our current house. He made himself so scared we had to put rugs and carpets down in areas he likes to stand just so he didn’t bark or cause a fuss until someone came and got him. When we put the carpets down he would sit and lay on them and always walk along them independently. We didn’t mind helping him but when he walked there alone we was all happy for him. We did everything we could just to make sure he was happy, and he was very very happy. Being scared of most things is what made Boycie, Boycie. He wasn’t scared of fireworks or anything remotely close but he was scared of slippery floors or in his older years going upstairs alone. These made us giggle and also made us help him out by getting the rugs as mentioned or taking him upstairs to bed with us.

He always has had a peculiar taste in toys, he has a bucket full of normal dog toys that I got him 2 years ago for Christmas the toys range from ropes to squeeky cushion toys but he will always suck his blanket, he would never rip it up just suck on it. It was the funniest thing, whenever he was happy or excited he would bring his blanket over to you and suck it, you wasn’t allowed to touch it coz he would move but he wanted you to enjoy him and his blanket. He also had a weird interest in paint brush rollers for a while, we decorated and he would suck on the paint brush roller for hours. He never really played with normal toys but he always had a blanket or paint brush roller at his disposal. In the clip below was the last time I played with Boycie, he brought me this rope he would play tug of war then run off with it and just hold it in his mouth. I remember this was on the Saturday a few days before he passed away, I just came home from work I sat there and he dropped the toy in my lap and wouldn’t go away until I played with him. I would always let him wh coz he wouldn’t let himself win because he was so gentle and kind.

In Boycies older stages of life he developed allergies to hayfever, his back legs went and he developed hematomas but he kept on fighting. He was such a brave dog, after his operation on his ear hematomas we all took turns to sleep downstairs with him as he didn’t like sleeping downstairs alone, same for when he hurt his back leg and couldn’t get up the stairs. These nights were uncomfortable since we was on the leather sofas with a big dog but they were all for him and that’s what made it so bareable. In his final days he got sick, he was just throwing up constantly he couldn’t move, he was trembling all his muscles in his face, neck and legs were clenched he still interacted with us letting us stroke him, until early on Tuesday 19th November 2019 he decided to go to heaven and be at peace. He died peacefully on his bed downstairs with his favourite blanket to snuggle, my mums whinnie the Pooh blanket. He was at home with people he loves, in a warm and comfy room surrounded by his favourite toys. Our hearts are broken we didn’t want him to go, we hoped he was just sick like a stomach bug and will get better but unfortunately he got to the stage where he couldn’t go on.

Boycie was loved and special in so many ways, I could go on for days telling stories. Such as, when he dribbled so much he made a dribble bubble, when he was a puppy he couldn’t climb the stairs so we had to put a treat on steps so he would try and climb the stairs, when he would dance around with my mum, when he would eat custard from the pot and get excited when ever he saw a pot similar such as a yogurt pot, when he was a puppy and ate my bed post so much I had to get a new bed, when in my old house he fell off my bed and pulled the curtain pole off the wall. These were his clumsy times but also he would get jealous if you was all on one sofa and he wasn’t, he would rest his head between your legs when he wanted a stroke, he would lay on your bed and lay right next to you leaving no space for breathing, he would run to the kitchen after you ate to investigate any food left for him, he would never bite you just put your hand in his mouth and leave it there or lick you and if you was lucky both of them. There’s many more memories I wish I could share but they’re so special to me but you get the point, he was amazing.

This picture was our last picture taken on the night before you died. You was ill and trembling all your muscles were tensed up in your face and neck but you was staring at me from he passage way and I knew you wanted me to come over because you didn’t have the strength to come to me yourself. It was our last proper cuddle, I could hear your heart beating fast and you just looked at me. I told you I love you and hope you get well soon. I wish I could have you back here. I would give anything for one last cuddle or one last walk.

I want to tell you about how great you are even though you don’t understand me apart from when I say walk, where’s nanny, Boycie come here, hellooo I want you to know how great you are and since you’re not here let me write it to you.

To my bestest boy,

I miss you, I’m so sad you had to go up to heaven but you chose to go yourself and I wouldn’t of had you go any other way. You brought so much happiness to my life, you was my rock. You couldn’t talk back to me or even understand me but you was my best friend through all. You watched me grow up and I watched you grow up and I hope I made your life happy and full of love. All of us love you so much and always will. You brought us all together and we’re so privileged to of had you in our lives. When we first got you mum and dad went into the shed where you and your brothers and sisters were, all of them was shaking but you, my mum knew right there and then you was for us and my mum has never been so right. You was amazing right from the start to the very end, even though you are gone your memory will always live on, you can never be replaced as you are the one and only Boycie. I love you always and forever, until we meet again my perfect boy. Love your Maisie xoxo❤️

(Requested By Anon) (Part 1 of this imagine here)

Your first day of school was good… considering you had a group of possible vampires watching your every move.

You said ‘possible’ because they haven’t shown signs of being supernatural, but your instincts and their strange looks they sent towards you made you think that Edward was a mind reader.

As soon as you thought that, he sent you a shocked look from across the parking lot.

That was all the proof you needed. My name is Y/N. I know about your kind. I suppose you and your family have questions. You heard the gossip from around the school, how the Cullens had been adopted by Dr. Cullen and his wife… it was strange. You were fascinated by how they were able to live amongst humans, you were especially interested in how their ‘father’ was a doctor.

Edward nodded and turned to his family, murmuring something to them before they all looked over at you.

This time you didn’t run away, you looked at each of them, inspecting. Wondering. Learning.

They were all stunningly beautiful, as you expected from the vampires. It was part of their charm to draw in their prey, but it seemed like they didn’t feed from humans. You could tell because their eyes weren’t red like described in the book you read. Maybe they fed from something else?

You thought for a moment, not realizing that the mind reader and one of his siblings were coming over. Let’s see. If they don’t drink human blood, that would leave… Animals! They drink from animals. You turned to look in the direction of the Cullens and jumped when two of them were already behind you.

“You’re very… informative, yet you don’t even realize when a monster is behind you?” Edward raised an eyebrow. He chuckled, though he sounded anything but amused.

“You’re very full of yourself if you think you’re worthy of the title ‘monster.’” You quipped before turning to look at the second Cullen, a tall, muscular guy with a dimpled grin. Your face heated against the cold air and knew you were blushing.

Sure you knew vampires were supposed to be beautiful, but this one… this one was drop dead gorgeous.

You ignored the eye roll from the mind reader.

“My name is Edward, this is Emmett. We’ve come to invite you to our home so we may… discuss things.” He explained before motioning to their car. “Would you like a ride?”

The thought of going without telling anyone made you uneasy, so you decided you should call your Supreme. “One moment please.” You murmured before dialing Cordelia’s number.

“Y/N, what a pleasant surprise. How is school? Shouldn’t you be coming home soon?” You smiled at the soft voice of the woman who was so much like a mother to you. The thought of her and her strength never failed to lift your mood.

“Hello Cordelia. I might be a little late coming home. Do you remember the books I kept reading on the plane over to Forks? They weren’t just stories. I met a family. Their children go to my school and they’ve invited me over to get to know them.” You explained, keeping it vague for the humans who were walking by, staring at you and the two Cullen boys.

You could feel her tense even through the phone. “Why did they invite you over? Are you alright? Do you need us to pick you up?” You smiled at her protective tone.

“I’m fine. Tnd they don’t have the normal… diet. So I should be fine. Even then, I can handle myself.” You smirked at the two, a challenge in your eyes. You were pretty sure they could hear Cordelia since they were supposed to have super hearing.

Your Supreme sighed, you knew she was about to agree. “Fine. But be safe and come home at a reasonable time. I would also like to meet the family at some point too, so be nice and don’t start any fights.”

Emmett snickered and gave you an amused look. You weren’t sure why, but his eyes on you made your heart race. “I won’t Cordelia. I’ll be home in time for dinner.” You hung up quickly and put your phone away. “Take me to your lair.” You joked.

“You really don’t know what you’re dealing with.” Edward warned before leading you to his car. Emmett walked at your side. You pretended to ignore his gaze and instead scanned the faces of the other Cullens.

Alice seemed the most excited, her pixie-like face beaming as her eyes were locked on your approaching form. You weren’t sure why she was so excited. 

Jasper looked less impressed, his eyes focused on you with accusation and warning. You were sure he didn’t like the threat of someone knowing their secret.

“That’s correct.” Edward answered your mind, much to your annoyance. You narrowed your eyes and put a mental block in place so he couldn’t read your mind. It came in handy when Nan was being too nosey for her own good.

“What did you do?” He turned to you in shock, making you shrug.

“Mind your own business.”

A chuckle came from Emmett and you felt a chilly arm wrap around your shoulders. “That’s my girl, this is going to be fun!” You looked up at him with wide eyes. You felt something strange in the places where he touched, like small electrical currents flowed between the both of you.

It was… pleasant. Strange, but pleasant.  

And his voice… Gods, if you thought his low chuckles and sly smiles were attractive...

Your swooning was interrupted. “So are we all just going to ignore how dangerous this is for us? What if she decides to tell people?” A beautiful blonde hissed at her family. You knew her name. Rosalie. She had quite the reputation as an ‘ice queen’ in the school.

You shook your head. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I’ll explain everything when we get to your home.” You assured, not wanting to make enemies of potential friends.

She didn’t look impressed. “Whatever.” She, along with Alice and Jasper got into a red BMW and sped off.

“Sorry about her. It takes a while for her to get used to people.” Emmett apologized and opened the door of Edward’s silver Volvo. “After you.” He grinned.

Your cheeks heated up again and you lowered your head as you got inside. Emmett… did things to you. And by the smirk on his face, he knew exactly what he was doing.

The ride to the Cullen home was fast and left you gripping the door handle in fear of some kind of accident.

“You okay there, Y/N?” Emmett teased over his shoulder, looking at you in the backseat clutching on for dear life. “We’re here you know.”

Honestly? You didn’t know. It still felt like you were moving. “Fuck… do you guys always drive so fast?” You shakily opened the door and stepped out to take in the fresh air. You closed your eyes to try and gather your bearings.

Something cold and solid pressed against your forehead and you let out a sigh of relief. “Thank-” You opened your eyes to see that Emmett was very close and the cold thing on your forehead was his hand. “-You.” You gasped out, your face flushing as you moved back to try and regain your personal space.

Emmett chuckled and grabbed your bag from the car. “Sorry. You looked like you were going to be sick and I figured something cold would help. Let’s get going, everyone is waiting on you.” He motioned up to the large house that you neglected to notice before.

“Wow… your home is really beautiful.” You murmured as you walked through the door.

“Thank you for that, Y/N. It’s lovely to meet you.” A honey coated voice greeted, making you feel warmed and welcome as soon as you heard it. You turned to see a slightly older woman but no less beautiful than the others.

You couldn’t help the smile. “You must be Mrs. Cullen. A pleasure to meet you.” You replied, holding a hand out to shake.

She nodded and shook your hand. “You can call me Esme, dear. Please join us in the living room. We’re all very eager to begin.” She led you and Emmett to the living room, which confused you. Why was Emmett at your side? Did they think you were going to run away? Would they try to kill you?

You sat down on a single seat while the others piled onto the love seat and couch. Edward stood across from you, watching you with narrowed eyes.

The only person you hadn’t met yet was the Doctor, which you assumed was the blond vampire who was hugging Esme’s waist.

“Hello Y/N, I’m Carlisle Cullen. Please call me Carlisle. I’ve heard very interesting things about you. Would you mind explaining what happened today?” He began with an inviting and calm tone.

You felt Emmett’s presence next to you and you looked up at him. You sat in the single seat so you didn’t have to sit next to anyone, but here he was just standing here like he was your bodyguard.

You’d ask them about it later.

“Well,” you began before clearing your throat. “I guess to make things simple, I’m a witch.” You shrugged, ignoring Rosalie’s snort of disbelief. How did a snort sound so beautiful?

“It’s true. I’m a witch and the people I live with are witches as well. We call ourselves a coven. As a witch I have access to reading materials that humans don’t, so I spend a lot of my free time reading and learning new things. When my Supreme, which is what we call the most powerful witch of the generation, announced that we’d be moving here, I started reading up on the local legends.”

Edward nodded. “So that’s why you knew what to look for in regards to appearance… but how can we trust that you’re truly what you say you are?”

Alice look like she already believed, her body practically humming in excitement. “Light the candles!” She demanded, making you narrow your eyes. You weren’t sure how she knew you could use pyrokinesis, and it made you suspicious.

“Alice has the gift of seeing the future.” Edward answered your unspoken question. ”Ohhh..” You nodded in understanding. “Cool.” You looked around at the many unlit candles littered around the room. “This is totally a fire hazard.” You sighed and closed your eyes to concentrate.

Emmett laughed and looked between you and the candles, it seemed he was the most excited. You could feel it. For some reason having him so close actually helped you channel your energy. 

All at once, the dozens of candles lit up, the flames shooting high before settling down.

You opened your eyes to see seven stunned vampires. You decided to have a little fun. One moment you were sitting in the chair, next you were leaning against Edward with a smirk on your face.

“So, believe me now?” All eyes flickered to you and Edward actually jumped away, sending a panicked look to Emmett, who seemed to go from amused to angry faster than it took you to transmutate.

“That was truly fascinating, we would love to hear more at a later time. But I think it’s time to tell you something key about vampires.” Carlisle looked to Emmett, who was now tensely walking over to stand next to you.

You stared up at him, eyes narrowed. “Is it about why Emmett has been a lot more… welcoming?” You asked, not having a polite word for ‘He’s been at my side all this time and it’s kind of weird how much I like it.’

Carlisle nodded. “You see, vampires mate for life. When we meet our other half, something draws us to them, like a rope tying the two together. Humans usually can’t feel it, but it’s there. We grow very… protective of our mates, and when we first meet them we feel the need to stay as close as possible until we get used to the feeling.” He explained.

You stared up at a sheepish looking Emmett as you processed everything. “Wait… really?” You looked between Carlisle and Emmett. “Me?” You pointed to yourself.

Seven nods gave you your answer. Your destiny was to be mated with a vampire.

You could tell that they were all, except for Alice, expecting you to react negatively. They were in for a surprise.

“Well Emmett. I expect you to ask for permission before you make me a snack, okay?” You teased and took his hand, seeing his bulky form relax and the dimpled grin reappear on his face.

“Y/N dear, we actually don’t drink from humans. We drink-”

You nodded in Esme’s direction but you didn’t take your eyes from Emmett. “Animal blood. I know. I didn’t mean that kind of snack.” You winked at Emmett and watched as he broke out laughing. You definitely appreciated the sight of his shirt clinging to his body as he shook with laughter.

“Oh god they’re perfect for each other.” Edward groaned, putting his face in his hands, ignoring the laughter of his family around him.

This was definitely not what you were expecting when you moved to Forks, but you were more than happy with how things turned out.

BlackKrossHouse_01_ September_19th_2017_Don't wake up Jeremy*

"Don’t wake up Jeremy."

I open my eyes to find myself on the upstairs hallway, did I go in a trance again? How long has it been? I don't remember what I was even doing before hand...

It is so dark, I'll try to turn on the lights so I can see where I'm going....

No power sooo power cut?

From what I can make out in the darkness was that I was upstairs in front of a door, my bedroom door.

I should be getting to bed before my housemates notice I'm out of bed and have a go at me for whatever reason, I don’t want to be blamed for another fight.

Supported Living wasn’t as fine and Dandy as I thought it to be, in my head I thought we’d all be a big happy special needs family, it’s more a prison and I’m rarely out of that stuffy shoebox room due to bullying.

I’m not allowed to stand up for myself or else I’ll be accused of bullying. I’d want to get back in my room before they notice I’m outside!

The doors locked? Damn!

and I can't find my keys in my pocket so I'm hoping maybe they are downstairs? And still there I hope for my sake that she hasn't taken them, I don't want her breaking into my room, stealing and violating my stuff, like those last few times she was able to get her little fat fingers on my keys.

I walk down the stairs untill I reach the middle landing, an unpleasent feeling stops me in my tracks as I stand before the wall of black hiding the stairs below, shouldn't it be illuminated with the moons light at least? like the other areas? I'm getting a sense of intense unease like something about this was wrong, like I felt...targeted?

I could always get my keys tomorrow I'll be up early enough anyway before she wakes up.

I turn away when a scream blasts into my ears

"RUN"

My legs automatically obey the voice and I run up the stairs hearing thundering footsteps behind me and once I see my door in sight I slam my body onto the door.

Shit it's locked! DUH Why didn't I think? My keys are down stairs!Now I'm dead!

Maybe it’s for the best...

I am bracing for it, the footsteps are slowing as it draws nearer possibly savouring my torment, my heart almost escaping my chest as I wait there accepting my fate.

I close my eyes crying, waiting.

"Don't move and control your fear"

"Wha?"

"SHHHH! do as I say!" the voice whispered.

I take a big breath and I freeze instincts compelling me to do so, as I let my mind go blank remembering my techniques for whenever I have the paralysing panic attacks in public.

I feel it breath down my neck and I restrain the need to even shiver or give up and let it have me.

After what seemed a long time I felt it leave and I heard it return to downstairs.

I let out a shuddering breath feeling faint as all that compressed panic returns with a vengeance, the door unlocked from the other side opening revealing my best friend, the voice who guided me.

He opens out his arms and I run to embrace him tears spilling down my cold face and my form trembling, he locked the door behind me comfortly swaying me side to side securing me in his arms, I'm so scared and I stay close to him.

"It's okay, it's okay I'm here" He says soothingly.

"It's want it to stop!" I whimper letting out ugly sobbing noises and sniffling noises unable to breathe proberly "I want to get out of here and never come back! I hate it! I hate it! I HATE THEM! I hate seeing these things! I want it to end! But I can’t do it because I’m a fucking coward!" I choked my airways tightening.

"Now what good would that do to anyone? You still have so much ahead of you and one day you’ll escape from this and never turn back. Then everything will be okay and I’ll make sure your okay.... shhhh" He hushes continuing to sway.

His name is Dejavu (although I like to call him VuVu)hes my best friend who's like family to me, who’s the one been with me since I was little and is my guide throughout life, he helped me through all the times my Gran humiliated me, hit me, patronised me and degraded me, he healed every hurt inflicted on the cruel words of my family and now the cruel actions of the staff and my housemates.

I have tried remaining optimistic, you know like”at least I have a roof over my head” and “it could be worse and besides it’s not like they know better, they have higher needs then you”

I just wish that optimism was there when I needed it most, when at times I feel nothing matters, not even the things I enjoy doing, when I had those urges...

Anyway! Let’s get back to the tale, I do have a funny feeling he took most of my memories of Gran, I don’t know I just do.

I know they are still there but I can’t remember, sometimes I think it’s a good think I don’t remember because anything that’s associated with them fills me with a heavy feeling I’m unable to recognise, that’s why I put all those memories in a box and put it away.

Maybe that’s where Dejavu gets his name from.

I would spend days in my room like a prison, starving, unwashed and tired afraid to dare venture out my room because every time they will start drama with me and if I stood up for myself it would be seen as bullying.

I have Anemia, and due to starvation I hallucinate as I’ve never in my life hallucinated before, I don't have any other Disorders other than Aspergers to make me see things sooo it must be something to do with my living habits, stress, lack of food and sleep likely being the main culprits, all of which are directly linked to my housemates and staff.

Reasons for these problems is because these girls were allowed to steal my things if I dared to leave them unattended, or that one time I left the door open my remaining food went missing from the fridge in my room (I had a fridge in there because I was sick of them raiding my paid food located in the bottom drawer in fridge in the kitchen, but because I hardly leave my room to top up food from the shop I mostly starve), they're allowed to hit me, allowed to scream lies in my face for effect and talk about me behind my back.

They're allowed to do this simply because they've got more special needs then me, more rights then me whilst I'm just a mental case with Aspergers... according to the staff meant to have my best interests at heart.... sometimes I think that why should I take their needs in consideration when they don’t take mine in consideration?

Well that's my "Supported living" for you...

The staff hate me and I can’t imagine why as I treat them like guests and I always treat people with respect, I make sure they’re fed and give the beverages of their choices, cheer them up even though sympathy isn’t my strong suit and make them laugh even if my humour isn’t the best.

Was it because of that one time I yelled at my housemate and said those hurtful things because she yelled at me? I thought I was bad at letting petty issues go...

They call me a selfish Heartless bully and a useless lazy fuck because I won't come out my room, I hear them saying these hurtful things behind my back in the garden when I have my bedroom window open.

There's only been three staff that understood, but unfortunatly they aren't around often. Of course I have pros and cons to where I am now, I have freedom to do what I like away from my family now when when I lived with Gran I wasn’t allowed to do what I liked or even express anything, I wasn’t even allowed to get away so I had to fight for it.

My own family pretty much ignore the fact this is happening and remind me that I put this on myself by getting involved with social services and they are staying out of my drama, just because it got so hard with Gran that I couldn't do anything I wanted without being screamed and spat at and I got sick of it.

But the cons to it is that it’s damaging my mental health, I won’t tell anyone else because I will be labelled as an Attention seeker which is what I was called by my family for as long as I remember, I really really hate that word and how it’s thrown around needlessly.

It’s getting so bad that

I have paralysing panic attacks every single day and I usually lie in the fetal position on my bed as my body tenses in on itself in agony, attacks so bad I can't even scream.

Anxiety isn’t an unusual thing for me to have, as I’ve dealt with this as long as I remember but before I only had to deal with one panic attack each week or two.

It's no point to even scream anyway they'll just tell me how much of a drama queen or attention seeker I am anyway and VuVu would always be there when I need him, he’s always been there and that’s all I really need, he may not be “real” but he’s the only one who really cares and I care for him back.

I wouldn’t think he’s a hallucination or a delusion, he feels real to me, we grew up together and if it wasn’t for him I really wouldn’t be here right now..

I hope he is real because unlike everyone else, I don’t want to have more things wrong with me, I don’t want to be locked away in a mental ward like Gran tells me every time I suggest mental help.

-----------------------------------

He allowed me to cry into his sweater for some time until I composed myself.

"Better?"

"Yeah... best be getting to bed" I say wiping my eyes, all that panic and crying took out the remaining energy I had and boy am I drained, energy and patience has been in very short supply for me in these times.

I get into bed and he comes over sitting by my side. Just before I get comfortable I feel a vibration under my body which makes me jump, not like I wanted another mental breakdown thank you very much!

"Ugh! Oh.. it's my phone! Haha..." I laugh nervously unlocking it to see the text.

It was a text by nan and... a strange one, why would she text at 3:00 in the morning.

*You woke up Jeremy*

"Err VuVu?-" I ask but VuVu is gone and the air turns cold. --

--The supposed locked door opens, did he go out without me realising? I don't like this...-

-"Dejavu?-"

Without warning a deformed creature with a receding hairline and naked long bony arms bursts into my room on all fours and leaps onto me shaking it's hideous head wildly.

"ARGH!" I scream as I bolt up right in a cold sweat.

Another nightmare but thankfully VuVu is still here but... he's standing face against the wall at the bottom of my bedroom.

"Oh VuVu am I glad to see you..." I breath in relief.

He doesn't answer he stands over staying at the wall.

"Vu?"

"You have bought a lot of dark influences into this place... your negative energy is influenced by them-"

"What are you talking about?" I say cutting him off confused.

He slowly turns around slowly approaching me with a cold look in his eyes. My eyes widen and worry starts to rise.

"Vu you're scaring me... please I just had a nightmare...don't do this..." I whimper, he stops and looks up.

"Sorry..." He says and a moments silence took over.

"Are you okay?" I ask concerned, why is he acting like this? It's unusual and it's creepy, there's something wrong.

He then returned to his usual smile like nothing was wrong.

"You know what don't worry about it! I'll sort it out now it's 3:00 am bed college tomorrow and you're not pulling off an all nighters again right?" He grins but no matter how much he hides it I can see fear in his eyes, something I never saw in him before, I drop it feeling it wouldn't be a good idea to ask.

"Goodnight"

"Night...."

With that he fades away in the air returning to my mind, what did he mean by dark influences? I hardly call hexes much of dark influences as they are low level dark magic of course.

I close my eyes forgetting what happened earlier for now, reciting my housemates name in my head, what I want happening to her and allowing as much hatred as I can muster to make sure this spell is a success like all the others I’ve casted.

I already caused a staff member to have an accident on her bike and giveing her a really bad sprain, I even tried it a second time and she broke her leg going down the stairs the next day.

The proof I needed that these things, work if you perform them right.

Memorising what's written on a peice of paper under my pillow, I await what's to come to her tomorrow with a grin on my face.

I don’t have it in me to dish out revenge directly in person, so this technique is just for me and the best thing is they’ll never know.

They’ll all be sorry

————————————————

Based on real life and on a dream I had. I hope you took no offence reading this and I’m sorry if you did but I like to turn my most horrible experiences into stories. I did change my friends name and the name of the house in this story but that’s the only changes I made. Or at least I’m aware of.

Stay awesome folks.

Lights At The Top Of The Stairs

Part 1.

I lived until I was 7 years old with my Nan. My nan and granddad were like my mum and dad and I loved them dearly. I frequently had strange dreams and occurrences happen to me as a child and they have only got stronger and stranger the older I got particularly the past few years. This recurring dream involved an old film camera and strangely enough an immense feeling of euphoric pleasure, fantastic experiences and visitors at weird times and in funny circumstances. The dream was one of three that I had all the time the first one happened when I was young and involved me taking photographs of lampposts, (I know I still don’t get it even now, maybe one day I may understand it’s strange. But it gets even stranger I assure you as you will no doubt find out if you follow the story. So strange you will probably find it all very hard to believe. But on my nans life and grave god bless her it’s all true. The lampposts featured in the dream was on the street where I lived as a child. The other two dreams and all the events in my life I want to explain, I will get to as I post these episodes each day. The synchronicity events and strangeness of it all should eventually become clear and leave you questioning things in your own life and what they may mean. Maybe you have had similair experiences as myself I am almost certain there will be people out there. Get in touch and comment I will be happy to reply.

Thinking from the present as I am writing this, I felt that my childhood dreams couldn’t be ignored but now looking back maybe they shouldn't have been followed considering what happened when I followed my dreams thinking it would be nothing but all good turned into something entirely different. Hopefully eventually I will understand why, what the dream meant, if anything at all. I hope it all becomes a happy positive event and not regretting my choices as I started to after the nightmare that entered my life.

It was a warm, hopeful summer, many years after the events I explain to you here that I remembered the childhood dreams. It was a summer where dreams seemed real and obtainable. I didn't want to be just another faceless nobody, with no real reason or meaning in my life. The idea of not doing anything worth while scared me, and that's all there was to it. The dream I had as a child was going to be followed with all my will, I just didn’t expect it to lead me where it eventually did. I just wanted to do well for my family. I can’t travel back and change things. I can now only hope for the best.

My mum gave birth to me at a young age and I went to live with my grandma. I called my grandma mum and always used to get my mum and nan’s names mixed up when I talked to them so this was the appropriate solution to me as a child. When I was living with my nan-mum I had a very strange dream whilst lying on my bed upstairs. I always until this day remember the dream. It’s what I influenced me me greatly to start my photographic journey.

I was settling down in the living room waiting for my Nan to come home. Strange visions and flashbacks in daydreams. knowledge I always wondered how I knew at a young age. My mum lived in a flat and felt it would be better on that I stayed with my nan while she worked to get money and a stable life for us. I was young anyway and loved my Nan and grandad and tonight I was looking forward to spending time with my them.

My Nan had been longer than usual this evening and I was getting worried. We were going to watch a spooky film together because it was Halloween. “Where’s nan gone Grandad” My 5 year old self said “ She’s ran off with the milk man” came the reply. I never really understood what this meant, just a funny remark at the time knowing my grandads humour.

The key turned in the front door and I felt better glad his Nan was home and safe. My grandad shouted “ be back later Mary there’s some money on top of the television if you need anything I wont be too long, going to speak to a man about some work tomorow” and with that my grandad went out on foot to the local for a few pints.

Nan took off her head scarf, quickly hung it up and threw her anorak over the back of the chair. She walked slowly towards the roaring coal fire to warm up her hands, carefully avoiding the tin bath prepared for the school bath earlier. She lit up a cigarette and sat in the chair opposite the brown veneered square TV set with the 50p box on the side slowly winding its way down ready for another hexagonal queens head. The air was stale, thick with smoke and the smell of cigarettes as she inhaled twice slowly blowing the smoke towards the ceiling and away from me. Feeling satisfied She turned to me. Ive got some jacket potatoes in the oven and treacle toffee, oh and toffee apples as well your favourite. I know its early but we can treat ourselves while we watch the movie, and why not”. “Thanks mum... nan”. I regularly stuttered and got names mixed up. “Thanks nan, are you looking forward to the scary move?” I can only remember seeing a large black Alsatian but having ominous feelings about this dog and the music in the film was eerie, more scary than the actual film at the time. We didn’t get to watch much of it. The tv went black and the 50p meter clicked loudly asking for another coin. Mary got up and went to the top of the tv looking for that big silver piece, inverted triangles that meet in the centre, in the pile of coins Grandad had left for nan “ I’m afraid we haven’t got any 50ps. We will have to wait until your grandad gets back now, isn’t that a shame I was enjoying that, Just when it was getting good as well”

I felt slightly fed up and walked into the kitchen to get a toffee apple. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs in the hallway I peered up to the bedroom landing. More scared now than after watching the actual film. I was thinking of the lights that came. I didn’t understand what they were but they made me feel anxious and scared. I wouldn’t look straight up tothe top of the stairs as it was too scary I had to peer out from the corner of my eye to check everything was ok up there and when I realised it was I hurriedly half jumped half ran across the front door hallway into the kitchen not once looking behind until I was at the toffee apples in the cupboard. Then peeling the yellow plastic wrapper off the sticky apple I took a bite as quickly as possible making sure to get as much of that red toffee in my mouth as possible and avoid the sour apple. I started hopping on the spot needing the toilet. The dread filled me as I knew I couldn’t go on my own up those stairs towards where the light came from. The light might get me. “ NANN, MUMM, NANN. I need the toilet will you sit on the stairs whilst I go please I’m bursting. “OK, But you should be able to go yourself”. I stood at the gas iron cooker and waited until nanmum appeared at the bottom of the stairs so I could approach the crooked steps, the lights formed in my sub conscious worried that very real and strange wisp of light might make another appearance. WHAT WAS IT. I ran to the bathroom at the top of the crooked stairs, terrified of the light appearing. I knew how it felt, never threatening at all the last time in fact quite the opposite but I was young and the not knowing scared me. “Nan don’t move, stay sat there please, I’m watching, if you go I wont be able to have a wee”, “ I wont move an inch you know that I wont” “I knew she wouldn’t let me down and trusted her more than anything” I ran up the stairs as quickly as possible looking back every two steps to make sure she hadn’t gone. When reaching the top step I kept my head and eyes straight forward not daring to look right or left and quickly went to the toilet pushing outwards as fast as possible always keeping the door open and making a backward glance towards Her for reassurance. No quicker was I finished and I was halfway back down those stairs again breathing heavily with the exertion and back with his nan. “ Why do you do that”, she said “The light comes nan it scares me” “What light?” “ I cant tell you, I want to, but I cant tell you”. Nan rolled her eyes and said, “You’ve been watching too many horror movies at aunty carols your imagination is wild”. I didn’t even hear Marys remark I was just so relieved to be back beside his nan and safe again.

Nan eventually found a 50p and walked over to the meter fumbling to find the right angle, the perfect spot so it would wind and drop, it clicked and fell into the empty box readily, having been emptied the day before. The TV came to life and Mary switched over to coronation street. Hilda was sat with Stan underneath the triple flying ducks in the living room and it reminded Stefan of his nan and grandad, Gail was also my other mum. I always made these comparisons with everyone in the tv and read their names backwards. “thats enough scary movies for tonight said nan. I think its best don’t you” “Aww Nan I wanted to watch till the end”.

My nan didn’t answer. She just gave me that look. She always knew the answer it was a sort of instinct she had. A knowing. We connected like that. We rarely had to speak we both knew the other like the inside of a well read secret book. I always felt content around her, it was like she could read my mind and the looks she gave me spoke a thousand words resonating on a much deeper level. When you feel the answer with your subconscious voice, those continuous thoughts, in your mind you don’t have to speak but your heart knows.

I was getting sleepy now but my stress levels were rising with the thought of bedtime, they always did especially on a Sunday night, a school night brought depression. It wasn’t school though that scared me, a small part maybe, but it was knowing I had to go to bed early on my own and face the light and the vastness of open space. The people in my dreams. The place between awake and falling asleep where the strange existed. The light outside the door on the landing, so bright and beautiful it would fill my room when I shut my eyes. When it touched my mind I was taken away to an immense blackness of what seemed like outer space. Where feelings crossed over and smells mixed with colours in ultraviolet strings that wrapped around my arms and merged with needles that pierced the tips of my fingers in moments of pleasure accompanied by a peculiar watering of the mouth, a sickly feeling. Floating around in what seemed like an endless universe of random screen images. Pixelated people and smooth two dimensional places wrapped up in tubes of light. It made no sense at all but felt strange and infinite, never endingly good at the same instant. Chattering noises and a great feeling of love wrapped in greater love and surrounded by humanoid like shapes manipulating it like a Rubin’s cube in an instance where all time stood still. silence for what felt like an eternity of singular moments posed inside each other, but was only a second in reality. Not past, present or future but only “is”. The light was so bright and perfect it became transparent emotion to the pit of my soul. To me it was normal I thought everyone must get visits by the light people. I find it hard to explain the happenings now I’ve grown up, but as a child I just couldn’t comprehend what was happening and that night was the start of something strange and beautiful that led to the worst and best time of my life all wrapped into one. If only I understood it as I understand things now as I walked towards the crooked stairs.

home is where the heart is

This week saw the King in the North leaving the North for the first time. While we were sad to see Jon go, it was nice to see him without those blue filters for once. We also got to see Sansa in her element, ruling over the North in his place and making sure people would be kept warm and well fed. Has absence made the heart grow stronger? For our third @jonsameta roundtable, @scullylikesscience @ariannemvrtells @winterfellchild and @kitten1618x give us their general thoughts on their separation and jonsa in Jon and Sansa’s individual storylines.

@scullylikesscience: Starkbowl Schmarkbowl

I think Jon and Sansa are constantly in each other’s thoughts, even if it’s not always consciously. Firstly, in Jon’s storyline he’s very much focused on the task at hand. So, it’s other characters, like Tyrion, who need to bring her up. I don’t think he’ll be the last to do so, and it’s possible Jon might later take the initiative and bring Sansa up in conversation himself. It’s only when he’s left to brood on his own in the episode does he initiate any reference to her when he complains to Tyrion that he should’ve listened to everyone [i.e. Sansa] about going south. He was probably thinking if only Sansa could see him now, this northern fool who got himself trapped just like she said he would. Jon desperately wants to leave. He’s nearly begging to go home. And like I said, he’s very focused on what he needs to do on Dragonstone before he can go back North (mining dragonglass) and so I don’t think he spends a lot of time actively missing Sansa. He’s just too busy. But when he finally lays down to rest at night and his head hits that pillow, you just know she dominates his thoughts. He lies awake at night, thinking about her, wondering if she’s okay, and imagining a lot of LF murder scenarios… Anyway, moving on.

Secondly, in Sansa’s storyline Jon is very much in her thoughts all the time. This is evidenced by her management of the castle and what her priorities are. Let’s think about her discussion with Jon in the premiere about the importance of not ignoring the very real threat that is Cersei Lannister by being too consumed with the enemies north of the Wall. But in this episode, LF tries to refocus her attention on Cersei but Sansa shuts him down. Her focus is on protecting her people, helping them survive the winter (even going so far as being open to everyone in the North fleeing to Winterfell for safety), and continuing the North’s defense tactics set in place by Jon before he left. And then in her scene with Bran she states that she wishes Jon were there. She misses him and openly says so, with such fondness and tenderness in her voice, I might add. I think she’ll continue to have conversations about Jon for the rest of the season.

I can’t wait for their next reunion scene and I have my fingers crossed that we’ll get one this season. I mean, doesn’t Jon need to bring all that dragonglass back to Winterfell? But I won’t put it past the showrunners to contrive a reason why he can’t bring it back himself. Whenever their reunion scene happens, I think in that moment, when finally laying eyes on each other again after such a long absence, will their emotions overtake them. Only in regaining what they lost will they realize what they were missing by being apart, just how important they are to each other, and perhaps just how deep their feelings run.

@ariannemvrtells: The Shadow Hanging Over All of Their Interactions

I agree with @scullylikesscience, I think the audience gets a clear sense of their yearning for the other and there is quite a clear sense of presence in the other’s storyline. Even though they’re both so far away and the focus is no longer on them, they are both still very much on the other’s mind.

However, I do believe that this pair is meant to remain in the mind of the audiences as well. Take for example the reunion between Bran and Sansa in comparison to the reunion between Sansa and Jon. Both begin in an equivalent manner with Sansa being the first to make physical contact and establish a physical connection with her brother. Both discussions with the reunited pair highlight the more vulnerable and a younger side to Sansa.  Sansa looking to Jon for some direction in their reunion (“where will we go?”) and her hugging her knees in 7x03 are some of the first examples of this more open and girlish Sansa.

However, this is where the parallels end and the reunions exist as a sharp contrast to the other. In her reunion with Jon we see this continuous theme of Jon reacting to Sansa. She steps forward to hug him and he holds her back. His whole physicality shifts at this sudden change in his life. This is in comparison to Bran in which we get no reaction or change. He does not shift to meet Sansa’s presence; he does not change. He is monotonous and still and unchanging which is vastly different to the previous reunion. He reminds her of her worst memories (“I’m sorry for all that happened to you. I’m sorry that it had to happen here in our home”) in comparison to Jon who reminds her of happier times (“Do you remember those kidney pies that Old Nan used to make”)It is Sansa continuously pushing forward – a similar behaviour to the one in 6x04 – however, this time, there is no reaction to this. In a shorter amount of words, she is talking to a wall.

While I do believe Bran’s, reaction is a large part determined by what the show has in mind for his journey and does not simply exist to act as a foil to the Jonsa reunion, it is hard to not focus and draw comparisons between the two. Bran and Sansa’s reunion being the first means that it is near impossible to draw connections between the two.  Absence does not simply make the heart grow fond for the characters but also for us, the audience.

@winterfellchild: Each other's strength

I echo the sentiments of @scullylikesscience and @ariannemvrtells: absence definitively made the heart grow stronger.

I think it's a very difficult separation for Jon and Sansa because at this point they are all they have and ever since they reunited at Castle Black they are each other's strength ( this is evidenced by the fact that there are so few scenes of them not together after Castle Black and until episode 7x02 that I could count them on the fingers of one hand).

However, back to the matter at hand in this episode Jon and Sansa showed it in different ways but one thing is certain: their desire to be together again is pretty obvious.

I like that Jon showed it using his most recognizable characteristic: brooding.

That alone is proof that Sansa's absence affects him a lot because we haven't seen Jon brooding much after he reunited with Sansa: most of the time he was smiling at her or he was looking at her with heart eyes or he was angry with her or with her suitors... there was no time for brooding with Sansa around.

I agree with @scullylikesscience and imo it goes without saying that when Jon said he is a northern fool he is thinking about that time when Sansa told him he needs to be smarter than their father and smarter than Robb or that when he said that he is a prisoner he is thinking about Sansa saying that going to Dragonstone was a trap.

Some time ago I speculated that during his visit in Dragonstone Jon will be brooding about Sansa whenever possible and imo there's a good chance that this will happen for real.

On the other hand Sansa's soft declaration “I wish Jon were here” speaks volumes about how much she miss him.

It's really a sweet moment because first we saw her ruling over Winterfell ( she is very good at it), she is pragmatic and efficient but after a few minutes we saw her open up with Bran and the first words she told him are about how she wanted Jon to be with them.

To me it looks like D&D are telling us not to forget that even if she now has power that's not what she wants, she wants Jon back home.

I think we will see Sansa getting better and better at ruling in the next episodes but there will still be precious moments when we will see her thinking about Jon and wishing that he were next to her.

@kitten1618x: The (not so) Subtle Reminders

Firstly, I must agree with

@scullylikesscience

that right now I believe that both Jon and Sansa are both individually too focused on their current tasks at hand -which is protecting their people, and ya know, saving the world. But even separated, they are still working together, and towards the same end, and that's lovely.

Right out of the gate, they're reminding us viewers of Sansa. Was it abnormal for Tyrion to bring up Sansa? No, not at all. Tyrion's not a heel, and it's perfectly acceptable to inquire on her wellbeing... BUT the whole "sham and unconsummated" bit did absolutely nothing to forward the narrative if all they wanted to establish to the GA was that Sansa is clever. So that begs the question of why it was put there? Indeed.

Later, when we see Jon brooding on the cliffs and all he wants to do is go home -- there's no doubt in my mind that he's thinking about Sansa whom he left unprotected. Sansa who told him not to come here. Sansa who's sound advice keeps turning out to be right. I'd like to think that after this foul-up, Jon will be much more receptive to the good council she gives.  

Strangely I noticed that he didn't have his lovely fur cloak when he arrived at Dragonstone, yet it was there blowing in the breeze on his sexy broad shoulders when he was being all adorably pensive on the cliffs. And again when he confronted Dany. How in the? Did it teleport from the ship because I didn't see Jon or Davos carry it in?!

For me the cloak was meant to serve two purposes: show us how rooted Jon is in the north and what an outsider he is here, and yeah -that's the cloak Sansa made for him. Hey GA -- remember Sansa?

Oh, and sweet Sansa - props to my girl for holding down the fort! "If I am queen, I'll make them love me." You're on your way, baby girl! Can we all agree how precious she was sitting and holding her knees in the Godswood? And in this place where she feels safe, and can allow herself to be vulnerable, her thoughts are of Jon, and wishing he was here? Jon represents safety to her.

So yes, even though they are far apart, it's nice to see they are thinking of each other. And even if we didn't already think that -the writers were intent on reminding us.

As always, a thank you to our contributors! I would not be able to put these things together without them, and all the time they spend thinking about these things is greatly appreciated <3 I value all of your opinions and I know the rest of the fandom does too.

As a sidenote, I know some of you are sad about this separation. But fret not! We have some great stuff to look forward to this season.... including a Arya/Sansa reunion next week! 

Grace & Janis

Grace: Not to cause drama but your man can't stay away 😂💓 insisted on giving me the caravan keys himself this morning babes Janis: 'Cos he's not my man, go hog wild Grace: OH HUNNY NO 😭 WHAT HAPPENED? OMG DID HE GO TOO FAR WITH THE PRETTY WOMAN SITU Janis: No, sadly I'm not 3 grand better off for it, Grace. Janis: Just run its course, I'm over it. Grace: I can't believe he'd use you like that! 🐖 After you took him on hols too OUTRAGEOUS 😧 Grace: You'll be okay though babe you are better off if he's gonna be like that Grace: OMG ITS THE CURSE OF SKERRIES! REMEMBER ME AND TY Janis: Maybe I used him? Ever think of that Janis: Nah, I don't...which one was that Grace: That's right gurl ♀ take control of the narrative Grace: You dumped him, consider it announced 💋 Grace: He had that well buff neck tat, remember? Janis: Its the truth. Nothing happened anyway, not proper. Janis: I'd rather keep it to myself but if you must, cheers Janis: Ahh, borstal boy Grace: 🙊 Gotcha 😇 Grace: Is that in 11? He was from there Grace: Anyway you should come on my juice cleanse Janis: No Grace, lol never mind, don't worry about it Janis: How am I gonna work out with nothing but a belly full of juice? I need protein Janis: but I wouldn't hate the vitamins and electrolytes, sometimes Grace: Oh Jan-Jan EVERYONE else manages it 🙄 but you are going through a break up 😢 just don't eat your feelings too hard. Asia's still trying to lose lbs 2 boys later 🙈 Grace: Yayyy! Come to town with me. It's lush there. 😜 drinks aren't bad either lol Janis: That's because you all only do half an hour of light cardio at best Janis: No I'm not, and there are no feelings to eat, I'll be in better shape now he's gone, more time to hit the gym, no more cafe shit Janis: Asia just wants an excuse to get fat, in or out of a relationship Janis: Not today, I'm busy but tomorrow lunch maybe Janis: I cba to be at school for any more time than is required Janis: might throw a sickie Grace: Rude! I know you're hurting but there's no need to come for me and my gym routine Grace: You don't have to pretend with me, babes 🤗 Grace: Unfair, Jan! She's been to WW and everything! It's so sad. Such a struggle Grace: YES! I'll phone in too. We can have a duvet day together. SISTER TIME SICKIE Grace: 💕 You'll feel better in no time Janis: I truly ain't. Janis: And if you don't want me to come for it, try harder, same goes for Asia. Janis: If she actually wanted it, she could, simple as. Janis: Nah, you have to spread my side of the story, don't you? Need you on the frontlines Janis: Plus, I'm going nan and grandad's, not home Grace: EXCUSE YOU BITCH I WAS AT THE GYM FOR 3 HOURS LAST NIGHT Grace: Okay yeah good point, can't let him chat shit about you after everything ugh Janis: Taking selfies? Lol, alright, alright, well done you Janis: I'm sure he won't.. Janis: It'll be everyone else Janis: Don't try and 'come' for him, Grace, that would be so embarrassing. Just set other people right, that's what I mean, right? Grace: thnx 😘 Grace: Boys can't even help themselves Grace: Oh Jan I'm not gonna fight him!! 😂 Don't worry I got this Janis: Yeah but just don't even chat to him Janis: I know YOU can't help yourself Janis: but I don't need it, Grace Grace: 🤐 Going to him for goss? Please. I'd never. Grace: He'd only lie anyway Grace: I can't 🤞 to hold the girls back tho Janis: For God's sake, its none of their business Janis: This is what I mean, everyone getting involved, can't people just leave it Grace: Bailey did lock lips with him first, babe Grace: You can't blame her for feeling wronged Janis: Yeah I can, when she practically grabs up on boys like Trump Janis: Its not on Janis: If she wants to try again, she can, she don't need to drag my name into her piss-poor attempt at chat Grace: Your ex WOULD say it went down like that 🙄 Grace: He's so gross! I shouldn't have let you near him 😧 Janis: It isn't just him Janis: she's getting herself a worse rep than she already had Grace: OMG JANIS STOP SLUT SHAMING MY FRIEND Grace: I can't believe my twin is such a bad feminist Janis: I can't believe you're siding with the abuser, and not believing a victim Janis: If you wanna chat that bullshit Janis: so leave it out Grace: You shouldn't throw words like that around. It's no joke Janis: It isn't. Janis: Let JGG know before she gets in trouble Grace: YOU STILL LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU? 😭 SO SAD Grace: I get you siding with your boy now Grace: poor Jan-Jan. I'll get him back for you don't worry Janis: No, it wasn't that deep, it was only a few months, get real Janis: Never did Janis: I don't want him back, focus on getting him for yourself, like you always wanted Grace: Oh honey...whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie Grace: I hate hearing you like this Grace: He really did a number on you 😢 Grace: We'll say no more about him Janis: I'm not you, Grace. I don't have to pretend it was love in the moment, or after, just to make myself fell better and to let the world know I'm not a skank. Janis: Good, stop talking, you've got no idea. Grace: DON'T TAKE YOUR MOOD OUT ON ME I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP Janis: Well you're not so stop trying, thanks Grace: Well now I know what to get you for christmas ffs! Grace: You need therapy, girl Grace: No-one else can talk to you when you're like this Janis: I hope you've not pulled me in secret santa, 'cos you're almost as bad at gifting as 'helping' Janis: you can't either, you just like the sound of your own voice Janis: and i'm the fucked up one, lol Grace: Mum and dad will send you, you know, they're always chatting about it Grace: see how edgy you are then Janis: good luck, i'm capable of keeping my mouth shit for more than five minutes Janis: no wonder all your boyfriends use yours then bounce, who could bare you Janis: if we weren't related to you, none of us would Grace: Maybe that's your problem, babe. Jimmy obvs wasn't feeling the strong silent type Grace: At least I've had boyfriends you've done it once and think you're an expert Grace: No wonder he got fed up Janis: Yeah, he's really after a girl just like you, that's why he does everything possible to avoid you Janis: You're the clueless one, Cher lol Grace: It's hilarious to me that you think I was ever interested in your fuckboy barista Grace: Both lads he works with are well fitter for a start Grace: I was happy for you, doesn't mean I'd be happy to go there Janis: You're so blatant the old dears having their pot of tea went to fucking pray for you after Janis: The idea you think you're slick enough that he didn't notice, I didn't notice, that the whole fucking town isn't aware who you want to ride next, is what's hilarious Janis: Sort yourself out, its embarrassing Grace: Nothing could be as embarrassing as having you for a sister 😂 Grace: Go cry to nan babes I'm over it Janis: The feeling's more than mutual, GracieGuru Janis: No one crying but you, as per Grace: As if I'd waste the mascara. Get a life Janis: I've got one, and it isn't yours to share; a fact you haven't been able to stand since you fell out of mum with me Grace: 😂 WHERE? You've got no friends, no lad and you hang out with our grandparents most nights Grace: so much to envy Janis: and yet, I'd sooner that than yours Janis: and that's what's really sad Janis: poor wittle gracie poo Grace: Next time you go running just keep going like Grace: Nobody'll mind here Janis: Yeah, 'cos they all love you Janis: You don't fit in Janis: Changeling baby, nowhere else to go Janis: Mum always liked taking in strays Grace: Must've been why she kept you Janis: Burn Grace: If you fit in so well why are you never here Grace: Too busy thinking you're above me to bother with the rest. That's sad Janis: Cos I can't fucking stand you, Grace Janis: and if I'm anywhere within a mile radius of you, I'm liable to kill you Janis: and you aren't worth the prison time Grace: Wow I'm so intimidated Janis: You aren't meant to be Janis: No one here but you needs to front Janis: Its the truth, you make my life hell Grace: Chats the girl who does nothing but Grace: You only went out with the barista because you THOUGHT I was interested Grace: Such a loser move Grace: Don't expect me to feel bad for you Janis: Jokes on you because I didn't go out with him Janis: He wanted you and your marauding band of molesters to get the hint and leave him and the others alone Janis: and you just made yourself look more and more idiotic every time, just been laughing about you behind your back this whole time Janis: It was a laugh Janis: So, do you get it now, hun? I'm not devvo, I'm just bored of making a fool out of you when you're happy to do it by yourself every day of your life Grace: Like I'd believe that. He dumped you because you're so crap you can't even make a candlelit bath sexy, cope with it Janis: Believe what you want, sweetheart, I'm not the one that's full of shit Grace: Yeah you are Janis: Oh honey...whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie Grace: @yourself next time babes Janis: you already did Janis: i bow to your infinite wisdom Janis: you should write a blog, oh wait- you already do and no one fucking reads it, 'cos you're a basic bitch giving children life advice like you have any idea what you're doing Grace: And you do? 😂 Faking a relationship for MONTHS to mess with me when all I've been is supportive about you getting a lad in the first place Grace: Such a good one of yours Janis: Yeah, this is hilarious Janis: like you ain't reacting exactly how I hoped you would, you pathetic bitch Janis: I knew it was fake, you need to catch yourself on Janis: fake friends, fake fun, fake boyfriends, fake happiness Janis: its honestly sad, you need therapy Grace: Yeah I need to catch myself on to how pathetic you are for literally living a cliche so bad it wouldn't air on CW Grace: To think I thought you were actually sorting yourself out. That's sad Janis: and yet, you and your gal pals lap up every episode Janis: just like you did here, so predictable i could set a watch to you Janis: what, to be like you? you're so sorted? Janis: no one wants to be like you grace, no one would ever want that Janis: you can joke and hashtag about goals, but if having to see you is anything like having to be you Janis: i'd sooner join edie Grace: That's a sick thing to say. Don't bring her into your bullshit, Janis Janis: MY bullshit? Janis: This ain't nothing but you, as per Janis: You're like fucking black mould, spreading everywhere, ruining everything, suffocating us all Janis: and I can talk about her all I fucking want, fuck you Janis: just cos you wanna pretend she didn't exist Grace: No I don't I just don't think it's fair that you use her death to play the victim with me now Grace: To say you'd rather die than deal with your bs is gross Janis: Yeah its only okay when you do it Janis: woe is you Janis: suicide is so gross ew Janis: what a problematic cunt you are Grace: You using it to guilt me is Grace: If you want to kill yourself don't put that on me Grace: You gonna leave me tapes? Fuck off Janis: Why not? Janis: Someone's at fault Janis: we all know who's fault it was Edie died Janis: its no secret Grace: And I'm at fault for your EVERY issue, sure Jan Grace: Don't take any responsibility at all Janis: Did I say that? Janis: You're a cunt, own it Janis: Don't pretend you care, 'cos I didn't ask you to and it does fuck all for me or you Janis: I'm not interested in being your sister, never mind anything beyond a familial tie so drop dead, sincerely Grace: I do care, bitch. How dare you. Grace: Yeah like death fixes anything. I'd still be your sister. Cope with it Janis: At least you'd be my dead sister, that's easier Grace: Yeah because you handle it all so well Janis: Better than I handle having to be anywhere near you Janis: Don't you get it yet? I hate you Grace: Then don't be. Run away to Grandad's. Nobody is bothered I already told you Janis: You are, you delusional cunt! Janis: You always try to talk to me, you won't leave me the fuck alone Janis: who started this conversation Janis: I do everything that's humanly possible to avoid you and you still won't sto

1000 Question Survey pt. 7

Emotions 614.) What is the one thing in the world that makes you teary eyed?: I actually cry so easily, usually death gets to me the most though, particularly animals

615.) Happy eyed?:  Lots of things, especially being with Jesse or when he sends me something nice in a message

616.) What song always makes you sad?:  A Little Fall of Rain - Les Miserables

617.) Happy?: Dancing in the Moonlight - Toploader

618.) Which person always makes you really happy?:  Jesse

619.) Really depressed?:  Don't really want to confess that for everyone to see haha

620.) Are you a really emotional person?:  Yeah

621.) Are you a naturally depressed person?:  I think so

622.) A naturally happy person?:  Not really, in some ways I think, but in others I'm the complete opposite

623.) How long does it take you to overcome a bad emotion?:  It really depends, sometimes it's ongoing and always in the back of my mind, but sometimes it can be minutes or hours

624.) What do you do?:  I just have to try and breathe and calm myself down, maybe read a book or listen to music

625.) What song do you think was written about your life?:  I'm not really sure, there's songs where bits relate closely to me but there's nothing that totally follows every aspect of my life I don't think

The Last Person To 626.) Who was the last person to hug you?:  Jesse

627.) Talk to you?:  My mom

628.) IM you?:  My mom, well it's text but it's the closest thing to IM I use

629.) Touch you physically?:  Properly, Jesse, I might have like bumped or brushed someone on my way to or at work haha

630.) Touch you emotionally?:  Jesse

631.) Hurt you?:  Physically hurt, Declan, but it was an accident, and emotionally I'm not going to broadcast it on here

632.) Make you feel gooooood?: Jesse

633.) Scold you?:  Probably my nan

634.) Praise you?:  Jesse

635.) Say “Hello” to you?:  Someone ringing the phone at work

Weaknesses 636.) Are you secure with yourself?:  In some ways but not others

637.) What do other people think of you?: I have no idea

638.) What kind of person do you see yourself as?:  I'm usually quiet and awkward unless I really know you, I'm anxious a lot of the time, I'm hard-working and will go out of my way for people but I do tend to get stressed out easily, I have big mood swings, I'm very emotional, I'm a dreamer

639.) What is your one maaaaajjoooorrrr weakness?:  Definitely that when I get anxious or self conscious I tend to over react, and I'm very sensitive as well

640.) Do you consider yourself to be a strong person?:  In some ways yes, in other ways not at all

641.) A weak person?:  In some ways

642.) Are you stressed out?:  I do get stressed a lot, work has been pretty busy this morning so that's making me stressed but I have a good weekend ahead of me so I'm just trying to focus on that

643.) If someone insults you, can you just brush it off or move on?: No, it usually plays on my mind for ages

644.) Do you hold grudges against others that insult you?:  No, I usually end up questioning whether it's me

645.) If you are sitting in class and you say something really dumb or do something really stupid and everyone starts laughing at you, can you brush it off easily?:  No

MORE Random Stuff 671.) Name all the Teletubbies in order right now no thinking:  Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La, Po

672.) Do you like to blurt out random sayings in a conversation for no reason?:  No, I don't think so

673.) Do you talk Simmish?:  No

674.) Oday ouyay peaksay igpay atinlay?:  Nope

675.) Isn’t pig latin the best?:  No, it's too much thinking

676.) Do you have a distinct smell?:  I don't know, I think everyone has their own personal smell but I'm not sure what mine is, probably whatever perfume I'm wearing at the time

677.) Do you know anyone who has a distinct smell that you wish you could bottle and make a perfume or something?:  Yeah

678.) Have you ever read Gone With the Wind?:  No

679.) Did you ever have a crazy eighth grade teacher?:  Yeah, my RE teacher was really loud and enthusiastic

680.) Are you in an asylum?:  No

681.) College?:  No

682.) What is your favorite scent?:  Vanilla and Lush Snow Fairy

683.) Do you eat chocolate?:  Sometimes

684.) Where is your favorite restaurant?:  Wagamama

685.) What is the best feeling in the world?:  I think being relaxed, happy and loved

686.) What is the worst feeling in the world?:  Knowing somebody is never coming back

687.) Do like Spongebob?: Yeah

688.) Do you think he s gay?:  No idea

689.) How about Squidward? A little off track?:  Again, no idea

690.) Do you like to make up stupid excuses in school like “I was too busy getting raped by a bull to do my homework”?:  No

691.) Do you do your homework every night?:  I think I usually used to, but when it came to uni I did a lot of things last minute or didn't read the literature I was advised to read, I fluked my way through though haha

692.) Do you usually get a lot?:  I got a lot at uni, yeah, I don't really recall getting a crazy amount at school though

693.) “OOOOOO poor baby”:  I didn't complain

694.) Have you ever been French kissed by a dog?:  Unfortunately

695.) Have you ever fed a dog or cat out of your mouth?:  No

696.) Ever eaten a doggie biscuit?:  Yeah, I was dared, it actually wasn't even bad, they make most dog food taste like our food

697.) Don’t you wish they would make them for humans too?:  We have our own biscuits

698.) Where is your second home?:  Jesse's house

699.) Are dollar stores cool?:  Sometimes

700.) How many phone numbers do you have memorized that you don’t need to look up?:  There's a few at work I know off by heart, other than that I only know mine I think

701.) Do you wish your teeth would get whiter?:  Yeah but I'm not super bothered, it's what I get for drinking coffee

702.) Can you do the limbo?: No

703.) Do you make New Year’s Resolutions?:  I don't really bother because I never stick to things, plus if I want to try and achieve something I can start at any time, doesn't have to be a new year