#i do feel bad about that
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thinking about the edibles again. sorry man in line with us at mcdonalds for checking your bag because I was convinced you were stealing our mcdonalds
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Complete Febuwhump Masterlist
Complete series list on AO3 here; individual fic links under the cut.
Day One: Helpless
our share of night cw: sexual assault, medical examination, kidnapping, attempted murder
Day Two: Solitary Confinement
the first of many cw: imprisonment, torture, ptsd, anxiety attacks
Day Three: "Bite down on this."
texture cw: food texture issues, ableism, bullying (sort of)
Day Four: Obedience
consolation, cw: kinky stuff, some d/s & roleplaying
Day Five: Rope Burns
here a mist, and there a mist, cw: aftermath of rape
Day Six: "You lied to me."
like a flipped switch, cw: child abuse
Day Seven: Suffering in Silence
many happy returns, cw: offscreen canonical minor character death
Day Eight: "Why won't it stop?"
the sound of drums
Day Nine: Immortality (alternate prompt) (Fic based on the 'Bees' prompt to come later, because I ran out of time)
once more, with feeling
Day Ten: Killing in Self-Defense
first, do no harm
Day Eleven: Time Loop
second verse same as the first, cw: child abuse
Day Twelve: Semi-Conscious
the bubble, cw: aftermath of rape, ptsd
Day Thirteen: "You weren't supposed to get hurt."
17 Scenes on a Pull-out Couch, cw: aftermath of rape, canonical minor character death, ptsd, anxiety, flashbacks, dissociation
Day Fourteen: Blood-stained Tiles
and dandy
Day Fifteen: "Who did this to you?"
an easy answer, cw: torture
Day Sixteen: Came Back Wrong
In Which Ianto Rescues a Helpless Victim
Day Seventeen: Hostage Situation
Unethical Hostage Maneuvers for Fun and Profit
Day Eighteen: Too Weak to Move
live and learn and lie in bed
Day Nineteen "Please don't."
knowing, cw: past canonical minor character death, pregnancy
Day Twenty: Truth Serum
In Vino Veritas
Day Twenty-One: Unresponsive
Third Wheeling, cw: aftermath of rape, ptsd, dissociation
Day Twenty-Two: "You weren't meant to be there."
A Very Torchwood Welcome
Day Twenty-Three: Human Weapon (alternate prompt)
trudging along, cw: aftermath of rape, ptsd, panic attack/anxiety
Day Twenty-Four: "I'm doing this because I care about you."
Interlude: I'm Doing This Because I Care About You, cw: aftermath of rape, trauma
Day Twenty-Five: CPR (alternate prompt)
unfinished business
Day Twenty-Six: "Help them."
priorities
Day Twenty-Seven: Left for Dead
Left for Dead, Right for an Unpleasant Stroll
Day Twenty-Eight: "No...not like this."
the fork in the road, cw: torture
Day Twenty-Nine: Not Allowed to Die
promises you can't keep still count, cw: pregnancy
#Febuwhump#Febuwhump2024#Febuwhump 2024#my other responsibilities may have suffered#but I spammed the hell out of the torchwood AO3 front page#I do feel bad about that#but it was a lot of fun#so
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i usually like to start off a semester in as good of a headspace as i can but um! unfortunately everything sucks rn and has no real possibility of looking up in 2 days
#i'm sorry i only come on here to complain#i do feel bad about that#i just feel bad about everything tbh#there are lots of things i wish i could talk about but i can't#and idk! nothing's getting better#sarah why
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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I bought that choso sweater thinking the site was legit but it was some phishing scam site that stole someone else's design... anyways I started a case with PayPal like immediately after I realized what happened. wasn't even expecting the sweater to come but it did. was expecting it to be shit quality but it's actually.... nicer than the legit original one...... and PayPal also refunded me for the purchase... lmao hehehahahahohoho
#after learning this site was a scam site#i looked for the original one#and was like “damn this fake one isnt going to be nearly as nice”#but the fake one ended up being a really nice soft knit sweater#while the real one is a bulky thick cotton crew neck with stiff embroidery#i won in every aspect#aside from not supporting the original creator#i do feel bad about that#but it was an accident anyways#and the scam sellers had to eat the loss so they didn't make any money
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As requested, I have examined my fondness for terrible characters, and I have concluded that I like them because they're terrible and I'm not sorry.
#light yagami#joe goldberg#jack shephard#joshua kiryu#ardyn izunia#james sunderland#arnold rimmer#this entry brought to you because someone recommended YOU to me#so i checked out the wikipedia article#and the 'cultural influence' section was MADDENING#extremely patronising to be so concerned#about all these foolish and misguided women#(not exclusively women#but i do feel i mainly see this 'concern' targeted at women)#expressing fondness for a Bad Person#who is Not Real
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Birds of a Feather
previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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different POV of this comic
x
#ethan winters#karl heisenberg#wintersberg#resident evil#resident evil fanart#rebhfun#resident evil village#resident evil 8#re8#i dont think karl would ever be the kind of guy to outwardly verbally say “i love you”#not to say he DOESNT love ethan#he just has a lot of trouble saying those three words out loud lol#he shows his love in a different way but i think its hard sometimes#had a conversation with my friend and i think if ethan and karl were to get into a argument karl woul definetly not apologize#he would definetly feel bad and sulk a lot#but i dont think he would ever bring himself to say hes sorry#hes a little too arrogant and emotionally stunted to do that#sorry i like thinking about all the aspects of relationship dynamics#hed apologize by making ethan a robot that kills people who r mean to him IDK LOL
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Thinking about how Nightmare has 4 mortals and 3 of them are so so bad at taking care of themselves
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Truce au#Killer Sans#Dust Sans#Cross Sans#Horror Sans#Nightmare Sans#''I don't feel like drawing a bunch I'll just do a quick silly doodle'' sits up until 1am finishing this#But this is about their bad habits not mine so#Killer and Cross are the worst offenders for sleep but they're pretty managable#Dust is the worst for food but Horror can coax him into enough food to get by#Horror was - for a short time when he first joined - Nightmare's clear favourite#Because he would actually ASK for things when he needed them#(Not that his joining didn't have problems of it's own but y'know#Nightmare was starting to expect it at this point)#I should ramble for 10 pages about the boys joining the gang someday#Not now cause I'm going to bed but y'know#Anyway goodnight gang!
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(looks at the time) ooh... the bitching hour
#klapollo#klavier gavin#apollo justice#ace attorney#.png#was about to just caption this with 'bitching' but 1) this is funnier 2) i think stranger things has ruined that#KEITH HARING DOG BE UPON YE#i feel bad i've mostly posted sketches this past year but again i'm still doing thesis lol#next term though i only have one class and it's an elective =w= maybe i can open comms then#including some experimental ones. like low poly creachers hehehehhe
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honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.
i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue
#ml fandom salt#I suppose#and no amount of adding ''stop telling me to not analyze the media'' on my analysis posts stops people from saying it anyway#and yes. the leaks count. stop telling me that the existence of outdated leaks invalidates all analyses of the completed material#and no. just like every other time i've said this. me saying that i don't care about the leaks is not an invitation for you to try to#convince me to care about the leaks#do i tag this spoilers? it feels weird to. i mean this to be a vague overarching thing about media in general#also of course any ''or maybe the writers are just bad'' arguments ALSO are included in this. YOU guys have been my bane since FOREVER#would you guys consider commenting on fanart with ''umm.... drawing seems pretty pointless lmao'' rude?#i know this is not the first time i've made a post like this and i'm sure it won't be the last
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Nobody is as excited about the preview as I am. I have paragraphs.
#very bad doodle I just need to get this out there#don’t look at it too hard I’m begging#someone please talk to me about the blood rush breakup before the world explodes#it is not that serious but I will do anything for twenty seconds of them arguing#the episode hasn’t come out but I am shaking#every time they talk I become a little more evil and fucked up#genuinely though aside from the silliness of the conversation being about sports I have some very strong feelings about the little bits we-#-got to see in the preview#like I will inevitably talk about it but just because I know people are gonna beat me to it I just want to express how excited I am#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#gorgug thistlespring#fabian seacaster#thistlecaster#<- yeah fuck it why not#for my one mutual who likes them#this is for you and you only#fhjy spoilers#my art
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little scrapped comic bc it felt a bit ooc to me in hindsight
#tbb#the bad batch#the bad batch season 2#the bad batch season 3#tbb tech#tbb omega#i was worried that this wouldn’t really come across as i intended#i’ve heard a lot of people complain about the characterization of tech in fanon#they make him a lot less capable than he is in canon just because he is the ‘nerd’ of the team#which i totally agree with#so i didn’t want it to seem like i was doing the same#i just think that tech would have a difficultly expressing some of his vulnerability around his brothers because they are so often stoic#(and frequently make fun of one another)#and omega might be the first person he feels comfortable in letting that side of him show#idk#just a sweet idea to me#anyway i decided i wasn’t going to finish this because of my fear of being misinterpreted but i did like how these sketches turned out#so here :)#a little treat#mods art#my art#mods draws#star wars#sw tbb#star wars the bad batch
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sanic ✌ for the au perhaps? idk
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#art#digital art#sonic#sth#fanart#ive been getting easily distracted from my aus recently which is horrible#but i guess im just too ambitious all the time and get scared -_-#idk ive been feeling really bad about drawing lately i just dont really feel good about any of my drawings rn#like i like this one but idk i just dont feel excited about it...#idk what to do abt it#id like to get into one of my aus for once#but i just feel nothing rn..#OK WAHTEVERRR this was a cool pose#so i gave him so shoes to go with it
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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would love to see any drawings/ur design on jeremy fizgerald (if u have any)!! /nf
Been working on a design, can tell me what yall think!
#ask reply#I want to draw Jeremy so bad you guys don’t even know#I’ve been sorta iffy cause I feel like both in the games and maybe the movie of fnaf#we’re about to get a clear idea of what Jeremy actually looks like#so I’ve been semi hesitant to do any design cause it might change literally next week or month#but this is what I have down for him so far#nothing concrete but wanted him to carry the silly vibe most peeps give him#I feel like he needs to be more 80s BAHA#jeremy fitzgerald
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