#i don't know how to cope with these feelings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doumadono · 18 hours

Note

EMERGENCY REQUEST

Hii, i was wondering if you could write platonic Aizawa emergency request in which hr has a daughter ho has veen strugling with self harm and su1cidal thoughts, please.

I had been really low latly and i relapes after 7 months of not self harming.

Thanks love 🩷

A/N: I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling lately, Nonnie. Remember, setbacks are a part of recovery, and it's okay to ask for help when you need it. You've made progress before, and you can do it again. Sending you love and support ♥

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Aizawa is incredibly protective and caring towards you, his precious daughter.

He always makes time for you, even with his busy schedule as a pro hero and teacher at U.A.

Aizawa is observant, noticing even the slightest changes in your behavior.

One day, he accidentally walks in on you wrapping your wrists in bandages after harming yourself, and he's filled with terror.

Despite his fear, he immediately approaches you, sitting down beside you on the bed. "What's going on?" he asks straightforwardly, his voice laced with concern. "Why are you doing this to yourself, sweetheart"

You look up at him, your Y/E/C eyes filled with pain and uncertainty. "I... I just can't handle it anymore," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. You explain that the pressure of hero studies and internships has been weighing heavily on you, and you don't know know how to cope anymore. "One day, I accidentally hurt my hand... and... it felt so good... like all my stress was relieved," you begin, tears streaming down your flushed face. "So I started doing this... from time to time... and... I couldn't stop... I was punishing myself for not being perfect, daddy," you say, your sobs becoming uncontrollable.

Aizawa listens attentively, his heart breaking at the thought of his daughter struggling alone. Without hesitation, he offers his unwavering support, reassuring you that you're not alone in this, his strong arms wrapping tightly around your trembling form as he offers you the tightest hug he can.

You hug him back tightly, whimpering, "I'm sorry, daddy, I'm so sorry!"

As you're held in his arms, you don't notice the tears streaming down Shota's face as he comforts you. He soothes you with gentle words and his presence, rocking you back and forth in his arms. "You're perfect just the way you are," he assures, clearing his throat to hide the hoarseness in his tone from the tears he shed for you. "We're in this together. You're not alone. We're a team. Always remember that you can come to me with all your problems, even the ones that seem small or irrelevant. Your problems are mine too. I'm your dad, and I'll do whatever I can to help you. Always."

You nod, listening to your dad's words. "I didn't want to bother you with..."

He interrupts you, shushing you, gently cupping your wet cheeks in his hands and making you meet his gaze. "You are never a bother. Never. You're my entire world, babygirl."

Aizawa makes sure to prioritize your well-being, adjusting his schedule to spend more time with you and offering words of encouragement whenever you need them.

He often says sweet little things like "I love you, sweetheart" or "you mean the world to me." He also praises your efforts, saying things like "you did very well on this test. I know you worked hard for a good grade, but even if it's not what you expected, remember that grades don't define your skills, knowledge, or spirit."

Through your journey, Aizawa learns to open up more to you, strengthening your bond and creating a safe space for you to express all of your feelings.

Even though Aizawa is hesitant at first, after realizing the seriousness of the situation, he doesn't hesitate to ask his friends for help.

And of course, they respond.

Hizashi visits Aizawa's apartment every day, bringing groceries and always having a little sweet snack for you that he knows you enjoy.

Despite the challenges you both face, Aizawa remains by your side, ready to support you through every step of your recovery journey.

52 notes · View notes

trillscienceofficer · 2 days

Text

Really interesting to consider “Collective” in the same continuum of “Survival Instinct”, and how these episodes pan out very differently for two characters (Seven and First) who find themselves suddenly disconnected from the Borg collective and lash out with a similar mixture of fear and anxiety about their lack of control, especially when their fellow drones start to assert an individuality that neither Seven nor First are equipped to deal with. Seven survives, by dooming the rest of her unimatrix; First does not, and with his demise the rest of the Borg kids can board Voyager and be reclaimed from the Collective.

I don't know if the similarity between Seven and First was drawn intentionally by the writing but in my opinion it's pretty evident. As drones in an unfamiliar situation they are unprepared to deal with the discomfort of re-emerging thoughts of a life pre-assimilation, and their reaction is to seek a return to the Collective by whatever means necessary. In addition to that, they can't cope with alone-ness at all, so they ensure the drones who are with them will help them to return to the Collective as well by restoring ‘order’—in the case of First, by establishing a pecking order where he is the indisputable leader, and in Seven's case by assimilating the rest of her unimatrix in a mini-collective. I think Seven only succeeds where First failed because Seven by that point was an adult drone who was entirely capable of assimilation, while First, having emerged from a maturation chamber too early, did not have the ability yet (in “Collective” Icheb mentions that they've all been trying to learn to assimilate but have failed so far). This is a powerful metaphor too—adults have powers of coercion that kids might not have yet developed fully, and it points to latter's better chances of successful reclamation.

Except First pays for his stubborn inexperience dearly, while Seven does not, despite her being much more culpable. I've been wondering how she might feel about the whole encounter, since “Collective” doesn't offer much in this respect. I wonder if, despite First's relentless hostility towards her, Seven was able to recognize her former self in him. I think she might have, given this exchange right at the end:

I also wonder if First's fate was yet another reminder for Seven of the many ways in which she failed both as a drone and as an individual, and especially of the exceptional circumstances of her continuing survival. Other former drones die while facing the same difficulties and obstacles Seven has encountered, but she survives against all odds, often because the people around her have chosen to go above and beyond for her, but also just out of luck. It's a constant in her life, both on Star Trek: Voyager and Star Trek: Picard. I have to imagine it's a weight that keeps becoming heavier as the years pass.

#voy #seven of nine #ep: survival instinct #i wanted to make gifs about this parallelism but the two episodes don't gel super well together #so here i am writing Posts #borg tag

29 notes · View notes

starsoftheeye · 2 days

Text

TMAGP Live Reaction - Ep 13

This probably won't be a regular thing since I usually listen to the new episodes on my way home from school, but I wanted to do it today and no-one can stop me

Pre-Episode

Aw this dedication is so nice, reminds me of how I used to sign off on social media when I was younger

Pre-Statement

omg samcelia date samcelia date

they're so cute omg

"she also said that you dont know how cute you are" alice dyer youre not fooling anyone

i wanna hear what this interaction sounded like between alice and celia

"nobody, i'm mysterious" this isnt gonna come back to haunt us im sure

omg samcelia dating reveal already

JACKS HER SON OMG

"wild couple of years after i moved here" does this mean that celias way of coping with being dropped in a different universe was to just fuck... iconic

either that or jack got brought along with her and shes just covering it up. or jack has some mysterious origins that we dont know about

omg a horror protagonists with loving, alive parents wow

i was not expecting sam to be this relatable oh no

sam :(

oh no an "incident"

alice :(

i love celia just being "i know we're on a date and thats great and all but what do you think about the Horrors"

ofc you know theyre real you lived through the apocalypse

ah hello lena and gwen

ah gwen is learning about the consequences of delivering a random address to a living mr blobby knockoff

ooh are we gonna get some exposition

yes we are

these are our Fears i presume

you work in the government responsible for discarding peoples experiences and traumas gwen you werent exactly one of the good guys to begin with

guys i dont think shes gonna sort it

Statement

hold music?? hello?? do we recognise this voice?? needles??

i cannot understand what the name of this company is but i do not like them

the autoresponder sounds so cunty who are they i must know

oooh a scottish guy we love a scottish guy

"i pay your wages" sounding ass. telling the autoresponder that youre the highest investor in a gambling app isnt the flex you think it is dude

i think if a website that directly involves the handling of your money does "weird background checks" and has a "janky interface", staying is less of a feat of loyalty and more a feat of stupidity

oh this guy does nfts for sure

are you allowed to blame the warning you didnt listen to for the consequences?

oh his friends suck too

damn all jokes aside i feel bad for this dude

ohhh so is this like the dice where things can only get so good before they go terribly? or is it like a "when your life gets bad your money goes up" thing

ah its the second option

tbf if its not against the law its not against the law

this guy is the definition of "20 pounds is 20 pounds"

suddenly i dont feel as sorry for this guy

i have a sneaking suspicion that this guy did not get his money

oh nevermind

OOOOOOH NEVERMIND THAT NEVERMIND

huh

HUH

DID THEY SEND A CREATURE TO GET HIM WHAT

Post-Statement

Alice!!

Ooooh he got pished

Alice really out here dissing every kind of date I've ever been on

oh no :(

sam no :(

sam apologise please

shes right tho youre in the wrong place if you don't want weird

alice :(

this is why a polycule would fix everything

alice i love you

sam i love you but you deserved that

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #samama khalid #celia ripley #alice dyer #gwendolyn bouchard #lena kelley #tmagp spoilers #tmagp reaction

32 notes · View notes

jumexju · 2 days

Note

Could I request general relationship headcanons for mello with an s/o who has a similar style to misa but is as smart as mello & near? Also u don't have to include this part but if u could add that s/o always has some kind of energy/caffeinated drink that would be cool. Like how mello always has chocolate yk?

BURN IN MY LIGHT

Fic Type !! : General Relationship Hcs / Fluff / Some angst

Pairing !! : Mello x Goth Reader

CW !! : None ^^

Summary !! : General relationship headcannons between mello & a goth reader who's as smart as him

Note !! : Sorry I couldn't write more, exams are kicking my ass

✦ MASTERLIST

Honestly, if you're as smart as him it could go both ways. As in : You two would probably bicker if you're ever working on a case with him, since Mello is an emotional guy. BUT !! He's more willing to hear your input because unlike Near, you're not as 'arrogant' as he is.

Since his style and yours are similar (in my mind, he's goth, no doubt about it), you two'd probably end up wearing each others clothes (cuz he's fashionable)

He'd probably share his chocolate with you

I see a lot of fics mischaracterize him so ima put it out there and say, while he is an emotionally-driven character & is hasty in his actions, it never comes from a place of malice. Mello, I feel, would try to protect you as much as he can.

He doesn't trust the mafia much despite him helping them, he knows what they're like and he'd rather not involve you in that type of life. So to protect you, he'd try to keep you at a distance which can sometimes come off as him not wanting to see you.

With Mello, you'd need to have a hell of a lot of patience and understanding. 1) Because Mello has trouble processing his emotions in a healthy way since, as we've seen, he's used to not coping with the healthily & 2) Because sometimes his emotions get the best of him, you'd need to understand that he doesn't mean to lash out at you

With your high intelligence, he's likely to ask for your opinions on the Kira case & other cases as well because two minds are better than one (as long as that other mind isn't Near's, of course.)

As for your caffeine addiction, Mello would be the type to tell you not to drink so much of it because it's bad for you, and then chow down on two king-sized bars of chocolate in one sitting :3

If you ever get hot chocolate or something like it, you better protect it because Mello's coming for it. "Just a sip, trust me!" and then not even a minute later, its gone.

Overall, I think a relationship with Mello would be pretty wholesome, but not perfect. I mean, when are relationships ever perfect?

#Mello #mello death note #mihael keehl #mello x reader #death note x reader #death note #death note anime #death note manga

22 notes · View notes

leonsliga · 1 day

Text

Leon Goretzka for Sports Illustrated Deutschland

-> In this Sports Illustrated interview, Leon discusses not being called up to the national team, his character, and handling high pressure situations. The new Adidas Bodycare brand ambassador also discusses his hopes for the future.

On the pitch you show strength, off the pitch you are known for your social commitment. How is it that you are so present and outspoken?

That has envolved over the course of my life, but the sense of justice has always been within me. The only thing that has changed over the course of my career is that I now have a much greater reach and more people hear my opinions.

How difficult is it to fight against adversity? Can something like this be trained or is it something you’re born with?

You have to learn to deal with it. Then you can take a clear stance—or you can just leave it be. Everyone has to decide that for themselves. But I can cope with resistance, even though some of the things that come at me these days are extreme.

How do you deal with pressure and disappointment?

Pressure is something very positive for me. I really like it. It probably helps me in my job too. When it mattered most, I was able to deliver top performances. I like a bit of pre-match jitters. That's why I'm not afraid of pressure. Disappointments are also part of it. You learn that very early on, especially in football. Losing games starts in training. But that’s why you play in a team; that's the beauty of team sports—that you can support each other. Like at FC Bayern this season, which wasn't quite as successful as we had expected and were used to. These are experiences that you can take with you and mature from.

Did it hurt you a lot not to be called up for the national team?

It was an extreme disappointment for me because I didn’t expect it. Afterwards, I gave myself a day to come to terms with the situation. The day after that, I looked at how I could rectify it. The best way to do that is to perform at your best and accept this new role.

How hopeful are you that you will be at Euro 2024?

Very.

What is your emotional world like? Do you always allow all feelings—even the negative ones?

Everyone has to find out for themselves how they deal with feelings. My recommendation would be to talk about them, but I don't always manage that either. I like to work things out on my own and let the process mature within me. I can draw strength from that.

How do you strike a balance between self-criticism and self-confidence?

Self-criticism and self-confidence are mutually dependent. Telling yourself that you are the best has nothing to do with self-confidence. You are strongest when you also know your weaknesses.

As a leader, do you always have to live up to the sometimes very high expectations?

Yes, that's the job of a footballer. We live in a fast-paced, day-to-day business. You're only ever as good as you were in the last game. In my career in club football, I've won all the major titles that you can win with a big club like FC Bayern. Nevertheless, this season I have experienced what it means to be criticized as a leader. It reminds you that you are obliged to perform week in, week out.

How do you build yourself back up again when things aren't going your way? Do you train even more then?

I don't make my training dependent on situations that I experience week after week. I have long-term training plans. But of course, the motivation to correct things when they go poorly is always there.

What role do negative fan opinions play? Should they be ignored?

You have to accept these things. Everyone has their own opinion. Of course, it would be nice if things were a bit more civilized, but unfortunately that's not the case. This doesn't just apply to football; it can happen to anyone on social media. It's extremely disappointing. We should think about how this can be regulated. I'm lucky that things don't bother me too much. But there are certainly many users who unfortunately don't get on so well with it.

The football business can be very tough. What do you wish for the future of football, especially for the players?

I don't know if I should give an honest answer to that.

We’re asking for one.

If I'm completely honest, we should stop trying to generate clicks at the expense of the players—both on social media and in reports.

Can football help people and society feel more positive?

The 2006 World Cup showed how football can galvanize our country. Germany's enthusiasm and interest in football are certainly back. As players, we can influence this huge potential if the German national team performs well.

You are an ambassador for Adidas Bodycare. What does "well-being" mean to you?

For me, "well-being" means that I have an awareness of my body. For the balance between strain and relief, but also for regeneration. Ultimately, it’s also about work-life balance.

#my idol for a reason <3 #I love how honest he is #what you see is exactly what you get with him #Leon was dropping absolute gems in this interview #‘telling yourself you’re the best has nothing to do with self-confidence’ is such a based thing to say #common Leon w #sorry if the translation isn’t perfect #I did my best #leon goretzka #fc bayern #fc bayern munich #fc bayern münchen #die mannschaft #dfb team #german nt #germany nt #footballer quotes #interviews

15 notes · View notes

starrcrossrose · 3 months

Text

I love Rise Leo so much, if I think too hard about him I'll just start crying

141 notes · View notes

dravencore · 8 months

Text

“The humans treat you well? Did you have fun, dear brother?”

“I did, yeah. Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

screencap redraw! experimented a little with style

#trigun #trigun 1998 #trigun 98 #vash the stampede #millions knives #fanart #trigun 1998 episode 26 under a sky so blue had me feeling shrimp emotions #especially for this scene in particular.#wasn't that into trigun when i started watching 98 (only watched one ep of stampede)#so it was basically my first exposure. and i liked it! i thought it was fun!#then this episode came and hit me with like a sledgehammer. and i was like oh! okay!#it's about......... coping with trauma.........and moving forward................#also btw i hate rendering and this is as far as i'll get tbh #i know i need to work on it so yknow what better way than this #but still it was not fun. and i still don't rlly like how it looks.

277 notes · View notes

rochenn · 2 months

Text

Honestly kinda weird what an almost 60 year period of de facto de-christianization in a language and culture otherwise steeped in centuries of Christianity does to a mf.

Like ur always referring to some dude when you swear and curse but you bet your ass most of the ppl around you have never seen a church from the inside unless they took a tour to look at the colorful altars and architecture. It's just history to you. Pretty buildings etc. You don't spare a single thought towards Jesus bc his birthday isn't named after him in your language and his resurrection is linked to pre-Christian traditions that are way more fun than going to church. You forget he exists. You celebrate his days either way, but all of that happens in the shadow of the gods he replaced. God and Jesus are little more than expletives to you.

Still it feels like something was taken from you and you don't know what it is??

#uhhh #religion tw #???#i wanted to get this out bc easter is coming up and i keep getting this feeling of being bereft lol #east german stuff #or possibly eastern bloc stuff i honestly don't know how strong religious suppression was in the rest of the pact #my long winded way of saying that i mourn spiritual meaning 😔#it would fix me #(coping)

94 notes · View notes

sciderman · 1 month

Note

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks

58 notes · View notes

aromacaque · 9 months

Text

you want to analyze a cartoon that is something children can watch? ok here's the first and most important lesson ever.

have you ever heard of "suspension of disbelief?"

ok. next step. do you know what an unreliable narrator is and can you separate the character's perspective and opinions from the writers? because i promise you that the beliefs of the main character do not always reflect the writers and the point of analyzing media is to dissect that.

#like guys sometimes the silly jokes in the cartoon are JUST silly jokes you gotta let them be silly jokes #sometimes the shenanigans are super outlandish because it's a FICTIONAL CARTOON where sentient AIs and magic exist #i promise you. I PROMISE YOU that rottmnt's mind meld was not some elaborate problematic take on eugenics of all things #<- an actual thing i read with my own eyes #like i promise you that is literally not what the episode was doing #'they kept saying they made his brothers smarter which is incredibly ableist because it implies they weren't smart before'#ahem. it was donnie's idea of smarter #you know donnie. the one who constantly puts his intelligence on a pedestal to boost his ego #it was HIS definition of smarter and that is not the narratives definition #i think the series makes that abundantly clear with how much they make fun of donnie for whatever superiority complex he's got going on #and (in the nicest way possible) if you watch the episode it's not actually that they're getting 'smarter' what is actually happening #is that they are beginning to act more and more like donnie personality wise #and that the conflict starts with donnie feeling like they don't fully understand him.#and since donnie is a flawed character his way of coping with that is by being like 'well clearly they're inferior to my intelligence!'#(which .. if you really dissect his character is not actually what he means he just doesn't know how to constructively word his feelings)

189 notes · View notes

daily-hanamura · 5 months

Text

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #look everybody else has a special line in this scene telling yu how special he was but this esp hit me the hardest because i'm yosukebraine #it's in the last line “don't go partner” LIKE DUDE the way it calls back to yosuke's cut romance dialogue when he says “don't go”#im not saying that yosuke has separation anxiety but uhhhh i also think the trajectory of his story arc has been about the ppl that left hi #and how he copes with it and grows and matures and moves on but BUT BUT #yu is different #yosuke has managed to let go of the superficial friendships that he held on to from the city #he's learnt to let go of saki #he's learnt to live for himself and for the people that have come and gone BUT. BUT YU. yu has changed his life so much #and it's not even because yosuke actually hasn't grown or accepted that people in his life will come and go he has it's just that #he doesn't want yu to be another one that leaves. bcause he knows what it feels like to have someone leave and how it feels to “get over it #and he doesn't want to get over yu #and i'm #just #sitting here #sobbing #he's good with his queue

95 notes · View notes

aprofessionalwithoutstandards · 1 year

Text

Sticking this on here even tho it's a general Sitewide Problem - I'm sick of people making excuses for retroactively adding more bigotry into tf2. It feels like people are only capable of thinking about marginalized people (especially "in the past") as our suffering, so writing a gay character, or a trans character, or a black character, or etc. must involve them suffering somehow. People go to such fucking lengths to pull hypothetical marginalized people out of their ass who LOVE writing about characters like them experiencing hate crimes as "coping", but In My Opinion your coping should not involve publicly making a bunch of joke characters from a comedy video game get called real slurs that affect people in real life. Even if your point is "bigotry is bad", not every single fucking thing that has a black character or a gay character in it has to be About Bigotry. You all let white characters just be characters, but the minute you wanna put Demo tf2 in your fanfiction you need to take some great stand against racism and choose to do this by portraying him suffering. I don't care if it's to show that Racism Bad - you NEED to learn to love marginalized people more than you hate bigots. Never mind everything I could say about how actually no, it would not be "period accurate to the 1960s" for everyone to constantly be spewing or facing racism and homophobia. Acceptance and taking stands against bigotry aren't new concepts. Your "historically accurate" tf2 fanfic has done absolutely nothing except show a bunch of already marginalized people that our suffering is more important than our joy. In My Opinion

#like being trans fucking sucks right now and honestly i don't need a bunch of posts in a video game tag #about how your blorbo gets your pronouns wrong 'because 1960s'. shut the fuck up #open mick night #tf2 #team fortress 2 #i've been in other tags too where like. there's So much west side story fanfiction where y/n experiences anti-latino racism #and it fucking sucks. and it doesn't help me 'cope'. and i shouldn't have to be exposed to that. sorry!#i know i did the 'in my opinion' sign-off on this but it's like when youtubers say 'allegedly'#anyway i retain my right to feel uncomfortable around you if your trans headcanons involve violent hate crimes

353 notes · View notes

pessimistic-gh0st · 1 month

Text

I am never going to be the same again (I just found out that I can no longer access the original Solitaire Audio book that was read by Jayne Entwistle) So if anyone knows where I can listen to it in full please do say, I will be eternally grateful

#i still haven't properly processed this #i feel like a part of myself has died #i genuinely don't know how I'm going to cope #i was so emotionally attached to it #tori spring #chronic pessimist #solitaire #michael holden #alice oseman #solitaire alice oseman #solitaire book #solitaire blog #solitaire by alice oseman #solitaire audiobook #gh0st.txt

49 notes · View notes

incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 7 months

Conversation

Leonardo: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Dazai: *upends the bottle*

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp leo #ikevamp dazai #let it be known that #1. these two should never be left unsupervised #2. these two should never be left to gang up on poor mozart (rip amadi taken from us too soon by shenanigans)#3. these two should never. EVER. cook together #the result will either be the tastiest thing in the world #or something fit to send you to outer space (and i. do not mean the fun way i mean the 'what dimension are we in?????' way)#i also love how with this one i don't even see leo being mad that fker would be like #'finally none of that weak sauce two drops of alcohol. i wanna get TRASHED'#while everyone else (except maybe arthur) looks on in dismay #leonardo there's gotta be a better coping mechanism--no squeezing mc's ass like a stress ball is not a valid coping mechanism--#(she said. like a LIAR--)#also man can i just say after reaching Dazai's rt ch.15 #upending a whole ass bottle of vodka is a hard MOOD #i feel like i always wondered why i struggled to see him as a bias and now im just like #'of course i know him. he's me' meme #there's only room for one evasive clown in this house and its ME #although to be fair i do think i qualify more as a jester #alas what can a mfer do but meme and be strong for mother (comte)#source: incorrect quote generator

85 notes · View notes

distant-velleity · 4 months

Text

Stay With Me

Summary: Santiago and Chrysos have a lot of feelings to work out. Spoiler alert: they still don't confess. Word count: 2.6k Warnings: major character not-actually death (this is my Boxing Day gift to you all) A/N: I wish I could've put Major Character Death as a real warning. Alas... such is life. Anyway :) I'm super done with writing this, I don't wanna keep going insane, I'm just gonna post it as is. It's actually pretty tame for angst on my part. Enjoy!! Tagging: @thehollowwriter (finn mention!!!) @kitwasnothere and @nahelenia as my top 3 murderers <3

When Santiago comes to, groggy and lightheaded, he’s greeted by the watered-down sun filtering through the seas of Octavinelle above him. Bird and sky separated only by the glass and several gallons of water, his limbs sure feeling as distant and heavy as the ocean.

Ah, he thinks, ever-intelligently. How did I end up here…?

He can’t quite remember. All of his recent memories are escaping like soap bubbles in the wind.

While he racks his brain trying to figure it out, someone approaches and kneels next to him. A single glance at the person’s blonde hair and red eyes tells Santiago all he needs to know.

“Sorry about that,” Chrysos says, monotone as always. It’s hard to tell if the merman really is sorry or not. “I usually don’t get normal customers involved when 86’ing nuisances.”

Santiago can’t help the smirk that comes to him all too easily. “Are you sure I wasn’t the nuisance?”

“Hard to say,” replies Chrysos with an amused huff. He stands back up and offers Santiago a hand, to help him stand up.

Something about it feels off—maybe because Chrysos’ gaze seems so benevolent, that he seems so unbothered about gently helping someone he’d normally be too embarrassed or proud to. Still, Santiago laughs and sits up. “Tight-lipped as always,” he comments, and reaches for Chrysos’ hand, pulling himself up to stand.

They hold hands for a moment longer than they need to. It feels, if he dares to admit it just to himself, nice—

“Hold it.”

As if he’s been burned, Santiago jumps away from Chrysos at the sound of Azul’s voice. Approaching them are the Octavinelle housewarden and his entourage of three.

Santiago notices, with a distant sense of dread, that he’s never seen Chrysos look so furious and disappointed upon seeing his upperclassmen.

“Get back, Parrotfish,” Floyd warns. “That’s not the right Lionfishie to be getting all buddy-buddy with.”

How odd. Why would Floyd, of all people, go out of his way to warn him?

Santiago glances at the Octaquartet, then at Chrysos, whose expression is steadily darkening.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chrysos says coldly.

“My, my.” Jade conceals his magic pen, clasped tightly in one hand, beneath the other. “There’s no need for that frigid tone. I’m sure we’re already on the same page.”

“No?” interjects Santiago. “No, we’re not. What’s going on?”

Finn looks him dead in the eye and then cocks his head towards Chrysos.

Santiago turns back around, and everything changes.

Where Chrysos was just standing as normal, there’s suddenly inky shadows surrounding the Octavinelle freshman. His eyes flare red-and-yellow as the ink (no, blot) viciously wraps around him in strands to form a cocoon of sorts. Santiago staggers back when the cocoon contracts, a dark purple haze spreading throughout the area and blocking out the sun. The whole dorm is plunged into a deep-sea darkness.

It’s Chrysos and a towering Phantom now, him hovering a little too close to the glowing pendant around its neck for anyone’s liking.

“We’re running out of time,” Azul says grimly. “Our fight from earlier didn’t do anything—”

“I’ll help fight him if it cuts down on time,” Santiago immediately declares without missing a beat. “If it saves his life.”

“Of course you would. Well, stay sharp, then.”

And Santiago tries, of course—

—but it doesn’t stop him from misfiring at some point, trying to hit the Phantom, only for it to grab Chrysos with a sickening crunch of his ribs and hold him up in range of the destructive fire spell. Santiago can only watch as it strikes Chrysos indiscriminately.

The resulting wail of agony is bloodcurdling and unbearable, but not nearly as much as when the Phantom moves a thrashing Chrysos closer and closer to its chest, a gaping hole like a beast’s maw forming there, the pendant dangling right before it.

“Wait—”

It’s what all the teachers warn about when they discuss the occurrences of Overblots. Defeat the Phantom, and the victim will come out unscathed. Take too long to destroy it, and the Phantom will… will…

Chrysos is brought to that gap, drawn in like an object near a black hole.

Santiago can’t breathe.

He can’t bring himself to close his eyes either. Even when a sinking feeling blossoms in his stomach, gripping him with all the force of a predator’s claws.

The ‘hand’ of the Phantom squeezes, another crunch of body parts that shouldn’t be breaking—

“Don’t you dare take him—let him go—” Santiago begs, but it’s useless.

The Phantom simply. Tucks Chrysos away in itself like nothing. Ignorant to his furious, fearful screams.

The hole in its chest closes over with viscous blot.

Santiago can’t look away.

“Ah… Ahh…”

can’t

look

away—

“AAAAAHHHHH—!!!”

A guttural scream tears its way out into the open from Santiago’s raw throat, burning and hoarse and painful. Still begging for a life not his own, his eyes fly open as he sits up in a grieving frenzy. “Chrysos, please, don’t leave—!”

“I’m right here,” calls a familiar voice from beside him, miraculously free of its terrifying Overblot overlay. It’s melodious and soothing, easy on the ears, just when he thought he’d never hear it again.

“You—” Santiago’s hand shoots out without thinking, clamping down on Chrysos’ where it was gripping the edge of his blanket.

…his… blanket…?

Only then does Santiago realize, half-delirious, that he’s on a bed in the school infirmary. He’s not in Octavinelle, he’s not surrounded by torrents and mists of pure blot. The air is clear here, and the sun is shining bright and pleasant through the windows like it does through the forest canopy back home. Although his lungs still burn a little, everything’s okay.

And, looking at the boy sitting right next to him—Chrysos is okay. He’s alive.

In silent awe, Santiago squeezes the cold, ungloved hand in his a little more tightly.

He’s alive.

Chrysos bites his lower lip and pointedly avoids looking at their joined hands. “What a nightmare you were having,” he says, false indifference in his tone. “Screaming like that… You’re lucky the nurse isn’t in right now.”

Santiago blinks. “A nightmare?”

“Yes. You were trembling and crying out in your sleep. If it weren’t the first time you’d shown any signs of movement in days…” Chrysos trails off, brows pressed tightly together.

Putting aside the fact that it was all little more than a bad dream, thank the Great Seven— “What do you mean, in days?” Santiago echoes disbelievingly. “I don’t even know how I ended up here, and you’re telling me I’ve been unconscious for days? Hello? Way to hit me with the double whammy.”

It was an attempt to lighten the mood for both their sakes, but when the corners of Chrysos’ mouth twitch downwards and his lips thin in a stressed frown, Santiago immediately realizes he’s said something either really wrong or really stupid. Or both.

“You don’t remember what happened at the SDC?” asks Chrysos. “Weren’t you there? You know, for Schoenheit’s Overblot, like Yu said…”

Santiago’s eyes widen. He only slightly loosens his grip on Chrysos’ hand a second later. “Oh, you mean—”

Toxic purple mist surrounded them, reeking of a sickly sweet concoction.

More saccharine still was the smile on Vil’s face. Even as blot dripped down his snow-white face from beneath his elaborate crown, he still found it in himself to pursue being the fairest one of all.

Showing simultaneously all and nothing of his burning jealousy and bitterness.

“—yeah, I remember,” he continues, letting out a laugh with no real humor in it. “I even remember getting a faceful of poisonous mist and then passing out right after the awards ceremony ‘cause I tried to act tough.”

“At least your brain wasn’t permanently damaged. That’s good,” remarks Chrysos with a half-hearted smirk. “Maybe you’ll be out of here sooner than I thought.”

No, there was definitely a screw knocked loose if Santiago was imagining Chrysos Overblotting in place of Vil… much less sobbing desperately at the possibility of his death…

…Santiago swallows, mouth suddenly dry for no good reason. “Uh-huh? I don’t know, I still feel a little off.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin when Chrysos suddenly leans forward, hand subconsciously moving at lightning speed to place itself on Santiago’s wrist. “You still feel off? You’re not messing with me, are you?” he asks, voice demanding with a hint of… something else. “I swear, I will have the nurse over here faster than—”

“Whoa! Don’t get your boxers in a twist, jeez!” Santiago exclaims, and Chrysos halts immediately. “Am I still dreaming? Did you just gaslight me into thinking this is reality? I mean, seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worried about me.”

“I’m not worried,” retorts Chrysos, although the watery look in his eyes as he tries to meet Santiago’s gaze says otherwise. And where there would normally be an underlying bite to his tone, it’s totally absent. “Isn’t it fair to ask questions when a certain someone has been unconscious for days?”

Nevermind, I’m definitely not still dreaming.

“So you’ve been worried about me. Got it.” Hopefully that isn’t giddiness bubbling up in his chest, despite—or because of—the way Chrysos sputters out another denial, because it sure as hell is conflicting with his sense of spite. “Why don’t you save any of it for yourself? You’ve been a resident here way more often than me.”

Chrysos stiffens, before puffing up a little; chin lifted indignantly and gaze judgmental. Santiago wouldn’t have it any other way.) “I was conscious all those times and did not actively inhale dangerous toxins made by a very powerful mage.”

Seriously, this guy… Santiago shakes his head. “Dude, I heard you nearly turned yourself into sand that one time, also because of ‘a very powerful mage.’ I saw for myself when you could’ve died fighting Jamil or Overblotted at the same time and had to stay in the infirmary for a very lengthy check-up. You know, you—”

died in my dream because of me and I would never forgive you or myself for that matter if that actually happened,

“—are a grade-A idiot getting hung up on the wrong details,” he decides to say instead. “One of these days, you’re gonna end up back here and I’m gonna get to say ‘I told you so.’”

“Hmph.” Chrysos scoffs and turns his head away. To anyone else, it might look aristocratically prim and stuck-up in the way his hair tosses slightly. “You wouldn’t come running to my bedside crying out my name, then?”

It’s Santiago’s turn to stiffen, feeling called out in too many ways. “...fuck, I forgot you heard me talking in my sleep. Well…” He pauses, searching for an appropriate response. “I would if you wanted me to.” He doesn’t have time to appreciate how smooth that was on his part before his traitorous mouth moves faster than his brain, going right ahead and saying, “And I’d still do it even if you didn’t want me to, ‘cause if you die on me I’m absolutely going to—”

Crap! Backtrack, backtrack, backtrack!

He shuts up immediately before he can incriminate himself any more, pursing his lips and watching carefully for signs of a negative reaction.

Almost too neutrally, Chrysos glances back over at him from the corner of his eyes, the piercing look in his irises only partially hidden by his lashes. “...You really would be that concerned?”

“Maybe,” Santiago answers, pasting on a nervous smile.

“‘Maybe’ isn’t an acceptable response.” Chrysos looks him straight in the eyes. His hand feels warmer, for some reason. “Don’t be shy. What would you do?”

Santiago huffs defensively. “Fancy that, you telling me to not be shy—”

“Santiago. Stop messing with me already.”

That tone, desperate and curious and impatient all in one, is singlehandedly more commanding than any other order Santiago has ever gotten in his life.

The beastman slumps back against the headrest, being sapped of his will to argue. He already knows it’s pointless. It’s kind of hard to beat around the bush when the bush has already slapped you in the face with a very thorny nightmare. “Miss you, probably. I mean, I dreamed about it, but…”

He thinks about the way he screamed and forced himself to wake up because that scenario had seemed so real. Probably can only begin to describe whatever he was feeling.

“...Well. You’re the only person who’s ever gotten me, y’know, so don’t die because you couldn’t help yourself. I don’t wanna have to cope with my dream becoming reality. Please,” he finishes lamely.

“Oh.” Chrysos stares blankly at him for a moment, then at their hands. “...oh,” he repeats, in a much quieter ‘sudden realization’ sort of voice.

Santiago squints at him. “Dude. What kind of guy tells his buddy to open up about his feelings in such a pleading tone and then is surprised when he actually opens up about it?”

“The one right next to you who was expecting his buddy to dodge the question again.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Santiago replies, rolls his eyes.

Chrysos worries his bottom lips, gaze shifting to the side suspiciously quickly. It looks like he’s considering something.

“...Are you taking that literally?” Santiago wants Chrysos to take what he said literally, to be honest, but that’s beside the point.

“Because you’re so dense, yes,” Chrysos snaps back. His free hand comes up to tug one of his curls closer to his face in that bashful way he always does. “If you died like you could’ve from Schoenheit’s poison, I would march right over to the afterlife and drag you back into the world of the living. Then I’d beat you into the ground for hurting me like that. Your ass is not leaving this life until I say it’s okay to. Does that make enough sense to you?”

“I don’t remember the story of the musician and his muse being this violent,” mutters Santiago, feeling incredibly touched despite the brash nature of that admission. Or maybe because of it.

Chrysos’s cheeks flush as red as the ends of his hair. “You asked. I delivered. Look who’s being a hypocrite now.”

“Touché.”

It feels like something between them has… changed, when they both fall silent for lack of things to say. Not in the terrifying way Santiago’s surroundings shifted during his nightmare, but a change for the better. Like a burden has been lifted off his shoulders, making the silence bearable.

“I… think I may need to go,” Chrysos says, a dusting of pink still on his face. Maybe because he’s spoken too much, or at least by his own standards. He stands up, letting go of Santiago’s hand. “Culture fair and. All that. You know how it is. I’ll see you—”

“Wait a minute.”

Santiago reaches out and, instead of just grabbing, intertwines their fingers. His longer ones settle perfectly between Chrysos’ knuckles as if they were meant to be there.

The merman goes still.

“Hypothetically,” Santiago begins, “if I asked you to stay a little longer—would you say yes?”

Chrysos’ mouth opens, freezes, and then closes. When he next speaks, it’s slow and cautious, like he’s testing out how the words actually feel. Testing the waters. “In this hypothetical scenario… I could be convinced to stay. Possibly.”

“Cool. So don’t run away just yet. Stay here with me.”

They make eye contact.

“...How persuasive. Well—” Chrysos sighs and sits back down, before offering Santiago a small smirk. Barely noticeable, but there. “It seems like I’ve actually got plenty of time to spare all of a sudden.”

Santiago can’t help but smile too.

#kai's writing #twisted wonderland #twst #twst oc #santiago parro #chrysos pendentif #with a minor guest appearance from #finn clearcove #canon character appearances <3 too lazy to tag once again #bro. these. these freaking two.#santiago 'i cope using humor because i don't think my true feelings are socially acceptable to talk about' parro #and chrysos 'i am going to go ten different kinds of insane if this bird doesn't speak clearly to me' pendentif #theyre FINALLY getting over themselves a little #santiago: im going to hide how i feel about this! he'll never know!#santiago when chrysos deems the situation dire enough to actually sniff out his bullshit: ...fuck #ill stop going insane in the tags but #these two are literally an inch away from just confessing 💀 im so done with them

37 notes · View notes