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billthedrake · 6 days

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MY SON THE PORN STAR (PART FIVE)

I tried not to go wild. I still was married and still had my normal corporate guy life in Kansas City.

But doing porn turned out to be addictive. It was the combination of a deep exhibitionist streak I was discovering in myself and the access to incredibly hot men willing to suck me or get fucked by my big tool. It made me feel like a total stud... less middle-aged, I guess.

And work trips were the perfect cover. I really was doing the road warrior thing for my company, so I wasn't lying to Kate THAT much. But I did sometimes add a night to my travels.

Like the week after Easter. I had a business trip to Denver, but I added an extra evening and squeezed in a quick connector flight to San Francisco on my dime with miles. Muscle Pup Mike, my son's friend and escort/pornstar buddy, set me up with a versatile OnlyFans star there. I shot two scenes with him, actually, one oral, one with me masked as we had a nice, long 50-minute fuck scene. I didn't feel a deep chemistry with Kevin, aka "Jeff Reed," but I felt a deep chemistry with the two cameras that were on us. Besides, sex with a muscular 28-year-old hunk was hard to beat.

Turns out, the next night would beat it. I flew to Denver bright and early in the morning and had my sales meeting all day. I was rolling my business-style carry on into my hotel room right around dinner. I undid my tie and sat down to unlace my shoes before calling Kate to check in.

Yeah, I felt pretty bad knowing I was stepping out behind her back. I'd deal with that guilt later. Either stopping porn cold turkey or making a break or separation with my wife. At this point I wasn't ready to do either.

I wasn't a frequent poster, but managed a video every 2-3 weeks. And I had a growing following of fans willing to pay a modest subscription for just that. Sure, I got some comments complaining that I never took my mask off, but apparently I had the body and blond-furred looks a lot of guys went for. And my cock size helped - a lot. I was careful about not talking on camera, or I just edited those parts out, but I'd learned to be verbal with my grunts, to show appreciation for my sucker/bottom and to let viewers get that thrill. It worked.

I sat, alone in that quiet hotel room, thinking just how wild my double life had become, and I fiddled with my phone again. Chicago was an hour ahead and now would probably be a good time to call. I pulled up Travis's contact and FaceTimed him.

"Hey Dad," my son greeted.

"Hey," I said, leaning back and feeling my boner ride up in the crotch of my trousers. "I didn't catch you at a bad time, I hope?"

"Nah," he said. "Just getting back from the gym." Indeed, he had a workout zip-up on and I could see the familiar kitchen from his condo in the back.

"All sweaty?" I teased.

That got a laugh out of my son. He was surprised how horny I was sometimes, how much I'd leaned into this weird affair we had going on. "Something like that. How'd your shoot go?"

"Real well," I replied. "Kevin is a real professional. Made it easy."

"Just a professional?" Travis asked, with a teasing smile on his cute face.

"Just fucking," I said. "Not a ton of chemistry, I'm afraid, but I think I got some good footage for the next two vids." I'd always sent Travis the digital files via encryption, and he did the editing magic on the material. As amazing as my son was at being on-screen talent, he also had a knack for making great porn behind the camera.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Dad," he said. "But I think you're a natural adult performer."

I smiled. "Is that what the kids call it?" I joked.

That made my son laugh. I loved seeing and hearing his laugh. "OK... you're a natural porn star, Dad.... You know, it's really hot to say that. I get so hard watching you perform, you know."

My throat got dry. Travis knew how to work me up. "Jesus, Trav. You have no idea how much I've watched your videos."

That made my son laugh again, those dimples forming. "I have a pretty good idea, Dad. You've told me before."

"I lied," I teased. "I figured if I told you the real number, you'd get freaked out."

"Turned on is more like it, Dad," Travis said. "Why don't you show me how much you like em. You hard now?"

"Rock hard," I said. I turned the phone down to show off the rod forming a ridge in my trousers.

"Fuck," Travis hissed. "My dad has a real porn star dick. I have a shoot in a couple of hours. I'll definitely be thinking of your cock."

"Who's it with?" I asked. This was the wild phase Trav and I were at now. Father and son, lovers, flirts, and professional colleagues in the adult entertainment business.

"Bud and Spike," he said. I recognized the screen names of two muscle daddies from Dallas, into the more hardcore stuff.

I made a wince of an expression. "Go easy with those guys, buddy," I said. "For real." I felt strangely protective of my son. Which was weird, because in general he was the one looking out for me as I began doing porn more regularly.

Travis smiled. "I will, Dad. Promise. We're planning a more vanilla scene than they normally do." He gave me a wink. "Listen, I gotta go get ready, actually."

"All right, buddy," I said. I wished we had time for some phone sex because just talking to Travis was turning me on big time. "I can't wait to see your scene. And I'll be in Chicago in a couple of weeks. We'll catch up then, OK?"

"You bet, Dad," he said. "Love ya."

"Love ya, too, Big Guy."

We hung up.

I let out a hiss of air. I was horny now. Turns out "Jeff Reed" hadn't drained me. I did have a back up idea. There was some University of Colorado kid who'd been emailing me on the anon account Travis set up for me and linked to my OnlyFans. Call me a narcissist, but I'd been eating up the fan mail, and something about this college dude Bryan won me over. Maybe it was the pics he sent. Cute as fuck, brown haired, boy-next-door looks. And the nude pics that showed a surprisingly built body for a college kid - either a jock or someone who hit the college gym regularly. Smooth body with just a dusting of a treasure trail, creamy white skin, washboard abs, hard cock, amazing bubble ass.

Or maybe it was the request that I hit him up if I was ever in the Denver area.

So far I'd only done pro-amateur porn stars in the OF circuit my son and MusclePup Mike worked in. Some of it was the self-justification that it wasn't fully emotional cheating, just porn I was doing. Some of it was caution. All the arrangements went through Mike and because of my mask, no one knew my identity.

But I was horny now and sent this Bryan kid a message. I didn't expect a reply, but it was worth a shot. I set down my phone and undressed to take a quick shower. It was only 6:30, but it had been a long day.

There was a message waiting for me. "God yes, man," Bryan wrote. "I could be there in about an hour and a half," he wrote. Then almost nervously, there was a follow up. "God, I must seem overly eager. But fuck you're so hot. Let me know what works for you."

"How bout 8:30?" I typed back and gave my hotel name and room number. I wanted to get some food in me.

"Awesome. Yeah. See you soon," came the almost immediate reply.

I had only business casual clothes packed, so I got dressed to grab a bite at a restaurant near my hotel. I got back to my room with about ten minutes to spare. I brushed my teeth and checked my appearance in the mirror. I wasn't crazy about getting older, I had to admit, but I could see the "DILF" look that Travis and Mike were always raving about. Well-preserved was the expression, I suppose.

I was actually a little nervous when I heard the knock. I had no business fooling around with a guy like this. Not making a porn vid but actually having a cheating hook up. The messed up thing is that most guys would consider the videos a worse infraction, but this felt naughtier in a way.

Bryan looked great. Better than great. He was cuter than his pictures, and I think his nerves made him more attractive to me. He forced a smile but was shaking.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I smiled. "Come in, bud."

He was shorter than me, and his size made his collegiate muscle look more compact on his build. Maybe not collegiate wrestler exactly, but definitely that wrestler body type. A little thick, even. MusclePup Mike would have called him a twunk.

"I didn't know what you'd look like," Bryan said softly. His gray eyes were taking me in.

I remembered now he'd never seen me outside of my videos, all masked up. "You came over anyway," I observed.

"Oh yeah," he enthused. "You're my favorite porn star, hands down." He blushed but didn't stop gushing. "You probably know this... I guess most guys don't pay to watch your videos, but I subscribed to your site so I could email you."

"For real?" I laughed.

"Yeah," Bryan replied, that nervous smile growing bigger. "You're not on Twitter or Insta," he explained. His eyes swept up and down my frame. "God, you're even hotter in person. I knew you'd be hot, but... wow."

I was eating up his flattery. "You're not so bad yourself, buddy... bring it in..." I held up my arms to gesture him to come in for a kiss. He did. He was nervous and that turned me on for some reason. But once we started making out, Bryan got real into it, meeting my tongue with his, before practically sucking me into his mouth.

His hands were feeling it up, tentatively at first, then all over. He chuckled as he pulled back so he could feel me up better. I stood there and let his hands roam over my button-down shirt and the gym-toned muscle underneath. At that moment I was VERY glad for the personal trainer Travis set me up with.

"I hope you don't mind my saying," Bryan said, "But it's so wild to be with a porn star."

"Don't mind at all, buddy," I hissed. I was now experiencing the other thrill of doing porn. I knew I was into the exhibitionism of it all, but now I was feeling the hero worshop, the adoration of a young guy like this. I was rock hard.

He gulped as I reached down to undo my khakis, unzipping them and reaching in to haul out my dong. "I guess you really like my cock, then, huh?" I growled.

This wasn't me. At least it wasn't Brad Connors. Married father of three. Road warrior corporate guy. But being MaskedDaddy gave me the sexual confidence and freedom to be someone else.

"Fuck yeah," Bryan gasped as he saw my prick. "That cock's so fucking big..." His eyes were wide, taking in my size before he looked up at me. "OK, if I touch it?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't, buddy," I said. "That's why you came over isn't it?"

He nodded, like a chastised kid. Then tentatively he stepped in again and reached forward, like he was afraid of being branded by a hot poker. But once his fingers made contact, the hesitation was gone. The college dude circled his fingers and round me, griping my hardon and gently stroking a couple inches of it to get a feel of the girth and heft. "You don't know how much I've jerked off to your videos," he said. "I wasn't gonna admit to that you, but fuck...." His voice was heavy in his ragged breathing but still had that frat-bro collegiate kind of tone.

"I think we talked about you sucking that dick," I grunted. In our texts, Bryan had offered a blow job, and his presence now was making me really want this. In a surprising way, his realness was making me click with the college kid more than I did with a megahot porn star. Maybe it was the opposite of what Bryan was feeling, where he was living out his porn dream.

"Yeah," he nodded. But he gave me a sheepish shrug. "I, um, don't have a lot of experience."

I patted his cheek. "Give it your best, bud. Please. Daddy's really fucking horny." Yep, this was porn me talking, but it was the magic words for Bryan, who couldn't get down on his knees fast enough.

The young stud actually whimpered as he pulled my dick to his face and began licking it. It was slobbery and impetuous, and his attempt to take me into mouth was more urgent than skilled.

"Easy, buddy..." I urged as he choked a little on my size. "Daddy's got a big cock... take your time."

He nodded and moaned around my prick, flashing those gray eyes up, a little teary. Fuck.

I wouldn't say he got the hang of, but he got a lot more comfortable. Slowly, he sucked me, a few inches at a time, working up the focus to get an extra one back into his throat. The young dude was so excited to blow me, and I was loving this. Slowly I stroked his hair and encouraged him. "That's it, sport... you don't need the training wheels do ya? You go right for the big ones. OH FUCK, that feels nice."

"Yeah?" Bryan asked as he spit out my cock and swallowed the excess spit. I could tell he wanted to make sure he was sucking me right, but more than that he struck me as a young man who craved positive feedback in sex.

"You're doing great, buddy," I said.

There was something about this connection which was night and day different than "Jeff Reed." Bryan was a real guy, a college stud eager for me and not just playing out sex for the camera. And yet...

"You interested in filming this, Bryan? It's SO hot to watch you, buddy."

I could see two reactions in his face at once. A fearful shock at the idea. And an excitement to even consider it. "Oh man," he responded, not giving me a hint which one was the bigger emotion.

I slowly stroked my rod in front of his face, working in his spit over my dong and letting it get steel hard for his gaze. I had toyed with using viagra for my shoots, but even with my size I didn't have an issue getting real hard erections like this. I just loved sex too much.

"If it helps, I packed a spare mask," I offered.

Maybe another dude would have wondered why I had a mask with me, much less more than one mask. But Bryan had been used to seeing me in one, so maybe it just seemed normal to him.

"This is crazy," he said, his fearful look breaking into a smile.

"Is that a yes or a no?" I asked, gently tapping his cheek with my dong.

"Yes," he muttered excitedly before taking ne into his mouth once more.

I let him work me for a few seconds then pulled back. I went to my carryon back and retrieved the masks. I wouldn't need one, I suppose, but I tossed both over Bryan's way while I got my portable tripod, a compact digital camera, and a spare cameraphone, an old Iphone I used for extra handheld footage.

I was worried I was killing the mood setting everything up and fiddling with the lights. But I loved shooting porn, and if anything my dick was harder in anticipation with shooting a different kind of scene. Me with an amateur costar. Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced I just knew this would be a hot video. And if not, I'd enjoy jerking off to it.

Fortunately, Bryan seemed excited too. I could see the excitement in his eyes, even behind the mask. He'd taken his shirt off, maybe to be less identifiable but was on his knees still, hands braced on his thighs. "I can't believe I'm going to be in one of your vids," he said. Yeah, the dude was into this.

I sauntered back, my dick leading the way. "If you're not comfortable with the results, we don't have to post anything," I said, remembering how important that veto power was for my comfort level for my first vid with my son. "Otherwise, I'll take this as your consent."

"Got it," he nodded.

The second his lips touched my prick again, I let out a gasp. He looked up at me, excited, and I took in his green eyes looking up through the mask holes. I pointed the phone camera at him to capture that. I wasn't gonna shoot that angle the whole time, since I preferred to enjoy getting head instead of playing cameraman the whole time. But the snapshots of him looking up would add to the effect.

Bryan's technique wasn't better this time, but his enthusiasm had tripled, at least. I set down the phone and eased my stance back, my posture upright. I was still in my business casual attire as this horny college kid blew me. I urged him to go slower at first with a quick deep grunt.

I heard the guy moan around my meat as something relaxed in his throat and he was able to more steadily take more of my dong into his throat. Working me up and down, I reached behind his head and massaged his scalp through the mask, gently urging him deeper.

"Yes," I choked in response. "Suck me." I'd gotten pretty good at deguising my voice. Using my porn voice. "Suck Daddy."

That did it. Bryan pulled off for a quick breath, then descended all the way down. I'm a big guy, and even some of the OnlyFans studs had a hard time swallowing my sword. But they weren't feeling the crazy sexual thrill this kid was.

He held a second then it was too much, and he pulled off with a sputtering cough. I could see his eyes watering even through the mask holes.

"Sorry," he breathed, as he tried to regain composure.

"It's OK... take your time," I said in my normal voice. Travis would have to edit that out. All for the best. I gave Bryan a second to catch his breath and then I leaned down and met him for a sensual kiss.

"You're doing real good," I said. Then leaning up, I offered my hard dong again. It had gone down a little, but was still pretty heavy. "Ready for more?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah," he said, his gray eyes looking back up at me.

His mouth on me got me rock hard once more. I pulled out some to let the camera catch my full hardon, then pushed back in between his wet lips. Bryan was novice, but that was OK. I was turned on from a change of pace from the OnlyFans dudes. This was a real guy, young and eager. I let him suck and get into sucking.

"Yeah," I grunted, I ran my fingers through his hair again and took the chance to push him down on my meat some more.

Byran was up for the challenge. He grunted around my prick but his throat relaxed and swallowed more of my thickness.

I started cumming. I wanted to ride out the orgasm in his college kid's throat but instead I pulled out and shot a couple of jets onto his mask and his lips before pushing back in just a few inches to let him suckle the remaining dribbles of semen.

I caught my breath a half second then picked up the cameraphone again. I hadn't taken too much handheld footage, so now I got a good view of Bryan slurping on my sated meat, licking up and down and outright worshipping my cock. Thankfully I wasn't too sensitive after nutting, and even if I lost a little of my rigidity, my dick kept a heavy firm meatiness that looked good.

I finally pulled back and turned both cameras off. "You were amazing, buddy," I said with a smile.

Already Bryan was pulling his mask off. I was glad. The guy was real fucking cute. "Dream come true for me," he said.

I could tell he was still horned up and at full sexual arousal from servicing me. "Get on the bed, kiddo," I urged. "Lie back."

He didn't seem to know what was going on but he complied. His body was shaking some as I undid his jeans and yanked them down.

"What are we gonna do?" he asked with some apprehension. Still he raised each leg to let me pull off his jeans. And his boxers showed a thick boner beneath the cotton.

"Your turn to get off," I said, not really answering his question.

Still, Bryan nodded and hooked his thumbs in the elastic of his boxers to slide them down. I let him take them off as I stepped into the bathroom to get lube out of my toiletties bag.

Bryan was now lying back on the bed, fully naked, his creamy white muscle looking even better than I anticipated now that he was stripped nude.

"You an athlete?" I asked as I flipped open the cap on the lube.

Bryan's eyes were nervously only the lube. I think I knew what he was worried about, and a part of me enjoyed playing with his nervousness. I'll give him credit, he put on a brave face as his eyes met mine to answer me. "Yeah. Wrestling.""

My guess had been spot on. "It shows," I said. "You have an amazing body."

"Thanks," he said, watching me get on the bed, me making a show of drizzling some lube on his hardon. His dick twitched, untouched, he was so turned on. "You have more the football build."

"Baseball was my sport," I answered. "And golf. But my trainer has helped me bulk up."

"You're my fantasy," he said softly. "The whole package. None of the guys know I'm into this, though." I could read in his face that he wasn't sure if he should be getting emotionally open like this.

I patted his thigh and set down the lube on the night stand with my other hand. I was fully dress, with my cock sticking out of the fly of my khakis still. I wasn't sure I wanted to get off again, but I knew I could. Bryan was hot as fuck, and I was grooving on his clear attraction to me.

"A shame," I winked, trying to make the conversation sexy again. "Maybe you could have some fun. With you coach, too."

That got a laugh from him. Bryan had a sexy smile. "I've definitely thought of Coach. A lot."

I rubbed his legs some more more, outright caressing them now. His quads were solid as fuck, hard brawn that contrasted with the soft collegiate fur. I copped a feel of his ball sac, lightly haired and ran my fingers up the lubey length of his shaft.

"Lift your legs, bud," I urged, my tone friendly even as my words were commanding.

He got that deer in the headlights look. "I've never done this," Bryan said softly.

I had a good idea what he meant. "You a virgin?" I asked. My eyes doing their best friendly look I could manage as I played with his hard dick and his balls. Not stroking him, more exploring his rigid younger dick. Getting him excited to play more.

"For fucking, yeah..." he replied. "Sorry."

I don't think I realized till then how much I wanted to tap this hot wrestler's ass. Maybe his innocence was fueling some of my desire, too. "Not gonna do anything you're not ready for buddy," I said. "Come on, just lift your legs for Daddy."

Maybe that was the magic word, because Bryan leaned back and raised his legs up.

"You can pull em back," I instructed, taking a good look before leaning forward and crouching down.

"Holy FUCK!" the kid gasped at the first swipe of my tongue. His hair down there was light, and I enjoyed the contrast with hairier guys or even the OnlyFans dudes who shaved smooth. It was a delight to lick up and down the trench and then focus more on his tight pucker.

"Jesus," Bryan gasped. He wasn't naturally verbal, but I could tell his mind was being blown. Surprised, maybe a little ticklish but he definitely loved getting rimmed.

I pulled back. That ring was drum tight all right. It made me realize I'd never eaten out a cherry hole before. My son's certainly wasn't virgin. "Go ahead and stroke off," I urged. I relished the ability to speak in my normal voice now that the cameras were off, even as some of my Masked Daddy persona came out anyway. "I want you to come kiddo."

I watched as he excitedly gripped his boner and start to stroke it. Then I dove back in. Not just rimming but fully eating him out, munching the tightness of his asshole.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," the kid gasped. I knew his orgasm was starting. I held onto the back of his meaty thighs and even pushed back a little to angle him perfectly to got to town with my tongue and my sucking mouth.

"NMNGGH!" came the grunt of his cum. Bryan's whole body was tensing up and I knew he was giving up his load in a big way.

Indeed as I pulled back I saw that beautiful creamy white wrestler muscle sprayed with splotches of his sperm. I began licking it up off his abs and chest, saving it in my mouth before I finally met him in a kiss to share it.

The snowballing caught him by surprise but he was way into it, accepting his own cum then pushing it back into my mouth, our tongues working it back and forth and frothing it up with our own saliva.

He had a big, content smile on his face when finally parted, swallowing what little seed was left on our tongues. "I thought..." he started then stopped himself.

"I know, buddy," I said. I patted his chest gently. "I won't lie... I came THIS close to pushing your boundaries."

He nodded, emotionally raw. I could tell he half wanted me to. But only half. "I know. I don't know how, but I could tell."

His hand reached up and ran along my arm through my button down shirt. "I'll probably be kicking myself for not going all the way. But I wasn't ready," he said.

"It was all great, buddy," I assured him.

"I should go," he said. "I got a long drive back to Boulder."

I pulled back and gave him one last pat as I eyed up his nakedness one more time. Bryan was the real deal. Not a "jock" for pay. I felt a strange emotional connection even with the sexual chemistry. I'd have to process why I was feeling that.

For now, I let him up and I went to piss while he got dressed again. When I stepped back from the bathroom, he was mostly dressed again, and had a dreamy, moody expression.

"Thanks for that... fuck I don't even know your name."

"Will 'Daddy' do?" I asked with a wink.

"Guess it will have to," he said with resignation. "You've made my dream come true."

I stepped up for a final kiss, then I showed him to the hotel room door.

***

I was glad Bryan didn't sleep over. I needed a good rest and I had a busy schedule with my client visit the next day.

It felt like naughty fun messaging Bryan when I got a chance, though. It started off with "had a great time" kind of texts, but Bryan admitted how he wished he'd gone all the way.

"Maybe if you're in town again, I'll have the courage," he admitted.

"I'm in town another night if you manage to get that courage, kiddo."

There was silence on his end. Like an hour and a half before I got another text, and even then it was a half hour before I had a break after my afternoon presentation.

"Sorry," Bryan wrote. "Was in class and my prof goes apeshit if we're on our phones LOL."

I texted. "I worried I'd spooked you."

This time the reply was quicker. "Dude, you don't know how horny I've been all day. You're definitely not spooking me."

I bit my lip and looked around. I probably looked like I was doing business texts on my phone. But fuck I was getting horny too. Somehing about this Bryan kid got under my skin. "Is that a yes?" I wrote. "You gonna give me your cherry?"

I was pushing boundaries now for sure, but Bryan seemed up for it now, more than the previous night. "I wanna. Yeah."

"Daddy wants to get in your hole SO bad, buddy." Then, "I'll go easy on you."

"God yes," came his reply. "I'm hard as fuck now."

God this was gonna happen. One more boundary to push. "Will you let me fuck you on camera?"

There was a pause now. Then, "Masked?"

"As you like," I wrote, almost hoping Bryan wouldn't wear one, even if I knew he would. To coax him, I added, "I'll tell you my first name if you let me film us."

"Deal. LOL."

I looked up. Folks were filing back into the conference room. I hoped my chubbed cock wouldn't show. "I gotta go. But maybe plan for 8:30? I have a work dinner before."

"God yes. I can't believe we're going to do this."

"We're going to do it, Kiddo." I assured him. "I want you so bad."

I got a blushing emoji in return and had to smile. "All right," he wrote. "Talk later."

I went into my meeting and was able to get my mind off Bryan's creamy smooth wrestler build and his cherry hole. Somehow.

I checked my messages after we wrapped up, before heading off to a business dinner. It was close to my hotel thankfully and these things never ran late. I hoped to see a message from Bryan, but there was nothing.

I did google some instructions for preparing to bottom. With the OnlyFans guys and my own son, that routine was down pat, but a newbie like Bryan could use some guidance, and I wanted the ease and comfort of topping a clean hole. I forwarded the site to Bryan.

I held off to one glass of wine during dinner. I wanted a clear head for later. By 7:40 I'd paid the check on my corporate card and bid good night to my client contacts. I had to laugh at myself by how excited I was to get back to my hotel. I did have time to stop at an office supply store and pick up a spare small camera. I figured this scene would be worth the extra vantage point.

Bryan texted when he was on his way. I stripped down from my business clothes and hung them up in the closet. I was rock hard already, and dripping in anticipation. I hadn't felt this excited since my last time with my son. I took a quick shower and put on the plush hotel robe, tying it to cover up my midsection.

I spent the rest of the time setting up the cameras. The lighting wasn't perfect but it was enough.

The knock made me realize I was a little nervous myself. I'd gotten comfortable doing porn, maybe a little too comfortable, but taking Bryan's cherry felt like a certain responsibility. I wanted it to be an incredible experience for him, and I was realizing I was totally green when it came to easing a guy out of his virginity.

Still, the sight of him made my heart beat. He was just so fucking cute and hunky. Particularly was we realized each other was nervous.

"Hey, Daddy," he said stepping in.

"Brad," I said. "You can call me Brad. Or Daddy," I smirked.

Our kiss was soft, surprisingly soft given the act we were about to do.

"You good for his, buddy?" I asked, running my hands along his outer arms.

He nodded. "I'm nervous as hell, but I'll be kicking myself if I don't do it."

"You feel like stripping down?" I asked. "There's a mask for you on the table."

I pulled mine on and then went around made sure all the cameras were on. I was pleased to see Bryan's naked body, that thick muscle lean and compact with just a dusting of hair. God, even with that build he looked every bit the 20 year old he was. Like I say, the real deal.

And I was doubly pleased to see him throwing hard. That thick five spike standing up from his lightly furred crotch, nerves notwithstanding. I watched him pull on his mask. It was a shame the viewers wouldn't see how cute he was but his body rounded out that college jock look for sure.

I pointed the camera at him. "So... we're about to have sex for a video that will be released through OnlyFans. Do you agree for me to share what I film?"

I half expected some questions, but he just nodded. "Yes."

"Good boy," I said with a laugh. That made Bryan chuckle, too, which made me glad. "Why don't you lie on the bed, face down?"

I could sense his nervousness. Maybe he anticipated face to face for his first time. "Don't worry buddy, I'll ease you into this."

He nodded silently and then complied, walking over to the hotel bed, while I filmed him with his natural jock gait. It was hot as fuck, seeing him strut and that ass of his work. Then his full body stretching out face down.

The other cameras would get a good angle - one angled on each side nightstand, the other from behind where I stood, just a little off to the side. I held the camera phone as I stepped closer, letting the camera rove over his strong back and amazing ass, up and down his legs. Maybe more jock-worship footage than we'd use, but Travis could work his magic.

Finally, I stepped back and propped the camera phone off to the side. maybe it would work for another angle. Bryan turned back to look at me, and I got off on how his back muscle flexed with his motion. Stepping up, I ran my hands along his calves, working up the length as I climbed on the bed.

I knew I'd be in good view of the cameras now as I kissed from one side of his hamstrings to the other knotted leg. I took my time working my way up.

Bryan was ready for the rim job now. Hiking his ass up, he parted his legs enough to let me in. My hands gripped his buns and did the rest.

The college kid's sigh was deep and sexual as I began licking. I wanted to put on a show. I loved rimming a guy and sometimes felt there was never enough of it in porn videos. It was always a quick lick before the top was lining up. I went full in now, eating out Bryan for a solid five to ten minutes, alternating speed and tonguework. Sometimes Bryan relaxed and let me do my magic, sometimes he bucked up against my face to maximize the contact.

I pulled back and with a hungry growl gave him a light pat. "Turn over," I urged in my deeper voice. Spittle wetted down the chin of my mask. I really wished he and I could do it without these, but the masks allowed us to fuck on camera, both of us.

I was amazed to see Bryan's prick hard and leaking clear sap everywhere. He was majorly turned on. I pulled up enough to let the cameras get a good view of his ripped, modestly jacked body.

"How many guys have fucked you?" I asked tersely. I sure hoped the "MaskedDaddy" voice was enough fo a disguise.

Bryan didn't change his voice, but his soft response was sexy as hell. "No one yet," he said.

I leaned in and kissed him. Just enough sexual urge, and enough romantic finesse. Bryan responded in turn, sucking my tongue into his mouth and moaning against me. He was nervous, sure, but also getting the case of the major horns.

I loved this, putting on a show and yet connecting one-to-one with this fine young man. I pulled up and muttered, "nice," patting his chest. I rolled off to the side and undid my robe. My hardon bounded out and both Bryan and the camera could see my exposed body with its blond fur. I pulled him to me and we started making out again.

Silently I guided him down and the kid knew what to do. Slowly he began kissing and worshipping my big prick, wetting it down with his tongue before taking me into his mouth. Practice hadn't made perfect, but he was getting much more accustomed to my size and better at blowing me.

I was determined not to get overheated. I just lay back and enjoyed this, the sensation of Bryan's soft, slow blowjob and the view of his nakedness kneeling in front of me in servicing position.

Soon, though, it was feeling too good. I nudged him off. He came up to meet me for a kiss, taking the initiative now, until I regained the upperhand in rolling him back on his back, with me on top. I could feel his hardon against mine and the warmth from his body.

Placing my mouth at his ear, I whispered, "You like being a porn star too, dont ya kiddo?"

"Yeah," he grunted back.

I knew I needed to be a little verbal with him. If the camera picked up my words, Travis could edit them out. "You're just about the hottest guy I've ever fucked, Bry."

His body actually shivered at that. The time seemed ripe. I lifted off and leaned over to pump out some lube.

He let out a hiss of air the second my greased fingers touched his pucker but he didn't flinch. Instead he spread his legs and looked into my eyes. This was gonna be good.

I pushed a digit in. Bryan was real fucking tight. But I worked him slowly. Back and forth, in and out.

"Another," I said curtly.

"God," he hissed as I penetrated him with two fingers. It wasn't bad-uncomfortable for him, but it was certainly unfamiliar to him. We stood still eyes locked, him lying back, me between his legs. Until I started finger fucking him again. I applied more lube and fingered him some more.

Finally I pulled back and removed my robe entirely, slipping it off my body and tossing it aside. Bryan's hands were on me, excited to feel up my DILF body. I let him. Between his attention and the cameras I was getting real excited. I was the one dripping now. I caught a thick thread of precum in my fingers and brought it down to his virgin hole. I fingered him up with that too.

The third finger was slow going, but I got him to relax.

"No rubber?" I have asked and half said.

"No sir," came his excited reply.

I was gonna get blue balls soon if I didn't fuck. I scooted up and pressed my prick head in place. I pressed super slow against his ring, working against the spit-slick tightness and smearing my precum against him.

I could feel Bryan's body shake beneath me, and he looked up, a real deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes beneath the mask. I worried if I waited longer his nerves would get the best of him. I pushed in.

"UNNH!" he whimpered loudly. I felt bad the entry hurt and bad that he was doing his bravest to pretend it didn't.

"Easy, bud..." I hissed, reaching down to run my hands along his hot body. This fine young man was giving me a major gift. My prick jerked an inch or two inside him, feeling the tightness of his ass clamping down on him, as I held still, then gave the shallowest of thrusts, back and forth more than in and out.

I looked at him, trying to communicate silently. Then I leaned in, pushing his legs back with my body. "You're doing good," I said.

We kissed. My cock slipped out of its toe hold but I didn't care. He needed this, and I wanted it. This was about the only time I lost track of the cameras. When I wasn't putting on a show. I connected with this college kid in a deep, soulful kiss. And kissed him som more.

I pulled back. This time I didn't rush, but I didn't delay. I pushed back into him. Bryan somehow trusted me, because his ring gave way more easily. He was virgin tight a few inches inside, but I gently thrust back and forth, working that knot inside him. I pulled out and added more lube. Now showing off for Bryan and the cameras both. Then I placed his ankles on my shoulders.

"OOH FUCK!" Came his cry when I broke through. But he wasn't in pain, just overwhelmed by feelings he didn't have word for. I plowed all the way in and held it. I could see his muscular chest rise and fall, taking deep breaths.

"Got your cherry, kiddo," I hissed.

"Thank you," he actually replied, his voice heavy in emotion. That got me going. My dick felt like stone inside his warm, tight guts.

"Feel good buddy?" My hands massaged his calf muscle as I looked down on him and restrained myself from just plowing his hot ass.

Bryan nodded.

I pulled and out thrust in. Then again. I was fucking for real now. Bryan's first fuck. Maybe more than he bargained for when he came over the previous night. But I knew this was his deep fantasy and why he reached out to me.

I wasn't hard or rough, but I fucked with a steady determination. I wanted to give this kid the best first time experience possible now. I puffed my chest and used more of a swivel action of my hips, in and out, in and out, as my eyes stared down at him. I'd probably read his facial reactions better without the mask, but his eyes and mouth were enough. I was getting to him, hitting that spot.

I paused just a second and reached to pump out more lube. This went onto his prick. He gasped as I slicked him up then got the picture once I pulled my hand away.

I grabbed a pillow and slid it underneath his hips. It made for the perfect angle, and I took quick advantage, resuming my steady plow of Bryan's no-longer virgin hole.

Turns out his masturbation was just what Bryan needed, flipping the switch to full pleasure now.

"Yeah?" I asked. Fucking heavier now.

"Yesss," the college hunk hissed back. He was jerking faster now, not frantically but eagerly and in synch with the fuck.

I saw his pisslit dilate and a clear spurt fly out. Not his ejaculation yet, but the prelude.

"Fuck yes," I grunted, throwing my hips into harder pounding. I was getting close to the finish line, and I wanted to speed up to catch up with this stud.

My harder thrusts felt amazing giving how much his ass was clenching and releasing on my dick spasmodically. But it really made Bryan's prostate sing. His pale skin grew pink and flush and his wrestler muscle tensed up.

"Shit!" he yelled and timed with each shove his nuts gave it up, and his prick spurted heavy ropes of semen over his perfect body.

I went at it even harder, leaning in some, powering my hips in rapid jabs. I didn't say anything but my grunt was unmistakeable as I shoved in and unloaded. My cum threw off my rhythm, but I held deep a second, then my hips jerked involuntarily for another hard shove to discharge my seed deep inside Bryan.

The kid winced at that one, which made me feel bad. I got myself under control and held myself steady, gently massaging his leg and then easing back. He'd been a trooper but now needed a break. I leaned back and showed off my slickened dong, though most viewers eyes would probably be on the cum-covered collegiate muscle of my bottom.

Leaning over I picked up one of the cameras. Time for the money shot.

Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced bottom, he'd watched enough porn to know what I was after. Rather than drop his legs down, he pulled them back, spreading them enough to show me and the camera his fucked and seeded hole. No longer drum tight, it has a slight gape and was thick with my cum. I'd shot a lot.

I got a good shot of it, then angled the camera up to capture his whole ripped and cum-wet body. Nothing would ever top watching my own son in porn, but Bryan was a close second.

I finally set down the phone and pulled off my mask. That was the cue Bryan was waiting for and he eagerly peeled his off.

"You OK, buddy?" I asked. My normal voice returning.

He nodded. "God yeah. I'm so glad we did that."

I gave a sly nod to the camera. "Your first time's preserved as a memento," I said. A little teasing in my voice, but checking in where his head was.

He smiled and god he was so fucking cute with that pearly white smile. "I didn't think I was gonna enjoy it at first," he admitted. "But damn..."

I ran my fingers through the cum that had turned liquidy on his chest. "You shot like gangbusters," I said.

"My cums are pretty big normally," he said. "But your dick did something inside me that made me go wild. I've never felt anything like that."

"I'm glad," I said. I leaned forward for another kiss, this one tantalizingly soft and slow.

Afterward, I let Bryan get up and shower off while I checked my phone. Then I figured I'd join him. The look on his face told me my presence was quite welcome.

"Hey," he grinned, shyly. God, he was star struck and that made me feel like a real stud.

"Hey," I said. Our wet bodies connected and we took the time to soap each other down.

"You married to a man or a woman?" he asked as he nodded to my gold band.

"A woman," I said. "I'm not the best husband."

He gave a nod of acknowledgment. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad you share yourself."

"I have news for you kiddo," I said, turning off the water and running my hands over his wet muscled body. "You've shared yourself now, too."

"Still can't believe it," he said. "When will you post it?"

"In a couple of weeks," I said. I wasn't going to bring up Travis or my process for putting the vid together.

His hands reached up to feel my body too, my chest but also my shoulders and arms.

"I'm hard again," Bryan said. "I can't believe it."

"You're 20," I joked. "It happens."

"Yeah," he laughed.

I patted his arm. "Feel like sleeping over?" I asked. "I have a morning flight to catch but you're welcome to stay."

He nodded, like an eager puppy. We dried off and made our way back into the room. I downed a bottled water to rehydrate and tossed him one. "Remind me to tip housekeeping extra," I said as I pulled down the sheets. "We made a fucking mess."

He slipped into the bed next to me. His body was cooler now, and felt great against my warmer bod. We made out. His dick was a spike and I got hard once more, but I wasn't eager for another fuck. And Bryan seemed to go with the flow.

"So..." I finally said. "No longer a virgin..."

"No sir."

"Any regrets?" I asked, leaning back in the bed against the headboard, pulling my hands behind me. Bryan nestled in, resting his head against my upper chest and running his hands along my fur.

"None. It was hot as fuck," he said. "But even if it hadn't been, I just feel relieved, you know?"

"Not exactly," I smiled knowingly.

"Ha," he said, picking up on my meaning. "I'm surprised your so good at breaking a guy in if you're cherry too."

"I'd like to say I had some secret," I admitted, "But I just did what felt right."

Maybe it was the sex. I mean it was getting late, but not that late. Bryan was dozing some as he rested up against me. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Ready for bed, kiddo?" I asked.

"Yeah, Brad," he said and rolled off to the side.

***

My son did his magic crafting two separate scenes from the footage with Bryan, as well as a very hot teaser. "Taking College Jock's Cherry" was the title of the second. The on-screen chemistry was real, and it was clear that we weren't faking it. I really did take the young dude's virginity on screen.

"God, Dad, this is fucking incredible," Travis said to me on the phone before he posted the scene. "I've shot three times to it."

I smiled. I was in a semi-public place and had to be a little discrete. "I'm very glad to hear that," I smirked. "A little payback to the one you did the other week."

"Bud and Spike?" he asked.

That one was one was OK, but not my favorite. "No, the other one," I said, cagily.

That got a laugh from Trav. "Oh, MiamiMuscles... dude's a crazy power bottom, right?"

"Yeah," I said, my throat getting hoarse with lust I was trying to hide. "I like watching you in action like that."

Travis picked up on my need to be discreet, though he had no constraints on his end. "You prefer watching me fuck, Dad?"

God, my son knew how to drive me crazy. "I do," I admitted.

I detected a hesitation on his end, which wasn't Travis's normal response to anything. He paused. "Dad... you ever think about, you know, me fucking you?"

Just hearing those words were going make me go from chubbed to boned. "It's a little scary to think about," I replied. "But yeah... I do."

"Oh fuck," Travis hissed. Only then did I realize he'd been dreaming of that very act. Topping me. Taking my anal cherry, like I'd done with that Denver kid. It surprised me actually, given our bedroom chemistry with my son bottoming for me, eager for his dad's cock. "We'll talk about it next time, OK?" he said. Not pressuring me but letting me know this was on his mind.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll probably chicken out, son. But I wanna explore the idea." I was nervous just vocalizing this.

"Sure, Dad," Trav said. "God you know I love everything we'd done together. If I were there right now, I'd suck your cock, you know that." My son was getting into deep lust mode now.

"Fuck, Trav, I should probably go," I said. I knew if I kept talking like this, I'd get in trouble. "Later, son?"

"Yeah, Dad," he replied, his voice rich with lust. I knew he was probably going to jack off when I hung up. I was going to find the time myself at the first chance. Pull up one of Travis's videos where he topped and stroke off imagining him pounding me, too.

****

My Denver videos were popular. I wasn't surprised that my fans responded to the realness of them, but I was surprised by the messages I got. They changed my porn career and it's probably not an overstatement to say they changed my life.

The first one came two weeks after the video with Bryan dropped.

"Dear MaskedDaddy, I loved your latest video. God, it's like my deepest fantasy. I'm 23 and live in DC. I don't have that college jock's bod, but I'm working on it. I've been too scared to let a guy fuck me, but if you want to be my first, I'd love to star in one of your vids. I wouldn't even need a mask."

It was a wild email, and I figured the kid's horniness doing the thinking for him. I pawed my crotch and laughed at how forward the offer was. I started to send a polite thanks but no thanks reply.

But then I thought about it, and I figured what the hell. I asked for the young dude's pictures. He was cute as fuck. Not quite as twunky as Bryan but still good looking, kind of that boy-next-door type.

Travis handled the OnlyFans money my site brought in. I didn't do porn for the money, and in any case I didn't want my finances impacted lest Kate find out.

I sent two more texts that night. One to DC guy. "If you're serious, lets plan for something three weeks from now." I knew I had some work travel on the East Coast I could piggy back on.

My other I sent to Trav. "I need your help arranging a DC visit. Gonna pop another dude's cherry."

#drakestories

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atamascolily · 6 months

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Going back to the imagery and symbolism of the doppelganger and Gothic Double, I was reminded that not only does PMMM already has a name for a magical girl's shadow self (witch), it also has one specifically for Homura's as well. To be honest, I'm kind of surprised that Homulilly's name hasn't come up more often in the speculation of who the "other" Homura might be, given their established connection.

This might seem like a stretch because the last time we saw Homulilly, she was a giant suicidal skeleton, but hear me out.

Rebellion gives us two examples of magical girls who are also witches: Sayaka and Nagisa. As a general rule, Sayaka and Oktavia appear as two separate entities, allowing Sayaka to fight on her own and have emotional moments with Kyouko while Oktavia clashes directly with Homulilly.

Meanwhile, Nagisa does the complete opposite: she embodies her witch Charlotte (both doll and worm forms), appearing as one or the other instead of both at the same time. In a scene that lives rent-free in my brain, she pulls the witch's clown mask over her face while in magical girl form, thus becoming both at once--but I don't think we ever see her split in the same way that Sayaka does with Oktavia.

Taken together, these examples imply that there are different ways magical girls and their witches can relate to each other. Though we have not yet seen a witch split from the original magical girl and take on her form at the same time, Homura, being the Devil, might have other abilities that Nagisa and Sayaka lack, or might be an exception to the general rule. (There is also the weirdness that Homulilly has dramatically different forms, depending on whether we're talking about the PSP game/Magia Records vs. Rebellion, which is unusual in and of itself.)

Homura may be the Devil, but she is also unquestionably still a witch. Not only does she still have her Clara Doll familiars, but her earcuff--her equivalent to a soul gem--says "HOMULILLY" now.

Well, actually, it says HOMUL, but you get the point. Props to the animators for hiding an important detail from the ending in the opening credits.

Rebellion makes a big deal of the fact that soul gems in ring form are marked with the magical girl's name in witch runes--and that magical girls ARE their soul gems--so the fact that Devil!Homura appears to identify on some level as "Homulilly" is fascinating. It's unclear if Devil!Homura has the same relationship to her "Dark Orb" (a name I cannot say with a straight face) that a magical girl has to her soul gem, or if it's merely a device or a tool she created to channel for her powers, but either way, Homulilly is still around.

All this could potentially explain why Homulilly would take on Homura's form in Walpurgis no Kaiten--because on some level, they are the same. Homulilly-as-Homura's double/shadow self would also help retroactively explain why their names are so similar--unusually so for a magical girl and witch pair.

And if Homulilly is the doppelganger, then her motive for messing with Homura (whether that entails infiltrating her life, manipulating Madoka and/or destroying the world) is obvious. Because nobody hates Homura as much as Homura hates herself. Nobody would understand how best to get under Homura's skin than she would. Nobody would be able to anticipate and counter everything Homura does than her own reflection. And it would take all of the suicidal imagery from Rebellion and dial it up to eleven.

Because Homulilly is never directly mentioned by name in Rebellion (only getting a brief title card in witch runes), even if I'm right and this other Homura is Homulilly, I'm not sure that any of the characters in Walpurgis no Kaiten would ever refer to her by this name directly. She herself, if pressed, might say some variation on "I'm you" to Homura, where her identity becomes clear in context. Alternately, that name might appear again in runes (anything in runes is for the audience's benefit, not the characters).

But I'd be very surprised if Homulilly didn't turn up in some fashion in Walpurgis no Kaiten--and this other Homura seems like an obvious candidate given what we know thus far.

#puella magi madoka magica #pmmm analysis #homulilly #walpurgis no kaiten #walpurgisnacht rising #homura akemi

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windvexer · 2 years

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hey chicken! what can i do in the dry periods in which there is nothing really bothering me? as in, how can i further my practice with spirits and witchcraft if i am not actively needing to do a spell?

What a great question! This is a problem that plagues many practitioners. Here's a few ideas in no particular order:

Take a break and do nothing. IMO, a vital part of growth in witchcraft is growth of the witch. Just by living life, you develop yourself and therefore your craft. Your witchcraft evolves at the exact same pace as you evolve. It is in lockstep with you; it is you, it comes from you. It is never separate from you.

So do literally anything - relax and steep yourself into a tea of nonaction, learn a new hobby, watch that Netflix series, go for a walk. Do anything, including nothing.

Learn a new creative hobby, by the way. A significant portion of my practice these days is making things. My beliefs advise that the act of physical creation is very powerful and a very good way to bind magic into our physical world.

Christmas is coming up and it's the perfect time to learn to crochet coasters, paint watercolor bookmarks, calligraphy for fancy cards, and so on. Knowing most of us, we probably have expensive and barely-used craft materials in the closet from last summer's hyperfixation! Pick something up again and learn to use it for small projects.

As you hobby away, ask yourself how the skill you're learning might translate to witchcraft.

When it's time to do magic again, you'll have extra tools in your toolbox. Hand-made bags for spell sachets, devotional artwork, stunning sigils: by learning a skill and meditating on its mystical uses, we unlock new doors in our path that may lead to mysterious and winding hallways of possibility.

You can also do drills. Whatever sort of magic you do, you can break it down to its composite parts and practice it. Suppose you like to do a lot of candle magic where you charge the candle. Well, practice that. Get a pack of 100 tea lights and practice charging each one. Fill it with a specific sort of energy. Come back the next day and fill it again. And again. Carve a symbol on top. Do you perceive that it is easier to charge the candle when a corresponding symbol has been carved into it? Put it away. How long does it stay charged for?

Learn a new method of charging. Maybe you like to do visualization + willpower charging. Now, try something new: charging through offerings. Charging through sacrifice. Charging through prayer. Compare the results to your original method. Is it less draining? More? Does it stay charged as long? Is the quality of energy different? What about when you carve a symbol and then pray over it, does that make a difference?

(the benefit of this is ending up with a hundred pre-charged candles ready for spellwork when the time comes)

Of course, you may work over substances specifically meant to be worked over ahead of time. Oils, waters, potions, and powders may be prepared ahead of time, especially at opportune astrological appointments, and accumulate a great deal of power before they're needed. Many traditional recipes call for an incense or oil to steep for months before it is used.

What kind of magic do you often end up doing? Are you regularly blessing, generating good luck, or drawing prosperity? Perhaps your practice would benefit from careful preparation of a blessing incense, worked over for a few months before it's put into use.

If you're in a creative mood, maybe there is some big project you've been putting off - building of spirit houses, making of fancy altar cloths, crafting of special ceremonial masks - that you could finally get started on.

Moving away from mundane creation, perhaps there's some magical skill you'd like to adopt. Astral travel, new methods of divination, new methodologies of spellwork, and so on. If there's truly nothing for you to cast on, learning about a system is better than not learning about a system. You'll still take away more than nothing.

A healthy period of self-examination may also serve. Try giving a name to your practice (something very cool and 90s, like Path of the Golden Crow) and writing a handbook for hypothetical novices who want to join this path. What are the foundational skills of your practice? What are your core beliefs? What spell or ritual formats must people be able to work if they want to be a Golden Crow?

Pouring energy back into spiritual relationships is always a good option. It's my experience that spirits don't like feeling like vending machines, and relationships may turn sour if we only show up when we need something from them. Spend a lot of time talking to the spirits. Ask them what you should be doing.

If your skills with spirit work are limited, actively practice psychism, divination, astral travel, or other methods of spirit contact.

Of course, you can also just do spellwork regardless. Why does something have to be bothering you before you cast on it? Wouldn't you like to get a pay raise, or have more ideal hours? Would you like your blog to have more followers? Would you like a very expensive tool or crafting supply on the cheap? Maybe you'd like to meet similarly-minded folks in your local area. The list goes on.

Now, I will say something to wrap this up: plateaus are good and necessary. There is a difference between a plateau and a rut. I started this list off with "literally do nothing" for a reason. Periods of rest are not periods of stagnation, and things are often going on behind the scenes without us realizing it.

A few years ago, a witch friend of mine said she felt she had plateaued and asked me for a reading on how to get to the "next level." The reading was very bizarre and recommended that she basically implode her own life by making horrible decisions.

"Judy," I said, "isn't it true that all your periods of growth in witchcraft have been because something horrible happened, and you had to adapt to survive?"

"Yes," she said.

"Then enjoy your plateau," I advised, "and don't try to get out of it."

#answered #witch tips #plateau

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florestmoon · 2 years

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Anon: Hiya! Not sure if you're still taking requests, and you're totally fine to not do this one, but can I get some Julie and Amanda (separate) fluff with a reader that is really goddamn soft despite being a killer. Biggest teddy bear there is outside of trials.

I’m sooo sorry to the anon that requested this, I took forever to do this ! I hope somehow you still see this! Not my best but I hope you enjoy <3

Amanda Young

If there was one killer in the entity’s realm that everyone stays clear from, it would be Amanda.

Except no one knew her by that name. She’s only ever referenced by the other killers and survivors as ‘The Pig’. No ones ever seen her face. Everyones mental image of her is with the pig mask and long red coat.

She was mystery to everyone, a ghost in her own realm. No one daring to trespass into where she resided in. Only one person with a particular habit of sneaking around, camera glued to hand, had came close to snapping a picture of her. But that ended with him suffering a gut wound that damaged his ego severely.

So it stayed like that for a while. No one knew her outside of the trials, face remaining hidden behind the mask. No one was able to unmask her.

Everyone expect for you.

“Amanda!”

Your voice echoed off the walls in the maze that makes up the Gideon Meatplant. The faint sounds of your foot steps- dramatically being stomped on the ground as you try to navigate through the different hallways.

Amanda was sat on a stool, a mess of tools and reverse bear traps clustered along the table in front of her. The pig mask that rarely was taken off was placed on the far end, her fingers no longer reaching towards it at the sound of your voice. When you had first broke into her realm, humming quietly as you naively checked every room, she had placed the mask on in a hurry. She was caught surprise that someone would be stupid enough to travel into her realm, that she was ready to ambush you and teach you a lesson with a bear trap on your head.

But when you only looked at her with wide curious eyes and a, “do you ever take that off ? That must be really uncomfortable.”, she found herself hesitating before demanding to know what you were doing here.

“I was bored.” You answered simply, like the sight of her welding a knife had no affect on you before you continued to look over the other traps that she was never allowed to use in the trials, your hands being so gentle as you traced your fingers along them. The only memories of her past life, a life she regretted being a part of that ultimately brought her in this never ending cycle of despair.

She allowed you to stick around, warning you of not wandering around the other realms because the other killers may not be so..lenient with you. You had no complaint, content enough to visit her between trials. Even going as far to wait for her if she was gone when you escaped the campfire to see her.

She hated to admit it, but she grew comfortable with your presence. Constantly awaiting for your arrival whenever she was free from the mindgames of the trials. The traps and the memories that came along with them no longer being at the forefront of her mind.

Only you and your soft voice was what plagued her mind, filling her with high spirits. It reminded her of the euphoria she felt when she was still in her drug habit when John first discovered her.

So when she heard your footsteps finally make their into the room she was hiding away in, all the tensions was carried off her shoulders once you came into view in front of her. You were pouting on the other side of the table, placing your elbows onto the only open space on the surface and leaning forward.

She held back a smile at the cute expression.

“This place is so confusing, it took forever for me to find you. You could have at least said ‘hey I’m right here’!” You huffed before eying the trap that was being toyed with in her hands.

“You’re smart.” She states, twisting a screw in place before setting the device down and looking at you. “You’ll figure it out soon.”

She watched as you smile at her compliment before lowering your gaze, a sigh escaping your lips.

“These trials have been..hard.” You whispered, hugging yourself as you slightly turn away from her. An effort to hide the tears that were beginning to brim at the corner of your eyes. “It’s like, the survivors are becoming worse than the killers themselves..everyone is being selfish and aggressive now.”

Amanda felt her heart squeeze at the sight of you trying to conceal your tears from her. Standing up from her seat, she made her way around the table and towards you. You continued to avoid her gaze, sniffing before you continued.

“I was hiding in a locker from Ghostface and Nea decided to rat me out, I have no idea why! She later said that I wasn’t helping them, but the match had just started ! I was scared! He just is so creepy towards me.”

You were beginning to get worked up again but Amanda grounded you, hands being placed on your cheeks as she guided your focus onto her. Fingers softly grazing your cheeks as you looked at her sadly.

She hoped that Ghostface made an appearance here again. This time she wouldn’t be so delicate with the way she handled him. He would be the perfect victim for the other traps that was collecting dust. She knew that she had little options with Nea, but she was going to find a way to make her misery last in the next trial she had with her.

All the anger building up and pushed aside for when the timing was right. Punishment would be given out, but now she needed to focus on you.

She was never for affection but that changed from the way you simply seem to relinquish at the hands of your teammates. The entity twisted games was enough to push anyone into that darkness that forced them to become just as twisted. But you had never allowed it to before, something she admired whenever you would make space in her home and filled it with your energy.

She wasn’t going to let your shitty teammates take that away from her.

She pulled you closer as she slowly placed kissed along your face before placing one on your lips. Your shoulders slumping as you leaned forward, wrapping your arms around her waist tightly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again.” She promises, moving your strands away from your face as you looked up at her. There was a twitch at the corner of your mouth.

“Promise?”

Julie Kostenko

When you had your first trial with the blonde, you were caught off guard by the painful grunt she let out when she was came to a full stop after a frenzy. Her body stiffening as the wave of exhaustion hit her from the missed swing, a second too early from contacting your body.

You were so use to the other monsters of the realm. You felt sympathetic only because it made you realized she was human just like you.

“Are you okay?” You found yourself asking before you could stop yourself. Her body freezing for an entirely different reason now. Her mask glued onto you for a few tense seconds, before the knife in her hand was raised once again.

What the hell? Who were you to be asking that!?

Needless to say, you still ended up being sacrifice on hook at the end of that match. But Julie couldn’t help but have you on your mind as she was transported back to Ormond. Your soft eyes and worried expression— something she hasn’t seen since she was forced into this realm she was now suppose to call her home. The way you looked at her like you were actually worried. Worried for someone who was meant to be killing you?

It confused her but she was hooked. All she could think about was seeing you again, hoping that she was lucky enough to have you in the trial right after the first one together. Unfortunately the entity had other plans, and she was forced to wait. Each trial that passed, with no sight of you, had her slowly growing more impatient and irritated. The blood spilled from the survivors that fall victim to her hands wasn’t enough to satisfy her thirst anymore.

No, she wanted you.

And once she was ready to give up and beg the entity—about to give away her own mixtape as a mercy from the god— she finally found you again. She watched you grab one of your teammates arm gently and lead them towards a generator.

You were so caring in guiding them, not like the others who would scold others and try to be leaders. She felt herself grow more curious as you were fixing a generator like you would any other match. The wires beginning to confuse you that you didn’t notice her staring, until one of your teammates had shouted your name in warning and you had sprinted away.

But she didn’t chase you. She basically ignored you and continued to slaughter your teammates. One by one, they were sacrificed to the entity. Julie’s own way of thanking the creature that rained down claws to grab it’s offering. Once she was sure everyone was out of the way, she made quick to find the hatch.

When you found the black hole, you felt excitement until you saw that she stranding right on top of it. Her mask tilting as she watched you hesitate. Her hand throwing the knife in her hand before she catches with ease. She enjoyed the way your eyes wandered to the weapon nervously before glancing up at her again.

“I’ll give you hatch..” She states slowly, allowing you to take a few steps forward before continuing. The knife pointed towards you. “But you’re going to do something for me.”

“What do you mean?” You stammered, debating whether you should make a run towards it in hopes you could jump in before she slammed it closed. But her next words paused any planning.

“I want you to meet me outside of your camp. Wait for me in the woods.”

She stepped back from the hatch, watching as you mulled over the trade. Well you couldn’t decide whether it was a trade or not. You could easily jump on and not fulfill your part.

But as you walked towards her and the hatch, you couldn’t help the curiously that took hold of you at the idea.

“Okay.”

Once you made it back with the rest of the survivors and followed her directions into roaming outside the comforts of the campfire, you weren’t too surprise to see her already waiting for you. It was weird at first for you, of course. The way she quickly took to be attached to your side and had you follow her to her realm; the Ormond Resort. She had introduced you to the rest of the group but rarely had you be around them for too long.

She made sure you mostly spent time with her, bringing you along to the room that she resided in between trials. Between showing the mixtape she was gifted by the entity and talking about her life in Ormond, you slowly became comfortable and found yourself shocked by how gentle she was with you.

She made quick to ask any questions she could think of. Doing her best to learn the most about you, barely allowing you to finish before asking another question.

Eventually, you knew that once you got out a trial, you were to made to be quick to meet with her in the darkness of the trees because she was always waiting for you there- or would show up.

You didn’t mind though because you were happy to have someone who treated you as gentle as she did.

Her hands would always be on you in some way. Whether it be in the form of holding your hand as you walked back to her realm or slightly grazing over your waist when you would look at the small items that scattered across her room.

She would hug you tightly from behind as you both laid on her back, stroking your hair or your back. She was so clingy and affectionate that you had whiplash whenever you saw how different she was during trials.

You had to remind yourself who she was when you watched her kill your teammates.

She would still hook you on some occasions but she wouldn’t be rough in the way she was with others. She also never allowed you to be sacrifice, keeping track that your teammates unhook you after your second phase. Then she would remain hyper focused on the rest of your team, showing no mercy as she slaughtered every one of them.

The cold shoulder she gave you only going away once everyone was dead, then she was looking for you and making sure you found the hatch. Trading a quick kiss for your escape.

Yeah she was really hooked.

#dbd #dbd x reader #dbd imagine #dbd x you #dbd imagines #amanda young x reader #julie kostenko #the legion #the legion x reader #julie kostenko x reader #fluff fluff fluff

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clowngags · 1 year

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The Joker’s Origin && Her Relationship with Batman

A lot of people ask me about my thoughts on who the Joker was before she was the Joker, and my answer to that is twofold: Firstly, I think what people want out of this question is to unmask Joker, to reveal her humanity in a way that would take power away from the idea of the Joker, which is the reason V never removes his mask in V for Vendetta– you can’t kill an idea. Ideas are bulletproof. Secondly, I understand that in a superhero genre it’s customary to have a secret identity, but given Joker’s retrograde amnesia, she’s been essentially robbed of hers. She doesn’t know who she was before she was the Joker, which renders that entire personhood ultimately irrelevant to her as she is now. Subsequently, I’m disinterested in revealing any ideas I have regarding whomever Joker used to be before she was Joker.

The Joker was born like Athena, fully grown and aware of the world. She came into existence in a vat of mystery acid in an Ace Chemical plant, and her first memory is being fished out of this vat by the Batman– which, without context, is kind of a terrifying first memory. She doesn’t remember it well. Her first clear memory is waking up in the hospital. No one was able to identify her or explain how she came to be in Ace Chemical, and obviously Batman isn’t available for comment. I’ve written a separate but relevant headcanon previously about Joker having toxic encephalopathy resulting in various symptoms and health problems, all of which she was experiencing acutely in the hospital while doctors asked her a million questions she had no answers to. She has no idea who she is, where she lives, or who her emergency contact is.

Following an arduous recovery, the hospital releases her with anti-seizure meds and a huge medical bill. Joker has no identity, no money, no place to go, and no one to turn to. From the second she left that hospital, she was homeless and in tremendous debt. Not only that, but she was obviously bleached, and her albino-like appearance was extremely off-putting for others, making it difficult for her to make friends or form allies. Life in Gotham has never been easy, even if you’re the Waynes, you could get shot point blank outside the opera house, so for a homeless outcast, life was intense, merciless, and increasingly violent. In order to survive, Joker had to toughen up and toughen up quickly.

One can see direct parallels between Joker’s general psychology and this time period in her life: the all-importance of power and control, the unwillingness to ever be a victim again or to be powerless or at someone else’s mercy, and the idea that she owes the world nothing. Joker learned to fight and steal when the stakes were basically to learn this and learn it well, or you go hungry and can’t defend yourself. All the while, she’s increasingly isolated and coping with brain damage, so she’s strongly motivated to apply all of her intelligence and ruthlessness toward becoming an accomplished criminal and manipulating others into helping her. As soon as she makes any headway, she starts hearing about a masked vigilante called the Batman who is beating the shit out of anyone trying to commit crime in Gotham City.

Joker knows that she is supposed to fear Batman, she’s aware that others fear him and that she should fear being caught by him, and she resents the hell out of this, just as she resents any fear in general (or any other emotion that attempts to control her). The stronger she becomes, the more traction she gets in the criminal world, the more settled she is in her new identity– that of the Joker, in which she uses her physical deformity to channel fear in others, and also uses it as a tool to help others underestimate her. She is building this concept from nothing, and sees Batman as her only link to a past she doesn’t know or understand, which is extremely disturbing to her. She knows she literally would not exist if he hadn’t pulled her out of that acid bath, but she also has no context or explanation for that memory. Furthermore, she’s afraid to even ask about it (although she would never admit it) because she’s afraid to know who she was before she became the Joker. There is an identity crisis there where the thought of being someone else before being the Joker directly threatens her current sense of identity and self because she is only able to build the concept of the Joker specifically because she lacks any societal ties (no family, no teachers, no friends), and therefore has nothing anchoring her to reality.

This means that Joker’s first connection with Batman is one based in fear: the fear that Batman represents, the threat to herself and others like her, and the fear of herself and her true identity. Confronting Batman is a surrogate for confronting Joker’s fears, and in that confrontation, she finds something that she can respect: another psycho acting out of the courage of his own convictions. The more he doubles down on his pseudo-noble nonsensical bullshit, the more Joker wants to challenge and derail those beliefs, to see how tightly he holds onto them. If he had buckled and realized his own folly, she could have dismissed him outright, but it is his firm belief that what he is doing is not only necessary but compulsory that really fascinates Joker. She respects his commitment and therefore sees him as the only real force in Gotham City to contend with, the only real equal she has.

Secondarily to his ties to her identity-related fears, Joker also recognizes that Batman essentially birthed her, and therefore blames him for her own pain-filled existence– which is reason number two that she would never let him die, and why she would certainly never kill Batman herself. She wants to punish him for bringing her into the world and for simultaneously making it impossible to live through his crusade to fight the disenfranchised for just trying to get by however they can, and on a more personal level constantly getting in her way. Letting Batman die at any given time would still be too quick for Joker because her goal is to inflict the maximum possible amount of pain on him, to torture him slowly. To her, death would be an escape she can never allow him. So long as she has to live her own tortured existence, so must the Batman. For her, it is a kind of suicide pact, or perhaps even the opposite of that.

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universestreasures · 1 year

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@crimsonkaiser <3

He had been told to come by the shop that morning by Shin, something about a surprise. Aichi wasn’t sure what exactly it could be. It wasn’t an important holiday or a birthday as far as he was aware. The day was just like any other day, quiet and peaceful in the rural village he called home. So, what on earth could be waiting for him after he goes through the small establishment's doors?

Slowly, he enters the building, the familiar sound of the bell chime rings in his ears. Again, everything seems normal. The shop’s layout was the same, as well as the inventory. Even the sounds his feet make when they walk across the wooden floor was the same. Aichi was examining everything, trying to find something out of place amongst all the magic items, tools, and tomes that filled the store shelves. Though, his efforts cease the second he sees someone behind the counter, someone who causes his cerulean blue hues to blink in confusion.

“Who...Who is that...?” He thinks to himself, eyes scanning other the other to analyze their appearance. The stranger was a human with light brown locks, ones that flowed to the opposite side in a rather interesting way. He was tall as well, towering over Aichi in such a way that he had to tilt his head up just to look at him. Though, it wasn’t those physical traits or even his attire that caught Aichi’s attention. It was his...eyes, as shining green as a radiant emerald. They were truly beautiful to look at, Aichi thought.

They looked...familiar, as if he’s seen them somewhere before on a person but couldn’t quite place it. Turns out what was throwing him off this whole time was the color. He’s not used to seeing such a greed shade with sharpness like that but instead that of shining gold with slit pupils. Once he realizes that, everything falls into place for Aichi as he finally comprehends the full image before him.

The person before him wasn’t a stranger. Far from it, actually. No, it was someone who Aichi knew all to well, someone who had come back into his life a few months ago who he swore he’d never get the chance to see again after their initial separation...

Yes, the one behind the counter, now looking no different from he or any other human, was...

“Kai..? Kai!” The boy exclaims, instantly moving to go behind the counter to get right in front of him. From the look on his face, you could tell Aichi was both shocked but joyful at the same time. “You look...You look just like a human! I almost didn’t recognize you! But...But how is this possible? I thought dragons couldn’t hide their dragonic features completely!”

That’s when Aichi notices the necklace Kai has on, moving one of his hands towards Kai’s neck to gently move it into his palm without removing it from the other. It was a small mirror with blue beads attached to it, the same kind of necklace Misaki wore around her neck. Aichi was well aware of Misaki’s own secret, as well as how she used her magic to mask her true form to others. Guess she had managed to find something that could work for Kai too, the very idea causing a soft smile to grace his face as he lets go of the accessory to instead to gently give him a small hug.

“Kai...You know what this means right? You can...You can go outside the shop and explore the village! You can go to the market with me, Emi and mom! You can...You can do anything you want to!” The pure happiness that fills his heart is unmatched, knowing truly how much this means to the other. Kai had been forced to hide himself for his own safety, but now, he didn’t have to any longer. And that...that made him tear up in pure joy for his friend, as it’s been something that he’s wanted for him since the day they met.

“I’m just...I’m just so happy...So happy for you, Kai...I hope that...you can finally be happy here, live the life you deserve to have. And I promise...I’ll do whatever it takes to help you adjust. You can count on it!”

What a truly wonderful surprise this was. He’ll be sure to give his thanks to Misaki and Shin whenever he sees them. For now, he simply just is overwhelmed with so many feelings and is happy to be with Kai in such a joyous moment in his life that he knows is just one of many to come.

#crimsonkaiser #💎 Paladin Treasure (Aichi Sendou)#💎 Paladin's Home Of Magical Nobility (Aichi Nobles Of Nature AU)#tw long post #(I'VE HAD THE IDEA TO DO THIS EVER SINCE YOU ANSWERED THAT MISAKI ASK SO HERE YA GO #(YOU DONT HAVE TO RESPOND TO THIS BUT ITS OPEN TO IT IF YOU WANT #(BUT MORE LORE AND KAICHI CONTENT.#(I LOVE HOW AICHI AND KAI'S WHOLE LOVE ATTRACTION INVOLVES THE EYES SINCE KAI'S COMMENTED ON THEM BEFORE #(THEY DO HAVE PRETTY EYES SO I GET IT

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crystalelemental · 1 year

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Unit Teambuilding - Variety Lorelei

I like Lorelei. She's not a top favorite by any means, but I like her design, and FRLG gave her some added lore that made her really interesting to me. I, too, love plush dolls. She just always seemed pretty cool for a Kantonian, pun fully intended. So when the common grid war decided to take a heaving shit on her, I figured hey. I guess this is just how life is now. Lorelei has received depression, and this is probably all she'll ever get.

Here we are like three weeks later and they're already apologizing. They know they messed up.

General Overview Lorelei and Bruno have a lot of similarities, but function wildly different, and the decision between them may be up to preference. I’ll try my best to differentiate what they’re good at, but understand a lot of their tools overlap.

Lorelei’s buffing abilities involve X Atk All, and a trainer move that’s +4 Def, +2 crit, and Endurance to all allies. Right away, you can discern two things. (1) As a buff unit, Lorelei functions, but is not particularly great at it. Atk and crit separately means that in three turns, she’s accomplishing what Hop does in two. The need for MPR on both to cap stats, with trainer move being 1MP, is also wildly painful. (2) Team-wide Endurance is insane.

Lorelei’s passives are all related to her attack, Icicle Spear. No Quarter ensures it hits five times. Recharging Strike 4 is a 50% chance per hit to regain one bar of gauge, while Restoring Strike 2 is a 30% chance to heal herself a bit on each hit. Grid nodes offer the possibility to debuff speed or defense, at a 20% rate per hit. Based on this, we can now understand Lorelei’s primary function.

Lorelei is a tank before anything else. Her grid accommodates this with Vigilance and First Aid 4, which are exceptionally strong tools in tandem with Endurance and Restoring Strike. Recharing Strike and access to Pep Rally on X Atk All means Lorelei is fairly competent at gauge management as well. What she struggles with is full buffing, and consistency of secondary effects. Lorelei can, in theory, debuff defense, but not with any of the certainty that could be expected from CS. Her buffing is slower, and unreliable to hit cap, so she works best with allies who have at least some self-buffing potential. And of course, her entire kit skews toward the physical, with exactly no tools of value to special attackers. Another potential flaw is that Lorelei does not do a great job protecting allies. +4 Defense and Endurance is nice, but no special defense or ability to heal allies (Initial Syncho Healing is basically worthless) means allies can get worn down, and you’ll want to be aggressive to finish stages fast, or having disruption in play, when facing repeated AoE hits.

EX and Move Level? Support, so the usual 3/5 and EX. Lorelei can technically accomplish her buffing at 2/5, but she loses debuffing, pop heal, and Vigilance in the trade. EX isn't strictly necessary, but you know the drill, better defensive stats for tanking and double buff for Gauntlet, etc etc.

Team 1: V!Lorelei, Masked Royal, Nanu A simple CS set. Masked Royal appreciates a lot of what V!Lorelei can provide in buffs, with crit needing an MPR to cap. Fleet Feet is ideal in this comp, to help offset more of Royal's buffing phase, letting him get straight to attacking. Nanu debuffs defense well with Screech, maximizing damage, but can also flinch where needed.

Team 2: V!Lorelei, Lodge Silver/Lodge Rosa, Tech Gyarados Lorelei tops off Silver's needed stats nicely, and her own attacking move can provide some really nice utility with the defense debuffs as well, setting up Silver or Rosa's sync

Team 3: V!Lorelei, Elesa, Volkner V!Lorelei's generally best partners are those who don't strictly need the capped crit, handling a little bit themselves. Elesa is a solid partner, because Lorelei can focus a bit on X Atk All with Pep Rally, rapidly generating speed buffs for Inertia. Volkner supplies the terrain.

Team 4: V!Lorelei, C!Iris, Ghetsis/C!Elesa Iris' trainer move gives her +2 Atk and +1 crit, leaving her wanting a lot of support. Lorelei's kit is like tailor made for her, with trainer move giving the +2 crit to cap, and X Atk All giving offense and some speed buffs, before she helps break down defense. Ghetsis can speed up the offenses as needed, or Elesa can speed up debuffing everything ever.

Team 5: V!Lorelei, Gloria, P!Marnie/Tech Magneton Gloria is another like Iris who only needs a bit of help, thanks to her Sharp Entry. Lorelei offers the needed buffs, while Marnie gives Zone or Magneton gives defense debuffs. One thing I'd like to emphasize is that, thanks to Lorelei's massive defense boosting, you could potentially aim to get the foe to use a physical sync against you, tank it, and then explode with Gloria.

Final Thoughts Lorelei is good, but a bit of a specific generalist, if that statement makes any sense. I don't feel like she excels at supporting any specific type of unit, she just does a good job broadly within her particular category of "physical strikers." The biggest hangup she has is really that her trainer move doesn't cap crit, but anything with as little as Sharp Entry handles that just fine. Those without any ability to buff crit probably don't love her so much, but MPR isn't too difficult to grid. The real problem is 20% rolls for her defense buffs. Even with a five-hit combo move, that's living dangerously. Even a 30% would've felt better. But, I'm pretty satisfied with her. The kit feels pretty reasonable.

It's just...think about those team comps, and the strengths and limitations presented. Does anything stand out to you? It should. It really should. Lorelei's function is Atk/crit buffing. On separate buttons. Friends, that is Lodge unit tech. And given her attack is so inconsistent, it's not like she's some massive threat beyond that either. You could argue Lodge Blue has better utility with his flinch rate in Stomp. I need it to be understood that Lorelei here is good, but her primary competition is Hop, you buffs Atk/crit at the same time, and is a free unit. Limited availability. This very much could have been a general pool Sygna Suit. I'm kinda pissed it's not. Variety scouts kinda suck as a concept, I hate them.

#unit teambuilding #variety lorelei

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bells-of-black-sunday · 1 year

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Very curious about the comment of Ghostface being an anime villain! I’m not caught up with the lore, but could you explain?

//Always happy to explain!

Danny's a rather interesting character in terms of d.bd lore, because of his connection to the entity, so really it was no surprise he'd be getting his own tome as soon as they said licensed characters could get their own. Technically Danny himself is an original killer so everyone was pretty excited (they only licensed the mask from F.unworld that's a whole separate thing) Context out of the way lets delve into it:

Basically Danny's the son of an already infamous serial killer and he's carrying the torch, he doesn't see what he does as anything bad and thinks he's just crafting stories to keep the boring suburban life interesting. One night when breaking into a victims home: he finds a parody newspaper making fun of him, goes on a monologue about how parody isn't comedy, nearly gets caught and plans to kill the people that make the news paper and he does.

Being the son of a serial killer and carrying the torch already sounds enough like a p.hoenix w.right villain, but oh my god his villain monologues constantly through it are funny, but in a it reads like fanfic written by someone trying so hard to be edgy.

With shit like:

"The kind of propaganda that convinces all the Toms and Petes and Brads to sign up to kill human beings. The kind of story his dad hated because of how much he respected the actual badies who hunted him for all those years."

and:

"Danny argued the opposite. He argued humans were intrinsic killers—killers that evolved to enslave, acquire, destroy and eventually self-destruct. That the achievements and the civilizations were tools for blood. That the mask of civilization was a façade, a farce, an elaborate design to hide the true face of humanity—the bloody face of horror, as he often liked to call it. The bloody face of horror always found a way to break through the mask. Always. The more we contained and hid the truth, the stronger and more creative it got in breaking free. As if it had a life of its own. A need of its own."

Not forgetting:

"His heart thunders in his ears as he stares at a yellowing wall covered with caricatures of his favourite killers throughout history. His face tenses. He grinds his molars and tries to suppress the thing beneath the mask. He needs to take a moment, compose himself, and walk away."

I enjoy it a lot, but it is certainly very over the top and campy. The constant monologuing in his head is what really pushes it into anime villain for me.

#ooc #/about the muse

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capinejghafa · 2 years

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Hey, how did you do the torn paper effect on those gifs?

i actually have done a tutorial on torn paper here! but i have changed a few things... idk if it makes a huge difference tbh

i've just change the technique a little bit because i was curious...

1. I've learned the best thing was to work on the gifs separately, pretty standard. i kind of usually go with an idea in mind when i make these sets.

2. I always make the two gifs larger than the standard size for more room to work around: so the first gif was 550 x 395 px. and the 2nd gif was 820 x 410 px

the standard gif size is 540px! like! That's a big difference. I just personally find that I can work with larger dimensions and work and adjust as I go... verse a smaller canvas and make it bigger.

it's also super important that if you are working with two gifs and two different colorings to use the "flatten frames into layers". this is probably the biggest difference to the original tutorial. if only because i don't have to worry if i'm using the same coloring on all the gifs or adding coloring to the b/w ones when i don't have to.

2. Create a new document... i certainly can't be the only one who has too many new documents! but this new document will allow me two merge these two gifs better than one... it might be a me problem lol

But the size i used for this one was 540 x 500 px

3. I went back to the b/w gif clicked on the little line again and clicked "Select All" and for whatever reason I have to click again and click "Copy". And then I go back to the new document click on the little lines again and click "Paste" click on "Replace Frames" or "Paste Over Selection". Usually if this is the first gif on what ever project I hit Replace frames and try to remember to switch it to "Paste Over Selection." There have been some frustrations when i forget lol

You could also put

I hope this makes sense! basically that those little line are holding my entire photoshop life together lol

the new doc looks like this:

and on the side layers i just like to hit [ctrl + G] to group these specific layers together... makes life easier. before I do anything else with the #2 gif. I rotated this gif 180°

so now it looks weird like this:

And then I adjusted the gif (since it's in a group, I just click [ctrl + T]) and moved to where I want it to go... in this case right before lila's head

4. the torn paper *jazz hands*

the original tutorial does go into what size i used one major difference is that i changed the size to 585 x 776 px... there's no real reason for that but again I can just mess around with dimensions better.

So, I basically just open the torn paper effect here:

and drag it on the *new doc*

with some adjustments it'll look something like this:

what i do next is get the 2nd gif, that i've kind of forgotten about and repeat the steps from part three. but when you paste hit "Paste Over Selection". I once again hit [ctrl + G] to group this gif. and then [ctrl + T] to adjust the gif where I would like it to go... the original order should look like the first one, and then I then flipped the order so it looks more like 2nd images

(sorry tumblr doesn't allow for more pics and i did have one more option to show in case none of this makes sense lol).

so, on Layer 1 i changed the blending option to Screen or Lighten, to make the torn effect stand out.

So, I while I'm here I also click on Magic Wand Tool, click on the black section, click on Group 2, then click 'Add Layer Mask'. Then go back to Layer 1, click on the White section with the Magic Wand Tool, click on Group 1, then 'Add Layer Mask' back and forth tbh.

Then I go back to Layer 1, and with the Magic Wand Tool hit delete on either black sections and then the white section.

It's a dumb process lol but it's mine and here we are :) It’s mostly repetitive and comfort levels. Do whatever one works for you.

there are definitely brushes for torn paper... here. to install it is very easy: usually it's in the download folder :)

I have this option but the torn effect is not my favorite? so this why i went down this route...you don't have to!

#random #tutorial #kind of #it make sense if you don't think about it too long and basically over do it :D #torn paper part 2 #anon #reply

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yamirsspokenwords · 3 days

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Perspective is everything. You may see something or feel something one way whereas another person might not do the same. You offer grace to see both sides. Idk why that popped in my head but I was journaling and just realizing that everything is not the same for everybody. People often create illusions so that you do what they want you to do, then when the mask comes off, it’s a different story. I think learning that has taught me to put myself first, but not be selfish. You can’t blame someone for someone else’s mistakes. Move with grace and understanding always, but don’t allow someone to belittle your character as you are entitled to feel how you feel. Everybody experience of life is different. That has helped me navigate things a lot easier. I would carry guilt for years behind something that wasn’t my fault. I’ll never forget when Lexi told me that I was a victim in a situation where I had in my mind that I was the issue. I carried that guilt for a long time. It wasn’t until I realized what the other person had done, that I started to forgive and move forward. Ever since then, mind you this was years ago like 2019, ever since then I’ve never looked at situations quite the same. Unfortunately, people are allowed to be entitled. Wether you agree with it or not, that’s THEIR experience. A lot of tools that I learned years ago, I forgot. So as I continue to heal I’m starting to remember these things and it’s like damn, you really can’t be “mad” or “upset” with someone bc they were doing something based off their life path. The same way nobody can be upset with you for you doing something that’s best for you. I think that a lot of times we get consumed in caring for another person that we forget to care for ourselves. But that’s what makes shit work. It’s the balance, grace and understanding that offers longevity within a connection. Yesterday I was really upset because I didn’t have a lot of “my” people in my life anymore. But what I had to call myself out on, is that I wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t a good person. I never took into account the way I made others feel bc I was hurting. That probably altered their view of me, ultimately pushing them out of my life. I have to accept that. I think that Cori and I are moving along so well, because we both know what it’s like to be separated and have to make yourself content with another person while the person you really want you’re at odds with. But if people would let their ego go, and put their pride down, a lot of situations would work. I say it all the time, but I don’t give myself the credit I deserve for the changes I’ve made. And they’re not really changes, it’s just me going back to myself and doing the things I know are correct. It makes you look at life differently when you know that it wasn’t just your fault. It makes the guilt lighter on your heart. I do wish tho, that some of those people got to see me healed. I appreciate them for caring for the wounded me, and I may never get to tell them thank you, but I’m so thankful because a lot of them saved my life. Brandon, Alexus, Jalah, Aerial, Des, just to name a few. We may never speak again in this lifetime, but I’m so thankful for them. Rather it was holding me while I cry, listen to me ramble, passing me a bottle, or simply just sitting in silence with me because I often had no words. I’ll forever be thankful for them. It hurts less when I change the perspective of how I look at things. I’m very blessed. I have to be one of God’s favorites because some of the things he’s brought me thru, no man could do. Shoutout to Jalah tho, that’s who told me to strengthen my relationship spiritually. For a long time I was lost and didn’t resort to what I knew. Now at any inconvenience, I go straight into prayer and then I let it go. Cause ultimately, it’s not up to me to fix once I send it above. You’re never too old to learn. You’re never too old to fix something. You’re never too old to grow. Don’t like something, change it. Switch the perspective to see if it makes sense a different way. It’ll all work out.

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lostneedcoopcake · 8 months

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Apotheke

It wasn’t long since I was hired as a cashier at that little clothes shop. It was a thrift shop, actually. Some were being bought from companies, some donated. The donated ones always told a story about the people that brought them in, although I never get to explore them because of my position. Once a little boy brought in a small jeans jacket with Pokemon cards glued on them. Said it didn’t fit him anymore. A girl younger than him bought it. You see all kinds of people here, since the shop is at quite a central place and known for its cheap prices. Bustling most days, although we have some calm ones. I get to have small talk with lots of the customers, since I don’t mind. I hear them talking to me about their lives, their complaints, their dreams and failures. I just put the prices in the total and remove the tag.

The owner of the shop is a very kind, old man. Since he has a lot of employees, he lets me go out with my friends at times without cutting my pay. Always complaining about losing his youth, that Mr. Wetterson. It’s not unusual for him to tell me to do some other things too, like tidy up some stuff or check and lock the rooms before closing the shop. There are four rooms: the shop itself, the restrooms, the cabinets for trying out clothes and the storage room. That was the only room separated in other, smaller ones, although those did not need locking; just the main door. I tend to ponder inside it, looking at the rows upon rows of clothes, sitting untouched in the closure smelling room. And wondering what else is there in the other, smaller rooms. Hangers, obviously, and faulty clothes. And mannequins.

One day that I was told to lock the rooms, I decided to finally explore the storage. Using my phone as a flashlight – Mr. Wetterson had turned off the lights, I left the door open behind me and started shining the light on the myriad of clothes. Winter season most of them and, at the time of writing this, it was summer season. No wonder they were not out yet. I often saw some boxes being delivered, Mr. Wetterson opening them and sighing before sending them here. As expected, the other rooms had either hangers, faulty clothes and tools, as Mr. Wetterson was repairing stuff on his own. There were some toys in there too, must be his children’s. They are my age now, one left for Sweden and the other was hired at a company. Stuffed toys, a pink bunny and a red bear. I smiled, as they reminded me of the years I was little. I had the orange bunny of the same brand.

The last room was rather small, but filled with mannequins. Standing there, unmoving soldiers, waiting to be dressed and shown outside. I was never afraid of mannequins, I even saw them as friendly faces I talked to at times, mistaking them for humans when I was little. They have no stare, no way to look at you, no way to reach out for you, so, as human as they looked, they were naught but puppets. The dust in that room made it seem like Mr. Wetterson had at least one year to enter the room. Must have been true, since he’s extremely careful with them and tries his best not to break them. I Have been working for 6 months and in 6 months he had to replace only one because a man slapped it so hard it fell off and the head broke. The man never paid for the repairs. I wonder what that mannequin is off to, holding its head and talking with the other hurt mannequins it probably found at the trash. Or it is already torn to shreds, a lifeless thing being given life in the thoughts of a young human.

That’s when I noticed the masks on the mannequins. At first, they looked like their normal, unmoving faces, but a small dent could be seen on the sides if you shined a light on them - my phone, in that case – and looked at them hard enough. After noticing that on one, I started looking at the other mannequins. They all had those masks. None at the front of the store, as far as I knew, had any masks. I started running among them, hoping to find a normal mannequin in the dark. Nothing. They all looked the same, and they all had their faces sealed. I paused in front of the first row, sighing and looking at my phone. I was about to call Mr. Wetterson, but I decided against it. Don’t know why. Maybe because he was old enough and I don’t like waking up old people. Maybe he wasn’t sleeping and was merely watching his favorite show. Either way, I did not want to disturb him. The thought of calling the police crossed my mind, but would they believe me? They would surely call it off as a prank.

With hesitation, I walked towards one of the mannequins. Placing the light of my torch on its face, I touched the mask. At first, nothing. I touched it a second time, and the mask started cracking quite loudly. After multiple cracks appeared, they started falling on the ground, making me yelp and jump backwards. When it looked like they all fell down – although tiny shards kept on raining on the floor, I put the light on the mannequin again. There was no face, only darkness. Oozing darkness, one that had started leaking and falling on the floor. I heard cracking from the other mannequins too, seeing their masks fall off too. Shard by shard, they started crying darkness too. Pointing the light on the floor, there was only ooze, having a honey like feel. And the room had started filling up more and more. Slowly, almost telling me to leave before it’s too late. That’s what my gut said. And I ran upstairs, seeing that the ooze had stopped right when I was going to lock the door.

The next day, I told Mr. Wetterson what happened. After investigating the mannequins that we had on display, we went downstairs together. I genuinely thought that, what I went through the previous day, was just a dream. A manifestation of my fear of the dark. But no, going through the mannequins, there were cracks on some of the faces. And remnants of black ooze on the floor. Mr. Wetterson called the police while I grabbed a pair of gloves and touched the ooze while wearing them. As I looked at it, it disappeared as dust. Glowy, black dust. The police came quite early and they started investigating too. After a lot of trial and error, they managed to get some samples and photos – as some of the earliest photos of the mannequins they took showed them with blackened faces. They told us not to come down here until they have more clarity on the situation, but Mr. Wetterson winked at me. We both knew there was something more, and I had to go look.

So, the same night, I was left to “lock the doors”. We both knew I had to go down there and look for myself whatever was there. Usually, those ghouls appear in the dark, when there’s no people. Just in case, Mr. Wetterson gave me a crowbar – we tested its efficiency on the mannequins – and a button to click for him to come immediately. I closed the last lights, turned on the phone flashlight and started descending in the storage. That day, there was no smell of closure. Some of the clothes looked off, in light and colors and lines that did not belong here. They did not go away when I looked at them and it was to my best interest to not touch them. The two stuffed toys were there, a red bunny and a pink bear. I started questioning my own memory at that point. And I swore to myself that I heard someone humming silently a song, but I was the only one who could talk.

The mannequin room was much bigger, almost as big as the entire shop. The mannequins themselves had their masks glued back together, looking at me. Wherever I went, they kept following me by turning their entire bodies. They were on the sides of the room, as in the middle there was a darkness, a void one would say. The only dark thing in the otherwise vibrant, colorful and full of light but texture-less room. The walls were vivid sky blue and the floor lawn green, all separated with black lines like textures from a 90’s game. Looking up, I saw a pixelated sky full of stars. Yet, the mannequins still looked realistic.

A shooting star came through the ceiling, pixelated and slowly becoming a small, but bright and realistic flash. After flinching, I looked back and there was a giant, white, floating mask, hovering above the void. The mask laughed as my mouth tried to express the oddness and distaste I had.

“Scared, child of man? Don’t be. My children won’t hurt you.” the mask said in an androgynous voice.

“What about you?”

“What about me? What about me?” The mask laughed in a thousand voices, all taking place of each other for seconds and lapsing on each other until there was chaos. “There is no reason for me to hurt a curious cat, is there? Oh, you’re such a small, curious cat…” I looked around. Nothing had changed, just that mask had decided to manifest and talk to me.

“Why are you here?” The mask laughed again, the mannequins joining in too, opening their mouths and laughing in rhythmic tones.

“Must there be a reason someone is doing something, cat? Like there was no reason for you to come down here in the dark, I had no reason to come down here either.” “Curiosity is a reason.”

“Curiosity is not a reason, it’s a virtue. So, you have no reason, but you have virtue, child of man.” I scoffed and crossed my arms. I looked a bit away from the mask, then back at it. The mask laughed, looking around, above the stars as it laughed.

“Deep in thought, cat?”

“Where did you come from?”

“Where did you come from?” I shrugged.

“Well, my mum and dad.”

“I have no mother and father, I am the caretaker. I simply am, and I look around this small, but pretty place you call universe. And then I narrow it down to smaller places, like a planet. And even smaller, smaller, smaller. A little shop. You know I can go lower than humans can tell, right?”

“No”

“And, when I reach the infinite bottom, I go uuuuup, I reach the infinite heights! And that’s how I am the caretaker. Did you get everything, cat?”

“I got nothing.”

The Caretaker laughed, stars covering the previously hollow eyes.

“Ah, what a good child of man! You admit your faults! Well, I am not here to take your brains, I am here to go lower. I will leave you alone. And this little shop of clothes and memories. Good luck and keep being virtuous, child Judy!”

And the floor ceased to exist beneath my feet. I was in a black sea, the water being the void and the stars looking like nebulae. I reached out and touched one, it moved like a very soft ball. I tried to swim up, but I was merely falling down. Seeing the sunlight on the surface, piecing at times through the endless darkness. The darkness was surprisingly soft. So I just let myself go and closed my eyes, the last rays falling on my eyes and swirling like galaxies.

I woke up in the morning, lying wet like a duck on the floor, amongst the mannequins. I was sitting in a puddle of water. That moment, Mr. Wetterson and some cops ran inside, him rushing at me and hugging me tightly. The police reported that the evidence just vanished and I offered them my phone – I was recording everything the entire time. Hoping it got saved and, in some odd, cosmic way, not get deleted. So, for the day, the shop was closed and we headed to the police station for answers. On my way out, I saw a small, calico kitten started running towards me. It meowed at me and I couldn’t resist picking it up. A familiar laughter was heard.

“Hello child Judy! Ah, the wonders of being a small child, still exploring the world with its new eyes! I am living through this!” the same voice said. I looked at Mr. Wetterson for confirmation I was not going, in fact, crazy. But he was also looking around, wondering where the voice was coming from.

“I am bringing you with me for questioning.” “Hooray! Adventure! Wet cat food, afterwards?”

“How the fuck- you know what, start counting all the questions we will do to you, because we surely have too many.”

#writing #writblr #horror #horror writing #writer #omg Lost posted again????#Nooooooo #got influenced by ENA lol

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hope-of-virgo · 1 year

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I'm currently bedridden as a result of hormonal shit as it intersects with my autism (truly a new one; I was not expecting that starting HRT/getting my period would also make the symptoms of my autism more severe), so to pass the time I'm making an Accountability Post about my new year resolutions.

A lot of resolutions fall on their faces due to nebulous goals or ill-defined steps to completion; "go to the gym more" is a great one, but if you're not defining what "more" is, you're already off to a bad start. So the method I came up with was integrating a "traffic light report" into it. "Came up with" is a strong phrase; I lifted it wholesale from a tool we use at work. The theory is that if you separate a complex change into "stop doing, keep doing, start doing", you can more easily take steps towards completing each one.

Goals should also be fluid; I'm going to be reviewing the list every 3 months to ensure that any value drift is incorporated into the plan and that the ambitions are consistent with the amount of time I have available to achieve them. One of the things I miss about being in my 20s is that I seemed to have a lot more time on my hands, though that could very easily be mistaken for "remember how much time you had to spend on your goals when you were unemployed?".

Stop doing: Doomscrolling on my phone. This is a pretty easy one to knock off. I picked up this bad habit from my ex, and it only got worse in lockdowns because it was the only way I could keep up with people and get the news. Problem is, in the same way as videogames, it's mental health junk food for me. Feels great when I'm doing it and feels fucking awful when I stop. If I've been playing a game for several hours, I usually have a mild panic attack when I stop. Phone usage is a bit harder though, because I don't have an internet connection at my house, and because we use phones for so fucking much these days. I've currently got about 75 tabs open, most of them recipes, and I dread to look at the amount of time I actually spend on the nightmare rectangle. "Giving up Twitter" was actually easier than I thought it would be, as it's no longer particularly safe for trans people now that Phony Stark has taken over. I've noticed that my phone is a stim-tool more than it is anything particularly gratifying, so guess who's about to invest in a bunch more sensory tools? I've also noticed that knitting fills a lot of my fidget needs, and having an in-the-round project on the go in my cavern of a handbag lets me fill small gaps in time with something to do with my hands without having to commit to a full row of something worked flat. Masking my autism Truth be told, this whole "your hormones affect your autism" thing hasn't been all bad. It's made me realise how much of my life I spent masking, and having good autistic role models has made all the difference on this front. Autism acceptance has come a long way, even in the last 5 years. Transitioning socially was this big break-point of "you're about to do a thing and you're going to stop blending into the background as a result of that". I got through it by taking the dual view of "if you learn I'm trans and you suddenly don't like me, you never liked me", and "I'm trading my comfort for safety and not even getting safety. If I'm going to be in danger, I may as well be comfortable". Fortunately I live in a part of the country that isn't complete dogshit for trans acceptance. But back to the autism for a sec; wearing sunglasses and headphones when I need them makes all the difference, even when people go "what the fuck" when I do so in the supermarket. I bought a set of communication cards last year, and just having them at my disposal has been a relief because I have other options to communicate. Fiancee and I are going to be taking Auslan classes (I already use Auslan a bit) to reduce the verbal burden on me in public, both in terms of communication problems during sensory flooding and also voice dysphoria. More to the point, I have the right to exist in the world and take up space, and I'm no longer going to apologise for not being born with a neurotypical brain. They can fucking deal with it.

Making excuses not to go to the pole studio My pole studio is owned by someone I went to school with, and I had severe interpersonal problems with her sister in addition to having a punch-on with her brother at one point. I consider it water under the bridge, but they sure as fuck don't. Fact of the matter is, most of my pole problems are caused by interpersonal issues. I butted heads with another member of the studio several years ago, which can basically be boiled down to creative differences in not-for-profit accounting practices as well as not wanting to get sued for fraud by doing it her way. There's also an element of "there are huge numbers of mirrors there, and I have an eating disorder", but that's getting better with time. But because of the risk of running into some people I'm not super fond of, I've opted to steer clear as much as possible. That's gotta change, I don't do nearly as much apparatus work as I should. Likewise, given that I'm now running on estrogen, I don't have to be afraid of hitting the weights room anymore. Last year when I took my leave from work, I basically trained like a professional athlete for the entire month, and nearly died when I came back to the office and everyone was complimenting me about how broad my shoulders had gotten. Like, thanks folks, but I don't feel good about this at all. Gym will let me get the "fit girl" aesthetic that I'm going for, and I don't have to be afraid of growing a man's body anymore.

Keep doing: Cooking my own meals I'm pretty proud of the progress I've made on this front; for many years, I wasn't allowed to use the kitchen (whoo domestic violence!), and sort of forgot how to cook. I also got pretty bad anxiety about even being in the kitchen. I enjoy making my own preserves and making a bunch of food from scratch, including sourdough, cakes, cookies, etc. It's also better for me than whatever the fuck I was doing before, but that's also on eating disorder stuff. One thing I do have to work on though, is making a dessert once a week. I avoid sweet foods like the plague, and consigning an entire group of food to the "do not cook" pile because of internalised body image problems isn't particularly healthy. Also, paying a dietician who says "it's ok to have something sweet a few times a week" and then not following that advice seems a bit like I'm pouring good money after bad; don't ask for advice you're not going to listen to.

Gender affirmation Sure, having to replace an entire wardrobe of clothes is fucking expensive, but my "boy clothes" no longer fit me properly, and make me feel like shit when I wear them. My op-shopping buddy will be out of rehab in a couple of weeks, so at least I won't be running the gauntlet on my own. I'd like to learn how to do makeup a bit better as well, but that starts by actually geting out the tools and do some.

Watching new shows and listening to new music Fiancee and I have vastly different views on what constitutes good media, and it's also a reason why we'll have to have slightly different living spaces when we live together. While I wouldn't say her tastes in what's on the TV are bad, as such, I only have a limited amount of patience for Twitch and Youtube. At the same time, she doesn't like the more grounded and drama-heavy stuff that I watch. Lately when it comes to TV shows and movies, I've been watching it once and that's it (which is fine, even though it's a bit atypical for an autistic person), but I've been listening to the same 1600 songs on a loop for the past couple of years and it's getting a touch old. On a different note, I need to watch shows more readily when they're released, rather than waiting 6 months "just in case they're not renewed".

Start doing: Eating more vegetables Fresh fruit and veg has gotten really expensive over the last few months, and that's unlikely to change anytime soon. Bestie Jade and I have a joint vegetable garden at hers, but we're not likely to see fully self-sufficient output from that garden just due to the confined space. Even so, there's a "seconds" fruit shop here in town, and they actually have a pretty good range. It also helps that I'm vegetarian and don't have to cut meat to make room for it, but historically my diet has been a bit too heavy on pulses and prepackaged protein with not enough vegetables in the mix, and I definitely feel better when I have more fresh fruit and vegetables in the mix. (Breaking news: local demigirl discovers benefits of a healthy diet)

Actively reducing household waste This one's been shitting me off for years. I have a deep-seated dislike for single-use packaging, which is a sentiment a lot of people seem to be joining me in. Probably the best buy I had last year was a roll of beeswax wrap; I have no idea how much plastic wrap I saved from landfill because of it, but it would have been significant. Health food shops will usually let you bring your own containers. Fiancee and I have started transitioning towards reusable consumables services that basically give you a permanent container for your, say, dishwashing liquid, and then you send back the plastic bag that the liquid came in and they refill it. The return postage is also included in the subscription cost. Granted, this adds to the CO2 footprint a bit, but if there was already going to be fuel used to take the rubbish to the tip, I consider this a win. It'll also be much less of a concern the more that logistics transitions to renewable energy sources. Besides, going to the health food shop gives you access to a whole bunch of stuff that just straight up isn't at the supermarket. This isn't a "wellness culture" thing, the benefits of wholefoods and low-processing are nebulous and subjective at best, but the fact of the matter remains that it's the only place I could find soybeans or linseeds.

More longform journaling Most of what I did on Twitter was use it as a mindfulness tool, and while a character limit did make me get to the fucking point, it also reduced my ability to write coherently on a single topic.

Diversifying my income sources Outside of my civvie job, I run a business. It's been pretty dead for a while industry-wide, but just having my job not be a singular point of failure for income was a good thing. My professional interests have changed, which is fine, but it does need a fucking good overhaul and a new business plan.

Interior decorating My house looks like a hellscape at the moment, but due to changes in rental laws, I'll actually be able to do shit like "hanging paintings". I'm installing a whiteboard to help with my executive dysfunction, and I've been meaning to organise and decorate my kitchen. I moved house on average every year all through my 20s, and I never thought to make my space more pleasant.

#hope-of-virgo

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noellelovesbooks · 2 years

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Uncultured: A Memoir by Daniella Mestyanek Young

Content Warnings: Child abuse [physical, verbal, sexual], rape [on page], pedophilia, indoctrination, kidnapping, child brides, forced family separation, conditioning, injury [burn], suicidal ideations, racism, toxic relationships, confinement, sexism, depression, homophobia, sexual harassment, war, violence, and death.

I received an ARC, ahead of release, through St Martin's Press through their influencer program.

In the vein of Educated and The Glass Castle, Daniella Mestyanek Young's Uncultured is more than a memoir about an exceptional upbringing, but about a woman who, no matter the lack of tools given to her, is determined to overcome. Behind the tall, foreboding gates of a commune in Brazil, Daniella Mestyanek Young was raised in the religious cult The Children of God, also known as The Family, as the daughter of high-ranking members. Her great-grandmother donated land for one of The Family's first communes in Texas. Her mother, at thirteen, was forced to marry the leader and served as his secretary for many years. Beholden to The Family's strict rules, Daniella suffers physical, emotional, and sexual abuse--masked as godly discipline and divine love--and is forbidden from getting a traditional education. At fifteen years old, fed up with The Family and determined to build a better and freer life for herself, Daniella escapes to Texas. There, she bravely enrolls herself in high school and excels, later graduating as valedictorian of her college class, then electing to join the military to begin a career as an intelligence officer, where she believes she will finally belong. But she soon learns that her new world--surrounded by men on the sands of Afghanistan--looks remarkably similar to the one she desperately tried to leave behind. Told in a beautiful, propulsive voice and with clear-eyed honesty, Uncultured explores the dangers unleashed when harmful group mentality goes unrecognized, and is emblematic of the many ways women have to contort themselves to survive. -bookshop.org

Daniella's story is incredibly powerful and inspiring...showing the strength of a woman who's been through so much. As the first memoir, I've ever read it had me extremely emotional and required a few breaks to get through.

There were so many words that I strongly related to...some that reminded me of my teen years when I couldn't possibly fathom surviving until 18. The idea that I could survive my youth seemed impossible...either my abuser would end me or I'd end myself...I saw no other way. As an adult, I'm incredibly happy that some little tiny voice always told me to keep going no matter how much I tried to drown it out. Other words inspired me and had me wishing I read those words when I was going through my own trauma.

Incredibly powerful and moving read... everything Daniella experienced and overcame...unimaginable pain and trauma that she endured and persevered through.

#uncultured: a memoir #daniella mestyanek young #non fiction #2022 book releases #st martins press influencer

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katerinabythesea95 · 2 years

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More thoughts on How (cont)

The brothers are hoarders. They need a house maid, lol But also seems to me they kept the house just the way they kept ambrose, Frozen in time.

Wondering why there are so many what seems to be porcelain masks in Victor's office, and not wax ones.

Also why did Vince wear a wax mask instead of a more durable one like the ones in his dad's office?

Bo: he was so devastated he couldn't save her"

We then see I'm the office a bunch of surgical tools next to the bed Trudy was strapped into like I said, everything in ambrose seems to be frozen in time.

Victor was the one who separated the twins; literally what got him to get his license revoked, why he moved to ambrose in the first place; he practiced unorthodox methods.

Trudy had a cyst in her brain...yeah put two and two together, it's clear victor tried to remove said cyst, but it only ended up costing her life.

If Victor hadn't brought his family to ambrose, The people who the brothers killed from town would've lived.

I noticed that the sticker people need to put on their car each year with the date and month (the marbete?) On Bo's car is up to date, and I'm guessing he renewed his license as well to keep from drawing attention to cops since he was literally getting away with murder.

Not only does Vincent like to wear warm sweaters, but he also has scarfs. He's a very cold man (*Snickers* 🤭)but for real how is that possible? He's in a warm cozy room all the time. Is he anemic? Cause I get it if that's the case, cause I'm prone to it as well, and I get cold super easy.

Vincent paralyzes his victims, I wonder what he uses, my guess is he somehow learned how to make a neurotoxin since they don't have the money to get a lot of medical things.

He also knows how to stitch up bodies very well, it reminds me of the way the creeper In jeepers creepers sowed his victims together.

Why was Trudy so OLD in the coffin?? Her head was intact; which contradicts my theory of Victor killing her trying to save her... although maybe she didn't die right away and it was more like a lobatomy type of Surgery he did on her. Vincent could've simply covered her scar with wax. But that doesn't answer the question tho. She died when the boys were young, she wasn't that old when they were born, so it's impossible for her to have aged THAT much.

Louisiana is apparently HOT very much like where I live, so HOWCOME THE WAX DOESN'T MELT IN THE SUN? WHATS THE SECRET? Cause clearly it melts in the fire at the end.

Just like my question about trudy making the house or wax to be completely wax, How did Bo and Vince rig the WHOLE town?

I feel like Vincent driving the blade into Blake was a bit of a mercy kill gesture, especially since what happened with wade, like, Vince could've just let Blake suffer till he finally died while he went after Paige, but no, he finished him off instead for some reason.

I really enjoy how the way Jaume used the camera angles to make ambrose seem bigger than it physically is. The set wasn't that large and it's noticeable, but when you're watching the movie you also feel like the town is spacious, despite it being only a few buildings scattered around. Such a shame they didn't keep the set for tourists, I vouch for a replica be made in actual Louisiana, it would be so awesome! But giving how underated the movie is, it's not likely to happen.

From my question of weather Trudy was the one who began killing, I found a clue I'd forgotten: when Nick breaks into the hunting shop, he sees the sign that says Trudy's TOWN of wax.

That implies that she definitely had something up her sleeve, and told her sons of course. She never got to see that part of her dream come true, dying before it could become reality.

I wanna know what Victor's whole part in the town massacre was. Maybe he had patients die on him "mysteriously?" Maybe he found ways to subtly kill people and that's what he passed on? Like his ring which Bo owned afterwards?

I wonder, why did Bo get the ring and not Vincent? Did je actually inherit it or did he just take it off his father's body after his death? Or did he simply find it amongst his father's belongings and claimed it for himself?

I noticed one of the theater figures eyes move ever so slightly...ha! I saw that! Lol (it's the dude way in the back, to bos right as he enters the cinema, as the flash of the projector hits the camera directly) gotta be real fast to catch it or you'll miss it.

Bo wasn't gonna shoot the head he thought was Carly, but then he saw her and did shoot at her, or was it Nick that he saw first somehow and was aiming at?

He also knows exactly how many figures were in the cinema which goes to show how much time he has on his hands and how serious he is about his and his brothers work.

Also during the movie you can tell and clearly see how much Bo and Vince enjoy the hunt.

Tbh having the wax making room connected to the rest of the underground maze wasn't the hottest idea...well actually it was...I bet if the room was separate from the house of wax, it wouldn't have burned.

Also the idea that someone could get away with murder so many years baffles me.

Also what do ya suppose happened to Lester afterwards? I got to thinkin'...he seemed unbothered by the fact that his older brothers were literally murdered. Did he not care? Was he glad?

Did the twins force Lester and he in fact, never wanted any part of the scheme?

Was he in fact furious and planning to get revenge?

Also imagine the surprise and shock on Nick and Carly's faces when they finally saw the footage on Dalton's camera, showing how Paige died and how they were spied on.

Also the soundtrack to the movie is perfection.

This concludes my rant on the movie, until the next rewatch, toodles!

#bo sinclair #house of wax 2005 #slashers #brian van holt #horror #vincent sinclair #how 2005 #sinclair brothers #house of wax #2000s movies #lester sinclair #movie analysis

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supernovafeather · 3 years

Text

Masks

FO!Poe Dameron x F!Reader

Warnings : enemy to lover, war, blood, death, mention of sexual themes, mention of torture, angst, fluff, secret relationship

Despite the success of your latest mission, you have never been this sure that your life is about to get drastically shortened. Even standing as perfectly still and straight as you can, your eyes as sharp as required for the First Order officers, you picture flaws. An overwhelming number of imperfections that could betray you as General Dameron stares at you, his features perfectly still as he keeps his hands clasped in front of him, his gloved thumbs rubbing against each other. Even with the dark and infinite void behind him, his silhouette covered by his long black coat is visible, his skin paler after so many days spent in this ship. Only ten feet separate the both of you, ten feet he could cross easily to end you.

"And you are telling me you found a loophole ?" He asks quietly, his pupils now weirdly shining for his neutral face.

"I did, General." You answer with a confident nod and a steady voice. "I got lucky enough to get rid off the X-Wings tailing me."

"Lucky ? Yes. Certainly." He purrs in what you know as a threatening tone coming from him. Your eyes are getting dry. "You got lucky their two pilots let you go away after the damages caused to their base."

"They certainly received a message from their General telling them to come back. We sabotaged their comms and they received false information."

You blink a few times as the dark-haired man comes closer to you, his gloved hands now behind his back as the sound of his boots echoes through his office. Everything is quiet and you pray any God, any deity, any spirit from any extincted civilisation to come to your help. But when his subtle cologne reaches your nostrils as he stands behind you, you finally close your eyes for long seconds.

"They certainly did," he says before grasping your shoulders tightly with the fabrics of his gloves ruffling against your uniform. "Yes, they certainly did. How talented are you when it comes to fight them." He ends in a sarcastic tone.

He knows. The Rebel pilots acted too strangely, you were convinced of it at the way they gave up on chasing you down. They had to continue for much longer, but after all your ranks are too empty to afford loosing two good pilots. You understand Leia's decision - if it came from her - but now you can't let any mistake slip from your mouth. General Dameron is almost hurting your shoulders now.

"Do you have anything to tell me, sir ?" You bark in a disgusted tone working so well whenever you have to play the officer with a hurt ego. "I got rid of them pretty well after damaging some parts of their base. My mission is accomplished, like every one of them."

"You sound tense, officer." He says with an audible smirk and his hands leave your shoulders to make you shiver as they run down your back. "I am just delightfully surprised by how well it ended for you. Be careful not to end up like our Supreme Leader. Arrogance is no good. It can be a great tool, but not a good personality trait."

This time you turn around sharply, sending him a deadly glare turning into the only victim of this conflict. Animated arguments are far from being exceptions between General Dameron and you but it always remains under control. Sure, he intimidated you at the beginning, after all he is a General needing to show his authority. And after all if the First Order had an open minded philosophy for its troops, you would know about it. But this proximity between your faces makes you pause.

This man is handsome. You tend to forget it the days you spend together on the bridge, listening and sharing his commands to your own men. But sometimes, it strikes you and you feel this pinch in your heart. Despite your allegiance to the Resistance, to Leia and the Rebels... you can't find words to define the waste it is to see this person rooted so deeply into the First Order. He is clever. An excellent strategist. And what about his insanely good piloting skills ? He is cultivated. Self confident. He could be someone so much more respectful than... than this monster he turned into for personal glory, exterminating your friends without any hesitation.

"Stop frowning," he mumbles as his powerful glare keeps burning yours. "I just told you I was happy to see you coming back alive."

Those words have you narrowing your eyes, trying to understand where he is trying to get you. He must know that you are not his ally... right ? Unless it was some twisted humor for some reason. What a shame that you know he can be a really funny and friendly man whenever he wants to show this side of his. What a shame you started to appreciate some aspects of this General a few months ago.

"If you wanted to compliment me, General, you could have said a simple thank you instead of accusing me of working with those Rebels." You answer with this same despising tone.

He likes your answer as showed by this slight motion on the corner of his mouth, his ravagingly pretty eyes lightening up with this playful glint. Dameron even nods slowly and you notice for some reason the smell of his aftershave. He must have woken up recently, in the middle of the night if he still has this scent.

"Thank you sounded too basic compared to your achievement."

This is definitely suspect to your ears and eyes and your shields go back into place as you let anything distracting out of your mind. He is clever. He knows how to manipulate. He is in the military first, but in politics too. Flattering is nothing uncommon for someone like him. He is a part of the kind of those who order to exterminate entire planets because he needs to prove his point. But you feel trapped. His words were too weird previously.

"Please tell me you don't have any bad news to announce me General." You say slowly as the man only widens his smile the slightest. "We got promised a raise in our military budget and I can't do anything if we don't..."

A simple tilt of his head to the side makes you stop, coupled with the suddenly softer pupils looking at you. Nothing much, after all this man is known for being charming whenever he needs to. There is a reason to why the Supreme Leader choses him in diplomatic visits to welcome the future allies - or future submitted people - depending on how you see things. This is also what makes him so unique in this cold First Order. Warmth. Something that makes you want to trust this man at least a little bit despite his crimes. After all you forget more and more what humanity is. A year without any physical contact with the other rebels is getting on your nerves. You are afraid you are becoming like your current subordinates to some extent, your mask melting enough to fusion with your skin underneath.

"Actually, I was wondering if you'd like - and if you'd have the time - to spend your lunch time with me today. In my office, with fresh food and a better view on the nearest planets."

What is happening with him today ? Paranoia is a part of your life as you have been living every second of the past year in the monster's belly. Leia always made it clear : be careful. Having someone so well-placed in the First Order hierarchy is precious. But no one never evoked the possibility that... this kind of thing could happen. What are you supposed to do if your superior - one of the most loyal men - would try to get closer to you ? Using sex to get to a potential target got barely discussed about. But maybe it is time to take a bold decision all by yourself. Getting closer to him could mean even more information. And if General Dameron himself could lower his guard around you... in pure hypothesis he would want something more than sex. You are playing with fire, but after all you plunge into battle every month, having to find a balance in your emotions. This arson is not something that will stop you.

"I... I am surprised to say the least." You articulate with a flattered smile convincing him enough as his grin widens a bit more. "Maybe tomorrow then ? I have to spend my day elsewhere onboard."

"I guess you must be curious if you dropped the attitude for this smile." He taunts you with a lower voice and a flirty glint in his eyes that makes you think that maybe you were right to follow your instincts on this one.

"I will never drop it, General." You answer by emphasizing the last word playfully.

"Perfect answer as usual."

The day goes by... strangely and you feel out of touch with everything and everyone surrounding you. You feel an unsettling mix between excitement and fear. What are you even doing ? And what if you get caught ? What if it is a trap ? What if the Supreme Leader interrogates you until you can't bare it any longer ? You know how they proceed, you know it, stupid spy yet here you are, running straight into danger because... because what ? The Resistance already gets enough information to survive, have you acted by greed ? Will it consume all your efforts ? Maybe this will be the end ?

Or maybe Poe Dameron just wants to know you better, getting his good time with a female subordinate just to have fun, then go back to his everyday life without thinking much of it. But if it ends up in his chambers, will you get access to some important documents ? Would you have the opportunity to steal something or to notice some precious detail ? And during the dinner what if you drink too much and some unfortunate incorrect claim leaves you mouth ? And if it turns out he is a man easy to seduce... what will you do ? After all yes you could get access to more of his work. But so does he to yours. It would mean spend more time with him. Maybe you got too ambitious.

"I thought I liked your attitude the most, but I admit it may have an opponent now."

You are in deep trouble, you think as you do chuckle at his words, looking down at his sweaty forehead and your hands running through his hair. The combination of his words, bliss and how well your dinner went feels beyond incredible. Earlier you were just eating and talking naturally. Naturally. Like no restriction existed. Alchemy. You found each other more common points than you would have thought. A more playful Poe Dameron that reignited some light in your eyes.

"How could you not ?" You taunt him as you let arrogance flood your veins when your General eyes you up and down, his hands running up your hips to your breasts, then down back to your thighs.

"Good question." He admits with a cheeky smile.

He is a man of good company once in a private environment. And you feel relieved to see this night together seemed more like a one time thing. Nothing intrusive from him. Just a playful wink from time to time when no one else watches you. He is still professional. Same as you. This interaction was... interesting. You were afraid he could be some sort of rough guy only wanting his release for egoistical reasons, but he was a passionate lover. He knows how to kiss and shows it, he knows how to use his voice and shows it, and likes to let you control if you want to and shows it. He listened to your desires and... it makes you doubt.

It happens a second time a month later. You went to his office to transfer a file about the upcoming ammunition delivery. Compassion is the guilty feeling you felt as you noticed his dark bags under his eyes. You kept talking like nothing happened. But it didn't take you long to notice his lack of attention. He is irritated, shifting on his seat and his teeth clenched. It's like he was thinking about murdering someone. He stood up suddenly, and once again you tried to keep your cool. You learnt that Ren Force chocked him after some serious failure caused by a sabotage. Not even on the ship but General Dameron was nearby. His dark eyes were conflicted, the same anxious glint you see in your mirror the days you think too much about your mission. So you tried to make him think about something else, taking the risk to kiss his plump lips as he was standing straight like the feared and ruthless General he is. You got a bit carried away afterwards.

"I hate that shit. It's the most stupid thing to do." Mumbles a fellow officer low enough not to risk anything too big. "You can feel it. Even the dumbest Stormtrooper can feel it, and it's not good."

You nod quietly as you swallow the lump in your throat. Three months later, the cordiality - if you can even call that cordiality - between Ren and General Dameron got burned to ashes. They had been arguing more and more often, and never before you had witnessed your superior losing his temper like this. To you he was always a sarcastic jerk knowing to use words wisely enough to find his way through the storm fragilizing the First Order. You should have been ecstatic to see him getting almost choked to death in public, right ? The most feared General put out of order by his immature and impulsive leader. But it was so unbearable to watch that you looked away as you had to listen to Dameron suffocating to be the perfect example. And it only pushed most of the officers to feel more distant from Ren. Dameron is respected here. Ren ? Not much.

"Sometimes I just wish I never had this stupid ambition."

After a silence of several long minutes, you turn away from the window, looking down at Poe sitting behind his desk. You can only see his back and his dishevelled hair but you can guess his elbows are on the documents spilled on the surface out of rage after another humiliation from Ren.

"What are you talking about ?" You ask in a low voice as you walk closer to him, your hands rubbing his shoulders to soothe him.

"Being in the First Order."

His words are enough to stop your motions suddenly. He doesn't add anything for a while, maybe trying to find the right ones to explain his feeling.

"I sacrificed many things. You understand ?" He mumbles as his gloved fingers now fold and unfold the right sleeve of his uniform. "I sacrificed so many kriffing things to be where I am today. And now just because some stupid wannabe-leader got upset by the rebels, I have to risk my life just by walking in the wrong hallway at the wrong time."

"I don't know if we can expect a mutiny but... officers are having enough of this idiot as well." You sigh as you scratch his scalp just above his nape. "No one trusts Ren. Not even the slightest."

"I joined this Order because I wanted power. The power of protecting myself and those I would learn to trust through the years. I could feel something was going to happen even during my teenagehood. People getting nostalgic of influences from the past. Darth Vader. Power. Strength. Ancient religions, orders, technology. They were fantasizing this past they never experienced. They wanted to mold it into the way they desired. They united without expecting the result and the disasters even though it was right in front of their eyes. Of their nose. Them, so eager to repeat the past, haven't learned from their idol's mistakes. They refused to acknowledge how stupid their idea was. And look at us. Look at that nonsense."

Poe sighs, and you sit on his desk, your hands clasped on your thighs as he looks up at you, his forehead, right temple and cheeks covered by bruises. His bottom lip got split a bit while he was talking and you take a tissue, holding his sharp jaw with your other hand as you get rid of this little blood tear that was going to run down his tan skin. You are lost. You don't know what to do. You thought you had everything under control. You got encouraged to escape as soon as possible by a crypted message. But you didn't. You just froze in front of this stupid machine, unable to answer. You didn't have any contact with the Resistance in three months. They tried. But you... you didn't want to lose Poe. You hate yourself for this.

"Everyone is still following orders." You say saddly as your thumb brushes his cheek, his exhausted eyes closing themselves. "They are afraid. They have some kind of protection from their master. Some money. Food. People they know."

"As a General I shouldn't consider deserters as braver than I."

"Don't say that, everyone does as they can."

"No they don't." He snarls before brutally leaning back in his char, making it creak under his weight as he becomes agitated, pointing his finger at you, his elbow on his armrest and a deadly glare. "Don't pity them. Everyone is complicit in that shit. I am guilty. More than guilty even. But the regular Stormtrooper obeying blindly without thinking twice is guilty. The people leading interrogations are guilty. The bounty hunters helping the First Order are guilty. Random citizens betraying their planet are guilty."

"Don't try to raise your voice at me, General Poe Dameron." You warn him in a low voice cold enough to make him stop. "What are you suggesting then ? That we all blow this ship up ?"

"Call your friends." He says seriously.

You blink and you hate this sensation of loneliness. You don't even know what he means by "friends". It's not like healthy relationships were encouraged. Kriff. Stormtroopers certainly had a sense of companionship you forgot a long time ago. It must be one of the reasons why you and Poe found each other. Then you think you get what he means.

"The officers are not ready for a mutiny, we won't take over this ship easily. Ren and his Knights are..."

"No. The other ones."

Then it hits you. The seriousness in his face. This tense body. This insistence to secret. He knows. And it makes you look away in shame and guilty of this fear. Are you afraid of Poe ? Really ?

"Poe... I..."

He is so fast that you can barely react as he rests his hands on both sides of your thighs, his eyes begging you.

"Just listen to me. Please." He sets his palms on your cheeks as you sigh to keep your calm. "We have to go away. We have to. You have the contacts to do such a thing. I erased some of the suspect connections on your devices, our security system can't find you."

"When have you..."

"Please I'm not stupid." He says with such offense he sounds like a child protesting against an unfair parent. "The time you got rid off those pilots so easily that even on radars it was obvious ? And your lie about damaging their comms ? I got the proof it didn't happen, you're lucky you improvised that part with me only and that it didn't end up in the report."

"And you... you didn't make me pay for that ? I..."

"No and trust me it's not the right moment to talk about it." He says quickly. "Please tell me you are still in contact with them."

"Yes. Not in a while but yes."

"We will have to get separated. For a long while. Make it like you crash landed or got kidnapped the next time you go on a planet - please listen to me - but don't even tell me where nor when I want to act as natural as I can the time you..."

"You are Ren's target." You argue, rubbing his cheeks with your hands as you try not to give anything up. "You are the one to get out of there. I'm just an officer there, I can keep a low profile and..."

"No he has an eye on you, that's why I erased any proof behind you. And I'm a General who mever got any contact with them. I am their target as much as I am Ren's."

And he is being serious, holding your head to prevent you from looking away. After all... he is right. Well. Not exactly.

"Leia Organa can protect you." You claim as he raises a confused eyebrow. "Yea trust me she will. I won't promise you won't get interrogated. But our methods are not the same as here. We don't torture people. They will just make sure you cooperate and..."

You interrupt your sentence as a pair of lips collide with yours. Poe groans before pulling back, holding his damaged jaw with one hand.

"Then... contact your General. Tell her to kidnap me. In two weeks I'll be on Naboo. Nothing official but I'll be there."

"I don't know if we have two weeks."

"Rebels won't infiltrate our ship. It's impossible. We will have to do it from outside."

You nod as your mind races against time, too numb to even feel the kiss on your temple. You will have to act fast. You will try as soon as possible to go on a mission elsewhere. Get "mysteriously" lost in the middle of nowhere. Or kidnapped, like Poe.

"I love you. Keep it in mind please." You say as you hug him tightly, his hands rubbing your back.

"I love you too sweetheart. We have to do it to live, and we will do it. Let's plan where to begin with, we don't have much time."

- - - -

Thanks for reading, please comment and reblog if you liked it ! 😊

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